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College of God & Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
Young Blonde Male Ascends
1-11-22 Young Male Blonde Delivered! I am taken to the abodes of many souls that were delivered!
Mysterious dream I suspect is about Purgatory & at least one soul being delivered, & maybe a retrospect about a whole neighborhood of souls that were taken into Heaven by my Masses – which I either did not record the dreams {I was busy} or else I did not realize dreams were showing me they had been delivered.
This responds to my frustration that the last over two months I have not had any knowledge of souls being delivered, although I’ve said Mass every day for two months & ten days. Usually, in the past, there were 5-10 or more souls delivered every month through the Masses.
I go to a place where there are two young male roommates, a blonde & a brunette. They both seem to be early 20s.
*** {Roommates in Purgatory means they had something in common, like knowing each other or having a similar lifestyle. I have had this happen before – Rojer, a gay guy who died of AIDS, appeared at the same time as Rudolf Nureyev, the famous ballet dancer who also died of AIDS. Then there was Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin, buddies from show business, appeared at the same time. It does not mean their duration of cleansing will be the same, however.
Being blonde or brunette might not mean anything in particular, just a way of telling them apart. Or maybe in life their hair was like that. Being young males could mean they were.} ***
I enter their premises, which seems to be a nice apartment, later I see it’s really large. They show me around room to room. After a while I see a balcony & ask them about it, & we go there. It’s not deep, it extends a few feet off the building, but it’s quite long – maybe 10 or more feet. There seems to be a pink hue here & the banister is very plain.
*** {Their premises is the state of Purgatory they are experiencing. From the description it is not a place of great suffering, it’s an intermediate place where one is not far from being delivered.
The balcony could be a vantage point or vision on why the brunette is not yet ready for deliverance. The pink hue might be females.} ***
To my surprise the brunette dons some sort of Halloween outfit, with maybe a top hat like Abe Lincoln wore, & a short black cape which only covers the shoulders – the look is like playing a character. This male then sees what might be a staircase & he starts to go on it but slips, & falls all the way down to the ground, but isn’t hurt – the stairs became a grey slide somehow. And below him I see a couple dozen people dressed just like him with those little black capes, male & female, I see they are ordinary looking & at least one female is overweight & much of her bare body is exposed in spite of the costume.
I see this as some sort of an organization, like fellowship & I tell the young man something like,
“Oh, you & your friends are alike, all wearing the same outfits, & you keep each other company, so life is not as isolated or lonely.”
*** {This outfit & grey slide give me the reason he isn’t ready for deliverance yet. He is attached to people – he’s in the company of other males & females all of whom are attached to each other & sex, afraid to be alone & lonely. The black top hat & cape are the clothes of a ‘dandy’ or one who like to go out partying – at least, so they dressed in the old days.
The grey slide shows that the mind, when desiring these things, slides down quickly away from spiritual liberty. When one dies & still has these or any other kind of attachments they stay in Purgatory until these are cleansed.} ***
I then attend to the young blonde, who is handsome.
*** {Who is handsome: This denotes spiritual beauty. He’s ready to be delivered, almost there. The more we are cleansed, the more beautiful we become – our souls are pure God, which is total beauty. The result of sin blocks this beauty, like dark clouds on glass, but once removed, you see God.} ***
We just visit for a while & I’m hoping he’d want to make love to me, but he doesn’t do anything. He’s cheerful, though; he just doesn’t say or do much. I keep wondering if I should make a move, but somehow, I don’t think I should unless he shows some interest. We were both sitting on a mat on the inside, near the balcony.
So I say to him, which is dropping a hint,
“Well, I guess I better be going, as you are probably busy. Myself, I have nothing to do & life is kind of alone & lonely…..well, I better go.”
Usually, if a male has you alone & is planning to make a move, when you say you’re leaving, he will proceed, not wanting to lose the chance.
We immediately appear in his bedroom, which is revealing. First, the room is so huge & has no furniture or anything in it except this strange, small mattress which we both appear on. The mattress is narrower on one side, wider on the other, not big, just enough for two people to sit on. It’s shape is like that of a guitar or violin body & on it are medium stripes encircling it in dark colors like dull black, brown, medium brown, maybe dull maroon.
When we sort of ‘landed’ here he was next to me on his back, which is a submissive posture, & I had been thinking the whole time how much I wanted to kiss him, should I?
But before that happens I look at the room, & the floor is maybe 20-25’ across, & 30’ long, & is littered with stuff that I can’t describe. It’s like twigs & leaves or dried out pine needles, but not that nice as it doesn’t seem organic, some kind of litter. The floor is wood.
I say to him,
“I see you’ve not had a woman’s touch round here & I could turn this place into a paradise.
*** {The trick I pulled on him, that I was leaving, worked. When I said I was leaving I was encouraging him to submit himself to my spiritual love – & he did.
In the next moment we are transported to his bedroom, on his mattress & he’s on his back, which shows he’s ready. I then see the state of his soul, the litter or what needs to be removed. His mattress shows stripes of various sufferings – all these dark hues like black, brown & maroon, show suffering. His sufferings have led him to surrender to God. When I speak of paradise, momentarily he will be transported there. The kiss & the making love represent the Sacred Kiss & the deliverance from this world to Heaven.} ***
Now there seems to be a change into another scene we are in – everything becomes lighter {in his apt it was not bright} & we are outside in a bright place & I vaguely see around us, tropical plants. Then our faces are close to each other & I am wearing thick red lipstick & I am kissing him! Yes I did worry about smearing this lipstick onto him & maybe he did to, but somehow, it doesn’t matter.
I should add – I didn’t explain before – when I wanted to kiss him it was only a preliminary to making love. I felt we should make love for some reason. But I was seeking his willingness to do so, did not want to be forceful.
I believe this kiss tells me my ‘mission’ was accomplished. His face looks bright & beautiful as I kiss him.
*** {We are now in another place. As soon as I spoke of paradise I am kissing him & this scene says I have transmitted to him the Grace he needed for Ascension.
Thick bright red lipstick I’m worried about smearing, maybe he is too: Hard to understand. All I can think of it’s not normal or natural – it’s Supernatural & here it is not a normal kiss or love making, it’s Supernatural Anointing Power.
An important factor was that he had to be submissive to this – had to want it. The brunette was not ready to submit – he was still holding on to human attachments, but the blonde was.} ***
Now things change. I leave this apt, go out into the street. As I look back to it is night & the building looks dark, although it’s attractive. I walk away a bit & then want to go back, but can’t find it.
*** {Can’t find it: In a sense, it isn’t there. The ‘address’ of a soul in Purgatory changes as their spiritual state does. Once they ascend, they don’t live there any more, the state is not there. I might add here, it isn’t easy to access souls in Purgatory, it has to be an Anointing, which is won through love. You have to really love them a lot to contact them. I worked at having contact with the through constant prayer.} ***
Instead, I decide to explore the city since I’m here anyway. As I walk I am astonished by the beauty of the buildings, all next to one another – they are houses in a city. Many of the houses have walls right up to the sidewalks. Everything is white – walls are white, the houses are white, only the vegetation is green & the frames of windows & doors are something dark so you can see them. The houses have railings, maybe silver. Each house has flowers, flowering vines, all the houses are right next to each other, no space in between, & so well kept & beautiful I think,
“This looks like everyone here is wealthy. And this is amazing since our world has so much poverty, yet to have places like this one must have wealth – so many wealthy people!’
There is one flower that is here a lot that strikes my attention. I see it in front of the white walls on the left. Each house that has these kind of white stucco walls they also have these super-tall flowers on thick stalks, with huge mostly pink blossoms on top, like a combination of tulip & lily, but wider, each blossom being about 6” across & just as tall. They’re pink with white stripes. I see these flowers again & again, they are especially decorative walls & I think,
“Wow, this neighborhood wants to be really beautiful. They could have left those white walls plain, it wasn’t necessary to plant these flowers. And yet they planted them there as extra special beauty.”
*** {Beautiful, wealthy neighborhood: Is Heaven. This answers my prayer of why aren’t the souls appearing to me as a result of the Masses I’ve said every day for a while? This shows me they have Ascended – look how beautiful are their dwellings!
The white is the purity; everything being light & bright is the dazzling Light they are in. The flowers & greens are symbols of love – & the tall pink & white bulb-style plants against the walls, which are a special additions – represent the celibacy many of these souls went through or their detachment from sex, which is a special added grace for some of the souls.
The wealth is spiritual prosperity or abundance, the area is neat, clean & perfect, which is Heaven.
I might add that the reason they appear next to each other, no space hardly in between, is the Masses were day after day & God is saying to me that the souls were lifted day after day. I just wasn’t aware of it then.} ***
I keep walking & this neighborhood goes on for what seems like miles. Finally the city has ended. As I pass through the last beautiful street I see wide open spaces, & way before me, someone is excavating ground & building a huge building with many compartments – it’s like raw clay, very wide, I see the compartments inside of clay which will be worked on. Other things are going on. This is the end of my quest & I move away from here, going back. I actually don’t want to be here. There’s also some kind of SLIDE here like an escalator but much taller, faster, more dangerous, going way way down – I was viewing this area from the air like a drone – & I don’t want to get caught walking & go down that slide.
*** {This other area is not Heaven, it’s the normal world, & I don’t want to get caught on that slide which gets attached to things of the earth – I want to get away from this area pronto.} ***
College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
AJAX EXPLAINS CON-VID
Ajax the Great is a young genius – his research is on point, his insights brilliant, his writing witty, great, sometimes funny – See below for THREE articles. To see the illustrative studies, please go here, & see Ajax’s other articles: http://truespiritofamericaparty.blogspot.com/2021/07/covid-is-endemic-zero-covid-is-pipe.html
Ajax the Great insights on con-vid
THURSDAY, JULY 29, 2021
Who Are The Real Superspreaders?
DISCLAIMER: The following article references third-party sources and is intended for general information only, and is NOT intended to provide medical advice or otherwise diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, including (but not limited to) COVID-19. Consult a qualified physician before beginning any sort of treatment or prophylactic regimen and/or if you know or suspect that you currently have COVID-19. Anyone who takes or does anything mentioned (or alluded to) in this or any other TSAP article does so entirely at their own risk and liability. The TSAP thus makes absolutely no warranties, express or implied, and is not liable for any direct, indirect, special, incidental, consequential, or punitive damages resulting from any act or omission on the part of the reader(s) or others. Caveat lector.
See also our previous articles here, here, and here as well. Also, special thanks to Bill Sardi, Dr. Gareth “Gruff” Davies, Dr. Dmitry Kats, Dr. Mikko Panunio, and Swiss Policy Research, et al. whose research this article draws upon and cites in the links throughout.
“You’re the superspreader!” “No, YOU’RE the superspreader!” Alas, this is what passes for discourse these days, when people are literally now debating who are the biggest superspreaders of the COVID: the vaccinated or the unvaccinated. Technically, both can be, since the vaccines are “leaky”, and there are documented examples of both, but it is not clear who is more likely to be.
(Correction: The CDC’s now-leaked unpublished data, that they are using to push masks once again, is a lot more nuanced than they miscommunicated, and apparently involves a vaccine in India that is not available in the USA, and also a study of a rather unrepresentative sample in Provincetown, Cape Cod. Thus, while vaccinated people can indeed still spread the virus, they are still signifcantly less likely to do so than if they were not vaccinated, even if only because they are somewhat less likely to become infected in the first place. And truly asymptomatic transmission, while possible, is not the primary way it spreads.)
