The Picture of Kellie Everts in Esquire is in the public domain
Dan Lurie and Kellie Everts – the Beginning
From Dan Lurie’s Book “Heart of Steel” Dan Lurie with Dave Robson, Author House 2009 – Page 313
Dan Lurie wrote: Kellie Everts
The picture of Kellie Everts in Playboy is in the public domain
A young lady with a great physique, Kellie was as motivated to compete as any male bodybuilder I had worked with. I would promote her to the world and in doing this become the first publisher to profile a female bodybuilder.
In 1974, I received a call from Esquire magazine photographer Jean-Paul Goude, asking me who I would recommend as a subject for an ‘Amazonian’ spread he was planning. I instantly told him, “Kellie Everts is your lady.” In my mind she was the only female bodybuilder around at the time. In fact she was the first real female bodybuilder ever, a fact not lost on me when I put her in my December 1974 MTI. That was the very first article any muscle magazine had done on a female bodybuilding up until then.
To my mind, one thing is for sure: she was the first female to break through to make women’s bodybuilding widely known to mainstream audiences.
Kellie Everts appearances: July 1975 Esquire Magazine, “Muscle and Grit, Religion and Tit, That’s what Kellie Everts is Made of.” This was the landmark pictorial which was the first time in the world an established mainstream magazine featured a female flexing muscles and lifting weights just like men. It created a sensation.
Kellie Everts May 1977 Playboy, hoisting a barbell in the air with her bikini flying off – Playboy said women need not fear lifting weights would turn their muscles into “magic mountains,” and “To the barbells, girls!” It was six months after this that Henry McGhee presented his female bodybuilding contest which was supposed to be just like the men’s {Canton, Ohio, YMCA Nov. 1977}
After the Esquire article Kellie appeared on national TV shows: Mike Douglas, To Tell the Truth and important local shows, AM New York {three times, once with Arnold Schwarzenegger, AM Washington, Stanley Siegel three times – all prior to the first female bodybuilding shows.
After the fbb shows started, she appeared on Real People 1979 {before Laura Combes} and with Lisa Lyon 1981, the Tom Snyder Show, both doing muscle posing routines.
She won many trophies during the 70’s ‘Golden Era’ at the IFBB and WBBG Contests, winning Best Body over Anna Maria Alberici in Miss Americana 1972 {Arnold Schwarzenegger was a judge} and second place, the same during 1974 – second place Miss Americana and Best Body at the Felt Forum with Arnold Schwarzenegger. She got Miss Body Beautiful USA 2nd place 1973 and first place 1974.
There was also the important Sports Illustrated article 1980 “Miss Well WHAT?” with many interesting observations re what was going on with female bodybuilding in 1979 – the confusion, frustration, no one knowing what to train for or look for. Both the judges and the contestant were up in the air. Was it shape? beauty? muscles? size? definition? Were the women to be judged differently than the men? Some of the men thought so. Look at the title – it says it all.
Have not had a visit to Purgatory like this ever before.
I show up in an extensive place underground – which seems like a College or some sort of place with dormitories because I see groups of young women like they have in college.
I go up to one such group, abut 7-8 of them, all college age & want to join their circle. I tell them I know I’m old, will you accept me anyway?
They’re sitting in a sort of loose circle and I see a lot of the color like orange or salmon. They don’t really REACT to what I said.
The feelings here so far, & as I get into it, is they are LOST. They have no DRIVE, ambition, almost lacking in EMOTIONS & they don’t know what to do with themselves. I’m trying to help.
I continue exploring this place & pass another group of females in a similar circle & they are gathered around a male who they are listening to very seriously like he’s an authority
This bothers me & I tell them,
“This is wrong – I don’t want to associate with you if you do that.”
I then see a shelf & see on it are gatherings of flowers – violets, about a foot tall in bunches, & they are MOIST & beautiful – living things – & all of them are purplish. I take one bunch & decide to use it as a tool. When I see a female I touch the bunch of flowers to her right cheek – me facing her and kiss her on her left cheek & say,
“I love you.”
Does this brighten them up? Not even sure – It seems their expression is just slightly better, like some Light around their faces.
Then I find another gimmick to console them, but I can’t recall the details, it’s like touching their hand or arm & saying something nice again maybe the same
“I love you.”
I go through several groups of females like this, then through a doorway to another place larger, & see many people, both male & female, but these people are in such bad shape I don’t want to be here. I back out & return where I was. I saw a man putting a top over his head with a hoodie – black & white, & many male & female past him – more men than women. The vibes were so awful I feared being there like what if I couldn’t get out, so I back tracked fast.
In a room just beyond me I see a wonderful site, inside what looks like a glass case is a tree abut 8’ tall covered with soft green velvet, it’s gnarled & has other vegetation around it – very beautiful. What is great is that like the flowers, it’s ALIVE & there isn’t much LIFE here so whatever you can get is a big deal. But I didn’t have time to go there & check it out.
There were other scenes visiting females but they are too vague to explain.
MEANING:
*{This has to do with starting Gregorian Masses for ‘little Rebecca’ – a thin-armed little female who got me out of the malaise I was in due to the DEMON OF MURDER attacking me.
Apparently she has invited me into her Purgatorial ‘dorm’ where she’s with other females. It’s not a TERRIBLE place – that I saw beyond – it’s an intermediate place. Perhaps she was a college student in life & is now with similar women.
The KISSES & TOUCHING is what I do with each Mass. I say I am kissing them, which I do 50 times holding my hands to my lips. Then I embrace myself & squeeze 50 times, telling them I am hugging them – & this is how it registers, according to this dream.
In a worse state there are more men – the Saints do say more men go to Hell than women – so this is apropos. Look at our prisons – 98% men.
And that’s my visit to the place of little Rebecca. It also helped that I sacrificed not looking at any You Tubes this night because Mother God seemed to be saying to refrain from them because She’s trying to ‘talk’ to me & there’s too much noise coming into my head.}* {End}
Rasa Von Werder has been a minister to Purgatory for many years. She says that Jesus Christ appeared to her in the form of a Priest {his Spirit possessed the priest} in a Church, where He called her behind the altar – {there were no other people present} thereby ordaining her. This enabled Rasa to say the Holy Mass, which she celebrates daily for the Poor Souls and this is the main way she helps them. Her experiences are outlined in three books so far “Theater of Justice – Celebrity Souls Appear” “God Waits for Them” and Royals Ascend into Heaven” as listed in the bibliography.
I was in a society or group of privileged, wealthy people – Can’t recall details. One day 3 of the females in the group decided to go out for a picnic in a park among regular people but unfortunately each one was wearing a pricey SABLE {the best mink} coat. I was near them & we all agreed – get back into the house fast, take that off & put on regular clothes as the poor people might attack & rob you.
I was hob knobbing with these rich folks for a while, especially in this certain place – a large hall that seems to contain all kinds of ‘ballroom – nightclub’ activities.
But one day I went to the door with my male friend – who’d been my companion through it all – & the door was locked against us. I could see the activities over the top of the door – a festive atmosphere. The door strangely looks like those push in the middle bar doors. But it’s MORE SOLID than a bar door. It is charcoal gray & very smooth, & the seams between construction of the boards are very TIGHT so when it closes there are no cracks. And someone was standing there watching the door & my friend & I were definitely DENIED– no words spoken.
