College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SOUL ASCENDS – LOVER CHOSEN

SOUL ASCENDS – LOVER CHOSEN

12-17-20-HE IS CHOSEN (See below for soul ascends)

I went through some frustration here. Hired by a club, I appear for about two minutes in front of the audience. I have a beautiful dress, form fitting, some kind of purplish or magenta or rose mixed in color. For a moment I show them my breasts, a net bra covered with jewels, many colors, you can see the breasts perfectly. I am HIGH UP on stage. I have a cloak which I took off to show myself. The audience does not respond, then I am gone, go backstage to get ready for the longer show.

*(HIGH UP ON STAGE, SHOW MY BREASTS WITH JEWELS, AUDIENCE DOES NOT RESPOND: This is my spiritual height, which NO ONE SEES as there is no response.

BREASTS, BRA WITH JEWELS: This represents my MEDALS from God – like awards given by the world to people for various accomplishments, only these are SPIRITUAL MEDALS. I revealed my God-given medals, but people did not see them, I was not rewarded by society.

The dress & cloak I have on being PURPLE & other shades of red are the blood of pain & the purple of LONG SUFFERING. This is lost on people.)*

But when I go back there am having mega-trouble with my wigs. Seems like I have five wigs on, some brown, reddish, blonde, different types, puffy, flat on top, one black one. I fidget, fuss, back & forth. I hear the owner calling to someone,
“What is she doing?”
The owner is Latin, I hear it in his accent & I get a sense he’s not a good person. I saw a TV show yesterday about a Latin murderer.
I don’t want to miss my opportunity & am terribly frustrated, that they might fire me if I don’t get ready soon.
I hear the owner introducing another female, not the star, instead of me, because someone has to be on stage, the audience needs a show.

*(TROUBLE GETTING READY, FIVE WIGS: This is my multiple roles, personalities, for all the things I’ve done. I’m having trouble presenting myself as to who I am.

LATIN OWNER: I just sense that this is the executive producer of the Reality Show who turned me down, chose another female in my place – not a star. This says HE IS EVIL, his spirit demonic.)*

Afterward I am in a large room in this apt building. I had been shown apt after apt as I want a new one. I have two apt’s, I tell the owner, but am staying at neither one. He shows me a few, not suitable. One is too small – just a room, no bathroom – impossible. Second, dirty, dog shyt on the floor, third, occupied. We seem to leave off looking.

(LOOKING FOR AN APT: This is not literal, it’s looking for a place to rest my head, or a position mentally, spiritually, emotionally. What am I to do with myself right now? Can’t seem to find a goal in life.)

Then I’m in a large room with several people about & we are all cheering, applauding that our native son, so to speak, has been elected President of the United States.

We cheer again & again & again. First Trump was Pres, then another guy, then this young person. But I think logically & I tell my friends,

“Look, every President had some qualifications. Some were Senators, others Congressman. Our boy is neither, & he has never done anything, he is inexperienced, it doesn’t make sense. He was CHOSEN arbitrarily.

I then see a jacket, lying there, where you can see the inside back where the whitish label is. There’s a wheel on top of this jacket, like the wheel of fortune. It goes around & has a spike. Wherever the spike stops, that person is chosen. It stops on the label of this person’s jacket – Our native son. So he is chosen for no reason but fate.

I see this young guy tall, all grey, body, head, face, clothes, everything all grey.

*(NATIVE SON CHOSEN FOR PRESIDENT, NO LOGIC, JUST FATE, WHEEL OF FORTUNE, SPOKE GOES INTO WHITE LABEL: The white label gives it away – union or matrimony. This young person is CHOSEN, is it to be my husband? He is to human sense, not QUALIFIED but yet God, fate, Wheel of Fortune, has made it so. It’s like the elections which I insist to all friends, these Presidents are NOT chosen by the people’s votes, they are chosen by the shadow govt.

THE SPOKE: Is brown metal, spokes are nails, like the nails in Our Lord’s hands & feet, indicating the will of God.

THE LABEL: A label gives the definition of what is there – the company who makes the garment, the size of the garment, possibly the fabric. It DEFINES the garment or NAMES it. What does this mean in the context of this dream? It names the person who is not voted on, by people, but CHOSEN BY FATE to be yours.

HE ALL GREY, HEAD, CLOTHING, EVERYTHING: All of him will be on you, like his mind, body, everything, focused on you.)*
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A SOUL ASCENDS, ANOTHER HELPED

12-16-20-Two Souls Purgatory

I am out somewhere partying, like at a bar, trying to have fun it seems. It’s not a big space. After a while I’m just sitting in a chair on the edge of things, it seems like people are around me, but there’s an empty dance floor. I’ve been looking for men to dance with but now there aren’t any.
To my surprise a lady comes up to me & asks me to dance. She’s small, old, & is wearing a sort of ‘Christmas’ sweater. It’s vanilla in color, thick, hand knitted maybe, large cords, long sleeves, a bit loose on her, & is covered with what look like Christmas decorations in red, green & other colors.
She looks in her eighties, her hair is grey with blonde, sort of puffy but sparse, to her shoulders. I thought she really wanted to dance & felt a bit strange at first dancing with a female but then said OK, go for it.
She leads me to a ‘dance floor’ area just a few feet beyond. It’s like a CAVE, a round cave with a low ceiling. The people around us are dancing. I begin to TRY to dance with her, I try to go around but she isn’t holding my hands right, then I try to make her go around but she doesn’t seem to be able to. Her motions are so limited, I think ‘she can’t dance at all, she can hardly do one step.’ Not sure what else happens with her.

*(LADY ASKS ME TO DANCE: a Soul in Purgatory.

CAVE: Her designated spot in Purgatory, a place of limitation. I saw my Dad in Purgatory in a cave. Anything with a low ceiling or limited sky, places that show limitation indicate Purgatory.
CHRISTMAS SWEATER: Might be a gift I have given her by saying the Holy Mass. This has cheered her up greatly, so she wants to dance, but still can’t do much. It means she cannot enjoy the Heavenly Graces of God much, only a tiny bit. She has improved.
HER HAIR: Sparse hair with grey or white is she isn’t happy yet – but could be an improvement – don’t know what she was before. Hair represents thoughts, rays coming from our head. Thick hair would be healthy thoughts, being bald would be INSANE. Grey would mean worry.
SHE IS OLD: She has not yet regained her spiritual youth, vigor & power. If you saw the movie, ‘The ghost & Mrs. Muir with Gene Tierney you would see where when she died, an old lady, her spirit rises out of her body a beautiful young woman. Then Rex Harrison escorts her into heaven. And so, as you progress in Purgatory, as the result of sins falls away, your souls becomes brighter & more beautiful, seen as young, vivacious. She isn’t there yet.
From the internet: “At the very end, Lucy—having lived a long and in many ways full life—settles down into the chair where the Captain first found her. He comes to get her, and she stands up and she’s radiant young Gene Tierney again.”)*

Prior to that I was in a room closer to the door & maybe near some windows, in a row. The window closest to the male is light blue, some sort of a fitted shade on the bottom 7/8th of it. There’s a young man on what I would call a ‘slab.’ It’s like a bed, but a slab. Seems I was lying with him on this thing, dancing, not making love, dancing. Then we stop.
(ROOM CLOSER TO THE DOOR: This is a place close to the ‘exit’ & with some opportunity for ascension {window}. This refers to exiting Purgatory, his ascension is imminent.
ON A SLAB: The slab in a mortuary. He’s dead.
ON THE SLAB/BED, DANCING WITH HIM: Apparently I have been intimate with this person’s being, transmitting Grace into him. Dancing is associated with the result of Grace – Grace brings us LIFE-ENERGY – results in our being stimulated or dancing for joy.
WINDOW/S, NEAREST HIM COVERED WITH 7/8 LIGHT BLUE SHADE: Light blue is the color most people ASCEND into Heaven in. There are other pastel colors, such as rose & violet, but blue is the most common. Notice part of this window allows white light in, also the window next to it is all white light. White is also a common aura people have.
Here we have two sources of Light/Grace near this dead male – One coming in through the windows, the other apparently transmitted to him by me, in intimate contact.)

I’m a few feet away from him now, looking at him. His skin is light cocoa & he is cute. All his clothes are thin blue dungaree material, he seems to be ‘skin & bone’ & he says to me that we could not ‘make love’ because I ‘would kill him.’ He’s referring to his being so small/thin, my being big & heavier. As I chat with him on the slab he seems to be glowing in blue light.

*(GLOWING IN LIGHT BLUE: This is the biggest hint that this soul will NOW ASCEND. It is the Light by which we ascend, our souls, when liberated from the darkness of attachment to the earth & sinfulness.
HE IS CUTE: refers to his soul being cleaned, we see the beauty of the God-Self Soul, without the stains of sin.

HIS LIGHTNESS, MY HEAVINESS WOULD KILL HIM: He is definitely referring to his new lightness spiritually, the weight of his sins has been removed. In Egypt they had an analogy in ‘Book of the Dead’ where God would weigh your soul on one side of the scale, against a feather in the other, & if your soul was heavier than the feather you could not ascend.
I have just finished transmitting Grace into him which has made him glow with blue Light. Why is he referring to my bigness, weight, much greater than his, that would ‘kill’ him if we made love? Is this saying my flesh is somehow attached to the earth?

Mother God says: “No, he is referring to not human weight, but your huge God Power, where when you merge with a human/mortal, it is DEATH to them–not the death to their spirit but the earthly ego, attachment. That is why demons trembled when Jesus came near, the demoniacs wailed & shouted why is he TORTURING them before their time? The Presence of a Holy Person filled with God’s Grace fills dark souls with TERROR, makes sinners UNCOMFORTABLE.

When a Soul dies & stands before the ‘Throne of God’ to see what their ‘immediate judgement’ is – they are measured according to how much Light is in their soul. If there is NO LIGHT they automatically appear in Hell. It means they were never ‘born again,’ did not repent their sins, never received the Love of God supernaturally. But if they are redeemed, there is Light in their soul, to different degrees, depending on how much there is they immediately appear in various states of Purgatory .

In the vision ‘Cry of a Lost Soul’ a female who never received God appears before Her & CANNOT STAND the awful Majesty, Grandeur, Power & Love of God. She wants to be sent AS FAR AWAY FROM GOD AS POSSIBLE because she knows she has lost God, by her own decision; she does not deserve God, & the Presence of God or awareness of what she has lost is SO PAINFUL she cannot bear it, so to Hell she goes. This is the torture of those in Hell, as well as the partial torture of those in Purgatory, what hurts the most is the loss of God.

What this Soul is referring to is the Light within you that would annihilate the human-ness of a person who is far from God, when they would have intimate contact with you – It would make them extremely uncomfortable, like you are killing them. That’s how sinners feel when near God.)*
I tell him that’s not how it is – How much do you weigh? I ask him twice but don’t understand his answer. He says 40.40 – the second part I’m not sure of, it might be 40.03. I say to him, is that in another measurement, not pounds, what are you in pounds?
I then get a bit bored here. I look at a box of white clothing sitting there, like it’s just been laundered, & see my white dungarees that I really like. I might change into them. I say to someone after looking around the bar,

(WHITE DUNGAREES: White clothing, a whole box of them, refers to ‘white robes’ of ‘virgins’ ascending into Heaven – it’s a hint about going there.)
“It’s dead here, let’s go find another bar.”

In my mind’s eye I see a street I’m familiar with – have been hanging around there a lot. Surely there must be some bars that have some people interesting to talk to, even if not many people are around.
(IT’S DEAD HERE, LET’S FIND ANOTHER BAR, which you are familiar with: This refers to HEAVEN. You are saying to this ‘man on a slab’ who just got filled up with blue light & is glowing, let’s leave here & go to a better place, which I am familiar with. This dream says you are familiar with places in Heaven, & you will escort this lucky Soul there!)

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12-15-20 Vision

Heard a male say

“I’m going to marry you.”
I said who said that, & it was my Beloved. I asked him
“Why do you want to marry me?”
He said,
“So I can be with you & God here in Heaven on earth & in eternity.”
My inner voice said,

“He knows he can’t treat you any more the way he did. You are in control now. He knows he can’t be with you unless there’s a relationship, a decent one, public, with all the attention a man gives his wife.”
(MEANING: It took a complete withdrawal from my Lover to make him appreciate me. Apparently he loves me in true love, as he hasn’t forgotten me, it’s been a long time, & he holds me in his heart still. Only God knows what I went through for him.)
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College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Spirituality & Politics

Spirituality & Politics

12-11-20 WORLD, FLESH VS SPIRIT OF GOD

from William Bond to Ajax & Rasa: {These letters inspired sermon-like rebuttals from Rasa, but she being a Christian minister vs William being a Wiccan – it’s ‘apples & oranges.’ Rasa says ‘my final conclusion is that neither William nor I will change our religion nor amend it, & so we have to agree to disagree, leave it as it is, rejoice that we are both together for Matriarchy–Female Empowerment & cooperate where we can. Ajax is Christian so he understands part of what Rasa says, but he is not a minister & has not spent his whole life studying the subject – he has spent a lot of his time studying politics & is good at it, so he contributes mostly there. It’s a good team overall, thanks be to God.”:
from William:
I have to say I seemed to have lost interest in Matriarchy on the political level as I don’t have anything new to say on this subject. We are seeing worldwide more and more female politicians and leaders. My theory is that when his happens women will do a much better job of ruling countries and so voters will end up voting for female politicians rather than male politicians.

We have yet to see how this works out in practice. So far women have shown they can do a just as good a job as men becoming a politician. But because there have been some really terrible female politicians women, these women have undermined female power. So women have yet to prove overall they can be a lot better than men in ruling countries but perhaps in time they will be able to do this.

