College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Shrine to Shakti, Uncategorized

DREAMS – LOVE & IDENTITY

 DREAMS EXPLAIN MY LOVER WILL RETURN TO ME SOON & SECOND,

I AM A WOMAN OF GOD,

MY WORLDLY ACCOMPLISHMENTS LIKE BEAUTY CONTESTS ARE NOT

IMPORTANT TO PROMOTE

– STICK TO MY IDENTITY, PROMOTE THE GOD SELF 

 

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SIGNIFICANT DREAMS explain two things. One my Lover still loves me & will enter my life in future, & two, my identity for promotion is not my shallow earthly accomplishments, but my ascending to the Throne of God.

10-22-20-Suicide & renewal

At first I thought this was about my friend Mary J, but it wasn’t. To my surprise, it was me!

I’m with friends out in the great outdoors, big scenery all around, mountains, woods, beautiful. Then we look into the sky & we see vultures or scavenger birds circling around. We see it as an omen someone might be dying. As we keep looking, then thse birds are right on the ground & we all say,

“This is not going to be – it is!”

 

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*(MARY JANE, OMEN/VULTURES: This is about my own death at the time of the heart attacks, the stress of what my Lover had been doing to me.)*

And we run to the spot to see who died. It’s Mary J! She has committed suicide I think, & two huge vultures, dark ones, are tearing into her. She’s wearing a light blue draped dress, her hair is between light brown & blonde, slightly frizzy, to the neck, seems a bit sparse like an older person’s.

*(SUICIDE: When you choose to love someone so much you die of a broken heart it might be called suicide, as you can stop loving a person to save yourself, but if you keep loving no matter what the pain, you ‘die of a broken heart.’)*

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Then a dark bird like a crow, sees us, & wants to take her body away because it doesn’t want interference, & this crow is strong enough to pick up her entire body, & as it does it takes her away to a deep stream & dips her in {I don’t know why.} Not sure what happens after that.

*(CROW TAKES HER AWAY, DIPS HER IN STREAM: Crow could be prophecy. Mother God, I need help.

She: The crow might be saying this had to happen in order for her to be cleansed of her obsessive love. Dipping in the stream is ‘stream of life,’ so the crow is saying ‘She has to get back to her God intimacy again. This death will do it.’)*

Next scene: Is a whole ‘nother ballgame. There is Mary Jane, alive, & there’s something to do with love & romance. She loves a certain guy but he’s nowhere to be seen, & I see her taking up with another fellow who is pictured as ‘The Hulk’ although he isn’t as bulky as him, but he’s real tall & dressed in black clothes.

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They are off by the side of the wall in this public place like a sprawling restaurant. They are left, back, against the wall, {facing it} & it’s her & Hulk & another guy – I can hardly see her because the other two are in front of her. There isn’t anything going on romantically.

*(HULK: There is no one in my life resembling this person but it might be my new webman Spencer, who’s tall – I’ve seen him wear black.)*

Then to the right comes a sight to behold: The man she loves, who she’s been waiting to come to her forever, he got wind of her & Hulk, he could not take it any more, {jealous, worried about losing her} he’s arrived, he’s entered the door with a couple male friends. He’s as tall as the Hulk, not as broad or bulky, thin, handsome, wearing a dark burgundy polo shirt, quite pleasing, {it’s stylish, the collar is up, I imagine the white polo emblem somewhere} & he’s surprised all of us. She hasn’t seen him.

 

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*(LOVER WALKS IN AFTER HULK: Might be a prediction that after you get going with Spencer, Lover will think it’s romantic & step up his game. His

BURGUNDY POLO SHIRT: Shows long-time suffering re you & that he wants to get back in ‘the game.’ The horse symbol is his penis–’horse cock’–& he wants to ‘play’ or have sex with me.)*

What worries me about her is as she stood there with Hulk she even had her leg doing the trick she often does – putting her leg {the left one} to point to the ceiling. Why she did this I don’t know, except that it’s to amaze or impress people. However, doing this might antagonize the true lover, make him think more was happening than was.

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*(LEG UP–HE SUSPECTS MORE THAN WHAT’S GOING ON: This is I have a ‘leg up’ on Spencer or having my way with him, not romantically, but getting along, working. But Lover doesn’t know what’s going on & has fear. This shows he loves me still.)*
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EARLIER DREAMS:

I was somewhere with a ‘ditsy’ Marilyn Monroe type girl, she’s short, brown hair, slightly bulky but curvy. She got hold of my suitcase somehow & out of it she took my bikini where I won ‘Ms Body Beautiful,’ she’s put it on, she looks curvy & terrific!
But the fact she had the cheek to take my things & use them! She’s trying to be popular but this is shallow stuff.

*(MARILYN MONROE: This is me in my flesh, trying to be a ‘somebody’ by referring to my past exploits in the shallow sense, like winning beauty contests. Lately I’ve been meditating what to do with my life, whether to promote myself as the Kellie Everts person who did this or that, but this is steering me away from that, saying it’s shallow, this is not who I am, I used the glamour to do God’s work, I was pushing my mission moreso than remaining fixed & focused on the shallow, transient things.)*

 

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Then I’m in a busy, crowded place where many gather, like a huge restaurant, & people are being evaluated like it’s a big thing about choosing people for movies. I’m sitting with friends against a wall looking outward, thinking what is my future?

When suddenly, of all people, my sister walks in. She is not expected here, she doesn’t ‘fit in’ but she has come to plead my case. She’s wearing a strange wig, streaked brown, it comes past her forehead so you can see some of her own hair. She looks slightly disheveled like she’s been through a lot.

*(SISTER: The logical, pragmatic part of me shows me the light. Appears to bring me back to the logical truth: I used my career for God, my career of being the glamour doll & body builder is not who I was/am, I am a woman of God before all else.)*

 

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She has two things in her hands to show us. First, she takes out a bottle of the finest expensive perfume, such a large bottle it’s maybe a liter, like Chanel#5. She holds it to us to show that this is MINE like a quality or something belonging to me. She holds it a while describing how wonderful it is & valuable, she smiles as she speaks with love.

Next she finds the red alligator purse, a large purse that seemed to be STOLEN from me perhaps by the Marilyn lady – it’s about 2′ across, 1.5′ tall, 4-5″ deep, of the most expensive alligator skin in a rich medium shiny red. She presents this to us & explains this also belongs to me, & her words I cannot recall but she said it was the most valuable possessions & she spoke with love. This RELIEVED the pain I had been having at being robbed of this purse, I was crying about it saying how all my most valuable things were in it including keys to all my stuff, but where was it? So sis appearing like this justifying me makes it a wonderful revelation.

*(REVELATION: the

PERFUME is the ODOR OF SANCTITY, the highest kind & it is great. This is the REAL ME.

The PURSE is the spiritual value of e, it is GREAT. This is who I am, the key is my spirituality, all else follows. Focus on that, this justifies me, explains me, not the trivial stuff of this world.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

BIG GORILLA COMES CALLING

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BIG GORILLA COMES CALLING 

Sits on my porch

 

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          Have never had a dream like this! I’m at my porch at the house when here comes up from the lane a big gorilla. He walks like a man & has a small waist, other than that, he looks just like the ‘silverbacks’ – huge head, shoulders, arms & legs – I don’t see his back but they call mature males ‘silverbacks’ because the hair on their backs turns silver.

 

          *(GORILLA: Is the lover Jim. This is his ‘lower self’ or instinctive, primitive part. This is his acting on BASIC INSTINCTS, & having FEAR like a wild animal. This might be saying that his behavior has been that of an animal trying to survive, you have to be careful with him because when his fear is aroused he reacts violently. You are trying to acclimate him slowly, get him used to being near you, not to provoke his fear.)*

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          The gorilla strides in purposefully – He reminds me of Shabani, a famous one in Japan who is loved by the ladies because he looks & acts so human.

 

          He walks right up to my porch & parks himself on a railing, which is solid, painted white, it has this decoration that is just like what I have around my doors inside my house, which I had my carpenter fix – they look like Grecian columns on the top, under the cornice. The top of this ‘railing’ or fence is quite wide, plenty of room for a seat – might be two feet wide.

 

          *(PLACE WHERE HE SITS: There are several signs here which say ‘marriage,’ & ‘permanence.’

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          The fact that he arrives – comes to me & ‘purposefully’ says he wants to be with me. The porch, especially the fence where he sits, is white, which says marriage.

 

          The decoration under the top {where he sits} is like that underneath a Grecian column – this would put him as a fixture on top of a column. A column is a SUPPORTING PILLAR so this could be saying he’s a strong fixture here – with me. It seems like it’s only a porch, but there is a reference to this design being INSIDE my house by two of my doors. And so this hearkens to ‘I want to be inside with you, in your house, in a relationship.’)*

 

          What I have to master here is my FEAR. I’ll call him Shabani. I have to be totally RELAXED & not AFRAID. My immediate human reaction is fear, just as I once felt with the bears, but when I habituated the bears, they got over their fear of me & I got over mine.

 

          *(FEAR: What is my fear? It’s of HIM HURTING ME. This says tread slowly, carefully not to FRIGHTEN HIM as he reacts from a primitive instinct of violence. {This is not acted out literally – he does not, in real life, hit anyone or do anything physically violent, but he acts out to me in a REVENGEFUL manner when I did things to make him jealous.} This explains the motive of his brutal actions toward me, the cold heartedness—apparently it is fear based.)*

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          I put great effort into totally relaxing & not being afraid, as that is the KEY to what? To having him here & him NOT HURTING ME while I host his presence. I did try to touch him a couple times – I have to be careful how I do that, one step at a time, slowly, because he might react in a bad way if he’s frightened. When I touched him I felt his nails/claws, don’t want those claws mauling me.

 

          So as we sit here my associates, as they come up, will misunderstand the situation & be eager to kill him because they think he’s dangerous. I particularly see my sister coming up & she’s holding like a basket & in it is a young female, like her child, but a fully-formed human but she’s small enough to be carried like an infant, & I also think she has a gun, which she might instantly point at Shabani & kill him – as she thinks I’m in danger.

 

          I gently but quickly caution her not to shoot him, I am alright with him, he won’t hurt me, I’m acclimating him to be near me. And we are near, close enough, arm’s length – to touch each other. He doesn’t do anything, just sits there like he belongs here.

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          *(SISTER: My pragmatic self. She looks at Lover Jim & his behavior & wants to INSTANTLY END THE RELATIONSHIP – so do my other associates or personalities. They do not want him to hurt or kill me – as a gorilla could do. His appearance as a gorilla also explains his POWER OVER ME IN THE PAST – he had the ability to kill me because I loved him so much & he was cruel, cold & uncaring when he wanted to be. This is a recipe for great harm—people die of broken hearts. And so, all the logical, pragmatic parts of me are thinking of removing him from my life.

 

          But my God Self, the dreamer, has another solution. She has discerned what his behavior is based on – instinctive fear like a wild animal. What does he fear? The same thing I fear – being hurt. He fears my leaving him, not loving him, not caring. When I did stunts to make him jealous this exacerbated his fear & he LASHED OUT from the primitive self, he did not reason it out & do things he should have done, he was like the guy who injures his female when he suspects her of wrong doing. Of course he did this psychologically, not physically.

 

          This dream solves a problem, explains his cruelty. No matter what his behavior, I must not be afraid of him hurting me. I can handle this truth now, as I am no longer in ‘crazy love’ or ‘obsessive’ about him, I am relaxed & becoming more so. Two people cannot both be uptight, anxious & afraid in the relationship – one must be in control, & that one must be me. He is the wild animal, I am the God.

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The dream does portray that he loves me, wants to be with me permanently. Being a ‘silverback’ also bodes the ‘forever’ silver wedding anniversary.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

ENOUGH REVENGE?

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HES DRAGGING A CART

 

A man I loved has some heavy baggage.  8-7-20

 

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Interpreted for a friend

 

        There is some sort of date / meeting with my ex-best friend, lawyer Jim. He seems to be well off, in a good social place as we meet – a good catch for marriage.

 

        His Mom is a part of this. I’m talking to her confidentially off to the side, as she sits on a fence of sorts. She feels shaky about the meeting, but I assure her,

 

        “We have to meet to settle this – even if we break up we must meet.”–{Words approx.}

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        She’s thin, dressed in a yellowy with charcoal grey dress like from the old days style, seems WORN OUT– Like people you see in the depression, young parents thin & wrinkled from overwork & poverty. Her hair is medium long, mousy brown/grey.

 

        *(MOTHER: This is his God-self or higher self, his conscience. All his resources have been drained due to his own actions. He’s in a state of neediness & indecision like ‘what do I do next? {re Jane—do I see her or ignore her?}’)*

 

        It’s as if even his God-self is querulous whether we should meet – in real life She would want more than anything for us to get together because it’s the only way he can heal – but this shows his UNREADINESS, UNCERTAINTY, – being ‘on the fence.’)*

 

        Jim is wearing the tweed jacket like the one I had him wear – a sign of affluence.

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        *(LOOKING AFFLUENT, A GOOD CATCH FOR MARRIAGE: This is only his FRONT, we shall see that inside, where people cannot detect, is another story. He is not affluent with joy, he is poor in spirit, an exhausted, drained person who drags a load of baggage behind him, in a pitiful, humiliating condition since or breakup.

 

TWEED JACKET: Symbol of how I dressed him up when I was promoting him, he looked like real class, a GQ gentleman.)*

 

        But now I see him AFTER HOURS in his real condition – the face he showed in the day was a front. In other words, when I was pursuing him, loving him, he appeared as a GREAT SUCCESS—now he’s this.

 

He is dragging a cart like the one I have {that I have DISCARDED} but 2.5 times as big, made of criss cross metal, beige, full of unknown things. It’s HEAVY & he must drag it – I thought he had a HIGH PAYING JOB but his real work is dragging this cart each night laboriously, & it pays little. This job of his is HUMILIATING, not a lawyer but a cart-dragging grunt job. There are ropes around him to drag it. He is PITIFUL.

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        *(CART, HEAVY, DRAGGING, PITIFUL, HUMILIATING:   This is Big Lover’s condition WITHOUT YOU.

 

        The things in his cart don’t look heavy – they’re similar to the see-through boxes you were putting into your hair – they are physically light but this is saying the BURDEN is PSYCHOLOGICAL & IT’S DREARY.

