College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SUFFERING FOR SOULS

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2-12-21 SUFFERING FOR SOULS

 

   MYSELF & ANOTHER LADY HAVE 

SUFFERED FOR SOULS

 

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This first dream was baffling until I analyzed the second dream. In light of the second dream, I understood the first, because it was the same THEME. Such dreams are called parallels – two dreams on the same subject, with a same or similar message. These dreams portray the EXPIATION OF SIN FOR SOULS – helping them get cleansed. The first is re a friend who just got breast cancer in her right breast. The second is about myself, about suffering with a strained muscle in my right leg for 6 months. Both of these events are ordeals that helped/will help Souls the dreams explain.

1st dream: THE BUS

I’m in a parking lot looking at a white-painted bus, which is filled with men all wearing casual white jackets, the kind that zip up. A couple of them have jackets with designs, the one who stands out has like blue designs which are octagons or something inside large squares, the entire jacket including long sleeves is covered. I see none of the guys flesh or faces, only the jackets, they all have their backs to the windows.

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*(MEN IN BUS: Souls in Purgatory. I could not have guessed who they were had I not understood the second dream. The jackets are their Light or their souls. I don’t see their faces or flesh, as they’re dead & also, I don’t know their identities. The jackets being mostly white are their souls are clean of unrepented sin. A couple of them might have some extra merits, like the guy that stands out with the blue designs.
DESIGNS, OCTAGONS, CIRCLES, SQUARES: Octagons are a symbol of perfection. These designs could be like the badges, jewels, medals of the Great Saints. I am assuming this might be the same thing – Just guessing. Most of these souls are ordinary guys going to the average places in Heaven, but some stand out, one in particular might have a higher place.
WHITE represents Union – In this case, Union with God. The bus is the vehicle for Union with God, the jackets are their Souls ready to ascend.)*

In the front of the bus are servers, all women. They give me the impression that they are both servers & entertainers – like let’s say the women at Hooters, who the men find entertaining, but the women serve food & drinks.

They have like a bar, they are preparing their wares behind the bar. One woman stands out. She has a skimpy outfit, a bandana on top & bottom is skimpy. Her right breast is exposed. The other females tell her, hey your right breast is exposed, she says ‘let it be’ as they all want to look as appealing as possible as they will get more tips. The body being that exposed is not usual but she’s going to take a chance with it. She’s thin with dark brown hair.

*(BREAST EXPOSED, ‘LET IT BE’: Something exposed is VULNERABLE, this gives me the impression it’s my friend with breast cancer {that is being healed}. When she says ‘LET IT BE’ this is a good indication of her willingness to suffer, if it be the will of God.
In that case, Grace is received & Souls are released from Purgatory.
Being a SERVER-ENTERTAINER is giving to the Souls. It’s notable that they are working for tips, they are both helping the Souls & themselves. This is how it is in ministry, they call it ‘ministry in reverse.’ When we give to anyone in charity – living or dead – we are also given back, it’s the way we receive merit, Grace & joy.)*

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Dream 2: BEING AT WOOLWORTHS

I’m at Woolworths, which used to be in my B’klyn neighborhood. It’s a mess inside.

*(WOOLWORTHS: Purgatory, my Purgatory & that of Souls, but I don’t see the Souls, just the staff.
WOOL represents SHEEP. It’s sheep vs goats. Sheep represent SOULS WHO OBEY GOD, whereas goats resist God, they disobey, so these are the good souls destined for Heaven – I’m one of them, I’m in a Purgatory just as they are for the time being.}
Somehow, I fall to the floor. The floor is littered with black pellets – I vaguely recall seeing food pellets like that for animals in large bags, which were sort of yellow-orange {probably corn based}, round but square on the ends, but these are black.

*(BLACK PELLETS REMIND ME OF ANIMAL FOOD: Have you ever heard the terms ‘eating crow’ or ‘eat your words’ or ‘we had to eat the loss’? EATING is NOURISHMENT but eating is also PARTAKING OF A THING YOU MIGHT NOT WANT, & that would be SUFFERING.
These pellets which remind me of animal food, while I fall to the floor on top of them, are ‘eating pain’ or ‘eating suffering’ or just plain suffering & pain.
My falling to the floor is that 6 months ago indeed I strained a muscle so badly I was stricken to the ground until the pain subsided. And this malady was ANTICIPATED & ANNOUNCED by my own inner voice. The night before, She said,
“I WILL BREAK YOUR LEG,”
like it was an announcement, not a warning or threat, just announcing that She, God, was going to do this to me, & I SUSPECTED it was to expiate sins of Souls in Purgatory.
The BLACKNESS of the pellets/food in this case is sorrow/depression – blackness can mean many things, good & bad, here it’s bad.)*

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We must clean up these pellets, somehow I am working with the staff. While on the floor I see 4 police officers in a row have walked in holding German Shepherds on leashes, & one of the dogs brushes against my right leg. I feel unsafe, I am worried they might be after me for having done wrong, I want to get up – it’s difficult but I finally do. Now I feel better & safer.

*(4 POLICE OFFICERS WITH 4 GERMAN SHEPHERDS: Police in my dreams are always ANGELS. Most animals represent SENSES. This is saying angels came to afflict me – one in particular. I will ask Mother God, I only needed one angel to afflict me & one dog – why 4?
{MOMGOD: This could be multiple pains & problems perhaps if not for you, other souls. But one touches you, which means you are afflicted by God the way Jesus was, when God gives us suffering to expiate sins. {Somewhere in the bible a saint says, maybe Job, ‘God has touched me’ meaning God has afflicted me.} Of course you were worried if you had done something wrong & bad karma was coming at you, but it wasn’t about your sins.}
GETTING UP: This is getting up FROM THE AFFLICTION where you now feel better & safe from the karma you feared. You thought you might have to have surgery for this. But suddenly, the pain is 90 to 99% gone, you have gotten up from it, you’re happy.)*
Overall, there’s a feeling of JOY in this dream.

It’s soon closing time, & I see the staff busily, with smiles, covering everything with huge blue covers, so big they remind me of car covers. They cover all the shelves. Why I’m a part of the work when I am not an employee, I don’t know. But I’m talking about how to sweet up the debris on the floor, the pellets. We’re all gung-ho in this.

*(STAFF COVERING THINGS, CLOSING TIME:
STAFF: These are probably Saints who are working with you to benefit Souls. Saints in Heaven do not minister to Souls – it’s the ‘Church Militant’ or those on earth who are OBLIGATED & ENABLED for this. Why? Because we can suffer, we can GAIN MERIT, whereas they no longer do. But they can WORK WITH US AS PARTNERS!
{I recall the time recently when Errol Flynn appeared to me & used me, so to speak, to get Beverly Aadland & his most recent wife ascend into Heaven. I was glad to help & rather amused.}
COVERING THINGS, CLOSING TIME: This is a great indication that this project, of suffering for Souls with my bad leg, is over – the work is done. Why this symbol? Because when people go away from their house, especially if it’s a beautifully furnished one, they COVER ALL THE FURNITURE to prevent it from being covered with dust & debris. So this is saying,
“We are finished with this job, we are leaving this place of Purgatory now.”
What a relief!)*

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At some point I am standing there & a lady shows me a surprise. It’s the most beautiful big white birthday cake on a small table. It has little pink roses all around the top rim, & other decorations in light blue. She shows me this knowing I will be delighted, & then she puts on top of it an upside-down rubber food holder {the kind I have, used to feed or water animals} & this devise will keep the cake safe & dust free until time to celebrate.

*(LADY, WHITE BIRTHDAY CAKE, PINK & BLUE DECORATIONS: This symbol explains what this Purgatory has been about – Souls being lifted. The
WHITE BIRTHDAY CAKE is people being ‘born again’ – an experience you can have many times. You’re born again during baptism or when saying ‘the sinner’s prayer.’ There are many levels of being born again, you begin by the initial one, then go higher & higher, each level you are born into a higher realm. The WHITE IS UNION WITH GOD – white is marriage, Union, pure in heart, among other things.
The PINK & BLUE along with the largeness of the cake says there will be MULTIPLE MALES & FEMALES ASCENDING.
The LADY is probably OUR HOLY LADY who has a lot to do with Purgatory – she is the one Saint I know goes there regularly, with or without partnership with mortals. I believe there are certain people who, when they have a ministry to Purgatory while living, will be allowed to continue this ministry after ascending into Heaven. I hope to be one of those souls.
The BLACK COVER on the cake is saying it’s not quite that time but will be very soon.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

COVID CONSPIRACY GOVT VS PEOPLE

COVID CONSPIRACY – GOVT VS PEOPLE

 

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There are two different worlds of fear right now: those who fear the virus and those who fear the future control of mankind being propelled under the guise of the virus. Through this, they have created a division – those who want others to fear the virus as much as them and become recluses, and those who want those who fear the virus to wake up from the spell they have been put under so they can stand and fight against their freedoms being stripped away by the day. Sometimes, when you are in the thick of it, it’s hard to discern what is truth. Keeping everyone in a perpetual state of fear is how they divide and conquer – but it goes much deeper and is far more sinister than that.

 

https://thewashingtonstandard.com/covid-19-pt-5-psychologists-scientists-

and-the-cia-tell-us-fear-is-the-real-killer/

 

• Biology of Fear’s Effect on The Brain and Health

• Fear Cancels the Placebo Effect: Why This Matters

• CIA Documents on Brainwashing and “Learned Helplessness”

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• Expert in Deception, Psychological Operations & National Security Speaks to Cadets at West Point

• The Road Ahead

We judge risk by our feelings more than looking at data and statistics and evidence – Paul Slovic, PhD

Over 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders, and 4% of the world’s population suffer from it, making anxiety and depression the most common mental health disorder in the world. The extreme messaging and misinformation carried out by the media, philanthropists, and politicians regarding Covid-19, hit every hot button to trigger the masses.

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Part one of this 5-part report went over hospitalization data, showing that the 2017-2018 flu season had 810,000 hospitalizations, far exceeding Covid. For years the media has exclaimed that “hospitals are at capacity,” but no one paid much attention until now. Part two broke down the CDC’s data on how they have been combining pneumonia, influenza, and covid deaths as “PIC” to paint a larger number of Covid deaths. Part three covered the nursing homes which make up 38% of the reported Covid deaths. Part four explained how Dr. Deborah Birx and state health officials have stated that they are counting anyone who tests positive for Covid as a Covid death even though they have died from another cause. It also explained the PCR tests, how 90% of Covid-positives are asymptomatic with only a 0.7% household spread rate.

Think about it. If you change the past, you change human behavior. To change human motivation, we don’t have to persuade people, you can just change their memory. – Dr. Charles Morgan, Psychological and National Security Expert

Some Basic Facts About This Virus

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled. – Mark Twain

• Legacy news immediately brought on Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bill Gates, and former CDC Director Thomas Frieden to tell everyone that models show 1-2 million people will die in the U.S., and they need a lot of money to prepare for this, only later to admit the models were wrong.

• On January 3, 2021, the CDC released its year-end final week count of all-cause deaths, adding a staggering 269,259. This is unheard of for one week, or even two weeks, and it reveals how the CDC has been shifting other causes of death into the Covid category, as Corey’s Digs previously reported on.

• No country has ever received a specimen of the actual virus to isolate and purify, and China allegedly destroyed it. They only received a genome sequence that was uploaded to the internet, from China.

• After a year of scientists, doctors, lab workers, Corey’s Digs, and other alternative news sources reporting that PCR tests are producing false positive results, and even Dr. Anthony Fauci said that a cycle threshold over 36 will result in false positive tests, the World Health Organization came out on the day of Joe Biden’s inauguration to validate this, resulting in a sweeping decline in cases.

• Despite Bill Gates, Dr. Fauci, the CDC, WHO, and countless others consistently reassuring the public that everything will get back to normal once we have a vaccine, they are now claiming it’s not in fact a “vaccine,” will not prevent someone from getting Covid, will merely treat the symptoms, and therefore everyone needs to remain social distancing and wearing masks.

 

• People observed viral videos of individuals in China allegedly dropping to their death in the streets, and within weeks, nearly the entire globe was allegedly taken over by this virus, yet no one dropped dead in the streets in any other country. Fear porn?

• They originally claimed it hit the U.S. in January, then later claimed it could have been here as early as November. Some believe it’s been here for years.

• Ground zero was at a nursing home in Washington State, just 5 minutes from Bill Gates home. The new “ground zero” became New York City, where Governor Cuomo made it a point to show video of men allegedly digging up graves on an island to bury all of the bodies, in a terrifying display. He also made it a point to show freezer trucks next to hospitals. Despite the elderly being the most prone to any virus, Cuomo later sent thousands of Covid patients to nursing homes while locking down the entire state. An investigation revealed that Cuomo’s staff produced numbers at 50% less than the actual nursing home deaths.

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Capitalizing On Fear

Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth. – Albert Einstein

• Over 970 million people worldwide have a mental or substance use disorder. The largest number of people have an anxiety disorder, accounting for 4% of the population, making anxiety and depression the most common mental health disorder in the world.

• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment.

• Anxiety disorders create symptoms that include panic and fear, increased heart rate, rapid breathing, difficulty sleeping, nausea, and dizziness, all of which mimic and can exacerbate Covid symptoms.

• PTSD affects approximately 3.5% of U.S. adults every year, and an estimated one in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime.

• A 2019 survey shows that in the U.S., adults were most anxious about keeping themselves and their families safe, being able to pay bills, and their health.

• For those who do not suffer anxiety disorders, excessive worrying alone can cause the following health issues: dizziness, fast heartbeat, headaches, muscle aches, nausea, rapid breathing, shortness of breath, suppression of the immune system, premature coronary artery disease, heart attack, and more.

• The White House task force on Covid-19 informed the American people to stay home if they had symptoms, until it was severe enough to go to a hospital, at which point they were putting people on ventilators rather than treating them with medications proven to work in early stages. Dr. Anthony Fauci was aware of this back in 2005, as Director of NIAID.

There are over 40 million Americans suffering from anxiety and phobias. Imagine how easy it was to trigger them with misinformation, propaganda visuals, and fear tactics? When you see people allegedly drop dead in the streets, graves being dug up, freezer trucks parked next to hospitals with alleged dead bodies in them, the media telling you 1-2 million Americans will die, toilet paper and groceries flying off the shelves, and how everyone must lock down, close up their business, mask up, and sterilize everything, that tends to trigger people, even those without anxiety disorders.

Fear is a powerful force. If a person becomes overridden with fear, they become incapable of thinking logically and analyzing information and only react from emotion. As time goes on, the majority of their time is spent in preparation, obsessive worrying, listening to the media to tell them what next steps to take, and common sense never truly kicks in because their brain chemistry is no longer serving them. They have been behaviorally conditioned. The hyperbole was powerful, and it took hold in millions of people.

 

study on “death anxiety in the time of COVID-19” published in June 2020, reveals that fear of death drives much of human behavior, is likely at the core of numerous mental illness disorders, and reminders of death exacerbate these illnesses causing social withdrawal, depression, and worse. Throughout this study, it points to several other studies. “One study investigated the effect of mortality salience on compulsive handwashing, utilizing a large sample of treatment-seeking individuals diagnosed with OCD. Participants were first primed with either death or a control topic. Following a short delay to allow the effects of the prime to become unconscious, they were asked to wash their hands. The findings revealed that reminders of death doubled the time spent handwashing.”

Dr. Deborah Birx and Dr. Athony Fauci’s voices will forever ring through the ears of Americans, with a resounding “wash your hands” as they give a nod to reverse psychology.

Psychologists Explain How Fear Plays A Big Role In Epidemics And Pandemics

 

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Research has shown that threats such as Ebola or avian flu raised anxiety levels higher than more familiar threats. Despite only 10 people in the US contracting Ebola in 2014, it created a mass panic across the country due to excessive media reports effects on those with mental health issues. Whereas most people are not afraid of the flu because they’ve contracted it and survived, even though thousands die from the flu every year. But it’s not just the “unknown” that creates more fear, it’s those delivering the message. Hyperbolic media coverage can exacerbate the situation.

“American media have the propensity to find — and publicize — aberrant behavior, helping to perpetuate a myth that people tend to respond to a crisis with panic. Disaster researchers know that brave behavior is the norm.” Carnegie Mellon University psychologist Baruch Fischhoff, PhD stated. He chaired the Food and Drug Administration’s Risk Advisory Committee and the Environmental Protection Agency’s Homeland Security Advisory Committee.

When studying people’s willingness to get vaccinated after the scandalous 2009 H1N1 influenza pandemic, they found that perception of personal risk was the most influential factor, followed by social pressure and past behavior.

“As psychological research has shown for decades, our sense of risk is driven by our emotions,” says Slovic. “We judge risk by our feelings more than by looking at data and statistics and evidence.”

According to a 2020 study published in the Lancet, quarantine and isolation produce negative psychological effects including post-traumatic stress symptoms, confusion, and anger.

Fear’s Effect On The Brain And Health

 

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Fear is a feeling that is internal and is conscience,” stated Mary D. Moller, PhD, DNP, ARNP, PMHCNS-BC, CPRP, FAAN, associate professor, Pacific Lutheran University School of Nursing, and director of Psychiatric Services, Northwest Center for Integrated Health, during a presentation in 2017. She explained the consequences of chronic fear on physical, emotional, environmental, and spiritual health, that ultimately attacks ones’ immune system, endocrine system, autonomic nervous system, and can alter the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis, leading to emotional despair and phobias.

