College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

STRUGGLES, SEX & LIFE

STRUGGLES, SEX & LIFE

1-2-21 Hardship Dreams

I was trying to get out of a place I was in with a male friend. We were both stuck here, due to another male who did something. Maybe this male’s truck was in our way or something.

The friend & I were trying to get out, MOVE, we have in our materials I see a small used child’s mattress & other things. Try as we might, we can’t get out because of the Truck-Man.

(SMALL CHILD’S USED MATTRESS: Could refer to my Lover’s immaturity, that this makes him allow the obstacle – he clings to his childish dreams, needs or limitations.)

Finally POLICE COME, like three of them. But we have to wait for the asshole TruckMan to place a glass of brown liquid on top of his truck while he sits against a wall & mutters prayers sort of smiling. I call out to the cops, this is taking too long, make him stop & get out of the way! The three cops are scattered through this driveway but they can’t do too much. One seems to be wearing a LIGHT, not dark uniform, maybe wearing GLASSES.

*(POLICE: In my dreams, always ANGELS. Because they are protectors / guardians & enforcers of the Will of God. The LIGHT uniform refers to marriage, he knows how that will turn out, & GLASSES are VISION.

BROWN LIQUID IN A CUP, HE SITS AGAINST THE WALL MUTTERING PRAYERS LOOKING AT THIS CUP, SMILING: The brown liquid is SHIT. This associate of his is full of it, sitting helplessly {against a wall is helpless} muttering PRAYERS which are not going to work…….This refers to ‘wishful’ or ‘magical’ thinking, which does not result in success, it does not call on the Power of God, it’s empty & useless & we’ve been waiting TOO LONG for this deluded activity to cease.)*

My friend, his identity? Reminds me of celebrity chef Gordon R – big, strong like that, but of course this is but a symbol.

(GORDON R, BIG CELEBRITY: My Spiritual Husband Bob believes he can be a big celebrity, a rap star, & that this TruckMan can get him there. It’s a delusion. I call on God for help, but apparently, it isn’t time yet.)

At one point ‘Gordon’ is standing at the outside of our pickup truck by the driver side, & this TruckMan takes his truck & puts it so close to GR that I fear he will crush him, somehow I intervene & push his old beige truck aside.

(CRUSHING HIM AGAINST THE DOOR OF THE DRIVER SIDE OF OUR TRUCK: Here if Bob can get into the driver side of OUR truck we could drive off. But the TruckMan in the BROWN {RUSTY} truck has him almost crushed or squashed. This is the old IDEAS, RUSTY THOUGHTS & FEELINGS, past their utility, not working, not doing anything, just deteriorating, rusting, & this old thinking which TruckMan puts upon him has him in a place of LIMITATION, squeezing the LIFE out of him. But somehow I jump in & LIMIT THE DAMAGE. This would be my influence on his life is also working.)

Will we ever get out of this driveway & onto our new home?

There was also a cocoa skinned man with a super thin right arm that was ‘following’ or in awe of my Gordon. Gordon at one point sat to his left & put his right arm around him for consolation. I said ‘he is your fan.’

*(HIS FAN, COCOA, WITH THE THIN, UNFORMED RIGHT ARM: This might be a version of TruckMan who admires or is infatuated with Gordon {my Bob} & treats him like he’s special. This gives Bob consolation. But notice

the RIGHT ARM IS THIN, UNFORMED: Means he has no effectiveness, lacks ability to help. When someone is YOUR RIGHT ARM they are of the GREATEST HELP TO YOU, but this guy’s right arm is thin, unformed, useless, like his ability to turn Bob into a RAP STAR or any kind of star. The COCOA SKIN refers to LOWER SELF or PHYSICAL – this means his self & whatever he says & does comes from the human self, not God, not destiny, not supernatural vision, nothing of power but just the human self. The human self is weak, it can do nothing remarkable, but with the Grace of God – which he hasn’t got – one can do wonders.)*

*(OVERALL MEANING: When you dream of MOVING it’s usually not literal, but from one state/situation to another. Many of my dreams concern the frustration with Spiritual Husband, ex-lover Bob, so this is about a stumbling block against us.

Who or what is this TruckMan with the light brown old truck, always in the way, almost crushing GR {Bob} & muttering long prayers, where not even three COPS {ANGELS} can get him out of the way?

All I can think of is his ‘business’ associate who has him convinced he can make him a RAP STAR – a project which has not happened for many years & never will, as this clown hasn’t got a clue.

The cop in the LIGHT-not dark uniform hints at marriage, as his uniform is almost white. Wearing glasses? That could refer to VISION – He sees something we don’t see, he knows something, probably the future. He knows the man & I will be together, he isn’t worried. Lack of concern is shown in how he’s just leaning against our truck, like WAITING for something. That means we have to wait this out – this will pass.)*

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The GIGOLO

I can’t recall details, but my Beloved had somehow, some way, become a gigolo. But yet, I had the UPPER HAND. In fact, at the end of it, I had him & his main woman TRAPPED. How trapped? By information or situation, & I told another friend, pointing to my left palm,

“I have them IN THE PALM OF MY HAND.”

(PALM OF MY HAND, I HAVE THEM IN IT: Palm of the hand, when pointing to it, has to do with MONEY. Like ‘let some silver cross my palm’. The PALM also refers to FORTUNE TELLING – the psychic looks at the PALM to tell your future. So this is about THE FUTURE OF BOB & MYSELF & HAS TO DO WITH MONEY. It shows they will be trapped or cornered, for lack of it, & he will need me to bail him out or keep him going. Maybe he will lose his job & his sugar Mamma, who already supports the family including him – will not be able to give him support. After all, he uses all his salary on his own needs – she could not cover his alcohol, marijuana, drugs, cigarettes & personal items, which come to at least $400. weekly – maybe more, which is his entire salary. At one time she gave him more, but hard times have come.)

The feeling was, they could not get anywhere or go anywhere in the place they were in. LIFE had them trapped.

But before that my lover Bob, who this is about, had several women & I don’t know the details, but I told everyone HE IS A GIGOLO. Being a gigolo did not bode well for his future. I mean, there are illegal things going on, he’s going to get into hot water sooner or later.

(HE’S A GIGOLO: Is not literal, means he lives off a woman or women, at least I think so.)

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OSTRACISM

The third dream was about ostracism. It was so painful & tedious I don’t want to put all the details.

My aunt & uncle had taken me out & now they were planning to go to dinner, & they had invited two young men. They were hemming & hawing about me being there & kept saying I should take my car & go home – but I didn’t know why they wanted me to go home. Then finally I figured because they didn’t want to take me to dinner with them – they were ashamed of me, it hurt.

(AUNT & UNCLE ASHAMED OF ME: Aunt & Uncle always refers to punishment & pain – here the pain of ostracism. The fact they don’t want to take me to dinner is that people of the world don’t want to be seen in public with me, as those of the adult trade are ‘personal non grata,’ outcasts, undesirables, they are ashamed of me. This might refer to some relatives of mine, in real life, who feel that way about me although they pretend otherwise.)

So I don’t go home, I stick around, & go to see who they WERE taking out to dinner. It was two young military men. They went with them to their apt, where they guys had to get their money behind a queen-sized bed, behind red pillows – apparently they would pay for their own food.

They guys explained how they TOOK OUT THE HEARTS OF AMERICANS, hearts & some other gland, & this surprised me, as these weren’t even THE ENEMY. But to my aunt / uncle they were ALRIGHT in spite of this, so they all proceeded out.

(MILITARY MEN TAKE OUT HEARTS ETC BUT THEY ARE INVITED OUT: This is about society’s prejudice again me – labeled ‘adult trade worker’ vs those who take out hearts – which would be those who destroy people, they are the enemies of God, the demoniacs, but these people are accepted members of society, while I am AN OUTCAST.)

I’m with my uncle at the table designated for them. It’s on a higher level than the main crowd, we are just being seated – I’m here temporarily, uncle to my right in a round booth – it’s dim – there are hundreds of ordinary people seated in front of us. An old lady comes up to us, a server. I tell her,

“They have a reservation for four. I’m not one of them. My aunt is coming & two other guys.”

So everything is set for them. I told my aunt/uncle I would find another place to eat, & at the end of their dinner, they could pick me up outside & drive me home.

But strange things happen. I turn out to be part of the entertainment of this restaurant, they have dancers, like strippers, & I turn out to be one of them – dancing naked with bright red lipstick, blonde hair & not much else.

(DANCING NAKED: This explains why I am ostracized, nudity.)

After the show I sit next to a youngish man to my right & ask him what he thought of the dancers. He says he can’t recall. I tweek his memory, ‘What about the one WITH THE GREAT BODY, the last one to dance?’ He says,

“Oh, SHE WAS GREAT.”

I knew my aunt & uncle would not even recognize me if they saw me on stage – I look different.

I then went outside to wait for them to take me home but they passed by, did not see me, I was not in the place I said I would be.

I never did find that other restaurant to eat in. I asked for directions, they told me, but it wasn’t there. I ended up on horrible, Hellish roads. The roads were encased in rock, you’d go & go & thy got narrower, you’r redo your steps to try & escape, & another road was the same thing. One road I did come upon a business place & asked the lady where did it lead into? She said eventually it did lead out, but it had detours which ended up dead ends. So one could get caught on these roads & die, with rocks all around, it was a NIGHTMARE.

(NIGHTMARE ROADS, ENCLOSED, CANNOT FIND THE RESTAURANT OR POSSIBLY THE WAY BACK: This is the suffering of outcasts in our society, the way they are treated, they can’t find a place of satisfaction of nourishment, all of society rejects them.)

Please see my book which has close to 900 dream symbols, at Lulu Press, UK

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/rasa-von-werder/theater-of-the-mind-dreams-symbols-meanings/paperback/product-1k9zmkd.html?page=1&pageSize=4

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12-31-20 SEX SEX more SEX-Happy New Year

My Spiritual Husband is appearing the last few days to me, don’t know why, & a lot of it is about sex.

In this dream I’m visiting Lover Bob at his place. His house is like ours was on Delancey St., Newark, NJ. This goes WAY BACK – I was 7 years old! It’s a pleasant, well-lit place & I am visiting OBSERVING.

I see several women. Not all there, maybe one main one here but he’s going off to see other women. A side woman’s name appears, ‘Zeba.’

There are two children sitting at a round table with me, the background is light blue, I see my room behind this one, this is maybe the kitchen, a boy off to the right who seems about 6 & a girl to the left who is about 8. For some reason I want to bare my heart to them, as I have no one else to talk to about this, & I say,

What I want is to move here, live with Bob – we are in love……..

The girl says,

“But he’s in love with Zeba & Tina, Donna & Hannah”
{names uncertain} & I answer,

“That’s not love, that’s just lust & infatuation.”

{It immediately comes to mind how the women of the polygamy guys in Utah told me it works: With each new wife he wants sex with her every night for about three weeks, then he gets tired of her & goes back to his normal routine.}

(ZEBA: Zeba is the woman he lives with, I got that by another hint I’ll not get into. She is one of his polygamous ‘wives’ but none of them is me, the True Wife – the one that God joined with him. Here his live-in is telling me he ‘loves’ all of them, it’s her human self telling me this {the child of God or daughter} – she’s in denial that his love for me is true. I tell her that none of these affairs is the real thing.)

PART TWO

of this dream is we are walking up a wide gravel road in the mountains, similar what I have near my present house, maybe higher up. We’ve been walking a long time, & dusk is falling. I’m hoping the group behind me doesn’t bring attention to it’s getting dark, we must go back. I believe that even if it’s dark, the road is light gravel, you can see it easily in the moonlight, it’s wide {about 15′} & there are no obstacles, let’s keep going. To the right of this road it drops off, a great vista.

*(GOING UP: Some hardship which here might promise a great reward. As far as a mountain, in my dream language it often means Golgotha, & on that terrible place was our REDEMPTION.

GRAVEL is stones, which might represent criticism or persecution, like STONING in the ancient bible days. Stoning means someone was judged, condemned & doomed to die.

{Only the women get it in the Old Testament & some of the Orthodox Arab places today – where are the men? Men allowed to have sex with little children, with no impunity but women are killed for disobedience to men.}

So this is some sort of Golgotha we are climbing, with my lady friend who has CANCER with me. We are SUFFERERS, but I want to COMPLETE this journey, keeping the faith after it’s done – the crucifixion – we will get back to normal life.

Husband Bob is here with me, looking backward. That means HIS SUFFERING is looking back over our failed relationship.

My FAITH is great that this will be a SUCCESSFUL ORDEAL & even IN THE DARKNESS {dark night of the soul, a time of pain} we will get back.)*

The group behind me is led by my friend Jane-Marie, {who in real life has lung cancer.} I am DETERMINED to keep going.

(I hope that the faith of my lady friend is AS GREAT AS MINE.)

To the right of me is a barge, like a long maybe wooden, narrow conveyance, which is somehow moving along with us, & my lover Bob on that conveyance, but sitting on it looking backward. In the dreams of this night he’s constantly with me, so I don’t feel separated from him, it makes me feel good.

On this barge are folded, stacked, THOUSANDS of ‘army surplus’ scarves. I bought like 20 of them many years ago at a bargain, for like 5 bucks or less, mail order. They are medium brown, about 3′ long, a foot wide, they are masculine & they do the trick if you want a scarf.

(SCARVES: Might be veils, which could represent Veronica’s veil, or veils which give solace & comfort to the suffering.
This might be a HINT that my sojourn has been FOR THE SOULS IN PURGATORY & thousands of them have been relieved, comforted, by my sufferings.
BROWN represents great suffering, almost, but not quite black, which is complete martyrdom in this context.)

And later, my legs get cold, I tell my female friend ahead of me I am going to take a pair of these pants here, put them on. They are ones that looked beautiful on me, thick material, with big seams, stretch. And there’s a second pair more loose, I hold up & ask my friend if she wants to put them on – she didn’t think they would fit her, but I think they will. Is she chubby? {She reminds me of someone I once knew, young, a nice person. She is walking ahead of me.} Now the pants are the exact same color as the scarves, it all fits together one color, the pants are kind of soft/fuzzy.

