College of God & Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Rev Bitch Admits Truth

SHE HAD DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR

Continuation of Chapter 4

Rev Judy was in the choir for Kathryn Kuhlman. Her talent as a girl was voice, she demonstrated it a couple times, she still had some ability but never ‘made it.’ Your guess is as good as mine why, all I know she was offered a job on Roosevelt’s Presidential Yacht & her family nixed it, then she lived with movie star Barbara Nichols, who Judy said ‘was a prostitute.’ she hated Babs because when she was washing her underwear in the kitchen sink, Babs told her to take it to the bathroom.

Now she told me that SHE WAS THE REAL HEALER in the Kuhlman Crusade – that KK took the healing power from her, Judy, & used it, but Judy was the unsung hero. This I was puzzled about, it was the beginning of our friendship when I strongly believed in her & did not take her words with a block of salt.

But here’s where I really knew she was off the wall. She said that Jesus DID NOT LIVE LONG ENOUGH, He died young when He was not ‘fully developed spiritually’, & she, Judy, was older than Jesus & MORE EVOLVED. She put herself greater than Jesus, this spiritual failure who couldn’t even begin to build a church with help – what a preposterous woman!
She didn’t LISTEN to Jesus although she HEARD HIM. She told me Jesus said to her,
“Why are you so HATEFUL to Kellie? She’s going to BE A SAINT.”
And her answer was,
“If I don’t do as I do to her now, she won’t be a saint.”
So she defied Jesus instead of humbling herself.

SHE USED FALSE FLATTERY

One thing she had in common with the Putz, she used false flattery. When it was time to give me a touch, she wanted a trip to Vegas or whatever, she told me I was the ‘Princess of God.” When the told me about the land I should keep paying for -{it was West}, she told me
“Think of all the handsome cowboys who’ll want you.”
But when she wasn’t trying to get money out of me, she called me, ‘just a farmer’ & ‘you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground.’

She would constantly praise other people – dancers, my contemporaries, but not praise me. It was a lot of indirect put downs, the way con artists do to have control. ‘You’re no good, you’re inferior, so you need me.’

In that regard, probably the WORST THING she did to me was SILENCE MY VOICE. I told you I had broken through to the still, small Voice within me, my God Self, which I consulted every day. She wanted no competition, so she said again & again,

“It’s better you listen to me than your Voice, because you are not as evolved,” {neither was Our Lord according to her} etc.

She browbeat me into believing it. Was it her, or my Voice? Finally I humbled myself & decided to listen to her {bad choice, never give up your inner voice, it will protect you, whereas with Judy & any other person, they’re looking FOR THEIR OWN INTERESTS}……..I then heard a Creaking Iron Door closing – an ominous sign – & my Inner Voice said,
“I have to go if you listen to her.”

And no matter how hard I tried to get that Voice, so clear like a bell, to speak to me again like that, it never happened, not my entire life.

SHE WAS A KNOW-IT-ALL:

I said she was OBNOXIOUS. One of the most annoying traits of any human is the ‘know it all.’ I was then a fruitarian & also not officially, but celibate because my mind was only on God & development, not guys. She put great effort into changing me.

First the diet. ‘You must be normal, eat normal’ she said a thousand times. The diet is extremely hard to keep – any dissention toward it puts one in danger of quitting, & after a few months of bullying me she won.

Second, the celibacy. she tried to fix me up with guys she knew. They were revolting. Never try to fix people up because with dates & clothes, people have personal tastes you cannot figure. Just leave them alone. She wangled this way & that for me to meet young men – all ugly or revolting or no sex appeal by my standards, so at least she failed in that regard.

This is how wrong she was. When a person seeks God, they are young, one of the biggest obstacles – to both male & female – is their interest in sex & intimacy with another person. Your pursuit is intimacy with God & ‘God is a jealous God,’ ‘Thou shalt put no strange Gods before you,’ & ‘Put first the Kingdom of God.’

It isn’t only men, we understand their primitive drive overwhelms them, but women, although they are not just sex-centered, they are boy or man centered, & that does take away the focus from God. And so, instead of congratulating me that my mind was on God, that I disciplined myself in diet, that my sex / intimacy drive was on hold, she tried to push me into ‘normalcy.’ Normal people don’t find God, they do not become saints, they are on the ‘Broad Highway to Hell’ & that’s where she pushed me – the same road she was on. OK, she wasn’t bent for Hell, but Purgatory yes, & I will explain that later.

MITZI GAYNOR’S TEACHER: Now at that time I took dancing lessons, private coaching, from an old ballerina named Kathryn Etienne, who had been Mitzi Gaynor’s teacher. She gave me lessons & choreography, she figured the steps for Manuel DeFalla’s, ‘Ritual Fire Dance,’ which I performed to the end of my career. If I think about it I could recall the steps.

Now Judy walks in one day at the start of my lesson & BEGINS TO TELL THE TEACHER HOW TO TEACH ME. Ms. Etienne looks at her, & neither one of us had to say a word – the vibes she got took the wind out of her sails & she left with her tail between her legs.

She bossed me around mercilessly. She knew I was vulnerable, she knew I was virtuous. Her phrase for that was ‘Kellie, YOU ALWAYS HAVE YOUR CHIN OUT.”

And the time we’re sitting in a restaurant & discuss Joan Fontaine & Olivia DeHavilland. I told her they were sisters, she said no, & she argued until she was blue in the face.

CHANNELING REV. SWAGGART

I have now given enough anecdotes for a while so I will CHANNEL Rev. Bitch, see what she has to say. As with all my characters, I have channeled them on & off lately, so I can anticipate some answers, some might be new. So let’s begin with this:

ME: Rev. Judy, why were you so mean to me & only nice when you wanted favors? You were a woman of God, shouldn’t you know better?

REV. JUDY: Haha, sure, I was a woman of God, but there are women & there are women. I wasn’t St. Gertrude the Great, your idol. I was just a normal, natural woman with foibles, vices & sins, you saw my natural self. Yes, I was Anointed, yes I could do some Faith Healing & Channeling, when I was in that element, that was my most admirable. But the other side of me was no saint, I had a barrel of faults.

ME: So you admit you had sins, faults, & you were hateful to me & hurt me?

REV. JUDY: I admit I targeted you for my petty wants & needs. You were vulnerable, you did not fight back, so I could let it out on you with impunity. Yes, I was wrong, yes, you were a good soul, a good heart, who suffered cruelty.

ME: That is understood. But there was something you did that was so heinous I don’t know how you can excuse it. When I left you the two times you put DEATH CURSES ON ME. How evil is that? First, did you put death curses on me as I suspected?

REV. JUDY: Of course I did, I wanted both times to teach you a lesson. I was enraged that someone who was that devoted, who gave me that much money & respect, could just leave me flat. I wanted to show you my power.

ME: But what if these men had killed me? What good would that have done you? I could not go back to you & give you money or respect again. Did you deserve respect? I mean, you used your God power for evil.

REV. JUDY: I admit I was wrong – totally wrong. I admit my human nature got the better of me. I paid for my sins on earth & in Purgatory. You didn’t know this, but after you left, after I tried to kill you the second time, my health went downhill & not only that I LOST THE USE OF MY SPIRITUAL POWER.

ME: No, I did not know that. This is the first time I hear it. I guess your heart got worse? And what was the reason you lost the spiritual ability?

REV. JUDY: It was like my life was over when you left. You were my best disciple, most devoted, most generous. I knew it was not likely I would find another like you again, I was discouraged – & I did not deserve you – I treated you badly, so I had no one to blame but myself.

ME: But your Gifts, could you not go on with your Healing Gift, wasn’t that the most important thing?

REV. JUDY: You saw what I was like. Before you came along, I had had disciples but they were either selfish, or at best, lukewarm. I told you about Truth Seeker {a female, a nice girl} – we lived together. At the end of the week, when we would buy the groceries, she made sure that every penny went 50 – 50, she never gave me more than my share. She gave me a little money for lessons, as did everyone else, $10. per lesson. But to get a Church, movement or Mission going, you need a HUGE following or a HUGE devotion from a person – which I had with you. You went way out of your way to promote me against all odds, you got that add in the paper about me, which you paid a lot for, you spoke of me on the stage {which got Stripping for God started} & you spoke of me on TV shows, including the hit how, ‘Real People.’

But because of my treatment of you, including the death curses, you left me, so it was all over. I knew there would never be another like you. Putting death curses on you was like Jesus putting death curses on Peter – then he loses his first Pope – no Pope, no Organization, no nothing.

ME: I never saw it that way before, good thing I asked. So you are saying you no longer had Healing Power or what?

REV. JUDY: It wasn’t that the Healing Power & Channeling were gone, {as you know God never ‘repents a Gift’ but I lost the will to use them. I was depressed & sick. I knew nothing would happen any more – my chance for the spiritual big time was over. I did not have enough Virtue, Love & Zeal. As you said, I was lazy {compared to you} I had less Love than you, I was not obedient to God – {look how I disobeyed Jesus, who told me to stop being hateful to you.}

ME: Yes, you for a while controlled me with fear, which is sad, which is wrong. I had to go my own way. But then, on your death bed, you came to me. The room filled with Great White Light. I heard a Voice out of the Light saying,

“Promise me you will help humanity”

The voice repeated this several times until I promised. I didn’t know who or what this came from.

Then a few days later I got a letter from Truth Seeker saying you had died & as you were expiring told her to write me immediately, let me know. So that was you.

I surmised you had left me your mantle, the Anointing, is that true? And why did you leave it to me?

REV. JUDY: You were the only one who could carry it. How could the selfish & lukewarm do anything for God? A Mantle goes to the disciple who proves themselves worthy. You were the only one that could do justice to this Anointing. I needed your FIAT or agreement, ‘be it done to me according to thy word,’ in other words,

“Here I am, here is the Power of God I have. Promise me you will use it to help humanity”,
& you promised.

ME: OK thanks lots Rev. Judy, I still have more to say about this relationship, like some of the things I did, the time in Vegas, the two death curses & how they played out, & also your disclosures to me of what happened to Putz after I left him, to be continued.
…………………………………………………………….1-20-21

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Greedier than Greedy Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Rev Judy Swaggart

As you can see, or guess, I’ve given my characters theatrical names according to who they were to me. And so, to have a name like this means she was of God but flawed or tainted. Yes, she had a faith healing & ‘channeling’ Power. God gave her it, I wanted these Gifts, so I felt like this,

“OK, she is not without fault. But she has something I want. How do I get it? By being a loyal, devoted disciple, by supporting her, doing what she wants & needs, & then I’ll learn & grow.”

I felt that if I JUDGED her – that is, considered her UNWORTHY in some way, it was my human perception, not that of God, God had OVERLOOKED whatever was wrong & gave her Spiritual Gifts, & I had to do the same – or else I would be saying God was wrong!