Moller described how fear affects the ability to learn, stating that “the brain’s capacity to retrieve previous learning is dependent on specific chemical states. Chemical alterations can distort perception of sensory information thus distorting storage.”

Not only does it affect the ability to learn, the impact of prolonged stress in “brain regions such as the hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex respond to acute and chronic stress by undergoing structural remodeling, which alters behavioral and physiological responses.”

Fear learning and fear conditioning trigger all senses, including sense of smell, sound, visuals, tones, words, etc. Repetition of traumatic events and terror, visual images, threats of death, ones’ business burning to the ground, violence in the streets, and all hyperbole witnessed in 2020 were a perfect cocktail to induce fear, and therefore, remove the ability to learn and process effectively, for many.

Fear Cancels The Placebo Effect: Why This Matters

Increased fear is linked to the release of a substance in the brain called cholecystokinin (CCK). This substance has two effects; it increases pain and it blocks opioids. The media can also have an effect when they hype the threat of diseases or medical problems, making the public anxious or doubtful. – Psychologist Peter Solvoll Lyby.

Interestingly, in a Norwegian study, they established that fear cancels out the placebo effect. Lyby noted that “when you tell a person that he or she is getting a pain-killing pill, you create the expectation of pain relief, and pain is reduced.” However, “the people who received no placebo relief in pain tests had a tendency to experience more fear and anxiety about the pain.”

“We have a pain-relieving system in our bodies that is switched on when we skin a knee, for example. The injury causes our bodies to release opioids to the brain,” explains Lyby. But when frightened, a different substance is released that hinders opioids from functioning.

Why does this matter? Because the constant ramblings by media making repeated false claims about therapeutics not working seeded doubt in millions of minds, while they continued to push exaggerated death tolls knowing full well the fear could strip a person’s natural ability to heal themselves.

CIA Documents On Brainwashing And “Learned Helplessness”

The purpose of all coercive techniques is to induce psychological regression in the subject by bringing a superior outside force to bear on his will to resist. – C.I.A. Human Resource Exploitation Manual

In a 2014 New York Times article titled ‘Architects of C.I.A. Interrogation Drew on Psychology to Induce Helplessness,’ Dr. Charles A. Morgan III, a psychiatrist at the University of New Haven, studied American troops’ levels of compliance and suggestibility concluding that “a subset became more compliant, but the vast majority also became more suggestible when given misinformation. Essentially you’re making people less reliable and more stupid” after confinement, sleep deprivation and other tactics were used.

In a C.I.A. document titled ‘Brainwashing from a psychological viewpoint,’ they quote Jules Romains – “We know now that men can be made to do exactly anything… It’s all a question of finding the right means. If only we make enough trouble and go sufficiently slowly, we can make him kill his aged parents and eat them in a stew.”

The 92-page document is about communist control techniques, interrogation, and to increase understanding of the “brainwashing process.” They examined over 300 classified and unclassified documents related to Soviet and Satellite techniques of interrogation and brainwashing for this study, in addition to other research and Chinese indoctrination tactics. Interestingly, they state that the term “brainwashing” originated by a reporter who was interviewing Chinese refugees.

“When reduced to extreme dependency and confusion, the individual is ready to react favorably to any person or idea which promises to end his painfully confused state. At this point, the re-education begins.”

“One to two million Americans will die. Oops, our models were wrong.”

“Sterilize everything in your home daily! Oh, never mind, it’s not necessary.”

“It’s an aerosol virus. No it’s not. Yes it is. Oh wait.”

“Wear a mask. They will protect you. Don’t wear a mask – we need them – they won’t protect you. A mask won’t help you and may only stop a droplet or two, but repeat after me – I am wearing a mask to protect other people because I care and I am a wonderful person. A scarf, a cloth, a mask that says right on the box they won’t protect you from Covid – all of those will do just fine. Excellent. Now let’s see if we can get them to wear 2 or 3 masks at a time”

“You are non-essential. And you are non-essential. And you over there – you are non-essential as well. All of you close your businesses and starve your families now!”

“The process of brainwashing is essentially one in which two paths are being followed. One is the demoralizing process, the result of which is to reduce the victim’s critical faculties to the point where he no longer discriminates clearly between true and false, logical and illogical. The other is the reorganizing process, in which he is required to construct his confessions, elaborate it, defend it, and believe it.”

“Kids are super spreaders – close the schools! We need kids back in school – open the schools! Little Johnny has a cold – shut the entire school down and quarantine everyone! Call your neighbors, call your families, call the strangers you may have walked past! Children are depressed and becoming suicidal – we need to open the schools! The teachers unions won’t teach until they get vaccinated by a non-vaccine we are just calling a vaccine, so as not to confuse people.”

“Trust us – the tests are very accurate – don’t listen to conspiracy theorists. Well, if the cycle threshold is over 36 it could create a false positive. Hold the fort! We need to reduce the threshold, too many tests are coming out false!”

“Hundreds of thousands of people are dying FROM Covid. Well, we are counting anyone who tested positive (with false tests and asymptomatic included) WITH Covid as a Covid death, even if they died from influenza, heart attack, dementia, a car accident, or a gunshot wound. But, but 450,000 people have died FROM Covid!”

“The most deadliest respiratory virus in the world may show no symptoms. At all. But…. But, asymptomatics are super spreaders! Oh, just kidding. They actually only have a household spread rate of less than 1%.”

“Don’t you dare go within 6’ of anyone. ANYONE! No hugs, no handshakes, no sex! Everyone take to the streets and protest by the thousands with Black Lives Matter as they swap sweat, loot stores, burn businesses, and torment people at restaurants, so you too could have an opportunity to win a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Don’t forget to wash your hands. If you are already OCD, do it ten times more for good measure.”

“We cannot get back to normal until we have a vaccine. Then, everything can reopen, people can get back to school and work and get back to normalcy. We only need 70% of people to vaccinate for herd immunity. Psych! We lied. We need more like 90-95%, and by the way, it’s not a vaccine and it won’t prevent you from getting the virus, it will just help your symptoms, so masks and social distancing are still required…with no end in sight. We just call it a vaccine to bring you comfort.”

“Stay in your homes. Quarantine. Isolate. Ditch Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don’t worry – there’s facetime. Smile for China, while we enjoy our holiday meals at a fine restaurant.”

“It should be noted that brainwashing, so defined, does not emphasize what happens to the individual, but what happens within him. The change represents a more or less complete re-education of his value system. This change is brought about in a rigidly controlled environment using pressures designed to create and sharpen internal conflict within the individual. The individual is forced to resort to problem-solving behavior, and the net effect is the brainwashed state.”

“How dare you pray in church. If you want to pray, you do it in a Walmart shopping line, where you can’t get infected! And don’t think having a funeral for your loved ones is acceptable either.”

“Since you are willing to wear your mask while alone in the car, hyperventilating while riding a bike, or in the comfort of your home, we would also like you to wear it from the front door of a restaurant to the table, whereby you can then take it off to infect whomever you would like.”

“Chip?! Nonsense! There will be no chip or tracking. It’s a conspiracy theory! Just because we are telling your neighbors and family to tattle on you, creating contact tracing surveillance, calling your homes, breaking HIPAA laws, and developing vaccine ID passports that will allow you to travel and eventually shop or leave your home, doesn’t mean we will be chipping you – at least not for another year or so.”

“Hydroxychloroquine doesn’t work as a prophylactic and can be dangerous. Haha, we got you on that one, didn’t we?! For nearly an entire year! Just kidding – we know Hydroxychloroquine works. In fact, we knew it back in 2005. We now approve of it.”

“We need to protect our elders because they are the most vulnerable, so you can no longer spend time with them and all nursing homes are on lockdown, except for the ones that are being sent thousands of Covid positive patients by Gov. Cuomo.”

“We need to release thousands of prisoners from prisons across the country so they don’t get infected with the deadliest virus in the world that has a 99.82% survival rate. Anyone who dares open their non-essential business will be hunted down, arrested, and thrown in jail!”

“Two simultaneous processes are present. The first is characterized by a progressive deterioration and demobilization of the individual’s critical and judging capacities. In a true sense the individual loses all sense of perspective. The second process is the learning of beliefs he would previously have rejected, as he seeks to gain some structure for his crumbling personality…. These processes are most effective when the individual has gaps in his knowledge, or his understanding of the meaning of certain events is sufficiently tenuous that he has little difficulty in accepting a new and different interpretation.”

“Did we say you could visit with your neighbor? You can only visit with immediate family in your own home. If you spot your neighbor doing that, be sure to call the police on them. Only movie production companies that are creating the future reality of the enslavement of mankind under the guise of Covid are allowed to gather together by the dozens.”

“Don’t worry – we got you covered. We are sending out a $1200 stimulus. It’s the first of 3 and we may keep doing it every month. Sorry, we got so caught up in our own politics, that we decided to blow you off completely – for an entire year. The more people starving and out of business, the better. Relax, $600 is coming your way. You’ll be fine.”

“Since we are so convincing with all of the above, we would like to go all in and stoke massive racism to create division and battles, more fear and confusion in children, and because we love watching you all flip around like fish on a hook. While we’re at it, we are going to get back to extracting millions in taxpayer dollars for climate change – the world’s next biggest threat – at least until we decide to tell you another pandemic has hit, since we’ve already forewarned you. Our 15-minute dystopian cities are coming to a location near you soon! After all, the only way to see our 2030 agenda through, is to keep you dependent on us and in fear for as long as we can. Did you really think that we only needed 4 weeks to flatten the curve? We’ve been at this for decades. The $90+ billion AIDS slush fundmeasles epidemic, and H1N1 were all just test runs to see how much control we could possess over you. If nothing else, we are consistent and persistent. You ain’t seen nothing yet!”

“Communist control of the individual and the masses is little different from controls exercised by virtually all absolute forms of government, past and present.”

Confused? Short-circuited? Feeling a little schizophrenic? In fear? Angry? Depressed? Demoralized? Broke and jobless? Don’t worry – they have your back. Can’t you see that?

Side note: Since the CIA reorganized their entire website and moved documents around, making past links null and void, Corey’s Digs has downloaded the above study here. For however long the link shall remain on the CIA’s website, that can be found here.

What’s the first thing you think of when you see this image? How does it make you feel?

How about this image?

How about this piece of likely propaganda out of China?

Repetition and conditioning alter your brain, your behavior, your emotions, and your health. In this case, in a negative manner. Are they protecting you or endangering you? What have you observed and witnessed with your own eyes?

Expert In Deception, Psychological Operations & National Security Speaks To Cadets At West Point

Think about it. If you change the past, you change human behavior. To change human motivation, we don’t have to persuade people, you can just change their memory. – Dr. Charles Morgan

Dr. Charles Morgan, Professor of National Security Studies at the University of New Haven and formerly worked at the CIA, who was mentioned in the 2014 New York Times article above,  spoke with faculty and cadets at West Point in 2018 on psycho-neurobiology and war. In this profound presentation, Morgan talks about gene slicing, DNA encryption, and mind, body and beyond. His research is focused on enhancing the detection of deception and on improving the indirect assessments of human personalities. His resume reads like a science fiction novel.

Morgan covered some very fascinating things in this seminar that have long been in place, some that are in progress, and some that are about to become reality very quickly. The mind tactics were quite intriguing, to say the least.

“Believe what you remember, but don’t assume that what you remember is true. What information is real and what information is trustworthy? By changing the past (inserting fake memories) it alters the future.”

By using stress tactics, they can change what people believe to be true by simply inserting something into a video or phrasing questions or information a certain way, and they can get a person to believe guns were in the room if they weren’t really there. They can change, remove, and insert memories. Morgan says that if you continue to expose people to misinformation, they will adopt it as real.

Right now, the world is witnessing this firsthand, only the misinformation is primarily coming out of the powers that be, while trying to inform the world that millions of people are the ones producing misinformation. This is called projection.

Morgan explained manipulation tactics used through social media, stating that “in the current social media age the ability to actually manage people’s memories and change them has just enhanced from what it used to be. Now you can fix videos and pictures and expose people to audio and visual information, and we know that even if they know that’s a possibility people don’t recognize when they adopt a false memoryYou don’t know that it’s happened to you. It bypasses some critical reasoning and is particularly effective.”


“That’s where the state of the art is right now for creating false memories in humans by doing that verbally or by these manipulations, either by what we say, what we show them, what we expose them to, but the chemical implanting of memories has now occurred in monkeys. We should see that science in the next two years (seminar was in 2018).”

Morgan also spoke about the study they did in 2017 whereby they gave college students the false memory that they were terribly hungover from alcohol. A week later they were given free range options at the bar and they declined alcohol at twice the rate of other students because they remembered a false memory of being sick the last time.

In addition to the above, Morgan also talked about DNA, gene editing and splicing, other technologies, and how they already have the ability to gather information from a person’s brain while they are sleeping, in addition to training new information and memory into the person, outside of their awareness while they slept.

Morgan was especially excited and giddy about DARPA’s deep brain implants. DARPA covers a bit about their future of brain-machine interfaces here.

The Road Ahead

They want you frail, jobless and penniless, in a state of confusion and fear so that you are fully dependent on them. If this is not obvious, you are not paying attention.

If you cannot see the writing on the wall, and are unable to cast aside fear long enough to review actual data and the misinformation they have perpetrated, then unfortunately, you have already enslaved yourself.

One thing I learned long ago – anger supersedes fear. When you are angry you cannot function from a place of fear. Fear ratchets up one’s perception of risk. Anger serves a purpose, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Though it’s not an emotion to bask in for hours, it does allow clarity of getting in check with yourself and reality, while fear is suppressed. There are millions of people living in fear right now that need to get angry. They need to recognize what has been done to them and their livelihood, and they need to rise above that fear, take a stand, and take their power back. Obedience is voluntary enslavement, masks are a symbol showing submission, and closing your business is self-sabotage.

This may be the only time in history where everyone is truly a victim at the same time – and it’s not from the virus. Everyone needs to feel the sense of betrayal and being a victim to find the rage within. This is righteous anger and it needs to be acted upon, not through violence, but most definitely not through silence. If people do not take a stand now, the middle class will be entirely wiped out, the “elites” will continue to syphon all the wealth, and the poor will remain poor.

Corey’s Digs has been trying to warn of their “plan” for quite some time. People have now been watching some of it roll out, and it’s full speed ahead. By utilizing a virus with a 99.82% survival rate, they are gaslighting people into giving up their lives, lifestyles, jobs, school, finances, homes, relationships, joy, and the ability to have a voice. They are intimidating and censoring people who dare question anything, report data straight from VAERS, or go against the narrative in any way. Why is this? Because they want to control all of those aspects in your life.

Vaccine ID passports are the beginning of the end, and they will be tied to a new currency in the future, whereby you will no longer be able to travel, buy groceries, go into retail stores (what’s left of them), attend school, or walk down the street, without this stamp of approval. Even with this passport, you will be surveilled and controlled with ongoing “mandates” that will never cease until they reach their ultimate goal – they own you. Perhaps this was a hard pill to swallow years back, but after having a front row seat and going through what you have gone through this past year, the light bulb should have turned on.

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Article posted with permission from Corey Lynn, originally published at CoreysDigs.com

 

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

SOUL ASCENDS others HELPED

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SOUL ASCENDS – OTHERS HELPED

 

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   2-8-21 The Interlopers-Love With Movie Star

 

Strange dream. I’m in my bedroom at the old farm house, gazing out the window toward the Oak, but it also looks like the front yard of my house here, in the area which would be on the right facing the house. We had for some reason dug a large, deep hole here for our convenience, the ground inside is medium brown color.

But lo & behold, some interlopers were driving by & saw the hole & decided to use it as their own dumping place like stuff from a garage, old rusty huge set of pipes like in a square shape, old rusty machines, all kinds old rusty things. They start dumping what they had with them, then they bring another pickup with the square pipes mentioned. Somehow it all fits, the hole is about 10 or more feet deep, once they start dumping looks wider & deeper than it was.

There’s a male friend to my right – we’re both outraged. I go outside & confront them in an angry manner.

They are a strange sort of people – passive. It’s like family, women, men, children. I walk behind their cars & paraphernalia, I see one of the women has a purse, golden in color, just like my key purse. I take it & throw it toward the hole, but it falls to the edge – the woman is on a setee, she doesn’t react. None of them reacts to anything I say, they just continue what they are doing.

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*(PASSIVE PEOPLE, USING A GREAT HOLE I DUG TO DISCARD ALL THEIR RUSTY OLD THINGS: This sounds like Souls in Purgatory for whom I have provided a place to remove from themselves what is not needed. It is a cleansing – cleaning house, garage, attic, of old, worn out things. It’s the things held on to in the past, now they are LETTING GO. This is a cleansing of the mind/soul – not a physical place, but the ATTACHMENT TO THINGS.

The large square shaped metal piping looks like a headboard – ATTACHMENT TO SEX.

None of them reacts to me because they feel I have provided an avenue for them to be cleansed – the Holy Mass – so it’s MY DOING that helps them let go, so what am I getting upset about? I think my being upset is just a way of illustrating the point.

The GOLDEN PURSE of one woman is her attachment to money, which is not completely let go of – it could be saying I am not completely detached from it as well , as it looks like my purse, I’m throwing it, but it only reaches the edge, not completely discarded.)*

Then there were in the ‘front’ of their entourage, several black males, the husbands. One of them is big & healthy, is sitting there, comfortably reading a book or papers. I take my boot, which has a super thick black sole with deep ridges {the ridges like an inch or more thick}, & push it up against his white shirt like I’m going to knock him down. He barely reacts, just looks at me, does nothing.

