SOULS SEEK MY HELP & ECSTATIC REUNION WITH MY LOVER

 

4-21-20-SOULS & ECSTASY WITH LOVER

 

          Two themes, begins one way, segues into another.

 

          First, I’m here in my house three or more floors up – like in a tower. I look below & see a few people. The idea is that people are showing up to see me in an honorable way – I am some type of respected leader.

 

          *(TOWER: Isolated height, like Jesus on the Cross. My past martyrdoms give me a spiritual height, which others can access by their respect & humility—such people are gathering below.)*

 

          I see one of the people below looks like a ‘small saint.’ A female is wearing a long black dress, but not dreary, it’s decorated with a medieval standout collar, white & gold, & has a 6” or so fringe on the bottom with similar colors—might have lace. She’s waiting for me.

 

          *(LITTLE FEMALE ‘SAINT’: This is a female, either living or dead. If dead, the black dress says ‘funeral,’ but it also has white on the

 

BIG COLLAR: & hem & gold. This could show being a ‘religious’ & that she loved God {gold is love}.

 

If she is alive, then she’s a relationship I had LONG AGO – the black dress would be ‘ending.’ But she is here ‘below me’ spiritually asking for help. I descend to her level – not in a negative sense, but in the sense that God lowered Herself to become Jesus or another Great Saint – descended into the flesh to help us, save us from our sins. I wonder if this person could be a next-of-kin female who has not spoken to me for 41 years {due to stupid family politics.}?)*

 

          As I look down I don’t have to go on any stairs, I can do my usual trick of jumping from great heights (I love doing this in dreams, sometimes just for fun, appear on super tall buildings & jump to enjoy floating down & showing everyone what I can do) & not getting hurt. So I jump gleefully, saying to the people & even stopping before I hit the ground, floating in the air,

 

          “See – I don’t get hurt!”

 

          *(I DON’T GET HURT: Might be a clue this is about forgiveness, as when you forgive you say to the person ‘It’s as if you never hurt me—I remove it, I do not feel the pain.’ This is total forgiveness, & so this might be a clue it is the relative who rejected me for so long.)*

 

          Then I ask the lady if she’s a ‘little saint’ & don’t know what she says. Around me have gathered a few ‘disciples’ for want of a better word – they are cautious to show respect & don’t come too close or familiar.

 

          Then from the left comes a black man with a narrow face – he is pitiful looking – I have seen him before. He’s wearing white clothes printed with small designs, mostly blue. The material of the clothes looks puffy & slit up & down the arms – again looks medieval, as in ancient paintings. He comes toward me cautiously, afraid I’ll reject him, but I do not, however repulsive he is. Somehow I greet him & accept him but don’t give him the hug he’d like to get. I am sitting during these communications, in my driveway, like ‘holding court.’

 

          *(REPULSIVE MAN, CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES, I DO NOT REJECT HIM BUT HE DOESN’T GET THE HUG HE’D LIKE: Again, don’t know if this is a Soul in Purgatory or a living person. If it’s a Soul then

 

          THE HUG: Could be my touching him, the Sacred Touch by which he ascends into Heaven. I have had this happen when I hugged my friend George’s late wife – when she withdrew she was wearing my sweater {my Light} by which she ASCENDED into Heaven.

And when angels brought James Brown {the singer} to me, I had to kiss him with the Sacred Kiss, then the angels withdrew him into Heaven. And so, my TOUCH or CONTACT WITH ME {like the touch of Jesus garment by the woman with the issue of blood, who was thereby healed} transmits God’s Grace into a person, by which they ASCEND. Apparently, this man is not yet ready for the Sacred Touch, he has more cleansing coming up.

 

          If this is a living person, then it might be John the lawyer – a best friend who turned on me for something I didn’t do – & has hardly spoken to me over ten years. This is saying he’d like to be forgiven. I do forgive him but according to this am not ready to give him the physical closeness he would like. He has become repulsive to me due to judging & punishing me so harshly. But then this might not be about him, might be someone else I have forgotten.)*

 

PEOPLE WAITING, DISCIPLES, I AM HOLDING COURT: These are people who need my help in the spiritual sense. I don’t know if they’re living or dead but they are from the ‘long past.’

