College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Escape Torture 4 Prosperity & Paradise

Chapter 7 Grandma – Germany –

Escape Torture, Embrace Prosperity & Paradise written 1/16/22

When we moved to Middletown I was 15; there were 4 bedrooms. Instead of giving me my own room, which anyone would desire, Mom kept one room EMPTY rather than let me have it. Situated in between her room & mine, it was as plain as could be & unless the door was closed you could see into it from the middle floor {split level house had 3 levels} so it wasn’t a great room, but it was a room.

Her excuse why I could not have it, shoved into a bunk bed with an 8 yr old? It was ‘for Grandma’ she said. How often did Grandma stay with us? Twice in my lifetime for a month.

Upon her visit to Middletown, occupying that precious room, she sort of ‘cracked up’ almost crying & said she could not stand how Mom & I were & demanded a reconciliation, & forced us to face one another give a hug & tell us we loved one another.

For me the touch of Mommy Fearest was an ordeal. How would you like to hug someone you know hates you & wants you dead?

We both went through the motions – Mom had to obey her Mom, me—what else could I do?

But did it help? Was it what was needed? Of course not.

What was needed was for Grandma to check into the situation, ask some questions & see why the cold silence. Why would two people not speak to each other?

And so, Grandma was looking at the surface of things – that we were silent. But she pulled the same stunt the rest of the adults did – ignore the elephant in the room. As I explained before, I had a Dad who supposedly loved me, who was deserted. I begged to live with him since age 10 – I said I felt suicidal – but he insisted I had to stay with Mom. It’s a long story told elsewhere. There was Auntie Ara, Mom’s sister, who could have figuredwhat was what, but she sided with Mom. And my Uncle, who knew the truth, only once in our lifetime said one sentence to support me, that Mom did not do right by me, but nothing else to anyone else. So no one – not one human in my life – alleviated her abuse, some added to it. {That includes counselors at school she fooled, & I had no way of defending myself, I simply could not articulate the situation.}

I shall channel, first my Mother God. What was the rhyme or reason behind Grandma’s forced reconciliation?

MG: {Mother God} You were ‘at war’ with your Mother, but it was she who assaulted you, you explained elsewhere how she made a pact with your brother & another soul to help her ‘control’ you – which meant demoralize you, make you a pauper.

You reacted as any human, after multiple assaults you stopped trying to be nice. She only spoke in the negative, between that there was silence. One could ask why? You explained before it was to do with Dad. The rage she had for him was turned on you.

Grandma was a witness to hostility, she wanted it stopped. Go ahead & ask her why.

ME: Grandma what was it about?

GRANDMA: I saw & felt the coldness & it was an icy wind blowing through the house; I wanted it stopped for my own comfort. No, I did not question you or her, no, I did not dig deep. Yes I knew Regina was some sort of a psychopath, she was my child.

I was the one who told you she was like that from day one. She had to have control over things, & if not, there was revenge. She tried to break up your Aunt & Uncle by paying a girl to seduce him. She said she would ‘fix her up like a doll’ with a new wardrobe & accessories. Except it didn’t work & Uncle Henry hated her from then on in.

ME: Did you have any idea that Mom was abusing me & her reasons for it? Did you suspect but chose to ignore it anyway?

GRANDMA: Of course I suspected there was more to the drama. It’s obvious there were reasons. But I chose not to dig for my mental safety, just wanted to read my Russian newspaper & dream of other places, help with the dinner, bear out my time in the Circus until I could escape & go back to the paradise of North Salem {her daughter Dagmar & Uncle Henry.}

ME: OK so now you’re in Heaven & you must tell the truth. Aren’t you sorry you didn’t help me? My sore point is that none of the adults helped. That adds salt to the wounds. Weren’t you being selfish?

GRANDMA: I wasn’t a firebrand like you. I was a nice person, but that was it. I was more worried about the boy next door trying to feel your breasts than the pain in your heart. I was shallow, like 99% of all people; I was not a saint, a healer, a do-gooder or activist. I wanted to be left alone & live without conflict, at least in my old age.

ME: On Grandma’s side I can imagine why she wanted no drama. Her eight brothers were killed by the Bolsheviks {the fought with the Czar, Bolsheviks were Communists} & her husband was assassinated in their own home. They fled to Germany, were displaced persons & lived in a camp, & were lucky to passage to America. So that’s enough stress for one lifetime. But does one’s own past pains make them impervious to those of others?

GRANDMA: I’m sorry I didn’t help, but I wasn’t capable.

ME: What you did was put a band aid on a wound that was festering, that needed air. You didn’t help heal it, not a word. You didn’t even comfort me against her, you just wanted that fake truce.

{Is this how women where men are abusing the children, they just let it go, let it be? Sometimes they don’t see it but they suspect, & instead of digging they turn their back. So abuse goes on & on.}

She mentioned the boy who was trying to feel my breasts. When we moved to that home there was a neighbor with a boy a year younger than me. Being horny like all young males he tried to get to know me. There was a small tree behind our house; he climbed it to see inside my bedroom window. I caught him one day looking outside – that was before I knew him. Somehow we met.

Yes, we had a garage & yes, we were there alone, Grandma was in the bottom living room where there was a door to it. Every time the boy & I dallied he tried to feel my breasts. And over & over again she opened the door exclaiming,

“What are you two doing in there?”

Hanky panky, of course. Old women have been through the deal again & again. Young people think they invented sex but it was old hat right after Adam & Eve.

{A pet peeve of mine on that is the elders of our society are obsessed with preventing sex. Let teens do what they do. OK, pregnancies occur. In Matriarchal days it didn’t matter. Look at the Mosuos in China, a Matriarchal society, where the males visit the female – then go home in the morning. It’s called ‘Walk-in marriage.’ If any child is born, it stays with the Mom’s family. The men are not the leaders of the family but they do have 2^nd place. To me, this system works. But here it’s convoluted & so, everyone is up to their gills when a female is on the road to sex because the system is hard on her. It forces marriage from guys who don’t want it – & many women are abandoned, alone, left to poverty – as what do you expect? A woman having a child/children but also having to work full time to support them? How could that be? That’s why our Patriarchal society is filled with orphanages, that’s why the old days of England, the streets were full of ‘waifs,’ thousands of homeless kids, begging, stealing, suffering in the streets.

I just might add here that affection & sex is healing/ comforting. In a Matriarchal setting as described, there is no punishment for affection & sex – It is taken as a natural, inevitable process – the man leaves in the morning, the children are cared for – no poverty, no waifs in the street.

Grandma’s Early Life

I only knew Grandma as an older lady & she acted the part. Her hair was always in a bun – not because she wanted to look like Grandma Moses but because she had Asian hair to her waist, thick like that, & a bun works. But coupled with the kind of dowdy clothes she wore, she wasn’t a Grandma you take to a posh restaurant & walk in proudly. When she was young she was I am guessing, {she told me she wore tight skirts in the Edwardian era, so tight they split & Grandpa yelled at her for that} attractive & glamorous, but now she looked like a ‘Babushka,’ older women in Eastern Europe who gain weight, wear ugly clothes & a kerchief over their heads. Never do they wear anything stylish or glamorous nor do they ever show their bodies – it’s tradition to look like this. My Aunt Ara once complained of this, that she sometimes wished Grandma would make herself more appealing like the neighbor lady they had. {She dressed smart & her husband made a serious pass at me when I was 14 – already mentioned elsewhere. In the car he was sitting to my right, he got a hardon & put my hand on it, Uncle Henry was driving, he could see it, his wife & Aunt Ara were in the back. Henry said nothing, I did nothing, nothing was ever said……}

This is how she met Grandpa – Vincas Bytautas {so she became Bytautiene}. He wanted to be a doctor, but when he attended medical school in Poland, the guys looked down on him for being Lithuanian – as Poles had this pride thing where they were ‘superior’ – yes, they had more educational opportunities. {One time under Vytautas the Great King we conquered Poland, then we were ‘mightier’, but now Poland was bigger & ‘better’ than us}. So that made him quit medical school. Thin skin I guess.

During the WWI he joined the Red Cross & drove a truck into Russia. His second wife was with him – the first had died. They met Grandma Luba at a medical facility. The wife was pregnant & died in child birth {not sure what happened to that child} & he & Luba thereafter got married, his third wife.

Luba then moved to Lithuania & adjusted to a new language & country {She was great at our language & foods – many flour & potato dishes, like ‘Kugelis’ Uncle Henry’s fave, it’s finely grated potatoes which turn into ‘mush’ in a casserole with bits of bacon & Raviolis with meat or cheese – but the Russian culture remained close to her heart. I learned Russian words from her. She never learned one word of English. Not sure what she achieved with the German language while they were there about 5 years {Mom & Dad were OK with it, he read to me from ‘Grimm’s fairy tales in German & translated it into Lithuanian – he also read to us from advanced Lithuanian story books.}

By the way, we did not have a ‘hard time’ in Germany even though war was on. Our family was given the management of a German hotel way out in the country – my Aunt said ‘we did everything.’ I imagine bed making, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands. This began a lifetime of ‘service’ & minimum-wage jobs for Mom & Dagmar – they got off their elite horses in Lithuania except in their minds they remained superior no matter what {not Dad or Grandma, they were humble}. The hotel workers became Mom, her sister ‘Ara,’ Grandma & Dad – Uncle Henry was with the allied army as a chauffer. Aunt Ara said it was an older lady who owned the hotel; our presence took the weight off her back.

And Ara told me the food was great – no shortages. A disciple I used to call in Germany told me that the Nazis stole the food from countries they occupied & sent it to the native country. I guess that showed up on the store shelves.

Below: Grandma, Aunt Ara age 15, Dad, Mom age 17, Grandpa Vincent…2nd: Mom, Dad, Me, Grandma me age 7…#3d: me in Ritzy Waccabuc where Ara, Henry & Grandma lived & were employed…4th: The boat Gran came here on with Ara & Henry, see Henry in the middle with a checkered shirt

Grandma came to America on a separate boat than us – she was always with Ara & Henry –they had no children – by now my Mom & Dad had three. They got themselves a different sponsor to the US – as I mentioned in other books, a millionaire lady named Mrs. Grant, who owned Otis Elevators, in Waccabuc wanted them as servants. Ara managed the mansion housework & two boys, Henry took care of the grounds, horses & did maintenance & repairs {he was a genius at many things from horse shoeing to plumbing to construction. He built a small house as a birthday present for one of the sons, named Riddy, – for which he was paid in today’s money, 2k – & later built a 2 car garage, a superb stone-fenced in driveway & second floor on the small house they bought in North Salem NY – Mrs. Grant furnished it from their area of the mansion, it was 1930’s muted ‘art deco’ of sorts, exquisite. When Ara furnished the new upstairs it was hideous. The bedroom with a psychedelic rug of 6 bright colors, the living room no ambiance, Danish style bare-assed furniture I hated.}

I might add a couple things here. Grandma obviously helped with the household chores, as I recall her teaching me the proper way to fold towels, which Mrs. Grant taught her, I assume. I’ve folded towels that way ever since. Hold the towel the long way, fold over each side part way, & then fold it in half to hang on the rack.

Our Life in Germany – the Hotel & Clara Kaiser

There was a lady who got friendly with Uncle Henry, her chauffer, who sponsored him, Ara & Gran to the US. Here’s her obit:

New York Times obituary Nov 4, 1983

Dr Clara A Kaiser dies at 87

* Dr. Clara A. Kaiser, a former teacher and acting dean of the Columbia University School of Social Work, died Tuesday from burns she suffered in an accident several weeks ago at her home in Stamford, Conn. She was 87 years old.

Dr. Kaiser joined the faculty of the New York School of Social Work in 1935 and was appointed a professor five years later. The school later became affiliated with Columbia. She served as acting dean from 1958 to 1960, when she was named professor emeritus.

Dr. Kaiser was born in Rochester. She received bachelor’s degrees from the University of Rochester and the New York School of Social Work, and a doctorate from OhioStateUniversity. She was one of the first professors of group services at Western ReserveUniversity in Cleveland, and became a leader in the theory and practice of social group work, a method based on democratic group action.

At the end of World War II, Dr. Kaiser went to Germany for the World Y.M.- Y.W.C.A. Service to work with displaced persons. Later, she was a consultant in education and cultural affairs to the United States Military Government there. *

Below, Mom & Dad

Mom’s Road to Success

Let me add this: Clara Kaiser also got my Mom on the road to solvency. She was working as a waitress at Thorn’s Milk Bar, a place several members of our family worked, including myself for a time. That was all the professional experience she had. But on the recommendation of Dr. Kaiser, she was awarded a job as Head Chef of the Salvation Army Retired Officer’s Residence, & this got her started on later working for Stouffers, High School Cafeteria manager, & last but not least, manager of the Reader’s Digest plant in Pleasantville, NY. She had great talent & put her nose to it, learning to master recipes of all nations. At the Reader’s Digest Guest House, which she managed, she served the then Governor John D. Rockefeller, who said to o her,

“One of the best meals I ever ate.”

This man had charm. I had a mentor explained in Part 3, Rev. Judy Swaggart, who also met him & yakked a lot – & he said to her,

“I like the way you talk.”

Bottom line – who you know, who gives you a push, means a lot. Talent is one step, but without connections or some kind of exposure, it doesn’t move. Because of Clara Kaiser, my family gained great advantages. {The influence of Mrs. Grant, her Victorian mansion, Waccabuc, the two sons, the older of whom I later had an affair with, inspired me for the rest of my life – that opportunity came from Ms Kaiser – & as I said, she gave Mom a career start years later}…..Mom died knowing she had achieved success in spite of hardships.

Traits I Got from my Kin

A question occurs to me, am I a chip off the old block? In some ways, I am. I gained from the good of both parents, hopefully not the bad. Let me ask Mother God. “In what way do I resemble my parents?”

MG {Mother God within me}: The main thing you got from your Mom – definitely not her cruelty – you have none – but what you did get was her persistence in work, & talent in an artistic way. Her floristry, which she did mail order, she was good at. She was a genius at agriculture; flowers, fruits, veggies, picking mushrooms in the woods, you name it. She knew how to preserve, can, dry, produce all that she gathered, including milking the cow & making all kinds cheeses {you churned the butter}. She knew how to cook from day one & improved tremendously, studying cook books & practicing. She was ambitious to the degree she was able. She joined the ‘Book of the Month Club’ for English, & spoke it fairly well. {Unlike poor Dad who was terrible at English, I believe because he was 17 years older than Mom, was anchored to the old country & its goodness, forever wanting to somehow go back, did not embrace the new world like Mom did.} So from Mom it seems you got an artistic flair & the habit of hard work.

Below, house where Dad grew up in Lithuania – Store Grandpa owned in Lithuania – Aunt Ara, me, Mom & Dad when we arrived here 1949 – My passport photo, I was almost 5

As for Dad, he was a consummate intellectual, Mom said he was the smartest man she’d ever known. You recall in B’klyn him sitting at his desk for hours plodding through Polish & Lithuanian books, translating one to the other, writing poetry, studying history in 3 languages.