Then one day there’s a DISASTER. A terrific FLOOD in the streets that is so serious it comes all the way to the bottom of the ballroom – & somehow – don’t ask how – dreams are not logical – it is so deep it’s over one’s head.
Now I was holding my DAUGHTER in my arms & she does the CRAZIEST thing. She jumps head first from where we’re standing in the doorway of the ballroom looking out {I know, not logical as we were barred}, into the water, which is over her head & dangerous! I reach in & thank God catch her arms, pull her out, & then carry her through the ballroom to seek assistance for what seems like distress or injury she might have.
Everything & everyone was upside down due to the flood – the rules are not what they were before because it’s chaos. And people are looking to help my daughter. I see one flustered female with dark wet hair framing her face, there seems to be some greenery in her hair like the flood put it there, looks like she took a plunge, & she’s also looking to recover.
To make a long story short, my daughter recovers with help. The society changes their mind somehow & will permit her re-entrance And someone asks her will you go back there, & she says,
“Being with them is a LUXURY, not a necessity, so I probably will not.”
Not sure if she said she would NOT or PROBABLY not. {End}
MEANING:
*{This sounds like the incident in 1974 where I tried to pose with Arnold & he maneuvered me to the edge where I had to hop off the elevated ‘Winner’s Circle’ platform. That particular spot is when I JUMP HEAD FIRST into the FLOOD WATER over my head – a DANGEROUS stunt!
In real life it was a socially dangerous move to do this – Charles Gaines said he saw me do ‘the stunt.’ It was brash & rash because no woman had ever done it before!
The Winner’s Circle posing at the end of this show was reserved FOR MEN by the idea their contest was SUPERIOR to the women’s – they were the stars, women were supporting players who had to stay in their place. By me jumping up there was seeking EQUAL STATUS with the men! And Arnold wouldn’t stand for it! Not sure if some of his pushing me away was based on a personal conflict between us in 1972 – it could have been both ideas.
Now the SOCIETY of privileged folks who I once belonged to but then was barred was the BODY BUILDING ESTABLISHMENT. All was hunky dory for me to break open the iron doors, but once that was done, did they need me? Certainly Dan Lurie would have kept promoting me had he stayed in the biz, but he melted away. His magazine disappeared. And the Weider/Arnold couple – that was trouble for personal reasons, explained elsewhere. {As I said, Weider owned the IFBB & Arnold owned Weider & Arnold was tyrannical. What he said was the law. Whoever was in his grace was in IFBB Heaven, whoever lost his Grace was BARRED FROM BODYBUILDING as Weider had the MONOPOLY. The guys who cooperated with him were promoted in the Weider magazines, but once they stood up to him or presented a competitive threat or in any way displeased Arnold – gone like the snow in Spring.}
Now there is a HUGE FLOOD that affects everything – it reaches the doorway of the privileged ballroom & there is DEEP WATER right at its doorstep.
What is the huge flood, Mother God? I can’t grasp this.
MG: OK let’s look at the symbols: a FLOOD. It could be a flood of opinions, a flood of responses, a flood of mail, a flood of inquiries, a flood of tears – a flood is a DELUGE of this that or the other. Now this flood here is DEVASTATING so it shows there’s some sort of response to perhaps you being BARRED or OUTED from the establishment – as that is the SUBJECT of this dream.
One woman looks like she took a bath – who is that? She was hit hard. A BATH is like BAPTISM which means: Baptized by fire, baptized by water, baptized by a trial. Baptism is going through an ORDEAL that brings one to be BORN AGAIN or CHANGES one. Baptism leads to the born again experience & ETERNAL LIFE. And so the flood, & the baptism so far are saying there will be a positive result from an ordeal. Is this woman you?
What is the GREEN LITTLE sprig in her hair? See this:
Biblical Significance: In the story of Noah’s Ark, a dove returns with an olive leaf after the flood, signifying the receding waters and the beginning of a new chapter of peace and hope.
Classical Antiquity: Ancient Greeks and Romans also associated the olive branch with peace, wisdom, and prosperity. It was used in rituals and diplomacy, and Roman coins depicted Pax, the goddess of peace, holding an olive branch.
Poor Soul in Purgatory Gets me Healed – Diary/Dream
Their Prayers are Effective!
This is the 4th day after an event that left me in bad mental shape.
On Sat – July 19, 2025 I met a young man – 21 yrs – who was going to work for me landscaping. He was here less than an hour & left & was scheduled to work the next day.
All we were doing were pruning my apple tree. He’d never done it before – I suggested how although I’m also an amateur. So while he lopped off the big ‘sucker’ branches I clipped the wild roses that had invaded all around the tree & we chatted.
He suggested next day returning with his associate & a chain saw & they could move through this job quicker & easier. I was not on board with that but I didn’t say anything – this was a ‘one man’ job – & who is this other person, a stranger to me – that I would have to also pay – & besides that another male who knows where I live – I don’t know him from Adam, whereas this boy is the son of a friend of mine so I have his identity. But having men who I don’t know all knowing where I live breaches my security/safety. But it just wasn’t feasible to explain all that to him when he was here – just hadn’t the time as he was in a rush & also I had not thought it out.
I left him a message that evening that I did not agree with his bringing a second male – pruning an apple tree is a one-man job, but he did not call me back.
The next day, a couple hours before he was to arrive, I called him again & I sensed instantly by the sound of his voice he would be negative.
Not to explain every word, but he was arrogant & flippant, not respectful or diplomatic – making demands, saying he was working to be paid ‘by the job’ – not per hour. That this is how he worked to make a living – what he needed to survive, he needed his ‘mate’ & his tools, & he ridiculed the fact that after his working less than 40 minutes I gave him $20 {lopping branches with a clipper is not skilled or difficult labor!}. He doesn’t work BY THE HOUR he said & it has to be by the job – etc etc. I asked him OK, then how much will you charge to prune this tree? He said $120 to $150. So after more quibbling I swallowed my anger & said,
“OK you said you’d do the tree for $120?” and he said,
“No, I said I’d do the tree for $150 to $200.”
I said that’s not what you said he argued again & again until finally I gave up & said I was too upset to talk any further, good bye.
He made me feel on the defense, like I had somehow done something wrong – kept bringing up how he was to originally plant 7 tiny trees, but I changed it to pruning the apple tree – like I had committed some sort of crime. I could not figure out or put my finger on why did I feel like he had beat me up?
So fine, another potential employee gone South, he’s about the 3rd that didn’t work out, no biggie. That’s life.
But why was I in such pain?
This pain gave me such mental distress that I couldn’t rightly function – couldn’t do my writing as I couldn’t THINK STRAIGHT – felt disoriented – kind of confused, sort of sad, sort of anxious, just plain out miserable.
At the end of Sunday I realized this haunting was some sort of mental/emotional problem. I did a session where I removed him from my mind & emotions, sent him on to his greatest good, wished him well but not with me, etc. I cleansed myself, felt better & thought it was fixed.
But it wasn’t. This time I took Holy Water – I hadn’t used it in years – sprinkled the house & did exorcisms. But the bad vibes didn’t go away. I kept thinking of Bob Larsen & his teachings – how any contact with another person, be it dating, friendship, business – anything – when you’re with other people, especially if it’s close – you can get INFESTED or even POSSESSED by their demons. I now believed this is what it was – some kind of infestation. It’s like bacteria or viruses – they have it & can transmit it to you – under certain conditions, like when they have strong thoughts or feelings abut you – they PROJECT.
