College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Nick’s Regrets

 

Nick Regrets the Past – He wants to pose for me now but he hasn’t got a body

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9-22-22             Nick Flips Back to Purgatory after Heaven – He can see now what a mistake he

made, he could have been part of a brilliant future

 

I don’t know how this happens but it seems, in the last few dreams {I did not record them} Nick has flipped back to a Purgatorial state after reaching Heaven. This doesn’t seem to make sense, as we are told ‘Heaven is Forever.’ But upon thinking, I have been on the other side, in Heaven, twice in my lifetime, but then came back to earth.

Is it therefore, by the same token, possible to see or enter Heaven temporarily after death, the flip back to Purgatory to continue one’s cleansing? By this dream it seems so.

 

First we are all in a house that is about 3 stories high, with a big picture window onto the street. The air is reddish, inside the house & outside. Our building is B’klyn, but unlike there, it’s made of all wood. There is a STORM, thunder & lightning & it gets WORSE – the entire building moves like an earthquake hit but the only person who is affected is Nick, who FALLS toward me, onto me. We wait for the earthquake to continue but it stops. End of that scene.

*** {NICK IS AFFECTED BY AN EARTHQUAKE, FALLS ONTO ME, RED AIR INSIDE & OUT, WOODEN BUILDING: The red air is SUFFERING {blood} everywhere – inside & out. The wooden building is SUFFERING – the Cross. The earthquake affects no one but Nick. This is saying the suffering is ABOUT NICK, not anyone else {there were maybe half a dozen people here, male & female, including me}. It is the SUFFERING that KILLED NICK – in other words, he took more drugs to try to stop his suffering, & when he took his final dose he FELL UPON ME, which means, he GOT CLOSER TO ME. Who is ME? It’s the GOD SELF. Like I said in Part 8 ‘He died to be with me.’ It was our conversation June 3rd that spelled his ‘doom’ – in his mind, I broke up with him when I told him my conditions. I had to be his front wife & he had to quit drugs. The false wife & drugs went together—she being the enabler, so basically, it was the drugs he could not quit. Life now became UNBEARABLE.} ***

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Now I am with two other women. One of them is tall, lanky & very active. The other is shorter, more attractive. We’re starting some sort of lucrative business where we will take & sell images; it seems, mostly of men.

In real life none of this makes sense but just remember, it’s a dream, therefore, symbolic.

I recall being happy, active, looking forward to good things.

Then the specter of Nick appears, & it’s not a good omen. There’s something about him that is annoying & nerve-wracking

Now we are in a very large enclosure that might be hundreds of feet in all directions. In this place are many smaller ‘personal areas’ or stations of work.

My lady friends & I have our own station, which is bigger than most, it’s off to a side, has wide open spaces around it, bright light like the walls are all glass or just open to the sky.

 

*** {OUR BUSINESS, BRIGHT, OPEN WINDOWS OR SKY, LUCRATIVE – THE 3 WOMEN: I sense these 3 women are parts of me which I played in the ‘Theater of Life.’ The tall one might be the saintly ‘Stripper for God,’ the shorter one might be the body builder, because she reminds me of the weight lifting gal I just saw in “Time Crashers.’ Both of them are involved in picture taking of men, as both these aspects are my flesh when I became a ‘Cougar’ at the bequest of God.

These 3 getting together toward something lucrative could be my LIFE STORY which tells all the parts I played. The dreamer is the God Self.

The way our station / office / space is set up is ‘the sky is the limit’. The opportunities here are great.

My ‘body building’ self holds up 5k pictures, my God Self says she has 50k. This might refer to more than images of the males – it’s my whole life, I have so many images & each book contains numerous ones.} ***

 

I decide to go to Nick’s spot in this enclosure & it’s a bed. The mattress is about 4’ off the floor, its medium light grey, smooth, maybe firm. The headrest is the same, about 4’ tall & as wide as the bed, same material, color & about a 45 degree angle. The bed has junk on it – pieces & sort of rags from a thick knitted scarf from one’s neck made of dark blue & medium blue stripes. I have a stick & with it, I poke each piece or rag off his bed.

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*** {HIS BED, THE PIECES OR RAGS: Need help Mother God.

MG: These are the things he doesn’t need, that were STRANGLING him, a noose around his neck of sorrow {blues}. You removed all the things that impeded him, according to this dream. Is this on earth or in Purgatory? On earth he didn’t listen to you, so it MUST BE Purgatory where your God Power, according to this, enables you to cleanse him.

And the catch-all under his torso that you pry open & look inside has several pairs of GLASSES, one of which looks like safety glasses. Later in the dream he’ll appear with ancient-looking glasses once again.

GLASSES are AIDS TO VISION. When impediments were removed from him, the things he didn’t need, his desires for them gone, he was able to SEE CLEARLY & now he is dealing with Truth. He was or blinded by his human flesh – the addiction mostly, & the fear of his peers.} ***

 

Then I go to the other side of the bed & see that as he was sitting there, there’s a catch-all section slightly below his torso, where if you flip it open you see all kinds of things fell in. I see several pairs of nice glasses, like eye protectors with no rims, modern, & lots of other things including pens. I need pens so I just requisition them – take them for myself. I then sit on the bed for a short time.

 

*** {WHERE AM I GOING IN THIS PLACE WHERE NICK IS? HIS BED – WHAT IS IT? WHAT ARE THE THINGS ON IT & IN IT? There’s a saying ‘you made your bed, now lie in it.” It’s what he did to himself past & present.} ***

 

After I did this my lanky lady partner comes bounding toward our office & Nick is with her, sort of hovering in the air, & he has decided he wants to POSE FOR PICTURES for our business. I didn’t want him, invite him & don’t know why he’s here, & why my associate let him.

So he appears & he is not appropriate at all for our pictures.

He’s wearing round black-rimmed glasses the kind that were popular in 1935, but they are even older like from medieval days if such a thing is possible, thick ornate black frames coming off the circles {Again, I saw an actor wearing glasses that were supposed to be from Medieval days in ‘Time Crashers}.

And he hovers in the air posing, with all his clothes on. I know that no one will buy these pictures, they only want men naked. I was going to tell him he has to take all his clothes off, but I don’t because I’m not even sure I want him posing any more. His hair is cut very short, he doesn’t look sexy or handsome. Does he still have what it takes?

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*** {HE WANTS TO POSE FOR ME NOW, I’M NOT SURE ABOUT IT, HIS GLASSES, HIS APPEARANCE: OK this is me vs the lanky part of me, the Stripper for God. She brings him in, I’m not sure I want him. This is a conflict or dispute between my Spirit & flesh. My flesh wants him in my life story, my God Self isn’t sure if he belong here, lol. Will he help the project? According to this, if he is NAKED. Naked can represent several things. One, being open & vulnerable, ‘naked before the Lord.’ And second, his naked pictures might help my books, but only that.

His ANCIENT GLASSES are his looking WAY BACK to when we started. He regrets not giving in to me, posing for me again, letting me manage him as far as a model or whatever he wished for show business. Now he wants to be IN – but what do I want with him? Just tell the truth & show his naked pictures this says.} ***

 

I was speaking to my other lady partner & she had a lot of images sort of in her hands but in the air, very beautiful. I asked her how many images she had, & she said 5k. I told her I had 50k. This is talking about male models.

 

*** {MEANING: This is not easy to interpret. I know the general meaning, it’s Nick’s REGRET at forfeiting our relationship. But specifics are murky. However, below, is a parallel dream, which means the meaning is hidden in two theaters, & the second is more straightforward. If I understand the second I’ll also get the first.} ***

 

In another dream later I am sitting with Nick to my left at a table, in a large room that might be a restaurant, but there is nothing at our table.

He’s staring maybe whimsically ahead to his left, which is directly in front of me – he’s not said a word for a long time.

He’s wearing a charcoal grey twill jacket, the material is stiff & covers so much of him that I want to touch him but can hardly find a spot, only his wrist presents one.

I want to get him to speak but am afraid of annoying or disturbing him, I gently touch him a few times on his arm & wrist & say,

“Say something.”

He turns to me & he does speak, rather sadly. He asks me about myself, but darn if I can remember what he said.

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*** {MEANING: Without a doubt, he is looking to the PAST with sad REGRET. There is nothing on our table meaning, we DO NOT have a RELATIONSHIP. He forfeited it for DRUGS & the PARTHNER / WIFE that enabled him. He is looking to the past with such great regret he can’t speak.

The charcoal grey twill jacket tells of DEPRESSION & LOSS. Charcoal is the part of the wood or coal, the carbon, that remains after the wood or coal is burned. It then burns even hotter, burning up means FAILURE & charcoal is TOTAL burning up, so its TOTAL failure. He now SEES HIS OWN FAILURE.

It’s he that failed, not me. I am not miserable or sorrowful but in this dream, I pity him.

The TABLE is where you usually receive FOOD / FRUITS / BENEFITS / JOYS of life. But there is nothing here – no relationship – & he looks at the past {to his left} with regret so great he can’t speak. I am not looking with regret at the PAST, I am looking AHEAD, not stuck back there with regret.

Why does he ask me something about MYSELF? The point is, he never did, except to try to figure out who I’d been with or what I’d done that might be sex or loving another guy. I ask Mother God, what does it mean that he asks something about me?

MG: In your affair all he cared about was HIMSELF. Totally SELF ABSORBED, SELFISH, no compassion, not caring about you. This shows a change for the better, that egomania has subsided. He now SEES as he LOOKS at the past without his emotional baggage – the drugs, the fears, the people he associated with. He sees Truth & for the first time, he ASKS ABOUT YOU.} ***

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

His Breast Attempt

 

 

I Strip for God Part 9   The Life in my Men

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His Breast Attempt

 

          Where do I begin? Let’s start with A – Dr. Robert Atkins.

          OK I was looking for a remedy for my constipation. It’s a lifelong problem & I only realized later it got worse due to not having sex. I’d taken the vow of celibacy May 27, 1978, this was 1981 & my bowels stopped moving, I guess due to no peristaltic nervous system activity. But then I wasn’t sure.

          I am in Manhattan & I go by this huge brick clinic & there’s a doctor there – I wasn’t sure who he was but he was famous. I envisioned him as ‘Stillman,’ the ‘water doc’ – who I’d seen on TV.

          So I go in, a shaggy sheep dog greets me. I speak to the nurses & somehow they con me into getting the ‘hypoglycemia’ test – they strong arm everyone that walks in to get this, as it’s like $480. out of my pocket {no insurance} into theirs. And I fall for it.

          They take your blood – then they make you FAST – no food for 24 hours & take your blood again. Something about your blood drops real low, then real high, some crap that PROVES you – & everyone else on earth – is HYPOCLYCEMIC. And WTF does that prove & what do they do abut it? I can’t even recall but I think you have to go on what he called his diet – the same as numbnuts body builders believed in during that time that I also fell for – all meat -{I just looked his up, it says limited carbs, but the body builders then preached none}.

          Yes, I was training then & yes, I followed that foolish diet & yes, I was in perfect shape.

          Now its time to see the big man. I’m sitting on the silver table waiting for him in the white smock. He comes in I’m supposed to be bare to the waist – no nurse in sight.

          His jaw drops as he sees my body & his hand pops out to touch my breast,

          “Are those real?”

          At that moment he’s just a man, & I grab his wrist & stop him. He gasps & sits down at a table close by exclaiming,

          “But I’m a doctor!’

          And I say,

          “I came in for constipation, not a breast exam.’

      wg4kjd-front-shortedge-384 (1)Above:  Me in 1981 – Perfection 

 

          Hearing my complaints he recommends an x ray, which I have to get elsewhere, that I never go to. I knew vaguely there was nothing to see there & as I said, with no insurance, it would be a big bite – I was poor.

          He asks me how I chose to visit him. I tell him I thought he was ‘the water doc’ & he seems disappointed.

          I look around his office & see he has ART FOR SALE. That interests me & it also makes me curious.

          Since now I now he’s a celebrity & I’m fascinated by the famous, I wonder, maybe I should ask to see his stuff.