*(BIG BLACK HUSBAND, NO REACTION TO MY BOOT ON THE SHIRT: His reading gives me a hint that the articles I did of how to fight cancer were an act of charity & it’s affecting the Souls as well as those on earth.)*

I go inside my house & there is a long table & the four women of the house, plus their children, are sitting at the table waiting for me to feed them! My feeling is these people are totally DESTITUTE.

*(PEOPLE AT TABLE WAITING FOR ME TO FEED THEM, DESTITUTE: For sure, Souls in Purgatory waiting for the Holy Mass.)*

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They had one of their children staring at me naked, I was lying on my back on the floor – the child just stared & stared. I did not like it & put an end to it.

*(CHILD STARING: What does this mean Mother God?
She: A child is lost, looking for its Mother, wondering if you could be her. Again, your reactions of displeasure her are just to make a point.)*

And I see food being put on the table, there are some ‘cutlets’ of meat I had made, like ground meat with rice or something in oval shapes, sort of pointed at the ends, with some kind of veggies, I see them on the edge of the table, the women collecting this to eat. I don’t know why the men are absent.

*(MEN ABSENT, WOMEN THERE: Not sure why those at table going to be fed are the women & children, not the men this time. Could be just as it is.)*

My first thought is that these are either people reacting to my article on curing cancer or they are Souls in Purgatory.

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THE BEAUTIFUL MOVIE STAR

Then there was this male movie star who suddenly takes a great liking to me. He’s super handsome, like a young Tony Curtis, only he’s on the blonde side.

He takes me in his arms right under my breasts – he’s in love with my breasts & picks me up that way to hold me close. We’re doing sex, I believe he’s had his orgasm but I keep going, he still holds me & doesn’t go away like most men would. I notice he has a yellow powder covering spots on his body, I think of turmeric, a healthful herb.

Then, I want to turn to his face & want to kiss his lips – they are beautiful & very curvy & pouty. I’m slightly nervous if he’ll allow me, as sometimes men don’t want to kiss on the lips, but he allows it & participates, & the kissing is beautiful. It’s a blissful experience. this might be a Soul in Purgatory.

*(MOVIE STAR SOUL, SO BEAUTIFUL, TURMERIC ON HIS BODY: My guess is that this is a male Soul who has become beautiful with Grace. You being this intimate is transmission of Grace, & he will ascend into Heaven, he has been filled with True Love, this isn’t sex, where the man runs off or turns around & goes to sleep when he’s finished. This man behaves in a loving manner, which indicates spiritual love, he gives it back to you after you gave it to him, he has probably ascended into Heaven. Mark your calendar,
“Male Soul ascends.”)*

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…………………………………………………………………………..

2-7-21 UGLINESS OF MY EX

This is amazing. I am in a room at a large table, & on the other side of the table sits a man that I come to realize is my ex-lover Bob.

He has sort of a large, blocky brown head, like squarish. His head is bald, the top of it like a plateau. His eyes, the right eye is smaller than the left & is cloudy, like he’s blind. His face is UGLY. The expression on his face is one of stupidity also.

There’s a friend to my right, a man, & I say to him,

“I loved him so, I would have done ALMOST ANYTHING for him.”

*(MEANING: I have 100% gotten over the DESIRE for my ex – I am FREE. I felt this in the last days, that he means nothing to me, my life has moved on & it’s such a wonderful feeling TO BE FREE.

Buddha said that the origin of all suffering is DESIRE. I know it’s desire for someone, something outside ourselves, not a desire for God but for other things – & this desire for Bob CONSUMED ME, obsessed me, & God knew it would, & now I am over it. It took YEARS. And if it is meant to be that we are together, I will be in complete control, because it is desire that makes one blind & weak & able to be USED – as one will give anything to be with him they desire. But if you don’t desire, you tell him what to do & he either does it or takes a walk. You take no flak from someone you don’t desire. And they know it. If you are WEAK WITH DESIRE they take advantage of you, they use you. They do whatever they want. They know they won’t lose you – so they are spoiled. In order for you to have control, they must believe they can lose you & they have to tow the line, so they tow the line or lose you. And you don’t care you don’t grieve. But if they want & need you, they are the ones afraid, they are the ones who grieve.

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What is his UGLINESS? The eyes show he is at least HALF BLIND in his understanding.
Beauty is spiritual beauty, he has none. I now see the inside rather than the outside, which had me mesmerized & he took advantage of me.
The tone of his skin is DARKNESS, NOT BRIGHTNESS as one of God’s Light.
The big square head is BLOCK HEAD. What is that? Some sort of STUBBORNESS in his ignorance. Like HE WON’T CALL ME no matter how he grieves, he waits for me to chase him like before. {This won’t happen, I am through.}
The PLATEAU on top of his head is? He’s come to a plateau in his thoughts, neither up or down, just standing still. Not moving ahead, reaching a plateau & STAYING THERE.
The BALDNESS is insanity. He has had some sort of breakdown regarding us & can no longer function toward our relationship.
The TABLE he is sitting at facing me, is he wants to be fed or receive nourishment from me, but the table is empty. He brings nothing to it & I present him with nothing. I just repudiate him, can’t believe how much I loved this unworthy man, so ugly inside.)*

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College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

ANGELS PREVENT SEX ABUSE

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End Chapter 7 – How the Angels Protected Me

2-7-21 What Prevented Uncle from Molesting Me 

 

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I Strip for God Part 3 Continuation of Chapter 7 ‘How the Guardian Angels

Protected Me’

 

It all started with the beautiful Danny G, who was 19 years old – I was 14. It’s a long story I have to tell you before I get to the ‘molest’ part having to do with Uncle. First, to introduce my Uncle Henry Svoynic, theatrical name:

PAUL BUNYAN

Henry was not a bad guy, I loved him since I can remember back to the age of 4. Do good people do bad sins? Yes. Does that make them completely bad? No.

The incident around this was really cruel – he did not want a warming up for me & Danny G because he wanted to have sex with me himself. Of course, I didn’t realize that, it never dawned on me, I saw it years later. I think all older men want to have sex with young women, whoever they are – daughters, nieces, granddaughters, & those who have access, opportunity sometimes do it. I think half of all girls got molested & a quarter of all boys. Obviously, not all men are liars, cheaters, & rapists, but all this is more common than we know. The victims are never ready for it – they aren’t told what’s going to happen, it just happens; they are traumatized.

For some reason God did not want me to get sexually molested. She must have spared me for a reason – unless it happened prior to my memory – & what that reason is again, I don’t know. But the guardian angels were on their toes that day.

I was staying with my Aunt & Uncle near Waccabuc, New York when one day I stayed up all night praying to see someone. His name was Peter, I was in love, he was the son of two doctors, the first boy I’d ever made out with, {I was 13, he 16} he told me later I was the first girl whose breasts he touched, & I prayed nine hours straight for this.

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In the morning my Aunt called me for Sunday Church, I got up & when we came back, there, in the driveway, was sitting the most gorgeous blonde boy, 19 years old, whom I’d been friends with when I was 6 & he was 11, back at the Waccabuc mansion.

Why he was there is he needed some consolation. He wasn’t getting along with his stepfather – he’d gotten so mad he put his fist through a glass window, now he wanted to vent. My aunt had practically raised him & his brother, she, my Uncle & Grandma were sponsored here from Germany – A wonderful place to work, a comfortable mansion with eight bedrooms, four baths, a large laundry room with the latest washers/dryers {in 1956 when I first went there} a library with piano & French doors, balconies including one on the third floor where Auntie lived, a hallway decked with original paintings of a wild boar hunt, elegant grounds, a huge barn, rose gardens & fields.

The lady had been a riding coach, my Uncle used to shoe the horses, I saw it. But she sold all of them except one lone male called ‘Pony’ who I took sugar lumps to.

And so, here I visited in the summer & played with Ridee {who was 5} & Danny. Uncle Henry {Paul Bunyan} was commissioned to build a small house for Ridee’s birthday. It contained a tiny stove, bed, a commode with books, a picture window, all painted mint green, & Ridee wanted me to sit there with him while he read to me – boy was I was bored. Paul Bunyan got paid $200 for the house, I guess this would be $2,000 in today’s money. The lady was rich, the boys had it all.

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Now when Danny showed up at Aunt & Uncle’s house it was after the lady married a new man & moved to a house he had designed, Aunt & Uncle bought a little house on a hillside in North Salem, NY. The rich lady supplied most of the furniture, so it was in the best of taste. The living room had the thickest padded beautiful sofas & couches & a cozy fireplace. Later on, when Paul Bunyan built a second floor to the house they furnished it on their own & it was NOT in the best of taste – I hated the 1960 stark modern furniture & harsh colors.

Now when Danny appeared by the grace of God, we were both shy, but we were the right age for some romance & I wanted to kiss him. I got a little aggressive & lured him into the house on the pretext of showing him a book, unfortunately my little half sister followed us & interfered. We were sitting on the couch & after he saw the book, I kissed his cheek & he said,

“Henry wouldn’t like that.”

No, Danny, {I think now not then}, Henry wants to fuck me himself, so of course he doesn’t like you kissing me.

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Danny hung with Uncle Henry for the jobs he was doing on the garage & house – he was construction man Jr., Uncle Henry was a second father. It really annoyed me that he was that inhibited, this was my chance. And this rejection did not stop him from later on, we’re in the car, I’m sitting between driver Paul Bunyan & Danny on the right, & Danny feels my thigh. So it wasn’t logical. First, he refuses to kiss me in private, but now he’s feeling my thigh in the car where Henry can see in plain daylight.

{It got way worse when I was seated between Bunyan & the old man next door neighbor. Oldy’s wife & my aunt & baby sister sat behind us. Old guy takes my hand & puts it ON HIS HARDON. I am perplexed what to do. Wouldn’t it have been ducky had I screamed something? But being naïve, afraid & shy, I did nothing. Looking back, why do adults put a girl my age in a spot where an old man can feel her up?}

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Alright, after being slightly friendly with Danny but nothing big, my aunt decided to take myself, Danny & baby sister to a local fairground – not sure what it was about, but they had rides, & I was excited. I could go on rides with Danny, we could get cozy & a romance might start! I was beaming with joy. But before we could take off, Danny says that Henry doesn’t want him to go, he needs him for some chores.

I think maybe Auntie had this thing planned so Dan & I could get closer, she was on my side, because she got so angry at my uncle about this, we didn’t go at all – & then – she stopped speaking to him.

Days went by, she said not a word to uncle. One day I’m in the driveway putting around & Paul Bunyan comes by briskly & says,

“Do you want a drive?”

That was a treat, so I said yes without hesitation, maybe he wanted to make up for not letting Danny go to the fairground.

#!@#!@# - Copy #!@!#!@ #!#!#! !1111111

So we drive & drive, then we come to a more deserted area, & he sees a dirt road, & he slows down, but decides not to go there, & moves on. This happens several times. During the ride he said not a word to me. I kept thinking, poor, innocent naïve me,

“Uncle Henry wants to stop, have a heart to heart talk with me & apologize.”

Finally after this long, unusual ride, he just goes back to the house. That night, I hear him & my aunt talking animatedly. They had made up, she was talking & fucking. They spoke loudly enough for me to hear them for an hour, but I couldn’t hear the words.

It took many years to look back & understand Paul Bunyan did NOT want to chit chat & apologize to me, he wanted to rape me, but he didn’t dare. Every time he felt he found a deserted spot, he changed his mind, or someone changed his mind for him – Maybe my Guardian Angels. But I had no idea, it amazes me I could have been that ignorant – it was because I had never been sexually abused or raped before {unless someone did it before my memory worked}.

Today it’s the first thing I think of when I see a man wants to be with a young girl, even a child, boy or girl. They have no business being alone with them. Women have to get wise. Your husband takes his two daughters out camping? Why? He’s a boy scout? No, he’s a rapist. I know of a case. Or your new husband wants to take your 3 sons to out of state events, some kind of tournaments? And they have to stay in a hotel? It’s not events, he’s fucking them. I know of a case.

!!!111212 !!!21312 !!!111 !!!115 !!!111!!! !!!5!!!

And oh yes, I was told an anecdote about Paul Bunyan. They had this fountain behind the house, like a seashell made of grey plaster open top & bottom, about 3′ wide on bottom & 4′ tall on top, like an open seashell, a few inches of water in it. One day someone finds him on top of the visiting 4 year old girl, on the ground. What was he doing? He told them CPR, he was doing CPR because she had gotten into the 4″ of water & almost drowned, he saved her life. They said HE WAS A HERO.

end Chapter 7 ‘How the Guardian Angels Protected Me’

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

HEAL <> PREVENT CANCER

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2-6-21 Healing-Preventing Cancer

 

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I did this research for a friend 2-19-18. Sadly, {like most people}, she did not take it seriously. She is also still using the microwave. She said “I can’t live without my popcorn”. Her husband had serious cancer & after struggling & suffering for 5 1/2 years, with her being the caregiver as well as working fulltime, he passed.

I meditated on why he got ill. He got the cancer on his back. I noticed that at their sandwich shop, the microwave is behind where the workers stand, putting together the food. I said how long did he work there? She said EIGHT YEARS. I told her then, that’s how he got hit – he stood for eight years with his back to the microwave. She didn’t believe me. I asked her if they used a microwave at home & she said yes, but it was higher than the shop. {meaning what, I thought? If it’s by your head you think that makes you immune?}

 

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Then suddenly, she got lung cancer in both lungs – never smoked, did not get second hand smoke. She fainted when they told her, as she had just buried her husband. I went to her house. The microwave was directly at the level of the lungs. I pointed this out to her. She denied microwaves cause cancer – but they are radioactivity. Why do you think x-ray technicians wear thick aprons? Why do they need such strong protection? It has been proven that radioactivity is a carcinogen & given enough, it kills. Anything heated or cooked inside it changes it’s molecular structure, it isn’t food as we know it any more. Never, ever eat anything cooked, heated or warmed in a microwave. When you go into a restaurant ask them if they use the microwave for anything, including defrosting. Tell them you want nothing that has been in a microwave. Usually they are honest – I always ask.

Here’s my list of do’s & don’t to protect from & heal cancer:

STOP: using mineral oil in anything – It is carcinogen …Use coconut oil, olive oil, or any natural oils.

STOP: using food from cans that contain BPA {only special companies make non-BPA canned goods, like “Amy’s Soups”}

STOP: Using microwave for anything. Radiation kills

STOP: sugar, it FEEDS CANCER

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CANCER CANNOT LIVE IN AN ALKALINE BODY

The highest ACIDIC foods are the most alkalizing to the body such as:

LEMON, LIME, ORANGES, CITRUS, APPLES & GRAPES.

Grate frozen lemon, skin & all – to include on many foods, kills cancer. Contains a chemical – ADRIAMYCIN – a chemical used in chemotherapy, but IT TARGETS ONLY THE CANCER CELLS.
……………………………………………………………………..

DO juicing & eating of raw foods – Juice carrots, beets, turnips, rutabagas, parsnips, ginger, all good roots. Eat apples & all fruits & berries.

GARLIC & ONIONS are great, put raw sliced on sandwiches, eggs, pasta, soup, etc.

HERBS, FOODS, VITAMINS that work against cancer:

cranberries, black raspberries, strawberries, blackberries, garlic kills tumors!, red clover, turmeric {curry}, BEETS, green tea, melons, cucumbers, papaya, tomatoes, dark chocolate, honey okra, pomegranate

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MORE HEALTHY FOODS:

eggs, kale, yogurt, almonds, salmon, avocado, parsley, spinach, asparagus…..Use coconut oil for lotion, cooking, baking & brushing teeth….us organic butter….green veggie juice
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ABOUT COLON CLEANSING & MASSAGE

The first step in healing according to Dr. Richard Schulze, herbalist, is to cleanse the colon. Enemas, laxatives, no matter how many you have to take. Some people lost 10-20-30 pounds this way. Cascara Sagrada is a great laxative.

Massages boosts circulation. Your blood carries the nutrients you need. The massage also moves the LYMPH system. Lymph CLEANSES the body – it’s the SEWAR SYSTEM of the body.
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CASTOR OIL HEALS TUMORS {Also poke root, chaparral & red clover work against cancer}

Make a POULTICE & put on the spot needed every night. This is a cloth containing the oil or whatever other herb or root mentioned. Fasten the poultice in some way so it stays lodged all night. If it’s breast or lungs, cover with a bra or a very long cloth you wind around. Wherever you have a tumor, put it there, including head tumor, put a turban with the poultice underneath, or a form-fitting hat.

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HOT & COLD BATHING

In your shower, turn on the hottest water you can stand for like 15 seconds, then the coldest, back & forth, ending with coldest, SEVEN times. Shower should take about 15 minutes.

Hot & cold bathing increases healing by ONE HUNDRED TIMES!

If it’s winter & you can go outside unseen or just with a towel or bathing suit, you can take the hottest bath you can stand, then go OUTSIDE & be there a few minutes. Back to the tub. Do this a few times.

They do this in Northern countries in the outdoor sauna, see it on videos. They get totally hot, then go out & roll in the snow or run around or just stand – they aren’t even cold. There doesn’t have to be snow, just cold, but in Sweden & Norway & Russia they always have snow.

Dr. Schulze does ‘hot & cold sheet therapy’ but it is so extreme & complicated, I don’t do it. He says that this is so effective, garbage comes out through the pores {?}. I do the hot & cold bath these days, it bothers me the least. Get so hot you can’t take it, go stand on the porch, back & forth. What’s my address? Haha.