(LEGS GETTING COLD: Legs represent mystical travel, like the God Mercury moving fast through the air. Getting cold would mean LOSING INTIMACY WITH GOD, not being able to traverse or gain access to the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, the ability to communicate with the Higher World.
This loss of intimacy corresponds with dark nights of the soul – where a person gets spiritually lost, deadened or fallen asleep by the traumas of life, like when Jesus said before passing out, ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’
So I’m trying to retrieve my intimacy when I warm up my legs.
The lady ‘in front’ of me is another person suffering greatly, worse than me if she’s ahead, & I’m suggesting to her a way to regain her closeness to God.)

EARLIER

there’s a scene like this: I’m standing in a room – sort of like but not exactly, ‘Marios’s room’ which means separation. To my right is my ‘captain’s chair’ which is the beautiful chair I have in my bedroom at the apt today – the chair has a bunch of white towels in it, some stacked, some draped over the back. I discover a puddle of clean water on the chair, which I mop up with a towel & am not pleased it has got some of the towels wet. A woman of authority is standing near me – who she is I don’t know.

(WOMAN IN AUTHORITY: Is probably my God Self who has authority over me & my husband.
The captains chair represents the room Lover & I had sex in for years. The chair is right by the window he would call up to me.
The CLEAR WATER being on the white towels is the TEARS or sorrow I have over us not being together – the white is union or marriage.)

Across from me is lover Bob & he is MOPPING UP something. I ask the lady, who is telling him what to do, what happened, & she says WATER SEEPED IN, {all the water is clean & clear} so he’s taking care of it. This lady is the head of the household.

(WATER is tears of sorrow.
HE IS STOOPING DOWN, MOPPING UP: He’s sorrowing, he’s been humbled, bending down, mopping up his tears. He’s being directed by my God Self, She is the boss of this breakup & the good it will bring.)

As I’m standing there I look down at myself & I’m aware of two things, one, I am dressed plain, in a slinky t-shirt that is white with a touch of violet, it covers my front all the way to the crotch. My hair & everything is plain, no makeup. And second, that Bob IS WITH ME so we are not separated, & I think I was unhappy without him, but we are together. So why should I be sad?

His position is he’s stooping, on bended knee, mopping up.

(I AM PLAIN, NO FANCY PRESENTATION: This might be saying I am not trying to seduce or lure Bob, I’m allowing him to feel the sense of loss, not appearing to him in any way. Paradoxically, it is when I am GONE that we are TOGETHER. In my absence he appreciates me at last, we are together as he feels the pain of losing me. My Mother God orchestrated this. He needed to be taken off his HIGH HORSE where he took me for granted, had no fear of losing me, treated me any way he wanted to.)

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The TROPHY DILDOE

I’m looking at my small, semi-enclosed porch {doesn’t look like any porch I know} & am startled to see the huge penis of my Spiritual Husband Bob, on a plaque fastened to the wall – it’s fully erected, but pointing down. I see it for a moment, walk away, then return to see it again & it has shrunk somewhat. I realize it is a living representation of his real, living dick. It was fully hard, now it has receeded, so it’s like a ‘dick alert’ of some kind.

Bob suddenly appears & sees this plaque, & thinks I put it there. I swear to him I did not. But I have in my hands a ball of soft clay, which looks like the earth or flesh, it’s light medium brown. As I mold it in my hands, it’s an amazing feeling, & I give it to Bob, tell him to touch it & feel it touching his dick, how soft it is.

Bob has in his hands several items which he thinks are soft. There’s a block of something medium blue, like hard clay, & other things, one of them black – all things he thought were soft, he was going to ‘mold.’ I tell him those other items are nothing compared to this thing I hold in my hands, they are rock solid hard, & what I say is true. He is holding the other items but also massaging that ball of clay.

(BALL OF CLAY, other items like that CLAY which he was going to massage, etc. This CLAY is my vagina vs the other vaginas, {made of clay or earth} & him ‘molding’ them is having sex.)

I forgot to say there was also another penis plaque on the wall, this one had a darker feeling to it, like black hair or a sort of mustache on it, doesn’t make sense, but it was just DARKER & BIG BUT NOT AS BIG as the first one.

*(PENIS PLAQUE ON THE WALL OF MY SMALL PORCH: This is about Lover Bob being aware that having sex with different women feels different.
He’s busy with several of them according to this & other dreams.
I’m connected to his emotions & I see when he’s excited or not.
He is seeing that the women he has sex with do not FEEL THE SAME as having sex with me. In a contrast of FEELING GOOD / SOFTNESS they are various degrees of HARD, not soft, pleasant TO THE EMOTIONS.

The symbols are vagina & penis, but the meaning is deeper. It’s about love, true love vs lust & infatuation. The person you love feels completely different than he ones you don’t, sex wise or anything wise.

The first penis, which looks like his, is what he feels for me – we are emotionally connected, so I can FEEL / SEE when he is erected. The second plaque is him on a lower level – just physical – no deeper connection, nothing spiritual. It is the LOWER SELF or self in ‘darkness’. This is the penis or self which has sex with other females.

This dream says he is beginning to realize, understand this, that women are no interchangeable, having sex with one is not the same as the other, the one you love is the one you have most feelings with. And the one he loves is me.)*

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Please see my book which has close to 900 dream symbols, at Lulu Press, UK

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/rasa-von-werder/theater-of-the-mind-dreams-symbols-meanings/paperback/product-1k9zmkd.html?page=1&pageSize=4

GuruRasa answers, What is the purpose of dreams?
Q 1 WHAT is a dream? A A communication system from the unconscious mind to the conscious
Q 2 What are SYMBOLS? A The MEANS by which the unconscious SPEAKS to the conscious
Q 3 What is the PURPOSE of dreams?

A Dreams accomplish these things and more: 1 They SAVE LIVES and SOULS………………………………
2 Warn us of danger; physical, emotional and spiritual to ourselves and others
3 Tell us the true feelings, intentions or interior state of others
4 Reveal our own interior state, sins, virtues and gifts, phobias and desires
5 Explain mysterious situations or incidents
6 Explain WHAT WOULD BE if we did a certain thing
7 Explain the reactions of others to us if we met them or communicated with them
8 Explain what TO DO or NOT TO DO
Details
Publication Date
3/30/2007
Contributors
By (author): Rasa Von Werder
Pages
529
Dimensions
US Trade (6 x 9 in / 152 x 229 mm)

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Power of Love

THE POWER OF LOVE

Theater of the Mind – Dreams

12-29-20

Many dreams. In one, my ex-Lover is telling me he’s been having ‘a lot of sex.’ He seems to be physically worn out from it – but he’s been desperate for sex since losing me.

I also have an experience with the lady – who he’s having sex with. She comes to me like a friend, confesses to me about him. I see her as two people, one a child, the other grown up. She seems to be close & intimate with me, like she’s in love or infatuated with ME. I comfort her, & send her on her way to him, leave her there & tell her I’m leaving. She & her daughter both have soft, light cocoa skin, it even seems fuzzy, it’s so soft.

*(INFATUATED WITH ME: This is a telling symbol. It says that I am inside Lover Bob through the Mystical Marriage, so when she is intimate with him, she also is with me. She’s relating to me while relating to him. That puts a big stamp of reality to the mystical marriage.

I feel no jealousy. I know this will pass. He’s in desperate need of love, trying to get it, eventually it will fall apart. So I have no worries as to us. This female is NOT his earthly wife – who obviously he doesn’t love.)*

Later on there is something about a young man – we’re in public. He’s very young, I’m old, & for us to publicly be together might create a stir. But we do get together in this glass gallery, in the front row. He’s dressed in fabric, hat & outfit, with little multi-colored flowers all over it. We are talking sweet nothings to each other & I see a man beyond looking at us, maybe jealous.

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12-30-20 – EXPERIENCE NOT A DREAM

My lover appears to me like ‘the Michelin Man’, so puffed up. Puffed shoulders, cheeks puffed up, he’s huge, has a black Mohican haircut, lots hair on top, cut crewcut on sides.

*(PUFFED UP: This is nourishment. Recently I had dreams of his being gaunt, skinny, with bags under eyes, skin wrinkled & sallow. This showed his lack of love nourishment, being empty, starving for True Love. This is the opposite.

We met during the night spiritually & gave one another True Love. What is Love in this context? It is ENERGY, the highest, most refined, powerful, nourishing energy. It is not LUST.

I dreamed yesterday he was doing a lot of sex. This is just fukking. It is not power or nourishment. Hungry for love, he’s found a girl that will let him do it, he’s doing it to her regularly, thinking he will feel relief from his pain. But it isn’t working. You can jack off with your hand or with another person’s body again & again, but without True Love, there is nothing stimulating your Soul – it’s only physical, & it can actually hurt rather than help, in the end. This is what he’s been experiencing, this is why I’m not jealous, because I know it’s shallow.

But now, his being ‘puffed up’ is being fattened up with True Love, happiness being fused into his soul, we met, we exchanged true love, we were nourished.)*

He comes up to me, we are embracing, I am like in his arms but sort of like have my legs around him. We’re in my bed in the B’klyn apt after I redecorated it, very beautiful, on my large bed.

When he says I love you I also say it, & he says ‘You make me happy’ & I say it too. Not sure who says each thing first, but this is more than a dream. We are really together, it is an experience, in real time, we are connecting, sharing love & speaking. I feel nourished by love.

Then I wake up & fall asleep again & see us again, & tis time, we have a baby. The baby looks just like him, all puffed up, the Michelin man style.

(BABY: Fruit of our love. Something is born, is alive. Need to think more on this. Could mean an increase so great that he is replicated or reproduced, another one of him is born. Don’t know how to explain it in spiritual terms.)

Please see my dream book on Lulu – “Theater of the Mind” – Has a dictionary with many symbols. Am working on a new book now.

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/rasa-von-werder/theater-of-the-mind-dreams-symbols-meanings/ebook/product-19qnnqwe.html?page=1&pageSize=4

GuruRasa answers, What is the purpose of dreams? Q 1 WHAT is a dream? A A communication system from the unconscious mind to the conscious Q 2 What are SYMBOLS? A The MEANS by which the unconscious SPEAKS to the conscious Q 3 What is the PURPOSE of dreams? A Dreams accomplish these things and more: 1 They SAVE LIVES and SOULS……………………………… 2 Warn us of danger; physical, emotional and spiritual to ourselves and others 3 Tell us the true feelings, intentions or interior state of others 4 Reveal our own interior state, sins, virtues and gifts, phobias and desires 5 Explain mysterious situations or incidents 6 Explain WHAT WOULD BE if we did a certain thing 7 Explain the reactions of others to us if we met them or communicated with them 8 Explain what TO DO or NOT TO DO

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SOULS LIFTED FROM PURGATORY

SOULS IN PURGATORY HELPED

12-28-20 Lotta Tits – Stripper Friend of Mine Ascends into Heaven – I don’t

know who this is. Could be any busty stripper I knew.

I did not even know she was dead. But she was a bit older than I, so that would put her maybe age 85 – so it’s possible she ‘d be dead.

In this dream I am back dancing, & visiting ‘Lotta Tits.’ I was sitting there talking to her when I sort of fell asleep. She then yells at me,

“Get out of here.”

(GET OUT OF HERE: This might be a HINT, not about her saying this to me, but to a man, as I see a man farther down who is beating her. This man might have been a miscreant, using her, maybe for drugs, & went into a rage when she told him to leave. {Never confront men like this, they are dangerous, not in control of their impulses, when you must part from them do it in a secretive way when possible & do not confront them alone, saying ‘get out’. They sometimes react like cornered animals.})

Next thing I know the dressing room where she had all her gowns is empty. Mine is nearby, I am dressed in my beautiful purple dress with purple gloves, decorated in silver on the gloves & chest, I’m thin, with a long silvery wig, beautiful – reminds me of photos I have like that.

There’s a middle-aged man comes by & says to me,

* “I’m just here to get the costumes of the strippers who are dead.” *

I say to him,

“Lotta Tits took her costumes with her.”

(TOOK COSTUMES WITH HER: The costumes are a symbol of the ‘brides of Christ’ or us being dressed in Heavenly clothes to meet our Maker – these clothes are really LIGHT, not material items, so I tell this man SHE HAS ASCENDED, while he has informed me that SHE IS DEAD.)

Then I show him my outfits & explain how they work. Like this purple one has a purple turkey feather boa, most outfits have a diaphanous see-three wide gown on top, then there’s a net you dance in sometimes, like peekaboo. I demonstrate all this to him.

*(HOW OUTFITS WORK: I’m explaining to this man how spiritual lights within us, around us, work.

Mine being PURPLE means LONG SUFFERING {the time of the Passion Catholic Priests wear purple} & my long silver wig, represents ‘for always’ – my BEAUTY is spiritual, for the most part. The physical fades, it’s not as important.)*

I then recall when I was with Lotta Tits she saw a drop of something like white milk on my leg, & she was drawn to it, like touched it or something.

(WHITE DROP OF MILK ON MY LEG: Could mean she saw my spiritual love. White milk is ‘milk of human kindness’ & leg is mystical travel. She knew I had some spiritual power by my kindness, this says, & was drawn to me, like bent the knee by me – Could be she was praying in Purgatory for my help.)

I also saw her being beaten by a man, surrounded with white light everywhere, he hit her on the chin. Was wondering if this man beat her to death.

ANOTHER SOUL: After that, I saw another soul being helped but can’t recall any details, darn it. But I know that the Holy Masses I’m saying are working, so that’s the main thing.

……………………………………………………………………………

12-27-20-Soul Lifted-5 or 6 NUNS

I have been watching so many You Tube videos the last days, have wiped out my mind, can’t recall dreams, did not see the souls lifted into Heaven but one.

