College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

San Juan, Puerto Rico, 1977

Chapter 2 written 7-6-22

Lorraine Theater, San Juan, Puerto Rico, July 1977

This was the week Elvis Presley died, August 16, so sad.

I went to Puerto Rico after three years as a minister / community organizer in Williamsburg, B’klyn. I worked day & night – all day at the organizing & all evening my apt was open for religious education – I advertised to all but only people from age 7 to 25 gathered.

It wasn’t boring, I took them on long walks to the cemetery where we prayed the Rosary for Souls, bought them ice cream on the way back, treated them to chicken dinners at various times, took some of the girls by train to Westchester for sightseeing & to Radio City Music Hall. I spent my small earnings on the kids, it was worth it. I loved them as if they were my own. But after three years of working 12 hours a day I was so burned out at 30 I looked 50. My daughter was around eight then & said, “Mom, if you don’t quit, you’ll die.” To save my life I locked my doors after work & took off to far-away areas for basketball, which I’ve always loved, then quit the work & went back to dancing – the Puerto Rico job being the first..

While here I met stars & have pictures with them – Johnny Mathis & Shirley Bassey. I met a distinguished guy who’s name fails me – he took me to their concerts & introduced us back stage. Johnny M I had met before, right within the building where we both had offices, the Sunset-VineTower. My office was obtained by the phony con man, “Putz NutOn” {my name for him, see Part 3} who called himself “Prince Nahton” from India, the son of a Maharajah. He got the offices for free {big fancy ones, too} by conning the Vice President of the bank, a young, honey blonde hair sweetheart. He looked to be 25.

Aside:

{ NutOn could sing, tap dance, do hypnosis tricks, put a pin through his hand & make an ‘instant repair’ – he did shows on this – had newspaper articles – he played classical & boogie woogie on the piano, had more stories than the Brothers Grimm, which he professed to each new person he met, & repeated to ones he already knew again & again. After a year I had heard them all & he stopped repeating {to me}. He could do all this but HAD NO JOB & needed a roof over his head & food. I believe he LIVED at the offices he got for free – because I chatted with him there by phone at all hours of the night – even 3AM. And so, when he got me into his clutches he no longer slept at the office but with me. What a deal he got. He did I must say, con the landlord into giving me this nice apt, one bedroom with a shared porch, for $105. a month. Even in 1969 this was cheap. He USED his profession to survive, which was being a CON MAN.

Why did I give him a chance, when to me he was repulsive? He gave the impression he knew lots about mind-over-matter, metaphysics & hypnosis, using himself as my first guinea pig. I wanted to learn & while living in this place on a shoestring, quit work, {lived off meager savings} & tried all the fanatic programs this guy preached. He was astonished when I actually went four nights & days without food or coffee – sleeping only 1.5 hours a night, & being able to function. He kept preaching about it & I did it, through self hypnosis. But he actually got scared of me at this point, because I also reached the ‘still small Voice’ within, & my Voice guided me. He was no longer in control, he was frightened & awed, & knew the Voice was wiser than he & would take over. Which ‘it’ did – it was the Voice of God within me. And his craziness actually helped to get me there – as I practiced self hypnosis & extreme austerities it was like Jesus going to the mountain or Buddha into the jungle – or all the anchorites, hermits who stayed alone & ate little & saw no one – just prayed. {After he snagged me he stayed away late into the nights, meeting new people & getting them to the office for con job work. This included women – I saw my best lady friend dancer, Yolanda, enter the office just when I was leaving at the time he said I had to – the days were mine there, after 5 they were his – & he’d come ‘home’ after 12AM. So by his absenting himself, me practicing these disciplines, I was ALONE.} I had also become a FRUITARIAN, which he preached, for over a year, eating only raw fruits, nuts – not even greens – & shriveled down to 127 lbs on a 5’7” frame. He could do none of these things he preached, but I could. He had a great big belly. He never did anything but talk, talk, talk, his stock in trade, & with an English accent. One of the reasons I went ‘on the road’ stripping instead of staying a go-go dancer, which paid well, was because I was afraid of him after I escaped– he would find me & do me harm, but on the road he couldn’t reach me. And so, thanks to this circumstance, my life as the ‘Stripper for God’ was enabled.}

Back to Johnny Mathis

Johnny Mathis had a legit office at the building Putz & I inhabited. I saw him in the parking lot underground & chatted with him, wanting to be friends. But since he was gay, he brushed me off. When I met him in Puerto Rico he didn’t know I was the same person he’d met years ago.

I met a beautiful young male who was a Cuban doctor’s son. He adored me, I have pictures with him – the best looking guy I met while there, but for some strange reason, I did not have sex with him. I had sex with two other guys who were less than he. Something about him pushed me away. He told me an anecdote about how he tried to make it with a girl in his car, & parked in an out of the way place in the jungle. Before he knew it, six guys showed up looking in his windows masturbating. He took off & went to another location, same guys showed up doing the same thing, & he tried again & again & they or someone like them always showed up, thwarted his chance to nail the girl.

During my show there was a whole row of these guys in the front row masturbating while I danced. They were smiling & happy, not embarrassed at all. Must be a cultural habit. But I must say that when I was in the 42^nd St. area, in the ‘back room’ theater the Mafia owned, several New Yorkers were also masturbating in the front row. Not as many, however.

During this time I wore contact lenses. Oh, the bane of it. They really hurt – it was before soft contact lenses were invented. My eyesight, for many years, was abysmal & without lenses everything past say ten feet, was blurry. And later it got worse. It started when I was 10, just went down to 20/30, {from loss of my Dad’s love} but by the time I was sixty it was like 20/350.

One day I made the sad mistake of leaving my contact lenses on while I sat on the beach. A few hours later my eye were as puffy as balloons, I had never seen anything like it – I was embarrassed to go on stage {but no one seemed to notice!} I went to the manager & asked him to give me a doctor. The doctor said to only put the lenses in while I was doing the show, then take them out, etc., & my eyes became normal after a while. I believe the sun, the salt air with the lenses, caused the eye irritation, the lenses themselves being irritants.

The San Juan Press: I actually took a cab to the San Juan Press without calling them, & brought along my bikini, suggested they write me up. I put on the bikini & they took fabulous shots. They promised to send me copies to the USA but they did not. This sort of thing happened a lot – they promise to send you the media but they don’t, & that included what Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger did on me {but I got a copy of the show through the help of Our Holy Lady, while saying her rosary in the TV office – explained elsewhere}.

But I never gave up. I prayed & prayed. One day on the subway of NYC there was the editor & his associates, right there in a car. I asked him why they had never sent the copy. He was ashamed, & thereafter, thank Heavens, sent me a copy. It was great. Don’t ever give up on a thing you want, if it’s legit. Keep praying, trusting, believing in God & Her Power will give you it.

One funny thing. I always carried pictures with me to give out to people like cab drivers, restaurant servers & just folks I met. Going by a place with iron bars all around a large yard each day to work from my apt – Several men came running to the bars. I gave them pictures. Later someone told me they were ‘bad men.’ What do you mean bad? I said. They were criminals, it was some sort of holding pen. Maybe I helped cheer them up, even if some didn’t deserve it.

Oh yes I can’t finish this article without the following. At the Lorraine Theater they had a not too small built up dressing room right in the lobby. The man who was the manager of the apt. building was the sweetest guy. He came to see me dance, & I asked if he could sit in my dressing room. Reluctantly, they said OK.

After a few minutes, this sweet very white man pulled out a dick that was the biggest I’d ever seen in my life – It was huge as an elephant, over a foot long & very thick. I was startled & shocked.

But within seconds the workers there opened the door & angrily threw him out. That made me understand that they had some sort of access to seeing what went on in the dressing room. Imagine that. Watching the dancer’s every move in her private space, watching her dress & undress.

I had a spiritual disappointment while there. Walking down the street, in front of a Church, saw a sign that said ‘Theosophy discussion meeting now.’ Eagerly I went inside. There were about 10 people, male & female, discussing God. I asked if I could join. A man there seemed pleased, but an old hag looking 90 years old said I could not join them & gave some convoluted bullshyt reason why. The reason why is you were jealous how I looked, you bitch. Your envy was stronger than your charity. {End Chapter 2}

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Aquarius Theater Job

“I Strip for God” Part 8

Aquarius Burlesque Theater

Route 130 Gloucester City, New Jersey, 1980

OK I have to get to the theaters & clubs I worked, & all I can say is thank God for ARTICLES written about me in these cities & towns, because the articles tell me the NAMES & LOCATIONS & TIMES of these places. I did NOT deep a diary. I do recall what happened at these places but not their names, addresses & dates. The articles I have Xeroxed – at least a hundred of them – & they also appear on my www.KellieEvertsIStripforGod.com website.

This was a small theater which seated no more than 100 & they sat across & around an extension of the stage. It was all lighted up, the whole room, so I could see everyone – not like the old theaters where only the stage is lit up, the audience is dark.

I was on a super-strict diet at this time – one meal a day – & was lifting weights each day & dancing 4 shows. It was grueling. I didn’t have the energy to TALK – believe it or not. I ate no breakfast or lunch, danced all the 4 shows & only then did I go across the street to the diner & had a favorite meal. It was eggs with home fries, rye bread & dessert – banana cream pie. Never changed the menu. I know it’s intelligent to eat 3 small meals instead – but my system worked the way I did it.

I’ll try to recall whatever struck me here, for good or bad. Nothing huge, but this will give you an idea of what it is like to be in my skin, what a stripper such as myself experiences.

The owner/manager was really nice to me {there are all kinds, some are brutal & cold hearted} & when another dancer {not a good one} was saying things that made me uncomfortable, he said,

“She’s just trying to psyche you out.”

We’re not talking sisterhood here, it’s competition. And because she felt since I was the star, I was higher, she tried to pull me down. I didn’t catch on, just felt demoralized, until the owner told me what it was about. No I was not ‘street smart’ I was spiritually smart & book smart – {that has changed through much observation & study}. Her method of putting me ‘down’ was bragging about another female – Marilyn Chambers. Since I was body building & my body was exquisite she kept bragging on her, saying how her lats stood out. And you could see the look on her face as she said it, that twisted smile where the ends of the mouth point down {into Hell.}

Another female I felt was the victim of a con job – but I didn’t catch on right away. She was partnered with an ordinary-looking tall, thin Hindu, who told her he was going to become a doctor. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t, but he wasn’t one yet, & by convincing her he would be – & they’d be married – he got to have her body & possibly lived off her. She was so puffed up she seemed trancelike & treated myself & another dancer to our meal. {This is unusual, she wanted to impress us & we were.}

She told the press this was her last dance gig – she was off to ‘marry a doctor.’ The article in the Gloucester paper

tells me her name was ‘Tarzana.’ She was a good dancer & I wonder if she lived happily ever after or if the Hindu was pulling her leg & she danced in dives another 10 years.

There were two other dancers I recall. One was gorgeous, beautiful face & body. The other was ugly – ugly face & body, sort of charcoal grey skin, short & dumpy, spoke like she had an IQ of 80 or less, & she used a big black dildo on stage, which annoyed some of the white men, lol. {The uglier you are, the more prurient your act has to be, sad but true. Not sure what she did with the dildo but I don’t think inserting it was allowed, probably pretended. I never looked at her act.}

Here is my anecdote on her. There was an employee of the theater – a decent looking white guy who was a janitor. Married, he once brought his wife around. What I recall about the situation is this. He belly ached about the price of peanut butter, how expensive it had got, he had a 9 year old son who loved peanut butter. And yet he gave $50. to Miss Ugly of for sex. He could have bought 20 lbs of peanut butter for $50. This taught me something about some men – they will literally take food out of their child’s mouth to give themselves sex pleasure.

Now the beautiful one had a boyfriend or ‘hanger on.’ He was vile. He sat right at the front seat next to the extension on the stage, & when I came by he growled sexual things in a low voice, like an animal – this was totally disrespectful to his girl friend Ms Gorgeous.

And here’s how I found out he was mooching off her. In the old days, beautiful women on stage got flowers,

jewels, & taken out for the finest dining. In our day & age women in the adult trade / show business get pimps, moochers & con men. Once in a while a straight guy comes along – not often.

The owner of the diner across the street was a gay man, kind of chubby. One day he shows up to the owner in a huff, yelling how he has to get paid for what Mr. Vile has done. Vile sat on his vinyl seat in a booth, & the KNIFE in his pocket cut a bit swatch into the seat. Repairing it would cost money – But who pays? The guy or the dancer he’s hanging with? The dancer of course.

Everything had gone wrong for her that day. She sighed deeply & said,

“Some days you wish had never started.”

I was working on a body building book that year. I’d learned from prosperity teacher Catharine Ponder that if you want a thing to get done, start working on it. I did. I tried to write the book, I trained & posed for pictures. But I could not write it {tried & tried, it didn’t come out right} & could not get a publisher. After a few months of trying, I gave up & went on my next job.

Can’t even recall where that job was – was it Pittsburgh or Philadelphia?

And while there someone who wanted to publish a body building book by me – because they had seen my Esquire article in 1975 – contacted me. Mr. Stan & Mrs. Jan Leitner were in St. Louis, Illinois, told me to quit my job where I was, come over there & work on a book – they’d give me 5k. Later, they changed it to 10k. {To me that was HUGE – I’d never had more than 1.5k in my bank account as of then. In 2022 money this would be $35,473}

I told them I could not break my contract, but as soon as this job was over I’d go there.

It was a dream come true. Being housed in their mansion, they got me a ‘trainer’ where I was dropped off daily, they hired the biggest photo/video studio in the city to photograph me & make a video of ‘The Ultimate Woman.’ – A woman who body builds, dances, & runs her own business. Wearing a suit, I am seen seated at a desk giving orders, then body building, then dancing in a club which they arranged.

They put this video/ad for the book on the Phil Donohue Show at a cost of what today would be $56,757.

And so, thanks to the teachings of Catherine Ponder, I got my book published. Not only that, it was the FIRST BODY BUILDING BOOK BY A FEMALE. Mr. & Mrs. Leitner did all the work – all I had to do was train & BELIEVE. I beat Lisa Lyon with her book by several months.

Arnold tried to make Lisa Lyon the ‘poster girl’ of female body building. Was it out of revenge toward me, as I preferred another man? He recruited Joe Weider, the biggest power in body building, to promote her, put her on the cover of his magazine, create a photo layout of her with Arnold. He got a top name in writing to write her book. – Kellie Everts continued with a seminal book, ‘The Origin & Decline of Female Body Building’ & was given the title ‘Progenitor of modern competitive female body building’ in Feb 2007 by the World Body Building Guild.

Forgot to mention. During the Aquarius stay I lifted weights on my breaks, in an outdoor cemented patio behind the theater. How did I get the weights? I asked a man who came to the theater who seemed to be lifting, he brought them. Shows you how nice men can be, you can get favors from them if they like you. I had one of the employees take pics with my camera while I was on stage. There were few times I was that thin & muscular. Every picture had my head cut off.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Death & Ascension

Lady I pray for dies, goes to Purgatory for one day & Ascends into Heaven

6-26-22 Brenda’s Ascension

Dream:

It’s something about clothing. I’m given a blue linen dress which is a super short mini dress, plain as can be. It’s got a scooped neck, short sleeves, form fitting. I am thin & I guess look decent in this dress but I get uncomfortable as I have no underwear on – the wrong position, people can see under my dress. That’s a concern.

*** {DRESS: The dress sounds like the illness given to Brenda, it’s sad or BLUE. Linen is not a SOFT material, this is a HARD condition. Form fitting feels like a restraint. She is RESTRAINED or imprisoned in her condition – can’t get out of it.

The SHORTNESS of the dress & distressed for having no UNDERWEAR sounds like the being troubled for being so VULNERABLE in the lower part of her body – which had developed CANCER starting with the bladder, then went to the liver. Being NAKED or WITHOUT CLOTHES is a condition of being VULNERABLE & UNPROTECTED.

