College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Channel Queen Victoria

Channel Queen Victoria {see below Chapter 12} Chapter 11 Strange Eggs in My Nest

Rev Judy Swaggart– My original living Guru who got me to channel – & the Crazy Putz

written 10-9-22

Where would I be without the ability to channel? How good would this book be without it? Channeling or mind reading is one of the great features of this life story, it has opened up the reasons for many a thing.

I spoke about Rev Judy at length in Part 3 – where I give the characters of my youth in detail, but there were a couple things I’d forgotten & pretty funny.

Now picture this. To me, this is how she WASTED her time & gas money. Every single day Judy would drive from Hollywood to the shore – Santa Monica or thereabouts, but not the busy public beach, she always found some remote beach where no one was around.

And excusing me from her presence, she’d walk off at least 50’ where she would rant & rave, talk, I mean REALLY LOUD, almost yelling. What was it? Venting? Complaining to God? Whatever it was, it got some of the negatives, emotions, whatevers, out of her. You’re talking yelling, almost screaming at times – it could take a house down, that’s why she had to be in the open.

I kept thinking the drive there was like around a half hour, & the gas. That’s an hour drive every day. Couldn’t done instead? But then, I chalk it up to THERAPY. To me, she was LAZY & it seemed like KILLING TIME.

And it wasn’t confined to the beach, at times I’d be in another area of the building – it had some sort of outdoor patio, & I’d hear her ranting & raving loud as can be.

Anyone who heard this would want to distance themselves from this loony.

One of my fave stories is when we’d walk down the street together in Hollywood & a car would start following us, with a man. And she would say,

“They aren’t looking at you, they’re looking at me – my POWER – they can SENSE IT.”

Twice I have been discouraged from the fine, exemplary diets I was on, once by her, the second time by the guy I describe in this tome, CabHell. {This man veered me off my vegetarian diet when he kept asking me to take him to this fast-food place called Kennedy’s. They had terrific breaded fish or chicken with fries. At first I only ate the fish but under his influence I got into the chicken & that was the end of 14 years of being good.}

When I moved in with Verna she tried to do two things, get me to quit my fruitarian diet & date guys. I had not dated for years & was not interested. {I was stuck with that scum Putz NutOn, also described in Part 3, after having to give in to him, I lost interest in sex, lol} My mind was on self improvement & God. But she harped, needled & hounded me so much that I did quit my diet to my detriment. The fruitarian diet was the most difficult I had ever practiced – harder than being a vegan. She kept saying ‘be normal.’ Normal was whatever she was, lol. Dating was part of ‘normal.’ Truly, this woman was not advanced.

The guys she could not convince me about, I wasn’t interested in dating again for some time. She tried to fix me up with guys she knew. They all repulsed me.

Now the question is concerning her & other folks who were disgusting – abusive & hard to get along with. Why did I stay? In some cases, there was something I wanted from the relationship. I paid the price. It was hardship to be sure, but I stuck it out until I received or attained the thing I desired.

In Verna’s case, it was an Anointing. I was like Timothy to St. Paul. St. Paul was the Guru/mentor of Timothy & I loved what he said when Tim asked him for ‘a greater Anointing,” – It was,

“The greater the Anointing, the greater the persecution.”

Look what they did to Jesus.

Verna would channel every day – it was my favorite time with her. I’d be all ears. She channeled saints, people on the other side she’d known, famous people from the past including movie stars. I was not able to do this but eventually, through this time with her as well as all my efforts, I achieved the ability. This being able to channel has gotten me out of scrapes, into better situations, & has enlightened my mind to hundreds of secrets & mysteries. Peace of mind comes with understanding. Truly, it is one of my greatest tools of psychological survival & staying the right course.

Channeling includes also the ‘still, small voice’ which is God inside. This indeed, I gained the ability to do before Verna, when I was alone a lot when living with the Putz. After gaining my favors & roof he left me alone, went on his con-man pursuits with others, while I had quit work & spent almost full time improving myself. I worked for hours a day on this what I then called ‘mind over matter,’ through hypnosis, but it was more than that. It was ‘Spirit over mind over matter.’

I kept digging deeper & deeper into myself until I heard this voice one day, clear as a bell, in my head, speaking to me, & when I asked who it was, it said,

“I am you.”

How can you be me when I am me?

At the time I didn’t get it was the God inside me, but later I did & this is what is called ‘Atman’ in yoga.

And as I said, I stuck it out with Verna until I felt I had done all I could with her, gained all I could – I gave her the greatest loyalty including donations, she had ever had. I served her valiantly & obediently, so well that when I tried to leave her twice, she put death curses on me, & both times, black men who lusted for my body were going to kill me but God stopped it. This is documented in Part 3.

And in 1979 the night Verna died, she appeared to me & gave me her Anointing, asking me to promise to help humanity, which I did. {In the bible it is like when they say a Prophet ‘left his Mantle’ to the next guy.- the mantle is Light.} I had officially resigned from her Church in 1976, assisted by this great psychic lady of Greenpoint, B’klyn, Angela Astone.

The Chapter with Verna was finished, I got what I sought, I paid the price, it was mine, I moved on.

And as I said, with this Putz guy I wanted to know what he said he knew – it was ‘mind over matter.’ Metaphysics was my forte, natural ability & it interested me greatly. I was with Verna for 6 years – with the Putz only two. I listened to his bullshyt on & on, I supported him & had sex with him as he demanded it. And after I reached ‘the God within’ I didn’t need that situation any more. It’s not that he gave me the ability, but the time I was with him I quit the world & worked on self improvement, my tool being hypnosis – which he introduced me to. Dealing with this I achieved a goal without fully understanding it, & at this point Putz got dangerous. Like Verna later became, he was bent on hurting me, he got kind of crazy when my ‘Voice’ took over. He was baffled, jealous & mystified. He kept asking questions of my Voice & the answers amazed him.

As I explained, he got stranger at this time & I knew I had to flee for my life – Verna’s door was open for a price & I took it. I paid for what they both gave. {End Chapter 11}

Chapter 12 Channeling Queen Victoria – the Royal Cougar written 10-9-22

Been watching multiples documentaries on Queen Victoria lately & in doing so, connected with her mind. Channeling her has been eye-opening & allow me to share it.

The movies I saw are these people, a male & female, following all the great billionaireCastles & mansions where she stayed a day or more & was feted. At first I was just curious. But after seeing this & other films on her I was gob-smacked by the selfishness, ostentation & greed of these people – they are everything bad, including her. And she admits it from the other side.

Where is she? I suppose she’s in Heaven, but not a high place, she says, she is about like my Mom & her time in Purgatory she said was over 10 years.{Take that part with a grain of salt, it’s not set in stone, just my thoughts, not big revelations, I could be off.}

Here’s our conversation, some of which I’m repeating as we’ve been ‘speaking’ for days.

ME: Queen Victoria, the vision I’m set with after seeing all this material on you is how could you stand being yourself? Here you went to these Castles, Palaces, where they spent like 50k pounds to 90k lbs for your visit – all for status. What a WASTE of valuable resources!

You ate & drank, you walked around palatial grounds, Albert hunted what I assume to be ‘caged hunts’ because at one place, he killed an animal a minute for an hour & a half. He must have loved shedding blood.

Did it never occur to you how selfish, greedy & narcissistic you were? Also vain & proud, they say you went to Church & visited the chapels. What did you pray for? – More prestige, money, glamour & status?

V {QUEEN VICTORIA}: I was born into the place I was in & I did not struggle to see it any other way. Understand that we were all like that, a society that followed patterns, to the manor born.

I knew vaguely there were the poor, the destitute, the starving, the needy. I wasn’t ignorant. But I felt it had not much to do with me, it was not my station to save them,

“The poor you will have with you always,”

But I was called to be a Queen, to fulfill this position, destiny, a place of prominence & all that we did. I felt it was my duty to do what I did; I did not see it like you do, as sin.

And praying, as you know, ‘Desire is prayer.’ Whatever my lips might say to God, my desire was to be who I am, to gain in status & prestige, to be honored, to keep all my wealth & glory, & to live my days without danger of being beheaded.

ME: Around you, in your country & other dominions you controlled, including, God help us, India, there were millions of starving people, while you sat at a table that took dozens of servants to prepare 8 to 13 courses costing many thousands of dollars. That alone is obscene.

And the show hosts say they feted you like this FOR THEIR STATUS. The richer the fare, the surroundings, your service, the greater the opulence the more important they seemed.

What were these people trying to achieve? They already had status & money, what more was there?