          While I’m in the waiting room he comes around {unusual} & we chat about his paintings & somehow or other, he asks me to dinner. 

 Below – Me from 1975 to 1981

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          You know what’s coming: The man-woman thing, how far will it get?

          He gives me his address – it’s Sutton Place, the most expensive street in NYC.

          {This place was worth millions. He told me his clinic cost him 52k a month – obviously rakin’ in the rough – all those hypoglycemia tests added up.}

          I take a private elevator to the penthouse, its modern with modern furniture. I have him take a Polaroid of me in my magenta dress. {If I can find it it’ll be here} I’m wearing my honey-blonde long wavy wig & look comfy on his grey couch.

          But I get a BIG LAUGH when I see the bedroom. Behind his bed is one of those ghastly original paintings of the orangutan with a beautiful naked woman – which I’d seen in Playboy. This is his taste in art? I know it’s expensive, but disgusting.

          The rest of the pics here & there is mostly ‘modern art,’ boring & ugly. I ask him why is it like that? He says

          “That’s what people buy.”

          And I think he’s just in it for the money, he has no LOVE of art.

          He takes me to an Indian place for dinner; the only thing I recall him saying was,

          “I hope you DON’T HAVE A GUN” lol.

          The “Scarsdale diet” doc had just been done is by a school mistress.

          We finish dinner, I say I must rush off somewhere, need a cab. He seems disturbed like what went wrong? Hey, what did he expect, that he’d now take me back to his place & get a shag? I knew that was coming – that’s why I took off.

          A short time later he calls & wants to come over for dinner. I live in Williamsburg when it was a SLUM – this was 1981 – so the idea is not exactly top notch, but I do consent.

          He talks about bringing his sheep dog but when I tell him it’s 6 flights of stairs he says the dog won’t make it.

         

I Cook Dinner for Robert Atkins!

 

          Can you believe that? And I have a phobia for cooking as Mom beat me with her fists when I tried. But I cook salmon. Can’t recall what went with it, since his diet is all protein. Can’t recall what we ate at the Indian place either, they are usually low on meat.

          I ask him how the meal was & he says,

          “You can’t go wrong with salmon.”

 

          Next, he asks me about my dancing & then surprises me by saying,

          “Show me.”

          I put on my classiest outfit – a see-through white job that is loose net on top, all long hula strings from waist to ankles, & I play my most classical music, starting with

          “Orchids in the Moonlight.”

          I take off half the stuff, if I remember right, leaving the net bra & g-string embroidered with silver rhinestones, that’s all he gets.

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          We converse & he hints around marriage. I must say this here. With rich men it’s a tricky game. If you want to marry one, you don’t know whether to give it to them or not. If you don’t they might want you more, if you do, they might not want you. It’s a gamble. I suppose if the sex is real exciting to them – & this is all in the mind – then they’ll want you to marry you or be his mistress. But if it isn’t exciting you are a hot potato & bye. So the woman takes a risk either way.

          In my case I already knew I DID NOT want to marry him. The reasons being this. First & foremost, I was CELIBATE. The Holy Lady told me not to tell anyone – so he did not know.

          Second, he was JEWISH & I a Christian. I’m not like Marilyn Monroe or Liz Taylor, having a faith so casual I throw it aside for someone.

          And third, I was not turned on, attracted to be with him even if I gave up my celibacy & faith & I was not ‘in love’ with him.

          It wasn’t the AGE – he was 51 to my 36 in 1981 – He just didn’t sway me. I dated another ‘older’ man – Mickey Hargitay, who was a MAJOR TURN ON – Micky was 41 to my 22 in 1967. But then how can a diet doc compete with a Mr. Universe? {More on him later}

          When he realized I wasn’t interested he started talking about a lady who was being evicted from her apt that needed a place to stay, he was going to let her move in. So let her – our affair was done.

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College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Kim Novak Why the Privilege?

Kim Novak interviews comments 9-20-22

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Rasa asks Mother God: How will my life story be different in its telling than Kim’s? Her

interviews annoy me. Why does she assume she deserves adulation?

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Comment on a interview on You tube:

Spoiled brat – felt unappreciated? Give me a break. You were & are ADORED. But it’s never enough, is it? Why do you deserve so much love? All you did was be beautiful & talented & EVERYONE LOVES YOU. Look at the comments. 99% of them are GROVELING AT YOUR FEET. And you want more? Robert Osborne asks you were you happy when you were the no 1 star in the world, adulated, & you stammer & stutter on & on & finally say YOU WANTED T BE APPRECIATED. Why? For what? What lives or souls did you save? What did you actually do that benefitted humanity or propelled the state of women forward? or the state of men? I can’t understand why stars like this DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE?! It’s the misplaced worship of beauty, fame, fortune & status – misplaced. Love those who NEED IT THE MOST – those who SUFFER – those who are DEPRIVED, downtrodden, stepped on, the poorest of the poor, the exploited, the misunderstood, the abused – those who have little or nothing in the eyes of society. But to ADORE / LOVE those that have EVERYTHING – WHY?

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Comment on a interview on You tube:

The 2014 Academy Awards: Sheesh! Not your face, THE OUTFIT! It seems black & blue is an omen here. The outfit is UGLY. See you wearing black & super dark colors all the time – funeral color. No, wear white & beautiful stuff like you did when you were young. I’m studying all the shots & I think what you’re trying to hide is the middle, gaining weight. But you’re dong a BAD JOB. You need a fashion consultant or something. Wearing a white chemise would be better; you’d look like the old ‘good humor’ trucks.

A beautiful gorgeous GOWN is called upon here, everyone else is well dressed, why you like this? I recall Kate Smith was big & she wore dresses that looked good. Many opera stars are big but they look good in nice gowns. You aren’t fooling anyone! It becomes obvious you’re hiding something!

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Comment on a interview on You tube:

She was more in beauty than as a painter, lol. Beauty was the main thing. You were so beautiful then, what happened to your HAIR now? For crap sake that straight goofy hairdo & purple hat don’t become you. You should have brought back that GREY SUIT from VERTIGO, it would have looked better than the geeky clothes you’re wearing – the clothes now are HIDING YOU & I don’t think you’re fat, but they look like they’re HIDING something. Poor thing, it hurts to instead of enhancing your reputation ruining it. And HOOOO did her makeup? An OWL? She’s LOST TOUCH WITH GOOD GROOMING.

 

Comment on a interview on You tube:

Be honest, Kim, it’s the best policy – re YOUR FACE. OK, it was a ‘skin doc’ that gave you bad injections into your cheeks. That’s his fault. You act as if that’s the only things that was done to your face. It’s obvious your entire face was done over, as you don’t have the slightest mark of old age – no jowls or wrinkles, which happens to EVERYONE. It’s OK to do that, but don’t act like you did not do it & all that is wrong is the cheeks. Sheesh, be HONEST. I know some things are no one’s business, but getting faces done is what all stars HAVE TO DO – no big deal to admit.

 

Comment on a interview on You tube:

tell the truth about the famous men you starred with & were they really creepy or gracious? How many of them did you have sex or affairs with, which ones tried that you refused? Which were really gentlemen & which were losers? How about Harry Cohen for starts? Don’t tell me that nothing happened beyond you making him some chocolate fudge & him now knowing how to react. Most of these big shots would be all over the young, virginal actresses who were naïve, vulnerable & innocent as far as street smarts. Tell us the truth – I DID. In my books “I Strip for God” Parts 1 through 8 I tell the truth about the celebrities I was involved with or met like Arnold, Tom Selleck, Mickey Hargitay, James Brown, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Joe Tex, O.C. Smith, Richard Pryor , Dr. Robert Atkins & many more. I tell it like it was being a Cougar with male models, dozens of them, who turned out to be mostly PROSTITUTES, in fact, gay for pay guys. Your Dad, you mentioned some place he was ‘mentally ill’ – what kind of illness? Did he abuse you? How? You loved & hated him. Hated for WHAT? You can tell the truth about these guys as they are all DEAD & can’t sue you. Dean Martin, Jimmy Stewart, Frederick March, all the stars – don’t tell me they didn’t try to shag you & did you let them or not? Were they truly nice or definitely nasty? You act like you just telling us the surface things is such a BIG DEAL – It IS NOT. We can already see what we see in your movies & images, we want to know what was BEHIND it. Obviously your beauty carried you. And acting SEDUCTIVE even with the UGLIEST of men, ugh. Like the car scene where that big-time actor peeps in your window & asks if your car is flooded, you look at him like you’re HUNGRY. My God, that is not NORMAL. Most women seeing a stranger peeping in their window when they can’t start their car would be AFRAID, terrorized in fact, look down rather than into his eyes seductively. Acting like you want to have sex with all your grandpas is an art you had down perfectly. I couldn’t do it, lol. I mean, give me a break. Speak the truth, not all this.

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Comment on a interview on You tube:

There is a contradiction here. First, she said she was treated with great respect when she started. Then she said she was used to bad treatment because of her dysfunctional family – her father had mental illness, so being under Harry Cohen was something she was used to. So which is it? Were you treated well or poorly? And also, the way she describes the co stars – of course they were great to her, as she was a star, they had to be. Let’s ask the janitor how nice they were, or some unknown trying to get help, or a bum on the street. And they spoke of all her co stars but I notice in the scene ‘Middle of the Night’ she is with Frederick March. He was one of the greatest actors of all time, but why doesn’t Robert ask about him? Or why doesn’t she offer something? He was in ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ – to me, amazing portrayal. And also the one, can’t think of the name, where he kind of ‘gives’ his career to this unknown actress, he goes downhill, she becomes a star. Later it was played by James Mason & again later by Kris Kristofferson with Barbra Streisand. Oh yes, “A Star is Born” He was an alcoholic who in the end commits suicide & Frederick March was terrific in this, but they say not one word. Also the movie about people coming home from the war, with that poor boy with no hands, what was the name? Can’t think of it but Betty Davis said it was the greatest movie of all time. I was saddened that they ignored his presence. Oh yes ‘The Best Years of Our Lives’ – He also did many other great movies like ‘Anna Karenina’……PS I tried to watch this movie on You Tube but it wasn’t available, darn.

 

Channeling Mother God on how my life story books will be different from the interviews of Kim

 

Me: It’s obvious I don’t like Kim’s interviews & I don’t know what she’s complaining about. How will my life story books be different from her telling her life in the interviews I reviewed?

 

          MG {Mother God}: the difference is straight from the shoulder, no holds barred vs ‘Me, I’m a great star, any crumbs I give the world they should relish. I am so important, the star of ‘Vertigo’ that all that I say are Pearls of Wisdom from a Goddess of Hollywood.’

          You aren’t about that. You dug deep into the nitty gritty, the dirt, the pain. Her ‘alligator’ tears welled up at times – your pain was so great you eventually got over it & there is no more. You rose above it, she didn’t.

          She still needs therapy for her past. You don’t. If you still needed therapy you could not have written it. A person can’t think straight when in pain. So God gave you the Grace to forget the pain – & move on with explaining what happened & even with a SENSE OF HUMOR like the way you explain your Mom. It’s tongue in cheek, some of it, it’s entertaining the way you gave your relatives all kinds of Titles like Rigoletto, Don Quixote & Sancho Panza, Mommy Fearest, Mephistopheles, etc. There’s entertainment here, with Kim, it’s not particularly entertaining as she still takes it all so seriously, she doesn’t see God’s sense of humor in life, just relaxing & getting a laugh out of it all.

          The way you explain the male models as prostitutes is a hoot. It’s the truth that nobody else would say. But you explain it & people will believe.

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ME:   Anything else that is different? I mean, Kim is not controversial. The people are at her feet because of her past glory, the beauty & talent. She did nothing controversial, she stood for nothing unusual. She keeps speaking of the bad knocks of Hollywood – it made her rich, it made her famous, it made her loved. Why is she complaining? Because Harry Cohn tried to change her name? Like BIG DEAL. Harry called her a Polack, she’s Check. But so what? That’s the way all those guys acted at the time, but they gave great benefits t their actors, they made great movies, so they were cruel at time – goes with the territory. She does admit she did appreciate what he did.