Get all the herbs at:
PACIFIC BOTANICALS
4350 Fish Hatchery Rd.
Grants Pass, Oregon 97527

541-479-7777

………………………………………………………………  

 Dr. Schulze sells his preparations from Marina del Rey, California

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STOP SMOKING!

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Healing Friend of Cancer

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Dream explains Jesus & Mary are healing my friend of cancer with the

Eucharist – Padre Pio has come from Heaven specifically to heal my friend –

Other Great Graces are given through the Holy Eucharist

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 2-4-21- Doctors-Herbs-A Saint

Friends: When I put these symbols *( )* means the explanation is here. The rest is the dream.

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Found out yesterday someone I care about has cancer. Discussed herbal remedies with her, reviewed Dr. Schulze’s book, also collected images of Angels, Jesus & his Wounds, Holy Mary & Saints.

In my dream there were two doctors whom I went to see, both are young & attractive. The second one was special & I was with him a longer time – there was a lady with him, a doctor also, & she loved this man but I also fell in love with him.

The first one was sitting behind a desk with a white wall behind him, his head hair & maybe some facial hair was ginger. We GAZED at each other, something went between us.

*(GINGER MAN against a white wall, we exchange a gaze: This could be the husband of my friend, the white says ‘marriage’ – ‘against a wall’ is like ‘the end of my rope’ or ‘what do I do.’ And so the husband of the friend & I exchange feelings & thoughts of concern – even though we did not speak. The husband’s hair has some red tone to it.)*

Then I’m close to this other doctor & as I relate to him, stare at him he gets more & more beautiful. I finally have the guts to tell him he’s beautiful, but nervous that I’m being too forward. Then I’m kissing him, especially his forearm, like love making – don’t know why. I seem to be in a hospital, then I’m checking out. It’s Friday & the lady tells me to come back on Monday.

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*(HOSPITAL: Apparently I have approached Jesus & Mary for healing for my friend, but I stand in PROXY for her in this dream – like I’m the one getting the healing. What Jesus & Mary give us is their Grace, their love & their Body & Blood.
The BEAUTIFUL DOCTOR: is JESUS HIMSELF here attending to us, giving us Grace.)*

She gives me a shopping bag full of greens. They are like ‘air plants,’ the leaves being so fluffy, thin, almost weightless, & the entire bag is full of them.

*(GREENS, AIRY, SHOPPING BAG FULL: Dreams usually are not literal, & so, although we discussed herbs & I’m going to step up my pace & use more of them, this is not herbs but the HEALING POWER OF THE HOLY EUCHARIST. I said the Mass for my lady friend to help her deal with the cancer, the LADY is HOLY MARY. When I say the Mass I invoke the Body & Blood of both Jesus & Mary – as Jesus was all her Blood, her genetics – no man’s. She created him, She gave him to us, She suffered with him equally, She sacrificed him for us. And so to me they are equals. The bag full of ‘airy greens’ is the large amount of healing Grace within the Holy Eucharist.)*

There are also other items in the shopping bag to take home that they gave me. They are all light & airy, one item seems like a black rectangular paper. Another is like oval silver toned, about 7″ in diameter, like a large ring.

There were two other items the Great Lady told me to take home, both of them were BUSTIERS, mine, & the second one belonged to a man who was in this hospital. Mine had pretty pastel colors like mint green, & what had to be washed or scrubbed was under the arms – not much, a small amount. But the other bustier was covered in white lace, had large breast cups & a bigger size but near the straps & underarms was quite dirty & she told me to scrub it well & return these. My immediate thought was ‘lymph glands must clean the body.’

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*(BLACK RECTANGULAR PAPER & LARGE SILVER RING: The black paper could be the end of something – a relationship. The ring signifies permanence, could be a prediction of Lover Joe & I getting back together. {He is seen at the end of the dream.} And so if it’s about that, then the black rectangle could be saying it will be the end of his wife & him – which of course is good for me. And so this ‘taking gifts away from the hospital,’ in one bag or on the one hand, there’s healing, in another bag, a good prediction for Joe & myself.)*

At one point the lady doctor was speaking animatedly with the male – they seem to be in love or she very much with him, & I’m sitting between them in love with him, & she talks on paying no notice to me – we are all facing a large window to the outside which is bright.

*(LARGE WINDOW FACING TO A BRIGHT OUTSIDE portends a bright future. The way she’s speaking so animatedly seems to say good times are coming. This is probably the cancer of the lady being cured, it could mean other good things as well, as shown in the bags I was given to take away.

JESUS IS THE DOCTOR, HOLY MARY WITH HIM. My being between them, in love with him, haha, is of course I’m devoted to Jesus.

THE TWO BUSTIERS, ONE BELONGING TO ME, ONE TO A MALE FRIEND, THE MALE’S IS DIRTIER: This female bustier might belong to my friend as this is a PROXY dream more so than one about just me. It might be saying she needs a small amount of spiritual cleansing. I am supposed to do that, how? The Holy Mass, how else?

The second bustier has to do with my ex lover, who without my knowing, has become the recipient of Grace here as well. This bustier is a MARRIAGE GARMENT. It could be marriage to me or God or both, as I come to him sent by God, to save him. And this is saying he has some pretty bad dirt – in the dream I recall thinking, ‘He was really dirty when he put this garment on.’ And how do I do that? The Holy Eucharist no doubt will cleanse him as well, & prayers, although I no longer pray for him, I pray for the entire world, & he could partake of that.)*

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I was in the arms of the doctor I love looking through a glass {a large indoor picture window} to the other side when I see Pavarotti. I’m in love with him also – I hope my doc isn’t jealous. I wave to Pavarotti, he had to come here for some business, & also blow kisses to him. He waves to me affectionately.

Then Pavarotti is leaving & I must give him a worshipful good bye. There’s a landing on this staircase, he goes there on his way down, so I go there also, excusing myself from my doc for a minute.

I bow down to this man to say good bye just like Muslims do in temple, on my knees & face. {My humility/devotion is noticed, it’s so extreme it’s almost embarrassing}. He – to my surprise – does the same to me. He’s wearing a soft fleece medium brown cape, which covers his entire body when he bows, & he has a matching hat, like a large, loose beret, same material, & it has some sort of embroidered insignia on it, like a yellow & dark blue fleur de lis. {Reminds me of a Boy Scout symbol.} Maybe the cape has this as well. His clothing covers everything as he bows, his head, hair & neck as well as his body.

*(PAVAROTTI, ANOTHER MAN, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLASS, I’M IN LOVE WITH: This must be a great Saint, but who? Aha, could be the BROWN gives it away, soft brown, fleecy could be Padre Pio of the Franciscan order – who bore the Holy Divine Stigmata for 50 years!

He being here is a GREAT PORTENT for my friend being healed by him!

The sign of the FLEUR DE LIS:

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***”The symbol is a legend in itself – a lasting emblem of royalty, power, honor, grandeur, faith and unity. It is written that an angel descended from heaven with the Holy Ampulla in the shape of a fleur-de-lis when King Clovis of France was proclaimed. It thus signified the French kings’ direct link to God.***”

It is a symbol of Faith, Wisdom & Chivalry. And it’s the Boy Scout insignia, so I got it right! I used to be a Girl Scout myself !

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The fleur de lis is a symbol of great God Power – Oneness with God, Union. Padre Pio certainly had that & I’ve been devoted to him since I can recall, & he appears to me from time to time with Great Graces. Long ago, the first time – it was 1977 – he appeared with his Divine Smell! It was like tobacco & incense with a Heavenly perfume. Here I prayed for a successful return to the Catholic Church, & he facilitated it! {I dallied outside the CC on other paths for 8 years or more.}
He also appeared to give me a BREASTPLATE. Can’t say exactly what that means. Could be he gave me protection, like the ‘armor of God – breastplate of righteousness.’
My bowing so low to him where it’s almost ‘embarrassing’ I believe represents MARTYRDOM, as portrayed or achieved in the Stigmata, mine being INTERIOR.

People DON’T BELIEVE in my Stigmata because it’s invisible, even thought I explain it. There were many Saints who are known & believed to have it ‘interiorly’: St. Gertrude the Great, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine of Sienna {it appeared visibly on her body after her death} & in recent times, my Lithuanian homie, St. Faustina.

But of course, people don’t believe I’m a saint because I was in the adult trade, & a great sinner, haha. How could it be? And certainly don’t have any stigmata, equal to the likes of St. Francis of Assisi & St. Padre Pio! {Most people don’t understand anything about Divine Stigmata, only scholars of the Church understand it in part, they believe what they see with their eyes & no more.}

But, aha, St. Padre Pio prostrates himself equally to me as I to him, which is saying, it seems,
“I acknowledge that you have the Divine Stigmata & are a martyr of God just as I was.”
This is an UNBELIEVABLE revelation & grace, of the confirmation of this, by this great saint!
The doctor who I am in the arms of is Jesus Christ. Why I happen to be IN HIS ARMS is also a symbol as in Jan. 1978 Jesus said to me,

“I promise you that you will die in my arms.”

This then could be saying ‘You are a martyr in my arms! I am holding you!’

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Here I ‘excuse myself’ for a moment to worshipfully say bye to St. Padre Pio. He being ‘behind the glass’ is being in Heaven while on this side is earth. This shows Jesus being WITH ME ON EARTH, HOLDING ME IN HIS ARMS, I AM ONE WITH HIM! And Holy Mary is here on this side also, ministering with me! They are PRESENT IN THE HOLY EUCHARIST on earth.

Why is St. Padre Pio going DOWNSTAIRS? Doesn’t that seem odd, going lower from Heaven? It is a propitious sign, it is saying HE CAME HERE IN ANSWER TO MY PRAYER & HE IS DESCENDING TO EARTH TO HEAL MY FRIEND!

I said he was here on some kind of business in the hospital – & it is the business of healing!
I now take note that St. Padre Pio was a FANATIC on saying the Holy Mass – his lasted at least two hours!)*

Now it’s time to go home after the hospital intending to return on Monday. Here I see there were two other men there with me, also on their way home. One I can’t recall details on, he was full-bodied, the second I remember.

*(RETURN ON MONDAY: Might be saying ‘keep saying the Holy Mass’ – that is the return to ‘the hospital.’)*

He was tall & thin, gaunt face, dark hair indented at the middle of his head flowing to the shoulder, wearing a camel-colored {goldeny} jacket fitted at the waist, casual, the waist clasped but it opens to the chest & below the waist. {This is a vague.}

He left ahead of me, glanced back toward me – was there a reproach or a question in his glance? He went around something to the right & stepped on broken square posts – the ends raggedy – which were lying on debris. These posts are the same color as his jacket, the debris underneath, in piles, is dark. I at first followed him that way, then stopped & tried another path which I thought was easier & safer, but then went back to his & it was OK, you could balance yourself on those posts without falling into the debris.

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*(TWO MEN WERE IN THE HOSPITAL SAME TIME I WAS THERE, THE FIRST I CAN’T RECALL BUT THE SECOND I DO: These would be two men who BENEFITTED from the Holy Eucharist same as I & my friend did.

One’s identity I don’t know, he could be a living person or a Soul in Purgatory, but the second sounds like my EX-LOVER JOE.

This dream expresses, for the thousandth time, he still LOVES ME & is BROKEN HEARTED. He looks back at me in reproach because he’s asking WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?
Look at the path we’re walking on, I follow him, I stop, then get back on it. It’s one of BROKENNESS, a broken pile of debris, with broken posts on top you can balance on. These top posts remind me of THE CROSS. The posts are pulled apart, not neatly cut, so the ends are RAGGEDY which shows a PULLING that is not neat & clean but messy & painful, like one’s limbs pulled out. They are also GOLDENY like his GOLDENY JACKET, which means LOVE – we were pulled apart in a bad way – according to him – our love truncated. My following him first, then going another way is I suffered also, then stopped, but now on the same path of suffering {I’m not conscious of suffering about him any more but dreams often show unconscious feelings, so maybe I am.}

His being tall, THIN & GAUNT is a ‘hungry’ person, one impoverished, needing something, in this case, emotional, spiritual love from me. He can have sex with many women & does – but they aren’t me, they don’t satisfy his heart & soul.)*

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Angels Stop Strangling

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ANGELS STOP FIRST HUSBAND FROM STRANGLING ME TO DEATH –

TWICE

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2-1-21

Theatrical name for Stanley Everts: Othello

Theatrical name for Bill McCardle: Faust

 

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It all started with getting raped by Bill McCardle, Mr. Southern California 1965. This rape led to a pregnancy which I had terminated in Mexico – I went to Acapulco to get it done.

{I was sad I had to do this, it was a boy I named Edmund. I prayed intensely for him years later, as I did for the seven babies my Mom aborted, & Edmund appeared to me a fully grown man, looked like half McCardle, half me, medium height, muscular, brown/red hair, very handsome, we were sitting in a hotel lobby on a round red velvet couch, he embraced me & said ‘I love you.’}

My husband, Stanley Everts, had repudiated my claim to the rape & believed it was consensual. Why? He had a ‘dirty mind,’ a low minded one because he was low. When I returned from the photo shoot he made some comment that my outfit had been tampered with – that I had taken off some safety pins holding it up in back – But I had to do that to go to the bathroom. He never thought of that? Of course not. I had been raped by the guy I was posing with – it was a setup. The photographer saw McCardle had a constant hardon, left the premises, opening the way for Scum to rape me. I did not explain this to Stanley Everts because I knew he wouldn’t understand.

I was right. I got the address & phone of Bill McCardle from body building authorities, & had just called him & was crying & talking to him on the phone. I was nineteen years old, I knew nothing, had no friend or relative to discuss things with – surrounded mostly by enemies. What did I think I’d accomplish by calling him? Nothing of course, but before you’re old & wise you’re young & dumb.

{While on the phone, crying & screaming at McCardle, Stan walks in. He takes the phone. The guy tells him it was consensual – Stan – OF COURSE! – believes him, case closed.}

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The photo shoot had been terminated as soon as the photographer returned & I told him of the rape – then the denial began, & I had lost my chance to be on the cover of Strength & Health magazine. On the long drive back they said all kinds of nonsense to discredit/demoralize me & injure my credibility – the usual behavior when a crime has been committed – they were fighting for their life, so to speak, they had just taken mine.

The trauma over, a new one begins: I am pregnant. OMG it can’t be Stanley’s because his recent operation for cancer surgery cut off his ability to bear young {I wish it had been done sooner as he forced the child that I had on me, I was not ready for motherhood, too traumatized by abuse, did not love the man, he twisted my arm into marriage, then without my consent, had an orgasm inside me without withdrawal – it was our honeymoon. And that first day of marriage, I was nailed. Bad consequences followed. I can see how forcing pregnancies on women when they don’t want them is one of the strongest slave-chains men impose.}

His surgery: He now had a COLOSTOMY – a horrible hole coming out of his side, where shit had to exit into a bag, the bag has to be changed periodically. I am SURE this situation would cripple him from approaching or landing any other woman for sex & marriage – I think he deserved this dilemma because of his dirtbag heart – & so, my walking away would make him feel terror, hopeless & helpless – he lost not only his nurse but his sex partner with no hope of another.

Abortions in 1965 in the U.S. are illegal, I have to go to Mexico.

{How my Mom had several abortions in this country must have been kitchen table – from what I understand, they do something to start the bleeding, then you can be admitted to a regular hospital to have it finished – this is my conjecture. I never saw or heard her do anything – she was the sneakiest person I’ve ever known. How did she, without speaking good English, find these illegal abortionists? Yellow pages? Dad was not around to help the last 3, Marius hardly spoke English. I have no idea how she managed. I also never saw her in bed with a man or affectionate to one – except way later the year I left her house, a guy named Bill was in her bed, she’d already gone……..I only saw her get dressed for a date once, putting on makeup, at the farmhouse when she worked at Brockway Glass. She must have gotten pregnant 3 times from one fuck.}

I fear going to Tijuana for all the bad I heard about it – I was ALL ALONE. I figured if I went to a swank place like Acapulco I’d be safer, so I booked a flight there. It took all the money we had – we were poor, Stan had just had an operation for cancer – he hardly worked, even when he did, he was a substitute, not full time teacher. So it cost me about 1K for the trip plus money I factored for the surgery. He still believed it was consensual.

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When I got to Acapulco it was heavenly. As soon as I got off the plane I smelled flowers in the air. It was nothing like the California desert, it was tropical. I checked into a hotel, got some kind of shots to try to conjure up my period, no dice. Then inquired about a doctor, which I found.

Meanwhile, I got involved. I had written a letter to Stan to try & patch things up – no answer. By the time an answer did come – I should have known mail would be slow – it was too late. He hated me, I can’t recall what the letter said, but I basically I told him he had wronged me. Maybe he apologized, I can’t recall, but now I got involved with local hotties! Yes, I was guilty as charged, having fun. What do you expect from a 19 year old girl who had suffered most of her life? Finally, a chance for ‘love’ {fake but it felt good} & ‘romance.’

I met one male I really liked – 19, he was a young Anthony Quinn, he just oozed sex appeal, we had wild & passionate sex, but enough on that for now, this will wait for the book on ‘my men’ forthcoming. There were other ‘affairs’ or sex flings, a few, mostly gorgeous. I wish I had photos. But again, I must move on with my purpose, on how the Guardian Angels protected me from Stan strangling me to death – twice.