V: its maintenance, we all wanted the same things; we were birds of a feather, like minded. Our milieu wanted to be the highest, the richest, and the most honored of all people. We were all in it together, supporting one another, propping each other up. I had achieved prestige of the highest rank through my ancestors. The others were second or third in line. We struggled to maintain what we had, not let anyone take it away from us. And if possible, expand & get bigger & bigger – like my ‘Empire’ was one on which the sun never set, & India was the ‘Jewel in my crown.’ Everything was an object, an acquisition, a front, a thing to be used, something of honor, power & prestige. And we chalked it all up to our Country – that we were helping Britain, our Nation, we were great human beings that way.

ME: You were not great human beings. If you were you would now be in a high place in Heaven, like Joan of Arc, whom your great country burned at the stake.

But where are you in Heaven, the proof of your life?

V: I am in a low place in Heaven. I see the Truth now but it’s too late. I was all the bad things you said – we all were. I did not try to change things, reform anything. I just went along with it, ‘dead bodies float downstream.’ I had my Heaven on earth, it is those Saints & good souls who suffered & helped others who have the highest places in Heaven, I have a low place. It’s too bad for me. If God had me return now through reincarnation, I would be the same & it would be very hard for me to improve. Reincarnation is to help us grow more, but it isn’t easy.

ME: I understand that for any one individual to reform the elite, the courtiers, is difficult.

{Last night saw a documentary on King Louis XVI who had 3 finance ministers, all of whom said the courtiers had to be taxed – their nation was bankrupt – but the elite would not give in. Louis could not stand up to them – he FIRED each minister against his own better judgment – & I hate to say he borrowed huge amounts from banks to finance our Revolutionary war against England – & we paid not a penny back, adding to the woes of France & their demise!} & in the end, the people had had enough & it turned Revolution & heads rolled – his entire family & court – so I know it’s not easy to make these elites PAY UP.}

But at the very least, you could have taken from your own funds, anonymously if need be, & set up soup kitchens & relief centers for the poor. You could have sent donations to the homeless & destitute through some sort of agency, secretly. You could have got some of your subjects to help those in the work houses & orphanages, which were PRISONS OF PUNISHMENT toward the poor. Your nation looked upon poverty as a crime & poor people as criminals – which is ridiculous. It is you & your ancestors who were the criminals. You fought wars against innocent people & took what they had. You injured & killed people, that’s where you gained your status. And then to turn around & stigmatize the poor as criminals is obscene, offensive, sinful & cruel. You did all that, you could have helped.

And you could have privately got at the very least, Albert & a few of your friends to help the poor out of your own millions. How could that have offended the elite, if you did not demand money from them?

And also, those dinners where they spent fortunes on you – you could have made a rule, like Jesus did, whenever there was a feast for him & his disciples, he said an equal table had to be set for the poor – & it was done. So you could have did something similar,

“Whatever you feast me with, you must also feed the poor”

Even if it wasn’t equal, as you ate the most expensive food on earth – truffles galore, at least give the whole town a decent meal – when you were there. But instead it’s all for you & your staff & more elites, nothing for the poor.

V: I know what you’re saying, it makes sense. But we had our minds in a different place. We did not think of the poor, we dismissed them from our minds, believe it or not. We did not associate with them, see them, or speak to them.

They did not have great representation in the government – no Patriarchal government has a Voice for the poor. The poor are downtrodden, exploited, used. We liked it that way. If there were no poor, where would we get our slaves / servants? Who would clean all the shit from the streets & the public toilets? Who would wait on us hand & foot for miserable wages? Who would tend our horses & carriages & animals & grow & harvest our crops?

We needed the poor to prop us up! We used the poor as always has been in Patriarchy.

ME: So you admit you were a dick in a skirt? Holding up the Kingdom of the world which is ruled by Satan?

V: Yes, without giving him a name, we were serving him. We weren’t weird, like doing rituals; we were just all for ourselves & our ruling class. That’s about it in a nutshell.

ME: I might add about John Brown. Were you in love with him & he with you? It bothers me that he said he would give his life for you. Why were you worth his life?

V: Yes, we were in love – me more so than he. He loved me as his Queen, a symbol. And his loyalty is like that of all potentates’ body guards. The man who stood in front of Queen Antoinette’s rooms at Versailles was murdered. Anyone who becomes a body guard has to be willing to sacrifice their life – in that context what he said was true – but he wasn’t that in love with say, a poor servant maid he’d give his life for, it was his Queen.

ME: In the documentary it says you could not have sex with anyone because you had a prolapsed uterus & it would have been very painful. But you could have given a blow job or a hand job or he you – you could have kissed & made out. Any of that?

V: Let’s leave that in silence for the moment.

ME: What about the 24 year old Hindu honey, 6’2” movie star looks. Were you a Cougar, lol? I know you were in love with him & he appreciated you, but any sex there?

V: I take the 5^th. Some day I will tell you about these guys if you have earned the right to know.

ME: My conclusion to all this is you elites are mostly all alike – I doubt if there is a one of you who’d stick their neck out to be decent or saintly.

V: Remember what I told you – most of the people out there that are looking at us Royals & cheering, not criticizing, but cheering, would do the exact same thing if they were in our position. Only a saint would buck the system. And that saint’s life would be in danger from the courtiers or elites.

ME: So it’s more the system that is at fault & all you individuals just fall into place? Why doesn’t anyone criticize you in these documentaries – you or any other Royals for their greed, vanity, narcissism, selfishness & so on?

V: The films you see are financed by rich & powerful companies, not by the poor, & so, they are basically on our side. And no one is allowed to preach against the Patriarchs in the mainstream. Of course, the alternative media do so, but they get a small audience.

ME: But the Russian & French Revolution are proof that the power can swing off the Royals, they can be assassinated or murdered, & even their courts. Are the English Royals afraid of that? Were you? What is their strategy to remain in Power & Wealth?

V: We were all afraid, in the past & present, of losing what we have, even our lives. We fight tooth & nail to keep it. The Monarchs work diligently on their propaganda, rites, and processions, demonstrations so they are seen as great stars & everyone else is intimidated by them.

We in Royalty are supposed to be but figureheads, not political & not influencing the government, – which exempts us from being attacked - but we do have influence.

We try to maintain a serious air of superiority, even though it’s getting harder & harder when we marry people who don’t tow the line – like Fergie & Diana. They disgrace us but we push on & hope for the best.

ME: But you Royals were & most of you still are evil, because you are not of God, & you don’t care about the poor. In ancient days, before Patriarchy, we had real Queens, a Mother God, & women were venerated. Women ruled the world, men obeyed. There was no war or weapons of destruction. We had peace. Notably, there was no poverty, everyone lived the same, even the Queen had scant few privileges above the rest. No one tortured, abused or exploited others. But this is Patriarchy & what you were part of.

What is your opinion of my life story & what will become of it?

V: You will be heralded & treated like I was – the Queen, lol. You will be recognized for the great things you’ve done, finally. You will be happy. You deserve recognition; you’ve not gotten any to speak of.

ME: My work, will it bear fruit? Will there be Temples to Mother God? A Sisterhood? All the plans I have for our New Religion, communities of women & their children – our Temples off limits to men. Will any of this occur if not in my lifetime, within a few generations?

V: All you wish for in time will occur. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It took about 500 years before Jesus’ religion became official. This is all new, but it will happen, make no mistake. And good luck with it. I wish you the best.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Hillbillies Kill Their Parents

Chapter 10 Hillbillies who Kill Their Parents & other winners out here

written 10-7-22

Let me start with this beauty. I get a letter from a man that is basically a marriage proposal with a deal. He says his wife took off to go live with another woman & took half their money, leaving him with 400k. Now he’s looking for a serious relationship that will lead to the altar. And oh yes, gold diggers take note: He has a BAD HEART.

What does this man look like? Who is he? How did he get my address? This is Post Office mail.

I find out from a spy he works for the city as an accountant, is a sex maniac addicted to porn & his wife left him because of it. My guess is she did NOT join a lesbian partnership as he intimated, she just wanted to leave & had a lady friend she could share companionship & expenses with. I’ve had several men tell me that sob story as if the woman turned gay & I don’t believe it – they just wanted to get away & another door was open.

I speak to him by phone – I am extremely polite because he might come in handy & does. He’s got connections & I wanted a copy of a film about Female Empowerment PBS. I ask him if he can get it for me, he does, – sends it to me immediately & I’m pleased. So we are now friends.

Well, his letter worked with another female. He proudly brings her over my house – They got married!

First – how he looks. He’s a ‘little old man’ about 5’5” if that, almost bald, 65 & the most average guy I’ve ever seen. But he’s incredibly nice.

The female he scored is above his level. He’s maybe a 3 but she’s about a 5 or 6. She’s 45 at most.

That’s why he wanted to show me, he succeeded.