It just seems t me she’s not grateful for what she got out of life, she’s spoiled, I mean, think of those who have suffered, & here she is, on a pedestal!

          I remember seeing Jane Powell on a show. The audience adored her, kept praising her. But when I went on TV I was attacked. They just take it all in like they deserve it. They deserve love, I deserve hate. Why?

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MG: Lol. They don’t STAND FOR ANYTHING. Just as you said, beauty, talent & youth. There is nothing to get upset about or argue on, they represent no stand, no conflict, no controversy. You came to earth as a fighter, to fight the wrongs. You represent plenty of things, you are mega controversial. Everyone can find something to attack you for, including things you never did, don’t want to do & never will do, but they attack you for it.

          Being in the adult trade is something to attack. Being an activist for women’s rights is something to attack. Standing up for Prostitutes makes you a target. All these things & more make you a victim of this society. Other people, who are nonentities, sit there quietly by their home curb & dwell on paying the bills. It’s their greatest challenge. They don’t go out into the world & fight dragons – they can’t. It’s not in them.

          So you accept your fate, be happy. It’ll never change. Notoriety is your middle name. Even when your movie/s of your life get out there, it won’t be a piece of cake. There will be adulation & rage. All the same controversies will well up & people will say outrageous things. So live with it, it’s your lot, goes with the territory.

          Just think of the prophets, Saints & Jesus. All of them got it. Recall when Jesus describes how the Prophets were treated. So there it is. There’s the spoiled brats, the royalty, the mega stars who are rich because of show business, then there’s the prophets who usually aren’t rich & they get persecuted.

          For some strange reason Royals think they’re chosen by God for adulation & wealth, but in the eyes of God, how high up are they? That is the question.

 

          ME: OK Mother God, I get it. Thanks a lot!

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College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Evil Patriachs vs Good Matriarchs

Matriarchy vs Patriarchy Discussion 9-18-22

Evils of Patriarchy—Good of Matriarchy

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From Pete Jackson:

 

Indeed, Rasa, the way you say it is a much more accurate take on what is going on these days.  It is Satan’s system of patriarchy and necrotechnocracy that is the root cause of it all, and that evil system is now finally collapsing (first gradually, then suddenly, in Hemingway fashion as it were) to ultimately pave the way for Matriarchy and Mother God.  

 

Women have the power to create Paradise on Earth, but of course they can also create hell on Earth as well.  They can go either way depending on who is in charge, and more importantly how and which whom their own energy frequencies are aligned. 

Men, on the other hand, can ONLY seem to create hell despite numerous attempts over millennia to create Paradise or Utopia of some sort.  And it’s not for lack of trying.  Capitalism, communism, Marxism, socialism, fascism, feudalism, technocracy, all major political parties  history, and practically every religion that has a name, were all utterly failed attempts at such.  Immanentizing the eschaton is clearly NOT men’s forte at all, it seems, as they seem to have the reverse Midas touch (everything they touch turns to crap).  At best, they create an illusion of paradise which ultimately and inevitably devolves to hell.

 

What did Gandhi say about Western Civilization?  “I think it would be a great idea”.  LOL         Pete Jackson

 

 

On another thread – re the now hysteria re trans women, that men believe they should be treated the same as are women, like letting them share saunas with them, etc.

 

From Rasa: William is right, it’s all about attacking, discrediting & disempowering women.  They have gone nuts since it’s been proven that women are superior to men due to having two X chromosomes, & that men are going extinct.  This is their lame way of fighting back.  But lame is also evil & cruel.  The demons do nasty little things to gum up our lives & horrific big things.  Like attacking the pc’s & ability to make a purchase at Lulu for me, & giving deadly fake vaccine shots to others, the little & the big.  And many HUGE things to do with laws, military, culture policies, etc.  They are out to steal, kill, destroy & murder.  They are demonic.  Our weapons are our virtues.  Put on the whole armor of God.  There is no other way to fight Satan.  The physical like they kill us, we kill them, is not the way.  The way is IDEAS. On that we are well armored, us three. What you guys revealed here is a start on the issue.  What you are saying gives me a beginning to which I can respond.  Yes it infuriates me.  Yes I’m beginning to catch on due to you two, I knew nothing of it until now.  My greatest weapon is Obedience.  I hear Her Voice.  I do what She tells me to – that is all.  She knows what to do, I don’t – not as a human in my flesh, I am just clay in Her hands.  Of course I must study, then pray, then obey.  I will get to this later.   Rasa

 

From William Bond: Hi Everyone

 

My book, “Why Men Are The Submissive Sex” is now on Amazon. 

 

I am thinking about writing a new book. I think the reason why many women reject Matriarchy is because they think it is impossible for women to rule our world. So writing a book about how it could be possible might interest women. Although it will have to be a spiritual book as I think it will only be possible though women communicating once again with MotherGod.    William

 

WHY MEN ARE THE SUBMISSIVE SEX: A Study of Male Stereotypes and Female Authority Figures

 

Did try to look at the female wood cutter video but it said ‘video unavailable’. But some time ago I did see a similar film about female lumberjacks in Britain during WW2. Also, I can remember what my mother and some aunts said. My mother was a air-raid warden and did this throughout all the bombing of London. One of my aunts worked in a factory during the war and she surprised herself at being able to do skilled machine work while another became a bus driver during the war. 

 

I get the impression women are frightened of men and for good reason, man are bigger, stronger and more violent than women.  Also many men will undermine women’s confidence in themselves. I see this in my wife her first husband undermined her confidence in herself all the time. Her children tell me they can see a big difference in their mother since she got involved with me, as she is now more confident in herself. 

I think feminism has helped women a lot but patriarchy has taken control of it and has placed strict limit on it.      william

 

From Rasa: Yes William, our mission is not an easy one but we must push on & have faith & confidence in our work.

 

The thing is there was a war.  Women lost the war. And now they are POW’s.  They have been BRAINWASHED into believing that things should be the way they are.  And we must un-brainwash them.

 

We’re doing a good job.     Rasa

 

 

From Pete Jackson: Very well-said, both of you.

For the 7000 year long gender war (which they call “patriarchy” to make it sound nicer), men have indeed won just about every single battle thus far.  Kinda like how the Americans won almost every single battle in Vietnam.  But in both cases, it’s also irrelevant.  In the long run, Women will win the war, God willing.

 

But you are correct in that the classic POW mentality is all too real indeed, and we must un-brainwash them from it.

 

Best wishes and have a good night,    Pete

 

From William Bond: Hi Everyone

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I think we have to be careful in assuming that patriarchy v Matriarchy is just about men v women. Many women are defenders of patriarchy while men men promote Matriarchy. Also men suffer under patriarchy as well as women. 

 

All patriarchy gives us is “blood, sweat and tears”. Slavery and serfdom as well as a huge gap between rich and poor is normal for all patriarchal societies as well as senseless wars, genocide and torture. The majority of men do not benefit from patriarchy it is only the 1% of wealthy individuals that gain from it. 

 

The power of patriarchy comes from men’s submissive nature in obeying those in authority. The power of any despotic ruler comes from an army of young men who will obey his orders without question. Men obedience to orders is so extreme that soldiers will come out of trenches to die in machine gun fire because they have been ordered to do so. I believe that men were once totally obedient to women but somehow a group of devious alpha men wrestles this power away from women and got men to obey them instead of women. 

 

For this reason we need to sell Matriarchy to both women and men and explain how both sexes will benefit from it and question patriarchal brainwashing.    William

 

to William, 

            You are totally right.  It isn’t just men vs women, it’s the SPIRIT OF LOVE that a minority of men DEFEATED by the SPIRIT OF HATE.  They hate other men as well as women, it is Satan against God.  It is Lucifer, in Heaven, a man still in the state of Grace, turning against Mother God & saying

    “I will not serve!”

    And then St. Michael the Archangel, who could be a female as easily as a male, smited him, sent him down into Hell or OUTSIDE the STATE OF GRACE. And the myth says that ONE THIRD of the angels followed him – which to me means ONE THIRD OF MEN followed the demonic Patriarchal leader/s.  That leaves two thirds of men outside the demonic, still in the Grace of God, the unfortunate ones that are manipulated by the tyrants. 

    When you & I were posting a lot of public media, William, occasionally a female would attack you just because you’re a man, thinking they were above you because they were female.  And here you are the Prophet of Matriarchy who heralded its beginning on the internet.  They should have shown you deference & respect instead of criticism.  Of course I blasted them & then they turned against me – these women were of the demonic spirit.  “It is the spirit that quickens, not the flesh.”

    And once again, when the shallow ‘friendships” of Face book & such have faded away, who remains to serve Matriarchy with us?  Not a woman, although I reached out to them & some were on the list – it was Pete!  And he’s been loyal for years, he has the Spirit of Mother God.

    So yes, thank you for bringing out that important distinction, William, because if we condemn all men we go against Buddha, Jesus & all the great male saints & victims of Patriarchy, the True Friends of Mother God & the world of love these men portrayed.  It is dangerous to just say ‘men & women’ & what you said needs to be recalled often in our work.         Rasa

 

From William: I agree Rasa, we also need to think about Matriarchy as the spirit of love.  If we look at patriarchal history we find rulers who care little for the people they rule and at times they seem to hate them. The world would be a far better place if we had rulers who cared and loved the people they rule.

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The only way we can have loving rulers is to be ruled by loving, maternal and nurturing women. So we can vote into power women like this and not vote for selfish people who only want power for themselves.  William

 

Rasa: Yes if people like Buddha or Jesus ruled the world we’d be Golden. But such people can’t rise to the top when Patriarchs rule, as Patriarchs are CRIMINALS who will do anything to injure & kill those of God. Look at the Pharisees in Jesus’ time – they gave him the biggest heartaches, they were truly evil. These are Patriarchs & their way of ‘killing’ by the letter of the law.

 

And so, we are left with the idea that women must, somehow, some way, some day, take over the family & the world. My solution is the long term one which I think God is implementing anyway, as I speak. Women have to regain, reanimate the ‘masculine’ within themselves, which they sacrificed long ago when they created offspring called ‘men’ – which became more & more masculine over the millennia & turned into the ‘Gorillas’ we know today. They have overstepped & gone over the top as far as aggression & lack of compassion. And as males are bit by bit phased out now over millennia, women must also regain what they sacrificed at one time. They thought by creating macho men their lives would be easier. This offspring could do the hard work, the dirty work, the killing & protecting. That worked for a while, maybe 100k years or so. But then they came to a point when some men became ‘Lucifer’ & said ‘I will not serve’ & in the myth, wanted to be worshipped as was Mother God. Isn’t that what we have now?

 

This is not a quick political solution, this will take thousands of years. However, if we abide by these IDEAS now we can see the writing on the wall. Indeed, partially through God getting me to instigate female body building as well as results of the whole feminist movement, women are doing just what I said. But there’s still a long way to go & we must be informed, animated, inspired & strengthened by the IDEAS here presented.   Rasa

 

Re newsfeeds ‘The Daily Sceptic’, ‘Common Dreams’ & ‘AlterNet’

 

From Rasa: I checked all 3 of the news feeds you gave me Pete.  I subscribed to Common Dreams only. {I think I did, gave them my e mail} I liked one article they did on the conspiracy against women, where centers are seducing women into thinking they will get them an abortion when first they are lying to them & are against abortion, & now, even looking to get women arrested seeking abortions.  It seems there’s now a 10k bounty on this & might rise to 100k!  Unbelievable!

 

I checked the material on the others & there’s too much MAINSTREAM CONTENT like Tweedle de dee & Tweedle de dum……….I don’t want my mind focused on the ‘this is what he said today, then he answered this, then she said, then he said.”……this is a WASTE OF TIME for me just as the mainstream media is a waste of time.  One can get centered on the minutiae, looking at the trees, & lose sight of the forest, which would then put me in the same place as the average Jane Doe.

