College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Family Jewels

11-11-23 St Esquire is back—Relationships

I went to my beautiful apt, not sure if it’s new or what, but I had decorated it to the best of my ability but when I see the other’s guy’s adjacent apt mine falls short. I try to fix it.

So here I am & everything is lovely but I don’t like how my bed looks. It’s not super neat, it’s just the way it is, a soft whitish slightly blue/green sheet is over the entire thing, it wants to be more organized.

My neighbor, who actually owns this property, is next door. He was away, now he’s back.

*{MY NEIGHBOR WHO WAS AWAY NOW IS BACK: In real life this is an old friend, Earl, who came to fix a broken window, that the bear had broke telling me how hungry he was. [It was an answer to prayer, lol, ‘Are the Souls hungry when I don’t say the Holy Mass for them? Indeed they are, see this! Rasa, God whispers to us in our pleasure & shouts to us in our pain! Understand how important the Mass is & how HUNGRY Souls are!]

Earl comes off very fortunate in this dream, more so than I! Part of it is the moment I asked ‘How much do I owe you?’ & he said NOTHING. But I had a gift for him, a gold-framed picture of his half Japanese granddaughter & grandson taken about 20 years ago – when I was friendly with them & him.

Our MUTUAL FRIEND is Rudy, who I spoke about yesterday, who appeared in a dream & I helped reconcile him with Mary Jane, who’s still in Purgatory. Rudy ascended in 18 days, so he’s a saint who can help her!

ME: Mother God, the part that I don’t understand, is why is St. Esquire, Earl, my Landlord, the owner of this building?

MG: You have SO MANY RESIDENCES & APTS, this is one of them. It’s like a PORTAL, or in some cases, a GHOST to the past. Earl ‘in a sense’, owns this ghost, a memory, a place in Infinity you can return to, which has meaning. Perhaps a cluster of thoughts & feelings, experiences.}*

He comes to his apt. I can hear him in there. After a while he comes to my apt, our doors adjoining, & tries the knob, but I have it locked. The walls are blue.

*{I HAVE IT LOCKED, HE TRIES THE DOOR: Earl came back into my life which had been shut off from him. I quickly gave him access! He brings with him that host of memories.}

I quickly run to the door – he has the right to come in, this is HIS PROPERTY! I unlock the door, he enters.

As the door opens I see inside his apt. Wow! It’s EXQUISITE! His mantelpiece has dozens of framed pictures on it, each one with mostly silver, very ornate frames in different sizes, piled one on top of each other in a neat way. The rest of the place is done what looks like by a designer. He has exquisite taste & decorating ability.

{MANTLEPIECE WITH FRAMED PICS AS DESCRIBED, EXQUISITE: Here Earl describes all his children & grandchildren to me. He & his wife are close to many of them. He’s helping one grandson remodel a new house – he came to help me right after their day’s work. Two daughters live nearby, they have grandchildren. He has 2 sons, one is far away & doesn’t stay in touch, another is close by & they are friends. And the conclusion is he has a VERY RICH FAMILY LIFE with great communication, support for the kids, & terrific Holiday* shindigs which I asked him about. This is the pictures on the mantelpiece, framed in beautiful, lasting silver – the symbol because I gave him that gold framed image of his grandkids.}*

I try to IMITATE his place but to no avail, I just can’t get mine to look as good.

{TRYING TO IMITATE HIS BEAUTIFUL LIFE TO NO AVAIL, LOL: I speak of my grandkids & great grandchildren – I have 3 of the former & 5 of the later – but they’re all far away & no longer in touch! I’m not rich/beautiful in family as Earl is}.

I am reminded, there was a young female who came to me in an unusual way. It’s a test or experiment or visit to prove something, but what? To see if I’m a good person? If I’m good to stay with or visit or what?

When she arrives at my front door I have a large pink bath towel over it instead of a door. I sense she’s IMMATURE, no knowledge, experience, her judgment is off.

Almost from the start she judges me as not good to get along with, but why?

And she was SENT by this St Esquire, who is my Landlord.

I hear her REPORT, her telling me why I was wrong or off.

But none of it MAKES SENSE.

She’s judged me WRONGLY.

I try to defend myself. Don’t know what happens except she definitely doesn’t come back.

{SHE DOESN’T COME BACK, JUDGES ME, IMMATURE: This is my granddaughter who fits that description. What is said is the facts. She visited me twice & did not want to come back unless I met a series of demands from her, like I must never talk about GOD! So that was the end. Other reasons why family isn’t close – most of it comes down to geography, they being in England, not easy to be close. So I can’t come up to Earl’s level.}

Oh yes, I also see an image of St. Esquire outside, on the street. He’s walking up the street toward the ‘camera’ – my eyes. It’s a scene out of ‘Great Expectations’ & he’s Pip after coming into this fortune.

He’s in exquisite clothing, like a long camel coat, & he’s wearing black round rimmed glasses, but his entire outfit is super rich looking, neat & classy.

And at a little table in front of a coffee shop is his very good friend, also dressed so beautifully, to top it off, he has a translucent scarf tied round his neck, in a bow, the ends hanging down with the soft wind blowing it. A beautiful picture.

*{AH, EARL HAS MET HIS GREAT EXPECTATIONS, he’s come into ‘family fortune’ as described. He’s been blessed. And who is it sitting at that little table with the lovely black scarf? His face I might add, looks bucolic, sweet. It’s RUDY in Heaven! The black scarf tells me ‘funeral’. Sitting there in the OPEN is Heaven {Purgatory would be closed} & the little table is enjoying FOOD or the Fruits of Life. His trouble, pain is over, he has happiness.

And Earl being there also shows good tidings for him, he’s definitely in the Grace of God.

And when I asked him about Rudy he said he misses him every day, he was his best friend. I was glad about these good words, as Rudy can hear them.

Unlike Mary Jane, who previously had such contempt & looked down on poor crippled Rudy. But Earl gave a shining report.}*

College of God & Love, Core Tenets, Shrine to Shiva

Death Frees Him for Me

11-8-23 The Only Problem is He’s Dead lol

Without a doubt, this is Nick. No symbol, just him – a couple dreams.

In one it gets complicated. A man is in love with a lady & he is stalking her – not in an evil way, just looking for her everywhere.

There’s a ‘party’ so to speak down the hall & I know that lady is there, & I also know there’s a chance my Beloved Nick will be there. This man seeking is the husband of the lady he loves.

So I take this man down the hall & there in the doorway is a kind of average size, young male dressed in maybe blue & white, some vertical designs almost like a uniform. And he is BLOCKING the doorway & tells us,

“No one admitted.”

The man I’m with just disregards this person; after all, he has a right to see his wife. He barges in & right there against the far wall his wife is sitting maybe on a couch or bed, & across from her in a chair on the left is my Beloved Nick in a white t-shirt. I’ve seen pics of him in this outfit, with his hair in a soft Afro. He looks at me shyly. There was a question, is he dead or alive? This seems to say the latter.

I barged in also after the man, disregarding the blocker-boy.

MEANING:

*{This will tell us that Nick was obsessed as much as you were, seeking you wherever you might be downtown. You are as much his spiritual wife as he was your husband. You – the Higher Self, help him find you, the body.

You showed him where Rasa was. The male blocking the door is one of his friends, a symbol of all of them as they blocked him constantly from seeing you; they wanted him for themselves & on drugs. But he disregarded them.

You also disregarded these characters to get to Nick. Here the two of you are together, sitting across one another. He looks at your God Self shyly because he had trouble admitting he was madly in love, as you were. He told people ‘she’s obsessed with me’ but he held back the fact that he was also.

White t-shirt is ‘the pure in Heart shall see God,’ purity, innocence, the untarnished heart of someone. His heart was yours/God’s.}*

In another scene there’s a lady who tells me she wants to see Nick, she has a date with him or appt. She is in front of a mirror putting on makeup or dolling up, has on some kind of a show biz greenish dress, fancy. We seem to be entertainers, maybe dancers, a few of us around.

But I tell her,

“The only problem is, he’s dead.”

She tells me he just made the appt recently. So I say,

“Well he was alive then, but now he isn’t.”

She’s then eager to go to that appt as maybe I’m wrong, maybe he is alive.

Below, his parents, his Mom months before his death age 29, his little son

MEANING:

MG: This is to underscore a fact & one in your favor.

His female friend Ruthie had him while he was alive but now he’s dead TO HER NOT TO YOU – the TRUTH comes out – he’s yours.

She was his front. Hundreds of images of them on Face Book, he didn’t allow any of you & him. Why? The pics or video made of him guffawing over you taken by Terrance he ERASED. He kept up a charade. Why? His peers, mostly drug addicts. They shared a lifestyle, if he deviated from it he would have lost his coterie, his standing in this dubious community. He was their HERO & partially because you ran after him – a LEGEND is after our homie – & the professional images you took of him {he did it for party money—entrance to a dirt-bike race track in Unadilla where just admission cost $56. then– Famous for ‘partying’ which means drugs.} which you took that included nudes & erotic. These were put on your website which became the talk of the two bit hoods – they marveled at the size of his dick – it beat the Binghamton record. They RIDICULED him but it was a front for being IMPRESSED. One guy didn’t know I was the photographer & bragged to me about the size of it, like a kid bragging about his ‘big brother.’ He was soundly harassed about the pictures by these people & was ashamed & embarrassed, not realizing they really admired him behind their jokes.

Nick was the ‘class clown’ & the ‘life of the party’ with these folks. His love for me he KEPT SECRET partially, did not reveal it fully although some knew & tried to keep it under the rug

It was like,

“We know he loves Rasa but we will do all we can to keep it under the radar & pretend the lady he’s with is the important one – hide & forget Rasa.”

And he played along with this to gain their favor, to be the center of this world, {he admitted it on Face Book} for easy access to Cocaine & all the things they did together.

On his Face book there’s an OMINOUS UNDERCURRENT. In his own words he complains of having ‘no one to turn to’ {when I left him physically but never mentally} being devastated, wanting to die, ‘death is calling my name,’ he said he’d given in to the devil & now the devil was coming to get him for payback.

Some of his songs – one in particular – he mournfully called out to me saying how miserable he was, he’d made mistakes, take his heart. This one song was called ‘Cocaine & Broken Bottles,’ – if any of you is curious or a journalist see Lambo13 on SoundCloud.

Also if any of you cares to look that what I’m saying is the truth, check his Face Book & look back years of his predictions on his misery & death – I did, & somewhere or other I have his posts written down.

For his beautiful images see my site Embodiment of God, Shiva Shrines.

He took images with everyone but me, now he’s with me forever, lol. Where he’s in ‘formal’ attire is his Mom

Now this second dream presents his front woman who’s saying she’s got an appt with him but I say, problem is he’s dead.

What does this mean?

It’s over. The charade is over, the front, the farce, the mask. Costumes,, fakery, fraud are all gone. He’s lost his body, no more body, only the TRUTH remains & he is my sheep & that of God, he hears my voice, not theirs. He’s intimate with me, not them.

They had him in life but death proves he’s mine..}*

His parents with his son AFTER his death. Your guess is as good as mine where he found his beauty, lol.

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Spiritual Success with Help

11-6-23 ARNOLD means SUCCESS-He is HERE St. Charbel & Friend Rudy from Heaven Help

As usual, multiple dreams but I’m most interested in the Arnold one, but will pop the others in briefly.

There was one dream regarding my 1^st husband Stan {not a good sign} & I going to the movies & there seeing the journalist Geraldo & greeting him like a long-lost love, lol. {Husband – I moved my seat several times to see others, once flew in the air to join him again. He’s gaunt, tall, skinny, hand almost claw like it’s so thin. And his personality, it isn’t warm or flowing, artificial & stiff, no sex appeal, old fashioned in a bad way. I see how unattractive he was to me in my heart.}

Geraldo was chewing out a man on the left front of the theater, accusing him of all sorts of crimes like murder, that’s how I noticed him. I was wearing a kerchief with medium-dark designs, maybe my hair wasn’t right. I called to hi, said hello, said my name Kellie. He answered. Then I just left Stan abruptly {although one usually doesn’t do that to a husband} – went to him & we kissed lovingly on the cheeks & neck – lots of feeling. Obviously this isn’t Geraldo.