Being THIN here means good spiritual condition – spiritual POVERTY. Sometimes {not always} fatness means greed & gluttony or being bloated with the things of the world & the flesh.}

And then as I’m walking on the street a man who likes me grabs me, puts me into a horizontal position & sort of tickles my legs yikes, I feel embarrassed he’ll see my nudity.

* {EMBARRASSED with the man who likes me who will see my nudity: This is the uncomfortable feeling that the man who loves me SEES ME IN THIS CONDITION. {We want to be well & healthy with those who love us! We don’t want them to suffer with us.} *

Then something CHANGES. I have a different DRESS, its chartreuse in color, a kind of party dress, has a soft chiffon neckline scooped low & also short sleeves but also a mini skirt. I go to a store where it’s given me. Not sure if I buy it or the saleslady just gives it to me for some reason.

*** {The CHANGE is now the TRANSITION from earthly life with the suffering into a PARTY DRESS. The ASCENSION INTO HEAVEN of Brenda is now UNFOLDING – this PARTY is the REJOICING.

Rasa is saying the HOLY MASS for Brenda. CHARTREUSE is the GREEN OF LIFE.

The SALESLADY is the ATTENDENT or person who says the HOLY MASS – the Holy Mass is putting the ‘bridal dress’ or ‘party dress’ on Brenda. This CLOTHING is actually THE GRACE OF GOD.D} ***

I’m sitting at a table by myself just thinking. Not sure if there are people to my right.

* {This TABLE is the ALTAR where I said the Holy Mass…She is ALL ALONE as she’s the only one I dedicated the Mass to. I see it later, that she’s holding the TALL GLASS with the REFRESHING WATER – This is the BLOOD OF JESUS & MARY. I use PLAIN WATER as the medium, not wine, because I know Jesus turns water into wine when he wants to.} *

To my left is a line of people all sitting on top of this counter against the wall, mostly men.

{MEN ON COUNTER, AGAINST THE WALL: This sounds like RELATIVES who can’t help Brenda, so they are AGAINST THE WALL with concern – the main person would be her husband who has suffered equally with her. They weren’t able to get her well & they don’t know how to help her spiritually.}

I decide to just walk in front of them past them, & I do, not looking a them, & it’s here that I notice, like I’m looking at myself from about 10 feet away, that I’m thin & I’m holding a tall transparent glass with water in it, it’s something cool & refreshing, maybe has ice in it, maybe a straw {I had that water in front of me at the table, enjoying it.}

* {GOING PAST THE MEN, HOLDING THE GLASS WITH THE REFRESHING WATER – Notice I am THIN etc.: This is the TRANSITION where Brenda is NOT LOOKING at people now, but she wants them to SEE HER – to understand she is partaking of the GRACE OF GOD, drinking in the refreshing WATER OF LIFE {Jesus & Mary’s Blood, to be specific}, she is thin/ready for God – her MIND is ON GOD which is IMPORTANT as when people CLING to the world – including loved ones – they must wait in Purgatory until they do let go. One of the saints – Anne Catherine Emmerich, said that the reason death is so hard to most people – what makes it hard – is that they are attached to the world & to people. It is imperative to LEG GO – Brenda is doing this successfully here!} *

I go past these guys & am standing looking at myself still from some feet away, then I notice the dress has a veil attached to it, made of the same chartreuse color, & in front it just falls down to the floor – it’s a soft chiffon, & some of it is still rumpled under the regular part of the dress in back, I pull out the material & it goes flush to the floor. This new part starts past my knees & has a medallion close to the knees of rhinestone or diamond type – this now for sure is a party dress, at bottom it might have a scallop design, & it’s so long I’m hoping I don’t trip on it as I walk.

*** {the VEIL! This is one of the most telltale signs of ASCENSION as the veil is a symbol of what is between God & us – God is beyond the veil to us, when we ascend the veil is lifted, we see God face to face. In the human wedding ceremony the veil the wife wears means the same thing – if it is over her face the man moves it &to achieve their union, symbolically.

This appearance of the dress, then the veil attached, is as if Brenda’s ascension happens in increments, but these increments were probably moments in time.

The diamond or rhinestone broach at the knees, holding the veil or skirt, is an important symbol,– JEWELS represent AWARDS for extra things the person has done – extra work, extra charity, extra sacrifices. This veil seems to be a SPECIAL BONUS of Grace that goes with her ‘bridal’ ascension. It could also be the prayers of others for her, that helped her, including our most recent prayers.} ***

I think I got a real bargain, a good deal, because for sure I got this extra part for free – it was attached to the dress. The dress was reasonable; maybe the saleslady didn’t know it was attached, it would have made the dress more expensive – I got a bargain.

{EXTRA ATTACHED, I GOT A BARGAIN: Brenda feels gratitude for the extra Grace she’s been given.}

Later: I awoke & wondered if this was the ascension of Brenda, & was amazed because it had been only one day since she died. I asked God for confirmation, & fell asleep again.

I then saw a loaf of bread made to resemble an envelope with the seal part facing up in triangle form, but this is bread dough & it’s puffed up, cooked, the size of it is squarish, about 8”x8”. I know what this means instantly – the body & blood of Christ or Jesus & Mary, the way I celebrate the Mass. It’s in envelope form to tell me this is our MESSAGE – the Bread of Life has delivered her from Purgatory.

I might add the TRIANGLE image on the envelope represents PERFECTION. God is perfect, we must be perfect to INTEGRATE with God.

I saw her husband, Scott, grieving, lying face down on this bed. There are two black cameras on the side of the bed – probably symbols of memories, the memories they shared & he is grieving they will be no more. I knew he had to get this message as soon as possible so he could rejoice.

Dreamed the Night She Died – She died 11:45PM6-24-22

My dreams:

The Hurt Kitties

I’m in my front yard & my porch & the entire small yard sees to be covered with the blankets of my bed plus the sheet on top. I am just sitting around or reclining, it’s so warm & pleasant here, & decide to go back inside. I’m in the doorway to my living room now & notice it’s just as warm in the house as outside, but just as I’m about to enter the house – maybe I did close the door as for a moment I seem to be looking through my glass door at this:

* {OUTSIDE & INSIDE, BLANKET & SHEET ON YARD & PORCH, GOING INSIDE NOTICE IT’S WARM ON BOTH SIDES: This shows two sides, both warm, pleasant & comfortable. It might mean the prayerful conversations going on OUTSIDE or with Scott & his family, where there is a warm feeling or Love, & INSIDE my house – which is me & my feelings; it is equally warm or Loving. What I see THROUGH A GLASS DOOR is what I UNDERSTAND, it is CLEAR to me or SHOWN to me by the Holy Spirit.} *

A Mother kitty runs onto my porch with several of her kittens. The Mom has some sort of wounds on both sides of her body, like part of the flesh was scooped out; skin & fur cover the wounds. And I notice one of her babies has the exact same wounds!

I look closely at the poor little kitten. There’s a label of sorts attached to her, like a half an inch of skin on a strip of about 4” & on it is written the name of a man, & after that something like ‘Deposit’, which is getting blurry. I sense that this man POISONED the little kitty somehow – & he did it DELIBERATELY, LIKE AN ACT OF MALICE. I vaguely see an EVIL MAN.

*** {WOUNDED MOM CAT & KITTEN: This is Scott & his wife. Scott is the maternal cat, the care giver, who is suffering equally with Brenda. Brenda is the kitten or victim. This sign perplexed me until Scott told me there is a chance their well water is poisoned from a Kodak plant about a mile away, which was dumping their chemical wastes into a lake. This was a while back. OK that gives me the clue. The MAN who poisoned her would be the man who RUNS THE PLANT who didn’t care who he poisoned. That shows MALICE, it is criminal. I saw a criminal look on this man’s face. Then the term ‘Deposit’ perplexed me because there is a town called Deposit not far from here. But it’s not about that – it’s about DEPOSITING CHEMICAL WASTES THAT POISONED THE WATER – even though it’s a mile away it is possible for poisons to leach into the ground water. And the fact that this writing is getting BLURRY shows it was a while back – which is the time the plant was there. I read that Kodak, the entire company, dissolved in 2012. I’ve not been able to discover when this particular plant was in that area dumping poisons into a lake.

These are the 3 main chemicals I discovered that the Kodak plant used which are toxic: methylene chloride, acetone & methanol.

What are the long term effects of methylene chloride?

Methylene chloride exposure poses chronic health risks, including cancer; liver, kidney, …..

What are the long-term health effects of exposure to acetone?

Studies on animals determined that long-term exposure to acetone damages the kidneys, liver …….

It is relevant that Brenda developed liver cancer, which they think started in her bladder.} ***

I then take the baby under my left hand, cup my hand completely over her body – she is so tiny, & at this moment she takes a great sigh of relief, like she is comforted.

*** {GREAT SIGH OF RELIEF – I CUPPED HER WHOLE BODY IN MY HAND: This says two things, one, that the prayers I was saying comforted Brenda greatly & second, this could be the ‘dying breath’ as she passed about a few short hours after we prayed.

CUPPED HER WHOLE BODY IN MY HAND: The hands represent LOVE. She was enveloped in love while we prayed.} ***

And the Mother is nestled on my right shoulder against my neck – she apparently receives comfort also.

* (MOTHER NESTLED AGAINST MY NECK, I was aware still of her wounds: This is SCOTT, the husband, the caregiver, who was ALSO COMFORTED. Why on my shoulder & neck? We usually CRY ON SOMEONE’S SHOULDER for comfort. The neck being right by the shoulder is about the same thing.) *

Next dream that night: Her Purgatory

Purgatory is always nightmarish or stressful to different degrees, but this is not as bad as most Purgatories.

As I dream, I am in the consciousness of the person I’m dreaming about, Brenda, like it’s happening to me. But it’s what she is experiencing. Interesting that I also dreamed her ascension symbolically as if it was happening to me – the change into the chartreuse party dress.

OK, I am on a journey, walking a long distance. At one point, though, I don’t see how to arrive at my destination, it’s tricky, something is blocking my way. I look back, thinking of going back, but to my shock the way back is barred –the doorway I came through is covered over with thick white plaster, as if I’d been in a hallway & gone through this door.

* {JOURNEY I WALK, BUT BEFORE ME IT IS DIFFICULT, BLOCKED. I WAS GOING TO GO BACK, BUT THE WAY BACK IS BLOCKED! Brenda has passed & she cannot re enter the earthly life. It’s finished. And so she must tackle how to gain the Vision of God, which is not yet seen.} *

So I go forward. I’m in a huge building & looking for a window to escape – I see no windows.

But then on one wall I see two spots that might be windows but are covered up. The walls here are made of huge blocks, colored green. So I go to the first place that I think is a window & begin to peel off the covers. There are curtains, then layers of cardboard, many layers, I pull them off one by one, but at the end there is only that wall made of green blocks.

I try again – there’s a place higher than this that I begin peeling things off, many layers, & I finally do get to a real window, not big & it has a milky glass over it that has been raised. I reach up & put my hand there & something bites my hand – it’s a small dog I see.

*** {PEEL OFF LAYERS, NO WINDOW. SECOND SPOT PEEL OFF LAYERS THERE IS A SMALL WINDOW, BUT SOMETHING BITES MY HAND – A SMALL DOG: Here Brenda is trying to leave Purgatory & it’s frustrating. She tries so hard to see God/Love, outside this place. She finally does get an opportunity but as she puts her right hand to hoist herself to this high window something bites her hand – a small dog.

Me to Mother God: Can you help me on what this means? Why would someone bite her hand as she’s trying to see God, & turn out to be a small dog?

Mother God: This could be one small fault or sin not accounted for. She feels it now, it’s a reminder, & this will explain one day in Purgatory – Something not paid for. The HAND is love. She did something small against Love.} ***

Now how do I climb up to this small window & hoist myself out? It’s tricky, but somehow I do manage – I have to do it backward, so that I’m sitting in the window, facing the inside. Then somehow I hoist myself out & I am outside but I can’t see clearly. It’s as if my eyes are blurry or else it’s a thick fog. I look so hard, try so hard to see the outside but can’t see it clearly.

* {BLURRY VISION BUT I AM OUTSIDE ETC: This one day in Purgatory will soon be over. Brenda’s vision of God is still blurry, but she’s getting there. In a short time she will be One with God, assimilated into the Perfect Peace, Love & Joy that is our Reality at the Source.} *

College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

William Bond on Matriarchy

What is Matriarchy? William Bond

& Rasa Von Werder with Friends

Just one other thing, it seems to me that their definition {a certain site} of matriarchy is really feminism this is what the Merriam Webster dictionary says about this.

Definition of feminism

: belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

So all we have to do is point out that feminism is not the same as matriarchy and use dictionaries to prove this point.

William

One thing I’ll like to add to this, if you look up the world matriarchy in dictionaries online. They all say things like. –

Definitions of Matriarchy ( noun) A society, system, or group in which women dominate men and have the power and authority. ( noun) A group or family where the mother or oldest female is the head of the family with descent typically traced through the female line.

https://sociologydictionary.org › matriarchy

So if there is any dispute in this then all Pete has to do is reference a few dictionaries.

Just one other thing, it seems to me that their definition of matriarchy is really feminism this is what the Merriam Webster dictionary says about this.

Definition of feminism

: belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

So all we have to do is point out that feminism is not the same as matriarchy and use dictionaries to prove this point.

William

Hi Everyone

I think people like Heide Xxx are trying to make matriarchy ‘respectable’ to academic audiences by claiming matriarchy is all about sexual equality. So it seems patriarchy can talk about using force and violence to dominate and control women and other men but women are not allowed to do the same.

There is the same issue in Feminism which again promotes sexual equality. But not all Feminist agree as lesbian Feminists like Mary Daly call themselves Radical Feminists because they are not interested in equality with men as they see men as the enemy and think of it as a straight fight between men and women for power. Radical Feminism also has a Wikipedia page.

So I suppose we can call ourselves ‘Radical Matriarchy’ or perhaps ‘Uncompromising Matriarchy’. Making it clear we see matriarchy as women ruling countries or the world and not trying to be equal with men. There is also Gynarchy and there is even a unfinished Wikipedia page on this.

This argument over what exactly is Matriarchy is nothing new. I first heard about matriarchy from the book, “The First Sex” by Elizabeth Gould Davis. She was then criticized by the likes of Riane Eisler, in her book, “The Chalice and the Blade” who claimed that Matriarchy is all about equality. Both of these books were published in the 1970s.

I agree we can bring the Goddess in it, if we are talking about starting a Goddess religion.

William

Hi Everyone

I have mediated on this Rasa, as you suggested and this is what I’ve got. Everyone accepts that patriarchy mean male rule so therefore matriarchy is female rule. But if we talk about equality between men and women then there is a word for this, and that is egalitarianism. Therefore matriarchy and egalitarianism are not the same thing.

I also have looked up the word archy, like you see in both patriarchy and matriarchy and the word archy is a ancient Greek word meaning rule or government. For this reason patriarchy means, rule by patriarchs, while matriarchy means, rule by matriarchs. That is why a government of only men is called patriarchy and therefore a government of only women will be a matriarchy.

But if people still want to dispute this then Rasa you have your own word and that is WomanthouArtGod. That is a word you made up yourself and therefore you have the right to define it as you like. The idea that God is a woman is a very powerful concept and can be used as a powerful tool in empowering women.

William

The way I would see Heide is that she wants to write about matriarchy but make it respectable and get the approval of the academic world. Which is hard to do because she is wanting a patriarchal institution to approve of what she says about matriarchy! Which means she is trying to obtain the approval of the enemies of matriarchy. She is very aware that many women who write about matriarchy like Marija Gimbutas has been savagely criticized by the academic world and doesn’t want to suffer the same fate. So she will always side with patriarchy and try to water down matriarchy so it won’t be seen as a threat to patriarchy. In other words she is an appeaser and is jealous of you, Rasa, because you are free to say whatever you like and do not have to answer to patriarchal men. It is a shame because we are all on the same side and we all want to promote matriarchy but she is trying to persuade patriarchal men that matriarchy is a good idea.