 

        He is burdened by the fact HE HAS LOST YOU. This is shown in the criss cross pattern of the cart – crossing out your liaison, this he is DRAGGING the way Marley {in Scrooge} dragged his CHAINS in the next life – the burdens HE HIMSELF CREATED IN LIFE by his sins.

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        Apparently Lover knows he did wrong in the way he treated you – you brought him all good – he chose the way of the devil; evil, sin & drugs & this is WEIGHING ON HIS CONSCIENCE, HE’S FEELING GUILT & REMORSE. That is his BAGGAGE, the heavy load one carries not physically but psychological, spiritual heaviness. One cannot enter heaven, or one cannot FLY with their soul into Heaven by the weight of their sins. {In the Egyptian Book of the Dead the soul is on a scale, on the other side of which is a feather. If it weighs more than the feather it cannot enter Heaven.}

 

YOU DISCARDED YOUR CART similar to this. This says you gave up the attachment, obsession re your relationship with Lover – his cart or baggage is 2.5 times as big, so much for his saying you were the bad guy chasing him all over town while he was trying to stay away from you.

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COLOR, BEIGE, SORT OF GOLDENY: The cart tells many details, one being in its color. This gives up that he still loves you, is in love, that’s why it’s so heavy, humiliating, & pays little. He’s getting little profit of love from you—‘being paid little for a lot of humiliating work.’

 

Before, he was a LAWYER, a CLASS ACT when you were together, when you held him in high esteem, he received a lot of PROFIT from you loving him – you held him up before all his friends, the world, with your projects concerning him. Part of the respect was WHO YOU ARE – A celebrity among nobodies. He felt like a big deal – his friends also thought he was. Now no one gives him any accolades, except the drug users & losers on Face Book, losers like himself, all holding each other up, praising one another for doing their insignificant music – music which will never go anywhere, but they’re all in the same boat, all trying but getting nowhere, never will get anywhere, all deluded, all giving one another ‘likes’ & saying how HOT the work is, all HUMORING ONE ANOTHER.

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Not so when you worked for him, praised him, actually had him on the way to stardom—he negated all you did for him, accused you of ‘exploiting’ him—thwarted your plans, your love, your hopes & dreams. Opted for a DRUG ENABLER, thought he’d take revenge on you refusing him sex – not speaking to you for a long while, thinking he didn’t need you, he’d be a star through his music—{no such possibility, never will be.}

 

Now years have gone by. He’s done nothing but drug himself & churn out the same music with his homo ‘producer’. He’s been doing this same deal for eleven years & not got anywhere; you’d think he’d learn? He’s still expecting the big time – magical thinking – that by some miracle Sony will see his songs, contact him, a lucrative contract, fame & fortune. He doesn’t have the slightest idea how show biz works or how to make it, the years are ticking by, since he rejected me has been 5 years – he’s gotten not one inch further, never will, he’s had his revenge, has it been sweet? This is the BAGGAGE he’s dragging, with the ROPES on him; he’s ATTACHED to this burden, this pain, this LOST OPPORTUNITY.)*    

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        As for me I am preparing my hair. It’s too flat on top, I am adding some sort of like see-through boxes filled with hair clips, like what I have where I keep this stuff, three such boxes, but my friends say this is wrong. Then I try some sort of pale yellow puffy material with white puffs, to add to the top of my hair to build it up – that isn’t right either.

 

        *(PUFFING UP MY HAIR ARTIFICIALLY: These are things similar to the baggage Lover is dragging. I’m asking if I did wrong by stopping our meetings – should I feel guilty? The answer is no, you did the right thing, don’t add this to your mind.)*   

 

        Earlier in the week had dreams of frustration, not being able to find where I put my white Caddy & not being able to get on the right road. I wanted to reach the city, there was a specific thing I had to do there, but when I set off I ended up on a road way into the country.

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        *(FRUSTRATION DREAMS: These are the lack of getting together with Big Lover, whatever way he’s portrayed, to start our relationship / marriage.)*

 

        Earlier there was also a dream about Lover as Pablo, a lowlife Cretan—he wanted us to get together & enter this POND which looks beautiful at first, like a paradise, but then turns into a black whirlpool.

 

        *(PARADISE INTO BLACK WHIRLPOOL: This is when Lover uses me like a whore—he wants to do this again. The sex seems like paradise, but his ignoring me until the next time is Hell. He treats his drug enabler like the real wife, me like I’m nothing.)*

17523309_805542242937646_6530649952823490825_n 17553570_1135991353196542_2969979490779237495_n 17757107_656146707907766_6215564660406034183_n 17795757_1244463515652703_4072923588760847539_n 

        OPEN LETTER TO MY LOVER BOY:

 

        So you see I am spying on you. I can read your mind, I know how you feel. You can’t hide from me, you are vulnerable.

        One question looms—have you had enough revenge? You wanted to hurt me for everything – every little thing I did to make you jealous instead of changing your ways & being right, you decided to hurt me twice as bad. You succeeded – then – it doesn’t hurt any more.

        It doesn’t hurt because I grew spiritually, I overcame my desperation for you, I lifted myself out of it by the grace of God. But you didn’t. You are still hurting, & hurting badly. You are feeling remorse, regret, grief at what you lost. You thought you wouldn’t lose anything when you pushed me out, but you lost the entire good God sent to you.

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        What did you hope to gain? Applause from a bunch of homies – all losers, many druggies, none of them is a success or a high roller, they are small potatoes in a small town – where I found you & hoped to elevate you to the top note.

 

        You had delusions that with this homo producer you’d become a star. Are you one inch closer? Who’s listening? And I might add, I’m listening. Your songs have deteriorated. They no longer have meaning & emotion. When you were with me you hit the high notes, now your songs have sunk into what? Not sure how to explain. A dreary nothingness. The life has gone out of you & so your songs.

 

        Have you had enough revenge? I ask again. It isn’t hurting me any more. You praised your drug enabler, made her your wife. You put her out there as your one & only, me as a nothing – no praise, no thanks, nothing for me.

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        Your revenge is on you. What you did to hurt me hurts you. I am over it, I have moved on. Getting back my energy, my stardom, my self respect – so many things you drained me of, you & your demons.

 

        Do I hate you? Not at all. I pity you & you are forgiven as if you did nothing wrong. I will still help you but you have to come to me, ask for help. You have to get off the drugs, but you cannot do it with the enabler, she’s as bad as you – your parents are in the same boat.

 

        Do I need you in my life, like I did before? No, but you need me. Where will you get without me? Who will help you? There is no one near you or around you who can help in any way – they all need help, it’s the blind with the blind. You’re lost, they’re if not lost, just regular ordinary folk with nothing on their resume. They will not be in history books, they will be forgotten—the same fate calls you if you stay where you are.

 

!!!9@111!!

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

BEAT DEPRESSION

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BEATING DEPRESSION

 

—written for a friend

 

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1                  FIND A PROFESSIONAL PERSON TO SPEAK TO IN TERMS OF TALK THERAPY – IF THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, TRY AN AMATEUR WHO IS SYMPATHETIC, KIND, TO TALK TO EACH DAY FOR 15 MINUTES, SPEAKING WHATEVER IS ON HER MIND…………………………….

 

2           A    FRIEND OF MINE WHO HAD NEGLECT FROM HER MOM SUFFERED FROM ‘ATTACHMENT DISORDER.’  SHE PAID A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN TO HOLD HER A HALF HOUR AT A TIME TWICE A WEEK.  SHE SAYS IT HELPED TREMENDOUSLY.  SHE NEEDED LOVE, ATTENTION, TO MAKE UP FOR THE TRAUMA OF HER MOM’S NEGLECT.

 

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3        A ‘DEAR DIARY’  THERAPEUTIC WRITING SCENE WHERE SHE PUTS DOWN WHATEVER SHE’S THINKING / FEELING EACH DAY AS WELL AS A JOURNAL OF MEMORIES, GOOD & BAD – WHATEVER COMES TO MIND.  THIS IS IMPORTANT. IT UNCOVERS HIDDEN TRAUMAS EVENTUALLY, WOUNDS OF THE PAST.

 

 

4     BEHIND YOUR HOUSE ARE TREES, MAYBE WOODS.  LET HER WALK & SIT THERE EACH DAY DOING WHAT THEY CALL ‘FOREST BATHING.’  NATURE IS A HEALER.

 

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5      MASSAGE:  NOT JUST A RUBDOWN BUT A DEEP MASSAGE FROM HEAD TO TOE.  THIS HAS MULTIPLE HEALING POINTS.  ONE IS BOOSTS CIRCULATION.  SECOND IT MOVES THE LYMPH GLANDS, WHICH ARE THE ‘SEWER SYSTEM’ OR CLEANSER OF THE BODY.  THIRD, IT BOTH RELAXES & STIMULATES THE BODY.   AND FOURTH, IT TRANSMITS ENERGY FROM THE GIVER TO THE CLIENT; IT TAKES AWAY FATIGUE & HOPEFULLY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS……IF YOU CANNOT FIND ANOTHER PERSON FOR THIS, WORK ON IT YOURSELF. I LEARNED TO MASSAGE EXPERTLY BY WORKING ON MY OWN BODY…….MASSAGE DEEPLY EVERY PART OF THE BODY YOU CAN REACH, FROM THE HEAD TO THE TOES. TAKE AS LONG AS YOU WISH, THE LONGER THE BETTER. DO A GOOD JOB ON THE FEET, THEY ARE AS IMPORTANT AS ANY PART OF THE BODY.

 

 

6         ‘SKETCH THERAPY’  – HAVE HER DO SIMPLE SKETCHES OF WHATEVER SHE FEELS LIKE EACH DAY, NOTHING FANCY, JUST WHATEVER COMES TO MIND.  SOME OF THE CONTENTS OF HER UNCONSCIOUS WILL SURFACE & YOU MIGHT GET HINTS OF WHAT IS INSIDE THAT TROUBLE HER.

 

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7                   POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS:  THESE ARE LIKE PRAYERS OR SELF HYPNOSIS, IT PROGRAMS THE MIND.  WRITE OUT SERIES OF POSITIVE STATEMENTS & REPEAT THESE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.  THE EMOTIONS & BODY FOLLOW THE MIND,  ‘AS A MAN THINKETH, SO IS HE.’

 

 

    WHAT WE THINK AFFECTS THE EMOTIONS, WHAT WE FEEL AFFECTS THE BODY.  THINKING NEGATIVE MAKES PEOPLE ILL – POSITIVE THOUGHTS MAKE THEM WELL.  EXAMPLE, MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSERS ATTACK THE VICTIM WITH NEGATIVITY, THE VICTIM BEGINS INTERNALIZING THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, SOMETIMES RESULTING IN ‘SELF HATE.’  SELF HATE IS THE WORST CONDITION TO HAVE, WHEN ONE HAS ‘THE DEMON OF SELF HATE’ THEY DON’T NEED ANY OTHER – THEY DESTROY THEMSELVES. {THE ABUSERS WANT TO DESTROY THE TARGET.}

 

    SELF HATE MAKES A PERSON SABOTAGE ALL THEIR GOOD FORTUNE, THEIR RELATIONSHIPS & THEIR OPPORTUNITIES.  IT MEANS A PERSON DOESN’T LOVE THEMSELVES.  YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF IN ORDER TO SUCCEED, TO BE HAPPY, TO PROSPER.  THE OPPOSITE BODES DISASTER ON ALL LEVELS.

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    REMEMBER THAT WHEN A PERSON IS ABUSED EARLY IN LIFE, IT IS NOT JUST WORDS – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.  HOW THEY ARE TREATED IS A FORM OF ABUSE.  BEING IGNORED, DISREGARDED, NEGLECTED ARE FORMS OF ABUSE OR LACK OF LOVE, THEY MAKE A PERSON FEEL WORTHLESS, WITHOUT VALUE.  PEOPLE NEED AFFIRMATION FROM OTHERS, ESPECIALLY THOSE CLOSEST TO THEM EARLY IN LIFE.

 

 

8      HYPNO-THERAPY OR HYPNOSIS:   ONE MUST FIND A PERSON THAT UNDERSTANDS MANY THINGS – A BAD HYPNOTHERAPIST WILL NOT HELP.  THERE AREN’T MANY AROUND.  I AM A HYPNOTHERAPIST WHO HAS HELPED MANY, I’M VERY GOOD WITH DEPRESSION.  YOU HAVE TO DISCOVER WHAT IS TROUBLING THE PERSON & GIVE ALL THE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS, SUGGESTIONS, TO THEM, WHILE THEY ARE UNDER. 

 

      YOU REVIEW THEIR EXPERIENCES & ASSIST THEM TO SEE THE PAST IN A POSITIVE LIGHT.  THIS IS CALLED ‘REFRAMING.’  I HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN SUCCESS WITH THIS, THE PEOPLE TELL ME THEY ‘WALK ON AIR’ WHEN WE ARE DONE.  

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        YOU HELP PEOPLE HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE BY BOOSTING THEIR FAITH, HOPE & CONFIDENCE.  HELP THEM SEE LIFE IS WORTH LIVING, THE PAST WAS MEANT TO BE, GOOD CAME OUT OF IT, WHAT WAS BAD IS FORGIVEN & THEN BECOMES IRRELEVANT.  HOWEVER, ONE OF THE KEY POINTS OF THESE THERAPIES IS ONE MUST UNCOVER WHAT IS FESTERING INSIDE, WHAT IS HIDDEN THAT HURTS, – THE WOUNDS THAT HAVE NEVER HEALED, THE PAINS THAT CAUSED RIGHTEOUS ANGER, AN ANGER WHICH HAS TURNED TO SORROW & DEPRESSION, NOT WANTING TO LIVE ANY MORE.   

9        NATURAL HERBS        ST. JOHN’S WORT, ASHWAGANDHA & L-TYROSENE {LOTS IN TURKEY MEAT} ARE THREE I HAVE ON HAND.  YOU WON’T FEEL MUCH IF ANYTHING UNLESS YOU TAKE AT LEAST 3 PILLS OF THE STRONGEST - 300 MG OF ST. JOHN’S, 5 PREFERABLY.  IF UNDER SUPER STRESS YOU CAN TAKE 10-15 OR EVEN MORE PILLS, IT WILL NOT HURT YOU.  I WAS TAKING 15 ST. JOHN’S PRIOR TO EACH LAZER BEAM EYE SURGERY, MY FACE WAS FLUSHED WAS THE ONLY SYMPTOM – IT OBVIOUSLY INCREASED CIRCULATION TO MY HEAD. 