Oh yes, a crucial point. He tells me about the women who answered his letter, describes the ones he turned down. But this on was a winner because he’s watching a porn movie. She sees him & says,

“We don’t need that – we already know what to do.”

They visit, bringing me a book on how to save money on taxes, I made them dinner, it was Christmas. As we chat I tell them I am short of women friends & could Candy & I hobnob, go out to eat together maybe once every 2 weeks? It’s a go, that’s how I get to know her.

We go shopping at a good store for clothes – her idea. She shows me that she’s hard to fit as her bottom is 16 while her top is 12. She’s not fat, just out of proportion.

First week goes fine. Second week good also. Third week an eye opener. One week I pay, next she pays, after the 3^rd week we ‘broke up’ so I got screwed, lol.

She tells me about her young years. The guys didn’t like her that much. But she found the key how to get just about any date she wanted – sex. She makes herself available & becomes POPULAR. I am just a little startled by her admitting this, but it goes with my theory that it’s the ugly girls who do all the sex while the beautiful girls do less. This was confirmed to me by men. We’ll get into that later.

So we talk about our past & she tells me about her parents. Her Dad always said,

“We are not going to suffer. Once we get really sick, we’re going to commit hari kari {double suicide.} She said he said that for years.

And so, they do get sick – they both have cancer. She tells me her Dad had a loaded rifle upstairs, they now slept downstairs. She says,

“I knew he couldn’t get up the stairs to get that gun.”

So what happened? I ask. She says,

“I brought the rifle down for him……And he killed Mom, then himself.”

I am so taken aback I remain silent.

We continue talking & what broke us up is this.

I realized too late she had a complex about her looks, that men didn’t want her, & I admitted that I was popular with the guys. Her face fell. I knew it might be the end for us, & it was. She never called me again & didn’t answer my call.

Oh yes one more thing. I told her I don’t know how she could stand having sex with this new husband – he was so repulsive. And she says,

“I won’t have him for long.”

The Rotty Breeders

Soon after I moved to the country I had my heart set on a Rotty {Rottweiler} – the bigger the better. I found a breeder nearby, went there to find my pet.

The old lady owner showed me a litter – which one did I want? I chose the biggest one.

I called him “Guard of the Mystical Heart,” – GaGee Boy for short. He treed two people around here, lol, & a third was spooked out & cried, but somehow we managed. He grew to maybe 120 & he was quite the dominant male when I got any other dog – was always the boss. He intimidated the stray German Shepherd that was dropped off on the street in front of my house – but he also loved him.

This Shepherd was the best dog I ever had, but he suffered greatly under the previous owner {have no idea who it was}. Ever heard of a ‘whipped dog?’ You could tell he’d been abused as he cowered & cried when hurt, had little confidence, & twice, when I took off in the car with a couple of my little dogs, he chased us for MILES! He was afraid I was abandoning him! I was on the side of this woods on a hill with the small ones, & I see him on the road smelling here & there – we were 5 miles from home!

And to prove Gagee Boy loved his friend I gave food to Fruitcake {the Shepherd} in the front of the house while Gagee was to the back. The local Coon Hound came by – he was always greedy for food, & took over Fruitcake’s bowl apparently. I was in the house upstairs. Fruitcake was n fighter but he CRIED bitterly.

So Gagee boy hears him, comes around the house & sees what the Coon has done, & Fruitcake cowering. I heard a commotion such as never before in my life, it’s scary, I’m too afraid to go out until it stops, then I go out & the Coon is gone. My neighbor after tells me Gagee gave her dog 70 STITCHES!

I visit the old lady breeder several times, just to kibbitz & talk about dogs. I see something that perturbed me to no end. People would leave their dogs with her when going on vacation. She took care of them alright.

There was this poodle, I went with her. He was STILL IN HIS CARRYING CASE! She didn’t even give him a KENNEL or yard, or any place to move around – he’d been in the case for DAYS– I don’t know if she ever let him out. But now she had to clean the case & feed him, so she let him out, & he BIT her. She took her fist & beat him brutally – he wasn’t too big, maybe 20 lbs at most & she was able to overpower him, & she shoved him back in the case.

She showed me her Rotty – the biggest one on record, he must have been 300 lbs. She treated him OK. She told me,

“My son was gong to kill me once – but my dog stopped him.”

“They say he’s retarded {her son} but he’s not – he knows how to repair a radio.”

The son was weird indeed. He would ride around on the riding mower just for FUN. Back & forth, up & down the road. And on his sweater he had hundreds of safety pins. Some kind of diaper fetish?

This son yelled at me once when his Mom wasn’t there – I stopped by to look at the dogs through the wire fence. He was so nasty, I took off fast, not sure if he was crazed or what.

The old lady had gone blind – or almost so. I called to offer my sorrow & see if she needed help.

Then one day someone tells me,

“You know those Rottweiller breeders? The son killed his Mom with a baseball bat. He hit her from the back. He’s in jail on suicide watch.

Years later a handyman told me it was because she was going to leave the property to someone else.

When I thought of how she treated that poor poodle & maybe other dogs, I thought this could be karma.

They told me all the dogs were confiscated, & they were sick & beaten down. They were given away for free, the people who had them said they were troubled & some had intestinal problems. It took months to get them normal.

So this is the kind of people out here who look down on the Hollywood crowd & city people. We are all perverts & weirdoes – they’re the good guys……riiight. {to be continued}

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Cougering Begins

Chapter 8 Begin Cougering The Condom Breaker

written 10-2-22

The IMAGES here are NOT CabHell – My models – I will not post pics of CabHell any place as he was a swine & he might be alive somewhere if not dead from an overdose & might convince someone to sue me if he can get it for free

See end for reaction to article from Pete Jackson

Some of these guys are so UNPLEASANT to think about it’s an ORDEAL writing about them. But I must so just go for it.

Yes, I can see why many people CAN’T write their life stories nor do they want to TALK ABOUT the past because the SHYT you go through & the SHYTS you met are painful to remember. In remembrance you FEEL the awful things you felt then. But God has given me the grace to write this life story; She’ll give me the ability to look at it in the state of NONDUALITY. In that consciousness the pains of the past seem FAR AWAY – like it happened to SOMEONE ELSE.

This guy, I’ll name him CabHell as he was the road or ride to Hell. Anyone who got mixed up with him was in for it, I did later physically for a moment saw 2 of his girl friends & heard about one. Let me describe that.

After I had broken up with Cab I was in this seedy club by the river – on Conklyn Ave – they called it the Conklyn Bar – – where among the crowd dozens of drug dealers would congregate, actually do drugs in the men’s room. The owner was a Jewish guy, weighed about 400 lbs, & asked me on a date! He was so fat I never saw him stand or walk, he could only sit, & yet, because he had money, he had a young wife & child!

The club was different in that every person entering was frisked for metal & had to pay a $2 admission. The place was packed on Wednesday, lady’s night, when women got free drinks until 12am. {Haha how they use women to get men in!}

So here I am sitting by the entrance in a guy’s lap just chilling. I saw CabHell earlier with a female who looked like a worn out heroin addict. Thin, stringy hair, no makeup, vacant expression. He saw me & looked like a startled rat. He was wearing the beautiful expensive leather-lined with fur winter jacket I had bought him a couple years before. It was DIRTY. He could not afford to get it cleaned, I surmised. His salad days were over – I was gone – he was back in the gutter.

So as I’m sitting there she comes over, & says to me,

“YOU had to pay for him – I don’t!”

I had no idea what to say. I mean, if I said something in retaliation there could be trouble. I could have said something like,

“Glad to be rid of him, the mess is yours.”

But then she, not in her right state of mind, could have slapped me, then I am in this guy’s lap, he might have pushed her, then others could have jumped in, etc. So I said NOTHING – the best policy.

This pathetic creature, who I felt sorry for, was trying to make herself bigger, more important than me, like CabHell was some sort of prize. So if she wanted to believe she was special, she got this thing for free while I had to pay, let her keep her pathetic delusion & be happy. God knows she needs every comfort she can get.

Another time, I am in the ‘State St.’ area – the place of all the clubs at that time, where the college kids hang out & everyone who wants to meet them – my stomping grounds. And CabHell shows up, again a couple years after I got rid of him.

He’s hanging with this pasty, dumpy broad – she’s 5’1”, about 160 lbs, no waist, cheap clothes, glasses – sorry looking. After moments I surmise she is one of CabHell’s ex wives, one he’s had a child with. All these ‘ghetto’ guys father children they don’t care for – after all, it doesn’t take much to contribute that teaspoon of sperm.

This lady is with a female friend & keeps squawking how CabHell ‘danced with this other girl’ & she is indignant. She doesn’t even seem to notice me, {he’s talking to me on & off}; I am irrelevant, I guess because of my age. She’s not jealous of me, thank God for small mercies, & keeps complaining about CabHell, that this lovely guy is doing her wrong.