I have instead become far more interested in feminine spirituality. I am searching for ways to get people interested in a Matriarchal religion that worships a Female Deity and has a female priesthood…………………………………………………………William

from William to Ajax & Rasa:

I know both you and I have written about matriarchal spirituality and other women have written about this. But we I don’t see much progress in this field. At least female empowerment is progressing politically with more female politicians and leaders but we don’t see the same progress spirituality.

I suppose it is about finding ideas that capture people’s imaginations and wanting to come together to create a Matriarchal spiritual organization. So this is what I’m thinking about.

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From RASA to William Bond & Ajax the Great:

William, we cannot listen to POPULAR OPINION.

Popular opinion is that those things which get the most hits / views are not the things that MOTHER GOD WANTS NOR THINGS THAT WILL FURTHER HER KINGDOM.

Listening to the broad popularity of things is the BROAD HIGHWAY TO HELL, not the narrow gate to Heaven. People are NOT FOLLOWING GOD, they are following the WORLD, THE FLESH & THE DEVIL.

I will ask Mother God why that one video got over a million views {right now} Mother God says:

“Part of it was PROMOTION. Annie Sprinkle shared it on her face book & that moved it fast. Other factors are it is informative & revealing re. sex – it reveals what you went through to be a cougar, people are curious about that. Basically it is about sex. Sex is not bad, people are vitally interested in it. And being a cougar is part of female empowerment – women’s sexual liberation, so it’s OK this gets lots of attention.”

However, sex liberation for women is only a part of what we do to further our cause.

William, what Mother God says to me regarding you thinking things out:

“You are thinking, worrying too much. Please have more trust in the Mother God within you, her voice, & be mindful of her Power. If you do AS SHE SAYS you will feel peace inside, She is in charge, not your human mind, not the popularity vote, not nothing but her. “Put first the voice of Mother God, & everything shall be added unto you.”

If you listen to WHAT IS POPULAR it will lead you astray. You never did in the past – you were the front runner, the leader. Your ideas were, like Ashley Montagu, ahead of your time, but you preached them, & impressed MANY, for one, Rasa took your lead & was made stronger for it. You were the only person preaching this way.

If you back down now & follow THE WORLD it will lead you astray. You will feel confused, bewildered, you will lose your path.

She is speaking to you. Don’t listen to views, hits or votes. Listen to her. What does SHE want? She is YOUR POWER. Do not lose this power by LOOKING OUTSIDE. “The Kingdom of God is within you.”

What is different about PROPHETS (you) SAINTS, SPIRITUAL PRODIGIES (avatars) is they stand ABOVE the world, the flesh. The see it from a different perspective. People in the world are BLIND – the blind leading the blind. They follow trends, fashions & popularity – the herd mentality, the sheeple.

You are assuming that OUR MISSION IS NOT WORKING. That is a lie from Satan {but you don’t believe in him, alas, he is an evil spirit.} Our mission has succeeded & will continue to succeed, but this is over hundreds of years – we cannot see all the results IN OUR LIFETIME.

People who FOLLOW GOD think outside the box. Like I was celibate for 30 years, then I heard the voice of God: “Stop suffering, go out & have fun.” I resisted, it did not MAKE SENSE, people RIDICULED me for celibacy, they ridiculed me for being a cougar. Fukk people’s opinions! They cannot, will not, hear the voice of God.”

Rasa says: I STILL don’t know precisely why God made me quit celibacy but some day I will. I certainly cannot expect any human on earth to understand why – they are spiritual morons.

My opinion, for one thing William, is that you are RESISTING THE TRUTH & thereby that might be making you confused. You once had logical reasons why women should rule the world, why men do a terrible job, etc. It made sense. No one was preaching what you were.

However, science then told us WHY precisely men must be subordinate, women dominant, but yet, you REFUSE TO BELIEVE THE FACTS – which is that women are superior, men are inferior, that men are going extinct.

If you deny these facts, you are resisting the Truth – & God is Truth. If you persist in this fashion you will no longer be a front runner, you will fall behind because your arguments will be somewhat ‘outdated.’ They are still true, but you are not using science to back them up – I am, so I am on the FRONT LINE OF TRUTH why women should rule the family & world, why men must diminish, etc.

What I see is you have a personality or ego problem – you are a man, you are insecure, you cannot let go of your personal needs & opinions so of course you will falter on the road ahead.

You keep moving backward – you did so when I started writing the new religion, & you jumped into the ‘religion for femdom men.’ In that way, you STOPPED SUPPORTING ME FROM MOVING AHEAD, I needed your mental/emotional support, but you failed to give it, you went your own way. That IMO was when you went astray – & from then on, you felt confused. (I tried to keep you with me by encouraging you & including 10 chapters you wrote in the New Religion, but was it for naught? Do you disdain what I did – that it meant nothing?)

This new religion is what MomGod told me to write. No other woman has written anything like it. I am AHEAD OF THEM, they will catch up, maybe in 100 YEARS.

And at this point in the road, you are kind of bewildered what to do next, because as I said, you got off the right road & onto a spurious one.

Your last letter made me feel like this: “OK William is jumping ship. If that is the case, I will have to move on without him. Even if Ajax leaves, I have to keep moving ahead – if I am left standing alone, that is the fate I must face…………………

Consider Jesus in the Garden – I take his example. He told his disciples, ‘Stay awake, I need your support’ -They all FELL ASLEEP. Jesus sweat blood as he met his fate. That night, his martyrdom began. I might be facing the same fate. The only step I can think of now is start the physical Church. The idea makes me SHUDDER because having lived 75 years, I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. Everything bad that can happen will happen. Do I do it anyway? If it is God’s will, yes.

WHAT SUPPORT did Our Lord have as He faced the Cross & was crucified? Certainly not the disciples, all of whom ran. That is what I feel you are doing now William. I imagine myself as Jesus {excuse the loftiness} & you as Peter – & Peter, who was once his best friend & praised him as ‘the Messiah, the Son of the Living God’ now DENIED HIM 3 TIMES in one night. Why did Peter fall? Because he sank into his flesh, fear took over, that he would be arrested & crucified with Jesus perhaps. Peter looked to the flesh, the world, to the popular vote.

You William, are doing what Peter did. You now falter, got weak, lost faith & trust in Our Holy Mother, – you have FALLEN.

How do I see Ajax? As St. John, the Beloved, who was the youngest. He was only 19 when he took up with Jesus. He was closest to Mother Mary & they ‘took care of each other’ after Jesus’ departure. He was the only disciple at the foot of the Cross, standing with the Holy Mother. I only imagine this, what the future holds in that regard I don’t know.

I do know that the idea I have now, of a physical place with me preaching the new religion, for women only – will kill me. First, I will have to wait a few years for the stocks to rise & this Covid fiasco to end, I will be maybe 80 when I do it. And after that, I will certainly not have long to live – not by nature but by my heart which might not be able to endure the stress too long.

Why the stress? OMG because this will be 100% anti, against, a threat to men, a horrible insult to them, I will incur the strongest hate from men I have ever done. When I think of this Church my reaction in my human self is this: THIS WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE & I CANNOT, WILL NOT DO IT, GOD TAKE THIS CUP AWAY FROM ME!

I know women have CENTERS – several of them – they have establishments. But they are LAME, TAME & go unnoticed. Mine will be notorious, scandalous & I will PAY THE PRICE. Why the difference? Because they are NOT ANOINTED BUT I AM. And so, the devils do not fear them but they fear me, & they will ATTACK.

Now look what Jesus faced, what He did. Had he not allowed himself to be crucified, CHRISTIANITY WOULD NOT EXIST. So you see the results of his work, how it bore fruit. The disciples were BAFFLED for a long time – why this? They saw it as FAILURE the way you, William, see our Mission today. You think it has failed, we must find another way, the popular vote, views, hits.

The ONLY TIME the disciples & followers AWAKENED is when Jesus was gone & the Holy Spirit came upon them & empowered them. Then they did, indeed, meet the same fate as Jesus {finally having the strength to do so}, all except St. John, who was not killed or crucified, but exiled to the Island of Patmos.

William, are you looking for a Crown? Earthly success, applause? We will not find it because the crowns of the world go to those of it. We are IN the world but not OF IT: “My kingdom is not of this world” Jesus said to Pontius Pilate when asked, “Are you a King?”

We preach AGAINST THE WORLD – the world hates us, it resists our message, it attacks us because we say to the world, “You are wrong, your ideas are wrong, you are at fault.”

Our Crown/s happen after our lifetime, our success long after we are dead. But what do we get here on earth? The same as Jesus, peace, knowing WE OBEYED GOD, NOT MY WILL – BUT THEY WILL BE DONE.

Our relationship is not with the world, not with people, but with God & God alone & therein we find our peace, prosperity & MEANING to live. (God decides what is done through our lives, that is best for the people & the planet – we cannot see that as we do not see the big picture, She does.)
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AJAX to RASA: As we await Williams’s rejoinder, I would like note that I am probably out of my depth saying this, and I may very well be wrong, but while I largely agree with what you just said to William, I personally don’t think it is quite so black and white. Rather, I think it is a bit more nuanced (in a way that is difficult to put into words) even if you are generally correct. I don’t think there’s quite as much of a sharp dichotomy between flesh and spirit or this world and God’s as it were, but again I could be wrong. It clearly shouldn’t be even remotely a popularity contest, but at the same time there psychologically needs to be a winning strategy in the messaging IMHO.

I should probably say no more about this until after William responds. Afterwards, I would recommend that all three of us take a little break to clear our heads.

Currently, my mind is (rightly or wrongly) more concerned with how we should oppose the so-called “Great Reset”, which is the oligarchs’ and technocrats’ evil and Machiavellian machinations, before it is too late, God willing.

(By the way, thank you very much for the compliment in comparing me to St. John. I certainly don’t think quite that highly of myself, but again, I could be wrong.)

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RASA to AJAX: Ajax, you said: “I don’t think there’s quite as much of a sharp dichotomy between flesh and spirit or this world and God’s as it were, but again I could be wrong”

Rasa’s answer: According to the teachings of the Saints, mystics & top theologians (like St. Thomas of Aquinas & St. Bonaventure), there is a sharp contrast between the flesh & the spirit, the world & God. It is the greatest conflict in our lives.

The flesh is forever AT WAR with the spirit. The flesh wants to do what the instinct does, enjoy instinctive pleasures to the max at times. The spirit wants to CURB the desires of the flesh & make sure they are TAMED so the mind can concentrate on God. Not that the flesh is automatically SINNING by eating, drinking & having sex – but if a person indulges in such things at the expense of God, they lose their Sacred relationship with God. It’s about our mind – ‘Put first the Kingdom of God’ – ‘God is a jealous God’ – That’s why Saints & yogis become CELIBATE, they ‘fast & pray’. {Fasting is a great sacrifice. Jesus said some demons cannot be removed except by FASTING along with the praying.} So much for the flesh.

Second, the WORLD is AT WAR with God. The world goes after POWER, like Satan said to Jesus, “I will give you all the Kingdoms of the world & their glory, if you will bow down & worship me.” What is the GLORY of the Kingdoms of the world?

It is the CROWNS of this world: Honor, acclaim, trophies, respectability in the eyes of society, high status, wealth & all the admiration it brings, Nobel Peace Prizes {to those often who don’t deserve them} being the chairman, chairwoman of this, that or the other, having the biggest house in town, & so on. This God cares nothing about but SATAN PROMISES TO GIVE IF YOU WOULD DIVERT YOUR ENERGY TOWARD HIM, AWAY FROM GOD, IF YOU WILL FORFEIT GOD FOR THE THINGS OF THE WORLD.

People, for MONEY – & remember, St. Paul said, “Money is the root of all evil.” When he said money that includes the things of the world – for MONEY or rewards, resources, people torture others, both humans & animals. They endanger the life, safety & health by what they do to the environment, for money.

Men (Japanese) are taught to torture prisoners, in the military, because when they do, they are afterward given WOMEN FOR SEX & SAKI (alcohol) & for this paltry gain, they torture prisoners again & again. See the teachings of KILLOLOGY Lt. Col. Grossman.

People associate smartness with how much of the things of the world you get, & stupidity with how little you have. If you are rich, you are smart, if you are poor you are dumb. Smart people know how to get the things of the world.

The world has the dog-eat-dog or rat race spirit. It is ‘do unto him before he does unto you’ – It is ‘beggar thy neighbor’ {got that from you} & it is stand on the weak, the small, the downtrodden so I can get bigger, better & richer.

The SPIRIT of the world is totally at odds with the SPIRIT OF THE SAINTS – the HEAVENLY SPIRIT. God encourages us to SACRIFICE for the greater cause – give up things of the world & the flesh in order to help others, for example. Say I have $100. Do I take myself & a friend to the best place in town for the best steak & wine with all the trimmings, & blow it? Or do I see my neighbor can only afford a $5. dinner. So I spend only $50. for my dinner with friend, & give the poor neighbor the other $50. so he can eat well. It doesn’t mean I have to go homeless, it means give up some luxuries or treats so others can benefit. {But of course, if your neighbor has not eaten for three day, nor fed his family, & you ate this morning but only have enough resources for a few meals – either give all that to the neighbor or most of it – that is a genuine sacrifice, on which Christianity stands.} All the saints know this, all the saints practiced this – in all religions.

But now I’m reminded when William wrote a chapter on Jesus he portrayed him as a MASOCHIST. I took issue with this & wrote a rebuttal. William accused me of TRASHING his work. {That made me feel ill.} Recalling this I become aware that William does not understand Christianity & perhaps DOESN’T WANT TO.

Why is it that I understand, approve of, & promote Wiccanism {many Christians condemn it} while William does not do the same with my Christianity? I think it’s IGNORANCE, but he’s so smart with other things, so how could he be so ignorant on this issue? Surely Wiccans are not wicked? Don’t they care about others, don’t they practice the Golden Rule? I believe they do. Don’t Pagans love God & Nature? Of course they do. God is Nature.