Either way, this completely misses the point though. The vaccines were never designed to prevent all transmission or all infections, just to make the disease less bad if one happens to contract it while vaccinated. You know, kinda like the flu shot. That alone is enough to largely defang the virus and reduce it to a mere nuisance like seasonal flu and the common cold, provided enough vulnerable people get vaccinated (which they all either a) already have, or b) they chose not to get it). For the young and healthy, not so much. And thus any benefit to the community that results from less transmission of the virus would simply be a bonus, as vaccines are primarily for self-protection. And now that we are seeing that these vaccines may be just as “leaky” as flu vaccines (funny how no one seems to care about the latter), the whole specious argument for vaccine mandates or passports “to protect others” becomes as threadbare and useless as the most poorly constructed cloth mask.
Now, a nasal vaccine might actually produce “sterilizing” immunity enough to prevent virtually all transmission. That is because of the mucosal antibodies and other immunological “dark matter” that they would generate at the usual point of entry and exit for the virus, the lining of the nose and throat. But injections are unlikely to do that, only producing antibodies and T-cells largely in the bloodstream instead. And while important, it is incomplete since it leaves the nose and throat wide open for a time before enough of an immune response is mounted to knock the virus out quickly.
But there are no nasal vaccines available currently, except of course the low-tech one, which is…natural exposure to the wild virus. And the large chunk of the population that has already had the virus and recovered has a very low reinfection rate, much lower than the breakthrough infection rate for vaccinated people. Yes, even for Delta. Thus, we already know who the superspreaders are almost certainly NOT: people who have already had the virus, whether vaccinated or not. Natural immunity for the win!
So having established who the superspreaders are NOT, do we then know who they actually ARE? Well, a study of influenza from 2008 provides some excellent clues. It postulates that Vitamin D not only explains the seasonality of influenza, but also who is most likely to be what we would now call a superspreader, where one person infects dozens of others. And most curiously, that is postulated to occur in a tiny number of people even in the absence of symptoms! That is, Vitamin D deficiency can make one much more likely to spread it, and thus it not only endangers the deficient, but also those around them as well, in a sort of “second-hand malnutrition”. This is very likely true for COVID, and also very likely true with other nutrients as well, particularly Vitamin C, thiamine, niacin, zinc, lysine, and selenium. A deficiency in the latter can even make one a “variant factory”, since selenium stops viruses from mutating. Fortunately, we can very easily solve this problem even without appealing to (strong) altruism, since the benefits to the individual are at least as great as that to those around them. Good nutrition and supplementation is a win-win-win for all.
Especially since, for the individual, it is painfully obvious now with COVID: not enough D and you die.
Vitamin D also seems to be good at fighting that other pandemic that is raging even more these days: substance abuse, especially opioid addiction. Vitamin D deficiency apparently leads to exaggerated cravings for opioids and probably other substances as well. And the same can apparently be said for Niacin as well, as AA founder Bill W. had discovered it as a potential treatment for alcoholism. With America drowning in the bottom of a bottle thanks in no small part to the long-term after-effects of lockdown, such a rediscovery cannot come soon enough!
And of course, Niacin works wonders for COVID, as Dr. Dmitry Kats had discovered.
So what are we waiting for?
UPDATE: See also here, here, and here for some good articles from The Daily Sceptic about the nuances of herd immunity. And yes, it is very nuanced indeed.
POSTED BY AJAX THE GREAT AT 8:13 PM
THURSDAY, JULY 22, 2021
If Masks Really Worked…
Once again, the witty Professor hits another homerun right out of the park here:
That basically explains the TSAP’s evolving position over time. Originally we were pro-mask since we honestly believed they worked based on some spurious observations in a few East Asian and Eastern European countries, plus a few sketchy studies, and thus they seemed like a safe pathway out of lockdown. But as time went on, the evidence just kept on mounting against them. And the past 18 months pretty much answers that question–if they worked, not only would it be so obvious to everyone that no one would have to be forced to wear them, but COVID would have been gone within a few weeks of (near) universal masking as the R value would thus drop well below one and even close to zero, and we would not still be having this debate to this day.
Are you old enough to remember when face masks were initially discouraged by nearly all of the experts as well as “experts”, including Dr. Fauci himself? And then, seemingly out of the blue, the idea caught on that masks not only work, but work so well that if 80% (or is that 90%, or 95%, or 99%?) or whatever % of the population were to wear them, COVID would be practically wiped out, or at the very least 100,000+ lives would be saved? Right? And the logical implication being: the sooner everyone would wear them for just a few weeks, the sooner no one would ever have to wear them again, because COVID would be gone!
Well, that didn’t really pan out, did it? Look, you can cherry-pick the data all you want, but it’s pretty self-evident that masks made no practical or statistical difference overall in terms of COVID case, hospitalization, or death rates, even with the strictest mandates and/or very high compliance above 90% or 95%. While no one can completely rule out modest benefits perhaps in very selected instances, the macro-level data supporting universal masking simply isn’t there. Clearly, after 18 months, if a “signal” still cannot be boosted even with great effort, is was most likely just noise all along.
And all that applies a fortiori to children as well, as we have noted previously. There is even less evidence in favor, and even stronger arguments against forcing kids to wear them, especially at this juncture.
Thus, we are re-learning the hard way the painful lessons our ancestors learned in 1918. There was clearly a reason they stopped wearing masks in 1919, after all. And no, it wasn’t “selfishness” or “anti-science” sentiment, but a rather a good strong dose of reality that turned even their greatest enthusiasts against them in droves. They simply didn’t work.
And now with some “experts” wanting to bring back mask mandates yet again at this stage (!), despite the obvious fact that they would even LESS effective still against the MORE contagious Delta variant, beware. The following Tweet sums it why that is a very bad idea in both theory and practice:
Mask mandates are in fact the THIN end of a very long and thick wedge of coercion. Slopes are indeed much, much slipperier than they appear.
QED
POSTED BY AJAX THE GREAT AT 6:34 PM
SATURDAY, JULY 10, 2021
COVID Is Endemic. “Zero COVID” Is A Pipe Dream. Lockdowns And NPIs Are
Useless.
The following Tweet really wins the internet:
Pretty much sums it up. The virus can be defanged and reduced to a nuisance, and indeed it largely has already thanks to herd immunity and attenuation, but it will never be eliminated. It will continue to ebb and flow to one degree or another indefinitely. Even smallpox took over 200 years to eradicate after the vaccine. And it’s time we accept that fact and deal with endemic COVID like we do seasonal flu and the common cold. That is, learn to live with the virus just like all other endemic viruses. We know now that lockdowns, masks, social distancing, and stuff like that really make no difference to the course of the virus in the long run, and they come with their own set of problems, ultimately doing more harm than good. And that applies a fortiori to endemic COVID.
That’s right, these restrictions are all pain and no gain. And there is a name for doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
We know how to treat this disease now. We know what to use for prophylaxis as well. We know that the virus, while bad, was never the apocalyptic Big One that some had predicted. We know who the risk groups are, and we have already vaccinated them (plus a good chunk of the general population as well) to a greater extent and faster than we have for any other disease in history. So anyone who says we still somehow can’t go 100% back to normal yesterday because reasons is a LIAR with a hidden or not-so-hidden agenda. And we thus must completely disregard their bluster. Yesterday is not soon enough!
And this one as well, to which we would also add “and early treatment and prophylaxis for all who want it”:
UPDATE 2: See also here and here for some good articles from The Daily Sceptic about the nuances of herd immunity. And yes, it is very nuanced indeed.
POSTED BY AJAX THE GREAT AT 10:31 AM
LABELS: CORONAVIRUS, LOCKDOWN, MASK, PANDEMIC
College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
The Road my Life Story
Chapter 4 The Baker-Berger Circuit
The earliest event in my stripping career was the ‘Baker-Berger’ Circuit. Can’t recall details, but I started at $3 hundred a week, due to bad representation, but eventually got $5 hundred a week upon demand. Even that was not enough, the going rate was $6 hundred a week for stars, but I endured. Women less distinguished than I, whose credentials were fake {One claimed she was Miss Nude Canada – there was no such thing. Another said she was Miss Nude France – no such thing {no contests had been held}, another was a SEX CHANGE & they were all getting $6 hundred weekly. It’s all about how PROPERLY your AGENT represents you – btw you CANNOT get jobs without an agent – they don’t take you seriously. It’s the ole’ PIMP SYSTEM – men have to have their CUT from everything we do.
My CLAIM TO FAME was legit – I had been in PLAYBOY with 6 pictures of me as Miss Nude Universe – ‘The Most Beautiful Body in the World’ {the first of 9 times in Playboy, they documented my life} one of the most beautiful women of the last hundred years – the votes based on modeling, dancing at that time – I was a well represented nude model in many magazines, such as Gent, Cavalier, Penthouse, dozens of books & mags on covers, centerfolds & articles. The other stars ON THIS CIRCUIT did NOT have this kind of promotion.
Stars who got the most attention were elsewhere, had managers usually, made more money than I at the time – but I CAUGHT UP to the best of them simply by being the ONE & ONLY WOMAN OF GOD – STRIPPER – MINISTER – & like all my activities, it was LEGIT, not a fake, I was really the person I purported to be.
What put me somewhat in the shade was when they started to get BIGGER & BIGGER IMPLANTS & females like Kitten Natividad, Lotta Top, Candy Samples, {the previous 3 all had their implants removed in time, Candy later put another set in because her bf wanted it}, Topsy Curvy – DOZENS of them had got implanted like FF cup breasts & they also made PORN VIDEOS – which I wouldn’t do. {Not saying it’s immoral to make them, just saying who did, who didn’t.} For a while – until the fad crashed – everyone wanted the BIGGEST, so I did not have implants, I was a normal D to DD when I gained weight. And so, if a star had monster implants & featured in porn movies, it was a hard act to follow.
This might be a good place to add that my Stripping for God was NOT a gimmick – I was working for/with a living Guru I call ‘Rev. Judy Swaggart,’ who wanted me to TALK ABOUT HER everywhere I went, be it stages, newspapers, any media, tell them how great she was & about our Church – eventually this lead to my giving sermons. I did not PLAN to give sermons, it EVOLVED.
The Circuit
The Baker-Berger Circuit was a series of theaters owned by the two men, which went from Midwest areas like Canton, Ohio, to Atlantic City {before it became hot stuff for gambling, in 1972 they were debating it while I was dancing, on the radio & they asked my opinion, I was for it. Little did I know that it wouldn’t help poor people much, big business stayed in the hands of the rich}, New Jersey with their flagship theater on 42nd St, NYC, the ROXY Theater.
Atlantic City before Gambling
Anecdote: On the beach with a battery-operated record player & Mario Lanza records blasting. Obviously I was then strongly connected to Mario. Had always loved him since day one, even now, when I listen to his songs on the internet, I feel the Presence of God. My Latin co-star was with me, with this anomaly, it gave plenty men the excuse to chat us up. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t have.
The Atlantic City Show included A REAL SHOW, old-time burlesque with comics & an attractive, busty, bossy lady actress who’d obviously been a stripper back in the day, but was now around 60. Yes, the show was hackneyed, out-of-date, but it was a show, the only one on the circuit.
I shared a room with the prima donna. Her German shepherd lunged at me – she refused to be there without him, every stripper that tried to share a room with them vacated. They said he almost bit Busty Russell. {Years later, 1981, I met Busty Russell who came to see my show & she said I had a good act, so, of course I liked her.}
Al Baker was present, boss-in-residence, living in a luxurious penthouse. Every stripper got to meet him there, including me – I was the only one that didn’t have sex with him – instead he used me to channel his dead wife. The millionaire did not offer me cab money home, I had to ask. He was one of those Simon LeGree types, pushing people around, telling them off, making them feel small. It might have been here that I pushed him for a raise, but he refused to give the legit amount that all the stars got – $600 as I said before, he only gave me $500 & felt proud of himself.