 

Although Brighteon is EXTREME & most of the things they explain might not come true or won’t affect me, they suit me well.  I will also re-subscribe to Sons of Liberty, although they are fanatics on uncovering every police crime there is as well as they are an extreme ‘Christian’ {Christian as understood by men} & therefore partially anti-woman place, but yet, they suit me better than mainstream.

 

Although the extremes might be too extreme, they do not rivet me onto the tiny little minutiae arguments going on here in our society.  I need the big picture or where the big applies to the little going on.  Like the transgender thingy is one small thing, but it portrays the BIG hysteria men have against women, they want to be EQUAL to women – the gender that can REPRODUCE – the gender that is NOT going extinct – & so this focuses in with the big picture.     Rasa

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Judgement for Nick

 

9-13-22                His Choice – too ashamed to admit what a fool he was

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Nick now sees clearly what a fool he was to chose Ruth Anne over me.  It was evil & he forfeited the benefits I brought him.

He is so embarrassed he can’t admit it. And everyone he knew knows he was a fool – that embarrasses him the most.

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The beginning is terrible frustration, confusion.

I’m going on a trek. This gets vague. It’s going out like being feted, then not exactly that, but sort of vague connections with this person or that person. I leave from a comfortable apt where I’m supposed to check in with my host later, I have a key I think & a phone number. Later I CAN’T FIND this phone number when I get lost in the mall, great frustration. I needed my host to tell me the ADDRESS as I am a VISITOR & can’t recall how to get there.

What I do remember is this young man who seemed to be dressed in light blue, somehow with me but not with me, just totally unusual as he was with me at first, then seemed to be sitting at a different table. This restaurant where I do recall him was spread out, with dozens of people at little tables; the color light blue is everywhere. He has medium honey blonde hair, almost in a ‘Dutch’ style where it has bangs, straight across, & cut straight across just under the ears – This in a soft way, not extreme, slightly tousled. Then he disappears.

Then I wander through the mall trying to figure out how do I get out of here & back to my host, & I don’t have my cell phone, so I look for change – can’t find any although I know I had some before. Then I look for a phone booth. I find a phone booth, but don’t have the change or the number which I know I wrote down on a white slip of paper but where is it? I’m still somehow trying to make the call, maybe borrowing some change, it is cumbersome & I can sometimes recall numbers, so I’m trying.

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*** {MEANING: This terribly FRUSTRATING part is when you went out INTO THE WORLD at the behest or order of God & attempted to do as She said. She said quit the celibacy, go out & HAVE FUN. What you were LOST FROM was Mother God, you lost your Intimacy, Nonduality or Enlightenment consciousness.

This is a CLEAR EXPLANATION of how one; when they put their mind on things OTHER THAN GOD, lose their Intimacy & what else I stated, of God.

{God knew this would happen of course but you didn’t understand it fully until now.}

So here I am in the world, involved, my mind on people, & the young male who appears that I am focused on is NICK. He is with me, he isn’t. Like musical chairs, he comes & goes, he is jumping from here to there, when finally he ABANDONS ME for that drug partner. That’s his DISAPPEARANCE. {After a while we continued doing sex but he was gone as my steady, which being steady was not steady in the strict sense of the word, but we were a couple. This is not portrayed in the dream like its irrelevant to the dream. All that is relevant is he left me for a drug partner.}     

The whole scene in blue including him is probably not the blue of depression, but the BLUE OF BOYS, me being a Cougar, they the young men. They are everywhere, especially on my mind, many small tables; Nick is hanging with them a lot – shows all the young males & Nick one of them, many tables.

The HOST who sent me out, my base, who also is my benefactor is of course God. I leave God to go out into the world. I thought I had the means of getting back – which is the address or phone number & the means of getting that phone call or communication with Her – BUT I DON’T. I can’t get back to my Host, God! Imagine how frustrating that is for me. Nick has left me, God has left me, I am truly LOST. This was my state during the time outside of God & even a while after, until I go cleared out, cleansed & clarified – it’s an important point that God, myself & Nick all agreed, that had I consented to continue seeing him for sex, I would have been in misery, as all that lost-ness would have come back. He’d been with his drug partner, & I’d be in the middle of the deep blue ocean without a paddle for my canoe.}***

 

Somehow this entire mall scene ends & another scene begins. The next part is not frustrating at all, it is PEACE.

 

*** {PEACE: All this being outside ends. I stopped seeing Nick, got him out of my system, & then as predicted long ago, he dies.} ***

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Before this starts there’s one scene that I know is Nick & his drug partner. She is standing across from him maybe behind a counter. She’s beautiful, her hair is black in an unusual hairdo. There’s a pony tail on top of her head, the hair clasped facing her on the left to right, a large bundle of hair going across her entire head, like 25% of all the hair on her head like this. Her skin is clear & light, her features even, a good vision.

She’s talking to Nick & he to her but there is something WRONG. Why her façade is insufficient although beautiful. As he talks & talks, the physical disappears & there is nothing beyond it – She is just physical, no spirituality, no substance. All there is. Now that he is dead he sees this. I see it also – I never realized she was totally devoid of spirituality before.

 

*** {BEAUTIFUL FEMALE DEVOID OF SPIRITUALITY: His drug partner, who I call Ruth Anne, looks good on the OUTSIDE but there is nothing INSIDE. We all see this clearly now. All that was attractive or seductive about her was of this world & the flesh – & the demon drugs. Seeing past that, there is NOTHING. He sees this now.

Her hair. The meaning here is HORIZONTAL. Horizontal is not vertical. Vertical points to the sky, upward, Heaven. Horizontal is earth, temporary, the world, people, everything of time & space. This is ON TOP of her head is what is most important to her, No. 1, her mind & heart are of this world. Her allure is of this world, nothing spiritual, it ends, it is a chimera, fool’s gold, fake.} ***

 

Then there is a sort of contest.

It’s vague, but both myself & another woman want to marry Nick. I can’t explain the process or anything in between, but she gets him, I’m out. I know there were scenes, but I’ve forgotten.

The next scene is easier to recall. We are in B’klyn. Several scenes here, this is HOME. In many of my dreams, I find this place to be my center. {It was here that I had my most significant spiritual experiences – Seeing God Face to Face, Divine Stigmata, & other experiences – Holy Mary appearing to me, giving me 3 rings of Light encircling me, the evangelical virtues. She also appears & asks me to take the vow of celibacy, etc. – Jesus as Julius Caesar appears, Mystical Union with Humanity of Jesus – Gift of Contemplation from St. Mary of Agreda.}

 

*** {This is the HOME where God is. It is what you had to leave to find Nick & try to save him. Home is Heaven. It is Peace, happiness, fulfillment, all that is good. Away from home is the wilderness where anything can happen, the danger zone, the place of testing & hardship, the place of turmoil, frustration, confusion, & uncertainty.} ***

But now everything has changed. The dream doesn’t say it directly, but it is JUDGEMENT DAY.

Nick appears, like in the sky, in front of my building, like 6 stories up, the top of him, his head or bust, just hovering there & he is answering for his CHOICE.

The files are opened, & there’s a file on me vs the one on the lady he chose to ‘marry’ on earth.

In my files it shows that I am a millionaire. Hers I don’t recall but I think the scene of her being only ‘physical’ is relevant.

The entire neighborhood is looking at him to ADMIT what his choice was. He has to speak it.

So we go through the stories of both women, her & me. And then, before the entire neighborhood of everyone that knows or knew him, he has to say it,

“I chose” & he must say who.

But he can’t or won’t, he is too ashamed or embarrassed. He just sits there silent. I urge him to say it but he is dumb.

The idea is vision. He has seen it now, his friends, the whole hood sees it, I see it. I am sort of defiant as I urge him to speak as he is so ashamed.

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*** {MEANING: JUDGEMENT, MUST ADMIT WHO HE CHOSE, he can’t say it: This is now the vision & understanding fully, of what he did with his life. He chose the wrong woman & with it, the wrong path.

She was bereft of anything meaningful in life. She was drugs, the world, the people, the hood, the shallow fun, the escapism of Cloud 9, all that is temporary, anti-God, anti Eternal. He chose all that is low for all that is High, all that is temporary for all that is eternal, he chose bad instead of good.

On the other side of her was me. I represent God. I came to him as an emissary from God, warning him, for one thing, if he did not quit drugs he would die young of an overdose.

He started with me being sort of close, then he wandered & ran around with his ‘friends’ & other females, when he CHOSE one that answered all his twisted dreams – It was being right with those that were wrong, gaining their approval & dubious respect, & having a steady supply of drugs because of his new drug partner.

On the other hand was salvation in the form of me.

I would support him on is road to recovery, get him off drugs, help him establish a life which would have meaning. He could have a career; he would learn the important things in life, do things with meaning instead of drudgery work & partying every weekend.

The dream doesn’t say everything, just that I am a millionaire; this symbolizes both the transient world & the spiritual. I came to save him on both fronts, this world & the next, but he turned the other way.

This is so hard to face he can’t say it.

He is now standing or hovering in a place that represents the height of God. He sees it clearly & is ashamed & embarrassed.

And somehow, it is before everyone – those people he once was afraid to be criticized by, they all know he was a fool – everyone knows & that’s what’s so hard for him to face – these people.} ***

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Enlightenment vs Holiness

9-3-22              Enlightenment vs Holiness

 

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These thoughts are inspired by the video of Ozay Tulku Rinpoche & his wife Sadguru Ahiranta—If the link doesn’t work check out Ozay & Ahiranta’s You Tube Channel “The Happy Life Show”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsXGU1tS2uc&list=PLfRo-0_w1H_Ft3JdneYo3qg7gzlP0E4LM&index=3&t=1596s

 

          Ozay speaks a great teaching on Enlightenment, & how one LEAVES Enlightenment in order to help one’s fellow man.

          He left his Enlightenment, {which was attained in prison}, to be a husband to his wife Kay & a father to her & his children. One cannot be UNATTACHED {a part of Enlightenment} while fulfilling the duties of day to day life. He goes into the fact of loving a partner, having a roof over the head, the responsibility of paying rent & bills, etc, all the workings of normal life. One has to SACRIFICE their Enlightenment to fulfill the earthly role.

 

          That begs the question what IS Enlightenment? Good question. My answer is that what we call ‘Enlightenment’ is a type of CONSCIOUSNESS, or in other words, a mental, emotional spiritual place where one thinks certain thoughts & feels a certain way. In this state one is not attached to any one person, or to things, or to ambition, or to any desires of the world, while one is focused only on the concept of God & her Infinity.

{This is also an absolute prerequisite to seeing God face to face – which is a part of Enlightenment, not necessarily the same thing, as not all people I have seen who profess Enlightenment <& rightly so> – claim to have seen God Face to Face. The Beatific Vision means actually leaving this dimension & going to another one. Enlightenment does not require that.}

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          Now Ozay speak of sacrificing or leaving Enlightenment to take part in human relationships & achieving responsibility for others in this life. He explains that Buddha did so when he saw a vision of the water lilies. Wondering what to do with his life next, the Almighty showed him that all humans are in various stages of evolution, & to help them achieve their spiritual destiny was a path worthy of Buddha, & so, he undertook to help humanity & of course, to some degree, gave up THAT CONSCIOUSNESS.

 

          However, Buddha did not give up his HOLINESS & neither has Ozay given up his holiness when he works out his plans to help others.

 

          And let me add here, the term ‘Nonduality’ is Enlightenment, the Hindu word for it is Advaita, pronounced correctly, in Sanskrit A-DOIT-TA.

 

          To compare my intense experience of ‘leaving’ the state of Enlightenment but not giving up my HOLINESS was that remarkable word from God, when after 30 years of celibacy, God told me to pack it in, quit the abstinence, go out & HAVE FUN. I resisted but God insisted, saying,

“If you do not do this you will be OUTSIDE THE WILL OF GOD.”

 

          I THEN DID WHAT Buddha & Ozay did – left the peace & serenity of my lifestyle & re-entered the TUMOLT & sometimes CHAOS of earthly life. Back to LUST, drinking, carousing, having fun, being an idiot & a fool, all part & parcel of my obedience to God.