He was a ‘community leader’ & pubic speaker – they all looked up to him.

He was also a hard worker {geared more to intellectual work on a steady basis but he loved to dabble on the farm! You recall hours of him in the fields & the woods. He took the lingonberry bushes, separating big ones into many smaller ones, as had to be done, to propagate new berries. He was in the swamp working on a ditch with Marius, planning a pond for the future Boy Scouts!}

He liked to have company on all feasts & he & Mom put out the red carpet for friends, every Holiday the table had dozens of gorgeous dishes, wine &whiskey, lots of gay chatter in Lithuanian, everyone having a good time, love for all. {You tried to recreate this when you moved to your house, inviting anyone & everyone to the table, with limited success, as the people were vastly different.}

You got his intellectual habits, here you are sitting for hours a day writing books – as of 2021 written & published 25 books! You never went anywhere ‘on the road’ dancing without a book in possession, you read & studied hours a day your entire life.

You also spoke publicly, mostly as the ‘Stripper for God’ where you gave sermons before dancing. Dad’s example gave a start. Dad was committed to the cause of Lithuania being free of Communism & enlarging their culture, you are dedicated to saving the world from Patriarchy to Matriarchy.

Yes you got lots from both parents.

ME: What if anything did I get from Grandma?

MG: You got her body. She was shapely & athletic when she was young. Her body was better than your Mom’s. You also got that Asian strain due to her, which gave you the edge of being ‘exotic’ in your career.

She was also feisty; remember when she told you how she started an insurrection in her school? In those days one’s respect for teachers was sacrosanct; your Dad showed you that. When teacher entered the room, students stood up. {Look at the movie ‘The Blue Angel,’ Dietrich’s first big hit, the Professor/student relationship. This is how it was in all of Europe}. Students never talked back. And so, when one female teacher addressed your Grandma, ‘Dura’ which means stupid in Russian, she stood up & said,

“I’m not Dura, I’m Luba!”

At that outburst all the girls in the class stood up & marched out, & other classes who saw this also followed.

It wasn’t held against her as later she became the Head Mistress of that school.

You are also feisty as you stand up to authority in favor of human rights. So you got plenty from her……{end channeling}

Memories of Germany

Below, Displaced Person’s Camps in Germany we stayed at before our departure {this was not days, weeks or months. Prior to that we ran a hotel & had a good life.}

I also might mention little memories in Germany – not many as I was a month from my 5^th birthday when we came here.

The hotel we worked & lived in – recall being invited to the rooms of a lady, for a snack. As I sat at their table, a bit nervous, the lady reassuring me I was safe – a puppy was nipping at my socks, & I still recall vividly how dramatic that was! This hotel had maybe 3 floors, I know I was up high some place.

I recall also walking with Dad through stone quarries, holding his hand. It seems appropriate that when I bought a house in upstate NY it hearkened to many memories of the past. There is a large stone quarry nearby which I frequented with my dogs. There is a birch tree glade on my property – Dad lovingly spoke of the birches in Lithuania – I see them in pics. {My house is on the same latitude as Lithuania – same frigid winters!} And all over my lawn is Sorrel which Mom & Grandma had us pick bags of for daily soup {in Germany}. Best soup then, best soup now.

I also believe I was molested by one of the members of that hotel – maybe by a soldier as Mom told me an anecdote about soldiers, how she yelled at them for having grenades on a kitchen table & she brushed them off – a no-no obviously as they could explode.

My reason for saying this is when I’m sitting & a man stands around me, like my web man for instance – where his dick is about the same height as my face – it gives me the creepiest uncomfortable feeling. So I wonder if in my pre-memory years a man made me suck his dick where I was short, he was tall, or I was sitting, he was standing. So the memory is gone but the creepiness lingers.

I also recall loving Ara & Henry so much – one time they wee visiting but it was time for them to go. I begged them to stay to no avail, so I went behind the jeep & held onto the bumper with all my might, even as they took off. Everyone screamed for Henry to stop – I did not let go. Bloody knees resulted, I’m glad there are no scars as my dancing & modeling career could have been affected.

Dad, middle, back, at the University of Vilnius

So my family came to the US on the SS Heintzelman in 1949 & my Aunt, Uncle & Grandma were on a separate boat. Not sure which was first.

Grandma lived with us one month of that year in Middletown {I was only there less than a year when I transited to Dad} & I never got that spare room.

Their Abuse Intensifies

For me, Middletown seemed to hurt even more than Freehold, because my slave services were no longer needed. I was slightly more tolerated or left alone, it seemed, because I did their share of the work, while they worked outside the house & made money. I was given no allowance & was not supported with new clothes, anything extra, just room & board & work. In the Farm off Eli Harmony Rd we had animals, later all gone but dogs – so it fell to me to 100% care of the dogs, who never came into the house but had to suffer on chains. {It broke my heart when Mom no longer bought dog food – they had to be fed scraps, & sometimes there weren’t many. One of them, a cocker spaniel mix, I think caught the rats under the shed, as there were plenty every night – he never ate the meager scraps.}

{It is amazing to me that no matter how abused or neglected or starved dogs are, they still love us & never become revengeful. They simply don’t know they are being abused.

I might add to that I didn’t know I was being abused. I tried so hard to please Mom, I never put 2 & 2 together. This happens to a lot of abused kids I am told. They think it’s their fault, like what did they do wrong?

For much of my life I tried hard to please Mom, I worked & worked, but nothing I did could stop her from hating me. Why didn’t I catch on? Because there was no distance between myself & the Mother/child bond, it took many years to step away, look back & see what was what. I just felt demoralized, defeated & bewildered like why am I being persecuted? What can I do to fix it? Some relationships you can’t fix – you have to walk away. The thing that would ‘fix’ her from hating me was I had to hate & denounce Dad, & that was impossible.

In Middletown there was much less work to be done so I was sort of like ‘extra weight’ to them. The house & furniture were new, easy to clean. No animals. They treated me, under Mom’s auspices, like I was un-necessary baggage, I was then good for one thing: ridicule & abuse. I was the whipping post, a thing to vent their spleen on, to project all their hateful feelings when they felt like it, all three spit their spleen on me & smirked while doing it.

Leave Torment – Receive Prosperity & Paradise

At sixteen I lived with Dad for a year, then escaped to my destiny – Hollywood & show business – & later upon my return, in 1972, age 27, my daughter & I lived with Dad.

Dad had moved out of the apt around 1974 & moved to Torrevieja, Spain, with his new Puerto Rican wife, where he lived happily ever after & died in 1979, months after Mom’s demise. When he passed I took a trip there & stayed a couple weeks with his wife, thank God I got his archives, they are present here.

Mom & Aunt Ara at the upstairs Uncle Henry built to their small house – it even had a second kitchen {what the heck for?} I did not like Ara’s new furnishings, she didn’t have Mrs. Grant’s Waccabuc taste. What year is this? I guess around 1977.

In 1986 I started a video business & made the most money I ever had – to my standards I was rich – saved 200k quickly & in 1989 bought my paradise upstate NY {where I am now} – split-level yard with creek below, apple trees on top, a swamp & wilderness with glades of fir & birch trees – 500’ of riverfront & a 5 acre island all my own! I commuted between those two places a couple years before I moved out of Williamsburg, B’klyn 1991. {At that time it was just started to turn from slum to artistic community. It had started long before as fashionable, my building was built then – 356 S.1^st St. between Hooper & Keap – & the apt’s that weren’t ruined had good features. But then the middle class moved out & poverty reigned. But someone decided this would be the next Greenwich Village & while I was still there they remodeled all the dingy little parks & started upgrading & uploading stores with higher-class goods. The poor moved out, the stylish moved in, & I was gone. I have not had occasion to visit there again, but people tell me of it. {End Chapter 7}

College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

AJAX the GREAT INSIGHTS

8-21-21 From the brilliant friend, a reincarnation of Buckminster Fuller, Ajax the Great. he is one of the smartest, if not the smartest, man I ever met – in a league with the legendary William Bond. His thinking traverses both modern politics as well as Matriarchal thought. Bravo to him a trillion times.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 12, 2021

Afghanistan: A War We Lost Before The War Began

The headlines these days about Afghanistan have been quite sobering to say the least. It looks increasingly likely that this 20 year old quagmire of a war will end the same way as the Vietnam War did. “Operation Frequent Wind” certainly comes to mind, not least due to the frequent windbag politicians who got us into this inherently unwinnable mess that had literally no practical exit strategy to speak of.

Like Vietnam on crack, this is “a war we lost before the war began”, as Phil Ochs put it in his song “White Boots Marching In A Yellow Land” about that other unwinnable quagmire. Afghanistan has been called “the graveyard of empires” for a reason, after all. The moment President Bush decided to force regime change in Afghanistan, as opposed to simply going in to fight al-Qaeda and bring Bin Laden to (rough) justice for 9/11, that was a “mission creep” that created a dangerous power vacuum and basically dug our graves over there. Yes, the Taliban were and still are backwards, brutal, violent, repressive, theocratic, misogynistic, and even totalitarian, but guess what? The Taliban was never really a material threat to the USA, and the local “allies” (read: warlords) of ours that de facto replaced them in nearly all of the country outside of Kabul have thus created a chaotic anocracy, which basically translates to “pick your poison”. Eventually, Afghanistan even became fertile ground for ISIL for a time, who as we have seen is far more evil and dangerous than even the Taliban. And if and when the weak Kabul government and military finally rolls over and plays dead for the Taliban, remember: if they do it after 20 years, then no matter how long we stay, whether 10, 20, or even 100+ years, the end result would be the same regardless. At best, the USA only delayed the inevitable, at a massively unacceptable cost of blood and treasure.

Yes, in both of these wars, our troops technically won every single battle. But in the long run, as the famous quote says, “Yes, I know. It’s also irrelevant.”

So yes, the TSAP still, albeit with a heavy heart, fully supports America’s troop withdrawal from Afghanistan. As a wise man once said recently, if Afghanistan falls to the Taliban after 20 years, it does not mean that we left too early, but that we left 19 years too late. It is tragic and heartbreaking indeed that it was basically all for naught, as the part about bringing al-Qaeda and Bin Laden to justice would not have required forced regime change in Afghanistan at all. Bin Laden was hiding out in Pakistan for most of the time, after all, and nearly all of the 19 hijackers on 9/11 were Saudi nationals. (That was of course memory-holed as quickly as Bin Laden’s family members were surreptitiously whisked out of the country back to their home country, Saudi Arabia.)

We have said it before, and we will say it again. There is NO (Western) military solution in Afghanistan, period. Or Iraq, or Syria, or anywhere else in the region, basically. The closest thing there is to a solution would be for us to give every woman an AK-47 or M-16 and tell them to take over their country and mow down anyone who stands in their way. Let Allah sort it out. Problem solved. But the powers that be over here would of course not be too keen on that idea. After all they wouldn’t want women in THIS country getting any ideas, now would they?

If and when the Taliban returns to their old tricks of brutal and misogynistic repression, then WOE to any cowardly Afghan men that fail to protect their women and children! And by rolling over for the forces of evil, they make a mockery of our troops as well.

The best way to support our troops is to bring them home alive, and stop abusing them in these unnecessary quagmires of choice that really only benefit the oligarchs. The best time to do it was 20 years ago. The second best time to do it is right now.

UPDATE: On August 15th, the capital Kabul has effectively fallen to the Taliban, and President Ghani has fled the country in fear as his own troops basically rolled over and played dead. This highly unfortunate turn of events has happened at a much faster pace than anyone had predicted. But the hypocrisy of those Republicans who blame President Biden for this sad state of affairs is quite rich considering that Biden not only followed the very same troop withdrawal plan set by Trump himself, but actually pushed back Trump’s withdrawal deadline by nearly four months. Yes, really. Like Vietnam, as the saying goes, America may have won every battle, but in the end, that’s also irrelevant.

I mean, you KNOW it’s bad when Ron Paul (and/or his son Rand Paul) comes across as the voice of reason! And whether you love him or hate him, it is clear that throughout all 20 years of this ill-fated war of (mostly) choice, while both Democrats and Republicans alike would mindlessly flip and flop around, Paul has basically been on the right side of history all along.

Getting out of Afghanistan is the ONE thing that Trump, Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Ron/Rand Paul could ALL agree on. Even if Trump denies it now.

And finally, as for America’s very clear moral obligation to the Afghan people that we would otherwise leave behind, we believe Emma Lazarus said it best: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” In other words, “refugees welcome“. The Kabul airport must be secured now to allow safe passage out of the country. Beyond that, after the current evacuations and rescue operations are complete, that is it. It’s over.

After 20 years of this infernal quagmire, C’EST FINI!

As the late, great Major General Smedley Butler famously said, “TO HELL WITH WAR!”

POSTED BY AJAX THE GREAT AT 7:17 PM

LABELS: AFGHANISTAN, WAR

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7, 2021

And So We Learn Just How “Leaky” These Vaccines Really Are

The latest data out of the UK, where nearly all new COVID cases have been the Delta variant (albeit notably recently plummeting despite lifting restrictions), illustrate in real time just how “leaky” these vaccines really are in practice: they are, on average, as low as 17% effective against preventing infection, while 77% effective against preventing death from COVID. Granted, these data also include the less effective AstraZeneca/Oxford and J&J vaccines along with the more effective Pfizer and Moderna ones, but data from Israel (essentially the world’s largest vaccine study) in which nearly all vaccinations have been Pfizer have also been kinda disappointing as well: 16-75% protection against infection (and waning over time), 80% protection against serious illness, and 90% protection against death. And what’s true for Pfizer would also be true for Moderna as well, given how they are both essentially the same vaccine.

Compare this to the annual flu vaccines: for protection against infection, it is as high as 60% effective if a good match and as low as 10% effective if a bad match for whatever virus variants happen to be dominant at a given time, averaging 40-50%. Yet against serious illness and death, it is generally in the 80-90% range. Thus, the COVID vaccines appear to be about as “leaky” as flu shots, which were also originally claimed to be 70-90% effective when first developed. And as we clearly know, if you can still catch a virus, you can also spread it as well.

In fact, the real kicker from the latest British data is that there is really no significant difference in viral load (and thus infectiousness) between vaccinated and unvaccinated people who contract the virus, as evidenced in the fact that they had similar cycle threshold (Ct) levels in PCR testing. In other words, vaccinated people may be at least somewhat less likely to contract the virus in the first place, but when they do happen to catch it, they are likely just as contagious as if they were not vaccinated.

Let that sink in for a moment. Oops, maybe the technocrats should have thought that one through!

