1-7-25 Ascension Young Male {ps – the model is black but this person was not}
I was somewhere with people I seemed to know; they were sort of like “ghetto’ dwellers like I used to associate with as a cougar.
There’s one young male here who likes me – I don’t feel anything special for him but he comes closer to me for some reason. He’s dressed in a fashionable way – a loose cotton shirt, buttoned front, with short sleeves – the shirt is stiff & not form fitting, & the pants are the same – red cotton stiff material, maybe the pants go just below the knees – an unusual fashion but in the dream, this is stylish & he wanted to look good to impress me.
So he does come real close to me & we are hugging each other – it feel great – an exchange of love & he says,
“I’m crazy about you”
When he got closer to me he fell in love.
Then I see him moved away siting facing bme & his outfit is completely different. It’s a soft pink top, knitted, with matching bottom you can see the weave of the knit, it’s puffy, hard to explain, made in layers, very feminine.
Oh yes almost forgot. This might be a real person I met long ago during ‘those day’ of cougering because I am thinking maybe it’s good this boy is in love with me as it’ll make Nick jealous. {End}
MEANING:
*{Definitely an Ascension! This young male comes close to me in the garment of suffering. After being close & we’re exchanging love –his outfit changes. The red is SUFFERING, the pink is JOY. Clothing is the metaphysical / spiritual energy around us. Suffering is Purgatory – but after he receives my energy / Grace – his suffering turns to JOY. He enters Heaven! But notice he comes to me – he opens his heart, he welcomes my energy, so he receives it. It cannot be forced on anyone or given against their will. Hurrah!}* {End}
I had a significant dream that Betty Jane is in this night – it’ll take time to type out & analyze. You know my books on Purgatory & dreams are a huge part of my life – my ability to interpret is strong. Sometimes the dreams are easy but some aspects take days until I get what they are. I believe this dream centers around how Betty felt I BETRAYED her & was not the HEROIC SAINT she needed. She wanted me to be her PARENT with the type of love St Mother Teresa of Calcutta had – but I was unable to fulfill this, so she stopped ‘looking up’ to me, lol.
As far as keeping this book a secret, WHY? If you herald it it may bring forth people who knew her or met her & have anecdotes. IMO you could make a site on Face book for instance, using her name, & call on people who knew her to come forth.
Let’s not take our books too seriousy, like the world is watching what we do & yearns to buy them. People don’t buy nor read too many these days, it’s almost a dying art. That’s why I’m putting many of my PDF’S on my site – so people will read them. So instead of a few books a year sold – I now have about 300 people a week accessing each book. I am not about making $$$ on my books – it’ a mission to Truth. To make money I use the stock market. To teach, edify, counsel, I use language.
As far as partying – no – she was a serious person as I am. {The ‘party’ times I did downtown were at the Command of God – not my cup of tea. When it was over I was greatly relieved & do not look back at these days as the best of my life. Much needs to be said about this. Why did the Almighty want this – to empower other women – as I set the example for old women not to limit themselves?}
What I see you doing with Betty is helping remove the STIGMA from the adult trade, including prostitution. She was very brave to speak of her experiece with this – she was smashed for it. Let us heal & restore her image.
I was friends for years with Fr. DePaul Genska, the Priest of Prostitutes. He taught a course at Catholic Theological Union–Chicago & did not just speak from a pulpit or desk. He took people out on ‘the stroll’ where the ladies worked. He said ‘Why not invite a prostitute to dinner?’
He gave me a copy of his SYLLABUS which I will some day publish along with other writings to support the Cause.
My Aunt accused me of being disgusting because I ‘sold my body.’ Fr. DePaul said, ‘And school teachers sell their brains.’
Part of our Cause for Matriarchy is bring back the Goddess aspect of sex. In the ancient Temples I suspect some of the women had intercourse with men as representatives of God – Tantra Sex – where they transmitted spirituality to the men through sex, & the men gave donations to the Temple. It was women Saints who invented Tantra Sex, as a way of using it to transmit the Holy Spirit. People recognized that women were higher beings spiritually than men – & by prolonged intimate contact with a woman her Grace would trickle into him until eventually he became Enlightened.
What happened to sex? Men got hold of it & degraded it – down to their own level. Instead of us bringing them up to ours, they dragged us down to theirs. It’s just their nature & it works for them to take away some of our Power – as we have great Power through sex.
They need us more than we need them – it was created that way. We are reproductive, they are not. Without us, there is no human race, without them, the race goes on. This is the future – “A World without Men” by Dr. Bryan Sykes.
It was important to men to degrade sex & therefore us so they could somehow stand tall as the ‘might makes right’ heroes. They refuse to acknowledge how needy they are for our attention & itimacy. They pretend everything is our fault – from the Fall of Adam to the little child he says ‘tempted’ him or the innocent woman who ‘made him do it.’
Betty Jane has given the Patriarchs much material to get off on, to laugh at her, to show women up as being tramps & whores. But the other aspect – which is there – they conveniently ignore. They excised from Wikipedia all that is in the Rialto article about me & our work for Holy Mary. Even though this is not as thorough as it could be – they still removed what good there was.
This is why I greatly fear men writing my history. I have had one crew start filming a documentary but when I saw all they wanted was sex we parted ways.
Featured image is the renowned dancer / courtesan La Belle Otero
La Belle Otero – At age 30 she had 5 KINGS sitting around the table in her house while she danced naked on top of it There is actually a MOVIE – just a minute or two – in like 1890 of her dancing in a club – stunning looks & movements She made a fortune – millions – & lost it all in the casinos of Monte Carlo – or was it Paris? – where she retired on a small pension in a little apt in an ordinary hotel, lived to 97 – She was the greatest sensation of her time – along with Lillian Russell – both in the adult trade but another level – dated the aristocrats & royalty – who paid in diamonds, rubies, emeralds & gold
Imagine a porno company – look at their movies – writing your life story. Each person sees from their POV, their level. These type guys level is SO LOW they’ll have to dig up to bury them.
The word isn’t all evil – look at the great movie ‘Miracle of Fatima’ & many others – they criticize the old studio system, but they made Masterpieces.
One more thing: I got this idea of opening tiny storefront ‘Churches’ or hospitality resting places in Red Light Districts or the areas where women walk the streets making a living. We’ll have an image of Our Holy Mother in the window, but there will be a sign “Women only Church – safe space for women – no men allowed.” Inside will be coffee/tea, donuts, sandwiches, simple snacks made on an electric plate or oven toaster – hot dogs, grilled cheese, hamburger etc. And there will be a representative of our Church – books {mine} pamphlets for them to read. The teacher/Priestess will explain our Church & what it stands for & this will be a welcome mat for ‘marginalized/mislabeled’ women. We’ve all ‘been there-done that.’ We teach & preach to these women & some of them will join our Church, & when we have one our Order….Of course we might have to have security like an officer of ours with a big dog & a taser in case pimps or bullies try to break in.