Yes, by human standards, not only to me but others, Judy was OBNOXIOUS. Here are some of her faults I had to tolerate:

PETTY THIEF: {Stole items like tissue holders, silverware, from the diners she worked in. Stole towels from the motel we stayed at together in Vegas – told me ‘they expected people to do this.’ I was outraged as I was paying for that room, they would have blamed me. And later, as usual, she projected onto me her own sin, she made this strange statement,

“I think you have memory lapses. You pick up things like from restaurants & you forget you did it.”

What a bunch of crap! Reminds me when my Mom stole her boyfriend’s charge card & said I did it! {She tried to make me sign it – it was Steinbeck’s in Trenton, New Jersey – but I refused.} I was not with him with his pants down – you were, Mom!

So Judy’s other fault I would call her:

FALSE ACCUSER: Besides the petty thievery, she accused me of making her heart act up, putting some kind of curse on her {what nonsense, her heart was bad, always looking for someone to blame, I did nothing whatsoever to harm her. I never gave her any stress – she gave me stress.}

EGO MANIACAL: When we walked down the street together, she said the men trailing or stalking us by car were LOOKING AT HER because she emanated power, haha. She was a woman about 55, dumpy, five foot nothing. You know what I looked like when I was young, so need I say more?

Second, an example of her delusional ‘Queenhood’. She said again & again, she was the ‘Queen of Love’ – her heart was the Heart of Hearts, it was pure, golden, great. Now we are at a costume jewelry store & I must get baubles for my dancing act. I get some items that cost a pretty penny – like $100. She is GREEN WITH ENVY. To appease her, I MUST buy her a tiara for $100. because SHE IS THE QUEEN! She accepts this gift, any decent person would have told me to save my limited funds for what was needed.

GREEDIER THAN GREEDY: Woe is me. I let her know I had a PENSION {from the death of my husband, it amounted to about $325 a month} – enough to live on. I would help her build her church by producing a NEWSPAPER – which I would pay for – {called One World Light} & promote HER WORK. This would make me happy. I set to work writing & creating, she just sat around. All she had to do for the apt was collect rent from the tenants – she did nothing else but rarely worked as a waitress for some cash.

Within a short time – after publication of the first paper costing me $200 she decided THIS WAS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO GO. What was the right way? What did God want? She said,

“The way you can best help our Church, is to go on the road & dance & send money to me. Oh & yes, let me keep your pension, let me cash the monthly check. You are young & if I was young, I would go out & dance & raise money for the Church. This is what God wants.”

I was downhearted. I wanted to quit show business to serve God, to get closer to God by a contemplative life. I did NOT enjoy being a sex object – nothing but that. The work on the stage, for a woman like me, was DEMORALIZING. It was another form of ABUSE. You show your body, men sneer at you, they hit on you, when you are alone, your life is in danger – it was many times. It is overall a DEPRESSING LIFE, not fun at all. Being with God, thinking of God, serving God, to me was FUN. For her to SEND ME ON THE ROAD, by myself, no protection, was unconscionable – I protested, she insisted. In the end, I did it with a heavy heart.

So Rev Swaggart & I were at cross purposes. My purpose was to serve God by serving her Church, learn & grow spiritually. Her purpose was to deprive me of my pension & get whatever else she could out of me, by sending me on the road. It was a money grab, that was all. She wanted money more than to build the Church – she never used one penny of it for that.

It didn’t end there. I was with her for six years. After two years I refused to fork over my pension. I reclaimed my daughter from her Grandma {husband’s Ma}, she & I moved in with my Dad in New York – I had expenses for daughter & Dad. But she made me pay for many other things, like example, I was permitted to call her long distance once a month. For this a donation of $100 was required for an hour of ‘receiving God’s Light’ from her. {Not a joke, she really did have the Light & did at least once get me off a curse Mr. America, Harold Poole, had put on me.}

Second, I had to pay for all her Vegas trips where she knew she would hit some type of jackpot, twice she channeled what the number would be, but in the end was one digit off. These trips I had to donate a few hundred bucks.

When we were together on one of my visits to L.A. we went to a restaurant {I don’t have to tell you I paid, she never paid one penny for me for anything} & on return to her car, it had a ticket. Who do you think had to pay the $40.? Me of course, it was somehow MY FAULT she got the ticket!

Oh, another to me, strange item. You think she’d share with me her food in the refrigerator? No indeed, I had to buy my own! And she, of course, helped herself to it.

Another item was the land. She bought some land in a desert area {it had a well she said} where we were some day to BUILD OUR CHURCH. So who had to pay the monthly payments for the land? Me of course. It was $160. a month. And who got the land when she died? Her sons naturally. {Understand that during the time of my service to her money was worth a lot more than it is today – in 1971, when we got started, by 2021 multiply 6.43 for each item & you know in today’s value .}

I also had to pay for her birthday bash. I ordered the cakes, the food, for fifteen of her friends & relatives & disciples. Not one of those friends or relatives contributed a dime. No one even offered.

That night proved a turning point for me to exit the next day. During a channeling session she was in a trance, & while there, she said her main goal in life was to secure her sons – Tommy & Timmy – all she cared about was them, the land she had purchased was for them. {One time I had just given her a donation, Tommy walked by, she said to him did he need any money?} No mention of the Church, just the sons, which reminded me of Monster Mom doing everything for my brother – all money for him, all privileges for him, I was just a slave.

A tidbit about her sons. Timmy was sweet & loved her, but Tommy resented her. When she preached to him he told her to ‘shut up.’ Why did he hate her? When he was a kid, she robbed him. He’d saved up all his nickels & dimes for a long time. And one day she needed some bread & took it. And because he hated her she was always trying to please him. – but it was too late.

The next day I packed up & called a cab. Rev. Judy tried to physically stop me from leaving by standing in my way. She had put on her silver body suit – which she used to try to sweat off fat – she looked ridiculous. She had a disciple sitting on her couch, was posturing in front of her, telling her she had to protect herself from my ‘bad vibes’ with her suit. That was ridiculous, I just left & checked into a motel.

That was the first time she put a DEATH CURSE on me. Why? Not because she loved me, because she wanted my money. A 19 year old black male stalked me, was planning to rape & kill me, but God foiled it. I knew Swaggart had done it when I called her after the fact, the sound of triumph was in her voice. I shall explain this incident later.

SHE WAS LAZY: OK, her heart was not good, she had had an attack. So she could not work as hard as before the attack – but she did nothing but watch TV, lying on the couch. I have had more than one heart attack, my heart is damaged, yet I do what I can – like yesterday I worked seven hours writing a long article, today I am doing this. I do lots of other work, whatever I can manage – she didn’t even try. All she did was lie there moaning & talking about her bad luck & all kinds negative shit. Yes, it wasn’t all bad, sometimes she channeled, – I awaited that eagerly.

SHE WAS A LIAR & DECEIVER: I suggested one time she might apply for welfare, the blew her stack. How dare I suggest a great woman like her would apply for welfare?

Another time I was at the airport & saw a beautiful necklace with a heart. It cost about $20 which would be $60 in today’s terms. I gave her the necklace.

Now I’m at her place – she’s lying on the couch watching TV as usual, & she sent me on an errand to her spare room. There I was to get an item out of a drawer.

I went to that drawer & found two things of interest that proved what a punk she was. One, there was a welfare application for which she was denied, & two, she had taken my heart necklace to a jeweler to have it appraised. It saddened me that they appraised it for less than I paid – you know how thy rip you off at airports. I did not say a word.

SHE LACKED DISCIPLINE: I exercised every day for 45 minutes, had weights. She got a machine. That fucking machine for the first time gave me cellulite. You remember those stupid jobs in the 70’s where you put your ass in a sling, & it vibrates? You had to rent them, that’s how she wasted money. She thought it would get some of her fat off. So for about a week I tried this & it did nothing for me but break up flesh to make cellulite. {I stopped & it eventually went away.}

The other thing she liked to do was eat. She could not control her appetite. When I bought her birthday cake she went to the fridge & tasted it before the party. When we were in Vegas she found a cheap buffet, ‘all you can eat,’ you know the rest. At five foot tall she weighed about 180. At 5’7″ I weighed 127. This came at a price, I was a fruitarian until Rev. Bitch talked me out of it.

I can’t think about her any more, must get my mind on something else. To be continued………………………….1-19-21

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Saint Martin Luther King Jr

Saint Martin Luther King, Jr

from Rasa Von Werder: Saint MLK is one of my constant companions, who blesses me, guides me, protects me every day for the last 10 years. I pray to him in times of need, such as losing things – he always answers – the thing I lost is at my fingertips. He once REPAIRED MY CAR – no joke – there was a dent. I laughingly asked him to fix it, the next morning, dent gone. So my advice, love him, promote his Holy Work & PRAY TO HIM. He will answer!

His stature in Heaven is great, he was a martyr. He knew he would probably be assassinated but did what he had to do, just like Our Lord. His Soul is Great, radiating tremendous Light. I feel his Holy Presence………………………………………………………………………………….

from Wikipedia:

Martin Luther King Jr. (born Michael King Jr.; January 15, 1929 – April 4, 1968) was an American Baptist minister and activist who became the most visible spokesperson and leader in the Civil Rights Movement from 1955 until his assassination in 1968. King is best known for advancing civil rights through nonviolence and civil disobedience, inspired by his Christian beliefs and the nonviolent activism of Mahatma Gandhi. He was the son of early civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Sr..

King participated in and led marches for blacks’ right to vote, desegregation, labor rights, and other basic civil rights.[1] King led the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott and later became the first president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). As president of the SCLC, he led the unsuccessful Albany Movement in Albany, Georgia, and helped organize some of the nonviolent 1963 protests in Birmingham, Alabama. King helped organize the 1963 March on Washington, where he delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

The SCLC put into practice the tactics of nonviolent protest with some success by strategically choosing the methods and places in which protests were carried out. There were several dramatic stand-offs with segregationist authorities, who sometimes turned violent.[2] FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover considered King a radical and made him an object of the FBI’s COINTELPRO from 1963, forward. FBI agents investigated him for possible communist ties, recorded his extramarital liaisons and reported on them to government officials, and, in 1964, mailed King a threatening anonymous letter, which he interpreted as an attempt to make him commit suicide.[3]

On October 14, 1964, King won the Nobel Peace Prize for combating racial inequality through nonviolent resistance. In 1965, he helped organize two of the three Selma to Montgomery marches. In his final years, he expanded his focus to include opposition towards poverty, capitalism, and the Vietnam War.

In 1968, King was planning a national occupation of Washington, D.C., to be called the Poor People’s Campaign, when he was assassinated on April 4 in Memphis, Tennessee. His death was followed by riots in many U.S. cities. Allegations that James Earl Ray, the man convicted of killing King, had been framed or acted in concert with government agents persisted for decades after the shooting. King was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal. Martin Luther King Jr. Day was established as a holiday in cities and states throughout the United States beginning in 1971; the holiday was enacted at the federal level by legislation signed by President Ronald Reagan in 1986. Hundreds of streets in the U.S. have been renamed in his honor, and the most populous county in Washington State was rededicated for him. The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., was dedicated in 2011.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

God’s Hand on me Brought Wealth

Dreams Explain why Lover will be Desperate & how He’ll Come to Me – How

People Cursed Me but God Blessed Me & Gave me Wealth

1-17-21- Dreams – Strange Couple – Lover-Drug Man

Yesterday did not have time to write down, my ex-best friend the lawyer, seems to have turned into a drug dealer. He was making lots of money, writing it down on a list, I saw deals for $350 & over $100 on a large parchment which he was noting, a list of the deals of the day. After a bit he covered it with a grey sort of cloth with a straight ‘fringe,’ – the cloth like soft burlap.

