NEW VISION – CHURCH 12-9-20

 

This morning, I had a NEW VISION. Here it is:

Instead of leaving my assets to someone I’m not sure of, or others who might use it for their own selfish wants or those who would piss it away {drugs, luxuries, foolishness’}, I will do this.

If God gives me good health years from now, I will use the bulk of my money available to start THE CHURCH, ‘WOMAN THOU ART GOD.’

I will need STRENGTH & HEALTH as it will be a GREAT DEAL OF WORK as the BEGINNING OF ANYTHING IS THE HARDEST.

What is important here is I would set up the TEMPLATE exactly as directed by Mother God – set up a council, a committee, as the women at the first wave of feminism set up {Susan B. Anthony & Elizabeth Cady Stanton in America} & Emmeline Pankhurst in the UK. Those women got WORLD WIDE PUBLICITY because it was new & different. The first World War ended the publicity & some of the progress of it – it was the backlash from the men – steal the thunder of the women’s movement & the only way we can do it is through WHOLESALE VIOLENCE, shake up the entire world with it, make women’s strides seem trivial, leave them IN THE DUST.

They have done THE SAME THING NOW. We were making tremendous strides, & Ajax understands politics, they have smashed us down. But there is a God, wait, the war isn’t over.

OK I am not ready now, but hopefully I will be. I see clearly now there is NO WOMAN WHO HAS MY VISION, no woman understands, & with that understanding has the COURAGE as did the women of old – those mentioned as well as BETTY FRIEDAN. {Betty got a black eye from her husband for her first publicity stunt, a sit-down at the Plaza hotel – she covered it with thick makeup & glasses.}

As I look about me, the academics, all brain/no heart, the weaklings, the ones who don’t study, & most of all THE WOMEN WHO COULD BE CHOSEN BY GOD BUT REFUSE TO OBEY – The woman who leads this movement/Church MUST BE SPIRITUAL, MUST BE ONE WITH GOD! She must be CHOSEN! And what does to be chosen mean? Many things, to be evolved, to be prepared, but most of all TO BE OBEDIENT TO GOD.

This is what is lacking in women: They are self serving, want to be Chiefs, ego-maniacs, not preparing themselves, want to be QUEENS instead of servants. You can be a Queen, but MY KINGDOM IS NOT OF THIS WORLD. The GLORY is not of this world – this world gives ONLY A CROSS. The Glory is spiritual & will follow in the world to come, you must carry the cross now, be crucified on it, & reap your rewards in Heaven. THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO DO THAT, that is why there was only one Jesus, & one me. Am I the only one willing to follow in Jesus’ footsteps? If I am, then I am THE CHOSEN ONE.

 

Isn’t this my pattern, after all? Haven’t I taken all the blows other women wouldn’t? For every project, 90% ridicule, 10% admiration, 90% criticism, 10% approval. No money, ever. I worked, spent my own money promoting what was done. No sugar Daddys or Mammas, no patrons. What glory, promotion, honor & money did Our Lord ever get? All He did was WORK & SUFFER. The bits of recognition he got were few & far between – some good disciples, hundreds fell away, he was betrayed. And this after doing countless MIRACLES of healing & exorcisms. In the end, Nicodemus & Joseph of Arimathea got him out of the tomb, revived him, got him healed & off to Tibet.

What is happening is I am getting revived spiritually as to my identity / mission, who I am, what I must do. All the frustrations & disappointments are for a reason. Those who do not support me are not the ones who can – they aren’t evolved enough, brave enough or spiritual enough, they are too human. While Jesus lived, no Apostle could follow in his footsteps. It had to be AFTER HIS DEATH, when they prayed in the Cenacle, as a community, for a long time, that the HOLY SPIRIT came down upon them as FIRE & DOVES & then they were filled with Its Power & then & only then DID THEY HAVE THE COURAGE TO FOLLOW THE FOOTSTEPS OF OUR LORD.

Perhaps this has to happen here. I thought I was through, just a lame duck on my way out. But maybe I have to set up this Church, get it ready for when I die, that the followers can form a community & pray & wait for the Holy Spirit to come down upon them – then they can work. I already have the Holy Spirit – I have been Anointed, that’s why I was able. They have not been Anointed, that’s why they cannot.