He went to the sign-in at the front, most people, not all, signed in for some reason on this white board on the wall. He is apparently looking for people he knows – why? Don’t know.

Then the dream about working on a farm, having to walk several miles to town with a blue, narrow sort of small wheelbarrow contraption, which falls to pieces when I get there, a woman makes me wait an hour to wait on me, let me know what I owe & I was going to give her beautiful bangle necklaces to sell, asking no $ for them – supposed to be a friend. She’s sewing. Finally I walk out in a huff, she runs out saying I owe her $1 – which is way less than it should be, a token. I was at the trash trashing some cellophane type paper that was packaging something, crinkling it. Then I go to give her the dollar & I have NOTHING ,

not one cent on my person & am devastated. Am baffled what to do – almost crying. Beg?

Then the dream of finding a SPRING & water collects, & I see my hat, which turns into many hats – like 15, all the same, outdoor-summer type material, each have hoods about 6” wide, white hats with about 4 blue-grey stripes every inch, they just appear out of nowhere but that was one hat it started with, a dull dark color, turned into this. I’m not happy about all this. But the spring might be a good sign of Grace.

FINALLY Arnold. – Yes it was a dream before those mentioned but I am eager to record it as it was HAPPY.

I am on some sort of project. I think it has to do with MODELING & I am getting ready. There is an assistant – a tiny man, about 5’2” & slightly bent or hunchbacked. He’s a pro photographer & can take good pictures.

I have to pull together my costumes & go with him to his estate, some place supposed to be nice.

Then suddenly ARNOLD appears, & he’s going to go with me & pose with me. Do you have any idea what a boon this is? I mean he’s the most famous man in the world & he has accepted me & wants to be a part of my work!

He has a look on his face of vibrant light-LOVE! He looks at me this way TWICE, light shining from his face. This is NOT the real Arnold – a symbol. I wonder who it is. But whoever he is, it is success, whoopee do!

Before we embark I am walking in this aisle where he’s standing to my front, right, & exclaiming,

“I have lost 18 lbs & will lose 20 more & my body will be as beautiful as it used to be! I will be 124 lbs!”

But I’m already good enough to take pictures it seems & dwarf is going to do it & Arnold will be with me!

So we get there & it’s a resort. I go through my costumes & have many. The dwarf is organized – I am pleased with that. He has taken several of my outfits – some of which I think he dug up somehow, & laid the items that go together one on top of the other. Some are blue, some other colors, like bra, bikini or bottom {all flimsy clothing, some see-through} – & there are at least 6 outfits laid out here in a row.

The only thing I don’t have is the SHOES! I forgot them & jokingly ask the dwarf,

“What size shoes do you wear?”

I’m imaging my shoes, size 10, white pumps.

And I think I guess I will have to be barefoot, maybe it’s ok.

Arnold had gone ahead, some place for a while. When he returns I greet him with such warmth. His face shines with love the second time here. I say, & it was planned to be real nice to him,

“I was miserable waiting for you!”

Now there is a SLIP, like the old-fashioned slips we used to wear up until the 70’s, as in those days we wore dresses a lot & slips went under them

I have this slip which is my FEATURED costume for some reason. It’s nothing fancy. It’s a light GOLD color – lace on the breasts & the rest just falls, but right now the falling part is wrinkled.

I ask dwarf if he has a steamer, I think he says yes, & once this is steamed, it’ll be perfect.

Now we look for the background for these photos. We look one direction, huge picture windows on his walls. But although it is beautiful, it’s cluttered – filled with people. Not good. – Then another wall & window. – Also cluttered. Then the third & last possibility, also cluttered.

The background must be PLAIN. It cannot be BEAUTIFUL but cluttered, with all kinds of things in it plus people having fun, it has to be bare of all this.

Arnold is around waiting to take the images with me. I am just wondering while still there, why did he chose to do this? How will he be presented along with me, the female model, like in what way? What is his role? Whatever it is, he helps.

MEANING:

ME: As usual I need help Mother God. I am imagining Arnold is St. Charbel, who has stepped in lately to get me straightened out as far as my attitude/disposition & spiritual settings to get things right – to be able to help Souls. I have messed up for a while, maybe a whole year, watching videos on You tube. Nothing bad, some educational, informative, some entertaining, but it has been my downfall spiritually. It was explained in previous dreams, even good things of the world brought clutter & dissipation into my mind, brought in people & the world, & that took my mental strength away from God & Souls. After all, God is a jealous God & we must give her ALL, not bits of ourselves, to be in Spiritual Perfection.

And now I see this whole business about my losing weight & being fit for modeling – already there it seems, in future, will be better. This losing weight is losing attachment or clutter, things I don’t need, of people & the world cluttering my mind, which then stops me from being effective in my God work. Fatness in this context would be gluttony not for food, but for people & things of the world.

Charbel indeed could be looking at me with a face of love – But Charbel has loved me from the start & joined me in marriage, his decision. One of my 7 spiritual husbands I might add.

Costumes would be Lights, tools, spiritual Gifts, spiritual skill, all that goes with doing the work of God.

I’m overjoyed that success is coming back to me; I have been ineffective for a long time in spite of praying a lot {late summer I was praying good prayers 2-3 hours many days} & saying Holy Masses almost daily now for a couple months. But nothing – don’t see Souls Ascending. What’s wrong? I’m wrong. Apparently the state of my mind has lots to do whether Souls are delivered or not.

But it’s all changed. I’ve been calibrated, corrected {losing weight, getting more perfect} & Charbel has STEPPED INTO THE PICTURE!

How has this improvement taken place? For finally humbling myself, stop making excuses why it’ alright to watch You tube 2 hours a night when done with work – & repenting of my sins, faults, mistakes. Asking God to forgive me & correct me. If I was not willing to see I am faulty God might not have stepped in – probably would not have – because God waits for our repentance & humility. It is IMPORTANT we admit we are at fault & stop fooling ourselves how good/great/wonderful we are. Just get on those knees & tell God you’re sorry & ask God for forgiveness & this gets the ball rolling. Mind you, God will not jump in & correct you unless it is urgent & then you might not like what she does. What do I mean? I mean,

“God whispers to us in our pleasures & shouts to us in our pain – pain is the megaphone of God.”

And so, if suddenly disaster occurs, like an accident or illness, & you wonder what’s happening, why did God permit it? It could be God is trying to calibrate, correct you, so just admit your faults & repent.

Who is the dwarf? It could be my friend Rudy, who passed last year & spent only 18 days in Purgatory. He had a good heart, 18 days was a record until Brenda, 20 minutes.

Rudy was badly injured at age 8, run over by a tractor, & was semi crippled all his life with lots of pain & people ridiculed him because of his condition & also as he was one of the few Jewish people in our area, but mostly because he was humble & never fought back. And so Rudy for the first time I know of, appears in my dream helping me. How wonderful!

Yes, he was my best friend in real life & I used to pick him up often at the senior housing & take him to dinner. At the end I was one of the few friends he had, all the other guys he used to hang with deserted him as they were ‘fair weather friends’ & hung with him where they could use him for favors. When he could no longer

drive, could not do favors, none of them visited him or picked him up to take him out. But he did have friends at the senior center who did care about him it seemed. One lady he was even in love with.

So this dream has a great Saint, St. Charbel, & a little saint, Rudy, helping me!

OK how does the light goldeny slip fit into all this? It’s definitely a Light of Love, my main Gift or Tool that I will use to help Souls. The lace on top might mean my affiliation in marriage, with Charbel, which is empowering me spiritually.

Steaming out the wrinkles? Fixing the kinks or what is not perfect. Steam is extremely hot water – water is Grace here. And Rudy has SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL TOOL of Grace that increases Grace to straighten me out.

The resort the dwarf lives in & uses for his studio where we go for images? Sounds like his Heaven. But in this Heaven Rasa must not include the clutter we have spoken of so much – it must be removed. That is our important task now.

The shoes I lack – imagine them white pumps, high heels, but I forgot them? Imagine going barefoot?

Discalced Carmelites comes to mind – PENANCE. Penance is more important right now than even GOOD INTENTIONS, which are maybe the white shoes. My intentions are always good, but not my behavior! Lol. I have not done much penance, & wow, have I learned my lesson!

Why are those images beyond all 3 walls, huge picture windows, all cluttered? Why so many windows? Why not just one window?

I think it represents the different types of presentations I indulged in on You tube – all brought the world & people into my mind. They were educational, historical, informative, there were also audio books. All brought clutter. This still leaves one possibility I will experiment with later – animal stories such as Robert E. Fuller presents – no people.

I think I got this dream right, Mother God?

MG: You got it right, do the others later. {end}

College of the Gender War, Core Tenets

Body Building Talk

11-4-23 BodyBuilding Contest

Several dreams, don’t know if they’re ‘important’ or not until I analyze them. Will start with a later dream as right now can’t recall the earlier ones. They will come back. I have sacrificed watching You tube – anything – for the time being in favor of having an uncluttered mind for my work. Later I will see if non-people videos like Robert E. Fuller’s animal work, will badly effect on my mind – I suspect not. It’s the people videos, including the educational ones, which bring back numerous MEMORIES of earthly life, & thoughts & feelings, which dissipate & clutter my mind & heart. What is RELEVANT here as far as my mind is what is ON my mind is what I send my strength into. If I am focused on the world, there goes my energy. If I’m focused on Souls in Purgatory – more likely they can receive the God given Grace I send.

This dream might answer my prayer before sleep: “Let me know if it’s more important for me to body build tomorrow or do the juicing {I have been retarded in both.}

There’s this body building contest, & only 3 women compete. The first is a riot. She’s a tiny female, not much body to her. She comes out in a bikini made of flowers. She takes off the flowers, underneath is a mini dress made of flowers. She takes off the mini dress & some sort of other costume is there. This happens again & again, each outfit made of flowers & leaves, at least 4 times. It’s a phenomenon. Everyone applauds.

But I’m IRRITATED & say,

“Is this a contest for SEWING or body building?’

The second female is tall & thin & very muscular & has short black hair, which frames her face in sort of feathers close to her skin. The man who’s announcing the contest says they saw her making ugly faces & she makes some sort of extremely witty & telling statement, which gets a big applause. Possibly by this statement, I think she will win the show. I notice her abdomen very flat & muscular – she does not look super manly as the woman of pro bb do today, she’s moderate.

I don’t see the act of the third female. When I wake up I really want to body build to look great, so I think that answers my question.

MEANING: I suspect the 2^nd female is myself & how do I win the arena of female body building? Not by anything except by WHAT I SAY!

My championing females being EQUAL to men in the sport given an equal chance instead of being used as a side show of bimbos or almost cheesecake – At the time I first entered in 1972 that’s how we were seen. We got no money & no serious recognition. The males were looked at as IMPORTANT. We were the SIDE SHOW – they the main attraction.

Later, after the idea of female muscularity got better accepted, one female made a bicep muscle & was told never to do that again!

I got the idea into Esquire & Playboy & national TV shows before the first fitness contest was held – 1979 – & after that first body building contest – Miss Olympia, 1980 – I was in it.

ME: Speaking of body building, Mother, you told me a short time ago that Arnold would be laughed at from my point of view explaining how he promoted Lisa Lyon in order to get even with me for cuckolding him. And he failed. That people will know this. And they no longer worship him because he had an affair with their maid & had a child with her – right now he’s treating them as wife & family. He bought her a nice house & has posed for numerous photos with her & even when the son was little – this part I think he’s good, he didn’t throw her to the curb after using her. {But he did throw Maria that way.}

Most people judged him for this event & his image fell down in the public favor. Americans are hysterical when it comes to sex. And then they kind of chuckle at Arnold & no longer think he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

But how will people know & believe he used Lisa as revenge against me rather than that he really liked or loved her?

