College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized



Lover leaves  but comes back,  relationship is attacked by numerous

people— beat them back & escape, fly off with him away from them all, on a

golden road of love—this is predicted.


Interpreted for a friend


          This is so sad in the beginning. My aunt & uncle have a get-together way in the hills in the country – it’s beautiful, rolling soft bushes & trees, lots of recreation, many people are here.


          *(AUNT & UNCLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PUNISHERS IN YOUR SYMBOLS {the thought is ‘cry Uncle’ when you can’t take it any more}, but this time you will see a change. The beauty, recreation, is a sign of your peace & happiness.)*


          I am having a great time, not thinking of anything negative, when after a while notice the guy I love is off to the side with another female—I know he’ll be making love to her. I see a lot of young people off to the side in the blackness where you can’t see them & they are doing sex. I don’t see my lover clearly with the female, just vaguely, in my imagination.

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          *(LOVER WITH ANOTHER: This being remembered is causing a mar to happiness. ‘In the blackness’ means you can’t see the people but know what they’re doing.)*


          After that I mope around, so sad. My uncle is near me. I see his face clearly, he has olive skin & 5 o’clock shadow on his face,—he’s young & handsome {no more than 40} & seems sympathetic to me.


          *(UNCLE SYMPATHETIC: Things have changed drastically. You’re not going to be punished or suffer any more, this change is saying.


The face of the uncle reminds me of an actor on TV who plays do-gooder roles.)*

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          He has me sit at a table that has soft, small dinner rolls on it. I take one, with my face sort of down in sadness; he gives me a different roll, one more square. I think what do I do now, put butter on it? But I don’t put any butter, I’ve become passive. There’s a guy sitting to my right – I don’t know who he is.


          *(SOFT DINNER ROLLS: What is on the table or brought there, represents in a relationship.


          BUTTER ON BREAD: Major clue –Butter on bread is MONEY, & possibly more than ‘just bread’ or basics, butter on bread could mean an abundance or extras. Uncle provides you with


BREAD ON THE TABLE –Represents MONEY – what one brings to the table in a relationship—You prayed about this yesterday, asking God what do we each bring to the table? The


BUTTER: represents ‘which side my bread is buttered on’ which means, which part of these people supports me, pays my bills or provides money? Uncle hands me a


SQUARE: dinner roll instead of the round one I took which could mean ‘a SQUARE MEAL’ & so this represents a ‘square meal’ or ‘enough to eat,’ a decent amount of money, not just survival, the rolls are money that is brought to the table, being

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SOFT: soft is easy, tender, not hard which would be hard to obtain or earn – You can easily provide support for Wayfarer & the butter is the ABUNDANT MONEY you provide. You are


PASSIVE: as you’re not doing anything, not chasing Lover any more, but there’s a man sitting to your right who you wonder about – you never look at him & this might be


MAN TO MY RIGHT: Lover is sitting to my right, it’s planned, prepared, like the places at a table, when they have placards by each spot a person sits at an event, a wedding & such – Uncle is pointing this out to me. The fact that this is a planned dinner might be pointing to WEDDING DINNER. In fact this entire weekend bash might be pointing to the celebration of our wedding. This dream, through the symbol of my Uncle, who usually punishes me, predicts the marriage.


This dream explains, through my uncle, a theme that has been raised many times before – that Lover coming to you will have to do with what you bring to the table – & he will know which side his bread is buttered on. He’s always been in ‘survival mode,’ living with people who paid the bills – not always full but part time, like several days a week. The most recent female gave him the ‘golden parachute’ & allowed him to live with her full time without taking any of his money & even for a long time, gave him drugs.

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Her ability to support him has diminished due to our Pandemic—in fact, she might be totally bankrupt for an extended time. The deal they had will no longer work.


Where will he go next? Who can provide? It will be you, the dreams have said for years. He will hit ‘rock bottom’ – will have nowhere else to go & will humble himself to you, the only one who will take him in & support him. That’s why this dream says ‘bread on the table’—man is to my right, & ‘butter on the bread.’)*


          I tell my uncle about seeing Lover with another girl. I say to him,


          “Could you invite him for tomorrow? Then I’ll see him again.”

          {This was a weekend bash.}


          I am profoundly sad through this dream.

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          NEXT SCENE everything changes. I am at a movie theater, the audience lit up, lover & I are sitting close to each other in the aisle—on the left—there’s seats here for us. No one is close to us.


          *(MOVIE THEATER: Theater of life. You are living it.


          AISLE: Big hint—going up the aisle means getting married. You are here together as a couple in love.)*


          He has me in the MOST WONDERFUL EMBRACE, his arm around me, kissing me, again & again & again. No one bothers us FOR A WHILE & then – the shit begins.


          First, his own brother comes up to him. He looks like he has about 25% black blood, he has a black mustache & short beard. He does not speak to me, but he addresses Lover, whom I shall call ‘Wayfarer’—telling him to leave off what he’s doing with me, & go with him.

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          *(BROTHER WHO TRIES TO GET LOVER AWAY FROM ME: This represents any creepy ‘friend’ or multiple friends who wanted him to be with them, not you. Some of these ‘brothers’ are in & out of jail for drugs, stealing & violence, some are homos or bisexuals. They want him to stay in their group.)*


          This INFURIATES me. I get up & punch the guy & I guess he goes off.


          *(I PUNCH THE GUY: You did interfere with one homo who quit bothering him for a while.)*


          Next, someone else interfered but I can’t recall who. I fought like three type sets of people.


          The third instance, Wayfarer & I have moved to the back of the theater, against the wall. Now a middle-aged couple interferes, a woman with super thick {twice as thick as regular hair} to the shoulders white hair is in his lap & her husband is nearby – they are also interfering.

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          I go up to her, grab her by the hair & pull her off his lap, & thinking,


          “That’s what they wanted – that I attack someone not of the family – so they can call the cops & have me arrested. They have conspired to interfere with my relationship with Wayfarer, wanting to at the same time get me into trouble for fighting back.”


          When I grabbed this woman it was violent, extreme physical force.


          *(WHITE HAIRED WOMAN: This is a rival you tangled with forcefully. Her hair is WHITE FROM WORRY about what was going on.

It was multiple onslaughts of people you had to fend off – homos –druggie friends & sex-crazed females.)*


          Then I know I must ESCAPE WITH HIM far away from all these people, where none of them can reach us or do us harm.


         *(ESCAPE WITH HIM IN MY ARMS: This is a prediction, it’s not happened yet. On the spiritual plane, yes, but not yet physical.)*


          I grab him into my arms, hold him, & light up into the air, & fly off, trying to go as far as possible. If we are far enough away from these people, we can be at peace to share our relationship. It’s a slight strain for me to fly high into the air, but I manage, & then I see the road ahead. It’s a beautiful wide avenue in the country – with trees on both sides – I see trees of the country side & hills on both sides, with houses here & there – the road looks like some kind of beige/gold clay. It is promising.


          *(ESCAPE, FLY IN AIR, COUNTRY, GOLD AVENUE: This says that you will get him away from all the negative people, male & female – take him to a higher level {FLY} & enter on the ROAD OF LOVE forever more.


          The physical surroundings resemble where you live, near Sacred

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Mountains—this says it will be Valhalla where you can finally share a private world with no interference or rivals.


It’s interesting that a person that has always been a punisher in my dreams now appears as a consoler, giving me a vision & prediction of future love & happiness.)*


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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized







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          Was busy doing something with a guy – some kind of work, nothing romantic & we got done.


          *(WORK WITH GUY: You don’t have any boyfriends but you hire men for work, this is a new worker.)*


          Then see my ‘goodhubby’ Robert driving me into my newly refurbished driveway – just big enough for one car, & he has a quiet, curious look on his face like ‘what’s going on’ or ‘went on.’


          *(ROBERT: When Robert appears means your lover’s attitude is positive & tender toward you – Robert was a previous ‘goodhubby.’)*

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          The spot used to be ‘open’ but now not only are there tall bushes on both sides of the spot as well as in front, but a sort of ‘makeshift,’ not solid fence, of small ‘weathered’ trees, criss crosses, a decoration mainly as any animal can get through it like a dog, cat, raccoon – anything but a cow or horse, but they could knock it over, doesn’t look strong. The small trees this was made of are about 4” diameter, & the bark is weathered, not smooth, like rough & has maybe lichen or something textured on it. It has the fence rail over the top, & the as I said, large criss crosses under.


          *(MY DRIVEWAY: Represents, basically your vagina or sexuality. Now it is ‘closed in’ – the bushes surrounding where a man would drive you & your car into the driveway now ‘enclosed’ or no longer


OPEN: this could be taken two ways, no longer open to Robert’s scrutiny – or no longer open to him for sex. The

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FENCE: Is a symbol of the CROSS, especially when there are ‘criss crosses’ here – A cross can mean pain & suffering, a cross can also mean


NO: as in ‘crossed out.’ Since the fence is made of


YOUNG TREES, 4” IN DIAMETER: Could represent YOUNG MEN you’re no longer having sex with – including the lover/boy/hubby. The


WEATHERED, TEXTURED BARK: might be another symbol saying ‘not freshly cut down – been sitting in piles for a while, bark getting weather-beaten, collecting lichen, texture’ – translating to ‘not going out with any young men – they were there a while back but now left alone. This is an accurate symbol for you to understand, whether he understands it is not disclosed here.