 THERE ARE MANY STRESS REDUCING HERBS, CHECK SWANSON CATALOGS:   800–437–4148 — BOX 2803  FARGO, ND  58108-2803  – THIS IS THE CO I USE TO GET ALL MY VITAMINS & SUCH, THEY ARE THE CHEAPEST FOR QUALITY MATERIAL

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

    POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS TO BE REPEATED OVER & OVER:

 

    LIFE IS WORTH LIVING, MY LIFE IS VALUABLE

 

    I AM VALUABLE, I HAVE A PURPOSE, I WILL REACH MY GOALS

 

    THERE IS MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO

 

    MY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

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    I AM JOYFUL & HAPPY BECAUSE GOD LOVES ME

 

    GOD CREATED ME TO BE HAPPY

 

    GOD WANTS ME TO ENJOY MY LIFE

 

    GOD WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY ON EARTH AS WELL AS IN HEAVEN

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    THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO BE GLUM, BLUE OR UNHAPPY, LIFE IS GOOD

 

    LIFE IS HERE TO BE LIVED, NOT DENIED

 

    THERE ARE GOOD THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO

 

    I WILL RECEIVE ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE

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    WONDERFUL THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO ME

 

    I CAN NEVER FAIL, LIFE IS CONTINUOUS LEARNING, GOOD OR BAD

 

    ALL THINGS TURN OUT FOR GOOD

 

    I HAVE FAITH & HOPE IN GOOD

 

    EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS

 

    LOVE IS COMING MY WAY

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    I AM ENGULFED IN LOVE, TRUTH & BLISS

 

MIRACLES ARE COMING MY WAY, I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE THEM

 

GOD IS A GOD OF MIRACLES, SHE CREATES THEM EVERY SECOND – LOOK AT THE UNIVERSE. SHE HAS MIRACLES IN STORE FOR ME, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE.

 

GOD CREATED ME FOR HAPPINESS. NO FORCE IN THE WORLD CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, IF I RESIST THE EVIL.

 

I TURN A DEAF EAR TO ALL EVIL SAID ABOUT ME.

 

I TURN A BLIND EYE TO THOSE WHO HATE ME, I FIND THEM IRRELEVANT.

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MY ABUSERS WERE WRONG, I SHUN THEM, WALK AWAY FROM THEM, I DO NOT AFFIRM THEM, HOLD THEM UP TO ESTEEM OR HONOR. I SEE THEM AS THEY ARE & REMOVE THEM FROM MY MIND.

 

I DO NOT DWELL ON THE NEGATIVE, ON WORRIES OR FEARS. I TRUST IN THE LORD TO TAKE CARE OF ALL MY NEEDS.

 

GOD IS A LOVING GOD WHO HEARS EACH PRAYER. I ASK GOD TO PROTECT ME, WATCH OVER ME & TAKE ME TO MY GREATEST GOOD……

 

MORE THERAPIES:

10     HAVE THE CARE GIVER READ TO THE CLIENT FROM SPIRITUAL BOOKS, ESPECIALLY ON THE VIRTUES OF FAITH, HOPE, & CONFIDENCE.

11     READ TO THE CLIENT FROM LIVES OF THE SAINTS – HOW THEY OVERCAME GREAT OBSTACLES, THEIR VICTORIES, THEIR VIRTUES, HOW THEY PREVAILED IN TRIALS.  TRY ST TERESA OF AVILA, ST CATHERINE THE GREAT, ST FAUSTINA, ST PADRE PIO, ST FRANCIS OF ASSISI,  — ALL SAINTS HEROICALLY CONQUERED TRIALS WITH VIRTUES, ESPECIALLY THE VIRTUES OF FAITH, HOPE, CONFIDENCE & CHARITY.

12     PICTURE GAZING:  FIND PICTURES THAT ARE PLEASING TO THE CLIENT, SUCH AS NATURE & ANIMALS, MAKE A COLLECTION EITHER PHYSICALLY OR ON THE INTERNET & GO THROUGH THEM EVERY DAY.  THESE CAN BE ON THE MANY CALENDARS YOU HAVE.  MAKE A PILE – HAVE HER LOOK AT THEM.

13     THE AFFIRMATIONS:  THE CLIENT SAYS AFFIRMATIONS AT VARIOUS TIMES, SUCH AS BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP OR UPON WAKING UP, WHILE SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING.  BUT ON TOP OF THAT SIT DOWN WITH THE CLIENT & WRITE DOWN EVERY POSITIVE AFFIRMATION YOU BOTH CAN THINK OF.  READ FROM THIS LIST TO THE CLIENT OUT LOUD – ALSO HAVE HER READ FROM IT OUT LOUD EVERY DAY.  THE AFFIRMATION WHICH CALLS ON MIRACLES IS VERY EFFECTIVE.

   

  8-5-20 by Rasa Von Werder

               

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

REALITY TV SHOW FOR RASA

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REALITY TV SHOW FOR RASA

& YOU COULD BE IN IT!

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          What I have been planning & hoping for for years finally happened. I got contacted by a company that casts Reality TV Shows & indeed, after hours of conversation & video interviews, they have chosen me.

 

          This show will be about unusual older people – men & women – women who are great athletes in old age, cougars in their 70’s with men in their 20’s – people who are different, exciting & others think they’re ‘crazy.’

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          We’re now fleshing out the show with other characters of my acquaintance, friends who know me, people who make interesting characters who can possibly be part of the production.

 

          If you know me & are interested in being on my show, contact me with all your details – name, how you know me, your e mail & phone, & send it to RasaVonWerder@yahoo.com.

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          I will explain some of the scenes & events I plan for the show in the near future. There will be serious aspects to my presentation, there will be ridiculous, funny scenes & events. Just a hint now on one project, a Senior Body Beautiful Contest. If this interests anyone, let me know. There will be prizes for ALL entrants.

 

          There will be a NUDIST event. I will explain later. If anyone wants to be in a nudist event, contact me.

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          There will also be a serious note – myself with women only, as their Guru, explaining the New Religion for women only. Contact me if you want to be part of this.

 

          And, take the rest of the day off.

 

          Rasa Von Werder 7-11-20

 

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

LOVE, SEX & MARRIAGE

YOUNG GIRLS LEAVE HIM COLD 

RANDOM, EMPTY SEX NOT

SATISFYING

DSCN3472 ZX 2 CROP FLAT

6-28-20-BEVY OF YOUNG GIRLS LEAVES HIM SAD & FORLORN–EMPTY

MANY DREAMS OF JUNE 2020

 

Dreams interpreted for friends

 

          I see lover Donzy sitting in a private sort of closet/room, it’s long with a padded bench along the entire wall – it seems to be about 10’ long & maybe 4’ deep. He’s sitting there against the wall when a young female reaches over a wall to the right, {the wall is rather high, you’d have to be on something to look over} leans over & asks to see his dick.

 

DSCN3472 ZX 2 FLAT

 

          *(ASKS TO SEE HIS DICK, YOUNG FEMALE: It’s all about his dick, how large it is. How many times does this have to happen before it gets old? How often does a sexy person get hit on before it gets annoying—being seen as just a sex object? He is young, handsome & huge dicked & can have so many young females—BUT THEY ARE NOT TURNING HIM ON. Most men think they want hundreds of women. But when hundreds of women hit on him then what?)*

 

DSCN3470 ZX CROP FLAT

 

          He has it out. I look at it, looks like it is – large, but not hard. Then a second girl looks over the top of this wall next to the first & also asks to see it, & goes further. It was soft, but she touches it & holds it & it gets semi-hard, like half of it on the bottom is swollen but on top it isn’t.

 

          *(TOUCH MAKES IT HALF HARD: Even when he is touching, petting or doing sex with one of these girls, he isn’t fully excited.)*

 

          During this episode he looks BORED. Then another girl appears this time inside his room, & she’s prettier than the first two, like curly blonde hair & her breasts are small but very full & with nipples somewhat protruding. This interests him & for a few seconds–he sucks on her right breast, the one closest to him—then falls back like he loses interest—this lasted 3 seconds.

DSCN3472 ZX GREY FLAT 

          *(HER BREAST INTERESTS HIM FOR 3 SECS: The breast is a symbol of nurturing & love, motherhood. He needs this sort of love, but this is a young girl & she does not fulfill the image of what he wants & needs – a real mother.)*

 

          Other females appear, all the same thing. Then a male comes in through the door in back, stands there looking at them, takes out his little dick & masturbates. Donzy doesn’t like that.

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          *(OTHER MALE MASTURBATES LOOKING AT THIS: Other males, who don’t have what Donzy has, are not as popular, do not get so many women, & perhaps most of all, do not have a need for a mother as strong as he has – they get turned on by anything sexual & by young females.)*

 

          Then another one intrudes & similar story, Donzy feels overwhelmed how to stop them. He is bored by the females, annoyed by the males & feels invaded.

 IMG_4262 ZX FLAT

        

  *(FEELS INVADED: This is not the scene he wants, random sex, being seen by so many girls as object—they want him, but he doesn’t want them.)*

 

          Furthermore, during this time his face changes. First it’s blank, it becomes more GAUNT or HAGGARD -     he goes from his age to like 20 years older, thin, dark shadowy creases on his face. He looks empty, depressed, like what is happening here is meaningless.

IMG_2454 ZX FLAT 

          *(FACE GETS OLDER, GAUNT & HAGGARD: I’m going to turn this interpretation over to Mother God, as She will express it better than I can:

 

          She: This is the situation over a period of time from the day he started dealing with girls until now.

 

          Because of what he went through during his growing years, he needs a mother. His mother betrayed & abandoned him emotionally. There’s a big hole in his soul for true love & protection.

IMG_2583 ZX FLAT 

          He’s always been attracted to older women, but his ‘front’ doesn’t show this – he’s never gone public with his preference except when dating you, it was revealed to some degree.

 

          He’s been with the young girls continuously now for years – this shows his decreasing interest in them – he’s now fed up with this empty sex – me as sex object – just physical. He’s seen acutely how unsatisfied he is by these transactions – they simply do not stimulate or satisfy his heart, he’s fed up.

IMG_2694 Z FLAT 

          The dream does not point this out, but this is part of his awakening to what he wants & needs & what he does not. What he does not are young, immature, inexperienced, weak females who are as needy & naive as he is.

 

          What he wants is the older woman who loves in true love, cares, nurtures, is able to satisfy his emotional, spiritual as well as physical needs. The empty females can only satisfy his body – which is here portrayed as not turning him on any more – he needs love & it your love he needs.

 IMG_2397 Z FLAT

          And so, he has come to a point where he is aware of how empty life is without you.)*

………………………………………………………….

 

6-25-20-HES MY GIGOLO SHE SAYS-HE CHOOSES HER

HES BACK TO ME-LOVES ME

I AM THE TRUE WIFE BECAUSE MY LOVE IS SACRIFICIAL

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Interpreted for a friend

 

          There’s a big thing about my Lover Ben. I’ve been away for a while & while I was gone he was inundated with two types of aggressive people – a group of gays who started with literature, then presented themselves & wouldn’t leave him alone, & second, one female who gives him a stack of brochures that means ‘I want you’ which I tear up & throw back at her.

 

          Once I’m back to his side I am fighting all these people. First the gays. It’s like day after day. Like demons, they come back again & again. I fight them off. Then on the last occasion there are five of them & they are so persistent I can’t do any more, I cry at the top of my voice {which seams weakened} for help – & help I believe comes, as they are banished. As I’m fighting lover is sitting in the seat to my right – they are to my left, front, trying to get to him.

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          *(FIGHTING GAYS: Ben did have a few determined gays after him, who I did fight & seemed to deter at least for a while. According to this, I was overwhelmed, called for God’s help & it came.)*

 

          After I’d gone & returned, sat next to him, all his friends to the right saw it & noticed. Not much reaction.

 

          But when the female comes, stands in front to my left looking at him, tall, curly light brown hair, an eager look on her face {she is nice} & I tear up the brochures, it’s an emotional act.

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          *(BROCHURES: Are like advertisements, proposals. She is offering him herself – I interfere. I don’t know who this refers to as he ‘dated’ several females & had sex with numerous ones.)*

 

 

          I am exhausted from the struggles.

 

          Recall one time going with him to the building where he lives, finding more intrusive mail in his mail box, something about the bottom of a large cardboard envelope falling off, I already dispatched the main part & see it lying on the floor – he says its nothing, just a scrap.

 

          *(NOTHING, JUST A SCRAP HE SAYS: He pooh poohed all the women he was flirting with while we were together)*

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          Then it becomes two of us, a female to his right, myself to his left, & it’s like we have won over everyone else, but it’s two of us. We are both holding him by the arm marching to his place. She then begins chanting,

 

          “He’s my gigolo, he’s my gigolo-He’s mine.”

 

          So many times I lean over the front of him & punch her in the midsection again & again. He stops my arm & says,

 

          “She’s mine.”

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          *(HE’S MY GIGOLO: She bought him with substances. He knew they are evil, using them leads to dire consequences, he knew I wanted health & safety for him, but he chose this.)*

 

          I then think I guess he’s made his choice, I might as well leave, let go his arm & begin walking away.

 

          *(HE WALKS WITH BOTH OF US HOLDING HIS ARMS FOR A WHILE but when he says ‘she’s mine,’ I let go & walk away.

 

          For a while both of us were with him but I finally stopped seeing him. When he says ‘she’s mine’ he presented her, but not me, as his relationship woman on social media.)*

 

          Prior to that when it was the three of us sort of hanging out – fighting off everyone else, some time had passed & he was no longer the beautiful man I once lauded.

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          His face is distorted & the skin on his face is thick made of nothing but white tablets {sort of under translucent skin, hard to explain} going every which way that mean ‘drugs,’ his nose is ugly, his teeth are totally crooked, leaning on top of each other; I think how hard it will be for dentistry to straighten them.