It amused me when my Spanish co-star told me this ditty. She went to see him for sex – he got EVERYONE while I was there, to meet him for sex, even a wretched off-the street drug addict who looked like she crawled out of the gutter in Baltimore {I cringed when she got on stage, she just walked up & down, didn’t know how to move, dance, nothing – was ugly too. But Al Baker solicited her for a date.}
Anyway, Raymonda told me she taught Baker this trick. She took a handkerchief, put a series of knots into it, & shoved it up his ass. When you pull the thing out it’s supposed to give you a thrill. I thought what a monkey he was.
I recall one poignant scene. In my hotel, in the lobby, a middle aged Irish lady sat there, all alone, singing Irish songs to herself, with a lovely voice. It brought tears to my eyes.
Atlantic City, like many seashore towns, made me feel at home, as I spent years living on a farm near Freehold – we used to go to Long Branch, Asbury Park, & Atlantic City summer. They were like small Coney Islands, with Ferris Wheels, all the usual merriments.
The greatest vacation I had ever had in my childhood was when Dad took us for a week to Long Branch. We lived at an ancient but wonderful hotel of a Lithuanian named Butkus {like the dog Rocky had!} with those thick feather covers on an old bed, all Lithuanians loved. {Mom was not with us, I believe she was having the baby of her new lover, Marius Bernotas, so we were scooted away to give them privacy}. Dad, who was usually thrifty, pulled out all the stops for a good time. We played all the games, ate all the ice cream & treats we wanted, & most of all, the closeness to Dad made it a dream come true.
Many other good times had been at the beach, so dancing in Atlantic City was lovely. Years later, after gambling was initiated, the dream bubble burst. All the old places were torn down; the life was gone out of it. Sterile, everything under strict control, hotels with luxury that didn’t move one’s soul, no old-fashioned rides, everything I liked had been removed – a big waste of nothingness to me – black, empty, meaningless, no soul.
Canton, Ohio
I went through the Baker-Berger Circuit a couple times, you’d think I am stocked with memories, but not that many. I will pull out what I can. For me, the things that sometimes stuck out would not be what the average person would note, like this.
In Canton, Ohio, can’t recall the name of the theater, but I was in a park & I prayed. I prayed that God would help me make more money. I said I would be charitable. I walked away from the park, & two females came toward me, selling some kind of little flowers for was it veterans? They asked me to buy a flower, but I did not.
As they disappeared from view, God said to me,
“You told me you would be charitable, but you weren’t.”
I was SO ASHAMED. God put me to a test & I failed.
Another test I was so ashamed of. In fact, I recall it was Atlantic City. They were going to send me someone to bring me to the theater & he would carry my luggage. I had two pieces of luggage, one smaller, one bigger, I managed to put the small one into the bigger, so there would be only one piece of luggage & the guy would carry it. I figured they would send a strong young man.
But the person who arrived was a slight older man with white hair even. He took my luggage & as we walked, he had to stop every 20 feet or so to get his strength. I was so ashamed. I saw him as Jesus, & I made Jesus carry the Cross. I felt like saying, hey, let me take the smaller luggage out of this, which I’ll carry, but I was too embarrassed as people were all over the street & would stare, wondering what we were doing. So I let him keep struggling & have forever recalled the image of Jesus carrying my cross for me, me not helping, so ashamed.
There were plenty more times when I did carry my own Cross & then some. At times I had 3 suitcases, big & heavy blue ones. Why didn’t I ever think of getting some kind of wheels? I would have to carry two like some feet, go back for the third, back & forth. One of these gizmos even had my weights in them, I always exercised on the road, religiously, they were 30 lbs of weights.
Tonawanda, New York
One time was dismal. My suitcase weighed maybe 60 lbs, I just had one. I was in upstate NY, Tonawanda, a horrible club where they paid me ‘by the door’ because the business was dead. Why did I take jobs like that? Because I had not many per year, & of course, they didn’t tell me it was dead, they also DID NOT ADVERTISE. If you don’t advertise, even if you have a good star, don’t expect business, so there were very few customers – some shows I made like $15 for the show. I believe they cheated me, also, because there’d be like 30 people in the audience, I was supposed to get the $2 per person they charged, so getting $15 I said what about all the people out there? They said oh, they were friends & people who worked there – it was a lie.
My hotel was about a mile away. The manager of the place would give me a ride to work; I usually got a ride back from someone who worked there. But the last night there, there were a couple characters acting up. One Marine was infatuated with me, pulled out a huge switchblade & said he’d take care of anybody that messed with me. No one was messing with me but the owners, so they took it that it was them he’d hurt. Now I was outside with my big luggage. The Marine came out & they locked the door.
But I had no ride, they weren’t giving me one – they were so scared of the Marine they just left me locked outside with him & another tough guy, a truck driver, who told the Marine to put his knife away or he’d take it from him.
I knocked on the glass door telling the owners I needed a ride back or to call a cab, but they wouldn’t let me in. I didn’t know the guys outside, even though the truck driver wanted to give me a ride in his big Mack, but he was a stranger. So believe it or not, I carried that 60 lb suitcase by myself back to the motel one mile.
Montreal, Canada
This was early in my career, when I was feeling things out, experimenting. Actually, most of my career, the last ten years or so on the road, turned out to be mostly in Canada; Montreal, Toronto & some small cities & towns. They paid me the most money because their clubs were bigger – more capacity, so more people, more money. At the very end of my career I was offered two jobs that were amazing, one at the ‘Millionaire Club’ for 5K a week cash, & two, to go to New Zealand for two weeks for that price – the most money they had ever paid an entertainer. And here was the caveat – they said,
“You don’t even have to strip. Just stand on stage & SPEAK!”
But just at that moment, I had already made a solemn promise to myself to quit the road & start my own business. I have often looked back to that offer with sadness; I would have liked to have seen New Zealand.
When I started working in Canada the glaring thing I noticed was how different the owners were from the Americans, they had manners & class, Americans were crude, huge difference.
We had a disagreement with my first boss, at the ‘Sex Tuple’ club. I was booked for can’t recall, was it two or five weeks?
He said my act was too long. I liked staying on stage a long time as it gave me a change to bond with the audience, {I was also used to being on stage 45 mins at a time as a go go dancer} but he had many females dancing & got me a guy to change my music for a good price. That music, which we fixed up, about a dozen audio tapes – served me for the rest of my career. I still have it.
He had a couple advantages. One, he could get me any song I liked, he wrote down what I wanted & got it. Many were the rhythm & blues oldies of the 60’s which I used to dance to. And he gave me a dynamite bilingual intro, French & English, that sounded classy, with an echo chamber on his voice; impressive.
How I stayed thin: Can’t recall what I ate for breakfast, but it wasn’t much. For dinner I went out & ate a modest amount & kept the bread with butter for later. After work, I ate the bread. I was probably downing 1K calories a day & lots of exercise, it was a hard thing to do, being hungry a lot, but you have to do this in show business where your body is the feature.
How to Become a Star – Promotion & Publicity
As always, I did all my own promotion. No other star in the stripping field did all I did, that I know of, on her own, with no companion or helper, no boyfriend. Chesty Bounty would take her daughter with her on the road; most of the other big stars had husbands or boyfriends who helped them. Many females, who were not stars but traveled a lot, had guys with them. But I was always & forever alone, I was used to it, possibly because my family ostracized me, I was used to aloneness & standing on my own two feet.
And so, when I got to Montreal, the first thing I did was go to the newsstand & check out the papers. There were two big ones, I called them both. One was the Montreal Star & I the other I think was called The Gazette. They both sent reporters.
The next day I went to the newsstand & I was on the FRONT PAGE OF BOTH PAPERS with huge pictures! When I got to work everyone there was staring at me in DISBELIEF – this had never happened before in the history of the club.
From then on in I had the greatest luck with Press in Canada – everywhere in fact. Most of the time I worked I was either on the front page or big articles inside the paper.
I might add here an important principle I learned. In show business or any endeavor as a matter of fact, publicity / advertising / promotion, does NOT come to you, you have to go to it. Unless you’re willing to make calls to the media, write letters, go on interviews, not much if anything will happen to promote your product / project or person – nothing.
I’ve been involved recently with photography, hiring male models. What dunderheads they are. They think because they’re handsome the world will be at their feet, but the world will not notice them unless they go to the world with gimmicks, promotion, & publicity stunts.
I’ve also met musicians, rappers, who think because they put their music on ‘Sound cloud’ or the like they will get big outfits like Sony to discover them & give them contracts – nothing of the sort. NOBODY will notice your music on Sound cloud or any other venue, unless you GO TO THEM, demonstrate your worth, make appearances that draw people. You have to be pro active, do things, to get the big shots interested in you, you have to work at it, if not every day, a few days a week, week in, week out, month in, month out, for YEARS. Even then there’s no guarantee, but it’s a possibility you might get somewhere if you have what it takes.
I have tried to explain these principles to the models I photographed, but most of them don’t listen. They assume that what I know applies to ‘back in the day,’ but today is DIFFERENT in their field of music or rapping or modeling. It’s the same world of promotion today as it was a hundred years ago; nothing has changed but the technology. Barnum & Bailey was no different, Sol Hurok Presents was no different, the Great Caruso did the same thing a rapper or model has to do today – if you don’t talk to the media, no one knows who you are, no audience, no promotion, no star.
And now hear this – you need a manager. If you don’t have a manager who knows what to do or how to do it, you must do it yourself – like I did – & it takes work, guts, dedication, you put your nose to the grindstone, & it never ends, if you stop, it stops – no more publicity.
And as far as manager – why would someone take you on when you’re a nobody, who isn’t making any money, & you can’t pay them? Patrick Curtis took on two different women. The first was Raquel Welch. She was a beautiful nobody, but what she gave him was herself – they got married & worked as a team & both worked full time, with a plan. He got her on many magazine covers in Europe, which was a start; it got her foot in the door for Hollywood.
After Raquel was launched he got with Linda Evans, moved her career upwards in ‘middle age’ {star of Dynasty}. They got married, so that was the deal.
{Patrick Curtis saw me in a beauty contest in Hollywood where I won ‘Most Voluptuous, wanted to get involved, but at that time I was on another project.}
My point here is what would you give a manager? Why would a manager want to manage you, to get what? Unless you are sexually involved, romantic or very friendly, they have to make money. You have to be earning money & they get some, or else you have to just straight out pay them. And so, if you’re a nobody, unless somebody wants you in exchange for intimacy, you miss the boat.
When Elvis Presley met Col. Tom Parker, one of the greatest managers of all time, he was already a rock n’ roll star, he had hits – ‘That’s Alright Mama,’‘Hound Dog’, ‘Don’t be Cruel’ & ‘Blue Suede Shoes.’ He was a monumental hit wherever he went. Col. Parker could see he had talent, looks & sex appeal, a winner. He took him on for money; he led him to the top, for 50%. And so, to get a manager you either have to give yourself to them or lots of money, but if you don’t have what it takes to make money, they have no incentive to take you on – it’s a FULL TIME JOB.
Only one model listened to me, that I dealt with. I never met him in person – we spoke on the phone. We had two conversations totaling EIGHT HOURS, during which I explained the principles of show biz success to him. He already had ambition, desire, what it takes, he was gorgeous. He did have some drawbacks, but they were not insurmountable & he was willing to work hard & he did. He got to the top of the modeling world by becoming an icon for RALPH LAUREN. You don’t go any higher. His name is Kenneth Guidroz.