In the gutter there are many rats, the disadvantaged, the poor, the ignorant, the ones of malice, all kinds, & they get involved with other rats, love other rats – it’s where they live, eat & work – if they work – it’s where they function & it’s their world, the world of the gutter rats. And they are important to each other.

I tried to get rid of him once by leaving him in the clubs. But the next morning way early I hear a vehicle pull up ahead of my house – I’m still I bed, I peek out the window & there he jumps out of the back of a pickup truck with a woman driving. Oh no, He figured out how to hitch hike to my house & someone – seeing a guy on the road as well dressed as he figures he must be alright – the clothes I bought him were still fresh & looked expensive. But still, the woman didn’t allow him in the cab, her daughter he tells me was the passenger. Good idea, let what is possibly a wild animal stay in back of the truck, less chance he’ll bite.

The last time I REALLY did see him was a car pulls into my driveway. {I noticed in the country, if I ever knock on the door of a stranger *it happened a couple times for animals in the road – I wanted to tell one man his whole litter of cats was in the road, another man his chickens were lying resting on the worm asphalt right in the way of cars} the people DON’T ANSWER. They ALREADY KNOW – no good thing comes of strangers knocking on rural doors. In retrospect, I can think of only ONE TIME there was anything POSITIVE from a random person stopping at my house – & it was that unfortunate time after I vowed never to answer the door to a stranger again. I had left my car window open – a bad snowstorm had occurred in the night & the car was filled with snow – a kind stranger wanted to tell me. So the ONE TIME it was appositive knock – here I don’t answer.

Other than that, I shall explain elsewhere, it was all BAD STUFF.}

But anyway, CabHell comes barging by with two guys I’ve never met. One guy turned out to be FREESH OUT OF JAIL, 8 years there for holding a gun to people’s heads, shooting into windows, as a member of the Hell’s Angels, & being high on Meth Amphetamine to give himself courage. That was let’s say Joe X. The other guy, not sure what he did, but he said his father was Muslim & under investigation for TERRORISM. Let’s say his name is Joe Z.

I have seen clearly how birds of a feather stick together. You meet one lowlife creep, he will bring ten more to your door. A lowlife bitch/hore, the same thing. One girl like that brought her black boyfriend, {I did NOT invite them}, said they ran a store together. She was ‘fat Cathy,’ an ex neighbor who bothered me to no end – always wanted something. Later she explained to me their ‘store’ sold nothing but stolen goods – he stole them, she sold’m. And she had the temerity to tell me she brought him TO SEE HOW HE COULD HELP ME. No thanks, I don’t buy stolen goods. I’ll tell you many more stories of people at the door later.

This Joe X guy, BTW, was white, handsome & middle aged. He & I became phone friends for a while – he talked a blue streak. When not on drugs, apparently, he was a normal guy {but never trust such a person} & told me anecdotes of prison – things I could never have learned, like how the guards would put the 2 guys who hated each other the most into a cell & let them duke it out & put bets on who would win. Then also how sardines were used like money. Get people to send you sardines & you use them as barter. One black guy he knew was gambling & asked if he could have a couple cans – Joe X said OK. But later the guy came back & stole more. Joe X beat him up. But look out for the ‘lock in a sock.’ They give you locks for your belongings. You put a lock in a sock, swing it, & the guy broke his jaw.

Joe X was an enforcer or loan collector for the Hell’s angels – apparently they give loans as does the mob. When someone didn’t pay he’d hold a gun t their head – the FBI got videos of him doing it. He’d also go to buildings & shoot in windows. He told me he didn’t even know who was in there – just did as he was told.

Now Joe Z was really cute. We started to have a good conversation. Joe X thought we wanted to have sex, so he said to CabHell that they would go out & inspect my forest for Oak trees – as he was a one-time Oak harvester & might buy some. So they left for a while.

Joe Z at this time told me the story of his unfortunate life & the two whacks came back. Joe told me later he thought we wanted to be alone to have sex. I thought that was ridiculous. Most women don’t just jump into sex minutes after they meet a guy – unless it’s maybe fat Cathy & the guy is black, or other fat women I knew.

I once saw this: There was a lower level club on State St, called the Spotlight. It had a 2 level stairwell. A lot of black guy hung in this huge club in one area mostly. One time I’m above & look down to see so many FAT white women on the stairwell – not one thin one among them. I realized they went there to meet black men. I counted them – there were FOURTEEN.

After these 3 stooges left & I was talking to Joe X he asked me,

“Did you give CabHell any money?”

I said no.

He said,

“Because before we went to your house he had none, but after he was spending money.”

I thought about it & recalled I had my purse on the table when they arrived. I wasn’t expecting anyone so my purse was not hidden – after that I always hide it. So CabHell might have helped himself, although I didn’t notice any big loss in my bread. Sometimes thieves don’t take all your money, they take some of it so you won’t know they robbed you.

So Joe X told me CabHell was now living with an adult therapy worker & he was selling drugs. She had to pay for the doses he gave her, but he got the sex for free. I knew the area they lived, a ramshackle block near the ‘Red Oak’ diner.

OK let me get to the beginning. It was way at the start of my Cougar time, when I first went downtown, so it was 2008. I walked into this club that’s called ‘Celtic’ – a nice place – & see what I thought was a handsome black guy – tall – staring into the crowd. I walked up to him & chatted him up. So we talk & he puts me on the spot because I now know he’s a SCHEMER & he interrogated me on & on, was I looking for just a one night stand or a relationship? I wasn’t sure as I didn’t even know the guy, but he pulled it out of me that I wanted to be serious, not a one-night stand. Knowing what I know now, you can’t get much out of a person in one night, but in a relationship, you can get plenty. So he was fishing for what he could get.

God, just the thought of him makes me feel mentally stressed – some people come from Hell to torment the rest of humanity. Let me get to the things that bothered me the most.

The sex. We did sex a couple times. After a few weeks of ‘dating’ which meant me treating him to meals, me taking him to the clubs & paying for drinks, he moved in with me. He saw my beautiful house & ‘wild’ yard {apple trees, a creek, rolling lawns} & got dollar signs in his eyes – this must have been before the apt in town. I actually recall seeing like ‘lights’ dance in his eyes as he sized up my wealth.

But this sex incident ended it for me. I always used condoms, even for blow jobs – I was paranoid of catching

AIDS. I’d not done sex for 30 years & I wasn’t ready to die for a little ‘fun.’ So one time we’re humping along & the condom breaks! I went berserk & he confessed that it happened with him LOTS OF TIMES.

Later I figured it out. This is how evil he was. While he’d be ADJUSTING his dick, aiming it right or fixing the condom, he did one of two things, either he slashed it with his nail – or else he rubbed it with his finger over & over until it broke. Why he did this? Because lowlifes don’t want to wear condoms, if you make them, they take revenge. And if the condom breaks they get extra pleasure.

I told him I’d never have sex with him again. He swore he was clean & begged me but I said if he ever wanted to have sex again, he’d have to go to the free clinic, get tested, & give me the papers. I took him to the clinic; he had no diseases – what a relief. Because if anyone got a disease, it would be a lowlife shagger like him {in England they call fucking shagging, it sounds better than fucking, so I’ll use it.}

Let me think of what other evil he did that really stands out. Probably using the picture of his daughter burned on like 70% of her body – to get drug money – stands out.

I forgot to mention, CabHell did jail time for two things. A huge majority of ghetto guys get time & it isn’t always white people’s fault. I know white people bring drugs into hoods & they partially do it to snare blacks into crime, so they can keep them in jail. At least this was in the past – drugs are so common now there are more white dealers than black. So this is a temptation but one does not have to give in. I know it’s hard for ghetto people to get jobs, but I gave 2 ghetto guys a job, they lasted one day. I picked them up from far away, paid them well, fed them a good lunch, gave them more food to take home, & drove them home. The next day I went to get them – a half hour drive – THEY REFUSED TO WORK, job over. They were LAZY & I’ll explain later, both these guys wanted to either sell drugs or worse yet, STEAL from females they were shagging!

So CabHell got caught for drug dealing & that wasn’t all. He was also shagging an underage girl – for a year – & her Mom turned him in. When I met him he was no teen, he was 32 so he was old enough to know better. But this mentality guy just seems to be asking for trouble – taking chances – they don’t love themselves enough, even though they are egomaniacs – egomaniacs have weak egos, not strong ones. Anyway, he did time for this girl, over a year.

The drug dealing also had no excuse – because he had a great job with the electric company. But he wanted more. Go figure. I met another guy like that. Had a job, but wanted more money. And it always lands them into jail.

