College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

LOVER BACKSLIDES

LOVER BACKSLIDES

Dream: 11-30-20-Visit Lover on Street – He’s Unsure

I’m with my small daughter, she’s like 7 yrs old, & the idea is I don’t relish ‘baby sitting’ but I have to do it as there’s no one else, & I have to admit she’s a good child.
(DAUGHTER: My flesh. My flesh is a good child – obedient to to God Self. Seven years old is an innocent soul.)

We’re in Bklyn on Grand St – the street is active, alive, filled with people. We’ve not been out for a long time, we relish the thought of being out among folks.

(THE STREET: Implies INFORMATION WILL BE GIVEN, ‘what is the word on the street?)

*(B’KLYN, GRAND ST: This might announce a CHANGE or SHIFT – as B’klyn was the place of monumental changes; Seeing God Face to Face & then, Divine Stigmata.

Being ‘with people’ might hint at ‘this will be a revelation ABOUT PEOPLE. And Grand St, does that say it’s about their PRIDE? Or is it just a coincidence, as this was the street in existence there at the time {name has been changed to Borinquen.})*

We go to the very end of the street, & there, unexpectedly, on the opposite side is my lover Bob. I was NOT planning to approach him, speak to him, or in any way take the active part in getting us together – not even planning to ask him anything, but I override my decision on that & begin to speak to him.
He says,

“I HAVE BEEN DOING RESEARCH” & “BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

(BEEN DOING RESEARCH: This means ON ME. He’s been trying to find me to no avail as the next sentence explains.)
I say,

“I’VE BEEN SICK.”

(I’VE BEEN SICK: In the context of this dream, this could be saying, ‘I have been sick at heart from our separation.)

He seems to be CRIPPLED as he sits on the sidewalk, cannot walk at all, & I tell him,
(HE’S CRIPPLED: In the context of this dream he has been DISABLED re our relationship or how to keep it going. Sitting, not walking on the sidewalk curb, is like ‘bench warming’ – he could not find me downtown for the last over a year.)

“I NOW WALK WITH A LIMP.”

(LIMP VS CRIPPLED: I am not crippled as far as our relationship, but I have a slight ‘impediment’ or handicap. I can still function within our union – possibly this vision / revelation shows how I can function, I can discover things through spiritual vision.)
Then I say,

“DO YOU WANT ME?”

He sits in front of me rather puzzled & says,
“I DON’T KNOW.”

(I DON’T KNOW: He is CONFUSED as to his true feelings. He doesn’t know what he feels deep in his heart.)

After a while – I say,

“WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?”

At this point he’s standing before me, tall, looking about 16 yrs old, with a white knitted shirt with pointed collar. And I add,

“MAYBE I SHOULD GO DO THAT”

meaning kill myself – I just said this to see his reaction.

(WHAT WOULD HE DO IF I DIED – MAYBE I SHOULD DO THAT? is not really about physical suicide, it’s saying what would you do if I disappeared from your life completely? Maybe I should end it. His appearance as a 16 yr old boy in white, standing above me is his DEPENDENCE, NEED OF A MOTHER – HE WANTS MARRIAGE WITH ME AS I AM THAT TRUE MOTHER. Standing above me might be saying,
“I need you, I am in need of you as my maternal source, & so, I cannot allow you to lead me as you might leave me if you have control. That’s why I must DOMINATE {stand above} you.)

Then a small girl appears to his left, in a type of ‘corner’ on the street above us. Her face is made up to look pretty, she is pretty, & she greets him & they kiss. She’s wearing a light blue chemise to her ankles, like a silky night dress, then she goes away. I take issue with this interruption, I feel he should not have acknowledged her, & I think they kissed on the lips, which bothered me even more. But she does go away & we continue talking.

(GIRL IN BLUE KISSES HIM: His present gf kisses him good bye. How do I know? It seems because she’s in a CORNER on the street, above {like a vision in the air} appears, then disappears – corner is a predicament, like painting yourself into a corner or being ‘cornered’ & she’s also on the street surrounded by cement, which is tomb-like. Her blue chemise might also say ‘parting in such sweet sorrow. And the fact that it looks like a night dress says ‘no more sleeping together.’
This dream then predicts the end of her, but he will take up with a number of girls – which is not necessarily the end of us, just how it might be prior to our reunion.)

Then we are sort of standing in the middle of the street among the crowd & a few young girls, a clique perhaps, engages his attention. He takes one of them by both hands, then turns her around dancing, where she’s in his arms, he behind her – a smooth move.

(HOLDS GIRL IN A SMOOTH MOVE: It looks like he ‘takes up with’ or in a ‘smooth move’ snags or traps a girl into a relationship.)

This for me ‘takes the cake’ – I am offended & decide, with my daughter, to walk away, & do so. We head back to our apt, where I drop off my little daughter & decide to go back to the street.
(TAKES THE CAKE – I AM FED UP WITH HIM: It bothers me that instead of contacting me – chasing me as it were – he takes up with yet another girl. This is either happening now or will happen, as it isn’t the old gf, Ruth, in his arms, it’s a new one.)

As we were returning I asked her opinion,
“DON’T YOU THINK THAT WHEN I WALKED AWAY, IF HE CARED, HE SHOULD HAVE CHASED AFTER ME?”

Daughter is now tall, looks down on me the way he did after I asked him what he would do if I died, her face is serious, eyes intent, but she GIVES NO ANSWER but I think she means yes, but doesn’t want to say it.

(I ASK DAUGHTER, SHE BECOMES TALL LIKE HE WAS: My flesh might be saying, ‘Indeed, he should be chasing you/me but he isn’t & so that means, at this moment, unfortunately, he doesn’t care enough……….Maybe I have to be the aggressive one instead of waiting as we have agreed, waiting this long while, maybe I should do something, which goes against the God Self.”
But my flesh says nothing, which again means my flesh will NOT go against the God Self, it only had a momentary doubt.)

I leave my daughter back at the apt by herself & go back into the street,
(LEAVE DAUGHTER & RETURN TO ST. SOLO: This is a parting of ways, my God Self & flesh, the God Self is of course predominant & is the leader. At the moment my lower self rebelled ever so slightly, I left her behind but went on to the vision of what is. This reality is what Bob is doing with his life, & it isn’t good…… Nevertheless, it is NOT in the dream, but I will add here, that I will STAND BY the promises of God, who has said for eons that our union will occur & it will be permanent, & furthermore, we will be dating by March, 2021 again, & we will be living together by Sept 2022.)

which has mostly emptied but there’s pockets of people here & there. I go to the end, where I see a tall young male wearing a white shirt.

(WHITE SHIRT: in the context of this dream probably means seeing union or marriage in a relationship – that’s what this dream is about, so although white could mean other things, like purity of heart or innocence, always figure ‘context of dream’ as your guide.)

He’s on the OPPOSITE side of the street where Joe & I were. I study his mannerisms because I can’t see his face clearly as he’s a half black away. His motions resemble Bob, moving around a lot a certain way, but his hair is dark black, with thick curls, his face more like Italian, not as handsome as Bob, a crude look. But he’s playing court with a bevy of people, some female, like being the ‘star’ in their circle. Where they are is next to a tall CHAIN LINK FENCE, but there’s a hole in it I think he moves through for one stunt – this is vague. He just moves around a lot.

*(NOT BOB, A DIFFERENT GUY, MORE LIKE ITALIAN, CRUDE, NOT AS HANDSOME, HOLDING COURT, NEAR A CHAIN LINK FENCE, OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ST. TO WHERE WE WERE, HOLE IN THE FENCE HE GETS THROUGH FOR A STUNT:

This IS Bob – he’s CHANGED from the grieving lover to a lower level {crude} his soul NOT BEAUTIFUL AS IT WAS – No longer listening to his HEART or Higher Self – wanting me. He has gone THE OPPOSITE WAY {in attitude} to where he forgets me, pursues others. He was ‘hemmed in’ before {the chain link fence} as a ‘prisoner of love’ but he FOUND A HOLE {LOOPHOLE} where he can ESCAPE FROM HIS PAIN & that is by holding court, having fun with his friends, male & female, or carrying on as a ‘free man’.

Obviously this change will disappoint me. I know he has to go through suffering & make the right choice – God & me, but he has found a loophole against this & is giving in to the lower self, the flesh, which cannot bring him permanent happiness. It’s like ‘the prodigal son’ who left home with his inheritance as he thought it would make him happy, but it did not, this is giving into the lower self which will always crash.)*

As I gaze at him, an ancient man, like 80 years old, face & nose wrinkled, comes up to me & starts chatting. He notices the guy I’ve been watching & says something about him. I ask him the guy’s name – he says something like ‘Ions Bong’. I say,

“OH, THAT’S NOT THE MAN I LIKE.”

(NOT THE MAN: I don’t like his attitude.)

Old man says,

“HE’S BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE, NOW HE’S BACK, HE’S POPULAR.”
(BEEN GONE: Apparently absent mentally from his ‘friends’ but now returned to ‘the scene of the slime.’ Most of his friends are lowlife drug addicts, losers & petty criminals.)
But the old guy bugs me. I YELL,

“STOP STALKING ME. GET OUT OF HERE!”

The point is, the old man is attracted to me, wants me for himself, is jealous, & he’s INTERFERING with my life & privacy. So I MUST just get rid of him.

*(OLD MAN STALKING ME, EXPLAINING THIS ‘NEW GUY’ WHO IS NOT REALLY NEW BUT THE OLD MAN INTERFERES & BUGS ME – I GET RID OF HIM:

I suspect this is my good ole’ friend Bugsy. Have been taking him out on my errands & having dinner with him the last two months. I was once mad at him for saying Bob didn’t love me. His appearance in this dream is twofold: Somehow he’s part of the vision of Bob’s new, diminished attitude. This is because he agrees with it – that Bob doesn’t love me – Bugsy is in love with me, wants me for himself & this says he’s stalking me, interfering with my life & privacy. He might be a thorn in my side, why he’s used here, because he’s against my relationship with Bob, & so, in a sense, he’s against ME.