The implications of this data are quite stark and resounding indeed. We can thus conclude:

These vaccines are NOT the silver bullet that so many had hoped for, and putting all of our eggs into that one basket (at the expense of early treatment and prophylaxis like Ivermectin, HCQ, and budesonide, along with various vitamins and other nutrients like Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Niacin, Thiamine, Zinc, Selenium, Quercetin, Resveratrol, NAC, and the amino acid Lysine) was the very height of foolishness at best. Some would even call it mass murder for profit!
These vaccines are NOT fit for purpose if the goal is to stop all infections, but might still be fit for purpose if the goal is to protect the vulnerable members of society from serious illness and death. And by now, they all have either 1) been vaccinated or 2) chose not to receive it, making that purpose largely academic now in nearly all rich countries, who thus now have a moral duty to freely share these now-abundant vaccines and their patents with poorer countries for all who want it, as there are of course plenty of vulnerable people there too. (As they should have done many months ago, but for corporate greed of Big Pharma.)
These vaccines are mainly for self-protection, while any protection of the community is at best a bonus. Any argument to the contrary is essentially a specious and spurious argument.
These vaccines do NOT prevent the evolution or dominance of new virus variants either. Anyone who still thinks so needs their head examined.
There is ZERO benefit to public health from forcing or coercing people to get these vaccines, restriction of rights for the unvaccinated, and/or segregating the vaccinated and unvaccinated. And there is ZERO justification for such.
If masks actually worked as source control, there would perhaps be some justification for requiring both vaccinated and unvaccinated people alike to wear them in certain high-risk indoor settings when community spread is at “substantial” or “high” levels, per the CDC.
But since there is still really no hard evidence that surgical or cloth masks actually work meaningfully as source control at the macro level, even after a year and a half of data, that specious justification also collapses as well. They sure didn’t work in 1918, and they don’t work now. Rather, we should instead simply recommend (not require) vulnerable adults to correctly wear N95 (or greater) masks, which are now nearly as available and abundant as toothpicks, in such high-risk settings for self-protection. (See a pattern here?)
When the proverbial fat lady finally sings, it would NOT be because of vaccines, but rather primarily from herd immunity via natural infection, along with perhaps attenuation (weakening) of the virus itself. In other words, just like every other flu or flu-like pandemic and epidemic in recorded history, essentially.
The Great Barrington Declaration, along with its sister organization PANDA, were therefore quite right all along, by simply following the hard-won wisdom of the ages, and we were very foolish not to listen. We clearly have paid, and will still continue to pay, a very heavy price for our collective foolishness and hubris.

Thus, while the TSAP has always opposed forcing or coercing anyone to get these vaccines, our opposition applies a fortiori given how leaky these vaccines have turned out to be. Not only are slopes slipperier than they appear in terms of civil and human rights, and the long-term safety of these vaccines remains unknown, but there is also an even darker reason as well not to vaccinate everybody and their mother. If nearly everyone received these leaky vaccines, the virus would continue to spread largely under the radar, and by putting strong selective pressure on the virus while reducing symptoms, it will increase the chance that the virus will select for or mutate into more deadly variants, rather than merely more contagious but less deadly ones as would occur naturally in the absence of mass vaccination. This is not just theory, it has actually happened before with Marek’s disease in chickens, as Karl Denninger has pointed out. And it is likely the unstated reason why we have historically NOT forced or coerced everyone to get flu shots. Ironically, for such leaky vaccines, we would actually need a chunk of the population to remain unvaccinated, in order to be a firebreak against such deadly variants. Hopefully we will NOT foolishly end up pulling the proverbial “black ball from the urn” in that regard and get a truly super-deadly plague that really wipes out the population!

And it should go without saying that all this applies a fortiori to children, who are statistically at less risk from COVID than they are from the flu (as well as car accidents), and are likely at more risk from the vaccines than from the virus (even if we don’t know for certain yet). And unlike the flu, children are NOT superspreaders of COVID either, and are far more likely to catch it from adults than the other way around. Forcing or coercing these largely untested vaccines on them is basically criminal at this juncture, and the precautionary principle certainly applies here. If there was ever a hill to die on, this is the one!

For children and young people under 16, and especially under 12 (!), we should consider all of these COVID vaccines to be absolutely contraindicated until proven otherwise. (Originally we said under 18, but alas that genie is out of the bottle now in the USA.) And for everyone else, they should be strictly voluntary without even a hint of coercion.

In other words, to the extent that it even is a pandemic anymore, it is quickly becoming a pandemic of the vaccinated. And all of these mandates and restrictions are worse than useless, from lockdowns to masks to antisocial distancing to now vaccine mandates and passports as well. All the more reason to end all of these mandates and restrictions, and yesterday is not soon enough!

Leaky vaccines + leaky masks + leaky lockdowns = illusion of control (at best). Don’t fall for it!

UPDATE: We just came across this, maybe a bit hyperbolic, but still largely correct overall. We are actually pretty damn lucky that all we got from this was Delta so far. We know Delta is more contagious and it has a partial escape mutation, which is bad, but at least it’s NOT a more deadly variant–yet, that is. In fact, it actually seems to be LESS deadly than previous strains. But the next mutation may not leave us so lucky next time. If this increasingly endemic virus does hopefully continue its long-term trend towards becoming the new common cold (that is, becoming more contagious but less deadly overtime), it would certainly be NO THANKS to these leaky vaccines!

POSTED BY AJAX THE GREAT AT 5:44 AM

LABELS: CORONAVIRUS, MASK, PANDEMIC, VACCINE

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

The Road my Life Story

Chapter 4 The Baker-Berger Circuit

The earliest event in my stripping career was the ‘Baker-Berger’ Circuit. Can’t recall details, but I started at $3 hundred a week, due to bad representation, but eventually got $5 hundred a week upon demand. Even that was not enough, the going rate was $6 hundred a week for stars, but I endured. Women less distinguished than I, whose credentials were fake {One claimed she was Miss Nude Canada – there was no such thing. Another said she was Miss Nude France – no such thing {no contests had been held}, another was a SEX CHANGE & they were all getting $6 hundred weekly. It’s all about how PROPERLY your AGENT represents you – btw you CANNOT get jobs without an agent – they don’t take you seriously. It’s the ole’ PIMP SYSTEM – men have to have their CUT from everything we do.

My CLAIM TO FAME was legit – I had been in PLAYBOY with 6 pictures of me as Miss Nude Universe – ‘The Most Beautiful Body in the World’ {the first of 9 times in Playboy, they documented my life} one of the most beautiful women of the last hundred years – the votes based on modeling, dancing at that time – I was a well represented nude model in many magazines, such as Gent, Cavalier, Penthouse, dozens of books & mags on covers, centerfolds & articles. The other stars ON THIS CIRCUIT did NOT have this kind of promotion.

Stars who got the most attention were elsewhere, had managers usually, made more money than I at the time – but I CAUGHT UP to the best of them simply by being the ONE & ONLY WOMAN OF GOD – STRIPPER – MINISTER – & like all my activities, it was LEGIT, not a fake, I was really the person I purported to be.

What put me somewhat in the shade was when they started to get BIGGER & BIGGER IMPLANTS & females like Kitten Natividad, Lotta Top, Candy Samples, {the previous 3 all had their implants removed in time, Candy later put another set in because her bf wanted it}, Topsy Curvy – DOZENS of them had got implanted like FF cup breasts & they also made PORN VIDEOS – which I wouldn’t do. {Not saying it’s immoral to make them, just saying who did, who didn’t.} For a while – until the fad crashed – everyone wanted the BIGGEST, so I did not have implants, I was a normal D to DD when I gained weight. And so, if a star had monster implants & featured in porn movies, it was a hard act to follow.

This might be a good place to add that my Stripping for God was NOT a gimmick – I was working for/with a living Guru I call ‘Rev. Judy Swaggart,’ who wanted me to TALK ABOUT HER everywhere I went, be it stages, newspapers, any media, tell them how great she was & about our Church – eventually this lead to my giving sermons. I did not PLAN to give sermons, it EVOLVED.

The Circuit

The Baker-Berger Circuit was a series of theaters owned by the two men, which went from Midwest areas like Canton, Ohio, to Atlantic City {before it became hot stuff for gambling, in 1972 they were debating it while I was dancing, on the radio & they asked my opinion, I was for it. Little did I know that it wouldn’t help poor people much, big business stayed in the hands of the rich}, New Jersey with their flagship theater on 42^nd St, NYC, the ROXY Theater.

Atlantic City before Gambling

Anecdote: On the beach with a battery-operated record player & Mario Lanza records blasting. Obviously I was then strongly connected to Mario. Had always loved him since day one, even now, when I listen to his songs on the internet, I feel the Presence of God. My Latin co-star was with me, with this anomaly, it gave plenty men the excuse to chat us up. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t have.

The Atlantic City Show included A REAL SHOW, old-time burlesque with comics & an attractive, busty, bossy lady actress who’d obviously been a stripper back in the day, but was now around 60. Yes, the show was hackneyed, out-of-date, but it was a show, the only one on the circuit.

I shared a room with the prima donna. Her German shepherd lunged at me – she refused to be there without him, every stripper that tried to share a room with them vacated. They said he almost bit Busty Russell. {Years later, 1981, I met Busty Russell who came to see my show & she said I had a good act, so, of course I liked her.}

Al Baker was present, boss-in-residence, living in a luxurious penthouse. Every stripper got to meet him there, including me – I was the only one that didn’t have sex with him – instead he used me to channel his dead wife. The millionaire did not offer me cab money home, I had to ask. He was one of those Simon LeGree types, pushing people around, telling them off, making them feel small. It might have been here that I pushed him for a raise, but he refused to give the legit amount that all the stars got – $600 as I said before, he only gave me $500 & felt proud of himself.

It amused me when my Spanish co-star told me this ditty. She went to see him for sex – he got EVERYONE while I was there, to meet him for sex, even a wretched off-the street drug addict who looked like she crawled out of the gutter in Baltimore {I cringed when she got on stage, she just walked up & down, didn’t know how to move, dance, nothing – was ugly too. But Al Baker solicited her for a date.}

Anyway, Raymonda told me she taught Baker this trick. She took a handkerchief, put a series of knots into it, & shoved it up his ass. When you pull the thing out it’s supposed to give you a thrill. I thought what a monkey he was.

I recall one poignant scene. In my hotel, in the lobby, a middle aged Irish lady sat there, all alone, singing Irish songs to herself, with a lovely voice. It brought tears to my eyes.

Atlantic City, like many seashore towns, made me feel at home, as I spent years living on a farm near Freehold – we used to go to Long Branch, Asbury Park, & Atlantic City summer. They were like small Coney Islands, with Ferris Wheels, all the usual merriments.

The greatest vacation I had ever had in my childhood was when Dad took us for a week to Long Branch. We lived at an ancient but wonderful hotel of a Lithuanian named Butkus {like the dog Rocky had!} with those thick feather covers on an old bed, all Lithuanians loved. {Mom was not with us, I believe she was having the baby of her new lover, Marius Bernotas, so we were scooted away to give them privacy}. Dad, who was usually thrifty, pulled out all the stops for a good time. We played all the games, ate all the ice cream & treats we wanted, & most of all, the closeness to Dad made it a dream come true.

Many other good times had been at the beach, so dancing in Atlantic City was lovely. Years later, after gambling was initiated, the dream bubble burst. All the old places were torn down; the life was gone out of it. Sterile, everything under strict control, hotels with luxury that didn’t move one’s soul, no old-fashioned rides, everything I liked had been removed – a big waste of nothingness to me – black, empty, meaningless, no soul.

Canton, Ohio

I went through the Baker-Berger Circuit a couple times, you’d think I am stocked with memories, but not that many. I will pull out what I can. For me, the things that sometimes stuck out would not be what the average person would note, like this.

In Canton, Ohio, can’t recall the name of the theater, but I was in a park & I prayed. I prayed that God would help me make more money. I said I would be charitable. I walked away from the park, & two females came toward me, selling some kind of little flowers for was it veterans? They asked me to buy a flower, but I did not.

As they disappeared from view, God said to me,

“You told me you would be charitable, but you weren’t.”

I was SO ASHAMED. God put me to a test & I failed.

Another test I was so ashamed of. In fact, I recall it was Atlantic City. They were going to send me someone to bring me to the theater & he would carry my luggage. I had two pieces of luggage, one smaller, one bigger, I managed to put the small one into the bigger, so there would be only one piece of luggage & the guy would carry it. I figured they would send a strong young man.

But the person who arrived was a slight older man with white hair even. He took my luggage & as we walked, he had to stop every 20 feet or so to get his strength. I was so ashamed. I saw him as Jesus, & I made Jesus carry the Cross. I felt like saying, hey, let me take the smaller luggage out of this, which I’ll carry, but I was too embarrassed as people were all over the street & would stare, wondering what we were doing. So I let him keep struggling & have forever recalled the image of Jesus carrying my cross for me, me not helping, so ashamed.

There were plenty more times when I did carry my own Cross & then some. At times I had 3 suitcases, big & heavy blue ones. Why didn’t I ever think of getting some kind of wheels? I would have to carry two like some feet, go back for the third, back & forth. One of these gizmos even had my weights in them, I always exercised on the road, religiously, they were 30 lbs of weights.

Tonawanda, New York

One time was dismal. My suitcase weighed maybe 60 lbs, I just had one. I was in upstate NY, Tonawanda, a horrible club where they paid me ‘by the door’ because the business was dead. Why did I take jobs like that? Because I had not many per year, & of course, they didn’t tell me it was dead, they also DID NOT ADVERTISE. If you don’t advertise, even if you have a good star, don’t expect business, so there were very few customers – some shows I made like $15 for the show. I believe they cheated me, also, because there’d be like 30 people in the audience, I was supposed to get the $2 per person they charged, so getting $15 I said what about all the people out there? They said oh, they were friends & people who worked there – it was a lie.

My hotel was about a mile away. The manager of the place would give me a ride to work; I usually got a ride back from someone who worked there. But the last night there, there were a couple characters acting up. One Marine was infatuated with me, pulled out a huge switchblade & said he’d take care of anybody that messed with me. No one was messing with me but the owners, so they took it that it was them he’d hurt. Now I was outside with my big luggage. The Marine came out & they locked the door.

But I had no ride, they weren’t giving me one – they were so scared of the Marine they just left me locked outside with him & another tough guy, a truck driver, who told the Marine to put his knife away or he’d take it from him.

I knocked on the glass door telling the owners I needed a ride back or to call a cab, but they wouldn’t let me in. I didn’t know the guys outside, even though the truck driver wanted to give me a ride in his big Mack, but he was a stranger. So believe it or not, I carried that 60 lb suitcase by myself back to the motel one mile.

Montreal, Canada

This was early in my career, when I was feeling things out, experimenting. Actually, most of my career, the last ten years or so on the road, turned out to be mostly in Canada; Montreal, Toronto & some small cities & towns. They paid me the most money because their clubs were bigger – more capacity, so more people, more money. At the very end of my career I was offered two jobs that were amazing, one at the ‘Millionaire Club’ for 5K a week cash, & two, to go to New Zealand for two weeks for that price – the most money they had ever paid an entertainer. And here was the caveat – they said,

“You don’t even have to strip. Just stand on stage & SPEAK!”