The Man Whisperer – How an Old Lady Snags Young Men for Sex – 300 images – mostly beautiful nude males plus females
This book is the capstone of the life work of Kellie Everts / Rasa Von Werder. It describes how in the evening of her life, age 63 to 74, she embarked, at the command of God, on an errand to ‘quit celibacy stop suffering, go out & have fun.’ When she declined, wishing to continue 30 years of abstinence, she was told ‘If you don’t do this, you will be outside the will of God.’ And so it went, eleven years to an area of her city where the college students hung. She laughed, drank, dated, hated & loved. She gives how to find them – what to expect – what will happen – who to avoid – the traps, the pitfalls, the situations you’ll pray to get out of. At one point she became a photographer of gorgeous males – for years, she hired muscular young guys from an internet agency, wining, dining, frolicking & most of all, taking pictures – which are featured in this book – 300 images, most in color! For you who have never done this or perhaps not as intensely, you’ll be surprised, delighted & shocked at the adventures & misadventures, the joys & griefs of going out with random young males. Ratch up your courage, for this’ll be a humpy ride. Rasa also reviews her life as the one & only Stripper for God, the Progenitor of Modern Competitive body building, pictures of her as a dominatrix, beauty Queen & Hollywood starlet age 20. Surprising will be nude images of her in shape at 66! This book is also noted for the sense of humor, the witticisms, the hilarious captions to curious photos, the Ducky Dictionary based on sex, the lines she used to get the guys – you’ll laugh all through the book. You’ll show it to friends saying ‘You won’t believe this!’
This happened over a week ago but I have not had the time/energy to type this or any other dreams for over a week.
It was so startling, with Nick {twin flame, husband now dead but united to me}I it – the dream told A LOT.
I’m in this room – Is it the bathroom? Brushing my teeth I guess beause Nick has gone into the bedroom & seems to be waiting for me & is asking,
“have you finished brushing your teeth?”
I seem to be eager to go into the bedroom make love with him.
I walk into the room – it’s real bright. Nick is on his right side snuggled up with a blanket on top of him which is whitish fur on the inside & a luminous off white light gray on the outside – it’s a foot thick!
To the right is the wall facing outside with two windows with white transparent curtains over them – the widow are plain, both the same size, not large. And it being so bright I am thinking of going to them & pulling down the shades.
But my first thought is all that white, & the windows & the curtains or VEILS – all signs of Ascension, so I just blurt out to Nick,
“Have you ascended?”
He’s annoyed & irritated & answers,
“I should have for all I’ve just been through lately!” {End}
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
MEANING:
*{This dream tells several things, one, I was close to death. Two, Nick, who is with me, will Ascend the same time I do – & three – I & he with me – will not go to Purgatory but straight to Heaven. And four – he is spoiled, not used to suffering. He was a drug addict & got out of his pains by drugging himself – he could not take suffering & still can’t. That shows he isn’t cleansed.
The brightness of the room & two windows with veils shows these were waiting to take us up. The way he is lying down is the way I finally – after two years on my back – laid down on my right side to avoid some abdominal discomfort – & the blanket on him is just like what I used when I sat up that night except mine was thin. So he is ‘inside’ me so to speak or feeling the same experiences. But he can’t take it – this shows me.
When he asks if I had got done brushing my teeth he’s asking if I’ve wised up re the medication.}*
Brushing Teeth
This dream will explain to me that I had to learn & realize it was ME that brought me to death’s door – by cutting my diuretic, Bumetanide, in half, now going on five months!
I had reasons: feeling faint from dehydration & occasional but terrible leg cramps at night – again, from dehydration.
The feeling faint was the scariest.
But this brought me to dire straits – which at first I did not realize I caused it. I started feeling as I had after the initial 3 heart attacks in 2017 – terrible symptoms that felt I was going to die.
As I brush my teeth in this dream I see sort of translucent scrambled eggs being cleansed out of them – & they stink. A scientist has taken a cup of these items & is holding them up high in this transparent cup, smelling them. I tell him it’s an awful smell, how can he stand it?
But he says he can, he’s figuring what it is by the smell.
It’s more like flossing than brushing actually. {End}
MEANING
*{The teeth represent WISDOM/understanding in this context & it is when I realized I had done myself in by decreasing the bumetanide medication by half.
Another person seen as a scientist is SENSING what’s wrong with me. He must be instrumental in SHOWING ME what I’m doing wrong.}*
A Great Healer Comes to Me
I am in a car which is painted black on the outside. It’s a kind of average car, not too long or fancy, just an ordinary car, more round in shape than square or long.
I’m sitting in the back seat of this car while there’s a man in front. He I think was in the driver’s seat but now he turns around & faces me & we are touching somehow which is like caressing or kissing but it’s totally spiritual & I can feel the Spirit, not the flesh. Now it progresses & he’ going to climb over the seat & get on top of me & do some regular sex I imagine but I don’t see it.
He & the car scene disappear & all I see is a vision – a vision so clear as if I am looking with my physical eyes at something physical. This type vision I’ve only had maybe twice before in my entire life. And it goes on for minutes – it seems maybe 3 minutes.
I see something like a salmon fillet curled into a ball with a hole inside which seems like a symbol of my vagina that this Saint is going to do something with. It isn’t clear & neat, it’s kind of messy & not smooth & there is something black there in a spot & then there’s this white stuff that’s like small white crumbs resting inside. I stare & stare.
Sense image material is I saw a movie last night “Billy & Molly – an Otter Love Story.”
At one point the wife calls a vet & says the otter – Molly – doesn’t look well & her tummy is swollen, she needs medicine. She get the medicine, takes a large fish carcass that looks maybe like salmon but it has a spine & both sides have flaps. She puts this white crumb mix into the flax, takes it to Molly & says she will feel better – & Molly gets well.
This was the day I started getting well as I began taking the full dose of the strong diuretic – bumetanide, it was Nov. 10. {End}
MEANING:
*{the CAR is a HEARSE. I’v been praying ike crazy since this malady hit me. And a Saint has come to heal me. “Making love” in spiritual terms, which includes kissing, touching & intercourse, is the transmission of spiritual energy.
The size of the car is vague. Does it mean ‘it would not have been long?’ Or just an average time before death had there been no healing – say a few months {if I had not gone to the hospital.}
The white crumbs inside the fish are the white pills {bumetanide} that I had to take more of to get well. And the VISION tells me how CLEAR God had to make that to me – make no mistake, this is it – DO IT!}*
Re the New Religion & its Order for Women – a Matriarchy
Idea for Order – part of it or one Nuance of it: “Women Escaping Violence” – WEV {We’ve or Weave – like women together or women were always the weavers & spinners}
This gives us the reason why we are sequestered – private – safe space – denying men access – denying men leadership – etc because we are ESCAPING men. So how could we escape them & then grant them access? That is also why we make them go through fine tooth combs to gain admittance to our social gatherings. And our religious gatherings for them are also monitored & from time to time, not every day like for the females.