The rest of the models & rappers haven’t listened, & they aren’t getting anywhere. They think my advise doesn’t apply to them, they can make it in their own way, today is different. But as I said, the principles of promotion are always the same. Anna Pavlova the ballerina & Jenny Lind, the Swedish Nightingale, were promoted by Sol Hurok, the same way today as now. Eugene Sandow, World’s Strongest Man, was promoted in the media same as today. He was a counterpart of La Belle Otero, a singer-dancer who had 5 kings of Europe seated at her 30th birthday table, where she danced naked atop the table. Josephine Baker, the black vaudeville star who made it big in Europe, made it the same way everyone else did – through the media. There is nothing new under the sun.
College of God & Love, Core Tenets
SUCCESS & LOVE DREAMS
THIS REGARDS YOUNG DOC DAN WHO LOVES ME
5-15-21 Amazing ARNOLD contact
ARNOLD always represents absolute success – because he has it. This dream was so vivid it was more ‘experience’ than dream.
Arnold is here, & he loves me. It’s an overwhelming feeling of acceptance. He’s big, strong, he picks me up, carries me in his arms, holding me close, body to body.
There are several instances of his holding me, carrying me down the street, hugging me & it’s gratifying. At one point I’m wearing a beautiful mink coat, expensive.
*(ARNOLD HERE: This is Doctor Dan, a young male who I’ve been friends with since he was 18 & going to college here {he’s around 30 now & a full-fledged Doctor} – he called me last night, invited me to Phoenix AZ, & told me he loved me. He had a tremendously invigorating, consoling effect on me. When Arnold appears it’s one of the biggest signs of a SUCCESS.
MY BEAUTIFUL MINK COAT: This could be a ‘Mantle’ as in the Old Testament’s prophet ‘Mantles’ which means their ANOINTING or the Light surrounding them, their Giftedness, their Supernatural Power.
This shows my Anointing as an EXPENSIVE MINK COAT, FULL LENGTH, because my Anointing has been EXPENSIVE or hard won. In spiritual terms, the COST of something is the great SUFFERING one had to go through to get what they got.)*
He afterward puts on my mink coat, but on him it doesn’t look the same. His body is bigger than mine, so the coat is too tight & also somehow doesn’t have the luster it did on me. On me it was clean, sleek & shiny. On him there’s a grayish tint & it’s dull. At that point I’m behind him walking. We’re going up & down the street, back & forth.
*(HE PUTS ON MY MINK NOT AS SHINY & BRIGHT ON HIM, HIS BODY FILLS IT UP FULLY: This is interesting. It reveals to me that my Mantle has been put upon him, that is my strength or God Power, but he cannot contain it with as much facility as do I. His flesh is not as SURRENDERED or CRUCIFIED as is mine, his BODY is BIGGER or he has more of his FLESH working or un-crucified. {The term for one crucified is ‘No longer I live, but Christ in me.})*
I’m thinking it would be great if we met like this at night, downtown, on the street, & he acted like this, where everyone could see how much he loves me. It’s PURE LOVE.
………………………………………………………….
MOVIE ON MY LIFE WILL APPEAL TO WOMEN – WILL BE A GREAT SUCCESS
5-12-21 Prophecy re Movie My Life n Visit to Purgatory
There was some extra busy work going on around this building, many people. Then they took one large room & transformed it with a wall-to-wall green rug, the room was repurposed into a sort of ‘dance hall’ primarily, but vaguely, for women; like women were the main people who would be there although men were not excluded.
*(LARGE ROOM, BIG GREEN RUG: This has to do with my life story being produced, the movie. This ‘repurposed’ room is the symbol of the production; the rug is like ‘the red carpet,’ only the green here represents wall-to-wall money & LIFE. The word life could have two meaning, my LIFE story, & my book COMES TO LIFE, there’s a whole lot of activity or LIFE happening here.
It being ‘for women’ is I have seen before in dreams that this will be most pleasant to women – my life – its female empowerment.)*
I see myself in a REST ROOM – dressing room. I am the only person designated for this room, but 5-6 women that were part of this large gathering are all at the door, needing to go to the bathroom. They seem to be ‘dressed up’, some wearing curly wigs, more colorful than average clothing, as that place with the green rug is a party-dance room.
There isn’t any other bathroom for them, so I tell them to OK, come in, use it – you have no place else to go.
The only thing wrong is the room needs to be CLEANED. Everything in it is white – mostly painted white. There are cabinet holders for things, all sorts of little amenities, but it’s all covered with sort of tiny black particles, like dust but not dust. How do I clean this? There is no cleaning equipment in the room. But I do find one washcloth; I take it, put water on it, & begin to clean. All that I wipe with this cloth gets totally clean. Then several other cloths appear, some light yellow with fringe, like as soon as I started cleaning it happened. This first one was WHITE & I didn’t want to SACRIFICE it by cleaning the entire room with it – it would turn dark & never be white again. I was even planning to clean the floor with it, but that wasn’t necessary as other cloths just appeared, & that saved the day. Everything became clean.
*(THE BATHROOM WHERE I AM: This is the STAR DRESSING ROOM. Needs cleaning could be the book needs a script, needs to be POLISHED, made perfect. But the non literal sense it’s a life that was basically PURE but the BLEMISHES or SPOTS had to be removed, cleansed, in the EARTHLY PURGATORY. Story of my early life is wall-to-wall suffering.
THE CLOTHS, WHITE WASHCLOTH, DON’T WANT TO SACRIFICE IT, And THEN OTHERS APPEAR, SOME YELLOW WITH FRINGE: Cloths would be tools from the Grace of God, by which to cleanse one’s soul/life. The WATER is the HOLY SPIRIT. I got cleansed of all my faults & defects during my life. Other women want in on this, they want to be part of this or take my example.)*
The women coming to my door are probably the actresses who need to use this dressing room. In the metaphysical term, it’s women who need to ‘rest in me’ or find consolation by my example – the way a person would ‘rest in Jesus,’ in the wounds of Jesus, resting in the Lord is resting in his Presence, example, what He gave us, the way he suffered, in other words, for love, consoles us.)*
There is a man here with a camera, like he’s making some kind of movie to do with this. He’s businesslike, going here & there, not paying attention to us, just working, slight build, light-rimmed glasses, short light hair. I think we were to be in the movie.
Someone asks him what he got for making this movie & all were shocked when we heard FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. What?
*(MAN WITH CAMERA, BEING PAID 15 MILLION DOLLARS: This is probably saying the production budget of this movie will be great, 15 million is a major movie. And it’s all about this book I just wrote; it will be the bridge for the movie. The man is a producer or director.)*
Last scene in this dream: I am on stage & I need to sing ‘Higher & Higher’ – the Jackie Wilson song, ‘Your Love Lifts me Higher & Higher.’ But whoever is the band or accompaniment is not playing any music, & so, I go, like ‘this is how I do it’ so they would know the key or how to accompany me, although I don’t know anything about keys, so I just want them to hear me sing.
*(HIGHER & HIGHER: Is my autobiography. God’s love lifted me higher & higher above the abuse; I got STRONGER, not beaten down by it.)*
So I begin to sing without music, & keep going, I’m belting it out. Most of the audience is women, perhaps ALL of them; they SURROUND the stage. I don’t actually sing the exact LYRICS, I somehow single out each individual woman & I speak the words to them which are personal, meaningful & SHOW LOVE to them individually. I tell each one why I care about her, somehow, what she means to me, it’s VERY PERSONAL. I recall one female real close to the stage wearing a thick grey sweater, she is bulky, the sweater has black Xmas designs on it across the chest, & I touch her arm – she’s right next to the stage.
*(AUDIENCE OF WOMEN, I TOUCH THEM PERSONALLY, ONE IN A GREY SWEATER WITH BLACK DECORATIONS: My life shows examples of the sufferings of women, look at all the anecdotes, abused by Mom, many men, the greedy female Rev, my Dad abandons me, bro is not a bro, the men who tried to kill me & wanted to rape me or did so, all kinds of abuses all women suffer. So this says it will touch women personally.
The one in the grey sweater is covered by depression; the Xmas designs over the chest are a GIFT of suffering, like Our Lord’s Divine Stigmata, a total MARTYRDOM. She is touched by my story because she herself went through it.)*
Finally, the accompanist plays the music & it is SUPER LOUD / STRONG Jackie Wilson, but somehow I manage, I can hear ‘wisps’ of my voice that come through, & the audience INCREASES as I go along
*(ACCOMPANIST: This is augmenting my song, life, story – at first I’m all alone telling it, but then there’s HELP & it’s when someone does something with it, probably producing the movie. It goes from ME all alone, personally singing, to a PROFESSIONAL RENDITION of it – like Jackie Wilson & his orchestra.)*
The show is a terrific SENSATION; I am a GIANT HIT because I show great personal love to the audience of women – one woman at a time.
*(PREDICTION OF SUCCESS: One more confirmation.)*
……………………………………………………….
SOME PURCHASED MASSES FOR ME – I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT & DREAMED THIS – IT’S MY
RECEIVING THE LORD’S BODY & BLOOD ALONG WITH SOULS IN PURGATORY
5-12-21 UNDERGROUND
I’m in an underground facility, but it isn’t unpleasant. I’m looking for food, being hungry. I see a type of service place, not a restaurant where you pay, but a place where you are fed because someone here is feeding people, like a family, but it isn’t by any means my family, just saying it’s like that.
Everything is DIRT, the floor is dirt, maybe the walls, the rest is plain dark wood – not in any way ‘finished’ but like my basement, unfinished, but there are tables.
*(UNDERGROUND, LOTS OF DIRT: Sounds like Purgatory, as it is always ‘closed in’ even when outside, you can see the limit to the sky.)*
One table the women have prepared delicious food & I can’t wait to eat it. I sit with a few other people, but they eat faster than me, & I don’t get enough, it’s all gone, & I’m still hungry. I complain about that.
*(I WANT FOOD, BUT SIT AT TABLE WITH OTHERS, THEY EAT FASTER THAN ME, I’M STILL HUNGRY: This whole dream baffled me until yesterday {4 days after this dream} I looked through a pile of mail & saw that someone had ordered Masses for me for all of June, participating, with others, in these Masses.
I am not getting all the Grace from these Masses, others are ‘CONSUMING’ this BODY & BLOOD OF CHRIST faster than I am, & I wish for more.)*
Then I move to another table, a smaller one, with just me & one guy. He reminds me of the Marine I met in real life who was the beginning of me getting the Divine Stigmata.
He asks me do I know who he is? I say, are you a colonel? He’s startled by that – he doesn’t want to be a colonel, & he says no. I surmise he’s an ordinary soldier or a sergeant, when I said colonel, I saw him looming big, but when I realized he was not an ‘officer,’ he seemed to shrink in size.
*(DO I KNOW WHO HE IS? This is a Soul in Purgatory I knew in real life – not the colonel I was friends with but maybe the Marine I loved & wrote about in the Stigmata book. The colonel might have died long ago, as when I met him I was about 40 – he about 60 – but the Marine was young, about 35. He might have died not long ago & being close to ending his stay in Purgatory – I would be helping him, he talking about intimacy in the next scene would be being united, our Souls, where he could get my grace to ascend into Heaven – maybe.)*
As the conversation goes on, he touches my left thigh & says he wants to fondle me, make love to me. He asks me to leave with him. I have no intention of having sex with him, but I know he wants the other guys to think I consented – it would be good for his reputation, & I take my jacket from the seat across the table to leave. It’s the plain twill jacket made of a kind of dark army green, tortoise shell design buttons; this jacket seems bigger, roomier than the one in real life. From him I sense this area has something to do with the army or military, maybe there’s a base nearby, most of the men here are military.