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Hi Pete

Thanks again for what you have manage to achieve for both myself and Rasa. Is WordPress on the Wikipedia blacklist? Some time ago I made a alternative mermaid blog on WordPress when I feared that Google might delete my blogs.

William

https://mermaidsarereal.wordpress.com/author/wabond/

You’re very welcome, William. I just checked now, and while it is a good blog IMHO, I found out that unfortunately any URL with the wordpress.com domain is also blacklisted, as are pretty much all other blog sites like Blogger. It wasn’t always like this, as back in 2010 or so I remember it was still OK (but strongly discouraged) to cite blogged sources, but now they are all automatically blacklisted and rejected by the Wikipedia algorithm. Just like LULU is blacklisted (but Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and Goodreads.com are apparently fine).

It is done automatically by domain. Note that EOG is fine because it the URL does not end in any of the blacklisted domains like wordpress.com or blogger.com.

So unfortunately, William, every single one of your own sites is currently blacklisted. That is why I cited EOG as well as Goodreads, Amazon, and Google Books, in order to cite your work in a roundabout way.

Best wishes and have a nice day,……………… Pete

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From Rasa,

Well, my EOG is on WORD PRESS. Before my genius webman, Nick Kushner, left me for CA & an untimely death {he was about 30} I asked him to give me a site I could manage – as I’m an amateur – {he had done all my uploading prior to that & he worked 5 days a week for nearly 3 years.} That resulted in EOG. It does not have the art & polish as my other 2 sites because Word Press doesn’t have that sort of capacity, at least that I can handle. Maybe it does but I haven’t even tried to do anything unusual – I just thank God I can get articles up with nice scenery & images.

OK so maybe William can change the name of his Word Press site so it doesn’t end up as that shyt?

I have noticed that we have all worked individually in the past, each beating his own drum mostly. Just bits of camaraderie. (We helped each other a little, here & there, the big change was when Pete started sharing my articles every time. And of course I put his articles on my site & blog – then he became an owner of our blog by the grace of William, then Vallah. And of course, William had created that blog for me in the first place & for one solid year was posting all my stuff, like 95 articles in one year!)

But now we have joined together as a team or a strong force & look how much more we accomplished. Yes Pete is the key here but I am cooperating with him & helping. Steve is beginning to help – he has done so in the past by putting William & myself on his pages several times.

In the Bible I like the story of the old man who is going to die soon & he has instructions to leave his 3 sons – on the mgt. of their property. He takes a large bundle of sticks & asks each one individually to break them in two. They try & they can’t. Then he splits the sticks into 3 bundles & again asks each one to break them – & this time they can do it. You know the moral here.

We can do more together than individually. Cooperation, caring about each other’s work, pushing it forward, will be the most rewarding for our cause. Symbiosis in nature.

And we have made such great progress, I think it’s important now to listen to Mother God, keep praying, & when energy is there, keep working. That’s what I hope to do.

First, we need to put William on the map – He is our original Guiding Light or Lighthouse – the Prophet of Matriarchy – the one who made me say ‘Bingo! This is it! I never knew that all his work would be disregarded or ‘blocked’ by those who can verify & magnify him. There is a great threat that both he & I will be ERASED as the perusal of Wikipedia shows me how easily this is done. All they do is set themselves up, as for instance, the ‘Matriarchy’ site & exclude us. Then they set up the ‘female body building site’ & exclude me. {People clic it to see the history or progression of a thing, since we aren’t there, they don’t know we had anything to do with it} Simply by having VOICE they become the ‘winners,’ we the ‘losers,’ as they have done to WOMEN IN HISTORY.

We all know that males have systematically excluded the accomplishments of women throughout the ages – Freyja Derrickson dug up much of that & made memes out of it like ‘I discovered radium but you will never know it because I didn’t have a penis.’

What they’ve been doing to us for years is steal our ideas, our intellectual wealth, appropriate it for themselves, do what we taught them, & reap the benefits. {OK, it’s not all of them – some. There is a movement toward female ascendency going on with or without us.}

Now back to the drawing board. You asked, Pete, for links to regular sites that you can place on the Wikipedia for William. He’s never worked on that it seems. Steve has apparently, as I see he got a couple reviews of his book & much other activity. You have to REACH OUT to get reviews or articles by people. All my work – 95 to 99% of it – which you see listed there on my sites – was myself writing letters & making phone calls. It was my second profession. I danced & preached, yes, & 50% of my time & effort went into contacting media. And ditto for body building. These were ALMOST FULL TIME JOBS, LET’S SAY half of the time jobs.

Almost every TV show there, I made the call. Almost every article there, I made the call or wrote letters – including to Europe. You see all those foreign-language articles – I sent them packages with who I was & chromes of me. It cost plenty money postage wise but I did it. I went to ‘Hotalings,’ a foreign, international magazine stand in NYC, & would buy dozens of foreign publications & contact them.

When I was at the Playboy Club I did not wait for some mysterious man with pad & pencil to interview me. First I did a radio show & praised Playboy. I took a copy of the radio show with the tape of me talking about Playboy – went up to the manager’s office – Sheldon Wax – no appointment – I took a risk he’d say he was busy, but he saw me. As quirky as it seems, I played that tape, lol. Like Playboy needed my radio show – what it did was it opened his heart & mind to me. He said they’d already done a couple things on me in Playboy, it wasn’t customary for them to do that many things on one person. But I talked him into it, & they did a decent story on me for ‘Stripping for God’ & later, had me in their various forums & ‘Sex in the News,’ etc. {Later poor Sheldon died, with his wife, in a TWA crash. I bought 10 Holy Masses for them, even though they were Jewish & not supposed to get Masses.}

Third example & I will quit. The YAHOO groups when they were popular. I joined 350 groups. It took me TWO YEARS to screen those I could post on. That being done, I spent NINE HOURS every Saturday posting on all those that I had articles for. This went on for a couple years. Then I got a new employee, Pete, from Texas. He set up a SPEEDY SPAM system for me & then I could do in 1.5 hours what I did in 9. In 1.5 hours, I posted my articles on about 300 yahoo groups every week! Which meant 300k people reached with articles! I gained a reputation as you can guess.

I’m just giving you a SAMPLE of what I did to get the media, there is so much more, but let’s let it rest. What I’m saying is we have to be AGGRESSIVE if we want OUR MESSAGE out there to help SAVE THE WORLD. Matriarchy is the answer – we all know it. How do we get it into the minds of people, men & women? Only one way – MEDIA. How do we get media? By CONTACTING THEM.

So there you have it, what’s on my mind today. somebody – me I guess – has to contact dozens, even hundreds of sites, & ask them to consider William’s articles & books for review or analysis or comment. Simple as that. When they do it, Pete can link it to Wiki.

Who do we contact? right now, I’m not sure. I guess POLITICAL SCIENCE sites, anthropology sites, sites that deal with the Gender Issues, or ANY SITES that might give the subject some voice. It will be experimental – I have not started. That is my plan.

Rasa

Rasa to Friends:

I noticed on the ‘Matriarchy’ page the mention of Camille Paglia. Have not heard her name for years. At the beginning of the women’s movement she distinguished herself by pooh-poohing some of the basic complaints of women. In other words, she made her mark by appeasing men, working against women. And there she is, on Heidi’s page!

This proves further that Heidi is not a Matriarch. What a phony. She made sure all those equality-egalitarians are there & now Camille Paglia. I will study the site more, I only glanced at it. Like she deserves to be there, but I don’t?

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Good evening, Rasa. Indeed, Camille Paglia certainly does not deserve to be on that site at all. She and other pseudo-feminists like her are textbook examples of “dicks in skirts” who luuurrrve to butt in and attempt to invalidate Women’s concerns. Heide Hoodoo is indeed a phony, and certainly not of God at all, as your channeling of her confirms. Fortunately, she and/or her sockpuppet seems to be backing down for now, or at least has been awfully quiet since a day or two ago. She must really be gnashing her teeth in frustration right now, lol. So far, no further reversions or deletions on her part since then to any articles, and we seem to be winning now, God willing. ……………… Best wishes, Pete

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Hi Everyone

I think we do need to define exactly what Matriarchy is and say clearly feminism is not matriarchy. The women’s movement have been taken over by left-wing politics because feminism is about sexual equality but matriarchy is not about equality. If we are talking about matriarchal governments then you have to discriminate against men. (In much the same way patriarchal governments discriminate against women). For this reason matriarchal politics will be more right-wing than left wing.

This not not unusual in the women’s movement. The British Suffragettes led by Emmeline Pankhurst looked to left wing parties the Liberals and Labour for support. The Liberals actively blocked the Suffragettes while Labour promised to help, but in the end did nothing to help the Suffragettes. This is one of the reasons Emmeline Pankhurst when women did get the vote, became a Conservative MP. Another reason was that wealthy women, who were probably Conservative, financed the Suffragettes.

Another point is that when Pamela and I wrote, “Gospel of the Goddess” the only people who supported us was the Femdom people. This makes sense because Femdom people also want women to rule the world. The problem is that femdom sexual fantasies are all about women being cruel to men. Whereas the argument for matriarchy is that we all would be better off if women ruled the world because women are far more loving and caring people than men.

So we have to make it clear that matriarchy is neither feminism or femdom.

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From Pete:

Indeed, that is true, William. Defining and listing what Matriarchy is NOT (feminism, femdom, or patriarchy with the genders reversed) is just as important as defined what it is. There is of course some overlap with feminism in that many self-proclaimed feminists have (overtly or covertly) had Matriarchy in mind to one degree or another as an ultimate endgame or logical conclusion. But it is clearly not the same thing as feminism per se. Feminism is ostensibly about equality, and is thus at most a steppingstone or gateway to Matriarchy.

That is not to say that Matriarchy is inegalitarian overall. In terms of class, race, and other demographic categories, Matriarchy is far more egalitarian than patriarchy could ever hope to be. It is not a pyramid, more like a circle.

But in terms of gender? Matriarchy is very clearly an express train that does NOT stop at Equality Street. That does not mean that men will be oppressed, but men will clearly be excluded from positions of power…………………….. Pete

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From William:

Agreed Pete. Even though matriarchy will discriminate against men, because to have a true matriarchal government you have to have only women in positions of power. The reason for matriarchy is that most women are more caring people than most men. So a matriarchal government will treat men a lot better than how patriarchal governments have treated women or even other men.

This is also the only way matriarchy can get into power and retain it. It is unlikely we will have a Amazon army go out and conquer the world through force and violence in the way some patriarchal empires have tried to do. The only way a matriarchal government can get into power is through democratic means. So people will vote for caring women as they will see them as being better to rule them than patriarchal minded men. Also, matriarchy if they are to retain their power have to prove to people they are caring rulers, to keep the support of the people. ……………….. William

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And every word you guys said is absolutely true & ultimately of the GREATEST VALUE. Re feminism: My opinion is that the original women who tackled this were seeking EQUALITY UNDER THE LAW, not necessarily equality in ALL WAYS – just the law. In their secret heart of hearts, allwomen believe they are SUPERIOR TO MEN. But of course they don’t say it, it is deep inside. And why do they think this? Instinct & observation. What they feel inside as Mothers, what they observe men doing from the day they can crawl.

These PRINCIPLES of which you speak, that we must explain what Matriarchy is & WHAT IT IS NOT are CRUCIAL. Shall we do a page for Wikipedia called maybe MATRIARCHY 101? Because we can’t rewrite what is there – the ones who made it will keep it that way, it needs a new page.

My idea is that we should give no room for antagonists or naysayers or anti-Matriarchy people – those who are against women, against women rulership or dominance. These would be the equality-egalitarian types, all of them. She has plenty on that site – just leave them out.

From the past just speak of those who were / are 100% for Matriarchy – Marija Gimbutas, Merlin Stone, all the people that wrote in favor of it, even some men {I have a book in my library called “The Redundant Male” by 2 Men – Never read it yet, lol} – skip the rest.

Of course that includes William & myself. And we should go into some details what our books teach. My Cougar books – Old Woman – Young Man – should be included, ditto again all William’s books on the subject.

And something NO ONE references that is key to the subject of Matriarchy -The extinction of men. We must give space to “Adam’s Curse – A Future Without Men” by Dr. Bryan Sykes – world’s leading geneticist. {I’ve spoken to him by e mail} His theories are seconded by another top geneticist – Steve Jones – with his book “The Descent of Men” – I have spoke to him by e mail also…….Another great book, pro-Matriarchal – believes we are more like Bonobos than Chimps & many other theories that agree with ours – “Sex at Dawn” by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha – New York times Bestseller! I have the book right here. Of course Heidi Hoodoo mentions none of these.

But with the extinction of men, is it not appropriate to prepare for Matriarchy?

Oh yes, femdom. We ask the question, is Matriarchy femdom? Then William & I explain what ‘femdom’ is within our Patriarchal culture – he’s done it a thousand times, I’ve LIVED IT. What males want to do is control women in the femdom experience “topping from the bottom” They used to give me SCRIPTS, I produced them for money. {THE MORE VIOENCE, CRUELTY & DEGRADATION IN THE SCRIPTS, THE BETTER THEY SOLD.} During sessions they explain what they want, the mistress does it, he pays her. It’s a form of sex therapy like regular sex.

That is NOT, of course, what true ‘femdom’ is. True femdom is my good husband Richard Von Werder, who helped me in all ways & provided for me upon his death. William is that way with his wife. She doesn’t believe in the ‘femdom’ scene but William helped her & served her from day One. These men are HELPMATES.

One last thing: How will Matriarchy come about? William, you mentioned democracy, not violence. Democracy is rule of the majority. How do they rule? By vote. How do they vote? By what they know or believe. How do they know or believe? By seeing, hearing, observing, through EDUCATION. That’s where WE COME IN – that’s what Almighty God Anointed us for. Jesus was Anointed to TEACH. He taught through his works, example & words. We in our writings are teachers of the TRUTH. The people don’t automatically know it, in particular, they have been LED ASTRAY by the Patriarchs who ERASED the Herstory of Matriarchy & the accomplishments of women – {now they want to do the same to us!} Our teachings will SHOW THE WAY for people to BELIEVE in Matriarchy, then they will ACT in favorable ways toward it – There’s a million things they can do to bring it about, if they believe, they will do them. Resisting lies is a beginning. Getting active in government is a beginning – many such things.

The floor is yours guys…………………….Rasa

College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Gospel of the Goddess

A Return To God The Mother

God The Mother

IN THE WESTERN WORLD, we are all familiar with the concept of a male god, whether the idea comes from Christianity, Judaism or Mohammedanism. When we think of a male god, at the back of our minds is a picture of an old man in the sky, who has a certain set of laws, rules and regulations we must all obey. If we follow these rules we will be loved and approved of by god, but if we disobey, we will be condemned and punished. Even today, when the power of this belief has been weakened, and many do not believe in a god at all, the image of Jehovah from the Old Testament is still very strong. Though we may consciously reject this view of god, subconsciously and within the structures of our society, the idea lives on. When we feel we have done the wrong thing, or ‘sinned’, we tend to feel guilty or unworthy in some way, and expect punishment. It is so ingrained in us, that to a large extent the ‘Jehovah’ figure is the only way we can envisage God. We appear to have only two choices; either this male god exists or there is no God at all.