This will then make sense to the press & the community – why we are like we are. Instead of claiming superiority – which we do believe in – we speak of the members who have been raped & under threat of violence from men. Or likewise – their children are under threat. So we have to take the greatest precautions to protect them. Then apologies why we have armed officers {not armed with guns but other weapons like tasers, black jacks, maces, brass kuckles} – guard dogs – gates & all the other precautions will not be necessary – we are NOT SORRY we take all these steps – they are a necessity.
Dream: 11-30-20-Visit Lover on Street – He’s Unsure
I’m with my small daughter, she’s like 7 yrs old, & the idea is I don’t relish ‘baby sitting’ but I have to do it as there’s no one else, & I have to admit she’s a good child. *(DAUGHTER: My flesh. My flesh is a good child – obedient to to God Self. Seven years old is an innocent soul.)*
We’re in Bklyn on Grand St – the street is active, alive, filled with people. We’ve not been out for a long time, we relish the thought of being out among folks.
*(THE STREET: Implies INFORMATION WILL BE GIVEN, ‘what is the word on the street?)*
*(B’KLYN, GRAND ST: This might announce a CHANGE or SHIFT – as B’klyn was the place of monumental changes; Seeing God Face to Face & then, Divine Stigmata.
Being ‘with people’ might hint at ‘this will be a revelation ABOUT PEOPLE. And Grand St, does that say it’s about their PRIDE? Or is it just a coincidence, as this was the street in existence there at the time {name has been changed to Borinquen.})*
We go to the very end of the street, & there, unexpectedly, on the opposite side is my lover Bob. I was NOT planning to approach him, speak to him, or in any way take the active part in getting us together – not even planning to ask him anything, but I override my decision on that & begin to speak to him. He says,
“I HAVE BEEN DOING RESEARCH” & “BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”
*(BEEN DOING RESEARCH: This means ON ME. He’s been trying to find me to no avail as the next sentence explains.)* I say,
“I’VE BEEN SICK.”
*(I’VE BEEN SICK: In the context of this dream, this could be saying, ‘I have been sick at heart from our separation.)*
He seems to be CRIPPLED as he sits on the sidewalk, cannot walk at all, & I tell him, *(HE’S CRIPPLED: In the context of this dream he has been DISABLED re our relationship or how to keep it going. Sitting, not walking on the sidewalk curb, is like ‘bench warming’ – he could not find me downtown for the last over a year.)*
“I NOW WALK WITH A LIMP.”
*(LIMP VS CRIPPLED: I am not crippled as far as our relationship, but I have a slight ‘impediment’ or handicap. I can still function within our union – possibly this vision / revelation shows how I can function, I can discover things through spiritual vision.)* Then I say,
“DO YOU WANT ME?”
He sits in front of me rather puzzled & says, “I DON’T KNOW.”
*(I DON’T KNOW: He is CONFUSED as to his true feelings. He doesn’t know what he feels deep in his heart.)*
After a while – I say,
“WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?”
At this point he’s standing before me, tall, looking about 16 yrs old, with a white knitted shirt with pointed collar. And I add,
“MAYBE I SHOULD GO DO THAT”
meaning kill myself – I just said this to see his reaction.
*(WHAT WOULD HE DO IF I DIED – MAYBE I SHOULD DO THAT? is not really about physical suicide, it’s saying what would you do if I disappeared from your life completely? Maybe I should end it. His appearance as a 16 yr old boy in white, standing above me is his DEPENDENCE, NEED OF A MOTHER – HE WANTS MARRIAGE WITH ME AS I AM THAT TRUE MOTHER. Standing above me might be saying, “I need you, I am in need of you as my maternal source, & so, I cannot allow you to lead me as you might leave me if you have control. That’s why I must DOMINATE {stand above} you.)*
Then a small girl appears to his left, in a type of ‘corner’ on the street above us. Her face is made up to look pretty, she is pretty, & she greets him & they kiss. She’s wearing a light blue chemise to her ankles, like a silky night dress, then she goes away. I take issue with this interruption, I feel he should not have acknowledged her, & I think they kissed on the lips, which bothered me even more. But she does go away & we continue talking.
*(GIRL IN BLUE KISSES HIM: His present gf kisses him good bye. How do I know? It seems because she’s in a CORNER on the street, above {like a vision in the air} appears, then disappears – corner is a predicament, like painting yourself into a corner or being ‘cornered’ & she’s also on the street surrounded by cement, which is tomb-like. Her blue chemise might also say ‘parting in such sweet sorrow. And the fact that it looks like a night dress says ‘no more sleeping together.’ This dream then predicts the end of her, but he will take up with a number of girls – which is not necessarily the end of us, just how it might be prior to our reunion.)*
Then we are sort of standing in the middle of the street among the crowd & a few young girls, a clique perhaps, engages his attention. He takes one of them by both hands, then turns her around dancing, where she’s in his arms, he behind her – a smooth move.
*(HOLDS GIRL IN A SMOOTH MOVE: It looks like he ‘takes up with’ or in a ‘smooth move’ snags or traps a girl into a relationship.)*
This for me ‘takes the cake’ – I am offended & decide, with my daughter, to walk away, & do so. We head back to our apt, where I drop off my little daughter & decide to go back to the street. *(TAKES THE CAKE – I AM FED UP WITH HIM: It bothers me that instead of contacting me – chasing me as it were – he takes up with yet another girl. This is either happening now or will happen, as it isn’t the old gf, Ruth, in his arms, it’s a new one.)*
As we were returning I asked her opinion, “DON’T YOU THINK THAT WHEN I WALKED AWAY, IF HE CARED, HE SHOULD HAVE CHASED AFTER ME?”
Daughter is now tall, looks down on me the way he did after I asked him what he would do if I died, her face is serious, eyes intent, but she GIVES NO ANSWER but I think she means yes, but doesn’t want to say it.
*(I ASK DAUGHTER, SHE BECOMES TALL LIKE HE WAS: My flesh might be saying, ‘Indeed, he should be chasing you/me but he isn’t & so that means, at this moment, unfortunately, he doesn’t care enough……….Maybe I have to be the aggressive one instead of waiting as we have agreed, waiting this long while, maybe I should do something, which goes against the God Self.” But my flesh says nothing, which again means my flesh will NOT go against the God Self, it only had a momentary doubt.)*
I leave my daughter back at the apt by herself & go back into the street, *(LEAVE DAUGHTER & RETURN TO ST. SOLO: This is a parting of ways, my God Self & flesh, the God Self is of course predominant & is the leader. At the moment my lower self rebelled ever so slightly, I left her behind but went on to the vision of what is. This reality is what Bob is doing with his life, & it isn’t good…… Nevertheless, it is NOT in the dream, but I will add here, that I will STAND BY the promises of God, who has said for eons that our union will occur & it will be permanent, & furthermore, we will be dating by March, 2021 again, & we will be living together by Sept 2022.)*
which has mostly emptied but there’s pockets of people here & there. I go to the end, where I see a tall young male wearing a white shirt.