Of course, we are given so many excuses for these guys until there are none left. Everyone like me wants to give them another chance, help them, they might change for the better. But THEY NEVER DO, they stay evil, they do evil, & if you get involved you are IN FOR IT.

Now back to his daughter. One of his women had two kids by him, a boy & girl. When the girl was maybe 10, he said the wife left a candle by the window in a room somewhere, the wind blew the curtain onto the candle & started a fire. CabHell & his wife & the other child got out safe, but the poor girl got burns all over her body & he had a picture of her to show people to feel sorry for her & HIM.

Whose fault was the fire? Both of them, because he knew there was a candle, he could have made sure it was out, or never burn candles like that in the first place. But they didn’t do right, they are responsible, they caused it.

He was bragging to me how great he was treated by the govt who set them up in a nice motel with all the amenities. Truly, his mind was only on himself. But all this had not got digested for me yet – I had not yet turned against him, hearing to his self justification, delusions & lies.

One day we’re sitting in this swank coffee shop – ‘The Spot’ & he begins to tell me what it was like in jail. And he starts a monologue how this guy taught him to con someone out of money by some internet scheme, he went on & on. I said,

“You know, I don’t want to hear this. You are interested in learning from this thief how to con people out of money? Can’t you see how evil that is?”

So he stopped talking about it. Then he tells me the story of his poor little girl & takes out her picture. He carried it around all the time to show people. Then he tells me he never had the money to buy her anything & he recently spoke to her & she said she never got any treats or soda she wanted, from her Mother. He would like to ‘borrow’ $40 from me to buy her some sweet things.

My inner voice told me not to give him the money, but I was & maybe still am ‘a soft touch’ & I feel sorry for people easily, & I give easily so I disobeyed my inner voice & gave him the money.

Then I was obligated to ‘take him to his daughter,’ which I did & after taking him to the store, where he supposedly got her sweets & soda she wanted, I stopped at the house he said she was visiting & waited. I waited an hour. Finally he comes out & I need some things at the grocery store, & I am exhausted, so I ask him to go in & get the items for me, & I gave him like $70 for it & he goes in & comes back. He puts my items in the trunk.

Then he tells me he called his daughter, that they deprived her of most of the goodies he got her – they drank & ate the treats up, & he wanted to stop there again & give her a bit more. And you are going to laugh – I fell for it. He needed another $20 – I give it to him, go back to that house & wait. And wait, & wait. An hour & a half goes by, it’s cold.

I begin to realize I’ve been taken for a fool. What am I doing here? Just go home, so I do. Mind you, this is far away, over a half hour drive from my house, but I go home.

Within a short time he wangles his way back into my house & he’s getting worse by the day.

If yu know thse type people you know they get worse over time. They feel you out, God forbid if you are nice, they aren’t afraid of you. He began to hound me about his ‘business’ scheme, that of finding damaged cars, fixing them & selling them for lots of money. All ne’er do wells have schemes, & they want other people’s money to implement them, they don’t know what work is. It’s in their blood to con, lie, cheat & steal – that is their stock in trade. That’s what they’re good at.

You don’t know this when you first get involved, sometimes it is revealed after a while & it gets worse.

So it got worse. When I would not give him the front money he wanted, he started making evil faces at me, I mean really ugly that were scary. He could do me physical harm.

When we went downtown he’d ask for his ‘drinking money’ up front so I would not have to buy his drinks one at a time, then he’d disappear for over an hour, I know he was scoring drugs now, but then he’d say he met this or that person & did this or that, these con artists are professional liars, they work at it, so for a while some of them can fool anyone. God help you if you get involved.

And morals? Like loyalty? Never heard of it, it’s a foreign idea to them. I buy him another jacket that very day – Over a couple months I gave him a new wardrobe worth about 3k. So we go t the club, he’s wearing this brand new suede light grey jacket I bought him that day – he leaves me & is dancing with another girl, gazing into her eyes. He NEVER DANCED WITH ME! No matter what, I could never get him to dance with me for over a minute, he’d just walk away, neither fast nor slow dancing, I have no idea why. Maybe I should channel as it’s mysterious.

ME: CabHell, why didn’t you ever dance with me?

CH: Because I didn’t want people to know you were my girl. I wanted to stay ‘single,’ live the single life while using you. You were just someone to use, like all my girl friends were, white or black.

ME: But when we were at your sisters & stopped at this club you also wouldn’t dance with me. It was only your family & strangers in that place

CH: I hated you, I didn’t want t give you the pleasure, like that would be showing love or liking someone. I hated you because you wouldn’t give me any more money, I knew it was over.

ME: Are you demonic? Are you paving your road to the real Hell for eternity? Have you turned your back on God?

CB: I don’t know what God is, it’s not in my mentality, so I guess I am Hell bent. I don’t care. I only care about this world, conning people, getting high, doing sex, pretending to be a big shot – all the evil things you spoke of & more. I don’t care about Heaven or Hell.

ME: OK, then you are Hell bent. For all I know you could be overdosed & in Hell by now. Wherever you are, you earned it, lol. {End of channeling}

How I got rid of him. It cost me, but I finally did get rid of him. He found his sister on the internet – he’d not seen her in years. I was praying to God to save me from him, & this was it. She was in Pennsylvania, abut a two hour drive by bus. So he made a date to go see her. I told him I’d give him the money – go by yourself, but he wouldn’t have it, I had to go with him.

So we go, I am sick of the sight of him & being near him, now that I know what he is, but go I must.

His sister was a lovely person, she had a drug-dealer boyfriend & 3 beautiful daughters by him, one 16, one 6 & the tiny one about 4. The sister is an angel, the daughters are delightful.

When we first got to the station I was going to leave him as soon as they came to pick him up, I would say I’m not going, but I chickened out, felt it might hurt the sister, so we go to her place.

One problem of getting rid of him was his clothes. I had bought him about 10 pairs of pants, 10 jackets & 10 shirts – even with cuff links, & so if I tell him to ‘get out’ I need to take his clothes some place also – but he never had anywhere to go so the clothes were a problem. We brought a few items with us but most were still at my house.

So I ask his sister to be an arbiter, I have problems with CabHell & want to tell her. She listens for a while. He refutes everything I said & keeps accusing me of ‘wanting other men.’ Of course I want other men, anyone but him.

But after listening to both of us she is tired & exasperated, there’s no resolution, she begs off & goes to sleep. She saw my side, she said had she met someone like me she would become a success. And she warns him that his brother died of drugs, she knows he’s still on them, & unless he quits, he’s in danger. He denies if but of course, he sneaks drugs – when I’d be in my room upstairs I could sometimes smell weird smells coming from downstairs like he was cooking for crack cocaine or heroin.

BTW – 9 out of 10 people who go into rehab relapse, so if you are involved with someone who WAS on drugs don’t expect them to be free – you’re in for the ride of your life. They torture to death everyone around them.

OK one day his sis is out of the house working. I want to get a cab, get the bus & leave town & he knows it. He tried to stop me, & blocks my way into the bedroom to get my shoes, so I leave the place with my socks on – it’s cold but fuck it, I have to get out.

He follows me, walking fast, I walk fast. I could have stopped a cop, they were right by me in a car, but didn’t want to get him into trouble, so I keep going. Finally his sis’s boyfriend comes home. He meets us at this restaurant right across the street & tries to talk reason to Cab. But Cab has no reason, he’s insane, & he keeps raising his voice. People are staring. – His objective with me? It isn’t love, he has none, he doesn’t know what it is, it’s the free ride, the clothes, the money he might get. I am the cash cow, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, & now he’s losing me, the best deal he’ll ever have & he knows it. After me, it’s back to the gutter – after his sis gets to know him of course & throws him out as well.

After much to-do with the sis, the boyfriend of hers, she decides they’ll keep him {not for long} & they’ll give me a ride back to my house & get his clothes, & I’ll be rid of him forever! Whoopee do!

We start out in the bf’s van. I get insulted by her best friend. This wise acre black lady – who says she’s a Christian but carries on with a married German & ‘God understands’ asks me which is my favorite scripture. I tell her,

‘I am the resurrection & the life, he who lives in me, though he die, shall live.”

Then she says to me,

“When you give CabHell a blow job, do you take out your false teeth?”

Everyone laughs but CabHell does pipe in, I must give him credit,

“All her teeth are real.”

Before we get to my house we stop at a Subway shop & I buy everyone a meal. Then at my house they pack in all the clothes I bought him & I give them several of my most beautiful blankets – including one that I loved so much it hurt. But I sacrificed it to thank God for getting rid of dirt.

CabHell asks to speak to me alone, get on his knees, & begs to stay but I say no.