 

          *(HE TURNS UGLY: This is inner ugliness. His physical remained the same, but his thought patterns, feelings, decisions, activities were ugly.

 

          His persona is DISTORTED      which means not righteous, not the right way to live.

 

          TEETH CROOKED: Stupidity, anti wisdom, as teeth in this case are being wise/smart.

 

          ENTIRE FACE WHITE PILLS GOING EVERY WHICH WAY: White pills could be cocaine, & he is ugly with the desire & use of it – it’s become one with him, he is possessed by it, the woman he chose & cocaine are synonymous, he is an ugly persona now.)*

 

          I think to myself does he realize how ugly he’s gotten? He should look in the mirror – how could I desire him looking this way? I don’t. I muse about his former beauty. Will he look at his old images I took & then realize the difference or is he blind? He looks gruesome.

 

          *(UGLY, GREUSOME: He was never this addicted to drugs before, this is extreme & he is not aware how ugly his inner self has gotten.)*

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          TIME PASSES, NEXT DREAM

 

          He is alone with me in my small apt – it only has 3 small rooms, in front of me is a blue door, paint chipped in vertical stripes. I am poor.

 

          *(BLUE DOOR, I AM POOR: I am poor emotionally, the one I love is not with me.)*

 

          He appears, wearing maybe an army green tight shirt & he holds me in his arms saying,

 

          “I love you”

 

          and this several times. I am not as quick to say I love you back, but I do.

 

          *(THIS ROOM IN THE MIDDLE: The dream will show a room where my small daughter is {the flesh} & another room to the right – this being the middle is the inner self or HEART. We meet in our hearts, n his heart he loves me in true love, right now, realizing this love more than ever – but I’m holding back as I don’t trust him too much, he’s hurt me so much so many times. The

 

          ARMY GREEN SHIRT: Might say he’s been through a lot of battles these years.)*

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          I was going to start making love with him right then but my small daughter opens that blue door & sees us, so I can’t. I think ‘here he sees me in my poverty. Is he OK living with me here?’

 

          *(DAUGHTER OPENS DOOR: This inner room where I am is the soul, the God Self, the real me, while the daughter is the flesh, the place where the soul is housed & functions.

 

          There has been a great battle between myself & my flesh, my Higher Self telling my flesh to back off, leave him alone – I even threatened to kill her if she went out with him again, & I did kill her with the heart attacks.

 

          Here we are communing on the higher/deeper spiritual level, & my flesh witnesses it – that he loves me in true love now, prior to that he was playing games although the real love was deep inside.

 

          My emotional poverty – being all alone, having no one – will that put him off? That is to say, I am no longer trying to be popular, he has no competition. Do I fear he’ll take me for granted?)*

 

          Then we’re in the garage at the old farm house. We are working on things with wood. He wants to make sure I know he loves me, but he adds,

 

          “Just don’t look in the attic.”

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          *(DON’T LOOK IN THE ATTIC: The attic is where all old things are stored, mementoes, things no longer used, antiques, memories. He dreads that I will recall all the horrible things he did to me – the cruelties. He’s saying don’t go there, don’t recall, don’t let what I did stand between us. Cruel item for example: He has never given me his phone number, but he gives it to every female he meets in bars.

…………………………………………………………….

 

6-24-20-MY DOG DOES WRONG

 

Interpreted for someone else.

 

          I realize now this dog is my lover Ben.

 

          I am on an excursion through the woods at the old farm house. It was a sort of ‘deep road’ through the woods in a circle, navigating it took about one hour. In much of it, both sides had ‘walls’ of dirt. Have no idea who created it long ago. If you went straight on one part of it halfway into the circle you went to the other side of the woods, where ran a highway {strangely exactly like where I live, everything on this old farm I bought parallels the old farm I spent half my youth on.}

 

          So here I go on a sled with my dog running with me – He’s a German shepherd but pure white beautiful elegant dog.

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          This journey is so pleasant. The sled slides on the road as if it was pure ice or hard snow – it seems to know the way like it’s alive, so even when we come to a sharp turn left & it might keep going straight & veer off into a body of water to the right – a lake in the dream I guess – it goes along the road as if it has intelligence, & I’m enjoying the ride immensely—great fun.

 

          *(ROAD, RIDE, PLEASANT: This represents a mental path I go on which leads to psychic visions or revelations. My mind is used to this sort of thought pattern & it’s easy & automatic for me.)*

 

          We get to the other side, Whitey & I, & come upon a Post Office with a counter & a lady that reminds me of the one I had ages ago who died—she was so nice to me.

 

          *(POST OFFICE: There’s a MESSAGE or revelation here.)*

 

          After chatting with her a moment we leave this counter, which is open to the outside & it is then I notice the two DEERS reclining on the counter, both young & beautiful & wearing identical soft, thin neckbands that look like Christmas – green with small speckled decorations of red & other colors.

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          *(TWO DEER WITH XMAS NECK BANDS: The revelation is this: Ben was given AS A GIFT a choice of TWO WOMEN—both of whom love him.)*

 

          For some reason the deer that is closer to the front jumps off the counter & runs & Whitey chases her. This is wrong, but I now he won’t hurt her, he’s just playing. But others don’t see it that way. I try to stop him & chase them both up the highway back toward where we came from when we come to a crossroad.

 

          *(SHE JUMPS, RUNS, HE CHASES HER: My dog is Ben. He is Whitey because this is about marriage/relationship—he is the groom in white. One of the deer-women runs & he CHASES HER – which is wrong. He has chosen THE WRONG FEMALE FOR A RELATIONSHIP—the other woman, not me.

 

          “I KNOW HE IS JUST PLAYING” – means I know his intentions are not serious, he’s playing like a player plays—he’s not playing ‘for keeps’ or with sincere intentions.

 

          CROSSROAD: But there is a serious cross or problem coming up because of his choice.)*

 

          There a man comes out holding something long which I fear is a gun. I warm him,

 

          “Don’t kill my dog or I will kill you.”

 

          He says,

 

          “I’m not going to kill him, just whack him hard.”

 

          I feel he wants to teach Whitey a lesson.

 

          The man seems to come out of a house & his wife is behind him. I don’t know what his connection with this situation is.

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          *(MAN WITH WEAPON IN HIS HANDS comes out of a house, wife behind him: I sense this is a man sent by God – whoever he may be – it would be a karmic penalty, the wrath of God put upon Whitey. The fact that this is a house with a husband & wife & the wife is behind him could be saying,

 

          “We represent a serious marriage or relationship, & this person is playing games.”

 

          ‘If you kill him I’ll kill you,’

 

          shows that even though Whitey has made a mistake, against me, I’m still protecting his life – it’s True Love. I did not wish revenge.

 

“NOT GOING TO KILL HIM, JUST WHACK HIM HARD”: This is saying that the problem, at this ‘crossroad’ or cross, will hit Ben really hard. The only clue I have as to what has or will hit Ben is the

 

ROD OF STEEL, WITH RIDGES: It reminds me of railroad ties, that fit together, taken apart, one might look this way, with ridges, except this piece is thicker, heavier like iron but grey & shiny like steel & shorter than a railroad tie—maybe 2.5’.

 

What would a railroad represent? Mother God, help.

 

She: Railroad is TRAVEL.

 

Me: OK, who’s traveling or who’s going somewhere?

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She: When there’s travel someone leaves, sometimes leaving another behind. This designates a ROUGH DEPARTURE OR SPLIT UP with the woman he was chasing. The

 

          THREE SIDES, RIDGES: of the rod represent a conflict where there is his side, her side & the truth. They have a problem where they aren’t happy. He sees his side, she hers, & God sees the TRUTH.

 

          Me: What is the truth?

 

          She: He chose the wrong woman, the one that would take him downward instead of up, it’s like selling your soul to the devil – he said he had in a poem. She held onto him by negative, harmful means – they were both wrong & the liaison was destined to end in misery, — that’s the hard whack at the crossroad.)*

 

          But I do see what is in his hands – it’s a sort of heavy dark grey steel rod, with ridges on 3 sides. As he holds it menacingly I am hoping he does not do damage to my dog like hit him in the head – & that’s where this dream ends.

 

          *(“DON’T KILL HIM” & I continue to worry about the injury this rod will produce. This is the classic example of the decision King Solomon had to make, where two women each claimed maternity over an infant. Solomon testing them saying he would cut the child in half for each one, & one woman cried

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          “Don’t do that – let her have it, don’t do harm to the child.”

 

          And Solomon said,

 

          “There is the mother.”

 

          The test for who will get this man is the one who will sacrifice him or give him up if it means saving his life. The other woman didn’t care if she harmed him, she would keep him while hurting him. But if this ROD or PUNISHMENT would lead to his DEATH I am saying

 

          “Let the other woman have him if the penalty is death. Don’t kill him as a punishment.”

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          And so, I am the true Mother/Wife—the one who cares enough to sacrifice him in order to save him.)*

………………………………………………………..

 

EX LOVER CHANGES HIS TUNE

 

6-22-20-ELVIS TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF

 

2ND—MY DOGS NEED HELP

 

          Interpreted for friends

 

          This is extremely unusual. I am looking from afar & hearing that Elvis wants to kill himself. He has a gun, he’s going to do himself in by putting it in his mouth, pointed toward his brain, & pull the trigger.

 

          Everyone hears about this & it’s treated like a crime to be committed. As I said I am afar, like in the air looking down at the streets of the area where he is.

 

          *(I AM LOOKING FROM THE AIR: My God Self is perceiving what is going on.

 

          ELVIS: Is lover Henry. MomGod, explain why he would be Elvis.

          She: You once adored him as you did Elvis, put him on a pedestal, made him into a star {in your mind.}

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          ELVIS WANT TO KILL HIMSELF: The state of lover Henry’s mind—despair.}*

          I see police gather to prevent this crime – many, like a hundred, & they are spread out on the street & in & near his dwelling, some wearing helmets (is one yellow?), rather different uniforms.

 

          *(POLICE, DIFFERENT UNIFORMS, one has a yellow helmet: Police are usually ANGELS. This says a large number of them have appeared to help Henry not fall into the abyss. They are of different types against various negative thoughts & feelings – the one with yellow helmet might be against Henry’s COWARDICE, fear, losing hope.)*

 

          The police are there also to keep people away. They are gathering, as many have heard about this & is it curiosity?

 

          *(PEOPLE ‘HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS—CURIOSITY—police keep them away: Mother God, I am stumped. What does this say?

 

          She: Most if not all of his friends are negative, & all or most of them are against his relationship with you. The angels want to keep him away from all negative people so they don’t drive him lower or advise him badly in his despair, saying things like,

 

          “Oh, you’ll get over it….The woman you think you love is all wrong for you….don’t contact her….the one you have is right, she’s your age….don’t lose what you have….don’t take a chance contacting this woman you think you love – it isn’t love, it’s insanity, etc.”)*

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          But I see the street or alley behind his building is empty – completely empty – no cars, no people, no nothing. I wanted to get closer to Elvis – not sure why. This street or alley seems to have a black pavement – has a look or texture of tar – but when I go there I don’t feel any effect of tar, just a normal road, & I am the only person there & the police don’t bother me.

 

          *(EMPTY STREET LIKE TAR {but I don’t feel the tar}: This explains why Elvis wants to kill himself. It’s a theme we’ve seen again & again. They alley behind your apt where Lover would call for you. It’s now empty, nothingness, {you’re never there} & paved in

 

          TAR: Tar is HELL. Elvis/Henry is in the HELL OF DESPAIR from NOT SEEING YOU. HE FEELS SUICIDAL this dream says – so bad that 100 angels – no doubt sent by you – are attending to him.)*

 

I descend from my place ‘in the sky’ to go to this street & in the next moment I’m in the room with Elvis facing him.

 

Suddenly he’s not a far away star, more like an intimate friend, & I’m speaking to him not to kill himself. I say,

 

“Your fans would be terribly hurt, including myself, & this lady over here” –

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There was a female sitting in a chair behind him, with pretty curly hair, smiling, & she agreed with what I said. It’s like she’s sitting in an audience while El would be on stage, me close to him.

 

I saw an image of him earlier like this: He was an image like a poster, there are green vertical stripes on him, like a 50’s style jacket & his penis is portrayed like a small green funnel, about 4” long, hollow but filled with water, & on top the water makes a curve, like indentation—like this sign not standing but horizontal: (

 

The place El is in becomes a hospital of sorts, with the cops being the attendants or medical staff. The whole thing perplexes me. I am frustrated with the police, thinking they are supposed to be doing something else. They seem to be acting like he’s in a hospital & they must periodically give him meals, that’s about it.

 

          *(HOSPITAL: Place of healing. The angels are healing Henry of despair & wanting to die                          .

 

          MEALS: Would be NOURISHMENT or positive energy.)*

 

One of the meals is regular, but under & in front of the meal closer to me, are pieces of pork, half of it fat, half meat, many pieces & it’s agreed that this is too much for him—this was one of several meals.

 

*(TOO MUCH PORK, MEAT: There are things that Henry cannot DIGEST – Meat represents grownup food spiritually. Milk & sweets represent baby food that makes you grow when you are young, consolation. But MEAT could be hardship, the food for adults, which says here that THE PAIN HE IS NOW EXPERIENCING IS TOO MUCH FOR HENRY TO BEAR.)*

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He seems to be ‘moving ahead’ with the service given him by these police/medics, like going from this room to this then that, in a sense, coming closer to me, but I’m moving with him.

 

*(MOVING ROOM TO ROOM CLOSER TO ME BUT WITH ME: He is becoming more intimate & open toward me by the ministration of the angels.)*

 

The entire time we are chatting. I asked him why he wanted to kill himself & he gave me an answer I’m having trouble recalling. Can Mother God or any saint or angel help me bring it back?

 

It was something like life was not worth living any more, but I don’t recall why. {The dream explains why, my absence.}

 

He does say,

 

“I should have given you a large sum of money but I didn’t, now it’s too late” {he’s going to die.}

 

In the dream he’s the real Elvis, wealthy as can be, while I am just a poor girl. And indeed, this implies we were close & he gave me nothing.

 

          *(MONEY: Can represent anything of VALUE – resources. In Shakespeare’s play Othello:

 

“Good name in man and woman, dear my lord, Is the immediate jewel of their souls: Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing; ‘Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands: But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed.”