*(WHITE SHIRT: in the context of this dream probably means seeing union or marriage in a relationship – that’s what this dream is about, so although white could mean other things, like purity of heart or innocence, always figure ‘context of dream’ as your guide.)*
He’s on the OPPOSITE side of the street where Joe & I were. I study his mannerisms because I can’t see his face clearly as he’s a half black away. His motions resemble Bob, moving around a lot a certain way, but his hair is dark black, with thick curls, his face more like Italian, not as handsome as Bob, a crude look. But he’s playing court with a bevy of people, some female, like being the ‘star’ in their circle. Where they are is next to a tall CHAIN LINK FENCE, but there’s a hole in it I think he moves through for one stunt – this is vague. He just moves around a lot.
*(NOT BOB, A DIFFERENT GUY, MORE LIKE ITALIAN, CRUDE, NOT AS HANDSOME, HOLDING COURT, NEAR A CHAIN LINK FENCE, OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ST. TO WHERE WE WERE, HOLE IN THE FENCE HE GETS THROUGH FOR A STUNT:
This IS Bob – he’s CHANGED from the grieving lover to a lower level {crude} his soul NOT BEAUTIFUL AS IT WAS – No longer listening to his HEART or Higher Self – wanting me. He has gone THE OPPOSITE WAY {in attitude} to where he forgets me, pursues others. He was ‘hemmed in’ before {the chain link fence} as a ‘prisoner of love’ but he FOUND A HOLE {LOOPHOLE} where he can ESCAPE FROM HIS PAIN & that is by holding court, having fun with his friends, male & female, or carrying on as a ‘free man’.
Obviously this change will disappoint me. I know he has to go through suffering & make the right choice – God & me, but he has found a loophole against this & is giving in to the lower self, the flesh, which cannot bring him permanent happiness. It’s like ‘the prodigal son’ who left home with his inheritance as he thought it would make him happy, but it did not, this is giving into the lower self which will always crash.)*
As I gaze at him, an ancient man, like 80 years old, face & nose wrinkled, comes up to me & starts chatting. He notices the guy I’ve been watching & says something about him. I ask him the guy’s name – he says something like ‘Ions Bong’. I say,
“OH, THAT’S NOT THE MAN I LIKE.”
*(NOT THE MAN: I don’t like his attitude.)*
Old man says,
“HE’S BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE, NOW HE’S BACK, HE’S POPULAR.” *(BEEN GONE: Apparently absent mentally from his ‘friends’ but now returned to ‘the scene of the slime.’ Most of his friends are lowlife drug addicts, losers & petty criminals.)* But the old guy bugs me. I YELL,
“STOP STALKING ME. GET OUT OF HERE!”
The point is, the old man is attracted to me, wants me for himself, is jealous, & he’s INTERFERING with my life & privacy. So I MUST just get rid of him.
*(OLD MAN STALKING ME, EXPLAINING THIS ‘NEW GUY’ WHO IS NOT REALLY NEW BUT THE OLD MAN INTERFERES & BUGS ME – I GET RID OF HIM:
I suspect this is my good ole’ friend Bugsy. Have been taking him out on my errands & having dinner with him the last two months. I was once mad at him for saying Bob didn’t love me. His appearance in this dream is twofold: Somehow he’s part of the vision of Bob’s new, diminished attitude. This is because he agrees with it – that Bob doesn’t love me – Bugsy is in love with me, wants me for himself & this says he’s stalking me, interfering with my life & privacy. He might be a thorn in my side, why he’s used here, because he’s against my relationship with Bob, & so, in a sense, he’s against ME.
Yesterday he refused to go out with me – not for any bad reason, just being tired possibly – but this says for me to remove him from my life. I will not invite him any more to go places with me. The dream shows my inner feeling toward him, that he doesn’t ENHANCE my life, he’s an IRRITANT.)*
Have never had a dream like this! I’m at my porch at the house when here comes up from the lane a big gorilla. He walks like a man & has a small waist, other than that, he looks just like the ‘silverbacks’ – huge head, shoulders, arms & legs – I don’t see his back but they call mature males ‘silverbacks’ because the hair on their backs turns silver.
*(GORILLA: Is the lover Jim. This is his ‘lower self’ or instinctive, primitive part. This is his acting on BASIC INSTINCTS, & having FEAR like a wild animal. This might be saying that his behavior has been that of an animal trying to survive, you have to be careful with him because when his fear is aroused he reacts violently. You are trying to acclimate him slowly, get him used to being near you, not to provoke his fear.)*
The gorilla strides in purposefully – He reminds me of Shabani, a famous one in Japan who is loved by the ladies because he looks & acts so human.
He walks right up to my porch & parks himself on a railing, which is solid, painted white, it has this decoration that is just like what I have around my doors inside my house, which I had my carpenter fix – they look like Grecian columns on the top, under the cornice. The top of this ‘railing’ or fence is quite wide, plenty of room for a seat – might be two feet wide.
*(PLACE WHERE HE SITS: There are several signs here which say ‘marriage,’ & ‘permanence.’
The fact that he arrives – comes to me & ‘purposefully’ says he wants to be with me. The porch, especially the fence where he sits, is white, which says marriage.
The decoration under the top {where he sits} is like that underneath a Grecian column – this would put him as a fixture on top of a column. A column is a SUPPORTING PILLAR so this could be saying he’s a strong fixture here – with me. It seems like it’s only a porch, but there is a reference to this design being INSIDE my house by two of my doors. And so this hearkens to ‘I want to be inside with you, in your house, in a relationship.’)*
What I have to master here is my FEAR. I’ll call him Shabani. I have to be totally RELAXED & not AFRAID. My immediate human reaction is fear, just as I once felt with the bears, but when I habituated the bears, they got over their fear of me & I got over mine.
*(FEAR: What is my fear? It’s of HIM HURTING ME. This says tread slowly, carefully not to FRIGHTEN HIM as he reacts from a primitive instinct of violence. {This is not acted out literally – he does not, in real life, hit anyone or do anything physically violent, but he acts out to me in a REVENGEFUL manner when I did things to make him jealous.} This explains the motive of his brutal actions toward me, the cold heartedness—apparently it is fear based.)*
I put great effort into totally relaxing & not being afraid, as that is the KEY to what? To having him here & him NOT HURTING ME while I host his presence. I did try to touch him a couple times – I have to be careful how I do that, one step at a time, slowly, because he might react in a bad way if he’s frightened. When I touched him I felt his nails/claws, don’t want those claws mauling me.
So as we sit here my associates, as they come up, will misunderstand the situation & be eager to kill him because they think he’s dangerous. I particularly see my sister coming up & she’s holding like a basket & in it is a young female, like her child, but a fully-formed human but she’s small enough to be carried like an infant, & I also think she has a gun, which she might instantly point at Shabani & kill him – as she thinks I’m in danger.
I gently but quickly caution her not to shoot him, I am alright with him, he won’t hurt me, I’m acclimating him to be near me. And we are near, close enough, arm’s length – to touch each other. He doesn’t do anything, just sits there like he belongs here.