Before I go on let me explain the truth which JUSTIFIES MY INFIDELITY or at least explains it, to those who think there is no excuse. There is. First off, I was never attracted to nor in love with Stanley Everts. He simply did not appeal to me in any way, physically, mentally or emotionally. We had nothing in common from within, he was not a great talent or mind – there was nothing to admire or learn from. Yes, he was a mid-grade teacher, but it doesn’t take genius to do that. I BTW marked most of his papers {of the students} I volunteered because I liked it – to me it was fun.

Now how he saw me. I surmise or believe it was just looks. I was beautiful {although I didn’t feel that way. By logic I knew I was, by feeling – no}. He saw me on the beach in Venice – muscle beach, I walked by & stood on the pier watching him play volleyball. I was wearing a pink second-hand bikini cheapskate Andre DeDienes bought for me – he bought me a wardrobe {I escaped NYC with one outfit, ‘friend’ Carol had stolen my suitcase with 90% of my clothes!} & the Goodwill store & a couple items at ‘Penny’s.’

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So as I stood there he noticed me. I had walked many beaches, for an hour, until I got to the Santa Monica Pier, he lived across from it – my future domicile. He was handsome, 6’2″ half ‘black Irish’ half Polish, nice face & body – lifted weights – but he did nothing for me. Oh yes, he was 34? The same age it seems that Dad & Mom got together. I was almost 17.

What was I doing there? I had been dropped off a day or so ago by Andre DeDienes, the ‘great’ photographer of Marilyn Monroe & Playboy, with $60 he owed me for modeling, on the street – just like that. He did not even bother helping me find a room, dwelling, nothing, just the street. {Because you guessed it, I wouldn’t fuck him.} I checked into the first rooming house I saw – a dump – for which I got grossly ripped off at $45 the week, & the manager had a HOLE drilled where he could see my room through the hole & jacked off while I slept – I could hear him talking to himself, & he was a gross beast, the kind that looked like he crawled out of a cesspool, had an IQ of about 60, lips that drooped below his lower teeth, unshaved, almost had saliva dripping down, weird eyes like he was looking at a ripe papaya he wanted to chew.

This was the place I exited walking down the beach looking for an answer, & Stanley Everts was a stumbling block that led to stepping stones – eventually – years later.

And to continue why my infidelity was blameless. He used me. I pleaded with him, after him forcing himself on me many times – to give me a loan where I could get an apt & a job as a waitress. If he gave me money for two months rent, I knew I could get the job I loved – being a waitress, & support myself. But he refused. He pretended he would help & took me one day to seek a place, but then dropped it.

In fact, he said WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED. Because he’s a school teacher, his reputation was at stake, he could not live unmarried with a female – it was now the end of summer, school would be starting soon. I told him I DID NOT LOVE HIM & he said, that would COME WITH TIME {it doesn’t.}

Put yourself in my shoes: Left home with Dienes, he leaves me on the street, I have no money, no place to live, no relatives, no loans, no nothing, & this man insists we have to marry. He was using me. He knew he had cancer & of course it might come back – I was insurance, a caregiver, a nurse. Secondly, I was beautiful, he could get off on me for sex. Thirdly, my appearance would impress his peers at school, would put feathers in his cap. But he gave me nothing but room & board, sex I didn’t like, he would impregnate me against my will, then he would try to keep me as his slave, uneducated, no driver’s license, no avenue out.

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I did try to continue my education at Santa Monica City College, & wanted a driving license, both of which he disapproved, – but I did it anyway. Then he got the cancer again, & also I found out I was pregnant, a double whammy that made me stay home for motherhood & care giving. He got his wishes – I did not get mine. I was now faced with drudgery.

After his operation he was paranoid he’d be impotent, because his sperm was defunct. To prove he could get his dick up – I slept late – every morning he would get under the covers by my feet, outside the bed & mess with my vagina to try to get off – it was unbearable. He was not bedridden yet – that would come later, but having no intestines & no sperm must have made him feel inferior. This is what I put up with & what I was facing.

Now I will channel him, he’s in Heaven due to my Purgatorial work – he spent 55 years there, longer than anyone else I ministered to. When I first perceived him on a throne of flames I thought he was in Hell. I shall ask:

CHANNELING STANLEY EVERTS – OTHELLO

ME: Stanley Everts, what did you see in me? Why did you pick me up & why did you force me to marry you?

OTHELLO: (I will use his theatrical name as even the thought of his real name sickens me} It was all looks. I didn’t care about your heart, soul or mind. I just wanted your body. So I pushed you into sex, whether or not you wanted it. It gave me pleasure.

Why the marriage? You were convenient. I saw you had a good heart, a good mind. You’d make a good wife I could depend on, especially if I got sick. You’d take care of me, you’d give me pleasure, yes, I used you. You were an innocent lamb to the slaughter, I was the butcher.

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ME: So you never had the least glimmer of love or caring for me? Ever?

OTHELLO: No, not in the least.

ME: Then on those two occasions when you started strangling me & the angels saved me, were you serious?

OTHELLO: Yes, I would have really killed you had the angels not made me stop.

ME: What about the consequences?

OTHELLO: Both times I was in a rage, when all reason & logic are lost. {end channeling}

2-2-21

OK I should now go on with the story. Have been channeling Ot {Othello for short} throughout the day & what comes out is how incredibly EVIL he was – in his own words. He’s telling me he was WORSE than Monster Mom. He says as evidence: {Channeling}

OT: Look how long I was in Purgatory – 55 years. Your Monster Mom was only there for 24 years – my cleansing was double. Remember when I first appeared I was on a throne of flames, demanding you help me – not in a nice way but like you had to. I shouted,

“You HELPED SO MANY PEOPLE – HELP ME!”

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You tried but it was difficult. I appeared to you over many years with hate toward you still inside me. You finally told God not to show me to you any more – my state was so unpleasant toward you that even when I improved, I hated you. You got fed up. Ten years went by & the day you asked God to show my state to you – open the door again – that act of charity released me & I ascended Heaven. Fifty five long years ended.

ME: I’m astounded that you were actually worse than my Mother. I thought I knew no one worse than her, but as you pointed out, your Purgatory was double.

Explain to me what exactly was your problem that you had so much hate & resentment? Why did you believe McCardle did not rape me but I allowed it? And of course I had sex with other guys after that, in Mexico, & was planning to leave you & go there, learning Spanish.

OT: I hated you & wanted revenge, I was consumed with it. My hate/revenge would not let me rest, would not give me peace. It took all those years to dissolve it.

ME: Did it not bother you that you cancelled your life insurance just before you died, rendering not only myself, but your child flat broke & impoverished? And the other insurance you had, a smaller one, was in your Mom’s name, not mine. She did send me part of that, but she kept like 1K of it. She was well off, she could have given me the entire I think it was 5K but she didn’t – this I received maybe a year after your death. Come to think of it you could have put the large insurance, the 20K, into your Mom’s name, maybe she would have given me at least part of that, it would have helped. She didn’t need it, but I was all alone with a small child & plenty bills.

OT: I had forgotten all about the smaller insurance in my Mom’s name – just didn’t think about it. The bigger one I was dead set on hurting you, & if it hurt our child, I didn’t care.

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ME: I don’t understand that kind of hate. How can you hate a person that much just for having sex with someone else? And wanting revenge so badly it lasted nearly 55 years. You were even jealous in Purgatory when I found good fortune – My second husband left me a large sum of money, he secured me for life, & this made you mad. Why this degree of hate? Explain it to me. Was your hate toward me greater than my Mom’s hate toward me? How evil were you compared to her?

OT: I put up such a good front, no one guessed how evil I was inside or how I hated you & hurt you. Jealousy can eat up one’s soul. It was that fire you saw me sitting in, like the Lincoln Memorial throne, I had myself on a throne of pride & consumed by hate, that was the fire. I died with this hate inside me.

Was it worse than your Mother’s for you? Yes, it was even worse, if that can be believed. If hers was a 7 – mine toward you was a 10. Overall she was a 7 of evil, I was a 9 – I did not hate my own mother but I didn’t care much about anyone else.

I only got saved by the skin of my teeth. I was lucky not to have fallen into Hell. The cancer I suffered began my cleansing, probably without it I would have been lost. I paid for my sins, oh, how I paid. You saw it over the years. It isn’t worth it to harbor hate & revenge, you pay for it in this life & the next, oh, how you pay.

ME: Now that you know you persecuted me unjustly regarding McCardle, do you see how evil you were? How I suffered?

OT: Of course I do. We all had our turns hating you, but that was your preparation for life, the great mission you had to accomplish. You were tested in the fires – like iron, steel, has to be tested to make it hard. You were chiseled down to nothing, where God could use you, there was nothing left of you when we got through – we took away your self esteem as a person, a woman, you did not believe in yourself, but you belived in God & God working through you, not your own personal strength or pride You had no ‘personal pride’ – you will understand this later, when God explains it to you.

ME: When I first saw you after your death, you said I had helped so many people. I suppose God was using me to help Souls in Purgatory then, but I wasn’t aware of it. How did you know about that?

OT: It was shown to me as I was there in Purgatory, it’s like if you’re on earth you see things on earth, if you’re in Purgatory, you see it, so I knew by spiritual eyes.

ME: What kind of a person was I in your estimation on earth – other than the infidelity.

OT: You were a giving, kind person, sweet in nature, obedient to God, virtuous. But I was not, & to a person like me, you were someone to use. It’s like your brother told you, we who are not pure in heart see the little lambs as ripe for slaughter, & we are the butchers.

ME: You were insanely jealous when my good husband Richard died in 2002 – I saw it, how God explained to you that he was wealthy, loved me & secured me. {I think after that I asked God not to show your state to me any more, & God heard me.} So 2002 – you died in 1966 – you still had HATE toward me – 36 years of hate. That hate consumed you, wasn’t it awful to harbor inside?

How did you feel when I asked God not to show you to me any more?

OT: Even though I hated you you gave me spiritual sustenance. You looked at me & saw ugliness but I looked at you & saw Light & Radiance. When you said ‘no more’ this vision was blocked to me & I was abandoned. I still had my Mom for comfort {from Heaven} but you were gone. I did not deserve to see you but I did for 36 years, then you put your foot down. You’re a source of sustenance to many souls, you don’t realize it, you are a beacon of Light to them like a Lighthouse & many Souls gain comfort from you.

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ME: I imagine the ‘Heroic Act’ helps a lot. How did the Holy Mass affect you & other souls, which I offered in various ways, – in the last years 20, celebrating it?

OT: It all helps. Being you helps, your nature, your soul radiates a lot of Light. Then prayers & the Holy Mass offered or better yet, celebrated by you, is the GREATEST GODSEND. When you say it every day for a month, many souls ascend, it’s wonderful.

ME: I saw Tiny Teenie with you in Heaven, my poor tiny cat who died. I grieved over him for 6 months. How is he & why is he with you, of all people?

OT: He isn’t actually with me personally, you had the vision of me being ascended, & you saw Tiny Teenie as if he was with me, but you would not allow him to be with me, you loved him too much, & I was too hateful too long to deserve such a thing. The vision was just to show you he was in Heaven. He’s happy naturally, no more suffering. You will see him as all your animals when you enter here.

ME: I do not cherish the thought of seeing you in Heaven, to be honest. It isn’t hate or dislike, I just don’t want the dubious honor, haha. How will you & I relate once I get to Heaven?

OT: There are many people who abused you now in Heaven that you will not want to see – Your Mom, brother, myself, maybe your Aunt.

People such as this will not be permitted contact with you unless you invite them – they have not earned the right. They might see you from afar, like a star on stage or in a movie, they will see your resplendance – they will be proud they were part of your life & know they had greatly offended you & could not come near you unless you allowed it. You might wave to some of these people, like your Aunt, because in her later years – after not speaking to you for 31 years – she ‘forgave’ you for those non-existent sins. So from your lofty perch you would wave to her or blow her a kiss, that is all. The Light coming out of you would also be difficult for them to bear unless you temporarily mitigated it, it would be like them staring into the sun or coming near a blazing fire.

ME: My Dad is 3 feet tall in Heaven, My Mom & bro are 2″. How tall are you?

OT: I am only 1″ tall, half the size of your Mom & bro.

ME: How do you perceive my State, like Height or status, in Heaven? What about your Mom? What kind of Light is she in & how tall?

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OT: Wow, you’re a giantess to me, like Joan of Arc, that’s the best description of you. And you have Light streaming out of you even now, from various places where you have been Anointed; your Heart is like St. Gertrude the Great, your head is a beacon of Light like a Lighthouse, your hands have Light coming out of them.

My Mom is average, not low, not high, just in between, – I’m not even sure as I’m only an inch tall & I see her emanating Light, but those who are relatively small in Heaven like me cannot hobnob with those who are higher. I’m lower than average, she’s average. When you go to Heaven the Onus is on you if you want to communicate with those who are lower.

And so, as I said, you do not have to communicate with me, your Mom or bro or your Aunt – or anyone lower than you – if you don’t want to. If you do bend down to them, you’re doing them a favor, like you bent down to speak to your Dad & kind of said as a joke, how’s the weather down there?

OK now I will explain how you tried to kill me twice.
I had returned from Mexico & you saw me trying to learn Spanish, writing & reciting it, & you were pissed. I had already told you I was moving to Mexico when I was ready. You grabbed me, pulled me into the bedroom, knocked me on my back with your knees holding down my chest & began to choke me screaming that if you couldn’t have me, no one would.

Just as it was getting worse & worse I felt the presence of God, maybe a flutter of wings, white Light was there, & your hands went limp & you stopped.

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I saw it as a fluke, did not realize I was in mortal danger & it would happen again.

The second time, a week or two later, was the same scene repeated, the Presence of God appeared, saved by my Guardian Angels, but this time, when you stopped, I grabbed the baby & ran out the door. I went to the supervisor’s apt, he & his wife lived in the building, asked him to walk me back up {we were on the third floor, he was on the first} so I could pack & leave the place. I took a taxi out of there & checked into a modest hotel in Hollywood. {This happened at 16525 Sunset Blvd, Pacific Palisades, Ca.}

I never saw this man as a ‘murderer’ even after he tried to kill me, but he was. He emphasizes to me now that had it not been for God’s intervention, I would have been dead.

He gave off a front of being a normal ‘nice guy.’ He was handsome, personable, good social skills, decent education, liked sports, {went to games all the time, football, hockey, all that crap}, lifted weights. He did not look or act like ‘murderer’ so take my word – you can never, ever tell who is from the outside in.

He had my Dad fooled – Dad came to visit me, stayed with us. He said Stan was a ‘fine man.’ Hardy har har, good judge of character Dad. Would you have come to my funeral?   

To be continued…..2-2-21

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

They Saved my Life & Limb

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Chapter 7 of   “I Strip for God  Part 3″

My Guardian Angels 

They Saved my Life & Limb

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It was after the San Fernando Valley earthquake of February, 1971, that I first saw them – but I didn’t know what they were. I thought they were flying saucers.

I had ‘the Putz’ sponging off me at that time & we decided to get into my Corvette & drive away from  Hollywood, way into the desert, in theory to get away from the quake but probably drove right into it. I have no idea where we went, just that I drove about three hours or more.

In the middle of nowhere, a semi-desert, we both got tired, it was dusk, & I spotted an apple orchard. I said let’s go there & sleep. It wasn’t cold – I don’t know why because in CA usually when the sun goes down it gets cool, but I recall it being warm. Maybe it was a hot spell.

So Putz & I lie down on the ground on our backs, he to my right, & try to fall asleep, when I perceive above me, maybe 50 or 100 feet in the air, three white ‘saucers,’ about 30 feet or so in diameter. They aren’t doing anything, just hovering. I say to Putz,

“Do you see what I see?”

He says yes, but neither of us has any idea what they are. He of course wanted me to believe it had something to do with his non existent ‘mystical powers.’

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Many years later, mid seventies. My 17 year old disciple, David Arrowsmith, who’s half Chinese, half Irish, has come to live with me. He’s a ‘sensitive,’ psychic, spiritually evolved person. I’m sleeping in the small bedroom & there’s no door or curtain, you can see into it from the living room, where David is sleeping. David then tells me,

“I see three globes of Light above you, they are hovering – they are your Guardian Angels.”

I asked him what size they were, he said I forgot what, but they weren’t big or small, medium. I didn’t see them, but now, I knew what they were.

I also surmised from that, Angels can take the form of a globe or a star & it seems to me, the Star of Bethlehem, which guided the three Kings from India to Jesus’ birthplace, was an angel. Anne Catherine Emmerich said it was NOT a star in the heavens, it was a globe of Light that was there day & night, but you could see it better at night, when they traveled – as most travel is done, in the desert, at night when it’s cool.

Those are the only visions of my angels that I know of. But theology tells us that every human has a Guardian Angel – at least one, sometimes more. I believe you get them, in various strengths or qualities, according to what protection you need, what your role in life might be.

One of the things that has puzzled me is why infants, toddlers & little children get sexually abused & otherwise abused – & in Patriarchy, this is pandemic – & I asked God why don’t their Guardian Angels protect them?

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The answer I got was that no one prays for their protection. The parents are supposed to protect the children, but if it’s the father who abuses them, or the mother, then what? It seems to me from this answer the Guardian Angels can be activated through prayer. Why they don’t always protect automatically I have no idea. So today, one of my prayers is for the innocent babes not to be abused sexually or any other way, in fact, I take a few minutes each day to pray for children, the friends of God, the Souls in Purgatory, the fallen {into mortal sins}, those who have lost intimacy with God, & each day I do a proxy baptism for whoever needs it – could be someone who will die soon. {Baptism is the same as being born again, without it, your soul is dead & cannot reach Heaven.} This only takes a few short minutes & I believe it can save souls. I’m also doing the Holy Mass, sometimes daily for a while, sometimes sporadically, & there’s nothing more powerful – Souls get released from Purgatory & appear to me from time to time.