By William Bond and Pamela Suffield

Introduction

Jesus Christ, through the teachings that have come down to us in the New Testament, attempted to offer an alternative, by describing a God of Love, who loves us all no matter what we do or who we are. Unfortunately, even though Christianity attempts to uphold the teachings of Christ, we find when we discuss the nature of God with many Christians, that they are still heavily influenced by the Jehovah of the Old Testament, and see God as wrathful, judgmental and punishing unless you ‘get it right’.
However, in the second half of the Twentieth Century, another concept of God has appeared. This time God is not a man but a woman. Its promulgators talk about ‘the Great Goddess’ or ‘the Great Mother’, who existed in the Western World before the advent of male-centred religions and before Christianity achieved its dominance of the whole of Europe. Many books have been written on the necessity for our society to turn towards the Great Mother, who has been ignored in the Western world for millenia.
On the face of it, assessing the idea of a female Creator in a purely intellectual way, it seems quite ridiculous. Why should it matter whether God is male or female? Surely a Supreme Deity is beyond being male or female at all. Eastern religions like Buddhism and Taoism already accept the genderlessness of God. In Taoism, we are presented with the concept of the ‘Tao’, which means ‘The Way’. There is no entity or image which can be worshipped or appealed to. Buddhism is similar, but since its ideas were taught by an historical man, Gautama Buddha, he is the one worshipped, despite the fact that he insisted he was not a God.

If we were assessing the nature of God in an entirely logical way, the concept of ‘The Tao’ would be the truest representation, since it perceives of a supreme entity as pure energy, beyond all ideas of human form and character. The trouble with this idea is that human beings find it difficult to grasp what the Tao is really like. It is ever mysterious, and beyond the comprehension of our limited minds. We seem to need an image that we can relate to, that we can understand in human terms. The truest representation of God which we can grasp, and which fits in with our growing ideas of a loving deity, is of God as the Great Mother. A masculine god is omnipotent, but judges, condemns and gives only limited love. His power is used to punish transgressors and reward the faithful. Man does the same. However, when you think of a mother, the picture is different. An ideal mother gives her children unconditional love which never changes. No matter what the child does, it will always be loved, supported in its growth, and nourished by the mother. Even if the child abuses her or commits horrendous crimes within society, this love never disappears. A wise mother obviously encourages loving behaviour, and discourages mistakes, but her love never wavers.

When we think of the Great Mother, we are thinking of an entity who will love us all, for ever, because we are her creations, – her children, to use the earthly metaphor. This is a completely different picture from the one drawn by belief in a male god, which relies on the threat of punishment, or withdrawal of love and rewards, to keep us in line. Since it is now time for the ‘feminine’ side of our Creator to be accepted and valued by men, it makes sense to worship a female deity. Only in this way will we begin to balance our society, which has denigrated and denied The Great Mother’s gifts for millenia.
As we all know, in our society there are many people who do not obey the rules of the Church and still escape punishment. Some of them seem to flout all of the laws of society and religion yet still prosper and thrive. Others obey all the rules, behave in a very humble and loving way, yet seem to receive no reward for their actions. They are often despised and taken advantage of. The Church avoids the implications of this by saying that such people will be happy in the afterlife, and the others will go to Hell. Since this is only a speculation, it is of little practical help to those suffering in the here and now. The priests of the god can only offer a better life when we are dead – what they cannot deliver is happiness and joy now. In contrast to this, the priestesses of the Great Mother can promise peace, joy and paradise on this Earth while we are alive.

To be in paradise does not require us to be disciplined and sacrificial for the sake of future rewards; all it requires is a change in attitude. In the world of the god, whether it is the one reflected to us through Christianity, Judaism, Mohammedanism or Science (which is our latest male religion) we are offered a world of conflict and fear. We have to accept rules and regulations to keep us in check; we have to accept the masculine world of aggression and conquest, whether it is conquest of ourselves or others. All harmonious ideas of joy and happiness are looked down on as impossible, leaving us with only suffering as the route to salvation. In this worldview, we learn and achieve only through struggle and pain, so it becomes an inevitable and necessary part of existence.
When we look to the Feminine and the Great Mother, there is a different perspective. The Great Mother will always look after us, no matter what we do and no matter what we believe in or say. There is no requirement to subscribe to a particular religion or way of behaving to ‘earn’ her love – she loves us all, and equally, anyway. The Feminine is a concept of harmony, of bringing together, of joy and peace. The priests of the god see a world that is out of harmony with itself, where only the strongest survive and the weakest go to the wall. This is not necessary.

The feminine world-view shows us harmony in everything – on Earth, and in the whole of Creation. This idea of the essential harmoniousness of creation was recently brought out very clearly in the book ‘Gaia’ by James Lovelock. It is interesting that he named his book after the ancient Earth Goddess, who was worshipped as the original deity. Though she was at one time acknowledged as the first to emerge from the primaeval state of Chaos, later male-dominated cultures devalued her and placed the sky gods like Uranus and Zeus above her.

The truth of existence is that how we see the earth we live on and our fellow human beings, shapes our lives. Our desires and fears act as magnets, drawing towards us the reality which we feel is the ‘true’ one. If we believe in conflict and limited love, that if we do not behave in a certain way we will not be loved or rewarded, then this will be the reality we create. We will become aggressive or defensive towards other people because we expect them to hurt us or exploit us. This in turn attracts to us the very aggression we fear, and confirms our beliefs. If we believe that only the strongest and most ruthless survive, and that this is by divine order, then we will have no qualms about exploiting the earth and our fellow man. But always lurking will be the fear that someone even stronger or more ruthless will snatch everything we have won away from us. If we also allow ourselves to judge others and find them better or worse than us, stronger or weaker, then we live in fear of others judging us. We create a god who does this when we die, sending some to Heaven and the rest to Hell based on his judgement of our worth.

The history of our species for the last few thousand years has been centred on conflict. Our idea of ‘right’ is based on force, which is a particularly male attribute. A good example of this can be seen if we look at the Falklands war. Britain sent a Task Force to the Falkland Islands to retake them from Argentina, who had snatched them from us. If we had not possessed a strong Navy and Army then the Islands would now belong to Argentina. Each side in the conflict believed that justice was on its side, yet it was superior strength which prevailed. Although in many ways we are more enlightened than in the past, our society is still based on the idea that ‘might is right’. The boundaries of countries, the distribution of wealth and land and the use of a particular language, owe their existence to the use of force on weaker people. Within each country, an unwritten law states that the more powerful you are, the more you can ignore the law and the rights of others less powerful than you. Once you have accumulated wealth and power by the use of aggression, then you invoke the force of the Law, the Police and Religion to prevent other equally rapacious people from relieving you of your booty. In such a world, no-one can be happy. Even if you are strong and successful, there is always fear that one day your strength and aggression will fail and you will become prey to others.
But if we were to return to worshipping the Great Mother, our direction would inevitably be towards harmony. There would therefore be less likelihood of aggression towards others, and even less likelihood of aggression towards ourselves. Since we would look for evidence of harmony, it would be there, and since no-one would be perceived as a threat to us, we would not provoke aggression in others or draw it to ourselves. We would be more likely to co-operate with our fellow man and have no reason to exploit him. In a harmonious Universe there is no need to fight for what you need – all resources, whether material, emotional or spiritual, are available to everyone because they believe that this is the case. The idea of scarcity can only exist when there is fear that you may miss out on something that you need, and that only you can provide it, by right behaviour, force or belonging to the ‘right’ religion or group.

There would be no reason for anyone to feel unworthy, as we do now, because we would know that we are loved by the Great Mother. Though we may make mistakes, this in no way changes her love, and she is always ready to help and support us. We would no longer have the inner conflicts bequeathed to us by the male priests of the god, reflecting in the world as strife and struggle, thus allowing us to live at peace with ourselves and the world.

Unfortunately, throughout recorded history, we have only known a patriarchal society. Though there is some evidence that matercentric (guided by women) societies have existed, we have no real way of telling how they functioned. All evidence that these societies existed, and were harmonious, was ruthlessly suppressed by the male-dominated cultures who took over from them, and where it could not be eliminated, was reinterpreted to support the ideas of the prevailing religion and culture. However, there are stories of a Golden Age, which existed before recorded history, in many religions and mythologies. In the East, the ‘Tao Te Ching’ talks of a time when everyone lived in harmony, and catalogues the changeover from this period of peace to the present patriarchal society. Initially, in this Golden Age, there was no conflict of any kind, nor any rules and laws. Gradually, these were introduced until we arrived by slow degrees at our present fear-ridden society.

Today, society is yet again changing, and we will in the future progress into another matercentric society. Obviously, there will be those who oppose this, some because they wish to retain patriarchy, and others because they believe that the ideal society is one in which men and women are equal. This is not yet possible, even if we could define what ‘equal’ means. As recent research has shown, (in ‘Brain Sex’ by Anne Moir and David Jessel) there is a fundamental difference between the male and female brain, which manifests itself in the way men and women think and feel. While men can ignore feelings, and rely on ‘logic’ to make decisions, it is necessary for our evolution to move into a female-centred society, one in which we worship a female deity and in which men can learn to care for others.
It is possible that in the far future we will have a society in which neither sex is dominant, but at our present stage of evolution, it is spiritually necessary and inevitable that we move into a matercentric society, as we will explain in subsequent chapters. This will benefit both men and women. At the moment, our patriarchal society, with its many rules and regulations, intolerance and aggression, gives immense advantages to men, because it reflects their way of seeing the world. There is no real way that women, or men for that matter, can achieve equality in such a society. We are seeing a drive for freedom within many countries of the World, and a growing acceptance of other’s ways of living. Many patriarchal structures which restrict freedom are being eroded or destroyed. In this climate, women will be far less disadvantaged than before, because they have less need for order and hierarchy than men, and because men will not be able to use aggression and logic in the same ruthless way they are accustomed to. As men see that women’s ability to mobilise both intellect and feeling in decision-making leads to greater stability, they will no longer wish to dominate. They will see clearly that they will be far happier directed by women than by other men, and gladly allow them to guide society.

From Bard of Ely:

Many people have never heard of matriarchy, and as a subject it has been almost taboo. This is because we live in a patriarchal world, a world run by men, and yet, at the same time, ruined by men, as we can easily see by the ongoing terrible news of wars, destruction of the environment, poverty and suffering for countless humans, as well as the appalling cruelty to animals and the threat of extinction to many species. One man who has spoken out eloquently and fearlessly about matriarchy, and has explained how a world run by women would be a workable solution to the problems we face, is William Bond.

Bond is the co-author with Pamela Suffield of Gospel of the Goddess: A Return to God The Mother, a book that explains how patriarchy has brought so much suffering to the world, a world which benefits the powerful men in charge of it, a world that suppresses the rights of women, and has caused so much devastation and death for thousands of years. It explains how the patriarchal world is so out of balance but how matriarchy would restore the balance and harmony we need.

Bond’s teachings are easy to understand. For example, he teaches that women, as mothers, are caring and nurturing, unlike their male counterparts who live by the motto of might is right. A world run by women would not be a world run by greedy and power-crazed big business men and by violence and aggression, but would be a world in which compassion and care would be priorities.

I read the Gospel of the Goddess back in 1994. So impressed was I with his knowledge that I interviewed Bond for my Hubpages blog. He is an expert on the subject of matriarchy and proposes how the world could be changed for the better if we were to move into a matriarchal culture. It would be a paradigm shift that really would bring the change so many people have desired and sought.

https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/Author-William-Bond-talks-about-matriachy-in-this-HubPage-interview

William has books available on other places besides Lulu. This is called Apple, he has a few books there:

‎Gospel of the Goddess

‎Gospel of the Goddess

‎Religion & Spirituality · 2011

Many people believe that the ideal society is one in with men and women are equal. Their only experience has been a conflict-ridden, male-dominated society, based on aggression and hierarchy, and they are looking for a more loving and peaceful existence. If the female qualities of nurturing and caring become more valued, they, feel, the world would be a better place.

This ideal is a future possibility. But before we can achieve it, it is both spiritually necessary and inevitable that we move into a female-centered society, one in which we worship a female deity, the Great Mother, and are guided by women who manifest her power and love. Only by passing through this stage, in which men learn to love and care for others, and women learn to care for themselves, can we eventually reach an egalitarian society, which will value our individuality and our connectedness with everything. Such a world will be one of happiness, harmony, and joy.

Why Women Should Rule the World

https://books.apple.com/us/book/why-women-should-rule-the-

world/id444730970

If man is so clever and intelligent, why is he incapable of solving fundamental problems like crime, war, injustice, poverty and suffering Men cannot claim that the problems of the world are unsolvable because men have the intelligence and problem solving skills to put people into space, invent computers and produce all the wonders of modern technology. So why are not men, using his great intelligence and vast resources to overcome the suffering of our world The problem is that men’s basic instinctive drives, motivate him to compete and fight, bringing about a world of violence, warfare and injustice. This is why we need women to rule our world instead. This Book explains how and why we have created our insane world of suffering and how we can choose to create a loving and caring planet.

‎Sexual Evolution

‎Sexual Evolution

‎Science & Nature · 2011

This book uses evolutionary theory to explain human sexual behaviour. Desmond Morris attempted this in his book, “The Naked Ape” but he assumed that men had always been the dominant sex. Whereas this book questions these assumptions and demonstrates that we can use human sexuality to prove that Stone Age were very different types of people than conventional science has led us to believe. The book explains the evolution of the clitoris, oral sex, homosexuality and why women have large breasts and men have larger penises than any other ape. It also explains the sex life of the bonobo ape, and how it related to human sexuality. It also tells the reader about the significance of the Aquatic Ape Theory, and the Goddess Neolithic civilizations.

‎Freemasonry and the Hidden Goddess

‎Freemasonry and the Hidden Goddess

‎Religion & Spirituality · 2012

COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS: What are the origins of Freemasonry? What is their purpose? Even Freemasons themselves don’t seem to know this and present many different theories on the origins of Freemasonry. Yet the origins of Freemasonry and purpose of Freemasonry is clearly told in their symbolism, which this book clearly explains.

‎The Origins of the Mermaid Myth

‎The Origins of the Mermaid Myth

‎History · 2012

There are stories of mermaids from all over the world. We are told that mermaids are myths, invented by stupid sailors who have mistaken sea-cows for women with fish tails. This book has a far better explanation for the mermaid myth than that. As it shows that mermaids were not myths but real life women. And there are a few that have survived up until modern times.

College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Women Must Rule the World

Why Women can do a Better Job in Ruling the World, Than Men

If man is so clever and intelligent, why is he incapable of solving fundamental problems like crime, war, injustice, poverty and suffering?

We are so negative about ourselves. Religion teaches us, “we are born in sin”, the scientific ‘Selfish Gene’ theory claims we are all basically selfish. Capitalists tell us that “greed is good”, because man can only be motivated by greed. We are also told that ideals like love and compassion are unrealistic and impracticable in our cruel world.

These beliefs encourage us to fear and hate each other. As we blame, condemn, punish and try to control others in a futile attempt to impose order in our chaotic world. Yet we know human beings are also capable of love and compassion, as well as intelligent and rational behaviour. So why are we not using our great intelligence to create a caring and loving world?

Men cannot claim that the problems of the world are unsolvable because men have the intelligence and problem solving skills to put people into space, invent computers and produce all the wonders of modern technology. So why are not men, who rule our world, using his great intelligence and vast resources to overcome the suffering of our world?

The problem is that men’s basic instinctive drives, motivate him to compete and fight, bringing about a world of violence, warfare and injustice. Men are emotionally incapable of creating a caring and compassionate world. This is why we need women to rule our world instead.

This Blog explains how and why we have created our insane world of suffering and how we can choose to create a loving and caring planet.

This blog is available as a printed book at. –

Books by William Bond

Who is William Bond? 4-27-22

From Rasa Von Werder

When I first got on the Internet in 2004, William Bond was already there, preaching a subject that interested me greatly –Matriarchy.

By 2005 I had galvanized my work onto a site called “Woman, Thou Art God” which contained all my basic beliefs as well as some galleries portraying myself & other women as “Goddesses.” I did not include my ‘show business’ name Kellie Everts as this was a new beginning – I had quit dancing & was now embarked on another role, Guru Rasa Von Werder, a spiritual leader & teacher.