He was still working, but this was the weekend so he did this – I sensed he might do some dealing in the evenings also. I thought that if this is what he’s up to, it’ll have a bad end, as sooner or later they all get caught & go to jail. Then he’ll be flat broke because if in jail he won’t go to his job & could get fired. He was also being warm & friendly to me……………..1-16-21

(DRUG MAN: This sounds like your ex-lover Joe & if it is him, the future is bleak & the conclusions are as you said. This might be how he gets impoverished & desperate & comes to you.)
…………………………………………………………………………

KAHELL………….I see Kahell, an evil ex, former drug dealer who spends half his life in jail – walking down the street with me hand in hand, he wearing beige & very handsome. The feeling is he doesn’t mind being seen with me in public, isn’t being secretive like he used to. I recall like a week earlier walking this exact same way with a boyfriend who is also very handsome but white. The street is quiet & calm, see no people or cars

*(Kahell: This is lover at his worst. It seems like a continuation of the dream yesterday, where he starts raking in money from drugs.

You ‘walk down the street’ with him twice. This would be a PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP or KNOWN relationship – something IN THE STREET is public, like they say, “Don’t put your business in the street” or “What does the street say?”

You now walk with him, in the dream he has dark black skin. You recall walking with him earlier where his skin was white. This explains something, how you’ll come to be with him again – it answers a puzzle. First, he was of good repute, accepted by society.

But now, you walk with him – it’s the same man, both handsome, both are your boyfriend. This time he has become DISREPUTABLE or a ‘BLACK SHEEP.’
It could be your conclusion – He sells drugs, gets arrested – does jail time. Even though among his peers this is not seen as a big deal – to some people it still is.

Secondly, through this experience he COMES TO YOU, & that is the second reason he would ‘lose face’ or be thought of as Mr. Wrong. He would leave his common-law wifey & child for you – & that would not sit well with his peers. The peers are mostly a bunch of lowlifes, hoods, addicts, losers & such – many are dealers, most users. And so, part one of his being a dealer & doing time would not upset them but part two, where he basically turns his back on the ‘hood’ & homies’ to be with you – that would condemn him.)*
………………………….

THE WINDFALL

Now this couple is in my house, don’t know who. His girlfriend seems like a nice person.

They seem to be doing some kind of business. After a while, I go to my room – they had been using another room not far, but this time they are in my bed asleep, she far to his right, not close, on her right side, the sheets are the ones on my bed this day, with dark ornate patterns in burgundy, beige, black & pink.

(STRANGE COUPLE: This seemed like my ex Lover Joe & wife Mandy, but at close inspection I see it is MY FLESH & MY LOVER. The hint is first, it’s MY BED & second, they are not PHYSICALLY CLOSE – which we are not. And yet, this says WE ARE TOGETHER which means we are joined, united, we are One. {Where two are joined together, let no man put asunder is Holy Wedlock.})

I was planning to go to sleep but now I can’t, unless I go back to the guest room where they were & change the sheets. Now they both wake up & are going out to do some of the things they were talking about on my bed – looking to buy a house.

(THEY WERE ASLEEP THEY BOTH WAKE UP & ARE MAKING PLANS: Asleep means ‘unaware’ – awake is to become aware. Joe & I become aware we’re to be together & we’re eager for happiness.)h

There’s a feeling at some point they went to my room & it was situated in the exact space where my room was on Van Buren St. – when I was 8 years old, overlooking the library in Newark, New Jersey. I never dream about this so it’s unusual.

(ROOM ON VAN BUREN: When you dream about a location you have to know what that location signified. What happened there? In this spot was when Marius Bernotas, my Mom’s new lover, moved in with us for room & board – a child was born. After this place in the city, there was a great move, that signaled the end of my Dad, the end of their marriage, the beginning of a completely new life. Therefore, I conclude this could herald the breakup of Joe & Mandy & a new life beginning for Joe & me.)

They had been sitting there talking animatedly about business, making money, & purchase of a house. They were planning to be happy {they had experienced money troubles & these seemed to be over, where they could be happy for the first time}. It seems money was coming their way & my vague thought is it drugs? It seems like a windfall.

(WINDFALL MONEY-NEW HOUSE & HAPPINESS: This sounds like Joe & I planning happiness – A new residence for him, in a house {mine}- I am wealthy so if I support him, he would be as well. He doesn’t have to work or worry, this is a WINDFALL or SUDDEN WEALTH.)

Then somehow, they get me involved, it’s hard to understand. They – she mostly – are inviting men for is it sex? But it’s ‘no touch’ sex. This man comes in to just look at me. I’m lying on my back, he in front, the lady friend supervises this, & just by looking at me he gets off – not masturbating – just looking. Then he puts some papers back into his briefcase in his lap & the session is over – she doesn’t know it but I know it, as he’s done this exact same thing a dozen times before. So I don’t have to do anything, & somehow, she or they make some money.

(STRANGE BUSINESS, I GET INVOLVED: The reason I get involved in this ‘strange business’ of ‘making money’ & a man ‘invited in for no touch sex’ explains how I got wealthy. The ‘I’ here is the spiritual me – I was celibate for God, God gave me good luck, chose this excellent man for me who was willing to be companions, no sex, & he treated me with utmost respect & left me secure.)

At one point there’s a beautiful, plain but classy silver {antique looking like 50’s} purse sitting on my bed. Was it mine or hers? I look inside & there’s a bunch of stuff, cluttered, & on top, a fairly large cross {about 4″ tall}, silver, with large rhinestones across it both ways. I then realize it’s hers, I compliment her saying she has good taste. The purse looks like a light grey-shiny snakeskin & has a gold clasp on top.

*(SNAKESKIN, CLASSY ANTIQUE PURSE: This purse explains your FINANCIAL FORTUNE. The purse is filled with CLUTTER but on top of it is that SILVER/DIAMOND CROSS. The clutter is your BAD LUCK or CURSES people put upon you – Your Mom disinherited you, so did your first husband. No one helped you financially, no man or woman, people like Rev. Judy Swaggart & others used you for money. But ON TOP OF ALL THIS there’s that beautiful Cross, which says,

“People cursed you, but in the end {silver & gold is permanent} I blessed you mightily. The evil they gave you was nullified by my Grace.”

THE LIGHT GREY SILVERY SNAKESKIN HIDE the purse is made of: In INDIA, yoga, SNAKES ARE GOOD FORTUNE, THEY ARE THE HOLY SPIRIT.

The GOLD CLASP of the purse is like God putting a HINGE, CLASP, SEAL on your fortune, where no one can take it from you – no bad luck or reverse ’till the end of your life, you have GOOD FORTUNE.

I might add that there are two other windfalls before I die. One is the gas & oil under my property, & two, the movie or TV series they will make of my life. This also is from the GRACE OF GOD.)*

One other scene. The man who was just looking at me again & again, I find out he’s important – some sort of a King from another country, maybe a King of finance. His skin is pure white & he’s completely bald. He is sitting now near me, & I feel a slight warmth about him that I did not before – because I now see his importance, & I brush my face against the side of his head to show affection.

(KING MAN WHO GETS OFF JUST BY SEEING ME: This is my late husband, Richard Von Werder. We were companions, we never had any kid of sex interaction whatsoever, & he told me all he wanted / needed from me was my COMPANIONSHIP. Because of this sixteen years of companionship he SECURED ME FINANCIALLY – I am reminded of his importance here.
The papers going into his briefcase could be his will & what he left me in it.)
………………………………………………….

College of God & Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Mom Describes Herself ‘A Monster’

BEGIN CHANNELING MY MOM, SHE SAYS “I WAS A MONSTER”

Mom: Describe yourself – “I was a Monster” I Begin Writing “I Strip for God

3″ Today

In the many years I have channeled hundreds of people, living & dead, I have never sought to channel my Mother. Was it because I thought of her as she was, abusing me, lying, & did not expect any type of truth or logic from her? Finally, not far back, I decided to give it a try, & the results started, amazed me. {I then channeled my entire family & also got amazing answers, gave them theatrical names!}…..What was astounding is that for the first time since I had known her, she revealed the truth, & in a way that was unusual, when I asked her to describe herself as she was to me, she said,

“I WAS A MONSTER”.

Good start. I shall now ask her questions & they will go like this ME & MOM. {& make sure this is the earthly Mom, you understand, not MomGod, not the GodSelf inside me, the monster earthly Mom. Here we go,

ME: Mom, why did you hate me so much?

MOM: It all stemmed from your disobedience to me re your Dad, I hated him, you refused to hate him – the other kids obeyed – & so I let you have it.

ME: How deep was this hate? What were your intentions?

MOM: I wanted to kill you, which I did in the psychological realm. I destroyed your self-esteem, natural pride {not sinful pride} or confidence in yourself. I wanted you to believe you were UNWORTHY OF LOVE & that no one on earth would love you, male or female. I disturbed your faith in people respecting or loving you & this curse of mine clung to you all your life – at the time I congratulated myself.

ME: And today, I assume you have to speak the truth as you are in Heaven? I somehow thught you would keep denying what you did, but here you are, being honest.

MOM: Those in Heaven, even in the lowest place, cannot lie, they cannot deceive – it’s impossible. Anything you ask me, I must furnish a straight answer, I am under the compulsion & command of the Almighty, whom I cannot disobey.

ME: Why did you have so many abortions? Why didn’t you use condoms or some other form of birth control?

MOM: Because I was in denial. It might have started in Lithuania, where condoms were not as easily available as they are here. But I never used them even in America, at any time of my life. When I had sex most of the time I was not prepared, it was spur of the moment – the sex I had with men other than your Dad. So of course, they took no precautions, they didn’t care.

ME: You say you were in denial – of what?

MOM: That I was having sex or preparing to have it, I pretended I was an innocent virgin or pure housewife. My whole life was a lie, one of hypocrisy, hate, selfishness & destruction toward others.

ME: Who did you destroy besides me?

MOM: The children I aborted, your Dad, anyone I hated who crossed me. Remember the cops I burned after thy helped me get off the animal cruelty charge?

ME: Yes, we’ll get to that later. I see your point. Anyone who crossed you got your revenge. Why did you marshal my brother & another female in our family, to help you abuse me? Could you not succeed all by yourself, given your immense malice? Isn’t it overkill to get them involved?

MOM: Overkill is a good word for me. I wanted to make sure you were ‘good & dead’ & if others helped me do away with you, some of the guilt left my shoulders, & it made it easier for me to do you in.