Saw a female with a baby earlier. Later I see her wheeling an old fashioned baby carriage & in it some kind of large light beige bundle, & on top of the bundle, the cutest baby pink sweater.

I know that sweater is a Soul lifted from Purgatory – the clue is ‘baby’ or ‘born again,’ & the pink is ‘feminine’ which could go either way, male or female, as we are all feminine or passive to God. Amen.
……………………………………………………………………………

12-27-20 The NUNS

I’m on my kitchen front porch looking over the entire large yard in front & below, & spread out over it is a new crew, like they have taken over, like I’m gone, they’re here.

There are 5 or 6 nuns, all in white, completely covered like loose sheets over their heads, small round holes for the eyes, maybe a small hole for the nose. These nuns are spread out over my property, in front & below – don’t know what they are doing, just that they’re there. The material in their habits is not thin cotton, like a bedsheet, but a heavy material like a real contemplative nun would wear in black or beige, but these are white.

They look at no one but each other, they ignore me, they’re having a kind of pow wow near me, & I see a bear lower down to the left, coming for food. They are not turned toward me but speaking so I can hear them, saying they are being fined $375. each time a bear shows up. I tell them they are being RIPPED OFF big time by whoever is in charge here, as I only got fined $75. each time a bear came here.

*(NUNS: Have not yet figured out who these nuns are but my best guess is Souls in Purgatory being ‘fined’ or paying heavy penalties. Bears represent SUFFERING. I’m saying they are PAYING MUCH MORE THAN I WAS CHARGED, suffering more than I have, which might say that the suffering we endure in Purgatory for our sins, is much greater than paying for them ON EARTH.

This is a KNOWN FACT from the theologians, once you are dead, you pay the ULTIMATE PRICE, you sit there eeking out your penalty, while when still living, it’s much easier to PAY FOR ONES SINS.

Why are they CLOAKED in these heavy white robes with only small holes for eyes & aren’t looking at me?

They aren’t AWARE that I’m helping them, that I care, but they are HERE in my ‘domain’ or ‘kingdom – spiritual catchment area’ & I’m helping them, but they don’t know who’s helping them, who I am (?))*

Then there’s a short, small nun, like 4’8″, with her boyfriend, she is right by me facing me, the boyfriend to the left, she talking animatedly. She’s permitted to have a boyfriend & wear normal clothes, yet she’s a nun.
………………………………………………………………………….

12-22-20-RUMBLE IN BREAKUP ROOM
NEIGHBOR WEIRDNESS

I’m sleeping in my bedroom at the old farmhouse. A man is in the Mario room sleeping in the small bed, on his back, facing the door.

(ON HIS BACK: vulnerable or not in charge.)

The man is making such a rumble that I don’t feel SAFE for myself & my daughter – how can we sleep? He is making such noises, hard to explain, like moaning, groaning, growling, COMPLAINING, etc. Just noises & it sounds MENACING.

Finally, to be able to give ourselves a better sense of security so we can sleep, I get up & put the hook/latch on the door. It’s high up & I tell daughter it isn’t 100% secure – if someone wanted to, they could KICK THE DOOR IN, but it’s better than nothing.

I thought about putting the same hook/latch on the room between us – my bro’s room – but felt it might not be a good idea as he might see me there hooking it & get upset – I’m not even sure if my bro’s door has such a latch so I don’t even go to look. I then tell my daughter maybe we can sleep now – MAYBE.

The man, his face is WORN OUT, GAUNT, like a LONG FACE, he’s very THIN, his face looks like he’s suffering & ANGRY, like dark circles & creases all over it.

MEANING:

*(MAN IN BREAKUP ROOM: In dreams, every residence connects with specific memories, every room also. The old farmhouse hearkens to my being young & times of suffering & separation. The ‘Mario’ room is a symbol of breakup, sometimes permanent & traumatic.

The only breakup I can think of, where a man would be this upset, is my ex-lover Bob. This holiday season might be pivotal for him – lots of things happened in the past, & it’s been a year & a half since we connected.

The dream shows his misery but ESPECIALLY HIS ANGER. Grief has several stages to it – beginning is DENIAL, like ‘it’s not true,’ then there’s sorrow, then there’s ANGER, so this shows anger – that’s why I don’t feel safe for my daughter.

Who is ‘I’ & my daughter? It is my God Self & my flesh, I am protecting my body. Understand that the God Self cannot be touched, harmed in any way, but only the flesh can be touched – that includes being hurt by demons or people. The flesh is vulnerable – the God self is invincible, no person or demon can enter it. But the flesh can be SEPARATED FROM GOD in various ways, all problems between God & ourselves happen in the human part – {the human self blocks the way to God through SIN – depending on the gravity of the sin, the obscurity present in the human self. Then there are ATTACHMENTS – which are like chains or ropes connected to the world & flesh, & these also prevent one from seeing God Face to Face.}

FACE GAUNT, LONG, DARK LINES, BAGS UNDER EYES: This shows hunger, misery, sleeplessness. He’s been DISTRAUGHT over our breakup.

This man is SO ANGRY that I feel my flesh to be UNSAFE, she cannot find PEACE or serenity with his vibes being picked up {heard as noises}. He’s really bent out of shape. I do something to protect my lower self, seen as locking the door, & unless he goes completely berserk {kicking the door open}, this gives my flesh some degree of peace.

Me to MomGod: What would it mean kicking the door open? How would that happen?
She: That would be if he goes insane, so to speak, like a killer, when they lose all ability to reason & give in to the primitive self.
Me: If he is this bad, why doesn’t he just call me? I don’t have his number, by his choice, nor any way of reaching him – don’t know where he lives, nothing. So it’s almost impossible for me to contact him. Why doesn’t he just call me?
She: He is so SPOILED by your previous behavior of reaching him against all odds, his pride will now allow him to contact you. He is holding onto his pride with every last ounce of strength. He is an IDIOT & he is hurting himself, not you. You got over it, now it’s his turn to suffer.)*
………………………………………………………………………………..

12-22-20 The large gasoline holder, the neighbor wife, the neighbor husband

is DEAD & his son & I BURY HIM on my property then see we must unbury

him & return him to his own property!

This has to be one of the weirdest. Have no idea what it means.

I’m here at my house, & in my bottom yard I’m walking around & my neighbor has his/her land adjacent to me. I see a large red gasoline holder sort of in the creek’ on his property {next to mine, it’s really my creed, but strangely in the dream their property is attached/shared with mine} & suspect it’s the holder I had recently which I left down below there, thinking no one would bother it, but this seems to be it & so I think the neighbor man took it. I decide to go to his house & ask them about that, so I go there.

*(NEIGHBORS NEXT TO MY PROPERTY: This dream says that not only is ex-lover Bob attached to me, but because he is, his common-law wife is as well. Apparently, his being my spiritual husband carries her along in the attachment.

THE LARGE GASOLINE CAN OF MINE I SUSPECT HE’S TAKEN: Gasoline would be energy, fuel. But this is EMPTY. Might be saying ‘he took a lot out of me – a lot of ENERGY – he DRAINED me.)*

I go to the ‘front’ door. It has beautiful rocks forming a staircase, like rocks but many small rocks mixed into the large platform rocks. One strange thing is there’s a section where these rocks mixed with is it cement? – form a type of JAWLIKE formation as if TEETH {like sharp waves} come out of it, there’s space under this formation, you can’t climb here, it’s just like a decoration.

*(ROCK DECORATION LIKE TEETH: ‘Jaws’ or a predatory, dangerous animal, a shark. When in the literary business they compare con men to honest ones, they call the ‘sharks’ vs ‘doves.’ These people are con artists, users.

They have a FRONT – the front door. This is being fake, ‘fronting’ – pretending. It’s a beautiful, fake front. They look like they have a lovely home, but it isn’t.)*

I go around this to the side door. There again I see rocks, like cement filled with smaller rocks – beautiful, forming a staircase & platform. The door is light green, I knock on it.

The woman answers, Laurie, who was an evil con- woman who kept borrowing money from me, last loan was the biggest & she never paid me back.

(LAURIE: This represents a con woman. They are both faking it, pretending, & this shows possibly they are short on money – Laurie always was.
The beautiful staircase, all the rocks mixed in with cement, are this is not SOLID like granite, bedrock, this relationship / family is made of elements that are bound together like glue, cement, that could be broken apart without much effort. In other words, a hammer could break all this apart, but a hammer could not break bedrock or granite apart – it’s SOLID. And the bushes around are all decorations, part of the fakery.)

I am extremely polite. I describe the red gasoline holder, the situation in the most polite terms, that I think he saw it there, took it not knowing who it belonged to, but I think it was mine. I am so polite that she says not a word & when I’m finished, I walk away & she closes the door. The door is not solid, it has four glass panes on the top half, medium-light green, the house is picturesque, with soft bushes all around it.

*(THE DOOR-WINDOW PANES-GREEN: This relationship is based on OPPORTUNITY, or was, on MONEY. Somebody is getting something out of someone – he’s getting support out of her, but pretending it’s something else.

Me to MomGod: Why am I telling her how he took something from me? And she does not respond.

She: She is becoming aware that he’s a deadbeat, a user. She sees it somehow through how he used you – you informing her could be her just drawing conclusions. She knows what he did to you – that he was using you for sex. She sees how he’s using her or was, for money, because now she doesn’t have it, so they are falling apart. It’s what you predicted to her.)*

Then I know the SON of this couple & he tells me HIS DAD HAS DIED. For some strange reason we both believe that we must BURY HIS DAD & we must do so on my property. This doesn’t make sense, but that’s how dreams are.

(DEAD, WE THINK WE MUST BURY HIM ON MY PROPERTY: ‘Dead’ is dead as in ‘relationship.’ This is one part of Bob telling me about another part of him, where the relationship is over. On your side it’s over, you have ended it.)

We take the Dad’s body in some sort of conveyance, drag it to my lawn behind my house, dig a hole & begin to bury it, but not yet covered with dirt, I realyze we’ve made a mistake. I tell him,

“We can’t do this! The body has to be buried in a cemetery, & it has to be in a metal, leakproof case!

Meanwhile, his body is like fresh chicken breasts, many pounds of them, & somehow the taste of one of these pieces get into my mouth & I need to spit out into a stainless steel sink outside behind my kitchen.

Then I tell the son we must take the body, drag it back to his house where someone must then make arrangements to have him buried. This is the plan but I don’t see it carried out.

*(MUST BE BURIED PROPERLY: This refers to you ending it is not the end of the story. He must be buried on his side, properly, in a cemetery, in a leakproof container. This is saying his other relationship, on that side, must be terminated – the common-law wife fiasco. They must end it properly, be done with it. You ending it on your side does not end it for both of you.
This does not explain it all to me, I’m not getting it. MomGod, what does it say? Is it saying when he terminates with the wife, then we can be together? But it doesn’t show any place about us being together in the future.

She: You are working with him here, the ‘Son,’ telling him HE MUST END IT PROPERLY with her. It’s not over with you – end it with her. There is an assumption that when he does that, you two can get together.)*

……………………………………………………………………………….

12-23-20 Won’t Give Me His Address

There was some great Personage – a saint or an Angel – who was helping me in the case of my Beloved. Yesterday I stated that I had no way of reaching him, did not even know where he lived.

This Personage found out where he lives, & is sharing it with someone, but NOT WITH ME. She does not have the street address, but an approximate location, like within the block, a group of houses, & his is one of them. She/he was helping me, why doesn’t she want me to have this info?

MEANING

*(God is saying that it is known the approximate location where he lives {he made me drop him off near the place one time} but God or her messenger don’t want me to know the exact location.

Me: MomGod, what does it mean?

She: It means better not to know, by the Will of God, what good would it do for you to have any of his details? It is the Will of God that HE CONTACT YOU, not you him. Your pursuing him is over, the onus is on him, let it be that way, leave it alone, don’t even wish to know anything.)*

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

RESIST VACCINES-GREAT DANGER

RESIST VACCINES!

VACCINE: ” On the other hand, and that which exposes these criminal frauds (Luke 12:2), we have Dr. Wakefield warning, ”THIS IS NOT A VAX, IT IS IRREVERSIBLE GENETIC MODIFICATION”

See SONS OF LIBERTY WEBSITE & OR THE WASHINGTON STANDARD, article:

“OPERATION WARP SPEED” Now You Know Why – Dr. Warns : ”THIS IS NOT A VAX, IT IS IRREVERSIBLE GENETIC MODIFICATION” (VIDEO)

Friends: Do not get any vaccines orchestrated by the US govt, Bill Gates, World Health Organization or ANYONE.

https://sonsoflibertymedia.com/operation-warp-speed-now-you-know-why-dr-warns-this-is-not-a-vax-it-is-irreversible-genetic-modification-video/?utm_source=OneSource&utm_medium=Push

They created ALL THE NEW DISEASES like AIDS, Ebola, Sars, Covid – all of them. They have patents. They also have cures that are patented, but they will not make them available to the people.

Do NOT NOT NOT trust the Patriarchal organizations, whoever, whatever they are, they are DEMONIC & they come to STEAL, KILL & DESTROY.

There is not a SHRED OF DECENCY in the intents or motives of any Patriarchal organization, including their major religions, governments, so-called help institutions – nothing. All organizations run by men are CORRUPT, EVIL & have HARMFUL INTENT.

The only way we will escape the tyranny of Satan/men/Patriarchs is to hold onto MOTHER GOD & work for the coming MATRIARCHY. There is no other way.