MG: It is precisely because they no longer see him as a God, but a fallen hero, that they will believe you & in doing so, they need fuel for the fire to laugh. Your account of how he failed, the biggest man in body building, super rich & powerful, working with another man also the most influential, & yet, the two of them could not succeed in stealing your thunder, making her the one & only beginning of female body building & burying you in the process. They wrote the history of female bb on Wikipedia & on purpose excluded you, {people are not that dumb, why exclude you? There’s a MOTIVE} you mentioned it, & it will be noted. People will find this humorous – haha, Arnold failed, what a fool. Why didn’t he just suck it up & let it go? So Kellie liked another guy, so what? Not the first time this sort of thing happened, let it go, pardner, you’re showing your negative side. If you just let it go you would not have failed & now looking back, you look like a dope. People eventually got onto Arnold, that he only did things as a means to an end, used people, climbed the social & political ladder. He was not a loving/loyal/faithful type guy. He was a prankster, & his partner Joe Weider was a fraud – convicted of false advertising & had to pay big bucks in fines, the movie created to glorify him, ‘Bigger’ the whole thing is an apologia that he was NOT gay, because he was! This movie is a joke & so by Arnold being his close friend doesn’t add to Arnold’s glory.

ME: And the female with the multiple costumes, flowers & leaves? I know it sounds like juicing, but could it also be Lisa Lyon & all her posing as a model, in various roles?

MG: It could be her but see, the dream says she didn’t win, although at first it looked like she might.

There was no third contender for FIRST female body builder, it was either her or you, that’s why you don’t see the third. Many females came after but they were not the first. And although in the beginning it looked like she got more attention & respect because of Arnold & Weirder, she fell out of the public eye but you continued, told your story, & she went into the woodwork while your position was verified. After all, you told the truth & you gave the dates. It could not be disputed.

PS: Again, re Lisa looks like she could win but did not. Notice I explain right at first, that she is TINY & has no ‘body’ or ‘shape’ or muscles. It’s just her COSTUMES that get the applause.

In the context of this dream, what are the costumes? They are a COVERING or a FRONT. It was her PUBLICITY, making her seem victorious {leaves} & given accolades {flowers for the performer.} But underneath there isn’t ANYTHING like she’s short, tiny, no shape or muscles! In other words, it was just chimera, nothing substantial, to her, just a FRONT. Had she been GREAT as an instrument of God or sent by God to establish female body building, more would have happened.

I had another female who tried to take ‘my place’ as the top activist Matriarch. She stole my disciple & got him to do all kinds of work, trying to build herself a Matriarchal identity by which she could MAKE MONEY. All that she did failed. Why? No Anointing. No God empowerment.

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Descent into Purgatory

11-1-23 Descent into Purgatory-2-the Male Teacher

First, I chanted ‘Poor Souls-I love you’ hundreds of times before sleep & whenever I awoke. It resulted in a visit to Purgatory! {Try it}

I went into an underground area, which, after a while, I yearned to get out of & I did. I saw many characters there. Shall describe what I recall.

It’s like all around me are walls made of huge light beige blocks & I walk & walk to find an exit & there is none.

{MEANING: Both Purgatory & Hell are places of limitation with no exits. Purgatory eventually does get an exit, Hell apparently not. Why the limitation – what is it made up? Of what does it consist? Those ‘building blocks’ are products of our own minds, which cut us off from Love – the true Love of God. They were sins, thoughts, feelings, ideas, that are limited, not opened, not receiving Grace. I always know I’m in Purgatory when there is confinement, limitation, no open sky, no sunshine, no beautiful nature.}

I come across a man in a monster condition. He’s sitting on the floor, seems bandaged, gross appearance, dressed in rags with trash around him. He looks as me & says,

“What are YOU doing here?”

I lean at him & exclaim,

“I’m here to try & bring people closer to God!”

{A SOUL ASKS me what am I doing in Purgatory? Lol. I probably look like a Celestial Being to him. His monstrous appearance, rags & trash, are products of his mind on earth, so now he sees what he was inside, it’s all he has left – no body – just his Soul’s limitations or the evil that blocked his Divine Nature}

Then I come across a lady who thinks she is doing important activist, political work. She sits on the edge of something & there’s a baby lying close to her on the left. She’s surrounded by trashy things, not an office, but she still thinks she has an office & a place of good work. Her appearance is average, she’s thin & decent looking. She talks & talks, like a political activist. When she sees me she exclaims,

“Call me!”

As if she had something to relay to me of importance, a word, a job, & yet I sense she is empty of any real purpose – but doesn’t know it – Still living her delusion.

*{ LIVING HER DELUSION: What does this say about this woman? Could it be pride, self importance, a status seeker? But the ‘call me’ might be her needing me, not me needing her –could she realize now she is without help or opportunity except for a person who cares? No more status-seeking help. And who is the baby?

Notice she is not paying attention to the baby. It might mean she neglected the innocent child inside, who apparently was born again (or she would not be saved) so she has a spiritual nature, but she needs help. In her life, she apparently lived in delusions of grandeur.}*

I pass her into another room where there is hope. I see a window, high up, through which light is streaming.

There are some people on the other side of it. I climb or fly up to this window & see it has 3 layers. Oh, how I hope I can open it. I try one, then another, then the third & at last it is open & I go outside into the sunshine. Victory!

{WINDOW, SUNSHINE, 3 LAYERS: Oh what relief to get out of this Purgatory! The sunshine represents God, who the Egyptians worshiped as RA. And the people on the other side are either Angels or Saints, maybe my Guardian Angels helping me get out. Three layers? Difficult to get out of limitations.}

For a while my memory was terrific & I recalled all the details. Yesterday I watched nothing on You tube, nothing, & that helped de-clutter my mind, so my memory was way better. I am now convinced that watching anything on TV, movies or You tube or doing anything that brings the world into me – even if it’s educational {except for things on God} dissipates &/or clutters my mind – the memory. It’s like all the images disturb my own images which appear in the Theater of the Mind.

Dream two – The Male Teacher

I had traveled a long distance in my car – the drive was at least 1.5 hours, & it was like that trip to Purgatory but different, not as extreme.

But I ran into trouble. I needed a dime to start my car – it had a slot like some machines, you push a coin into it to operate it. But I had nothing, not even a dime. I had lost my purse.

{MY CAR & MY PURSE: Car is vehicle by which you get somewhere – it is in the mind & heart, like a key. You just ‘beam here’ or ‘there,’ appear in places or leave them. So am am somehow stuck in a place I don’t want t be & seek help. A purse is your ‘means to an end’, a tool, your money is a tool, your purse holds money, I.D. & things you need to get by, to accomplish things.}

I was out in the open, wide panoramas in a city, so it isn’t Purgatory but the world, which is filled with sinners.

And I am out in this place that is not the street, but like an empty mall, with walls here & there – no stores. I have on nothing but a beautiful bathing suit –one I have that is printed with turquoise designs, white & gold, & has two straps that tie behind the neck.

{BEAUTIFU BATHING SUIT, TURQUOISE, WHITE & GOLD: Is the Light or attitude of my spiritual self. I went into the world to help others but got stuck there & needed to detach myself. The colors of my soul self represent goodness – Purity of intention, love. Turquoise is Sacred to American Indians.}

I see a man here & I invoke his kindness, telling him I have nothing & I need a dime, just a dime, to start my car to get out of here.

He tells me that below there, are stations like bank outlets where one can get such things – instead of helping me. I go look & see those stations on a dark street, a few of them, but they are all closed. And across the street are shops, but they are closed also – it is night on this street in spite of above being daylight. This man did not help.

{MAN DID NOT HELP: Since I think I know who this is, it’s a man I liked when I went back into the world temporarily, going to bars & restaurants to try & start a local Church. I ask this man for very little but he refers me to places that are closed. In other words, this man has no spiritual love or help.}

In fact, when we are behind a wall, & I realize dangerously alone, he grabs one of my suit straps & holds onto it. I fear rape & I struggle to run away. As I run the strap expands, stretches as the material is rubbery – I mean stretches 20-30’! The man takes the strap & ties it around his foot & I drag him far, but I do get away.

When we get some place I take the strap & untie it from his foot & see it’s a furry paw of a grey dog.

{GRABS STRAP, TIES IT TO HIS FOOT WHICH LATER BECOMES A PAW, ETC, LONG STRETCH: Yes, I was thinking of this man a lot until I realized his love is low minded, his mind is of the animal – grey, furred paw, grey is mind. And I was attached t him mentally until I finally got away.}

I continue my struggles here.

My new problem is the car. My purse has reappeared, so that’s been solved by the Higher Power. But one of the tires on my car – it’s not flat – but the thick black rubber on the outside has become raveled somehow & I’m not sure if I can drive that long distance safely. I can’t find people to help – Trying to solve it. Do I discover a tire changing place in this area?

But where do I sleep? I seem to have trouble with where I’m staying if I must be here a few days. Or do I take a chance & drive all the way home, but what if the tire fails? I struggle to solve this.

There are two men here. One is a guy I don’t like but he seems to be working with my work also, he seems to have a personality that is not compatible to mine. He’s tall & his body is shaped like an egg, widest in the middle. He has a group of children he is dealing with – like a social worker. My cause has changed from Purgatory to social work.

{INDEED when I went back into the work for like 3 months I lost most of my contact with Purgatory! I can’t figure who this fat man is.}

Then there’s a second guy who this first guy is affiliated with, maybe attracted to – it’s nebulous.

My way home does not get solved.

{MY WAY HOME: What is home? It’s the place of Peace, security & safety. It’s being with God. I lost my ‘home’ when going out into the world (because my eyes were so strained I could not do computer work.) So I figured I’d not waste time & see if I could start a Church locally, but it didn’t work! The folks were not interested in God, at least, not in my presentation. And so now I have a problem, getting back to my roots}

The second man does not get involved with me but then he does. We’re in a room by ourselves; we lie down on a bed as we need to rest before morning. It’s a large bed, with a soft is it red, bed cover? There seem to be things on it to the side, things we need to take with us on this journey. That other man is in the adjoining room with the kids, the door remains open. I have a feeling people might not approve me lying next to this man, who is a teacher. He’s to my left, I’m on my left side facing him. As I lie down next to him I feel an incredible rest & security & surprisingly, I say to him,

“Will you get me home?”

Which means drive my car & I sense that if something happens with the tire, he’ll know how to fix it. And without hesitation, he says,

“YES,”

This calmly & matter of factly.

I never see his face, only his strong arm on his right. It seems to have a golden hue. And the minute I lied down next to him I felt PEACE.

{HIS GOLDEN ARM: Represents the strength of his love. Gold is perfect love, arm is strength.}

He says something about I could close the door but I say,

“If I do they’ll think we’re having sex.”

The other guy does see us lying together but says nothing – no one complains although I sense it is forbidden or others are jealous.

{RE SEX: This business about sex seems to say to me Charbel was sincerely celibate – Some of the Saints were not {which is OK. I’m OK with Jesus not being celibate, having his wife Magdalene, also having other encounters. So what? Irrelevant.} And I am thinking, after he gets me HOME maybe I’ll reward him with sex. This isn’t physical sex, it’s spiritual union, which is ecstatic. People think sex is sex, it’s all the same. But it isn’t. Sex with God or Godly sex is completely different. Physical sex is usually gross & without ecstasy.}

It seems that the Almighty has solved my dilemma to get home.

*{THE MYSTERIOUS MAN WHOSE FACE I DO NOT SEE, WHO OFFERS TO GET ME HOME! Who could this be? The only one I can think of offhand is St. Charbel. Strangely enough, he never permitted anyone to take images of him, but we have his image as it appeared mysteriously in a photo taken of his monks, in front of his monastery, while he WAS NOT THERE! This might be my hint it is Charbel! – Who is one of my spiritual husbands! A might thank you to his gracious self.

And yes, he is a great Saint & I felt wonderful in his Presence! His vibration is off the chart for holiness.}*

11-2-23 I have 2 children— {2} Hundreds of dark people with me

This having 2 children felt so real. I saw the infants, really felt their presence, one of the realest experiences in a long time.