*(MOST OF THE MEN HERE ARE IN THE MILITARY: Could be that the Souls being helped are mostly those who died in the military or served therein.)*
I then explore. I walk & come up upon another ‘cellar,’ which seems my own, at my house, only bigger & it’s pleasant. It’s well equipped, they are selling things for the poor, I think they have food I don’t see, but I notice a row of shoes & boots. At the end of this row is a pair of white boots, fancy, I gave to good will 10 years ago, now it’s being sold here so the poor can benefit. I am thinking I could buy this, wear them.
The boots are shiny, they are ‘buttoned’ or have knobs in front that lace up, then they go up about 5-6” & flare out. Here they are quite clean, as if I only wore them a couple times, I see just a few of those black specks I saw in that rest room in the other dream. Only the laces are MESSY, they are unstrung & not laced up, just kind of loose.
*(BOOTS I GAVE TO GOOD WILL 10 YRS AGO: This is some kind of sacrifice or charity I made long ago, not sure which way it goes, obedience to God in going back to sex & ‘having fun’ {which wasn’t} or ending the ‘sex & fun’ two years ago as I couldn’t stand it any more.
The STRINGS being LOOSE could be saying ‘No more strings attached.’ This definitely then sounds like two years ago when I stopped seeing my Beloved – the man I call Bob – I just stopped having sex with him or anyone else, for more than one reason. Perhaps this soldier, then, is Bob, not the real soldier I identified before, could be Bob has gone through battles with himself.)*
There is a GOLD LIGHT in part of the cellar, which is a welcoming light, & as I said, this seems like my own cellar only clean, pleasant & useful.
*(GOLD LIGHT has to be TRUE LOVE. This has to do with true love, but what exactly it says is a mystery.)*
I am then out with that soldier & another female is with us, he disappears. I ask her what happened, & she tells me he left, he was on LSD.
*(HE LEFT, HE’S ON LSD: LSD is hallucinogenic, so what would this mean? Does it mean he went into ECSTACY & ascended into Heaven, if it is a Soul in Purgatory, or, if it’s Bob, my ex lover, how would it apply to him? Could it be some kind of spiritual contact he had with me that put him into BLISS?)*
College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
On the Road
On the Road
Chapter 1 Kenosha, Wisconsin
Where do I begin? I shall start with a place I remember clearly because I was HAPPY there. When I explain it it’s revealed what makes me happy – what does not. It will be the OPPOSITE of what folks imagine, how most people think. Let me just say it, cut the wordiness.
The owner first tells me I’m UNDERPAID. He said,
“Your salary doesn’t make sense. It goes from $500 a week, then it jumps to $1,000 a week – there’s no in between. Your agent asked for $600, but if you are Miss Nude Universe, you should be getting $1,000. When your agent told me $600, I thought what is wrong with her? She’s Miss Nude Universe from Playboy, I got the picture, you’re perfect – he isn’t representing you properly.”
Story of my life, perpetually underpaid. How did I know how things worked in this area of show biz? It was my first lifetime being a stripper, so that’s how it works? So give me that extra $400, but of course, he didn’t, I got the six hundred & that was that.
Now he puts me in a building that can only be described as ‘desolate.’ No fancy hotel, no comfy motel, a building where I’m on the third floor, the only occupant. Everything is wood; walls, floors, lacquered black. The hallway is lit with one light bulb hanging from the ceiling, no shade on it. My room is small, the bare necessities, {no sheets or blanket, I had to improvise. It’s been like that before in rooms provided by club owners} but somehow charming though bleak – the bathroom is down the hall.
At first, when going to the rest room I was nervous as to were there any occupants {men} who would see me partially dressed & present a danger? But I never, in the entire week, saw one other soul in any room. I had the whole three floor building to myself.
The placement of the building was not in a ‘city’ but a town that you might walk several blocks before finding any sort of business or restaurant. The first day I decided to go look for a restaurant. The owner or his managers gave me no accommodation as to where I’d be fed, no instructions, hints or ideas how I was to eat. And that was the day way before cell phones or iPhone – what year was it? It was early in my stripping career, I retained no documentation from there as I could not get to the press, so I think it was around 1972-73 – {when you’re on the road it can become a BLUR}. I could discover nothing until I went out there. {This treatment of a dancer, even a ‘star’ is typical – they mostly tell you nothing, take you nowhere, do not give you a driver to help you shop or eat – they DON’T HELP. There were exceptions that I will explain as I go along.}
So I don my clothes & stepping out I see I have NOT prepared well. I believe I was coming from California, not thinking how cold it would be in other places & I DID NOT BRING SOCKS to put into my shoes! The shoes weren’t bad, I remember them well, black with chunky 2” heels, but in the snow, as I waded through some banks, the snow got into the shoes & froze my feet.
I recall being scared. I saw a person walking down the street – just one – & failed to ask him where was the nearest restaurant. After walking a few blocks I gave up, went back to the building. As I said, I saw no businesses, convenient places I could enter & ask for info.
So the rest of the week went like this. There’s no phone in the building, no cell phone, but I know at a certain time a driver will pick me up nightly. Yes, I recall those stairs, he sometimes waits in a large room, like a ballroom, below me, I go there & we drive to the club.
Now mind you, I have had no breakfast or lunch, no coffee, nothing. It’s night – perhaps 8 or 9 pm. Across the street from the club on the corner is a LIQUOR STORE. Ah, there’s FOOD! You know the snacks they have on a rack – nuts, candies, pretzels, potato chips, I get a few packs of those – that’s my food & the only food I’ll have the whole day & week. Can’t recall what I drink, if it was juice or soda or just water, definitely not alcohol as I didn’t drink then.
Now the deprivation of my situation, the isolation of the building, lack of amenities, conversation & food, was like being in a monastery on ‘bread & water.’ I felt close to God. There were no distractions. That is to say, in the absence of outside attraction, entertainment or diversion, one centers upon oneself, & inside of me is God. So I was communicating with & aware of God more than usual. So therefore, when I danced, the Presence of God was strong & I created a sensation. The audience brought the roof down, it was like I was the Second Coming, like I was the greatest star they had ever seen, it was spooky. What I understood, simply, was that God’s Light was shining through me, it was reaching the audience. I was a bridge, a conduit. It wasn’t me they were responding to, it was God.
When I returned to my bleak monastic room at night I felt the presence of celestial beings & those on the other side of the veil. Marilyn Monroe, for instance, spoke to me. She said,
“Kellie, be a movie star – it’s easy.”
She also said,
“Love everyone.”
At the time I didn’t know what she meant, this had to be then, long ago. I thought she meant like have sex with all the guys she did, because she had to please men to get ahead in the business. I told her loving everyone would get me into trouble.
But the most poignant was Elvis Presley’s mom. She appeared strongly & said,
“Contact Elvis. I want him to get back to his roots.”
But how on earth could I contact Elvis? I wrote to his manager but of course, did not get an answer.
I told her I had been infatuated with Elvis, would I be able to date him? She said,
“You’re too GOOD for him. He needs a girl HE CAN HAVE FUN WITH.”
She used the word ‘good’ in the sense of ‘virtuous.’ When I repeated it to a journalist he looked at me like I was crazy. I was a stripper, how could I be ‘good?’
So much for Kenosha.
………………………………………………….
Chapter 2 Lexington, Kentucky & Pizza for 2 weeks
Before this I had been at this organization’s other club where I laid a bomb. I think it was Chattanooga, TN. My music & act, some of it, did not go over with the audience. Much of the time I was experimenting & some of my tastes run ESOTERIC. You DO NOT want to pull any unusual music, different styles, new ideas, on the road. You’ll get fired or be a flop. I tried out some Latin style 1940’s music that was not orchestral, just a small band, like ‘the Peanut Vendor’ or something with a Mexican outfit, not that glamorous or sexy, & the audience was dead silent, & then one guy called out,
“Go back to Mexico!”
I learned I could do ANYTHING in New York City, my headquarters then, where they all knew me like a sister & accepted all that I did – plus NY was a MELTING POT where every stripe of person was in the audience, Black, white, Asian, Latino, European – so they weren’t narrow minded or prejudiced.
But in the boondocks you have hillbillies, country folk who are narrow minded & prejudiced – they suspect & often DISLIKE anything from the norm; it has to be mainstream popular or country – nothing else.
Then I also danced regular go-go to the jukebox in between shows, for free, just because I felt like it, & that stole the THUNDER away from my act, made me look ORDINARY if you catch my drift. I was not introduced as the star nor did I wear fancy clothes, I appeared like a house girl. And so, there was too much confusion in who I was & what I was doing – experiments are just that; you learn by your mistakes. So I left this place kind of with my tail between my legs. {Lucky they didn’t fire me!}
The next place, Lexington, I was ready to blow them away & I did. I had my most SUPERB music, with a dynamic intro & exit. I tried no more weird shticks, I stuck to the mainstream type glamour; I had my act together. They were in awe of me. The owner said,
“What happened to you in Chattanooga? You didn’t go over, but you’re terrific now.”
And one of the dancers said to me {she was a classy ballerina with an exquisite act – I don’t know how she managed all her props but the husband helped}
“When you come out it’s like a supernatural event – an incredible feeling comes out of you.”
However, we were in a Mall & there was only one restaurant. I tried to go elsewhere to eat, but it was far away, getting a cab there & back was so expensive it was a waste of money. And so, I ate mostly pizza every day for whatever meals I ate, two weeks, daily pizza. After that I could not eat pizza for two years.
Chapter 3 Kansas City, Kansas
1972 was my first gig ‘On the Road’ as a stripper. I had been doing go-go & nightclub work in Southern California from 1966 up until then, but now I left California. {Oh yes, there was a job in Colorado I will speak of later}
Go go dancing vs stripping, in Southern California, was not what I pursued because the pay to strip was measly. Go go dancing was harder, more time on stage, you had to be YOUNG to do it – I was told the women over 35 didn’t have the ENERGY. So let’s say you could make $300 a week or more doing go go, but the offers for stripping ran to $150 a week. To strip was easier, but I could not afford that, as I was the sole support of two people.
Why did go go take so much energy? You were on the stage 45 minutes during each hour, with 15 minutes to change outfits, fix makeup, go to the rest room etc. There was little time to REST. In my case, I preferred to dance only to FAST music, so it took even more energy.
Now the stripper would do maybe three shows a night, each show lasted 9 to 15 minutes. She was on stage, therefore, in a five hour period, 9 to 2 am, 27 to 45 minutes. Whereas the go go dancer during 5 hours was on stage for a staggering 225 minutes – almost 4 hours.
Expense wise, the stripper spent more money on costumes than did the go go dancer, but it was also a pain in the ass to constantly get new go go bikinis & shoes – the shoes wore out fast. Most go go dancers got custom made sequin, rhinestone, fancy bikini shorts – nothing shoddy. But there was no stripping so in most cases, you got on the stage covered somewhat, took off the top, & were topless the rest of the show. The drama of stripping was missing.
I started my career out as a belly dancer – took lessons with a pro, got costumes made, & then, at the two places I auditioned, the pay was $7 a night – if you worked six nights, $42 per week, impossible to live on – it had to be a hobby. {Today’s money $42 would be about $250, which is 1K a month} – add to that go go dancers & belly dancers made tips, but strippers did not. Strippers also, some jobs they paid your room, some did not, that factors a lot into how much you made. Also did they pay your fare – plane, bus or gas money? That’s why people on the road get 2 or 3 times as much money as locals – your room & board costs money, transportation costs money.