ME: There will be so many questions. Why you hated Dad so much, why you had so many abortions, why you were so revengeful, why you sought me out to hurt me after I left home, etc. I was haunted by these questions most of my life & it’s strange that now in my old age I know the answers, especially after questioning you & others – it seems God put this weight on my back for a reason.

So let’s begin with why did you hate Dad so much? After all, he cooperated with you, when you were unfaithful, & helped you get four abortions during your time together. Didn’t you appreciate that, his forgiveness & assistance?

MOM: Ha ha. When I was on earth I was what psychology calls a psychopath’. We live only for ourselves, we have no love, no empathy, no compassion. We go by the primitive urges & even worse, the demonic. We are worse than animals, animals are kinder than us.

About love – I never loved your Dad, nor anyone in True Love, it was infatuation. The closest I ever came to love was your brother, as you know. You will ask me more about him later, I know. My love with men was of the flesh, infatuation, then the end of infatuation sometimes brought indifference or hate, depending how they were.

About his forgiving me: I considered that he had to. Divorce was uncommon in our culture, it was scandal, also, as he was a prominent person. He could not expose me or divorce me, besides, he was attached to me as a woman, the services I provided, sex, housekeeping, food, etc. I prided myself I was 17 years younger than he – I was therefore superior in sex appeal – as we got older he became Grandpa, but I was still viable, I always felt superior to him. Even if I had been the same age, I would have felt better than he because in my mind I was deluded as superior to everyone – I had contempt for people, I thought the worst of them, I judged & condemned everyone but myself. Only I was justified in all that I did.

ME: You paint an ugly picture, & you paint it yourself under compulsion from God. But I never saw or understood your evil, I only felt my pain. At the time, what did you feel about my lack of rebellion or hate toward you – I still obeyed you in all but sin.

MOM: I did not sit down & analyze your feelings, my mind was only on hurting you as much as possible, & in this experiment, how damaged were you, I kept thinking.

I noticed of course how all men were attracted to you – moreso than they were to myself & the other young female in the house – & this added to my hate of you. That is why I had to make you believe you were ugly, not always in words said, but in actions, you were ugly, unworthy, deserved no respect, no privileges, no empowerment, no freedom or love. You were to work hard, get no appreciation, no thanks, no allowance, no nothing. You were to be punished for small transgressions – things I didn’t like you did, & I punished you, of course, unfairly, with deliberate cruelty.

ME: It is EXHAUSTING for me to think of the things you did. This interview will have to be more than one day. Let’s get into the Dad issue. After meditating on what happened after you left Dad with Marius – I recall how broke you were – so broke you had to borrow money for food. I recall Dad visiting & you arguing endlessly. Was Dad guilty, as most men are, of not supporting us enough?

MOM: That was a KEY issue. Yes, I had got pregnant by another man again, that child was allowed to live, yes, I moved with that man to the farm – your Dad got a loan from the Priest to obtain it. We lived a complete, hypocritical charade. That charade said that the other man was only there for our support, I did not have sex with him. I pretended the child was Dad’s {we all knew otherwise} that other man would now live with me & the kids, set up the farm into a homestead where eventually Dad would come live with us, be happy, set up a Boy Scout Camp in the woods, etc. That was the delusion I fed you a couple years until you wised up & fell to pieces.

As far as support indeed he did not send enough. He did not make much money, but he could have sent twice as much as he did. Marius & I tried to build a homestead – it was impossible, we failed, we tried for two years of backbreaking work. But even with him working two jobs, getting hardly any sleep, & me joining Brockway Glass at a minimum wage job, we sometimes did not have enough money for food. And naturally I hated your Dad for that & took it out on you.

In your interview with Dad he told you as a man he had the usual reasons: Part of it was selfishness, part of it punishment on me, for rejecting him. But these were his children & he punished them, including you. I let you have it all the more.

ME: OK I will quit for now as this is pyschologically testing. To be continued. Oh yes, what would be your Theatrical Name?

MOM: You can call me Medusa or the many-headed HYDRA. The heads of the Hydra representing (1) Liar (2) Cheater (3) Abortionist (4) Thief (5) Killer (6) Traitor

ME: Thanks Mom, will access you later for more good times. Say hello to Brother Dearest sitting next to you in that rather dim place in Heaven…………1-14-21

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SOULS LIFTED FROM PURGATORY

SOULS IN PURGATORY HELPED

12-28-20 Lotta Tits – Stripper Friend of Mine Ascends into Heaven – I don’t

know who this is. Could be any busty stripper I knew.

I did not even know she was dead. But she was a bit older than I, so that would put her maybe age 85 – so it’s possible she ‘d be dead.

In this dream I am back dancing, & visiting ‘Lotta Tits.’ I was sitting there talking to her when I sort of fell asleep. She then yells at me,

“Get out of here.”

(GET OUT OF HERE: This might be a HINT, not about her saying this to me, but to a man, as I see a man farther down who is beating her. This man might have been a miscreant, using her, maybe for drugs, & went into a rage when she told him to leave. {Never confront men like this, they are dangerous, not in control of their impulses, when you must part from them do it in a secretive way when possible & do not confront them alone, saying ‘get out’. They sometimes react like cornered animals.})

Next thing I know the dressing room where she had all her gowns is empty. Mine is nearby, I am dressed in my beautiful purple dress with purple gloves, decorated in silver on the gloves & chest, I’m thin, with a long silvery wig, beautiful – reminds me of photos I have like that.

There’s a middle-aged man comes by & says to me,

* “I’m just here to get the costumes of the strippers who are dead.” *

I say to him,

“Lotta Tits took her costumes with her.”

(TOOK COSTUMES WITH HER: The costumes are a symbol of the ‘brides of Christ’ or us being dressed in Heavenly clothes to meet our Maker – these clothes are really LIGHT, not material items, so I tell this man SHE HAS ASCENDED, while he has informed me that SHE IS DEAD.)

Then I show him my outfits & explain how they work. Like this purple one has a purple turkey feather boa, most outfits have a diaphanous see-three wide gown on top, then there’s a net you dance in sometimes, like peekaboo. I demonstrate all this to him.

*(HOW OUTFITS WORK: I’m explaining to this man how spiritual lights within us, around us, work.

Mine being PURPLE means LONG SUFFERING {the time of the Passion Catholic Priests wear purple} & my long silver wig, represents ‘for always’ – my BEAUTY is spiritual, for the most part. The physical fades, it’s not as important.)*

I then recall when I was with Lotta Tits she saw a drop of something like white milk on my leg, & she was drawn to it, like touched it or something.

(WHITE DROP OF MILK ON MY LEG: Could mean she saw my spiritual love. White milk is ‘milk of human kindness’ & leg is mystical travel. She knew I had some spiritual power by my kindness, this says, & was drawn to me, like bent the knee by me – Could be she was praying in Purgatory for my help.)

I also saw her being beaten by a man, surrounded with white light everywhere, he hit her on the chin. Was wondering if this man beat her to death.

ANOTHER SOUL: After that, I saw another soul being helped but can’t recall any details, darn it. But I know that the Holy Masses I’m saying are working, so that’s the main thing.

……………………………………………………………………………

12-27-20-Soul Lifted-5 or 6 NUNS

I have been watching so many You Tube videos the last days, have wiped out my mind, can’t recall dreams, did not see the souls lifted into Heaven but one.

Saw a female with a baby earlier. Later I see her wheeling an old fashioned baby carriage & in it some kind of large light beige bundle, & on top of the bundle, the cutest baby pink sweater.

I know that sweater is a Soul lifted from Purgatory – the clue is ‘baby’ or ‘born again,’ & the pink is ‘feminine’ which could go either way, male or female, as we are all feminine or passive to God. Amen.
……………………………………………………………………………

12-27-20 The NUNS

I’m on my kitchen front porch looking over the entire large yard in front & below, & spread out over it is a new crew, like they have taken over, like I’m gone, they’re here.

There are 5 or 6 nuns, all in white, completely covered like loose sheets over their heads, small round holes for the eyes, maybe a small hole for the nose. These nuns are spread out over my property, in front & below – don’t know what they are doing, just that they’re there. The material in their habits is not thin cotton, like a bedsheet, but a heavy material like a real contemplative nun would wear in black or beige, but these are white.

They look at no one but each other, they ignore me, they’re having a kind of pow wow near me, & I see a bear lower down to the left, coming for food. They are not turned toward me but speaking so I can hear them, saying they are being fined $375. each time a bear shows up. I tell them they are being RIPPED OFF big time by whoever is in charge here, as I only got fined $75. each time a bear came here.

*(NUNS: Have not yet figured out who these nuns are but my best guess is Souls in Purgatory being ‘fined’ or paying heavy penalties. Bears represent SUFFERING. I’m saying they are PAYING MUCH MORE THAN I WAS CHARGED, suffering more than I have, which might say that the suffering we endure in Purgatory for our sins, is much greater than paying for them ON EARTH.

This is a KNOWN FACT from the theologians, once you are dead, you pay the ULTIMATE PRICE, you sit there eeking out your penalty, while when still living, it’s much easier to PAY FOR ONES SINS.

Why are they CLOAKED in these heavy white robes with only small holes for eyes & aren’t looking at me?

They aren’t AWARE that I’m helping them, that I care, but they are HERE in my ‘domain’ or ‘kingdom – spiritual catchment area’ & I’m helping them, but they don’t know who’s helping them, who I am (?))*

Then there’s a short, small nun, like 4’8″, with her boyfriend, she is right by me facing me, the boyfriend to the left, she talking animatedly. She’s permitted to have a boyfriend & wear normal clothes, yet she’s a nun.
………………………………………………………………………….

12-22-20-RUMBLE IN BREAKUP ROOM
NEIGHBOR WEIRDNESS

I’m sleeping in my bedroom at the old farmhouse. A man is in the Mario room sleeping in the small bed, on his back, facing the door.

(ON HIS BACK: vulnerable or not in charge.)

The man is making such a rumble that I don’t feel SAFE for myself & my daughter – how can we sleep? He is making such noises, hard to explain, like moaning, groaning, growling, COMPLAINING, etc. Just noises & it sounds MENACING.

Finally, to be able to give ourselves a better sense of security so we can sleep, I get up & put the hook/latch on the door. It’s high up & I tell daughter it isn’t 100% secure – if someone wanted to, they could KICK THE DOOR IN, but it’s better than nothing.

I thought about putting the same hook/latch on the room between us – my bro’s room – but felt it might not be a good idea as he might see me there hooking it & get upset – I’m not even sure if my bro’s door has such a latch so I don’t even go to look. I then tell my daughter maybe we can sleep now – MAYBE.

The man, his face is WORN OUT, GAUNT, like a LONG FACE, he’s very THIN, his face looks like he’s suffering & ANGRY, like dark circles & creases all over it.

MEANING:

*(MAN IN BREAKUP ROOM: In dreams, every residence connects with specific memories, every room also. The old farmhouse hearkens to my being young & times of suffering & separation. The ‘Mario’ room is a symbol of breakup, sometimes permanent & traumatic.