And yes, I have a husband, an ordinary guy -Young middle age, round glasses, thin, wearing a blue sweater & his eyes wide open when I show him I have given birth. His class or who he is in society? Ordinary, neither professional nor working class, in between.

I see my child born, I hold it in my arms. I wrap it up. A year later, another one. Same thing. When the new one is born the first one is standing on a table top like on a ‘root’ or thinnish pedestal, sort of red, & he is above this root, waiting for my attention.

I show this to my husband also, so real.

When I go to get the first one from its wraps, there are several layers, which I was afraid might have suffocated it as there was plastic over its crown, but it was fine. It’s tiny.

*{ME: Mother God, I am baffled. Can’t even get a hint. What is it?

MG: It’s you & Nick. A child born to you both is a project, a new Thing. The only thing I can think of is your work for Purgatory, for which he is now a partner, getting his own clients out.

Could these two children be Souls that because of Nick, have now been DELIVERED or ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN?

It seems there was one first, then the second. It took time for them to get cleansed, but now they are ready. So rejoice.

Nick looking as he does: the round glasses are your Dad, whom you loved. Nick took his place. His medium social status is as he was. The blue sweater is a celestial color. He’s midway between Heaven & Earth & maybe a little Purgatory that he feels once in a while when you suffer.

The parking lot, his black car, your Corvette that was at first blocking the street:

Your vehicles are your tools or keys for getting into Purgatory, your portals. You both have one individually & as partners. He has his, you have yours, but you are together. His car is black might hint at funerals – his dead friends.

Your Corvette that at first blocked the road, but you got it out of there up a 6” obstacle: There was something blocking your way into this project with Nick at first, but you got past that. Your car being white is purity of intention.

Why his car is hidden: Might be because he is not on earth but with you. No one can see him, but they can see you as you are alive in body.

I know that does not make perfect sense, as this is about a hidden Interior work – Purgatory, but dreams don’t always come out logical.

What is the small plot that you think is used by wild dogs for sleeping & you will change this into something usable for you guys?

Wild [dogs] would be senses. Wild might be random people that Nick knew who are dead, they are seeking REST. But you will help them ASCEND so they won’t be haunting the earth or Purgatory any more, that’s how you make use of this space. Don’t need this resting place as they will be in Heaven.

Your house across the street, the attic with the entrance from Mario’s room & the nice big room beyond it – which will not be as easy to access from your parking space as you thought as there’s a street between the two.

Now husband & I have a house, painted white, on a corner. It’s large with many rooms & 3 floors, the third being an attic but more extensive & useful than most.

But first, there’s the scene of myself with my white Corvette. I am parked in the middle of the street, across I which would block traffic. A cop is watching me as I must move. I get in, I put my key into the lock on the right side, rev it up & jump over this curb made of stone & cement about 6” high at least, but I get over it fine.

Now up a slope there is a level area about 40’ long & maybe 15’ wide & my husband has his black car parked behind a series of privacy bushes to the right of our {I’m pleased with this} PRIVATE parking lot. This is directly across the street from our house on the corner.

I get my Corvette into its space on the left {it can be seen from the street, but not hubby’s car} & notice at the end of this area a small wild space where the middle of it is dug out – I surmise by paws – & sparse weeds around it. There’s a discussion on this – I say it’s wild dogs sleeping here, someone else thought it was derelicts, but I said no. We decide to fix this spot so it’s usable for our needs.

Then I talk about a good room adjacent to the attic. I tell hubby,

“Don’t you know where you climb up into the attic {through Mario’s room, there is the entrance, a small foldup ladder you must climb} – when you go there, there is a great room right next to it – go through the door, it’s large & we can use it for something.

Not sure what I was thinking of. Was it expanding family? But then I realized the two items, our parking lot & the house, were separated by a street – I had forgotten that point, & not as easily accessible as I thought.

Our house reminds me of the picture I saw recently of the house I rented long ago in Beverly Hills. A fan sent me the link – Lovely place.

{What is your house? Your mental state, consciousness, that you also share. Something to do with Mario’s room has to do with separation – always – Now you want to use something here for convenience or help for the Souls, but it won’t be as easy as you thought – Some kind of separation. Not sure what this means.}

The huge number of dark mostly females – Hundreds of them – & myself, going to movies

The streets are full of hundreds of dark females & I’m with them, going to movies that are displayed as great entertainment. Amazingly, I don’t see the movies, only the people around me.

I change venues several times – on the street the same many people everywhere. I go to this movie, that movie. I sit with them. I am barefoot at one point, can’t figure who is holding my foot? Then realize it’s a female a few people down my right.

Then later I’m in a school & have my right arm around a dark boy in a blue corduroy jacket. He’s very thin. This boy is ordinary. Then a super handsome dark boy {someone I loved & wanted} sees me & says,

“I understand”

or “I see” –

Something to that effect.

*{ME: Mother, again I am baffled. Is this about me watching You tube & then having my mind cluttered so I can’t remember my dreams or help Souls in Purgatory as much?

MG: This seems to be a distraction, by hundreds of lower thoughts of the world which happens from watching ‘movies’ or videos on You tube. It’s not a sin, but a deterrent to your work, an obstacle.

It might be the very obstacle you saw twice in the first dream. First, you having to go up the 6” curb to your private parking, {you were in the street, which means pubic} & second, the STREET between your parking lot/portal & your shared house.

STREET in general means ‘put your business in the street’ or being IN THE OPEN, your mind, your thoughts, ON THE WORLD.

It is not compatible to think of the Interior state & the worldly state at the same time, it’s an impediment.

Your mantra yesterday was,

“Forgive me my sins & give me Grace to help Souls.”

You had no sins but this is an IMPEDIMENT, the only thing confusing the issue & mucking up your work.

When you watched nothing your mind & heart were better off & you were more effective, your mind cleaner for God’s work. Spiritual & worldliness are in conflict.

PS The dark people has nothing to do with race; it’s like ‘dark thoughts’ or lower thoughts. It’s amazing how ordinary You tube movies, like the ones I’ve been watching on history, take my mind into the world & people – away from God} * {end}

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

the Godlike Kiss

10-12-23 the Godlike Kiss

Experiences of cycles in my life – from Action to contemplation back & forth

First I dreamed about a Guru couple, whom I shall name only ‘O & A.’ Can’t recall details, but they are married & do everything together including spiritual work {see bottom for a recollection}.

…….I was working in my apt in B’klyn. I know from a recent revelation this means a PORTAL to Purgatory! I’ve dreamed about this apt for YEARS not knowing it meant this & what a revelation!

So here I am working & working. A male seems to be with me & we work diligently. He’s in the living room, I’m in the kitchen.

Suddenly, this male walks over to me & we KISS & it is not a natural, but a SUPERNATURAL Kiss. The most incredible God-love flows from him to me & me to him. It’s then I realize this man is Nick, my Spiritual Husband.

What is unusual is that in real life Nick was 6’3”, but now he’s the exact same height as me. He’s wearing beige {contemplation}, his hair is light brown, short & he is wearing round glasses, vaguely see the rims black, the kind they wore in the 30’s & I have pics of my Dad with glasses like that.

The entire night I have dreams of working, it seems for hours upon hours, but for the life of me, can’t recall what I did. But I now know that most of my activities where I’m working, struggling & sometimes suffering or avoiding demonics or demons, has to do with my work for Purgatory. It’s because I made the ‘Heroic Act’ which says that every one of my tasks & activities, if it gains Grace, that Grace goes directly to them.

I think that’s what God is showing me this night – that all I do is for Souls in Purgatory.

One reason could be that I must sleep a lot is because so much of my time is spent in REM sleep, rather than the deep sleep where no visions occur. Someone told me my eyes move constantly {under closed lids} when I sleep.

But for all the hours & hours of activity in my dreams I can only recall the remarkable Kiss.

MEANING:

I’ve already explained most of it but a couple things. One, why is Nick now my height? Because he’s ‘just like me’. Like O & A, both Gurus, he is now working for Souls in Purgatory! This is a great Gift from God! Being the same height could be partners, mates, ‘twin flames’ – ‘Soul Mates.’

The glasses could be that he’s like my Dad, the person who taught me what love is & the man I loved more than anyone else in my life. Nick finally took his place, which no one else could!

Next day recalled one scene: Guru Lady A is standing behind a portable ‘ladder’ that came down from the sky, the kind that just ‘hangs’, like what I once had long ago made of metal links you could use to climb out of your 2^nd story window. But this looks kind of ‘solid’ metal, but it hangs from the air – I can’t see from where it came.

A is standing behind it so she is slightly ‘concealed’ & had hung a folded medium-sized towel on a rung. I vaguely think it’s purple. I imagine Guru O, her mate, across from her looking at her but don’t really see him. A is dressed in sort of sleek or simple but glamorous clothes, her hair is quasi bouffant, dark brown. She’s calm.

10-13-23 the Rainstorm Blocks my Usual Road

I have been busy traveling & dong some work when I decide it’s time to go home. I drive to an intersection & happy to see across from me, is the usual road I have taken hundreds of times in dreams. It’s a country road over a height. Right now I can’t see the road but know it’s there. It’s hidden by a fog or mist which in front has a huge metallic arm like off a machine, maybe farm equipment or construction equipment, but all is so hazy I can’t tell what it is.

But as I embark on the road the fog/haze dissipates & I can see. The road will shortly go up a steep hill & then into a medium sized mountain. It is raining & has been for a while. I see a beige car to my right {like I used to have so it’s my past} where the driver is wondering if it’s safe, as he’s already going through foot deep puddles & still raining. And I do worry for him.

But I’m not on the road & not in a vehicle. I am traveling by air – floating, wearing these platform heels – beige – with 4” spikes, & a beige baby doll type outfit with fluff on the edges as I sail through the air toward the mountain.

I’m going over rolling hills covered with a vegetation such as I saw yesterday in a movie, some kind of Heather in Autumn which has grown golden/beige & fluffy,– only about 6” & is a fluff over the hills. I seem to be alright in spite of everything until a powerful wind hits my back, & it’s so strong it threatens to take me over that road on my right & beyond that road I imagine there’s a large body of water. If I lose control over my body that wind could take me there & I could drown, so being alarmed, I quickly turn around while I can & return the way I came, then I am safe.

MEANING:

This hearkens to a road, path, or way of acting/behaving– something I’ve done so many times. But right now an ILL WIND & OMINOUS RAIN tell me not to take this road – it could endanger me, even get me killed. Killing does not have to be physical; it could mean failure of some sort.

My best guess is not {or I am not} to play the REVEALING role I’m accustomed to – the lady from the adult trade, naked, vulnerable, ‘on stage,’ at the mercy of everyone. This was my job in the past to get me ‘home’ or where I wanted to go – home being a place of comfort, success & safety {like making a ‘home run’ in baseball, reaching a beneficial conclusion.}

In the past I was EXPOSED – in the OPEN. Now I live SECRET or PRIVATE which is THE BETTER PART. Yes the platforms & spikes I did wear – actual shoes I have & wore}, & yes, I suffered by being in this trade, & now as they say, time to ‘throw in the towel’ or turn in your equipment when a job is done. So one phase of my life is OVER – referring to ‘Martha’, the ACTIVE live, & now the contemplative or private/with God life is before me.

I go back to the previous dream & it might refer to the same subject. Guru A, who is now working with Guru O, is myself & Nick.

A ladder comes down from Heaven or God & I put my folded towel on it, purple. This makes me think of ‘throwing in the towel,’ & purple means suffering.

My life goes in CYCLES. In the Guru dream, it reminds me what God said long ago before I became a Cougar,

“I want you to stop suffering, quit celibacy, go out & have fun.”

{Except it didn’t work that way, I suffered again – my inner God recently told me,

“I didn’t know YOU WOULD SUFFER THAT MUCH”

& when I asked but isn’t She God, doesn’t She know everything?

She said,

“I’m only the Little God within you, not the Almighty who knows all, sees all, can do all things. I do not have that kind of power although I am vastly superior to you & have the qualities of God but not to the degree Almighty Mother has.