Yesterday he refused to go out with me – not for any bad reason, just being tired possibly – but this says for me to remove him from my life. I will not invite him any more to go places with me. The dream shows my inner feeling toward him, that he doesn’t ENHANCE my life, he’s an IRRITANT.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

BIG GORILLA COMES CALLING

BIG GORILLA COMES CALLING

Sits on my porch

Have never had a dream like this! I’m at my porch at the house when here comes up from the lane a big gorilla. He walks like a man & has a small waist, other than that, he looks just like the ‘silverbacks’ – huge head, shoulders, arms & legs – I don’t see his back but they call mature males ‘silverbacks’ because the hair on their backs turns silver.

(GORILLA: Is the lover Jim. This is his ‘lower self’ or instinctive, primitive part. This is his acting on BASIC INSTINCTS, & having FEAR like a wild animal. This might be saying that his behavior has been that of an animal trying to survive, you have to be careful with him because when his fear is aroused he reacts violently. You are trying to acclimate him slowly, get him used to being near you, not to provoke his fear.)

The gorilla strides in purposefully – He reminds me of Shabani, a famous one in Japan who is loved by the ladies because he looks & acts so human.

He walks right up to my porch & parks himself on a railing, which is solid, painted white, it has this decoration that is just like what I have around my doors inside my house, which I had my carpenter fix – they look like Grecian columns on the top, under the cornice. The top of this ‘railing’ or fence is quite wide, plenty of room for a seat – might be two feet wide.

*(PLACE WHERE HE SITS: There are several signs here which say ‘marriage,’ & ‘permanence.’

The fact that he arrives – comes to me & ‘purposefully’ says he wants to be with me. The porch, especially the fence where he sits, is white, which says marriage.

The decoration under the top {where he sits} is like that underneath a Grecian column – this would put him as a fixture on top of a column. A column is a SUPPORTING PILLAR so this could be saying he’s a strong fixture here – with me. It seems like it’s only a porch, but there is a reference to this design being INSIDE my house by two of my doors. And so this hearkens to ‘I want to be inside with you, in your house, in a relationship.’)*

What I have to master here is my FEAR. I’ll call him Shabani. I have to be totally RELAXED & not AFRAID. My immediate human reaction is fear, just as I once felt with the bears, but when I habituated the bears, they got over their fear of me & I got over mine.

(FEAR: What is my fear? It’s of HIM HURTING ME. This says tread slowly, carefully not to FRIGHTEN HIM as he reacts from a primitive instinct of violence. {This is not acted out literally – he does not, in real life, hit anyone or do anything physically violent, but he acts out to me in a REVENGEFUL manner when I did things to make him jealous.} This explains the motive of his brutal actions toward me, the cold heartedness—apparently it is fear based.)

I put great effort into totally relaxing & not being afraid, as that is the KEY to what? To having him here & him NOT HURTING ME while I host his presence. I did try to touch him a couple times – I have to be careful how I do that, one step at a time, slowly, because he might react in a bad way if he’s frightened. When I touched him I felt his nails/claws, don’t want those claws mauling me.

So as we sit here my associates, as they come up, will misunderstand the situation & be eager to kill him because they think he’s dangerous. I particularly see my sister coming up & she’s holding like a basket & in it is a young female, like her child, but a fully-formed human but she’s small enough to be carried like an infant, & I also think she has a gun, which she might instantly point at Shabani & kill him – as she thinks I’m in danger.

I gently but quickly caution her not to shoot him, I am alright with him, he won’t hurt me, I’m acclimating him to be near me. And we are near, close enough, arm’s length – to touch each other. He doesn’t do anything, just sits there like he belongs here.

*(SISTER: My pragmatic self. She looks at Lover Jim & his behavior & wants to INSTANTLY END THE RELATIONSHIP – so do my other associates or personalities. They do not want him to hurt or kill me – as a gorilla could do. His appearance as a gorilla also explains his POWER OVER ME IN THE PAST – he had the ability to kill me because I loved him so much & he was cruel, cold & uncaring when he wanted to be. This is a recipe for great harm—people die of broken hearts. And so, all the logical, pragmatic parts of me are thinking of removing him from my life.

But my God Self, the dreamer, has another solution. She has discerned what his behavior is based on – instinctive fear like a wild animal. What does he fear? The same thing I fear – being hurt. He fears my leaving him, not loving him, not caring. When I did stunts to make him jealous this exacerbated his fear & he LASHED OUT from the primitive self, he did not reason it out & do things he should have done, he was like the guy who injures his female when he suspects her of wrong doing. Of course he did this psychologically, not physically.

This dream solves a problem, explains his cruelty. No matter what his behavior, I must not be afraid of him hurting me. I can handle this truth now, as I am no longer in ‘crazy love’ or ‘obsessive’ about him, I am relaxed & becoming more so. Two people cannot both be uptight, anxious & afraid in the relationship – one must be in control, & that one must be me. He is the wild animal, I am the God.

The dream does portray that he loves me, wants to be with me permanently. Being a ‘silverback’ also bodes the ‘forever’ silver wedding anniversary.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

ENOUGH REVENGE?

HES DRAGGING A CART

A man I loved has some heavy baggage. 8-7-20

Interpreted for a friend

There is some sort of date / meeting with my ex-best friend, lawyer Jim. He seems to be well off, in a good social place as we meet – a good catch for marriage.

His Mom is a part of this. I’m talking to her confidentially off to the side, as she sits on a fence of sorts. She feels shaky about the meeting, but I assure her,

“We have to meet to settle this – even if we break up we must meet.”–{Words approx.}

She’s thin, dressed in a yellowy with charcoal grey dress like from the old days style, seems WORN OUT– Like people you see in the depression, young parents thin & wrinkled from overwork & poverty. Her hair is medium long, mousy brown/grey.

(MOTHER: This is his God-self or higher self, his conscience. All his resources have been drained due to his own actions. He’s in a state of neediness & indecision like ‘what do I do next? {re Jane—do I see her or ignore her?}’)

It’s as if even his God-self is querulous whether we should meet – in real life She would want more than anything for us to get together because it’s the only way he can heal – but this shows his UNREADINESS, UNCERTAINTY, – being ‘on the fence.’)*

Jim is wearing the tweed jacket like the one I had him wear – a sign of affluence.

*(LOOKING AFFLUENT, A GOOD CATCH FOR MARRIAGE: This is only his FRONT, we shall see that inside, where people cannot detect, is another story. He is not affluent with joy, he is poor in spirit, an exhausted, drained person who drags a load of baggage behind him, in a pitiful, humiliating condition since or breakup.

TWEED JACKET: Symbol of how I dressed him up when I was promoting him, he looked like real class, a GQ gentleman.)*

But now I see him AFTER HOURS in his real condition – the face he showed in the day was a front. In other words, when I was pursuing him, loving him, he appeared as a GREAT SUCCESS—now he’s this.

He is dragging a cart like the one I have {that I have DISCARDED} but 2.5 times as big, made of criss cross metal, beige, full of unknown things. It’s HEAVY & he must drag it – I thought he had a HIGH PAYING JOB but his real work is dragging this cart each night laboriously, & it pays little. This job of his is HUMILIATING, not a lawyer but a cart-dragging grunt job. There are ropes around him to drag it. He is PITIFUL.

*(CART, HEAVY, DRAGGING, PITIFUL, HUMILIATING: This is Big Lover’s condition WITHOUT YOU.

The things in his cart don’t look heavy – they’re similar to the see-through boxes you were putting into your hair – they are physically light but this is saying the BURDEN is PSYCHOLOGICAL & IT’S DREARY.

He is burdened by the fact HE HAS LOST YOU. This is shown in the criss cross pattern of the cart – crossing out your liaison, this he is DRAGGING the way Marley {in Scrooge} dragged his CHAINS in the next life – the burdens HE HIMSELF CREATED IN LIFE by his sins.

Apparently Lover knows he did wrong in the way he treated you – you brought him all good – he chose the way of the devil; evil, sin & drugs & this is WEIGHING ON HIS CONSCIENCE, HE’S FEELING GUILT & REMORSE. That is his BAGGAGE, the heavy load one carries not physically but psychological, spiritual heaviness. One cannot enter heaven, or one cannot FLY with their soul into Heaven by the weight of their sins. {In the Egyptian Book of the Dead the soul is on a scale, on the other side of which is a feather. If it weighs more than the feather it cannot enter Heaven.}

YOU DISCARDED YOUR CART similar to this. This says you gave up the attachment, obsession re your relationship with Lover – his cart or baggage is 2.5 times as big, so much for his saying you were the bad guy chasing him all over town while he was trying to stay away from you.

COLOR, BEIGE, SORT OF GOLDENY: The cart tells many details, one being in its color. This gives up that he still loves you, is in love, that’s why it’s so heavy, humiliating, & pays little. He’s getting little profit of love from you—‘being paid little for a lot of humiliating work.’

Before, he was a LAWYER, a CLASS ACT when you were together, when you held him in high esteem, he received a lot of PROFIT from you loving him – you held him up before all his friends, the world, with your projects concerning him. Part of the respect was WHO YOU ARE – A celebrity among nobodies. He felt like a big deal – his friends also thought he was. Now no one gives him any accolades, except the drug users & losers on Face Book, losers like himself, all holding each other up, praising one another for doing their insignificant music – music which will never go anywhere, but they’re all in the same boat, all trying but getting nowhere, never will get anywhere, all deluded, all giving one another ‘likes’ & saying how HOT the work is, all HUMORING ONE ANOTHER.

Not so when you worked for him, praised him, actually had him on the way to stardom—he negated all you did for him, accused you of ‘exploiting’ him—thwarted your plans, your love, your hopes & dreams. Opted for a DRUG ENABLER, thought he’d take revenge on you refusing him sex – not speaking to you for a long while, thinking he didn’t need you, he’d be a star through his music—{no such possibility, never will be.}

Now years have gone by. He’s done nothing but drug himself & churn out the same music with his homo ‘producer’. He’s been doing this same deal for eleven years & not got anywhere; you’d think he’d learn? He’s still expecting the big time – magical thinking – that by some miracle Sony will see his songs, contact him, a lucrative contract, fame & fortune. He doesn’t have the slightest idea how show biz works or how to make it, the years are ticking by, since he rejected me has been 5 years – he’s gotten not one inch further, never will, he’s had his revenge, has it been sweet? This is the BAGGAGE he’s dragging, with the ROPES on him; he’s ATTACHED to this burden, this pain, this LOST OPPORTUNITY.)*

As for me I am preparing my hair. It’s too flat on top, I am adding some sort of like see-through boxes filled with hair clips, like what I have where I keep this stuff, three such boxes, but my friends say this is wrong. Then I try some sort of pale yellow puffy material with white puffs, to add to the top of my hair to build it up – that isn’t right either.