The third day the presence of evil was still around & I could not put my finger on it – what it was, how it affected me. I KNEW it was from the boy – let’s call him Shane. It started as soon as we spoke Sunday morning & I felt beat up. But what did he give me? What negative or harmful feelings did he have toward me & why?
I tried to figure it out, going over & over again our conversations, while we worked & when we argued on the phone.
Yes I called out for help, as I do daily, to my Saints in Heaven, Angels & souls in Purgatory. Waiting for them to assist me.
Dreams this Day
I had much to do with three different men who I think were Saints, them trying to console me make me fee better {we were making out & kissing tenderly, even passionately, with each of the 3 men. Maybe they were 3 of my spiritual husbands} Then I FELL & had trouble getting up.
I fell a second time & a man came to assist me. It seemed like my left side was disabled. This man I felt was strong, he was trying to hoist me up with some effort. And next to him I saw a small, very thin with thin arms, black girl her arms extended to hoist me up. I thought,
“Her arms are so thin, I doubt if she can help me.”
The man did help, but in the end it was her that got me up. I held her hands & she hoisted me up the rest of the way – she was strong. {End}
MEANING:
*{When I got up from this dream I was healed. I was back to normal, the nightmare was over. And most amazingly the person who helped me the most – the final lifting – was by a soul in Purgatory who I felt would not be able to do it. This is a lesson in how they CAN help, EVEN IF THEY ARE SO DISABLED. Her blackness has nothing to do with race – it’s the state of her soul, still needing to be cleansed. But she PRAYED like I ask the souls at every Mass to pray for me – & she did it & her prayers worked!
I channeled Mother God, my head being clearer now, what exactly happened & I’ll let her do the talking:
Mother God: Yes, this boy INFESTED you with multiple negative entities, thoughts & feelings of HATE. I tcame after you bragged abut yur business, how you at times, earned 8 & even 10k a month. He was SO JEALOUS that he felt a sort of raging HATE & as soon as that happened he became hard & cold against you & started making demands, like bringing his friend the next day & making short work of the tree.
And when you confronted him by phone his rhetoric was cold & hard, sort of barking at you instead of talking in a reasonable manner & this came out of HATE.
Hate is the most destructive emotion there is, it’s worse than anger. Hate is when anger or rage turn into pure destructiveness – it is the worst sin, punishable in Purgatory by fire the way your first husband was in flames when you first saw him in Purgatory. And it took many years for this hate to dissipate – it was still there after 30 years!
ME: OK so he felt hate. We both agree it was when I told him about my business success he felt jealousy, then hate. Some people would have admired me & asked me how I did it so they could also succeed. Why did he feel hate instead of admiration & wanting to learn from me?
MG: Because for one thing, he’s STUPID. For another, his ego got in the way of learning & he felt diminished & inferior to you. He wanted what you have. He also looked up your property on the smart phone & showed it to you from the sky looking down on your island & many acres of wilderness. He was intensely jealous of that as well. He told you about the plain house he was looking at with just one acre of land that he hoped to buy for himself & his fiancé – nothing special there – & here, you had it all.
ME: OK so he had hate & anger, jealousy, envy – that’s his bad & it should have afflicted him. But why & how was it affecting me?
MG: He sent MULTIPLE thoughts with feelings, your way that were barbaric, negative & strong. He wanted to KILL you – that’s what HATE is – an emotion of murder, of destruction. Remember your first husband who harbored hate tried to strangle you twice. It’s like that.
You were picking up his vibes like demons. You can call them demons – they become ENTITIES when they’re strong, they take a certain metaphysical form & shape. You were barraged on the human, physical level by these entities.
ME: But I did the good ritual cleansing me of him the first day & the second I did exorcism, but the pain still persisted. Why did it take so much to heal me?
MG: The DEGREE of his hate plus he not willing to let it go – your success bothered him so much because he’s a weak, non virtuous person. He’s low minded, however cute, innocent & young he may look. Never go by looks. Your first husband was handsome & a school teacher – people thought he was an upright guy, but he wasn’t.
This is a lesson to you not to tell too many people of your successes because many of them will hate you – not love you for it. This is the nature of humans. Don’t give them too much credit.}* {End}
Important addendum next day! I see his demon! 7 24 25
This night I SAW HIS DEMON! It’s a demon of MURDER! In the vision – it felt so real – I’m in my upper living room & to the left wall is my front door. The solid door was open & all at once, a man opens wide my beveled glass door, walks into my premises & stands right in front of me.
I KNOW he is a MURDERER & I think,
“What can I do? Is this it? Am I about to die?”
He looks rough, like a working man but his face is GRIM. He has tousled dark hair, is middle aged, has on all black with white underneath, all the clothing is soft & loose; rumpled.
But as soon as I SEE him, it’s as if he is there to be identified, he’s GONE.
This is so interesting because in the past, I have done many exorcisms – thousands – And in most of them I would say the ‘identify yourself’ statement,
“Reveal WHO you are, WHAT KIND you are, WHEN you entered, WHY you entered, & then BEGONE!”
I learned this from Bob Larsen. Larsen insists on having a NAME when he does his exorcisms. It could be ‘lust,’ it could be the God ‘Ra’ {to him anything but Jesus is a demon – of course he’s wrong, but that’s a Fundamentalist for you} – it could be ‘abortion’ – it could be ‘suicide’, ‘self hate,’ ‘jealousy,’ ‘avarice’, ‘stealing’, ‘gluttony’ – could be any number of things. This was MURDER.
And I will ask Mother God since I neglected to do the reveal words, why did he reveal himself to me like that? It really helped I might add, to close this case.
Mother God: It was a favor to you because you took it so well – honored the Poor Soul who helped you out, so it was she who gave you this privilege – to see exactly in ‘black & white’ who this evil entity was.
That explains his ‘black & white’ outfit – instead of being all black, which one might expect, the vision is like that.
ME: Mother God, now I can understand why SO ANY ‘workers’ do not work out. The ones that are not meant to be with me, for whatever reason will absent themselves. There are different reasons, but once I meet someone who is meant to be, who’s right for me, it will work out. And this case, yiikes, must be the worst of all because he actually made me sick temporarily & I needed outside help. Wow, what if we had got along & I agreed to his demands? I would have a MURDERER on my premises, & one WITH A CHAIN SAW!
Mother God, is this male DANGEROUS? If he has this demon is he likely to get possessed at some point & kill someone? At the very least, kill an innocent animal? And did God make me make that ‘mistake’ of bragging on my business earnings & re my property, that made it go South to MAKE SURE he’d veer away from me?
MG: It sounds logical that God would make things go awry to separate you from dangerous people. And in this case, bragging does not always bring abut HATE but in many people it does, & it’s one way of pushing away the haters!
And now you know that even if he offered to work for you for FREE you’d not allow him near you! What a BLESSING this has been!
A Prince – a King – A Cat – A Love Affair Between Prince and Lowly Girl
I’m in a small Church & at first it seems like there are a good amount of people while the light is dim but when it gets brighter I see here I am in the right side pews & on the left is only one old couple, the female has a white curly hairdo like those old lady permanents. She’s closer to me, her husband to her left in the pew, they’re a few rows ahead.