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          And why did I do it? To REMAIN INSIDE THE WILL OF GOD. When I asked my most informed friends, why did God force me to do this, William Bond had the best answer,

“Perhaps it wasn’t for you, it was for others.”

 

          That goes perfectly with the reasoning Ozay suggests here, I went out & made a damned fool of myself for humanity. Others got the benefit of my holiness, even when I fell into lust & had sex with numerous guys, my grace rubbed off on them. I must have SAVED SOULS when they had contact with me. As many females benefited by my presence, – I met hundreds of females as well as males in our college town bars, we talked, hob knobbed – some of them told me THEY WORSHIPED ME!

 

          In the end, it took eleven long years to wear myself out. From 2008 to 2017 I danced my ass off but that stopped with severe anxiety attacks over one male, while heart attacks followed. No more dancing, didn’t have the strength.

          I continued seeing my one Beloved until the Corona fiasco shut down the bars. He was a drug addict & had moved in with his female drug partner– after a while he came out to the bars that reopened, but I went downtown no more. During this time I cured myself of the attachment to him – it was rough, it took a couple years to get over the addiction & regain my Enlightenment. Prior to that, he had total control over me & it was torture. Now I regained control & told him,

 

          “No more sex unless you leave your phony wife & go into rehab.”

 

          Two months later, he died of an overdose. Was it a suicide from a broken heart?

          My time with lust & ‘having fun’ had reached its conclusion. Was my mission finished? Have I succeeded? Do I get my diploma, Lord?

 

          This video speaks of the miraculous way God worked to bring Ahiranta & Ozay together, all the obstacles & experiences they faced,– in fact, Ahiranta says she got a serious illness in order to meet Ozay – God works in mysterious ways – Ahiranta saw a vision of Ozay from years before, when he was 11 or 12. In this sighting she saw a man who took her into his arms & told her everything would be alright. A marriage made in heaven. Their relationship is fascinating & the way they tell their stories also is.

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          Ozay makes a great point about understanding your own feelings, verbalizing them, putting them into words. Because if you don’t figure out why you feel as you feel, confusion reigns. You must meditate & search deep inside yourself to know why you feel what you feel to find peace.

 

          These are great people, this video is top notch, I recommend seeing it.

 

PSS  Ahiranta Explains Her Own Malady

 

          Something I did not discern right away, took me a day, & then I realized Ahiranta explained her own malady.

          It happened when she spoke of the RUNNER who when he hit the finish line, had spent so much of himself, he collapses & even loses control over his own BOWELS & LIMBS.

          When I get insights or revelations it’s usually because I have seen PIECES OF A PUZZLE & all of a sudden, all the pieces are together & I see the picture.

          I’ve know Ahiranta for many years, & she has a trait I was always aware of but I did not connect it to any malady.  I knew about her sickness as it’s been a thing she’s spoken of from eons ago, & is part of the way she met Ozay – she needed help.

          The pieces have now fallen together & I know why Ahiranta has symptoms that are mysterious & crippling so to speak, but which have no physical origin.  And it is so simple that it’s as plain as the nose on your face, but no one ever sees it.

I didn’t see it as I thought that illness was cured many years ago & I’ve not spoken to Ahiranta & Ozay now for a few years – except to say hello.

So let me spill it in a nutshell, & that is all there is to it, Ahiranta, you give too much, you love too much, your heart is too open, you exhaust yourself, you spend your love & affection in an abnormal or extreme way.

When a person does as you do, they get hurt more than they should & they become ‘the sacrificial lamb.’

One must love themselves as well as their neighbor, you sometimes love the neighbor MORE than yourself, & as we listen to Ozay in the video, he speaks of CAUSE & EFFECT, & the cause of your malady is GIVING TOO MUCH, the effect of this is the exhaustion, the body collapsing, losing control over the body & all else that follows {long ago I recall your series on your paralysis} & whatever else is happening, though it seems remote, like BURNING, is all caused by this mental, physical, spiritual & emotional exhaustion – there is nothing else.  You are doing this to yourself, & when you stop, the symptoms will stop.

I prayed on it, asking God why you do this & God said it doesn’t matter – just stop.

Just for example, for years now you have been writing me letters, sometimes I cringe when I read them, because they are so mushy, so affectionate, I fear answering them as if I don’t respond in kind, or with as much affection, it might hurt your feelings.  I just don’t know what to say – you GIVE TOO MUCH LOVE SO STOP!

I remember when you kept speaking of the heart being open, again & again – your heart is TOO OPEN – STOP!

And you answered every one of my comments on your video -STOP!  One comprehensive comment for all my comments is enough.  It took me no effort to write my comments, it was just off the top of my head, but it takes you effort to answer them all – STOP!

Stop hurting yourself!

I have said it all, if you want to discuss it further then OK, but I have said all that needs to be said & you can believe me or not believe me but I have said what I understand.

 

 When you stop 50% of this 50% of your symptoms will be gone.  If you stop 80% of it ALL your symptoms will disappear.  You need give only 20% of what you do to be a kind, loving, decent person.  Giving too much, on ounce here, an ounce there, here, there, everywhere, soon you have given pounds away from your own body & there’s nothing left to balance you & keep you healthy…….

Guru Rasa Von Werder  

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

His Life & Death

8-29-22 His Paranoid State with Me –

 

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Why no pics were taken together &  Strange turn of events

 

         The headline pic is not him, one of my other models – I will use some other models this article 

 

Last night I put together an article with many of Nick’s images including those with him & females – including nights when we made love – he hugged them for pics, not me. And I asked why did he want no images taken with him?

          The dream was stressful & shows his paranoid state.

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          Dream: I was in love with this guy who really turned me on, I’d go into an ecstatic state when we are together. I wanted to see him so badly.

After a while, he finally comes over, to my 2nd floor apt. He has longish wavy black hair, in clumps, & he’s somehow naked in my apt, I see his penis clearly, his skin is suntan like he’s a darker nationality like some sort of Latin mix. He seems to be a NERVOUS WRECK.

 

We’re in my room trying to have some privacy. But there’s this huge window – just like the one we had in B’klyn, like we’re in the kitchen & to the right is this window – it’s about 5-6’ square, & on the other side of it, slightly higher, are my neighbors, who’re sitting at a table, like maybe 3 women & 2 men, the women figure more prominently in this scene.

Why the window isn’t closed as we try to make love, I don’t know. At first, those women are just sitting there speaking to one another at their blonde {like Oak} table, but next thing you know, they ENTER our room! It’s a small leap from where they are to where we are but I am outraged, & invite them to leave, which they do.

Then I climb up on something & try to cover up the window with a couple things for privacy.

But my lover is SPOOKED OUT as he’s paranoid, afraid, nervous, & he leaves.

 

*** {NERVOUS STATE OF LOVER & NOSY NEIGHBORS: This dream explains, in two scenarios, why Nick didn’t want images taken with me – His fear of people – their opinion – especially that of women.

We were not allowed to be private, left alone, they got “into our space,” our privacy, apparently giving their opinions, like because it’s a TABLE could be saying,

“What does she bring to the table? What does he?”

It’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS but they are butting in & he is SCARED OF THEM.

He BREAKS MY HEART by his absence.

I do recall that one of his bear pong buddies – a female his own age – told him it was wrong for him to be with me, as he was looking for a Mother. He should be with HER & she did have sex with him, he told me he was ‘using her for sex’ last time we spoke.

Don’t know who else said negative things, probably they all did. His state of mind is because he’s INSECURE, not confident at all.

 

I call & call to him, from here on in I have nothing but trouble & I thought I had him in my h12670893_1570096019987391_5808899411213126861_n 12401004_1570101826653477_8711738310246682995_n 12079664_10208053452961980_8883343245142756305_n 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 #@!@#@!@#@!@# ######@@@@@@@!!!!!!!! ####################!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ands, but I look at my hands & they are empty, & later he does appear, but disappears again. Both he & I are having terrible stress because of these interfering neighbors.

 

*** {APPEAR, DISAPPEAR: We both had great stress in our relationship & he would come & go like the wind. See the song, ‘The Wayward Wind.’ By Patsy Cline & Gogi Grant hits:

“Oh, the wayward wind is a restless wind
A restless wind that yearns to wander
And he was born the next of kin
The next of kin to the wayward wind”

 

Later there’s this theater. I go there to watch a movie, it’s night. I sit, in front of me left is a black guy, I see his shoulders, he’s full bodied. I want to speak to him but am shy. I look to my right & there’s a thin young black man, I do speak to him & say,

“This movie is boring.”

He somehow agrees – he’s quiet.

 

I vaguely recall bending to the shoulder & ear of that guy in front of me & saying softly,

“I love you.”

 

Then I walk to the left aisle – btw – this theater is practically empty, almost no one goes here at night, it’s like 5 people in the whole theater. Anyway, I walk on this wide left hand aisle, it’s about 10-12’ wide, everything is clean; it has a light reddish tone. I’m doing some research or something & someone, maybe my daughter, finds a large piece of white paper on the floor & picks it up. I see my address in on the left top corner. I don’t want any of my ID left here & I take that paper to leave with it. Not sure what I was doing in this theater except research of some kind but I didn’t want people to know I was there, no proof.

 

*** {THEATER I WANT NO PROOF OF MY BEING THERE: This hearkens ot the question of why Nick wanted no images of him & you – Because he feared there being proof the two of you were together. This real PARANOIA because he hung with addicts, pushers, & many women he bedded besides his front woman – & he had pics taken with them. But apparently, there was harsher criticism & ridicule about me than anyone else. Drug users & pushers in his society were commonplace – women much older than he were not. This is what he feared – criticism & ridicule for loving me, conversely, as weird as it seems to straight people, there was no criticism for drug dealers or users – they were not only comfortable with this, they bragged about it, sung about it & it made them feel they BELONGED. But the love of an older woman would make a guy an OUTCAST.

The dude I whisper to is obviously Nick, the one to my right one of his friends. We’re all observing his life story. Why is it night & no one is here? Night is ‘dark night of the soul,’ not knowing, being in darkness or lack of understanding. I talk about RESEARCH means I’m trying to figure it out. Why are there few people here? Few are thinking about his life in terms of what was behind it?

When I say this movie is boring, I’m speaking of his life as boring or meaningless. When I wrote the first article about him where I featured many of his local pics, he said,

“I WASTED MY LIFE”

<this is channeling – yes, he admitted it once he was dead.>

 

The guy to the right who seems to agree with me, – there’s an empty seat between us – is now subdued, is someone who talked too much while living, I recall ‘Tom’ him with annoyance. I took him out to dinner several times along with Nick & his friends….he would not shut up. This shows Nick’s death zipped his lip.

He might appear here as he took some pics & a VIDEO of Nick & me where he was doing ‘the monkey dance’ toward me when I raised my leg to the ceiling – but he said later when he tried to show me THAT NICK HAD ERASED IT. It seems he agrees with me that their LIFESTYLE WAS WRONG – BORING is another term for WITHOUT MEANING.

The empty seat between us? Nick is in front of me so it can’t be the lack of Nick. It might be we are no longer CLOSE – I’ve not spoken to him in years.} ***

 

Again, it is night & I’m in a place like the old Post Office area in B’klyn where I used to go almost daily. I need to walk home, but must go through an area that is dangerous, so I go way up in the air, like 30’ – later I even rise 50’ in the air & say to myself when it’s night I will not walk the street, as there could be muggers people lurking, I will rise above the tree tops to make my journey, so here I go sailing in the air on this long walk home.

Now I’m in the woods on that familiar road behind the house near Freehold NJ – this road I’ve taken hundreds of times in my dreams. Except this day I pass by some landmarks saying that others have moved in, interlopers, this is my property, but they have invaded.

As I go past one area I see something white to the right, on a hilly spot, & a strong bright light is shining & is pointed on me as I go by. I realize people are camping here – not something that happened in the past, this is new.

Then I come to a building right in the middle of the road, looks like a covered bridge but is a building painted red, pretty, with white trim like in between a barn & house. At first I think this is bad or whoever put this here is wrong, as its blocking the road, but as I come up to it I see there is ample room to the right of it to go by.