(PUFFING UP MY HAIR ARTIFICIALLY: These are things similar to the baggage Lover is dragging. I’m asking if I did wrong by stopping our meetings – should I feel guilty? The answer is no, you did the right thing, don’t add this to your mind.)

Earlier in the week had dreams of frustration, not being able to find where I put my white Caddy & not being able to get on the right road. I wanted to reach the city, there was a specific thing I had to do there, but when I set off I ended up on a road way into the country.

(FRUSTRATION DREAMS: These are the lack of getting together with Big Lover, whatever way he’s portrayed, to start our relationship / marriage.)

Earlier there was also a dream about Lover as Pablo, a lowlife Cretan—he wanted us to get together & enter this POND which looks beautiful at first, like a paradise, but then turns into a black whirlpool.

(PARADISE INTO BLACK WHIRLPOOL: This is when Lover uses me like a whore—he wants to do this again. The sex seems like paradise, but his ignoring me until the next time is Hell. He treats his drug enabler like the real wife, me like I’m nothing.)

OPEN LETTER TO MY LOVER BOY:

So you see I am spying on you. I can read your mind, I know how you feel. You can’t hide from me, you are vulnerable.

One question looms—have you had enough revenge? You wanted to hurt me for everything – every little thing I did to make you jealous instead of changing your ways & being right, you decided to hurt me twice as bad. You succeeded – then – it doesn’t hurt any more.

It doesn’t hurt because I grew spiritually, I overcame my desperation for you, I lifted myself out of it by the grace of God. But you didn’t. You are still hurting, & hurting badly. You are feeling remorse, regret, grief at what you lost. You thought you wouldn’t lose anything when you pushed me out, but you lost the entire good God sent to you.

What did you hope to gain? Applause from a bunch of homies – all losers, many druggies, none of them is a success or a high roller, they are small potatoes in a small town – where I found you & hoped to elevate you to the top note.

You had delusions that with this homo producer you’d become a star. Are you one inch closer? Who’s listening? And I might add, I’m listening. Your songs have deteriorated. They no longer have meaning & emotion. When you were with me you hit the high notes, now your songs have sunk into what? Not sure how to explain. A dreary nothingness. The life has gone out of you & so your songs.

Have you had enough revenge? I ask again. It isn’t hurting me any more. You praised your drug enabler, made her your wife. You put her out there as your one & only, me as a nothing – no praise, no thanks, nothing for me.

Your revenge is on you. What you did to hurt me hurts you. I am over it, I have moved on. Getting back my energy, my stardom, my self respect – so many things you drained me of, you & your demons.

Do I hate you? Not at all. I pity you & you are forgiven as if you did nothing wrong. I will still help you but you have to come to me, ask for help. You have to get off the drugs, but you cannot do it with the enabler, she’s as bad as you – your parents are in the same boat.

Do I need you in my life, like I did before? No, but you need me. Where will you get without me? Who will help you? There is no one near you or around you who can help in any way – they all need help, it’s the blind with the blind. You’re lost, they’re if not lost, just regular ordinary folk with nothing on their resume. They will not be in history books, they will be forgotten—the same fate calls you if you stay where you are.

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

SAD TURNS TO GLAD

Lover leaves but comes back, relationship is attacked by numerous

people— beat them back & escape, fly off with him away from them all, on a

golden road of love—this is predicted.

5-17-20-SAD TURNS TO GLAD

Interpreted for a friend

This is so sad in the beginning. My aunt & uncle have a get-together way in the hills in the country – it’s beautiful, rolling soft bushes & trees, lots of recreation, many people are here.

(AUNT & UNCLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PUNISHERS IN YOUR SYMBOLS {the thought is ‘cry Uncle’ when you can’t take it any more}, but this time you will see a change. The beauty, recreation, is a sign of your peace & happiness.)

I am having a great time, not thinking of anything negative, when after a while notice the guy I love is off to the side with another female—I know he’ll be making love to her. I see a lot of young people off to the side in the blackness where you can’t see them & they are doing sex. I don’t see my lover clearly with the female, just vaguely, in my imagination.

(LOVER WITH ANOTHER: This being remembered is causing a mar to happiness. ‘In the blackness’ means you can’t see the people but know what they’re doing.)

After that I mope around, so sad. My uncle is near me. I see his face clearly, he has olive skin & 5 o’clock shadow on his face,—he’s young & handsome {no more than 40} & seems sympathetic to me.

*(UNCLE SYMPATHETIC: Things have changed drastically. You’re not going to be punished or suffer any more, this change is saying.

The face of the uncle reminds me of an actor on TV who plays do-gooder roles.)*

He has me sit at a table that has soft, small dinner rolls on it. I take one, with my face sort of down in sadness; he gives me a different roll, one more square. I think what do I do now, put butter on it? But I don’t put any butter, I’ve become passive. There’s a guy sitting to my right – I don’t know who he is.

*(SOFT DINNER ROLLS: What is on the table or brought there, represents in a relationship.

BUTTER ON BREAD: Major clue –Butter on bread is MONEY, & possibly more than ‘just bread’ or basics, butter on bread could mean an abundance or extras. Uncle provides you with

BREAD ON THE TABLE –Represents MONEY – what one brings to the table in a relationship—You prayed about this yesterday, asking God what do we each bring to the table? The

BUTTER: represents ‘which side my bread is buttered on’ which means, which part of these people supports me, pays my bills or provides money? Uncle hands me a

SQUARE: dinner roll instead of the round one I took which could mean ‘a SQUARE MEAL’ & so this represents a ‘square meal’ or ‘enough to eat,’ a decent amount of money, not just survival, the rolls are money that is brought to the table, being

SOFT: soft is easy, tender, not hard which would be hard to obtain or earn – You can easily provide support for Wayfarer & the butter is the ABUNDANT MONEY you provide. You are

PASSIVE: as you’re not doing anything, not chasing Lover any more, but there’s a man sitting to your right who you wonder about – you never look at him & this might be

MAN TO MY RIGHT: Lover is sitting to my right, it’s planned, prepared, like the places at a table, when they have placards by each spot a person sits at an event, a wedding & such – Uncle is pointing this out to me. The fact that this is a planned dinner might be pointing to WEDDING DINNER. In fact this entire weekend bash might be pointing to the celebration of our wedding. This dream, through the symbol of my Uncle, who usually punishes me, predicts the marriage.

This dream explains, through my uncle, a theme that has been raised many times before – that Lover coming to you will have to do with what you bring to the table – & he will know which side his bread is buttered on. He’s always been in ‘survival mode,’ living with people who paid the bills – not always full but part time, like several days a week. The most recent female gave him the ‘golden parachute’ & allowed him to live with her full time without taking any of his money & even for a long time, gave him drugs.

Her ability to support him has diminished due to our Pandemic—in fact, she might be totally bankrupt for an extended time. The deal they had will no longer work.

Where will he go next? Who can provide? It will be you, the dreams have said for years. He will hit ‘rock bottom’ – will have nowhere else to go & will humble himself to you, the only one who will take him in & support him. That’s why this dream says ‘bread on the table’—man is to my right, & ‘butter on the bread.’)*

I tell my uncle about seeing Lover with another girl. I say to him,

“Could you invite him for tomorrow? Then I’ll see him again.”

{This was a weekend bash.}

I am profoundly sad through this dream.

NEXT SCENE everything changes. I am at a movie theater, the audience lit up, lover & I are sitting close to each other in the aisle—on the left—there’s seats here for us. No one is close to us.

*(MOVIE THEATER: Theater of life. You are living it.

AISLE: Big hint—going up the aisle means getting married. You are here together as a couple in love.)*

He has me in the MOST WONDERFUL EMBRACE, his arm around me, kissing me, again & again & again. No one bothers us FOR A WHILE & then – the shit begins.

First, his own brother comes up to him. He looks like he has about 25% black blood, he has a black mustache & short beard. He does not speak to me, but he addresses Lover, whom I shall call ‘Wayfarer’—telling him to leave off what he’s doing with me, & go with him.

(BROTHER WHO TRIES TO GET LOVER AWAY FROM ME: This represents any creepy ‘friend’ or multiple friends who wanted him to be with them, not you. Some of these ‘brothers’ are in & out of jail for drugs, stealing & violence, some are homos or bisexuals. They want him to stay in their group.)

This INFURIATES me. I get up & punch the guy & I guess he goes off.

(I PUNCH THE GUY: You did interfere with one homo who quit bothering him for a while.)

Next, someone else interfered but I can’t recall who. I fought like three type sets of people.

The third instance, Wayfarer & I have moved to the back of the theater, against the wall. Now a middle-aged couple interferes, a woman with super thick {twice as thick as regular hair} to the shoulders white hair is in his lap & her husband is nearby – they are also interfering.

I go up to her, grab her by the hair & pull her off his lap, & thinking,

“That’s what they wanted – that I attack someone not of the family – so they can call the cops & have me arrested. They have conspired to interfere with my relationship with Wayfarer, wanting to at the same time get me into trouble for fighting back.”

When I grabbed this woman it was violent, extreme physical force.

*(WHITE HAIRED WOMAN: This is a rival you tangled with forcefully. Her hair is WHITE FROM WORRY about what was going on.

It was multiple onslaughts of people you had to fend off – homos –druggie friends & sex-crazed females.)*

Then I know I must ESCAPE WITH HIM far away from all these people, where none of them can reach us or do us harm.

(ESCAPE WITH HIM IN MY ARMS: This is a prediction, it’s not happened yet. On the spiritual plane, yes, but not yet physical.)