And at that time God was telling me a long cycle of contemplation was over, time to return to the active life, I resisted, God insisted.}

ME: Do these two scenes refer to the same thing or are they different? Is it trying to tell me that I should quit, or have quit, a certain role or behavior? The second dream warns of dire consequences.

MG: They are about the cycles of your life. Most recently went out to the bars/restaurants, met a lot of people, spoke to them about God, & you were also unhappy just as you ended up when being a Cougar.

You have been most happy when you’re alone, with God, being with animals, praying, writing.

Being in the world you did first in your youngest days, being a dancer. Eventually ou became celibate & remained so for 30 years plus. Then I told you to go out & have ‘fun,’ which lasted 11 years. You went back to writing & wrote 9 volumes of “I Strip for God” in 2 years. Then you got eyestrain, couldn’t work on the computer, & experimented with starting a face-to-face local ministry. You tried but it didn’t work, ever a few months your eyes got better, you quit trying that fruitless task & went back to the Interior life where you dwell now in happiness.

In the Guru A scene God gives you back your Union or ability to reach God {by letting down a ladder, which is metal, which means ‘God’s Will’ like the NAILS in Jesus’ hands & feet!} – your Spiritual faculties, Gifts, being animated again. God has reached you again, you reach God. You ‘throw in the towel’ for the ‘me with people’ work – Nick is a relevant part.

What does Guru O or Nick have to do with it? You went out to ‘have fun’ but it wasn’t – & you found your Soul Mate. But he was an addict & tortured you {anyone who’s been next of kin or spouse to an addict understands}. The chasing / suffering / addict part is now closed. He’s with you forever, in the state of contemplation as it shows him wearing beige. It’s a spiritual relationship, the flesh is gone, the pain with it – you have the fulfillment of this relationship, you’re together forever. {end}

About a Week Ago

I dreamed this: My bottom yard has two tunnels, one on each end of the yard. From the back tunnel, which leads to my wilderness, there is water gushing so hard that as it comes through it sprays 20’ into the air. It forms a series of creeks in the yard that run like pretzels all through it. Then it stops, it’s quiet, & I’m telling someone how incredible it was.

This dream describes the Grace of God, which came in with such force. The Grace is left within the creeks below which means the Grace stays with me.

Here there is an example of water meaning two different things. Symbols can be ‘bad’ or ‘good.’ In the ‘road to home’ dream the water was OMINOUS, in this dream it is the Grace of God.

A symbol can represent multiple things, decided by the context of the dream. For instance fire. Fire can be destructive, ruining or eating up your entire property. But fire was also Flames of the Holy Spirit above the heads of the Holy Persons during Pentecost, & it was the Burning Bush that appeared to Moses – which was God.

Black also means opposite things. It can be the worst depression, a funeral, an ending. But it’s also a great Mystery – something we cannot understand, a symbol of God, like St. John of the Cross said, “God is blackness to us.” And so during the ‘dark night of the Soul’ we are actually coming CLOSER to God, although we cannot see, sense or perceive God! It is not the time of consolation, when we do perceive God, it is the time of blindness to God – darkness, as we come closer to the One we don’t Know or Understand.

And so in this series of dreams we have two examples of water, one ominous, forbidding, destructive, & the other is life-giving. Note that in the famous symbol of an umbrella protecting you from the rain – from caking up your salt to protecting your investments – rain is bad, the umbrella good. During a severe drought, the prophet Elijah prayed for rain & when it appeared, it was from God. {end}

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Jesus/God’s Love Visits

9-28-23 Tom Selleck-Symbol of JESUS/GOD’s Love Visits

This is INCREDIBLY important to me. But before I get to the Selleck part, I must give the preamble, because without it {happening in real life} there could be no Part II.

Had I gotten up after Part I – I would have had no idea WHY I had this strange preamble, because I did wake up & go back to sleep but went to sleep again – thank God. Because then I had the monumental Jesus dream.

Preamble:

I have my Rottweiler ‘Guard of the Mystical Heart’ {Gagee Boy} with me & he’s trailing a contraption made of metal, maybe iron, which goes where he goes. But we have been ‘arrested’ by the authorities, him & me, & now; they have detached the contraption from him & have it behind a counter, where a Lady in authority is inspecting it with a female assistant.

{MY ROTTWEILER: Dogs & cats are INNER SENSES – because their sense of smell, hearing is much more acute than ours. And these senses of ours are psychic or metaphysical. In this case, I suspect my SENSE is my CONSCIENCE. And the conscience or awareness of my sins, the result thereof, I drag wherever I go.}

{Sense image material is I was watching a movie, ‘Owd Bob’ mostly about dogs with one shepherd dog suspected of killing sheep.}

OK, the boss Lady {Holy Virgin, who prepares me for the love of Christ/God} is going through this contraption one compartment at a time. The thing is a brown rust-color which goes round & round as you pull it, & has about 5 compartments.

{FIVE COMPARTMENTS: 5 ways in which I sinned, now must be cleansed. What are these sins? Must be mental as the mostly grey signifies that. I am not aware of sins, but it’s amazing how many thoughts we can have that are UNCHARITABLE!}

As I watch the lady shows me each compartment which is full of some version of shit. It all comes out of the dog’s body but is preserved here where he drags it along with him. She scrapes out each section. They do not stink nor are they disgusting, they are like firm soup. {Not SERIOUS sins, which would be vile, venial or small sins – The one with the strongest smell is light brown, the rest are grayish in color, but all are waste & all are scraped out by her [one that is most serious has the worst smell & is brown rather than grey]}. I exclaim,

“Wherever he went, this thing with its smell would go with him!”

And I thought about how inconvenient it would be if people could smell it. {I thought of how my sins would be repulsive to other people.}

The thing is this situation we were arrested for something is not righteous. The lady scraped out all the gunk, it was made right. I don’t think it was attached to my dog any more, but I see nothing else. {She cleansed me!}

Tom Selleck – Jesus dream

Tom Selleck appears for only one reason & that alone – It has to do with my sacrificing my ‘life’ {spiritually}, in attaining the Interior Divine Stigmata, & Tom Selleck is always the symbol of Jesus. Why? I explain elsewhere, it’s in my book on the Attainment of the Divine Stigmata & my articles. {See end of this ‘Meaning’ for more explanation.}

Tom, in his appearance, is the BEAUTY of Jesus Christ, as Tom, in his day as Magnum P.I., was the most handsome & sexy man in the world.

So now I am living in this nice house which vaguely sounds like my present one but different. I am expecting Tom, who is my lover & I his mistress, – but mind you, he is a great celebrity & this

is a big deal. {Jesus/God is a great celebrity indeed! And for me to be His Mistress is what an honor!}

I can see my driveway through a window, & as I look through it, I see Tom drive up in a black car like a limousine. {Symbol of FUNERAL like a HEARSE – because it’s about my MARTYRDOM for the LOVE OF HIM.} He stops, however, as my large grey cat is sitting sort of at the edge of my front porch {the driveway is adjacent to the porch}

{my CAT is another SENSE like my dog. What of my SENSES makes him HESITATE? It could be my cat/feminine self is watching out for any MAN as I have once again forfeited any relationship with men, & this symbol is saying that this renunciation might have improved my chances for being closer to God! It was one point I had a chance to be friends with a young handsome male, but when St Charbel told me he would leave me if I pursued it, I dropped it!}

& the top of the driveway & he doesn’t want to hit my cat. But after a pause he steers clear of the cat by driving to his right a bit & he’s here.

I run to the front door to greet him – he’s dressed in mostly black, {funeral-my martyrdom} there’s a bit of white under his neck with intricate black tiny designs. {What is this? It’s a ‘cravat’ in a triangle shape, the flat part on top, bottom tucked into his vest – White is a symbol of purity or goodness, not sure how this applies} We embrace warmly, my face pressing to the side of his face, I’m careful not to kiss on the lips because I’ve been asleep, have not brushed my teeth, & fear morning mouth. I tell him,

“I’ve not brushed my teeth yet!”

to let him know why no kissing.

*{EMBRACE BUT NO KISS as I’ve been sleeping, have not brushed my teeth yet, etc. Brushing teeth, teeth are either wisdom or have to do with anger or gnashing teeth – which would be regret. KISSING would be being PERFECT so that his wife, Mary Magdalene, in her Gospel, said He KISSED her on the lips. So that would be absolute perfection. At the moment, I FEEL I’m not there yet – He didn’t say it, nor did Holy Mary tell me I wasn’t

perfect – I said it. So this shows a lack of confidence on my part, I’m not ready to be in absolute perfect Union with God, but good enough to hug, embrace, & he His Mistress.}*

He is extremely warm & open to me & sits down for our visit.

We passed the front room which seems dim. We’re in the next or ‘back’ room which seems like a dining room as it has in the middle a table. I imagine it to be beautiful – like walnut or oak,

with beautiful chairs, but I don’t actually see it, just think it’s probably that way.

{BACK ROOM MORE INTERIOR is the Sanctum Sanctorum, which would be the deeper, more mystical place inside me. The table I imagine to be luxurious is where I would celebrate a Feast, the Holy Mass, & do whatever pleases Jesus/God, like my prayers.}

An interesting occurrence is across the table my MAID has taken Tom’s black vest, & without anyone asking her, is IRONING it for him, as a special service. I’m really proud of this act, because it proves to Tom that I am equipped to serve him, maid & all, without even being asked. My maid knows automatically what to do.

She is beautiful with short wavy blonde hair to the nape of her neck, thin, & dressed like a maid I think white. I notice her iron – that she got the iron – it was handy. I am trying to impress Tom with my service to him & here I have a maid, she got the iron, did what should be done without anyone asking.

{MY MAID is one of my Guardian Angels {I have 3}. Her IRONING Jesus’ vest – ironing is straightening out. His black vest signifies His HEART as the vest is right over the heart. What service is my Angel giving Jesus? It is my DAILY PRAYERS, which I have enjoined them to say when I am unable. My prayers can be comprehensive & average last 1 to 2 or even 3 hours. But sometimes I am distracted, too busy or tired to say them, but I want them said. So I recruit my angels to say them for me, & this is portraying it’s a service to Jesus/God & this confirms that one of my Angels has indeed complied with my request! This shows us that it serves God when we pray for the whole world, people, animals & Purgatory!}

There to my left, in front of him as he sits at the foot of the table, is a huge picture window, at least 5-6’ across, 4-5’ high. And through it we see miles of meadow & way far away, a rural village with low houses, no higher than two floors – this would be like 10 miles away. I know it’s a village for the roofs, see one red one. I say,

“Beautiful view, isn’t it?”

And Tom agrees.

The view from my house is important also, as a thing to accommodate Tom, make him feel good in my house. I wanted to tell him that at another point of my property {which is extensive} when you stand on a hill you can see miles also & the horizon looks like a large body of water even though it isn’t. But I don’t get a chance to tell him.

{THE VIEW from my window & another place on my property: When we have CHARITY we have VISION. That’s the difference between Heaven & Hell or Purgatory. The closer one is to God, the more VISION they have, the more they SEE of God/Goodness. Purgatory vision is limited, Hell it’s almost gone, one sees nothing but horror or terror. Purgatory has a great deal of variety. Heaven is always beautiful, to various degrees, dependent on how much charity or radiance one has. So I’m kind of bragging to Jesus how much vision I have for both Him & I to enjoy!}

Now we’re chatting. I get the sense that Tom {Jesus, God} has many fan clubs – I’m just one of them, & each club has a mistress of his, the way I am. I mustn’t be jealous or pry into his personal details.

Strangely, I ask him,

“I know this is far fetched, but what happened to the son of your first wife?”

This goes back to the time of his Magnum days when I was reading everything I could find about him & read about his wife & the son he adopted.

{FIRST WIFE & SON: I am probably asking him about Mary Magdalene, his wife many think, & a son….or any children He may have had}

I can’t recall what he tells me, but obviously, the boy is grown up. This was 1981-82.

Then I’m asking him about one of his fan clubs. He kind of receded into the hallway between this & the first room, to do something, I don’t know what. But as I ask he looks at me mischievously like I am getting personal. He doesn’t mind but as I said, looks mischievous, I see his face clearly, & I say,

“I don’t mean to pry into anything personal.”