But just at that moment, I had already made a solemn promise to myself to quit the road & start my own business. I have often looked back to that offer with sadness; I would have liked to have seen New Zealand.

When I started working in Canada the glaring thing I noticed was how different the owners were from the Americans, they had manners & class, Americans were crude, huge difference.

We had a disagreement with my first boss, at the ‘Sex Tuple’ club. I was booked for can’t recall, was it two or five weeks?

He said my act was too long. I liked staying on stage a long time as it gave me a change to bond with the audience, {I was also used to being on stage 45 mins at a time as a go go dancer} but he had many females dancing & got me a guy to change my music for a good price. That music, which we fixed up, about a dozen audio tapes – served me for the rest of my career. I still have it.

He had a couple advantages. One, he could get me any song I liked, he wrote down what I wanted & got it. Many were the rhythm & blues oldies of the 60’s which I used to dance to. And he gave me a dynamite bilingual intro, French & English, that sounded classy, with an echo chamber on his voice; impressive.

How I stayed thin: Can’t recall what I ate for breakfast, but it wasn’t much. For dinner I went out & ate a modest amount & kept the bread with butter for later. After work, I ate the bread. I was probably downing 1K calories a day & lots of exercise, it was a hard thing to do, being hungry a lot, but you have to do this in show business where your body is the feature.

How to Become a Star – Promotion & Publicity

As always, I did all my own promotion. No other star in the stripping field did all I did, that I know of, on her own, with no companion or helper, no boyfriend. Chesty Bounty would take her daughter with her on the road; most of the other big stars had husbands or boyfriends who helped them. Many females, who were not stars but traveled a lot, had guys with them. But I was always & forever alone, I was used to it, possibly because my family ostracized me, I was used to aloneness & standing on my own two feet.

And so, when I got to Montreal, the first thing I did was go to the newsstand & check out the papers. There were two big ones, I called them both. One was the Montreal Star & I the other I think was called The Gazette. They both sent reporters.

The next day I went to the newsstand & I was on the FRONT PAGE OF BOTH PAPERS with huge pictures! When I got to work everyone there was staring at me in DISBELIEF – this had never happened before in the history of the club.

From then on in I had the greatest luck with Press in Canada – everywhere in fact. Most of the time I worked I was either on the front page or big articles inside the paper.

I might add here an important principle I learned. In show business or any endeavor as a matter of fact, publicity / advertising / promotion, does NOT come to you, you have to go to it. Unless you’re willing to make calls to the media, write letters, go on interviews, not much if anything will happen to promote your product / project or person – nothing.

I’ve been involved recently with photography, hiring male models. What dunderheads they are. They think because they’re handsome the world will be at their feet, but the world will not notice them unless they go to the world with gimmicks, promotion, & publicity stunts.

I’ve also met musicians, rappers, who think because they put their music on ‘Sound cloud’ or the like they will get big outfits like Sony to discover them & give them contracts – nothing of the sort. NOBODY will notice your music on Sound cloud or any other venue, unless you GO TO THEM, demonstrate your worth, make appearances that draw people. You have to be pro active, do things, to get the big shots interested in you, you have to work at it, if not every day, a few days a week, week in, week out, month in, month out, for YEARS. Even then there’s no guarantee, but it’s a possibility you might get somewhere if you have what it takes.

I have tried to explain these principles to the models I photographed, but most of them don’t listen. They assume that what I know applies to ‘back in the day,’ but today is DIFFERENT in their field of music or rapping or modeling. It’s the same world of promotion today as it was a hundred years ago; nothing has changed but the technology. Barnum & Bailey was no different, Sol Hurok Presents was no different, the Great Caruso did the same thing a rapper or model has to do today – if you don’t talk to the media, no one knows who you are, no audience, no promotion, no star.

And now hear this – you need a manager. If you don’t have a manager who knows what to do or how to do it, you must do it yourself – like I did – & it takes work, guts, dedication, you put your nose to the grindstone, & it never ends, if you stop, it stops – no more publicity.

And as far as manager – why would someone take you on when you’re a nobody, who isn’t making any money, & you can’t pay them? Patrick Curtis took on two different women. The first was Raquel Welch. She was a beautiful nobody, but what she gave him was herself – they got married & worked as a team & both worked full time, with a plan. He got her on many magazine covers in Europe, which was a start; it got her foot in the door for Hollywood.

After Raquel was launched he got with Linda Evans, moved her career upwards in ‘middle age’ {star of Dynasty}. They got married, so that was the deal.

{Patrick Curtis saw me in a beauty contest in Hollywood where I won ‘Most Voluptuous, wanted to get involved, but at that time I was on another project.}

My point here is what would you give a manager? Why would a manager want to manage you, to get what? Unless you are sexually involved, romantic or very friendly, they have to make money. You have to be earning money & they get some, or else you have to just straight out pay them. And so, if you’re a nobody, unless somebody wants you in exchange for intimacy, you miss the boat.

When Elvis Presley met Col. Tom Parker, one of the greatest managers of all time, he was already a rock n’ roll star, he had hits – ‘That’s Alright Mama,’‘Hound Dog’, ‘Don’t be Cruel’ & ‘Blue Suede Shoes.’ He was a monumental hit wherever he went. Col. Parker could see he had talent, looks & sex appeal, a winner. He took him on for money; he led him to the top, for 50%. And so, to get a manager you either have to give yourself to them or lots of money, but if you don’t have what it takes to make money, they have no incentive to take you on – it’s a FULL TIME JOB.

Only one model listened to me, that I dealt with. I never met him in person – we spoke on the phone. We had two conversations totaling EIGHT HOURS, during which I explained the principles of show biz success to him. He already had ambition, desire, what it takes, he was gorgeous. He did have some drawbacks, but they were not insurmountable & he was willing to work hard & he did. He got to the top of the modeling world by becoming an icon for RALPH LAUREN. You don’t go any higher. His name is Kenneth Guidroz.

The rest of the models & rappers haven’t listened, & they aren’t getting anywhere. They think my advise doesn’t apply to them, they can make it in their own way, today is different. But as I said, the principles of promotion are always the same. Anna Pavlova the ballerina & Jenny Lind, the Swedish Nightingale, were promoted by Sol Hurok, the same way today as now. Eugene Sandow, World’s Strongest Man, was promoted in the media same as today. He was a counterpart of La Belle Otero, a singer-dancer who had 5 kings of Europe seated at her 30^th birthday table, where she danced naked atop the table. Josephine Baker, the black vaudeville star who made it big in Europe, made it the same way everyone else did – through the media. There is nothing new under the sun.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

On the Road

Chapter 1 Kenosha, Wisconsin

Where do I begin? I shall start with a place I remember clearly because I was HAPPY there. When I explain it it’s revealed what makes me happy – what does not. It will be the OPPOSITE of what folks imagine, how most people think. Let me just say it, cut the wordiness.

The owner first tells me I’m UNDERPAID. He said,

“Your salary doesn’t make sense. It goes from $500 a week, then it jumps to $1,000 a week – there’s no in between. Your agent asked for $600, but if you are Miss Nude Universe, you should be getting $1,000. When your agent told me $600, I thought what is wrong with her? She’s Miss Nude Universe from Playboy, I got the picture, you’re perfect – he isn’t representing you properly.”

Story of my life, perpetually underpaid. How did I know how things worked in this area of show biz? It was my first lifetime being a stripper, so that’s how it works? So give me that extra $400, but of course, he didn’t, I got the six hundred & that was that.

Now he puts me in a building that can only be described as ‘desolate.’ No fancy hotel, no comfy motel, a building where I’m on the third floor, the only occupant. Everything is wood; walls, floors, lacquered black. The hallway is lit with one light bulb hanging from the ceiling, no shade on it. My room is small, the bare necessities, {no sheets or blanket, I had to improvise. It’s been like that before in rooms provided by club owners} but somehow charming though bleak – the bathroom is down the hall.

At first, when going to the rest room I was nervous as to were there any occupants {men} who would see me partially dressed & present a danger? But I never, in the entire week, saw one other soul in any room. I had the whole three floor building to myself.

The placement of the building was not in a ‘city’ but a town that you might walk several blocks before finding any sort of business or restaurant. The first day I decided to go look for a restaurant. The owner or his managers gave me no accommodation as to where I’d be fed, no instructions, hints or ideas how I was to eat. And that was the day way before cell phones or iPhone – what year was it? It was early in my stripping career, I retained no documentation from there as I could not get to the press, so I think it was around 1972-73 – {when you’re on the road it can become a BLUR}. I could discover nothing until I went out there. {This treatment of a dancer, even a ‘star’ is typical – they mostly tell you nothing, take you nowhere, do not give you a driver to help you shop or eat – they DON’T HELP. There were exceptions that I will explain as I go along.}

So I don my clothes & stepping out I see I have NOT prepared well. I believe I was coming from California, not thinking how cold it would be in other places & I DID NOT BRING SOCKS to put into my shoes! The shoes weren’t bad, I remember them well, black with chunky 2” heels, but in the snow, as I waded through some banks, the snow got into the shoes & froze my feet.

I recall being scared. I saw a person walking down the street – just one – & failed to ask him where was the nearest restaurant. After walking a few blocks I gave up, went back to the building. As I said, I saw no businesses, convenient places I could enter & ask for info.

So the rest of the week went like this. There’s no phone in the building, no cell phone, but I know at a certain time a driver will pick me up nightly. Yes, I recall those stairs, he sometimes waits in a large room, like a ballroom, below me, I go there & we drive to the club.

Now mind you, I have had no breakfast or lunch, no coffee, nothing. It’s night – perhaps 8 or 9 pm. Across the street from the club on the corner is a LIQUOR STORE. Ah, there’s FOOD! You know the snacks they have on a rack – nuts, candies, pretzels, potato chips, I get a few packs of those – that’s my food & the only food I’ll have the whole day & week. Can’t recall what I drink, if it was juice or soda or just water, definitely not alcohol as I didn’t drink then.

Now the deprivation of my situation, the isolation of the building, lack of amenities, conversation & food, was like being in a monastery on ‘bread & water.’ I felt close to God. There were no distractions. That is to say, in the absence of outside attraction, entertainment or diversion, one centers upon oneself, & inside of me is God. So I was communicating with & aware of God more than usual. So therefore, when I danced, the Presence of God was strong & I created a sensation. The audience brought the roof down, it was like I was the Second Coming, like I was the greatest star they had ever seen, it was spooky. What I understood, simply, was that God’s Light was shining through me, it was reaching the audience. I was a bridge, a conduit. It wasn’t me they were responding to, it was God.

When I returned to my bleak monastic room at night I felt the presence of celestial beings & those on the other side of the veil. Marilyn Monroe, for instance, spoke to me. She said,

“Kellie, be a movie star – it’s easy.”

She also said,

“Love everyone.”

At the time I didn’t know what she meant, this had to be then, long ago. I thought she meant like have sex with all the guys she did, because she had to please men to get ahead in the business. I told her loving everyone would get me into trouble.

But the most poignant was Elvis Presley’s mom. She appeared strongly & said,

“Contact Elvis. I want him to get back to his roots.”

But how on earth could I contact Elvis? I wrote to his manager but of course, did not get an answer.

I told her I had been infatuated with Elvis, would I be able to date him? She said,

“You’re too GOOD for him. He needs a girl HE CAN HAVE FUN WITH.”

She used the word ‘good’ in the sense of ‘virtuous.’ When I repeated it to a journalist he looked at me like I was crazy. I was a stripper, how could I be ‘good?’

So much for Kenosha.

………………………………………………….

Chapter 2 Lexington, Kentucky & Pizza for 2 weeks

Before this I had been at this organization’s other club where I laid a bomb. I think it was Chattanooga, TN. My music & act, some of it, did not go over with the audience. Much of the time I was experimenting & some of my tastes run ESOTERIC. You DO NOT want to pull any unusual music, different styles, new ideas, on the road. You’ll get fired or be a flop. I tried out some Latin style 1940’s music that was not orchestral, just a small band, like ‘the Peanut Vendor’ or something with a Mexican outfit, not that glamorous or sexy, & the audience was dead silent, & then one guy called out,

“Go back to Mexico!”

I learned I could do ANYTHING in New York City, my headquarters then, where they all knew me like a sister & accepted all that I did – plus NY was a MELTING POT where every stripe of person was in the audience, Black, white, Asian, Latino, European – so they weren’t narrow minded or prejudiced.

But in the boondocks you have hillbillies, country folk who are narrow minded & prejudiced – they suspect & often DISLIKE anything from the norm; it has to be mainstream popular or country – nothing else.

Then I also danced regular go-go to the jukebox in between shows, for free, just because I felt like it, & that stole the THUNDER away from my act, made me look ORDINARY if you catch my drift. I was not introduced as the star nor did I wear fancy clothes, I appeared like a house girl. And so, there was too much confusion in who I was & what I was doing – experiments are just that; you learn by your mistakes. So I left this place kind of with my tail between my legs. {Lucky they didn’t fire me!}

The next place, Lexington, I was ready to blow them away & I did. I had my most SUPERB music, with a dynamic intro & exit. I tried no more weird shticks, I stuck to the mainstream type glamour; I had my act together. They were in awe of me. The owner said,

“What happened to you in Chattanooga? You didn’t go over, but you’re terrific now.”

And one of the dancers said to me {she was a classy ballerina with an exquisite act – I don’t know how she managed all her props but the husband helped}

“When you come out it’s like a supernatural event – an incredible feeling comes out of you.”

However, we were in a Mall & there was only one restaurant. I tried to go elsewhere to eat, but it was far away, getting a cab there & back was so expensive it was a waste of money. And so, I ate mostly pizza every day for whatever meals I ate, two weeks, daily pizza. After that I could not eat pizza for two years.

Chapter 3 Kansas City, Kansas

1972 was my first gig ‘On the Road’ as a stripper. I had been doing go-go & nightclub work in Southern California from 1966 up until then, but now I left California. {Oh yes, there was a job in Colorado I will speak of later}

Go go dancing vs stripping, in Southern California, was not what I pursued because the pay to strip was measly. Go go dancing was harder, more time on stage, you had to be YOUNG to do it – I was told the women over 35 didn’t have the ENERGY. So let’s say you could make $300 a week or more doing go go, but the offers for stripping ran to $150 a week. To strip was easier, but I could not afford that, as I was the sole support of two people.

Why did go go take so much energy? You were on the stage 45 minutes during each hour, with 15 minutes to change outfits, fix makeup, go to the rest room etc. There was little time to REST. In my case, I preferred to dance only to FAST music, so it took even more energy.

Now the stripper would do maybe three shows a night, each show lasted 9 to 15 minutes. She was on stage, therefore, in a five hour period, 9 to 2 am, 27 to 45 minutes. Whereas the go go dancer during 5 hours was on stage for a staggering 225 minutes – almost 4 hours.