As I searched the web for material on Female Empowerment, female superiority, matriarchy, there was scant little information. Whatever was there I collected & put onto my site. I wrote articles. I thought about the female situation a lot, were women really superior? Ashley Montague said so in 1953, but he was dead.

William Bond was alive & kicking. He did not believe in Female Superiority per se {nor in other things I believed in like good & evil, global warming, male extinction or the devil} but what we agreed on was the glue that would bind us together, at least in my part – he wasn’t as sure about me.

From then on, as I read the teachings of William Bond, I knew he was sent by the Almighty, that he was Gifted of the Holy Spirit & Anointed, & that we had to have ‘Divine Relationship.’

After a few years I convinced him of the same. At first when he saw there was a great conflict from other women toward me he said he had to ‘stick with the majority.’ But I knew most of them were phonies & fakes – not chosen by Her Majesty – & time proved me right – they all fell away when their egos were not gratified.

William Bond has a way of saying the ‘obvious’ which everyone can believe if they weren’t hypnotized. He says it & suddenly, the Emperor HAS NO CLOTHES! And we all know it’s the Truth, AFTER he says it – but no one was saying it!

Like ‘Men do a terrible job of running the world, their instinct doesn’t permit them to be loving & caring, they have not a Maternal instinct as do women – they are made to have conflicts & wars” {words approximate.}

Of course! We knew it all the time but we were lost in the maze of Patriarch reasons / excuses & LIES about why the world is the way it is, always has been, always will be.

Patriarchy is a TRAP of taking our minds off the TRUTH & convincing us if only the Democrats or Republicans win or vice versa – all will be solved. It’s the wrong party, the wrong man in charge, when the right MAN comes along all will be straightened out. Right, & I will SELL YOU A BRIDGE.

William says straight out there is NO RIGHT MAN, it has to be WOMEN {collectively, not ‘dicks in skirts”}. Just look at the basic instincts & you’ll know the answer – as simple as that.

And because of William Bond I had a touchstone of who to hang onto who knew the Truth & I would work with him, look at him as my Lighthouse on earth, encourage one another & push each other on in a cruel & twisted world. {End Rasa Part}

College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

the PROPHET of MATRIARCHY

the PROPHET of MATRIARCHY

William Bond Espouses Truth 4-23-22

Divine Goddess

· William Bond’s Blog

· Mermaids are real!

· The Return of Matriarchy

· Why Women Should Rule The World

· The Aquatic Ape Theory

· Matriarchy FAQs

· Female Friendly Femdom

· Femdom Matriarchy

· The Matriarchal Tao

· Rasa Von Werder

· Mermaids Are Real: Video

· Gospel Of The Goddess

· Freemasonry And The Hidden Goddess

· Scientific Matriarchy

William writes: I am honoured that Pete wants to write an article about me but to be accurate I just want to point out that my ideas about matriarchy didn’t come just from myself. I first heard about matriarchy in a book called, “The First Sex” by Elizabeth Gould Davis in the 1970s. I then went on to read the works of Robert Graves who also wrote about matriarchy. Then later I read, “When God Was a Woman” by Merlin Stone and finally the books of Marija Gimbutas.

Most books about matriarchy have been about matriarchy in ancient civilizations. Whereas I have mostly written that it would be a good idea for women to rule the world now and in the future. This is again not a new idea I have read this in books like “The Return of the Goddess” by Edward C. Whitmont and “Our Own Worst Enemy” by Norman F. Dixon.

So many people have written about matriarchy, though this has mostly been in academic circles there has been few books written about matriarchy for the general public. The first author credited for writing about matriarchy was Swiss author J.J. Bachofen in the 19th century in his book “Myth, Religion and Mother Right”. Though his book is more about Matrilineal inheritance than matriarchy. Where he points out that in many ancient cultures, inheritance came down the female line because before strict marriage laws men didn’t know for sure whom their children were. This allowed women to gain wealth and power from their mothers. So marriage laws were invented to prevent this happening where women were forced to only have sex with her husband and no other man. This allowed men to inherit wealth and power from their fathers as their fathers could now be fairly sure whom their sons were.

* Rasa says: This infuriates me & justifies my ideas about marriage in our society. I call it ‘the hotbed of abuse’ but this adds fuel to the fire. Wow, how much men had to do to cripple women, disempower them! *

I first wrote about matriarchy in my Book, “Gospel of the Goddess” which I co-authored with Pamela Suffield. We wrote it as a New Age book but couldn’t find a publisher to publish it. It was finally published by a Femdom publisher. Then later on I was encouraged by a professional Dominatrix Dianna Vesta to write articles about matriarchy for her web-site on the internet. Then Rasa Von Werder later took over the role of promoting my writings.

Although femdom people have been helpful in promoting my writings the problem has been that I think that the reason why women should rule our world, is because they are far more caring and loving people than men. So it would be a good idea to have caring and loving women rule our world. The trouble with this, is that femdom fantasies dictate that dominant women have to be cruel and sadistic women. So femdom people do like the idea of women ruling the world but not if they are kind, loving women. This is where Rasa Von Werder has been helpful, as the idea of loving and caring women ruling our world has not been a problem for her…… William

More from William,

Most of my writings I have on my blogs. My early writings on the internet is my blog “Divine Goddess”, All my mermaid writing is on “Mermaids are Real”. I was interested in Freemasonry for a while and wrote a book on it which I finally made into a blog at. “Freemasonry and the Hidden Goddess”. I also put my book, “Gospel of the Goddess” on a blog.

To tell you about my life. I was born in London in 1946. When I was four years old my parents immigrated to Australia and we lived in Western Australia. In 1970 I came back to England and have lived here ever since…. William

I am grateful for the nice things you say about me Rasa but all I have done is point out the obvious. It should be obvious that men do a terrible job in ruling our world but the reason why people go along with it, is because of propaganda and indoctrination. Male rulers like to fight wars and we are told that war is ‘glorious’ and justified and soldiers in books and films are turned into heroes. Even just violence is glamorized as we see in cowboy and gangster films where violent men are again glamorized.

Patriarchy also produces a world where there is a large gap between rich and poor. The patriarchal elite get away with this by threatening the people with violence or prison if they complain too much about this. They also use propaganda to glamorize rich and powerful people. Propaganda, indoctrination and intimidation would not be needed to rule people if patriarchal rulers were compassionate people.

Caring rulers will be loved by the people and would not need indoctrination, propaganda or threats to keep their postilion of power. This is what we are up against, if we want to challenge patriarchy we have to realize we will be fighting a propaganda war. And if we are successful in doing this, then we will be subjected to threats as well.

All I am is a person with a questioning mind but I’m not sure I know how to fight a propaganda war. I can see that the whole idea of matriarchy does appeal to many people but they are frightened of patriarchy and the methods it uses to control people. Probably showbiz people are better equipped to fight a propaganda war as they know how to attract people’s interest. In the end people will listen to any idea providing they find it entertaining or dramatic.

William

…………………………………………………….

Hi William,

You speak Truth & as long as you keep saying it, people will be attracted to the Truth. No lie can live forever. Truth has a God Power behind it – God is Truth. Lies have the negativity within them, this will eventually turn to dust. Truth is Infinite, lies are of the dust. They are temporary. Yes people are mesmerized by them for a while, but eventually the hypnosis fades away & they awaken to see the Truth.

Even though many people are enslaved by these lies, it also is temporary. They shall eventually escape. It seems like forever – thousands of years – but this will end – they call it ‘Kali Yuga’ which is Patriarchy. But Matriarchy is coming back. You spearheaded it on the internet, the first one to preach it. I came along & followed you – I became your friend because you speak Truth. You are of Mother God, her Infinite Power, Anointed by her. If it wasn’t for you I would have been all alone in my Female Empowerment work. And now Ajax the Great has joined us – we are the Three Musketeers. Remember when I tried to form the four Musketeers – You, me, Betty & Thomas? But Betty betrayed us & took Thomas with her – they were not meant to be. God separates the chaff from the wheat, but it takes time. We must trust in her. We do not want people in our midst who are traitors to Mother God.

* Re Betty leaving us. She wanted ‘my position’ as the leader of Matriarchy – she said she was more appropriate. She got Thomas to serve her by creating a blog where people would PAY for a course on Matriarchy, & even got, by some miracle, to get Thomas to get her the ability to receive credit card payments! She also had Thomas create a video on Matriarchy for her. But her efforts completely FAILED. No one bought her course; she got few You tube views while I got millions. Why? Because she was not sincere in her love & service to Mother God. She wanted to USE Matriarchy to SERVE HER. She wanted money, fame & fortune. And so, Mother God did not give her any Grace – not only that, she deserved punishment for injuring me – she wrote letters to many people to get me blocked & blacklisted from places, not only on the internet but in my home town! {And why? Because she attacked William & I defended him! She is psychotic.} She went back to the place she belonged – a village called Nonentity. And so, many are called but few are chosen. I saw a few other women on the internet whom God had called – but they resisted obedience to God & they themselves wanted to be served. Serving God is sacrifice, not exploitation of her. *

I follow Mother God, that’s why I help you – because you are her right hand. You obey her, her Truth. Truth is blessed, it is virtue to preach it. To preach lies is doomed – those who do so are not of God. We leave behind this world of lies & hope in, believe in, & await the Truth to return to our world. It will – but by the time Mother God’s Monarchy returns, we will be dead. But our work lives on. People will benefit by it – we will enjoy our rewards in Eternity. Think of the incredible good your words, left behind, will do. These words will flourish, they will be repeated. They will live on for all time. I mean Jesus was 2k years ago – his words are all over the place but they Crucified him. But his Spirit lives on. So will your Spirit.

Another thing. Not all people are mesmerized. Many are calling out to God in their hearts. They are persecuted, left behind, impoverished & unhappy. They are saying where is God? Then they see your writing, or mine, or Ajax’s. Then they know somebody is out there speaking Truth. They are then enlivened & filled with hope. Some of these people cannot do anything – they are impoverished & have no Voice – maybe some have a tiny voice like Face book, to speak Truth. But others who are galvanized are also Anointed, Empowered by God, & they will do much.

Let us continue to give hope, Light & inspiration to the captives of this world & all join hands. This life is temporary & although we don’t see all the benefits & rewards of our work, someone will. Two hundred years from now Matriarchy will be well under way & five hundred years from now the majority of the world will be under Female Rulership. Think of the goodness of that. We are part of the beginning.

As far as promotion, show business and all that. I used whatever way I could to get the attention of the media. The media would broadcast my Truth – In a sense, I tricked them into being my Voice box. It was the Grace of God that got me to do female body building, Stripping for God, female domination, & all that I did. You did not have that kind of opportunity, but you did what you do best – formulating the Doctrine, theology, & Manifesto for Mother God – re women ruling the family & the world – & this is as important as anything else. You stayed humble & did not have your name in Lights & did not do TV shows & interviews all over the world. But you were & are effective, all the words you produced – the ideas – will continue.

Let us praise Mother God for what she has done through us!

I can see the Light at the end of the tunnel more & more clearly every day. The Light in me, the clarity, is getting stronger. I am greatly enlivened as I see the end of the Patriarchal lies & the beginning of Matriarchy…… Rasa

…………………………………………………………….

William Bond continues: I agree Rasa that the best way women can take over and rule our world is through the help and support of MotherGod. As I have said before, because most women only know what the priests of patriarchal religions tell them, and so they are unaware that God is female. Because of this, women today do not know they are closer to God than what men are. Women are better mediums and psychics than men because it is easier for them to become One with MotherGod. This then gives women great power, but are discouraged from using this power by patriarchal priests and religions.

If we could create a matriarchal religion that worshiped MotherGod and women were taught and encouraged to communicate with MotherGod through mediumship. Then women would be able to use the great power of MotherGod.

If you can use your name, Andrew, to publish a mainstream book about the Great Mother it would be a help. Do you want articles for you book? I could perhaps write an article about the Gaia theory and relate it to the ancient worship of the Great Mother.

William

College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Kellie Everts – Rasa Von Werder

Life of Kellie Everts aka Rasa Von Werder & WIKIPEDIA

Kellie Everts was born on July 16, 1945 in Calw, Baden-Württemberg, Germany, as Rasa Sofija Jakstas, to Lithuanian parents, Stasys and Regina Jakstas, who had fled Stalin. They ended up in a displaced person’s camp and in 1949, boarded the Navy ship S.S. Heintzelman bound for the U.S.A.

Her parents were sponsored to an ethnic community in Newark, N. Jersey where Dad, a professor, created a Lithuanian school in the Church auditorium, (this on the heels of founding the first State Teacher’s College in Kaunas, Lithuania.)

None of them spoke English – but school, after seeing the drawings of Rasa, age 5, skipped her a grade forward, her drawings were put in a children’s gallery at a museum, & a Christmas card she drew age 6 was mimeographed by school staff and hundreds of copies distributed. She was considered a child prodigy.

But trouble brewed for Rasa. Her Mom cuckolded Dad with the organist in the Church – he was renting a room with the Jakstas family and the paternity of Regina Jakstas’ next child was disputed. There was a split. Rasa at eight found herself moving with Mom & the organist, Marius Bernotas, to a farm near Freehold, N.J. Dad was supposed to join them but never did, and at age ten Rasa put down her pencil & said ‘I will never draw again’ (but age 15 she picked up her water color brush & made a painting outside her bedroom window called ‘Water Tower’ – this won Second place within a major art contest inside a competition of five schools) and even said ‘Maybe there is no God.’ She was the only person in her family, then, besides Dad, destined to wear glasses and her eyes grew worse as Dad, refusing to take her to live with him, told her,

“the remedy {for your pain} is knowledge. You must study.”

Her Mom, at age ten, began a concerted and constant persecution of Rasa, hating her for loving Dad, and turned the rest of the family against her. Rasa’s morale broke down, she suffered at school and couldn’t concentrate, she broke rules and was expelled. Thereupon Dad had to take her in to finish school and she moved to Brooklyn with him.

But this didn’t last long. Within a year Rasa wanted to make her mark. She met a man from Hollywood – Andre De Dienes, a photographer who’d been close to Marilyn Monroe. Upon seeing her he told her to meet him the next morning at 6 AM at the ChelseaHotel,

“I’ll take you to Hollywood and make you a playmate of the month. You will be ‘Ms Hawaii.’

And so, at age 16, she was on her way by car with Mr De Dienes and days later, saw palm trees swaying in the wind. De Dienes plans for her crashed when Rasa resisted his advances. He gave her the bucks for modeling & dumped her on the street in Venice, CA.

With the money Rasa rented a room, bought a bottle of peroxide and bleached her hair blonde. She put on the second-hand pink checked cotton bikini and headed up the beach – to where she did not know – ending up on top the Santa Monica Pier, looking down at the Muscle Beach volleyball players. One of these men, Stanley Everts, a teacher, walked up to her, asked her on a date, and months later became her husband. She asked for a small loan so she could get her life started there but he refused and said,

“Either marry me or remain homeless.”

This liaison resulted in a daughter named Kellie, born June 20, 1964.

Soon Kellie Everts was offered modeling jobs and movie roles – the husband trashed her pictures & ridiculed the offers, refused to free her for show business work.

Kellie had sent her photo in to ‘Strength and Health’ and they picked her as ‘Ms Body Beautiful.’ This brought a letter from Mr Universe Vern Weaver, who was arriving to that area and wanted to take her to a body building show. Kellie went in spite of the husband’s objection and there met Bill McCardle, Mr Southern CA and his photographer. This resulted in an offer to be on the cover of “Strength & Health.” Kellie went, the photographer set her up by leaving her alone with McCardle who raped her – sick to her stomach a couple months later she discovers she’s pregnant. It was not her husband Stanley’s child because his recent operation for cancer left him sterile.

This disastrous pregnancy caused a major rift between Kellie and her husband. He did not believe she was raped and tried to strangle her. Somehow she escaped; the second time he knocked her down, sat on her chest & began to strangle her she got away, grabbed the baby & ran, took a cab to a Hollywood motel. This began a full-time modeling career, she joined an agency and was hired by dozens of photographers and movie makers, with images of her splashed all over the country and a few ‘body beautiful’ type movies.