The only breakup I can think of, where a man would be this upset, is my ex-lover Bob. This holiday season might be pivotal for him – lots of things happened in the past, & it’s been a year & a half since we connected.

The dream shows his misery but ESPECIALLY HIS ANGER. Grief has several stages to it – beginning is DENIAL, like ‘it’s not true,’ then there’s sorrow, then there’s ANGER, so this shows anger – that’s why I don’t feel safe for my daughter.

Who is ‘I’ & my daughter? It is my God Self & my flesh, I am protecting my body. Understand that the God Self cannot be touched, harmed in any way, but only the flesh can be touched – that includes being hurt by demons or people. The flesh is vulnerable – the God self is invincible, no person or demon can enter it. But the flesh can be SEPARATED FROM GOD in various ways, all problems between God & ourselves happen in the human part – {the human self blocks the way to God through SIN – depending on the gravity of the sin, the obscurity present in the human self. Then there are ATTACHMENTS – which are like chains or ropes connected to the world & flesh, & these also prevent one from seeing God Face to Face.}

FACE GAUNT, LONG, DARK LINES, BAGS UNDER EYES: This shows hunger, misery, sleeplessness. He’s been DISTRAUGHT over our breakup.

This man is SO ANGRY that I feel my flesh to be UNSAFE, she cannot find PEACE or serenity with his vibes being picked up {heard as noises}. He’s really bent out of shape. I do something to protect my lower self, seen as locking the door, & unless he goes completely berserk {kicking the door open}, this gives my flesh some degree of peace.

Me to MomGod: What would it mean kicking the door open? How would that happen?
She: That would be if he goes insane, so to speak, like a killer, when they lose all ability to reason & give in to the primitive self.
Me: If he is this bad, why doesn’t he just call me? I don’t have his number, by his choice, nor any way of reaching him – don’t know where he lives, nothing. So it’s almost impossible for me to contact him. Why doesn’t he just call me?
She: He is so SPOILED by your previous behavior of reaching him against all odds, his pride will now allow him to contact you. He is holding onto his pride with every last ounce of strength. He is an IDIOT & he is hurting himself, not you. You got over it, now it’s his turn to suffer.)*
………………………………………………………………………………..

12-22-20 The large gasoline holder, the neighbor wife, the neighbor husband

is DEAD & his son & I BURY HIM on my property then see we must unbury

him & return him to his own property!

This has to be one of the weirdest. Have no idea what it means.

I’m here at my house, & in my bottom yard I’m walking around & my neighbor has his/her land adjacent to me. I see a large red gasoline holder sort of in the creek’ on his property {next to mine, it’s really my creed, but strangely in the dream their property is attached/shared with mine} & suspect it’s the holder I had recently which I left down below there, thinking no one would bother it, but this seems to be it & so I think the neighbor man took it. I decide to go to his house & ask them about that, so I go there.

*(NEIGHBORS NEXT TO MY PROPERTY: This dream says that not only is ex-lover Bob attached to me, but because he is, his common-law wife is as well. Apparently, his being my spiritual husband carries her along in the attachment.

THE LARGE GASOLINE CAN OF MINE I SUSPECT HE’S TAKEN: Gasoline would be energy, fuel. But this is EMPTY. Might be saying ‘he took a lot out of me – a lot of ENERGY – he DRAINED me.)*

I go to the ‘front’ door. It has beautiful rocks forming a staircase, like rocks but many small rocks mixed into the large platform rocks. One strange thing is there’s a section where these rocks mixed with is it cement? – form a type of JAWLIKE formation as if TEETH {like sharp waves} come out of it, there’s space under this formation, you can’t climb here, it’s just like a decoration.

*(ROCK DECORATION LIKE TEETH: ‘Jaws’ or a predatory, dangerous animal, a shark. When in the literary business they compare con men to honest ones, they call the ‘sharks’ vs ‘doves.’ These people are con artists, users.

They have a FRONT – the front door. This is being fake, ‘fronting’ – pretending. It’s a beautiful, fake front. They look like they have a lovely home, but it isn’t.)*

I go around this to the side door. There again I see rocks, like cement filled with smaller rocks – beautiful, forming a staircase & platform. The door is light green, I knock on it.

The woman answers, Laurie, who was an evil con- woman who kept borrowing money from me, last loan was the biggest & she never paid me back.

(LAURIE: This represents a con woman. They are both faking it, pretending, & this shows possibly they are short on money – Laurie always was.
The beautiful staircase, all the rocks mixed in with cement, are this is not SOLID like granite, bedrock, this relationship / family is made of elements that are bound together like glue, cement, that could be broken apart without much effort. In other words, a hammer could break all this apart, but a hammer could not break bedrock or granite apart – it’s SOLID. And the bushes around are all decorations, part of the fakery.)

I am extremely polite. I describe the red gasoline holder, the situation in the most polite terms, that I think he saw it there, took it not knowing who it belonged to, but I think it was mine. I am so polite that she says not a word & when I’m finished, I walk away & she closes the door. The door is not solid, it has four glass panes on the top half, medium-light green, the house is picturesque, with soft bushes all around it.

*(THE DOOR-WINDOW PANES-GREEN: This relationship is based on OPPORTUNITY, or was, on MONEY. Somebody is getting something out of someone – he’s getting support out of her, but pretending it’s something else.

Me to MomGod: Why am I telling her how he took something from me? And she does not respond.

She: She is becoming aware that he’s a deadbeat, a user. She sees it somehow through how he used you – you informing her could be her just drawing conclusions. She knows what he did to you – that he was using you for sex. She sees how he’s using her or was, for money, because now she doesn’t have it, so they are falling apart. It’s what you predicted to her.)*

Then I know the SON of this couple & he tells me HIS DAD HAS DIED. For some strange reason we both believe that we must BURY HIS DAD & we must do so on my property. This doesn’t make sense, but that’s how dreams are.

(DEAD, WE THINK WE MUST BURY HIM ON MY PROPERTY: ‘Dead’ is dead as in ‘relationship.’ This is one part of Bob telling me about another part of him, where the relationship is over. On your side it’s over, you have ended it.)

We take the Dad’s body in some sort of conveyance, drag it to my lawn behind my house, dig a hole & begin to bury it, but not yet covered with dirt, I realyze we’ve made a mistake. I tell him,

“We can’t do this! The body has to be buried in a cemetery, & it has to be in a metal, leakproof case!

Meanwhile, his body is like fresh chicken breasts, many pounds of them, & somehow the taste of one of these pieces get into my mouth & I need to spit out into a stainless steel sink outside behind my kitchen.

Then I tell the son we must take the body, drag it back to his house where someone must then make arrangements to have him buried. This is the plan but I don’t see it carried out.

*(MUST BE BURIED PROPERLY: This refers to you ending it is not the end of the story. He must be buried on his side, properly, in a cemetery, in a leakproof container. This is saying his other relationship, on that side, must be terminated – the common-law wife fiasco. They must end it properly, be done with it. You ending it on your side does not end it for both of you.
This does not explain it all to me, I’m not getting it. MomGod, what does it say? Is it saying when he terminates with the wife, then we can be together? But it doesn’t show any place about us being together in the future.

She: You are working with him here, the ‘Son,’ telling him HE MUST END IT PROPERLY with her. It’s not over with you – end it with her. There is an assumption that when he does that, you two can get together.)*

……………………………………………………………………………….

12-23-20 Won’t Give Me His Address

There was some great Personage – a saint or an Angel – who was helping me in the case of my Beloved. Yesterday I stated that I had no way of reaching him, did not even know where he lived.

This Personage found out where he lives, & is sharing it with someone, but NOT WITH ME. She does not have the street address, but an approximate location, like within the block, a group of houses, & his is one of them. She/he was helping me, why doesn’t she want me to have this info?

MEANING

*(God is saying that it is known the approximate location where he lives {he made me drop him off near the place one time} but God or her messenger don’t want me to know the exact location.

Me: MomGod, what does it mean?

She: It means better not to know, by the Will of God, what good would it do for you to have any of his details? It is the Will of God that HE CONTACT YOU, not you him. Your pursuing him is over, the onus is on him, let it be that way, leave it alone, don’t even wish to know anything.)*

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SOUL ASCENDS – LOVER CHOSEN

SOUL ASCENDS – LOVER CHOSEN

12-17-20-HE IS CHOSEN (See below for soul ascends)

I went through some frustration here. Hired by a club, I appear for about two minutes in front of the audience. I have a beautiful dress, form fitting, some kind of purplish or magenta or rose mixed in color. For a moment I show them my breasts, a net bra covered with jewels, many colors, you can see the breasts perfectly. I am HIGH UP on stage. I have a cloak which I took off to show myself. The audience does not respond, then I am gone, go backstage to get ready for the longer show.

*(HIGH UP ON STAGE, SHOW MY BREASTS WITH JEWELS, AUDIENCE DOES NOT RESPOND: This is my spiritual height, which NO ONE SEES as there is no response.

BREASTS, BRA WITH JEWELS: This represents my MEDALS from God – like awards given by the world to people for various accomplishments, only these are SPIRITUAL MEDALS. I revealed my God-given medals, but people did not see them, I was not rewarded by society.

The dress & cloak I have on being PURPLE & other shades of red are the blood of pain & the purple of LONG SUFFERING. This is lost on people.)*

But when I go back there am having mega-trouble with my wigs. Seems like I have five wigs on, some brown, reddish, blonde, different types, puffy, flat on top, one black one. I fidget, fuss, back & forth. I hear the owner calling to someone,
“What is she doing?”
The owner is Latin, I hear it in his accent & I get a sense he’s not a good person. I saw a TV show yesterday about a Latin murderer.
I don’t want to miss my opportunity & am terribly frustrated, that they might fire me if I don’t get ready soon.
I hear the owner introducing another female, not the star, instead of me, because someone has to be on stage, the audience needs a show.

*(TROUBLE GETTING READY, FIVE WIGS: This is my multiple roles, personalities, for all the things I’ve done. I’m having trouble presenting myself as to who I am.

LATIN OWNER: I just sense that this is the executive producer of the Reality Show who turned me down, chose another female in my place – not a star. This says HE IS EVIL, his spirit demonic.)*

Afterward I am in a large room in this apt building. I had been shown apt after apt as I want a new one. I have two apt’s, I tell the owner, but am staying at neither one. He shows me a few, not suitable. One is too small – just a room, no bathroom – impossible. Second, dirty, dog shyt on the floor, third, occupied. We seem to leave off looking.

(LOOKING FOR AN APT: This is not literal, it’s looking for a place to rest my head, or a position mentally, spiritually, emotionally. What am I to do with myself right now? Can’t seem to find a goal in life.)

Then I’m in a large room with several people about & we are all cheering, applauding that our native son, so to speak, has been elected President of the United States.