 

ANGELS SAVED MY LIFE

 

The Holy Guardian Angels saved my life many times I know of – probably were instances they did I was not even aware.

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One such event was in CA around 1967. My car was in the shop, I wanted to see my daughter who stayed with a lady in Pacific Palisades, near my house. I was working at the Classic Cat nightclub in Hollywood. There was a dancer there who let me borrow her car – but she warned me the brakes were unreliable. {I learned a hard lesson that day, never drive a car with unreliable brakes! Bad brakes, ten red flags! Why don’t you listen? Lack of experience, you gotta’ be young & dumb before you get old & wise.}

So I go on this visit to my daughter, see her, then stop at a gas station on my way back. I do a stupid thing, I ask a boy at the station to ‘check the brakes’ – see if they are OK. Why did I think any gas station attendant would know if the brakes were OK? You would have to hoist the car up & look under it, check it thoroughly to get the light on that, what he looked at I can’t even recall – but he gave me the false assurance the brakes were OK. He was an idiot & so was I.

Now I head down this steep road right past the station called ‘Chautauqua Blvd.’. It heads down to two highways, one from the extreme left I can’t recall – is it Wilshire Blvd? But directly underneath this mount is Pacific Coast Highway, & straight across, a wide beach & the big blue ocean. So gingerly, without a care in the world, I head down Chautauqua, with notice that at the bottom, there’s a red light & many cars stopped for it.

On the way down I hit the brakes, as the steepness is formidable – no brakes. I try going into a driveway to my right – uphill – but somehow miss it.

Now at times like these, when it seems that all is lost, there is no answer or solution to the problem, I have never panicked. There is a tranquility that comes over me & I know it’s supernatural, that God has granted me a grace.

To make a long story short, I cannot recall each detail, but just as I come flying down, the light changes, all the cars move, I miss them, & there are two chain link fences on Pacific Coast Highway on either side of it for not sure how long, but I knock both these chain link fences down as I veer left, going over them, I pull into a liquor store parking lot against the cement wall – bang – small impact – I’m not hurt. Not sure what happened to the car but there may have been some damage, but it was almost like there was NO ACCIDENT.

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People come running from all over the place to see if I’m OK, they saw the barreling down, fear the worst. I tell them I’m fine, they are amazed. Then a cop comes & – nice guy – arrests me as there’s a warrant out for me for JAYWALKING I didn’t pay!

That’s the end of that, the Guardian Angels saved me, made every car move out of my way – made me go over those chain link fences to cushion the ride – made me stop at a safe place, not hitting any other car nor the glass-walled liquor store – there were no other cars in the parking lot, etc.

There’s been many times when I was in danger of being raped, beaten or killed that the Guardian Angels saved me from, I know. One time I was dancing in San Juan, Puerto Rico. As usual you get all kinds of horny guys after you, & sometimes they’re dangerous. One young man said to me,

“I want you & I always get what I want, whatever it takes.”

To me, that’s a threat – it means if you don’t give in, I will take it by violence. That night, I am in the apt. given me by the club – it’s the same apt they give all the dancers {the stars who come in from out of town} which has several roofs extending here & there. And I see a guy, I think it’s the one who threatened me, climbing on the roof. I quickly hide but see him looking in this or that window – thank God I had the windows closed, he would have climbed in. And I think he wasn’t sure which window had the dancer’s apt. So saved again by the angels.

Another time a young man climbed six flights up the fire escape to my place in B’klyn, knocked on the window. He belonged to my youth prayer group, but I was scared of him – figured if he was desperate enough to climb that fire escape, he was not to be trusted, & although I knew him, I didn’t let him in. Good move.

But it got worse than that. This time I know I was in great danger & God was there.

I’m in a mining town in Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada, it’s 27 men to one woman. I’m the star dancer & they house me in the hotel the club is in, mind you, NO DEAD BOLT, NO CHAIN, 27 men to one woman, you’re a dancer shaking your naked body downstairs, then you go to your room, are you safe? {Safety was one of the top factors these facilities ignored. They’re all men, if you’re safe or not MEANS NOTHING TO THEM, they just assume it rarely happens, take a chance, your life is not their life, it’s not crucial. If you get raped, they don’t see it as injury, they see rape as a form of sex, which means having fun, they don’t see it as dangerous violence.}

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It’s after work, really late, 3 to 4AM. But I say THE HOLY ROSARY every night. My room is pitch dark. I’m sitting in the bed, to the left is the hallway leading to the door. As I pray I see a light, from the hallway, slowly appearing, someone is opening the door sneakily. I get out of bed, run straight to the door & kick it forcefully – I hear a man barreling down the stairs.

I call the downstairs office, telling the concierge what happened. He tells me to come down, I tell him to come up, I’m afraid to go out the door right now.

This young guy, like 25, comes up. He says the key was in the door. I ask him how did someone get the key? He says he left the desk a short time, all the keys are behind him in plain view, someone must have just gone over there & got my key. Either they put the dancer in the same room every time or a guy saw me enter my room. The boy seems baffled – Son, why baffled? You {the hotel} set me up to get raped, or hurt or killed. No security lock, no nothing. Again, the Holy Virgin Rosary & Guardian Angels protected me.

Another, more recent time {32 years ago, haha} I have bought my house – the first & only young person in my family to have bought their own house, with their own money! Others have bought condos, but never a house with 50 acres no less. {My brother had a house, but it was bought for him by Mom – who got a loan from a lady in her employ at the Reader’s Digest – took advantage as the lady they say she was infatuated with him – I find that hard to believe – got 10K out of her for the down payment, did not pay her back because that’s my Mom – but my Aunt, the executor of her estate, when she died, paid the lady back, thank God. The lady could have invested that money & got interest or stock value – my evil Mom robbed her.}

OK, I am at my new house, ready to spend my first night here. My fiancé, Richard Von Werder, is in the spare room sleeping already, it’s dusk, & it’s Christmas Eve. On this night we put food out for animals, we share our Xmas joy with them. So I get a plate & fill it with food & ready to take it to put under a far apple tree close to the defunct railroad track. But I hear a voice,

“Don’t tease the animals.”

What? I think, am I hearing things? Many times I hear the still, small voice but not sure if I heard right, & sometimes, when I ignore it, the command or warming is repeated once or twice more until I heed. So I think, why on earth would my inner voice tell me not to put out food for the animals? Crazy, must be hearing wrong.

OK, so I go to that tree & put the food down, pleased with myself. Suddenly I hear men on the track – like talking, laughing, & then, BULLETS WHIZ BY ME, whistling as they fly.

Some guys are illegally on the track, it’s too late to be shooting, & probably drunk, laughing, & shooting off their guns. This doesn’t stop, there are many shots, but I’m too proud to fall to the ground & crawl back home on hands & knees – it’s at least 200 feet. I say {foolishly} I keep my dignity & walk back, which I do, no bullets strike me.

When I call the local cop to complain, he asks me how the bullets sounded, & I tell him they were whistling – he apparently believed me – I guess they whistle. Not many people would hear bullets around them. But God protected me, even though I did not heed her warning, thanks be to God & Guardian Angels.

I told you the stories of the two death curses Rev. Swaggart put on me & how God saved me each time, & also the Putz was going to do me harm the last night we were together, but God surrounded him by a white Light & confounded him.

And I also told you about my evil brother tried to impale me on his home-whittled spear, but instead of impaling me through the vagina, the spear went into my leg. Had it not been a flesh wound, had it penetrated my intestines, I could have died easily of PERITONITIS – blood poisoning – a psychic years later told me that. God directed that spear – meaning, many times when we enter harm’s way, God changes it to give us a lesser outcome, mitigates the danger.

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ANOTHER DEATH CURSE GOD SAVED ME FROM

 

Here’s another curse I didn’t deserve. This is especially heinous, again, because I was in the process of doing good, helping someone, when the curse was put on me FOR THAT REASON.

There was a minister in CA while I was here in upstate NY, at my new house, who I was studying. A lifetime of reading had turned me half blind – I was so nearsighted I could not read any more, but I did not stop studying, I bought audio & video tapes. This minister had plenty of video tapes on the lives of God’s Greats, I bought a carload of them.

As usual, I wanted to talk to those I admired & since he’s a Protestant, he has certain beliefs contrary to my own. For instance, Purgatory – he doesn’t believe in, & homosexuality they think is a serious sin, but thirdly, the thing I wanted to discuss with him urgently was the doctrine of THE GOOD OF SUFFERING, as taught & demonstrated by Our Lord. He did not believe in suffering but only Prosperity, which I felt to be a GROSS MISTAKE, & I wanted to prove my case.

As I said, I was half blind, so I sent him audio tape letters. I know he listened to them, because I had dreams. In one of those dreams he said to me {this will be apropos later}

“I know what suffering is. It’s when I look at a man’s ass & am attracted to it.”

I thought to myself,

“The devil must be tormenting him”

I did not for one split second guess he might be gay or bisexual, & it was a natural desire, I just couldn’t picture it.

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He never responded to my audios, but only in dreams. Then some strange things happened – two in fact. It was things that never happened before, I knew they were induced by outside power.

One, I stopped in a parking lot & a lady pulled out of her spot to my right, & backed into my passenger door. She stopped short of any real damage – you could hardly see anything, it was so slight. But it was unusual as I had never had an accident.

Then a short time later, I was at my riverfront going back & forth to my island. I had done this a hundred times before. I can’t swim but about 10 feet, & that, learned only recently. In the past I had a rope put from my riverfront bank to island, tied to trees, & I also used an inner tube around me. I used to take a lot of stuff to the island & back that way, holding it in large plastic bins.

The water, in certain spots in July & especially August, was so shallow, I could walk across without going above my chest, so it was what you might call fairly safe. And this day I had gone to the island easily, with no protection, with my 3 dogs, & now, on my way back, holding plastic shoes in one hand, I hit a spot that was over my head. I swam a few feet, dropped the shoes, couldn’t swim any more – went under. I recall going under the second time & seeing my beige pit ball, Amy, swimming by, & thinking she has no idea I’m drowning, & I have one more dunk to go, so they say, & then I’m a goner, & I knew my neighbor in the cottage by my land was there – I called HELP but he did not come – & at this point I called out to JESUS!

As soon as I called Our Lord, I hit the ground & walked out, climbed the steep bank & sat solemnly on a great log. My neighbor then came & said he had heard me but didn’t think the water was deep – no friend, only deep enough to drown. He heard me but was in no rush to help. {This proved my life was meaningless to him.}

As I sat there thinking I KNEW this was not normal – the car incident & now this – & I KNEW someone had put a death curse on me, but who? Who would want to kill me? Who had I hurt?

I can’t even explain how I found out, but it was through a series of things I saw on TV, from watching Benny Hinn, & then somehow connecting the minister I was writing to & HIS MOTHER. His Mother was working through the young man, building this huge multi-million ministry, she was also a minister – I had bought one of her tapes – she was awful, a phony, not a hint of Spirit in her.

The mother of the minister took issue of my writing him again & again about suffering. She didn’t want him to believe in or ACCEPT suffering, she wanted him to WANT PROSPERITY & felt I was a GREAT THREAT, bad enough for me to DIE FOR IT. And Rev. Swaggart had told me to BEWARE OF MINISTERS, & how right she was, they have extra powers the average person doesn’t have – they are natural powers if not spiritual, & they can bless you or curse you, so curse me this woman did. Again, like Rev. Swaggart, it baffles my mind how these people can want me dead when what did I do to them?

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No sooner than I IDENTIFIED the origin of this curse, it dissipated. I don’t know why that is – but it is. If you figure out who it came from, you stop it, at least in some cases. Her power over me was broken. Let me channel my God Self, why does it work that way?

MY GOD SELF: This is carried on a demonic wavelength or energy. When you identify them – ‘reveal who you are, what kind you are, when you entered, why you entered, what you have done, what you plan to do, & then be gone’ – part of the traditional exorcism. When REVEALED the demon wilts or dissipates, they like to work IN SECRET………………………

Now years went by, I forgot about this minister. Remembering him a couple years ago, I looked him up on the internet. Something really jumped out at me. He had been in a scandal of homosexuality, having an affair with their ‘youth minister’ & it was so bad, many wanted him to resign. But he didn’t, he kept working, but made a gazillion apologies. I felt so sorry for him, because the brainwashing of the Christian Church against same-sex love, had come to roost at home, he became its victim. I wanted to write him & tell him how sorry I was, that homosexuality was not a sin, he had done nothing wrong, he had no need to apologize or feel guilty, but then, I recalled I had reached out to him long ago & all I got out of it was a death curse, so Rasa, leave it alone.

Another interesting issue we differed on. He spoke of the great minister, faith healer John Dowie, complaining about him that he had beliefs that were TOTALLY WRONG, & how could he be so wrong? He didn’t explain what beliefs, so I kept wondering.

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One night John Dowie appeared to me. And he took me on a long journey, & when we arrived, it was Purgatory! He showed me some souls there we helped. So that was it – John Dowie RIGHTFULLY believed in Purgatory & my CA minister was mad at him for that.

The Protestants are so wrong in some of their beliefs. If you watch Trinity Broadcasting & their push of prosperity, it could turn your stomach. Jesus Christ came to earth to teach us Poverty, he lived & died in Holy Poverty – not being BROKE, but renouncing the things of the world & flesh in order to be closer to God. But this is lost on most ministers of Trinity, because of GREED. Some of the ministers live in huge mansions, complexes, worth like 20-30 million – they even have one or more JET PLANES & all this FOR WHAT? It’s greed, & St. Paul said, ‘The LOVE of money is the root of all evil.’ Then they ask the public to send them money for the missions! Sell your mansions, live in normal dwellings, & send it yourself, sell your jet planes.

Some of the ministers on Trinity really get your spirits rising, they are great. What I believe they are is in the old days, they had travelling salesmen especially down South, they went from town to town hacking wares, giving speeches for snake oil & such {snake oil was nothing but cayenne pepper, which is a good remedy for many ills} – that was the culture they came from, they were good salesmen, they know how to get people riled up, & now they sell ‘Jesus & his prosperity’ – give us money for that.

Prosperity, as taught by Rev. Catherine Ponder, its origin, is not a bad teaching – but they’re taking it too far. Prosperity means good luck or fortune in all things. You have prosperity spiritually, like Jesus did, He was rich in Spirit, healing, exorcism, teaching. He was not like Caesar or King Herod or Caiaphas sitting on thrones, his prosperity was of God, & God provided him with all that was needed. But to seek material prosperity OF ITS OWN like it is our goal, our God, is a SIN.

Prosperity preachers teach that if God loves you, if you are favored, you get rich. Not true. If you are with God, She provides you with whatever is needed, be it wealth or poverty, whatever is GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL at the time it is right for you. Wealth can lead a person to Hell, so can financial poverty, if it makes you sin. God knows what’s right for you at the time it’s right – if you are her friend. If you are not, then you’re on your own. If you have turned your back on God, blocked her, then, how can She help you? She can’t & She won’t, as She will not save you against your own will.

to be Continued…………………. 1-31-21

 

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Rigoletto My Evil Brother

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Chapter 6 “Rigoletto” My Evil Brother {Channeling}

 

  Includes some questions to Monster Mom & anecdotes

 

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This writing is fiction, for literary purposes.  Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

 

Going back to my childhood is not a happy feeling, not when I have to think about those who hurt me. There were good times I will also explain, life was not unbearable. But let’s start with the evil stuff. I channel my brother Jimmy:

ME: I am 7 – you are almost 10, living at Delancey St. with the cobblestone back hard. You spent two days whittling with your pocket knife, a spear on a strong, long stick, with a snide smile on your face. You had an evil plan. You would make me run, holding the spear the pointed part toward me, & you said to hold the stick as close to the cobblestones as possible – you said, can you do this? It was a challenge, & you also added that I should run as fast as I could.

This resulted in the stick eventually hitting a cobblestone & the spear stabbed into my left leg far inside {I still have a large scar}. Years later I thought about it & realized you were trying to impale me on my vagina. I was disabled a long time & the wound took months to heal {I was NOT taken to the doctor to have it sewn up, my Mom was afraid to get brother in trouble.} My question is, what was your intention with this act, what satisfaction did you get out of it?

JIM: The pleasure I got out of it was that you would get hurt – maybe in a sinister way besides being painful – & I didn’t do it – you did it to yourself. I would TRICK YOU.

ME: And that would give you pleasure? Did you hate me?

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JIM: People like myself & Mom, we hate everyone, it’s like we don’t have love in our hearts. You were just an object, someone to harass, laugh at, hurt for fun even before we started the concerted campaign of War on Rasa. You ask what was the pleasure? Those who are small-minded, of the world & the flesh, who have no True Love, see everyone & everything for them to use. People, animals, plants, ecology & nature are just there to be used, abused, enjoyed for whatever they want. They don’t see nature as God’s creation, to be revered, that it is Sacred, they see it all as objects for their use.

Furthermore, We of the world & flesh instantly know those few who are of God, who have good hearts & souls, & we don’t look up to you, we see you as suckers, targets, easy prey. You don’t take revenge, you forgive all who hurt you, so you are the first ones we pick on. You saw how they treated you when you were a minister & ‘Stripped for God,’ – how cruel people were. But when you turned to professional dominatrix & kicked ass, they shut their traps. You were not one to be trifled with, so they were afraid of you.