Strangely enough, the Mother who hated her had convinced her she was ugly – she was not allowed to sit at the table with family at the farm – Mom said, ‘You’re not a pretty sight to look at.’ The treatment of her had been so brutal she gained an inferiority complex and suffered from PTSD for years. And yet, soon people would be paying to see her beautiful body, her name in lights at the biggest club in Hollywood – the Classic Cat.

But Kellie’s husband found her and let her known he was given six months to live – the cancer had returned. She pitied him and went back to nurse him, which she did until his death in April 1966.

What a dark day when she discovered that out of revenge, Stanley Everts had cancelled his life insurance and left his child and wife penniless.

The day after his funeral, with one buck in her pocket, Kellie got a job at a private men’s club in Santa Monica, “The Ball”, dancing topless. It was survival.

A long and colorful career started in show business as well as religion & the academic field. Life for Kellie had just begun.

She’d lived in many places – Germany, cities like Newark and Brooklyn, worked hard on a farm for seven years and now, in middle age, she started a video business, earning the most money she’d ever had. She parlayed it to buy a wilderness near the Catskill Mountains complete with riverfront, five acre island, a swamp, a pond and a creek outside the kitchen door.

But Kellie was not alone for long, someone loved her in true love, Richard Von Werder. After 14 years of betrothal, Kellie finally married him on Oct 28, 2000, but he had a bad heart which he succumbed to on July 7, 2002.

Their love had been spiritual and true – Kellie was celibate since May 27, 1978 & remained so for another eight years {31 yrs total}. In the year 2004 she began to use the money Richard left her to build the internet ‘University of Mother God Church’ with the flagship site ‘Woman Thou Art God.’ She’s been expanding that theme ever since – She believes that females should run the family and the world.

Her plans for the future are to leave her resources toward building a Temple to Mother God, a convent and Sisterhood of Matriarchal women – a new kind of convent that allows females sexual freedom.

She will bequeath her work to the Sisterhood with guidelines to carry on. There are good prospects for funding this movement, they have found gas and oil under Kellie’s property, “The Marcellus Shale.”

Career: Body Building

How female body building got started. It took a while for Kellie Everts to get the credit she deserved, officially, for being the instigator of modern competitive female bodybuilding.

In 2005 she built her Kellie Everts biographical website which included the account of what she did for female body building. There was no such thing as ‘female body building’ when Kellie Everts entered her first contest, ‘Ms Americana,’ in 1972 – an affair put on by the IFBB in tandem with a major event for men.

Kellie took part in several contests of that sort by the IFBB (International Federation of Body Building) and the WBBG (World Body Building Guild) and did well in all of them. The first one she won 2^nd place and BEST BODY. In 1973 she won two trophies, one in New York, 2^nd place Ms Body Beautiful U.S.A. & in CA, run by Reg and Shari Lewis, ‘Most Voluptuous’ the IFBB Ms Americana contest. The following year, 1974, she won trophies in two contests, one the title in the WBBG Ms Body Beautiful U.S.A., FIRST place, and the IFBB Mr Olympia event held their Ms Americana on the same stage – the Felt Forum – where Kellie won 2^nd place and as usual, BEST BODY.

What perturbed Kellie as she participated in these contests is the treatment of women compared to men. The men were held as greater value, with much respect and prize money. The women were considered secondary, a ‘side show’ with no prize money. She wished she could remedy the situation where women who lifted weights – such as she did – could flex, be considered body builders, be given respect and prize money. The opportunity to promote these ideas was about to present itself.

Dan Lurie asked Kellie to pose for a female body building shoot in a gym for his magazine, Muscle Training Illustrated, she complied – it was 1974.

Soon thereafter the art editor of Esquire, Jean-Paul Goude, decided to do a pictorial on an ‘Amazonian’ type woman – strong, fit and muscular – for Esquire.

He called every gym in New York & was told they knew no such woman. He called Dan Lurie asking if he knew any female body builders. Dan told him there was only one – Kellie Everts. He asked what does she look like? Dan said to pick up his magazine on the stand, she was there. Goude did and liked what he saw, Kellie was hired.

This was the first spark that spearheaded the revolution. No one had heard of this before – female body building, and here it was in a reputable magazine, Esquire.

A plethora of attention followed – radio and TV interviews, more magazine articles. Esquire sent Kellie to Wash DC to do the AM Wash show and other shows – the Esquire pictorial was repeated in Holland.

She appeared on the national “Mike Douglas” show re the article and “To Tell the Truth” asking which is the woman minister who is also a body builder? When the panel finished Kellie did bench presses. The shock-type host Stanley Siegel had her on three times, there were other shows. When the furor died down about a year had gone by. Kellie wanted to keep the attention going.

She knew that John Paul Goude was an influential art director, she called him and said let’s get this story into Playboy. He said ‘we can’t’ – they won’t do it. I might be able to get it into Oui {a Playboy publication at the time}. But Kellie said ‘It has to be Playboy, their influence is what I’m after.’

And so, John Paul Goude produced the article which Playboy dubbed ‘Humping Iron.’ They looked at the piece and weren’t sure. They said

‘We’ll pay you half, and if we use it, the other half.’

And luck did strike soon after – as the movie ‘Pumping Iron’ came out. Here they had this article in their hands, which they called ‘Humping Iron.’ We had it made.

This article, promulgated by Playboy, did the trick. It was not as sensational as Esquire as people heard of female body building by now – but Playboy gave it its imprimatur, the Seal of Approval. They declared that a female with muscles was sexy and beautiful so the public now had permission to ‘move on with the show’ – ‘To the Barbells, Girls,’ the cried out.

Soon after this – within months, someone organized a body building show for women. It wasn’t IFBB or WBBG, it was a strange egg from an eccentric man. Then Sports Illustrated ran a big article – 1979 –Miss Well, WHAT?

And it was then that the IFBB held its first body building contest, called Ms Fitness and the year after that, 1980, began the official start of female Body Building Contests, the Ms Olympia. And that is how modern female competitive body building got started.

The IFBB continued promoting female body building for some years but Dan Lurie went into semi retirement. Everyone was busy with the new ladies, Kellie Everts was ignored. But in 2006 Kellie heard about Doug Going and Dan Lurie resurrecting the WBBG. She put together all her material proving her case – that she was the Progenitor -– and distributed them to the bodybuilding world.

Soon they would have a WBBG shindig in Providence, R.I., invite all the great old stars and give awards and induct people into their Hall of Fame (Sergio Olivia, Harold Poole). Kellie was invited, and the WBBG, after hearing her case, declared her to be the ‘Progenitor’ of female body building – gave her a plaque and recognition – that was February, 2007.

Controversies and Objections to Female Body Building,

present Issues re Drugs

It is always the new thing that gathers scandal, raises objections, because the ‘old thing’ is in the heads of people. Indeed, the male body builders of the first days were not warmly met – they were an anomaly and made fun of. The average man might have felt intimidated when a ‘freaky muscle monster’ appeared. But within the discipline itself, among their peers, the ‘biggest & the best’ were looked up to.

There were also norms for female bodies & with it behavior. An ideal woman was Jayne Mansfield, the character she played; in the skin of a perfectly thin, shapely body was a ditsy Marilyn Monroe. Women were not supposed to be smart, aggressive, or dominant toward men. The rules echoed through the 50’s and 60’s everywhere: Laugh at men’s jokes, don’t contradict them, don’t be smarter than them, don’t beat them in sports – if your 60 year old boss {you’re 20} wants a date, DON’T tell him you only see him as your father! What was the bottom line? SUBMISSION.

The teaching was obey these rules OR ELSE. Or else what? Your boyfriend will leave you, you won’t get a husband, you will not be a harmonious member of our society. If you step out of line you will not succeed with snagging men, holding and keeping JOBS. Men and jobs were almost ‘synonymous’ because in the Patriarchal system, unjust laws & practices kept women paid less for the same work and many jobs were forbidden. Women could not get ‘men’s’ jobs like police, firefighting, construction workers, or truck drivers.

It went farther. If you look at the classical orchestras prior to the feminist uprising of the 60’s – there are NO WOMEN playing instruments. Why? Did women not want to play music? No – the male conductors would not hire them. Of course, all these anathemas toward women had EXCUSES like they weren’t strong enough to be police or firemen – construction could be dangerous and women had no penchant in those areas and women did not LIKE to drive trucks. They did not ask the women what they wanted – they TOLD THEM what they could or could not do.

Even in the tax-paid schools where boy and girl were supposed to be equal: Boys sports were funded heavily but girls not. Why? We were told girls did not like to play football or any contact sports. They weren’t ‘into’ sports as they were not AGGRESSIVE {meanwhile we were being told it was forbidden to be aggressive!} Females were not ASKED they were TOLD what they wanted. The school inequity resulted in a law called “Title IX” where it was illegal to spend more money on boy sports than girls. {But later, some schools would work around it.}

Women were also deprived to some degree from HIGHER EDUCATION. The Ivy League schools did not begin to admit them until 1976! Higher education means MORE EARNING CAPACITY – this is well known.

And because of this discrimination in educational DEVELOPMENT / physical skills starting from grammar school – because of being BARRED from many higher-paying jobs even in the working class, because of being PAID LESS than men when they did finally do the same work – all this rendered women seeking men for subsidies / support in order to live their lives – including lives that had dependents – children.

If women had an equal share of the societal resources with men, they could even raise families by themselves, as they could hire other women to help care for children. But lacking equal jobs or pay it was arduous for women to both work and raise children – thereby rendering them dependent on men, thereby modifying their behavior to obey standards men imposed –the standards already mentioned; laughing at their jokes, deferring to them, being passive, and giving in to sexual demands.

Now put all this aside and take a look at a woman now, breaking the barrier to lift weights. A woman enters beauty contests because she’s ‘got what it takes.’ She wins and uses these titles to further her career. Meanwhile she notices the disparities between the men’s and women’s contests. Men treated like heroes – they get money – women treated like subordinates, no money, and they aren’t even recognized for what they have to do to look good – some of them lift weights – certainly Kellie Everts exercised and lifted weights 45 mins each day. But this is not noted. She’s looked upon as ‘beautiful’ & has a great body, but no woman in these contests flexes or ‘shows off’ or poses in any way to demonstrate muscles – later, after the idea is promoted, a lady named Laura Combes does a double bicep pose {1979} at a contest in Warminster, Pa, and she is reprimanded by the contest promoter, George Snyder.

But we’re not there yet. Jump back years when Kellie Everts enters the scene. She’s training age 19 but not doing anything public. That’s 1964 and she’s pregnant. She doesn’t want to lose her figure and buys weights – except the IFBB salesman in Santa Monica won’t sell her anything above 2.5 lbs because he notices her belly and says he’s afraid she might hurt herself – she buys 5 lb barbells elsewhere, but still, they aren’t heavy enough and she uses her husband’s weights. But skip all that. Jump to the strong public promotion starting with Kellie’s 1975 Esquire article {Muscle & Grit, Religion & Tit, that’s what Kellie Everts is made of} and culminating in the 1977 Playboy ‘Humping Iron.’

She’s doing articles & TV for body building. What is the public objection, sometimes critical comment?

Questions: “Why would a woman want to lift weights? Why does she want to look muscular? Why does she want to look like a man? Only lesbians would want to look like men. What is the purpose of this?”

The idea of a muscular, strong or aggressive woman was then a threat to men, including some men who promoted male body building. In their eyes, they saw men as Gods dominant over women. Pictures on covers featured males with bikini clad, shapely females ‘draped’ over them like they were statues of Power, but women clung to their bodies – they were subordinate. It was demeaning. It was another dimension of male domination over women.

Jump ahead now to 1980 and beyond. The women in the contest to the shock and horror of some – are using testosterone {or its derivatives, what they call anabolic steroids and later growth hormone}. One lady is heard complaining she has to shave every day. They are already beginning to look like men – a feature Kellie Everts and Lisa Lyon insisted was impossible, they would never look like men from training because they lack testosterone. But they can look like men if they take testosterone. Yes, the men are taking drugs. And there, Kellie heard them complain at the contest that women are taking ‘male’ hormones. OK, if you have male hormones, then why are you men taking them? And if you are, why can’t the women? Gander and goose.

But things go awry. Indeed, men and women have the right to do whatever they wish with their bodies. They also have the right to smoke. They also have the right to kill themselves.

But the world of body building has gone awry. What was once representative of health is now a freak show. Men have become monsters at their own peril, and the promoters were the biggest hypocrites. They knew these men and some women were taking dangerous drugs – the ones who were the most muscular won yet the promoters were saying they disapproved of drugs.

Most of these people in the contests lost, there would be few winners – but they all had to risk themselves with the drugs – Russian Roulette. Who were the biggest winners? The promoters, those who made money whoever won or lost.

The body builders were the slaves, most of them made no money. The promoters always made money because they sold images, supplements and weight training equipment. They pretended their supplements & systems made these guys & gals what they were – it was fraud – the illegal drugs made them that way, which the body builders paid for themselves. Very few of them made money. Ronnie Coleman, for instance. But look at him now.

He became the biggest and the best through drugs, he made big money. But he spent two million on operations trying to put his skeleton back together. He’s not sure he’ll ever walk right again, so in the end, he lost. His X rays show screws throughout his back and hips.

Some of the women who were the biggest and the best fell apart, like rags of their former selves, looking like aliens for the drugs. The drugs puffed them up for a while, but after quitting all they had left was the cornrow teeth {the drugs expanded their jaws} and tufts of facial hair – Pitiful and pathetic shadows of their former selves. This was the result of excesses, which the promoters mostly, not the body builders, profited from. It’s a sad testament to excess and a thing that was positive in the beginning but ended up wrong.

Alright, body building was a business. In spite of where it went wrong, the idea of women’s muscles – prowess – fitness – freedom did leak into the entire world, and the image of women as well as behavior changed forever. Although the body building world and their contests for women have mostly collapsed {since 2015 the main events are not even held—there is one by new people that pays 50k} women universally have caught on and it’s OK for women to lift weights and be muscular, even aggressive. It has changed the world for women, indeed & dispelled the notion that they have to be passive toward men. So the work of Kellie Everts was accomplished in spite of the contests getting twisted by drugs.

The Stripper for God[edit]

Initially, Rasa had won the titles of Miss Nude Universe in July, 1967, Miss Americana 2nd place and Best Body in 1972 (on the same stage with Arnold Schwarzenegger), Miss Body Beautiful 2nd place in 1973, Miss Body Beautiful U.S.A. first place in 1974, and Miss Americana 2nd place & Best Body 1974 (the same stage with Arnold Schwarzenegger again). She made nine appearances in Playboy. She first appeared as Miss Nude Universe, hers was the first female body builder as “Humping Iron”, May 1977, predating Lisa Lyon‘s appearance by three years.^[6] She had two pages of pictures on her “Stripping for God” in Playboy. Her dancing career went from March 1966 to August 1987, dancing coast to coast and all over Canada as well. She then quit to become a producer of her dancing and female domination videos, making enough money to purchase a large property with island in Upstate New York in 1989, where she has lived ever since.

Ministry[edit]

In Sept. 1973, Everts gave her first spiritual talk (prior to dancing) at the Melody Theater in Times Square as a religious minister. The combination of stripper and evangelical religious conviction led to the creation of what the press called the “Stripper for God”.^[7][8][9]

The “Stripping for God” created an obvious controversy about the idea of being both sexual and spiritual at the same time, as oppose to only one or the other, due to the prevailing social norms and constructs. Likewise, by extension the related concept of being both a person of God and also in the adult trade at the same time was controversial as well.