The spirit of the world is against God because it puts temporary things ahead of the eternal. All the things of the world will pass, but the God-world is eternal. The spirit of the world tells people to follow custom {including evil custom like Brahmans & untouchables – like hating women & minorities or those that are different or eccentric}, pay attention to fashion, fads & celebrity, be mindful of wealth & power. But God says ‘I am no respecter of persons,’ – ‘What profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul, for what will he exchange for his soul?’

That is my rebuttal to your statements Ajax & if you have more to say, please do so. I don’t think William will have much to say on all this because when I look at the last years of our conflicts & disagreements, I don’t think he wants to believe the things that I do. I think I have loved & approved of him more than he has of me. So be it. It’s OK. He is free.

The bottom line in all this: For a true ‘Christian’ they listen to the voice of God, no matter what God says, even if it leads to risks, being in harm’s way, being persecuted, even martyred. That’s what Jesus did. He didn’t want to die on the Cross, but for some reason, in order to ESTABLISH CHRISTIANITY & save BILLIONS OF SOULS in the future, He had to. And so he conceded to the Will of God & sacrificed his very life for the sake of Souls. That was the Economy of God. Ajax, you said,

“It clearly shouldn’t be even remotely a popularity contest, but at the same time there psychologically needs to be a winning strategy in the messaging IMHO.”

Anne Catherine Emmerich said that Satan was trying to get Jesus to die in the prison {he was there over night} instead of the Cross, which would thwart the “THEATER”, the fame & notoriety Jesus would get by being on it. In other words, an anonymous death, quiet, no fan fare. But God had planned the biggest explosion of publicity for the death of Jesus, upon which the entire Christian Gospel would rest. If he had not ‘died’ this way, what would Christianity have been? Jesus might have been forgotten, like,

“Oh yes, there was this guy, a Saint, who did lots of miracles – he died from being scourged & all the stress put upon him.”

He would not have become the Poster Person for sacrifice. He would not have the title, “Son of God – Who came to Earth to die for our sins.”

So God had a plan for PUBLICITY for GOD’S WORK & it was a doozy. Enough for now, I have said my piece.
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ANOTHER GREAT LETTER FROM AJAX the GREAT, clarifying some of his terms to Rasa:

Good morning, Rasa. It is very sad but true, unfortunately. Such Pharisees and SWERFS (sex worker exclusionary radical feminists) are really not all that different from the patriarchy they claim to dislike so much. They and the Phyllis Schlafly types are two sides of the same ugly coin.

Part of it is their general lust for power and also concern for their own self-righteous image of course, but also their sex-negativity (however they dress it up) and hostility to sex positivity is even deeper and goes back to the whole sex cartel or beggar-thy-neighbor mentality that I have written about in reference to the vile Mark Regnerus and his ilk. That is, they apparently want to, consciously or not, keep the “cost” of sex artificially and arbitrarily high in a vain and futile attempt to control men at the expense of other Women. That is, control Women’s sexuality and paradoxically deny Women agency in order to indirectly control men, at least until after Women fully take over (whenever that is). But that outmoded 19th century style strategy has a way of backfiring mightily, and is in fact at least as dumb as using lockdowns to control a widespread respiratory virus until the virus is eradicated or until the magic vaccine. It only drags out and prolongs the problem basically. Sexual freedom in general is in fact a prerequisite for Matriarchy, not the other way around like the SWERFs like to claim as actual Matriarchal societies (both human and bonobo) have shown, and the academics know damn well in their heart of hearts that is true whether they are choosing to be intellectually honest or not. They are the ones putting the proverbial cart before the horse. Meanwhile the patriarchy, oligarchy, and technocracy just sit back and laugh. Cartels are no substitute for a genuine sisterhood.

I am kinda familiar with Z Budapest, the founder of Dianic Wicca if I remember correctly. She seems good overall IMHO. What are your thoughts about Starhawk, Carol P. Christ, Peggy Reeves Sanday, Trista Hendren, Glenys Livingstone, or xxx?

(Rasa says she has the books of most of these scholars & appreciates their work. She has contacted Ms xxx who wrote her a curt letter that there can be no collaboration with her – & gives no explanation why.)

Ajax continues:
Very true, Rasa. That is correct about the separation needed in the new religion. And Dr. Amen is indeed correct.

I did not realize that about WWI as a way to sabotage Emmeline Pankhurst, all this time thinking it was just caused by a powder keg of MANIA (mnemonic for Militarism, Alliances, Nationalism, Imperialism, and the Assassination of Franz Ferdinand) in Europe that caused it, and that the USA simply bumbled into it stupidly. Looks like it was far more sinister though. As for the COVID pandemic, that is indeed part of the plan for the technocrats’ Great Reset, and as we have seen the lockdowns have been more damaging to Women than men.

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from William:
I know both you and I have written about matriarchal spirituality and other women have written about this. But we I don’t see much progress in this field. At least female empowerment is progressing politically with more female politicians and leaders but we don’t see the same progress spirituality.

I suppose it is about finding ideas that capture people’s imaginations and wanting to come together to create a Matriarchal spiritual organization. So this is what I’m thinking about………………………

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From Rasa: It irks me that William is talking about female spirituality knowing full well that I have written The New Religion, ‘Woman Thou Art God’ & gave him eleven chapters in it. All he has to do is promote it wherever he can, but he isn’t. Nothing gets anywhere unless it’s promoted. So he ignores this, in fact, wrote a ‘counter religion’ to it ‘for Femdom Me’. He could have helped me, but he went his own way, but I still included him. Now he is looking for something but doesn’t know which way to go. He is ‘lost’ because he did not help me with the work Mother God gave me, IMO.

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

VISION NEW CHURCH & DREAMS

NEW VISION – CHURCH 12-9-20

This morning, I had a NEW VISION. Here it is:

Instead of leaving my assets to someone I’m not sure of, or others who might use it for their own selfish wants or those who would piss it away {drugs, luxuries, foolishness’}, I will do this.

If God gives me good health years from now, I will use the bulk of my money available to start THE CHURCH, ‘WOMAN THOU ART GOD.’

I will need STRENGTH & HEALTH as it will be a GREAT DEAL OF WORK as the BEGINNING OF ANYTHING IS THE HARDEST.

What is important here is I would set up the TEMPLATE exactly as directed by Mother God – set up a council, a committee, as the women at the first wave of feminism set up {Susan B. Anthony & Elizabeth Cady Stanton in America} & Emmeline Pankhurst in the UK. Those women got WORLD WIDE PUBLICITY because it was new & different. The first World War ended the publicity & some of the progress of it – it was the backlash from the men – steal the thunder of the women’s movement & the only way we can do it is through WHOLESALE VIOLENCE, shake up the entire world with it, make women’s strides seem trivial, leave them IN THE DUST.

They have done THE SAME THING NOW. We were making tremendous strides, & Ajax understands politics, they have smashed us down. But there is a God, wait, the war isn’t over.

OK I am not ready now, but hopefully I will be. I see clearly now there is NO WOMAN WHO HAS MY VISION, no woman understands, & with that understanding has the COURAGE as did the women of old – those mentioned as well as BETTY FRIEDAN. {Betty got a black eye from her husband for her first publicity stunt, a sit-down at the Plaza hotel – she covered it with thick makeup & glasses.}

As I look about me, the academics, all brain/no heart, the weaklings, the ones who don’t study, & most of all THE WOMEN WHO COULD BE CHOSEN BY GOD BUT REFUSE TO OBEY – The woman who leads this movement/Church MUST BE SPIRITUAL, MUST BE ONE WITH GOD! She must be CHOSEN! And what does to be chosen mean? Many things, to be evolved, to be prepared, but most of all TO BE OBEDIENT TO GOD.

This is what is lacking in women: They are self serving, want to be Chiefs, ego-maniacs, not preparing themselves, want to be QUEENS instead of servants. You can be a Queen, but MY KINGDOM IS NOT OF THIS WORLD. The GLORY is not of this world – this world gives ONLY A CROSS. The Glory is spiritual & will follow in the world to come, you must carry the cross now, be crucified on it, & reap your rewards in Heaven. THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO DO THAT, that is why there was only one Jesus, & one me. Am I the only one willing to follow in Jesus’ footsteps? If I am, then I am THE CHOSEN ONE.

Isn’t this my pattern, after all? Haven’t I taken all the blows other women wouldn’t? For every project, 90% ridicule, 10% admiration, 90% criticism, 10% approval. No money, ever. I worked, spent my own money promoting what was done. No sugar Daddys or Mammas, no patrons. What glory, promotion, honor & money did Our Lord ever get? All He did was WORK & SUFFER. The bits of recognition he got were few & far between – some good disciples, hundreds fell away, he was betrayed. And this after doing countless MIRACLES of healing & exorcisms. In the end, Nicodemus & Joseph of Arimathea got him out of the tomb, revived him, got him healed & off to Tibet.

What is happening is I am getting revived spiritually as to my identity / mission, who I am, what I must do. All the frustrations & disappointments are for a reason. Those who do not support me are not the ones who can – they aren’t evolved enough, brave enough or spiritual enough, they are too human. While Jesus lived, no Apostle could follow in his footsteps. It had to be AFTER HIS DEATH, when they prayed in the Cenacle, as a community, for a long time, that the HOLY SPIRIT came down upon them as FIRE & DOVES & then they were filled with Its Power & then & only then DID THEY HAVE THE COURAGE TO FOLLOW THE FOOTSTEPS OF OUR LORD.

Perhaps this has to happen here. I thought I was through, just a lame duck on my way out. But maybe I have to set up this Church, get it ready for when I die, that the followers can form a community & pray & wait for the Holy Spirit to come down upon them – then they can work. I already have the Holy Spirit – I have been Anointed, that’s why I was able. They have not been Anointed, that’s why they cannot.

And oh yes, whoever distinguishes themselves the most in service to Our Mother God in the establishment of the Church, will become my heiress. This is important: see pictures & my words below

How God chooses: Look how Jesus, at the beginning of his ministry, went to the desert mountain & prayed & fasted for 40 days & nights. Then the devil came to tempt him. The devil offered him things – bread – the world & its glories. This is why people are not chosen, because they accept the offerings of the devil – things, the world & its glories, they REFUSE TO SACRIFICE, they want more & more of the world, the flesh & the devil.

And so, the women who are jealous of me, who refuse to help me, who say I’m trying to take over, are of the devil. Unless they are willing to do as Jesus did, sacrifice, God cannot choose them as they REJECTED THE CROSS. It is the Cross which leads to the crown, the crown does not lead to glory. If you desire the crown/s of the world, you might get them, but expect no victories on the other side – there will be no parade of angels & saints waiting to greet you. Saints suffer. Why? Because they DO THE WILL OF GOD. When you do the will of God, you are the exact opposite of what is the status quo or ‘wisdom’ the world employs. The world hangs on to physical things, the spirit lets them go. The spirit does what is right no matter what the consequences, even martyrdom. This is not an easy road but it is the right road, the ‘small, narrow road & gate.’ ‘Many go through the broad road & wide gate’ – haha – ‘the broad highway to Hell.’

Go ahead, women, ask for things, beg for glories, seek the Kingdom of the Earth. But ‘my Kingdom is not of this world.’ Myself, I listen to God each day. You might not believe me as I’m not the normal or usual spiritual person. I became prosperous. Why? Because I sought it? No. Because God took care of me, as I renounced all things, but I ‘put first the Kingdom of God, & everything shall be added unto you.’ And so, after all people disinherited, abandoned & rejected me, God took care of me.

Second, I was celibate for 30 years & wanted to stay that way. You might say ‘You are not a spiritual person because you went out & became a cougar & had quantum amounts of sex. This is not how saints behave.’ But I OBEYED THE WILL OF GOD. God told me to quit celibacy, go out & ‘have fun’ & I resisted but God insisted. I still don’t know why God demanded this, only She understands, perhaps before I die I will.

I also did not understand why God allowed me to be monstrously abused by my Mother & family, but now so much later, I do understand; it was to prepare me for my life to come, which consisted of the Patriarchal society hating & attacking me relentlessly while I did my work. I had to battle bigger monsters & demons than you can imagine, put myself in harm’s way & at peril for life & limb, & had I been unprepared, a softie, I could not have done it. Now these women want my ‘Crown.’ Go on bitches, take up your Cross & follow Jesus, & you will get the Crowns.
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12-9-20 DREAM: “FATHER LAUGHS”

My Dad was in a room on the second floor of our house – I could see into the house as the entire wall was open. I was below working on something, like stepping on a bench I had made, just a few strong planks placed between two strong blocks. I was holding onto some kind of strong robe above, stepped on the planks & they fell off. I didn’t get hurt as I was holding onto this rope, it wasn’t far off the ground, either, just say a foot or two.

(DAD ABOVE, ME BELOW: This might refer to a day ago I was channeling Dad & I think he found it hard to confess his wrong doings – especially in regards to not loving me that much, abandoning me, which concerned me the most. Also, why did he not send us more money after Mom left him – at times we did not have enough to eat. He had to admit he was SELFISH on both counts.
And so, he’s looking at me in a rather critical way at first – seeing the sliver in my eye while ignoring the log in his – when I tried to build something but slipped – but no harm came to me as I held onto what? Onto God, as God gives us the ‘lifeline’ from above – I did not perish nor get hurt. So I tell Dad to chill, stop judging me.)

Now my Dad, because I slipped, takes issue with me, he kind of ridicules me a bit. I say chill, I’m holding on, one must take precautions when testing new things, which I’m doing – no harm done.

But then the funniest but traumatic thing. Dad was building something like a table, bed, not sure what but it’s walls were a solid octagonal, black on the outside, maybe 4′ tall – all from wood. It was heavy, he did not anticipate something. Everything in this room is wood & more wood.