RESIST THE DEVIL & HE WILL FLEE. Do not get any injections of ANY KIND while Satan rules the world. Resist, even if it means your life will be more difficult, resist in order to save yourself & your children.

https://sonsoflibertymedia.com/operation-warp-speed-now-you-know-why-dr-warns-this-is-not-a-vax-it-is-irreversible-genetic-modification-video/?utm_source=OneSource&utm_medium=Push

See SONS OF LIBERTY WEBSITE & OR THE WASHINGTON STANDARD, article:

“OPERATION WARP SPEED” Now You Know Why – Dr. Warns : ”THIS IS NOT A VAX, IT IS IRREVERSIBLE GENETIC MODIFICATION” (VIDEO)

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

CURE COVID from AJAX the GREAT

CURE FOR COVID WITH VITAMINS – VACCINES MAY BE USELESS &

DANGEROUS

This information is not only lifesaving, but will also throw a major monkey wrench in the Machiavellian machinations of the oligarchy/technocracy as well:

Credit first and foremost to Dr. Dmitry Kats, who also made the attached infographic along with the study below:

https://gofile.io/d/JKaVs3

Also credit to Dr. Gareth “Gruff” Davies, Bill Sardi, et al:

https://blog.gruffdavies.com/2020/10/20/vitamin-d-prophylaxis-can-end-the-pandemic/

https://knowledgeofhealth.com/survey-confirms-lifestyle-dietary-disease-vaccines-will-not-help/

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fimmu.2020.01451/full

https://viableopposition.blogspot.com/2020/12/is-ivermectin-unsexy-miracle-solution.html

Thank you both very much, and have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, AJAX the GREAT

Please see this infographic from Ajax: Good afternoon, Rasa. I put this infographic into one of my previous articles, along with a Vitamin D infographic by Gruff Davies:

http://truespiritofamericaparty.blogspot.com/2020/12/the-placebo-vaccine-that-actually-works.html

One more thing: I just found today that Dr. Dmitry Kats has a new and impressive website as well. Please when you get the chance, add the following link to that site just below the very first link on this article as well.

https://niacincurescovid.com/

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

HUGE GIFT FOR XMAS

12-19-20-HUGE BOOK XMAS GIFT

Dreams: HE WITH NEW GIRL-STRANGE SANDWICH

I am with some friends at the old farmhouse when I have to go toward my bedroom, through a sort of ‘hallway’ that wasn’t there in real life, like an ‘in between living room.’ This room has an pyramidal shaped Xmas tree on a blue bin {like the bins I keep flour, rice & other things in the kitchen under a table} & I have to go ‘under’ the tree – it is not trimmed, just the plain tree – & as I go under the bottom branch of the tree toward my bedroom I come upon a BOOK.

(XMAS TREE ON BLUE BIN: The book I will find under the tree will indicate it is something that will be PUBLISHED or PRODUCED as my Xmas gift this year.
the BIN which the tree stands on holds my surplus of foods, like flour I’ve had for years, rice, other stapes. This is the MATERIAL or RESOURCES which is what the GIFT will be BASED ON or STAND ON. The fact that it’s blue might or might not mean anything – it could be past sorrows.
The fact that I’m HEADED TOWARD MY ROOM AT THE OLD FARMHOUSE is the MEMORIES of what went on since I was young.
The TREE PLAIN, NOT DECORATED: Could be I have never been awarded, compensated or commensurated for anything I have been through since childhood. Decorations, such as those in war, are when people get recognition for dangerous missions, great bravery or being severely hurt. I have never gotten recognition for what I went through. So my TREE OF LIFE is plain, no ribbons, no bangles, no nothing.)

I pick up the book & at first don’t see how huge it is, then I do see. The cover is blue, exactly like the one I published was it 1979 or ’80, “Mother of the Immaculate Heart.” As I hold it in my arms, I see it is more than a FOOT THICK, could even be a foot & a half.

(BOOK EXACTLY LIKE WHAT I PUBLISHED IN 1979, except it’s incredibly thick. Somehow I know this is the story of my life, but why the Holy Mother with her Title is on the cover, I’m not sure, except by my devotion to her, I am identified with her.
The thickness is my long life or the production of it, which will be complete.)

I’m trying to DIGEST what this means, it is something TO BE IN AWE OF. It is PRICELESS. I mean someone got this book PUBLISHED without my knowing it. I glance at the inside, the entire contents are about GOD, from the POV of the Yoga discipline – I read just a few words, but know the entire content is about God.

(ENTIRE CONTENT ABOUT GOD: My life, all of it, is about God. There is nothing in my long life, outside the Will of God. Why is it the
YOGA perspective of God? This might say that within Yoga & all its disciplines & religions, covers all my thoughts, feelings, ideas & activities about God.)

As I hold it in my arms, I’m thinking, wherever I go with this book everyone that sees it will wonder what’s in it & I’ll draw attention – it’s almost a humorous gimmick, but I’m not laughing.

(LENGTH, VOLUME OF STORY: This might refer to the numerous events in my life, drawing people to various accounts of it – this production will not be a SOUNDBYTE like many of the TV shows, interviews I have had, it will be a THOROUGH PRODUCTION – I’m guessing either a MOVIE or TV SHOW. Maybe a TV series.)

There’s a man & a woman here with me as I sit trying to understand, they are also in awe, the woman sitting to my front right, the man standing speaking, like in a demonstrative way, to my front left. He is gesturing, there are windows behind him, he is looking at the lady. His appearance is middle-aged, with a suit, maybe blue with maybe white shirt, Caucasian, looks like a ‘regular guy’ features not outstanding, attractive.

(MAN & WOMAN: All I can think of is Jesus & Mary, who else could it be? Can’t think of anyone else. I have been saying the Holy Mass daily most of this months – invoking both of their Body & Blood.)

This book thing is so amazing I wonder if I should stand up & shout,
“THANK YOU GOD”
again & again – shout it from the rooftops. But I can’t quite get myself to do it because I am THINKING SO HARD, trying to figure out who did this, I might have asked the female & male if they did this, but they did not, & I conclude this is SUPERNATURAL. I am sitting in my chair & see myself somewhat as ‘the thinker’ statue.

(WANT TO SHOUT THANKS TO GOD: It seems something will happen to get published or produced as my Xmas gift this year. Might not be a book, could be a TV show. It’s done by Almighty God, through her Supernatural means, the Almighty, not even Jesus or Mary in particular. I can’t wait to see what this will be.)

……………………………………………………………………………

12-19-20 HE WITH ANOTHER FEMALE

I see the man I love way up in the sky. Oh yes, first, there was some tet a tet on earth. He desires me, but this other woman comes along, a blonde, & seduces him & he is now talking to her, ignoring me.

(WAY UP IN THE SKY: Height can mean more than one thing, always think about the context of the dream to figure the meaning. My guess this height is suffering, as going up high in dreams where you feel scared is suffering. People dream of being on the top part of a tall bridge, elevators going way up skyscrapers, precarious high places. Why is height suffering? It can, for a Christian, remind them of Our Lord,
“If I be lifted up, I will draw all men unto me.”
Golgotha was a height, the Cross further still, epitomizes ultimate suffering.
And so although this situation starts on the ground, I see Lover now lifted way up with this new girl, some type of suffering.)

I say to him ‘What about me?’ I have brown hair. He looks at her & says ‘I just want some foxy pussy.’ In other words, he doesn’t have me for sex any more, this female comes along, wants him, so he goes for her. They are in a cart of some sort.

(I JUST WANT SOME FOXY PUSSY: He chooses this girl, not his wife, to replace me, who he treated like a whore. Now one can imagine, he is using her that way. He has to do his business secretly, as he’s keeping up the front for the wifey, he pretends to be on the up & up.)

Now is when I see them in the sky, about 100′ up. I am way below. I resign myself to this & say to him, ‘alright, go ahead.’

(100′ UP: I see he is suffering, so is she, this sex isn’t making them happy. This does not explain why, I am guessing – no woman wants to be the second fiddle. She might be nagging him some way, saying she wants him to leave the wife, she might be threatening to tell, so that would be stressful. He also might not like the female other than sex – he’s not in love with her as he is with me, just wants to use her, so that would not be deeply satisfying.)

The cart they are in glides across the sky toward the right until they are out of my viewing.

*(CART GLIDES ACROSS THE SKY OUT OF VIEW: This is like a cloud. A cloud is FLEETING, there now, then gone. It passes by, it’s nothing permanent. This is telling me that this liaison is like that – it will pass. Notice that I am not troubled at all, my new attitude is what will be, will be. If God wants this to happen, which I know She does, then it will – why worry? Why be jealous? All will pass except me.
……………………………………………………………………………

12-19-20 STRANGE SANDWICH

I come up with a recipe for a sandwich that is partly strange, partly tasty. I’m here at the house where I live, on the kitchen porch, describing my sandwich to someone. I tell them it goes onto an English muffin. It has maybe two layers, one is a light green fluffy layer, which is egg salad with mayo, the other layer is something else, also fluffy. But here’s the weird part: You have to swat like a dozen flies & put them into one of the fluffy layers.

(FLIES IN SANDWICH: First thing I think of is ‘flies in the ointment’ & it applies. Recently I decided to start Part III of my life story by writing – not just You Tube. Much of it is ABUSE starting with my Mom. A fly in an ointment spoils something precious, it’s like a rat falling into a huge vat of jelly/jam you are making – most people would discard it all, it’s spoiled. The flies are the abuse – it’s the story of my life but the abuse makes it more INTERESTING.)

In the dream flies are nutritious. And I could almost taste the egg salad, it was so delish that I made 7 eggs when I got up & made the salad / sandwich for breakfast, with raw onion – no flies, haha.

(GREEN EGG SALAD: Eggs can mean several things. An egg can be a child or fetus, an offspring. An egg can represent eternal life, it’s a reproductive cell. In this case egg can be ‘meat’ or ‘meaty,’ lotsa protein, so it’s the meaty story of my life – green is it will make money. The abuse makes the story more interesting – think of Christina Crawford’s book, ‘Mommy Dearest’ – it caused a sensation BECAUSE of the abuse – the wire hanger thingy is a joke / cliché.)

I also see the ‘fly swatter’ – it’s green, hanging at the old farmhouse in my Mom’s room.

(GREEN FLY SWATTER IN MOM’S ROOM: Says the abuse generates from her. The green shows ‘lucrative.’)

This friend I’m talking to, I tell them I might name the sandwich ‘the explosion.’ Something about it is explosive or will generate publicity.

(EXPLOSIVE: Indeed, this is a confirmation that the abuse in my life will make the story explosive, will generate publicity or attention & make it LUCRATIVE.
FLIES being swatted or killed, then eaten, shows something positive coming out of the negative, killing the evil thing & making it into something that can be consumed or eaten, turning evil into good. It’s like saying ‘thanks for the abuse,’ I can make a good story out of it – without it my story might not have been as interesting.)

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

WHY MEN ARE SCARED OF WOMEN

INSIGHTS FROM AJAX THE GREAT 12-18-20

WHY MEN ARE SCARED OF WOMEN! (See other insights below – important

– must be read!)

Who’s Afraid Of An Aging Population? (Updated for 2020)

I had long wondered why so many men, especially the elites, are terrified that our overall population is (gasp!) aging. It is not just because they fear that their economic Ponzi scheme of necrotic growth for the sake of growth will unravel, though that is clearly part of it as well. No, I think that their real fear is that the Crones (i.e. Women over age 50 or so) will have an unprecedented level of power due to relative strength in numbers, and thus so will Women in general. That is because Women are living longer than ever before, as well as having fewer kids. And the men are getting scared. Hence the recent push to whittle away Women’s reproductive rights, eventually including most if not all birth control as well.

Additionally, with birthrates declining over time, and each new generation thus slightly smaller than then previous one, that effectively means that there will be fewer younger Women relative to slightly older men, giving younger Women that much more bargaining power in the dating market despite an overall surplus of Women in general. Thus by the 2030s, Women will get the best of both worlds, and be even more empowered as a result of such demographic trends.

(Note that this also means that statistically more younger men will be “mentored” by older Women in that regard as per the laws of supply and demand, which would also help further accelerate the transition to Matriarchy as well.)

Ah, you say, but what about the supposedly legitimate economic fears of an aging (and eventually shrinking) population? Well, a recent study came out that found that such fears are essentially overblown. In fact, moderately low fertility (i.e. between 1.5-2.0 children per Woman) and a shrinking population would actually maximize living standards for the general population. Another recent study found that there is essentially no robust correlation between population aging and economic growth, contrary to what many people seem to believe. Not to say that an aging population will not pose some challenges, but on balance the benefits would outweigh such drawbacks. And our Monetarily Sovereign federal government can easily absorb the fiscal costs of aging such as pensions and healthcare.

Oh, and by the way, there is that elephant in the room–make that the elephant in the Volkswagen–OVERPOPULATION. Left unchecked, it will destroy the very planet that gives us life. While technology (and Monetary Sovereignty) can largely solve the foreseeable economic challenges of aging and declining populations, the same cannot really be said of the intractable ecological problems of overpopulation. And the only ethical way to do this is to voluntarily have fewer children, i.e. well below the “replacement rate” of 2.1 or so. According to the best evidence, the best ways to accomplish this is 1) female empowerment and 2) poverty reduction, since after all, the number one cause of overpopulation is the MEN who force, coerce, deceive, and/or brainwash Women into having kids that they otherwise would not have (or much sooner and closer-spaced than otherwise). Seriously.

Sorry fellas, but the truth hurts.

So what about countries like Japan, Italy, Greece, Spain, etc. with so-called “lowest-low” total fertility rates below 1.5? Yes, it is likely that they will hit a sort of short-to-medium-term “pothole” on the road to sustainability if they stay below 1.5 for too long. Their populations’ aging and decline will be significantly more rapid than for countries with TFRs between 1.5-2.0, and may be more difficult to adjust to from an economic perspective. Well, the answer to that, again, is increased Female empowerment. We see that European countries with greater Female empowerment and more generous social safety nets for Mothers and children tend to have higher fertility than those with less female empowerment and stingier safety nets such as Spain, Italy, and Greece. Even though all of those countries have TFRs below replacement, Northern and Western Europe are generally around 1.6-2.0 while Southern and Eastern Europe are generally significantly below 1.5 children per Woman.

The proof is clearly in the pudding.