At the very END of my career {1986-87}, being famous, the pay I got was high AND they covered all costs, room at a good hotel & plane ticket. And so, $3,000 with all expenses, they were spending 5K. That totals out to about $12,000 in 2021. Of course, I did not work EVERY WEEK, I would have been RICH, but these kind of jobs I only obtained about 5 of them PER YEAR. And I did not keep the money spent on my room or tickets, so it’s less money than appears. My highest take home pay I ever made, then, was about, in today’s money, $36,250. I was never rich from stripping. {I will explain how God graced me with wealth in another book.}
OK my first gig is Kansas City. Surprised how UGLY the dancers were, one in particular. This female was out of shape, big belly, face like an orangutan, & she was VILE in her movements. I guess she appealed to the lower nature of men in order to offset her looks.
The manager of the theater – yes – first time I worked in a theater, was also vile. He called me into the office & said,
“Sit your fucking ass down!”
What was his problem? I had invited a male onto the premises who I thought was a nice person. He said it was an undercover cop. So why was he afraid? Were they doing anything illegal? Apparently so. Here’s the story with a twist.
The star of the following week appeared at the end of my gig who wanted to buy my blonde wig. I had a couple of them so I sold it to her. Later on I bumped into her on the road again, & she told me this story:
“The week after you left, the cops raided the place. Everyone was arrested, the management & dancers, except me. I was wearing your wig – they just let me walk past them & out the door.”
Hardy har har, the manager who was so rude to me got himself arrested, but the girl they thought was me was the only one they let go. Some kind of karma?
PS I forgot to mention that in between our shows, they played vile porno movies. This happened a lot on the ‘Baker-Berger Circuit’. That’s the ‘circuit’ I was on now, it went to about 7-8 states, a regular gig I was on back & forth for a while.
College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
In Bristol rose a special man who would ‘rob the streets’ of thousands of victims.
He saw the path as adventure – sell all you don’t need, trust in God – few had done this, it was new.
In England orphanages existed only in London, but they excluded the poor, only those of middle class, who could pay, were welcome.
George Müller (1805-1898) was a German playboy who found Christ and then gave his life to serve Christ unreservedly. His mission was to rescue orphans from the wretched street life that enslaved so many children in England during the time of Charles Dickens and Oliver Twist. Müller did rescue, care for, feed, and educate such children by the thousands. The costs were enormous for such a great work. Yet, amazingly, he never asked anyone for money. Instead he prayed, and his children never missed a meal. This docu-drama presents his life story and shows how God answered prayer and met their needs. It is a story that raises foundational questions regarding faith and finances. Also included are two special documentaries on Müller and some of the lives affected by his work.
Your FAITH will do MIRACLES
Your FAITH Will do MIRACLES
from Rasa Von Werder
Two hundred years ago, at the time of Charles Dicken’s ‘Oliver Twist’, children who roamed the streets of England were considered ‘vermin.’ Orphans had to beg or steal to survive – people would look the other way when passing them.
In Bristol rose a special man who would ‘rob the streets’ of thousands of victims.
George Muller started out bad, his life was drinking, gambling & chasing women. He woke up in jail one day, fearing his Dad’s wrath, he’d been stealing from him since age ten. Dad & his friends supplies the booty for his decadent lifestyle, but it caught up with him when one time he couldn’t pay his bill at an Inn – the owner called the authorities, had him arrested & jailed.
He spent one month there with people like himself & worse – murderers & thieves, until finally his Dad bailed him out & paid his debts, but still, he didn’t change.
How did he, later on, save 120,000 orphans, with housing, nurturing & education? When he found his calling, he had, in today’s money, acquired 180 MILLION in resources for the poor – without ever asking for donations. He would present his plans to the public but ask ONLY GOD to make it possible, & resources came. How did he do it?
A life of Church work was something George’s Dad craved for him – Not because of devotion but being a clergy in Germany brought respect, good money & a great pension. John Frederick Muller provided the education George needed, in what is now called Martin Luther University in Harley.
George began his studies but his old ways were still there. Then something great happened. He met a young man, quiet & thoughtful, Christof Frederick Beta – they were close. Beta was a lapsed Christian, he hoped George’s worldly ways would rub off on him, while George hoped Christof would help him improve. Beta was going to religious meetings every Saturday – Muller wanted to go, but Beta thought he’d hate it & said no, finally relented as he was being hounded & there they went.
The meeting was praying, singing, reading the bible, then a sermon. How would the playboy react? He LOVED IT. On the outside, he was living the high life, but inside he was empty & miserable. This was a powerful CONVERSION, not dry, harsh religion but the LOVE of God sprang up in his heart & he jumped for joy with new hope & desire for life.
But George did not want to be clergy, he wished to go to the missions, so that would not satisfy his Dad’s needs – they had to end his sponsorship. God provided George with work for his last two college years, but he worked so hard he collapsed from exhaustion.
At the suggestion of friends, his destiny was now the Seacoast town of Teignmouth. Here he found a soul mate – a Scotsman & pastor same age as he – 24 – named Henry Cray. They were both converted in college.
Henry Clay introduced him to the great follower of Christ, Anthony Norris Groves – who lived by faith alone, following the ‘Go sell all you have, give to the poor & follow me’ precept of Jesus – he actually did this literally, giving away all his fortune – with his wife – trusting in God to take care of them & their ministry.
George Muller was impressed & decided to follow the same path, relying on God alone. He also fell in love with Groves sister, Mary Groves, who was equally fervent, & married her – a good choice to stay right with God & mission.
He saw the path as adventure – sell all you don’t need, trust in God – few had done this, it was new.
It was time to move on, & both George & Henry Clay moved to Bristol where they partnered in ministry. Financially Bristol was in bad condition, having lost their lucrative slave trade, but they survived.
Good people took note that poor children were dying in the streets. There were no antibiotics, they got sick from cold & damp & died. The government responded by putting them into ‘work houses’ along with grown men – it was something everyone dreaded. {Jack London did research on this, passed himself off as impoverished & experienced these ‘work houses’ as well as the institutions that gave out ‘free food’ which was just bread, & these were frightening, dangerous & deplorable. They were torture to the inmates, they were given only food for hard work, {just bread} maybe a dirty place to sleep, & forced to listen to harsh sermons for hours.}
Charles Dickens was writing of this in his newspaper column, he visited George Mullers orphanages & gave them high marks.
George had availed himself of free lodging for poor divinity students in Germany, a huge organization created by Professor Angus Herman Franka – who housed 2,000 orphans. It was a little city in itself, with all the amenities, all were treated humanely.
In England orphanages existed only in London, but they excluded the poor, only those of middle class, who could pay, were welcome.
Muller’s vision began to take shape imitating Prof. Franka. He beg
an to think, pray & ask God to build the orphanage & God answered within days, with more money than he had prayed for.
And so it started – throw all one’s faith in God – divest yourself of all you don’t need, & rely on God alone. Do not ask people for money or resources, but tell them what you are doing, what you will do, but don’t say I need your money, I need you to do this – don’t tell them anything but your plans & they will provide.
People started bringing gifts, donations, food, housing supplies, everything. They got a landlord to give them a good building for low rent. It went great for two years, then followed seven years of ‘famine’ where they had to buckle down & all workers had to sacrifice, sell things of their own to keep it going, but they did.
He never stopped working, built four major institutions in a beautiful natural area, all were housed, fed, clothed & educated properly.
Mary died & George married again, then she died, he kept working. He said God never allowed him to be lonely as God was the center of his life & filled the void. He worked until God called him to his eternal rest, a happy old man of 93.
SEE THIS ON YOU TUBE:
Robber of the Cruel Streets: The Story of George Muller (2006) | Full Movie | Adam Stone
George Müller (1805-1898) was a German playboy who found Christ and then gave his life to serve Christ unreservedly. His mission was to rescue orphans from the wretched street life that enslaved so many children in England during the time of Charles Dickens and Oliver Twist. Müller did rescue, care for, feed, and educate such children by the thousands. The costs were enormous for such a great work. Yet, amazingly, he never asked anyone for money. Instead he prayed, and his children never missed a meal. This docu-drama presents his life story and shows how God answered prayer and met their needs. It is a story that raises foundational questions regarding faith and finances. Also included are two special documentaries on Müller and some of the lives affected by his work.
Director: Crawford Telfer
Starring: Adam Stone, Andy Harrison
College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
*(ENCLOSED, CAN’T GET OUT, I LEFT HER THERE, BUT SHE HAD NOURISHMENT & IS SAFE: Sense image material is this beautiful cat who’s not been here a while, she visits for food, this is saying her owners have not let her out – but the real symbol is my sexuality or vagina has been alone, ‘ENCLOSED’ is a spiritual term of being ‘walled in’ or voluntarily living in total seclusion.
*(BOTH DAD & NEW BF WEAR LIGHT BLUE: This might be A BIT OF SADNESS re the DELAY in the physical marriage of Lover Bob & myself.
First, I was taken by a sinister man, Putz Nut On, who represents the devil, to a large extended club, the identity of which I don’t find out right away. I seem to be walking behind him to his right, & he’s made of glass, like transparent, then he disappears.
He says yes, so now I’m standing in front of all the females gathered before me & tell them,
*(DANCE STEP AT FIRST DOESN’T WORK, SECOND TIME IT DOES: I sense this is my last book on my life published, I Strip for God Part 2, did not quite make it. But the one I’m finished with now, Part 3, has succeeded, & I’m pleased. It makes the grade, its a spectacular performance.
*(THE MEN RAPISTS I WAS SAVED FROM. I mention several men in the book, who the angels saved me from. Some were just perverts trying to force it on me, like Andre DeDienes, others would have actually raped me by force. My uncle planned to abuse me but didn’t, etc. There are quite a few cases mentioned, making men look bad of course- that’s why they’re complaining.
I cry out in a loud voice to God,
*(I CALL OUT TO GOD & THE HOLY VIRGIN & THEN I RUN & SLIDE DOWN THE STAIRS & ESCAPE:
Success 4 Book & Marriage
New Book will Please Women Greatly But Not Men as it’s Female Power
I take notice when Dad appears as that is always re MARRIAGE. In my vocabulary, he’s the one that will give me away to the bridegroom, so when he’s in the dream, it’s about that.
There is some to-do about a mysterious institutional building, like a huge museum, somewhat scary & elegant, something special but I can’t explain it.
*(LARGE INSTITUTIONAL BUILDING: Might be referring to the ‘INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE’ & could be LIKE A MUSEUM as marriage, as we know it, is ancient, old fashioned, mostly belongs in a museum – few women are given genuine marriages or real relationships.)*
I was around looking at this building & entered it. I thought it was completely empty, but later, after I somehow get an apt here, I discover other women – not many – just a few – entering or leaving their apt’s, but the rest of this huge building is empty. I would say it has 100 rooms.
*(A FEW WOMEN GOT APT’S BUT MOST OF THE 100 ROOMS ARE EMPTY: Very few ladies have genuine relationships as I am given {spiritual marriages, where you become one.}
I also at some point went to an old residence of mine, completely walled in, yard & dwelling, opened the door & saw the beautiful grey Persian cat with her thick, fluffy tail. I was frightened that I had left her there by mistake, & did she have food & water? Apparently yes, because I see her slinking about a little, & there is green all around as this is a yard, but it’s all enclosd where you can’t get out, or in unless you have the key. But she’s safe.
*(ENCLOSED, CAN’T GET OUT, I LEFT HER THERE, BUT SHE HAD NOURISHMENT & IS SAFE: Sense image material is this beautiful cat who’s not been here a while, she visits for food, this is saying her owners have not let her out – but the real symbol is my sexuality or vagina has been alone, ‘ENCLOSED’ is a spiritual term of being ‘walled in’ or voluntarily living in total seclusion.