ME: I don’t understand how one could get pleasure out of hurting someone or seeing someone get hurt. I’m not saying there should be no punishment for the wicked – I have little tolerance for criminals who hurt others, people or animals – God needs to punish them & correct them whatever way She sees fit. But is it normal & natural to enjoy the pain of others, who have done no harm?

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JIM: We, who are the abusers & bullies, never pick on the huge, the powerful, the strong, we pick on the small, weak, helpless, defenseless. We ourselves are weak & have small minds & hearts. It makes us feel bigger, stronger to hurt someone – but we don’t want to be hurt, so we pick on those that are harmless.

There’s the spiritual factor also. We of the flesh hate those of the Spirit of God. We know these people, a small minority, make us look bad. We aren’t all demons, but we’re not of God, we have no particular love, we’re on a lower level – & so, we hate those on a higher level. It was obvious to all of us that you loved God, that you obeyed the spiritual rules as taught us in Church & Catechism – we paid no attention, but you abided by what the nuns taught. Those of the flesh hate those of the Light.

ME: In another case, you & Mephistopheles took my teddy bear outside, fixed the doors so I could not get out of the house, then you shouted for me to come to the window. I did, & you both took my teddy & tortured him by pulling his tail, stabbing him with a knife & laughing your heads off. I tried to get out of the house to stop you but you propped the doors, so I couldn’t. Obviously, no adults were around. What pleasure did you two get out of this?

JIM: Like I said, we used you for laughs. To us your pain was funny. I was jealous because they gave you the teddy – I wanted it. So I got even. Bullies, predators & criminals feel powerful when they hurt someone, when they do wrong to others.

I will channel Mom about the spear. Mom, looking back I understand you did me harm by not taking me to the doctor, who should have sewn up this wound. The size of it took up the entire thigh, like a circumference of 6″, not just the hole, but the black & blue surrounded it, & I could not use that leg for weeks. Why didn’t you take me to the doctor?
And second, Dad was there. If you were a psycho, he wasn’t. Why didn’t he insist on taking me to the doc?

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MM {Monster Mom}: Because I knew your brother was the cause of it, & didn’t want to get him into trouble. And your Dad – I was the dominant one, he obeyed me.

If we took you to the doc you would have explained how your brother tricked you into running that way, with the spear pointed at you. There was a chance they might tell authorities & they might have put him in a delinquent home. A far chance, to be sure, but it could have happened. So yes, I risked your life to make sure Jim was safe. Yes, I loved him but not you. Why did I love him but not you? He was my only son, & you were of God & loved your Dad, & I bowed to neither one. {end channel MM}

ME: Ask Jim & MM – the night there was a revelation. I had a heart attack, & I must have died temporarily, & a promise of Jesus was fulfilled ‘I promise that you will die in my arms.’ I saw this in a vision, & the two of you witnessed it.
We were in a large, old theater. There on this elevated stage as if suspended in the middle of the air, in front of the dim balcony you were both sitting, in brilliant Light, was Pope Pius XII {the Pope of my childhood}. He had been holding The Blessed Sacrament, but it fell to the floor, I tried to help him retrieve it somehow, & fell into his lap, startling him, & The Bl. Sacrament turned into a nearly one pound ROCK I had found with inscriptions embedded – that later I came to understand represented MY LIFE.

I saw the two of you sitting there in the dim light, MM on the left, Jim on the right, & you’d seen this transaction without emotion, I then moved away from the Bright Light / suspended stage, past you guys to an exit in back out the balcony, to go outside.

This vision tells me that I ‘died in the arms of Jesus’ represented by my childhood Pope – {the way Our Lord promised me in Jan 1978 during our betrothal where He gave me 3 rings made of Light on my left hand} & that I was another Bl. Sacrament, which means martyr I guess – seen as the Sacrament the Pope dropped which turned into a rock that represented ME. I was, with the Lord, in a Bright Light, while you guys, in Heaven, in a dim one.

Why did God show you this vision of me? Jim answer first, then MM.

JIM: God wanted us to see who we had abused – where you were spiritually, not to give us pain but understanding. Our minds were opened.

MM: We were shown your holiness, being One with God, & were made to see our own transgressions by abusing you. And you also had to see, that although we were in heaven, the Light or spiritual stature you had was much brighter, higher than ours, we in a dim light, you in a Bright one, same as Our Lord – a martyr. This showed the Justice of God for us & you – People like us who are abusers cannot be in a Light as brilliant as the one we abused.

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ME to JIM: You eventually go to Heaven. How did you make it? And your Purgatory was not that long. Had you had a lot of Purgatory on earth?

JIM: After my youth, I had a lot of reverses, accidents – I lost my finger & eye – hardships in business, struggles with raising a family, & in the end, a horrible death from cancer. I also, because of good training, went to Church a lot throughout my life, received the Bl. Sacrament, & raised my children in the Church & exposed them to the good of the Church, had them receive the Sacraments & all that.

I improved with age & also suffered a lot, so that paid for most of my sins of youth & foolishness. Mom had also entered Heaven before me & she prayed for me every day.

ME: But you’re not in a high place, you’re in the same place as Mom, who might have ended up in Hell had I not intervened. Why then did you not go to a higher spot in Heaven, if you had changed & paid for most of your sins?

JIM: I was not a great soul like you, haha. Just a little soul, like Mom. I was never saintly or devoted, I just went from Monster to decent. I did nothing extraordinary or unusual for God’s Love, as did you, I never went out of my way, I lived for survival. People like that don’t go to high places in Heaven.

ME: Why did you obey Mom when I was 10, when she told you & Mempho to abuse me from then on? Didn’t you know that was wrong? After all, we went to Catechism & Church together, you were an altar boy.

JIM: I told you before, we went to the same places of study & devotion, but the rest of us didn’t pay that much attention. When the nuns told us to sacrifice, you said we should give up candy – we thought you were nuts. And when I broke the fence – Mom saw it through the window – asked who did it – the nuns had told us to take the blame for other’s wrong doing – so you said you did it, Mom looked at you like you were whacked.

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ME: OK, so you had little virtue or True Love, people like that do not get a high place in Heaven. Dad was far from perfect, he was a decent soul – he calls himself ‘a little saint’ but you are far lower than him. He is 3 feet tall, how tall are you & Mom in Spiritual stature?

JIM: You can find us crawling on the floor, like bugs, at the feet of Dad. That is embarrassing to tell you, but I am compelled. We are like 2″ tall compared to Saints.

ME: You don’t feel big & bad any more, abusing others.

JIM: No I don’t feel proud of myself, but grateful to God for being here, I know She is just & merciful, praise God.

ME: What about the time your male friend was visiting, you were then filled with testosterone, about 15 years old, stronger than me at last, & you beat me to a pulp for a small transgression. Then the two of you chased me into the woods, he shouting ‘Let’s rape her!’ I avoided getting caught, probably because I knew the woods better than you, as I habituated them every day. What would you have done had you caught me?

JIM: God would not allow that to happen, us catching you. God spared you of being sexually abused as a child, although you suffered at the hands of men that way as an adult. What would we have done? I probably would have held you down as he raped you, but I’m not sure. Hate to think of it.

ME: Did you not see – it was so obvious, how hospitable & kind Mom was to your friends, & how cruel to mine? This friend who would have raped me. He was invited to dinner. Mom was so nervous, she burned the food. It was American style – meat & vegetables. She had never burned food before, it was because she was trying so hard to please the boy. {But of course the boy said it was delicious.}

Meanwhile, my good friend, Sandra Selchow visited me. We played outside a couple hours, it was time for dinner. Mom would not let her eat with us, she had to wait outside. I then smuggled food to her after dinner, a box of chocolate covered donuts. I ate one, she ate the rest.

How did it make you feel when you & your friends were treated so well while my friend was not even allowed to eat with us?

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JIM: I felt superior. I was better than you for some reason – why I don’t know. Mom looked at me as important, you as insignificant except to use as a slave. And so, the friends of slaves are insignificant also. I had no feelings of guilt, remorse or pity for you or your friends, I was puffed up with pride.

ME: What about the way you treated me in High School that one year we were together? You walked by & ignored me, afraid people would think we knew each other. You collected stupid stories, turned into lies, which you passed to Mom, who would call Dad to make him think low of me. Like the time you heard I ran into the boy’s side of the gym {none were present} to retrieve the volley ball – the other girls wouldn’t – & that was twisted into I ENTERED THE BOYS BATHROOM AT SCHOOL – told my Dad that by long-distance phone! Other stupid things, anything to tarnish my reputation.

How did you fool the kids into believing you were hot stuff? You weren’t, but boy, did you put on an act. They voted you President of the class every year. They voted you ‘Most Likely to Succeed.’ What a joke, it should have been least likely. You left your wife & kid with nothing but a mountain of debt, & that, after Mom financed you – bought you a business. You were unable to make it on your own, every business you opened or job you got failed, even though you were a college graduate. Mom even got you a wife, her secretary. But still, with all the props, you failed, you became an alcoholic & had to go to AA. The business Mom got you, a floristry, did not flourish, you were barely getting by every year. Because you were stupid & not enterprising. How did you fool everyone?

JIM: By being propped up by Mom, making me believe I was important, I acted like I was. I was quiet but had a sort of self confidence which was false – I believed in a self that didn’t exist – that I was a great man. To prove my greatness I did well in sports, was captain of the football team, so that made me seem important. I gave off an air of superiority. A lot of people do that, who are not really great – look at King Herod, Stalin, Adolf Hitler, many of those leaders who were murderers, just look at all the men of history who were cruel & wicked, & yet, people chose them as leaders. That’s because people look from the outside in, they don’t see the heart, they see the personality, body language, arrogance, pride, & they think this person is superior. He just has to put on a show, think highly of himself. These are con artists, so I was a con artist, I hid my evil from most, but not from you, because no decent person would have abused you the way I did. So I could not fool you.

ME: So of course, you did not introduce me to our friends, who could have been my dates, but many years later I discovered you dated two of my most beautiful girl friends. You were not a brother to e, were you? A brother helps his sister find love & dates, you did the opposite.

JIM: No, I was not a brother to you, the opposite, I was your enemy. I distanced myself from you when it came to help, but I secretly reached down to your beautiful friends & tried to get with them – only it didn’t work. I had no luck with girls, I could never find a wife, because I was tongue-tied with them, I never spoke. That was part of my arrogance. I had no charm, but most people convict themselves & show how stupid they are when they talk. So nobody knew how stupid I was because I didn’t talk, haha.

And yes, I know the next question so I shall answer it. Yes, Miss Pippel gave me higher marks than you in typing class even though your average was B+, mine was B. You checked every test we took. But on the report card Miss Pippel gave me a B+ & you a B. This proves how they did tests on male & female students & discovered teachers traditionally gave males higher marks even when they’d not earned them. So you were shafted on so many levels.

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Yes, you were also shafted about being a cheerleader. You were not permitted to be one after school because you had to come home & do chares, I was permitted to be a football player, no chores.

You were shafted in our family in every way a person could be, the list goes on. am I in Heaven now proud of it? No, but there is a God, & She is on the side of the downtrodden, & your day will come. You’ve already seen great success in life, even though you haven’t got the love & recognition you deserve, but that will all be straightened out in time, even while you live, & more so after you die.

ME: What about the time my dog Ciulis got hit by a car & his back leg was dislocated. Mom & I took him to the vet, who put a pin in his thigh to make it cement – the metal pin stuck out of his body, it must have been awful. Meanwhile I was sent away, kicking & screaming, to my Aunt’s. I wanted to stay with my dog. Mom swore on the bible there was nothing I could do for the dog, she would go back to the vet in a couple weeks to have the pin removed. But after I was taken away, Mom never got me for an unbearable SIX WEEKS.

When I returned discovered Mom had never taken the dog back to the vet – A lady came from the humane society, saw his condition & took her to court. She beat it with the help of the local cops from Thorn’s Milk Bar, where Mom & brother worked. They swore what a good woman she was, provided for her family, etc. {Later she betrayed them & got their privileges taken away at Thorn’s – will explain later on.}
That was why she hadn’t picked me up from the Aunt – she didn’t want me to witness her cruelty to the dog – the dog she swore to care of.

Now to my question. When I came home, the poor dog, with that painful pin in his bone, sticking out through his flesh, seemed to not even recognize me, his pain was so great. But beyond that he was tied with a chain that was super old, the kind that siezes up, crinkles, gets shorter & shorter as the dog moves around, until he could only move a foot on the metal bar. And it was raining. I went out & unfastened the chain again & again, feeling pity but not knowing what I could do. I come into the house, & you & Mempho are sitting there at the table, doing something. You never even greeted me after my absence of six weeks. I then say to you guys,

“It’s raining, & the dog’s chain keeps getting seized up, & he can’t even get into the shed when it does that. Could you help me in checking on him every half hour, & unseize the chain from time to time?”

You both gave me a cold, contemptuous look, did not even answer, & went back to your project. What were you feeling then?

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JIM: I was feeling that I was important, that what we were doing was important, that the dog was insignificant, we had no feelings for his pain, that you were insignificant, & if you wanted to do anything for the dog, you’d have to do it yourself – case closed. You did not even deserve a ‘hello, how are you’ after your absence.

ME: On the long trip back from North Salem, NY, Mom was driving me – she also complained about you guys – that you refused to weed the Bl. Virgin Garden. And the first thing I did upon our return, I spent several hours & got all the weeds out of the garden, bleeding up to my shoulders with the scratches from the roses. Why did you guys not weed the Holy Virgin’s Garden?

JIM: Again, what did we care? It was none of our business, we had better things to do. Mom was conning you into feeling sorry for her & weeding the garden all by yourself. She planted the garden, why didn’t she weed it?

ME: But you were her vassals, you obeyed her, but not in all things?

JIM: We obeyed her, but in things that were easy to do, fun, like beating you up, ignoring you, having contempt for you – seeing your pain. That we obeyed. But weeding the garden of roses, where we’d work hard & get scratched up, that was not fun, so why would we do it?

ME: Weren’t you ashamed of yourselves?

JIM: We had no shame. Our pride blinded us. We felt like superior beings.

ME: What about the time you guys – Mom, Mempho & you, were all three sitting at the dining room table, working on things. I thought to myself, hey, this is nice, I’ll join them with my homework. I go get my books, & sit down with you at the table.

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Mom looks at me witheringly & says,
“You’re not a pretty sight to look at.”
The two of you laugh. I am embarrassed & ashamed, I know I’m not welcome, so I leave the table & go to my room.
I must have been about 11 because that’s when I had the slice above my lip – I thought maybe the wound makes me look ugly. Mom & Jim would catch the roosters for Sunday supper, the two of them would chop off their heads. But the last rooster – all my pets – called Opera – they could not catch. He was the loudest, fastest, most aggressive. But I could catch any animal, including him. I did catch him but while I was holding him he sliced my face above my lip – I still had that wound. Was it the wound or was I just ugly? This incident made me feel unworthy, unwanted & unattractive, those words ‘You’re not a pretty sight to look at’ went right into my heart. I will channel MM now.

ME: MM, why did you say those words to me? To ostracize me from your company, make me feel I wasn’t worthy to be in your company?

MM: I despised you, & this was a chance, a good one, to demoralize you, make you feel pain, & I knew the others would back me up – a golden opportunity to hurt you. Yes, I was satisfied, another slap in the face, another punch, all added up to a complete run down of your natural pride & self esteem – we were the winners, you the loser.

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And today, in Heaven, we hate looking back at our sins because they are so offensive to God, so I now encourage you to tell it like it was & spare no punches so others who are like you could find peace & rest knowing they are not alone. And your brother felt the same as me, he was just a little punk following me & felt proud of himself where we hurt you again, taught you a lesson.

On the good side, I must say that when we moved to a farm near Freehold, NJ, brother & I for a while were good friends – I was age 9 to about 11. We played & did sports. Every day – besides the chores – we found time for badminton, baseball, wrestling in the wheat field, {I stopped when you felt my breast} races & we made our own bows & arrows with branches & strings, sharpened our arrows & had contests. The majority of the games, I won, which is unusual because he was nearly 3 years older, & so of course, he resented that. He got even with me when he got the chemical testosterone – beat me to a pulp. {Once we were fighting in the house, Mom walked by the glass door, saw it, ran in not to break us up but to help him beat me. She didn’t even know what it was about.}

The chores we did together were these. On the coldest days – always the coldest – Mom sent us out into the woods for two things. One, we had to get mulch for all the fruit trees, which means the leaves that had fallen in the woods, put them into the oldest raggedy blankets, & mulch all the newly planted fruit trees. We had wonderful peach trees. Then we took those same blankets & collected 100 pounds of acorns for our two pigs. The pigs only got a couple cups of them a day – they loved them. {One of them stepped on my foot while he ate, I could not push him off – 250 lbs. I beat him with my fists, he felt nothing. Finally he just moved.}

I was the only one responsible for the chickens, geese & ducks. They needed fresh water daily, that’s how I grew shoulder muscles. A child carrying several gallons of water a day was good training. I was the only one, also, who fed & walked the dogs. When I think of how the animals were treated, including our cow, its heartbreaking – I shall speak of it later.

My Mom’s favor toward Jim was to a point of being perverse – spoiled brat, favored, nurtured, supported, feted, & the same for his friends. It’s unbearable to think about this any more.

end Chapter 6      1-26-21
………………………………………………………………………….