And oh yes, whoever distinguishes themselves the most in service to Our Mother God in the establishment of the Church, will become my heiress.  This is important:  see pictures & my words below

How God chooses:  Look how Jesus, at the beginning of his ministry, went to the desert mountain & prayed & fasted for 40 days & nights.  Then the devil came to tempt him.  The devil offered him things – bread – the world & its glories.  This is why people are not chosen, because they accept the offerings of the devil – things, the world & its glories, they REFUSE TO SACRIFICE, they want more & more of the world, the flesh & the devil. 

And so, the women who are jealous of me, who refuse to help me, who say I’m trying to take over, are of the devil.  Unless they are willing to do as Jesus did, sacrifice, God cannot choose them as they  REJECTED THE CROSS.  It is the Cross which leads to the crown, the crown does not lead to glory.  If you desire the crown/s of the world, you might get them, but expect no victories on the other side – there will be no parade of angels & saints waiting to greet you.  Saints suffer.  Why?  Because they DO THE WILL OF GOD.  When you do the will of God, you are the exact opposite of what is the status quo or ‘wisdom’ the world employs.  The world hangs on to physical things, the spirit lets them go.  The spirit does what is right no matter what the consequences, even martyrdom.  This is not an easy road but it is the right road, the ‘small, narrow road & gate.’  ‘Many go through the broad road & wide gate’ – haha – ‘the broad highway to Hell.’

  Go ahead, women, ask for things, beg for glories, seek the Kingdom of the Earth.  But ‘my Kingdom is not of this world.’  Myself, I listen to God each day.  You might not believe me as I’m not the normal or usual spiritual person.  I became prosperous.  Why?  Because I sought it?  No.  Because God took care of me, as I renounced all things, but I ‘put first the Kingdom of God, & everything shall be added unto you.’ And so, after all people disinherited, abandoned & rejected me, God took care of me. 

Second, I was celibate for 30 years & wanted to stay that way.  You might say ‘You are not a spiritual person because you went out & became a cougar & had quantum amounts of sex.  This is not how saints behave.’  But I OBEYED THE WILL OF GOD.  God told me to quit celibacy, go out & ‘have fun’ & I resisted but God insisted.  I still don’t know why God demanded this, only She understands, perhaps before I die I will.

  I also did not understand why God allowed me to be monstrously abused by my Mother & family, but now so much later, I do understand;  it was to prepare me for my life to come, which consisted of the Patriarchal society hating & attacking me relentlessly while I did my work.  I had to battle bigger monsters & demons than you can imagine, put myself in harm’s way & at peril for life & limb, & had I been unprepared, a softie, I could not have done it.  Now these women want my ‘Crown.’  Go on bitches, take up your Cross & follow Jesus, & you will get the Crowns.
………………………………………………………………………………

12-9-20 DREAM: “FATHER LAUGHS”

 

My Dad was in a room on the second floor of our house – I could see into the house as the entire wall was open. I was below working on something, like stepping on a bench I had made, just a few strong planks placed between two strong blocks. I was holding onto some kind of strong robe above, stepped on the planks & they fell off. I didn’t get hurt as I was holding onto this rope, it wasn’t far off the ground, either, just say a foot or two.

*(DAD ABOVE, ME BELOW: This might refer to a day ago I was channeling Dad & I think he found it hard to confess his wrong doings – especially in regards to not loving me that much, abandoning me, which concerned me the most. Also, why did he not send us more money after Mom left him – at times we did not have enough to eat. He had to admit he was SELFISH on both counts.
And so, he’s looking at me in a rather critical way at first – seeing the sliver in my eye while ignoring the log in his – when I tried to build something but slipped – but no harm came to me as I held onto what? Onto God, as God gives us the ‘lifeline’ from above – I did not perish nor get hurt. So I tell Dad to chill, stop judging me.)*

Now my Dad, because I slipped, takes issue with me, he kind of ridicules me a bit. I say chill, I’m holding on, one must take precautions when testing new things, which I’m doing – no harm done.

But then the funniest but traumatic thing. Dad was building something like a table, bed, not sure what but it’s walls were a solid octagonal, black on the outside, maybe 4′ tall – all from wood. It was heavy, he did not anticipate something. Everything in this room is wood & more wood.

But then the WEIGHT of the thing he’s building overwhelms the floor of the room {it’s an old house} & caves right through the floor! Many wood beams just fall down into the first floor, so the LAUGH IS ON DAD.