So those are the highlights of my first ‘boyfriend’ as a Cougar. God help you if you meet someone like him. You must plan your getaway as soon as you realize someone is not right, even if you suspect. No appeasement, take this for example, re the onset of World War II:

“The most famous example of appeasement is Chamberlain signing the Munich agreement which resulted in Germany taking the Sudetenland from Czechoslovakia. Chamberlain hoped this would be the end of Hitler’s demands, although other politicians such as Churchill warned otherwise.”

“How did appeasement affect Hitler?

Appeasement encouraged Hitler to be more aggressive, with each victory giving him confidence and power. With more land, Germany became better defended, with more soldiers, workers, raw materials, weapons and industries. This then shows the first way that appeasement caused World War II.”

Remember, when you do something for someone they expect it again – & again. Sometimes they want more, & more. This goes for animals as well as people, some get spoiled, some, like this guy, downright dangerous.

When you suspect something is not right – with all your might, try to get rid of the person as soon as possible.

And oh yes, within a couple months the sister got rid of him & didn’t tell him where she moved to.

I wish I could say this was the last time I dealt with a lowlife, but unfortunately, there were a few more. They wear masks when you meet them; it takes time for the masks to come off. {End Chapter 8}

Reaction to this from Pete Jackson: That guy CabHell, aptly named, sounds like a real lowlife indeed, absolute trash, hopelessly stuck in the very gutter of consciousness. As he will most likely remain in his next life as well. Most likely in Hell proper, but if he is lucky, maybe he could be reincarnated as pond scum, lol. We all go back to where we belong, and people like him apparently belong in a much darker place.

What you say about appeasement is very true. I have also learned that the hard way as well with several people I thought I knew that seemed to be genuine and good until their masks belatedly fell off. The more you give (or worse, lend) to a lowlife or narcissist of any sort, the more they demand. Every single time. They are never ever satisfied for long, and always want more more more, even after promising that it will be the last time and never again (right!). And whenever you tell them no more after they inevitably ask again, or heaven forbid, ask them to give back what they borrowed, they turn it around accuse you of being the selfish one and tell another sob story and say things like “life is not a controlled experiment” as their lame excuse for breaking their word again and again. Such utter chutzpah and entitlement mentality. But sooner or later, karma will inevitably get them good. Best wishes and have a good night, Pete

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Helping Souls

Helping Souls from Purgatory & One on Earth – Dream

9-28-22 Get rid of people invading my house but one remains!

The dream begins with a MOVE for me for the better.

I’m WORKING in a room that is in B’klyn, but it is also Mario’s room at the old farm house. It’s in black & white, cold, dreary.

* {MARIO’S ROOM: This ALWAYS portends SEPARATION, a serious kind. There is no relationship, a breakup, an ending. It was my heartbreak when I found Dad would be with us no more but the new man Marius was there – but then Marius also disappeared. It’s cold & dreary. This might be about the DEATH OF NICK.} *

But I am given or shown a house that is beautiful, comfortable, large, cozy, many rooms. This house gives me a great deal of pleasure when I inhabit it. I was given this LONG AGO, it pops up seldom in my dreams & this house has, in the middle of the second floor, a room that is NOT USED. When I see this house I see an EMPTY room sometimes off to the side – almost like a sacred/secret room – but this one’s in the middle. It has pink hues.

So I bring my work to this middle room & it’s SO MUCH NICER.

*** {THE NICER HOUSE I WAS GIVEN LONG AGO BUT DON’T VISIT OFTEN IN MY DREAMS: A house is a STATE OF MIND as well as EMOTION – It’s one’s CONSCIOUSNESS. Jesus said

“In my Father’s house are many mansions,”

& also

“I go to prepare a place for you.”

It’s a place of consciousness, Heaven being symbolized by MANSION rather than an ordinary house, hut or wilderness. A mansion represents LUXURY – having all you want, so it would be pleasurable states such as fulfillment & happiness. A regular house such as some people have in Heaven, or an apt, is a lower state of consciousness, not the extreme joy of Great Saints. A hut would be very low, even a place in Purgatory. A WILDERNESS is a God-forsaken place where one is LOST & NOT INTIMATE with God. I have been in a wilderness after gaining the Divine Interior Stigmata, as well as when I was in love with Nick & my mind veered off God, I was hypnotized or addicted to Nick, & it was painful.

This house or something like it I have seen many times, it fulfills me greatly. This appears here to herald or announce that this person, who needs my help, which is WORK for me, gives me satisfaction – “It is better to give than to receive.” I am not to help EVERYONE just as I cannot assist all Souls in Purgatory – just those that are GIVEN ME by God. By the same token, this is intimating this Soul on earth is given me by God, as it fulfills a good state of mind & heart. It is saying ‘go for it – help him.’ In other words, the Will of God sanctions this} ***

Then I’m BEHIND the house enjoying life. I am about to enter the house from the back door, noticing it has terrific security. On top of the regular door, it has a wood door that is about 5” thick, solid, which no one could break through, then the regular door, painted green. So I begin entering the door when I hear NOISES inside the house & who on earth could this be?

I have allowed NO ONE access to my house!

*** {ACCESS TO MY HOUSE, NO ONE IS ALLOWED: My consciousness now permits no ATTACHMENTS, that is to say no focus or strong attention to any person. I need to be isolated, alone with God to do my work – like a hermit or anchorite. To have even ONE human invade or my becoming attached to them destroys my consciousness! It is the state of SPIRITUAL POVERTY. This ‘poverty’ actually gives the greatest LUXURY of spirituality! I want to be happy, joyful, not cluttered with ‘baggage’ the way the ‘rich man’ was who could not get through the gate called ‘eye of the needle.’

My security is usually perfect, but what happened here, who are these people in my consciousness?} ***

But when I enter the living room, there is an old man – about say 60, & 2 ancient ladies with him who look 90. Here they are sitting pretty as you please in the middle of my living room. I notice it’s furnished nicely in a kind of old but new furniture, lots of light colors, pictures on the walls, lots of light & windows, white or cream colored rugs.

This man is someone I met briefly, just an acquaintance, & I ask him what is going on?

*** {OLD MAN WITH 2 ANCIENT LADIES IN MY LIVING ROOM: This is a SAINT – Don’t know who – he’s brought me 2 SOULS IN PURGATORY! The celestials have access to my consciousness as I am a sworn minister to Purgatory. They are allowed to enter my mind at any time to bring me Souls – I have never refused one. It says this is a Saint I am not real close to like one of my ‘regulars’.

The ladies shown as ancient seem to be symbols of those who are so old they die. Half their hair is gone & they are not CONSCIOUS OF ME as they don’t HEAR ME. The SAINT is the go between, they are communicating with him. This saint could also be someone I got out of Purgatory before. It happens once in a while – Souls I helped before now use my ‘office’ to get those they know or love out of Purgatory, it’s collaboration between me & them.} ***

He somehow explains obtusely that these are needy women from some place like Sweden – displaced persons who came to this country but had no place to live.

* {DISPLACED PERSONS: Souls in Purgatory who have arrived, by the Grace of God, into my consciousness – My Heavenly world, seeking refuge, comfort & help! They have lost their ‘homeland’ which is Heaven} *

It seems somehow, along with these 2 women is a CROWD of the same kind of persons – I see them somehow here but not here – later they will appear physically.

When the old man agrees to take these old ladies out of my house, the crowd mentioned appears – mostly females. They are well dressed about 30 to 50 of them, & they are like CELEBRATING & even TAKING PICTURES of all of them! I am behind the people & seem ‘short’ & not wanting to be in the picture, I slink away to the right.

In the middle of this crowd one lady stands out, in a dress like the one I had on in yesterday’s dream, similar, like darkish with floral or specks in all colors. She has on a hat & accessories – they are all well dressed & happy!

This SURPRISED ME as here I EVICTED these people so why are they happy at this departure? They are KINFOLK & have PLACES for those leaving. Not sure where the old man sits but in the next scene he’s explaining the last lady – who is left.

*** {CROWD OF HAPPY PEOPLE – WELL DRESSED – LADY IN SPECKED DRESS WITH ACCESSORIES – CELEBRATING AT THIS EXIT, HAVE PLACES FOR THEM! What amazing symbols! These are people IN HEAVEN somehow related to or connected with these ancient ladies, who are now EXITING PURGATORY & so of course, they are happy. This is the welcoming party. The lady in the fancy getup seems to be pivotal. Good clothes are the LIGHTS & RADIANCE of Heaven, sometimes special MEDALS OR honors for work on earth {jewels, accessories, decorations}.

I consider myself no more than a bystander – the lady mentioned plus the saint are the ones who did this, my office was used for a station on earth but I take no credit, so I leave the scene as a ‘small’ or not important player.} ***

After this exit there is one more lady who is left behind. She’s in a previous room. She has ‘collapsed’ or lied down on her right side onto a spread out turquoise towel. My rug is white, she’s in the middle of the floor.