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

ROCK BOTTOM AWAITS HIM

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ROCK BOTTOM AWAITS HIM BEFORE HE’S READY TO CHANGE

1-26-21 Ex Lover Saga – Dream

 

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This is fiction for literary purposes. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

 

Meditated on ex Lover Joseph last night, had this dream.
I’m in a room where Joe is in a corner facing a friend of Mine, Mary Jones. They’re working on something, he’s taking notes. Vaguely, company is expected for some occasion.

*(MARY JONES: Represents someone who’s going to die, as in real life, she has cancer. This is probably his live-in wife who’s going to DIE TO HIM, or no longer be his wife, they will part. Remember that death is an END to something, a project, a job, a hope, or especially a relationship.)*

Joe & I are distant, we don’t interact.
But then, the room empties & Joe & I are together, & he is behind me, myself facing the wall or ‘columned’ corner where he was.

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*(ROOM EMPTIES: This is when people, distractions, facades, masks, are removed from Joe & he expresses what he really feels – HIS LOVE FOR ME. The COLUMN I’ve seen in another dream, it represents the SUPPORTING BEAM of our HOUSE or marriage / relationship.)*

A man that might be him comes close behind me, & puts his arm around me. I instantly feel warmth & bliss, as I always do when Joe is near me – I go into a trancelike state. I somehow see what he’s wearing, a light pink cotton dress shirt, long sleeves, a sleek brown dress belt that might have two strands, it’s a new belt, no marks, expensive, he’s thin & handsome.

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*(WARMTH & BLISS: Is the CHEMISTRY of us being in love, the feel good hormones activate the instant Joe’s in my presence. {Don’t even try to fix people up. The chemistry won’t be there, for love, they must find their own, you never know who it might be.}
PINK COTTON DRESS SHIRT: Has to do with sex. Pink is either sex or a happy feeling.
BROWN BELT, TWO TIERS, EXPENSIVE NEW: This is the CELIBACY imposed on him by me, where we DON’T have sex. EXPENSIVE in spiritual terms means suffering or ‘it costs a lot. NEW is the celibacy is new – for years I let him have sex with me, then I didn’t. TWO TIERS could be the two of us, neither has sex, us two no longer do sex & it could also refer to ‘tears’ or us both weeping there’s no more sex, both wish we could still have it, especially him. BROWN means SUFFERING, but not the total blackout or complete suffering, there’s still some hope, faith or joy in it, in other words, we know we’ll be doing sex again some day, but not now.

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If the belt was BLACK it would be a total end or total suffering. I learned about these symbols from the great mystic Saint Anne Catherine Emmerich.
THE BELT also hold the PANTS UP, which means girded, pants not down, not exposing the bottom for sex, but covered. NO MARKS means NO NOTCHES, like when you have a notch on your belt every time you have sex, it’s a score, so, no sex, no score, no notches.
THIN & HANDSOME is a good disposition toward me, not an ugly one of using me & abusing me like he did.)*

To reciprocate, I put my right arm around his middle & my hand in under his belt so I feel his bare skin above his buns.
He’s speaking in a low, seductive tone & saying it’s BEEN A LONG TIME, & says,
“Where are you going to take me?”
{Just imagine the feeling of bliss / ecstasy when you’re in love with the partner & have not been able to see them a long time, or do anything about it.}
I have the feeling he wanted to hold me & be close to me all the while, but people being around, he could not. As soon as he can show his true feelings for me, he does. They are love & desire.
I think to myself, where does he want to go? I guess to my apt where we can make love – do I want to do that? I’m not sure as I’ve been teaching him a lesson now for a long while.
We stay like this for minutes, then he says let’s go by your car & after I get in, he will.

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*(OUR HOLDING EACH OTHER, BEING INTIMATE, SPEAKING SEDUCTIVELY, TOUCHING BARE SKIN, ETC: This shows our love & mutual desire, it is there, it is deep, but we’re not showing it openly or to the public, it’s secret.)*

And at that moment we need to duck out the back door pronto because those arriving for the meeting walk in the door. We move fast.
I see a man in blue & a woman in black. The woman in black seems like a contemplative nun but also like they just came from a FUNERAL & this is the after-funeral brunch. But we don’t want these people to see us, the funeral seems to have nothing to do with us, although he was taking notes about this or something like it with Mary Jones.

*(MAN IN BLUE ENTERING: Might be a prediction of POLICE, getting arrested for drugs. This is an OMINOUS sign but it could be the turning point of changing him from the crooked to the straight lifestyle.
The FUNERAL is definitely an END to something – his end to the way he was, his end with her. The fact that SHE IS IN BLACK might say it’s an END for her, like her getting arrested, doing time, losing her job, so that would be the end of income, lifestyle. Or & this could both be true, it’s the end of their MARRIAGE. The MAN IN BLUE could also represent the SPIRITUAL COP or ANGEL. It could be God’s Will, God stepping in through her angel, to end their relationship, & this could happen, of course, if one or both of them gets arrested for drugs & loses their jobs {if they’re absent from work doing time}. It is, without a doubt, an END to something.
We want to quickly run out of there to commence our secret love – we want nothing to do with this, might be saying this is HIS WIFE’S PROBLEM, LET’S GET OUT OF HERE & RESUME OUR TIME TOGETHER.)*

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Now we’re headed through this large, extended building, to the outside. But a glitch happens. He’s to my left. We come upon a sliding door, like a garage overhang, but this is just like soft plywood, & it’s down three quarters. He thought he might have to help me & begins to move the plywood, but I duck & get past under it – & that’s where we part.

He’s gone, I am somehow still stuck in a building, a dark, dismal one, like an industrial place. I see men around, one man on a landing in front & ask him where’s the door to the outside? He points to the door behind him & opens it for me. I exit, but it’s into another strange world – a bad one – where I have been before {in dreams} & it took forever to escape.

*(THROUGH THE DOOR, HERE WE PART: This is a time of our separation, a necessary evil before we get back together, a time of unhappiness.)*

This area is far from where I want to go. It is city, -extended, slums, thousands of people, industries, buildings, ugly malls, poverty, stretching miles around. I ask directions but no one knows, they point this way or that. I’ve got out before but can’t recall how & it took a long time.

I come by a store or shop where there are a few women & ask them directions. One attractive blonde tells me THIS IS A BAD PLACE. I already know that, but what is the way out? They are more familiar with this than I am, but instead of helping me, they talk to each other about their day to day concerns, like most people they are self centered.

*(HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE: We were separate before, I was miserable, went through this again. This is not the future but the past, a review, as we shall soon see.)*

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Now I kind of glide & fly through this area looking for the way out to ‘home.’ Men in groups see me & exclaim about me, because I’m beautiful, my body is beautiful, shapely & well muscled. First I’m wearing a pastel pink dress, then it turns white.

*(MEN NOTICE ME: This is when I hung around at the bars & clubs & men thought I was beautiful, had sex appeal.)*

Then a bad thing happens. A horrible man who is like a midget but fully grown, totally bald head, is infatuated with me & grabs hold of me, like gets inside my dress. I begin to tear him off me, & blood comes out, I don’t know from him or me – probably him. I tear & tear & have to remove my entire dress, which is pink I guess, lots of blood – to get rid of him I have to sacrifice the entire dress.

*(TO GET RID OF HIM HAVE TO SACRIFICE THE ENTIRE DRESS, BLOOD COMES OUT ETC: This is the attachment to the flesh, when Joseph gets UNDER MY SKIN. He’s in love with me, I with him, but it’s too physical, it has to be righteous, a real marriage. But to stop this lust I must cut out the sex entirely, it is a BLOOD SACRIFICE which means total sacrifice of something physical, the flesh, something that really hurts.
His being a MIDGET is being immature although he’s grown, & his being BALD is INSANITY, as hair represents the brains, so being bald is when you go crazy.)*

Underneath it is a nice other dress, it’s white, not as ‘colorful’ but pretty, & under it is a sort of yellow-green slip with little balls on the hem, I straighten it out so the slip doesn’t show as much, & I am off, having gratefully gotten rid of the monster.

*(PINK DRESS TURNS TO WHITE, DON’T WANT MY SLIP WITH BALLS SHOWING, GOT RID OF THE MONSTER: Sex {PINK} turns to NO SEX {white, virginity or celibacy}. It took a LOT OF BALLS on my part to get rid of the MONSTER OF LUST. This scene shows how hard it was for me to do what I did, but I succeeded. For a while I was possessed by his sexuality – my desire for him. Giving it up is shown as BLEEDING – whose blood? Both of us.)*

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Now I channeled Joseph before I got out of bed, & do so now.

ME: Joe, why did you treat me so badly?

JOE: I was not aware of being bad to you, I am the same to all women – you don’t realize that. I never call any of them back after I have sex, they call me, I ignore them. It’s just when I want to have sex I talk to them.

ME: But I saw you giving your number to many women downtown, pretty ones, ugly ones, fat ones, & you even smeared it into my face by saying to one fat ugly girl over & over, ‘call me’ in front of me when I didn’t even have your number……..And when I did get your number in an ingenious way, you hung up on me, & then later, when I left meaningful messages, you fixed it so no one could leave a message & after that, got a new phone. You blocked me out of your life in all ways but the way of sex – you did not go out with me any place, you only hung with others, mostly guys – you blocked me from social media after I said things you didn’t like. You were extremely rude yet you sought me out for sex again & again – this going on for years. Why blocking me out in all ways but wanting to have sex with me?

JOE: You don’t see how mean & cruel I am to other females, you only see the surface & the times I tried to make you jealous. I made it seem like I was being courteous or nice to others, but I was not. I would use them once, maybe twice, for sex. Some I used a few months, then dumped them. I never answered their phone calls, I only contacted some when I wanted sex or when it was convenient, like we were already out, they were there, I was there, we fucked.

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When I told you I was ‘too young’ to have a relationship with you, I meant I was TOO SICK to have a relationship, & I’m still not ready. The woman I’m with – it seems like a relationship, but it began through drugs, & then we’ve stayed together since then, but I’m not a good husband {I fukk behind her back when I can, I even told you about one girl, you figured out who she was from my media, you noticed that she was a friend for a couple months, then disappeared, because I blocked her. I was using her for sex, as usual, she wanted a relationship, she got demanding, kept calling, I then blocked her….I do these things all the time behind the back of Renee, including I was having sex with you when I told you about this affair, I lied that I had broken up with Renee, & was with this new girl, etc. I told you her name partially, you looked up my friends, figured who she was, & soon, she was gone………

Also I block you from conversation because you’re intent on Healing, I can’t face it, I don’t want to admit what happened, I’m in denial, I want to block out the truth, I’m not ready for all that you want to give me, it will be painful, but I am in love with you, I love you in true love, I need you, & so I kept having sex with you. When I am ready to have the relationship, I will call & ask to see you, but until then, I fear you will reject me, you will say no to sex, I will suffer, so I can’t call until I’m ready.}

The way it started with Renee, we shared drugs. Again & again, we shared cocaine & I didn’t move in with her for a year, had my Dad pick me up every day & went back there after work until evening. Did not sleep there, but after a while, it was more convenient to stay there so I stayed.

ME: But at this time you stopped talking to me for nine months. Was it because of her & the drugs or you were angry at the images?

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JOE: It was both. I was mad about the images & you wouldn’t listen, you left some on the internet, I got razzed, I couldn’t take the gaff. She & I were sharing drugs daily, at that same time, so it worked that I’d get even with you, & also, I didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ as at that time, I wasn’t working steady, she paid for the drugs, she had more bread than me. Later that changed, we were equals in money making, but now, all Hell has broke loose, I might have more money than her, we are desperate. I don’t support her or the kid, as I said, you think this is such a hunky-dory relationship, but it isn’t, I’m a mean Dad & husband, what Dad spends money on himself but not his wife & child?

ME: But you still aren’t ready for a relationship with me, you’re only ready to resume using me for sex. Can you explain this? I know you love me, I am the only one you love – I shall ask you about that momentarily – but why aren’t you ready for a relationship. What are you afraid of? You expressed fear of going off with me, like to my house, several times before, that you don’t know what I’ll do to you – I might hurt you.

JOE: I’m paranoid. When Dad abused me & hurt me terribly, since I was like 2 or 3 years old, my Mom stood by & let him do it. I never, ever admit this, I defend her, even him. I deny that he abused me, or that she threw me to the wolf. It’s all a horrible cover up, it’s wounds with skin grown over them, scars that never heal, I am deadly sick & pretend I’m well. I need drugs to stay alive, without substances, I feel like killing myself, but I pretend it’s but a social thing, I just do drugs for fun.

ME: You knew I was against the drugs & eventually found out about the abuse from you & another person- who was also abused by your Dad. Then it all fell into place, I knew why you were sick, acted the way you did, medicated yourself. I prayed my heart out for you, I got anxiety attacks & eventually heart attacks. Did you have any idea how bad I was hurting?

JOE: I only BEGAN to see your pain after you stopped seeing me, I have been in pain ever since I realized you were through, I think of you every day, that you would not give in until I gave you what was right – what every woman wants & needs – a relationship. And the reason I’m not calling you I’m not ready for that relationship of true love, I’m only ready to continue that fake, front relationship I have with Renee, drug based, being a bad husband & Dad, that I am ready for but not True Love & Healing.

The thought of healing scares shit out of me, it says I must admit what I have covered up, face it, like staring Hell in its face. I must do that, I’m afraid to do that. I must face my Dad was a Monster, my Mom a demon from Hell – that I find hard to do. I’ve been lying to myself & friends all my life, I have to change, not ready for change yet.

ME: What do you feel about me in your heart, & what do you wish for for us?

JOE: I want to be with you, only you. I want to leave my parents behind – you my one & only that loves me. I want to leave my druggie friends & that entire lifestyle. I want to stop all substances, I sure want to leave Renee. I’d like to continue seeing my child once in a while, one hour a week or every two weeks, I do care about her. I don’t want to abandon her.

ME: Are you saying your love for me is true & you want to do all the things I wanted you to do all these years, but you aren’t capable or ready?

JOE: That is correct. You’ll have to wait until the time I’m ready. If we take up again right now, it’ll be the same pattern, & it might delay what has to happen. What must occur is a shakeup on my life, like I get caught & arrested, I lose my job, I lose my income, I am on my ass & flat on my face. I have nowhere to turn, no one can or will help me. The only ones that might take me in are those evil parents, who I’ve been trying to get away from all my life but can’t. It would be going backward to be with them. Other than that, some fag might take me in, but I don’t want that either.

I have to lose all my security, the roof over my head, my income, everything. Then I’ll be ready to do what’s right, give you a relationship, otherwise I’ll keep going my sick merry way, the low road. To take the high road, I must lose it all.

ME: I’m glad I channeled you. Things came out I didn’t see before, mainly, why you’re afraid to call me, that’s a key. It’s because you know I’ll say no to sex, you’d feel rejection. When you are ready to say ‘I’m ready to have a relationship’ then you have no longer fear of calling me, as you know I’ll say yes. It’s the guy with the ring vs the guy with the hardon.

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I’m a bit curious, though, about what happens to you & her in the end. Is one of you going to get arrested? The dream shows a cop, but I don’t know if it’s an earthly cop or a celestial one.

JOE: I see trouble ahead for both of us, if one of us falls, the other can’t hold them up, our relationship folds. But bad things have to happen at times for good things to come out of it. You have not succeeded in any other way with me, neither has God. God & you are One, you work together. First, God comes to us in a nice way, but we don’t listen. God tries again & again, deaf ears. Finally God has to impose the law of karma, it comes against us & we fall. Then we say, like David, ‘I was not humble until I was humbled.’ We fall off our High Horse.

Right now I am suffering because I can’t be with you, but I’m still arrogant. I think I can make it without you. I think all I need is more money. So I’m doing things to make more money – we both are. Even though money is not the answer to all things, we believe it is. We’re looking at the small picture of day to day survival. Neither one of us is willing to admit, what’s wrong with me, that I need substances? We both need help but instead of help, we continue the lifestyle with others like ourselves, like lemmings, we all eventually run off the cliff, or the blind leading the blind.

Let it happen this way. You preach about the extinction of men. That is the big picture. You don’t hear anyone else talking about it or preaching it except but one friend, because the majority don’t want to think about it or face it. So they are in denial & block the thought out of their heads. Life goes on it’s merry way, business as usual, Patriarchy keeps imposing it’s unjust laws until what? People look at the tiny picture of survival, day to day, but they don’t work for Matriarchy or Female Empowerment to save the world from men.

And that’s where Renee & I are right now. We deny the big picture, which is we need help to get us off substances, we just keep grasping to survive with drugs any way we can until it crashes down, so let it be, just like male extinction has to be to save the world, let us fall into our soup, get egg on our face, then we are forced to face reality.

ME: It is amazing to me how far down people have to fall to get the help they need. Help – mine & God’s – has been offered for years. Healing is there, but people don’t listen, until they are flat broke, homeless, maybe in jail, then they might listen. I have someone who has cancer who I can heal but she won’t listen so I can’t heal her. People hold on to the things of the world, they don’t want to change. They don’t want to make sacrifices, they don’t want to ‘suffer,’ so they keep smoking, using the microwave, speeding, keeping guns where kids can get them, having bad relationships, until they are dead.

I know a case where these young whippin’ snappin’ ministers criticized John Hagee, a man of God. As their punishment, God took them down & both guys became homeless. One was sniffing glue under a bridge. Another minister found him & offered help, but he refused, he said he wanted to stay that way. What is wrong with people? Weak, sinful, stupid, know it alls, think they’ll be fine as they are, but they aren’t. Why does it take so much for them to change?

1-24-21

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