*(SISTER: My pragmatic self. She looks at Lover Jim & his behavior & wants to INSTANTLY END THE RELATIONSHIP – so do my other associates or personalities. They do not want him to hurt or kill me – as a gorilla could do. His appearance as a gorilla also explains his POWER OVER ME IN THE PAST – he had the ability to kill me because I loved him so much & he was cruel, cold & uncaring when he wanted to be. This is a recipe for great harm—people die of broken hearts. And so, all the logical, pragmatic parts of me are thinking of removing him from my life.
But my God Self, the dreamer, has another solution. She has discerned what his behavior is based on – instinctive fear like a wild animal. What does he fear? The same thing I fear – being hurt. He fears my leaving him, not loving him, not caring. When I did stunts to make him jealous this exacerbated his fear & he LASHED OUT from the primitive self, he did not reason it out & do things he should have done, he was like the guy who injures his female when he suspects her of wrong doing. Of course he did this psychologically, not physically.
This dream solves a problem, explains his cruelty. No matter what his behavior, I must not be afraid of him hurting me. I can handle this truth now, as I am no longer in ‘crazy love’ or ‘obsessive’ about him, I am relaxed & becoming more so. Two people cannot both be uptight, anxious & afraid in the relationship – one must be in control, & that one must be me. He is the wild animal, I am the God.
The dream does portray that he loves me, wants to be with me permanently. Being a ‘silverback’ also bodes the ‘forever’ silver wedding anniversary.)*
There is some sort of date / meeting with my ex-best friend, lawyer Jim. He seems to be well off, in a good social place as we meet – a good catch for marriage.
His Mom is a part of this. I’m talking to her confidentially off to the side, as she sits on a fence of sorts. She feels shaky about the meeting, but I assure her,
“We have to meet to settle this – even if we break up we must meet.”–{Words approx.}
She’s thin, dressed in a yellowy with charcoal grey dress like from the old days style, seems WORN OUT– Like people you see in the depression, young parents thin & wrinkled from overwork & poverty. Her hair is medium long, mousy brown/grey.
*(MOTHER: This is his God-self or higher self, his conscience. All his resources have been drained due to his own actions. He’s in a state of neediness & indecision like ‘what do I do next? {re Jane—do I see her or ignore her?}’)*
It’s as if even his God-self is querulous whether we should meet – in real life She would want more than anything for us to get together because it’s the only way he can heal – but this shows his UNREADINESS, UNCERTAINTY, – being ‘on the fence.’)*
Jim is wearing the tweed jacket like the one I had him wear – a sign of affluence.
*(LOOKING AFFLUENT, A GOOD CATCH FOR MARRIAGE: This is only his FRONT, we shall see that inside, where people cannot detect, is another story. He is not affluent with joy, he is poor in spirit, an exhausted, drained person who drags a load of baggage behind him, in a pitiful, humiliating condition since or breakup.
TWEED JACKET: Symbol of how I dressed him up when I was promoting him, he looked like real class, a GQ gentleman.)*
But now I see him AFTER HOURS in his real condition – the face he showed in the day was a front. In other words, when I was pursuing him, loving him, he appeared as a GREAT SUCCESS—now he’s this.
He is dragging a cart like the one I have {that I have DISCARDED} but 2.5 times as big, made of criss cross metal, beige, full of unknown things. It’s HEAVY & he must drag it – I thought he had a HIGH PAYING JOB but his real work is dragging this cart each night laboriously, & it pays little. This job of his is HUMILIATING, not a lawyer but a cart-dragging grunt job. There are ropes around him to drag it. He is PITIFUL.
*(CART, HEAVY, DRAGGING, PITIFUL, HUMILIATING: This is Big Lover’s condition WITHOUT YOU.
The things in his cart don’t look heavy – they’re similar to the see-through boxes you were putting into your hair – they are physically light but this is saying the BURDEN is PSYCHOLOGICAL & IT’S DREARY.
He is burdened by the fact HE HAS LOST YOU. This is shown in the criss cross pattern of the cart – crossing out your liaison, this he is DRAGGING the way Marley {in Scrooge} dragged his CHAINS in the next life – the burdens HE HIMSELF CREATED IN LIFE by his sins.
Apparently Lover knows he did wrong in the way he treated you – you brought him all good – he chose the way of the devil; evil, sin & drugs & this is WEIGHING ON HIS CONSCIENCE, HE’S FEELING GUILT & REMORSE. That is his BAGGAGE, the heavy load one carries not physically but psychological, spiritual heaviness. One cannot enter heaven, or one cannot FLY with their soul into Heaven by the weight of their sins. {In the Egyptian Book of the Dead the soul is on a scale, on the other side of which is a feather. If it weighs more than the feather it cannot enter Heaven.}
YOU DISCARDED YOUR CART similar to this. This says you gave up the attachment, obsession re your relationship with Lover – his cart or baggage is 2.5 times as big, so much for his saying you were the bad guy chasing him all over town while he was trying to stay away from you.
COLOR, BEIGE, SORT OF GOLDENY: The cart tells many details, one being in its color. This gives up that he still loves you, is in love, that’s why it’s so heavy, humiliating, & pays little. He’s getting little profit of love from you—‘being paid little for a lot of humiliating work.’
Before, he was a LAWYER, a CLASS ACT when you were together, when you held him in high esteem, he received a lot of PROFIT from you loving him – you held him up before all his friends, the world, with your projects concerning him. Part of the respect was WHO YOU ARE – A celebrity among nobodies. He felt like a big deal – his friends also thought he was. Now no one gives him any accolades, except the drug users & losers on Face Book, losers like himself, all holding each other up, praising one another for doing their insignificant music – music which will never go anywhere, but they’re all in the same boat, all trying but getting nowhere, never will get anywhere, all deluded, all giving one another ‘likes’ & saying how HOT the work is, all HUMORING ONE ANOTHER.
Not so when you worked for him, praised him, actually had him on the way to stardom—he negated all you did for him, accused you of ‘exploiting’ him—thwarted your plans, your love, your hopes & dreams. Opted for a DRUG ENABLER, thought he’d take revenge on you refusing him sex – not speaking to you for a long while, thinking he didn’t need you, he’d be a star through his music—{no such possibility, never will be.}
Now years have gone by. He’s done nothing but drug himself & churn out the same music with his homo ‘producer’. He’s been doing this same deal for eleven years & not got anywhere; you’d think he’d learn? He’s still expecting the big time – magical thinking – that by some miracle Sony will see his songs, contact him, a lucrative contract, fame & fortune. He doesn’t have the slightest idea how show biz works or how to make it, the years are ticking by, since he rejected me has been 5 years – he’s gotten not one inch further, never will, he’s had his revenge, has it been sweet? This is the BAGGAGE he’s dragging, with the ROPES on him; he’s ATTACHED to this burden, this pain, this LOST OPPORTUNITY.)*
As for me I am preparing my hair. It’s too flat on top, I am adding some sort of like see-through boxes filled with hair clips, like what I have where I keep this stuff, three such boxes, but my friends say this is wrong. Then I try some sort of pale yellow puffy material with white puffs, to add to the top of my hair to build it up – that isn’t right either.