Expense wise, the stripper spent more money on costumes than did the go go dancer, but it was also a pain in the ass to constantly get new go go bikinis & shoes – the shoes wore out fast. Most go go dancers got custom made sequin, rhinestone, fancy bikini shorts – nothing shoddy. But there was no stripping so in most cases, you got on the stage covered somewhat, took off the top, & were topless the rest of the show. The drama of stripping was missing.

I started my career out as a belly dancer – took lessons with a pro, got costumes made, & then, at the two places I auditioned, the pay was $7 a night – if you worked six nights, $42 per week, impossible to live on – it had to be a hobby. {Today’s money $42 would be about $250, which is 1K a month} – add to that go go dancers & belly dancers made tips, but strippers did not. Strippers also, some jobs they paid your room, some did not, that factors a lot into how much you made. Also did they pay your fare – plane, bus or gas money? That’s why people on the road get 2 or 3 times as much money as locals – your room & board costs money, transportation costs money.

At the very END of my career {1986-87}, being famous, the pay I got was high AND they covered all costs, room at a good hotel & plane ticket. And so, $3,000 with all expenses, they were spending 5K. That totals out to about $12,000 in 2021. Of course, I did not work EVERY WEEK, I would have been RICH, but these kind of jobs I only obtained about 5 of them PER YEAR. And I did not keep the money spent on my room or tickets, so it’s less money than appears. My highest take home pay I ever made, then, was about, in today’s money, $36,250. I was never rich from stripping. {I will explain how God graced me with wealth in another book.}

OK my first gig is Kansas City. Surprised how UGLY the dancers were, one in particular. This female was out of shape, big belly, face like an orangutan, & she was VILE in her movements. I guess she appealed to the lower nature of men in order to offset her looks.

The manager of the theater – yes – first time I worked in a theater, was also vile. He called me into the office & said,

“Sit your fucking ass down!”

What was his problem? I had invited a male onto the premises who I thought was a nice person. He said it was an undercover cop. So why was he afraid? Were they doing anything illegal? Apparently so. Here’s the story with a twist.

The star of the following week appeared at the end of my gig who wanted to buy my blonde wig. I had a couple of them so I sold it to her. Later on I bumped into her on the road again, & she told me this story:

“The week after you left, the cops raided the place. Everyone was arrested, the management & dancers, except me. I was wearing your wig – they just let me walk past them & out the door.”

Hardy har har, the manager who was so rude to me got himself arrested, but the girl they thought was me was the only one they let go. Some kind of karma?

PS I forgot to mention that in between our shows, they played vile porno movies. This happened a lot on the ‘Baker-Berger Circuit’. That’s the ‘circuit’ I was on now, it went to about 7-8 states, a regular gig I was on back & forth for a while.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Your FAITH will do MIRACLES

Your FAITH Will do MIRACLES

from Rasa Von Werder

Two hundred years ago, at the time of Charles Dicken’s ‘Oliver Twist’, children who roamed the streets of England were considered ‘vermin.’ Orphans had to beg or steal to survive – people would look the other way when passing them.

In Bristol rose a special man who would ‘rob the streets’ of thousands of victims.
George Muller started out bad, his life was drinking, gambling & chasing women. He woke up in jail one day, fearing his Dad’s wrath, he’d been stealing from him since age ten. Dad & his friends supplies the booty for his decadent lifestyle, but it caught up with him when one time he couldn’t pay his bill at an Inn – the owner called the authorities, had him arrested & jailed.

He spent one month there with people like himself & worse – murderers & thieves, until finally his Dad bailed him out & paid his debts, but still, he didn’t change.

How did he, later on, save 120,000 orphans, with housing, nurturing & education? When he found his calling, he had, in today’s money, acquired 180 MILLION in resources for the poor – without ever asking for donations. He would present his plans to the public but ask ONLY GOD to make it possible, & resources came. How did he do it?

A life of Church work was something George’s Dad craved for him – Not because of devotion but being a clergy in Germany brought respect, good money & a great pension. John Frederick Muller provided the education George needed, in what is now called Martin Luther University in Harley.

George began his studies but his old ways were still there. Then something great happened. He met a young man, quiet & thoughtful, Christof Frederick Beta – they were close. Beta was a lapsed Christian, he hoped George’s worldly ways would rub off on him, while George hoped Christof would help him improve. Beta was going to religious meetings every Saturday – Muller wanted to go, but Beta thought he’d hate it & said no, finally relented as he was being hounded & there they went.

The meeting was praying, singing, reading the bible, then a sermon. How would the playboy react? He LOVED IT. On the outside, he was living the high life, but inside he was empty & miserable. This was a powerful CONVERSION, not dry, harsh religion but the LOVE of God sprang up in his heart & he jumped for joy with new hope & desire for life.

But George did not want to be clergy, he wished to go to the missions, so that would not satisfy his Dad’s needs – they had to end his sponsorship. God provided George with work for his last two college years, but he worked so hard he collapsed from exhaustion.

At the suggestion of friends, his destiny was now the Seacoast town of Teignmouth. Here he found a soul mate – a Scotsman & pastor same age as he – 24 – named Henry Cray. They were both converted in college.

Henry Clay introduced him to the great follower of Christ, Anthony Norris Groves – who lived by faith alone, following the ‘Go sell all you have, give to the poor & follow me’ precept of Jesus – he actually did this literally, giving away all his fortune – with his wife – trusting in God to take care of them & their ministry.

George Muller was impressed & decided to follow the same path, relying on God alone. He also fell in love with Groves sister, Mary Groves, who was equally fervent, & married her – a good choice to stay right with God & mission.

He saw the path as adventure – sell all you don’t need, trust in God – few had done this, it was new.
It was time to move on, & both George & Henry Clay moved to Bristol where they partnered in ministry. Financially Bristol was in bad condition, having lost their lucrative slave trade, but they survived.

Good people took note that poor children were dying in the streets. There were no antibiotics, they got sick from cold & damp & died. The government responded by putting them into ‘work houses’ along with grown men – it was something everyone dreaded. {Jack London did research on this, passed himself off as impoverished & experienced these ‘work houses’ as well as the institutions that gave out ‘free food’ which was just bread, & these were frightening, dangerous & deplorable. They were torture to the inmates, they were given only food for hard work, {just bread} maybe a dirty place to sleep, & forced to listen to harsh sermons for hours.}

Charles Dickens was writing of this in his newspaper column, he visited George Mullers orphanages & gave them high marks.

George had availed himself of free lodging for poor divinity students in Germany, a huge organization created by Professor Angus Herman Franka – who housed 2,000 orphans. It was a little city in itself, with all the amenities, all were treated humanely.

In England orphanages existed only in London, but they excluded the poor, only those of middle class, who could pay, were welcome.
Muller’s vision began to take shape imitating Prof. Franka. He beg

an to think, pray & ask God to build the orphanage & God answered within days, with more money than he had prayed for.

And so it started – throw all one’s faith in God – divest yourself of all you don’t need, & rely on God alone. Do not ask people for money or resources, but tell them what you are doing, what you will do, but don’t say I need your money, I need you to do this – don’t tell them anything but your plans & they will provide.

People started bringing gifts, donations, food, housing supplies, everything. They got a landlord to give them a good building for low rent. It went great for two years, then followed seven years of ‘famine’ where they had to buckle down & all workers had to sacrifice, sell things of their own to keep it going, but they did.

He never stopped working, built four major institutions in a beautiful natural area, all were housed, fed, clothed & educated properly.

Mary died & George married again, then she died, he kept working. He said God never allowed him to be lonely as God was the center of his life & filled the void. He worked until God called him to his eternal rest, a happy old man of 93.

SEE THIS ON YOU TUBE:

Robber of the Cruel Streets: The Story of George Muller (2006) | Full Movie | Adam Stone

George Müller (1805-1898) was a German playboy who found Christ and then gave his life to serve Christ unreservedly. His mission was to rescue orphans from the wretched street life that enslaved so many children in England during the time of Charles Dickens and Oliver Twist. Müller did rescue, care for, feed, and educate such children by the thousands. The costs were enormous for such a great work. Yet, amazingly, he never asked anyone for money. Instead he prayed, and his children never missed a meal. This docu-drama presents his life story and shows how God answered prayer and met their needs. It is a story that raises foundational questions regarding faith and finances. Also included are two special documentaries on Müller and some of the lives affected by his work.
Director: Crawford Telfer
Starring: Adam Stone, Andy Harrison

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Success 4 Book & Marriage

New Book will Please Women Greatly But Not Men as it’s Female Power

I take notice when Dad appears as that is always re MARRIAGE. In my vocabulary, he’s the one that will give me away to the bridegroom, so when he’s in the dream, it’s about that.

There is some to-do about a mysterious institutional building, like a huge museum, somewhat scary & elegant, something special but I can’t explain it.

(LARGE INSTITUTIONAL BUILDING: Might be referring to the ‘INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE’ & could be LIKE A MUSEUM as marriage, as we know it, is ancient, old fashioned, mostly belongs in a museum – few women are given genuine marriages or real relationships.)

I was around looking at this building & entered it. I thought it was completely empty, but later, after I somehow get an apt here, I discover other women – not many – just a few – entering or leaving their apt’s, but the rest of this huge building is empty. I would say it has 100 rooms.

*(A FEW WOMEN GOT APT’S BUT MOST OF THE 100 ROOMS ARE EMPTY: Very few ladies have genuine relationships as I am given {spiritual marriages, where you become one.}

I also at some point went to an old residence of mine, completely walled in, yard & dwelling, opened the door & saw the beautiful grey Persian cat with her thick, fluffy tail. I was frightened that I had left her there by mistake, & did she have food & water? Apparently yes, because I see her slinking about a little, & there is green all around as this is a yard, but it’s all enclosd where you can’t get out, or in unless you have the key. But she’s safe.

(ENCLOSED, CAN’T GET OUT, I LEFT HER THERE, BUT SHE HAD NOURISHMENT & IS SAFE: Sense image material is this beautiful cat who’s not been here a while, she visits for food, this is saying her owners have not let her out – but the real symbol is my sexuality or vagina has been alone, ‘ENCLOSED’ is a spiritual term of being ‘walled in’ or voluntarily living in total seclusion.
My God Self or Higher Self who has caused this, but my lower self has been nourished & safe. I portray my flesh as ‘beautiful’ – haha.)

Then I’m inside some sort of dwelling similar to my house. I find plastic see-through square bowls, they were underneath some wooden thing, the porch there built last year – I take out several & tell someone these will be great to put planters into {they hold water.}

(TALKING TO SOMEONE ABOUT PLANTS, MAKING PLANS FOR PLANTS & SEE-THROUGH HOLDERS: The person I’m talking to is Dad, identified below, & he’s standing on the side of this hill there as described. PLANTS are PLANS or PROJECTS, things we PLANT we hope WILL GROW. I must be talking about the PREPARING FOR PHYSICAL MARRIAGE.)

My Dad is wearing glasses & light blue clothes, seems to be higher up on the left, standing, at the side of the hill. I say to him maybe we could go out, I would love to eat something COLD {like ice cream.} For some reason he doesn’t seem to want to go out. Oh yes, I forgot, I told him I wanted him to see my new apt & meet my new boyfriend, then we’d go out to eat – maybe. Maybe they’d sit together at the table with me, & yet, I somehow think that might be awkward. This new bf reminds me of David C, an actor I used to be friends with, he’s wearing light blue also & has a mustache. I picture him at the door of my new place, facing outward. Is he waiting for me or greeting me?

(BOTH DAD & NEW BF WEAR LIGHT BLUE: This might be A BIT OF SADNESS re the DELAY in the physical marriage of Lover Bob & myself.
Why is Dad on the hill, {embankment} like higher up? Could mean suffering, as hills are usually Golgotha to me. He wishes this marriage would come about sooner.
And BOB is shown STANDING AT THE DOOR as if WAITING FOR ME, which means he hopes & expects, still, for ME TO COME TO HIM.
His PERSONA as David C, the actor, mustache & all, is he has made himself a new image on social media, where he has a mustache. This says he’s ACTING, FRONTING or PRETENDING to be alright, going on about his business, not making any revealing posts, but in spite of all that, he’s WAITING FOR ME.)

I go to the building to the apt. I have a key & put it into the lock. The place has red oriental rugs, it’s beautiful & comfortable. It’s extremely unusual to be granted such a place, but I am given it, not sure why, but it’s a special privilege.

(SPECIAL PLACE I AM GIVEN: This special place is the SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE & FUTURE PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP with Bob. It says I AM GIVEN by a privilege of God, it’s a GIFT. One more confirmation & prophecy. He’s had affairs & sex with hundreds of females, but I’m the only one GIVEN the True Relationship by God)

………………………………………………………………………..

4-23-21 Dancing – Pleasing women more than men

First, I was taken by a sinister man, Putz Nut On, who represents the devil, to a large extended club, the identity of which I don’t find out right away. I seem to be walking behind him to his right, & he’s made of glass, like transparent, then he disappears.
(PUTZ NUT ON: Is Satan. Here he’s taking me into a SITUATION with devious, dastardly consequences, where I’m seen as a sex object & men think they can rape me. But God will protect me.
This shows me that those incidents of intended rape were OBVIOUSLY ORCHESTRATED BY SATAN. These situations were like TRAPS, as in them, this says I didn’t know what I was getting into, or the ‘IDENTITY’ of this club – what I was ENTERING, but now it’s OBVIOUS because the devil is TRANSPARENT, MADE OF GLASS {meaning you can see through him or his intentions})

All through this club there’s dancing, women dancing. At some point I’m in a room where young females take turns performing for this owner of the club who sits in the corner of the room like a Pasha. After a while, I say to him,

“May I dance?”

He says yes, so now I’m standing in front of all the females gathered before me & tell them,
“My left hip is dislocated my right leg hurts a lot, but I’m going to dance anyway. {Meaning, take into account I’m damaged, give me a handicap for that.}

I begin & do the leg in the air curve across, which I feel is good but not good enough. I then try to do a sort of standing in one place somersault but don’t quite make it, a minute later I try again & it works, it’s a spectacular step. I’m surprised I succeeded, then I dance a bit more.

(DANCE STEP AT FIRST DOESN’T WORK, SECOND TIME IT DOES: I sense this is my last book on my life published, I Strip for God Part 2, did not quite make it. But the one I’m finished with now, Part 3, has succeeded, & I’m pleased. It makes the grade, its a spectacular performance.
MY BAD LEGS: I sense that the message here is God permitted, allowed me to have this problem, where I can’t walk much or exercise in the aerobic fashion, in order to make me SIT DOWN & KNOW that when one door closes, another opens. I despair of my old activities, but put all of myself into this new activity of WRITING – I can’t do many things I used to, so I’m not tempted or diverted by them, I enjoy sitting so the pain stops, which is where I have to be right now.)

The women are in love with me, but I see a small ‘pecking branch’ like where birds roost, to the right, with about 4-5 men sitting, complaining, not liking the dance.

(MEN NOT LIKING THE DANCE, WOMEN LIKING IT: This book will appeal to the women more than men. I go hard on the men in life who mistreated me. But the women identify with my pains perhaps.)