But then the WEIGHT of the thing he’s building overwhelms the floor of the room {it’s an old house} & caves right through the floor! Many wood beams just fall down into the first floor, so the LAUGH IS ON DAD.

(LAUGH ON DAD: This says he looked down on me for my mistakes. Indeed I made them, but God saved me. But look at his mistake. Look at his marriage to my Mom – a complete failure or collapse.
OCTAGON: refers to perfection. He thought his marriage / life / arrangement with Mom would be perfect. But there was something he did not anticipate. How hard it would be, life would be.)

He then has to call a contractor who understands construction – who knows where the SUPPORTING BEAMS are. A beautiful young man shows up, straight blonde combed to the side, smiling, with a clipboard, ready to go to work. He will fix it.

*(SUPPORTING BEAMS: One thing I only figured out as of late, which I asked Dad about. I recall us being so broke that Mom had to borrow money from the man owning the general store – to buy our groceries - & this several times. The man always gave us the loans, we got the groceries.
I asked Dad about this, as also why he did not take me to live with him. He said because HE WAS SELFISH. Of course, he did not have a great deal of money but he could have given enough so we had enough to eat!

And so, this SUPPORT BEAM BUSINESS refers to that – how embarrassed he is that I FIGURED OUT why Mom hated him so much – it was specifically about money, & that did not only affect her, but his three children & a fourth born while under his roof.
My question to Mother God: He said he was selfish. How much did he factor that she had help from her new boyfriend, Marius? Did he wrongly assume he would provide?
She: He should not have made that assumption. He knew the fourth child might be that of the other man, but still, he had three children by her. He was hurting those three children as well as her. There was gross negligence in this. He must have given her some money but obviously not enough if she had to borrow it many times for food. He was wrong, & now, this embarrasses him as you have busted him.

BEAUTIFUL YOUNG BLONDE MAN WHO WILL FIX IT, CONTRACTOR: This is an angel. God fixed everything, this is saying. You survived. This might be saying that my Dad did not help & support me properly – he abandoned me. My mother abused me & disinherited me. My first husband abused me & disinherited me. But eventually, God made me solvent, even gave me prosperity. Starting with my Dad there was rejection & poverty for me, but ending with God, there was love & blessings for me.)*

12-6-20-Purgatory Ministry vs Human Lover

This illustrates a conflict I didn’t know I had. It was mysterious, as many dreams are, until I analyzed it, then it made sense.

I have two lovers vying for my attention. One is filled with resources & promise – the other is poor & has nothing to give but himself.

I’m in a place like ‘in between’, a sort of semi-public, semi-private place. One lover is sort of hovering over me with promises. The other one is lying in a type of ‘open cocoon’ or an embrace where we are thoroughly intertwined, where the two of us together form like a ‘beetle’ curved up, with his jacket like a ‘shell’ on the outside.

This second lover, who has nothing, I thought was a police officer with a black uniform, but on second thought, his jacket is black leather like when Bob appeared to me as a Hell’s Angel, fukking other females besides me {I didn’t care}, proud of himself.

His love is honest, straightforward, no hidden meanings, just him.

(COP-LOVER: This is my human lover, who has nothing to give but himself, & we are INTERTWINED in mystical / spiritual marriage.
He appears as a cop because, could be, his guardian angel wants me to be with him–cops are angels, especially when they look out for our safety & welfare.)

The other one tells me he has all kinds of things for me, but I am uncertain. I decide there needs further investigation.

*(SECOND LOVER, FULL OF RESOURCES & PROMISES: This has a few nuances of meaning. It is the MINISTRY TO SOULS IN PURGATORY. First, God appears AS A MAN to hearken to one of my requests, which Jesus granted in 1978,

“I want to have spiritual relationships with men.”
And the answer to that was more contact with the Holy Souls.

For years, I had ECSTATIC dreams about being a prostitute, walking the streets, picking up men, taking them to a most private place & making love with them. At first I was mystified by these dreams, but eventually realized I was connecting with Souls in Purgatory & transmitting God’s Love to them – which was ecstatic–more so than anything I had experienced on earth.

And so, this ministry holds out SPIRITUAL RESOURCES or GRACES which human lover does not have, this is a deep dimension.)*

So temporarily I leave ‘the cop’ behind & go for an investigation. Across from where we are {in these open spaces in the country} is a mega house, imposing, old. The rich lover tells me HE GAVE ME THIS PROPERTY, IT IS MINE.

(MEGA HOUSE LOVER TELLS ME IS MINE: I will find out shortly what this house is!)

As I leave the cop behind, duck under a large Christmas tree branch, the bottom one near the trunk, on my way across there. I go over a tiny valley, maybe it has a trickle of water, maybe not.

*(UNDER CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH: This implies there is a gift for me under the tree – perhaps this Christmas – & that is the ministry as mentioned. I did wonder last night, ‘What will God give me this Christmas?’ – {She always gives me something, usually mystical, which I treasure.}

A TINY VALLEY, MIGHT HAVE A TRICKLE OF WATER THAT I CROSS: A valley is ‘the valley of tears,’ which is THIS LIFE, THIS WORLD, THIS FLESH as personified by the Catholic Church. The trickle of water is the BIT OF CONSOLATION we get on earth for our sufferings. Water is grace, in this context. )*

Before me ‘looms’ the house I supposedly own. It is three stories high & it seems to have naught but one tiny window on the first floor. It’s rust in color – I don’t know if it means the structure is metal or if it’s some other material painted rust, but I do get the feeling of metal, which makes it forbidding.

(FORBIDDING BUILDING: Indeed, this represents the place of GOD’S JUSTICE, the
RUST METAL WALLS – metal represents THE WILL OF GOD – it hearkens to the NAILS in the hands & feet of Jesus on the Cross! And the RUST represents A LONG TIME – whatever time they spend there seems long, as there’s nothing to distract them, no physical activities – all they feel is the LOSS OF GOD, the longing for her & it feels long. Rust also has RED in it which in this context is like SUFFERING-BLOOD.)

When I left the cop the other lover was busy, not bothering me, they said,
“She’s having a cup of tea”
{so this lover now changes gender.} I then thought if she’s occupied with tea, which would be my good time to get away & check out the house ‘I own.’

*(RICH LOVER CHANGES GENDER: This ministry to Purgatory has many nuances. First, it’s a male – as I cater to mostly men in Purgatory. So a man or men is calling me to love.

But now it changes into a woman, which is telling me this is from MOTHER GOD. She is ‘taking a break’ having a ‘cup of tea.’

BREAK FOR TEA: Mother God is not PUSHING me, not being aggressive with the ministry or the request to enter it. It is up to me to make the decision, do I get busy with this or not? So I decide to look into it more.)*

I go into the house & on the second floor, to my surprise, there is that rich lover as an old woman, about 65 & showing it, standing at the sink. She has a man beyond her that seems like a partner of the house – he was walking away on some business.

*(LOVER NOW A WOMAN WITH A MAN PARTNER AT THE SINK: This is without a doubt, Holy Mary, who at the very beginning, in 1980, brought me Errol Flynn as an infant, & asked if I would ‘take care of him.’ She was then also at my sink, washing dishes, glasses. This
WASHING DISHES, GLASSES: is a cleansing that goes on so one can minister, one can deliver grace to the souls. It might imply
THE HOLY MASS as we need a glass for the wine & a dish for the bread – the Body & Blood of Christ, or how I celebrate it, the Body & Blood of Jesus & Mary.

Of course, the man her partner is Our Lord, & overall, this is an invitation for me to SAY THE HOLY MASS BEGINNING NOW to get Souls out of Purgatory! This is the feeling I get as I think about this.)*

I stand there kind of bewildered. I want to say, if this is my house, I want you guys to fix me my own room, with all the amenities, but I don’t have the confidence. I feel that here I cannot ask for anything, just accept things as they are – that this female & that man are in charge, I have no authority.

*(IF THIS IS MY HOUSE, ASK FOR MY ROOM WITH AMENITIES, BUT HAVE NO CONFIDENCE: Haha, what a joke. When ministering to Purgatory, one asks for nothing, one stands within the Grace of POVERTY.

Whatever life has dished out – you take it with not only tolerance, but acceptance & even JOY if such a thing is possible, because all your pains gather GRACE for SOULS. You do not ask for amenities, pleasures, consolation, an end to pain, you accept all things as they are,
‘Not my will, but thy will be done’
Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He sweated blood, before the Pharisees came to arrest him, before He was betrayed by a disciple.

And so that is the end of the mystery of the Lovers & the great, forbidding house given me. I am going to say the Holy Mass right now & continue, hopefully, right up at least until Christmas. This will get Souls released!)*

At some point I decide to give the cop another chance, after all, his proposal was simple, this one is a bit confusing.

(GIVE THE COP ANOTHER CHANCE: My plan is to say the Holy Mass. After all, I am not with my Lover physically, I am free to have my mind, heart & body on God & what She might have me do. In fact, even when I eventually live with the Lover, I will not allow him to drown out my spiritual life nor my Ministry to the Holy Souls – to whom I am totally devoted. An earthly man whom I love is fine, but he does not stand above God.)

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

ACADEMIC’S PREJUDICE AGAINST WOMEN

AJAX the GREAT & Rasa Von Werder

AJAX & RASA DISCUSS ACADEMIC’S PREJUDICE

AGAINST WOMEN IN ADULT WORK 12-8-20

Rasa to Ajax: My vision last night: I saw a person creating a You Tube sort of blog, where it was like a ‘Wikipedia’ for Matriarchy. They were collecting EVERYTHING they could find on Matriarchy–female empowerment, including every item us three have produced.

It makes more sense if it was a blog, as most things are written. But links can be included for movies, videos, etc.

I started thinking it would be a terrific idea if someone actually did create such a blog & it would have thousands of entries. People could then use this as a REFERENCE, research, information, it would be at the tip of their fingers, it would give more recognition to our work & that of others, concerning our Mission.

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Ajax to Rasa: Indeed, that would be an excellent idea, Rasa. There are lots of Wikipedia-like wiki sites for just about everything out there, so why not one specifically about Matriarchy and Female Empowerment as well? I recall there is kinda already one out there called Gynapedia by the Mago Academy run in part by xxx, who I recall you used to be FB friends with when you were on FB, and I currently am FB friends with as well.

https://www.gynapedia.magoacademy.org/

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Rasa to Ajax: Women like this look down on me, they give me no respect or recognition. They only like – respect academics like themselves, they are not open minded enough to see the entire world filled with different sorts of women empowering women in different ways. They are academic elitists who hold their noses up at anyone that had or has anything to do with the adult trade, nudity, modeling, stripteasing, dancing, even body building. They are one step away from being Pharisees, they don’t realize how much like Patriarchs they are, because Patriarchs are the ones who hold us in contempt, who created the prejudices against sex, nudity, adult trade & women in the work.

So I would not even try befriending them, it has backfired before & hurt much. I have been told by some of these women they will NEVER EVER collaborate with me. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ajax to Rasa: And that is truly a shame, and their loss, Rasa. That of course explains the strange rather frosty air I have gotten from them on the few occasions I have shared or attempted to share your work in their FB groups. I got the hint that I should share it in other groups instead.

Pharisaical indeed, and ivory tower academic elitists at best. They inadvertently and ironically end up having a lot in common with the very patriarchy that they claim to dislike so much. Even if they also happen to have some good ideas at the same time.

Thus clearly, Gynapedia is not the way to go, given who is in charge of it, but rather a brand new wiki specifically dedicated to Matriarchy will need to be created. But there are still some good ideas and information to borrow from Gynapedia as well all the same IMHO. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Rasa to Ajax: Wow. I can understand rejection of my dream articles, but not rejection of Matriarchy – female empowerment articles, that would be evil. And I didn’t know you went through that. But thanks for trying.

These same women would probably not recognize or assist William Bond, who has done more for Matriarchy than anyone. And he’s helped women like that over the years by promoting them. They really are despicable.

It hurts the most when the people you count on, hope for, think you have a common mission, when such people basically tell you to fukk off, that hurts more than known enemies. And they are such hypocrites. We live in an evil, delusional, twisted, materialistic, status-seeking world, they are of that mentality, good ideas notwithstanding.

I have all the good ideas I require, I don’t need them for that. They should come to you, me & William for good ideas – we have more good ones than they do.

And so my idea about the blog / Matriarchal Wiki still stands. Except I have never created a blog – they were all created for me & unfortunately William can no longer add stuff to our blog.

And this project would take I believe about 2-3 years to really pad it up with all the valuable material out there, including ours. Not a minimal task. Not sure who could do it. Not sure I have enough time left in my life to do it as every day I wake up to interpret dreams & upload them. That is my winter work. I can barely keep up with my simple lifestyle / work. Every day I try to catch up but it isn’t easy.

But I sure wish this could be done. Maybe if I get the new webman who works at least two days a week, it could be done. I shall continue to pray on it. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ajax to Rasa: Good evening, Rasa. So true, unfortunately. I don’t remember exactly which articles they were that got rejected, but they were ones about your new religion if I remember correctly. I was hoping that there would be someone in the Mago group who would be receptive to your ideas, and perhaps there were a tiny few, but the moderators of the group sure were not at all. Very frosty and even patronizing in fact.

And that is truly a shame. So many modern-day Pharisees, just in a different guise. Many would likely be frosty with William as well, that is if they even acknowledged him at all, but there may be a few exceptions here and there.

William, what are your personal experiences with the academic Women in such groups? Are there any who you think will be receptive to our ideas? I would really not like to think they are all cut from the same cloth.