I grab him into my arms, hold him, & light up into the air, & fly off, trying to go as far as possible. If we are far enough away from these people, we can be at peace to share our relationship. It’s a slight strain for me to fly high into the air, but I manage, & then I see the road ahead. It’s a beautiful wide avenue in the country – with trees on both sides – I see trees of the country side & hills on both sides, with houses here & there – the road looks like some kind of beige/gold clay. It is promising.

*(ESCAPE, FLY IN AIR, COUNTRY, GOLD AVENUE: This says that you will get him away from all the negative people, male & female – take him to a higher level {FLY} & enter on the ROAD OF LOVE forever more.

The physical surroundings resemble where you live, near Sacred

Mountains—this says it will be Valhalla where you can finally share a private world with no interference or rivals.

It’s interesting that a person that has always been a punisher in my dreams now appears as a consoler, giving me a vision & prediction of future love & happiness.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

MAN FEELS REJECTED

MAN YOU LOVE FEELS REBUKED, REJECTED

& IS A NERVOUS WRECK

5-15-20-GOODHUBBY & OZY HERE

Was busy doing something with a guy – some kind of work, nothing romantic & we got done.

(WORK WITH GUY: You don’t have any boyfriends but you hire men for work, this is a new worker.)

Then see my ‘goodhubby’ Robert driving me into my newly refurbished driveway – just big enough for one car, & he has a quiet, curious look on his face like ‘what’s going on’ or ‘went on.’

(ROBERT: When Robert appears means your lover’s attitude is positive & tender toward you – Robert was a previous ‘goodhubby.’)

The spot used to be ‘open’ but now not only are there tall bushes on both sides of the spot as well as in front, but a sort of ‘makeshift,’ not solid fence, of small ‘weathered’ trees, criss crosses, a decoration mainly as any animal can get through it like a dog, cat, raccoon – anything but a cow or horse, but they could knock it over, doesn’t look strong. The small trees this was made of are about 4” diameter, & the bark is weathered, not smooth, like rough & has maybe lichen or something textured on it. It has the fence rail over the top, & the as I said, large criss crosses under.

*(MY DRIVEWAY: Represents, basically your vagina or sexuality. Now it is ‘closed in’ – the bushes surrounding where a man would drive you & your car into the driveway now ‘enclosed’ or no longer

OPEN: this could be taken two ways, no longer open to Robert’s scrutiny – or no longer open to him for sex. The

FENCE: Is a symbol of the CROSS, especially when there are ‘criss crosses’ here – A cross can mean pain & suffering, a cross can also mean

NO: as in ‘crossed out.’ Since the fence is made of

YOUNG TREES, 4” IN DIAMETER: Could represent YOUNG MEN you’re no longer having sex with – including the lover/boy/hubby. The

WEATHERED, TEXTURED BARK: might be another symbol saying ‘not freshly cut down – been sitting in piles for a while, bark getting weather-beaten, collecting lichen, texture’ – translating to ‘not going out with any young men – they were there a while back but now left alone. This is an accurate symbol for you to understand, whether he understands it is not disclosed here.

BIG ENOUGH FOR JUST ONE CAR: This is hinting at the one man or multiple men situation. There are thoughts in his mind about am I the man, or is there another one? Symbols go both ways. Big enough for just one car translated is ‘big enough for just one penis.’)*

Robert sees under the car – I’m looking under also – that the previous man who drove it took off his white stretchy undershorts {with a striped waistband, like maybe green/grey, 2 stripes} & pulled it over something underneath the driver side. We had nothing to do with sex but he might suspect we did.

There’s also a simple small chair to the front left, & the worker put his hat, which is like a mask {you know those cold-weather hats that cover part of your face}, which is tan & black bands or frames around openings, at first, this sort of made me uncomfortable, but then I realized it was a virus cover, & there is another such knitted hat, of multi colors on this little chair. So the PRESENCE of this man is seen & it makes Robert uncomfortable & me the same way because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.

*(DRIVER MAN LEFT HIS SHORTS: Goodhubby suspects THERE IS ANOTHER MAN in your life, who is seen as ‘DRIVING’ ME—driving being a euphemism {symbol} for fukking you.

SHORTS STRETCHED OVER BOTTOM OF CAR UNDER DRIVER SIDE: He thinks you’re with a man with his pants down.

STRIPES ON WAISTBAND, GREEN & GREY: Green could represent money or ‘life.’ Grey is thinking.

KNITTED VIRUS HAT/MASKS TWO OF THEM ON LITTLE CHAIR ALSO BY DRIVER SIDE: Then maybe you have multiple men? The beige with black borders could be Robert & you–you were secret lovers, so the hat/mask is HIDING SOMETHING – no one saw you together.

And so, if youwere HIDDEN LOVERS, behind closed doors you could be having MULTIPLE LOVERS (multi-colored mask) in secret. The hat/masks are what is secret & hidden.)*

Then we’re upstairs on the 2^nd floor. Ozy, a Guru is here with his back to the door of this room, I am here & there was a lady – not sure if this is still her to my left back or if that is a different person, & his 11 or 12 yr old son is here, looking next to the tall bureau where in my bedroom there is a huge window—he looks perplexed.

*(GURU OZY: It took me a while to figure out who this is – it’s his God-Self– the Power which is the God or parent of his flesh – his flesh is his son, the boy standing here facing your bedroom window.

FACING AREA WHERE MY BIG WINDOW IS: He used to summon you by way of this window, call out, whistle & shine a light to let you know he was there. This dream says he is perplexed why you’re never there.)*

At first this lady & I found a bargain for underpants & we were both purchasing them gleefully, as the lady who owned this clothing biz was only charging $10 for ten pairs pants. I was showing them to Ozy, what a bargain, & he looks at this white card on top of this tall bureau where a stack of these are & says

“The price has even gone down, they are now 15 pairs for $10.”

They are beautiful underwears, that’s why I’m surprised they’re so cheap – they have lots of shiny material in red with black lace in front, not snug, loosely designed, almost like very loose pleats in front. I told Ozy I prefer to wear the big ones, as I don’t like my underpants tight. {I also had some smaller ones I wear, I show him the size 10’s.} I’m thinking to get more.

*(RED PANTIES WITH BLACK LACE: Represent celibacy & not having sex for a long time. To call these

CHEAP: Means there is no suffering for you, no sense of deprivation. The desire has been mastered. Ozy, his God self notices there’s been even a bigger jump in you being able to endure this lack of sex. In spiritual terms, when something they say ‘costs a lot’ means in terms of suffering, so cheap is easy.)*

Ozy is proud of his son & wants to know from my lady friend to the left – by her ESP – about his genius abilities.

Her psychic senses comes & goes, right now she feels oppressed by too many overwhelming things going on & she says to him,

*(PSYCHIC FEMALE: Is a part of you, right now seem to be overwhelmed with so many things on your mind.)

“He has a neurological condition.”

Ozy asked about the wound on his right cheek – it’s the size of a nickel, looks like light mint stripes over this ‘wound.’

(WOUND, SIZE OF A NICKEL, WITH MINT STRIPES: This is like his being ‘slapped in the face,’ which usually means, by a woman to a man, reprimanded &/or rejected. This is how he feels)

She says,

“His neurological condition coincides with that wound, it parallels it.”

(NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION RELATING TO THAT WOUND, PARALLELS IT: He feels I have reprimanded & rejected him, & that has made him a ‘nervous wreck’ – translated from ‘neurological condition.’)

Ozy expected something different, not that he has a problem, but that he’s superior in some way – perhaps he’s disappointed.

*(OZY WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT: The God inside lover/boy/hubby might have thought his flesh was stronger than this – superior to the situation, but he isn’t. When he was pushing you around, he felt superior, in control, now he feels reprimanded, rejected & a nervous wreck.

“You never miss your water ‘till the well runs dry.”

He thought it was all you – he was above it. You were pursuing him, obsessed; he didn’t have to do anything but tell you when he wanted you. It was easy. Then suddenly, you were gone. He is perplexed, hurt, bewildered. If he was above it, why does he care? He never had to do anything to keep you, you were in love no matter how much he hurt you. The shoe is on the other foot. The well has gone dry. He needs the water.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

YOU WILL MARRY YOUR LOVER

YOU WILL MARRY YOUR LOVER

5-9-20-Beautiful blonde man at end of road (Dream)

Interpreted for a friend

I am having quite a time on this long road. It’s over a mountain – I’ve been here before, many times, but have not been here a long time.

*(MOUNTAIN: “Lord, this time you gave me a mountain,” – song from Elvis. And Jesus said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can move that mountain.” Mountains are PROBLEMS.

This is going over a same ole’ – same ole’ problem.)*

Now I go back to it & it has CHANGED. I have some sort of vehicle, a good one. I go by this road but here is an obstacle, something white like stiff, is it metal or fiberglass, like not flat, sort of has some curve & an ‘edge’ about a foot wide to, covering almost the entire road, & I squeeze by, amazingly get by.

(WHITE OBSTACLE: Clue that this is about marriage. The metallic or fiberglass is the material of a car. And so I am unconsciously wondering about the marriage to Josh – to be or not to be?)

Somewhere along the road a person has opened some sort of ‘warehouse,’ like a barn, it houses I don’t know what – it’s white & has some black décor like some sort of round black window. It’s one of those pre-fab buildings, which has a round frame & the ceiling & walls wrap around it. It seems the person who put this here was trying to store something for hard times coming.

Then the road becomes a FORK. It had never

been a fork before, & both of the roads are covered in a wide duct tape material – shiny grey. I see the fork of the road from afar. I decide to take the LEFT because I’ve never been that way – always went the other. What will I find?

*(FORK IN ROAD, NEW LEFT: Left-sided tantra represents things that are forbidden or not considered kosher, but it gets you there. This left turn is something bad that will turn to something good, most probably the economic crisis.

DUCT TAPE: This is REPAIR or an attempt to fix a thing, & both roads are covered, means there was a problem in both paths or ways. The duct tape is smooth, shiny, easy to slide over. Something has happened to smooth the way, both ways.