BIG ENOUGH FOR JUST ONE CAR: This is hinting at the one man or multiple men situation. There are thoughts in his mind about am I the man, or is there another one? Symbols go both ways. Big enough for just one car translated is ‘big enough for just one penis.’)*


          Robert sees under the car – I’m looking under also – that the previous man who drove it took off his white stretchy undershorts {with a striped waistband, like maybe green/grey, 2 stripes} & pulled it over something underneath the driver side. We had nothing to do with sex but he might suspect we did.


          There’s also a simple small chair to the front left, & the worker put his hat, which is like a mask {you know those cold-weather hats that cover part of your face}, which is tan & black bands or frames around openings, at first, this sort of made me uncomfortable, but then I realized it was a virus cover, & there is another such knitted hat, of multi colors on this little chair. So the PRESENCE of this man is seen & it makes Robert uncomfortable & me the same way because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.


          *(DRIVER MAN LEFT HIS SHORTS: Goodhubby suspects THERE IS ANOTHER MAN in your life, who is seen as ‘DRIVING’ ME—driving being a euphemism {symbol} for fukking you.


          SHORTS STRETCHED OVER BOTTOM OF CAR UNDER DRIVER SIDE: He thinks you’re with a man with his pants down.


          STRIPES ON WAISTBAND, GREEN & GREY: Green could represent money or ‘life.’ Grey is thinking.


          KNITTED VIRUS HAT/MASKS TWO OF THEM ON LITTLE CHAIR ALSO BY DRIVER SIDE: Then maybe you have multiple men? The beige with black borders could be Robert & you–you were secret lovers, so the hat/mask is HIDING SOMETHING – no one saw you together.


          And so, if youwere HIDDEN LOVERS, behind closed doors you could be having MULTIPLE LOVERS (multi-colored mask) in secret. The hat/masks are what is secret & hidden.)*         


          Then we’re upstairs on the 2nd floor. Ozy, a Guru is here with his back to the door of this room, I am here & there was a lady – not sure if this is still her to my left back or if that is a different person, & his 11 or 12 yr old son is here, looking next to the tall bureau where in my bedroom there is a huge window—he looks perplexed.


          *(GURU OZY: It took me a while to figure out who this is – it’s his God-Self– the Power which is the God or parent of his flesh – his flesh is his son, the boy standing here facing your bedroom window.


          FACING AREA WHERE MY BIG WINDOW IS: He used to summon you by way of this window, call out, whistle & shine a light to let you know he was there. This dream says he is perplexed why you’re never there.)*


          At first this lady & I found a bargain for underpants & we were both purchasing them gleefully, as the lady who owned this clothing biz was only charging $10 for ten pairs pants. I was showing them to Ozy, what a bargain, & he looks at this white card on top of this tall bureau where a stack of these are & says

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          “The price has even gone down, they are now 15 pairs for $10.”


          They are beautiful underwears, that’s why I’m surprised they’re so cheap – they have lots of shiny material in red with black lace in front, not snug, loosely designed, almost like very loose pleats in front. I told Ozy I prefer to wear the big ones, as I don’t like my underpants tight. {I also had some smaller ones I wear, I show him the size 10’s.} I’m thinking to get more.


          *(RED PANTIES WITH BLACK LACE: Represent celibacy & not having sex for a long time. To call these


          CHEAP: Means there is no suffering for you, no sense of deprivation. The desire has been mastered. Ozy, his God self notices there’s been even a bigger jump in you being able to endure this lack of sex. In spiritual terms, when something they say ‘costs a lot’ means in terms of suffering, so cheap is easy.)*

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          Ozy is proud of his son & wants to know from my lady friend to the left – by her ESP – about his genius abilities.


          Her psychic senses comes & goes, right now she feels oppressed by too many overwhelming things going on & she says to him,


          *(PSYCHIC FEMALE: Is a part of you, right now seem to be overwhelmed with so many things on your mind.)


          “He has a neurological condition.”

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          Ozy asked about the wound on his right cheek – it’s the size of a nickel, looks like light mint stripes over this ‘wound.’


          *(WOUND, SIZE OF A NICKEL, WITH MINT STRIPES: This is like his being ‘slapped in the face,’ which usually means, by a woman to a man, reprimanded &/or rejected. This is how he feels)*


          She says,


          “His neurological condition coincides with that wound, it parallels it.”


          *(NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION RELATING TO THAT WOUND, PARALLELS IT: He feels I have reprimanded & rejected him, & that has made him a ‘nervous wreck’ – translated from ‘neurological condition.’)*

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          Ozy expected something different, not that he has a problem, but that he’s superior in some way – perhaps he’s disappointed.


          *(OZY WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT: The God inside lover/boy/hubby might have thought his flesh was stronger than this – superior to the situation, but he isn’t. When he was pushing you around, he felt superior, in control, now he feels reprimanded, rejected & a nervous wreck.

          “You never miss your water ‘till the well runs dry.”


          He thought it was all you – he was above it. You were pursuing him, obsessed; he didn’t have to do anything but tell you when he wanted you. It was easy. Then suddenly, you were gone. He is perplexed, hurt, bewildered. If he was above it, why does he care? He never had to do anything to keep you, you were in love no matter how much he hurt you. The shoe is on the other foot. The well has gone dry. He needs the water.)*


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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized


Ballet dancer wearing red dress over grey



5-9-20-Beautiful blonde man at end of road (Dream)


Interpreted for a friend


          I am having quite a time on this long road. It’s over a mountain – I’ve been here before, many times, but have not been here a long time.


          *(MOUNTAIN: “Lord, this time you gave me a mountain,” – song from Elvis. And Jesus said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can move that mountain.” Mountains are PROBLEMS.

          This is going over a same ole’ – same ole’ problem.)*


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          Now I go back to it & it has CHANGED. I have some sort of vehicle, a good one. I go by this road but here is an obstacle, something white like stiff, is it metal or fiberglass, like not flat, sort of has some curve & an ‘edge’ about a foot wide to, covering almost the entire road, & I squeeze by, amazingly get by.


          *(WHITE OBSTACLE: Clue that this is about marriage. The metallic or fiberglass is the material of a car. And so I am unconsciously wondering about the marriage to Josh – to be or not to be?)*


          Somewhere along the road a person has opened some sort of ‘warehouse,’ like a barn, it houses I don’t know what – it’s white & has some black décor like some sort of round black window. It’s one of those pre-fab buildings, which has a round frame & the ceiling & walls wrap around it. It seems the person who put this here was trying to store something for hard times coming.


          Then the road becomes a FORK. It had never

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been a fork before, & both of the roads are covered in a wide duct tape material – shiny grey. I see the fork of the road from afar. I decide to take the LEFT because I’ve never been that way – always went the other. What will I find?


          *(FORK IN ROAD, NEW LEFT: Left-sided tantra represents things that are forbidden or not considered kosher, but it gets you there. This left turn is something bad that will turn to something good, most probably the economic crisis.


          DUCT TAPE: This is REPAIR or an attempt to fix a thing, & both roads are covered, means there was a problem in both paths or ways. The duct tape is smooth, shiny, easy to slide over. Something has happened to smooth the way, both ways.

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The duct tape might also represent the vision to see, understand, what’s going to happen.)*


          So I drive a long time, seeing new sights, can’t recall what. I finally come to the end & strangely, I am glad; tired of the journey. There is a pretty wall, like 8 or 10’ tall, made of wood & a window over all of it with panes, separated into squares, the side of the road is also some walls. None of this is formidable or threatening, it’s just somehow appropriate, I’m glad it’s the end, I’m tired of the road.


          *(END OF ROAD: The end of the quest, the journey, end of what I am seeking – will the marriage be or not? I am tired of waiting, tired of wondering, tired of trying.


This road might also represent a series of things that will happen, events, sights, that I can now see – that were not seen before & then the end of this quest will be revealed.

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WINDOW AT END: Windows are opportunities, openings, things that allow something to happen, doors are the same. A door opening is an opportunity.)*


          Here appears a handsome young blonde man, cheerful, moving here & there, doing this & that. We greet each other, then he disappears – this happens again & again. In the end, he appears again, puts his arm around me friendly, & then it stays that way.


          *(BEAUTIFUL YOUNG BLONDE: Is Josh. The physical movements are his, & also, we were back & forth together & broken up several times. This reviews that.


          But in the end, he puts his arm around me & does not withdraw – this shows the end will be permanent, him & me.

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BLONDE: Is golden hair, means love.

ARM AROUND ME: Accepts me. Holds me means keeps me in his life, keeps me with him. God is telling me that IN THE END, Josh & I will stay together.)*


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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized








          Interpreted for a friend

 unnamed (5) unnamed (4) unnamed (4)

                     The beginning is there’s a lot of turmoil in a community group – there’s like a ‘big man leader’ off to the right, in the middle a group of ‘boys’ or ‘young men.’


          I am here in the middle, doing this & that, like on the media, speaking. There’s a TV or radio show. This man I didn’t think was promoting me, I see his show in retrospect, & he did promote me, so much later I thank him for it. There’s something pitiful about this man, he has a good heart but he’s struggling or something.  


          There’s this guy I love who is in front in a sort of restaurant area with small booths—he has the young guys all around him, he’s one of them.