But the women adored me, & I then hold my breasts up & bounce them, & each one takes turns drinking from my breasts, left & right. One female is about to, but changes her mind. They’re all young.

(DRINKING FROM MY BREASTS: Receiving my love, milk is nourishment or love. One woman is cited as rejecting this love when at first she was going to receive it. Could be someone affected by the book.)

In another scene, not sure how it relates, after performing at the club mentioned, I am standing at the doorway of a bedroom in my B’klyn apt – no door – when men who came from the club have arrived, about 6 of them, all wearing strange clothes, like no long pants, dark tunics, {which remind me of playing cards, with their borders & designs in the middle} one is turned looking to the left window, others are turned this way & that.

They are planning something evil to me & somehow, they think they’re entitled. They will all – every one of them – force sex onto me.

(THE MEN RAPISTS I WAS SAVED FROM. I mention several men in the book, who the angels saved me from. Some were just perverts trying to force it on me, like Andre DeDienes, others would have actually raped me by force. My uncle planned to abuse me but didn’t, etc. There are quite a few cases mentioned, making men look bad of course- that’s why they’re complaining.
The TUNICS LIKE PLAYING CARDS I sense are ‘Trump cards’ or these men were TRUMPED – dark here is DEPRESSION, or in other words, they are depressed because they were prevented from rape. To trump someone is to defeat, outsmart, surpass them, which explains why the men ‘sitting on the roost’ are not happy with my disclosures, as it makes the women seem superior- the women like to see female strength but the men don’t.)

I cry out in a loud voice to God,
“Almighty God – come to my rescue”
several times, & then I call on the Holy Virgin Mary, & then I run down the 6 flights of stairs, faster than the man behind me because somehow I SLIDE, not run down each floor, & I escape. That was a close call.

(I CALL OUT TO GOD & THE HOLY VIRGIN & THEN I RUN & SLIDE DOWN THE STAIRS & ESCAPE:
My faith in God got me out all all these potential rapes – God & her angels & Holy Mary caused my escape. I need to ask Mother God, what is the symbol of SLIDING down the stairs rather than running?
MOTHER GOD: It’s the Supernatural Power given, the intervention of God.)

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

LIFE STORY WILL BE A SUCCESS

PREDICTIONS MY LIFE STORY Part 3 WILL BE A SUCCESS

4-3-21 Important multiple dreams

Where do I begin? There’s a quick but striking scene. The far gate from my side door kitchen – about 30′ from me, has suddenly opened & through it a car that looks ancient but brand new, shiny black, square in shape & smaller than your average car, pulls in. It has an amazing ornament right on top, middle of its roof – like the German war helmets, silver. The car seems to be PRESENTING ITSELF LIKE A STAR, announcing, ‘HERE I AM’, & seems RADIANT.

It drives half way & stops, like in between the space from the gate to my kitchen porch, facing me.
The ornament is not spiked, as in the real helmets, it’s oval, engraved with something, & comes to a point but not a spike on top. It STARTLED me in that it was totally unexpected.

*(MEANING: I sense this is about uploading all my chapters for ‘I Strip for God Part 3’ into a manuscript, & started more editing yesterday. Therefore it represents MY BOOK, THE BIOGRAPHY, Part 3 of I Strip for God.

The shape & STYLE of the car is similar to the most ancient of cars, the Model T Ford. But it is as if BRAND NEW from the MANUFACTURER, as if made of shiny black ENAMEL, it’s RADIANT & seems JOYFUL in its appearance. I shall ask Mother God why is it a Model T? Why is it black? Why the ornament on top that reminds me of a war helmet?

MOTHER GOD: The Model T is your long ago life, from the earliest times, & the symbols of black & the war helmet decoration are saying ‘This was my BATTLE in life, where I fought unto death. I was KILLED {black is funeral here, psychological death} but I ROSE FROM THE DEAD {eternal ornament on top – the car is not dull or decayed or deteriorated, it is LIKE NEW, like your LIVING LIFE. You are LIKE NEW, a NEW PERSON, RADIANT & JOYFUL.}

You have just given a good account of what you went through & survived, & became a success, a great story.
The dream is telling you your life is WELL DONE & the ACCOUNT OF IT IS ALSO.)*

ME: Why does it suddenly appear from the back gate, not from the street, the rail road track road, but the back gate?

MOTHER GOD: It has something to do with PRIVACY. This is the privacy fence, 8′ tall, & this is the gate at the end of it. You have taken your PRIVATE MEMOIRS & made a book out of it, & it’s good.

The SUDENNESS of it is God was fueling your mind as you wrote the chapters, it was not hard or tedious, it JUST APPEARED in a sense, when something has gone quickly & smoothly.

The ROOF of the car, being like a HELMET with the decoration is saying, ‘I WENT THROUGH A GREAT WAR & I WAS VICTORIOUS.’ Your chapters are the BATTLES – battle with Mom & family, battle with the Putz NutOn, battle with Rev. Swaggart & two death curses, battle with your first husband who strangled you twice, & many anecdotes are the BATTLES.)*

…………………………………….

BRIDGE OF 69

Another quick scene. A rounded bridge in the middle of the country, {where you have to drive up, soft ascension, plateau on top {but seems round}, then down again the other side.} I see green trees all around, perhaps beyond the bridge golden fields, & on top of it a sign, round, which gives the letters 69 – Which gives the name of the bridge, ‘bridge 69.’

*(BRIDGE 69: A bridge is an OPPORTUNITY or VENUE to get over an impediment – like a chasm, a river, a lake, etc. A bridge makes it easier to get from one place to another, it’s an ENABLER.
69 represents PERFECTION. It’s akin to the triangle or square. Sixty nine in SEX is where ONE SERVICES THE OTHER AT THE SAME TIME, so it is like ‘one hand washes the other’ or one act serves both sides or both purposes.

Dreams in a row often represent the SAME SUBJECT. By that it hints to me this is also ABOUT THE BOOK, that it will be a PERFECT BRIDGE or will SEGUEY INTO SOMETHING I WANT TO GET TO – to wit, the MOVIE OF MY LIFE.

The SIGN giving the number has a GREEN BORDER – green is LIFE, PROSPERITY, ABUNDANCE. This ROUND SIGN also looks like the PORCELAIN SIGN outside my front door, which someone had made for me, saying ‘Our Lady’s House.’ It’s also framed with green. So indeed, this is about THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

The GREEN TREES are life, abundance, the ‘Trees of Life’, & the golden fields on the other side of the bridge are the WHEAT which is READY TO BE HARVESTED – in other words, a CROP, REWARD, FRUITFULNESS awaiting me.)*

………………………

THE DINNER, THE GUESTS

There is some sort of gathering with rather distinguished people. We are all in a room. Then someone invites us to dinner & all go in, including me. I am given a sort of omelets, which has greens in it, like fresh chives or pieces of chopped green pepper. It’s OK but not remarkable.

Around the table all the distinguished people are eating. Across from me is an important man, & I see he has a real treat, it’s what is called ‘poor boy’ sandwich but laden with goodies, like I saw on TV yesterday on ‘Diners, Dives & Drive ins.’

On the TV show this sandwich/bun had two meats, one a home-made sausage & two, some kind of beef brisquet, had two kinds of sauces & some kind of vegetable chopped thingy – the host felt it was amazing. So I think the other guests are getting food that is better than mine. I felt I was an inferior guest in the eyes of the world, but at least, I was invited. I was happy for them.

*(IMPORTANT GUESTS, DINNER ETC: This sounds like prayers I made yesterday for Souls in Purgatory – yes, they are important.

The HINT was the POOR BOY SANDWICH – they are called ‘Poor Souls in Purgatory’ & this is saying there was one SPECIAL MALE SOUL that benefitted from my prayer.

I also receive a blessing, not remarkable, but OK, after all, I am not as important {or needy} as the Poor souls – haha. FOOD in dreams is often NOURISHMENT FOR THE SOUL, metaphysical food.)*

…………………………….

IN MARIO’S ROOM

I’m in Mario’s room & there’s a man close to me who’s waiting for an important message/call from a lady. I am making the tiny bed against the wall, putting two small blankets on it, one is medium soft fake fur, blue, underneath something neutral.

As I do this from the left corner comes the call he’s been waiting for. It’s on an old-fashioned land line with a spiral cord, neutral beige plastic, I pick it up, it’s the lady, & I hand it over to the guy who is by the exit door. I imagine this pleases him, he was waiting for something, I was glad to help.

*(MARIUS ROOM: ALWAYS means ‘separation.’ It’s a personal vocabulary, the man my Mom left Dad with, broke up our family, I lost my Father whom I loved so much, eventually, Marius also was gone. It’s separation, maybe heartbreak.

There’s a friend of mine waiting here, a man, who WANTS to get a call from a SPECIAL WOMAN. (Sense-image material is yesterday I saw a pic of the Queen of England making her own phone call on a spiral phone, this could be saying this lady is as important to him as a Queen. The Queen is OLD, like me.} And the fact that it’s an OLD FASHIONED LAND LINE FROM ‘LONG AGO’ is a lady who has not contacted him for a long time.

I sense this is my ex-lover Robert waiting for me to contact him, hoping for it. My God Self is the dreamer, my flesh is I guess the caller, & somehow she {I} calls him. It could be an article on my site he’s reading or a dream or some sort of psychic call as I’ve done nothing.

The fact that he’s by the EXIT DOOR is he wants to EXIT or END our separation.

Me putting the blue fur blanket on the SINGLE BED is his sorrow about being on a SINGLE BED, not one for TWO – him & me. Somehow I’ve reached him, don’t know how. My God Self helped, could be my God Self contacted him.)*

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

HOW SATAN POSSESSES

HOW SATAN INFILTRATES/POSSESSES

3-29-21 Devil Takes Too Much Away via my White Caddy

The end of this dream was so troubling I could not function until I write it down & interpret.

In the end, my boy friend appears as ‘The Putz’ – a con artist from way back who is ALWAYS Satan. He borrows my white Cadillac, in the dream it’s the old Eldorado sort of, that I don’t think I really need as I have a newer, better car. The Eldorado was just sitting there for ‘years’ on the side of the road, facing down from the house, toward villages, not the town I go to. So it was not functioning.

*(MAKING OFF WITH MY CAR – A BIG MISTAKE ON MY PART TO LET HIM ‘BORROW’ IT: Wow, did this trouble me. But after an hour of hanging around, thinking, I picked up the answer. This is when I was with my ex lover doing SEX & I was so into it, it became he was me, I was he, we PHYSICALLY melted into one, became one. But this was not SPIRITUAL. His chubbiness as well as dark skin says THIS IS THE FLESH, this is not God as much later, you were wed mystically/spiritually – but this is BEFORE THAT when you LOST YOUR SOUL so to speak – you lost your identity with God, intimacy, closeness, the tender love of God – all was TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU BY SATAN.

This is the awful DREAD you feel as you see him driving UP the road WITH YOUR CAR. Your car represents something extremely important. It’s as if someone took from you your CELL PHONE {all the info}, or your KEYS {all the access}, or your COMPUTER {info & access}. All these represent things of importance that you must have. This car represents your PURE HEART – the RELATIONSHIP OF INTIMACY WITH GOD, which Satan, in a sense CONNED YOU OUT OF.

You didn’t see SEX with this man as allowing SATAN to take over. But through sex, the evil one infiltrated your life & now was TAKING AWAY something of great importance, with DIRE CONSEQUENCES looming ahead. Satan, after all is nothing good, no good intentions, no fruitfulness, a liar from the first & always, a con man, evil doer & has no redemption whatsoever. And now he got hold of something CRITICALLY IMPORTANT that you have, & it’s IN HIS CONTROL. How sneaky Satan is, working through ordinary activities like sex, or business, or friendship, anything to get close, & when you become ONE it’s all over, you are robbed. In this dream you become aware what he did.

Me to Mother God: If Robert had been a good man, close to God, & we became one, would this SATAN thingy have occurred? Or is it because he was possessed by numerous demons?

MOTHER GOD: It works both ways. First, no man, including a man of God, should take you away from the God within. It isn’t likely that a man of God would do that to you – see the Holy Virgin with St Joseph – he didn’t take her away from God; he helped her bring God’s Avatar into the world. St. Joseph did not CONSUME the Holy Mary’s soul even though they were ‘one’ in the love of God. So it is not likely that any man of God, least of all a saint, would take a person AWAY from God. If they become ONE or bonded, they are one in the bond of holiness, not merely flesh, but they are one in the HIGHER REALM.

Now take this man Robert you were dealing with. He was possessed by so many demons it could make your head swim. So you become ONE with him through sex & physical infatuation & voila, you are ATTACKED by his demons constantly, relentlessly, day in, day out, week & month in & out. They are EXHAUSTING you, diverting you, derailing you away from God. You can’t keep your mind on God when fighting a monumental struggle.

You don’t notice it at first, but one day, you become AWARE of what has happened – that you can no longer function as the intimate ONE WITH GOD – he’s taken away the capacity, you are ‘in love’ or addicted to him like an addict for drugs – he has CONTROL over you; your mind & body. The white car represents how he’s taken this away – you can call it CAPACITY or SOUL POWER, or MIND & HEART. He controls your mind, feelings & consciousness, you are SUNK by the demonic, the evil forces called Satan, you are a GONER. In this dream you re-experience how dreadful that was.

Since this man was, perhaps still is, possessed by so many demons, of course he’d take you where you don’t want to go – represented by wrecking or smacking up the car. Does he have a license or permission? No, not really, it’s a CON JOB – he did not appear declaring ‘Here I am, Satan disguised as a handsome, sexy man’. Or ‘here I am, see my demons?’ Not, humans wear a mask, whatever it is; it could take time to see beneath it. And so, he took you over without you knowing what you were getting into – a theft, a con job, a ruse, deception, all that is evil. Getting FREE was a trip!)*

Therefore, when he asks to borrow it, I don’t think much of it, I say OK. Now as I watch him, driving rather slowly & carefully, up the road toward town, I realize my BLUNDER. What have I done?

First, I did not even check if he had a LICENSE. Second, he is headed TO TOWN where I sense he’s up to NO GOOD – looking for other women – maybe drugs. Third, my insurance is on this car, not sure if I designated another driver, {I should have told him I can’t let him borrow the car as my insurance doesn’t allow another driver but at the time, I couldn’t think of any excuse} & does he even know HOW TO DRIVE? Long ago as soon as I let the Putz borrow my white Corvette, he SMACKED IT UP! And so will Putz now smack up this car? And my insurance could skyrocket. As I see him drive up the road a sense of terrible FOREBODING overtakes me & I go, ‘mistake, mistake, mistake.’

Prior to that, the last scene I was with an unknown man. He was somewhat pudgy, dark skinned, & I was sucking his dick, which was of a good size & I had my whole self into it, feeling strange, like this was MY BODY as well as his. This went on for a long time, involved, & a powerful vision.