 

*** {IN THE AIR BECAUSE IT’S NIGHT, JOURNEY HOME THROUGH THE WILDERNESS: This is rising above time & space, the dangers of the world, lower thoughts, lower feelings & the demonic. I must rise above all this, that is the MESSAGE as it’s the POST OFFICE. There is a BRIGHT LIGHT at one point shining at me – could be the Light of God, Saints or Angels helping me.

 

The RED BUILDING I think is a BLOCK, someone seems to have built it there & it’s wrong – is most probably the OBSTACLE of Nick’s death, dying & therefore the prediction that he & I would be together as man & wife cannot come true. RED is BLOOD or suffering. First, I thought it wrong, but then I see one can GET BY THIS which means get past his death; cope with it, live with it. Indeed, I am doing remarkably well & much insight & closure are coming to me about all this – why it was as it was, why death was his only way out, how the Truth now comes to Light through all this.

I understand him & our relationship more clearly than I ever did when he was alive.

The FAMILIAR ROAD / JOURNEY hearkens back to long ago when I was a child. It’s the journey of LIFE, & the ROAD HOME is seeking fulfillment, peace, happiness, meaning, love & one’s destiny.

The BRIGHT LIGHT from a hill to the right is something from GOD, bestowing insight on me, about the building up ahead, which is Nick’s death.

 

One thing that comforts me again & again, God keeps saying like so:

 

“If he had gone into rehab, been with you, you would have been the sacrificial lamb. Part of the time you would have been happy, but much of the time you would have been miserable due to his behavior, neediness, lack of discipline & errant ways. He would have relapsed over & over. You would have had the biggest baby in America, one hard to handle, one causing you continuous stress.

The only way he kept semi under control was through drugs, he & his partner drugged together & that pacified him. Otherwise he was a basket case & you knew it. He needed therapy, but he wouldn’t allow it. He was not cooperative with you for his healing, career, for anything. He would have had you jumping through hoops to keep him busy & out of trouble.

God did not want you sacrificed.

And if you had seen him the night he called, it would have started the pattern all over again, like it was before. It would have forestalled his death for a while, but once he decided he would be a forever drug addict with his drug mate, the writing was on the wall. He was doomed. And you predicted it in 2014. Each of your channeling friends agreed.} ***

 

8-30-22             Strange turn of events

 

There’s an EVENT going on in front of me, like a line of things, like a design, & Nick is standing in the middle of it. Something bad happens, then there is an investigation of sorts.

A big woman shows up near him & it’s strange, although something bad happened – like an assassination – I feel she’s asking him to commit another event like that, like another assassination, but this is vague & confusing.

She’s big, like weighing 300 lbs, in a dark floral print dress, black background or very dark blue with figures on it in all dark colors. Her hair is well set, its shoulder length, thickly curled.

When she goes away to do something I walk in & speak to Nick. He tells me she’s some kind of important official, like the wife of the Chief of Treasury, or maybe she’s the Chief of Treasury herself, in this foreign land.

Nick & I are now seated at a small booth as in a restaurant, thickly padded vinyl brown seats {I sense brown} with a dark solid partition to our right – the table & booth are small, seating only 2 people. Close to him there’s a silver teapot, the kind that has a round part on top, then a small waist, then a bigger round pot on the bottom. I touch it, it’s hot – like hot water inside. I tell Nick I guess this is tea.

The big woman returns & gives me a FIERCE glance.

She’s Spanish & since she’s important I didn’t know how to greet her to give her the honor she’d expect, like in English, I’d say something,

“Honored to meet you, your Ladyship”

 

but can’t think of the words in Spanish even remotely, so instead, I kiss her right hand in a respectful European manner.

At that moment she unfurls a white tablecloth to go over our little table – She’s going to serve us. This is a surprising action, as she is this Lady of high standing, but now she’s OUR SERVER!

 

*** {LADY OF THE TREASURY, WHO NOW SERVES US: This dream I analyzed while still in bed, went to sleep & dreamed some more. It’s deep.

This ‘important lady’ who is some kind of TREASURY person, is the gf who financed him so he could do drugs every day. As I said many times before, she might have given him the drugs for months in the beginning, before he got a full-time job. Then he got a full-time job & had the luxury of spending most of his money on his habits – he was addicted to regular cigs & grass, beer & became addicted to cocaine because of this lady. Not sure if he graduated to heroin the last years – it is possible.

She was BIG or IMPORTANT to him during the time they were together for this reason.

The EVENT is his death of an overdose. I warned him about this dozens of times since 2014 – predicted it – he paid no attention.

And so, I am watching this ‘from afar’ so to speak, checking his face book.

Her immediate reaction was he had ‘killed himself,’ the assassination, & she was so upset she wised to be dead also – the second assassination.

Her leaving & my MOVING CLOSER to Nick is when the body was gone – she left or became ‘distant’ to him. She did not relate to his SPIRIT as I do.

That was when I MOVED IN. My relationship with him has been, from the beginning, SPIRITUAL. And so his body being gone, he actually came closer to me & I to him because

*** He was no longer distracted by the other people around him – his male & female friends

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*** I had dismissed him from my mind for the most part, but now returned to communicate & converse with him

 

And so, we came together in a private place, one in which there is no ROOM for anyone else or no ATTENTION paid to them – just us – the SMALL BOOTH.

The silver teapot reminds me of all the MARRIAGE dreams I had over the years – it signifies a LONG TIME, if 25 years go by since we met – 2011 + 25 = 2036. In 2036 I’ll be 91 – the age predicted for me to live to since many years ago. I didn’t expect I would live this long since my several heart attacks of 2017, but then again, who knows.

 

So this is a sign of our TOGETHERNESS. Why the BROWN? It’s a sign of almost black sufferings. That could be the time we both spent leading up to this – it’s been a dark, dreary time of stress, misunderstanding, jealousy, pain & terrible separations. We both suffered equally. But this shows us

 

APART {partition to our right} from others, we were meant to be together, just the two of us, in the end.

Now the BIG WOMAN – his gf comes back & I know its her because of the FIERCE LOOK.

But I have a message for her here. I am giving her honor or credit for something. One moment I kiss her hand. And then she unfurls a white table cloth for our little table, as if she’s going to SET A MEAL FOR US – she’s our server or servant!

The white tablecloth is MARRIAGE, which goes along with the silver teapot for tea.

TEA is something you have for a repast/ break, time out, refreshment. My grandma used to call for tea several times a day; it didn’t just mean tea, it meant put the bread, jams & jelly, butter & cheese on the table for a snack. It’s relaxation, rest, refreshment.

How she becomes our server/servant after Nick’s death is strange. It’s as if she helped him die, which removed him from her & put him with me.

My God Self explained it like this:

“None of these people functions on a spiritual basis. They don’t have the skills to do so. They cannot talk to God or saints or Souls in purgatory. They cannot read minds like you can. They function on the physical plane only, so they communicated & conversed with Nick only with his flesh, & when that was gone, it was the end of communication.

Not so for you. You are spiritual & when Nick lost his body but not his soul, he belonged to you. He could communicate with you alone, not with them, so he is yours alone, you are his.

And so, by providing Nick with drugs she also helped him die, which then, set a table before you by her – by helping to kill him she helped him transit from herself & earthly people to you. So she’s your server or servant.

A strange turn of events to be sure.

 

In the next dream later that night I see myself in a white lace, low cut dress. I keep looking at my chest to see if it fits right.

 

*** {WHITE LACE DRESS: My wedding dress. Breasts are love, I’m thinking of love. Not sure what this means except my marriage to Nick.} ***

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College of God & Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

NICK MARRIES ME!

8-25-22     NICK BESTOWS WEDDING DRESS ON ME – Party in Purgatory – Souls Ascend

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Wow! Yesterday Nick ascended into Heaven, today he marries me!

 

We were united by God mystically – ‘what God has joined together, let no man put asunder’ – April 21, 2019. I DID NOT KNOW there would be anything more than that, but here it is.

I’m standing in front of an open closet – the one upstairs where I keep the male model’s clothes. It has no door.

 

          *** {THE CLOSET: This is the closet where you still have the male model’s clothes. You were the GIVER with the models. You bought all their clothes & also paid them, which includes Nick. But now it’s your turn to RECEIVE, so the tables or closets are turned.} ***

 

As I stand there I see something as if from the past – a sight of a wedding veil, hovering in the air, small, the regular see-through kind, with a cap or top, then flowing net, it’s small as if far away in my mind, pure white.

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Then I’m thinking about a new veil or maybe DRESS, not sure which. And I think I am POOR & can’t afford it.

But a man appears to my left front & presents me with a long flowing – is it a veil or dress? Could be either or both. It’s like he tosses it in front of me, it hovers in the air, he seems JOYFUL in doing this. It’s not see through, soft & cream color, & the top of it begins with a lamp shape, as if the shape of the top of it covers a traditional lamp, like a BELL, cascading over it, downward, quite long so whatever it is, it might flow below the feet – looks to be at least 6 feet, it has a soft finish like waves on the side – also large scallops but I can’t place where they are, just know they’re there.

I see this is a GIFT from this man because like I said, I’m poor, & he was SO HAPPY to give it.

And next, lo & behold, I’m eating a vanilla cake with pure white frosting, I can taste it, obviously a wedding cake.

 

*** {WOW! Nick has officially CHOSEN YOU FOR HIS BRIDE! The lamp/bell has two meaning, Bell meaning WEDDING BELL & LAMP meaning LIGHT.

Light is extremely important in spiritual terms. There is nothing physical per se, it’s all energy, & the higher energies are Lights, so Nick is giving you a Light which means wedding or “United as man & wife’ Light. And Mystical Marriage means he isn’t giving you one of his Gifts – the way saints would – he’s giving you HIMSELF, where beyond that, there’s nothing bigger or better.

Now God joined you together as you said, from above.

What is interesting here is Nick was dependent on you in Purgatory, he wasn’t capable of giving you anything – he even needed you to grant Light to his lady friend & child, & you did.

But now, he IS capable of giving you something, & here it is! It isn’t a small thing or a gift; it is Himself, beyond which there is nothing bigger or better. He’s doing this by his CHOICE, he could do something else, but it’s his decision, his will you be married. This is so gratifying.

ME to Mother God: Please explain why I am POOR, & the meaning of the dress further.

MG: Your poverty is not financial; it’s the lack of love. When Nick was living, he wasn’t capable of giving True Love. He was needy & DESPERATE for YOUR LOVE & you gave him it. Then he died & in Purgatory, again, he was dependent on you not only for his own need but to help others he cared about on earth. You granted it.

But once he ascended, he had spiritual Power. This is what he did with it. He proved he loves you – wow.

The cream is a good color of love, it’s a superlative, like ‘the cream of the crop,’ ‘the cream at the top,’ representing the best of something, the cream is the RICHEST part of the milk {along with butter}, it is also SWEET. This is a wonderful symbol because LOVE IS SWEET. When you whip cream it makes a wonderful dessert topping.

The dress is soft – soft like LOVE. Love is not HARD. It flows, love flows softly like a gentle breeze or stream. And it is long, meaning it’s long lasting, it covers a lot, it isn’t short lived or temporary.

The scallops could be a symbol of FISH or SEA CREATURE – scallops are one of your favorite sea foods. Fish represent Christianity, Christianity is LOVE. Again, this might reiterate Love.} ***

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The Scouts – Celebration

 

I’m on my property deep in the wilderness but it has dirt roads through it, remote but beautiful. Daughter & I are sitting at a table enjoying a meal, a picnic.

 

*** {WILDERNESS, BEAUTIFUL WITH SCOUTS, DAUGHTER & ME: I sense this is myself {Higher Self, God Self} & my flesh saying the Holy Mass. This dream shows two parts – first in the woods or wilderness, you at a table which is the altar, then afterwards you’ll see a party – where Souls are CELEBRATING something.} ***

 

Before us is a road as if it comes from the river, it has well-worn grass like in rows, it’s not just dirt, & there we see a whole lot of Boy Scouts convening, having some sort of a good time. To the right of these cub scouts are older scouts, separated by a criss-cross black wire fence. The fence isn’t obvious but it’s there & past that fence, I’m not sure if that’s my property or a neighbor’s.