I see a Priest or priests in front as if higher up & with them officiating is the ‘Prince of Wxx’ {this not the real person, just a symbol}.
He had an AFFAIR with a girl from my neighborhood which is poor. And within this area is one yet more lowly – a ghetto or slum. This girl came from there, status wise the lowest of the low!
And she has had a serious affair with this Prince – both of them being in love – for a good amount of time – yet no one knows about it. I hold in my hands a TINY BOOK, abut 4”x4” – maroon cover – that I hold up to him & tell him I’ve produced an account of that affair!
Now later on a CAT appears who is confined. I take care of it but it’s been confined so long it wants to RUN but I cannot allow it to run as it will get lost & could be in danger; I must keep it on a leash So I go out with the cat & we’re in a GOLDEN WHEAT FIELD, I have it on a long gray soft leash & I run at first but she wants to run faster, I run as fast as I can to give her the exercise.
Later this cat turns into the tiniest creature like a quarter inch diameter & is confined to a sort of plastic see-through purse or pouch – I hope she has enough air.
I did meet up with the female who had the AFFAIR with the Prince – a while after it was over. She’s wearing gray/blue, dull, short straight brown hair, not so good looking. She doesn’t want to think about or recall the affair, nor does she want to talk abut it – just wants to walk away without comment – don’t know why this is. Maybe HURT.
Later the Prince turns into a KING but can’t recall what else happens. {End}
MEANING:
*{I suspect the Prince who turns into a King is the REAL Mr. A. And the woman of the lowest class would be ME because that’s how I am viewed being in the adult trade. But us having a significant affair seems far fetched, doesn’t make sense – it was just one incident. Unless it’s gone on in our HEADS.
The cat I have on the leash, the one that wants to run I suspect is the real story {like ‘running a story’ – ‘cat out of the bag’, a secret being told}. This is me anticipating telling what really happened between Mr. A & myself – which I HAVE NEVER TOLD.
And it starts out with me telling this ‘Prince’ of a man that I have the account of the story & I’m going to use it. Why is this in a Church, Priests up in front, one old couple to the left? Why is the book so SMALL – just 4”x4” & has a maroon cover?
Maroon cover is suffering. Who suffered him or me? Him I guess. Why am I announcing this to him in a Church? Why is he a priest among priests? Why is the Church empty except for me & the old couple? Mother God, help!
MG: It’s like an official announcement before God. You’re asking God for guidance on everything every day. So you are bringing this into the open, before God.
No one knows about this but you & apparently this old couple. She has curly white hair. This is a symbol of someone worried, anxious – white hair is when your hair turns white – it’s from torture or worry. And curly in this case is the same thing – ‘curls your hair’ is something like ‘makes your hair stand up,’ curling is something affecting your mind badly.
Not sure who this lady represents except your own flesh & the husband would be who? Jesus – a Saint?
You’re asking or announcing you’re going to bring out this story in the open.
The cat becoming super tiny in the see-through bag again, is the story. People will see through this bag ‘letting the cat out’ is seeing, knowing there’s a cat in the bag instead of a pig {how people in the old days used to substitute a cat for a pig & sold it for the price of a pig – the buyer not seeing what was in the bag.} Why does the cat become so tiny? It’s a small incident?}*
The Tiny Infant who Loves Me
There’s this tiny male infant here – he’s little but he can walk. He does some small thing wrong & I smack him on his backside. He’s wearing an outfit that is multicolor print – he’s covered all over, material fairly close to his body, not loose, covered from neck to ankles, long sleeves.
Right after I smack him he turns to me & exclaims,
“I love you!”
Puts his arms stretched to me to pick him up, which I do. {End}
MEANING:
*{This sounds like you giving a slap on the bum to this man, Mr. A – a small insult or punishment. And he is revealing to you what he felt or feels – love for you the way one feels for one’s Mother.
And you accept his love. A lot of behaviors happen – including revenge – because love is strong. If a person had lukewarm feelings they would not get so upset about being rejected or ‘slapped’ as shown here.}*
7-19-25 Mr A Loves Me – is this a symbol of Success or is it Him?
I am standing in an open space – yu can see miles around, & I do see a building maybe a couple thousand feet in front of me, but wide open spaces all around, & roads everywhere.
A man is standing across the road from me – it’s Arnold, who usually represents SUCCESS.
I’m speaking to him & I say,
“I was AFRAID OF YOU.”
Suddenly he is upon me, a close embrace, & he lies down on something ON HIS BACK & I’m on top of him. He’s HUGE – like maybe 10’ tall, & I’m one third his size, lying on top of him & I say,
“I love you.”
He says nothing but the fact that he took me in his arms, & held me to himself in this position means love.
It is SO VIVID that it feels like a real person, but is it Arnold reconciling with me or a symbol of {earthly} SUCCESS?
He is wearing something with soft like flannel light green large checks.
MEANING:
*{Since he is so much bigger than me I doubt if it’s the real man. It’s a symbol of success coming my way & look – there is a BUILDING behind Arnold, the rest are wide open spaces. And later on in the night I see this white building with the 20 families & God asks me if I want it.
That seems to point so a success with my New Religion/Order. Somehow I obtain a BUIDING?
The WIDE OPEN SPACES & roads – it’s an unlimited or wide open opportunity. Roads are paths, ways to get places. There is SUCCESS right before me – a building behind him – nothing else is about. And after I SPEAK to him he crosses the road which means HE/IT/SUCCESS COMES TO ME.
It’s after I say I WAS AFRAID. Was means BEFORE – means I am not afraid NOW. Then success comes to me & it is HUGE. And it is EARTY because he’s wearing GREEN.
And this is from God’s Love & now I ACCEPT this when I saw “I love you.” By loving God I love God’s Will, God’s bounty, God’s success. I do not fear it; I have faith, hope & trust in God.}* {End}
A Building for the New Order
So earthly wealth was is it? Only to HELP OTHERS, not luxuries. I am saving all my bread to start an Order, New Religion for women & their children – a Matriarchy. I also dreamed of it last night I saw a building. God showed it to me & said how would I like to have this building, with 20 families? It was a white painted clapoard building maybe 3 floors I saw a wooden unpainted outside staircase.
Don’t know why God showed me this. It’s what I thinkg of every day – I have so much to do to write. I must rewrite the Catholic Catechism to suit our New Religion. It won’t take long – it’s all in my head, but I just have to do it. {End}
MEANING: *{Goes with the previous dream. The building being WHITE is a sign of ‘good’ – ‘mighty white of you.’ The unpainted staircase, wood, outside, what does that mean?
A staircase is a series of steps going up & down. So is it a few steps to get this building?
Why ’20 families’? Maybe to show this will be a huge opportunity.}* {End}
There’s some sort of a PARTY – Like in a small restaurant, with big dinner plates on small tables – the plates are like plastic containers ‘to go’ yet we are somehow – someone is – eating heartily. Everything here is WHITE. White walls, tables.
Then a man familiar to me appears in the air next to me. He has long, fluffy hair, streaked honey colors – at first I thought he might be female but he’s male. As he ascends he embraces me & puckers his lips & we have hearty kisses, almost like good bye as he’s on his way somewhere. He’s wearing a fluffy coat covering him completely which seems like the under-down of a bird – it’s gathered at his neck.