Everts traveled in the United States and Canada, giving over 1,000 sermons in burlesque theaters and nightclubs.^{[10][page needed][11][page needed][12][page needed][13]}

She also travelled several times to Canada, and made one trip to the United Kingdom^{[14][15][16][17][18][19][20][21][22]} In 1988, she appeared on The Morton Downey, Jr. Show.^[23]

Everts later changed the emphasis of her mission to the return of matriarchy and the feminine divine. On June 16, 1978 she preached on the message of Our Lady of Fátima in front of the White House, with the aim of bringing about the conversion of Russia and, by extension, preventing a potential nuclear World War III. The gist of the message was, “Pray the Rosary for the conversion of Russia, or nations will be annihilated.”^[24]

Since shifting her focus, she then founded her own church, The University of Mother God Church, which later evolved further into a new religion specifically for women.

As a Guru of the new religious movement she founded, many of her followers believe she is an Avatar, or an incarnation of God, much like Ramakrishna.

Her spiritual beliefs are that she was sent by God to help humanity, primarily via female empowerment and then ultimately matriarchy, which she believes is the only hope for humanity and solving the world’s problems. Her goal is to restore the worship of God as Mother, and female leadership in all areas of life including spirituality, in order to attain a world of biophilia, that is, life and love.

Author[edit]

On May 24, 2004, Everts, under her present name Rasa von Werder or Guru Rasa of the Church of MotherGod, started the Woman Thou Art God Website.^[25] She has since continued publishing online on her religious beliefs, and has thirty-six (and counting) books published on female empowerment, her biography, matriarchy spirituality and various other subjects, many available on both Amazon and Lulu. Since 2014, Rasa has also had another main website as well, Embodiment of God, that further builds upon the first one. ^[26] She has also collaborated with other authors as well, most notably including William Bond, who is also featured on that site.

Later Years[edit]

In her later years, after 30 years of celibacy, beginning age 63 in 2008 {God told her to stop suffering, quit celibacy & have fun – it was ‘the Will of God}, she became a “cougar” and photographer of males, largely in the college town of Binghamton, New York, for the purpose of furthering the cause of female empowerment. At Binghamton University, she was a big hit overall, featured several times on the front page of their student newspaper. She has written about this experience in several books (see Bibliography section).

Rasa has also further expanded upon her new matriarchal religion for women, writing the book Woman, Thou Art God: The New Religion for Women in 2019-2020, and is currently working on several other books.^[27]

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Male Models aka Gigolos

Male & Female Models 4-9-22

Above & below in the red dress is how I looked during the filming of these guys

Over the years I photographed many male & female models. This started in the mid 80’s, when I began to interview other performers & took photos – in the Times Square, NY area. Then I started my business, ‘World Video Marketing’ in 1987 & eventually produced many images & videos, which were featured in magazines like ‘Hustler Erotic Video’ & ‘Gent,’ & underground publications.

I changed gears in 2012, long after I quit the business, when I turned my attention exclusively to male models – just for fun – I never sold a single one – didn’t try. This hobby was part of obedience to God who told me to quit celibacy, go out & ‘have fun” or I would be “outside the Will of God.”

I have anecdotes about males & females; many stayed in my house as I’m in the middle of a wilderness – & that’s where trouble starts.

You see people at work, you don’t really know them. They arrive, do their thing – you usually have surface conversations – how are you? Fine. No problems are shared, no stories told, how can you make observations when people are on guard & putting on the ‘I am a good boy or girl’ act? They never take off their shoes or clothes or remove the ladies & gentlemen masks. You never see them under the same roof for a week end – that’s when the horse of another color comes out, good or bad.

So here’s how it goes: Most of the persons who stayed with me for days or even a week, I have bad anecdotes from. Why is that? I don’t know, human nature I guess. The models & actors who arrived, worked, & left at the end of the day I have little or nothing bad to say about – because the opportunity for shyt didn’t occur.

Now you have really strangers under the same roof with you & things come out that were not expected. For one thing, you & most models are at cross purposes, the classic employer, employee conflict. The models want as much money as they can get & do as little as possible. The employer wants as much work as she can get but not over pay. You both want the opposite.

I don’t know how other photographers work, but I was a bit of a ‘slave driver.’ Because I worked so hard, I expected a lot. We would work – those who stayed more than one day – starting say 10 or 11 AM, for several hours. I always fed them or let them feed themselves from my food. Some of them cooked.

Around 2 or 3 I’d ask the model to rest – go to the guest room, take a nap, rest 2 hours. I wanted them to look & feel fresh. Many of them would sleep while I worked. The producer, myself has to do everything. I made the sets, uploaded the images, if working outdoors I sometimes had to get equipment like ladders, reflectors, trim vegetation, lop branches from trees, clean up a background. Usually these people did not help – mostly because they didn’t know what to do.

The male & female experience of course was way different. With the females my mind was on their beauty & making money from the videos. I had to coach them how to act – as we were dominant Goddesses – most of the ladies didn’t know how to act dominant. The ones I got local, none of them knew one iota how to act, wrestle, fight, or dominate men. They kept laughing, giggling, as it was so weird & embarrassing to them. It took a while to show them again & again how to be dominant, how to stand, tell off a guy, stop smiling & laughing, be neutral & tell him what to do. Or else be cruel & nasty. This is not normal behavior for women.

Myself, by now I was so good at dominating – having started way different. As a child I was Shirley Temple or ‘Pollyanna’, as a young adult I was Debbie Reynolds as ‘Tammy.’ Then in show biz my personality was Marilyn Monroe, & wow, did I have to make a transition! But make it I did & one time, when demonstrating to a female how to dominate a guy wrestling he was so startled he said,

“Wow, I never want to see you drunk!”

Some of my female model/porn stars had been abused as children, & so, they had PTSD. Now, as I said, if a person comes to work some place & leaves at the end of the day, you don’t see any symptoms. Put them under your roof & things happen.

This beautiful female, dark haired & shapely had been abused as a 6 year old by her Mom’s boyfriends. She said her Mom ran ‘The boyfriend of the month club.’ When she complained to Mom, Mom got the guy, woke her up out of a sound sleep, & asked the guy did he abuse little Francine? Of course the creep said no & then Francine was super frightened.

I did not put 2 + 2 together at the time, why she only dated much younger guys – she was 35 all her bf’s were like under 25. I didn’t have time to figure out the psychology of the models or the fetish men I supplied. My special ed teacher friend Ruth told me,

“These people need a psychiatrist.”

I answered,

“I’m not here to figure out psychology, I’m just a movie producer.”

Later I figured she felt safer with young guys because she was abused by older ones. But at the time, I was too busy to think this out.

Anyway this female had two things going on that were bad. One, every single day she would have a fit & I had to shut down work for 2-3 hours. She would go off on the slightest thing – anything –at her young bf. He looked at her the wrong way, or didn’t show respect or this or that. She would rant, rave, vent, on & on. No work could be done.

The other bad thing is she did a lot of sex but never used condoms – I saw her half a dozen times & each time she had either just had an abortion or was going to have one. This will work on a woman’s mind & I think it drove her crazy. Her only complaint was not ‘Why don’t I use condoms?’ but ‘These evil guys, they aren’t paying for the abortions, what scum they are.’

The last time I saw her she went insane on me. All I said was,

“Don’t you think you’d have better luck if you dated older men?”

She started to scream so bad, so loud, I didn’t know what to do. It didn’t stop. I called a male friend of mine to try to calm her – it didn’t help. He said he’d never heard anything like it.

It went on & on for hours. I told her to pack her things & I’d take her to the bus. Good bye forever. The entire ride she was still ranting, I said not a word.

Same deal with another female – something was wrong with her Mom & they put her into foster care. There she was forced to give blow jobs to the Dad & other men. She eventually got on substances – booze & any drug she could get – on binges. When she was sober she was an angel but once the drink started if something ticked her off – she would drink whiskey right out of the bottle & fall flat on her face at the table. All work was stopped, I hid the bottle. She went crazy.

I learned my lesson. If a substance abuser goes on a kick, let them go. You can’t take their drug away. Let them do what they want to do, say good bye & good luck.

Later – weeks later – I spoke to her live in bf. He told me I should have called him to pick her up – she went on binges like that sporadically. When he’d try to drag her home, she’d be on the street screaming,

“He’s trying to rape me – help! Help!”

But I didn’t know all that then – this was the first time I dealt with a drug addict & had no clue what to do.

She demanded her pay – I owed her $900 – I gave it to her.

I called my neighbor to take her to the bus {I would give her $30}, a nice lady, she arrived, Tessie cursed her out – she would HITCH HIKE to the NEAREST BAR!

Cursing & screaming she took her duds & ran into the road & disappeared. I called her bf in NY to see if she arrived – weeks went by. I made out a ‘missing persons’ report with the police.

Finally, 3 weeks later – I was praying to speak to the bf – he never called me to let me know she had arrived – I knew he wouldn’t – let me just worry myself sick. But I prayed to catch him in so I could find out what was what, & I got him. He told me this:

When she left me she hitch hiked to a bar & got drunker & drunker. She then went to a motel where she had a fight with the manager & threw money into his face. The guy called the cops, she cursed them out, they arrested her.

When she got out she went to another bar, then another & another – got raped by a truck driver, as she was hitch hiking all over the place. She used up half her money on booze, the other half got stolen. She finally limped back to NYC, another binge concluded.

But she didn’t turn into an angel right away.

Next thing I know. The FBI is investigating me. She tells them I FORCED her to do illegal porno movies & it made her go crazy. The FBI shut down my mailing address in B’klyn – where I got my orders – luckily I had moved from there so it did not affect me.

But I was scared shitless & the stress of it made me sick. What if they shut down my business? I’d be PENNILESS – I had no means of support but this! I began to have anxiety attacks, sick to my stomach daily – went to many doctors but they could not figure it out. I finally went to the Mayo Clinic & they said it was a hiatal hernia & indigestion.

Then the FBI thought they would fool me & pretend to be distributors & asked me for samples of my videos {under a false name & address but I knew}. I sent them about a dozen. It was then they found out I was doing NOTHING ILLEGAL & dropped the case.

But this did NOT happen except by the Grace of God & I called upon the Lord like so:

These young gal pics are 1965, I was 20 – just starting out in Hollywood CA…Having done modeling, dancing, show biz young, I knew what I was doing – my career was a success. But punk boys thought I was ‘back in the day’ & my expertise didn’t apply to them – they knew more than I & would make it their own way. None of them succeeded & it’s been 5 years since I stopped messing with male models – enough time to prove themselves. Only one guy did listen to me – Kenneth Guidroz. I never met him but over a few times we spent 8 hours on the phone, mostly me explaining how things work. He made it to the top – became a poster boy for Ralph Lauren, his ‘Red’ perfume line. Of course, this was a smart guy, he did righteous things on his own as well as listening to me. His rapt attention to me proved he was willing to learn. One of the quips about youth is how it’s ‘wasted’ on the young. You feel like ripping your hair out when they insist on their ignorance & walk down the wrong road to nothingness.

Along with my then 5 dogs I climbed the highest mountain near me – it’s named after Our Bl. Virgin – it took me 1.5 hours to reach the top. There I stopped on this field that a hunter brush hogged every year {means he plowed all the bushes & weeds down}, looked at the sky & began to pray in a loud voice. My dogs all stopped in their tracks & made no move, no sound as I prayed. They knew something was happening.

I then, for 15 minutes, called on every maligned, mistreated victim of the law who ever lived, all political prisoners, all those who were framed, all those who were persecuted for the wrong reasons, all victims unfairly judged. I must have named 30 types of victims & I asked every last one of them – millions of them – to come to my rescue & get me out of this predicament & danger of losing all that I had {my business, house, bank account, everything.}

It was days later I had a dream & saw an FBI man go into the office of his Chief & tell him he saw my videos & nothing was illegal, & the Chief said,

“Then we’ll drop this unless there are any more complaints.”

And the day after that, my sickness went away. It was one year of agony. Oh the revengefulness of people! And I did nothing to this girl except take the whiskey bottle away!

There’s other anecdotes but I shall skip the girls now & turn to a guy to get my mind elsewhere. Not that there’s hope for the weary, it’s another dreadful case.

The Male Porno Star – Raul

That was the name he gave himself, although I don’t think he worked for any major outfit, not to my knowledge. Anyone who owns a camera can call himself a ‘porno star’ & he made hundreds of those.

Anyway, as explained elsewhere, in 2012 I got onto this model site on the internet – not knowing the ropes, not knowing half the guys were gay & made a living doing sex with men. And 40% of the other half were ‘gay for pay.’

When I was there there were no other women out of thousands of members, actively seeking male models & paying them. There were some women on board but you either worked for them for free or had to pay them. It’s amazing how valuable a vagina makes a person – A vagina & an ego.

So, like everyone else, I’m looking for the best looking guys with the biggest dicks. I’m trying to figure out how to handle this, & like all new ventures, it’s challenging & querulous. You learn by your mistakes. Here’s what I learned:

All the men who look for male models are gay, & 99% of them say ‘work for trade,’ which means for images. {The clickers make the same offer to women – it gets complicated. Many women take them up & then when the guys wants sex & they say no – no pictures. It happened to one model twice in a row.}

What I didn’t know is the big secret. They would work ‘for trade’ but get PAID FOR SEX.

And me, completely confused or should I say ignorant, offered money straight out & figured, like God said, I’m supposed to have fun, so if any of the guys wants to have sex they can ask me & I might do it. What could be simpler? Plenty.

What happened is we’re working, I might flirt a tiny bit or give a guy a kiss on the cheek, & he says,

“I have to get paid for that.”

Naturally, as a good looking woman {I have pics to prove how I looked—see my nude age 65 images}} I don’t expect guys to say that, so I’m hurt & figure I just got rejected. I can still recall the time a model said that to me, the pain I felt for a long time.

In retrospect I give myself this advice. I shall never go back there again, but some of you might. If you get in that position & want sex, give them the extra money. Make up some bullshyt like ‘I didn’t realize how good you were from the pics on the site – you’ll get more than I offered.” It’s only money, if you have it, spend it – don’t let your feelings get in the way.

Indeed my original intent was to HAVE FUN. But I’m also artistic & along the way learned photo shop & spent hundreds of hours perfecting the images. The creation of art was equally vital to copping sex.

And naturally, each case was different. One model wanted sex so much that I only got half my quota done. I learned my lesson on that. The see saw goes like: Lots of sex, less work. Lots of work, less sex. Which did I want? The sex has long been forgotten – only one time the guy was great in bed, the rest were not. But the pictures will live forever.

Like I said, some of the guys were gay or bi or gay for pay. Each case was different – be a wise girl & don’t get insulted or hurt, just do the work, if they want sex & you do – go for it. If you want sex, they want money increase their salary. If they want sex, you don’t? Not sure on that. That did happen a couple times; I procrastinated or just begged off. In fact one top model {a super handsome muscular Greek, looked like a statue} in the field was willing to drive 200 miles to have sex with me. He didn’t want to take pictures, just the sex! I can’t recall why I said no, maybe I was nervous. What if he was disappointed?

But I said all this to get to one story. I can’t give all the anecdotes in one day, let me just get to one whacko boy with an 11” dick – the porno star.

OK this guy looks wise was not perfect. But his dick was the biggest I had ever seen, & I had seen some big ones. He was for a model, attractive, but his skin was badly pock marked & had all kinds of scars – it ruined his beauty. I said to myself,

“I know how to get around a person’s faults. I’ll have him turn his face away or to the side, or have his upper body in a low light & feature his dick for most of the shots.” I just had to capture that dick!

His body I might add was also great.

So he shows up & we start to shoot. When it came to the ‘erotic’ shots, which means hardon, I got to suck on it. He didn’t mind & didn’t razz me about money or anything I figured, things will go well with him. Famous last words.

This first day he had brought grass with him & on the breaks was puffing away, so he was mellow. Maybe he had ecstasy or some other drug – I forget their names – they make you relax. He had asked me if he could bring his grass I said I’d rather he did not, but he brought it anyway, pretending it was there by mistake.