We cheer again & again & again. First Trump was Pres, then another guy, then this young person. But I think logically & I tell my friends,

“Look, every President had some qualifications. Some were Senators, others Congressman. Our boy is neither, & he has never done anything, he is inexperienced, it doesn’t make sense. He was CHOSEN arbitrarily.

I then see a jacket, lying there, where you can see the inside back where the whitish label is. There’s a wheel on top of this jacket, like the wheel of fortune. It goes around & has a spike. Wherever the spike stops, that person is chosen. It stops on the label of this person’s jacket – Our native son. So he is chosen for no reason but fate.

I see this young guy tall, all grey, body, head, face, clothes, everything all grey.

*(NATIVE SON CHOSEN FOR PRESIDENT, NO LOGIC, JUST FATE, WHEEL OF FORTUNE, SPOKE GOES INTO WHITE LABEL: The white label gives it away – union or matrimony. This young person is CHOSEN, is it to be my husband? He is to human sense, not QUALIFIED but yet God, fate, Wheel of Fortune, has made it so. It’s like the elections which I insist to all friends, these Presidents are NOT chosen by the people’s votes, they are chosen by the shadow govt.

THE SPOKE: Is brown metal, spokes are nails, like the nails in Our Lord’s hands & feet, indicating the will of God.

THE LABEL: A label gives the definition of what is there – the company who makes the garment, the size of the garment, possibly the fabric. It DEFINES the garment or NAMES it. What does this mean in the context of this dream? It names the person who is not voted on, by people, but CHOSEN BY FATE to be yours.

HE ALL GREY, HEAD, CLOTHING, EVERYTHING: All of him will be on you, like his mind, body, everything, focused on you.)*
……………………………………………………………………………….

A SOUL ASCENDS, ANOTHER HELPED

12-16-20-Two Souls Purgatory

I am out somewhere partying, like at a bar, trying to have fun it seems. It’s not a big space. After a while I’m just sitting in a chair on the edge of things, it seems like people are around me, but there’s an empty dance floor. I’ve been looking for men to dance with but now there aren’t any.
To my surprise a lady comes up to me & asks me to dance. She’s small, old, & is wearing a sort of ‘Christmas’ sweater. It’s vanilla in color, thick, hand knitted maybe, large cords, long sleeves, a bit loose on her, & is covered with what look like Christmas decorations in red, green & other colors.
She looks in her eighties, her hair is grey with blonde, sort of puffy but sparse, to her shoulders. I thought she really wanted to dance & felt a bit strange at first dancing with a female but then said OK, go for it.
She leads me to a ‘dance floor’ area just a few feet beyond. It’s like a CAVE, a round cave with a low ceiling. The people around us are dancing. I begin to TRY to dance with her, I try to go around but she isn’t holding my hands right, then I try to make her go around but she doesn’t seem to be able to. Her motions are so limited, I think ‘she can’t dance at all, she can hardly do one step.’ Not sure what else happens with her.

*(LADY ASKS ME TO DANCE: a Soul in Purgatory.

CAVE: Her designated spot in Purgatory, a place of limitation. I saw my Dad in Purgatory in a cave. Anything with a low ceiling or limited sky, places that show limitation indicate Purgatory.
CHRISTMAS SWEATER: Might be a gift I have given her by saying the Holy Mass. This has cheered her up greatly, so she wants to dance, but still can’t do much. It means she cannot enjoy the Heavenly Graces of God much, only a tiny bit. She has improved.
HER HAIR: Sparse hair with grey or white is she isn’t happy yet – but could be an improvement – don’t know what she was before. Hair represents thoughts, rays coming from our head. Thick hair would be healthy thoughts, being bald would be INSANE. Grey would mean worry.
SHE IS OLD: She has not yet regained her spiritual youth, vigor & power. If you saw the movie, ‘The ghost & Mrs. Muir with Gene Tierney you would see where when she died, an old lady, her spirit rises out of her body a beautiful young woman. Then Rex Harrison escorts her into heaven. And so, as you progress in Purgatory, as the result of sins falls away, your souls becomes brighter & more beautiful, seen as young, vivacious. She isn’t there yet.
From the internet: “At the very end, Lucy—having lived a long and in many ways full life—settles down into the chair where the Captain first found her. He comes to get her, and she stands up and she’s radiant young Gene Tierney again.”)*

Prior to that I was in a room closer to the door & maybe near some windows, in a row. The window closest to the male is light blue, some sort of a fitted shade on the bottom 7/8th of it. There’s a young man on what I would call a ‘slab.’ It’s like a bed, but a slab. Seems I was lying with him on this thing, dancing, not making love, dancing. Then we stop.
(ROOM CLOSER TO THE DOOR: This is a place close to the ‘exit’ & with some opportunity for ascension {window}. This refers to exiting Purgatory, his ascension is imminent.
ON A SLAB: The slab in a mortuary. He’s dead.
ON THE SLAB/BED, DANCING WITH HIM: Apparently I have been intimate with this person’s being, transmitting Grace into him. Dancing is associated with the result of Grace – Grace brings us LIFE-ENERGY – results in our being stimulated or dancing for joy.
WINDOW/S, NEAREST HIM COVERED WITH 7/8 LIGHT BLUE SHADE: Light blue is the color most people ASCEND into Heaven in. There are other pastel colors, such as rose & violet, but blue is the most common. Notice part of this window allows white light in, also the window next to it is all white light. White is also a common aura people have.
Here we have two sources of Light/Grace near this dead male – One coming in through the windows, the other apparently transmitted to him by me, in intimate contact.)

I’m a few feet away from him now, looking at him. His skin is light cocoa & he is cute. All his clothes are thin blue dungaree material, he seems to be ‘skin & bone’ & he says to me that we could not ‘make love’ because I ‘would kill him.’ He’s referring to his being so small/thin, my being big & heavier. As I chat with him on the slab he seems to be glowing in blue light.

*(GLOWING IN LIGHT BLUE: This is the biggest hint that this soul will NOW ASCEND. It is the Light by which we ascend, our souls, when liberated from the darkness of attachment to the earth & sinfulness.
HE IS CUTE: refers to his soul being cleaned, we see the beauty of the God-Self Soul, without the stains of sin.

HIS LIGHTNESS, MY HEAVINESS WOULD KILL HIM: He is definitely referring to his new lightness spiritually, the weight of his sins has been removed. In Egypt they had an analogy in ‘Book of the Dead’ where God would weigh your soul on one side of the scale, against a feather in the other, & if your soul was heavier than the feather you could not ascend.
I have just finished transmitting Grace into him which has made him glow with blue Light. Why is he referring to my bigness, weight, much greater than his, that would ‘kill’ him if we made love? Is this saying my flesh is somehow attached to the earth?

Mother God says: “No, he is referring to not human weight, but your huge God Power, where when you merge with a human/mortal, it is DEATH to them–not the death to their spirit but the earthly ego, attachment. That is why demons trembled when Jesus came near, the demoniacs wailed & shouted why is he TORTURING them before their time? The Presence of a Holy Person filled with God’s Grace fills dark souls with TERROR, makes sinners UNCOMFORTABLE.

When a Soul dies & stands before the ‘Throne of God’ to see what their ‘immediate judgement’ is – they are measured according to how much Light is in their soul. If there is NO LIGHT they automatically appear in Hell. It means they were never ‘born again,’ did not repent their sins, never received the Love of God supernaturally. But if they are redeemed, there is Light in their soul, to different degrees, depending on how much there is they immediately appear in various states of Purgatory .

In the vision ‘Cry of a Lost Soul’ a female who never received God appears before Her & CANNOT STAND the awful Majesty, Grandeur, Power & Love of God. She wants to be sent AS FAR AWAY FROM GOD AS POSSIBLE because she knows she has lost God, by her own decision; she does not deserve God, & the Presence of God or awareness of what she has lost is SO PAINFUL she cannot bear it, so to Hell she goes. This is the torture of those in Hell, as well as the partial torture of those in Purgatory, what hurts the most is the loss of God.

What this Soul is referring to is the Light within you that would annihilate the human-ness of a person who is far from God, when they would have intimate contact with you – It would make them extremely uncomfortable, like you are killing them. That’s how sinners feel when near God.)*
I tell him that’s not how it is – How much do you weigh? I ask him twice but don’t understand his answer. He says 40.40 – the second part I’m not sure of, it might be 40.03. I say to him, is that in another measurement, not pounds, what are you in pounds?
I then get a bit bored here. I look at a box of white clothing sitting there, like it’s just been laundered, & see my white dungarees that I really like. I might change into them. I say to someone after looking around the bar,

(WHITE DUNGAREES: White clothing, a whole box of them, refers to ‘white robes’ of ‘virgins’ ascending into Heaven – it’s a hint about going there.)
“It’s dead here, let’s go find another bar.”

In my mind’s eye I see a street I’m familiar with – have been hanging around there a lot. Surely there must be some bars that have some people interesting to talk to, even if not many people are around.
(IT’S DEAD HERE, LET’S FIND ANOTHER BAR, which you are familiar with: This refers to HEAVEN. You are saying to this ‘man on a slab’ who just got filled up with blue light & is glowing, let’s leave here & go to a better place, which I am familiar with. This dream says you are familiar with places in Heaven, & you will escort this lucky Soul there!)

……………………………………………………………………….

12-15-20 Vision

Heard a male say

“I’m going to marry you.”
I said who said that, & it was my Beloved. I asked him
“Why do you want to marry me?”
He said,
“So I can be with you & God here in Heaven on earth & in eternity.”
My inner voice said,

“He knows he can’t treat you any more the way he did. You are in control now. He knows he can’t be with you unless there’s a relationship, a decent one, public, with all the attention a man gives his wife.”
(MEANING: It took a complete withdrawal from my Lover to make him appreciate me. Apparently he loves me in true love, as he hasn’t forgotten me, it’s been a long time, & he holds me in his heart still. Only God knows what I went through for him.)
……………………………………………………………………………

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

PURGATORY RELEASE!

PURGATORY RELEASE!

12-3-20-Release Souls in Purgatory with my Hip Pain Donation

Amazing dream. I was so tired I did not write it the day I had it, but analyzed it before falling asleep. I thought it might be a ‘silly sex dream’ but upon inspection it’s the most valuable revelation, so here it is.

I was in the middle of work on a project when my old web man, Nick K, takes me somewhere on a break. I was afraid to leave work, but I did it.

He takes me through an empty part of the city, lots of space around this building, which is unusual, it’s color & texture on the outside remind me of the Statue of Liberty.

“The Statue of Liberty is made of copper. Why is the Statue green? The Statue’s copper has naturally oxidized to form its familiar “patina” green coating.”

The building is alone, by itself, not big. It has NO WINDOWS & the door is right on the edge of the building, on its corner & is the same look as the building. Nick opens the door, it has a curved shape handle, like maybe 5-6″ long {this is vague} – it’s unusual.

*(BUILDING: This is Purgatory. Whenever I’ve visited Purgatory, even outside, the place was CLOSED IN.
Even if the vision was outside, you would look up, & the sky was closed in somehow, it was never all the way up forever.
This depicts how Purgatory is a LIMITATION.