True, the new Matriarchy wiki is a very big project, but it needs to be done all the same. And you webman may very well be the one to do it. It has to be someone with a LOT of spare time, of course.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Rasa to Ajax: Wow, they were frosty toward the NEW RELIGION? That would be ABOMIDABLE. What strange creatures these women are.

Do you recall seeing the work of Z BUDAPEST – ZSUZSANNA BUDAPEST? I was on her Facebook group many years ago, & put a link to my first book “Can Female Power Save the Planet” …..the women on her group trashed & denounced me. It DID NOT MAKE SENSE. Z was OK, she said she thought my book was a good idea. Every time I posted, the women trashed me & called me names. I could not understand it, still don’t.

When I was on William’s groups, also, a group of women trashed & criticized me mercilessly. You remember I told you a couple years ago – one of those females had a group, you were on it. I told you she had been an enemy to me. Then you saw it when she denied the holocaust & some other strange stuff. We became friends later, she & I, & I asked her why she was so CRUEL to me, her answer was,

“WE THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO TAKE OVER.”

In other words, my work they trashed because they wanted the GLORY they thought came with the work – for themselves. Every one of them wanted to be the QUEEN BEE, not a drone. They did not want to be little Indians, they all wanted to be Chiefs. But you have to be a servant / server / disciple before you can be a leader – they did not want the subordinate position. And I NEVER GOT ANY GLORY. Where is my glory, do you see it? Who is glorifying me? (To be fair, there were a couple women along the way who did help temporarily. The best, as I said before, was Freyja. I am so proud of her.)

Women, in general, fail to support me, sad but true. You would think they’d be the first to do so, but they aren’t. They jump on me. They jumped me regarding stripping for God, for body building, for all that I do. They show little to no support, it’s the opposite. The only one who for years supported me & carried on my work was Freyja Derrickson. Now she won’t answer my letters. Not sure if she doesn’t check that mail box or she’s written me off.

What women do is when I promote a thing, break through the door, like with female body building, they get on the bandwagon to get the privileges, honors, the money – glory or whatever they want, but they give me NO CREDIT. After female body building was established, those in it said I WAS A DISGRACE TO BODY BUILDING & I DID NOT REPRESET THEM. You see like here I have only two friends, you & William. I reached out to all the women I thought were friends, but they did not join the mission, only you guys helped.

If I think about it it is DEPRESSING, so I no longer think about, no longer am I TRYING to get women allied with me. I have given up on people for the most part. I don’t have much time left to live, I’m worn out from the battles, I want to live IN PEACE, tranquility, don’t want to hear the rejections, denouncements, harsh criticisms, unfair accusations & the like. I might ask Mother God, why have women been so un-supportive to me & my work?

Mother God {some thoughts from my flesh also}: “They are confused, deluded & AFRAID. You represent true female freedom not only as a researcher / thinker, but as an individual who practices SEXUAL FREEDOM. Look at the academics – not a single one, except porn star Annie Sprinkle, represents sexual freedom. It is the LAST IRON DOOR closed on women – a door they fear to open, because if they announce their own sexual freedom they will be PARIAHS in society.

Annie Sprinkle represents freedom to the max – but she is by no means recognized, applauded or supported by the academics – they see her as a JOKE, more or less. She is NOT a joke – but they just PUSH HER ASIDE, act like she doesn’t exist.

{Look at those who supports her – no one in the mainstream. When you check her publicity stunts, who’s there? Transvestites, transgenders, male & female gays, fringe folks – those who are THROWN AWAY, marginalized by Patriarchal society. No one wants them so they flock to Annie, as no one wants Annie, either. That is her / their fate.}

You they do not quite see you as a JOKE but they have the same attitude toward you as do the prudes, elitists, & STATUS SEEKERS. They are ASHAMED to be associated with you, like it would TARNISH THEIR REPUTATION, bring ILL REPUTE to their work. They see themselves as CLEAN, FAULTLESS INTELLECTUALS, proper members of society.

This POV reflects Patriarchy’s view of women being either madonnas or whores. They are madonnas, without stain of sin, you are a sinner, a bad person, a weirdo. You bring up in them GREAT FEAR – they fear being OSTRACIZED because if they were, their careers would be smeared. They GIVE IN TO THE PATRIARCHY without being AWARE OF IT. They are saying, “SHE IS BAD, I AM GOOD. – I am accepted by society, she isn’t, & I am NOT READY TO FIGHT THE BATTLE ON HER SIDE because if I do, I will be attacked, wounded, hurt in all ways – emotionally, mentally, financially, career wise, reputation wise, all ways. My life as I know it WILL BE OVER. In other words, they allow you to be SACRIFICED BY A SOCIETY THAT IS WRONG, in fact, they TAKE PART IN THAT SACRIFICE.”

Me to Mother God: Don’t they realize they are feeding the Patriarchy in that way?

She & me speak: “On some level, mostly unconscious, they know what they are doing. But nothing FORCES THEM TO CHANGE – nothing bears down on them saying ‘You MUST CHANGE, you must be charitable & loving to those in adult work – You MUST rethink this issue – You must recognize that your thinking feeds wrong-doers, & you are a wrong doer.’ They just stay in their safe, comfortable corner of academia & respectability, without need to rock the boat.

You once had a friend of yours in academia – he had a female researcher who wanted to interview you. But he admitted,

“She will not look upon you with respect, but as a freak show, she interviews a freak to see what makes her tick – it’s an academic project.”

Me: If the movie of my life comes out during my lifetime, what will these type people’s reaction be?

Mother God: There will not be any major changes in your lifetime – only when Matriarchy comes into power will you be recognized & respected by the mainstream – when the attitudes toward women, nudity, sex, sex work, will be changed. {You are helping make those changes.} Then you will be listed as a hero.

When your movie comes out, if it features your relationship with God properly, some of them will be ashamed, but not many. Most will see it as an opportunity to interview you or write about you to get some recognition for themselves, that is all. Except for one out of a hundred, they will not applaud you, they will sort of say ‘She is a fluke.’

Me: OK, I can’t stand thinking about this any more. I will put our repartee, Ajax’s letters included, as an article.

Conclusion: From Rasa to Ajax:

I have STUDIED the Mago site you gave me & my opinion is it’s great but lacking in that ONE GREAT IRON DOOR against women: Sexuality. It seems to be the LAST FRONTIER.

This is a women’s ACADEMIC CLUB. There is no acceptance or inclusion in any female doing SEX WORK – SEX THERAPY – anything to do with sex. It’s as if they have redlined, penciled out that subject entirely & included only THEIR OWN KIND.

And so, there NEEDS TO BE AN INCLUSIVE WIKI SITE FOR MATRIARCHY as I explained that includes people like Annie Sprinkle & myself, William Bond & all that he’s done – including his explosion on the Mermaid Myth.

Sexuality needs to be REDEFINED in Female-Empowerment terms as a part of women’s liberation from men – being free to do whatever they wish with their bodies, not the reproductive, service-giving slaves of men. If they want to be naked, it’s fine. If they want to have multiple sex partners, their business. If they want to be Cougars, go for it. If they want to be gay, fine, that is the future anyhow. {Future without men, women will have to be gay.}

These women do not SEE, DEFINE, EXPLAIN what I just said because it is none of ‘their business’ – it’s not a part of Academia, which is still mostly MALE CONTROLLED PATRIARCHY. I see one of the founders was directly associated with MARY DALY who was one tough cookie, & she did not hide her sexuality – being lesbian.

OK, as usual I will just do ‘what I gotta’ do’. I will not cry over their non-acceptance of me, which will be long in coming, not in my lifetime. It is THEIR PROBLEM, their limitation, the jail cell men have put them in within those INSTITUTIONS OF HIGHER LEARNING GOVERNED BY MEN.

The proper definition for Sex Work is it is THERAPY, the same as given by psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, hospitals, clinics, offices, except the women who give this therapy are usually POOR, UNEDUCATED, so they are used as SACRIFICIAL LAMBS / GOATS & have the people’s sins projected onto them & then THROWN OFF THE CLIFF. They are easy to pick on because the poor cannot fight back. The ‘middle class’ – who are not poor but dependent on the Patriarchs to keep them solvent, take part in the sacrifice of these unfortunate people {myself included.} So be it, we work to change things for the future.

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

MATRIARCHY OUR ONLY HOPE

from AJAX the GREAT with comments by Rasa Von Werder

Saturday, December 5, 2020

Female Empowerment Is Still Our Only Hope

Just a reminder to everyone that despite current events, or rather a fortiori because of current events, we need Female Empowerment more than ever before. While a full-blown Matriarchy is still a while away and we seem to be heading into a new dark age of totalitarian technocracy (i.e. the so-called “Great Reset”), Women must never give up and let their hard-won progress thus far be eroded any further. After all, all oligarchies, plutocracies, kleptocracies, and technocracies (or all of the above) are patriarchal at their core. As a man I obviously don’t have nearly all of the answers, nor do I claim to truly know the details of how to do it, but what I do know in my heart of hearts is that only Women collectively can truly halt and reverse for good the utterly dark and dystopian future to which we are otherwise headed, Goddess willing.

Now is NOT the time to sit on one’s laurels, give up hope, or make the perfect the enemy of the good in any way. Nor is it the time to take advice from fools, charlatans, mouthpieces of the oligarchy/technocracy/ patriarchy, or an even worse category: the vile and demonic Phyllis Schlafly types who masquerade as feminists (or even as self-proclaimed Radical Feminists) but are really patriarchal to the core or otherwise throw other Women under the bus for their own worldly gains, often disguised as concern-trolling. A good litmus test for that latter category is how they react to the works of the author Mark Regnerus, as anyone who agrees with his poisonous words are not really feminists and do not support genuine Female Empowerment. Which by the way, is both individual AND collective empowerment, NOT an either/or.

Bottom line, Women need to get into as many positions of power as possible, in as many places at as many levels as possible, as quickly as possible. Time is running out.

So go forth and make old Buckminster Fuller proud!

(See also a previous article here as well for a more detailed discussion on the ultimate kill switch to smash the patriarchy.)

RASA SAYS: “Can Female Power Save the Planet”? It is the ONLY HOPE.

When women ruled & Mother God was worshiped, there were no wars or weapons of war. See the studies of Marija Gimbutas, anthropologist.

When men overpowered the planet starting 7K years ago, there began the Age of Kali, an era of evil which is mercifully short lived, so say the sages.

There is NO SYSTEM that male has ever devised that is the proper answer for our society. Every system they create, as outlined previously by Ajax, is corrupt. Even the great religions, such as those started by Jesus or other Saints & Prophets, become corrupt once males get hold of them. See the writings of the great William Bond.

What is wrong with Patriarchy? It is male nature at its core. Males want to FIGHT – they want power & authority, to build harems. See the work of Dr. Bryan Sykes, “Adam’s Curse, a Future Without Men.” They cannot think outside the box, this is the box they are in & will forever stay.

The nature of women is to take care of people, they have compassion & mercy. Their nature will never change, they will always be care givers.

And so, depending on who is ruling, we either have violent, greedy bastards or caring, compassionate women, choose your pick, it is one or the other, Patriarchy or Matriarchy. Patriarchs cannot, will not ever devise or run a legit system, that is impossible given their nature, & women can never do any thing but care for others, Matriarchy.

What do we do now that Patriarchs are ready to strike harder than any government has ever done? We can pray. We can keep our faith, hope & trust in Mother God & we can work for her doctrine. One of the things no one is doing but me – promote the facts about male extinction. That will wake people up. Why listen to men that are going extinct? Why does Mother God want to remove them?

Rasa Von Werder 12-5-2020

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

REVELATIONS

REVELATIONS

12-5-20-Heavenly dreams -

(2) Dream explains my Lover Bob’s relationship with his wife / drug partner

Ruthie will end soon because she will no longer be able to support him.

Her drug habit is eating up her money now – none left for him.

First, I was ‘bombarded’ with dreams of a Heavenly place – I say bombarded because they appeared fast & furious & went on for a long time. They might have been a result of prayers of forgiveness toward everyone who ever hurt me.

I was in a world of vast prairies, plains, woods, jungles, where all was beautiful, alive & fruitful. The trees were filled with millions of fruits, food everywhere, beauty all over but can remember few details. Sense-image material might have been the documentary ‘Wild Indonesia’ I saw last night – but I watch wild documentaries all the time & don’t get such results.

‘Sense image material’ is when your mind takes ‘sense images’ or images, experiences that you recently had, & USES them to make a point. It does NOT mean you are dreaming about the subject being used – the subject is only a SYMBOL. And so, the sense image was ‘Wild Indonesia’ but with this sort of image God was showing me what Heaven is like – to some degree, in my prayers, I ENTERED HEAVEN. This shows the POWER OF FORGIVENESS.

When we feel negative thoughts & emotions, we put ourselves into Purgatories & Hells. When we transform the negative into positive, we enter states of Heaven. Like Buddha said, when we hate someone, it is like thinking they will die of a poison we drank. Hate & various nuances of it – bitterness, resentment, revenge, regret, sorrow over it, feeling sorry for ourselves, etc., are all POISONS we consume into our being. What is the remedy that I employed? And the fact that the prayers WORKED says I did it right – I say such prayers many times but don’t always get big results.

It went like this: ‘Anyone or everyone who ever hurt me, God, count it as if they did nothing, nothing to be punished for, as I do not hold a grudge or say they sinned. I want NO REVENGE.’ I mentioned some of those who hurt me the most.
‘I have no resentment, bitterness, sorrow or regret over what they did to me. I accept it, I am not sorry they did it, I simply say it’s part of life. I make no opinion on it any way, I say it’s how it was, I say if God allowed it, God will do something positive with it – it’s God’s business, not mine.’

This disclaimer on my part removed the negative emotions from my life & freed me up for the Heavenly experience – thank you dear God.