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          In this scene, rich Elvis/Henry had the POWER to honor me publicly, to tell the world it was me whom he loved. But he gave me NOTHING, he left me in emotional poverty.

 

          Now that he has LOST ME he regrets not giving me RECOGNITION—a GOOD NAME before society—honoring me would be the most valuable thing he could have given me.)*

 

In the last scene somehow he’s been liberated from this hospital & walking with me – he seems smaller. We go to a small variety store; it sells food, other things. He then sees in the corner a counter for a BANK & seizes the opportunity to make up for the past. He’s going to write me a check for a large sum of money. I guess he did not have his checkbook so he needs to get a blank check from them with his account number. He HURRIES because he wants to do this, in his mind, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

 

*(GOES TO BANK TO WRITE ME A CHECK: This is his intention, in his mind, to give me the recognition he denied me – as the woman he loves. The

 

SMALL VARIETY STORE: Could be social media like face book that has all sorts of items on it.

 

WALKING WITH ME, OUT OF THE HOSPITAL: Says the angels have cured his despair & convinced him we are still together. He now intends to present me, give me the recognition he denied me, give me the relationship & show it publicly.

 

Nothing has happened, but this says it’s in his mind. He wants to do this before its too late, he fears he might lose me.

 

BANK IN THE CORNER: This area in the store reminds me of the spot on the left corner of FB where is the ‘in a relationship’ spot. This says he intends to put me there, acknowledge we’re together.)*

…………………………………………………….

 

MY DOGS NEED HELP

 

          I have been away a couple days & anxious about my dogs, are they OK, do they have food, are they free to run in the kennel or outside? {Sometimes in dreams my dogs, especially Gagee Boy {a Rottie}, are closed up in the cellar, & that would be bad for too long.}

 

          I see Gagee Boy there in a sort of ‘loft’ area in my place, looking at his plate full of dry dog food & for some strange reason, digging for sugar.

 

          *(GAGEE BOY: I found out in my recent dreams is me, my inner sense & digging for

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          SUGAR: is looking for love, affection. In the South when Mamma wants a kiss she says to her child, ‘Gimme some sugar.’ I’m in need of physical love.)*

 

          I look for Fruitcake {A German Shepherd} & find him outside, quite miserable. He had been FREE, running the streets in this pleasant suburban area – I see trees all around. But someone did not like his gadding about & put him on a HEAVY CHAIN, it’s long – maybe 15’, but heavy enough to hold a large bull. He’s lying on the sidewalk crying, with the chain all crumpled around him. I go to him & unclip the chain from his neck.

 

          *(FRUITCAKE: I found out in the last dreams also that this is my lover Henry. Gagee Boy vs Henry is Gagee boy, the Rotty, was strong, dominant & aggressive. That represents me in this relationship.

 

          Fruitcake, the Shepherd, was sweet, had been hurt badly by a previous owner {who left him on the street near my house on Easter Sunday, so the first name that came to my mind for him was Fruitcake}, was timid & insecure, handsome, with a heart of gold. This is lover Henry.

 

          Although the Rotty dominated Fruitcake & even pushed him around, once another dog was grabbing his food & he heard Fruitcake crying terribly. Gagee came around the house running & beat this other dog – a Coon Hound, so badly, the hound had to have 70 stitches.

 

          These two dogs now exemplify lover Henry & myself. What I like about this it’s saying Henry has a heart of gold, in spite of his failures – & that’s what counts.

 

          THE HEAVY CHAIN, FRUITCAKE IS CRYING: Lover Henry got himself into a mess, naively, thinking he was taking the right road. He got himself into a relationship which is here portrayed as A HEAVY CHAIN which makes him miserable.

 

          This portrays me unhooking the chain. But what this means in time & space reality I have no idea, as physically, nothing has happened. It must be in his mind.)*

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…………………………………………………..

 

6-18-20-MAN COMFORTS ME I HIM (My lover John is in great misery due to our separation)

 

6-17-20-I STOP MAN JUMPING OUT WINDOW (Lover John feels desperate but regains hope about our togetherness)

 

6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF (When I doubt God I lose touch with her & sink into my miserable flesh)

 

6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS COME TO MY AID (I call to saints & angels in my need, many answer my call, including, surprisingly, lover John. He’s not an angel so this is him as a ‘saint’

 

          Interpreted for friends – It’s no one you know

 

          Man comforts me, I him: I’m in my room by the window – don’t know which residence. Looking out the window I feel kind of LOST, unwanted, and lonely. The feeling is no one wants me or cares about me, I am all alone.

 

          A strange thing happens. A man comes barreling up the alley behind my window on what I thought was a motorcycle. He’s amazing looking. He puts his hand on my window cill when he stops & I put my hand on his. An amazing sense of warmth passes through our hands. Not sure whose warmth goes first, but it goes both ways. We disengage & moments later we touch hands again.

 

          *(MAN: Lover John, the warmth we shared, the emotions, both sexual & spiritual. He comforted me, I him. We needed each other, we were & are in love. He speaks to me mystically when our bodies are apart.)

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          He is beautiful & sexy in a macho way. His hair is waist length, jet black, shiny & sleek, it hangs not in dred locks but in curly strands, amazingly long. There’s something real sexy about this hair.

 

          *(SEXY HAIR: I am stumped. Calling on Mother God for help.

          She: It’s the way he THINKS, his personality that comes from his thoughts & feelings, his mindset. You found this extremely sexy.)*

 

          His arms are exposed, they are totally covered with tattoos, very attractive—his arms seem muscular. He’s wearing large sunglasses, wrap around, they cover much of his face so I can’t see too much of that.

 

          *(ARMS TATTOOS, MUSCULAR ATTRACTIVE: Stumped again, Mother God.

 

          She: Tattoos are pictures, messages. Again, it’s the messages in his ‘arms of love,’ his desire for you – one of those guys who ‘talks with his hands.’ Arms as you know are the strength to love, hands are giving of it.)*

 

          This revelation surprises me. Then I see the man standing strangely looking with his back to the main street, he’s across the alley looking what to him is straight, to me is left. He’s doing NOTHING, just standing with maybe his hands in pockets, just a plain standing, nothing happening. His body is covered by sort of strange clothes with some sort of head covering. Colors are brown, the shirt is tucked into his pants.

 

          I call to him & he comes over to me. I want to see what he looks like. My contact with this man has been emotional & now it gets moreso when I see his state.

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          He has on a MASK & he moves the mask to show me his face & somehow, THERE IS NO FACE. This is hard to describe but I now realize something really serious happened to this man – an accident that left him in a gruesome state, his body is greatly injured & I say,

 

          “You have NO FACE!”

 

          *(ALLEY BEHIND MY WINDOW: I know this is John as he called for me there.

 

          NO FACE: But now he has ‘lost face’ which means his self esteem is TOTALLY GONE by my not being there, ignoring him, not looking for him at all. His state is GREUSOME.

 

THE MASK: His pretense, ‘Oh yes, I’m the great pretender, pretending that you’re still around. Lyrics to ‘The Great Pretender’:

 

Oh yes, I’m the great pretender
Pretending that I’m doing well
My need is such; I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell.

 

Oh yes, I’m the great pretender
A drift in a world of my own
I play the game; but to my real shame
You’ve let me to dream all alone.

 

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can’t conceal.

Oh yes I’m the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown

I seem to be what I’m not; you see
I’m wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you’re still around.

 

Too real is this… )*

 

          We are communicating for a while, then he takes off the mask again & shows me how he looked once upon a time. It’s an intermediate state – before he lost his face but after the trauma, not his best but when he still had a face.

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          His left eye is lost, it’s whited over, his skin is swarthy, his hair is thick black, wavy & rugged—there are creases on his face & his face is sort of wide & his cheeks round—he looks like he’s been through a lot. I say,

 

          “Oh, I see you were once handsome.”

 

          *(SWARTHY FACE: Someone who’s been through a lot, like a sailor who was almost shipwrecked, swarthiness could be SUNBURN which says ‘pain.’

 

          This might refer to a time in the past when I told him ‘no more sex until the relationship.’

 

          He took revenge on me by eventually having a relationship with another female that’s been dragging on for years {but in some way is now over}. He wanted it both ways when he lured me back to sex, but now I’ve cut him off he is the one with ‘no face.’)*

 

          He’s satisfied that I said that.

 

          *(ONCE HANDSOME: He was once in a better state, but he was HALF BLIND, or unaware of something.)*

 

          Another scene:   I’m at my apt in B’klyn & this same man is here but now not as damaged. Somehow he’s partially healed – he even smiles a lot. I know it’s him by that whited eye, but his face looks much better, his body seems normal.

 

          *(EYE STILL WHITED: He still doesn’t see or understand why I am not trying to contact him.)*

 

          My Dad is here also & I tell both of them my SISTER HAS MOVED IN. I tell them that because both my Dad & this guy are now living with me. The man now wears a WIG made of all red braids, looks just like a mop or a RAG DOLL wig. The wig somehow hides his head injuries, wounds or scars.

 

          *(MAN SMILING-NOW IN MY APT WITH DAD: This is John in an improved state, suffering, but hoping for union or marriage with me. It gives him comfort, but there is still something he doesn’t understand.)*

 

          Another scene: I am in a different location & am LECTURING on a certain point. People are all around listening to me. Then one of my associates to the right – a female I think, tells me,

 

          “There is a group of homeless young males wanting to come in.”

Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-01 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-02 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-03 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-05 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-06 (1) 

          *(HOMELESS YOUNG MALES: I sense this is my lover John, who is the same guy on the motorcycle with ‘no face,’ but he is comforted by accessing me somehow. The other boys are basically just saying ‘guys like him’ also access me this way – it’s my speaking videos on You Tube.)*

 

          I say,

          “Let them in.”

 

          When they enter I tell them to take seats.

 

          They enter the room to the right, which has a green Christmas tree there, covered with real red poinsettias. They play with the poinsettias, scattering them about. They are delighted that I allowed them in, gave them shelter. They were homeless indeed.

 

          *(XMAS TREE WITH POINSETTIAS: This sounds like my lover John accessed my speaking videos, where I make ‘points’ – I preach, teach & explain. This alleviated his suffering, as he can access me this way. He can see me, hear me & get my stories & teachings. So he is getting a lot out of this, it’s like Christmas to him.

 

          HOMELESS: Is when a person is lost, has no center or place of protection & security. This seeing me in videos made him feel he was with me.)*

 

          The group of them looks underprivileged, small in size like runts. One boy’s face I see clearly, his nose is peculiar, reminds me of an animal I have seen, he looks comical. Sort of a pyramid shape, hard to explain.

 Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-07 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-08 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-09 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-10 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-11 (1)

          *(PYRAMID NOSE: It’s John getting ‘to me’ through my videos. Why is he looking like this – a runt – & comical face with pyramid nose?

 

          She: He’s your son, your child, he realizes that now so he is ‘humbled’ & appears like a ‘runt.’ The pyramid nose – the nose is a SENSE, smelling, tasting, sensing is like ESP, his inner sense brings him to you – recognizes some reality he might not have seen before, the meaning of your relationship. Prior to this he was on a ‘high horse,’ a ‘pedestal’ with you. Now no chasing, he sees he’s your little child. You have asserted your dominance over him. The

 

          PYRAMID: is a sign of perfection, so he is seeing THE TRUTH.)*

 

          What was so unusual is at this moment of my loneliness & isolation he drove up here & comforted me with his warmth—there is great sexual meaning here but it’s nothing gross or crude, it’s spiritual as well – like an angel appearing from Heaven to comfort me.

 

          *(COMFORT, SEXUAL & SPIRITUAL MEANING: We had sex, but our exchange contained love & spiritual depth.)*

 

          I look at the traction his motorcycle left on the ground in this alley – deep furrows – it’s been raining, the ground is black, the furrows are deep, as if a motorcycle had been here several times.

 

          *(BLACK FURROWS: He was here several times looking for me.

 

          IT RAINED: tears or sorrow, that I wasn’t there.)*

 

          But then his motorcycle is empty & it isn’t what I thought it was at all – it’s a walker with wheels, the kind Rudy (a disabled friend) has – it’s a vehicle for a DISABLED person with a black vinyl seat. This isn’t sexy at all.

 

         *(OVERALL MEANING: This explains how devastated John has been by my absence, but something has given him a lift, not sure what. His hopes are up & he feels things will improve.

 

DISABLED VEHICLE: He was disabled or unable to achieve his goal – couldn’t get to where he wanted.)*

 

Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-12 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-13 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-14 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-15 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-16 (1) Kellie-Everts-photographed-by-Edmund-Leja-17 (1)

………………………………………………………….

 

6-17-20-I STOP MAN SUICIDE

 

          I’m in my apt in B’klyn when I see a man, dressed in a classical grey suit with white shirt, maybe a tie, looks professional – this man is at my bedroom window & halfway out to jump 6 floors down, commit suicide.

 

          He’s already halfway out when I grab him & pull him back, then I have him lying in my arms & look at his face. His right eye is looking down to the left corner, like down to the middle of his body, while his left eye is somewhere else.

 

         *(SUICIDAL MAN: This is John the lover, who is

 

          GREY SUIT: mentally {grey is usually brain matter/mind} out of his mind & is halfway to killing himself because

 

          EYES 2 WAYS: he can’t see straight, which means understand something. Could be because

 

          MY BEDROOM: I am no longer making myself available to him for intimacy/sex – this is driving him crazy, he can’t understand it & is desperate for my love. He once had a

 

          WINDOW: of opportunity at my bedroom/window. He can’t understand what’s happened. I’m having multiple dreams about his confusion & misery.

 

          PROFESSIONAL ATTIRE, WHITE SHIRT, MAYBE TIE: The white shirt hints at marriage, the tie, something formal. He considered us a married couple although he didn’t publicly announce me.

 

          MY SAVING HIM: He hasn’t lost hope, however, something I do or have done brings him back to hope.)*

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……………………………………………………………

 

6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF

 

          (Great lesson in this. God does not enter us or find union with us AGAINST OUR WILL. The famous pic of Jesus knocking at the door shows no HANDLE on the outside, the person must open the door for him to enter.)

 

          I’m with my daughter in the old farmhouse, in my bedroom.