The idea is he’s a great celebrity, much desired, has many fan clubs & I am one of his mistresses.

*{I SENSE that I’m asking our Lord about what Sri Kaleshwar said, that many women asked him to ‘Bless their flower,’ & He obliged, & he had many children, none of whom became spiritual greats, just regular people. His withdrawing from my inner sanctum to in between the front room & here & He looking mischievous seems to say IT WAS TRUE, lol. But it’s OK & I apologize for prying. His moving to this other spot is I am

thinking slightly as a mortal rather than my God Self – I’m curious.}*

MEANING:

Something has happened to improve or move forward in your relationship with God. Tom/Jesus represents God but in a particular way, when He appears as Tom Selleck it’s about your sacrifice for the love of Jesus/God. You prayed for the Interior Divine Stigmata, you got it. Not knowing exactly what it was, how it would affect you, you still took the plunge, knowing it would be no picnic, but not understanding the loss. You knew it would be pain but did not know what kind of pain, how you’d be afflicted & how long. Stigmata is Martyrdom, but Martyrdom takes many shapes & sizes. There is physical Martyrdom, which takes many forms from having your head chopped off to being tortured to death slowly as in the Inquisition, to being burned alive, to being boiled in turpentine & oil, like the Catholic Church did to some Souls, or having the Physical Wounds of Jesus appear on your Body to suffer & bleed. Then there’s Psychological Martyrdom, where a person endures an abusive relationship for a protracted time, or takes care of a cripple or one mentally ill for years, or is a slave with no rights & tortures for a long time, or unjustly imprisoned for years or some kind of torture like paralysis. Then there’s SPIRITUAL MARTYRDOM which is what God meted out to you. This is where you lost all your Spiritual Faculties, the Gifts of the Holy Spirit – your Sensitivity to God, your communication with Her, all was DISABLED – & this for EIGHTEEN YEARS. It was a special Dark Night of the Soul. And you had to live by Faith with nothing else all that time – God was a memory – you still had to be faithful to God, keep your promises such as celibacy, & not falter in your love of God, although there was no consolation.

However, there was a REASON for all this & what was it? It was your LOVE of Jesus/God! It was not for nothing. As Tom Selleck, Jesus appears as the most beautiful, sexy male & He comes to GIVE YOU LOVE – to return to you what you gave Him!

That’s why it’s so special, enjoyable & ecstatic when He appears this way!

Other details of the symbols & meanings are in the body of the dream.

The preamble is Our Holy Mother, preparing/cleansing you for this visit from Our Lord Jesus Christ, Her Holy Son. She’s assisted by an Angel. {end}

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

New Portal with Nick! Help Souls!

9-27-23 Rich gets me a new apt he’ll pay for –

Means Nick gets me a new portal to help Souls & he will suffer for it

Fascinating development to do with Purgatory. And I understand something I did not before – that when I dream about the B’klyn apt it is my PORTAL TO PURGATORY! – {Why? Because my most memorable spiritual events happened there. Seeing God Face to Face twice, Mary giving me Evangelical Virtues, Mary asks me to take the vow of celibacy – Interior Divine Stigmata!}

It starts with this family I’m visiting at the B’klyn apt. They are poor. I’m mostly dealing with the lady.

I first see this lady with a little son near her mopping the entire floor of where the apt’s are on our floor. The staircase, she has shut a ‘door trap’ like just wood, so that it looks like just a floor, no opening, & she is MOPPING, cleaning the entire floor. It’s some kind of act of charity or love – She doesn’t have to do this but she is, & I’m impressed. I tell her the ‘room’ looks beautiful now that she’s cleaning it – & it’s clean for everyone, all the people living on this floor. The floor is a yellowish color, maybe linoleum.

John Alexander Dowie {above} was a Protestant but he believed in Purgatory – He took me there

*{THIS IS A LADY on earth who represents a Soul or Souls in Purgatory. She is a person who told me about her house burning down – all was lost – even the kitchen utensils – everything. The house requires all goods for 3 adults & 3 college aged persons.

I happened to have an entire large apt of goods from kitchen to living to bedroom plus many other things I did not need – things I used for photography backgrounds, things I had that I anticipated for parties at my house – lovely things my late husband bought me. – All the best. I gave this lady for her & her people, all of the above & expecting nothing more than simple ‘thanks’ which I anticipated & got – I kept reminding myself this was for God & myself to empty myself of stuff I didn’t need which was a burden.

And so it was. And mind you, many things had to be laundered, organized, carried to my car – loaded into hers {she didn’t help} – there were 5 ½ car loads. In my condition – hurting back & two hurting hips – it was not the easiest, but I did it. It was a month of work.

This opening scene shows that this lady DESERVED or EARNED what I gave her, due to her past CHARITY. But we will see later in the dream how things change.}*

That scene is over. Now I visit her in her apt & somehow it has to do with mine also. This part is confusing or jumbled. Which is hers, which is mine? It’s extensive & I have come, out of my good heart, to help her. I do all sorts of things for her that I don’t have to do. In the end she is not grateful & I am hurt, I pace up & down the floor, saying,

“All I wanted or expected was RESPECT.”

But she did not give it – Strange deal. It’s like she would not tell anyone WHO I WAS – just my name, address, & told everyone involved, the moving men who brought items here to her place {furniture I donate, etc} not to speak of me, to me, about me. Not to know anything about me. Just put the items in, finito. It makes me anonymous & invisible. No love for me, no gratitude from anyone.

{I had been thinking, wishing I guess, maybe she would tell her housemates who I was – they could look me up on the internet. Maybe they would take a shine to me. Maybe they would ring me up & invite me over when their new house was organized & ready for live in. She said they were expected to be well set up by Christmas. Maybe they would invite me for Christmas, since half the stuff in their new house would be from me?….But no such luck, nothing. No gratitude, no recompense. I did it for me & God & it seems here, lol, Purgatory Souls.}

Her apt, mine, & a third party’s, it’s all on the same floor & we are sort traversing back & forth. Her apt is very large, cluttered, I am helping. She’s stooping down here as in the original scene, organizing.

After a while I go out. Outside I pass by a man I think is a ‘lowlife.’ I don’t speak to him but ‘hello’ as I know him. He’s wearing a soft off white grayish t-shirt that is folded over his middle – the middle slightly protruding – later the lady I’m helping is wearing the exact same garment {means she has given in to him} as I will explain, she hooks up with him!

{LOWLIFE MAN: This is a DEMON lurking about, & by his stomach protruding slightly over the not white, light grey t shirt {not white is not pure, grayish would be mental thoughts} could be the TEMPTATION TO GREED rather than gratitude. As the stomach protruding is ‘full stomach,’ someone wants to eat or consume more than they need – greed.}

OK, she goes out then & when she comes back she says she saw this man, & they are now some sort of ‘partners’ & he’s going to make a movie of her! This astonishes me. What kind of movie? What for? She’s a nobody & I don’t think has any qualities for an actress or movie star. But she stands there are lit up, cheerful, wearing a dark outfit but decent. Her hair is black, she might be Spanish like the other people in my building. What is going on?

{THIS INDICATES she hooked up with the demon, gave into his temptation of GREED – she becomes mated or One with him is he has possessed her – & making a movie would be what? Probably ‘making a move’ or moving/acting in the way he wants.}

Now we needed to have a meal but after untold hours, no meal is forthcoming. She did not cook – I am hungry. So I decide to go out, have a meal.

Before I do so I got dressed in nice clothes, sheer stockings, high heels, a thick soft light colored jacket, a soft sheer top falling in folds. I open my jacket to show her,

“I’ve lost weight! Fifteen pounds”

I say, & she’s impressed.

When I walk down the street, people will be impressed at the beauty of my body.

She asks me if I’m going to some popular modern restaurant called ‘Raspberries,’ but I tell her I’m going to my ordinary usual place.

But alas, things don’t work out so well. I want to go to ‘Anne’s’ where I used to go once a week for a hamburger when I was trying to persuade her to let me preach there.

But as I walk down the street, every restaurant is covered by a super-large blue cotton cloth {‘sense image material’, I saw that cloth in a photo of me yesterday, it covers a car; I used it as a backdrop for photography. I still have it.} Other stores are open, all kinds with all sorts of paraphernalia I didn’t need, open to the street, but by the time I get to the end of the street {I’m not going any further} I have not seen Anne’s nor any other restaurant, & I return home. And no one noticed me except the ‘lowlife’ man.

What do I feel about this man? Like he’s a shady character, trying to run some con game or a scheme, just hangs around seeing whom he can take in. He was holding something in his hands like a calculator, phone, or gadget which he’s surmising. And the lady friend falls for him & somehow, they become partners like he becomes her mate or something. As I said before, it astonishes me that she accepts him.

So I never got to eat a meal & nothing good happened out there in the street for me, in spite of my beauty – Disappointment, frustration.

{THIS REITERATES once again how I received no recompense from this transaction. No MEAL {nourishment, emotional} from her, & when I am filled with the BEAUTY OF CHARITY it does me no good. I go out there {in a sense, to Purgatory, where I often in the past, traveled in my most beautiful, sexy clothes. And losing weight is I have improved spiritually, I am lighter toward being that Feather they indicate in the Egyptian Book of the Dead} & cannot even FIND a place that would appreciate me – nothing. I cannot get to ‘the other side’ where the Souls are – Purgatory – symbolically – as every restaurant is VEILED/covered/hidden from me. I get to the Souls by nourishing them through the Holy Mass, or prayers, or sufferings, where the restaurants symbolize that, but here, even though I am qualified spiritually, I can’t get to them.* Which is the same as getting some sort of reaction from this Lady recipient &/or her household.

SHE asks me if I’m going to the restaurant called RASPBERRY – which means in slang: contempt, mockery or displeasure. A person puts their tongue in between their lips & makes a sound blowing to indicate this. She is saying, in a sense, that’s all I will get for my charity lol.}*

Another scene is I walk into a nearby apt – it’s open. It’s as if a person has the bare necessities like sleeping on the floor – it’s all neat, clean, lovely, – rugs & pretty blankets, but sparse. Who does it belong to? I vaguely recall a man with his family but now he’s alone. I ask the lady friend about this. She says,

“Oh, I looked him up. He was deported from Italy.”

It’s then that I ask her about his family.

{CANNOT figure out what this symbolizes. A man has deserted his family. He was deported. It could be some karmic symbol: What you do comes back to you.}

I’m still sitting here talking to the lady friend, in spite of all that happened, & I muse,

“Richard is renting me a new apt, {in a good neighborhood! – Williamsburg, where THIS is located, was then not a slum, but close to it. Most people were on welfare} & he will pay for it! {This is a big deal, a great Grace.} & then I see in my mind’s eye, glancing at my apt across from us – it seems small but terribly cozy & it’s mine all mine – no one else can ever have it! I say,

“I will NEVER give up this apt!”

The feeling I get from looking at my place is one of great love & exclusivity. It is unique, special, & it is rent controlled.

{THIS IS MY PURGATORY PORTAL! I am in POVERTY so Souls can receive my RICHES! I declare I will NEVER give this up! {Poverty is suffering, emptiness of earthly or even spiritual [dark night of the Soul, Mother Teresa of Calcutta was in it most of her adult life] joys}

Now it’s time to take off with Richard {my late husband who was good – when he appears he is always, so far, Nick Van Dunk, my dead third husband. He’s been appearing to me even when alive, as various men in my past. The evil ones when he’s being evil, but when he is perfect, he shows up as Richard, who was the perfect husband, kind, benevolent, & doing me great good.}

Rich & I go to an open store on the street. They’re selling books. I want books on interior décor – I might even hire a decorator to fix my new place. After I choose the books I want, I hold them in my arms, & they weigh a ton. It’s hard to carry them. He’s supposed to help me I think, but Rich is gone, he went to get the car – a luxury car {this makes me proud}.