          One day after a while he’s in a booth, & he & I have been through a lot, & I think it’s time for me to SIT DOWN & TALK TO HIM. I think he’s READY. So I go sit down in the little booth across from him ready for a good important CHAT.


          *(CHAT IN BOOTH: This is when Frank was running like a kid with all the guys – totally immature – while we were dating & I wanted to pin him down to a relationship.

         IN A BOOTH: This is like being ‘fenced in’, a limited space, closed in to some degree, a symbol for a RELATIONSHIP.)*


          He FLIES OFF like a wild animal, totally scared or spooked out, with all the boys around him flying with him. They’re all dependent on each other – like a HERD, & where one goes, they all go. They can’t be or think independently, all dependent on the herd.

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          *(FLIES OFF LIKE WILD ANIMAL with the other guys:  Herd mentality is powerful.)*


          Later I hide behind a staircase where he will re-emerge, I hope to ambush him to see what is he doing & have a discussion.


          *(BEHIND A STAIRCASE, AMBUSH: Long wait for him to come down from his ‘Ivory Tower’ {implied, he is high up, I could say Ivory Tower although it is not shown} but it doesn’t happen for years.



IVORY TOWER: a place or situation remote from worldly or practical affairs — an attitude of aloofness from or disdain or disregard for worldly or practical affairs.       


          AMBUSH, HIDE BEHIND STAIRS TO CHECK ON HIM: Me leaving him, hiding from him, but still interested. Still, the relationship doesn’t happen, it doesn’t work.)*


Somehow this should work but it doesn’t.

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          Years go by. During that time of turmoil, this guy was with a female who he said was chasing him that he wanted to avoid—he acted like he didn’t like or love her, like she wasn’t important to him.


          *(FEMALE NOT IMPORTANT TO HIM CHASING HIM: This is me – he wanted to give people the impression he wasn’t interested in me, that it was only I interested in him – but of course that was only the outside impression, he was equally interested in me, he just didn’t want a commitment—a marriage. He wanted to remain a child.


YEARS GO BY: Years have gone by & I don’t know how much more time remains before our relationship starts.)*

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          Now I see him unexpectedly & I see her face to the left back of me & his face to the right front of me by the corner of is it a brick building? It seems like five or more years after the fiasco.


          Their faces are like none I have ever seen before. Each one is encased in cement – their faces come out of the cement, made of cement, surrounded by a rectangle square horizontally, with decorations of sorts around their faces. It’s mostly grey but there are bits & pieces of color here & there.


          *(FACES ENCASED IN HORIZONTALLY RECTANGULAR CEMENT: It is ‘set in stone’ that we get back together.


          CORNER BRICK BUILDING: Solid brick – also represents the relationship, as we are there. We were ‘crucified’ {the corner} but it stands strong.

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          ‘Sense-image material’ is yesterday I saw a homestead family in the middle of a beautiful dry wilderness. A teenage boy in the family wanted pizza & he & an older brother decide to create a PIZZA OVEN {outside} – which they do with rocks & CEMENT—the boy exclaims the cement looks like dough. They build the oven, the boy kneads the dough, covers it with tomato sauce & shredded cheese, they cook it & the whole family eats it. I was impressed by the ingenuity.


Here the cement that glued together the oven is seen as being mortar / glue to create a relationship – the boy who ran from me like a wild animal with his herd, to the boy who is now united to me in a rock solid relationship.


HORIZONTAL: This is to show me that this is of the earth, not merely spiritual, as we have the spiritual marriage already as of 2019. )*

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          To me it’s totally disappointing that he ended up with her – this cement like says ‘made in stone’ even though they did not get along, he was running from her, but here they are – the same two, so PREDICTABLE – them being together. I find their pairing up to be just so prosaic, so ordinary, all the problems & disclaimers to the contrary – they started out together having problems but ended up together as an ordinary couple, a predictable pairing.


          *(ORDINARY, PROSAIC, PREDICTABLE: Why these words to something I suffered so much for, prayed so hard for & desired totally? I ask of Mother God:

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         She: Because you are so over it, having been through all that. Your emotions have been spent, drained, your mind plateau-d out, you’ve been through so much you simply cannot take any more.


          It could be the emotionally desired now becomes the commonplace & ordinary, & could be ‘taken for granted’ – which would be a sigh of relief from all the previous pain.

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized







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          Two themes, begins one way, segues into another.


          First, I’m here in my house three or more floors up – like in a tower. I look below & see a few people. The idea is that people are showing up to see me in an honorable way – I am some type of respected leader.


          *(TOWER: Isolated height, like Jesus on the Cross. My past martyrdoms give me a spiritual height, which others can access by their respect & humility—such people are gathering below.)*


          I see one of the people below looks like a ‘small saint.’ A female is wearing a long black dress, but not dreary, it’s decorated with a medieval standout collar, white & gold, & has a 6” or so fringe on the bottom with similar colors—might have lace. She’s waiting for me.

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          *(LITTLE FEMALE ‘SAINT’: This is a female, either living or dead. If dead, the black dress says ‘funeral,’ but it also has white on the


BIG COLLAR: & hem & gold. This could show being a ‘religious’ & that she loved God {gold is love}.


If she is alive, then she’s a relationship I had LONG AGO – the black dress would be ‘ending.’ But she is here ‘below me’ spiritually asking for help. I descend to her level – not in a negative sense, but in the sense that God lowered Herself to become Jesus or another Great Saint – descended into the flesh to help us, save us from our sins. I wonder if this person could be a next-of-kin female who has not spoken to me for 41 years {due to stupid family politics.}?)*


          As I look down I don’t have to go on any stairs, I can do my usual trick of jumping from great heights (I love doing this in dreams, sometimes just for fun, appear on super tall buildings & jump to enjoy floating down & showing everyone what I can do) & not getting hurt. So I jump gleefully, saying to the people & even stopping before I hit the ground, floating in the air,

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          “See – I don’t get hurt!”


          *(I DON’T GET HURT: Might be a clue this is about forgiveness, as when you forgive you say to the person ‘It’s as if you never hurt me—I remove it, I do not feel the pain.’ This is total forgiveness, & so this might be a clue it is the relative who rejected me for so long.)*


          Then I ask the lady if she’s a ‘little saint’ & don’t know what she says. Around me have gathered a few ‘disciples’ for want of a better word – they are cautious to show respect & don’t come too close or familiar.


          Then from the left comes a black man with a narrow face – he is pitiful looking – I have seen him before. He’s wearing white clothes printed with small designs, mostly blue. The material of the clothes looks puffy & slit up & down the arms – again looks medieval, as in ancient paintings. He comes toward me cautiously, afraid I’ll reject him, but I do not, however repulsive he is. Somehow I greet him & accept him but don’t give him the hug he’d like to get. I am sitting during these communications, in my driveway, like ‘holding court.’


          *(REPULSIVE MAN, CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES, I DO NOT REJECT HIM BUT HE DOESN’T GET THE HUG HE’D LIKE: Again, don’t know if this is a Soul in Purgatory or a living person. If it’s a Soul then

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          THE HUG: Could be my touching him, the Sacred Touch by which he ascends into Heaven. I have had this happen when I hugged my friend George’s late wife – when she withdrew she was wearing my sweater {my Light} by which she ASCENDED into Heaven.

And when angels brought James Brown {the singer} to me, I had to kiss him with the Sacred Kiss, then the angels withdrew him into Heaven. And so, my TOUCH or CONTACT WITH ME {like the touch of Jesus garment by the woman with the issue of blood, who was thereby healed} transmits God’s Grace into a person, by which they ASCEND. Apparently, this man is not yet ready for the Sacred Touch, he has more cleansing coming up.


          If this is a living person, then it might be John the lawyer – a best friend who turned on me for something I didn’t do – & has hardly spoken to me over ten years. This is saying he’d like to be forgiven. I do forgive him but according to this am not ready to give him the physical closeness he would like. He has become repulsive to me due to judging & punishing me so harshly. But then this might not be about him, might be someone else I have forgotten.)*

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PEOPLE WAITING, DISCIPLES, I AM HOLDING COURT: These are people who need my help in the spiritual sense. I don’t know if they’re living or dead but they are from the ‘long past.’


          MEDIEVAL CLOTHES: Long past, either living people I’ve known or Souls that have been in Purgatory a long time.


          {Because of this dream I started saying the Holy Mass again, which I neglected over a month. I thought these might be Souls in Purgatory asking for help.})*




          Then there’s a scene of a few women in a room. One female to the right is sitting in a corner, she’s pretty, her skin seems brown although she’s Caucasian. My late husband Richard is standing near her, she’s smiling, flirting with him. This annoys me. I tell him,

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          *(BROWN SKIN: Can mean different things. Here it means ‘in the flesh’— not spiritual.)*


          “She doesn’t love you – she’s making a fool out of you.”


          But he has a stupid look on his face & keeps talking to her, not even seeing me. There’s another woman to my left facing me, his right that seems to be part of this.