*(LAUGH ON DAD: This says he looked down on me for my mistakes. Indeed I made them, but God saved me. But look at his mistake. Look at his marriage to my Mom – a complete failure or collapse.
OCTAGON: refers to perfection. He thought his marriage / life / arrangement with Mom would be perfect. But there was something he did not anticipate. How hard it would be, life would be.)*

He then has to call a contractor who understands construction – who knows where the SUPPORTING BEAMS are. A beautiful young man shows up, straight blonde combed to the side, smiling, with a clipboard, ready to go to work. He will fix it.

*(SUPPORTING BEAMS: One thing I only figured out as of late, which I asked Dad about. I recall us being so broke that Mom had to borrow money from the man owning the general store – to buy our groceries - & this several times. The man always gave us the loans, we got the groceries.
I asked Dad about this, as also why he did not take me to live with him. He said because HE WAS SELFISH. Of course, he did not have a great deal of money but he could have given enough so we had enough to eat!

And so, this SUPPORT BEAM BUSINESS refers to that – how embarrassed he is that I FIGURED OUT why Mom hated him so much – it was specifically about money, & that did not only affect her, but his three children & a fourth born while under his roof.
My question to Mother God: He said he was selfish. How much did he factor that she had help from her new boyfriend, Marius? Did he wrongly assume he would provide?
She: He should not have made that assumption. He knew the fourth child might be that of the other man, but still, he had three children by her. He was hurting those three children as well as her. There was gross negligence in this. He must have given her some money but obviously not enough if she had to borrow it many times for food. He was wrong, & now, this embarrasses him as you have busted him.

BEAUTIFUL YOUNG BLONDE MAN WHO WILL FIX IT, CONTRACTOR: This is an angel. God fixed everything, this is saying. You survived.  This might be saying that my Dad did not help & support me properly – he abandoned me.  My mother abused me & disinherited me.  My first husband abused me & disinherited me.  But eventually, God made me solvent, even gave me prosperity.  Starting with my Dad there was rejection & poverty for me, but ending with God, there was love & blessings for me.)*

 

12-6-20-Purgatory Ministry vs Human Lover

 

This illustrates a conflict I didn’t know I had. It was mysterious, as many dreams are, until I analyzed it, then it made sense.

I have two lovers vying for my attention. One is filled with resources & promise – the other is poor & has nothing to give but himself.

I’m in a place like ‘in between’, a sort of semi-public, semi-private place. One lover is sort of hovering over me with promises. The other one is lying in a type of ‘open cocoon’ or an embrace where we are thoroughly intertwined, where the two of us together form like a ‘beetle’ curved up, with his jacket like a ‘shell’ on the outside.

This second lover, who has nothing, I thought was a police officer with a black uniform, but on second thought, his jacket is black leather like when Bob appeared to me as a Hell’s Angel, fukking other females besides me {I didn’t care}, proud of himself.

His love is honest, straightforward, no hidden meanings, just him.

*(COP-LOVER: This is my human lover, who has nothing to give but himself, & we are INTERTWINED in mystical / spiritual marriage.
He appears as a cop because, could be, his guardian angel wants me to be with him–cops are angels, especially when they look out for our safety & welfare.)*

The other one tells me he has all kinds of things for me, but I am uncertain. I decide there needs further investigation.

*(SECOND LOVER, FULL OF RESOURCES & PROMISES: This has a few nuances of meaning. It is the MINISTRY TO SOULS IN PURGATORY. First, God appears AS A MAN to hearken to one of my requests, which Jesus granted in 1978,

“I want to have spiritual relationships with men.”
And the answer to that was more contact with the Holy Souls.

For years, I had ECSTATIC dreams about being a prostitute, walking the streets, picking up men, taking them to a most private place & making love with them. At first I was mystified by these dreams, but eventually realized I was connecting with Souls in Purgatory & transmitting God’s Love to them – which was ecstatic–more so than anything I had experienced on earth.

And so, this ministry holds out SPIRITUAL RESOURCES or GRACES which human lover does not have, this is a deep dimension.)*

So temporarily I leave ‘the cop’ behind & go for an investigation. Across from where we are {in these open spaces in the country} is a mega house, imposing, old. The rich lover tells me HE GAVE ME THIS PROPERTY, IT IS MINE.

*(MEGA HOUSE LOVER TELLS ME IS MINE: I will find out shortly what this house is!)*

As I leave the cop behind, duck under a large Christmas tree branch, the bottom one near the trunk, on my way across there. I go over a tiny valley, maybe it has a trickle of water, maybe not.