Make no mistake, if Women were to take over the world tomorrow, the global TFR would plummet to 1.5 or lower almost overnight. But it would not stay below 1.5 for very long, as it would gradually rise back up to around 1.5-1.9 where it will remain for at least a generation or two, and eventually rise to around the replacement rate of 2.1 after the population shrinks significantly over time. And honestly, it can’t happen soon enough. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. We must leave room for Nature, lest Nature not leave room for us. We have been warned, decades ago in fact.

As the great Marianne Williamson once said, at this juncture of history we are now at the “menopause” of humanity, in which what we really need is fewer babies, and more wisdom.

In other words, VIVE LA FEMME! Let the planetary healing begin!

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Sunday, January 5, 2020

Patriarchy Has A Kill Switch, And We Already Know What It Is

Author Yuri Alexandrovich wrote a great article recently for Medium, in which he articulates something that we all intuitively know (but often don’t want to say out loud) about the patriarchy and how to end it. After first establishing that patriarchy is inherently evil (and thus cannot be redeemed), he then goes on about what holds it all together. This thing that holds the entire construct all together is its sine qua non and thus is it’s own Achilles’ heel, and that thing is control of female sexuality, and the primary tool used to control that is slut-shaming. That is, the shaming of Women for expressing their sexuality in the way they choose. And thus the “kill switch” is to put an end to the practice of slut-shaming.

Wait, what? There is still slut-shaming in 2020? Absolutely. It has diminished somewhat since the (largely male-defined) “sexual revolution” half a century ago, to be sure, but it is still there. The double standard still exists, and it has in fact become more of a double bind in which Women are expected to be “sexy” (as defined by males) but not sexual by their own definition. And ending it is thus the unfinished business of both feminism and the real sexual revolution for Women.

(That’s not the only double bind here, there is also the historical one in which Women are expected to both obey men as well as be the “gatekeepers” of sex, with no way to opt out of either contradictory requirement.)

As Yuri Alexandrovich himself says:
So here is our kill switch: we stop telling women when, where and with whom she is allowed to get involved romantically. Her body, her choice. And she is perfectly capable of making it a responsible choice, thank you very much.
And lest anyone misunderstand his words, read too much into it, or try to put words in his mouth:
NOTE: This is not to suggest that anyone should change their own behavior. We do whatever we are comfortable with. That, of course, includes staying monogamous, still a perfectly valid choice. But it can not be justified as a moral choice anymore — rather, it is a personal preference.
Female sexuality (or more accurately, female-defined sexuality) is an extremely powerful force to be reckoned with, which is why the patriarchy has gone out of its way to suppress it (and/or supplant it with male-defined sexuality). As I have noted before, the suppression of Women’s sexuality was not entirely about maintaining control over the male bloodline (though that was originally a major part of it), but more generally about power and control over Women directly, as well as over other men indirectly via artificial scarcity.

In a similar vein, patriarchy’s favorite brainchild, capitalism, needs scarcity (whether real or artificial) to function. That is how the oligarchs control the serfs. And the kill switch of capitalism is thus to give it the one thing it cannot survive–abundance. The analogy should be apparent now.

Ending slut-shaming will not end patriarchy overnight, of course, but is nonetheless necessary for it to end sooner rather than later. And if we wait until we return to full-blown Matriarchy before liberating Women’s sexuality, we will never be ready, as Women’s sexual liberation is a key step on the path to Matriarchy. That is, if we make the perfect the enemy of the good, we ultimately end up with neither.

One thing needs to be clear. As hard as we fight for the right to say “yes” to sex, we must also fight twice as hard for the right to say “NO” as well. The LAST thing we want is for sex of any kind to be perceived as mandatory, so enthusiastic and mutual consent must be a precondition for all sexual acts, period. And that is true for both Women and men, by the way. Also, we must be careful not to fall in the trap of the “reverse double standard” that has become in vogue in some circles these days (Oprah and Dr. Phil, I’m looking at YOU!), in which men are the ones vilified for their sexuality while Women are ignored (if not celebrated) for doing the same exact things. Doing so is a sure path to a sort of “reverse patriarchy”, not the Matriarchy proper that we should be aiming for. The same goes for a “reverse double bind” as well.

Put simply: Women should have the absolute right to be as sexual–or not–as they themselves want to be, without the need for justification or apology to anyone, period.

So what are we waiting for? Kill Switch Engage! Let the planetary healing begin!

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Thursday, October 29, 2020

What If Roe v. Wade Were Actually Overturned?

With the conservative judge Amy Coney Barrett now confirmed to the U.S. Supreme Court, the landmark Roe v. Wade decision now hangs in the balance. That is, Women’s hard-won reproductive rights are now in grave danger, and this goes WAY beyond abortion. Undoubtedly, birth control and things like that will be next on the chopping block, and so on, and thus we are just a few steps away from Margaret Atwood’s worst nightmare. Add to this the fact that the current lockdown-induced “recession” (more like depression) has actually hit Women harder than men and set back Women’s progress by decades by dumping even more unpaid work on them at home, and the future looks even worse still.

Horrible and ghastly as this prospect is, there is perhaps a silver lining, namely that it may spur Women to go on a Lysistrata-style sex strike. This may be the final straw, and such a strike may be enough for Women to actually take over for good. That is, what would otherwise take decades at best would be accelerated in a matter of weeks or months, Goddess willing. Perhaps that is why She is allowing all of this parade of horribles to happen at all?

Of course, a sex strike is a short-term tactic, not a long-term strategy. For the ultimate kill switch on how really smash the patriarchy for good in the long term please see a previous article here. And interestingly, the late 19th century feminist Victoria Woodhull would have in fact supported both.
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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SOUL ASCENDS – LOVER CHOSEN

SOUL ASCENDS – LOVER CHOSEN

12-17-20-HE IS CHOSEN (See below for soul ascends)

I went through some frustration here. Hired by a club, I appear for about two minutes in front of the audience. I have a beautiful dress, form fitting, some kind of purplish or magenta or rose mixed in color. For a moment I show them my breasts, a net bra covered with jewels, many colors, you can see the breasts perfectly. I am HIGH UP on stage. I have a cloak which I took off to show myself. The audience does not respond, then I am gone, go backstage to get ready for the longer show.

*(HIGH UP ON STAGE, SHOW MY BREASTS WITH JEWELS, AUDIENCE DOES NOT RESPOND: This is my spiritual height, which NO ONE SEES as there is no response.

BREASTS, BRA WITH JEWELS: This represents my MEDALS from God – like awards given by the world to people for various accomplishments, only these are SPIRITUAL MEDALS. I revealed my God-given medals, but people did not see them, I was not rewarded by society.

The dress & cloak I have on being PURPLE & other shades of red are the blood of pain & the purple of LONG SUFFERING. This is lost on people.)*

But when I go back there am having mega-trouble with my wigs. Seems like I have five wigs on, some brown, reddish, blonde, different types, puffy, flat on top, one black one. I fidget, fuss, back & forth. I hear the owner calling to someone,
“What is she doing?”
The owner is Latin, I hear it in his accent & I get a sense he’s not a good person. I saw a TV show yesterday about a Latin murderer.
I don’t want to miss my opportunity & am terribly frustrated, that they might fire me if I don’t get ready soon.
I hear the owner introducing another female, not the star, instead of me, because someone has to be on stage, the audience needs a show.

*(TROUBLE GETTING READY, FIVE WIGS: This is my multiple roles, personalities, for all the things I’ve done. I’m having trouble presenting myself as to who I am.

LATIN OWNER: I just sense that this is the executive producer of the Reality Show who turned me down, chose another female in my place – not a star. This says HE IS EVIL, his spirit demonic.)*

Afterward I am in a large room in this apt building. I had been shown apt after apt as I want a new one. I have two apt’s, I tell the owner, but am staying at neither one. He shows me a few, not suitable. One is too small – just a room, no bathroom – impossible. Second, dirty, dog shyt on the floor, third, occupied. We seem to leave off looking.

(LOOKING FOR AN APT: This is not literal, it’s looking for a place to rest my head, or a position mentally, spiritually, emotionally. What am I to do with myself right now? Can’t seem to find a goal in life.)

Then I’m in a large room with several people about & we are all cheering, applauding that our native son, so to speak, has been elected President of the United States.

We cheer again & again & again. First Trump was Pres, then another guy, then this young person. But I think logically & I tell my friends,

“Look, every President had some qualifications. Some were Senators, others Congressman. Our boy is neither, & he has never done anything, he is inexperienced, it doesn’t make sense. He was CHOSEN arbitrarily.

I then see a jacket, lying there, where you can see the inside back where the whitish label is. There’s a wheel on top of this jacket, like the wheel of fortune. It goes around & has a spike. Wherever the spike stops, that person is chosen. It stops on the label of this person’s jacket – Our native son. So he is chosen for no reason but fate.

I see this young guy tall, all grey, body, head, face, clothes, everything all grey.

*(NATIVE SON CHOSEN FOR PRESIDENT, NO LOGIC, JUST FATE, WHEEL OF FORTUNE, SPOKE GOES INTO WHITE LABEL: The white label gives it away – union or matrimony. This young person is CHOSEN, is it to be my husband? He is to human sense, not QUALIFIED but yet God, fate, Wheel of Fortune, has made it so. It’s like the elections which I insist to all friends, these Presidents are NOT chosen by the people’s votes, they are chosen by the shadow govt.

THE SPOKE: Is brown metal, spokes are nails, like the nails in Our Lord’s hands & feet, indicating the will of God.

THE LABEL: A label gives the definition of what is there – the company who makes the garment, the size of the garment, possibly the fabric. It DEFINES the garment or NAMES it. What does this mean in the context of this dream? It names the person who is not voted on, by people, but CHOSEN BY FATE to be yours.

HE ALL GREY, HEAD, CLOTHING, EVERYTHING: All of him will be on you, like his mind, body, everything, focused on you.)*
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A SOUL ASCENDS, ANOTHER HELPED

12-16-20-Two Souls Purgatory

I am out somewhere partying, like at a bar, trying to have fun it seems. It’s not a big space. After a while I’m just sitting in a chair on the edge of things, it seems like people are around me, but there’s an empty dance floor. I’ve been looking for men to dance with but now there aren’t any.
To my surprise a lady comes up to me & asks me to dance. She’s small, old, & is wearing a sort of ‘Christmas’ sweater. It’s vanilla in color, thick, hand knitted maybe, large cords, long sleeves, a bit loose on her, & is covered with what look like Christmas decorations in red, green & other colors.
She looks in her eighties, her hair is grey with blonde, sort of puffy but sparse, to her shoulders. I thought she really wanted to dance & felt a bit strange at first dancing with a female but then said OK, go for it.
She leads me to a ‘dance floor’ area just a few feet beyond. It’s like a CAVE, a round cave with a low ceiling. The people around us are dancing. I begin to TRY to dance with her, I try to go around but she isn’t holding my hands right, then I try to make her go around but she doesn’t seem to be able to. Her motions are so limited, I think ‘she can’t dance at all, she can hardly do one step.’ Not sure what else happens with her.

*(LADY ASKS ME TO DANCE: a Soul in Purgatory.

CAVE: Her designated spot in Purgatory, a place of limitation. I saw my Dad in Purgatory in a cave. Anything with a low ceiling or limited sky, places that show limitation indicate Purgatory.
CHRISTMAS SWEATER: Might be a gift I have given her by saying the Holy Mass. This has cheered her up greatly, so she wants to dance, but still can’t do much. It means she cannot enjoy the Heavenly Graces of God much, only a tiny bit. She has improved.
HER HAIR: Sparse hair with grey or white is she isn’t happy yet – but could be an improvement – don’t know what she was before. Hair represents thoughts, rays coming from our head. Thick hair would be healthy thoughts, being bald would be INSANE. Grey would mean worry.
SHE IS OLD: She has not yet regained her spiritual youth, vigor & power. If you saw the movie, ‘The ghost & Mrs. Muir with Gene Tierney you would see where when she died, an old lady, her spirit rises out of her body a beautiful young woman. Then Rex Harrison escorts her into heaven. And so, as you progress in Purgatory, as the result of sins falls away, your souls becomes brighter & more beautiful, seen as young, vivacious. She isn’t there yet.
From the internet: “At the very end, Lucy—having lived a long and in many ways full life—settles down into the chair where the Captain first found her. He comes to get her, and she stands up and she’s radiant young Gene Tierney again.”)*

Prior to that I was in a room closer to the door & maybe near some windows, in a row. The window closest to the male is light blue, some sort of a fitted shade on the bottom 7/8th of it. There’s a young man on what I would call a ‘slab.’ It’s like a bed, but a slab. Seems I was lying with him on this thing, dancing, not making love, dancing. Then we stop.
(ROOM CLOSER TO THE DOOR: This is a place close to the ‘exit’ & with some opportunity for ascension {window}. This refers to exiting Purgatory, his ascension is imminent.
ON A SLAB: The slab in a mortuary. He’s dead.
ON THE SLAB/BED, DANCING WITH HIM: Apparently I have been intimate with this person’s being, transmitting Grace into him. Dancing is associated with the result of Grace – Grace brings us LIFE-ENERGY – results in our being stimulated or dancing for joy.
WINDOW/S, NEAREST HIM COVERED WITH 7/8 LIGHT BLUE SHADE: Light blue is the color most people ASCEND into Heaven in. There are other pastel colors, such as rose & violet, but blue is the most common. Notice part of this window allows white light in, also the window next to it is all white light. White is also a common aura people have.
Here we have two sources of Light/Grace near this dead male – One coming in through the windows, the other apparently transmitted to him by me, in intimate contact.)

I’m a few feet away from him now, looking at him. His skin is light cocoa & he is cute. All his clothes are thin blue dungaree material, he seems to be ‘skin & bone’ & he says to me that we could not ‘make love’ because I ‘would kill him.’ He’s referring to his being so small/thin, my being big & heavier. As I chat with him on the slab he seems to be glowing in blue light.

*(GLOWING IN LIGHT BLUE: This is the biggest hint that this soul will NOW ASCEND. It is the Light by which we ascend, our souls, when liberated from the darkness of attachment to the earth & sinfulness.
HE IS CUTE: refers to his soul being cleaned, we see the beauty of the God-Self Soul, without the stains of sin.