          *(RICHARD, LATE HUSBAND: This is always the present spiritual husband who I call Jack. Richard was good & loved me truly. When he appears it means my present husband has good feelings & thoughts about me, he is behaving like the good husband. {He has not appeared as evil or demonic for many months now, thank Heavens.}


         A woman he’s talking to is not sincere, but messing with him. She is ‘of human nature’. It might be his housemate or it could be someone else. If it’s his housemate this is showing me she has fallen OUT of love with him as one time, she was, I think in love, in her own way. I am warning him this female no longer loves him. Now that I meditate on this I believe the smile gives it away – the smile is fake & looks like that of his housemate – but he doesn’t realize she’s faking. {Like most men, you smile, you put on an act, they fall for it— why? Because they want to. Ditto the other way. The gigolo acts like he loves you, you pay him, you think he has feelings for you.} Why she’s putting on this act is now shown. The only hint might be the

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          OTHER FEMALE IN ROOM: Friend might be advising her to put on an act that she still loves him to offset any repercussions—men do get violent when you reject them, even when they are the guilty party. {My first husband began to strangle me when I was leaving him on two different occasions. God saved me from it. I ran away the second time, left him, too our child & stayed at a motel.}


Hint as to why her love has gone: She lost her job, he didn’t. She was supporting them, now she needs him to put forth his money but he won’t—he needs it for substances. She’s not innocent here, she’s also an addict. You can see where love could turn to hate. {It’s that old situation where two love one another with conditions, conditions deteriorate, they end up hating one another, being bitter, even killing one another. But in true love it never dies, it’s unconditional. That’s what my lover & I have.})*

          My lover Jack has been around. Suddenly he’s in my arms – it’s a reunion of love / intimacy. I can’t recall how, it just happened. He looks like himself.


          *(LOVER JACK: Richard is now Jack. Perhaps my mystical warning about the housemate got through to him. He sees she no longer loves him,–understandably– he turns his mind & emotions toward me & intimacy.)*

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          He’s in my arms & we’re French kissing & it gets so intimate & erotic, I feel ecstasy.


          *(ECSTASY, INTIMACY, FRENCH KISSING: This is what we both lived for & still do. There is nothing to replace this sort of emotion people feel toward another—such pleasure—it lifts you above the world & makes life meaningful. People do all sorts of illogical, criminal, extreme actions to keep feelings of ecstasy going. I know a woman who lives under a bridge with the man she loves—she’s young & pretty. She has a child every year with him which social services takes away–all for that feeling of ‘ecstasy.’


For me, I allowed him to treat me like shit in order to feel the ecstasies once in a while. He would engage me with sex – feel the pleasure – then walk away abruptly & not summon me for 5 weeks—that was his pattern. In the last two years he would praise his housemate on social media but of course I did not exist – People thought I was that forgotten, obsessed old lady. He never appeared in public with me any more because he feared losing the support of the housemate.


He talked ‘double talk’ with me, every time seeing me he’d say he was through with her, but then would add ‘don’t mess up what I have with her.’ He didn’t explain what ‘he had with her’ but I figured it out by seeing his lifelong pattern: Mooch off someone, keep my money for myself for the medications {which he desperately needs.}

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This ECSTASY is similar to the highest drug. It’s the feeling saints live for when they have ecstasy/union/intimacy with God. Saints will go through any torture to feel this Love of God – It not only is spiritual, it’s emotional & physical, it lifts one to the Heavens. Of course, the earthly ecstasies FALL SHORT of the ones with God – you cannot see God face to face with an increase of feel-good hormones, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins. The spiritual ecstasy is beyond the earth & flesh; you leave the flesh in spiritual flights & appear in a Higher World – temporarily or forever. I cannot explain why or how the Spiritual Highs go beyond feel-good hormones, perhaps because logically hormones no longer exist past the flesh, but Spiritual Heights – Heaven, do exist.


This ECSTASY that we are both in is the Union that Jack & I have – it’s in our souls as well as our bodies. This dream indicates that Jack is now awake that his housemate/relationship is over – she no longer loves him as he never loved her – & now he’s mentally/emotionally free for the intimacy with me. {Remember, God is a ‘jealous God,’ – when you give yourself fully to something, someone, besides Her, She will not reveal herself or give you the ecstatic intimacy with Her – So in a sense, it is on the earthly plane. If Jack was divided – saw a reason to be praising Housemate all the time, & putting effort into their relationship, his mind, body, heart & soul were not free to be enjoying intimate union with me—HE’S NOW FREE.})*


          Then after that he carries me around with my legs around his waist – without any strain – like you would a child without effort. And he isn’t ashamed at all to show the world he’s in love with me – he walks openly here & there where people can see.


          *(CARRIES ME, MY LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST, EFFORTLESSLY LIKE A CHILD: ‘To carry’ someone is to support them, to help them get around, get somewhere. My legs around him are full support – nothing held back from him to me, he gives me his all, I don’t even have to make an effort.

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          ISN’T ASHAMED TO SHOW THE WORLD: This reveals he’s gotten over the fear of criticism or disapproval – he said he was with his Housemate for ‘the party life style & popularity – I sold my soul to the devil for it’ he said on social media {he said this in a veiled way, in a poem, did not name names but I understood}.)*


          We talk about setting up a sports center at my house, for wrestling or sports fighting. I will set up a ‘ring’ I tell him,


          “But it has to have a roof in case of rain.”


          He continues to walk with me around him here & there in this place like a village, with small business places scattered about, like tiny restaurants. I tell him,


          “You can have anything you want,”


          (Meaning to eat, I will pay.)


          He walks into this small store – all it sells is candy. There was another customer here {female}, just leaving. The place could only hold at most 5 people in front of the counter.


          *(CANDY STORE: Place of drugs/medications. I surmise the female just leaving is his housemate. This hints they are no longer together—she gets her drugs solo, it’s not a joint project any more. She gets her drugs, leaves, he is holding or carrying me, means he is with me, loves me, & I help him.)*

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          On the counter left is a bowl filled with all colors candy the size of large vitamin capsules, & on the right a bowl of a strange blue sweet that looks like a smooth ocean wave, like taffy but not sticky, about ¾ inch thick, about 6” long in a wave, about 4.5” wide.  I imagine you break pieces off. I tell him,


          “You can have this but I don’t eat candy.”


          *(CANDY, TINY STORE, SOME LIKE VITAMINS, SOME LIKE BLUE TAFFY (but not sticky): I get the feeling this represents substances, but which ones I can’t tell. I don’t do substances I say, but I tell him he can have them. Substances are his self medication due to damage by parents, he suffers from PTSD & attachment disorder, possibly other problems I’m not aware of. He would be desperate & suicidal without them – I want to help him through prayer, therapy & all the mental, emotional, spiritual remedies, medications would be temporary.


MANY BRIGHT COLORS THE SIZE OF VITAMIN CAPSULES: These drugs mimic the feel-good hormones, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins, or in other words, feel-good hormones. Bright colors indicate FEELINGS. Vitamins mean ‘good for you’ & these drugs mimic ‘feel good’ or ‘good for you’ feelings.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized









          I’m in my apt in B’klyn in my bedroom. There are people in other parts of the place; I seem to be isolated here, in my room.

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          Then two things I become aware of at the same time. One, the fire escape is crowded with people – it extends across the two front windows, real life fire escape is only on one window, but there are two here. All of them are crowded with people trying to get some air, to be outside during this time of isolation, men & women are sitting sunning. I especially see a man in beige trunks, reclining halfway on his back. Everything is friendly, a good feeling of people being together.


          *(ISOLATION, QUARANTINE VS PEOPLE BEING TOGETHER: This is about that dichotomy, being isolated, or being together. It beckons to mind when they say


          “Alone in a crowded room”

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          If you have nothing in common with people, although there are many around you, you still feel isolated & alone. But if you have something in common or intimacy, you feel CONNECTED & not alone any more.)*


          The second thing I see is on top of the table that holds a water tray is a small screen, like the screens people look at like a computer, but this is small. It’s only about 5” tall & 7” across. I never paid attention to this screen, like it had nothing I wanted on it, but now I see a TV show or movie is just beginning, & it’s well done.


          There’s a man that seems to be an opera star / announcer, speaking in a grand voice in English, clearly, impressive looking & sounding. He’s tall, a feeling of an opera star, wearing a snug brown outfit, he stands with feet apart, arms akimbo delivering his message.

 1905-Schaffner-men-formal-tuxedo-36-262x500 1906-queen-maud-of-norway-2 1958.43.19_crop 1960-party-crashers-1000x842

          *(TALL MAN, LIKE AN OPERA STAR, IMPOSING: I did not see this right away but after getting toward the end of the dream realized it’s the man I love—Bobby– & there’s a weighty message here. At first glance I thought I had summoned a saint but it’s different.


          BROWN OUTFIT, BLACK BOOTS: Brown seems to be a color coming up often these days both on him & myself. All colors mean multiple things, the definition I give to brown in the last two dreams is SERIOUS, a serious message.


         BLACK BOOTS: Like all colors black has many definitions, one of them is MYSTERY—what is black is a mystery to us, it’s the unknown. This dream will reveal a serious mystery about my Beloved.


HE IS IMPRESSIVE: This is a large part of the mystery. This is my LOVER’S GOD SELF, HIS SOUL that has migrated from a previous lifetime to the one here & now. He is TALL because the God Self is IMPORTANT, God is important, it’s the part of us that is Immaculate—without sin—it is priceless & perfect. It is the lower self, not the actual God-Self/Soul that houses sins, {which must be clarified in Purgatory before we can see God face to face.}

There’s then the ‘lower soul’ which would be our unconscious, our lower spiritual energy-entity, while the God-Self Soul is the Highest Level. That is the one that migrates from body to body in various lifetimes.)*

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          I look at this & think I’ll stay & pay attention – it might be interesting.