2nd Dream: Girl Wants Vacuum Cleaner – I Help Her but Discover She Took off for Drugs

I am going up the six flights of stairs to my apt in B’klyn, with a young lady who is in her early 20′s. On one of the landings someone has put a nice looking vacuum cleaner ‘for sale.’ It’s partly black, the handle, & the body of it is some sort of orange or red – they made it cheap but this girl HAS NOTHING & needs help. I might add SHE HAS AN INFANT which is some place nearby.

(YOUNG LADY: By the end of this dream I will figure out this is Ruthie, the common-law wife of my Lover Bob. This dream explains something to me, about her being DESTITUTE.
VACUUM CLEANER: Represents some sort of home convenience, not sure what. It could say ‘I need help with cleaning house.’ This house cleaning might not be literal, it could be cleaning up the SITUATION at home – things are BAD with her & Bob, with their FINANCIAL SITUATION.)

The neighbor who placed this here watches me as I TEST the vacuum cleaner – it works fine. I do some areas in their apt, it’s great.

I try to negotiate with the owner for the item real cheap – $10, explaining the girl is destitute, with a small child, etc. But they say that’s not possible, but they’ll part with it for $20. I give the girl the $20 to buy it.

Now this will not be LOGICAL. I don’t know why – but sometimes dreams are not logical but they still make their point.

In an illogical activity I look into my ‘dollar store’ bag, which is not a purse, just a cheap but nice bad – & realize I have NO MONEY IN MY BAG – it’s in my purse upstairs in my apt. This slightly embarrasses me as I think the couple might think I’m a deadbeat, but we are a short walk up my sixth floor. I ask the man of the house, please walk with me to my apt, I will get the $20. from my purse for you.

(MAN OF THE HOUSE: I suspect this is my lover Bob because of the appearance of my Dad when I go to my apt – Dad is the one to give me away to this future husband, Dad’s presence is usually matrimonial business predicted.)

And so we go up. I put my key in the hole, before it opens my Dad opens the door for me. He knew it was me. The fact that my Dad is here gives me a good sense of security & love.

When he sees the man to my right he is STARTLED – {the older man has a head like a chipmunk} & I introduce him to Dad as something like ‘Mr. Schultz or Diaz’ – not sure what, I was uncertain of his name, but the man adds,

‘Just Alan’ will do, & I’m not sure if that was the name he said, either. I thought he was Spanish, but again, not sure.

*(JUST ALAN: I could not recall either name, first or last, but Alan came to my mind now – this might give it away as my good husband’s middle name was Alan. That would be saying, then,

“Lover Bob now appears as your good husband….& so this dream concerns his situation with Ruthie ending, his situation with you must begin. This could explain why.”

DAD is STARTLED: Sometimes Dad’s get bent out of shape when a new man takes away his daughter. My Dad used to get upset {in our apt. in B’klyn, pictured here} when any guy walked me home or visited me – he always had something negative to say. I think this is their lack of ability to let their daughter go.

OPEN THE DOOR, KNEW IT WAS ME: In putting in ‘the key’ I am trying to COMMUNICATE with my Dad – asking him to reveal something to me. His opening the door, knowing it’s me, is he will answer my request, he will reveal to me how Bob breaks off from Ruth & comes to me.)*

I then go to my things to get the money for the man & I suppose I do so. The thing is, the man sees my apt, it is nice but slightly cluttered, there’s a lot of beige on the walls. And I at some point see his apt, which is nice also, cozy.

(BEIGE ON THE WALLS, SLIGHTLY CLUTTERED: Too much on my mind, cluttering my brain, but God is here {beige/contemplation} & there is an answer.)

Having given this old man the money {I might add I always end up being generous with the poor, I surprise myself with the things I’ll do for them. I did not owe this girl anything, but I splurged for her} we go back down a couple flights to see the girl with the baby, see how she’s doing now that she’s got the vacuum.

(VACUUM: Is a NECESSITY/NEED but this female will forego one basic need & splurge the money for her addiction. This is a BAD SIGN.)

To our surprise, she is not here. There’s a pile of many layers on the couch, we remove layer after layer of mostly blankets (one is orangey), she is not here, but her baby is, she left her baby alone. Where did she go?

It is revealed to me that she took the money I gave her, went out to get her DRUG FIX. That somehow is her problem, she is a drug addict. The drug is more important than her baby, she has to have it. I was arguing her case because she’s so broke & has the baby to care for. Not sure what to think, just that she is unreliable, certainly not capable of taking care of herself or the child.

*(USES THE MONEY I GAVE HER FOR DRUGS:
This tells me that the relationship of Ruth & Bob will go bankrupt because Ruth can no longer support them. Her income has diminished, she is now near destitution, but still a drug addict. She will use money for drugs before necessities, she will neglect her child, she will abandon her child’s needs to get her drug.

Bob does not support them, he relies on her support so he can use his own money on himself & his needs including alcohol, grass, cigarettes & drugs. He needs her for the roof over their head & bills. This is what he USES HER FOR.

But this dream says, she can NO LONGER PAY THE BILLS because her income has gone so low, her need of drugs takes away bill-money – she will no longer be useful to Bob.

Who am ‘I’ in the dream, giving her money? I am the Grace of God, supplying her with what she needs as far as bills, necessities. She has, in other words, with her diminished income, enough for what is basic, but what is NOT BASIC – drugs – she doesn’t have enough for. So she will use Peter to pay Paul, the God-given income is enough for sustainability but not her habit.

Her physical appearance? Attractive, brown hair framing her face to the shoulders, reminds me of the girl I saw in the dream a few days ago – where my Lover Bob appeared as a Hell’s Angel – an old man with a fuzzy flannel shirt came in without being invited to tell me WATCH OUT FOR A GUY WHO IS A THIEF – the thief comes in, works for you, asks for an advance for a forthcoming job – then disappears with your money. This same female STOOD BETWEEN MYSELF & THE OLD MAN.

I now know this female is Ruthie – the ‘wife’ of my Lover Bob – Bob in another form is admitting some wrong doing, some sort of ‘stealing’. Does he get money from Ruthie for drugs? And so, I might not have said it in that dream, but this lady between us is Ruthie.

The dream basically reveals something God has been saying for years – even before this Pandemic – Ruthie’s income in the hospitality business has shrank greatly. My educated guess is she used to make $800 a week, now it’s down to $250-300. {Think of the cost of the drug cocaine. How much per day? I don’t know, but if she uses $30. a day of it, that would be $210. a week. How much gets left for bills & baby?} If things get worse, she might not have a job, as her field is shrinking, people are desperate for these jobs & there will be more people applying than jobs open. In that case, she will have to rely on relatives for support, especially since she has a baby – or get a new husband. She can no longer afford the gigolo Bob, haha. {She thought she was so smart, providing him with drugs every day, so smart that she could afford it. So smart to get him badly addicted. But all this, by the Grace of God, falls apart. I told her it was temporary. She knew I was right, now it’s happening.)*

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

PURGATORY RELEASE!

PURGATORY RELEASE!

12-3-20-Release Souls in Purgatory with my Hip Pain Donation

Amazing dream. I was so tired I did not write it the day I had it, but analyzed it before falling asleep. I thought it might be a ‘silly sex dream’ but upon inspection it’s the most valuable revelation, so here it is.

I was in the middle of work on a project when my old web man, Nick K, takes me somewhere on a break. I was afraid to leave work, but I did it.

He takes me through an empty part of the city, lots of space around this building, which is unusual, it’s color & texture on the outside remind me of the Statue of Liberty.

“The Statue of Liberty is made of copper. Why is the Statue green? The Statue’s copper has naturally oxidized to form its familiar “patina” green coating.”

The building is alone, by itself, not big. It has NO WINDOWS & the door is right on the edge of the building, on its corner & is the same look as the building. Nick opens the door, it has a curved shape handle, like maybe 5-6″ long {this is vague} – it’s unusual.

*(BUILDING: This is Purgatory. Whenever I’ve visited Purgatory, even outside, the place was CLOSED IN.
Even if the vision was outside, you would look up, & the sky was closed in somehow, it was never all the way up forever.
This depicts how Purgatory is a LIMITATION.

Nick has been DEAD about five years. He’s taking me to HIS PLACE IN PURGATORY – which is familiar to him but strange to me.

This being like the STATUE OF LIBERTY symbolizes liberty or RELEASE.)*

I feel where Nick is taking me is a special place he knows – where I have never been, & upon entering it I know it’s a MOVIE THEATER.

(MOVIE THEATER: “Theater of Justice” is the name of the book I published on Purgatory.)

We go in – I no longer see Nick, am just sitting in the audience waiting for the movie. It’s dim.

Then someone – reminds me of a shaman or Indian Chief – he seems to be wearing a high hat with mantle on his head, maybe red/black striped, maybe feathers, he has a serious/happy look on his face – he’s a DIGNITARY here, calls me. He’s saying I am a SPECIAL GUEST, come here, into this enclosure, sit with us here.

*(DIGNITARY / CHIEF, with a headdress: This person is a celestial, possibly the GUARDIAN ANGEL of the person that will be released. I have a part in this, he calls me to the SPECIAL AREA for VIP’s.

His headdress calls to mind two things, the red/black stripes would be suffering, the feathers would be freedom. I prayed a day or so ago that the pain I have in my hips – which prevents me from walking much – be given as a grace to Souls in Purgatory. All that I suffer goes to them in the ‘heroic act’ since I was 9 years old, but to remind God/myself apparently invigorates the act.)*

The enclosure is a space in the theater seats which has a low solid fence around it, but 3-4′ tall at the most, it’s square & holds in seats for maybe 15 people.

As I climb in somehow I’m looking down at myself, & this Chief is also looking at me & he approves, as my outfit signifies WHO I AM.

I’m wearing my white leather short jacket, with a foot long fringe around the shoulders {of leather}, a white low cut top, & my favorite white/silver tights/pants. I recall seeing my legs from the knees down, fearing whether my ankles were swollen – but they weren’t. My legs are bare as the pants only cover the knees. The Chief believes, as the outfit symbolizes, I am a CELEBRITY who deserves to be in this VIP section. It is to the wall on the right.

*(THE OUTFIT, WHITE: White & silver is ‘the pure in heart shall see God. The jacket evokes ‘American Indian’ with fringe – they wore lots of fringe. This is ‘good luck’ – A Indians bade good luck. My pants with the silver, white & silver is purity & permanence.

Because I pay special attention to my LEGS is saying ‘this message concerns your legs – the way you donated the grace of the pain thereof.

When we suffer for Souls we PAY SOME OF THE COST OF THEIR SINS – thereby we can get them released. the Guardian Angel appreciates my prayer & invites me into the ‘sanctum sanctorum’ of Purgatory – INTIMACY thereof, spiritual love.)*

Then two things happen. One, a movie unfolds, but strangely, I AM IN IT! I did not expect this. A beautiful young actor materializes in front of me from neck up & I must approach him & we must KISS in an intimate way, & as we kiss, I am influenced to put all my FEELINGS into it, like the movie is being made right now, & I must TRANSMIT something emotional to the actor to make the scene good.

The actor is young, handsome, his eyes are closed, he has the smoothest tawny skin & on his right cheek facing me, is one single mark, like a round pox mark – an old scar – that’s the only flaw on his face. So I do what I’m supposed to do.

(ACTOR: This is the person who, by my prayer & KISS I am GOING TO RELEASE! He is one fault from ascending – depicted as the pox mark. Apparently my kiss is the transmission of this grace to him, which removes that remaining ‘scar’.
His beauty is SPIRITUAL BEAUTY as, if this is Nick, he has been cleansed for five years. The soul’s radiance increases as the remnants of sins & faults are removed – it becomes, in other words, like clear glass by which they can see God, or more accurately, they become God. We are all God in the soul, our souls are always perfect, but our human self is the VEIL which obscures the soul / God from us.)

At the same time, the man to my right – who I don’t know, takes my right hand to hold it. They are so welcome & friendly to me here! For a moment I had to withdraw my hand to do something, then I go put it back & I see his right dungaree pocket open, & I slip my hand into it & notice his penis is under it. I don’t want to be too intimate / offensive so I remove my hand & put it back into his hand.

(MAN I DON’T KNOW GIVES ME HAND: This is a soul I don’t know who apparently is in a similar place with Nick & I am to help him also – in other words, give him a hand. It’s not about sex – he has an ‘open pocket’ or open attitude to receive my spiritual love – & I transmit it to him. This might not be total ascension, maybe some improvement, I’m not sure. But to hold the hand of a soul in Purgatory is a great thing, it could be ascension, it would be great if it was. The only thing is I don’t see a BIG CELEBRATION, party, fireworks, etc., which sometimes happens but not always, when a soul ascends. It varies greatly. Sometimes it’s very simple & quiet like this. I feel elated to assist these Souls!)

College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Uncategorized

TIME ON MY SIDE

TIME ON MY SIDE

12-2-20-He Visits Gloating-Time on My Side

The beginning of the dream is I’m here at the farm, but it is a transformed version of the old farmhouse, a great IMPROVEMENT.

(IMPROVEMENT: This improvement refers to my mental, emotional state. Indeed, my faith has been buoyed up re. my lover & what he’s doing. Yes, there’s a long delay, yes, he’s dilly dallying with another woman/women, but he will eventually come to me.)

I’m extremely PROUD of a room that was dreary. It was in an in-between area, dull, maybe ugly, but I have put a beautiful Persian-type rug covering the entire floor, vanilla colors with dark nice designs, a pretty bed, some furniture, as I walk in I feel proud & happy that I can SHARE THIS ROOM with someone & they will have pleasure out of it. The room might be the ‘no man’s land’ between my bro’s room & Marius room at the old farmhouse – it had no purpose but storage. This has a WINDOW overlooking THE STREET & the view from here will be FEATURED in the SECOND DREAM.