HIS LIGHTNESS, MY HEAVINESS WOULD KILL HIM: He is definitely referring to his new lightness spiritually, the weight of his sins has been removed. In Egypt they had an analogy in ‘Book of the Dead’ where God would weigh your soul on one side of the scale, against a feather in the other, & if your soul was heavier than the feather you could not ascend.
I have just finished transmitting Grace into him which has made him glow with blue Light. Why is he referring to my bigness, weight, much greater than his, that would ‘kill’ him if we made love? Is this saying my flesh is somehow attached to the earth?

Mother God says: “No, he is referring to not human weight, but your huge God Power, where when you merge with a human/mortal, it is DEATH to them–not the death to their spirit but the earthly ego, attachment. That is why demons trembled when Jesus came near, the demoniacs wailed & shouted why is he TORTURING them before their time? The Presence of a Holy Person filled with God’s Grace fills dark souls with TERROR, makes sinners UNCOMFORTABLE.

When a Soul dies & stands before the ‘Throne of God’ to see what their ‘immediate judgement’ is – they are measured according to how much Light is in their soul. If there is NO LIGHT they automatically appear in Hell. It means they were never ‘born again,’ did not repent their sins, never received the Love of God supernaturally. But if they are redeemed, there is Light in their soul, to different degrees, depending on how much there is they immediately appear in various states of Purgatory .

In the vision ‘Cry of a Lost Soul’ a female who never received God appears before Her & CANNOT STAND the awful Majesty, Grandeur, Power & Love of God. She wants to be sent AS FAR AWAY FROM GOD AS POSSIBLE because she knows she has lost God, by her own decision; she does not deserve God, & the Presence of God or awareness of what she has lost is SO PAINFUL she cannot bear it, so to Hell she goes. This is the torture of those in Hell, as well as the partial torture of those in Purgatory, what hurts the most is the loss of God.

What this Soul is referring to is the Light within you that would annihilate the human-ness of a person who is far from God, when they would have intimate contact with you – It would make them extremely uncomfortable, like you are killing them. That’s how sinners feel when near God.)*
I tell him that’s not how it is – How much do you weigh? I ask him twice but don’t understand his answer. He says 40.40 – the second part I’m not sure of, it might be 40.03. I say to him, is that in another measurement, not pounds, what are you in pounds?
I then get a bit bored here. I look at a box of white clothing sitting there, like it’s just been laundered, & see my white dungarees that I really like. I might change into them. I say to someone after looking around the bar,

(WHITE DUNGAREES: White clothing, a whole box of them, refers to ‘white robes’ of ‘virgins’ ascending into Heaven – it’s a hint about going there.)
“It’s dead here, let’s go find another bar.”

In my mind’s eye I see a street I’m familiar with – have been hanging around there a lot. Surely there must be some bars that have some people interesting to talk to, even if not many people are around.
(IT’S DEAD HERE, LET’S FIND ANOTHER BAR, which you are familiar with: This refers to HEAVEN. You are saying to this ‘man on a slab’ who just got filled up with blue light & is glowing, let’s leave here & go to a better place, which I am familiar with. This dream says you are familiar with places in Heaven, & you will escort this lucky Soul there!)

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12-15-20 Vision

Heard a male say

“I’m going to marry you.”
I said who said that, & it was my Beloved. I asked him
“Why do you want to marry me?”
He said,
“So I can be with you & God here in Heaven on earth & in eternity.”
My inner voice said,

“He knows he can’t treat you any more the way he did. You are in control now. He knows he can’t be with you unless there’s a relationship, a decent one, public, with all the attention a man gives his wife.”
(MEANING: It took a complete withdrawal from my Lover to make him appreciate me. Apparently he loves me in true love, as he hasn’t forgotten me, it’s been a long time, & he holds me in his heart still. Only God knows what I went through for him.)
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College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Spirituality & Politics

Spirituality & Politics

12-11-20 WORLD, FLESH VS SPIRIT OF GOD

from William Bond to Ajax & Rasa: {These letters inspired sermon-like rebuttals from Rasa, but she being a Christian minister vs William being a Wiccan – it’s ‘apples & oranges.’ Rasa says ‘my final conclusion is that neither William nor I will change our religion nor amend it, & so we have to agree to disagree, leave it as it is, rejoice that we are both together for Matriarchy–Female Empowerment & cooperate where we can. Ajax is Christian so he understands part of what Rasa says, but he is not a minister & has not spent his whole life studying the subject – he has spent a lot of his time studying politics & is good at it, so he contributes mostly there. It’s a good team overall, thanks be to God.”:
from William:
I have to say I seemed to have lost interest in Matriarchy on the political level as I don’t have anything new to say on this subject. We are seeing worldwide more and more female politicians and leaders. My theory is that when his happens women will do a much better job of ruling countries and so voters will end up voting for female politicians rather than male politicians.

We have yet to see how this works out in practice. So far women have shown they can do a just as good a job as men becoming a politician. But because there have been some really terrible female politicians women, these women have undermined female power. So women have yet to prove overall they can be a lot better than men in ruling countries but perhaps in time they will be able to do this.

I have instead become far more interested in feminine spirituality. I am searching for ways to get people interested in a Matriarchal religion that worships a Female Deity and has a female priesthood…………………………………………………………William

from William to Ajax & Rasa:

I know both you and I have written about matriarchal spirituality and other women have written about this. But we I don’t see much progress in this field. At least female empowerment is progressing politically with more female politicians and leaders but we don’t see the same progress spirituality.

I suppose it is about finding ideas that capture people’s imaginations and wanting to come together to create a Matriarchal spiritual organization. So this is what I’m thinking about.

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From RASA to William Bond & Ajax the Great:

William, we cannot listen to POPULAR OPINION.

Popular opinion is that those things which get the most hits / views are not the things that MOTHER GOD WANTS NOR THINGS THAT WILL FURTHER HER KINGDOM.

Listening to the broad popularity of things is the BROAD HIGHWAY TO HELL, not the narrow gate to Heaven. People are NOT FOLLOWING GOD, they are following the WORLD, THE FLESH & THE DEVIL.

I will ask Mother God why that one video got over a million views {right now} Mother God says:

“Part of it was PROMOTION. Annie Sprinkle shared it on her face book & that moved it fast. Other factors are it is informative & revealing re. sex – it reveals what you went through to be a cougar, people are curious about that. Basically it is about sex. Sex is not bad, people are vitally interested in it. And being a cougar is part of female empowerment – women’s sexual liberation, so it’s OK this gets lots of attention.”

However, sex liberation for women is only a part of what we do to further our cause.

William, what Mother God says to me regarding you thinking things out:

“You are thinking, worrying too much. Please have more trust in the Mother God within you, her voice, & be mindful of her Power. If you do AS SHE SAYS you will feel peace inside, She is in charge, not your human mind, not the popularity vote, not nothing but her. “Put first the voice of Mother God, & everything shall be added unto you.”

If you listen to WHAT IS POPULAR it will lead you astray. You never did in the past – you were the front runner, the leader. Your ideas were, like Ashley Montagu, ahead of your time, but you preached them, & impressed MANY, for one, Rasa took your lead & was made stronger for it. You were the only person preaching this way.

If you back down now & follow THE WORLD it will lead you astray. You will feel confused, bewildered, you will lose your path.

She is speaking to you. Don’t listen to views, hits or votes. Listen to her. What does SHE want? She is YOUR POWER. Do not lose this power by LOOKING OUTSIDE. “The Kingdom of God is within you.”

What is different about PROPHETS (you) SAINTS, SPIRITUAL PRODIGIES (avatars) is they stand ABOVE the world, the flesh. The see it from a different perspective. People in the world are BLIND – the blind leading the blind. They follow trends, fashions & popularity – the herd mentality, the sheeple.

You are assuming that OUR MISSION IS NOT WORKING. That is a lie from Satan {but you don’t believe in him, alas, he is an evil spirit.} Our mission has succeeded & will continue to succeed, but this is over hundreds of years – we cannot see all the results IN OUR LIFETIME.

People who FOLLOW GOD think outside the box. Like I was celibate for 30 years, then I heard the voice of God: “Stop suffering, go out & have fun.” I resisted, it did not MAKE SENSE, people RIDICULED me for celibacy, they ridiculed me for being a cougar. Fukk people’s opinions! They cannot, will not, hear the voice of God.”

Rasa says: I STILL don’t know precisely why God made me quit celibacy but some day I will. I certainly cannot expect any human on earth to understand why – they are spiritual morons.

My opinion, for one thing William, is that you are RESISTING THE TRUTH & thereby that might be making you confused. You once had logical reasons why women should rule the world, why men do a terrible job, etc. It made sense. No one was preaching what you were.

However, science then told us WHY precisely men must be subordinate, women dominant, but yet, you REFUSE TO BELIEVE THE FACTS – which is that women are superior, men are inferior, that men are going extinct.

If you deny these facts, you are resisting the Truth – & God is Truth. If you persist in this fashion you will no longer be a front runner, you will fall behind because your arguments will be somewhat ‘outdated.’ They are still true, but you are not using science to back them up – I am, so I am on the FRONT LINE OF TRUTH why women should rule the family & world, why men must diminish, etc.

What I see is you have a personality or ego problem – you are a man, you are insecure, you cannot let go of your personal needs & opinions so of course you will falter on the road ahead.

You keep moving backward – you did so when I started writing the new religion, & you jumped into the ‘religion for femdom men.’ In that way, you STOPPED SUPPORTING ME FROM MOVING AHEAD, I needed your mental/emotional support, but you failed to give it, you went your own way. That IMO was when you went astray – & from then on, you felt confused. (I tried to keep you with me by encouraging you & including 10 chapters you wrote in the New Religion, but was it for naught? Do you disdain what I did – that it meant nothing?)

This new religion is what MomGod told me to write. No other woman has written anything like it. I am AHEAD OF THEM, they will catch up, maybe in 100 YEARS.

And at this point in the road, you are kind of bewildered what to do next, because as I said, you got off the right road & onto a spurious one.

Your last letter made me feel like this: “OK William is jumping ship. If that is the case, I will have to move on without him. Even if Ajax leaves, I have to keep moving ahead – if I am left standing alone, that is the fate I must face…………………

Consider Jesus in the Garden – I take his example. He told his disciples, ‘Stay awake, I need your support’ -They all FELL ASLEEP. Jesus sweat blood as he met his fate. That night, his martyrdom began. I might be facing the same fate. The only step I can think of now is start the physical Church. The idea makes me SHUDDER because having lived 75 years, I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. Everything bad that can happen will happen. Do I do it anyway? If it is God’s will, yes.

WHAT SUPPORT did Our Lord have as He faced the Cross & was crucified? Certainly not the disciples, all of whom ran. That is what I feel you are doing now William. I imagine myself as Jesus {excuse the loftiness} & you as Peter – & Peter, who was once his best friend & praised him as ‘the Messiah, the Son of the Living God’ now DENIED HIM 3 TIMES in one night. Why did Peter fall? Because he sank into his flesh, fear took over, that he would be arrested & crucified with Jesus perhaps. Peter looked to the flesh, the world, to the popular vote.

You William, are doing what Peter did. You now falter, got weak, lost faith & trust in Our Holy Mother, – you have FALLEN.

How do I see Ajax? As St. John, the Beloved, who was the youngest. He was only 19 when he took up with Jesus. He was closest to Mother Mary & they ‘took care of each other’ after Jesus’ departure. He was the only disciple at the foot of the Cross, standing with the Holy Mother. I only imagine this, what the future holds in that regard I don’t know.

I do know that the idea I have now, of a physical place with me preaching the new religion, for women only – will kill me. First, I will have to wait a few years for the stocks to rise & this Covid fiasco to end, I will be maybe 80 when I do it. And after that, I will certainly not have long to live – not by nature but by my heart which might not be able to endure the stress too long.

Why the stress? OMG because this will be 100% anti, against, a threat to men, a horrible insult to them, I will incur the strongest hate from men I have ever done. When I think of this Church my reaction in my human self is this: THIS WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE & I CANNOT, WILL NOT DO IT, GOD TAKE THIS CUP AWAY FROM ME!

I know women have CENTERS – several of them – they have establishments. But they are LAME, TAME & go unnoticed. Mine will be notorious, scandalous & I will PAY THE PRICE. Why the difference? Because they are NOT ANOINTED BUT I AM. And so, the devils do not fear them but they fear me, & they will ATTACK.

Now look what Jesus faced, what He did. Had he not allowed himself to be crucified, CHRISTIANITY WOULD NOT EXIST. So you see the results of his work, how it bore fruit. The disciples were BAFFLED for a long time – why this? They saw it as FAILURE the way you, William, see our Mission today. You think it has failed, we must find another way, the popular vote, views, hits.

The ONLY TIME the disciples & followers AWAKENED is when Jesus was gone & the Holy Spirit came upon them & empowered them. Then they did, indeed, meet the same fate as Jesus {finally having the strength to do so}, all except St. John, who was not killed or crucified, but exiled to the Island of Patmos.

William, are you looking for a Crown? Earthly success, applause? We will not find it because the crowns of the world go to those of it. We are IN the world but not OF IT: “My kingdom is not of this world” Jesus said to Pontius Pilate when asked, “Are you a King?”

We preach AGAINST THE WORLD – the world hates us, it resists our message, it attacks us because we say to the world, “You are wrong, your ideas are wrong, you are at fault.”

Our Crown/s happen after our lifetime, our success long after we are dead. But what do we get here on earth? The same as Jesus, peace, knowing WE OBEYED GOD, NOT MY WILL – BUT THEY WILL BE DONE.