 

*** {THE ROAD FROM THE RIVER, WELL WORN: The RIVER is a symbol of GRACE, many spiritual songs like ‘Shall we gather at the river.’ Purgatorial Souls are Holy Souls – they are forgiven their sins, this is God’s Waiting Room. Here they are cleansed of the result of sins as well as attachments to the earth.

And so, this road is well worn, as many Souls have been brought to you by Angels & Saints to minister to. And these being ‘cub scouts’ are those quite ready to ascend, as they seem innocent, pure in heart or clean. There are others not quite ready to ascend, older ones to the right of that black wire fence. The black wire sounds like the Will of God {metal is God’s Will, black is depression, but it isn’t solid, you can see right through it, they aren’t in a low Purgatory, just not quite ready yet} is not finished with them yet, they are not on YOUR PROPERTY yet but the neighbor’s. Those on YOUR PROPERTY implies they are in your domain or spiritual office & will ascend imminently.} ***

 

 

My daughter & I greet the scouts – I don’t dare tell them it’s my property {they don’t know, they were lead here} as it might intimidate them or make them uncomfortable; they might think they need permission – I just want them to feel free & happy. I joke with them & say,

“Can I be one of you scouts?”

Some sweet little tyke says no, we have to be all boys,”

He’s so innocent he thought I was serious. And I say,

“I used to be a girl scout.”

I am really happy in this dream.

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*** {MY PROPERTY, DON’T WANT TO TELL THEM: This shows my LOVE for these Souls. I want them to be free & happy; don’t want them to be uncomfortable. My asking if I can be a scout, then saying I used to be one, is saying I’ve already done my Purgatory.

Us sitting at the table when they arriving is sitting at the altar/table saying the Holy Mass, which brought these Scouts / Souls to me by the Grace of God – the River of Grace} ***

 

Then it changes & daughter & I are in B’klyn, at the apt. The scouts disappeared from the wilderness; I will see them shortly here.

Something about the key – it’s made of a strong white cardboard {much larger size than regular keys} for me to get in the front door – I make a note that I must get some keys copied in metal, as this paper thing will eventually fall apart.

Daughter is in the apt with me, wants to go out. Usually I’m strict & don’t let her do all she wants, but now, I let go of the short leash & say,

“Oh, go on!”

She just wanted to have a good time some place.

 

Now I see the scouts, they have come to the city for a Grand Party. There’s a contingency of females as well as males – a lot of them. I’d say there are 50 males, 50 females.

I peek into their party. I see one female wearing a silver tiara, she might be mulatto.

These are the same scouts as in the wilderness. All this is supervised; they are led by adults & brought here by them.

As I look in I know I’m not one of them, but I feel happy for them. As I stand at their entrance, they stare at me thoughtfully, like who am I?

As I stand in front of my building door, one young male breaks from the party & approaches me. The feeling is he thinks he might know me or else wants my autograph, but then gets shy & goes back to the group.

 

*** {THE PARTY: This is a CELEBRATION. Of what? {Often I saw parties when a soul went up – not always. Sometimes they would approach me gleefully & thank me, as I ministered for years to some souls – example Frank Sinatra. How beautiful he was when he thanked me. He appeared as a teenage boy in a white t shirt, threw stardust all over my yard from the upper where we stood to the lower yard, which sinks like 15’ below, & gave me the most loving long hug}…… Could be several things like so:

 

*** Nick’s ascension into Heaven

*** Nick choosing me for his wife

*** One or more other souls are ascending today.

It could be the female in the TIARA but it’s probably ALL OF THEM because on SPECIAL OCCASIONS God permits MULTIPLE SOULS to ascend. Example – Last St. Martin Luther King Jr. Day I was saying the Mass regularly & St. Martin got a large number of Souls up at once – maybe 50 Souls. This could be like that.

 

The female with the Tiara would show she is SPECIAL. Great Souls get SPECIAL AWARDS seen as jewels, they made great sacrifices & endured great hardships. They can be bedecked with jewels. I have no idea who this female is or what she did but I know she’s decorated. She was taller too, a symbol of Spiritual Height. St. Joan of Arc is 6’ tall.

The sweet male who comes toward me from the crowd might think he knows me or heard of me, but after getting close he retreats, as he’s shy. This might be my Spiritual Stature intimidates him. I know this, the higher one is in Heaven, the more privileges they have. For example, someone lower than me in stature or brilliance cannot approach me or communicate with me without permission, the onus is on the soul that has the greater Light.

It’s been an incredible day, I was thanking God all night.  

 

8-26-22      Is That All?  Lol – Means he is mine & mine alone

 

I can recall only 2 quick dreams, first & last, forgot all in between.

The first Nick & I had just finished making love.  I don’t see the act.  I see his head like hovering in the air, I feel the sexiness or appeal oozing out of him.  It’s like we made love over the hill or mound, the other side, now we are here talking.  And he says,

“Is that all?”

And I say,

“I’m satisfied.”

And I FEEL total satisfaction although I can’t recall the sex act at all.

I sensed he wanted some sort of orgy, like 3 women, lol.  But that is not to be I think.

This dream might be the answer to my question, now that Nick married me, we’re on the ‘other side’ or dimension – Will he have me only or will he be able to marry others?

Will he be able to have sex with me on the other side?  What about other women?

So this might answer the question:  You Rasa, have him & he has you & you alone.  Your sufferings are over.

In life he was selfish & unfaithful, he called the shots, he did what he wanted.

He put his drug partner as his significant other on Face book & elsewhere.  He had you as his back street woman – no one knew of of you.  And when he saw you, to diminish his fake wife he would always tell you about another female he was ‘talking to’ {fucking} besides her.  And to you he said,

‘Don’t mess up my DEAL with her’ {the fake wife.}  So he fooled everyone, he hurt all of you.

But now, you have won.

All the things God said to you have come full circle, God did not lie. 

This is God’s world – She calls the shots.  And She – God – has chosen / designated you as his legitimate wife, the way King Solomon designated one woman who was willing to SACRIFICE as the righteous MOTHER of the baby in dispute.

Since you were the one who LOVED HIM THE MOST now he is dead, he does not have the power he did on earth, he is under the jurisdiction & Power of the Almighty.

So he is by his words, answering your prayer,

“Is that all?”

And the answer is,

“Yes, this is it.  You have Rasa & her alone.  She’s your wife, you can only have sex with her, case closed, lol.”

Then many dreams I forgot & the last, a male & female on roller skates were holding hands & zooming about, having fun, in a place like a Town Square.

 

*** {COUPLE ON ROLLER SCATES:  This has to be you & Nick in Heaven, together, having fun.  The roller skates signify freedom, innocence like children playing, the Town Square is openness, no more secret, back door wife.} *** 

 PS   Two days after this, they scheduled a ROLLER SKATING PARTY in memory of Nick, at a local park, which 54 people attended.   I knew nothing of that when I dreamed this, but here, it shows Nick & I skating together in a public place.  So I don’t physically have to go anywhere – his funeral or memorial services.  They are on the earth plane, Nick & I are on the spiritual plane living & communicating.  He appears nightly in my dreams.

 

 

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College of God & Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

NICK IN HEAVEN!

7TH GRADE AGE 12 14 YRS MAYBE 19 199169_432331113515982_862433134_n 527878_466876580008850_81791887_n 577489_538571289558630_106714521_n 580489_415931528489274_1604878224_n8-24-22             He in BRIGHT DAYLIGHT OPEN SKY

6th day Holy Mass – He was in Purgatory for only 10 days! 2nd shortest Purgatory for anyone I ministered to!

The shortest one ever was a

lady named Brenda, recently, who spent only 1 day in Purgatory for one forgotten sin!

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Is he in Heaven?

I was doing something – what? Look below after this dream – it came back. Next thing I know I am looking at a wide open, huge field. Big sky, all super green on the bottom, & in the middle of this field stands Nick. He looks healthy & the sun is so bright, his skin is dark as if from a tan. He looks handsome.

Alongside him is a smaller person, to his left, & a tiny person to his right, child size. I wonder, is this his gf & child?

 

Meaning:

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*** (FIELD, OPEN, GREEN, GOOD FEELING: It seems that Nick has been cleansed & is now in his Heaven. The dreams following this he is the Asian man & the military man. It looks like I PAID to get him here – has to be the Holy Masses.

None of these people who were mourning for him ever mentioned praying for his soul or getting Masses for him, & most of them are Christians. So I was the only one that I know of literally helping him with true spiritual help. Yes, they grieved, yes, they gave money & the charity counts. But I did the most Powerful thing for his soul.

This CANNOT BE PURGATORY because Purgatory has always a CLOSED SPACE, be it a building, cave, or overhead sky that stops. But this is the open sky, & the green under one’s feet is LIFE. Purgatory is usually colorless, drab, & dim. This is so bright it looks like he got a tan from it! It’s Heaven!} ***

 

Prior to that, I was listening to a long 2 or more hour audio tape on those old fashioned tape machines. I heard Nick, & he said re me,

“Yes, she had consecrated part of my brain” {words are vague} meaning I had an influence on his brain, I touched it.

I wanted to keep that tape preserved, it was precious.

 

          I wake up in wonder & go back to sleep. Maybe the next dreams will help solve this.

 

These Dreams Explain that I Paid for His Happiness

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The Poor Women, Woman, in both dreams are his girl friend who is MOURNING / CRYING, & the second person is his 3 year old son. This is saying I STOPPED THEIR TEARS, they are now happy WITH HIM because he is IN HEAVEN – & obviously this is in their souls, it’s probably UNCONSCIOUS – But if he’s in Heaven then their souls are at peace, not in misery.

 

1st Dream:   I’m in a house with my middle-aged Asian Dad {like around 50-55} – he’s short, his skin looks pasty & has a couple bumps on it – is standing to my left facing straight so his left side is to me, he’s higher up, I might be sitting. It seems he’s DEPENDENT on me financially because he says to me,

“Please see to it these 2 bills are paid,”

and I pick them up & look at them – they seem innocent enough {I didn’t want Dad doing anything extravagant or using me} but then I say

“Hey, I’m not paying for these two young concubines {word is vague, could be gf’s or wives} for you!”

And he says,

“But they are BEAUTIFUL!”

How weird can it get? Next thing I know they are here, & they were so poor that being here, me paying their way, Dad gets their company, worked out alright.

 

*** {ASIAN, PASTY FACE/SKIN WITH BUMPS: This reminds me a bit of how Nick looks in his latest images. He’s gained weight & yes, in the past – when I photographed him he had a couple bumps like adult acne – very slight. But his skin looks slightly like that in his latest pictures. Second clue is he’s ASIAN & that DEFINITELY means in my vocabulary A RESIDENT OF HEAVEN OR A SPIRITUAL, HOLY BEING. This says he has ascended {another hint, he’s higher than me, looking forward & me being on his left, is he’s left me behind on earth, he’s ascended into heaven} & by his ascension he has brought happiness to his little family of girlfriend & 3 year old son. This reminds me of when Errol Flynn, after he’d been in Heaven through my ministry for years, used me or my ‘office’ on earth, to life up his last wife & girl friend from Purgatory into Heaven, lol, on the same day.

 

Him being DEPENDENT on me is obviously when he was in Purgatory, this underscores their position in relation to us, they cannot give, only receive from us, so he’s asking me to make sure I PAY FOR his little fam to be with him! But I must also add that the saints in Heaven – those who are ascended – use us, the Church Militant – to help other souls, raise them up out of Purgatory. These persons are in a Purgatorial state on earth, so maybe this applies to earth as well.} ***

 

Next thing I know I’m in another household & the man I am with is in the MILITARY, some kind of OFFICER. He’s going to USE HIS RANK to get a beautiful young woman – maybe a private – commissioned to live with us so he can have sex with her! It might even be two of them, but I physically see only one.

We have an EXTENDED apt, large, with several bedrooms, comfortable. When this female arrives she is BAWLING – crying real loud as she doesn’t want o be here! She’s tall, young, has flowing hair framing her face – I feel sorry for her & feel my man friend, is taking advantage of his position.