(HAVE SEX WHERE WE BECOME ONE: This is how he infiltrated/possessed you.)

Prior to that the scenes were more innocent. It started with a guy who had a tail like a dinosaur, hanging behind him maybe 8-10′. The tail is black, gnarled, deflated, shiny like you would imagine the skin of a reptile, & he is DRAGGING IT AROUND & we’re all thinking he needs SURGERY to get this un-needed appendage removed. It’s a feeling like something happened to cause this tail & it has to be fixed.

*(LIKE A DINOSAUR WITH DEFLATED LONG TAIL, REPTILIAN: This has TWO MEANINGS. First, it’s Robert denied access to you with his big, long dick. The BLACKNESS is the FUNERAL or NO MORE – also the LACK OF GRACE or God-participation in the affair at this time–God being more or less blocked off. The deflation is NO MORE HARDON accepted by you, his EGO DEFLATED.

Second, it’s the SATANIC or REPTILIAN now also denied, walking around without ability or power, an appendage of no use, needs a doctor to get it fixed as he is ‘extinct’ from your life, maybe even the life of Robert.

{Indeed, if the demons are gone from Robert through your intercession then this is the big light at the end of the tunnel, hope & help is on the way, it bodes togetherness not far off. It also begs the question that by what devise did Robert get un-possessed? Is it by the God Power I had to re-generate, that is, having this terrible Cross put upon me, say 30 demons, then having to dis-possess MYSELF of them, which then automatically left Robert? I believe this MAKES SENSE & it certainly makes me happy.})*

Then there’s scenes about this guy I was thinking about yesterday, who is the partner of my ex lover, in ‘monkey business.’ It was the ‘monkey’ part of the business I wondered about. I was asking his Mom how he got his decent car – it’s a black sports car – & did she buy it for him & she says ‘No, he saved up & bought it.’

The scenes surrounding my questions seem sort of innocent & I am assured it’s alright. Then the bad scenes came up – as explained in front.

*(THE GUY I WAS THINKING ABOUT, MONKEY BUSINESS WITH ROBERT: I need to ask Mother God, as this is murky.

MOTHER GOD: You are speaking with HIS MOTHER which is the God within him. You are asking this Holy Person if She gave Monkey the SPORTS CAR. The CAR he has represents his BUSINESS WITH ROBERT. And so you are saying ‘Is this of God – will it succeed?’

She answers, ‘No, it is NOT OF GOD – I did not give this enterprise to him, it’s his own effort.’ And so the answer is, if God has not initiated & sanctioned this, it’s not likely to succeed – which you knew already from long ago.

The questions about this partner are there’s nothing big going on; instead you review the calamity of your own life being involved with Robert.)*

CHANNELING ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS:

This dream opens up some big questions of great pertinence – things not open before. Now let me ask you, Mother God, since we are on the demonic. You SENT ME out there, into the world, knowing what the results would be. You got me ENTANGLED in the demonic aspects of it, you made me do it. You know & I know I did not want to go out into the world, I did not want to end my celibacy but you insisted.

So here is the question. Did I sin? I don’t mean by fornication because I know it’s not sin – I mean by the say, drinking & driving – which is inevitable when a person goes drinking every weekend to club & has to drive home. One endangers one’s own safety & that of others.

Second, the idiocy a person says, thinks & feels when out in bars & clubs, the dumb chit chat, the negative feelings at times, the angry, revengeful thoughts when people hurt me. Were these sins? You knew there would be nonsense, you knew I’d feel angry, revengeful when people would do awful things to me – it’s INEVITABLE. That’s why saints stay at home, in hermitages, monasteries, to be away from these situations as they automatically make one think, speak, feel certain ways – & those ways, like hate, are sinful. Did I sin, was I filthy, corrupt?

MOTHER GOD: When a person makes a deal with the police to help them on a case, they are sometimes given IMMUNITY, even though they are guilty to some degree. You were guilty of the things you said you were, but you had immunity from God, because you obeyed God to go out into the world & do what She {I} told you to do.

Yes, I knew you would fall into those actions, thoughts & feelings, they are automatic, instinctive, they are taken for granted. But you did not plan to be out there, you obeyed, & it happened. You also did not, on purpose, hurt anyone, nor did you want to, they were fleeting thoughts & feelings.

So to answer, you were not counted as being sinful, nothing was held against you by God, you were immune or had immunity.

The way you suffered was your consciousness, losing the sight of me, the intimacy. The minute you regained that consciousness you’ve been as happy as a lark, & free as a bird, it’s a wonderful feeling. If you were laden with sin, you wouldn’t feel so great, but sin is not on you.

ME: OK, so I lost my consciousness of you temporarily but not polluted by sin, so that is a great revelation. Things are getting ore clear.

My second question is we’re speaking of the demonic. The demons, did they possess me, or did they push me to concentrate on the flesh, & the flesh blocked out my vision, as St. Thomas Aquinas said, lust causes blindness of spirit. What was I possessed by, demons or lust? What did they exactly do to me? Did they or the situation disable, disempower or block my vision of God?

MOTHER GOD: What happened was they REPLACED the vision of God with him – the man. He became front & center to your mind. It was an ultimate challenge then, it was a Cross of proportions that called on superhuman efforts, & you succeeded.

ME: How many demons did he have, & have his demons been beaten, or if not, when will they be?

MOTHER GOD: He had so many you can call them legion. He had a more than a dozen big ones, & numerous small ones, depending how you define the demonic. His number one demon is drug addiction, which he hasn’t beaten yet, but he wants to – he said so in his latest poem to you. He’s wanted to the longest, still does, so desire against it is a step.

The way to healing from all the maladies he had & has takes a long time – this is why you can’t be together yet & could not be in the past. The girl he’s with has the same demons, this could not be something for you to live with – he has to be rid of drugs first.

When the time comes & you’re together you’ll understand why it all took so long & why you suffered, why you had to quit celibacy, lose your intimacy with God, then come back, regain it, then break up with him & get together again; it will all make sense.

ME: Thanks Mother God. I need to stop now, I appreciate it.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

GODDESS COMING BACK!

GODDESS COMING BACK

MARIJA GIMBUTAS

THE GODDESS THEORY : Controversial UCLA Archeologist Marija Gimbutas

Argues That the World Was at Peace When God Was a Woman

By JACQUES LESLIE

JUNE 11, 1989

IT IS HARD TO IMAGINE a book less likely than “The Goddesses and Gods of Old Europe” to cause a sensation. Its subject matter, the spiritual practices of people living in southeastern Europe 6,000 to 8,000 years ago, usually holds appeal for few people other than a fraction of the world’s archeologists. Reflecting the fact that its author, Lithuanian-born Marija Gimbutas, writes for an academic audience, its prose is wooden. Even its publisher, a British firm called Thames & Hudson, was so uncertain of the book’s success that it released the work in 1974 without publicity. Although the book was reissued in 1982, it has been out of print since.

Nevertheless, Gimbutas, 68, a UCLA archeologist, is now heralded in some circles as an intellectual pioneer, mainly because of the allure of the ideas in her book. Those ideas have kindled an interest in archeology among an unlikely amalgam of artists, feminists and other spiritually oriented people who find in her work confirmation of some of their most cherished beliefs. Now, when they discuss the possibilities of living peacefully and in harmony with the earth, “we’re not just talking hypothetically anymore because of Gimbutas’ work,” says Eleanor Gadon, whose book, “The Once and Future Goddess: A Symbol for Our Time,” is being published by Harper & Row in October.

Simply put, “The Goddesses and Gods of Old Europe” argues that the original settlers of southeastern Europe lived in societies that were ideal in many respects. Men and women lived in harmony, Gimbutas says; women ran the temples and in doing so held predominant positions, while men performed such physical chores as hunting, building and navigating. The deities these people worshiped were overwhelmingly female, and their values, emphasizing nonviolence and reverence for nature, came from the feminine realm.

RASA: FRIENDS, PAY ATTENTION TO THESE WORDS, PREVIOUS & FOLLOWING. IT SPEAKS OF THE TRANSITION FROM MATRIARCHY TO PATRIARCHY. WHEN GOD WAS WORSHIPED AS A WOMAN & WOMEN WERE VENERATED & IN CONTROL, THERE WAS PEACE, THERE WAS LOVE, THERE WAS ORDER.

It was marauding Indo-Europeans, the forerunners of Western civilization, who destroyed these societies, Gimbutas says. Making incursions from the Russian steppes starting in 4400 BC, the Indo-Europeans were violent, indifferent to nature and dominated by men. Those features, she says, have been part of Western civilization ever since and account for the political and environmental crises that now threaten the planet.

RASA: IT WAS THE MEN THAT DESTROYED THE REVERANCE FOR MOTHER NATURE, BEING INDIFFERENT TO IT SHE SAYS {PRIOR TO THAT NATURE WAS HELD SACRED} & NOW OUR WORLD & ENVIRONMENT IS HELD IN CRISIS. THIS IS THE WORK OF MEN – THEY CANNOT, SHOULD NOT, RULE THE FAMILY & THE WORLD.

Ironically, Gimbutas’ earlier work, which focused on the Indo-Europeans, established her reputation among scholars as one of the world’s leading archeologists, while her study of the Old Europeans, whom the Indo-Europeans supposedly ravaged, has caused her standing to decline.

RASA VON WERDER SAYS: IN OTHER WORDS, AS LONG AS SHE FOCUSED ON WHAT MEN HAVE DONE, THE VIOLENT PATRIARCHS, SHE WAS FINE. BUT WHEN SHE VEERED INTO WHAT PATRIARCHS DID TO PEACEFUL MATRIARCHY, A SUPERIOR SOCIETY, THEN THEY DISCREDITED HER, AS THEY ARE MEN, & PATRIARCHS.

For Gimbutas, however, the Indo-European work was misery, while the later research was a deliverance. The sheer tonnage of arms found at Indo-European sites sickened her to the extent that she now says she cannot bear to look at her monumental study of the Indo-Europeans, called “Bronze Age Cultures in Central and Eastern Europe.”

“Weapons, weapons, weapons!” she says. “It’s just incredible how many thousands of pounds of these daggers and swords were found from the Bronze Age. This was a cruel period and the beginning of what it is today–you turn on the television, and it’s war, war, war, whatever channel.”

While conducting Indo-European excavations, Gimbutas came across tiny figurines, usually female, from an era predating the Indo-Europeans. “I always questioned what they were and why there was no explanation of them,” Gimbutas says. Since the figurines often possessed exaggerated buttocks, breasts and vulvas, some archeologists dismissed them as a kind of prehistoric pornography, but Gimbutas was unconvinced. She tracked down the figurines in museums and led excavations in Greece and Yugoslavia, where she uncovered 500 more of them.

Ernestine Elster, director of publications at UCLA’s Institute of Archeology, remembers traveling in Europe with Gimbutas during this period, amazed by Gimbutas’ “unending energy.” On one leg of the trip, Elster says, the pair visited small museums in Hungary where the figurines were often stashed away. “I soon discovered that while she was photographing the objects, my job was to talk to the museum director so that he wouldn’t get bored,” Elster says. “My German wasn’t very good, but if the director spoke German, I could figure when it was time for me to say, ‘mein Gott!’ or ‘sehr gut. ‘ That’s how we got through.”

Gimbutas says she spent most of a decade studying the figurines. Then, trusting her intuition to point the way, she concluded that the figurines were representations of goddesses, whose exaggerated sexual organs had no erotic significance but rather reflected links to reproduction and nature. “ ‘The Goddesses and Gods of Old Europe’ was produced really quickly, in about three or four months,” she says, “because the preparation was 10 years.”

A brief review of the book in a periodical called Choice, published by the Assn. of College and Research Libraries, reflected the reaction of many of her colleagues. “Any book by Gimbutas will find ready acceptance in college libraries,” it said, “but this one is certainly disappointing. . . . Unsupported–and, one must assume, unsupportable–assumptions are numerous throughout the text.”

RASA: AND THE ASSUMPTIONS OF MEN THAT WERE NOT CHALLENGED BUT ACCEPTED FOR MILLENIA?

Among many archeologists, too, Gimbutas’ work on this book was discounted. “I lost some of my friends,” she says, “because to them, to speak of spirituality is crazy. (To them,) archeology is just a material thing: You can describe the climate, the conditions, the soil, the houses, the tools–that’s it.” Gimbutas, in contrast, drew on bodies of knowledge not usually associated with archeology, notably folklore and mythology. She is unquestionably well-equipped, as she began studying folklore and mythology as a child in Lithuania, and by her own estimate has a reading comprehension of “at least 20 to 25 European languages.”

While most scholars were not impressed by her interdisciplinary approach, feminists with a spiritual orientation, who found wisdom and solace in goddess-oriented mythology, embraced her as a heroine. To them, the book offered hope that their ideals–including harmony between the sexes, reverence for nature and existence without warfare–were not just theoretical possibilities but realities of past societies.

Even so, it was not until two eminences of the spiritual and feminist communities acknowledged Gimbutas that her ideas received wide exposure. One was Joseph Campbell, the celebrated mythologist who died in 1987. A friend of Campbell’s named Barbara McClintock, director of public programs at the C. G. Jung Institute in San Francisco, says Campbell considered Gimbutas “one of the few people on the planet who understood the ancient world, because she could bring her imagination to it and not just act like a scientist.” In the last few years of his life, Campbell turned to Gimbutas for insights into ancient cultures, and he wrote the foreword to Gimbutas’ latest book, “The Language of the Goddess,” which is scheduled for publication in October by Harper & Row.

Equally significantly, a book called “The Chalice and the Blade,” written by Riane Eisler, used Gimbutas’ ideas as its cornerstone for arguing that features of modern civilization such as patriarchy, warfare and competitiveness are recent historical developments, introduced by the villainous Indo-Europeans. Far from being inevitable, Eisler claims, the ills of modern civilization can be blamed on its unbalanced embrace of masculine values.

RASA: THERE YOU HAVE IT. ILLS OF MODERN CIVILIZATION CAN BE BLAMED ON WHAT WE CALL THE ‘MASCULINE.’

Societies that cherish the Earth, as Gimbutas and Eisler argue that the Old Europeans did, would not waste their wealth on nuclear arsenals, nor would they allow life on the planet to be threatened by environmental problems. Published in 1987, “The Chalice and the Blade” is now in its seventh printing and enjoys a kind of cult prominence within the women’s movement.

By now, Gimbutas has had a dramatic effect on many artists, a fact that delights her. Some female artists have been stunned to discover that images they created, though apparently springing from their imaginations, were identical to prehistoric goddess sculptures reproduced in “The Goddesses and Gods of Old Europe”; others found that Gimbutas’ work deepened their understanding of their own art. So exhilarated was a New York artist named Mary Beth Edelson that she embarked on an odyssey to locate a cave on an island off the Yugoslavian coast that the book mentioned as a site of prehistoric goddess art. Using maps in the book as a rough guide, Edelson found the cave, disrobed and, using time-lapse photography, depicted herself performing a ritual. The photo appeared in art magazines and was shown at the Corcoran Gallery of Art in Washington.