The old man tells me,

“They had no place for her.”

I was perplexed, what now?

*** {ONE LEFT BEHIND – NO PLACE FOR HER: This is sooooooooo interesting. Yesterday I made a meal for a teenage boy who’s stopped by a couple times asking me for work. I’ve been hesitant to employ him as he comes from a severely troubled family & I don’t want any fallout from that.

But God is telling me in this dream that it’s like helping Souls in Purgatory. They are helpless, in great need. I help, they ascend into Heaven where there is A PLACE FOR THEM.

But this person is ON EARTH & so, where will he go? There is no refuge or safe harbor for him except me.

And God is telling me my consciousness will improve – She gives me the ‘wonderful house’, so this will help me as well as him, it is destined. In other words, the beginning of the dream shows me in a place of emptiness or separation at Nick’s death. Then I am given this luxury house & a person collapses init. I have the means, spiritually, to help & should do it.

He collapsing on my white rug is his collapse upon my good will & heart. The towel is ‘throw in the towel’ when you can’t take any more. The blue is sorrow, the green within the color scheme is ‘alive on earth.’ He is desperate, has collapsed & God is saying to me not to hesitate but help.

Another Soul in Purgatory – but this one on earth.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Wisdom of the Cross

Chapter 5 Wisdom of the Cross vs Worldly Wisdom written 9-25-22 also How Abuse Makes

You Strong also Suicide Attempt of Spoiled half Sister

In my life being reviewed, there are situations where it seems I didn’t ‘act smart’ or ‘do the right thing,’ like marrying the millionaires who wanted me. I explained as best I could I didn’t feel these were the right moves for me, & today I got an insight.

My life has been led by ‘the Wisdom of the Cross’ rather than that of the world, so let’s get an explanation. What is one kind, & what is the other?

The wisdom of the world is exactly the OPPOSITE of the Cross. If you see this by the Light of the life of Jesus, you see that he did the ‘wrong’ things in the eyes of the world – he brought about his own punishment & death. But he did the Will of God in all things, & the Will of God brought upon him the wrath of Society but the protection & Grace of God. My life is like that.

With Jesus, there are those who believe he was an itinerant preacher in India, possibly during his 12 to 29 yrs absent from the bible, & also after he survived the crucifixion & went back to India. There’s a book, “The Life of Saint Issa’ by Nicholas Notovitch who traveled through the areas where Jesus was & there is documentation in the monasteries. There’s also a video by the BBC which explains ‘Jesus in Kashmir’, what happened after his Crucifixion.

Wherever Our Lord went he caused conflict, & with that comes persecution & danger. The world is not one of God, like He said, ‘Satan is the Prince of this world,’ & so when one preaches Truth, one comes up against the Prince of Darkness & his vassals. Obviously these are TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS – He said, ‘My Kingdom is not of this world!

To represent the Truth brings trouble in a world built on lies. If Jesus followed the ‘wisdom’ of the world He’d not have condemned the Pharisees, He would have been diplomatic with them – but he called them names & denounced them in front of the people. If he wanted safety He would not have turned over the money changer’s stalls in the Temple – He was ASKING FOR TROUBLE. But He was teaching & preaching through his actions.

In my case, had I wanted the peace of this world – not of God – I would have played along with Mom, denounced my Dad & turned my back on him. But I resisted her & welcomed Dad when he visited, even sleeping on the foldout couch with him. That was my first ‘mistake’ in worldly wisdom.

I made many other ‘mistakes’ by following God. I did things society HATED like female body building. I gained the wrath of many a man – believe it or not, as late as 2007 as I was about the receive my award as Progenitor, a man, when he found out what I was really about – the emancipation of women – pleaded with Dan Lurie not to give me the award. A few people argued against me. But in the end, I won.

Now take note that those who buck the world but obey God are not sitting ducks. They receive from God her Love & Her Grace, which includes Protection. It is the Supernatural that we have faith, hope & trust in – It is the Supernatural that we are part of, that we depend on, & in the end, not always right away, we are awarded, rewarded & exonerated by God. If we do not gain happiness on earth, each time we obey God during hardships, our souls become more radiant, & this acquisition will last into Eternity. The world cannot crush us forever; it can do so temporarily, but not even that at all times. In some cases, we gain what we lost on earth while we are still here.

As for example, they thought they killed Jesus, but the Grace of God gave him Joseph of Arimathea & Nicodemus, who brought healing herbs, got him out of the grave, took him to some undisclosed place to recover. He appeared to the disciples time & again, straightened them out, then went on his way, living to the ripe age of 81, ministering in Tibet, & is buried in Kashmir.

And that is why I did not marry the several multi-millionaires who wanted me. In the end, I did marry a rich man, who gave me enough for all my needs & future. {I made my own million before that, I proved myself, no beggar was I.}

This was God’s way – not my endeavor. I resisted marrying Richard for years but in the end – God MADE ME marry him, explained elsewhere.

I was harshly criticized for many things I did, but I followed the beat of the distant drummer from Heaven. My mind & heart were always with the Infinite God. I was not & am not ‘of this world’ or its mentality. And because of this, I trust in God, not money, not men, not anything but God, & the Almighty blesses me. That’s what makes me DIFFERENT. Most women are focused on MEN – My mind is centered on God, my whole life began with God, remained with God & will end with God.

Chapter 6 Insight Re How Abuse Makes One Strong

For many years I kept asking God, why the abuse? Why did you allow it? And the only answer I’d get was ‘to make you strong.’ But how, I could not discern.

Then after writing the previous, this came to me from Mother God:

“Think of it as resistance training. When you lift weights you pick up an amount that takes strength, it RESISTS YOU, & you have to CONQUER IT.

Abuse is like that. Your Mother says or does things that hurt you. You must resist those actions, with a COUNTER THOUGHT or ACTIVITY, & that EXERCISES your POSITIVE EXISTENCE. Let’s say she says in word or deed,

“You are WORTHLESS.”

You counter with,

“How can I be worthless while being created by God & God loves me? Would God love something worthless? And I have DONE MY BEST that I know to do. I have harmed no one; I have not committed sin, so how could I be worthless?”

On the other hand, she treated your brother & other family members like they were IMPORTANT. This SPOILED them into delusional thinking, that they meant more than you & others. That is the WORST thing that can happen. It’s better to be abused, within reason, than spoiled. Being spoiled causes sin – the sin of feeling vain, proud, superior & LOOKING DOWN on others. Your bro was no more important than you or anyone else just because Mom gave that impression. Being spoiled did not demand his exercise of VIRTUE. He was LAZY in that he’d take the EASY WAY OUT, like the landscaping business you mentioned {in Part 8}. He did not GO OUT OF HIS WAY to create a success, the project FAILED. And when Mom bought him a property that could have been lucrative, he took it for granted, he SURVIVED, he worked & PROVIDED, but he did not KILL HIMSELF so to speak, didn’t go ‘the extra mile’ toward big success, & when he died, he left his family in debt. He wife, a senior citizen, had to return to work to remain solvent.

Your bro & others like that, are like the High Society people who INHERIT MONEY, prestige & status. For NO REASON they feel superior, they Lord it over others. But basically, they have no skills how to survive, like for example, making their own food, doing menial chores like taking care of animals, keeping the house clean – all the things that servants do – the ‘underlings.’ Indeed, they have other skills / traits like education, refined manners, conversational skills, social dancing, even horseback riding but not horse tending. They have skills that make them get along with other wealthy people & gain favor in society, sometimes achieve that kind of success, but not basic skills of survival when all is taken away. These type people – like royalty – expect money to come from somewhere; endowments, annuities & inheritances. Strip them of societal help – put them out on the street & they will flounder. Think of the account of ‘The Prince & the Pauper.’

The main idea of The Prince and the Pauper -

In Mark Twain’s The Prince and the Pauper there is a clear disconnect between the wealthy and the poor. The rich, in their lofty positions in fine estates away from the dirt, noise, and misery in London’s slums, they place no value on the lives of the poor.

Tom Canty, the pauper, was raised with his sister by Dad & Grandma to beg on the streets & when not enough was garnered, beaten mercilessly. The Prince, upon entering his social milieu, saw that poor people were burned alive & hanged for minor offences.

{As a child my Dad read this book to me in Lithuanian, called, “Princas ir Elgeta.’ I was deeply impressed.}

Mother God continues: Your brother always expected help from Mom & she always gave it. From childhood he was privileged, like the time you were 7 years old, he almost ten, when he tricked you into what he hoped would be impalement on his spear. As explained in Part 3, he had a stick which he sharpened for 2 days. When it was ready he suggested you prove yourself, how fast you could run, without the spear getting struck by the cobblestones {in the back yard} & you had to run as fast as possible, holding the spear toward your body, & NOT get hit by a cobblestone.