My only fear is I have a man who loves me in a vehicle to my right, sitting in the driver’s seat & he might be JEALOUS because I guess he’s in love with me. I love them both. {End}
MEANING:
{Everything here cries ‘Ascension!’ The corner restaurant is the Cross {corner} & the Holy Mass {nourishment} & the whiteness everywhere is saying a cleansing has been completed.
The outfit this man is wearing is the down of a bird – the undercoat – with which a bird lines its nest for the baby chicks to be protected. So this implies being ‘born again’ in Spirit & flying or Ascending into the other world.
His kisses are his gratitude for my help. His hair? Honey is something sweet – hair is thoughts. His thoughts have become sweet as he has been cleansed & is entering the Eternal Realm.
The man with me I love & fear he might be jealous – he’s in the driver’s seat: This is a SAINT who has transported me to this person for his help. The jealousy is just a ‘tongue in cheek’ idea, it’s just to show the Saint’s presence, we love each other – he brought me here & will take me back to earth.
Around 7-13-25 Amazing PINK FEATHERS Ascensions!
My lady friend & I are on a LONG JOURNEY of mega proportions. We trek for MILES on end, through wilderness & here & there – houses – but for the most part, nothing but woods, fields, hills. Where are we going? What are we looking for? I seem to be FOLLOWING HER.
I recall one super-open area where we are on an elevation & can look down for miles across us & to our right – seeing fields, country roads. And we are here near a house – seems like from the 30’s architecturally, charming, beige stucco on the outside maybe? And far on a maybe dirt road, crossing some sort of bridge is a group of people which seem to have police officers in black among them, & they look at us. So we are scared like are we supposed to be here & are they going to stop us? But they do nothing. They are maybe a thousand feet away from us.
Now we go across the road where someone seems to be asking who we are. We want to be incognito for some reason – secret. I say my name is Jane Doe & my friend say’s her name is Smith.
We then see a pathway there, through thick brush. We go there – I follow her. We go for MILES. Then we come upon a pathway lined with PINK TURKEY FEATHERS – the path underneath & the sides also have them. We go on & on for a long time & finally come to an ‘open house’ where we see the feathers covering TWO MOUNDS underneath which we know or think are a HUSBAND & WIFE. Yiikes! We have INVADED someone’s privacy.
And the man GETS UP & chases us & we are SCARED SHITLESS & WE RUN FOR our lives, faster than our feet can carry us & farther than we think we need to until we finally stop & hope to God we left the man behind! We stop within the wilderness & get our breath. We seem SAFE. {End}
MEANING:
*{This LADY is ANOTHER SAINT who’s taking me on a complicated journey through Purgatory to see what? If anyone needs help or has ascended?
It seems like our trek is mega secret & even rather sneaky, as we fear those COPS that are ANGELS & we also hide our identities at the entrance to the PATH through a wilderness – where we do find a man & woman couple WHO HAVE ASCENDED.
The path – the turkey feathers {feathers are flying} – show Ascension, being PINK is like ‘in the pink’ means happiness. And we find these two people with their bodies DEAD & BURIED – mounds – but not dead spiritually, very much alive.
I’m following the lady because this Saint is guiding me – the places where these souls dwell, both in Purgatory & Heaven – are extremely difficult to find, more so than finding someone without a correct e mail or link. It seems that the man did not want us in his PARADISE – this is his private domain, we had no right to be in their Heaven, or Heaven, period, lol. If we enter Purgatory OK, but we are not authorized to enter Heaven – that must be why symbolically he chases us out of there!}* {End}
I’m at the old farmhouse & have been having so much trouble, turmoil, reverses & such. I see the kitchen & connected to it the living room & things have IMPROVED.
A LADY has come to me, a dear friend. Or I should say she has become dear to me as she is helping me a lot – getting it all straightened out.
I see outside something to do with dogs. {means inner senses}
Now this MAN comes to me.
He’s one of TWO MEN I LOVE. He is the 2nd one that comes to me – the first has already been here.
So the 2nd one comes – he wants my love, it’s like courtship. He wants to know if thing are better for me, if I’m OK.
I tell him things have improved greatly due to this lady – who is a DOCTOR. We stand in the living room looking through a large picture window & I see about 4-5-6 HORSES, dark, & they seem to be partly covered with MUD & they are facing away from me, meandering there – the light is dim outside. He does NOT pay attention to the horses & he listens to me as I whisper in his ear {why on earth do I TELL him this?}
“The husband of this lady is the man I’m in love with.”
This is a TERRIBLE SECRET for two reasons; obviously I’m in love with my good friend’s husband – that’s bad. And second, this man who’s in love with me will be hurt it’s not him.
So this 2nd man now leaves because I preferred someone else. But he comes back through the kitchen wearing sort of ‘pajamas’ – strange – the pants are loose cotton like large hound’s tooth checks {black on white}. And he brings back what looks like a golf club but it’s half the size of that, very thin & black – & he was using it before while he was here as a sort of support or cane to go through the snow {make sense? Haha} & now he’s returning it.
I felt he wanted an EXCUSE to return because he still loves me & just wanted to see me. So I take the occasion to whisper in his ear,
“I love you too.”
But he disregards this it seams he’s 2nd best – & is going to leave – I just make a shrugging gesture like,
“OK, whatever….”
Knowing if his love is strong he will return, it will work, but if it isn’t no matter. I leave it to FATE or whatever should be, will be.
He was also wearing a black beanie hat both times.
MEANING:
{This was complicated & mysterious; I could not even tackle it until the next day. I SENSE it’s about a man I’m working on a project with who has suddenly broke off communications.
Somehow he feels DIMINISHED, he’s 2nd best – I love someone else More & even though I love him – it’s not enough – he wants to be #1!
But that can’t be as the MAN I love is Jesus! And the woman who helps me is His Holy Mother – in this dream they are husband & wife or partners.
She’ the one that is HEPING ME straightening out the numerous challenges I have – I show this man but he disregards my problems, he is only concerned with how much I LOVE HIM & if I don’t show HIM enough love, he is leaving.
So that explains the rift or change – it’s his PRIDE – which has to be nourished!
It’s like two paths – I’ve often been here before – some certain man wants me – even super rich, super handsome, super status men – but I turned them down because of my PATH with God would be interrupted – I SENSED it was not the right way.
What are the DARK HORSES, some covered with mud – lol. It’s my LIFE STORY & the PROJECTS I undertook which AGAINT ALL ODDS & unexpectedly, SUCCEEDED. It was the work for God, which God EMPOWERED – which the word did not understand or respect.
This dream says this man doesn’t care about all that {as I look through the picture window, he doesn’t even care to look}– my life – my projects – it’s himself he cares about – being loved. But somehow – not sure how – he fees DIMINISHED by my LOVE OF GOD!
The ‘dark horses,’ some being COVERED WITH MUD is how my projects were ‘thrown mud’ on or disparaged, criticized looked down on –– so many things. The horses are walking away from me, at least one with HIS HEAD DOWN which means sorrow or depression, – which is how they make you feel when they disrespect you.