(THE ROOM: This is the ‘no man’s land’ I have been in without my Lover, neither here nor there, like a hallway, between my ‘bro’ who might be the Lover, & Marius’ room – which represents ABSENCE or DIVORCE. This gave me a dreary mental state in the past, but I have CHANGED due to an increase of faith God has given me.)

Several other areas have been improved / transformed as well, both inside & out.

(AREAS TRANSFORMED: In dreams, areas are often areas of your own inner self. To deteriorate is you become anxious, depressed, or your virtues fall down into negativity. But to improve is to improve in virtues, to rise in a positive frame.)

Now comes this guy at the FRONT DOOR, standing, waiting to be let in. He’s big & tall, dressed like a HELL’S ANGEL sort of, black motorcycle jacket which covers a lot of his body, past the hips, has some CHAINS hanging on it. His look is not handsome, it’s CRUDE – I’m not interested in him at all.

He says something like,

“I JUST WANT TO SHOW YOU THAT IN YOUR ABSENCE I WAS NOT ALONE – I WAS WITH OTHER FEMALES.”

(I could care less, I don’t like this guy.)

*(THE HELL’S ANGEL I AM NOT INTERESTED IN: is the Lover Bob – who fails to impress me as a whore master / demon, who just wants to fukk me while showing off a ‘wife’ on social media – {his drug partner who he doesn’t love.}

The CHAINS hanging there are CHAINS TO HELL or the lower, negative world, giving in to his OWN LOWER SELF or the spirit of the demonic.

He’s so arrogant & proud of himself for going his own way that he is BRAGGING about being with other females, at my door – he WANTS ME TO KNOW except, haha, I DON’T CARE!

Me to Mother God: Mother God, is there any significance that he wants to announce, let me know of his doings, or is it just a coincidence to explain this is a revelation?

She: He has been dealing with other women out of his rebellious spirit against God. In his heart / unconscious, he loves you, but he’s too much of a coward still to own up to it & contact you. So he takes the path of least resistance. It’s easy to find girls to fukk – half the ones he knows will ‘suck dick for dope’ – he knows dozens who will comply & all he has to do is talk to them on social media. He’s handsome & sexy & you promoted him, so they look to him as a ‘big deal.’
His COMING TO YOUR DOOR is he CARES WHAT YOU THINK – he wants to smear it in your face, make you jealous, make you aware so you would CHASE HIM, except you won’t. In the hand of God you are safe, you will no longer deteriorate to his level.
The jacket being long, even covering his HIPS is to show his GENITAL ORGANS ARE COVERED BY THE DEMONIC – what he is doing is not of God. The black in this dream also shows ‘absence’ as in ‘absence of love.’)*

There are two FEMALES here besides me, one is Jeena, dressed in black, in real-life a mentally ill model I worked with. The other one is a sort of Anna / Carol A female, tall, big, a naive, sort of innocent but gullible sort.

*(JEENA & ATHENA OR CAROL A: These in ‘sense image’ or symbol are two females I knew, but in reality, they are PARTS OF MYSELF that were affected / injured in the past relationship with Lover.
One of these says I WAS MENTALLY ILL. Yes, I was suffering from PTSD. Every time I fell in love I fell down into PTSD that originally came from my Dad’s desertion–I loved him deeply & the bottom fell out of my life when he abandoned me. Jeena dressed in black in the context of this dream could say ‘black as in the end, a funeral, something depressing, something ends.’

The other part of me was gullible, naive, innocent but foolish, also accurate. A female in love becomes a young girl, not thinking straight, illogical, foolish. I was not in control of myself or what I did, he took advantage of this, he controlled me to my detriment.
Because this dream exhibits these females, but on the other hand, portrays great transformations, says that these damaged, lower parts of myself HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED.
But Bob is right now NOT TRANSFORMED. He’s going through a DEMONIC PHASE.)*

I was dealing with Jeena about a dress, getting it ready for her, like I’m a seamstress. Anna walks in & is standing at the closet in front of me.

*(DRESS, ROBE, I AM A SEAMSTRESS: The dreamer is the God Self, the dress or robe is the consciousness or ‘mantle’ as explained in the Old Testament, prophets had ‘mantles.’ These were MADE OF LIGHT or their GOD POWER. When a prophet was dead or dying, he would leave his mantle to the next one, which means LEAVE HIS ANOINTING or God Power.

Me the seamstress, means me the God Woman, giving a mantle of Light to some part of my lower self – that part ascending into the Light, being FREE as this garment suggests, covered in WINGS. But my naive self still isn’t ready or has not ‘paid’ for this privilege. This says I can give an Anointing to any one of my lower personalities but have apparently not chosen one. Which one will be liberated?)*

The dress in question is diaphanous, chiffon, soft, light yellow, completely covered with ‘wings’ or layers of floating panels, from the top to bottom. I say to Anna,

“OH, SORRY, I GUESS THIS IS YOUR DRESS – I WAS GIVING IT TO JEENA. BUT YOU HAVEN’T PAID FOR IT YET, SO IT ACTUALLY ISN’T YOURS – I CAN GIVE IT TO ANYONE.”
There isn’t any reaction from her.

(DRESS: This is interesting as again I say, it shows the God Self within me is the Power of God acting in me – it isn’t a God far away in outer space, it is right here, right now, within me.)

We were all inside the house on the second floor – the characters mentioned – when suddenly an UNINVITED guest walks in. His excuse? He’s come to WARN ME about a guy who came to his house & offered to do some work. He did some work, then got an advance for more work, but left & never came back. This man is wearing a FUZZY FLANNEL CHECKED SHIRT–big checks, he’s about 50 yrs old – I don’t know him but I guess he’s my neighbor. But then I see his wife who is standing between him & me, she’s nice, soft brown hair framing her face to the shoulders, looks familiar, I speak to her. But indeed I am taken aback by this man’s cheek of coming into my house without being asked in. I think he was just curious what we were doing.

*(UNINVITED NEIGHBOR: There are two male characters in my house, one invited, one not. The invited is Bob as a demon bragging about his ‘conquests,’ the uninvited might also refer to Bob, but he here more STEALTHY, not PROUD OF HIMSELF, reluctantly admitting HE WOULD BE A THIEF if I let him. Has he been a thief? Did he steal my affection, always giving me the sense of coming back but never giving me a relationship? Is that not stealing?

The fuzzy checked flannel shirt is similar to the second dream where he appears ghoulish–this is the lower self but why? Depression of the spiritual, a color of the earth, like soft dirt?

The wife I recognize could be a part of myself – my flesh – I recognize her but not him, which means I never saw him as a thief. Her standing ‘between us’ is my flesh stood between me & having a relationship with him. My flesh was a fool by giving in to him, mentally ill. These selves are pictured in this dream.)*

SECOND DREAM

In the next dreams there’s a lot of ACTIVITY. I am going someplace with people who like me. We’re ‘on the street,’

(ON THE STREET: This is a travel in vision, to see what’s going on with my Lover – street being busy is he’s busy with people.)

we go into what looks like a restaurant, bar, convenience shop run by a family. My ‘friends’ go to a room way to the front, are sitting at tables with each other, maybe partying, females sitting in guy’s laps – they have SHUT THE DOOR.

(SHUT THE DOOR: Lover & friends are behind closed doors but I know what they’re doing – ‘partying’ which means drugs, grass, alcohol, fooling around.)

I believe I’m going to take my music, which I have in a tiny blue cell phone thingy – it’s some type of flamenco/classical – go there, & dance all over the room. I have on a sleek, form-fitting pants outfit with beautiful sleek boots, I’m thin & look good.

*(I WILL GO THERE, DANCE, physical description of my legs & boots, sleek, beautiful, my ability to dance: This is my SPIRITUAL POWER as legs represent mystical ability to go places, like the winged feet of mercury. This shows only my legs with the svelte medium green tights & sleek boots – my ability is strong. They cannot hide from me by shutting the door.

I stop at the counter of the foreign family that owns the store – I search for my music box & tell them I will play music THEY LIKE. {I think they’re Latin} We also talk about FOOD & for some reason they think I need food with salt. They put in front of me a large bag of LAY’S POTATO CHIPS, saying it will be good for me. I tell them no, this is not good, as it’s salty & SALT MAKES FAT – I have to say this twice because they don’t get it the first time, then they do.

*(MY MUSIC I THINK THEY’LL LIKE & ‘SALT IS FAT’: My music is my vibration, my consciousness. These people being FOREIGN I believe are from THE OTHER SIDE which is Heaven. They are either ANGELS OR SAINTS & they are bringing me to this vision. Notice it’s in their domain that my Lover & friends go to the far room & close the door. This restaurant / store is a place of nourishment, celestials are feeding me information.

I plan to show them my consciousness {vibe} & they want to show me Lay’s Potato Chips – maybe I should get laid or have sex. But I protest that ‘salt makes one fat’ – which refers to the flesh getting heavy, morbid, attached, by sex acts. ‘Salty’ talk is gross talk, like cussing – I’m saying these gross physical acts aren’t good for my consciousness, & after a while they get it.)*

I am then in my house, the room mentioned or equivalent thereof, looking onto the St. from the second floor. People are running around, especially ONE GUY CHASING SOMEBODY–He is strangely dressed like in a Halloween costume, all fuzzy light brown from head to toe – even his head is covered, he looks GHOULISH - the feeling is he is a DEGENERATE – & I take out a pendulum, hold it to the window & swing it back & forth. Whoever is looking up does not notice it, so I find a BIGGER PENDULUM, A LARGE WATCH ON A THIN CHAIN about 3″ across, hold it up, let it swing back & forth. I believe it is then noticed. I was making a STATEMENT with this – point is made.

*(THE DEGENERATE CHASING SOMEONE ON THE STREET: Is my lover, Bob. The outfit he’s wearing is similar to the guy who entered my house uninvited, a soft, fuzzy light brown – he looks ghoulish. Instead of being ‘a man’ - – he has lowered himself to being a ‘whore master’ in other words, just chasing pussy, one in particular it seems. There’s no love in it, he is playing the part of the ghoul, the demonic, just lust.
This similar outfit says,
‘He was a ghoul with you, just using you for sex, now he’s doing the same to someone else.’
I know what’s going on but am undaunted. I hold on the watch as a pendulum – saying ‘Time is on my side…..this will pass….he will be mine.’ I point this out to him, he sees it.

Lust does not go far, it passes. It brings no fruit, no permanent peace, joy or security. It’s like a meal you eat & pretty soon you’re hungry again. Only True Love satisfies.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

HIS, HERS & THE TRUTH

HIS, HERS & THE TRUTH

12-1-20-THREE WINDOWS – CLOSING RESTAURANTS

This might be an answer to a prayer yesterday. Lover was BACKSLIDING, fooling around with another girl {possibly hooking up seeking a relationship}instead of contacting me, after some sort of breakup with present ‘wifey.’ I asked God to give me a dream re once again, why & how he would come to me when all was ‘said & done.’ My Higher Self does not take his ‘dilly dally’ with girls seriously, it relies on the REVELATIONS given many times by God re our PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP coming to pass. But how things develop is a subject for query.

*(HIGHER SELF VS FLESH/DAUGHTER: In yesterday’s dream there was an interesting conflict between flesh & God – where the flesh rose up against God & acted like she wanted to dominate – & at that point, I, the God, parted from her. This conflict has been going on for years – what the God Within wants, what the flesh wants. The flesh thinks physically, in a limited manner, short on faith, hope, confidence & all virtues. That is why flesh makes mistakes & pays for them later. My higher self was threatening me – the flesh – many times, She would ‘kill me’ if I continued with this man as it was – I did not listen for a long time, & I paid the price. The price was severe anxiety attacks, total chaos with the gastro-intestinal system, then heart attacks.

In this dream there will also be a sister I share a room with – another part of me, the pragmatic self, smart, but not God. It is the God that must prevail, dominate, make the decisions, no other part of oneself, & when another part takes over, there come the falls.

So in the last dream my Higher Self wins the day, in this dream my daughter/flesh does not even appear, but the pragmatic flesh is here in spirit, I, God, am correcting her.)*

My dreams opened with up numerous closings of restaurants as well as other businesses. All was shutting down like there was some kind of problem with society – like war but not war. I was present at many CLOSINGS, like shutting down doors, windows, I am there looking – it all goes DARK. There are many forgotten details. I was not UPSET, just OBSERVING.

(CLOSING BUSINESSES: Usually we don’t take things in dreams literally, but sometimes they are literally true. And so, this suggests that the closing of businesses will block the way for his ‘wifey’ – who is the main bread winner – to make a living. This being gone, she cannot afford him, both have to make different arrangements, she for someone to help her & the child. He stays with her because it’s most convenient, but if she cannot pay the bills, it isn’t convenient any more, so all bets are off. This answers the query why would be come to me.)

This part of the dream ends & I am at the OLD FARMHOUSE in my bedroom. I am looking through one of the THREE WINDOWS, the one on the right. Below me is the yard, all is GREEN, BEAUTIFUL, fertile. There is the large Oak tree, bushes & shade, & beyond that, nice sunshine in the field.

*(OLD FARMHOUSE, MY ROOM, 3 WINDOWS: The 3 windows suggests an answer to something, ‘his, hers & the truth.’

And so I see that beneath my window, domain is the SOLID PERMANENT OAK TREE – the Oak tree has the deepest TAP ROOT of any tree I know – it’s almost impossible to pull a tiny Oak out of the ground – I have tried. This represents PERMANENCE, A DEEP, PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP.

The SHADE here is PROTECTION. People seek trees for shade, shade protects from sunburn especially {you see the sun yonder but those who come here want the shade}. The sun in the context of this dream would be GETTING BURNED, which means HURT.

