By Rasa Von Werder, December 20th, 2020








I am with some friends at the old farmhouse when I have to go toward my bedroom, through a sort of ‘hallway’ that wasn’t there in real life, like an ‘in between living room.’ This room has an pyramidal shaped Xmas tree on a blue bin {like the bins I keep flour, rice & other things in the kitchen under a table} & I have to go ‘under’ the tree – it is not trimmed, just the plain tree – & as I go under the bottom branch of the tree toward my bedroom I come upon a BOOK.

*(XMAS TREE ON BLUE BIN: The book I will find under the tree will indicate it is something that will be PUBLISHED or PRODUCED as my Xmas gift this year.
the BIN which the tree stands on holds my surplus of foods, like flour I’ve had for years, rice, other stapes. This is the MATERIAL or RESOURCES which is what the GIFT will be BASED ON or STAND ON. The fact that it’s blue might or might not mean anything – it could be past sorrows.
The fact that I’m HEADED TOWARD MY ROOM AT THE OLD FARMHOUSE is the MEMORIES of what went on since I was young.
The TREE PLAIN, NOT DECORATED: Could be I have never been awarded, compensated or commensurated for anything I have been through since childhood. Decorations, such as those in war, are when people get recognition for dangerous missions, great bravery or being severely hurt. I have never gotten recognition for what I went through. So my TREE OF LIFE is plain, no ribbons, no bangles, no nothing.)*

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I pick up the book & at first don’t see how huge it is, then I do see. The cover is blue, exactly like the one I published was it 1979 or ’80, “Mother of the Immaculate Heart.” As I hold it in my arms, I see it is more than a FOOT THICK, could even be a foot & a half.

*(BOOK EXACTLY LIKE WHAT I PUBLISHED IN 1979, except it’s incredibly thick. Somehow I know this is the story of my life, but why the Holy Mother with her Title is on the cover, I’m not sure, except by my devotion to her, I am identified with her.
The thickness is my long life or the production of it, which will be complete.)*

I’m trying to DIGEST what this means, it is something TO BE IN AWE OF. It is PRICELESS. I mean someone got this book PUBLISHED without my knowing it. I glance at the inside, the entire contents are about GOD, from the POV of the Yoga discipline – I read just a few words, but know the entire content is about God.

*(ENTIRE CONTENT ABOUT GOD: My life, all of it, is about God. There is nothing in my long life, outside the Will of God. Why is it the
YOGA perspective of God? This might say that within Yoga & all its disciplines & religions, covers all my thoughts, feelings, ideas & activities about God.)*

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As I hold it in my arms, I’m thinking, wherever I go with this book everyone that sees it will wonder what’s in it & I’ll draw attention – it’s almost a humorous gimmick, but I’m not laughing.

*(LENGTH, VOLUME OF STORY: This might refer to the numerous events in my life, drawing people to various accounts of it – this production will not be a SOUNDBYTE like many of the TV shows, interviews I have had, it will be a THOROUGH PRODUCTION – I’m guessing either a MOVIE or TV SHOW. Maybe a TV series.)*

There’s a man & a woman here with me as I sit trying to understand, they are also in awe, the woman sitting to my front right, the man standing speaking, like in a demonstrative way, to my front left. He is gesturing, there are windows behind him, he is looking at the lady. His appearance is middle-aged, with a suit, maybe blue with maybe white shirt, Caucasian, looks like a ‘regular guy’ features not outstanding, attractive.

*(MAN & WOMAN: All I can think of is Jesus & Mary, who else could it be? Can’t think of anyone else. I have been saying the Holy Mass daily most of this months – invoking both of their Body & Blood.)*

This book thing is so amazing I wonder if I should stand up & shout,
again & again – shout it from the rooftops. But I can’t quite get myself to do it because I am THINKING SO HARD, trying to figure out who did this, I might have asked the female & male if they did this, but they did not, & I conclude this is SUPERNATURAL. I am sitting in my chair & see myself somewhat as ‘the thinker’ statue.

*(WANT TO SHOUT THANKS TO GOD: It seems something will happen to get published or produced as my Xmas gift this year. Might not be a book, could be a TV show. It’s done by Almighty God, through her Supernatural means, the Almighty, not even Jesus or Mary in particular. I can’t wait to see what this will be.)*

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I see the man I love way up in the sky. Oh yes, first, there was some tet a tet on earth. He desires me, but this other woman comes along, a blonde, & seduces him & he is now talking to her, ignoring me.