Expressions of public support for Gimbutas are slowly accumulating. Last year, for example, Christopher Castle, an artist and art-gallery owner in Point Reyes Station, Calif., held a ceremony to honor her: As she looked on, about 15 people sat in a circle and took turns discussing how her work had touched them. One of the women used Gimbutas’ writings in a graduate-school class she taught called “The Goddess Emerging.” Drawing on the ancient aesthetic Gimbutas has described, another woman teaches a course called “Dances of Old Europe.”

Nevertheless, Gimbutas remains a black sheep within academia; even colleagues who admire her other work express skepticism about her description of ancient Europe. Edgar C. Polome, a leading Indo-European scholar at the University of Texas and co-editor of a volume of essays published in honor of Gimbutas, calls her portrayal of Old Europe “a bit of a dream world.” Kees Bolle, a UCLA religion history professor and a friend of Gimbutas’, says she has “a peculiar romantic strand” that causes her to “overestimate” pre-Indo-European societies.

Most archeologists think that Gimbutas’ interpretation goes far beyond the tentative conclusions that can be drawn from her data. Ian Hodder, a Cambridge University archeologist whose field of expertise overlaps Gimbutas’, calls her work “extremely important” because it provides a “coherent and wide-ranging review of the evidence,” but he rejects her interpretations of symbols. “She looks at a squiggle on a pot and says it’s a primeval egg or a snake, or she looks at female figurines and says they’re mother goddesses. I don’t really think there’s an awful lot of evidence to support that level of interpretation.”

Such criticism does not ruffle Gimbutas, perhaps because the adversities she overcame early in her life were far more threatening than her colleagues are now. As a graduate student in Lithuania, she was forced to go into hiding when the Soviet Union occupied her country in 1940 and sent many of her friends and relatives to Siberia. The German army moved into Lithuania soon afterward, and for a year Gimbutas hid her husband, who was trying to evade German conscription, and two Jewish women in a country home at great personal risk. When the Soviets returned to Lithuania in 1944, she knew she had to flee. By then she had a 1-year-old daughter, and she left carrying nothing but her baby in one arm and her master’s dissertation, on Lithuanian burial rites, in the other. Gimbutas, her husband and daughter eventually made their way to Vienna, carrying false papers.

For the next five years, Gimbutas coped with destitution while managing to get her Ph.D. from the University of Tubingen in Germany. The family immigrated to the United States in 1949, and Gimbutas soon got a research position at Harvard University’s Peabody Museum; the job, however, paid nothing, so Gimbutas worked at night and on weekends, pasting flowers on paper for the university’s botany department, crushing oranges in a factory, even selling encyclopedias. It was only after she won a foundation grant in 1953 that the need for a second job disappeared.

Then the only female archeologist at Harvard, she resented being barred from some university libraries and dining halls because of her sex, and when the chance came in 1963 to teach at UCLA, she accepted. A year later, she became a full professor, and during the next 15 years she led five excavations in Europe. She has written 18 books and more than 200 articles.

With characteristic determination, Gimbutas continues to promote her view of ancient Europe despite the harsh criticism it has received. On more than one occasion, she has used the question period following a colleague’s public lecture to scold him for not embracing her theories. Hodder, whom Gimbutas reprimanded in this way, says her manner was “very kind and constructive.” But other scholars have not been so appreciative.

At the same time, stories of Gimbutas’ generosity and support abound, to the extent that some of her admirers compare her to the Mother Goddess her work celebrates. Indeed, Gimbutas, a roundish, grandmotherly woman with a pronounced Baltic accent, seems unable to resist acting maternally. For example, while many academics go to great lengths to maintain secrecy about their work until it is published, she often has shown unpublished material to other scholars, sometimes to her eventual regret.

Now suffering from lymphatic cancer, Gimbutas spends most of her time at her home in Topanga Canyon, marshaling her energy to complete yet another book on goddesses before her illness overtakes her. Surrounded by an orchard of 60 trees, the house offers close proximity to nature. For Gimbutas, that is a necessity, for she believes that she must be attuned to the natural world to understand the goddess cultures. “I communicate with the trees around me,” she says. “This is part of my work.” Certain that her ideas will prevail, she predicts that “it will take maybe 10 more years or so for the goddess to be accepted by archeologists.”

In some ways, the controversy reflects a classic conflict between science and art. To scholars who think that archeology is legitimate only to the degree that it is grounded in science, Gimbutas’ grandiose claims are too farfetched even to merit consideration. And she considers her colleagues too passionless, too unintuitive, too alienated from nature to understand the prehistoric past. Gimbutas’ theories are suspect, conceivably flatly wrong, yet they resonate far more than her colleagues’ arid treatises. Whether or not the world she describes existed, her advocates feel as if they’ve glimpsed it, and long for its return.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

STOP ASIAN HATE NOW!

Stop Asian Hate Now!

SATURDAY, MARCH 20, 2021

The True Spirit of America Party has a strong message to anyone who engages in, supports, fuels, or condones any acts of hate or discrimination against Asian and Pacific Islander Americans. KNOCK IT OFF, YESTERDAY! Period. We at the TSAP have absolutely zero tolerance for any racism, discrimination, or hate crimes of any kind, and these recent anti-Asian incidents are absolutely unacceptable.

The fact that anyone in this day and age would actually vilify and blame Asians as a group for COVID-19 is absolutely despicable, and is no different than centuries ago when medieval Europeans would vilify and blame Jews for the Black Death and attack them as a result. Yes, we know the national origin of this particular virus, but the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its leader Xi Jinping are NOT representative of an entire race, ethnicity, or nationality, no more than the GOP and Trump are somehow representative of all Americans or all white people for that matter. And lest we forget, the notorious 1918 “Spanish” flu pandemic (which was many, many times worse than this one) actually originated in the USA (Fort Riley, Kansas to be precise), but of course you didn’t see anyone blaming or vilifying Americans for that. These sorts of toxic fallacies have very tragic and deadly consequences, as we have recently seen.

And to all of you cowardly bystanders out there during all of this, the time to step up to the plate is also yesterday as well. If racists know you won’t do anything about it, they will just keep on doing it.

We extend our greatest condolences and sympathy to the victims of this horrific and deplorable rash of hate crimes along with their friends and families as well.

Embodiment of God

A presentation of the University of Mother God Church

Escape Torture 4 Prosperity & Paradise

Chapter 7 Grandma – Germany –

Escape Torture, Embrace Prosperity & Paradise written 1/16/22

Her excuse why I could not have it, shoved into a bunk bed with an 8 yr old? It was ‘for Grandma’ she said. How often did Grandma stay with us? Twice in my lifetime for a month.

Upon her visit to Middletown, occupying that precious room, she sort of ‘cracked up’ almost crying & said she could not stand how Mom & I were & demanded a reconciliation, & forced us to face one another give a hug & tell us we loved one another.

For me the touch of Mommy Fearest was an ordeal. How would you like to hug someone you know hates you & wants you dead?

We both went through the motions – Mom had to obey her Mom, me—what else could I do?

But did it help? Was it what was needed? Of course not.

What was needed was for Grandma to check into the situation, ask some questions & see why the cold silence. Why would two people not speak to each other?

I shall channel, first my Mother God. What was the rhyme or reason behind Grandma’s forced reconciliation?

MG: {Mother God} You were ‘at war’ with your Mother, but it was she who assaulted you, you explained elsewhere how she made a pact with your brother & another soul to help her ‘control’ you – which meant demoralize you, make you a pauper.

You reacted as any human, after multiple assaults you stopped trying to be nice. She only spoke in the negative, between that there was silence. One could ask why? You explained before it was to do with Dad. The rage she had for him was turned on you.

Grandma was a witness to hostility, she wanted it stopped. Go ahead & ask her why.

ME: Grandma what was it about?

GRANDMA: I saw & felt the coldness & it was an icy wind blowing through the house; I wanted it stopped for my own comfort. No, I did not question you or her, no, I did not dig deep. Yes I knew Regina was some sort of a psychopath, she was my child.

ME: Did you have any idea that Mom was abusing me & her reasons for it? Did you suspect but chose to ignore it anyway?

ME: OK so now you’re in Heaven & you must tell the truth. Aren’t you sorry you didn’t help me? My sore point is that none of the adults helped. That adds salt to the wounds. Weren’t you being selfish?

GRANDMA: I’m sorry I didn’t help, but I wasn’t capable.

ME: What you did was put a band aid on a wound that was festering, that needed air. You didn’t help heal it, not a word. You didn’t even comfort me against her, you just wanted that fake truce.

{Is this how women where men are abusing the children, they just let it go, let it be? Sometimes they don’t see it but they suspect, & instead of digging they turn their back. So abuse goes on & on.}

Yes, we had a garage & yes, we were there alone, Grandma was in the bottom living room where there was a door to it. Every time the boy & I dallied he tried to feel my breasts. And over & over again she opened the door exclaiming,

“What are you two doing in there?”

Hanky panky, of course. Old women have been through the deal again & again. Young people think they invented sex but it was old hat right after Adam & Eve.

I just might add here that affection & sex is healing/ comforting. In a Matriarchal setting as described, there is no punishment for affection & sex – It is taken as a natural, inevitable process – the man leaves in the morning, the children are cared for – no poverty, no waifs in the street.

Grandma’s Early Life

And Ara told me the food was great – no shortages. A disciple I used to call in Germany told me that the Nazis stole the food from countries they occupied & sent it to the native country. I guess that showed up on the store shelves.

Below: Grandma, Aunt Ara age 15, Dad, Mom age 17, Grandpa Vincent…2nd: Mom, Dad, Me, Grandma me age 7…#3d: me in Ritzy Waccabuc where Ara, Henry & Grandma lived & were employed…4th: The boat Gran came here on with Ara & Henry, see Henry in the middle with a checkered shirt

Our Life in Germany – the Hotel & Clara Kaiser

There was a lady who got friendly with Uncle Henry, her chauffer, who sponsored him, Ara & Gran to the US. Here’s her obit:

New York Times obituary Nov 4, 1983

Dr Clara A Kaiser dies at 87

* Dr. Clara A. Kaiser, a former teacher and acting dean of the Columbia University School of Social Work, died Tuesday from burns she suffered in an accident several weeks ago at her home in Stamford, Conn. She was 87 years old.

Dr. Kaiser joined the faculty of the New York School of Social Work in 1935 and was appointed a professor five years later. The school later became affiliated with Columbia. She served as acting dean from 1958 to 1960, when she was named professor emeritus.

At the end of World War II, Dr. Kaiser went to Germany for the World Y.M.- Y.W.C.A. Service to work with displaced persons. Later, she was a consultant in education and cultural affairs to the United States Military Government there. *

Below, Mom & Dad

Mom’s Road to Success

“One of the best meals I ever ate.”

This man had charm. I had a mentor explained in Part 3, Rev. Judy Swaggart, who also met him & yakked a lot – & he said to her,

“I like the way you talk.”

Traits I Got from my Kin

A question occurs to me, am I a chip off the old block? In some ways, I am. I gained from the good of both parents, hopefully not the bad. Let me ask Mother God. “In what way do I resemble my parents?”

Below, house where Dad grew up in Lithuania – Store Grandpa owned in Lithuania – Aunt Ara, me, Mom & Dad when we arrived here 1949 – My passport photo, I was almost 5

As for Dad, he was a consummate intellectual, Mom said he was the smartest man she’d ever known. You recall in B’klyn him sitting at his desk for hours plodding through Polish & Lithuanian books, translating one to the other, writing poetry, studying history in 3 languages.

He was a ‘community leader’ & pubic speaker – they all looked up to him.

You got his intellectual habits, here you are sitting for hours a day writing books – as of 2021 written & published 25 books! You never went anywhere ‘on the road’ dancing without a book in possession, you read & studied hours a day your entire life.

You also spoke publicly, mostly as the ‘Stripper for God’ where you gave sermons before dancing. Dad’s example gave a start. Dad was committed to the cause of Lithuania being free of Communism & enlarging their culture, you are dedicated to saving the world from Patriarchy to Matriarchy.

Yes you got lots from both parents.

ME: What if anything did I get from Grandma?

MG: You got her body. She was shapely & athletic when she was young. Her body was better than your Mom’s. You also got that Asian strain due to her, which gave you the edge of being ‘exotic’ in your career.

“I’m not Dura, I’m Luba!”

At that outburst all the girls in the class stood up & marched out, & other classes who saw this also followed.

It wasn’t held against her as later she became the Head Mistress of that school.

You are also feisty as you stand up to authority in favor of human rights. So you got plenty from her……{end channeling}

Memories of Germany

Below, Displaced Person’s Camps in Germany we stayed at before our departure {this was not days, weeks or months. Prior to that we ran a hotel & had a good life.}

I also might mention little memories in Germany – not many as I was a month from my 5th birthday when we came here.

I also believe I was molested by one of the members of that hotel – maybe by a soldier as Mom told me an anecdote about soldiers, how she yelled at them for having grenades on a kitchen table & she brushed them off – a no-no obviously as they could explode.

Dad, middle, back, at the University of Vilnius

So my family came to the US on the SS Heintzelman in 1949 & my Aunt, Uncle & Grandma were on a separate boat. Not sure which was first.

Grandma lived with us one month of that year in Middletown {I was only there less than a year when I transited to Dad} & I never got that spare room.

Their Abuse Intensifies

{It is amazing to me that no matter how abused or neglected or starved dogs are, they still love us & never become revengeful. They simply don’t know they are being abused.

I might add to that I didn’t know I was being abused. I tried so hard to please Mom, I never put 2 & 2 together. This happens to a lot of abused kids I am told. They think it’s their fault, like what did they do wrong?

Leave Torment – Receive Prosperity & Paradise

At sixteen I lived with Dad for a year, then escaped to my destiny – Hollywood & show business – & later upon my return, in 1972, age 27, my daughter & I lived with Dad.

Mom & Aunt Ara at the upstairs Uncle Henry built to their small house – it even had a second kitchen {what the heck for?} I did not like Ara’s new furnishings, she didn’t have Mrs. Grant’s Waccabuc taste. What year is this? I guess around 1977.

AJAX the GREAT INSIGHTS

THURSDAY, AUGUST 12, 2021

Afghanistan: A War We Lost Before The War Began

Yes, in both of these wars, our troops technically won every single battle. But in the long run, as the famous quote says, “Yes, I know. It’s also irrelevant.”

If and when the Taliban returns to their old tricks of brutal and misogynistic repression, then WOE to any cowardly Afghan men that fail to protect their women and children! And by rolling over for the forces of evil, they make a mockery of our troops as well.

The best way to support our troops is to bring them home alive, and stop abusing them in these unnecessary quagmires of choice that really only benefit the oligarchs. The best time to do it was 20 years ago. The second best time to do it is right now.

I also might mention little memories in Germany – not many as I was a month from my 5^th birthday when we came here.