Nick has been DEAD about five years. He’s taking me to HIS PLACE IN PURGATORY – which is familiar to him but strange to me.

This being like the STATUE OF LIBERTY symbolizes liberty or RELEASE.)*

I feel where Nick is taking me is a special place he knows – where I have never been, & upon entering it I know it’s a MOVIE THEATER.

(MOVIE THEATER: “Theater of Justice” is the name of the book I published on Purgatory.)

We go in – I no longer see Nick, am just sitting in the audience waiting for the movie. It’s dim.

Then someone – reminds me of a shaman or Indian Chief – he seems to be wearing a high hat with mantle on his head, maybe red/black striped, maybe feathers, he has a serious/happy look on his face – he’s a DIGNITARY here, calls me. He’s saying I am a SPECIAL GUEST, come here, into this enclosure, sit with us here.

*(DIGNITARY / CHIEF, with a headdress: This person is a celestial, possibly the GUARDIAN ANGEL of the person that will be released. I have a part in this, he calls me to the SPECIAL AREA for VIP’s.

His headdress calls to mind two things, the red/black stripes would be suffering, the feathers would be freedom. I prayed a day or so ago that the pain I have in my hips – which prevents me from walking much – be given as a grace to Souls in Purgatory. All that I suffer goes to them in the ‘heroic act’ since I was 9 years old, but to remind God/myself apparently invigorates the act.)*

The enclosure is a space in the theater seats which has a low solid fence around it, but 3-4′ tall at the most, it’s square & holds in seats for maybe 15 people.

As I climb in somehow I’m looking down at myself, & this Chief is also looking at me & he approves, as my outfit signifies WHO I AM.

I’m wearing my white leather short jacket, with a foot long fringe around the shoulders {of leather}, a white low cut top, & my favorite white/silver tights/pants. I recall seeing my legs from the knees down, fearing whether my ankles were swollen – but they weren’t. My legs are bare as the pants only cover the knees. The Chief believes, as the outfit symbolizes, I am a CELEBRITY who deserves to be in this VIP section. It is to the wall on the right.

*(THE OUTFIT, WHITE: White & silver is ‘the pure in heart shall see God. The jacket evokes ‘American Indian’ with fringe – they wore lots of fringe. This is ‘good luck’ – A Indians bade good luck. My pants with the silver, white & silver is purity & permanence.

Because I pay special attention to my LEGS is saying ‘this message concerns your legs – the way you donated the grace of the pain thereof.

When we suffer for Souls we PAY SOME OF THE COST OF THEIR SINS – thereby we can get them released. the Guardian Angel appreciates my prayer & invites me into the ‘sanctum sanctorum’ of Purgatory – INTIMACY thereof, spiritual love.)*

Then two things happen. One, a movie unfolds, but strangely, I AM IN IT! I did not expect this. A beautiful young actor materializes in front of me from neck up & I must approach him & we must KISS in an intimate way, & as we kiss, I am influenced to put all my FEELINGS into it, like the movie is being made right now, & I must TRANSMIT something emotional to the actor to make the scene good.

The actor is young, handsome, his eyes are closed, he has the smoothest tawny skin & on his right cheek facing me, is one single mark, like a round pox mark – an old scar – that’s the only flaw on his face. So I do what I’m supposed to do.

(ACTOR: This is the person who, by my prayer & KISS I am GOING TO RELEASE! He is one fault from ascending – depicted as the pox mark. Apparently my kiss is the transmission of this grace to him, which removes that remaining ‘scar’.
His beauty is SPIRITUAL BEAUTY as, if this is Nick, he has been cleansed for five years. The soul’s radiance increases as the remnants of sins & faults are removed – it becomes, in other words, like clear glass by which they can see God, or more accurately, they become God. We are all God in the soul, our souls are always perfect, but our human self is the VEIL which obscures the soul / God from us.)

At the same time, the man to my right – who I don’t know, takes my right hand to hold it. They are so welcome & friendly to me here! For a moment I had to withdraw my hand to do something, then I go put it back & I see his right dungaree pocket open, & I slip my hand into it & notice his penis is under it. I don’t want to be too intimate / offensive so I remove my hand & put it back into his hand.

(MAN I DON’T KNOW GIVES ME HAND: This is a soul I don’t know who apparently is in a similar place with Nick & I am to help him also – in other words, give him a hand. It’s not about sex – he has an ‘open pocket’ or open attitude to receive my spiritual love – & I transmit it to him. This might not be total ascension, maybe some improvement, I’m not sure. But to hold the hand of a soul in Purgatory is a great thing, it could be ascension, it would be great if it was. The only thing is I don’t see a BIG CELEBRATION, party, fireworks, etc., which sometimes happens but not always, when a soul ascends. It varies greatly. Sometimes it’s very simple & quiet like this. I feel elated to assist these Souls!)

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

HIS, HERS & THE TRUTH

HIS, HERS & THE TRUTH

12-1-20-THREE WINDOWS – CLOSING RESTAURANTS

This might be an answer to a prayer yesterday. Lover was BACKSLIDING, fooling around with another girl {possibly hooking up seeking a relationship}instead of contacting me, after some sort of breakup with present ‘wifey.’ I asked God to give me a dream re once again, why & how he would come to me when all was ‘said & done.’ My Higher Self does not take his ‘dilly dally’ with girls seriously, it relies on the REVELATIONS given many times by God re our PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP coming to pass. But how things develop is a subject for query.

*(HIGHER SELF VS FLESH/DAUGHTER: In yesterday’s dream there was an interesting conflict between flesh & God – where the flesh rose up against God & acted like she wanted to dominate – & at that point, I, the God, parted from her. This conflict has been going on for years – what the God Within wants, what the flesh wants. The flesh thinks physically, in a limited manner, short on faith, hope, confidence & all virtues. That is why flesh makes mistakes & pays for them later. My higher self was threatening me – the flesh – many times, She would ‘kill me’ if I continued with this man as it was – I did not listen for a long time, & I paid the price. The price was severe anxiety attacks, total chaos with the gastro-intestinal system, then heart attacks.

In this dream there will also be a sister I share a room with – another part of me, the pragmatic self, smart, but not God. It is the God that must prevail, dominate, make the decisions, no other part of oneself, & when another part takes over, there come the falls.

So in the last dream my Higher Self wins the day, in this dream my daughter/flesh does not even appear, but the pragmatic flesh is here in spirit, I, God, am correcting her.)*

My dreams opened with up numerous closings of restaurants as well as other businesses. All was shutting down like there was some kind of problem with society – like war but not war. I was present at many CLOSINGS, like shutting down doors, windows, I am there looking – it all goes DARK. There are many forgotten details. I was not UPSET, just OBSERVING.

(CLOSING BUSINESSES: Usually we don’t take things in dreams literally, but sometimes they are literally true. And so, this suggests that the closing of businesses will block the way for his ‘wifey’ – who is the main bread winner – to make a living. This being gone, she cannot afford him, both have to make different arrangements, she for someone to help her & the child. He stays with her because it’s most convenient, but if she cannot pay the bills, it isn’t convenient any more, so all bets are off. This answers the query why would be come to me.)

This part of the dream ends & I am at the OLD FARMHOUSE in my bedroom. I am looking through one of the THREE WINDOWS, the one on the right. Below me is the yard, all is GREEN, BEAUTIFUL, fertile. There is the large Oak tree, bushes & shade, & beyond that, nice sunshine in the field.

*(OLD FARMHOUSE, MY ROOM, 3 WINDOWS: The 3 windows suggests an answer to something, ‘his, hers & the truth.’

And so I see that beneath my window, domain is the SOLID PERMANENT OAK TREE – the Oak tree has the deepest TAP ROOT of any tree I know – it’s almost impossible to pull a tiny Oak out of the ground – I have tried. This represents PERMANENCE, A DEEP, PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP.

The SHADE here is PROTECTION. People seek trees for shade, shade protects from sunburn especially {you see the sun yonder but those who come here want the shade}. The sun in the context of this dream would be GETTING BURNED, which means HURT.

The green / fertility of this area is the LIFE / PROSPERITY / ABUNDANCE of ME. Whoever seeks this area, beneath my window, seeks my protection & prosperity. This will answer the query of why Lover comes to me – because he needs these factors.)*

There are some BOY-TEENS here – neighbors – who took it upon themselves to visit my yard to play. It doesn’t bother me, I’m happy they are finding rest / recreation on my property, & notice they stay in the SHADE rather than going into the sun.

The boy I notice most is maybe 16, short & chubby, wearing a white cotton shirt, button down, casual, loose. He has a BALL in front of him & bounces it up & down.

*(BOY-TEENS-WHITE SHIRT-PLAYING BALL: This is the presence of my Lover Bob, seen in this manner. Why this manner, & the playing ball?

Because he is a DEPENDENT on me, I am the Mother-figure, & being CHUBBY means he is WELL FED by me. This is more than food, it’s overall nourishment, could be spiritual, emotional, mental. Why is he SHORT? Being tall is sometimes, as in the last two dreams, wanting to dominate, pride & ego, but being short is being smaller than, submitting oneself, humbled or on bended knee.

The playing ball? It might be ‘playing ball with me’ which means cooperation. I am not there in front of him, but he is in my yard, my shade, under my window, seeking my protection & prosperity – & what is also revealing, is that he is FACING TOWARD MY WINDOW which means facing ME – & this says he’s COOPERATING {finally!} {It has been his failure to cooperate with me or appreciate my efforts that has caused him to stay in the mediocre place he is, dashing his aspirations toward becoming ‘a star’ & losing the spiritual as well as other blessings held out to him by God. He blocked all my effortsto help him, took up with a young lady drug partner. By now I might have got him off drugs & made him to some degree a celebrity, but none of that happened.}

WHITE SHIRT: Is his hope for & acceptance of our union / marriage.)*

I want to open this window more fully. There are three semi-used up, falling apart pieces of wood for propping it up, I have to work to get them aligned properly, hold the window up, two of them one on the other, on the left side, sort of rickety.

(THIS WINDOW: Is ‘his pov or side’ from the ‘his, hers & the truth’ paradigm. I want to see HIS SIDE clearly, but there’s some rickety old wood to depend on for propping up this vision – could be THE PAST bringing confusion & apprehension toward the future. Will he really change?)

Then I go to the MIDDLE WINDOW which opens to the main view of the outside, the clearest vista. My sister shares this room & apparently she has this window CLOSED which upsets me. I open it & am scolding her for not having it so. It’s summer after all, no need for closed windows. I say to my sis,
“WE NEED OXYGEN.”

*(MIDDLE WINDOW: Represents ‘hers’ or my flesh pov. Why did the pragmatic part of me have this closed, for which my God Self scolds me?

CLOSED WINDOW could mean ‘Closed mind’ or my POV is not open enough- not enough OXYGEN would be lack of ENERGY or life to my vision. In other words, I must BELIEVE MORE in his coming to me with a SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION. My skepticism would come from his past performance.)*

Then I go to the LEFT WINDOW which opens on a low roof above the kitchen & the driveway. I thought at first it was closed also, but see it is open & lots of GREEN. There are two layers of windows.