*(PUFFING UP MY HAIR ARTIFICIALLY: These are things similar to the baggage Lover is dragging. I’m asking if I did wrong by stopping our meetings – should I feel guilty? The answer is no, you did the right thing, don’t add this to your mind.)*
Earlier in the week had dreams of frustration, not being able to find where I put my white Caddy & not being able to get on the right road. I wanted to reach the city, there was a specific thing I had to do there, but when I set off I ended up on a road way into the country.
*(FRUSTRATION DREAMS: These are the lack of getting together with Big Lover, whatever way he’s portrayed, to start our relationship / marriage.)*
Earlier there was also a dream about Lover as Pablo, a lowlife Cretan—he wanted us to get together & enter this POND which looks beautiful at first, like a paradise, but then turns into a black whirlpool.
*(PARADISE INTO BLACK WHIRLPOOL: This is when Lover uses me like a whore—he wants to do this again. The sex seems like paradise, but his ignoring me until the next time is Hell. He treats his drug enabler like the real wife, me like I’m nothing.)*
OPEN LETTER TO MY LOVER BOY:
So you see I am spying on you. I can read your mind, I know how you feel. You can’t hide from me, you are vulnerable.
One question looms—have you had enough revenge? You wanted to hurt me for everything – every little thing I did to make you jealous instead of changing your ways & being right, you decided to hurt me twice as bad. You succeeded – then – it doesn’t hurt any more.
It doesn’t hurt because I grew spiritually, I overcame my desperation for you, I lifted myself out of it by the grace of God. But you didn’t. You are still hurting, & hurting badly. You are feeling remorse, regret, grief at what you lost. You thought you wouldn’t lose anything when you pushed me out, but you lost the entire good God sent to you.
What did you hope to gain? Applause from a bunch of homies – all losers, many druggies, none of them is a success or a high roller, they are small potatoes in a small town – where I found you & hoped to elevate you to the top note.
You had delusions that with this homo producer you’d become a star. Are you one inch closer? Who’s listening? And I might add, I’m listening. Your songs have deteriorated. They no longer have meaning & emotion. When you were with me you hit the high notes, now your songs have sunk into what? Not sure how to explain. A dreary nothingness. The life has gone out of you & so your songs.
Have you had enough revenge? I ask again. It isn’t hurting me any more. You praised your drug enabler, made her your wife. You put her out there as your one & only, me as a nothing – no praise, no thanks, nothing for me.
Your revenge is on you. What you did to hurt me hurts you. I am over it, I have moved on. Getting back my energy, my stardom, my self respect – so many things you drained me of, you & your demons.
Do I hate you? Not at all. I pity you & you are forgiven as if you did nothing wrong. I will still help you but you have to come to me, ask for help. You have to get off the drugs, but you cannot do it with the enabler, she’s as bad as you – your parents are in the same boat.
Do I need you in my life, like I did before? No, but you need me. Where will you get without me? Who will help you? There is no one near you or around you who can help in any way – they all need help, it’s the blind with the blind. You’re lost, they’re if not lost, just regular ordinary folk with nothing on their resume. They will not be in history books, they will be forgotten—the same fate calls you if you stay where you are.
Lover leaves but comes back, relationship is attacked by numerous
people— beat them back & escape, fly off with him away from them all, on a
golden road of love—this is predicted.
5-17-20-SAD TURNS TO GLAD
Interpreted for a friend
This is so sad in the beginning. My aunt & uncle have a get-together way in the hills in the country – it’s beautiful, rolling soft bushes & trees, lots of recreation, many people are here.
*(AUNT & UNCLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PUNISHERS IN YOUR SYMBOLS {the thought is ‘cry Uncle’ when you can’t take it any more}, but this time you will see a change. The beauty, recreation, is a sign of your peace & happiness.)*
I am having a great time, not thinking of anything negative, when after a while notice the guy I love is off to the side with another female—I know he’ll be making love to her. I see a lot of young people off to the side in the blackness where you can’t see them & they are doing sex. I don’t see my lover clearly with the female, just vaguely, in my imagination.
*(LOVER WITH ANOTHER: This being remembered is causing a mar to happiness. ‘In the blackness’ means you can’t see the people but know what they’re doing.)*
After that I mope around, so sad. My uncle is near me. I see his face clearly, he has olive skin & 5 o’clock shadow on his face,—he’s young & handsome {no more than 40} & seems sympathetic to me.
*(UNCLE SYMPATHETIC: Things have changed drastically. You’re not going to be punished or suffer any more, this change is saying.
The face of the uncle reminds me of an actor on TV who plays do-gooder roles.)*
He has me sit at a table that has soft, small dinner rolls on it. I take one, with my face sort of down in sadness; he gives me a different roll, one more square. I think what do I do now, put butter on it? But I don’t put any butter, I’ve become passive. There’s a guy sitting to my right – I don’t know who he is.
*(SOFT DINNER ROLLS: What is on the table or brought there, represents in a relationship.
BUTTER ON BREAD: Major clue –Butter on bread is MONEY, & possibly more than ‘just bread’ or basics, butter on bread could mean an abundance or extras. Uncle provides you with
BREAD ON THE TABLE –Represents MONEY – what one brings to the table in a relationship—You prayed about this yesterday, asking God what do we each bring to the table? The
BUTTER: represents ‘which side my bread is buttered on’ which means, which part of these people supports me, pays my bills or provides money? Uncle hands me a
SQUARE: dinner roll instead of the round one I took which could mean ‘a SQUARE MEAL’ & so this represents a ‘square meal’ or ‘enough to eat,’ a decent amount of money, not just survival, the rolls are money that is brought to the table, being
SOFT: soft is easy, tender, not hard which would be hard to obtain or earn – You can easily provide support for Wayfarer & the butter is the ABUNDANT MONEY you provide. You are
PASSIVE: as you’re not doing anything, not chasing Lover any more, but there’s a man sitting to your right who you wonder about – you never look at him & this might be
MAN TO MY RIGHT: Lover is sitting to my right, it’s planned, prepared, like the places at a table, when they have placards by each spot a person sits at an event, a wedding & such – Uncle is pointing this out to me. The fact that this is a planned dinner might be pointing to WEDDING DINNER. In fact this entire weekend bash might be pointing to the celebration of our wedding. This dream, through the symbol of my Uncle, who usually punishes me, predicts the marriage.
This dream explains, through my uncle, a theme that has been raised many times before – that Lover coming to you will have to do with what you bring to the table – & he will know which side his bread is buttered on. He’s always been in ‘survival mode,’ living with people who paid the bills – not always full but part time, like several days a week. The most recent female gave him the ‘golden parachute’ & allowed him to live with her full time without taking any of his money & even for a long time, gave him drugs.
Her ability to support him has diminished due to our Pandemic—in fact, she might be totally bankrupt for an extended time. The deal they had will no longer work.