The duct tape might also represent the vision to see, understand, what’s going to happen.)*

So I drive a long time, seeing new sights, can’t recall what. I finally come to the end & strangely, I am glad; tired of the journey. There is a pretty wall, like 8 or 10’ tall, made of wood & a window over all of it with panes, separated into squares, the side of the road is also some walls. None of this is formidable or threatening, it’s just somehow appropriate, I’m glad it’s the end, I’m tired of the road.

*(END OF ROAD: The end of the quest, the journey, end of what I am seeking – will the marriage be or not? I am tired of waiting, tired of wondering, tired of trying.

This road might also represent a series of things that will happen, events, sights, that I can now see – that were not seen before & then the end of this quest will be revealed.

WINDOW AT END: Windows are opportunities, openings, things that allow something to happen, doors are the same. A door opening is an opportunity.)*

Here appears a handsome young blonde man, cheerful, moving here & there, doing this & that. We greet each other, then he disappears – this happens again & again. In the end, he appears again, puts his arm around me friendly, & then it stays that way.

*(BEAUTIFUL YOUNG BLONDE: Is Josh. The physical movements are his, & also, we were back & forth together & broken up several times. This reviews that.

But in the end, he puts his arm around me & does not withdraw – this shows the end will be permanent, him & me.

BLONDE: Is golden hair, means love.

ARM AROUND ME: Accepts me. Holds me means keeps me in his life, keeps me with him. God is telling me that IN THE END, Josh & I will stay together.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

PERMANENT LOVERS

LOVERS WILL BE TOGETHER PERMANENTLY

5-5-20-END IN CONCRETE FACES

Interpreted for a friend

The beginning is there’s a lot of turmoil in a community group – there’s like a ‘big man leader’ off to the right, in the middle a group of ‘boys’ or ‘young men.’

I am here in the middle, doing this & that, like on the media, speaking. There’s a TV or radio show. This man I didn’t think was promoting me, I see his show in retrospect, & he did promote me, so much later I thank him for it. There’s something pitiful about this man, he has a good heart but he’s struggling or something.

There’s this guy I love who is in front in a sort of restaurant area with small booths—he has the young guys all around him, he’s one of them.

One day after a while he’s in a booth, & he & I have been through a lot, & I think it’s time for me to SIT DOWN & TALK TO HIM. I think he’s READY. So I go sit down in the little booth across from him ready for a good important CHAT.

*(CHAT IN BOOTH: This is when Frank was running like a kid with all the guys – totally immature – while we were dating & I wanted to pin him down to a relationship.

IN A BOOTH: This is like being ‘fenced in’, a limited space, closed in to some degree, a symbol for a RELATIONSHIP.)*

He FLIES OFF like a wild animal, totally scared or spooked out, with all the boys around him flying with him. They’re all dependent on each other – like a HERD, & where one goes, they all go. They can’t be or think independently, all dependent on the herd.

(FLIES OFF LIKE WILD ANIMAL with the other guys: Herd mentality is powerful.)

Later I hide behind a staircase where he will re-emerge, I hope to ambush him to see what is he doing & have a discussion.

*(BEHIND A STAIRCASE, AMBUSH: Long wait for him to come down from his ‘Ivory Tower’ {implied, he is high up, I could say Ivory Tower although it is not shown} but it doesn’t happen for years.

IVORY TOWER: a place or situation remote from worldly or practical affairs — an attitude of aloofness from or disdain or disregard for worldly or practical affairs.

AMBUSH, HIDE BEHIND STAIRS TO CHECK ON HIM: Me leaving him, hiding from him, but still interested. Still, the relationship doesn’t happen, it doesn’t work.)*

Somehow this should work but it doesn’t.

Years go by. During that time of turmoil, this guy was with a female who he said was chasing him that he wanted to avoid—he acted like he didn’t like or love her, like she wasn’t important to him.

*(FEMALE NOT IMPORTANT TO HIM CHASING HIM: This is me – he wanted to give people the impression he wasn’t interested in me, that it was only I interested in him – but of course that was only the outside impression, he was equally interested in me, he just didn’t want a commitment—a marriage. He wanted to remain a child.

YEARS GO BY: Years have gone by & I don’t know how much more time remains before our relationship starts.)*

Now I see him unexpectedly & I see her face to the left back of me & his face to the right front of me by the corner of is it a brick building? It seems like five or more years after the fiasco.

Their faces are like none I have ever seen before. Each one is encased in cement – their faces come out of the cement, made of cement, surrounded by a rectangle square horizontally, with decorations of sorts around their faces. It’s mostly grey but there are bits & pieces of color here & there.

*(FACES ENCASED IN HORIZONTALLY RECTANGULAR CEMENT: It is ‘set in stone’ that we get back together.

CORNER BRICK BUILDING: Solid brick – also represents the relationship, as we are there. We were ‘crucified’ {the corner} but it stands strong.

‘Sense-image material’ is yesterday I saw a homestead family in the middle of a beautiful dry wilderness. A teenage boy in the family wanted pizza & he & an older brother decide to create a PIZZA OVEN {outside} – which they do with rocks & CEMENT—the boy exclaims the cement looks like dough. They build the oven, the boy kneads the dough, covers it with tomato sauce & shredded cheese, they cook it & the whole family eats it. I was impressed by the ingenuity.

Here the cement that glued together the oven is seen as being mortar / glue to create a relationship – the boy who ran from me like a wild animal with his herd, to the boy who is now united to me in a rock solid relationship.

HORIZONTAL: This is to show me that this is of the earth, not merely spiritual, as we have the spiritual marriage already as of 2019. )*

To me it’s totally disappointing that he ended up with her – this cement like says ‘made in stone’ even though they did not get along, he was running from her, but here they are – the same two, so PREDICTABLE – them being together. I find their pairing up to be just so prosaic, so ordinary, all the problems & disclaimers to the contrary – they started out together having problems but ended up together as an ordinary couple, a predictable pairing.

*(ORDINARY, PROSAIC, PREDICTABLE: Why these words to something I suffered so much for, prayed so hard for & desired totally? I ask of Mother God:

She: Because you are so over it, having been through all that. Your emotions have been spent, drained, your mind plateau-d out, you’ve been through so much you simply cannot take any more.

It could be the emotionally desired now becomes the commonplace & ordinary, & could be ‘taken for granted’ – which would be a sigh of relief from all the previous pain.

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

HELP 4 SOULS & LOVER KISSES

SOULS SEEK MY HELP & ECSTATIC REUNION WITH MY LOVER

4-21-20-SOULS & ECSTASY WITH LOVER

Two themes, begins one way, segues into another.

First, I’m here in my house three or more floors up – like in a tower. I look below & see a few people. The idea is that people are showing up to see me in an honorable way – I am some type of respected leader.

(TOWER: Isolated height, like Jesus on the Cross. My past martyrdoms give me a spiritual height, which others can access by their respect & humility—such people are gathering below.)

I see one of the people below looks like a ‘small saint.’ A female is wearing a long black dress, but not dreary, it’s decorated with a medieval standout collar, white & gold, & has a 6” or so fringe on the bottom with similar colors—might have lace. She’s waiting for me.

*(LITTLE FEMALE ‘SAINT’: This is a female, either living or dead. If dead, the black dress says ‘funeral,’ but it also has white on the

BIG COLLAR: & hem & gold. This could show being a ‘religious’ & that she loved God {gold is love}.

If she is alive, then she’s a relationship I had LONG AGO – the black dress would be ‘ending.’ But she is here ‘below me’ spiritually asking for help. I descend to her level – not in a negative sense, but in the sense that God lowered Herself to become Jesus or another Great Saint – descended into the flesh to help us, save us from our sins. I wonder if this person could be a next-of-kin female who has not spoken to me for 41 years {due to stupid family politics.}?)*

As I look down I don’t have to go on any stairs, I can do my usual trick of jumping from great heights (I love doing this in dreams, sometimes just for fun, appear on super tall buildings & jump to enjoy floating down & showing everyone what I can do) & not getting hurt. So I jump gleefully, saying to the people & even stopping before I hit the ground, floating in the air,

“See – I don’t get hurt!”

(I DON’T GET HURT: Might be a clue this is about forgiveness, as when you forgive you say to the person ‘It’s as if you never hurt me—I remove it, I do not feel the pain.’ This is total forgiveness, & so this might be a clue it is the relative who rejected me for so long.)

Then I ask the lady if she’s a ‘little saint’ & don’t know what she says. Around me have gathered a few ‘disciples’ for want of a better word – they are cautious to show respect & don’t come too close or familiar.

Then from the left comes a black man with a narrow face – he is pitiful looking – I have seen him before. He’s wearing white clothes printed with small designs, mostly blue. The material of the clothes looks puffy & slit up & down the arms – again looks medieval, as in ancient paintings. He comes toward me cautiously, afraid I’ll reject him, but I do not, however repulsive he is. Somehow I greet him & accept him but don’t give him the hug he’d like to get. I am sitting during these communications, in my driveway, like ‘holding court.’

*(REPULSIVE MAN, CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES, I DO NOT REJECT HIM BUT HE DOESN’T GET THE HUG HE’D LIKE: Again, don’t know if this is a Soul in Purgatory or a living person. If it’s a Soul then

THE HUG: Could be my touching him, the Sacred Touch by which he ascends into Heaven. I have had this happen when I hugged my friend George’s late wife – when she withdrew she was wearing my sweater {my Light} by which she ASCENDED into Heaven.

And when angels brought James Brown {the singer} to me, I had to kiss him with the Sacred Kiss, then the angels withdrew him into Heaven. And so, my TOUCH or CONTACT WITH ME {like the touch of Jesus garment by the woman with the issue of blood, who was thereby healed} transmits God’s Grace into a person, by which they ASCEND. Apparently, this man is not yet ready for the Sacred Touch, he has more cleansing coming up.

If this is a living person, then it might be John the lawyer – a best friend who turned on me for something I didn’t do – & has hardly spoken to me over ten years. This is saying he’d like to be forgiven. I do forgive him but according to this am not ready to give him the physical closeness he would like. He has become repulsive to me due to judging & punishing me so harshly. But then this might not be about him, might be someone else I have forgotten.)*

PEOPLE WAITING, DISCIPLES, I AM HOLDING COURT: These are people who need my help in the spiritual sense. I don’t know if they’re living or dead but they are from the ‘long past.’