But the strange thing is once again, she adjusts & seems to like the arrangement. My man friend is to the left in the room, I have something to do with this but not sure what. It was all done FOR HIM.

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*** {MILITARY MAN USES HIS RANK: Rank is influence, pull or someone in a higher position. This could be saying that Nick, in his position as my Beloved can use me {I am the Church Militant in the Catholic definition} to bring his girl friend {common law wife} & child out of their misery into his Heavenly state. I am showing a very slight indignation as I am in love with Nick, but basically go along with it. OK, so he wants to bring them into his Heaven, fine, let’s do it.

And so basically he is now HAPPY IN HEAVEN & wants to make sure we get his girl friend & child into happiness as well. In the dreams you see them in misery, crying, at first, but then they stop & are satisfied.

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8 25 09 XX 10 (11-12) 14 NIK x

 

10 12 14 NIK IMG_5736 ZX FB IMG_5749 ZX FB NewJeff4Book107Gr NICK @ LAST BRIT N STEVE 3 29 14 ENDICOTT Nick4Book004bGrLR Nick4Book005bGrLR Nick4Book007GrLRF Nick4Book027GrLRF SEPT 4 2010

College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

to Bey or not to Bey?

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to Bey or not to Bey?

          Anna Bey is the greatest expert on becoming the woman who snags the elite. She knows it all – seriously – from cosmetics to surgery, to clothing, purses, deportment, culture, education, manners, status – you name it. She has hundreds of movies explaining the subject, including her mistakes on the way.

Check this version for pics on Anna.  Right now I cannot put pics from the computer onto my site here, I can only use what’s in my archives……     

https://rasavonwerder-william.blogspot.com/2022/07/viva-lacounterrevolution-why.html?sc=1660016727250#c1877639679156759803

Chapter 12   To Bey or not to Bey   8-8-22

 

Anna is now 36, pushing into the time when these eligible men will no longer consider you prime real estate – by 40 these guys retire us {she seems to say} into obscurity & old age. Not sure if she has a solution to that. I’ve seen about two dozen of her tutorials, she has more answers than I’m aware of.

 

But yesterday she took the cake. I watched two of her presentations – for me it’s like watching a cobra, I want to look away but I can’t. She preaches the OPPOSITE of all that I represent, & yet, I am ON HER SIDE as she HAS A POINT. My attitude is woman, stand on your own two feet – stop looking at penises. Woman, the New Religion is WALK AWAY from men – create your own world, become the man & woman you want to be – re-animate the masculine traits you once sacrificed, be the strong, heroic, brave & bold person as well as the soft, caring, maternal, compassionate creature that you are. Be all things you once were millennia ago when you were the Great Mother & we worshipped woman as God & God as woman – women reproduced through parthenogenesis. It’s along way to go back there, but human men are going extinct, we’ll have no choice sooner or later.

 

Last night I saw two of her videos – one was on the mistakes she’s made, & two, on staying away from male losers. When done with this she penetrated my mind to the point I can’t dismiss, it captured me. Previous to this I could watch & walk away. Of humor to me are the purses. She showed us all the purses from designers – I didn’t know then some of these cost thousands of dollars! She explained which are chic, which are not & why. I paid attention, went to the dollar store that looked to me like quality & bought it for twelve bucks, lol.

 

Then there was the clothing. She explained what was chic, what not. OK, I agree. But her line of duds would not get any hardons from men I know. When I dress like that I get no whistles, no men approach me, it’s like dressing nun style & you get as many offers as nuns. Men as I know them go for sex & unless something sexy catches them, they ignore you – I mean ALL men wherever I go. Of course I’m not talking millionaire yacht clubs or Palm Beach country clubs, I’m talking average venues. I have not tried to infiltrate the elite wherever they hide, but I have had marriage proposals from the rich & famous – all based on my looks, body & youth. They wanted sex so they wanted to marry me, that’s all I know.

 

Back to Anna. So now, she’s talking of her mistakes. First, it’s the eyelashes, she had them glued on permanently, so long that people were gossiping. She shows an image – yes, they were extreme, yes, it did not do her good. Then the hair color – dark. No, it was not her best look, no she did not look elegant, not right for her. But what really got me was the teeth. She took out a loan – must have been like 50k or more – to have every tooth in her mouth capped. She got a deal where they could do it in 7 days instead of the usual say 3 weeks or more? And then, they started falling out. Yiikes. They had to redo every tooth, which mean drilling them down again – I’ve had some done – then recapping. Finally it was over, she sports the lustrous perfect set she has now, they are beautiful – but what she went through I could imagine tears flowing down her eyes, not to mention her mouth was sensitive from all the stress for a year – couldn’t eat hot or cold, couldn’t open her mouth in cold air, etc – An ordeal. Thank God the condition normalized.

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Now I was thinking of all the other procedures Anna had gone through, so many it boggles the mind, I can’t even remember them all. I mean like enhancing her cheeks, reducing her chin was it?, puffing up her lips, hair extensions galore, tattooing her eyebrows, cosmetics going into hundreds of thousands & think of the stress. All this TO SNAG A RICH MAN! How HATEFUL men are who expect all this from a woman!

 

Then there’s the ‘trashy Reality TV show.’ Wow, was that eye opening. It seems that prior to hers, a Princess of Sweden – I had seen her with the Prince – {the handsomest Prince that ever lived – walking down the aisle – people only stared at him, not her! I heard she’d been part of a Reality Show – I thought it was a survivalist show – but Anna shows clips,

in one, she’s on her stomach, her top is off, a man is behind her massaging her thighs!}.

          Five years later, this is one of Anna’s MISTAKES – being on this national Swedish ‘trashy’ show. She explains how the members are manipulated to do outrageous things – she kissed a girl as well as guys – she got fall down drunk, which producers appreciated, etc. And for three weeks of degrading shenanigans she only made 300 bucks! She repeats again & again how don’t do anything like this friends, it isn’t worth it.

 

          I analyze in my mind how the Princess looked & how Anna looked within this show. The princess looked so young she could have passed for 18. And wow, was she cute! She looked like some sort of dessert – or a cute baby animal like a hedgehog or otter or baby raccoon, the kind you want to hold in your hands & cuddle. I could see why the Prince would want her.

 

          Not so for poor dear Anna. This is a while back – But Anna looked middle aged. Her hair is dark, heavy makeup including dark red cheeks like a Tibetan or those who live in Siberia. I found the cheeks positively annoying. She looks amazingly, like 40 years old except for the ACNE, lol! What is going on? I can see why cutie got the Prince, but Anna made a mistake. The mistake was her GROOMING.

 

          Today, Anna has transformed into an Angel. She says MAKEUP makes you look OLDER! Her face looks completely natural, no makeup – only the telltale puffy lips say ‘altered’. You don’t see all the surgeries or tattoos, attached lashes, fake hair, everything looks real. She’s a Dresden doll, a statue of a Goddess, carved by an artist greater than Rodin or Michelangelo, she’s made by a supernatural power, – No paint, just surgery! And she could pass for 20!

 

          Now the next video. It’s the cheap men, those that are unreliable, who want you to pay half, don’t keep their promises, who – ok, so Anna got it the same as the rest of us –who make promises but don’t even give us Arpege – they just wanted to get laid. Anna is passionate, yet as usual, articulate, & you have to hand it to her, English is her third language! She’s Swedish, knows Italian & is a whiz at English & delivers her knowledge in the most pristine, luxurious settings, designer clothes & perfect poise. They say ‘one of a kind’ – She is it.

 

          As Anna speaks, she delivers WHY men should pay. This I had to hear. I have my own version, Anna’s isn’t far off – we’re sisters under the skin.

          We have more EXPENSES! When you think of the half million or so Anna spent to transform herself, you chuckle, but OK, indeed, what about the small scale of poor to middle class women? She has a point, what does a poor woman have to pay?

          A poor woman has basically to take care of CHILDREN. She’s got rent, food, clothing, diapers, etc, a myriad of expenses she has to struggle to get either from welfare or her own poor earnings. We’re saying many women are ABANDONED. Men had their fun, their teaspoon of sperm is delivered, the woman is left holding the bag & the bills. What do they care? They reproduced, they did their duty. {Like the world needed more of them?}

          And the middle-class woman, such as myself, raised a child alone. I paid everything – he had died & left me penniless on purpose by canceling his life insurance. {My first husband, I was 19}

          My choice was not welfare but work. I was a dancer. I paid a baby sitter. The baby sitter is not cheap, one of the biggest expenses. I lived MODESTLY, day to day, week to week, although I made decent money – it wasn’t enough to be COMFORTABLE; Constant worry re making ends meet.

          But Anna is in another orbit. She hob knobs only with millionaires & teaches us to do so. Of course, you expect these toffs to pay for it all. But they don’t, apparently. You mean, Anna, some rich guys expect us to pay half? Outrageous! I imagine being out with Dr. Robert Atkins for dinner, he asks me to pay half? {He did not} Or Arnold, or Tom Selleck? What a joke! Of course they wouldn’t. And I suspect – if any of them does, he’s only PRETENDING to be rich & actually looking for what he can get out of a woman. Yes, I met some of those lowlifes – they’re out there.

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          The next question, which is the right path? To Bey or not to Bey? To turn yourself into the Goddess of beauty, charm & poise as is Anna, no matter what the cost? Or to follow the way of Guru Rasa, which says basically, stand alone like the rhinoceros, throw his Volkswagen out of the way with your horn, trot off & form a Sisterhood. Use your money for that – help other women toward independence.

  

          After all, isn’t Anna’s way one of continued dependence on men? I saw the poor girl on an English TV show sweating in her Dior suit while a team interrogated her. The woman was nice but the man accused her of going backward from feminism to Gold Digger. Anna was nervous – who wouldn’t be? She was too gracious to vent on men & say the thieves stole it all from us & now we must bend the knee, which we do, & they are selfish, egotistical, vain pieces of scum. She handled herself diplomatically.

 

          However, the question stands, do we do what we have to do to win millionaires or do we just accept our lot, whatever it is, & not bow to men? For one thing, if & when we snag the super rich, what do we do with all that money? It’s beyond security, this is LUXURY. Is all this necessary? What do we say at the end of this life when we can’t take it with us? What do we tell Peter at the Pearly Gates? “I got it all – I snagged a man with 50 mil, now what do I get?”        

 

Although I am supportive & sympathetic to Anna, I will just explain my POV re her. I follow her teachings because I am curious what is the correct way of behavior according to elites – manners, deportment, dress, do’s & don’ts – all of that, for me, could be of use. I mean if & when I hob nob with these people I don’t want to come off as a Cretan, I want to blend in with class. {Say if I need to go to the rest room during a fancy dinner, how do I excuse myself? I am certainly not going to say I HAVE TO GO TO THE REST ROOM! Lol}

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And if I was young, I might pay attention to snagging a winner rather than a loser – if I had a choice {some women don’t.} This is the short term – the here & now.

But my vocation or mission is toward the LONG TERM. I already accomplished my goals of youth – I succeeded on all fronts, had every type of success; material, physical & spiritual.

My work is to prepare women for the soon to distant future. Human men are going extinct, women have to prepare to take over the world. This is a big project; it takes a big Anointing & vision to explain. I am explaining it. For that, I must stay close to Mother God & hear her voice, see her Vison.

To that effect, whatever moneys I receive for my life story are going to the Sisterhood, where I hope to prepare young women not to snag rich men, but to become fully independent, confident & powerful within themselves. Don’t let men weaken you by thinking you need them – you need only God at your side. You need faith, hope, trust & confidence in God & realize She is inside you. God & you are One. Men are helpmates, but they cannot tell us what to do, how to think, how to act.

 

That is what I see as the purpose of my money. Unfortunately, most of the women who do get big money don’t spend it on that – they ratchet up their lifestyle & live for themselves, & world, not sisterhood & the future. And so, all that big money is wasted.

To Bey or not to Bey? That is the question up to you.

{End Chapter 12}

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