Where will he go next? Who can provide? It will be you, the dreams have said for years. He will hit ‘rock bottom’ – will have nowhere else to go & will humble himself to you, the only one who will take him in & support him. That’s why this dream says ‘bread on the table’—man is to my right, & ‘butter on the bread.’)*
I tell my uncle about seeing Lover with another girl. I say to him,
“Could you invite him for tomorrow? Then I’ll see him again.”
{This was a weekend bash.}
I am profoundly sad through this dream.
NEXT SCENE everything changes. I am at a movie theater, the audience lit up, lover & I are sitting close to each other in the aisle—on the left—there’s seats here for us. No one is close to us.
*(MOVIE THEATER: Theater of life. You are living it.
AISLE: Big hint—going up the aisle means getting married. You are here together as a couple in love.)*
He has me in the MOST WONDERFUL EMBRACE, his arm around me, kissing me, again & again & again. No one bothers us FOR A WHILE & then – the shit begins.
First, his own brother comes up to him. He looks like he has about 25% black blood, he has a black mustache & short beard. He does not speak to me, but he addresses Lover, whom I shall call ‘Wayfarer’—telling him to leave off what he’s doing with me, & go with him.
*(BROTHER WHO TRIES TO GET LOVER AWAY FROM ME: This represents any creepy ‘friend’ or multiple friends who wanted him to be with them, not you. Some of these ‘brothers’ are in & out of jail for drugs, stealing & violence, some are homos or bisexuals. They want him to stay in their group.)*
This INFURIATES me. I get up & punch the guy & I guess he goes off.
*(I PUNCH THE GUY: You did interfere with one homo who quit bothering him for a while.)*
Next, someone else interfered but I can’t recall who. I fought like three type sets of people.
The third instance, Wayfarer & I have moved to the back of the theater, against the wall. Now a middle-aged couple interferes, a woman with super thick {twice as thick as regular hair} to the shoulders white hair is in his lap & her husband is nearby – they are also interfering.
I go up to her, grab her by the hair & pull her off his lap, & thinking,
“That’s what they wanted – that I attack someone not of the family – so they can call the cops & have me arrested. They have conspired to interfere with my relationship with Wayfarer, wanting to at the same time get me into trouble for fighting back.”
When I grabbed this woman it was violent, extreme physical force.
*(WHITE HAIRED WOMAN: This is a rival you tangled with forcefully. Her hair is WHITE FROM WORRY about what was going on.
It was multiple onslaughts of people you had to fend off – homos –druggie friends & sex-crazed females.)*
Then I know I must ESCAPE WITH HIM far away from all these people, where none of them can reach us or do us harm.
*(ESCAPE WITH HIM IN MY ARMS: This is a prediction, it’s not happened yet. On the spiritual plane, yes, but not yet physical.)*
I grab him into my arms, hold him, & light up into the air, & fly off, trying to go as far as possible. If we are far enough away from these people, we can be at peace to share our relationship. It’s a slight strain for me to fly high into the air, but I manage, & then I see the road ahead. It’s a beautiful wide avenue in the country – with trees on both sides – I see trees of the country side & hills on both sides, with houses here & there – the road looks like some kind of beige/gold clay. It is promising.
*(ESCAPE, FLY IN AIR, COUNTRY, GOLD AVENUE: This says that you will get him away from all the negative people, male & female – take him to a higher level {FLY} & enter on the ROAD OF LOVE forever more.
The physical surroundings resemble where you live, near Sacred
Mountains—this says it will be Valhalla where you can finally share a private world with no interference or rivals.
It’s interesting that a person that has always been a punisher in my dreams now appears as a consoler, giving me a vision & prediction of future love & happiness.)*
Was busy doing something with a guy – some kind of work, nothing romantic & we got done.
*(WORK WITH GUY: You don’t have any boyfriends but you hire men for work, this is a new worker.)*
Then see my ‘goodhubby’ Robert driving me into my newly refurbished driveway – just big enough for one car, & he has a quiet, curious look on his face like ‘what’s going on’ or ‘went on.’
*(ROBERT: When Robert appears means your lover’s attitude is positive & tender toward you – Robert was a previous ‘goodhubby.’)*
The spot used to be ‘open’ but now not only are there tall bushes on both sides of the spot as well as in front, but a sort of ‘makeshift,’ not solid fence, of small ‘weathered’ trees, criss crosses, a decoration mainly as any animal can get through it like a dog, cat, raccoon – anything but a cow or horse, but they could knock it over, doesn’t look strong. The small trees this was made of are about 4” diameter, & the bark is weathered, not smooth, like rough & has maybe lichen or something textured on it. It has the fence rail over the top, & the as I said, large criss crosses under.
*(MY DRIVEWAY: Represents, basically your vagina or sexuality. Now it is ‘closed in’ – the bushes surrounding where a man would drive you & your car into the driveway now ‘enclosed’ or no longer
OPEN: this could be taken two ways, no longer open to Robert’s scrutiny – or no longer open to him for sex. The
FENCE: Is a symbol of the CROSS, especially when there are ‘criss crosses’ here – A cross can mean pain & suffering, a cross can also mean
NO: as in ‘crossed out.’ Since the fence is made of
YOUNG TREES, 4” IN DIAMETER: Could represent YOUNG MEN you’re no longer having sex with – including the lover/boy/hubby. The
WEATHERED, TEXTURED BARK: might be another symbol saying ‘not freshly cut down – been sitting in piles for a while, bark getting weather-beaten, collecting lichen, texture’ – translating to ‘not going out with any young men – they were there a while back but now left alone. This is an accurate symbol for you to understand, whether he understands it is not disclosed here.
BIG ENOUGH FOR JUST ONE CAR: This is hinting at the one man or multiple men situation. There are thoughts in his mind about am I the man, or is there another one? Symbols go both ways. Big enough for just one car translated is ‘big enough for just one penis.’)*
Robert sees under the car – I’m looking under also – that the previous man who drove it took off his white stretchy undershorts {with a striped waistband, like maybe green/grey, 2 stripes} & pulled it over something underneath the driver side. We had nothing to do with sex but he might suspect we did.
There’s also a simple small chair to the front left, & the worker put his hat, which is like a mask {you know those cold-weather hats that cover part of your face}, which is tan & black bands or frames around openings, at first, this sort of made me uncomfortable, but then I realized it was a virus cover, & there is another such knitted hat, of multi colors on this little chair. So the PRESENCE of this man is seen & it makes Robert uncomfortable & me the same way because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.
*(DRIVER MAN LEFT HIS SHORTS: Goodhubby suspects THERE IS ANOTHER MAN in your life, who is seen as ‘DRIVING’ ME—driving being a euphemism {symbol} for fukking you.
SHORTS STRETCHED OVER BOTTOM OF CAR UNDER DRIVER SIDE: He thinks you’re with a man with his pants down.
STRIPES ON WAISTBAND, GREEN & GREY: Green could represent money or ‘life.’ Grey is thinking.