My God Self or Higher Self who has caused this, but my lower self has been nourished & safe. I portray my flesh as ‘beautiful’ – haha.)*
Then I’m inside some sort of dwelling similar to my house. I find plastic see-through square bowls, they were underneath some wooden thing, the porch there built last year – I take out several & tell someone these will be great to put planters into {they hold water.}
*(TALKING TO SOMEONE ABOUT PLANTS, MAKING PLANS FOR PLANTS & SEE-THROUGH HOLDERS: The person I’m talking to is Dad, identified below, & he’s standing on the side of this hill there as described. PLANTS are PLANS or PROJECTS, things we PLANT we hope WILL GROW. I must be talking about the PREPARING FOR PHYSICAL MARRIAGE.)*
My Dad is wearing glasses & light blue clothes, seems to be higher up on the left, standing, at the side of the hill. I say to him maybe we could go out, I would love to eat something COLD {like ice cream.} For some reason he doesn’t seem to want to go out. Oh yes, I forgot, I told him I wanted him to see my new apt & meet my new boyfriend, then we’d go out to eat – maybe. Maybe they’d sit together at the table with me, & yet, I somehow think that might be awkward. This new bf reminds me of David C, an actor I used to be friends with, he’s wearing light blue also & has a mustache. I picture him at the door of my new place, facing outward. Is he waiting for me or greeting me?
*(BOTH DAD & NEW BF WEAR LIGHT BLUE: This might be A BIT OF SADNESS re the DELAY in the physical marriage of Lover Bob & myself.
Why is Dad on the hill, {embankment} like higher up? Could mean suffering, as hills are usually Golgotha to me. He wishes this marriage would come about sooner.
And BOB is shown STANDING AT THE DOOR as if WAITING FOR ME, which means he hopes & expects, still, for ME TO COME TO HIM.
His PERSONA as David C, the actor, mustache & all, is he has made himself a new image on social media, where he has a mustache. This says he’s ACTING, FRONTING or PRETENDING to be alright, going on about his business, not making any revealing posts, but in spite of all that, he’s WAITING FOR ME.)*
I go to the building to the apt. I have a key & put it into the lock. The place has red oriental rugs, it’s beautiful & comfortable. It’s extremely unusual to be granted such a place, but I am given it, not sure why, but it’s a special privilege.
*(SPECIAL PLACE I AM GIVEN: This special place is the SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE & FUTURE PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP with Bob. It says I AM GIVEN by a privilege of God, it’s a GIFT. One more confirmation & prophecy. He’s had affairs & sex with hundreds of females, but I’m the only one GIVEN the True Relationship by God)*
………………………………………………………………………..
4-23-21 Dancing – Pleasing women more than men
First, I was taken by a sinister man, Putz Nut On, who represents the devil, to a large extended club, the identity of which I don’t find out right away. I seem to be walking behind him to his right, & he’s made of glass, like transparent, then he disappears.
*(PUTZ NUT ON: Is Satan. Here he’s taking me into a SITUATION with devious, dastardly consequences, where I’m seen as a sex object & men think they can rape me. But God will protect me.
This shows me that those incidents of intended rape were OBVIOUSLY ORCHESTRATED BY SATAN. These situations were like TRAPS, as in them, this says I didn’t know what I was getting into, or the ‘IDENTITY’ of this club – what I was ENTERING, but now it’s OBVIOUS because the devil is TRANSPARENT, MADE OF GLASS {meaning you can see through him or his intentions})*
All through this club there’s dancing, women dancing. At some point I’m in a room where young females take turns performing for this owner of the club who sits in the corner of the room like a Pasha. After a while, I say to him,
“May I dance?”
He says yes, so now I’m standing in front of all the females gathered before me & tell them,
“My left hip is dislocated my right leg hurts a lot, but I’m going to dance anyway. {Meaning, take into account I’m damaged, give me a handicap for that.}
I begin & do the leg in the air curve across, which I feel is good but not good enough. I then try to do a sort of standing in one place somersault but don’t quite make it, a minute later I try again & it works, it’s a spectacular step. I’m surprised I succeeded, then I dance a bit more.
*(DANCE STEP AT FIRST DOESN’T WORK, SECOND TIME IT DOES: I sense this is my last book on my life published, I Strip for God Part 2, did not quite make it. But the one I’m finished with now, Part 3, has succeeded, & I’m pleased. It makes the grade, its a spectacular performance.
MY BAD LEGS: I sense that the message here is God permitted, allowed me to have this problem, where I can’t walk much or exercise in the aerobic fashion, in order to make me SIT DOWN & KNOW that when one door closes, another opens. I despair of my old activities, but put all of myself into this new activity of WRITING – I can’t do many things I used to, so I’m not tempted or diverted by them, I enjoy sitting so the pain stops, which is where I have to be right now.)*
The women are in love with me, but I see a small ‘pecking branch’ like where birds roost, to the right, with about 4-5 men sitting, complaining, not liking the dance.
*(MEN NOT LIKING THE DANCE, WOMEN LIKING IT: This book will appeal to the women more than men. I go hard on the men in life who mistreated me. But the women identify with my pains perhaps.)*
But the women adored me, & I then hold my breasts up & bounce them, & each one takes turns drinking from my breasts, left & right. One female is about to, but changes her mind. They’re all young.
*(DRINKING FROM MY BREASTS: Receiving my love, milk is nourishment or love. One woman is cited as rejecting this love when at first she was going to receive it. Could be someone affected by the book.)*
In another scene, not sure how it relates, after performing at the club mentioned, I am standing at the doorway of a bedroom in my B’klyn apt – no door – when men who came from the club have arrived, about 6 of them, all wearing strange clothes, like no long pants, dark tunics, {which remind me of playing cards, with their borders & designs in the middle} one is turned looking to the left window, others are turned this way & that.
They are planning something evil to me & somehow, they think they’re entitled. They will all – every one of them – force sex onto me.
*(THE MEN RAPISTS I WAS SAVED FROM. I mention several men in the book, who the angels saved me from. Some were just perverts trying to force it on me, like Andre DeDienes, others would have actually raped me by force. My uncle planned to abuse me but didn’t, etc. There are quite a few cases mentioned, making men look bad of course- that’s why they’re complaining.
The TUNICS LIKE PLAYING CARDS I sense are ‘Trump cards’ or these men were TRUMPED – dark here is DEPRESSION, or in other words, they are depressed because they were prevented from rape. To trump someone is to defeat, outsmart, surpass them, which explains why the men ‘sitting on the roost’ are not happy with my disclosures, as it makes the women seem superior- the women like to see female strength but the men don’t.)*
I cry out in a loud voice to God,
“Almighty God – come to my rescue”
several times, & then I call on the Holy Virgin Mary, & then I run down the 6 flights of stairs, faster than the man behind me because somehow I SLIDE, not run down each floor, & I escape. That was a close call.
*(I CALL OUT TO GOD & THE HOLY VIRGIN & THEN I RUN & SLIDE DOWN THE STAIRS & ESCAPE:
My faith in God got me out all all these potential rapes – God & her angels & Holy Mary caused my escape. I need to ask Mother God, what is the symbol of SLIDING down the stairs rather than running?
MOTHER GOD: It’s the Supernatural Power given, the intervention of God.)*
College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
It drives half way & stops, like in between the space from the gate to my kitchen porch, facing me.
You have just given a good account of what you went through & survived, & became a success, a great story.
*(BRIDGE 69: A bridge is an OPPORTUNITY or VENUE to get over an impediment – like a chasm, a river, a lake, etc. A bridge makes it easier to get from one place to another, it’s an ENABLER.
LIFE STORY WILL BE A SUCCESS
PREDICTIONS MY LIFE STORY Part 3 WILL BE A SUCCESS
4-3-21 Important multiple dreams
Where do I begin? There’s a quick but striking scene. The far gate from my side door kitchen – about 30′ from me, has suddenly opened & through it a car that looks ancient but brand new, shiny black, square in shape & smaller than your average car, pulls in. It has an amazing ornament right on top, middle of its roof – like the German war helmets, silver. The car seems to be PRESENTING ITSELF LIKE A STAR, announcing, ‘HERE I AM’, & seems RADIANT.
It drives half way & stops, like in between the space from the gate to my kitchen porch, facing me.
The ornament is not spiked, as in the real helmets, it’s oval, engraved with something, & comes to a point but not a spike on top. It STARTLED me in that it was totally unexpected.
*(MEANING: I sense this is about uploading all my chapters for ‘I Strip for God Part 3’ into a manuscript, & started more editing yesterday. Therefore it represents MY BOOK, THE BIOGRAPHY, Part 3 of I Strip for God.
The shape & STYLE of the car is similar to the most ancient of cars, the Model T Ford. But it is as if BRAND NEW from the MANUFACTURER, as if made of shiny black ENAMEL, it’s RADIANT & seems JOYFUL in its appearance. I shall ask Mother God why is it a Model T? Why is it black? Why the ornament on top that reminds me of a war helmet?
MOTHER GOD: The Model T is your long ago life, from the earliest times, & the symbols of black & the war helmet decoration are saying ‘This was my BATTLE in life, where I fought unto death. I was KILLED {black is funeral here, psychological death} but I ROSE FROM THE DEAD {eternal ornament on top – the car is not dull or decayed or deteriorated, it is LIKE NEW, like your LIVING LIFE. You are LIKE NEW, a NEW PERSON, RADIANT & JOYFUL.}
You have just given a good account of what you went through & survived, & became a success, a great story.
The dream is telling you your life is WELL DONE & the ACCOUNT OF IT IS ALSO.)*
ME: Why does it suddenly appear from the back gate, not from the street, the rail road track road, but the back gate?
MOTHER GOD: It has something to do with PRIVACY. This is the privacy fence, 8′ tall, & this is the gate at the end of it. You have taken your PRIVATE MEMOIRS & made a book out of it, & it’s good.
The SUDENNESS of it is God was fueling your mind as you wrote the chapters, it was not hard or tedious, it JUST APPEARED in a sense, when something has gone quickly & smoothly.
The ROOF of the car, being like a HELMET with the decoration is saying, ‘I WENT THROUGH A GREAT WAR & I WAS VICTORIOUS.’ Your chapters are the BATTLES – battle with Mom & family, battle with the Putz NutOn, battle with Rev. Swaggart & two death curses, battle with your first husband who strangled you twice, & many anecdotes are the BATTLES.)*
…………………………………….
BRIDGE OF 69
Another quick scene. A rounded bridge in the middle of the country, {where you have to drive up, soft ascension, plateau on top {but seems round}, then down again the other side.} I see green trees all around, perhaps beyond the bridge golden fields, & on top of it a sign, round, which gives the letters 69 – Which gives the name of the bridge, ‘bridge 69.’
*(BRIDGE 69: A bridge is an OPPORTUNITY or VENUE to get over an impediment – like a chasm, a river, a lake, etc. A bridge makes it easier to get from one place to another, it’s an ENABLER.
69 represents PERFECTION. It’s akin to the triangle or square. Sixty nine in SEX is where ONE SERVICES THE OTHER AT THE SAME TIME, so it is like ‘one hand washes the other’ or one act serves both sides or both purposes.
Dreams in a row often represent the SAME SUBJECT. By that it hints to me this is also ABOUT THE BOOK, that it will be a PERFECT BRIDGE or will SEGUEY INTO SOMETHING I WANT TO GET TO – to wit, the MOVIE OF MY LIFE.