          Then it all changes. Now I’m in this movie, it’s come to life. The man is standing there in a theater or club with the stage behind him. He’s called a party – he’s special – hundreds of people came, I see them piling in, many so close to each other they seem to be on top of one another, in colorful party clothes, females & males.


          *(PARTY EVERYONE WANTS TO COME: This is Bobby in this lifetime – attractive, popular, wants to have fun & everyone wants to be with him—male & female. He is a star.


          COLORFUL CLOTHES: Lots of emotions, especially the women, they are infatuated or fascinated with him.)*        


          The man I now see more clearly is dressed in a ‘cavalier’ fashion in all brown, snug fitting with plain/elegant black boots up to his knees. He is at least a foot taller than anyone there – the visitors are average between 5 to 6’ tall, he’s 7’ tall.


          *(HE’S A FOOT TALLER THAN ANYONE HERE: This height is his God-Self. It is this that makes him a star. In another lifetime/s, he achieved great spiritual stature. The people around him, his family & friends, have not. They are attracted to his Spiritual Charisma – which is the Presence of the Holy Spirit.)*


          He stands there like ‘The Jolly Green Giant’; he always has his legs apart — imposing. Everyone wanted to come to his party & I’m here also.


          *(HIS PARTY, I’M HERE ALSO: I’m a part of his life & I think a lot of him.)*

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          Now the giant man walks around his guests like in a hallway adjoining the room (with his attendants) & for some reason he just faintly puts his index finger on me – my shoulder I guess – to say he’s seen me.


*(FAINTLY PUTS HIS FINGER ON ME LIKE TO SAY HE SEES ME: This must be when he first singled me out—I was so impressed, & took me to make love. But I did not see him again for three years—didn’t know where to find him.)*


This made me feel special, because he’s the star, we’re like a bunch of ‘nobodies’ & for him to single me out is unusual.


*(HOW HE MADE ME FEEL: indeed this accurately says how he made me feel when we met. I saw him as a great star & was lucky to be chosen – I said so to him. I even asked him if he was real or was I hallucinating or imagining him? He seemed ‘too good to be true.’ He didn’t see himself as special—his family & friends had not lifted him up.)*


          Shortly after that he does more than just faintly touch me with the tip of his finger, this time he puts his hand on me definitely to let me know he’s chosen me.

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          *(PUTS HIS HAND ON ME STRONGLY: This is when we started going steady three years later. He told me he wanted to marry me.)*


          I now see myself, what I’m wearing. Wow, am I covered! And as I walked through the premises I took one sweater off, & was planning to take more & more off as I got more ‘confident’ so people could see how I looked.


          First, my head. I have on a thick ribbed grey knitted cap which fits tightly over the head down my forehead. Underneath I have beautiful thick, curly blonde hair but I’m not showing it at all.


          On my body I have several layers of light grey & black, mostly loose. One of the light grey things is like an ‘athlete’ shirt which has medium-thin straps that show all the shoulders & arms, except there’s the black under that. I’m so covered no one could see any hint of how I am underneath, so he isn’t choosing me for that.


          *(MY LAYERS OF CLOTHES, BLACK & GREY, EVERYTHING COVERED & CONCEALED: This is a spiritual concealment, not physical. When we dated my body was obviously revealed; it was my SPIRIT that was hidden.

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          Because I’m saying, I was concealed, no one could see my body – my body is the Real Me, True Self, God Self, but this explains he saw or felt this Real Me.


          BLACK & GREY LAYERS CONCEALING ALL: This is me being a mystery – people don’t know who I am like the general population did not know who Jesus was until it was revealed. The Three Kings knew who He was, his Holy Mother & foster Father knew who He was, Holy Anna & St. Simon knew who He was, the Shepherds discovered he was Holy when the angels told them. His identity was revealed to the privileged but hidden to normal folks—Herod feared him not because he was a Spiritual Giant but he was predicted to be a King, & Herod thought he would be an earthly King—but of course Jesus said to Pilate in answer to the question if he was a King,

          “My Kingdom is not of this world.”


          Even his close friends & Apostles were not certain who He was when he asked who do people say I am? They said things like ‘Prophet’ but then Peter blurted out,

          “You are the Messiah!”

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          And so, even though Jesus did many miracles & healings, his True Identity was still hidden, unrevealed, not obvious. It took the Holy Spirit to show Peter who Jesus was—Jesus said so.


          In this dream, it says I saw the identity of my Beloved Bobby – I saw his God Self from the start. And he also saw that I was his Anointed mate, & in the end of this dream it’s revealed we were mates in a previous lifetime


          THICK GREY RIBBED CAP ON MY HEAD COVERING HAIR, EVERYTHING, DOWN MY FOREHEAD: This is how thoroughly my God-Self was hidden to the public, yet my Soul Mate instinctively felt it. Covering the head would be covering the mind & thoughts, ‘Where my head is.”)*

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          OK, then I get close to the man, & as I do so, amazingly, he is shorter than me. I have my left hand over his shoulder, gently rubbing it like to show him I like him. He’s wearing a blue or green spandex type top, soft, it’s pleasant to have my hand on it as I caress him.


          *(AMAZINGLY HE IS SHORTER THAN ME: This is spiritual stature. All is relative as far as this; he’s a foot higher than most people spiritually, but not as tall as I am. It means I evolved closer to God in previous lifetimes than he had, but still, we are both Great Souls.

          MY HAND ON HIM, CARESSING: This could be saying first he put his hand on me to choose me, now I put my hand on him to accept.


          GREEN/BLUE SOFT SPANDEX OUTFIT: This is here on earth, blue like the sky, green like the earth. We meet on the earth, he singles me out, I accept him. We desire each other. Hand on


SHOULDER: is comforting—as shoulders are what we carry the cross on.)*

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          To my surprise he starts speaking to me in RUSSIAN! He doesn’t know English at all! I try to explain to him, that my Grandma was Russian. We’re looking for something in common – he asked me like who I was or what I was about or something. I say to his attendants – how do you say Grandma in Russia? I say her name, her first name was Luba & her last married name I will not say, & it was Lithuanian anyway so it would be irrelevant. He has two female attendants who apparently know both languages; they’re dressed in red & are his height.


          *(HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN, DOESN’T KNOW ENGLISH: This is the key to the dream, this scene/symbol opens up the entire meaning. I then bring up my Grandma {while trying to find some common ground},


          RUSSIAN GRANDMA: Here I go back a couple generations to show WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON. This tells me that the reason this man singled me out is that we were in relationship some generations ago – in a different land, culture & language.

          He did not single me out merely for physical, in this lifetime, looks or anything. He saw through my COVERING or physical cover, the underlying IDENTITY or person he knew long ago – when we were together IN ANOTHER LIFETIME.

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          This explains why he’s CHOSEN ME. It’s like the Three Kings who sought out Jesus because he was their Guru in a previous lifetime. He was continuing his life in another body, but he was that SAME SOUL.


          This dream explains that it is the GOD SELF that is reborn again & again in other bodies, that is the identity that continues. The body dies, the outward form, connection with the physical is all gone, & there’s a new body, nationality, culture & language. But the SOUL / GOD SELF has not CHANGED, it’s deep inside.


          When people are drawn to each other in a mysterious/compulsive way, as if they knew each other before, it could what’s called TWIN FLAMES. Twin flames loved each other in a previous lifetime & have business to finish. Just as the Three Kings honored Jesus as their reincarnated Guru & gave him precious gifts, twin flames feel something that is underneath the physical, culture, language, cover & they feel a pull, a pull that will make them go through anything to be together.


          This is why this Great man puts his finger on me – first lightly, then strongly, to say,



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          Out of all the people on earth, the twin flames recognize each other as being ONE, they cannot be happy with anyone else.)*


          Then it seems it’s just him & me talking, a bit off to the side, & I try to reach him in ‘sign language.’


          I want to tell him he’s a great man, & I make gestures to that effect of ‘something great.’ He isn’t aware I’m describing him & he asks who that is.


          I point to him & say,

          “It’s you.”


          *(SIGN LANGUAGE-GREAT MAN IS YOU: I am the only one he knows who recognizes his God-Self & that it is highly evolved. The people around him do not see this at all. Some have demoralized him, others diminish him, he has never had anyone ‘restore’ him or confirm his great God Identity. The reason we want to be together is called Divine Relationship—our God-Selves recognize each other.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized


jayne-mansfield-and-mickey-hargitay-at-michael-ochs-archives J-C-Leyendecker-American-illustrator-poster-art-book-covers (4)





Reviewed & analyzed for someone else

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          Great prayers beget great dreams. I know this to be a result of my desperate prayers. I prayed to Mother God to assist me personally, I brought myself closer to her saying in every way how my happiness, my Heaven, can only happen when She is ONE with me. The problem is I criticize & judge myself too much, I cannot find peace of mind & happiness as I’m always finding fault with myself. My schedule, lifestyle, activities are not perfect by my standards, so I am always looking down at myself—I know this is wrong; it’s due to being abused, despised, criticized by my Mom & others.