He LEAVES but returns & when he does he reveals himself to me. The ‘cane or club’ –half the size of a golf club – is symbol of his PENIS. I have made him feel DIMINISHED- & it’s black & thin, which is total depression. He used it as a support means he leaned on his manhood/masculinity, feeling strong, but I took that away somehow {?}.
The hound’s tooth, loose pants – well, a hound’s tooth sounds like anger – as a dog would bite – & this is CLEAR – black & white means CLEAR – like the ‘writing on the wall’ or ‘clear as black & white’. I made this man MAD but HOW? Must check what I sent him that day.
Now the black beanie cap, what is that? Head is MIND – thoughts – so to put a BLACK CAP on this would be depression – the end – a funeral.
Something has REALLY turned him off!
dark horse
someone or something whose abilities, plans, or feelings are little known to others. (From a race horse about which little or nothing is known.) It’sdifficult to predictwhowillwintheprize—therearetwo or threedarkhorses in thetournament.Everyonewassurprised at theresults of theelection.Thedarkhorsewon.
1. Someone who unexpectedly wins a competition. NobodythoughtChericouldwintheraceafterbreakingherleglastyear,butsheturnedout to be a darkhorseandtookfirstplace. No onethoughtthebrashnewcomerwould be a threat to theestablishedcandidates,buthe’sturningout to be a realdarkhorse in thiscampaign.I’drather be a darkhorsethan be expected to winandhaveanythinglessseen as a failure.
2. Someone whose skills, abilities, plans, or intentions are or had been unapparent to others. Primarily heard in UK, Australia.Angelawassuddenlyviewed as a darkhorsewhenshedisplayedherbeautifulsculptures at theartfair.Nobodyknewshehadsuchartistictalent . Wow, I thoughtLizhadthehighestGPA in thegradeforsure.WhoknewDaniellewas a darkhorsewithsuchgoodgrades? Rosewas a darkhorsewhenshesigned up forthetalentshow—nooneknewshecouldsinglikethat!
What was it that made you want to start lifting weights
This has multi dimensional answers. Do I really know my UNCONSCIOUS mind? Mostly I wanted to have a BEAUTIFUL BODY. Specifically it was 1964 & I was SIX MONTHS pregnant. Everyone told one once you have a baby, your body goes to pot. I did not want this to happen so weight lifting would prevent it.
I saw men lift weights. My brother lifted weights for high school football.
When I was 14 living on the farm in New Jersey we knew this gorgeous police officer named Jim Doud. He wore a black uniform, had dark hair, – everyone was in love with him. He often visited us to speak with Mom & a 19 year old female who lived with us. He knew them from ‘Thorne’s Milk Bar’ where they both worked.
When he visited it was always in uniform so of course he oozed sex appeal, but I was just a skinny 14 year old.
Mom & this other lady LOOKED DOWN on me, like I was nothing – they even told me, directly & in actions, that I was ‘nothing,’ ‘not a good sight to look at’ & people stared at me in the street {when I wore shorts & a tank top} NOT because I was pretty but OTHER REASONS {what I could not imagine}. My Mom sought to demoralize me, take away my PRIDE, self respect & confidence, & she had marshaled these two persons – the 19 yr old female & my 17 yr old brother – to help her – which they gladly did for years. {They were see-sawed up when I was down.}
So you have to picture this waif, like Cinderella, broken down by her family & peers – subjected to daily hate – feeling inconsequential but wanting to lift her head high. I was the house slave. They all worked outside & gained money. I was given no allowance but had to do all the housework as well as ironing their clothes & baby sitting a toddler. I was not allowed to cheerlead even, while my brother played football, because there was too much work to do at home.
An incident with Jim Doud the cop proved they were wrong – I was not ugly. In fact, I had APPEAL FOR MEN.
One day Jim Doud stops by the house & we are alone. He aid he thought my Mom or other lady were there. I made him some tea & we sat in the kitchen. Then we step outside & he sees my bro’s weights lying there. He sets up some cinder blocks & loads up a barbell & puts it on them. He then takes off his shirt & t-shirt & proceeds to demonstrate how he lifts weights. I am in awe, just stood there shy as can be, hardly saying a word.
Then the 19 year old comes home & is FLUSTRED that Jim is doing the weight routine in front of me, half naked & we’re all alone – as both she & Mom were infatuated with him. She keeps asking me,
“How long has he been here?”
over & over, worried something might have happened, & I keep lying,
“Ten minutes.”
Josie aborted my meeting with the beautiful cop & I eventually forgot about it.
Many years later as I was writing my biography the incident came to mind & Mother God {within me} said,
“He was grooming you – you were only 14 but in 3 years you would have been legal, so this was making your acquaintance. He was attracted to you – not your Mom or Josie. But you could not imagine it as you were so beaten down. But this is proof of your desirability to men.
In this demoralized state, shortly after – age 16 – I got a ride to California & there started my career. I was keen to prove myself, that I was good looking. I suspected I had a good body. I was obsessed with entering beauty contests but I learned most local yokel contests were fixed – as ugly girls who were related to the promoters & judges got the top spots – I saw movie-star quality females not even place!
But the ONE contest that was NOT fixed was Miss NUDE Universe. Long story explained elsewhere. I WON that & it got me into Playboy.
And I became a dancer – first go-go dancing where I proved myself a star of sorts, then headliner of the Coast to Coast Baker-Berger Circuit, where ending up at the Roxy Theater on 42nd St. NYC, downstairs was Tom Minichiello’s mid-city gym. I saw a sign in the window – Miss Americana. Asked him if I had a chance & he said YES. That was the contest where I met Franco & Arnold – 1972.
To go back to 1964 I was pregnant with my child little Kellie, living in Santa Monica next to the Pier, went to an IFBB store where Dave Draper {who later sued Joe Weider was usng his pics without paying him} was sitting working on something. The man refused to sell me over 5 lb dumbbells, he feared I might hurt myself. I took them & went to another store for 10 pounders & eventually used my husband’s regular weights. He guided me on the standard routine which I kept for the rest of my life with some improvements.
I also understood that the hard lifting of weights dissipated some of the anger at being abused – I had PTSD from what Mom did for years. You know how people are encouraged to beat a pillow with a plastic baseball bat or do some other extreme exercise to vent negative energies – it works. So the weights served multiple functions for me. Throughout my career I trained almost every day – I even took 15 lbs dumbbells with me on the road like the Playboy Club Chicago. I intended to keep what they advertised as “Miss Nude Universe – the most beautiful body in the World.” Someone brought my Mom to see me in NYC & they said she CRIED when she saw me on stage. Did not explain why. After all that hate & abuse – before she died she said to the other kids, “Rasa was the best one.”
The gym where the famous body builders trained was close to me – “Gold’s Gym”- Venice, at that time a bit of a slum. I did not go there {it was men only} but I frequently went across the street from my apt to play volleyball – the renowned Muscle Beach. {End}
I am working it seems for a Boss Man & trying to be the ‘main one’ for him. But I have two male rivals who also want to be important – I’m
jealous of them & give them deadly stares when they ‘suck up’ to the boss, getting real close to him by the door & speaking about work.