 

          She’s AVOIDING me. I look for her – she has gone beyond our bro’s room, which joins ours, & is in the hall talking with a man, whispering. She has the room door closed with a thick fleece sheet, might be pink & blue, & she has made a room of the space of the hall—not a good area but she wants to escape me.

 

          *(SHEET OVER DOOR: There is what they call a VEIL between God & ourselves, my flesh for a while went to her own side – lost the intimate contact with me.)*

 

          Then it gets even worse, she’s in Mario’s room & I hear her talking with what sounds like a black man with a deep voice—they are speaking low so I can’t hear them.

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          *(MARIO’S ROOM: This is the key to WHY she lost contact with me – her God self – the worry or fear of losing HENRY, her lover. Mario’s room always represents separation from the man who is loved.)*

 

          Then I see my daughter standing by a wall, perhaps looking out the window, in a robe. She young, like a pre-teen.

 

          I go to her & try to befriend her, get close, but she repels me. I am a great energy, I try to get close but her force field repels me, (I feel it strongly as I try to move close) I cannot get within two feet of her. I cry out,

 

          “I AM GOD!”

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          But she mutters that this (me) is Satan.

 

          *(GOD VS SATAN: In my human self, at this time the dream says my doubts & fears over the lover ousted the Great God within me – I left God as I entered into this negative thoughts, lost faith in HER temporarily.)*

 

          I am wearing a diaphanous mint-colored robe, it seems to be made of sort of clouds, & I’m holding it open as I try to come close to her but can’t.

 

 

…………………………………………………………

 

6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS COME TO MY AID

 

          I was greatly troubled during the night, nightmarish fears of the multiple obligations before me. I called out again & again to the saints & angels to help me.

 

          I then went into a deep sleep & people & my past animals began to appear to me, all in a friendly manner.

 

          A female across the street came to visit, & she brought with her many boys, all of whom circled some sort of lawn-island in front of my house – all the boys were wearing black, some had on hats Indiana Jones style with some kind of small reeds on them (like straws) – all were around 12-13, really boys, not young men. It seems they belonged to her somehow, like they were Boy Scouts & she was their leader, & they are here for my benefit – not sure what they’re doing but they are here to comfort me, & feel better.

 

          *(NEIGHBOR LADY: Symbol of Mother God – could be Holy Virgin, seems like her. She brings to me

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          BOY SCOUTS: dead men who are my sons or clients, who I helped out of Purgatory, now come to my assistance. The

 

          STRAW or REEDS, {one in each hat}: represents ‘dead’ because you get straw only after the wheat dies, & their

          BLACK CLOTHING: says ‘funeral’ or they are the dead & their activity,

 

          DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING, JUST STANDING THERE: Is when people visit you just to show they are your friends, there is no ulterior motive, like they are not your employees, not looking for anything other than to support you.

 

          Then another female comes, then another. I’m confused as I don’t know who they are or why they’re visiting. I say,

 

          “Is this visit your neighbor day?”

 

          *(NEIGHBOR LADIES: These are the ‘angels & saints’ I called for just simply visiting me, no motive except to show their love.)*

 

          Then someone suggests we go inside. I am reluctant as everything is not perfect, like all in order. But as I look around the rooms are large, nicely furnished, I see an oriental rug in one room, mostly blue, the rooms are dark & kind of cool – inviting. The floors might be black lacquered wood.

 

          On a couch there are two men visiting me – don’t even know who they are. Then yet a third man appears sitting on the couch – all these people just appear – & he’s strikingly handsome with honey blonde hair – He puts his hand for me to shake, I do so in a warm manner. He has a strong look of love on his face. He’s wearing an attractive suit, a true green color & embossed on it are the same color checkers – like ‘tic tac toe’ checkers – I’ve never seen a material or suit like this. I am to the back of the couch; he’s sitting in it as he greets me.

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          *(MAN IN GREEN SUIT: This is either a saint from Heaven, who was martyred or someone on earth who has or is experiencing martyrdom. It might be my Beloved Husband who I have not been with for almost a year, he seeks to visit & comfort me. The

 

          TRUE GREEN SUIT: Might be saying ‘he’s one of the living.’ The WARMTH of our hands touching, reminds me of the dream of the biker who gave me his hand to comfort me, then he showed me he had NO FACE.

His hair & also look of love – when I saw him I felt an emotion I didn’t feel from the other men which again says ‘this is your Beloved.’

 

TWO MEN: This dream is filled with people I say I don’t know. Maybe I don’t, maybe I know some of them. These might be saints or angels.)*

 

          Then I want to introduce my dogs to them. I go to a further room & there on the floor lies GaGee Boy – except he doesn’t look like GaGee Boy – he is much smaller, like a chubby tiger cat, maybe 40 lbs, real cute, I pet him lovingly, his fur is so thick & pleasant to touch.

 

          *(WHO IS GAGEE BOY:         MomGod, stumped.

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          She: Gagee Boy is you in your dealing with John. You were the ‘big dog’ that scared him & some of his friends. You’re no longer scaring them as you’re not around, your ‘ferocity’, shown here as a ‘tiger’ has diminished, you are ‘dormant’ in the relationship or ‘lying down’ being petted like a tame cat.)*

 

          Then I look for Fruitcake, who I loved so much & who was so loving & suffered so much. Someone put him into a ‘dog house’ made of material like a stove or fridge, I bend down, the door to him is closed. (Door closed, he was confined.)

 

          This house is equipped with birdseed, packets of it like with millet, & there’s this European white cheese, a cheese with a skin—I dislike it, & I have said ‘no one wants millet, not even the birds, that’s why it’s cheap.’ I see many servings of this cheese on plates, but they are packaged to give him periodically – like this house is some sort of prison where all is provided but freedom & the outdoors – food, fresh air piped in. But to my alarm way back in this house are canisters with ice, I fear does this make his house way too cold? But then I see he has some sort of system in the back of this house which blows in fresh air {this is a hint where John lives the place has a back yard, another clue it’s John}. I don’t like his confinement, I have opened the door to this house & I encourage him to come out, & I see him halfway out. {—I’m beginning to get him out of it—must be my God Self as I’m doing nothing.}

 

          *(FRUITCAKE – SOMEONE PUT HIM IN THIS DOG HOUSE: This was hard to decipher but I think I got it. When you ‘put someone in the dog house’ it’s usually your husband who’s out of favor.

         

          Fruitcake again represents lover ‘John.’ He’s in a ‘dog house’ an appliance like a refrigerator where I look DEEP INSIDE & see canisters of ICE & have great fear it’s TOO COLD in there. This is our relationship ‘on ice’ or on hold—it is not active or warm.

 

          The food – is the emotional nutrition he’s getting. It’s terrible. This love/sex does not satisfy his HEART.

 

          The CHEESE is the sex as ‘cheesecake’ represents sexiness in a woman. This sex is the birdseed/millet nasty cheese food. After all, having sex with someone you don’t love is totally different than doing it with the one you love.

 

          His BODY is getting all that he needs – a house, food/sex, air, etc. but he is imprisoned, confined.

          In other words, you’re in a relationship where you have a roof over your head, the air you breath, food & sex, but you are not free to be HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.

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          Fruitcake is John & I am HALFWAY RELEASING HIM. I have no idea how I’m doing this unless he’s getting psychic messages.

 

MomGod, what do these two disclosures have to do with a dream where I’m calling for help?

 

She: This is explaining that your underlying pain is not the problems you face in life right now, but your separation from John. This is making you feel lonely, insecure & isolated – the same way he feels as the ‘man with no face’ & the ‘homeless boy.’

 

When people are separated from the person they love most in the world, they feel all alone, abandoned & even afraid.

 

Everyone in this dream is those who love you – either on earth or not. He’s one of the people on earth.)*  

 

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

CLAIM SACRED MARRIAGE

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HIS LIFE WITH THE OTHER GIRL IS OVER—OUR SPIRITUAL

RELATIONSHIP IS SAFE

 

6-1-20-THE AMAZING WHITE COAT-ROBE

 

          Interpreted for a friend

 Prince_Florimund_finds_the_Sleeping_Beauty_-_Project_Gutenberg_etext_19993 Radiated Soundscapes EP rBVaR1tMQseAPlU_AAbPyJxf1n8186 rBVaSFtMFT2ANR39AAYN4mkBMLs316 photo-1570105381636-78bee6ec04c2 photo-1570122734014-386e3ef867cc photo-1570195937949-8357635447ee photo-1570197185256-0ff91d1bd79f photo-1570215779942-7514932a7e94

          There was a person who died & left all their belongings to someone & the things were all sitting around waiting to be claimed. I don’t see anyone claiming anything, & no one knew what was here.

 

          I go look at things & one thing catches my eye: A white COAT. It looks like white material in a pile, like the softest of Cashmere, softer than soft.

 

          I go to that pile of material on the edge of the belongings & put it around me & it’s a COAT-CAPE, so voluminous & luxurious it would go around two people. It also has some kind of thick, wide soft collar made of a material that is unfamiliar – the closest thing would be the softest ostrich or feathers. It is PRECIOUS – I want it, & so I take it, although somehow the estate was not left to me, but I have to STEAL this coat. I am not a thief, but now I MUST HAVE THIS.

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          I take it & fold it inside out, where the white satiny lining has some decoration with soft like watercolor streaks in blue & green. As I carry the coat like this, no one will recognize it as that white coat, stop me or try to interfere with my having it.

…………………………………………………….

 

          MEANING: This hearkens to only one thing, the symbol of the spiritual wedding between Lover Bob & myself. When we were united in the Sacrament of Love, God showed me one piece of white cloth, which I knew had been two pieces but was now only one with NO SEAM. It had a soft, small victory wreath of white laurel on it, to show we had been victorious; we were united in Matrimony against all odds.

 

          This seems to be saying that the female of Bob has left the relationship – which can be called ‘dying.’ I am not interested in anything of hers or theirs together, only one thing is mine, although it seems like I’m stealing it – my RELATIONSHIP WITH BOB.

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          In this dream I am claiming our relationship. And I might add – no one else is claiming nor can they claim this, as no one else has been joined by God to him but me.

 

          Holding the coat inside out where the blue/green streaks will disguise it, no one will interfere is what, Mother God?

 

          This union is Sacred & Secret, & you want no one to interfere. So it is hidden in the interior, the way God is. And so, this relationship is SAFE. People only see bodies, things, they do not see God or mystical relationships.

 

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

INTIMATE DREAMS

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Four dreams. One shows the results of a huge forgiveness yesterday. The other shows my lover has greatly evolved spiritually, he’s leaving his present female & loves me truly. Fourth dream again underscores his evolution.

 

5-30-20-BIG LOVE ALL AROUND-MUSLIMS-LOVER APPEARS

 

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          I’m in a place where there are two small boys – like 5-6 years old. They seem to be somehow ‘bundled up’ in clothing & their bodies seem ‘round’ like cocoons, the cloth they are in is soft & medium-dark, many layers.

 

          The family of the boys is all around, we are on a platform of sorts. I put out my hand to them to shake – somehow my hand is huge, like a cradle. But they cannot shake my hand, & I then realize it’s not a Muslim custom—they are Muslims & restricted in many actions compared to us.

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          *(MUSLIMS: Not sure if this is literally referring to Muslim devotees I have had or these are devotees of different religions than Christian that I am being reconciled with.

 

          HAND OUT LIKE CRADLE: My hand is offered to them is my LOVE – the love OF A MOTHER offers someone a CRADLE OF COMFORT.

 

          BUNDLED LIKE COCOONS: These are people who have not yet possibly been BORN AGAIN, they have not turned into butterflies, are still the chrysalis, the bug in the cocoon before they are released. The many

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          LAYERS surrounding them, like swaddling clothes, are the layers of the world & flesh, consisting of thoughts, feelings & connections to it. This must be broken through to get BORN AGAIN.)*

 

          One of the boys says to me,

 

          “I just want to hug you & kiss you.”

 

          Somehow they are not allowed to hug & kiss me, but I hug them anyway. One of them places his hand on my left breast. I know it’s the gesture of an innocent child, but I must take his hand off because someone might accuse me of a wrong.

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          *(HUG THEM, ONE PUTS HAND ON BREAST: As a result of my prayers, these ‘backslidden’ disciples have reached out to me– after I reached out to them in love {without realizing it} & indeed, they are innocent children of God. They want & need a real Mother’s love.)*

 

          Then something happens. I do a demonstration. I ascend into the air so high – like 100, 200, 500’. At that level I come upon a Heavenly or God-made frame for a building, the frame is made of very thick planks. This might be like a ‘resting place’ for me high up here.

 

          Amazingly, several women ascend into the air with me – they are spiritually advanced. Some of them go up halfway but can’t go higher & descend.

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          One woman is interesting – I think I knew her in life, she’s gleeful to ascend with me high up. She’s thin, her face & body has creases, not wrinkles, like striated, I think she wears red, a revealing summer dress. She is beaming with joy that she could ascend with me, but then she sinks back down after about 300’—but I was impressed that these women rose into the Heavenly realms with me. It’s the first time in my life I’ve had such an incident – never had anyone rise with me before.

 

          I wanted to impress or do this demonstration for the Muslim family, but unfortunately, when I come back down – they are all gone. They might not have seen me ascend at all. I wanted to show them my spiritual power.

 

         *(THEY ARE GONE: My ‘Muslim’ disciples are now gone, they no longer see or receive my spiritual power—even though we are forgiven both ways for our breakups. Forgiveness & love does not always unite us with those we have parted from.)*

 

          MEANING: This is a result of the prayers I did last night. One of my friends hurt me & made me angry. I was saying the law of karma will get her back.

 

          Then I decided to forgive her. I didn’t feel like it but I said a righteous prayer that should be remembered:

 

          “It is my will that the person who hurt me will be forgiven, as if she never hurt me at all. I want no punishment or bad karma to come against her because of me. Count her ‘not guilty.’

jayne_mansfield Jayne_Mansfield_Playgirl_after_Dark jayne-mansfield-and-her-husband-mickey-hargitay-at-a-film-premier-circa-1960-file-reference-33536-318tha-PMB540 Jayne-Mansfield-Hollywood-legend-cover-girl-death-821291 

          I then proceeded as I do periodically to forgive anyone/everyone who ever hurt me & added to that I accept from anyone I ever hurt their forgiveness.”