This abuse lives in my head, in a sense, like Mom & Co are still there, their programs keep playing out. I realize this but am having trouble stopping, so I prayed strongly until I fell asleep.…………………….


          FRANK SINATRA appears. Frank was a great guy, I helped him out of Purgatory, & so when he appears in this dream I don’t know if it’s really Sinatra or my lover/husband Peter.

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          Frank is sitting against a wall & I come close to him. He wants to tell me something & it’s very loving & intimate.


          *(FRANK SINATRA: Is my lover/husband Peter. Why does he appear as Frank? Could it be because he wants to be a vocalist/rapper? Or an actor?


PURGATORY, I HELPED HIM OUT OF IT: This could apply to my lover as I helped him out of the earthly Purgatorial state he was in, doing multiple exorcisms, Masses & prayers for years, getting rid of many demons, freeing him up for God & peace of mind.)*


          He says to me in a way that penetrates my heart – it’s like we melt into each other, he says,

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          “Wherever I go, whatever I do, I will always take you with me.”


          I see over his heart three stripes, the rest of him is a sepia color, monochromatic, but the stripes remind me of the Lithuanian flag, yellow, green & red.


          So he’s saying he’ll always carry me in his heart. It’s hard to explain the feeling that goes with this, it’s deep.


          *(MY FLAG STRIPES OVER HIS HEART, HE’LL ALWAYS TAKE ME WHEREVER HE GOES: This is saying I will always be in his heart, a part of him, united, that he will always love me.)*

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          AFTER THAT starts another dream.

          I walk into a large room. To the right is a Great Lady, hovering over a man sitting at a ‘cafeteria style’ table. She seems to be comforting him, sort of consoling & flirting, he seems to be wearing an ‘army olive’ color top. But when I walk in she immediately stands up – in fact – in these dreams whenever I enter a room, she stands up to greet me—I’m impressed because this shows so much respect.


          *(GREAT LADY: My Mother God within me, the Presence of God, the Real Me, who I really am, “I am a Soul, I have a body, my purpose is Love.”


This God-Self RESPECTS MY LOWER SELF GREATLY, She stands up whenever I enter a room. This is the respect ‘God the Father’ would give his own Son, Jesus Christ, because it is in the body that God implemented our salvation. It is in the body God suffered, not in Heaven, not in the God Self, but in the lower self, & so, great respect is given to ‘God the Son’.


In the same way, God my Mother is giving the respect to my lower self or body – She did her work through God her Daughter.)*

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          She also is saying to me, by her action, that yes, she was giving attention to this guy at the table, but I’m more important than him.


          *(MAN AT TABLE SHE IS CONSOLING: This is the lover/husband. Yes, She loves him, but gives more honor/respect to me.)*


          As she stands up I see how tall she is – about six feet – her arms & legs are long, she has long brown hair to the middle of her back & wearing a clinging red mini dress. She puts her arms around me & holds me a while.


          *(SIX FEET TALL LADY: This is my spiritual height, I was shown/told – the same as Joan of Arc in Heaven. By contrast, my dear Dad is a dwarf. I saw him in Heaven, I bent down to him to say hello, it was whimsical, because I always looked up to him & in his obituary the author said he looked at him as a saint. He’s a small saint.

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By contrast, my wicked Mom & brother are lower– I did not see them standing but sitting in a dim light in the balcony of Heaven–& in another vision Mom was in a small house—the size of an apt, like one-bedroom, plain, with a picture of my brother on the table waiting for him to join her {he’d not yet died}. There was a sign that she ‘just made it’ into Heaven – the sign was that outside I saw a stovepipe, smoke was coming out, & it had tar on it—tar means Hell.


In comparison I might add that the beautiful actor Errol Flynn inhabits an entire tropical island suspended in Heaven! Yes he had a long Purgatory, but he had underneath it all, a good heart, he gave a lot to those he loved & he did suffer—people don’t realize how much he suffered—read his book, ‘My Wicked, Wicked Ways.’)*


          She’s some kind of an executive, an important Lady in show business production.


          Then I hear an inner voice & I repeat it to her:

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          “Make a video/movie {I hear a description or word that denotes like ‘behind the scenes production’ but can’t recall that word} of Frank & myself.”


          Frank is a vocalist. I’m thinking about that. Does he still have a voice? It’s odd that I would tell this great lady to do this movie–that she would listen & obey. Who am I to tell her what to do? But she respects me that much. I see her sitting at a desk to my left front, with her assistants around her, she has a staff. She has a thoughtful face, she’s also beautiful.


         I see us being busy making this movie but can’t recall details.


          *(THE MOVIE I SAY TO MOTHER GOD SHE SHOULD MAKE ABOUT US: I am stumped Mother God. I already tried to help him years ago & it backfired on me. Now what? Is this literally true or what is it a symbol of?


          She: This I believe refers to ‘Reality TV.’ You, the flesh, under inspiration, is saying to create a Reality Show about you & him, with him as a performer.

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          Me: But would it work?

          She: Yes.

          Me: I can see it now. He & I have an emotional reunion. He confesses to his mistakes, he professes his love, I interrogate him & he repents it all.


          We have a spiritual wedding with all the trimmings.


          Then, I rent a place to preach, with a pulpit. I give a rousing sermon.  Sermon over, I take off my robe & under it a scanty outfit. I dance–splits, kicks, the whole megilla. He pops out & raps & dances. His beauty will be recognized as well as his talent. We could even do a Jayne Mansfield, Micky Hargitay routine; she called ‘adagio,’ where she climbed on him for poses. The fact that its an old lady with ‘America’s Most Beautiful Man’ will get views.


Mother God: You have the wherewithal to do this, do it & it will create a sensation. Send it to all the TV media & they will take you on, haha.)*

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          Last thing I do recall is I am in an apt, mine & lovers, & someone has stolen & removed our bed—the apt is Hollywood long ago. We were both sleeping on the floor on a light blue rug—it was comfortable, lots of covers, warm. My side has more of the nice blue rug, his side has a bit of a black one, like the rubber mats I have, not as comfortable.


          *(HIS SIDE, BLACK RUBBER MAT, NOT AS COMFORTABLE: He’s more miserable without you than you are without him.


THE APT IN HOLLYWOOD: You shared with a demonic con artist. This is saying Satan broke you & Peter up – took away your bed or intimacy.)*


          When we wake up I look at our situation & talk about the bed, & basically say it’s not a terrible thing, we just have to buy another bed, maybe a Queen sized one.

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          *(BUY ANOTHER BED, QUEEN SIZED: The past doesn’t matter, we can improve our relationship.)*


          I recall a scene where I was getting ready to ‘go out’ with Frank. I had on the most ordinary thick-material black dress, loose. Then I say,


          “This is Frank Sinatra – he deserves me being dressed up nicely. I then remove a form-fitting black leather jacket (nice one) off myself with maybe black leather gloves, & place it on a table near the door. He’s watching.


          I go to get clothes & find a medium light brown wool tight skirt with a flare (it’s gathered in the back under the hips, with a cloth band across it maybe, so much like the type of skirts I used to love as a kid) & put it on, in front of a mirror – it might be the kind of wool that has colorful flecks in it – I used to wear those as a teen. Frank is behind me. Can’t recall what else I put on or where we go.


          *(REMOVE LOOSE BLACK DRESS, REMOVE BLACK LEATHER JACKET, LOOK FOR NICE CLOTHES AS FRANK IS SPECIAL: End of our separation, which was like an ending or funeral, time to be together again. I feel like my old self, when I was young.

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          SKIRT LIKE BACK IN THE DAY: The wool is sheep or submit {sheep are submissive} again to have sex with him – the hint is this is a skirt which covers the lower part of the body—It’s light brown with flecks, which might denote ‘serious color’ rather than depressing black, & the flecks & flare might say ‘a fun skirt—have fun, enjoy life again.’)*


          One strange little scene. Frank is once again sitting against a wall on the floor. The Great Lady is nearby & she says,

          “He’s part black” or maybe she said “he’s black.”


          I look at his face. It’s a child’s face, like compressed so it’s too wide, {but his body is that of an adult}, with medium light brown skin & both his cheeks are as puffy as baseballs, with those stripes like he had on his heart on both his cheeks {my native country flag stripes}. I carefully bend over to him & kiss his little cheek lightly, just as you would that of a child, a sweet little peck.


          *(CHILD’S FACE MY FLAG STRIPES ON HIS CHEEKS, HIS CHEEKS LIKE BASEBALLS, COMPRESSED HEAD, BROWN SKIN: This is the child within, who was damaged. The compressed head could be injury, mental compression. Consider when a person is strangled, their neck is compressed until they can’t breathe. This squeezing down on the head could be mental trauma affecting one’s brain or mind, he can’t think straight.


          SITTING AGAINST A WALL: In a desperate place, nowhere to go, like being cornered.

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          CHEEKS LIKE BASEBALLS—these are called ‘chipmunk cheeks’ because chipmunks fill themselves up with food & store it in their burrows. When people store a great deal, they are preparing against future need or ‘famine,’ – people who have fear of war or poverty hoard many necessities, including food. {In these ‘Pandemic’ times people are doing it—the media is encouraging hysteria. The revoking of civil rights is far worse than the virus.}


I saw a man who had lived through WWII in Germany, now living in America–his cellar was stocked with canned goods & grains like it was a bunker.