*(WAY UP IN THE SKY: Height can mean more than one thing, always think about the context of the dream to figure the meaning. My guess this height is suffering, as going up high in dreams where you feel scared is suffering. People dream of being on the top part of a tall bridge, elevators going way up skyscrapers, precarious high places. Why is height suffering? It can, for a Christian, remind them of Our Lord,
“If I be lifted up, I will draw all men unto me.”
Golgotha was a height, the Cross further still, epitomizes ultimate suffering.
And so although this situation starts on the ground, I see Lover now lifted way up with this new girl, some type of suffering.)*

I say to him ‘What about me?’ I have brown hair. He looks at her & says ‘I just want some foxy pussy.’ In other words, he doesn’t have me for sex any more, this female comes along, wants him, so he goes for her. They are in a cart of some sort.

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*(I JUST WANT SOME FOXY PUSSY: He chooses this girl, not his wife, to replace me, who he treated like a whore. Now one can imagine, he is using her that way. He has to do his business secretly, as he’s keeping up the front for the wifey, he pretends to be on the up & up.)*

Now is when I see them in the sky, about 100′ up. I am way below. I resign myself to this & say to him, ‘alright, go ahead.’

*(100′ UP: I see he is suffering, so is she, this sex isn’t making them happy. This does not explain why, I am guessing – no woman wants to be the second fiddle. She might be nagging him some way, saying she wants him to leave the wife, she might be threatening to tell, so that would be stressful. He also might not like the female other than sex – he’s not in love with her as he is with me, just wants to use her, so that would not be deeply satisfying.)*

The cart they are in glides across the sky toward the right until they are out of my viewing.

*(CART GLIDES ACROSS THE SKY OUT OF VIEW: This is like a cloud. A cloud is FLEETING, there now, then gone. It passes by, it’s nothing permanent. This is telling me that this liaison is like that – it will pass. Notice that I am not troubled at all, my new attitude is what will be, will be. If God wants this to happen, which I know She does, then it will – why worry? Why be jealous? All will pass except me.


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I come up with a recipe for a sandwich that is partly strange, partly tasty. I’m here at the house where I live, on the kitchen porch, describing my sandwich to someone. I tell them it goes onto an English muffin. It has maybe two layers, one is a light green fluffy layer, which is egg salad with mayo, the other layer is something else, also fluffy. But here’s the weird part: You have to swat like a dozen flies & put them into one of the fluffy layers.

*(FLIES IN SANDWICH: First thing I think of is ‘flies in the ointment’ & it applies. Recently I decided to start Part III of my life story by writing – not just You Tube. Much of it is ABUSE starting with my Mom. A fly in an ointment spoils something precious, it’s like a rat falling into a huge vat of jelly/jam you are making – most people would discard it all, it’s spoiled. The flies are the abuse – it’s the story of my life but the abuse makes it more INTERESTING.)*

In the dream flies are nutritious. And I could almost taste the egg salad, it was so delish that I made 7 eggs when I got up & made the salad / sandwich for breakfast, with raw onion – no flies, haha.

*(GREEN EGG SALAD: Eggs can mean several things. An egg can be a child or fetus, an offspring. An egg can represent eternal life, it’s a reproductive cell. In this case egg can be ‘meat’ or ‘meaty,’ lotsa protein, so it’s the meaty story of my life – green is it will make money. The abuse makes the story more interesting – think of Christina Crawford’s book, ‘Mommy Dearest’ – it caused a sensation BECAUSE of the abuse – the wire hanger thingy is a joke / cliché.)*

I also see the ‘fly swatter’ – it’s green, hanging at the old farmhouse in my Mom’s room.

*(GREEN FLY SWATTER IN MOM’S ROOM: Says the abuse generates from her. The green shows ‘lucrative.’)*

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This friend I’m talking to, I tell them I might name the sandwich ‘the explosion.’ Something about it is explosive or will generate publicity.

*(EXPLOSIVE: Indeed, this is a confirmation that the abuse in my life will make the story explosive, will generate publicity or attention & make it LUCRATIVE.
FLIES being swatted or killed, then eaten, shows something positive coming out of the negative, killing the evil thing & making it into something that can be consumed or eaten, turning evil into good. It’s like saying ‘thanks for the abuse,’ I can make a good story out of it – without it my story might not have been as interesting.)*

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