 

          I repeated this prayer many times before I fell asleep, & this is the result. There was reconciliation with people – sharing of love, the blocks of un-forgiveness being removed.

 

          The Muslims—my hand extended to them like a cradle is the CRADLE OF LOVE & these two guys FEEL LOVE FOR ME LIKE SONS FOR THEIR MOM—they might be former disciples.

 

         The females, the main one could have been the one I forgave. She rose up with me partway – she has suffered greatly in the last ten years & it’s brought her much closer to God. If this is her, my prayer made her extremely happy.

 

          What was the huge-beamed foundation high up in the sky? Perhaps my home that God has started to build. Since only these planks were up this might be a sign saying I do have some time left to live. I’m not always certain as I’ve had heart trouble & been sick lately – always think death could be around the corner when I’m sick – so God might be reassuring me.

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……………………………………………………….

Jayne Mansfield, Pam Grier & myself (in our prime) are to me the ideal bodies.  Anna Nicole Smith was next after that, the implants spoil some of it as the first three are ‘natural’ – but of course Anna’s face was really pretty.  I would default Anna on legs, they were not as perfect as Jayne’s & mine. We had/have ‘Betty Grable legs,’ they must be STRAIGHT.  Both Jane & I had/have thin, firm, small thighs & straight legs with beautiful feet.  Yes I have seen images of her feet, mine are beautiful also. Below, look at Betty Grable’s legs:

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Betty Grable's Legs

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Upon further study ANITA EKBERG stands out, with everything gorgeous including legs, straight legs.  Betty Grable was most famous for her legs, the rest of her body is not outstanding, but thin & lovely.  Her legs more or less ‘cut the standard,’ in that they are thin but SHAPELY, not toothpicks.  Of course there have been & are numerous all over the world – Hollywood, everywhere – women with terrific bodies, good legs, but I’m speaking of the ones I’m most familiar with {famous women I can get pictures of} & I include the legs as an important measure of perfection–there are many women with great bodies like Anna Nicole Smith, but their legs are not as perfect  as the ‘Betty Grable’ model.  Below, see Anita Ekberg:

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With implants today many women have great breasts, so that’s an advantage.  In the old days they didn’t have much except nasal surgery & I suspect stars like Marlene Dietrich {also known for her legs} & Mae West had beautiful noses by surgery.  Zsa Zsa & Eva Gabor had their noses fixed {& their sis who isn’t famous, & their Mom.  I met the surgeon who did the Mom.} 

Below the legs of Marlene Dietrich.  Look at her small, tight thighs, the straightness but curviness of the legs.  Toothpicks are not sexy:

the-blue-angel-aka-der-blaue-engel-marlene-dietrich-1930_a-G-14713547-4985769-1 tumblr_ot7neaHVL31wv4iwso1_1280

 

Marlene-Dietrich-Feet-3410472

 

weegee

5-30-20-GLAM-BOY PERRY IN LOVE WITH ME

 

          I was sitting some place with my bare legs up on something, doing something with them—don’t know what, when this super handsome, sexy muscular boy Perry comes up to me out of nowhere, from the right side, & he is madly attracted to me.

 

          *(PERRY: This glamorous boy has always rejected me – have known him for years. For him to suddenly change his mind & desire me like this is simply an indication of the lover coming to his senses.)*

 

          This takes me by surprise as he’s never liked me before & rejects me when I try to get friendly.

kelliebw21 leo-genn-jayne-mansfield-karlheinz-bohm-too-hot-to-handle-1960-BPA0EJ leo-genn-jayne-mansfield-too-hot-to-handle-1960-BPA0DC 

          He embraces & kisses me numerous times, it gets more & more intimate. He has some sort of black hair growing on is it his legs? That is so thick, it’s like curly fur, long, curls on the end, sleek & shiny, & I have the exact same hair on my legs he takes note. He says something about it & I say,

 

          *(THICK BLACK CURLY HAIR ON LEGS: This is a great & sure sign of spiritual growth {the hair} with mystical ability to travel or get some through energy or metaphysical. LEGS mean the strength of that, hair would mean the extra growth there or evolution. This is extreme growth – part of it is 6” long & as thick & glossy as fur, jet black.

 

          This hair shows an amazing increase in lover’s spiritual growth—he’s become like me, that is why in the other dream he appears as my son & devoted disciple. He has merged into me, I into him the way the new disciple, Shiva, says he wants to merge with me. {This happens with gurus & their disciples.})*

 main-qimg-e9f8dc7c9849329381c88d2b3a3a29b4 mskelliefbb01 (1) mskelliefbb02

          “But I don’t have that type hair on my vagina any more – half of it has turned grey.”

 

          *(NO MORE ON VAGINA: No more sex or I’ve been celibate.)*

 

          We go back to kissing & there are some special kind of kisses I give him on his face, like licking his face a certain way, which finally the public notices, & when they do, they interfere. People don’t want him to be with me, like it’s outrageous or a scandal.

 

          *(SCANDAL: Not sure if this is the past, how they bothered him, or the present if he’s telling anyone about me. It’s in their minds for sure.)*

 

          Can’t recall what happens except we did not like their attitude

.…………………………………………………………

T_Isis_Celestial_Card T_Bastet_ShadowClaw_Card T_Awilix_Gold_Card T_Awilix_ESports_Card 

5-29-20-NEW DISCIPLE-SON STRUGGLES TO LEAVE A FEMALE (This represents the diehard lover, the new disciple is but a symbol)

 

          I first thought this was about my new disciple who appears often as a nice guy with black glasses {he’s newly devoted to me as a spiritual son, you might say ‘obsessed’ in a good way} – & I was unable to type it out, but am recording it now as it’s about my lover.

 

          *(SPIRITUAL SON: This is your lover in the persona of this new disciple, who is devoted, to show that the lover now realizes he is your spiritual son, you his mother, & something will happen today to indicate he wants to come to you soon—you are not aware of this event at the time of dreaming, it’s psychic.)*

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          I see this man with the black rimmed glasses & he’s living in my bedroom at the old farm house. I see a silver vase with plants in the window, sort of tucked into the curtains; I see & feel the familiarity of that home.

 

          The vase might mean something. It’s in the shape of a V, thin, I had not attended to it for a long time & felt what was in it might be dead for lack of water. It’s kind of attached to the ‘curtain,’ not standing by itself, in the front window. Inside are like soft thick-leafed plants, don’t know what kind.

 

          *(THE VASE: You bet it’s significant. The V shape first of all is

 

          V: for ‘VICTORY.’ Second, it’s position

        250px-T_Bastet_Default_Card 250px-SkinArt_Serqet_Default 250px-SkinArt_Isis_Default 250px-SkinArt_Hera_Default 

          IN THE WINDOW: This is a ‘window of opportunity’ which means an improvement, a chance or change for something better, it ends a previous relationship, here shown as ‘Gina’ & him, & will begin yours.

 

          A CURTAIN, ATTACHED TO: In between two curtains, attached, this opportunity or chance is attached or connected– curtains, it signifies the end of this other relationship, as when a play, an act, a show is over, it’s ‘curtains.’ When someone leaves you it’s ‘curtains.

 

          GINA: Was a model who was demon-possessed & also mentally ill. I did exorcisms & removed her demons, but could not help with the mental illness. I think she went crazy from having abortions every year.

 

          This model represents his relationship which this dream says he’s leaving. Why, could be anyone’s guess. Is she like Gina? Was she, is she crazy, possessed? Is she pregnant & wants an abortion?

 

          The vase being SILVER is a sign of the permanent relationship of myself & lover.

 

          The fact that it’s still filled with WATER, the PLANTS are alive, means the permanent relationship is still going to be, the water is life or grace, the plants are also the life of the two people in the affair – him & me.)*        

         

There’s a bed here covered with a black satin sheet with dust & tiny debri on it. ‘Gina’ – who lives here with that male – he’s leaving – tries to make him stay, but this guy I watch him getting into his car below the window – it’s black, & he says to her,

 a8d2a3b13e851f2baf9adefb8c0d8da5 a7a84f25e4e07d4c61461365e802ab95 a5c282d2dcfd0bcf0dd28540202cca6b a3a7d408509f9a5048ff8f4efc133fe4

*(GUY LEAVING: is your lover leaving the other lady.

He removed some of her details off social media today.

 

BLACK CAR: Funeral car, end of the relationship.

 

BED WITH BLACK SHEET: End of their sex life, either already ended or is ending now.)*

 

          “I have to go to work.”

 

          *(HAVE TO GO TO WORK: My inner sense was this was an excuse, he wanted to leave & used work as his reason. But he might not come back.)*

………………………………………………………..

 

DREAM EXPLAINS HOW LOVER GREW SPIRITUALLY OVER THE LAST YEARS

 

5-31-20-LOVER’S SPIRITUAL IMPROVEMENT

 1507560679-3924309607 856313505_1320522 843386625_25210 345007004a67c9e55656f11bbd1d3697

          This dream I sense foretells the amazing improvement of my lover in his evolution, growth & attitude.

 

          I see a large insect like which I saved recently, like a dragonfly—the one I saved was tiny—this one is huge, maybe 6” or bigger, just like the tiny one.

 

          Next in my hands is a BIRD, as if the insect turned into a bird.

 

          Next I see this same creature turn into one of my most intimate dogs, a black terrier I named Baby – & she is standing on a shelf where I have the ‘family photo albums.’

 

          MEANING: This is the transition of my LOVER who when I first met him & dated him, he was a huge BUG or a person of LOW EVOLUTION. People like that of course ‘bug you’ a lot – they are troublesome, & he was.

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          Years have gone by. Next my lover turns into A BIRD. That means he’s FREE or BORN AGAIN. He can fly, he is free of the confines of limited time & space.

 

          Next he becomes my most intimate dog – Baby – who I found as a stray – she would sit in my lap in the car for hours while we drove back & forth to the city – 4 hours at a time.

 

          This says that my lover, in his heart & mind, is now my BABY or child, & has surrendered to me in love. There is no PHYSICAL indication of this – this just says what he is INSIDE.

 

          If these dreams reflect the truth he’s had a remarkable evolution. And this isn’t just about me – my flesh. It’s how he relates to the God within me – as I was sent to save him—the way Jesus was sent to save many of us. How we relate to our Guru is how we relate to God.

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………………………………………………………………    

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

SAD TURNS TO GLAD

antique-portrait-of-dionysus-joaquin-abella

Lover leaves  but comes back,  relationship is attacked by numerous

people— beat them back & escape, fly off with him away from them all, on a

golden road of love—this is predicted.

5-17-20-SAD TURNS TO GLAD 

Interpreted for a friend

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          This is so sad in the beginning. My aunt & uncle have a get-together way in the hills in the country – it’s beautiful, rolling soft bushes & trees, lots of recreation, many people are here.

 

          *(AUNT & UNCLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PUNISHERS IN YOUR SYMBOLS {the thought is ‘cry Uncle’ when you can’t take it any more}, but this time you will see a change. The beauty, recreation, is a sign of your peace & happiness.)*

 

          I am having a great time, not thinking of anything negative, when after a while notice the guy I love is off to the side with another female—I know he’ll be making love to her. I see a lot of young people off to the side in the blackness where you can’t see them & they are doing sex. I don’t see my lover clearly with the female, just vaguely, in my imagination.

 DCPcO3dXcAAFzfu dazm80k-00c2504e-ad90-4261-bafa-1c996ac97612 0196_Teniers 002 dance_of_dreams_grande

          *(LOVER WITH ANOTHER: This being remembered is causing a mar to happiness. ‘In the blackness’ means you can’t see the people but know what they’re doing.)*

 

          After that I mope around, so sad. My uncle is near me. I see his face clearly, he has olive skin & 5 o’clock shadow on his face,—he’s young & handsome {no more than 40} & seems sympathetic to me.

 

          *(UNCLE SYMPATHETIC: Things have changed drastically. You’re not going to be punished or suffer any more, this change is saying.

 

The face of the uncle reminds me of an actor on TV who plays do-gooder roles.)*

 cbf906555fe053959a465f0ded37374a cb351723685a499dc354c784dd978574 carolina-kushidonti-isis-the-new-old-card-v2 CapitalBronzeDove-max-1mb cape-buffalo-at-addo-park-south-africa-4-1338304

          He has me sit at a table that has soft, small dinner rolls on it. I take one, with my face sort of down in sadness; he gives me a different roll, one more square. I think what do I do now, put butter on it? But I don’t put any butter, I’ve become passive. There’s a guy sitting to my right – I don’t know who he is.

 

          *(SOFT DINNER ROLLS: What is on the table or brought there, represents in a relationship.

         

          BUTTER ON BREAD: Major clue –Butter on bread is MONEY, & possibly more than ‘just bread’ or basics, butter on bread could mean an abundance or extras. Uncle provides you with

 

BREAD ON THE TABLE –Represents MONEY – what one brings to the table in a relationship—You prayed about this yesterday, asking God what do we each bring to the table? The

d8bdaa21e878c385fd840fa76cf5e5fe--laura-croft-tomb-raiders 

BUTTER: represents ‘which side my bread is buttered on’ which means, which part of these people supports me, pays my bills or provides money? Uncle hands me a

 

SQUARE: dinner roll instead of the round one I took which could mean ‘a SQUARE MEAL’ & so this represents a ‘square meal’ or ‘enough to eat,’ a decent amount of money, not just survival, the rolls are money that is brought to the table, being

 daa2cddd8d78dc9422f5c69c78b44af5 d454339298858b173a40c1e3f60c6db1 d784f2d1e45813c56916882b9863bf7d d529fffa22181c984655bc4661c34330 d110a0db17525d80b57c08eac653a34c d30f0931552e2c8d730235f648f3f65b d10v2km-c01aac81-31df-4420-abb9-0a858fd187c8

SOFT: soft is easy, tender, not hard which would be hard to obtain or earn – You can easily provide support for Wayfarer & the butter is the ABUNDANT MONEY you provide. You are

 

PASSIVE: as you’re not doing anything, not chasing Lover any more, but there’s a man sitting to your right who you wonder about – you never look at him & this might be

 

MAN TO MY RIGHT: Lover is sitting to my right, it’s planned, prepared, like the places at a table, when they have placards by each spot a person sits at an event, a wedding & such – Uncle is pointing this out to me. The fact that this is a planned dinner might be pointing to WEDDING DINNER. In fact this entire weekend bash might be pointing to the celebration of our wedding. This dream, through the symbol of my Uncle, who usually punishes me, predicts the marriage.