These fat cheeks represent INSECURITY, fear of being without, & both cheeks have your flags. This means the child within him needs you – a symbol of SECURITY & all that it represents—someone to love him like a Mother, take care of him, not reject or abandon him.


It means he’s FIXATED on the trauma of what was done to him. He was HURT, REJECTED, ABUSED & EMOTIONALLY ABANDONED BY BOTH PARENTS.        He needs you to give him safe space, harbor, a place of trust, where he WON’T BE AFRAID.

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HE’S BLACK: The black people have been severely abused in America & elsewhere, first as slaves with no human rights, second as ‘economic slaves’ with limited opportunities, sharecropping, menial & unskilled labor, lowest wages, prejudice & hate. The Great Lady/Mother God is telling you this has been his fate – he’s been treated this way, all here described—as a child.


THE SWEET PECK ON HIS CHEEK: You are treating him like a child, with the tenderness/gentleness a child needs—you’ve been careful to recognize the damage here & just because he has a man’s body, you have not assumed he has ‘grown up,’ – matured fully. You have known all along he was BADLY hurt & his behavior reflects that.      You forgave all his hurtful actions toward you on that basis.)*


          The feeling overall is that Frank is a great star, he loves me & wants to be with me & he makes me happy.


         *(FRANK IS A STAR: You see him & treat Peter like a star, to you he is.)*


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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized









Interpreted for a friend.


          I’m in my house upstairs, standing in one of the halls. To the right is the bath, to the left a large closet with no door, across the door is open to the guest room.


          My good husband Richard did not sleep all night (I slept) but he still went out to work & he’s just returned. I see he has bought MY WEDDING DRESS & semi-secretly, he is putting it into the closet—I see half of it before he pushes it back to maybe hide it. I don’t think he sees me looking, he doesn’t look at me.


          *(RICHARD MY GOOD HUSBAND: This is Hal, the man I love who loves me. When his disposition toward me is great he appears as Richard, because Richard was the best man I ever had.


          SLEEP-DID NOT SLEEP ALL NIGHT: This indicates concern, worry; sleeplessness is when one’s MIND is not at rest. Notice I DID sleep – because I am not worried about Hal & myself, I know we’ll be together.

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          WEDDING DRESS, HE BOUGHT MY WD: This says he’s planning to be with me as man & wife. He’s thinking & doesn’t know I can read his mind so he doesn’t see me – but I see him.


          CLOSET, THIS CLOSET: This particular closet has meaning. Look to details of each symbol. I asked myself ‘How is this closet different from the other ones?’ This is where I housed the clothing for my male models in preparation to photograph them. So this closet means PREPARATION, BEING READY TO FULFILL A ROLE, AN IMAGE. Into this closet Hal, now being the good husband, prepares to treat me like the wife that I am, to even present me to the world that way.)*


          I am highly surprised at his buying my wedding dress. I see white net, with a row of beautiful artificial flowers embedded on it, the flowers like a big ‘corsage’ from the waist type deal down the skirt, some are bigger, then they get smaller in a row, all are white large petals completely open with stamens inside. I didn’t want to let him know that I saw the dress in case he wanted to keep it secret.

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*(HOW THE DRESS LOOKS: White net is see-through, apparent or obvious—I have picked up his plans easily, he might be showing his intentions to others—in other words, his thoughts & plans ARE SHOWING. The


          WHITE BLOSSOMS, FULLY OPEN, LIKE A CORSAGE: Are love, fully OPEN blossoms, petals, means his heart is open to this marriage.)*


          I also felt sorry for him because he must be so tired, but he’s hanging in there, & I see him standing to the rest room door to the right, he seems shorter this moment as in real life he’s tall–& he has a small pot belly & a spare tire on his middle, he’s naked & there is a kind of soft light around him, soft yellow like sunshine.

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         *(SHORTER THAN IN REAL LIFE: He’s humbled himself.


          POT BELLY & SPARE TIRE: Could be he’s being nourished by God/grace as I see


          LIGHT AROUND HIM: For sure the Grace of God, he’s SEEING THE LIGHT, I see his spiritual awakening.)*

          Oh yes, at one point I went to sneak-peak at the dress & it was not the same dress. It was a party dress, sort of Latin, in many bright colors, hugging the body, then flaring out with a grey ribbon across the flare. I hated the sleeves, like they buttoned midway between the wrist & elbow – for me that is tight & uncomfortable. I thought to myself



          “This is not the dress I want. I don’t think I’ll wear it, it probably won’t fit me anyway.”

          Did he buy this dress? I also thought it looked ordinary, even cheap; I’m surprised he would buy such a garment for me.

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          *(THE PARTY DRESS I DID NOT LIKE, WON’T WEAR: This is the relationship as it was before I stopped. All we did was sex. For him it was ‘releasing his love’ & getting mine & for a while, I felt it was the only thing I could do, but then I knew I could never be happy this way. This you could call ‘cheap’ in that the lover does nothing with effort or respect, does not present me to his people, presents a different woman on social media, while I’m the secret ‘play toy.’ No, I will not wear this dress means I will not PLAY THIS ROLE.


          On the other hand, the white dress he put into the closet represents the purity of True Love, & being transparent (the net) to the public about it—


NET is also a symbol of ‘catching someone’ like a fish in a net—people are proud of ‘catching’ someone they love & showing them off.)*

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          Then in the room across, standing with his back to the front window, his front to the bed & me, is a person I scarcely recognize from long ago, who was my best friend for years. He misjudged me on something, accused me & broke up. He’s here now but hard to recognize, I keep saying,


          “Joe, is it you? Joe, is it you?”


          He doesn’t look like himself. His hair is like a sort of woman’s wig, very thick in front sticking out, thick in back, sticking out also, very grey, strange. And on the back of the hair is a pair of light blue cotton women’s panties, just sitting there hugging the hair like some sort of cap.


          *(WHO IS JOE? Joe is the same man in the form of Rich, the good husband—I have never seen both of them in the same dream – Joe is another persona or aspect of Hal.

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          Joe represents here Hal knows he was MISTAKEN in breaking up with me—I did not do what he accused me of. This says he’s SORRY & WORRIED SICK over us being apart. The clues are:


                   Means worry, lots of it.  Sticking out the front & the back is both sides of the brain, the primitive back brain & the temporal lobes in front, which is spiritual & intellectual & checks impulses or lower self.  This is really worried, haha.


: What he’s worried about, we’re not together, not intimate, not having sex. And furthermore, he is standing in:

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          THE GUEST ROOM: He is not standing in my bedroom – where he would be INTIMATE with me, he’s in the guest room, which means we are apart. That underscores the WORRY.


          His face is hard to distinguish. It’s angular & vertical in its lines, & sort of ‘bleached out’ or his features all run together. His nose & head are thin, all his features thin & vertical.


          {His face reminds me of this poor man I saw on TV who was wrongly accused of killing his wife & children, an ex-cop. He spent THIRTEEN YEARS in & out of jail, two trials, two appeals before he was exonerated—NOT GUILTY, thirteen years of torture. His uncle fought for him on the outside. The people investigating his case from the get-go botched the whole thing – there was a t shirt of the perpetrator right by the crime – they did not even send out to have his DNA checked on Codis—lied that they had done it with no results. Years went by with new lawyers pushing, it was finally checked, & there was the killer. I was rooting so hard for the poor cop.}

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          His hair is so strange that I say jokingly to a male friend also in the room, standing to my left,


          “Hey, maybe you should get a hairdo like that.”


          *(ANOTHER MALE FRIEND: Whenever there’s a random male friend near him, I assume it to be his Guardian Angel, who I’ve prayed to often for help. I’m joking with the Guardian Angel about how WORRIED Hal is. This pain he’s going through is salutary because pain is the ‘megaphone of God’ – ‘God whispers to us in our pleasures & shouts to us in our pain’ & also the cliché ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ & to top it off, ‘You never miss your water ‘till the well runs dry.’ And might I add ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’

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          FACE LIKE THE POOR COP WRONGLY ACCUSED: As I describe here this man suffered greatly a long time & the liberation he dubbed ‘a miracle.’ The face shows depression. Hal feels like that—he’s endured pain about me for a long time & longs to be set free. That’s what he’s experienced– if he felt the pain I have, given me by him, he’d be dead.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized








          There was a MOVIE SET I am present at & it is SCARY.


          *(MOVIE SET I AM IN: Theater of life, my life.)*

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          It has something suspended way in the air, as if not attached to anything – a vehicle. Later I see it as attached, & on top is a truck (like you use for hauling, two or three times as big as a pickup truck, its open in back, its painted red, the rest is grey & black. Its suspended way up & precariously angled at a 90 degree downward.


          I think to myself that some crazy guy might get into it & drive it with dire consequences & suddenly someone does. He is in it, gets it started & drives down some kind of ramp—fortunately no accidents occur.

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          *(VEHICLE, TRUCK, PRECARIOUS 90 DEGREE ANGLE: A way given, possibly from Heaven (high above, seemed not attached to the earth but then later you see is attached), that seems scary & dangerous – a way of doing something one needs to do – possibly getting out of a bad situation. It has to do with a male you are concerned about – could be lover Peter who is in dire straits, & it’s scary for him to MAKE A MOVE—but HE DOES IT.