MEDIEVAL CLOTHES: Long past, either living people I’ve known or Souls that have been in Purgatory a long time.

{Because of this dream I started saying the Holy Mass again, which I neglected over a month. I thought these might be Souls in Purgatory asking for help.})*

DIFFERENT SCENES OR DREAMS

Then there’s a scene of a few women in a room. One female to the right is sitting in a corner, she’s pretty, her skin seems brown although she’s Caucasian. My late husband Richard is standing near her, she’s smiling, flirting with him. This annoys me. I tell him,

(BROWN SKIN: Can mean different things. Here it means ‘in the flesh’— not spiritual.)

“She doesn’t love you – she’s making a fool out of you.”

But he has a stupid look on his face & keeps talking to her, not even seeing me. There’s another woman to my left facing me, his right that seems to be part of this.

*(RICHARD, LATE HUSBAND: This is always the present spiritual husband who I call Jack. Richard was good & loved me truly. When he appears it means my present husband has good feelings & thoughts about me, he is behaving like the good husband. {He has not appeared as evil or demonic for many months now, thank Heavens.}

A woman he’s talking to is not sincere, but messing with him. She is ‘of human nature’. It might be his housemate or it could be someone else. If it’s his housemate this is showing me she has fallen OUT of love with him as one time, she was, I think in love, in her own way. I am warning him this female no longer loves him. Now that I meditate on this I believe the smile gives it away – the smile is fake & looks like that of his housemate – but he doesn’t realize she’s faking. {Like most men, you smile, you put on an act, they fall for it— why? Because they want to. Ditto the other way. The gigolo acts like he loves you, you pay him, you think he has feelings for you.} Why she’s putting on this act is now shown. The only hint might be the

OTHER FEMALE IN ROOM: Friend might be advising her to put on an act that she still loves him to offset any repercussions—men do get violent when you reject them, even when they are the guilty party. {My first husband began to strangle me when I was leaving him on two different occasions. God saved me from it. I ran away the second time, left him, too our child & stayed at a motel.}

Hint as to why her love has gone: She lost her job, he didn’t. She was supporting them, now she needs him to put forth his money but he won’t—he needs it for substances. She’s not innocent here, she’s also an addict. You can see where love could turn to hate. {It’s that old situation where two love one another with conditions, conditions deteriorate, they end up hating one another, being bitter, even killing one another. But in true love it never dies, it’s unconditional. That’s what my lover & I have.})*

My lover Jack has been around. Suddenly he’s in my arms – it’s a reunion of love / intimacy. I can’t recall how, it just happened. He looks like himself.

(LOVER JACK: Richard is now Jack. Perhaps my mystical warning about the housemate got through to him. He sees she no longer loves him,–understandably– he turns his mind & emotions toward me & intimacy.)

He’s in my arms & we’re French kissing & it gets so intimate & erotic, I feel ecstasy.

*(ECSTASY, INTIMACY, FRENCH KISSING: This is what we both lived for & still do. There is nothing to replace this sort of emotion people feel toward another—such pleasure—it lifts you above the world & makes life meaningful. People do all sorts of illogical, criminal, extreme actions to keep feelings of ecstasy going. I know a woman who lives under a bridge with the man she loves—she’s young & pretty. She has a child every year with him which social services takes away–all for that feeling of ‘ecstasy.’

For me, I allowed him to treat me like shit in order to feel the ecstasies once in a while. He would engage me with sex – feel the pleasure – then walk away abruptly & not summon me for 5 weeks—that was his pattern. In the last two years he would praise his housemate on social media but of course I did not exist – People thought I was that forgotten, obsessed old lady. He never appeared in public with me any more because he feared losing the support of the housemate.

He talked ‘double talk’ with me, every time seeing me he’d say he was through with her, but then would add ‘don’t mess up what I have with her.’ He didn’t explain what ‘he had with her’ but I figured it out by seeing his lifelong pattern: Mooch off someone, keep my money for myself for the medications {which he desperately needs.}

This ECSTASY is similar to the highest drug. It’s the feeling saints live for when they have ecstasy/union/intimacy with God. Saints will go through any torture to feel this Love of God – It not only is spiritual, it’s emotional & physical, it lifts one to the Heavens. Of course, the earthly ecstasies FALL SHORT of the ones with God – you cannot see God face to face with an increase of feel-good hormones, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins. The spiritual ecstasy is beyond the earth & flesh; you leave the flesh in spiritual flights & appear in a Higher World – temporarily or forever. I cannot explain why or how the Spiritual Highs go beyond feel-good hormones, perhaps because logically hormones no longer exist past the flesh, but Spiritual Heights – Heaven, do exist.

This ECSTASY that we are both in is the Union that Jack & I have – it’s in our souls as well as our bodies. This dream indicates that Jack is now awake that his housemate/relationship is over – she no longer loves him as he never loved her – & now he’s mentally/emotionally free for the intimacy with me. {Remember, God is a ‘jealous God,’ – when you give yourself fully to something, someone, besides Her, She will not reveal herself or give you the ecstatic intimacy with Her – So in a sense, it is on the earthly plane. If Jack was divided – saw a reason to be praising Housemate all the time, & putting effort into their relationship, his mind, body, heart & soul were not free to be enjoying intimate union with me—HE’S NOW FREE.})*

Then after that he carries me around with my legs around his waist – without any strain – like you would a child without effort. And he isn’t ashamed at all to show the world he’s in love with me – he walks openly here & there where people can see.

*(CARRIES ME, MY LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST, EFFORTLESSLY LIKE A CHILD: ‘To carry’ someone is to support them, to help them get around, get somewhere. My legs around him are full support – nothing held back from him to me, he gives me his all, I don’t even have to make an effort.

ISN’T ASHAMED TO SHOW THE WORLD: This reveals he’s gotten over the fear of criticism or disapproval – he said he was with his Housemate for ‘the party life style & popularity – I sold my soul to the devil for it’ he said on social media {he said this in a veiled way, in a poem, did not name names but I understood}.)*

We talk about setting up a sports center at my house, for wrestling or sports fighting. I will set up a ‘ring’ I tell him,

“But it has to have a roof in case of rain.”

He continues to walk with me around him here & there in this place like a village, with small business places scattered about, like tiny restaurants. I tell him,

“You can have anything you want,”

(Meaning to eat, I will pay.)

He walks into this small store – all it sells is candy. There was another customer here {female}, just leaving. The place could only hold at most 5 people in front of the counter.

(CANDY STORE: Place of drugs/medications. I surmise the female just leaving is his housemate. This hints they are no longer together—she gets her drugs solo, it’s not a joint project any more. She gets her drugs, leaves, he is holding or carrying me, means he is with me, loves me, & I help him.)

On the counter left is a bowl filled with all colors candy the size of large vitamin capsules, & on the right a bowl of a strange blue sweet that looks like a smooth ocean wave, like taffy but not sticky, about ¾ inch thick, about 6” long in a wave, about 4.5” wide. I imagine you break pieces off. I tell him,

“You can have this but I don’t eat candy.”

*(CANDY, TINY STORE, SOME LIKE VITAMINS, SOME LIKE BLUE TAFFY (but not sticky): I get the feeling this represents substances, but which ones I can’t tell. I don’t do substances I say, but I tell him he can have them. Substances are his self medication due to damage by parents, he suffers from PTSD & attachment disorder, possibly other problems I’m not aware of. He would be desperate & suicidal without them – I want to help him through prayer, therapy & all the mental, emotional, spiritual remedies, medications would be temporary.

MANY BRIGHT COLORS THE SIZE OF VITAMIN CAPSULES: These drugs mimic the feel-good hormones, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins, or in other words, feel-good hormones. Bright colors indicate FEELINGS. Vitamins mean ‘good for you’ & these drugs mimic ‘feel good’ or ‘good for you’ feelings.)*

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

I SEE MY LOVER’S GOD SELF

I SEE MY LOVER’S GOD SELF & HE MINE—

WE WERE TOGETHER IN A PREVIOUS LIFETIME—

4-9-20-SEVEN FOOT TALL MAN CHOOSES ME

I’m in my apt in B’klyn in my bedroom. There are people in other parts of the place; I seem to be isolated here, in my room.

Then two things I become aware of at the same time. One, the fire escape is crowded with people – it extends across the two front windows, real life fire escape is only on one window, but there are two here. All of them are crowded with people trying to get some air, to be outside during this time of isolation, men & women are sitting sunning. I especially see a man in beige trunks, reclining halfway on his back. Everything is friendly, a good feeling of people being together.

*(ISOLATION, QUARANTINE VS PEOPLE BEING TOGETHER: This is about that dichotomy, being isolated, or being together. It beckons to mind when they say

“Alone in a crowded room”

If you have nothing in common with people, although there are many around you, you still feel isolated & alone. But if you have something in common or intimacy, you feel CONNECTED & not alone any more.)*

The second thing I see is on top of the table that holds a water tray is a small screen, like the screens people look at like a computer, but this is small. It’s only about 5” tall & 7” across. I never paid attention to this screen, like it had nothing I wanted on it, but now I see a TV show or movie is just beginning, & it’s well done.

There’s a man that seems to be an opera star / announcer, speaking in a grand voice in English, clearly, impressive looking & sounding. He’s tall, a feeling of an opera star, wearing a snug brown outfit, he stands with feet apart, arms akimbo delivering his message.

*(TALL MAN, LIKE AN OPERA STAR, IMPOSING: I did not see this right away but after getting toward the end of the dream realized it’s the man I love—Bobby– & there’s a weighty message here. At first glance I thought I had summoned a saint but it’s different.

BROWN OUTFIT, BLACK BOOTS: Brown seems to be a color coming up often these days both on him & myself. All colors mean multiple things, the definition I give to brown in the last two dreams is SERIOUS, a serious message.

BLACK BOOTS: Like all colors black has many definitions, one of them is MYSTERY—what is black is a mystery to us, it’s the unknown. This dream will reveal a serious mystery about my Beloved.