Our relationship is not with the world, not with people, but with God & God alone & therein we find our peace, prosperity & MEANING to live. (God decides what is done through our lives, that is best for the people & the planet – we cannot see that as we do not see the big picture, She does.)
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AJAX to RASA: As we await Williams’s rejoinder, I would like note that I am probably out of my depth saying this, and I may very well be wrong, but while I largely agree with what you just said to William, I personally don’t think it is quite so black and white. Rather, I think it is a bit more nuanced (in a way that is difficult to put into words) even if you are generally correct. I don’t think there’s quite as much of a sharp dichotomy between flesh and spirit or this world and God’s as it were, but again I could be wrong. It clearly shouldn’t be even remotely a popularity contest, but at the same time there psychologically needs to be a winning strategy in the messaging IMHO.

I should probably say no more about this until after William responds. Afterwards, I would recommend that all three of us take a little break to clear our heads.

Currently, my mind is (rightly or wrongly) more concerned with how we should oppose the so-called “Great Reset”, which is the oligarchs’ and technocrats’ evil and Machiavellian machinations, before it is too late, God willing.

(By the way, thank you very much for the compliment in comparing me to St. John. I certainly don’t think quite that highly of myself, but again, I could be wrong.)

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RASA to AJAX: Ajax, you said: “I don’t think there’s quite as much of a sharp dichotomy between flesh and spirit or this world and God’s as it were, but again I could be wrong”

Rasa’s answer: According to the teachings of the Saints, mystics & top theologians (like St. Thomas of Aquinas & St. Bonaventure), there is a sharp contrast between the flesh & the spirit, the world & God. It is the greatest conflict in our lives.

The flesh is forever AT WAR with the spirit. The flesh wants to do what the instinct does, enjoy instinctive pleasures to the max at times. The spirit wants to CURB the desires of the flesh & make sure they are TAMED so the mind can concentrate on God. Not that the flesh is automatically SINNING by eating, drinking & having sex – but if a person indulges in such things at the expense of God, they lose their Sacred relationship with God. It’s about our mind – ‘Put first the Kingdom of God’ – ‘God is a jealous God’ – That’s why Saints & yogis become CELIBATE, they ‘fast & pray’. {Fasting is a great sacrifice. Jesus said some demons cannot be removed except by FASTING along with the praying.} So much for the flesh.

Second, the WORLD is AT WAR with God. The world goes after POWER, like Satan said to Jesus, “I will give you all the Kingdoms of the world & their glory, if you will bow down & worship me.” What is the GLORY of the Kingdoms of the world?

It is the CROWNS of this world: Honor, acclaim, trophies, respectability in the eyes of society, high status, wealth & all the admiration it brings, Nobel Peace Prizes {to those often who don’t deserve them} being the chairman, chairwoman of this, that or the other, having the biggest house in town, & so on. This God cares nothing about but SATAN PROMISES TO GIVE IF YOU WOULD DIVERT YOUR ENERGY TOWARD HIM, AWAY FROM GOD, IF YOU WILL FORFEIT GOD FOR THE THINGS OF THE WORLD.

People, for MONEY – & remember, St. Paul said, “Money is the root of all evil.” When he said money that includes the things of the world – for MONEY or rewards, resources, people torture others, both humans & animals. They endanger the life, safety & health by what they do to the environment, for money.

Men (Japanese) are taught to torture prisoners, in the military, because when they do, they are afterward given WOMEN FOR SEX & SAKI (alcohol) & for this paltry gain, they torture prisoners again & again. See the teachings of KILLOLOGY Lt. Col. Grossman.

People associate smartness with how much of the things of the world you get, & stupidity with how little you have. If you are rich, you are smart, if you are poor you are dumb. Smart people know how to get the things of the world.

The world has the dog-eat-dog or rat race spirit. It is ‘do unto him before he does unto you’ – It is ‘beggar thy neighbor’ {got that from you} & it is stand on the weak, the small, the downtrodden so I can get bigger, better & richer.

The SPIRIT of the world is totally at odds with the SPIRIT OF THE SAINTS – the HEAVENLY SPIRIT. God encourages us to SACRIFICE for the greater cause – give up things of the world & the flesh in order to help others, for example. Say I have $100. Do I take myself & a friend to the best place in town for the best steak & wine with all the trimmings, & blow it? Or do I see my neighbor can only afford a $5. dinner. So I spend only $50. for my dinner with friend, & give the poor neighbor the other $50. so he can eat well. It doesn’t mean I have to go homeless, it means give up some luxuries or treats so others can benefit. {But of course, if your neighbor has not eaten for three day, nor fed his family, & you ate this morning but only have enough resources for a few meals – either give all that to the neighbor or most of it – that is a genuine sacrifice, on which Christianity stands.} All the saints know this, all the saints practiced this – in all religions.

But now I’m reminded when William wrote a chapter on Jesus he portrayed him as a MASOCHIST. I took issue with this & wrote a rebuttal. William accused me of TRASHING his work. {That made me feel ill.} Recalling this I become aware that William does not understand Christianity & perhaps DOESN’T WANT TO.

Why is it that I understand, approve of, & promote Wiccanism {many Christians condemn it} while William does not do the same with my Christianity? I think it’s IGNORANCE, but he’s so smart with other things, so how could he be so ignorant on this issue? Surely Wiccans are not wicked? Don’t they care about others, don’t they practice the Golden Rule? I believe they do. Don’t Pagans love God & Nature? Of course they do. God is Nature.

The spirit of the world is against God because it puts temporary things ahead of the eternal. All the things of the world will pass, but the God-world is eternal. The spirit of the world tells people to follow custom {including evil custom like Brahmans & untouchables – like hating women & minorities or those that are different or eccentric}, pay attention to fashion, fads & celebrity, be mindful of wealth & power. But God says ‘I am no respecter of persons,’ – ‘What profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul, for what will he exchange for his soul?’

That is my rebuttal to your statements Ajax & if you have more to say, please do so. I don’t think William will have much to say on all this because when I look at the last years of our conflicts & disagreements, I don’t think he wants to believe the things that I do. I think I have loved & approved of him more than he has of me. So be it. It’s OK. He is free.

The bottom line in all this: For a true ‘Christian’ they listen to the voice of God, no matter what God says, even if it leads to risks, being in harm’s way, being persecuted, even martyred. That’s what Jesus did. He didn’t want to die on the Cross, but for some reason, in order to ESTABLISH CHRISTIANITY & save BILLIONS OF SOULS in the future, He had to. And so he conceded to the Will of God & sacrificed his very life for the sake of Souls. That was the Economy of God. Ajax, you said,

“It clearly shouldn’t be even remotely a popularity contest, but at the same time there psychologically needs to be a winning strategy in the messaging IMHO.”

Anne Catherine Emmerich said that Satan was trying to get Jesus to die in the prison {he was there over night} instead of the Cross, which would thwart the “THEATER”, the fame & notoriety Jesus would get by being on it. In other words, an anonymous death, quiet, no fan fare. But God had planned the biggest explosion of publicity for the death of Jesus, upon which the entire Christian Gospel would rest. If he had not ‘died’ this way, what would Christianity have been? Jesus might have been forgotten, like,

“Oh yes, there was this guy, a Saint, who did lots of miracles – he died from being scourged & all the stress put upon him.”

He would not have become the Poster Person for sacrifice. He would not have the title, “Son of God – Who came to Earth to die for our sins.”

So God had a plan for PUBLICITY for GOD’S WORK & it was a doozy. Enough for now, I have said my piece.
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ANOTHER GREAT LETTER FROM AJAX the GREAT, clarifying some of his terms to Rasa:

Good morning, Rasa. It is very sad but true, unfortunately. Such Pharisees and SWERFS (sex worker exclusionary radical feminists) are really not all that different from the patriarchy they claim to dislike so much. They and the Phyllis Schlafly types are two sides of the same ugly coin.

Part of it is their general lust for power and also concern for their own self-righteous image of course, but also their sex-negativity (however they dress it up) and hostility to sex positivity is even deeper and goes back to the whole sex cartel or beggar-thy-neighbor mentality that I have written about in reference to the vile Mark Regnerus and his ilk. That is, they apparently want to, consciously or not, keep the “cost” of sex artificially and arbitrarily high in a vain and futile attempt to control men at the expense of other Women. That is, control Women’s sexuality and paradoxically deny Women agency in order to indirectly control men, at least until after Women fully take over (whenever that is). But that outmoded 19th century style strategy has a way of backfiring mightily, and is in fact at least as dumb as using lockdowns to control a widespread respiratory virus until the virus is eradicated or until the magic vaccine. It only drags out and prolongs the problem basically. Sexual freedom in general is in fact a prerequisite for Matriarchy, not the other way around like the SWERFs like to claim as actual Matriarchal societies (both human and bonobo) have shown, and the academics know damn well in their heart of hearts that is true whether they are choosing to be intellectually honest or not. They are the ones putting the proverbial cart before the horse. Meanwhile the patriarchy, oligarchy, and technocracy just sit back and laugh. Cartels are no substitute for a genuine sisterhood.

I am kinda familiar with Z Budapest, the founder of Dianic Wicca if I remember correctly. She seems good overall IMHO. What are your thoughts about Starhawk, Carol P. Christ, Peggy Reeves Sanday, Trista Hendren, Glenys Livingstone, or xxx?

(Rasa says she has the books of most of these scholars & appreciates their work. She has contacted Ms xxx who wrote her a curt letter that there can be no collaboration with her – & gives no explanation why.)

Ajax continues:
Very true, Rasa. That is correct about the separation needed in the new religion. And Dr. Amen is indeed correct.

I did not realize that about WWI as a way to sabotage Emmeline Pankhurst, all this time thinking it was just caused by a powder keg of MANIA (mnemonic for Militarism, Alliances, Nationalism, Imperialism, and the Assassination of Franz Ferdinand) in Europe that caused it, and that the USA simply bumbled into it stupidly. Looks like it was far more sinister though. As for the COVID pandemic, that is indeed part of the plan for the technocrats’ Great Reset, and as we have seen the lockdowns have been more damaging to Women than men.

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from William:
I know both you and I have written about matriarchal spirituality and other women have written about this. But we I don’t see much progress in this field. At least female empowerment is progressing politically with more female politicians and leaders but we don’t see the same progress spirituality.

I suppose it is about finding ideas that capture people’s imaginations and wanting to come together to create a Matriarchal spiritual organization. So this is what I’m thinking about………………………

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From Rasa: It irks me that William is talking about female spirituality knowing full well that I have written The New Religion, ‘Woman Thou Art God’ & gave him eleven chapters in it. All he has to do is promote it wherever he can, but he isn’t. Nothing gets anywhere unless it’s promoted. So he ignores this, in fact, wrote a ‘counter religion’ to it ‘for Femdom Me’. He could have helped me, but he went his own way, but I still included him. Now he is looking for something but doesn’t know which way to go. He is ‘lost’ because he did not help me with the work Mother God gave me, IMO.

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

VISION NEW CHURCH & DREAMS

NEW VISION – CHURCH 12-9-20

This morning, I had a NEW VISION. Here it is:

Instead of leaving my assets to someone I’m not sure of, or others who might use it for their own selfish wants or those who would piss it away {drugs, luxuries, foolishness’}, I will do this.

If God gives me good health years from now, I will use the bulk of my money available to start THE CHURCH, ‘WOMAN THOU ART GOD.’

I will need STRENGTH & HEALTH as it will be a GREAT DEAL OF WORK as the BEGINNING OF ANYTHING IS THE HARDEST.

What is important here is I would set up the TEMPLATE exactly as directed by Mother God – set up a council, a committee, as the women at the first wave of feminism set up {Susan B. Anthony & Elizabeth Cady Stanton in America} & Emmeline Pankhurst in the UK. Those women got WORLD WIDE PUBLICITY because it was new & different. The first World War ended the publicity & some of the progress of it – it was the backlash from the men – steal the thunder of the women’s movement & the only way we can do it is through WHOLESALE VIOLENCE, shake up the entire world with it, make women’s strides seem trivial, leave them IN THE DUST.

They have done THE SAME THING NOW. We were making tremendous strides, & Ajax understands politics, they have smashed us down. But there is a God, wait, the war isn’t over.

OK I am not ready now, but hopefully I will be. I see clearly now there is NO WOMAN WHO HAS MY VISION, no woman understands, & with that understanding has the COURAGE as did the women of old – those mentioned as well as BETTY FRIEDAN. {Betty got a black eye from her husband for her first publicity stunt, a sit-down at the Plaza hotel – she covered it with thick makeup & glasses.}

As I look about me, the academics, all brain/no heart, the weaklings, the ones who don’t study, & most of all THE WOMEN WHO COULD BE CHOSEN BY GOD BUT REFUSE TO OBEY – The woman who leads this movement/Church MUST BE SPIRITUAL, MUST BE ONE WITH GOD! She must be CHOSEN! And what does to be chosen mean? Many things, to be evolved, to be prepared, but most of all TO BE OBEDIENT TO GOD.

This is what is lacking in women: They are self serving, want to be Chiefs, ego-maniacs, not preparing themselves, want to be QUEENS instead of servants. You can be a Queen, but MY KINGDOM IS NOT OF THIS WORLD. The GLORY is not of this world – this world gives ONLY A CROSS. The Glory is spiritual & will follow in the world to come, you must carry the cross now, be crucified on it, & reap your rewards in Heaven. THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO DO THAT, that is why there was only one Jesus, & one me. Am I the only one willing to follow in Jesus’ footsteps? If I am, then I am THE CHOSEN ONE.

Isn’t this my pattern, after all? Haven’t I taken all the blows other women wouldn’t? For every project, 90% ridicule, 10% admiration, 90% criticism, 10% approval. No money, ever. I worked, spent my own money promoting what was done. No sugar Daddys or Mammas, no patrons. What glory, promotion, honor & money did Our Lord ever get? All He did was WORK & SUFFER. The bits of recognition he got were few & far between – some good disciples, hundreds fell away, he was betrayed. And this after doing countless MIRACLES of healing & exorcisms. In the end, Nicodemus & Joseph of Arimathea got him out of the tomb, revived him, got him healed & off to Tibet.