KNITTED VIRUS HAT/MASKS TWO OF THEM ON LITTLE CHAIR ALSO BY DRIVER SIDE: Then maybe you have multiple men? The beige with black borders could be Robert & you–you were secret lovers, so the hat/mask is HIDING SOMETHING – no one saw you together.
And so, if youwere HIDDEN LOVERS, behind closed doors you could be having MULTIPLE LOVERS (multi-colored mask) in secret. The hat/masks are what is secret & hidden.)*
Then we’re upstairs on the 2nd floor. Ozy, a Guru is here with his back to the door of this room, I am here & there was a lady – not sure if this is still her to my left back or if that is a different person, & his 11 or 12 yr old son is here, looking next to the tall bureau where in my bedroom there is a huge window—he looks perplexed.
*(GURU OZY: It took me a while to figure out who this is – it’s his God-Self– the Power which is the God or parent of his flesh – his flesh is his son, the boy standing here facing your bedroom window.
FACING AREA WHERE MY BIG WINDOW IS: He used to summon you by way of this window, call out, whistle & shine a light to let you know he was there. This dream says he is perplexed why you’re never there.)*
At first this lady & I found a bargain for underpants & we were both purchasing them gleefully, as the lady who owned this clothing biz was only charging $10 for ten pairs pants. I was showing them to Ozy, what a bargain, & he looks at this white card on top of this tall bureau where a stack of these are & says
“The price has even gone down, they are now 15 pairs for $10.”
They are beautiful underwears, that’s why I’m surprised they’re so cheap – they have lots of shiny material in red with black lace in front, not snug, loosely designed, almost like very loose pleats in front. I told Ozy I prefer to wear the big ones, as I don’t like my underpants tight. {I also had some smaller ones I wear, I show him the size 10’s.} I’m thinking to get more.
*(RED PANTIES WITH BLACK LACE: Represent celibacy & not having sex for a long time. To call these
CHEAP: Means there is no suffering for you, no sense of deprivation. The desire has been mastered. Ozy, his God self notices there’s been even a bigger jump in you being able to endure this lack of sex. In spiritual terms, when something they say ‘costs a lot’ means in terms of suffering, so cheap is easy.)*
Ozy is proud of his son & wants to know from my lady friend to the left – by her ESP – about his genius abilities.
Her psychic senses comes & goes, right now she feels oppressed by too many overwhelming things going on & she says to him,
*(PSYCHIC FEMALE: Is a part of you, right now seem to be overwhelmed with so many things on your mind.)
“He has a neurological condition.”
Ozy asked about the wound on his right cheek – it’s the size of a nickel, looks like light mint stripes over this ‘wound.’
*(WOUND, SIZE OF A NICKEL, WITH MINT STRIPES: This is like his being ‘slapped in the face,’ which usually means, by a woman to a man, reprimanded &/or rejected. This is how he feels)*
She says,
“His neurological condition coincides with that wound, it parallels it.”
*(NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION RELATING TO THAT WOUND, PARALLELS IT: He feels I have reprimanded & rejected him, & that has made him a ‘nervous wreck’ – translated from ‘neurological condition.’)*
Ozy expected something different, not that he has a problem, but that he’s superior in some way – perhaps he’s disappointed.
*(OZY WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT: The God inside lover/boy/hubby might have thought his flesh was stronger than this – superior to the situation, but he isn’t. When he was pushing you around, he felt superior, in control, now he feels reprimanded, rejected & a nervous wreck.
“You never miss your water ‘till the well runs dry.”
He thought it was all you – he was above it. You were pursuing him, obsessed; he didn’t have to do anything but tell you when he wanted you. It was easy. Then suddenly, you were gone. He is perplexed, hurt, bewildered. If he was above it, why does he care? He never had to do anything to keep you, you were in love no matter how much he hurt you. The shoe is on the other foot. The well has gone dry. He needs the water.)*
5-9-20-Beautiful blonde man at end of road (Dream)
Interpreted for a friend
I am having quite a time on this long road. It’s over a mountain – I’ve been here before, many times, but have not been here a long time.
*(MOUNTAIN: “Lord, this time you gave me a mountain,” – song from Elvis. And Jesus said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can move that mountain.” Mountains are PROBLEMS.
This is going over a same ole’ – same ole’ problem.)*
Now I go back to it & it has CHANGED. I have some sort of vehicle, a good one. I go by this road but here is an obstacle, something white like stiff, is it metal or fiberglass, like not flat, sort of has some curve & an ‘edge’ about a foot wide to, covering almost the entire road, & I squeeze by, amazingly get by.
*(WHITE OBSTACLE: Clue that this is about marriage. The metallic or fiberglass is the material of a car. And so I am unconsciously wondering about the marriage to Josh – to be or not to be?)*
Somewhere along the road a person has opened some sort of ‘warehouse,’ like a barn, it houses I don’t know what – it’s white & has some black décor like some sort of round black window. It’s one of those pre-fab buildings, which has a round frame & the ceiling & walls wrap around it. It seems the person who put this here was trying to store something for hard times coming.
Then the road becomes a FORK. It had never
been a fork before, & both of the roads are covered in a wide duct tape material – shiny grey. I see the fork of the road from afar. I decide to take the LEFT because I’ve never been that way – always went the other. What will I find?
*(FORK IN ROAD, NEW LEFT: Left-sided tantra represents things that are forbidden or not considered kosher, but it gets you there. This left turn is something bad that will turn to something good, most probably the economic crisis.
DUCT TAPE: This is REPAIR or an attempt to fix a thing, & both roads are covered, means there was a problem in both paths or ways. The duct tape is smooth, shiny, easy to slide over. Something has happened to smooth the way, both ways.
The duct tape might also represent the vision to see, understand, what’s going to happen.)*
So I drive a long time, seeing new sights, can’t recall what. I finally come to the end & strangely, I am glad; tired of the journey. There is a pretty wall, like 8 or 10’ tall, made of wood & a window over all of it with panes, separated into squares, the side of the road is also some walls. None of this is formidable or threatening, it’s just somehow appropriate, I’m glad it’s the end, I’m tired of the road.
*(END OF ROAD: The end of the quest, the journey, end of what I am seeking – will the marriage be or not? I am tired of waiting, tired of wondering, tired of trying.
This road might also represent a series of things that will happen, events, sights, that I can now see – that were not seen before & then the end of this quest will be revealed.
WINDOW AT END: Windows are opportunities, openings, things that allow something to happen, doors are the same. A door opening is an opportunity.)*
Here appears a handsome young blonde man, cheerful, moving here & there, doing this & that. We greet each other, then he disappears – this happens again & again. In the end, he appears again, puts his arm around me friendly, & then it stays that way.
*(BEAUTIFUL YOUNG BLONDE: Is Josh. The physical movements are his, & also, we were back & forth together & broken up several times. This reviews that.
But in the end, he puts his arm around me & does not withdraw – this shows the end will be permanent, him & me.
BLONDE: Is golden hair, means love.
ARM AROUND ME: Accepts me. Holds me means keeps me in his life, keeps me with him. God is telling me that IN THE END, Josh & I will stay together.)*
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