*{WHAT ARE THESE BOOKS ON DÉCOR WHICH ARE HEAVY? Mother God: These could be the biographies of those who are dead, that now need help. You carrying them is SUPPORTING them. They are heavy as they were heavy with sin & need cleansing. You are asking or anticipating your good husband will help you, & he’s going to do just that!

The LUXURY car is a symbol of spiritual magnificence, lol.}*

So he appears again, I presume we got in the car, & now we’re at the location he found for my new apt.

He walks ahead of me, he has the key. I notice it’s a substantial building, a good strong, brown lacquered door in front. The opening around the door is rather narrow, but it’s OK – this is a crowded city. He eagerly opened it & went in. I thought about how he searched, how hard it is to find a good apt in a good neighborhood, but he did it. I glance backward to check the neighborhood.

*{HE HAS THE KEY: Is a big symbol of Nick’s initiation toward this. Brown lacquer – brown is suffering, not as bad as black which is death, but next to it. He is willing to suffer for his dead & living friends but we have to work together.

The convenience & stores are being able to get RESOURCES of which there are many. The RED of the items is almost always the red of BLOOD – suffering, pain. He will endure it. Let’s have a laugh – how many opportunities do we get on this earth to suffer?

Mother God, what is me anticipating the most luxurious furniture?

MG: It’s the comforts you’ll give the Souls. Furniture is for comfort.

Crossroad is the Cross of the Lord.}*

It’s right in the middle of the huge city & has many-floored {10 floors or so} stores everywhere, I can see the items for sale as if through the walls – most colors are light red, many buildings like that. We are at a crossroad. Yes, it’s a business district, not residential. Not so much for looks but convenience, I can shop easily from this place.

I do not, in this dream, see the inside of the apt. But I imagine I will get the best, most expensive furniture & maybe even hire an interior decorator. I want it to be exquisite & I want to show it to the folks in the previous building – the lady & all the poor folk. This new place is a big deal; I am so excited & proud.

MEANING:

This is a significant event. It means my spiritual husband Nick has created A PORTAL in union with me – the way that Saints use us people on earth as portals – to reach Souls in Purgatory. What is so unusual is I’m not sure how this is but from revelations it seems he’s both in Heaven & on earth – doing his Purgatory with me {as I suffer he suffers}, yet having himself also in Heaven where my Soul is.

And being in my Soul-place, like a Saint, gives him the onus of using my Office or Portal to Purgatory to reach his clients. For whatever reason, he has been & will continue to use me to reach those on earth or dead – his friends – who need spiritual help {this would be all of them, lol, all drug addicts.}

What is absolutely unusual is he will PAY for the new apt or portal {supposedly ‘for me’} which means he will SUFFER to ‘pay’ for the privilege of using me to reach his clients/friends, so that would be his own Purgatory! So this indicates he’s both in Heaven & on earth with me! Because the Saints in heaven cannot PAY for anything as they can’t suffer – that must be why they must use US, on earth, the Church Militant, to reach Souls in Purgatory. His ‘paying’ proves he is on earth with me.

And oh yes, what does one thing have to do with another? The example of the ungrateful Poor Lady I helped vs Nick wanting to help me? Karma. God, instead of the fulfillment you would have helped had she been grateful, gave you another Gift instead – Nick helping you with Souls!

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Help Nick’s Poor Souls

9-25-23 Sleepless Night – Help Nick’s Clients

This indicates he summoned me here to the Purgatory or condition of his friends, to help them again.

How can you describe six hours of mostly tossing & turning? When I did doze off intermittently had this bad dream:

I’m at the old farmhouse when I hear a great deal of noise. Going through the front door of the living room – {has 2 doors, regular & glass} I open the regular & look through the glass. There is a WAR going on, later I surmise between two rival street gangs. One of them has a machine gun rat-tat-tatting up on the hill forward, others have guns. I see a young male, maybe a child, lying face down on our front lawn & I scream to my mother:

“There’s a war & a boy is lying dead on our lawn!’

She runs to the door & instead of just looking through, she opens it wide to look, then comes back in the house, leaving the door open!

I run to shut the door yelling at her why does she leave the door open when there’s a machine gun & guns out there? Happily, I see the boy is NOT dead, but was lying face down to avoid the bullets.

I’m having trouble shutting the door as it seems there’s a GAP or opening there even when I close it. I seem to see plaid TARTANS somehow at the edge of the door. When I close it, the gap remains & the tartans, with blue in them I think, are present at the opening, like a FRAME on the edge or edging.

I blame my mother for this. She looks to have frizzy grey hair, gaunt & skinny. She’s kind of just running off taking no responsibility, I’m the one concerned.

I see two sides here, & a group of young males, reminds me of the gangs in B’klyn, are calling out for now,

“WE WON!”

It seems like a protracted battle & sometimes one side wins, then the other. My old time friend ‘Buck’ from B’klyn seems to be the leader of one side, which has members inside our house, so I guess it’s our side.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Nick appears {as soon as this happens I’m HAPPY – my Beloved dead husband. How did he get here – walk? Or got a ride? I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure he had my address.

He’s near me in the living room which is dim & has plush modern {stark} brown couches & sofas I imagine without seeing them. He’s just like real life when he was 22, young, beautiful, thin, wearing a light blue cotton shirt – don’t see the sleeves, but it’s summery.

I complain to him what’s going on. He’s VERY CALM – not worried or upset.

I take him into the kitchen, which is well lit & then as I glance around realize I live in a MANSION & this is proven by my kitchen – large, rather luxurious – well stocked with items poor people don’t have.

While I sat in the living room I kept calling to a maid-type girl or ‘underling,’ {young, chubby, light clothes}

‘Bring a cold beer please,’

{I’m being authoritative}

but the girl doesn’t do it, so then I take Nick to the kitchen.

I look into the fridge & say,

“They’ve drank all the beer!”

{the gang}

But then I see I have an almost full bottle of Evan William’s Whiskey & show Nick that. He says,

“That’ll do – even better!”

So I get two glasses & find ice, put ice in. His will be stronger than mine, so his glass I’ve chosen is smaller. I hope he doesn’t think I’m stinting him. As I pour the ice, some of it melts & I want to get rid of some of this water before I pour the whiskey on ice, which I do but am fumbling. Finally we’re all set to enjoy this.

Then Nick says,

“Now give me a good comfortable seat t sit as he heads back into the living room. He’s STOOPED forward & coughs!

I glance in the kitchen at a black lacquered ‘farmhouse’ kitchen chair with spindled posts on the back & wonder would that have been a place he could sit comfortable? But apparently that’s not what he wanted.

Forgot to say earlier when I showed him the whiskey I also pointed at other liquors one in a round dull covered goldeny pot on another table, & something else, & I’m sort of bragging saying,

“We have that – & that – we have sherry.”

I wanted to show him we have A LOT of liquors, we have abundance / prosperity.

Then I follow him into the living room where we’ll enjoy our drinks. It’s much dimmer than the kitchen, & between it & the kitchen the entire wall is glass with open partitions, but the lighting is very different.

MEANING:

As soon as I understood the PURPOSE of my suffering the suffering went away. That’s why God doesn’t always tell us the purpose, because the pain gains merit. In this case, it’s again good ole’ Nick who has brought me his friends, the drug addicted – who died from overdoses. And they drank all the beer, means they received benefits from this office already, prior to his arrival. Beer, liquor, wine,

are all ELIXIRS of SPIRITUALITY, in other words, the NECTAR of God’s Love.

This would come out of the Holy Mass, prayers, sacrifices & sufferings – it’s the Grace of God.

This shows that Nick is abut to receive from my office, a HIGHER elixir than are his friends. No doubt as he has summoned the occasion. They had beer, he gets whiskey. I brag about the other liquors to say how abundant we are here with God’s Grace. The Golden Pot especially seems like something special. It has a lid on it which hints it’s reserved for Feast – Gold is Love.

Why I wonder how he got here? Seems unusual as he’s united to me in secular terms, the ‘twin flame’ condition. I surmise the question is about the Purgatorial aspect, as it takes Great Ability to gain the Office or Portal of a person like myself, to access this for the Souls {living or dead Souls}. I am asking how he gained this ability to ‘get here.’

The WAR is the war of drug addicts against their addiction. The demons are on the OTHER SIDE or the side of ‘do evil – kill yourself – hurt yourself with drugs.’ They fight this continually, fearing death. The devil has them ‘outgunned’ with a machine gun & artillery, but they are with me, inside my house & on my lawn – which means under my CARE, SUPPRT & PROTECTION. This could mean these people are NOT DEAD, so are they the Holy Souls or those living? The living would have the struggle. Either way, they are Souls needing help & Nick has brought them to me.

My mother – why does she look as she does, why does she leave the door open with the tartan symbol?

Without a doubt, she has facilitated this occasion, she has left open the door or window or opportunity for me to communicate with these Souls & SEE that I’m helping them. Otherwise my pain is meaningless.

The TARTAN is the Scottish Highlands, & wearing it proves kinship with one clan or another. My clan is the Friends of God, & we are UNITED so the tartan symbolizes.

Mother is looking skinny, haggard & frizzy grey haired {also naked} to prove my condition – which is frustration, worry, helpless as I toss & turn all night. In real life the God Self does not have such feelings, this is SYMBOLIC.

Our side, the gang leader claiming victory is because they have WON the Grace of God against the demons, who want to destroy them by having them turn against God & give in to the futility of drug addiction.

Nick appears unfurled because he knows I’m in charge & doing good for his clients. His light clothing, also light blue, is to show ‘summer’ where one can be open to the season, one does not have to bundle up against the force of the cold. He is in a warm, loving place, a place of God’s Grace, with me, which is like the pleasantness of summer or Heaven. Light blue is also a color most people Ascend with.

I call out to a girl to serve us beer – for Nick. But she does not bring it. This elixir or Grace has already been consumed by our side of the battle.

Taking Nick to the kitchen is giving him the reward for his efforts. It’s a Grace higher than the participants, he is the founder of the Feast – he gets the best.

I’m bragging about all the Grace available to me, hinting to the future.

What are the two glasses, the ice & ice melting, his glass stronger, therefore smaller, me fumbling?

It seems to me this is the Blood of Jesus & Mary appearing in the Holy Mass which will be transmitted to him. Ice melting could be my struggle to make sure it is said every day – melting ice is time gone by. I don’t want to procrastinate the Mass & every day I make sure I say it. His cup smaller & stronger? Could be saying more Grace is transmitted to him than myself from this. Why? He needs more.

Why is the light dimmer in the living room & the kitchen all lit up? The kitchen is where I say the Holy Mass, much Spiritual Light is generated. But Nick & I are enjoying the benefits of this Grace in the living room, our regular life; it gives us Peace & Rest.

Then he has his Gift & is bent forward & coughs, asking for a comfortable place to sit, heading for the opening to the living room. I glance at the black shiny lacquered chair in the kitchen & wonder if that was alright, but he is headed or the l.r.

The black kitchen chair could mean ‘more suffering’ to gain more Light. But he has HAD ENOUGH, showing he can do no more – kind of disabled or ‘sick’ revealed by his symptoms. It does not show my condition but I’m following him to enjoy the fruits of our labors!

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Mysterious Wonderful Dreams

9-22-23 Mysterious Important Dreams – My husband Nick – Sri Kaleshwar – Arnold!

At first I dismissed it as some kind of SEX dream but it is NOT about sex!

I see Nick {my husband in life & still in death} walking ahead of me, his left arm in a sling with a gauze cloth. I go up to him & ask him if his arm is broken. He takes off the cloth & shows me no, but there is a sort of box here & inside it a little mouse!

I am kind of ‘following him around’ scene to scene trying to get him to pay attention to me – maybe make love – but he is distracted.

Then I see someone he IS interested in! She’s sitting there looking at something else – not him – her eyes seem abstracted either looking UP like to Heaven or looking IN like the Interior of one’s self.

Her skin is completely BLACK, shiny; she is thin.

As he sits to her left – he’s naked – he has a terrible hardon that’s so hard it HURTS & he makes noises & sounds to show his frustration & pain.

As I sit there I wonder WHO IS THIS WOMAN? I am curious & not sure if I’m jealous, more curious than anything.