 

This dream explains, through my uncle, a theme that has been raised many times before – that Lover coming to you will have to do with what you bring to the table – & he will know which side his bread is buttered on. He’s always been in ‘survival mode,’ living with people who paid the bills – not always full but part time, like several days a week. The most recent female gave him the ‘golden parachute’ & allowed him to live with her full time without taking any of his money & even for a long time, gave him drugs.

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Her ability to support him has diminished due to our Pandemic—in fact, she might be totally bankrupt for an extended time. The deal they had will no longer work.

 

Where will he go next? Who can provide? It will be you, the dreams have said for years. He will hit ‘rock bottom’ – will have nowhere else to go & will humble himself to you, the only one who will take him in & support him. That’s why this dream says ‘bread on the table’—man is to my right, & ‘butter on the bread.’)*

 

          I tell my uncle about seeing Lover with another girl. I say to him,

 

          “Could you invite him for tomorrow? Then I’ll see him again.”

          {This was a weekend bash.}

 

          I am profoundly sad through this dream.

 c952563a9105704511d3e0cbcf340fa6 C51494F0B2E101367234543D7EF8F2C1 c7604f76a7c8121938060436e74183ab c86d9b0bfd873c88be8786ba12f2f778

          NEXT SCENE everything changes. I am at a movie theater, the audience lit up, lover & I are sitting close to each other in the aisle—on the left—there’s seats here for us. No one is close to us.

 

          *(MOVIE THEATER: Theater of life. You are living it.

 

          AISLE: Big hint—going up the aisle means getting married. You are here together as a couple in love.)*

 

          He has me in the MOST WONDERFUL EMBRACE, his arm around me, kissing me, again & again & again. No one bothers us FOR A WHILE & then – the shit begins.

 

          First, his own brother comes up to him. He looks like he has about 25% black blood, he has a black mustache & short beard. He does not speak to me, but he addresses Lover, whom I shall call ‘Wayfarer’—telling him to leave off what he’s doing with me, & go with him.

 c59b816348beb61593828f606a3df453 c52cea0e0ef102ba2ecc647d44937320 c32 c31c6daf2a3f982b1c50567a1b9a9004--earth-mama-mother-earth

          *(BROTHER WHO TRIES TO GET LOVER AWAY FROM ME: This represents any creepy ‘friend’ or multiple friends who wanted him to be with them, not you. Some of these ‘brothers’ are in & out of jail for drugs, stealing & violence, some are homos or bisexuals. They want him to stay in their group.)*

 

          This INFURIATES me. I get up & punch the guy & I guess he goes off.

 

          *(I PUNCH THE GUY: You did interfere with one homo who quit bothering him for a while.)*

 

          Next, someone else interfered but I can’t recall who. I fought like three type sets of people.

 

          The third instance, Wayfarer & I have moved to the back of the theater, against the wall. Now a middle-aged couple interferes, a woman with super thick {twice as thick as regular hair} to the shoulders white hair is in his lap & her husband is nearby – they are also interfering.

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          I go up to her, grab her by the hair & pull her off his lap, & thinking,

 

          “That’s what they wanted – that I attack someone not of the family – so they can call the cops & have me arrested. They have conspired to interfere with my relationship with Wayfarer, wanting to at the same time get me into trouble for fighting back.”

 

          When I grabbed this woman it was violent, extreme physical force.

 

          *(WHITE HAIRED WOMAN: This is a rival you tangled with forcefully. Her hair is WHITE FROM WORRY about what was going on.

It was multiple onslaughts of people you had to fend off – homos –druggie friends & sex-crazed females.)*

 

          Then I know I must ESCAPE WITH HIM far away from all these people, where none of them can reach us or do us harm.

 

         *(ESCAPE WITH HIM IN MY ARMS: This is a prediction, it’s not happened yet. On the spiritual plane, yes, but not yet physical.)*

 

          I grab him into my arms, hold him, & light up into the air, & fly off, trying to go as far as possible. If we are far enough away from these people, we can be at peace to share our relationship. It’s a slight strain for me to fly high into the air, but I manage, & then I see the road ahead. It’s a beautiful wide avenue in the country – with trees on both sides – I see trees of the country side & hills on both sides, with houses here & there – the road looks like some kind of beige/gold clay. It is promising.

 

          *(ESCAPE, FLY IN AIR, COUNTRY, GOLD AVENUE: This says that you will get him away from all the negative people, male & female – take him to a higher level {FLY} & enter on the ROAD OF LOVE forever more.

 

          The physical surroundings resemble where you live, near Sacred

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Mountains—this says it will be Valhalla where you can finally share a private world with no interference or rivals.

 

It’s interesting that a person that has always been a punisher in my dreams now appears as a consoler, giving me a vision & prediction of future love & happiness.)*

O1qPv

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

MAN FEELS REJECTED

Nose_picking_gargoyle____by_tallnthin

MAN YOU LOVE FEELS REBUKED, REJECTED

& IS A NERVOUS WRECK

 

5-15-20-GOODHUBBY & OZY HERE

#####!!!!!@@@@@ ##################11111 

          Was busy doing something with a guy – some kind of work, nothing romantic & we got done.

 

          *(WORK WITH GUY: You don’t have any boyfriends but you hire men for work, this is a new worker.)*

 

          Then see my ‘goodhubby’ Robert driving me into my newly refurbished driveway – just big enough for one car, & he has a quiet, curious look on his face like ‘what’s going on’ or ‘went on.’

 

          *(ROBERT: When Robert appears means your lover’s attitude is positive & tender toward you – Robert was a previous ‘goodhubby.’)*

 #####111 #####11111##### #####11122 #####12111

          The spot used to be ‘open’ but now not only are there tall bushes on both sides of the spot as well as in front, but a sort of ‘makeshift,’ not solid fence, of small ‘weathered’ trees, criss crosses, a decoration mainly as any animal can get through it like a dog, cat, raccoon – anything but a cow or horse, but they could knock it over, doesn’t look strong. The small trees this was made of are about 4” diameter, & the bark is weathered, not smooth, like rough & has maybe lichen or something textured on it. It has the fence rail over the top, & the as I said, large criss crosses under.

 

          *(MY DRIVEWAY: Represents, basically your vagina or sexuality. Now it is ‘closed in’ – the bushes surrounding where a man would drive you & your car into the driveway now ‘enclosed’ or no longer

 

OPEN: this could be taken two ways, no longer open to Robert’s scrutiny – or no longer open to him for sex. The

#####22222 #####11212121212 #####DOMINIQUE #####DRUGS #####FAMILY 

FENCE: Is a symbol of the CROSS, especially when there are ‘criss crosses’ here – A cross can mean pain & suffering, a cross can also mean

 

NO: as in ‘crossed out.’ Since the fence is made of

 

YOUNG TREES, 4” IN DIAMETER: Could represent YOUNG MEN you’re no longer having sex with – including the lover/boy/hubby. The

 

WEATHERED, TEXTURED BARK: might be another symbol saying ‘not freshly cut down – been sitting in piles for a while, bark getting weather-beaten, collecting lichen, texture’ – translating to ‘not going out with any young men – they were there a while back but now left alone. This is an accurate symbol for you to understand, whether he understands it is not disclosed here.

#####HOW HELL LOOK #####PPLE INFLUENCE HM #####U N HIM AFTER OVERDOSES #####UNFRENS 

BIG ENOUGH FOR JUST ONE CAR: This is hinting at the one man or multiple men situation. There are thoughts in his mind about am I the man, or is there another one? Symbols go both ways. Big enough for just one car translated is ‘big enough for just one penis.’)*

 

          Robert sees under the car – I’m looking under also – that the previous man who drove it took off his white stretchy undershorts {with a striped waistband, like maybe green/grey, 2 stripes} & pulled it over something underneath the driver side. We had nothing to do with sex but he might suspect we did.

 

          There’s also a simple small chair to the front left, & the worker put his hat, which is like a mask {you know those cold-weather hats that cover part of your face}, which is tan & black bands or frames around openings, at first, this sort of made me uncomfortable, but then I realized it was a virus cover, & there is another such knitted hat, of multi colors on this little chair. So the PRESENCE of this man is seen & it makes Robert uncomfortable & me the same way because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.

 

          *(DRIVER MAN LEFT HIS SHORTS: Goodhubby suspects THERE IS ANOTHER MAN in your life, who is seen as ‘DRIVING’ ME—driving being a euphemism {symbol} for fukking you.

#####UPOSSESSED #####UTAKEHIM #####WAITING #####WAREHELL BE 

          SHORTS STRETCHED OVER BOTTOM OF CAR UNDER DRIVER SIDE: He thinks you’re with a man with his pants down.

 

          STRIPES ON WAISTBAND, GREEN & GREY: Green could represent money or ‘life.’ Grey is thinking.

 

          KNITTED VIRUS HAT/MASKS TWO OF THEM ON LITTLE CHAIR ALSO BY DRIVER SIDE: Then maybe you have multiple men? The beige with black borders could be Robert & you–you were secret lovers, so the hat/mask is HIDING SOMETHING – no one saw you together.

 

          And so, if youwere HIDDEN LOVERS, behind closed doors you could be having MULTIPLE LOVERS (multi-colored mask) in secret. The hat/masks are what is secret & hidden.)*         

#####WATUDO2HM #####WATUDO2HSHART ####WT U DO T HIM ###VACANCY 

          Then we’re upstairs on the 2nd floor. Ozy, a Guru is here with his back to the door of this room, I am here & there was a lady – not sure if this is still her to my left back or if that is a different person, & his 11 or 12 yr old son is here, looking next to the tall bureau where in my bedroom there is a huge window—he looks perplexed.

 

          *(GURU OZY: It took me a while to figure out who this is – it’s his God-Self– the Power which is the God or parent of his flesh – his flesh is his son, the boy standing here facing your bedroom window.

 

          FACING AREA WHERE MY BIG WINDOW IS: He used to summon you by way of this window, call out, whistle & shine a light to let you know he was there. This dream says he is perplexed why you’re never there.)*

 

          At first this lady & I found a bargain for underpants & we were both purchasing them gleefully, as the lady who owned this clothing biz was only charging $10 for ten pairs pants. I was showing them to Ozy, what a bargain, & he looks at this white card on top of this tall bureau where a stack of these are & says

 14980757_10209007765724830_1104933460089764786_n 15073422_10208915523659764_5306904935101243171_n 15073497_361158024217304_1062568092912661612_n 15109360_345066329191553_6415162926141033970_n 15181135_1696981803946853_5188557126603537731_n

          “The price has even gone down, they are now 15 pairs for $10.”

 

          They are beautiful underwears, that’s why I’m surprised they’re so cheap – they have lots of shiny material in red with black lace in front, not snug, loosely designed, almost like very loose pleats in front. I told Ozy I prefer to wear the big ones, as I don’t like my underpants tight. {I also had some smaller ones I wear, I show him the size 10’s.} I’m thinking to get more.

 

          *(RED PANTIES WITH BLACK LACE: Represent celibacy & not having sex for a long time. To call these

 

          CHEAP: Means there is no suffering for you, no sense of deprivation. The desire has been mastered. Ozy, his God self notices there’s been even a bigger jump in you being able to endure this lack of sex. In spiritual terms, when something they say ‘costs a lot’ means in terms of suffering, so cheap is easy.)*

149655_494218023929682_1530679783_n 198179_513663228651828_3494912_n 295669_556510307700453_2089400629_n 379176_548729198478564_692292478_n 

          Ozy is proud of his son & wants to know from my lady friend to the left – by her ESP – about his genius abilities.

 

          Her psychic senses comes & goes, right now she feels oppressed by too many overwhelming things going on & she says to him,

 

          *(PSYCHIC FEMALE: Is a part of you, right now seem to be overwhelmed with so many things on your mind.)

 

          “He has a neurological condition.”

 479713_801037410000851_2667627179029362100_n 548745_490609460957205_1164219922_n 577328_410264675682292_1058671390_n 1173706_645842345433915_335036636_n 1212111

          Ozy asked about the wound on his right cheek – it’s the size of a nickel, looks like light mint stripes over this ‘wound.’

 

          *(WOUND, SIZE OF A NICKEL, WITH MINT STRIPES: This is like his being ‘slapped in the face,’ which usually means, by a woman to a man, reprimanded &/or rejected. This is how he feels)*

 

          She says,

 

          “His neurological condition coincides with that wound, it parallels it.”

 

          *(NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION RELATING TO THAT WOUND, PARALLELS IT: He feels I have reprimanded & rejected him, & that has made him a ‘nervous wreck’ – translated from ‘neurological condition.’)*

1907630_514251432012785_6536048388562530780_n 1937161_778020458969213_3222010004555421761_n 1969155_518512211586707_3504009505710477804_n 10177901_512675865503675_5964448598072482978_n 

          Ozy expected something different, not that he has a problem, but that he’s superior in some way – perhaps he’s disappointed.

 

          *(OZY WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT: The God inside lover/boy/hubby might have thought his flesh was stronger than this – superior to the situation, but he isn’t. When he was pushing you around, he felt superior, in control, now he feels reprimanded, rejected & a nervous wreck.

          “You never miss your water ‘till the well runs dry.”

 

          He thought it was all you – he was above it. You were pursuing him, obsessed; he didn’t have to do anything but tell you when he wanted you. It was easy. Then suddenly, you were gone. He is perplexed, hurt, bewildered. If he was above it, why does he care? He never had to do anything to keep you, you were in love no matter how much he hurt you. The shoe is on the other foot. The well has gone dry. He needs the water.)*

 

original original original PastelDeadChicken-size_restricted Peter-Paul-RubensTheCat-of-the-Daughters-of-Leucippus-min PHO-63848-COMP PhotoGrid_1563036043297-1 playing-cats-henriette-ronner-knip Playing-Kittens-Henriette-Ronner-Knip-Oil-Painting-1 playtime-henriette-ronner-knip

 

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