*(LEFT WINDOW on top of the kitchen, driveway mean THE TRUTH. DRIVEWAY means ACCESS or ENTRANCE, the way in, the way he gets instilled into my life permanently, physically as well as other ways. I thought it was CLOSED is my lack of faith or skepticism. But it’s open means filled with life & vitality – I do see green here.

On top of the KITCHEN also is a symbol of hearth, home, food, nourishment. This is where our food was prepared & eaten. This represents the HEART / CENTER, ‘home is where the heart is’ – Both he & I have each other’s hearts.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

LOVER BACKSLIDES

LOVER BACKSLIDES

Dream: 11-30-20-Visit Lover on Street – He’s Unsure

I’m with my small daughter, she’s like 7 yrs old, & the idea is I don’t relish ‘baby sitting’ but I have to do it as there’s no one else, & I have to admit she’s a good child.
(DAUGHTER: My flesh. My flesh is a good child – obedient to to God Self. Seven years old is an innocent soul.)

We’re in Bklyn on Grand St – the street is active, alive, filled with people. We’ve not been out for a long time, we relish the thought of being out among folks.

(THE STREET: Implies INFORMATION WILL BE GIVEN, ‘what is the word on the street?)

*(B’KLYN, GRAND ST: This might announce a CHANGE or SHIFT – as B’klyn was the place of monumental changes; Seeing God Face to Face & then, Divine Stigmata.

Being ‘with people’ might hint at ‘this will be a revelation ABOUT PEOPLE. And Grand St, does that say it’s about their PRIDE? Or is it just a coincidence, as this was the street in existence there at the time {name has been changed to Borinquen.})*

We go to the very end of the street, & there, unexpectedly, on the opposite side is my lover Bob. I was NOT planning to approach him, speak to him, or in any way take the active part in getting us together – not even planning to ask him anything, but I override my decision on that & begin to speak to him.
He says,

“I HAVE BEEN DOING RESEARCH” & “BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

(BEEN DOING RESEARCH: This means ON ME. He’s been trying to find me to no avail as the next sentence explains.)
I say,

“I’VE BEEN SICK.”

(I’VE BEEN SICK: In the context of this dream, this could be saying, ‘I have been sick at heart from our separation.)

He seems to be CRIPPLED as he sits on the sidewalk, cannot walk at all, & I tell him,
(HE’S CRIPPLED: In the context of this dream he has been DISABLED re our relationship or how to keep it going. Sitting, not walking on the sidewalk curb, is like ‘bench warming’ – he could not find me downtown for the last over a year.)

“I NOW WALK WITH A LIMP.”

(LIMP VS CRIPPLED: I am not crippled as far as our relationship, but I have a slight ‘impediment’ or handicap. I can still function within our union – possibly this vision / revelation shows how I can function, I can discover things through spiritual vision.)
Then I say,

“DO YOU WANT ME?”

He sits in front of me rather puzzled & says,
“I DON’T KNOW.”

(I DON’T KNOW: He is CONFUSED as to his true feelings. He doesn’t know what he feels deep in his heart.)

After a while – I say,

“WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?”

At this point he’s standing before me, tall, looking about 16 yrs old, with a white knitted shirt with pointed collar. And I add,

“MAYBE I SHOULD GO DO THAT”

meaning kill myself – I just said this to see his reaction.

(WHAT WOULD HE DO IF I DIED – MAYBE I SHOULD DO THAT? is not really about physical suicide, it’s saying what would you do if I disappeared from your life completely? Maybe I should end it. His appearance as a 16 yr old boy in white, standing above me is his DEPENDENCE, NEED OF A MOTHER – HE WANTS MARRIAGE WITH ME AS I AM THAT TRUE MOTHER. Standing above me might be saying,
“I need you, I am in need of you as my maternal source, & so, I cannot allow you to lead me as you might leave me if you have control. That’s why I must DOMINATE {stand above} you.)

Then a small girl appears to his left, in a type of ‘corner’ on the street above us. Her face is made up to look pretty, she is pretty, & she greets him & they kiss. She’s wearing a light blue chemise to her ankles, like a silky night dress, then she goes away. I take issue with this interruption, I feel he should not have acknowledged her, & I think they kissed on the lips, which bothered me even more. But she does go away & we continue talking.

(GIRL IN BLUE KISSES HIM: His present gf kisses him good bye. How do I know? It seems because she’s in a CORNER on the street, above {like a vision in the air} appears, then disappears – corner is a predicament, like painting yourself into a corner or being ‘cornered’ & she’s also on the street surrounded by cement, which is tomb-like. Her blue chemise might also say ‘parting in such sweet sorrow. And the fact that it looks like a night dress says ‘no more sleeping together.’
This dream then predicts the end of her, but he will take up with a number of girls – which is not necessarily the end of us, just how it might be prior to our reunion.)

Then we are sort of standing in the middle of the street among the crowd & a few young girls, a clique perhaps, engages his attention. He takes one of them by both hands, then turns her around dancing, where she’s in his arms, he behind her – a smooth move.

(HOLDS GIRL IN A SMOOTH MOVE: It looks like he ‘takes up with’ or in a ‘smooth move’ snags or traps a girl into a relationship.)

This for me ‘takes the cake’ – I am offended & decide, with my daughter, to walk away, & do so. We head back to our apt, where I drop off my little daughter & decide to go back to the street.
(TAKES THE CAKE – I AM FED UP WITH HIM: It bothers me that instead of contacting me – chasing me as it were – he takes up with yet another girl. This is either happening now or will happen, as it isn’t the old gf, Ruth, in his arms, it’s a new one.)

As we were returning I asked her opinion,
“DON’T YOU THINK THAT WHEN I WALKED AWAY, IF HE CARED, HE SHOULD HAVE CHASED AFTER ME?”

Daughter is now tall, looks down on me the way he did after I asked him what he would do if I died, her face is serious, eyes intent, but she GIVES NO ANSWER but I think she means yes, but doesn’t want to say it.

(I ASK DAUGHTER, SHE BECOMES TALL LIKE HE WAS: My flesh might be saying, ‘Indeed, he should be chasing you/me but he isn’t & so that means, at this moment, unfortunately, he doesn’t care enough……….Maybe I have to be the aggressive one instead of waiting as we have agreed, waiting this long while, maybe I should do something, which goes against the God Self.”
But my flesh says nothing, which again means my flesh will NOT go against the God Self, it only had a momentary doubt.)

I leave my daughter back at the apt by herself & go back into the street,
(LEAVE DAUGHTER & RETURN TO ST. SOLO: This is a parting of ways, my God Self & flesh, the God Self is of course predominant & is the leader. At the moment my lower self rebelled ever so slightly, I left her behind but went on to the vision of what is. This reality is what Bob is doing with his life, & it isn’t good…… Nevertheless, it is NOT in the dream, but I will add here, that I will STAND BY the promises of God, who has said for eons that our union will occur & it will be permanent, & furthermore, we will be dating by March, 2021 again, & we will be living together by Sept 2022.)

which has mostly emptied but there’s pockets of people here & there. I go to the end, where I see a tall young male wearing a white shirt.

(WHITE SHIRT: in the context of this dream probably means seeing union or marriage in a relationship – that’s what this dream is about, so although white could mean other things, like purity of heart or innocence, always figure ‘context of dream’ as your guide.)

He’s on the OPPOSITE side of the street where Joe & I were. I study his mannerisms because I can’t see his face clearly as he’s a half black away. His motions resemble Bob, moving around a lot a certain way, but his hair is dark black, with thick curls, his face more like Italian, not as handsome as Bob, a crude look. But he’s playing court with a bevy of people, some female, like being the ‘star’ in their circle. Where they are is next to a tall CHAIN LINK FENCE, but there’s a hole in it I think he moves through for one stunt – this is vague. He just moves around a lot.

*(NOT BOB, A DIFFERENT GUY, MORE LIKE ITALIAN, CRUDE, NOT AS HANDSOME, HOLDING COURT, NEAR A CHAIN LINK FENCE, OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ST. TO WHERE WE WERE, HOLE IN THE FENCE HE GETS THROUGH FOR A STUNT:

This IS Bob – he’s CHANGED from the grieving lover to a lower level {crude} his soul NOT BEAUTIFUL AS IT WAS – No longer listening to his HEART or Higher Self – wanting me. He has gone THE OPPOSITE WAY {in attitude} to where he forgets me, pursues others. He was ‘hemmed in’ before {the chain link fence} as a ‘prisoner of love’ but he FOUND A HOLE {LOOPHOLE} where he can ESCAPE FROM HIS PAIN & that is by holding court, having fun with his friends, male & female, or carrying on as a ‘free man’.

Obviously this change will disappoint me. I know he has to go through suffering & make the right choice – God & me, but he has found a loophole against this & is giving in to the lower self, the flesh, which cannot bring him permanent happiness. It’s like ‘the prodigal son’ who left home with his inheritance as he thought it would make him happy, but it did not, this is giving into the lower self which will always crash.)*

As I gaze at him, an ancient man, like 80 years old, face & nose wrinkled, comes up to me & starts chatting. He notices the guy I’ve been watching & says something about him. I ask him the guy’s name – he says something like ‘Ions Bong’. I say,

“OH, THAT’S NOT THE MAN I LIKE.”

(NOT THE MAN: I don’t like his attitude.)

Old man says,

“HE’S BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE, NOW HE’S BACK, HE’S POPULAR.”
(BEEN GONE: Apparently absent mentally from his ‘friends’ but now returned to ‘the scene of the slime.’ Most of his friends are lowlife drug addicts, losers & petty criminals.)
But the old guy bugs me. I YELL,

“STOP STALKING ME. GET OUT OF HERE!”

The point is, the old man is attracted to me, wants me for himself, is jealous, & he’s INTERFERING with my life & privacy. So I MUST just get rid of him.

*(OLD MAN STALKING ME, EXPLAINING THIS ‘NEW GUY’ WHO IS NOT REALLY NEW BUT THE OLD MAN INTERFERES & BUGS ME – I GET RID OF HIM:

I suspect this is my good ole’ friend Bugsy. Have been taking him out on my errands & having dinner with him the last two months. I was once mad at him for saying Bob didn’t love me. His appearance in this dream is twofold: Somehow he’s part of the vision of Bob’s new, diminished attitude. This is because he agrees with it – that Bob doesn’t love me – Bugsy is in love with me, wants me for himself & this says he’s stalking me, interfering with my life & privacy. He might be a thorn in my side, why he’s used here, because he’s against my relationship with Bob, & so, in a sense, he’s against ME.

Yesterday he refused to go out with me – not for any bad reason, just being tired possibly – but this says for me to remove him from my life. I will not invite him any more to go places with me. The dream shows my inner feeling toward him, that he doesn’t ENHANCE my life, he’s an IRRITANT.)*

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