RED TRUCK BEING DRIVEN: person is in a scary, painful situation but boldly makes a move & comes out OK.)*


          This entire thing is a MOVIE SET. What am I doing here? Guess I’m in it. The company has taken over a huge mansion like a palace with ornate interiors – besides the scary contraption we are all in this ornately furnished mansion.

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          *(HUGE MANSION COMPANY HAS TAKEN OVER: Residence is a PLACE OF CONSCIOUSNESS, where one’s mind & heart are – good or bad. To be in a mansion like this is SPIRITUAL GREATNESS or being in a good state – your state. Extreme stress moves one closer to God, we are closer to God when suffering. The


          SCARY CONTRAPTION: is what does one have to do in this time to survive? This Pandemic? Where people are thrown on their ass, without work or money or security? What do they do?)*


          Right now I am outside in a kind of yard, looking into the great mansion as well as an old mansion to the left which is completely decrepit on the outside, falling down walls, roof, all caving in, all made of dark wood, two floors high. It’s on a lot with buildings within 10-15’ of it on all sides with fences or walls up to the second floor – no one seems to notice it but myself.

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          *(DECREPIT MANSION: This is the past relationship between you & lover Peter—it is decrepit, fallen apart, the way it used to be is over, finished. You aren’t ‘there’ any more. 


          WALLS, FENCES HIGH ALL AROUND IT: & no one seems to notice but me, means that no one knew or understood all the great things you had in mind for him, they were & are hidden.)*


          Outside a window is a strange sight – like fifty chairs all fitted into each other sticking out of a window, all completely rusted. I jokingly say to a friend nearby, do you need any chairs?—pointing them out.


         One standout thing is the

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          *(CHAIRS, ALL RUSTY, ABOUT 50, ALL FITTED ONE INTO THE OTHER: Chairs are positions, seats like thrones, places of rest or comfort. They represent the things you wanted for Peter – the accomplishments you would help him attain, the kudos, laurels, successes, all now


          OUT THE WINDOW: meaning over, finished, will not be. It seems like a joke – all you wished for him – as you speak of it to a friend. ‘Rusty’ means it hasn’t been used, didn’t happen.)*

          Another window had other items sticking out, can’t recall what.


        But INSIDE I see ornately carved bureaus, hand carved, some goldeny colored, some darker brown, like new, so ornate I know they would cost a fortune.

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          I think to myself why are those bureaus there, & how could a person get them – valuable, & I don’t understand why they’re in this crumbling, broken down, falling down mansion.


          *(VALUABLE, ORNATE, HAND CARVED BUREAUS, SOME GOLDENY, SOME BROWN: What is LEFT of that relationship is not the outside ambitions you had for him but what was inside, the inner value of the love.


          Bureaus would be things that hold things – these are


CHESTS OF DRAWERS: Chest refers to heart, & the drawers hold many things. This evokes the heart holding many ways of love, the desires to see another happy, whatever it takes. In other words, your heart held for him many ambitions, desires that you thought would bring him the things he wanted – but he did not cooperate, those things are gone. He will not be a ‘somebody,’ in the eyes of the world – he will not ‘succeed’ at any great career, finding fame or recognition.

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But the valuable love is still there wishing to heal him of his maladies, so he can be happy. This you want to retrieve from the failures – take out of that affair what had the deeper meaning.

HAND CARVED: Hands refer to the giving of love.

GOLDENY CHESTS OR BUREAUS: True love, gold is love.

SOME DARKER, BROWN: The dark spots you went through for love have great value, suffering is all we have to give to God – She gives us everything else. {Words of St. Francis of Assisi.})*


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College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized







          dream interpreted for a friend

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          I had a best friend, Steven, who I loved & he loved me, for ten years. Then he had a misunderstanding about me—suspected me of doing something I didn’t do & because of it, dropped being my friend.


          *(STEVEN: This is the man you love. He misunderstood something he thought you did years ago & turned against you, moved in with another woman, but now he’s back or will be momentarily.)*


          Now I see him again. I am outside in a yard & see his head beyond a tall fence – just his head on the other side while he talks to someone—the house he lives in vaguely is behind him.

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I’m not attracted to him any more, & think how if we got together I would be loathe to have sex with him. In fact, I guess he’s my HUSBAND & yes I did love him but now he’s sort of repulsive to me. I look at his head & somehow both his head & dick seem small.


*(SMALL HEAD & DICK, REPULSIVE: His head is the attitude, way of thinking, his stupidity, & the dick part is if you no longer like his ways, you don’t like his dick either. You recall all the cruel, revengeful & cold hearted things he did to you over the years.


TALL FENCE, HE’S ON OTHER SIDE: This is he’s with another woman, part of the reason you hate him, the


TALKING: means relating, he’s relating to another woman.)*

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Then things happen. It’s like we go to dinner somewhere & we’re being feted—I don’t know why. Things have CHANGED.


*(CHANGED: This is saying he is not with the other woman, he’s returned to you & someone, somehow, is BLESSING, NOURISHING, giving you HAPPINESS.)*


As we sit a waitress appears who is SPECIAL. We’ve been already given food, but her appearance is extra. I tell people about it later, how she appeared, what a boon it was.


She makes food for us during this time of GREAT NEED. She cooks & serves us, & it’s grand.


*(SPECIAL WAITRESS, COOKING FOR US GREAT FOOD, A BOON: This woman represents the Heavenly Mother or God. She has visited us, brought us together, has granted happiness to us. Her visit is her blessings, Power & Love.)*

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Then I see a dish she made which is HUGE—it is one of those small pools I have outside to feed the animals, about 3.5’ across, a foot deep. This plastic bowl is filled with a dish she made where the top of it is like pizza or lasagna, it’s a thick sauce, red, like tomato on top, but the tomato is dark & thick & has something in it-not sure what-that makes it ‘meaty.’ She already made it but it has to sit, some type chemicalization, & we ask about when it can be eaten & she says IN TWO DAYS. Wow, what have we deserved to get all this?


*(IN TWO DAYS: You asked when something would happen where he would contact you & the affair would resume. Could this be the answer? Does two days mean two days, two weeks, two months or even two years? There is no TIME in the afterlife & so it’s difficult to gage a prediction here.


What I do know is the

HUGE BOWL filled with a dish: big enough to be a pool for a few ducks or a couple geese. It means HUGE BENEFIT, BOON, BLESSING, GIFT or JOY.

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MEATY TOMATO SAUCE TOP (not real wet, medium dry, something substantial which has to become more substantial by sitting: This gift is not ready today but will be in the time called ‘two days.’ Perhaps you will get a SIGN in two days—like the messages he’s been leaving on social media—messages that can be taken more than one way but he knows you know it’s to you {his live-in is too dumb to understand.}


Me: Momgod I’m stumped. Need your help. This could say a lot, but what specifically? I know there are big clues.


She: I suspect that in a couple days the conditions are ‘stewing’, ‘brewing’ or ‘gestating’ to be ENJOYED by him & you, so what would please both of you more than anything is if his affair with Stefania ended & yours would begin.

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The huge dish might be a BIG FIGHT. There is reason to believe she covered all the bills—even food–& he gave nothing. Now she has no money & is desperate to keep the family under the roof with food on the table, including diapers & formula for their child, but he refuses to fork over his salary. One can see how this would drive her ape shit & she would turn on him.


The symbols point to both bad & good—sometimes what is bad for one person is good for another—the pool/bowl is


BLACK: nothingness {no color}, depression, ending, funeral—their liaison ends.


RED, MEATY TOMATO SAUCE ON TOP: Red is pain, suffering,

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MEATY: would be weighty, serious, and strong. {A spiritual child can only have milk {consolation}, but when you grow up you can consume the ‘strong meat’ God gives of suffering.} This symbol is common in Mystical Theology. The


HUGENESS: of this dish is the hugeness of the event, a relationship that went on for years, that you have prayed about so long – will suddenly cease. That is your GIFT from the SPECIAL WAITRESS who is Mother God, who has ORCHESTRATED or PREPARED this event for you two.


Me: Mother God, people will say this is cruel to Stefania, will wish me bad luck rather than good. How do you explain that their breakup is from God, which leaves her & their child in poverty?


She: She has to find the road out of poverty that is not the devil & Hell—there are means of survival for her—family, friends & social welfare agencies. He did not help financially anyway–& is still unable to do so.

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The relationship was wrong. He was in desperate need, God sent him a woman to love who could save him, but he chose the path of Satan – he even said he had ‘sold his soul to the devil’ for ‘party lifestyle & popularity’ – he listened to lowlife drug addicts, abusive family & ignorant ‘friends,’ –you have suffered terribly for this.


It was God’s will from the beginning that you two be together– neither one of you can be happy any other way. Being apart was being outside the Will of God.

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During these years of deprivation you never gave up & continually prayed for him. Your prayers saved his life from an overdose. She has nothing to give him but the flesh & more substances – she cannot heal him of his afflictions & the need for medication – your prayers have begun his healing.


If people cannot understand this then it’s too bad – it’s none of their business anyway. It’s your lives, not theirs, let them take care of their own lives & stay out of yours. You are doing God’s will & that’s all that matters, the popularity contest is over, the public opinion is irrelevant.)*

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