         

          MEDIEVAL CLOTHES: Long past, either living people I’ve known or Souls that have been in Purgatory a long time.

 

          {Because of this dream I started saying the Holy Mass again, which I neglected over a month. I thought these might be Souls in Purgatory asking for help.})*

 

          DIFFERENT SCENES OR DREAMS

 

          Then there’s a scene of a few women in a room. One female to the right is sitting in a corner, she’s pretty, her skin seems brown although she’s Caucasian. My late husband Richard is standing near her, she’s smiling, flirting with him. This annoys me. I tell him,

 

          *(BROWN SKIN: Can mean different things. Here it means ‘in the flesh’— not spiritual.)*

 

          “She doesn’t love you – she’s making a fool out of you.”

 

          But he has a stupid look on his face & keeps talking to her, not even seeing me. There’s another woman to my left facing me, his right that seems to be part of this.

 

          *(RICHARD, LATE HUSBAND: This is always the present spiritual husband who I call Jack. Richard was good & loved me truly. When he appears it means my present husband has good feelings & thoughts about me, he is behaving like the good husband. {He has not appeared as evil or demonic for many months now, thank Heavens.}

 

         A woman he’s talking to is not sincere, but messing with him. She is ‘of human nature’. It might be his housemate or it could be someone else. If it’s his housemate this is showing me she has fallen OUT of love with him as one time, she was, I think in love, in her own way. I am warning him this female no longer loves him. Now that I meditate on this I believe the smile gives it away – the smile is fake & looks like that of his housemate – but he doesn’t realize she’s faking. {Like most men, you smile, you put on an act, they fall for it— why? Because they want to. Ditto the other way. The gigolo acts like he loves you, you pay him, you think he has feelings for you.} Why she’s putting on this act is now shown. The only hint might be the

 

          OTHER FEMALE IN ROOM: Friend might be advising her to put on an act that she still loves him to offset any repercussions—men do get violent when you reject them, even when they are the guilty party. {My first husband began to strangle me when I was leaving him on two different occasions. God saved me from it. I ran away the second time, left him, too our child & stayed at a motel.}

 

Hint as to why her love has gone: She lost her job, he didn’t. She was supporting them, now she needs him to put forth his money but he won’t—he needs it for substances. She’s not innocent here, she’s also an addict. You can see where love could turn to hate. {It’s that old situation where two love one another with conditions, conditions deteriorate, they end up hating one another, being bitter, even killing one another. But in true love it never dies, it’s unconditional. That’s what my lover & I have.})*

          My lover Jack has been around. Suddenly he’s in my arms – it’s a reunion of love / intimacy. I can’t recall how, it just happened. He looks like himself.

 

          *(LOVER JACK: Richard is now Jack. Perhaps my mystical warning about the housemate got through to him. He sees she no longer loves him,–understandably– he turns his mind & emotions toward me & intimacy.)*

 

          He’s in my arms & we’re French kissing & it gets so intimate & erotic, I feel ecstasy.

 

          *(ECSTASY, INTIMACY, FRENCH KISSING: This is what we both lived for & still do. There is nothing to replace this sort of emotion people feel toward another—such pleasure—it lifts you above the world & makes life meaningful. People do all sorts of illogical, criminal, extreme actions to keep feelings of ecstasy going. I know a woman who lives under a bridge with the man she loves—she’s young & pretty. She has a child every year with him which social services takes away–all for that feeling of ‘ecstasy.’

 

For me, I allowed him to treat me like shit in order to feel the ecstasies once in a while. He would engage me with sex – feel the pleasure – then walk away abruptly & not summon me for 5 weeks—that was his pattern. In the last two years he would praise his housemate on social media but of course I did not exist – People thought I was that forgotten, obsessed old lady. He never appeared in public with me any more because he feared losing the support of the housemate.