While these rivals are communicating with him I go to a table to do some work. I have several BOWLS where I’m sorting out mostly GREENS. I finish sorting & the bowl that has the GARBAGE or DISCARDED leaves, stems, bad spots or so on is showing hundreds of those old-time leaves I used to pick since 4 years old in Germany which are also growing on my upper lawn. These are like SWORDS or SCIMITARS, but soft, tender leaves, they are, hundred of them, pointing up from the bowl. These leaves are SOUR & make the MOST DELICIOUS SOUP.
The boss is busy but I catch his attention as he’s going toward that same door & show him the bowl of what would be discarded, but I ask him to taste one of these leaves, as they are delicious. I was hoping he would want to use them after tasting them.
He does take one leaf but I see it has a TINY little dark spot – which I think shouldn’t make a difference. He tastes it but there’s NO REACTION good or bad so I’m neither here nor there with this.
MEANING:
*{Help, Mother God! I know leaves are ‘victory’ but other than that, I am floored. Is the Boss Man JESUS & are the men close to him MALE SAINTS that I would be JEALOUS of because of their HOLINESS?
And sorting out leaves might be what I should be doing, good or bad, nourishing the good, discarding the bad, choosing my daily activities. There is something that SEEMS GOOD but when Jesus takes one leaf to taste, it HAS A FLAW. Can you help work out the details?
MG: I does sound like Jesus & two of His Saints & of course you could be jealous of how advanced they are – you want to be like them. It might be St. Charbel & one of so many Saints you’ve been calling on lately – ones you added yesterday were St. Fulton J. Sheen & St. John Vianney – but there are a dozen other males.
And yes you’ve been asking them to look over you daily & help you with all your activities & to GET RID OF THE BAD. What could this bad be?
There are TWO HINTS. One, these leaves are SOUR, & two, they are SWORDS!
Sour is NOT SWEET. Swords CUT or could HURT or KILL. You have been praying about & concerned about what you think is your FLAW of being ‘too nice.’ People such as yourself, you noticed, don’t get as much
‘respect’ as the mean, the bullies, the tyrants the self centered – those who DEMAND respect & are NOT particularly nice. You’ve been feeling you must be LESS NICE & thereby get more respect & NOT get taken advantage of.
But there is a FLAW to that. It’s better to be TOO NICE & get somewhat taken advantage of used rather than being NOT NICE ENOUGH – caring less, less empathetic. After all, it is not a SIN to be ‘TOO NICE’. But being less empathetic, less sensitive to the feelings of others is being less Saintly & holy! There you have the SOUR WORDS & the WORDS that CUT LIKE A SWORD.
Yesterday you tried out being not as nice with a person you interviewed for employment. You weren’t mean, but just ONE IOTA of being less sensitive & you dreamed you hit him on the head with a BIG STICK! In the world of God the slightest nuances are recorded – even a GLANCE – as you know – can hurt – a glance carries meaning, good or bad. It can be deadly or life-giving, hateful or loving.
The men you’re jealous of are LEANING on the shoulder of Our Lord– this shows devotion, sweetness – like St. John the Beloved, who ‘rested on the bosom’ of Our Lord at Supper. You are giving them HATEFUL LOOKS OF JEALOUSY!
The dream is showing you NOT to be concerned about being ‘too nice’ & go the other way – Jesus likes you as you are – very sensitive even if you get TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF by people! He – God – will make up to you what people take away! ‘Blessed are the poor!’
ME: In each case Jesus is by the door. Explain.
MG: It’s saying that Jesus WILL LEAVE YOU or EXIT unless you show him the TENDEREST LOVE & that is the self-sacrificing Love! That is who Jesus was/is – that is who you MUST BE if you want to be like him – the holiest of Saints like the guys you’re jealous of & giving mean looks! You gave them these looks when you experimented with GOING THE OTHER WAY being less caring – so you were projecting HATE instead of Love!
And so, stay the way you are, in fact, be more caring & loving, more sensitive, & don’t be afraid what people will do to you – live to please God, not care about people hurting you – do what you think, you know, is the holiest, most sanctified thing to do & leave it in the hands of God, trusting God to protect you.}* {End}
A good person asked me a question & this is my answer for now & all time. The life of Jesus Christ gives us answers to most of the mysteries of life, & this is one of them, concerning fame & fortune, & what transpired for Jesus could happen to any others wanting to be a Saint.
Before Jesus started his ministry he went into the desert {mountain} to pray – to do a discipline to get close to the God within him – who He called Father. This is done with many hermits & Saints, {St. Antony, St. Benedict, St. Francis of Assisi-many others}, who went into a deserted place, or stayed within their own premises {St Catherine of Siena, St. Clare, St. Teresa of Avila-many others} away from people – to get in tune with that God within.
At the end of Jesus’ fast Satan took him to a high place & showed him all the cities expanded before him & piped,
“I will give you all the Kingdoms of the world & their glory if you will bow down & worship me.”
Of course Jesus told him to scram & that was ‘the Last Temptation.’
Now Jesus was on a Mission – he had work to do. He could have rubbed shoulders with the ‘greats’ of his day. Maybe they could have worked together.
There was Pontius Pilate – a Governor of the most powerful Empire on earth. Jesus could have done miracles for the Romans & received rewards. But He didn’t.
And King Herod had a lot of earthly power. Jesus could have been his right hand man – a spiritual advisor – Herod would have rewarded him – but He would not even SPEAK to Herod.
And the High Priest –Jesus could have hob knobbed with him & worked as a team enlightening the public. Of course the High Priest didn’t know scat about Truth – but Jesus could have influenced him. But he did no such thing.
Jesus went about his business working with no such men – He moved to a different drummer. He did associate with the Great John the Baptist – they were on the same page. And He plied his Mission with those who heard him & OBEYED his teaching – no one else There was ONE WAY to do his Mission, not two ways. What was that way?
It was his spiritual Father – God within – that is who Jesus listened to & worked with. He did not listen to the ‘wisdom’ of the world, which is fake. He listened to the Real Deal – God’s Truth – & did that & only that no matter what the consequences.
You see there are two Voices or Masters – you cannot listen to both, it’s one or the other. If you listen to one you reject the other, if you love one, you don’t respect the other. “No one can serve two masters” – NOT if they’re in conflict – & the WORLD & GOD are frequently in TOTAL conflict!
Let’s say you have your heart set on doing a certain thing. But God inside you – the still small voice if you can hear it – says no. But doing this thing might be a large jump toward success. Which do you do?
If you’re like Jesus you say
“Not my will – Thy will be done.”
If you’re of the world – which is RULED by Satan {Satan is the Prince of this world} you go for it.
Now those who follow Jesus’ ways, they might do things that derail their earthly success or prevent it for a time – but they follow God’s way. {“I am the Way, the Truth, & the Light”.}
One who follows the world might seem, temporarily, to be a winner, but in the end, they are not – Because our success is not determined in time & space. Our life is but 75 years, then gone & before us is Eternity. Our actions determine where & how that is spent – Hell, a long or short Purgatory, then Heaven. Life never ends – there is no death.
Sometimes God makes us do strange things that go against our grain.
Look what God did to Jesus – you can’t get worse than that. But look where He is today! The King of Kings, Lord of Lords – no one is Higher or more respected & loved than He!
The disciples were flabbergasted even though He explained –it fell on deaf ears. They thought Jesus whole ministry had gone down the tubes – all for nothing! He failed – they failed. They didn’t see the BIG PICTURE – Only when the Holy Spirit came upon them did they get it……..