HE IS IMPRESSIVE: This is a large part of the mystery. This is my LOVER’S GOD SELF, HIS SOUL that has migrated from a previous lifetime to the one here & now. He is TALL because the God Self is IMPORTANT, God is important, it’s the part of us that is Immaculate—without sin—it is priceless & perfect. It is the lower self, not the actual God-Self/Soul that houses sins, {which must be clarified in Purgatory before we can see God face to face.}

There’s then the ‘lower soul’ which would be our unconscious, our lower spiritual energy-entity, while the God-Self Soul is the Highest Level. That is the one that migrates from body to body in various lifetimes.)*

I look at this & think I’ll stay & pay attention – it might be interesting.

Then it all changes. Now I’m in this movie, it’s come to life. The man is standing there in a theater or club with the stage behind him. He’s called a party – he’s special – hundreds of people came, I see them piling in, many so close to each other they seem to be on top of one another, in colorful party clothes, females & males.

*(PARTY EVERYONE WANTS TO COME: This is Bobby in this lifetime – attractive, popular, wants to have fun & everyone wants to be with him—male & female. He is a star.

COLORFUL CLOTHES: Lots of emotions, especially the women, they are infatuated or fascinated with him.)*

The man I now see more clearly is dressed in a ‘cavalier’ fashion in all brown, snug fitting with plain/elegant black boots up to his knees. He is at least a foot taller than anyone there – the visitors are average between 5 to 6’ tall, he’s 7’ tall.

(HE’S A FOOT TALLER THAN ANYONE HERE: This height is his God-Self. It is this that makes him a star. In another lifetime/s, he achieved great spiritual stature. The people around him, his family & friends, have not. They are attracted to his Spiritual Charisma – which is the Presence of the Holy Spirit.)

He stands there like ‘The Jolly Green Giant’; he always has his legs apart — imposing. Everyone wanted to come to his party & I’m here also.

(HIS PARTY, I’M HERE ALSO: I’m a part of his life & I think a lot of him.)

Now the giant man walks around his guests like in a hallway adjoining the room (with his attendants) & for some reason he just faintly puts his index finger on me – my shoulder I guess – to say he’s seen me.

(FAINTLY PUTS HIS FINGER ON ME LIKE TO SAY HE SEES ME: This must be when he first singled me out—I was so impressed, & took me to make love. But I did not see him again for three years—didn’t know where to find him.)

This made me feel special, because he’s the star, we’re like a bunch of ‘nobodies’ & for him to single me out is unusual.

(HOW HE MADE ME FEEL: indeed this accurately says how he made me feel when we met. I saw him as a great star & was lucky to be chosen – I said so to him. I even asked him if he was real or was I hallucinating or imagining him? He seemed ‘too good to be true.’ He didn’t see himself as special—his family & friends had not lifted him up.)

Shortly after that he does more than just faintly touch me with the tip of his finger, this time he puts his hand on me definitely to let me know he’s chosen me.

(PUTS HIS HAND ON ME STRONGLY: This is when we started going steady three years later. He told me he wanted to marry me.)

I now see myself, what I’m wearing. Wow, am I covered! And as I walked through the premises I took one sweater off, & was planning to take more & more off as I got more ‘confident’ so people could see how I looked.

First, my head. I have on a thick ribbed grey knitted cap which fits tightly over the head down my forehead. Underneath I have beautiful thick, curly blonde hair but I’m not showing it at all.

On my body I have several layers of light grey & black, mostly loose. One of the light grey things is like an ‘athlete’ shirt which has medium-thin straps that show all the shoulders & arms, except there’s the black under that. I’m so covered no one could see any hint of how I am underneath, so he isn’t choosing me for that.

*(MY LAYERS OF CLOTHES, BLACK & GREY, EVERYTHING COVERED & CONCEALED: This is a spiritual concealment, not physical. When we dated my body was obviously revealed; it was my SPIRIT that was hidden.

This says that HIS ATTRACTION TO ME WAS NOT MY BODY BUT HE SAW, FELT THE SPIRIT INSIDE ME—THAT WE WERE KIN & HE CHOSE ME AS HIS FROM THE BEGINNING.

Because I’m saying, I was concealed, no one could see my body – my body is the Real Me, True Self, God Self, but this explains he saw or felt this Real Me.

BLACK & GREY LAYERS CONCEALING ALL: This is me being a mystery – people don’t know who I am like the general population did not know who Jesus was until it was revealed. The Three Kings knew who He was, his Holy Mother & foster Father knew who He was, Holy Anna & St. Simon knew who He was, the Shepherds discovered he was Holy when the angels told them. His identity was revealed to the privileged but hidden to normal folks—Herod feared him not because he was a Spiritual Giant but he was predicted to be a King, & Herod thought he would be an earthly King—but of course Jesus said to Pilate in answer to the question if he was a King,

“My Kingdom is not of this world.”

Even his close friends & Apostles were not certain who He was when he asked who do people say I am? They said things like ‘Prophet’ but then Peter blurted out,

“You are the Messiah!”

And so, even though Jesus did many miracles & healings, his True Identity was still hidden, unrevealed, not obvious. It took the Holy Spirit to show Peter who Jesus was—Jesus said so.

In this dream, it says I saw the identity of my Beloved Bobby – I saw his God Self from the start. And he also saw that I was his Anointed mate, & in the end of this dream it’s revealed we were mates in a previous lifetime

THICK GREY RIBBED CAP ON MY HEAD COVERING HAIR, EVERYTHING, DOWN MY FOREHEAD: This is how thoroughly my God-Self was hidden to the public, yet my Soul Mate instinctively felt it. Covering the head would be covering the mind & thoughts, ‘Where my head is.”)*

OK, then I get close to the man, & as I do so, amazingly, he is shorter than me. I have my left hand over his shoulder, gently rubbing it like to show him I like him. He’s wearing a blue or green spandex type top, soft, it’s pleasant to have my hand on it as I caress him.

*(AMAZINGLY HE IS SHORTER THAN ME: This is spiritual stature. All is relative as far as this; he’s a foot higher than most people spiritually, but not as tall as I am. It means I evolved closer to God in previous lifetimes than he had, but still, we are both Great Souls.

MY HAND ON HIM, CARESSING: This could be saying first he put his hand on me to choose me, now I put my hand on him to accept.

GREEN/BLUE SOFT SPANDEX OUTFIT: This is here on earth, blue like the sky, green like the earth. We meet on the earth, he singles me out, I accept him. We desire each other. Hand on

SHOULDER: is comforting—as shoulders are what we carry the cross on.)*

To my surprise he starts speaking to me in RUSSIAN! He doesn’t know English at all! I try to explain to him, that my Grandma was Russian. We’re looking for something in common – he asked me like who I was or what I was about or something. I say to his attendants – how do you say Grandma in Russia? I say her name, her first name was Luba & her last married name I will not say, & it was Lithuanian anyway so it would be irrelevant. He has two female attendants who apparently know both languages; they’re dressed in red & are his height.

*(HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN, DOESN’T KNOW ENGLISH: This is the key to the dream, this scene/symbol opens up the entire meaning. I then bring up my Grandma {while trying to find some common ground},

RUSSIAN GRANDMA: Here I go back a couple generations to show WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON. This tells me that the reason this man singled me out is that we were in relationship some generations ago – in a different land, culture & language.

He did not single me out merely for physical, in this lifetime, looks or anything. He saw through my COVERING or physical cover, the underlying IDENTITY or person he knew long ago – when we were together IN ANOTHER LIFETIME.

This explains why he’s CHOSEN ME. It’s like the Three Kings who sought out Jesus because he was their Guru in a previous lifetime. He was continuing his life in another body, but he was that SAME SOUL.

This dream explains that it is the GOD SELF that is reborn again & again in other bodies, that is the identity that continues. The body dies, the outward form, connection with the physical is all gone, & there’s a new body, nationality, culture & language. But the SOUL / GOD SELF has not CHANGED, it’s deep inside.

When people are drawn to each other in a mysterious/compulsive way, as if they knew each other before, it could what’s called TWIN FLAMES. Twin flames loved each other in a previous lifetime & have business to finish. Just as the Three Kings honored Jesus as their reincarnated Guru & gave him precious gifts, twin flames feel something that is underneath the physical, culture, language, cover & they feel a pull, a pull that will make them go through anything to be together.

This is why this Great man puts his finger on me – first lightly, then strongly, to say,

“YOU ARE THE ONE. I CHOOSE YOU.”

Out of all the people on earth, the twin flames recognize each other as being ONE, they cannot be happy with anyone else.)*

Then it seems it’s just him & me talking, a bit off to the side, & I try to reach him in ‘sign language.’

I want to tell him he’s a great man, & I make gestures to that effect of ‘something great.’ He isn’t aware I’m describing him & he asks who that is.

I point to him & say,

“It’s you.”

(SIGN LANGUAGE-GREAT MAN IS YOU: I am the only one he knows who recognizes his God-Self & that it is highly evolved. The people around him do not see this at all. Some have demoralized him, others diminish him, he has never had anyone ‘restore’ him or confirm his great God Identity. The reason we want to be together is called Divine Relationship—our God-Selves recognize each other.)

College of God & Love, College of Love Making, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

LOVER WAS TRAUMATIZED

LOVER WAS TRAUMATIZED

4-7-20-LOVER IS FRANK SINATRA & GREAT LADY

Reviewed & analyzed for someone else

Great prayers beget great dreams. I know this to be a result of my desperate prayers. I prayed to Mother God to assist me personally, I brought myself closer to her saying in every way how my happiness, my Heaven, can only happen when She is ONE with me. The problem is I criticize & judge myself too much, I cannot find peace of mind & happiness as I’m always finding fault with myself. My schedule, lifestyle, activities are not perfect by my standards, so I am always looking down at myself—I know this is wrong; it’s due to being abused, despised, criticized by my Mom & others.

This abuse lives in my head, in a sense, like Mom & Co are still there, their programs keep playing out. I realize this but am having trouble stopping, so I prayed strongly until I fell asleep.…………………….

FRANK SINATRA appears. Frank was a great guy, I helped him out of Purgatory, & so when he appears in this dream I don’t know if it’s really Sinatra or my lover/husband Peter.