The SIGN giving the number has a GREEN BORDER – green is LIFE, PROSPERITY, ABUNDANCE. This ROUND SIGN also looks like the PORCELAIN SIGN outside my front door, which someone had made for me, saying ‘Our Lady’s House.’ It’s also framed with green. So indeed, this is about THE STORY OF MY LIFE.
The GREEN TREES are life, abundance, the ‘Trees of Life’, & the golden fields on the other side of the bridge are the WHEAT which is READY TO BE HARVESTED – in other words, a CROP, REWARD, FRUITFULNESS awaiting me.)*
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THE DINNER, THE GUESTS
There is some sort of gathering with rather distinguished people. We are all in a room. Then someone invites us to dinner & all go in, including me. I am given a sort of omelets, which has greens in it, like fresh chives or pieces of chopped green pepper. It’s OK but not remarkable.
Around the table all the distinguished people are eating. Across from me is an important man, & I see he has a real treat, it’s what is called ‘poor boy’ sandwich but laden with goodies, like I saw on TV yesterday on ‘Diners, Dives & Drive ins.’
On the TV show this sandwich/bun had two meats, one a home-made sausage & two, some kind of beef brisquet, had two kinds of sauces & some kind of vegetable chopped thingy – the host felt it was amazing. So I think the other guests are getting food that is better than mine. I felt I was an inferior guest in the eyes of the world, but at least, I was invited. I was happy for them.
*(IMPORTANT GUESTS, DINNER ETC: This sounds like prayers I made yesterday for Souls in Purgatory – yes, they are important.
The HINT was the POOR BOY SANDWICH – they are called ‘Poor Souls in Purgatory’ & this is saying there was one SPECIAL MALE SOUL that benefitted from my prayer.
I also receive a blessing, not remarkable, but OK, after all, I am not as important {or needy} as the Poor souls – haha. FOOD in dreams is often NOURISHMENT FOR THE SOUL, metaphysical food.)*
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IN MARIO’S ROOM
I’m in Mario’s room & there’s a man close to me who’s waiting for an important message/call from a lady. I am making the tiny bed against the wall, putting two small blankets on it, one is medium soft fake fur, blue, underneath something neutral.
As I do this from the left corner comes the call he’s been waiting for. It’s on an old-fashioned land line with a spiral cord, neutral beige plastic, I pick it up, it’s the lady, & I hand it over to the guy who is by the exit door. I imagine this pleases him, he was waiting for something, I was glad to help.
*(MARIUS ROOM: ALWAYS means ‘separation.’ It’s a personal vocabulary, the man my Mom left Dad with, broke up our family, I lost my Father whom I loved so much, eventually, Marius also was gone. It’s separation, maybe heartbreak.
There’s a friend of mine waiting here, a man, who WANTS to get a call from a SPECIAL WOMAN. (Sense-image material is yesterday I saw a pic of the Queen of England making her own phone call on a spiral phone, this could be saying this lady is as important to him as a Queen. The Queen is OLD, like me.} And the fact that it’s an OLD FASHIONED LAND LINE FROM ‘LONG AGO’ is a lady who has not contacted him for a long time.
I sense this is my ex-lover Robert waiting for me to contact him, hoping for it. My God Self is the dreamer, my flesh is I guess the caller, & somehow she {I} calls him. It could be an article on my site he’s reading or a dream or some sort of psychic call as I’ve done nothing.
The fact that he’s by the EXIT DOOR is he wants to EXIT or END our separation.
Me putting the blue fur blanket on the SINGLE BED is his sorrow about being on a SINGLE BED, not one for TWO – him & me. Somehow I’ve reached him, don’t know how. My God Self helped, could be my God Self contacted him.)*
College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized
HOW SATAN POSSESSES
HOW SATAN INFILTRATES/POSSESSES
3-29-21 Devil Takes Too Much Away via my White Caddy
The end of this dream was so troubling I could not function until I write it down & interpret.
In the end, my boy friend appears as ‘The Putz’ – a con artist from way back who is ALWAYS Satan. He borrows my white Cadillac, in the dream it’s the old Eldorado sort of, that I don’t think I really need as I have a newer, better car. The Eldorado was just sitting there for ‘years’ on the side of the road, facing down from the house, toward villages, not the town I go to. So it was not functioning.
*(MAKING OFF WITH MY CAR – A BIG MISTAKE ON MY PART TO LET HIM ‘BORROW’ IT: Wow, did this trouble me. But after an hour of hanging around, thinking, I picked up the answer. This is when I was with my ex lover doing SEX & I was so into it, it became he was me, I was he, we PHYSICALLY melted into one, became one. But this was not SPIRITUAL. His chubbiness as well as dark skin says THIS IS THE FLESH, this is not God as much later, you were wed mystically/spiritually – but this is BEFORE THAT when you LOST YOUR SOUL so to speak – you lost your identity with God, intimacy, closeness, the tender love of God – all was TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU BY SATAN.
This is the awful DREAD you feel as you see him driving UP the road WITH YOUR CAR. Your car represents something extremely important. It’s as if someone took from you your CELL PHONE {all the info}, or your KEYS {all the access}, or your COMPUTER {info & access}. All these represent things of importance that you must have. This car represents your PURE HEART – the RELATIONSHIP OF INTIMACY WITH GOD, which Satan, in a sense CONNED YOU OUT OF.
You didn’t see SEX with this man as allowing SATAN to take over. But through sex, the evil one infiltrated your life & now was TAKING AWAY something of great importance, with DIRE CONSEQUENCES looming ahead. Satan, after all is nothing good, no good intentions, no fruitfulness, a liar from the first & always, a con man, evil doer & has no redemption whatsoever. And now he got hold of something CRITICALLY IMPORTANT that you have, & it’s IN HIS CONTROL. How sneaky Satan is, working through ordinary activities like sex, or business, or friendship, anything to get close, & when you become ONE it’s all over, you are robbed. In this dream you become aware what he did.
Me to Mother God: If Robert had been a good man, close to God, & we became one, would this SATAN thingy have occurred? Or is it because he was possessed by numerous demons?
MOTHER GOD: It works both ways. First, no man, including a man of God, should take you away from the God within. It isn’t likely that a man of God would do that to you – see the Holy Virgin with St Joseph – he didn’t take her away from God; he helped her bring God’s Avatar into the world. St. Joseph did not CONSUME the Holy Mary’s soul even though they were ‘one’ in the love of God. So it is not likely that any man of God, least of all a saint, would take a person AWAY from God. If they become ONE or bonded, they are one in the bond of holiness, not merely flesh, but they are one in the HIGHER REALM.
Now take this man Robert you were dealing with. He was possessed by so many demons it could make your head swim. So you become ONE with him through sex & physical infatuation & voila, you are ATTACKED by his demons constantly, relentlessly, day in, day out, week & month in & out. They are EXHAUSTING you, diverting you, derailing you away from God. You can’t keep your mind on God when fighting a monumental struggle.
You don’t notice it at first, but one day, you become AWARE of what has happened – that you can no longer function as the intimate ONE WITH GOD – he’s taken away the capacity, you are ‘in love’ or addicted to him like an addict for drugs – he has CONTROL over you; your mind & body. The white car represents how he’s taken this away – you can call it CAPACITY or SOUL POWER, or MIND & HEART. He controls your mind, feelings & consciousness, you are SUNK by the demonic, the evil forces called Satan, you are a GONER. In this dream you re-experience how dreadful that was.
Since this man was, perhaps still is, possessed by so many demons, of course he’d take you where you don’t want to go – represented by wrecking or smacking up the car. Does he have a license or permission? No, not really, it’s a CON JOB – he did not appear declaring ‘Here I am, Satan disguised as a handsome, sexy man’. Or ‘here I am, see my demons?’ Not, humans wear a mask, whatever it is; it could take time to see beneath it. And so, he took you over without you knowing what you were getting into – a theft, a con job, a ruse, deception, all that is evil. Getting FREE was a trip!)*
Therefore, when he asks to borrow it, I don’t think much of it, I say OK. Now as I watch him, driving rather slowly & carefully, up the road toward town, I realize my BLUNDER. What have I done?
First, I did not even check if he had a LICENSE. Second, he is headed TO TOWN where I sense he’s up to NO GOOD – looking for other women – maybe drugs. Third, my insurance is on this car, not sure if I designated another driver, {I should have told him I can’t let him borrow the car as my insurance doesn’t allow another driver but at the time, I couldn’t think of any excuse} & does he even know HOW TO DRIVE? Long ago as soon as I let the Putz borrow my white Corvette, he SMACKED IT UP! And so will Putz now smack up this car? And my insurance could skyrocket. As I see him drive up the road a sense of terrible FOREBODING overtakes me & I go, ‘mistake, mistake, mistake.’
Prior to that, the last scene I was with an unknown man. He was somewhat pudgy, dark skinned, & I was sucking his dick, which was of a good size & I had my whole self into it, feeling strange, like this was MY BODY as well as his. This went on for a long time, involved, & a powerful vision.
*(HAVE SEX WHERE WE BECOME ONE: This is how he infiltrated/possessed you.)*
Prior to that the scenes were more innocent. It started with a guy who had a tail like a dinosaur, hanging behind him maybe 8-10′. The tail is black, gnarled, deflated, shiny like you would imagine the skin of a reptile, & he is DRAGGING IT AROUND & we’re all thinking he needs SURGERY to get this un-needed appendage removed. It’s a feeling like something happened to cause this tail & it has to be fixed.
*(LIKE A DINOSAUR WITH DEFLATED LONG TAIL, REPTILIAN: This has TWO MEANINGS. First, it’s Robert denied access to you with his big, long dick. The BLACKNESS is the FUNERAL or NO MORE – also the LACK OF GRACE or God-participation in the affair at this time–God being more or less blocked off. The deflation is NO MORE HARDON accepted by you, his EGO DEFLATED.
Second, it’s the SATANIC or REPTILIAN now also denied, walking around without ability or power, an appendage of no use, needs a doctor to get it fixed as he is ‘extinct’ from your life, maybe even the life of Robert.
{Indeed, if the demons are gone from Robert through your intercession then this is the big light at the end of the tunnel, hope & help is on the way, it bodes togetherness not far off. It also begs the question that by what devise did Robert get un-possessed? Is it by the God Power I had to re-generate, that is, having this terrible Cross put upon me, say 30 demons, then having to dis-possess MYSELF of them, which then automatically left Robert? I believe this MAKES SENSE & it certainly makes me happy.})*
Then there’s scenes about this guy I was thinking about yesterday, who is the partner of my ex lover, in ‘monkey business.’ It was the ‘monkey’ part of the business I wondered about. I was asking his Mom how he got his decent car – it’s a black sports car – & did she buy it for him & she says ‘No, he saved up & bought it.’
The scenes surrounding my questions seem sort of innocent & I am assured it’s alright. Then the bad scenes came up – as explained in front.
*(THE GUY I WAS THINKING ABOUT, MONKEY BUSINESS WITH ROBERT: I need to ask Mother God, as this is murky.
MOTHER GOD: You are speaking with HIS MOTHER which is the God within him. You are asking this Holy Person if She gave Monkey the SPORTS CAR. The CAR he has represents his BUSINESS WITH ROBERT. And so you are saying ‘Is this of God – will it succeed?’
She answers, ‘No, it is NOT OF GOD – I did not give this enterprise to him, it’s his own effort.’ And so the answer is, if God has not initiated & sanctioned this, it’s not likely to succeed – which you knew already from long ago.
The questions about this partner are there’s nothing big going on; instead you review the calamity of your own life being involved with Robert.)*