 

He talked ‘double talk’ with me, every time seeing me he’d say he was through with her, but then would add ‘don’t mess up what I have with her.’ He didn’t explain what ‘he had with her’ but I figured it out by seeing his lifelong pattern: Mooch off someone, keep my money for myself for the medications {which he desperately needs.}

 

This ECSTASY is similar to the highest drug. It’s the feeling saints live for when they have ecstasy/union/intimacy with God. Saints will go through any torture to feel this Love of God – It not only is spiritual, it’s emotional & physical, it lifts one to the Heavens. Of course, the earthly ecstasies FALL SHORT of the ones with God – you cannot see God face to face with an increase of feel-good hormones, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins. The spiritual ecstasy is beyond the earth & flesh; you leave the flesh in spiritual flights & appear in a Higher World – temporarily or forever. I cannot explain why or how the Spiritual Highs go beyond feel-good hormones, perhaps because logically hormones no longer exist past the flesh, but Spiritual Heights – Heaven, do exist.

 

This ECSTASY that we are both in is the Union that Jack & I have – it’s in our souls as well as our bodies. This dream indicates that Jack is now awake that his housemate/relationship is over – she no longer loves him as he never loved her – & now he’s mentally/emotionally free for the intimacy with me. {Remember, God is a ‘jealous God,’ – when you give yourself fully to something, someone, besides Her, She will not reveal herself or give you the ecstatic intimacy with Her – So in a sense, it is on the earthly plane. If Jack was divided – saw a reason to be praising Housemate all the time, & putting effort into their relationship, his mind, body, heart & soul were not free to be enjoying intimate union with me—HE’S NOW FREE.})*

 

          Then after that he carries me around with my legs around his waist – without any strain – like you would a child without effort. And he isn’t ashamed at all to show the world he’s in love with me – he walks openly here & there where people can see.

 

          *(CARRIES ME, MY LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST, EFFORTLESSLY LIKE A CHILD: ‘To carry’ someone is to support them, to help them get around, get somewhere. My legs around him are full support – nothing held back from him to me, he gives me his all, I don’t even have to make an effort.

 

          ISN’T ASHAMED TO SHOW THE WORLD: This reveals he’s gotten over the fear of criticism or disapproval – he said he was with his Housemate for ‘the party life style & popularity – I sold my soul to the devil for it’ he said on social media {he said this in a veiled way, in a poem, did not name names but I understood}.)*

 

          We talk about setting up a sports center at my house, for wrestling or sports fighting. I will set up a ‘ring’ I tell him,

 

          “But it has to have a roof in case of rain.”

 

          He continues to walk with me around him here & there in this place like a village, with small business places scattered about, like tiny restaurants. I tell him,

 

          “You can have anything you want,”

 

          (Meaning to eat, I will pay.)

 

          He walks into this small store – all it sells is candy. There was another customer here {female}, just leaving. The place could only hold at most 5 people in front of the counter.

 

          *(CANDY STORE: Place of drugs/medications. I surmise the female just leaving is his housemate. This hints they are no longer together—she gets her drugs solo, it’s not a joint project any more. She gets her drugs, leaves, he is holding or carrying me, means he is with me, loves me, & I help him.)*

 

          On the counter left is a bowl filled with all colors candy the size of large vitamin capsules, & on the right a bowl of a strange blue sweet that looks like a smooth ocean wave, like taffy but not sticky, about ¾ inch thick, about 6” long in a wave, about 4.5” wide.  I imagine you break pieces off. I tell him,

 

          “You can have this but I don’t eat candy.”

 

          *(CANDY, TINY STORE, SOME LIKE VITAMINS, SOME LIKE BLUE TAFFY (but not sticky): I get the feeling this represents substances, but which ones I can’t tell. I don’t do substances I say, but I tell him he can have them. Substances are his self medication due to damage by parents, he suffers from PTSD & attachment disorder, possibly other problems I’m not aware of. He would be desperate & suicidal without them – I want to help him through prayer, therapy & all the mental, emotional, spiritual remedies, medications would be temporary.

 

MANY BRIGHT COLORS THE SIZE OF VITAMIN CAPSULES: These drugs mimic the feel-good hormones, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins, or in other words, feel-good hormones. Bright colors indicate FEELINGS. Vitamins mean ‘good for you’ & these drugs mimic ‘feel good’ or ‘good for you’ feelings.)*