MEANING: The meaning is a WHOPPER. The woman is ME!

I am here in my HighestCenter, or the God Self, & I’m black to Nick because he cannot understand or reach me, as God is ‘blackness’ to us. Shiny is the Light that would radiate from me if one could see it, & thin is being empty of this world, fat being the opposite.

He no longer has a BODY so the ordinary love-sex of this world is distant to him. But he LONGS to be ‘where I’m at’ – the Higher Realm, but he can’t so he’s terribly frustrated & in pain.

The beginning where I think he’s got a broken arm but he shows me a mouse is his DISABILITY to be where I am because he is TOO LITTLE or spiritually small – like a mouse – to join me in my Higher Consciousness.

So here, having a ‘hardon’ is a symbol in general terms of ‘having a hardon’ for what one wants & needs.

9-22-23 Another Nick Dream – Is it Purgatory?

I am on the streets of B’klyn where I used to live. There’s poverty & want all around me. Poor children are everywhere. I help one, can’t recall now exactly how but it’s a little girl, maybe 7 years old.

Nick is also around. I try to get him interested in me, but he doesn’t pay attention. He is with these various poor people. I follow him around.

At one point I’m next to him & I touch his arm. He’s wearing a very soft, rumpled fleece long-sleeved shirt, sort of vanilla color. I hold my hand on his elbow, feeling the softness.

He’s leaning into someone he’s talking too. He kept going here & there, from one group of poor people to another, he’s involved with them.

MEANING: It sounds like Nick has once again taken me to his Purgatory, the world of all those friends who died of drug overdoses. His mind is on them, he wants me to help them & I do help one female. He might be trying to gain Grace through this charity, which he has learned from me, is the highest thing one can do & the thing I am most concerned about – the Holy Souls.

9-22-23 Sri Kaleshwar dreams

All I did was look at the picture of Sri Kaleshwar several times & had these experiences.

In one I had on an outfit that had a black super miniskirt but along with it under it a light green twill stretch tight skirt to my knees or lower {see it both ways} – so it’s not overly revealing. I was walking or dancing in this & it made Kaleshwar ANXIOUS or uncomfortable so I was showing him I was really covered with the second skirt. I see his eyes full of some sort of FEAR.

But the next scene I decide to placate him & I don a special coat. It’s really fantastically designed, red, of soft expensive Cashmere wool. It is buttoned down but the opening of the coat in front goes not straight up & down but a zig zag design – across the body. It’s also buttoned with large red buttons, about 2” across, but only 3 are closed, on top.

There’s a huge ‘boss Lady’ watching me from the corner as I DANCE in this coat. Kaleshwar is to the left also watching. I dance & dance, doing twirls, dance beautifully & finally come to the end when I quit. This satisfied Kaleshwar.

There’s a third dream I can’t recall right now.

MEANING:

Mother God, need your help. What could Kaleshwar be afraid of?

MG: As you suspected it’s your Power from the Grace you have obtained due to things you have done or not done. The super short black miniskirt comes right up over your crotch, no further, so it’s a hint that it might be about CELIBACY as it just covers the vagina. Then there’s a second skirt that covers it, light green twill, etc. What is that?

That might be saying,

“But at some point, I quit the celibacy out of obedience to God, went out into the world & did what God told me to do – ‘stop suffering’ – have fun – lol – but I suffered worse than had I stayed celibate!”

This series of events – celibacy then painful being out again, gained a HUGE amount of Grace from God!

The reason Kaleshwar is nervous or anxious is first, he was NOT celibate. You found out from his disciple he was actually MARRIED while denying it to the Press!

And so he has no such Grace as you received for either discipline, so it makes him ‘uncomfortable’ as he cannot claim the same sacrifice or Grace.

You are mollifying Kaleshwar by showing him the second skirt. {It’s GREEN to show LIFE while the black one over your crotch is BLACK to show ABSENCE/DEATH/NO LIFE} so sort of like saying,

“It’s OK you weren’t celibate, look, I went out for eleven years & did a lot of dating & sex.”

But he isn’t pacified like this – still feels, in a symbolic sense, ‘guilty,’ so you show him another Grace of yours.

ME: OK, that Grace is the red coat, where I dance before the huge woman who I suspect is Our Holy Mother. What is this Grace? I know red means suffering, but which suffering, as I’ve had my share of every kind. Is it a suffering we share in common – Kaleshwar & I?

MG: I will just make a guess it’s the Interior Divine Stigmata, which signifies TOTAL LOSS or complete devastating HEARTBREAK. Perhaps you share that, so he’s comfortable observing it, as you show off the Grace from it under the eyes of Our Holy Mother.

ME: Please describe the coat as to how it symbolizes this.

MG: It’s a coat, a large garment signifying it didn’t just affect one part of you, but your entire life. Designer indicates EXPENSIVE or something of the HIGHEST VALUE, costly in terms of what you gave for it. Besides being totally devastating, painful & traumatic, you lost the use of your spiritual faculties for EIGHTEEN YEARS. Expensive indeed.

The Cashmere is the PRICEY COAT LIKE WOOL. {Wool is from sheep which are identified with those who obey God. Goats don’t – symbolically. But here wool is wool, symbol of ‘friend of God.’} Cashmere goats live

high in the mountains of Mongolia. Only a part of their soft hairs are harvested in the molting season of Spring.

The 3 buttons fastened on top? Could be Faith, Hope & Love of God – the ‘Theological virtues.’ Could be Poverty, Chastity, Obedience, awarded to me by the Holy Virgin after special prayers.

Why the zig zag or ‘across’ opening to the coat? Could mean,

‘This Grace goes ‘across the board’ – it covers EVERYTHING or affects everything. It’s not a limited type Grace.

The dancing is performing or exercising what had to be done to attain this Grace. {end}

9-23-23 Happy Arnold Dream

There’s something going on that my two lady friends & I know about. It’s a big new body building contest – all the old timers are in it, including Arnold. It’s in a Mall nearby.

So my friends & I are hanging out & now I see the two ladies are DRESSED FOR BED/SLEEP! And one of them says, re the contest, which is now over,

“Arnold is still here….he’s at such & such place.”

At this I see the opportunity; I must go there & meet up. But these two aren’t dressed! I have to literally pull off their pajamas & sleep wear {I must become ALERT & AWARE to something, not unconscious or ASLEEP! – It’s a REVELATION!} & they also have on their regular clothes, leaving the reg clothes. It takes energy as I treat them as if they were little children & they are physically little to me like children – one is like 5-7 year old size, the other even smaller.

So now we 3 go to the area behind the stage. Before doing so I see somehow a flash from the contest. Arnold is young again, his muscles look terrific as he does a double bicep pose among the lineup of guys all close to him – & looks as good as he ever did – & I think he wins. The spotlight shone on him so I could see.

Now we are at the back where all the contestants have gathered & no one is saying where Arnold is. I will have to use strategy to figure out, or maybe I will position myself for him to see me.

I light up into the air, dancing. Then I see a strong light by the side of the building {we are behind the mall} & dance there, in the air, so I am lit up & wherever Arnold is, he’ll see me.

I notice another section where you have to walk up higher – the men are scattered all over, here & there. It’s like a tradition {in my dream} that after a contest they gather to kibitz. I know Arnold wants to be hidden because of too many fans, so it’s most likely he’ll go there I reckon.

So I go up there to the left & I see someone that could be him. There are two ‘heads,’ one above the other. The bottom head I don’t see a body clearly, the top I do – he’s sitting. Both faces are COVERED BY HATS. The hats are made of fake fur, flat on top, with rims a few inches wide, & these rims go over the eyes so one can hide their identity.

I go to the first head, take off its hat, then another & another, & underneath see it’s just a mannequin.

Then I move to the top head & he feels slightly nervous as he knows it’s him & I’ve caught him. I pull off his hat & there is another one semi-hiding his forehead, but it looks like him – his eyes are blue -I believe it is.

Then I start talking, calling him Joe. When I say ‘Joe’ he reacts – I wanted to hear him speak, then I’d know it was him. And he does speak, turning to the friends behind him, saying something like,

“She calls me Joe,”

meaning that is NOT his name. And then by what I can see limited but what I can hear, that is more telling, I know it’s Arnold.

I said to him,

“You look great.”

It has occurred to me only recently that the extent to which Arnold took revenge against me – trying to deprive me of all recognition as the First Female Body Builder – promoting strongly Lisa Lyon in my place – when you love or desire a person so much, you also HATE them equally much when rejected. His intense hate of me when I did not want him proves HIS LOVE or desire. I never thought of this before!

He wanted to teach me a lesson that he’s not to be rejected, he’s too important to turn down! One can see by going to so much trouble to prove his point how much he cared what I thought of him. IMO he did not love Lisa Lyon, he used her as a tool to prove a point,

“See, this is what I can do for a female.”

In other words, he says by action:

“I can get her a book, get her on the cover of a magazine, take lots of pictures with her – making her seem important as I’m the most famous man in the world. All this acknowledgement makes her a star – she could not have done it on her own.”

ME to MomGod: Well, did he prove his point? Did he succeed? Did she?

MG: He succeeded for a few years, but no lie can live forever. After her time for fame was up, she sunk into oblivion & never accomplished one thing. At her death is a list of things for which she is remembered, a small list of small accomplishments, the most notable is her friendship with Arnold.

But you, being of stronger stuff, by the Grace of God, accomplished many more notable & important things. You were also eventually {Feb 2007} given the award ‘the Progenitor – the woman responsible for modern competitive female body building’ by the World Body Building Guild – WBBG. She was given no such distinction by any international body building organization & her association with Arnold lasted only about 3 years.

So he did not succeed in having her dethrone you & she certainly did not succeed as a star of your equal. Her obituary is pathetic. The only thing she predated you in was death.”

MEANING of the Dream:

You calling him ‘Joe’ is telling. It hearkens to Joe B, who was obsessively in love with you & might be still. This underscores your instinct re Arnold’s feelings about you – why would his revenge be so strong & so long lived?

However, this sounds like reconciliation, especially since the feeling was a happy one.

ME: Why is he young again, a new contest?

MG: Could be a memory, going backward, but yet, one can be ‘young at heart.’ Could be a renewal or ‘born again’ feeling from him – a change of heart. He feels the feelings he felt when he was young again.

ME: Why do I find the spotlight, dance in the air in it, since I don’t know where he is, hope he’ll seems we can meet?

MG: That sounds like you wanting to be famous or well known – he then might want to communicate with you.

ME: But he does not find me, I find him.

MG: In this case it might be here a symbol of success, you find success. Maybe in future you’ll get more famous if & when they do your life movie.

ME: His two heads, one a fake?

MG: His heads are where he is at, or his consciousness, especially re you, as this dream is about you & him. The first head is a fake or not what he really thinks or feels. You uncover the ruse – what seems to be is not. That is saying he does not like you or love you.

Then you uncover the TRUTH which is that he really has loved you all these years {surprise, you only thought of this recently, & this makes you happy!} and this by you calling him Joe. You need to hear his voice, & you do. What is eyes & voice?

“The eyes are the windows of the soul”,

and the voice is a ‘dead giveaway’ it’s him, as he’s famous for how he sounds. Why does he say,

“She calls me Joe.”

Because he didn’t mean to give himself away, but he does it without wanting to, that he has loved you intensely & all these years. It seems unbelievable.

And why do you tell him he looks good?

You approve of his new, born again, young again state & this is most likely SPIRITUAL – a change of heart, new positive mood, new honesty, no more lies.

Again, what we deduced is confirmed by the two heads. You uncover the lies or the fake head, then you uncover the real head – ‘Joe’. Someone hopelessly in love, lol.

The two little girls with you? There were two of him, maybe two of you. One of them helps you find Arnold to meet up. This could be your flesh or body, your natural self, natural instincts or intuition. The other one could be the unconscious – not sure. I find this hard to understand.

Why is it a contest & he wins? Some kind of success. If all you figure here is true, it would be joyful, successful & victorious.

Friends, it’s only a dream. I could be mistaken. {end}

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