The green / fertility of this area is the LIFE / PROSPERITY / ABUNDANCE of ME. Whoever seeks this area, beneath my window, seeks my protection & prosperity. This will answer the query of why Lover comes to me – because he needs these factors.)*

There are some BOY-TEENS here – neighbors – who took it upon themselves to visit my yard to play. It doesn’t bother me, I’m happy they are finding rest / recreation on my property, & notice they stay in the SHADE rather than going into the sun.

The boy I notice most is maybe 16, short & chubby, wearing a white cotton shirt, button down, casual, loose. He has a BALL in front of him & bounces it up & down.

*(BOY-TEENS-WHITE SHIRT-PLAYING BALL: This is the presence of my Lover Bob, seen in this manner. Why this manner, & the playing ball?

Because he is a DEPENDENT on me, I am the Mother-figure, & being CHUBBY means he is WELL FED by me. This is more than food, it’s overall nourishment, could be spiritual, emotional, mental. Why is he SHORT? Being tall is sometimes, as in the last two dreams, wanting to dominate, pride & ego, but being short is being smaller than, submitting oneself, humbled or on bended knee.

The playing ball? It might be ‘playing ball with me’ which means cooperation. I am not there in front of him, but he is in my yard, my shade, under my window, seeking my protection & prosperity – & what is also revealing, is that he is FACING TOWARD MY WINDOW which means facing ME – & this says he’s COOPERATING {finally!} {It has been his failure to cooperate with me or appreciate my efforts that has caused him to stay in the mediocre place he is, dashing his aspirations toward becoming ‘a star’ & losing the spiritual as well as other blessings held out to him by God. He blocked all my effortsto help him, took up with a young lady drug partner. By now I might have got him off drugs & made him to some degree a celebrity, but none of that happened.}

WHITE SHIRT: Is his hope for & acceptance of our union / marriage.)*

I want to open this window more fully. There are three semi-used up, falling apart pieces of wood for propping it up, I have to work to get them aligned properly, hold the window up, two of them one on the other, on the left side, sort of rickety.

(THIS WINDOW: Is ‘his pov or side’ from the ‘his, hers & the truth’ paradigm. I want to see HIS SIDE clearly, but there’s some rickety old wood to depend on for propping up this vision – could be THE PAST bringing confusion & apprehension toward the future. Will he really change?)

Then I go to the MIDDLE WINDOW which opens to the main view of the outside, the clearest vista. My sister shares this room & apparently she has this window CLOSED which upsets me. I open it & am scolding her for not having it so. It’s summer after all, no need for closed windows. I say to my sis,
“WE NEED OXYGEN.”

*(MIDDLE WINDOW: Represents ‘hers’ or my flesh pov. Why did the pragmatic part of me have this closed, for which my God Self scolds me?

CLOSED WINDOW could mean ‘Closed mind’ or my POV is not open enough- not enough OXYGEN would be lack of ENERGY or life to my vision. In other words, I must BELIEVE MORE in his coming to me with a SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION. My skepticism would come from his past performance.)*

Then I go to the LEFT WINDOW which opens on a low roof above the kitchen & the driveway. I thought at first it was closed also, but see it is open & lots of GREEN. There are two layers of windows.

*(LEFT WINDOW on top of the kitchen, driveway mean THE TRUTH. DRIVEWAY means ACCESS or ENTRANCE, the way in, the way he gets instilled into my life permanently, physically as well as other ways. I thought it was CLOSED is my lack of faith or skepticism. But it’s open means filled with life & vitality – I do see green here.

On top of the KITCHEN also is a symbol of hearth, home, food, nourishment. This is where our food was prepared & eaten. This represents the HEART / CENTER, ‘home is where the heart is’ – Both he & I have each other’s hearts.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

LOVER BACKSLIDES

LOVER BACKSLIDES

Dream: 11-30-20-Visit Lover on Street – He’s Unsure

I’m with my small daughter, she’s like 7 yrs old, & the idea is I don’t relish ‘baby sitting’ but I have to do it as there’s no one else, & I have to admit she’s a good child.
(DAUGHTER: My flesh. My flesh is a good child – obedient to to God Self. Seven years old is an innocent soul.)

We’re in Bklyn on Grand St – the street is active, alive, filled with people. We’ve not been out for a long time, we relish the thought of being out among folks.

(THE STREET: Implies INFORMATION WILL BE GIVEN, ‘what is the word on the street?)

*(B’KLYN, GRAND ST: This might announce a CHANGE or SHIFT – as B’klyn was the place of monumental changes; Seeing God Face to Face & then, Divine Stigmata.

Being ‘with people’ might hint at ‘this will be a revelation ABOUT PEOPLE. And Grand St, does that say it’s about their PRIDE? Or is it just a coincidence, as this was the street in existence there at the time {name has been changed to Borinquen.})*

We go to the very end of the street, & there, unexpectedly, on the opposite side is my lover Bob. I was NOT planning to approach him, speak to him, or in any way take the active part in getting us together – not even planning to ask him anything, but I override my decision on that & begin to speak to him.
He says,

“I HAVE BEEN DOING RESEARCH” & “BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

(BEEN DOING RESEARCH: This means ON ME. He’s been trying to find me to no avail as the next sentence explains.)
I say,

“I’VE BEEN SICK.”

(I’VE BEEN SICK: In the context of this dream, this could be saying, ‘I have been sick at heart from our separation.)

He seems to be CRIPPLED as he sits on the sidewalk, cannot walk at all, & I tell him,
(HE’S CRIPPLED: In the context of this dream he has been DISABLED re our relationship or how to keep it going. Sitting, not walking on the sidewalk curb, is like ‘bench warming’ – he could not find me downtown for the last over a year.)

“I NOW WALK WITH A LIMP.”

(LIMP VS CRIPPLED: I am not crippled as far as our relationship, but I have a slight ‘impediment’ or handicap. I can still function within our union – possibly this vision / revelation shows how I can function, I can discover things through spiritual vision.)
Then I say,

“DO YOU WANT ME?”

He sits in front of me rather puzzled & says,
“I DON’T KNOW.”

(I DON’T KNOW: He is CONFUSED as to his true feelings. He doesn’t know what he feels deep in his heart.)

After a while – I say,

“WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?”

At this point he’s standing before me, tall, looking about 16 yrs old, with a white knitted shirt with pointed collar. And I add,

“MAYBE I SHOULD GO DO THAT”

meaning kill myself – I just said this to see his reaction.

(WHAT WOULD HE DO IF I DIED – MAYBE I SHOULD DO THAT? is not really about physical suicide, it’s saying what would you do if I disappeared from your life completely? Maybe I should end it. His appearance as a 16 yr old boy in white, standing above me is his DEPENDENCE, NEED OF A MOTHER – HE WANTS MARRIAGE WITH ME AS I AM THAT TRUE MOTHER. Standing above me might be saying,
“I need you, I am in need of you as my maternal source, & so, I cannot allow you to lead me as you might leave me if you have control. That’s why I must DOMINATE {stand above} you.)

Then a small girl appears to his left, in a type of ‘corner’ on the street above us. Her face is made up to look pretty, she is pretty, & she greets him & they kiss. She’s wearing a light blue chemise to her ankles, like a silky night dress, then she goes away. I take issue with this interruption, I feel he should not have acknowledged her, & I think they kissed on the lips, which bothered me even more. But she does go away & we continue talking.

(GIRL IN BLUE KISSES HIM: His present gf kisses him good bye. How do I know? It seems because she’s in a CORNER on the street, above {like a vision in the air} appears, then disappears – corner is a predicament, like painting yourself into a corner or being ‘cornered’ & she’s also on the street surrounded by cement, which is tomb-like. Her blue chemise might also say ‘parting in such sweet sorrow. And the fact that it looks like a night dress says ‘no more sleeping together.’
This dream then predicts the end of her, but he will take up with a number of girls – which is not necessarily the end of us, just how it might be prior to our reunion.)

Then we are sort of standing in the middle of the street among the crowd & a few young girls, a clique perhaps, engages his attention. He takes one of them by both hands, then turns her around dancing, where she’s in his arms, he behind her – a smooth move.

(HOLDS GIRL IN A SMOOTH MOVE: It looks like he ‘takes up with’ or in a ‘smooth move’ snags or traps a girl into a relationship.)

This for me ‘takes the cake’ – I am offended & decide, with my daughter, to walk away, & do so. We head back to our apt, where I drop off my little daughter & decide to go back to the street.
(TAKES THE CAKE – I AM FED UP WITH HIM: It bothers me that instead of contacting me – chasing me as it were – he takes up with yet another girl. This is either happening now or will happen, as it isn’t the old gf, Ruth, in his arms, it’s a new one.)

As we were returning I asked her opinion,
“DON’T YOU THINK THAT WHEN I WALKED AWAY, IF HE CARED, HE SHOULD HAVE CHASED AFTER ME?”

Daughter is now tall, looks down on me the way he did after I asked him what he would do if I died, her face is serious, eyes intent, but she GIVES NO ANSWER but I think she means yes, but doesn’t want to say it.

(I ASK DAUGHTER, SHE BECOMES TALL LIKE HE WAS: My flesh might be saying, ‘Indeed, he should be chasing you/me but he isn’t & so that means, at this moment, unfortunately, he doesn’t care enough……….Maybe I have to be the aggressive one instead of waiting as we have agreed, waiting this long while, maybe I should do something, which goes against the God Self.”
But my flesh says nothing, which again means my flesh will NOT go against the God Self, it only had a momentary doubt.)

I leave my daughter back at the apt by herself & go back into the street,
(LEAVE DAUGHTER & RETURN TO ST. SOLO: This is a parting of ways, my God Self & flesh, the God Self is of course predominant & is the leader. At the moment my lower self rebelled ever so slightly, I left her behind but went on to the vision of what is. This reality is what Bob is doing with his life, & it isn’t good…… Nevertheless, it is NOT in the dream, but I will add here, that I will STAND BY the promises of God, who has said for eons that our union will occur & it will be permanent, & furthermore, we will be dating by March, 2021 again, & we will be living together by Sept 2022.)

which has mostly emptied but there’s pockets of people here & there. I go to the end, where I see a tall young male wearing a white shirt.

(WHITE SHIRT: in the context of this dream probably means seeing union or marriage in a relationship – that’s what this dream is about, so although white could mean other things, like purity of heart or innocence, always figure ‘context of dream’ as your guide.)

He’s on the OPPOSITE side of the street where Joe & I were. I study his mannerisms because I can’t see his face clearly as he’s a half black away. His motions resemble Bob, moving around a lot a certain way, but his hair is dark black, with thick curls, his face more like Italian, not as handsome as Bob, a crude look. But he’s playing court with a bevy of people, some female, like being the ‘star’ in their circle. Where they are is next to a tall CHAIN LINK FENCE, but there’s a hole in it I think he moves through for one stunt – this is vague. He just moves around a lot.

*(NOT BOB, A DIFFERENT GUY, MORE LIKE ITALIAN, CRUDE, NOT AS HANDSOME, HOLDING COURT, NEAR A CHAIN LINK FENCE, OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ST. TO WHERE WE WERE, HOLE IN THE FENCE HE GETS THROUGH FOR A STUNT:

This IS Bob – he’s CHANGED from the grieving lover to a lower level {crude} his soul NOT BEAUTIFUL AS IT WAS – No longer listening to his HEART or Higher Self – wanting me. He has gone THE OPPOSITE WAY {in attitude} to where he forgets me, pursues others. He was ‘hemmed in’ before {the chain link fence} as a ‘prisoner of love’ but he FOUND A HOLE {LOOPHOLE} where he can ESCAPE FROM HIS PAIN & that is by holding court, having fun with his friends, male & female, or carrying on as a ‘free man’.

Obviously this change will disappoint me. I know he has to go through suffering & make the right choice – God & me, but he has found a loophole against this & is giving in to the lower self, the flesh, which cannot bring him permanent happiness. It’s like ‘the prodigal son’ who left home with his inheritance as he thought it would make him happy, but it did not, this is giving into the lower self which will always crash.)*

As I gaze at him, an ancient man, like 80 years old, face & nose wrinkled, comes up to me & starts chatting. He notices the guy I’ve been watching & says something about him. I ask him the guy’s name – he says something like ‘Ions Bong’. I say,

“OH, THAT’S NOT THE MAN I LIKE.”

(NOT THE MAN: I don’t like his attitude.)

Old man says,

“HE’S BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE, NOW HE’S BACK, HE’S POPULAR.”
(BEEN GONE: Apparently absent mentally from his ‘friends’ but now returned to ‘the scene of the slime.’ Most of his friends are lowlife drug addicts, losers & petty criminals.)
But the old guy bugs me. I YELL,

“STOP STALKING ME. GET OUT OF HERE!”

The point is, the old man is attracted to me, wants me for himself, is jealous, & he’s INTERFERING with my life & privacy. So I MUST just get rid of him.

*(OLD MAN STALKING ME, EXPLAINING THIS ‘NEW GUY’ WHO IS NOT REALLY NEW BUT THE OLD MAN INTERFERES & BUGS ME – I GET RID OF HIM:

I suspect this is my good ole’ friend Bugsy. Have been taking him out on my errands & having dinner with him the last two months. I was once mad at him for saying Bob didn’t love me. His appearance in this dream is twofold: Somehow he’s part of the vision of Bob’s new, diminished attitude. This is because he agrees with it – that Bob doesn’t love me – Bugsy is in love with me, wants me for himself & this says he’s stalking me, interfering with my life & privacy. He might be a thorn in my side, why he’s used here, because he’s against my relationship with Bob, & so, in a sense, he’s against ME.

Yesterday he refused to go out with me – not for any bad reason, just being tired possibly – but this says for me to remove him from my life. I will not invite him any more to go places with me. The dream shows my inner feeling toward him, that he doesn’t ENHANCE my life, he’s an IRRITANT.)*

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