I remember in 1978 I was working at the Playboy Club in Chicago. Every Sunday I had literature that I handed out on the street, religious stuff I had written. But one Sunday I heard the still small voice saying,
“Stop handing out literature.”
I thought this must be Satan, so I kept doing it – but after that NO ONE would take my flyers! So I said,
“OK God, I stop.”
And on the corner was a Cathedral. I went there, sat way to the back & meditated, & I said to God,
“What do you want me to do?”
She said
“Contact every news media, TV show & ask to appear,”
And I said,
“But who will want me?”
And She said,
“You haven’t tried.”
So I then spent every Sunday all day doing research on the media & writing letters to them & preparing to call them, & at the end of this, I got on every TV Show & every newspaper in Chicago including the biggest, & I even got an additional article in Playboy on “Stripping for God.”
That was a blitz that began my road to fame.
Years later I wanted to quit dancing as it was tedious & not leading to any sort of solvency. I experimented with starting a business but wasn’t sure if it would work – God told me to quit dancing & proceed with the business – I did & it was a monumental success – the beginning of my fortune.
BUT eleven years later God told me to QUIT the business – just like that. I again wasn’t sure if it was God & I continued & God appeared to me in nightmares that scared the SHIT out of me – I QUIT!
God wanted to me to leave this business & get married to a man who’d been asking me for years – but I refused. We’d been engaged forever. But God knew something I didn’t – the poor man would die soon. If I didn’t marry him I would not be his heiress & – his sister would get it all & this after 14 years together. Then God seeing my stubbornness told me to do something. I did it & it was a TRICK to get us married & we were.
And just like God knew this man died within two years & left me SOME his sizeable assets – his sister got the rest, & I was secured for life with that & my personal assets. No money worries for life – but you see – this was God telling me what to do – not the world. And it might be important to note – I was celibate during this time for thirty years – & my husband & I never had sex – before or after the marriage.
And I might also add – several rich {& handsome} men asked for my hand – one of them had 200 million – but I refused them all, because it wasn’t the path of God for me…….
One of the most BIZARRE requests or commands God made to me concerned “Stop suffering, quit the celibacy & go out, have fun.”
I took my vow of celibacy May 27, 1978 & thought it would be FOR LIFE. But after 10 years God appeared to me & asked me if I wanted OUT of it. I said no.
Again, ten years later – I thought abut it a couple weeks with anxiety & finally again said no.
Now it’s like over 30 years of celibacy, no kind of dating, making out, none of this or that – I did not even allow my fiancé to HOLD MY HAND.
But this time, God steps in. She says,
“If you don’t do this, you will be outside the will of God.”
That’s how, at the age of 63, I became a cougar! {No God did not say ‘be a cougar’ but the older men I met only wanted GIRLS.}
I still don’t understand the reason God wanted this for me, but I suspect it was because the vow had more than done it’s work, it was time to do something else with my life that would HELP EMPOWER WOMEN. So my Mission would this way continue. I did NOT wish for this. After all Jesus didn’t want to get the Cross, but he HAD TO. I did not want to leave my life of celibacy but I HAD TO.
As I said this event sounds hard to believe but other things God made me do or not do were also difficult but in the end, I know God was 100% correct. And again, it was a sort of TRICK or WHITE LIE similar to when God tricked me to marry my husband – to make sure of my security. {God did not want me desperate for money – She wanted me safe & solvent!} And this was also saying I was to quit celibacy to HAVE FUN – but mostly it was NOT FUN – a bit of it was but there was worse suffering than being celibate. My celibacy had led me to PEACE – that was trashed……
But let’s take a look at another woman who went ‘the way of all flesh’ & where it got her – It was Marilyn Monroe.
Marilyn did not consult God for her behavior or actions. She did what her body said to do – which was have sex with men who could get her forward in her career. Johnny Hyde, the William Morris agent, was pivotal.
Not only did he get her started in jobs but he paid for the surgery that made her the beauty we’re all mezmerized by. She had her nose & chin altered & I believe her lips. No one wanted the young Marilyn before her transformation – she was a bit of a failure. But after the reconstruction she was considered the most beautiful & sexy female of all time.
By following the way of the world, as well as being talented & hard working, Marilyn made it to THE TOP. No woman was more successful than she in her career. But what was Marilyn’s end? Death by suicide. She had overdosed before but her stomach got pumped, this time it was curtains.
And so here is an example how following the way of the world might give us TEMPORARY success, but does not guarantee it for a long run. Had she followed God – she could have lived a long life into her 90’s, & left behind a bigger legacy. Instead she dies age 36 – & mind you – her life was MISERABLE. Yes, she was between a rock & a hard place, there wasn’t much she could do for happiness. She was an ORPHAN with an insane Mom & a Dad deserter. That was the void that was not filled, that was the biggest reason for her misery. She tried to find happiness IN THE WORLD with PEOPLE but failed. People let her down – God would not have.
I think I have made my point. There are two roads – the way of God, the way of the world. I could have been a “star” had I married this one man in show business. But it would have been SHALLOW success, just one star out of thousands, proving what?
God had chosen me & sent me, like Jesus & many other God Lovers – into the world on a MISSION. What was my Mission? Female Empowerment – the Gender War – I was a soldier or maybe a ‘General’ in the fight to turn women into the great Matriarchs they once were.
To do this I did not see the BIG PICTURE, but God did. My only task was to LISTEN to God – hear God & OBEY & what had to be done would get done. God would use me with whatever talents, abilities & looks I had, for this specific mission.
There is no man, no flesh, mine or anyone’s, who could figure out the turns in the road.
First it was body building which helped women gain the machisma they needed to stand up to men – to prove that with muscle power, including the use of testosterone – they could give men a run for their money. Men previous to me lorded over women in body building. We were but cheesecake.
Then there was Stripping for God. Who could have predicted it? Who could have imagined a stripper giving sermons before dancing? What did this so? Prove that such a woman could be inside the Grace of God, not automatically a lowlife slut without morals – on drugs, shallow & stupid. Dorothy Parker said: “You can take a whore to culture but you can’t make her think.”
There were TWO other incredibly important things that CHANGED THE WORLD I did I will leave out of this article & explain elsewhere but let me get to the last part.
In being a COUGAR- doing it, accounting it in books, having proof through my photography – I have created an organized account that liberates women. After all, sexual liberty for us is the lynchpin against Patriarchy to establish Matriarchy – so again, I did God’s will which no one could anticipate.
Now I will leave the FINAL WORD to Mother God. She is God & She is within me. I ask Mother God is this it? No success for me, no recognition, no nothing? I did all I could, I suffered, but no banners flying, no fireworks, no accolades? Just an old soldier fading away?
Mother God: Not so fast. You’re not dead yet. I will reward you with some of the things of the world before you die. I did not put you on a pedestal before because I did not want the fake love of the word to go to your head & curtail or distract your path. It had to be a road covered with thorns. But now the thorns are gone & I will give you some of the joy of success you could have had. There will be a movie made & you will be more famous than you imagined, & before you die you will know the world will not forget you. It’s because you OBEYED God. So hang in there, fasten your seat belt, because a roller coaster will arrive & it’ll be filled with thrills & laughs. Yes my girl, you will have the last laugh. {End}
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