Frank is sitting against a wall & I come close to him. He wants to tell me something & it’s very loving & intimate.

*(FRANK SINATRA: Is my lover/husband Peter. Why does he appear as Frank? Could it be because he wants to be a vocalist/rapper? Or an actor?

PURGATORY, I HELPED HIM OUT OF IT: This could apply to my lover as I helped him out of the earthly Purgatorial state he was in, doing multiple exorcisms, Masses & prayers for years, getting rid of many demons, freeing him up for God & peace of mind.)*

He says to me in a way that penetrates my heart – it’s like we melt into each other, he says,

“Wherever I go, whatever I do, I will always take you with me.”

I see over his heart three stripes, the rest of him is a sepia color, monochromatic, but the stripes remind me of the Lithuanian flag, yellow, green & red.

So he’s saying he’ll always carry me in his heart. It’s hard to explain the feeling that goes with this, it’s deep.

(MY FLAG STRIPES OVER HIS HEART, HE’LL ALWAYS TAKE ME WHEREVER HE GOES: This is saying I will always be in his heart, a part of him, united, that he will always love me.)

AFTER THAT starts another dream.

I walk into a large room. To the right is a Great Lady, hovering over a man sitting at a ‘cafeteria style’ table. She seems to be comforting him, sort of consoling & flirting, he seems to be wearing an ‘army olive’ color top. But when I walk in she immediately stands up – in fact – in these dreams whenever I enter a room, she stands up to greet me—I’m impressed because this shows so much respect.

*(GREAT LADY: My Mother God within me, the Presence of God, the Real Me, who I really am, “I am a Soul, I have a body, my purpose is Love.”

This God-Self RESPECTS MY LOWER SELF GREATLY, She stands up whenever I enter a room. This is the respect ‘God the Father’ would give his own Son, Jesus Christ, because it is in the body that God implemented our salvation. It is in the body God suffered, not in Heaven, not in the God Self, but in the lower self, & so, great respect is given to ‘God the Son’.

In the same way, God my Mother is giving the respect to my lower self or body – She did her work through God her Daughter.)*

She also is saying to me, by her action, that yes, she was giving attention to this guy at the table, but I’m more important than him.

(MAN AT TABLE SHE IS CONSOLING: This is the lover/husband. Yes, She loves him, but gives more honor/respect to me.)

As she stands up I see how tall she is – about six feet – her arms & legs are long, she has long brown hair to the middle of her back & wearing a clinging red mini dress. She puts her arms around me & holds me a while.

*(SIX FEET TALL LADY: This is my spiritual height, I was shown/told – the same as Joan of Arc in Heaven. By contrast, my dear Dad is a dwarf. I saw him in Heaven, I bent down to him to say hello, it was whimsical, because I always looked up to him & in his obituary the author said he looked at him as a saint. He’s a small saint.

By contrast, my wicked Mom & brother are lower– I did not see them standing but sitting in a dim light in the balcony of Heaven–& in another vision Mom was in a small house—the size of an apt, like one-bedroom, plain, with a picture of my brother on the table waiting for him to join her {he’d not yet died}. There was a sign that she ‘just made it’ into Heaven – the sign was that outside I saw a stovepipe, smoke was coming out, & it had tar on it—tar means Hell.

In comparison I might add that the beautiful actor Errol Flynn inhabits an entire tropical island suspended in Heaven! Yes he had a long Purgatory, but he had underneath it all, a good heart, he gave a lot to those he loved & he did suffer—people don’t realize how much he suffered—read his book, ‘My Wicked, Wicked Ways.’)*

She’s some kind of an executive, an important Lady in show business production.

Then I hear an inner voice & I repeat it to her:

“Make a video/movie {I hear a description or word that denotes like ‘behind the scenes production’ but can’t recall that word} of Frank & myself.”

Frank is a vocalist. I’m thinking about that. Does he still have a voice? It’s odd that I would tell this great lady to do this movie–that she would listen & obey. Who am I to tell her what to do? But she respects me that much. I see her sitting at a desk to my left front, with her assistants around her, she has a staff. She has a thoughtful face, she’s also beautiful.

I see us being busy making this movie but can’t recall details.

*(THE MOVIE I SAY TO MOTHER GOD SHE SHOULD MAKE ABOUT US: I am stumped Mother God. I already tried to help him years ago & it backfired on me. Now what? Is this literally true or what is it a symbol of?

She: This I believe refers to ‘Reality TV.’ You, the flesh, under inspiration, is saying to create a Reality Show about you & him, with him as a performer.

Me: But would it work?

She: Yes.

Me: I can see it now. He & I have an emotional reunion. He confesses to his mistakes, he professes his love, I interrogate him & he repents it all.

We have a spiritual wedding with all the trimmings.

Then, I rent a place to preach, with a pulpit. I give a rousing sermon. Sermon over, I take off my robe & under it a scanty outfit. I dance–splits, kicks, the whole megilla. He pops out & raps & dances. His beauty will be recognized as well as his talent. We could even do a Jayne Mansfield, Micky Hargitay routine; she called ‘adagio,’ where she climbed on him for poses. The fact that its an old lady with ‘America’s Most Beautiful Man’ will get views.

Mother God: You have the wherewithal to do this, do it & it will create a sensation. Send it to all the TV media & they will take you on, haha.)*

Last thing I do recall is I am in an apt, mine & lovers, & someone has stolen & removed our bed—the apt is Hollywood long ago. We were both sleeping on the floor on a light blue rug—it was comfortable, lots of covers, warm. My side has more of the nice blue rug, his side has a bit of a black one, like the rubber mats I have, not as comfortable.

*(HIS SIDE, BLACK RUBBER MAT, NOT AS COMFORTABLE: He’s more miserable without you than you are without him.

THE APT IN HOLLYWOOD: You shared with a demonic con artist. This is saying Satan broke you & Peter up – took away your bed or intimacy.)*

When we wake up I look at our situation & talk about the bed, & basically say it’s not a terrible thing, we just have to buy another bed, maybe a Queen sized one.

(BUY ANOTHER BED, QUEEN SIZED: The past doesn’t matter, we can improve our relationship.)

I recall a scene where I was getting ready to ‘go out’ with Frank. I had on the most ordinary thick-material black dress, loose. Then I say,

“This is Frank Sinatra – he deserves me being dressed up nicely. I then remove a form-fitting black leather jacket (nice one) off myself with maybe black leather gloves, & place it on a table near the door. He’s watching.

I go to get clothes & find a medium light brown wool tight skirt with a flare (it’s gathered in the back under the hips, with a cloth band across it maybe, so much like the type of skirts I used to love as a kid) & put it on, in front of a mirror – it might be the kind of wool that has colorful flecks in it – I used to wear those as a teen. Frank is behind me. Can’t recall what else I put on or where we go.

*(REMOVE LOOSE BLACK DRESS, REMOVE BLACK LEATHER JACKET, LOOK FOR NICE CLOTHES AS FRANK IS SPECIAL: End of our separation, which was like an ending or funeral, time to be together again. I feel like my old self, when I was young.

SKIRT LIKE BACK IN THE DAY: The wool is sheep or submit {sheep are submissive} again to have sex with him – the hint is this is a skirt which covers the lower part of the body—It’s light brown with flecks, which might denote ‘serious color’ rather than depressing black, & the flecks & flare might say ‘a fun skirt—have fun, enjoy life again.’)*

One strange little scene. Frank is once again sitting against a wall on the floor. The Great Lady is nearby & she says,

“He’s part black” or maybe she said “he’s black.”

I look at his face. It’s a child’s face, like compressed so it’s too wide, {but his body is that of an adult}, with medium light brown skin & both his cheeks are as puffy as baseballs, with those stripes like he had on his heart on both his cheeks {my native country flag stripes}. I carefully bend over to him & kiss his little cheek lightly, just as you would that of a child, a sweet little peck.

*(CHILD’S FACE MY FLAG STRIPES ON HIS CHEEKS, HIS CHEEKS LIKE BASEBALLS, COMPRESSED HEAD, BROWN SKIN: This is the child within, who was damaged. The compressed head could be injury, mental compression. Consider when a person is strangled, their neck is compressed until they can’t breathe. This squeezing down on the head could be mental trauma affecting one’s brain or mind, he can’t think straight.

SITTING AGAINST A WALL: In a desperate place, nowhere to go, like being cornered.

CHEEKS LIKE BASEBALLS—these are called ‘chipmunk cheeks’ because chipmunks fill themselves up with food & store it in their burrows. When people store a great deal, they are preparing against future need or ‘famine,’ – people who have fear of war or poverty hoard many necessities, including food. {In these ‘Pandemic’ times people are doing it—the media is encouraging hysteria. The revoking of civil rights is far worse than the virus.}

I saw a man who had lived through WWII in Germany, now living in America–his cellar was stocked with canned goods & grains like it was a bunker.

These fat cheeks represent INSECURITY, fear of being without, & both cheeks have your flags. This means the child within him needs you – a symbol of SECURITY & all that it represents—someone to love him like a Mother, take care of him, not reject or abandon him.

It means he’s FIXATED on the trauma of what was done to him. He was HURT, REJECTED, ABUSED & EMOTIONALLY ABANDONED BY BOTH PARENTS. He needs you to give him safe space, harbor, a place of trust, where he WON’T BE AFRAID.

HE’S BLACK: The black people have been severely abused in America & elsewhere, first as slaves with no human rights, second as ‘economic slaves’ with limited opportunities, sharecropping, menial & unskilled labor, lowest wages, prejudice & hate. The Great Lady/Mother God is telling you this has been his fate – he’s been treated this way, all here described—as a child.

THE SWEET PECK ON HIS CHEEK: You are treating him like a child, with the tenderness/gentleness a child needs—you’ve been careful to recognize the damage here & just because he has a man’s body, you have not assumed he has ‘grown up,’ – matured fully. You have known all along he was BADLY hurt & his behavior reflects that. You forgave all his hurtful actions toward you on that basis.)*

The feeling overall is that Frank is a great star, he loves me & wants to be with me & he makes me happy.

(FRANK IS A STAR: You see him & treat Peter like a star, to you he is.)

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