*(UNDER CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH: This implies there is a gift for me under the tree – perhaps this Christmas – & that is the ministry as mentioned. I did wonder last night, ‘What will God give me this Christmas?’ – {She always gives me something, usually mystical, which I treasure.}

A TINY VALLEY, MIGHT HAVE A TRICKLE OF WATER THAT I CROSS: A valley is ‘the valley of tears,’ which is THIS LIFE, THIS WORLD, THIS FLESH as personified by the Catholic Church. The trickle of water is the BIT OF CONSOLATION we get on earth for our sufferings. Water is grace, in this context. )*

Before me ‘looms’ the house I supposedly own. It is three stories high & it seems to have naught but one tiny window on the first floor. It’s rust in color – I don’t know if it means the structure is metal or if it’s some other material painted rust, but I do get the feeling of metal, which makes it forbidding.

*(FORBIDDING BUILDING: Indeed, this represents the place of GOD’S JUSTICE, the
RUST METAL WALLS – metal represents THE WILL OF GOD – it hearkens to the NAILS in the hands & feet of Jesus on the Cross! And the RUST represents A LONG TIME – whatever time they spend there seems long, as there’s nothing to distract them, no physical activities – all they feel is the LOSS OF GOD, the longing for her & it feels long. Rust also has RED in it which in this context is like SUFFERING-BLOOD.)*

When I left the cop the other lover was busy, not bothering me, they said,
“She’s having a cup of tea”
{so this lover now changes gender.} I then thought if she’s occupied with tea, which would be my good time to get away & check out the house ‘I own.’

*(RICH LOVER CHANGES GENDER: This ministry to Purgatory has many nuances. First, it’s a male – as I cater to mostly men in Purgatory. So a man or men is calling me to love.

But now it changes into a woman, which is telling me this is from MOTHER GOD. She is ‘taking a break’ having a ‘cup of tea.’

BREAK FOR TEA: Mother God is not PUSHING me, not being aggressive with the ministry or the request to enter it. It is up to me to make the decision, do I get busy with this or not? So I decide to look into it more.)*

I go into the house & on the second floor, to my surprise, there is that rich lover as an old woman, about 65 & showing it, standing at the sink. She has a man beyond her that seems like a partner of the house – he was walking away on some business.

*(LOVER NOW A WOMAN WITH A MAN PARTNER AT THE SINK: This is without a doubt, Holy Mary, who at the very beginning, in 1980, brought me Errol Flynn as an infant, & asked if I would ‘take care of him.’ She was then also at my sink, washing dishes, glasses. This
WASHING DISHES, GLASSES: is a cleansing that goes on so one can minister, one can deliver grace to the souls. It might imply
THE HOLY MASS as we need a glass for the wine & a dish for the bread – the Body & Blood of Christ, or how I celebrate it, the Body & Blood of Jesus & Mary.

Of course, the man her partner is Our Lord, & overall, this is an invitation for me to SAY THE HOLY MASS BEGINNING NOW to get Souls out of Purgatory! This is the feeling I get as I think about this.)*

I stand there kind of bewildered. I want to say, if this is my house, I want you guys to fix me my own room, with all the amenities, but I don’t have the confidence. I feel that here I cannot ask for anything, just accept things as they are – that this female & that man are in charge, I have no authority.

*(IF THIS IS MY HOUSE, ASK FOR MY ROOM WITH AMENITIES, BUT HAVE NO CONFIDENCE: Haha, what a joke. When ministering to Purgatory, one asks for nothing, one stands within the Grace of POVERTY.

Whatever life has dished out – you take it with not only tolerance, but acceptance & even JOY if such a thing is possible, because all your pains gather GRACE for SOULS. You do not ask for amenities, pleasures, consolation, an end to pain, you accept all things as they are,
‘Not my will, but thy will be done’
Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He sweated blood, before the Pharisees came to arrest him, before He was betrayed by a disciple.

And so that is the end of the mystery of the Lovers & the great, forbidding house given me. I am going to say the Holy Mass right now & continue, hopefully, right up at least until Christmas. This will get Souls released!)*

 

At some point I decide to give the cop another chance, after all, his proposal was simple, this one is a bit confusing.

*(GIVE THE COP ANOTHER CHANCE: My plan is to say the Holy Mass. After all, I am not with my Lover physically, I am free to have my mind, heart & body on God & what She might have me do. In fact, even when I eventually live with the Lover, I will not allow him to drown out my spiritual life nor my Ministry to the Holy Souls – to whom I am totally devoted. An earthly man whom I love is fine, but he does not stand above God.)*