What is happening is I am getting revived spiritually as to my identity / mission, who I am, what I must do. All the frustrations & disappointments are for a reason. Those who do not support me are not the ones who can – they aren’t evolved enough, brave enough or spiritual enough, they are too human. While Jesus lived, no Apostle could follow in his footsteps. It had to be AFTER HIS DEATH, when they prayed in the Cenacle, as a community, for a long time, that the HOLY SPIRIT came down upon them as FIRE & DOVES & then they were filled with Its Power & then & only then DID THEY HAVE THE COURAGE TO FOLLOW THE FOOTSTEPS OF OUR LORD.

Perhaps this has to happen here. I thought I was through, just a lame duck on my way out. But maybe I have to set up this Church, get it ready for when I die, that the followers can form a community & pray & wait for the Holy Spirit to come down upon them – then they can work. I already have the Holy Spirit – I have been Anointed, that’s why I was able. They have not been Anointed, that’s why they cannot.

And oh yes, whoever distinguishes themselves the most in service to Our Mother God in the establishment of the Church, will become my heiress. This is important: see pictures & my words below

How God chooses: Look how Jesus, at the beginning of his ministry, went to the desert mountain & prayed & fasted for 40 days & nights. Then the devil came to tempt him. The devil offered him things – bread – the world & its glories. This is why people are not chosen, because they accept the offerings of the devil – things, the world & its glories, they REFUSE TO SACRIFICE, they want more & more of the world, the flesh & the devil.

And so, the women who are jealous of me, who refuse to help me, who say I’m trying to take over, are of the devil. Unless they are willing to do as Jesus did, sacrifice, God cannot choose them as they REJECTED THE CROSS. It is the Cross which leads to the crown, the crown does not lead to glory. If you desire the crown/s of the world, you might get them, but expect no victories on the other side – there will be no parade of angels & saints waiting to greet you. Saints suffer. Why? Because they DO THE WILL OF GOD. When you do the will of God, you are the exact opposite of what is the status quo or ‘wisdom’ the world employs. The world hangs on to physical things, the spirit lets them go. The spirit does what is right no matter what the consequences, even martyrdom. This is not an easy road but it is the right road, the ‘small, narrow road & gate.’ ‘Many go through the broad road & wide gate’ – haha – ‘the broad highway to Hell.’

Go ahead, women, ask for things, beg for glories, seek the Kingdom of the Earth. But ‘my Kingdom is not of this world.’ Myself, I listen to God each day. You might not believe me as I’m not the normal or usual spiritual person. I became prosperous. Why? Because I sought it? No. Because God took care of me, as I renounced all things, but I ‘put first the Kingdom of God, & everything shall be added unto you.’ And so, after all people disinherited, abandoned & rejected me, God took care of me.

Second, I was celibate for 30 years & wanted to stay that way. You might say ‘You are not a spiritual person because you went out & became a cougar & had quantum amounts of sex. This is not how saints behave.’ But I OBEYED THE WILL OF GOD. God told me to quit celibacy, go out & ‘have fun’ & I resisted but God insisted. I still don’t know why God demanded this, only She understands, perhaps before I die I will.

I also did not understand why God allowed me to be monstrously abused by my Mother & family, but now so much later, I do understand; it was to prepare me for my life to come, which consisted of the Patriarchal society hating & attacking me relentlessly while I did my work. I had to battle bigger monsters & demons than you can imagine, put myself in harm’s way & at peril for life & limb, & had I been unprepared, a softie, I could not have done it. Now these women want my ‘Crown.’ Go on bitches, take up your Cross & follow Jesus, & you will get the Crowns.
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12-9-20 DREAM: “FATHER LAUGHS”

My Dad was in a room on the second floor of our house – I could see into the house as the entire wall was open. I was below working on something, like stepping on a bench I had made, just a few strong planks placed between two strong blocks. I was holding onto some kind of strong robe above, stepped on the planks & they fell off. I didn’t get hurt as I was holding onto this rope, it wasn’t far off the ground, either, just say a foot or two.

(DAD ABOVE, ME BELOW: This might refer to a day ago I was channeling Dad & I think he found it hard to confess his wrong doings – especially in regards to not loving me that much, abandoning me, which concerned me the most. Also, why did he not send us more money after Mom left him – at times we did not have enough to eat. He had to admit he was SELFISH on both counts.
And so, he’s looking at me in a rather critical way at first – seeing the sliver in my eye while ignoring the log in his – when I tried to build something but slipped – but no harm came to me as I held onto what? Onto God, as God gives us the ‘lifeline’ from above – I did not perish nor get hurt. So I tell Dad to chill, stop judging me.)

Now my Dad, because I slipped, takes issue with me, he kind of ridicules me a bit. I say chill, I’m holding on, one must take precautions when testing new things, which I’m doing – no harm done.

But then the funniest but traumatic thing. Dad was building something like a table, bed, not sure what but it’s walls were a solid octagonal, black on the outside, maybe 4′ tall – all from wood. It was heavy, he did not anticipate something. Everything in this room is wood & more wood.

But then the WEIGHT of the thing he’s building overwhelms the floor of the room {it’s an old house} & caves right through the floor! Many wood beams just fall down into the first floor, so the LAUGH IS ON DAD.

(LAUGH ON DAD: This says he looked down on me for my mistakes. Indeed I made them, but God saved me. But look at his mistake. Look at his marriage to my Mom – a complete failure or collapse.
OCTAGON: refers to perfection. He thought his marriage / life / arrangement with Mom would be perfect. But there was something he did not anticipate. How hard it would be, life would be.)

He then has to call a contractor who understands construction – who knows where the SUPPORTING BEAMS are. A beautiful young man shows up, straight blonde combed to the side, smiling, with a clipboard, ready to go to work. He will fix it.

*(SUPPORTING BEAMS: One thing I only figured out as of late, which I asked Dad about. I recall us being so broke that Mom had to borrow money from the man owning the general store – to buy our groceries - & this several times. The man always gave us the loans, we got the groceries.
I asked Dad about this, as also why he did not take me to live with him. He said because HE WAS SELFISH. Of course, he did not have a great deal of money but he could have given enough so we had enough to eat!

And so, this SUPPORT BEAM BUSINESS refers to that – how embarrassed he is that I FIGURED OUT why Mom hated him so much – it was specifically about money, & that did not only affect her, but his three children & a fourth born while under his roof.
My question to Mother God: He said he was selfish. How much did he factor that she had help from her new boyfriend, Marius? Did he wrongly assume he would provide?
She: He should not have made that assumption. He knew the fourth child might be that of the other man, but still, he had three children by her. He was hurting those three children as well as her. There was gross negligence in this. He must have given her some money but obviously not enough if she had to borrow it many times for food. He was wrong, & now, this embarrasses him as you have busted him.

BEAUTIFUL YOUNG BLONDE MAN WHO WILL FIX IT, CONTRACTOR: This is an angel. God fixed everything, this is saying. You survived. This might be saying that my Dad did not help & support me properly – he abandoned me. My mother abused me & disinherited me. My first husband abused me & disinherited me. But eventually, God made me solvent, even gave me prosperity. Starting with my Dad there was rejection & poverty for me, but ending with God, there was love & blessings for me.)*

12-6-20-Purgatory Ministry vs Human Lover

This illustrates a conflict I didn’t know I had. It was mysterious, as many dreams are, until I analyzed it, then it made sense.

I have two lovers vying for my attention. One is filled with resources & promise – the other is poor & has nothing to give but himself.

I’m in a place like ‘in between’, a sort of semi-public, semi-private place. One lover is sort of hovering over me with promises. The other one is lying in a type of ‘open cocoon’ or an embrace where we are thoroughly intertwined, where the two of us together form like a ‘beetle’ curved up, with his jacket like a ‘shell’ on the outside.

This second lover, who has nothing, I thought was a police officer with a black uniform, but on second thought, his jacket is black leather like when Bob appeared to me as a Hell’s Angel, fukking other females besides me {I didn’t care}, proud of himself.

His love is honest, straightforward, no hidden meanings, just him.

(COP-LOVER: This is my human lover, who has nothing to give but himself, & we are INTERTWINED in mystical / spiritual marriage.
He appears as a cop because, could be, his guardian angel wants me to be with him–cops are angels, especially when they look out for our safety & welfare.)

The other one tells me he has all kinds of things for me, but I am uncertain. I decide there needs further investigation.

*(SECOND LOVER, FULL OF RESOURCES & PROMISES: This has a few nuances of meaning. It is the MINISTRY TO SOULS IN PURGATORY. First, God appears AS A MAN to hearken to one of my requests, which Jesus granted in 1978,

“I want to have spiritual relationships with men.”
And the answer to that was more contact with the Holy Souls.

For years, I had ECSTATIC dreams about being a prostitute, walking the streets, picking up men, taking them to a most private place & making love with them. At first I was mystified by these dreams, but eventually realized I was connecting with Souls in Purgatory & transmitting God’s Love to them – which was ecstatic–more so than anything I had experienced on earth.

And so, this ministry holds out SPIRITUAL RESOURCES or GRACES which human lover does not have, this is a deep dimension.)*

So temporarily I leave ‘the cop’ behind & go for an investigation. Across from where we are {in these open spaces in the country} is a mega house, imposing, old. The rich lover tells me HE GAVE ME THIS PROPERTY, IT IS MINE.

(MEGA HOUSE LOVER TELLS ME IS MINE: I will find out shortly what this house is!)

As I leave the cop behind, duck under a large Christmas tree branch, the bottom one near the trunk, on my way across there. I go over a tiny valley, maybe it has a trickle of water, maybe not.

*(UNDER CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH: This implies there is a gift for me under the tree – perhaps this Christmas – & that is the ministry as mentioned. I did wonder last night, ‘What will God give me this Christmas?’ – {She always gives me something, usually mystical, which I treasure.}

A TINY VALLEY, MIGHT HAVE A TRICKLE OF WATER THAT I CROSS: A valley is ‘the valley of tears,’ which is THIS LIFE, THIS WORLD, THIS FLESH as personified by the Catholic Church. The trickle of water is the BIT OF CONSOLATION we get on earth for our sufferings. Water is grace, in this context. )*

Before me ‘looms’ the house I supposedly own. It is three stories high & it seems to have naught but one tiny window on the first floor. It’s rust in color – I don’t know if it means the structure is metal or if it’s some other material painted rust, but I do get the feeling of metal, which makes it forbidding.

(FORBIDDING BUILDING: Indeed, this represents the place of GOD’S JUSTICE, the
RUST METAL WALLS – metal represents THE WILL OF GOD – it hearkens to the NAILS in the hands & feet of Jesus on the Cross! And the RUST represents A LONG TIME – whatever time they spend there seems long, as there’s nothing to distract them, no physical activities – all they feel is the LOSS OF GOD, the longing for her & it feels long. Rust also has RED in it which in this context is like SUFFERING-BLOOD.)

When I left the cop the other lover was busy, not bothering me, they said,
“She’s having a cup of tea”
{so this lover now changes gender.} I then thought if she’s occupied with tea, which would be my good time to get away & check out the house ‘I own.’

*(RICH LOVER CHANGES GENDER: This ministry to Purgatory has many nuances. First, it’s a male – as I cater to mostly men in Purgatory. So a man or men is calling me to love.

But now it changes into a woman, which is telling me this is from MOTHER GOD. She is ‘taking a break’ having a ‘cup of tea.’

BREAK FOR TEA: Mother God is not PUSHING me, not being aggressive with the ministry or the request to enter it. It is up to me to make the decision, do I get busy with this or not? So I decide to look into it more.)*

I go into the house & on the second floor, to my surprise, there is that rich lover as an old woman, about 65 & showing it, standing at the sink. She has a man beyond her that seems like a partner of the house – he was walking away on some business.

*(LOVER NOW A WOMAN WITH A MAN PARTNER AT THE SINK: This is without a doubt, Holy Mary, who at the very beginning, in 1980, brought me Errol Flynn as an infant, & asked if I would ‘take care of him.’ She was then also at my sink, washing dishes, glasses. This
WASHING DISHES, GLASSES: is a cleansing that goes on so one can minister, one can deliver grace to the souls. It might imply
THE HOLY MASS as we need a glass for the wine & a dish for the bread – the Body & Blood of Christ, or how I celebrate it, the Body & Blood of Jesus & Mary.

Of course, the man her partner is Our Lord, & overall, this is an invitation for me to SAY THE HOLY MASS BEGINNING NOW to get Souls out of Purgatory! This is the feeling I get as I think about this.)*

I stand there kind of bewildered. I want to say, if this is my house, I want you guys to fix me my own room, with all the amenities, but I don’t have the confidence. I feel that here I cannot ask for anything, just accept things as they are – that this female & that man are in charge, I have no authority.

*(IF THIS IS MY HOUSE, ASK FOR MY ROOM WITH AMENITIES, BUT HAVE NO CONFIDENCE: Haha, what a joke. When ministering to Purgatory, one asks for nothing, one stands within the Grace of POVERTY.

Whatever life has dished out – you take it with not only tolerance, but acceptance & even JOY if such a thing is possible, because all your pains gather GRACE for SOULS. You do not ask for amenities, pleasures, consolation, an end to pain, you accept all things as they are,
‘Not my will, but thy will be done’
Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He sweated blood, before the Pharisees came to arrest him, before He was betrayed by a disciple.

And so that is the end of the mystery of the Lovers & the great, forbidding house given me. I am going to say the Holy Mass right now & continue, hopefully, right up at least until Christmas. This will get Souls released!)*

At some point I decide to give the cop another chance, after all, his proposal was simple, this one is a bit confusing.

(GIVE THE COP ANOTHER CHANCE: My plan is to say the Holy Mass. After all, I am not with my Lover physically, I am free to have my mind, heart & body on God & what She might have me do. In fact, even when I eventually live with the Lover, I will not allow him to drown out my spiritual life nor my Ministry to the Holy Souls – to whom I am totally devoted. An earthly man whom I love is fine, but he does not stand above God.)

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