That night we started to have a ‘good time’ but his dick was so big we couldn’t get it in, no matter how much Vaseline I used, lol. I said to him my vagina seems to be ‘seized up’ like it won’t get loose maybe if he said sweet things, acted more romantic, it might help.

But he said,

“I can’t do that. I’m a porn star. My wife knows I’m a porn star & I have to fuck. That’s my job. But I can’t be romantic.”

So that ended that. I could suck on it for the pictures, but not get any romance out of this machine.

Here is something good that came out of using this guy. Up to this time I didn’t know how to use a feature of photo shop that corrects many mistakes. I forget what it’s called, but you can take a piece of flesh where it’s perfect, & clone it onto the spots that are imperfect, & you can make the face have no flaw whatsoever. I think that’s what it’s called – the CLONE TOOL. You can remove scars, acne, tattoos, dark under the eyes, moles – anything can be fixed & it’s not hard. I was now able to make his face beautiful.

Now I knew how to fix not only his face, but backgrounds. You can take a piece of anything & multiply it again & again, & clear out or fix or change the entire background. That came in handy many times, so he did me a favor by being flawed & forcing me to fix it.

OK the next day rolls around. I’m getting ready to take him to my apt/studio in town for different backgrounds. Can’t recall why we did nothing outside – maybe it was chilly or raining. I almost always took pics outside as I have exquisite backgrounds.

So now here’s the rub – he’s run out of grass or whatever made him mellow. And he gets a phone call from his wife & she might be pregnant, & last time she was pregnant she almost died or some shyt. So now he’s in a foul mood – I gave him his first day’s pay & he starts talking about more money.

I tell him we made a deal & that’s it – then he says he made no deal, he doesn’t know who was using his site. Sure – bullshyt.

His tone of voice gets more & more menacing & now he says the magic words,

“I have a temper.”

Now this guy is Latin & I know they use knives to stab people, & he’s like 25 years old, I’m a 65 year old woman in the wilderness with him. You think I feel safe now?

So I go upstairs & call the police. He knows something’s up, while I have them on the phone he comes up & stands near me by some excuse. I go quiet. The cop says is he there? I say yes. He says they’ll be over shortly.

And within about 20 mins two imposing officers arrive. We’ve met before – it’s a small town. They ask Raul what’s going on? He says,

“I’m a porn star & I told her I have to have more money.”

They say,

“We don’t care about that. We’re just here to insure this lady stays safe. Get your things & we’ll take you to the bus station.”

And so they did. The station was closed so he had to wait outside until morning. Served him right. Lucky for him it wasn’t winter, but it was like 50 degrees that night – he had a jacket.

He never even saw the pictures & how beautiful I made him. Half of them were in the classy GQ clothes I provided. No other photographer did him as much justice as I, made him look great. But most of these guys don’t appreciate anything, to be honest, just money, drugs & porn-style sex. They don’t have hearts.

So my warning to you if you become a lady photographer is get ready for the sort of mishaps I had – there were dozens more I shall explain. It might not be a smooth ride. {End Chapter 10}

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Screaming into Hell

Screaming her way into Hell – Story of a friend of mine {See Part 2}

&

4-6-22 Trouble with Bob {channel Ben Franklyn at end}

Something is really, really wrong with Bob {my ex-lover & Spiritually United Husband} but so far I don’t know what.

Some dreams at first I can’s recall, to do with people. There are some good times, some conflicts, get togethers & such. I vaguely recall screaming into the face of a female one time who’d done me wrong – but not even sure this was this night or some other.

That ends & I’m standing in this room & in front of me there’s an entrance, it’s like the bottom of the stairs at the old farm house & from this spot I see a woman enter that looks like so: Middle aged, dressed like a nurse, not thin or fat but in between, white dress with blue trim & matching ‘nurse’ hat, her hair sticks out in large curls, is medium brown, medium length.

She’s carrying in her hands – this is vague – something like textured pink candles, long & squared off, 8” or so long, long wicks, she holds a bunch {5 or 6} of them by the wicks. The texture is within their wax, like white or very light grey – this is by no means easy to see so vague I’m not sure what it is, just saying what it looks most like.

I KNOW she’s the Mother of Bob – Either just know or she tells me she is & I say,

“I’m HONORED.”

*** (BOB’S MOTHER, DRESSED LIKE A NURSE: This is Bob’s GOD SELF or the God-Mother within him. There is no one in our life more important than this, God within us is higher than our Guardian Angels, it’s our TRUE SELF – the body is only an Instrument or Machine so to speak, which operates from & serves this Person if we are right with God.

The fact that she’s dressed like a nurse means it has to do with his health. It’s probably physical health, but it might be mental, emotional or spiritual health. What are the hints?

The squared off 8” pink textured with white CANDLES with long wicks – 5 or 6 of them means what?

Mother God, I seek help. I know you know but I’m trying to read your mind & that is also a challenge. Let me consider what candles mean.

CANDLE: A light – when the candle is lit. A light in the darkness. If it’s pitch dark & you light but one candle, the dark is gone. A candle or light shows the way, like a beam or LIGHTHOUSE. Shows you which way to go, where not to go. A lighthouse shows ships the shore is there.

Candle goes with PRAYER. In many Catholic Churches they have spots where you light candles for certain causes or people, you give a donation, hoping God shows mercy on your petition. So that represents hope in answered prayer.

A candle sometimes shows a lapse of time. Like a 24-hour candle, when it goes to the bottom, you know 24 hours are up.

Pink textured with white: Pink can mean ‘in the pink’ or feeling good, good times. It can also mean the vagina or to do with sex with a female.

Textured with white, like bits of white wax melted right inside the pink wax. White represents goodness, purity of heart & marriage.

Squared off, 8” candles – Square sometimes means perfection – ‘a perfect square.’ If the candle means time, the 8” is a longer rather than shorter time.

Long wicks she’s holding in her hands: These candles are NOT LIT but the long wicks she holds are also a symbol of longer rather than shorter. The fact they are NOT LIT, that she can hold them in her hand, seems to say it’s not yet time for something as the candle or lighthouse or beam are NOT showing us the way but are still dormant – 5 or 6 of them could be 5 or 6 years – 8” also denotes long stretches of time might pass before these candles are lit & something is brought to light.

His Mom or God Self also arriving at the bottom of the stairs of the old farmhouse, what is that? Staircase is staircase to Heaven or a Higher Place, she might be arriving to reveal something, the way the Angel Gabriel announced to Holy Mary She was with child.

Let me look at the total count of symbols, see if they add up to anything: Important message, permanent change for him, a way not yet lit or ready, has to do with marriage & sex, a lapse of a long time, maybe 5 or 6 years. Is all of this saying there’s still 5 or 6 years before our marriage?

Or has he gotten a fatal illness like AIDS & will die in 5 or 6 years? He caught it through sex – the pink candles? AIDS would change him permanently, he’d have to live with it every day, it doesn’t go away, he would be living with symptoms & doc apts constantly, yes, it would change him permanently.) ***

I also know her arrival here is a great FOREBODING of something to do with Bob, could be bad.

She enters the room saying she has something to tell me. I ask, frightened,

“IS HE DEAD?”

Because his Mother, in all these years has NEVER visited me to say anything about Bob, this is SERIOUS.

She says something like that he isn’t dead, but something has happened that will change him permanently, like he has to do something with his body every day to adjust to it, like some sort of occurrence & for the life of me & can’t understand, did he have an accident or get sick or some kind of malady hit him?

She DOES NOT explain so I am going to try to guess the possibilities & check his social media to see if anything comes up…….Nothing on his media so I’ll check daily.

I will channel Benjamin Franklyn as I saw a documentary on him yesterday & realized what a great man he was – been talking to him. Ben Franklyn, can you give me any idea what this means? What is being announced & what has happened to Bob?

BEN: Did you suffer more than me, less than me or the same amount? It seems you went through a lot, Hell & back – And did for this country more than you are given credit for, according to this documentary.

BEN: I suffered the same as you within my capacity. I was not as spiritual as you, but of a very good, fine nature. I cared about people, about our country. Our new country was to me the same as your mission is to you. I put all of myself into, every fiber of my being.

ME: Did your son’s betrayal of you & our country hurt you more than anything on earth?

BEN: Definitely, beyond measure. It was the greatest pain I had ever experienced.

ME: What do you think of my life?

BEN: Amazing, what you accomplished. And you did not even know you were accomplishing great things when you did them.

ME: How do you see my life story, all my books, & a movie or any media on my life occurring?

BEN: There will be great fanfare when your story is published all over the world & your life in media, movies, in all languages. You will be famous & make tons of money.

ME: I don’t have long to live. Will I see the Temple, Sisterhood, convent & New Religion begin? Any of it?

BEN: You will see the beginnings as soon as you publish all the books & thoughts on it. It will begin in your lifetime. You will start to get reactions. Before you die, you will meet the right people to get it started. It will happen, you will see, you will be happy.

ME: Can you make out what is the message of this dream? The God Mother of Bob coming to me with this bunch of candles, wearing a nurse uniform. I don’t get what it means, does he have a malady or is this saying I have 5, 6 more years to wait for our marriage or what?

BEN: Meditate & pray on this the rest of the night, I will help you to understand. Right now it’s too difficult. Work on other things, it’ll come to you.

ME: Thanks Ben Franklyn. Over & out for now.

…………………………………………………………..

Chapter 8 Screaming Her Way into Hell written 4-6-22

I have a lady friend of mine, 35 yrs old, who I have not spoken to for a couple years until about a week ago. I stopped talking to her because I had a vision of her descending into Hell. I asked God if this was definite & could she be saved? And God said she would not change. And so because I cannot cohabit with someone who covets Hell I stopped communicating with her.

Something made me call her again. Then she called me back days later, moaning & groaning as usual about her fate, the people she knows – all bad. Her parents bad, her friends bad, her now ex bf bad. When I scratched the surface I saw many of these persons were doing her favors.

She also brags about all the great things she’s doing – none of which ever pans out. They’re all pipe dreams & fantasies. Basically, all she has ever done is sell grass. And every person she knows, some of whom she recommended me for jobs, are drug users.

Why did I stay friends for years? I was derailed by her beauty & gift of gab. She looks like a model, talks like a used car salesman & was the rare woman who liked my company. I treated her to dinner many times.

I once believed her stories. She was managing people, theaters, artists, running this gallery here, managing a botanical garden there. Everything was temporary, all was here, then gone.

Then she lived with various people although her Dad gave her place to live in a building he owns. I visited her there – in theory she pays him but never does. I noticed his name is on her phone. And her Mom owns some kind of store, which she, Rosanna, says she manages or was going to or whatever.

She also manages she says, 30 bona fide artists – musicians, dancers & actors. She’s been saying this for years – most of them are gay & unemployed, lol.

You have to begin to suspect someone who has the ‘story of the month club’ but after years, nothing has come out of any of it. The office her friend is ‘building’ for her? For what, I ask, why? – for all those artists she represents, all the big shots & investors coming to see her, she must have an office.

She supposedly has jobs but looking for this guy or that to front her money, none of which is paid back. She says she lives with a ‘billionaire’ in NYC. I said his digs must be luxurious. She says no, he doesn’t live according to his means, & he lets her stay there because she MANAGES THE PLACE when he travels all over the world.

Her ex bf also tried to get away from her. I finally figured it out. She’s been with him for 10 years. He went here or there, moved to get away. But she went wherever he went even when he said it’s over. What was the game? Silly me finally saw it. She gave him free grass to keep him & he still sees her for it. She pretends she went on all those trips to where he moved on business – NOT to see him, lol.

But this is not what I was going to tell you – it’s a prelude. This is the story of someone going to Hell, choosing it, how & why it happens. She’s a case history, a prism of the Hell-bent mind set – explaining a place where you should not go.

So she calls me & the same ole’ begins. Moaning louder & louder how her friends have betrayed her, turned against her, injured her. I listen until it reaches a fever pitch. What can I do?

I tell her all I can do is pray. Let us call on God together.

I begin to pray, I call on God. I praise God & tell her the woes of Rosanna. I tell Rosanna now is the time to call on God’s Power; will you accept Her & bring Her into your Heart, where She can live & dwell & dispel all your problems?

ROSANNA:

“How can I surrender myself to a being I don’t even know? Who is God, what is God? Why should I give myself to Him when I don’t even know who He is?”

ME: None of us knows who God is. But we don’t have to understand God – She is beyond human understanding. Imagine us understanding the being that created the Infinite Universe? It’s beyond our capacity. But we don’t have to understand Her, only accept Her, open our mind & heart, let her into our Beings, allow her to take over. She created us, She loves us, She is our only hope. Rosanna, I cannot help you, I have no Power. But Almighty God can & will. But you have to open the door to Her.

ROSANNA: Screams & screams more about her woes, the friends who betray her, bad mouth her, turn against her.

“Why is this God making me suffer? If He is good, then why is He making me suffer? If He was good He would stop my suffering, but He isn’t. Why should I believe in Him when he allows suffering?”

ME: We all suffer – this is the valley of tears, all people suffer, many ways worse than you. It’s a trial; this is a place of learning, where our Love is tested. We live thousands of times until we learn. We must forgive all our enemies & not hate them, that way we pass the test.

ROSANNA: “I’m supposed to forgive these enemies that hate me? Why?”

ME: To release yourself from them. If you hate or take revenge you remain attached & your pain continues. When you forgive you let them go & your pain will also go. Jesus, on the Cross, did not hate His persecutors. He said,

“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

ROSANNA: Screams “But they know what they are doing! Why doesn’t God just stop them!”

ME: We can’t stop our suffering on earth except by forgiveness & accepting what is. And people are ignorant, they have their own problems, they are emotionally, mentally & spiritually sick. We live in an evil world, run by men. This world does not practice love, people are injured by it. And when they are, they take it out on other people. They hurt you because someone hurt them. You have to receive God to heal yourself. If you live in this world & rely on the love of people you will never be happy. Only God can make us happy. People are flawed.

If you can’t take what people dish out, then stay alone, isolated which is what I am doing right now. I live for God & my work, once again. I’m celibate. I’ve not seen my lover or anyone in 3 years. And as long as people leave me alone, I’m happy. I do my work, I write, think about my mission. People can’t hurt me if I don’t seek their love.

ROSANNA: “I can’t be alone like that I need people. I have to have people.”

ME: People of the world will always hurt you, sooner or later. Look, how many of your friends live for God & have True Love? All your friends are drug addicts. They need help. And so, they will hurt you. You either have to stay away from them or forgive them.

She screams some more on the evil people out there & why are they so evil, why does she suffer so much until she bursts out,

ROSANNA: “I want to kill myself or someone else, I can’t stand it any more! Why doesn’t God stop my pain? If there is a God & He is good, tell Him to stop my pain!”

She screams again & again she’s going to kill herself or someone else if this doesn’t stop.

ME: It sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom, but what can I do? How can I help you? The only way I know for success is to receive God, pray & ask God for help. God has all the Power, God created us & loves us. Unless you receive God into your heart there is no hope. You will continue suffering.

You’re closing the door to God, who is your only hope. God is the only being who can help you. God knows all, sees all, can do all things. Why don’t you invite this Infinite Being to come into your life, help you? You are in Hell if you live for the world & the flesh – there is no happiness in temporary things. You need Eternal Life. You need God. I know of no way out of misery & the road to happiness is to have Faith, Hope, Trust, Confidence & the Love of God.

ROSANNA: “I CANNOT GIVE MSELF TO A Being who makes me suffer like this – I don’t know who He is or What he is.”

And she rants & raves again how evil people are & repeats her woes many times.

ME: I cannot help you, only God can. But if you don’t receive Her, there is no hope. You have created your own Hell, you have placed yourself into it. Without letting God into your Being, which they call ‘born again’ you will stay in this place called Hell.

I then excuse myself & politely– we’ve been at this for an hour. I see the revelation given me two years ago before my eyes – Story of a Lost Soul. {End Chapter 8}

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