He plotted this, looking at you with a devious smile while he whittled, & you being a gung ho naïve, eager to prove yourself person, did what he asked.

Suddenly in the middle of it you did hit a rock – hard – & it thrust not into the vagina, as your bro hoped, but into your left thigh. Your Guardian Angels prevented disaster – a thrust in the vaginal area would have penetrated your intestines, caused toxemia & you could have died within days.

But instead, it was a flesh wound, albeit a bad one that took weeks to heal & months for the scab to fall off.

Your Mom did NOT take you to the doctor to sew up the wound for fear your brother would get into trouble, she risked your life rather than the far chance he might get blamed. That was the first big incident of favoritism to him, a lower value put on you. {Your Dad did nothing as Mom was the bully – he obeyed her.}

This was only the beginning of favoritism to him & deprivation to you – You the pauper, he the Prince.

And through the years you were so deprived, so downgraded by her & those she marshalled {Dad abandoned you} that by the time you left home you looked to no one for a meal ticket – you relied on yourself, your faith in God, trust & confidence in her. Seeing no way out of your misery, you had to really ‘kill yourself’ to survive. You were literally out on the street when the main who took you to Hollywood left you there – with no friends, family – nothing. Somehow through faith & work, you survived, & a few years later living in a beautiful house in Beverly Hills – {attained through WORK, not chicanery or being given anything by any man} – & the same man who dropped you on the street visited & dropped his jaw. He could not comprehend how you had thrived. He said he’d get you into Playboy but did not. Then he saw you in the magazine as ‘Miss Nude Universe ‘ – they gave him your address, & there he came, astounded & left without understanding.

There was another low point in your life in the mid 80’s. You were unhappy with the Stripping career, as no matter how hard you worked, how famous you got, you had no money. The agent you had could only get you about 6 jobs a year – yes, you got 2,500 to 4 thousand a week six times a year. You had no money in the bank. At one point he got you nothing for 6 months – You didn’t realize that he wasn’t even trying. Prior to that, you got him the names & phone numbers of places you could work – but they would not book a dancer directly, it had to be through an agent, & he’d call, make the gig, & demanded 20%. This was Don DeCarlo from Pittsburgh. Another agent you had had was in NYC, only charged 10% – You told Don from now on, it was 10%, which was fair. And that was the end – he didn’t even LOOK for a job for you – he was so pissed you downed his salary. So you had no job for 6 months & you survived because you lived modestly.

At that point you sought a way out. You had to be inventive, use your imagination. You put ads in the paper, as you had many fans, where men could date you {no sex} for a price & could speak to you by phone, if they paid. This brought in maybe $100. a week.

There was only one man who paid for dates – a foot & leg man, he took you out about 5-6 times. You had to wear special stockings & high heeled shoes, you were out for several hours, going to a few different bars in the city. He bought the special stockings he wanted, you had the shoes, he’d gaze at your legs & feet the entire night, then pay you something like $75, then went to his hotel & presumably had a good time with his thoughts.

There were several men who paid you to talk – it wasn’t even about sex, but they went on & on past the time they paid for, some would drag it out for 2 hours, it was exhausting.

Then there was Joe from Middletown NY who was madly in love with you. He sent you about $150 a week & you talked on the phone at least one hour, & this helped the most. You were making it, but by the skin of your teeth.

It was then that God stepped in & by a process more complicated than we’ll go into now, God presented you a business. It’s explained in one of your books, but this business turned out to be so lucrative you took in one million dollars in sales by ten years.

It was a video production business. You had to make pictures to sell, then videos of you dancing. This later turned into domination & fetish videos & you gathered a huge client base, about 3k paying customers & your videos, most of which were custom made, sold for big money. They even resold them on 42^nd street, giving you 10k at a time for copies to resell. And the man who sold them said he made ‘great money.’

You had to learn new skills– it was the first time you owned a business – You had to learn video production – a new art! It was complicated. You worked your ass off & it paid off. You were a great success, new articles appeared re you & your videos in all the men’s magazines & underground papers.

This was ingenuity, creativity & zeal. Your bro had none of that, because his needs were met by Mom. You relied on God & yourself. This meant you had to have VIRTUE, the virtues of faith, hope, trust, fortitude, determination – all those things that bring success. God gave you the Grace, you worked with it – Just as God gives you the Grace RIGHT NOW to write your life story!

In the last two years you have written 7 books! This is the 8^th, called Part 9 {the first was published years ago}. This ability came from Grace, it’s not native to the flesh – Few humans could do what you’ve done, certainly not anyone you know, certainly no member of your family. And if anyone of them disputes your rendition of events, tell them to write accounts of what really happened, & you bet your bippy they won’t be able to.

To go on, the strength you portrayed in the events of your life – going against the system, beating at odds in various endeavors, breaking ground for women where others had not gone before – took courage. This virtue & others were honed by a hard life coupled with Grace, there is no other way – at least, not for you. So here you are, you have attained your dreams or wishes & its not over yet.

Another SPOILED Family Member tries to COMMIT SUICIDE

Another case might be BAFFLING is my half sister, probably the love child of Mom & Marius, who I shall call Nihil.

I’ve spoken re her before, but not spilled the beans re her attempted suicide.

What amazed me is how well she was treated compared to me, right up into adulthood when I saw her last, & yet, somehow it did her little good.

She’s a mixed case of success & in the end – what to me is FAILURE as another person, friend of the family, has to SUBSIDIZE her life style! I mean MONEY is sent to her every month by someone else!

As I explained before, I taught her to read & write age four, then draw, taught her Sunday school – read to her from the bible, taught her various things like card games, reciting poetry, acting. I was her ‘Nanny’ with no thanks whatsoever.

When I visited at my Aunt’s house – can’t recall the year – say she was 10 years old, I was startled to see they gave her a huge tank with lizards. Such a luxury given me would have been UNTHINKABLE.

Years later, don’t know how, My Mom had purchased the exquisite house next to Aunt’s. At that time Nihil was sent to RIDINGSCHOOL {I have a pic somewhere, but where, with her jumping over a fence, replete with horsewoman uniform, helmet, etc} & they bought her A HORSE! I have no idea how much Aunt had to do with this as Mom USED AUNT, her younger sister, a lot. Aunt & Uncle had no children & their money situation was good so they might have subsidized some or all of this.

It was during this time it happened. Yes, I was speaking to Nihil at the time. I recall our last conversation before it happened. It was my daughter’s birthday – we were living in B’klyn. I’m on the phone with Nihil, bragging how I baked not a two layer, but a FOUR LAYER CAKE in all colors for her birthday.

A few days later I get a call. Nihil had gone into the woods behind the house & run out having cut both her wrists, bleeding profusely. They took her to the hospital – later the mental hospital. Here she stayed for months, the bill, once again, NOT paid by my Mom but a friend of the family. It was 16k if I remember right – what today would be around 75k! Mom always got someone to bail her out!

She never told anyone why she did it, to this day it’s a mystery. But the next summer she got the same kind of depression, would not get out of the bed. Aunt had to call the medics & they took her away in a straight jacket! Again, she stayed in the hospital for months, with another HUGE BILL! The same friend paid the bill.

Third summer comes by. Now Mom is in the General Hospital with lung cancer. And sis is getting the SAME SYMPTOMS. I am called by the family friend. Nihil is showing symptoms again of a collapse. There’s no money left, she’ll have to be put into the psyche ward of the hospital Mom is in! This would be brutal. She asks me to help.

OK go to the ‘Lady’s Chapel’ at St. Patrick’s Cathedral NYC. There I sit & pray for FOUR HOURS. I see Lights & Visions.

She is HEALED, at least to a point where once again she can function & never collapses again. The trauma is averted.

Nihil finishes college, she even goes into the military where she’s taught to CARRY A GUN & after 10 years, in the regular life she works in the realm of SECURITY where she also carries a gun. This gun business makes me wonder, she must have kept her attempted suicide a SECRET as would that disqualify her from military? I was told by my Officer friend at the Pentagon

“She must not have told them.”

OK, fine. She’s in many ways a success. Graduated an art college {because I taught her to draw} – Served in the military with honor for ten years, worked at good jobs all her life until retirement. Gets married to a guy she met while in service. They have two incomes.

But why is she too broke to afford Cable TV, lol? A lady friend is now subsidizing them so they can afford a few extras. To me – this is FAILURE. And why so, when she was not abused, but to my estimation, SPOILED?

And what did I get for those four hours of prayer, which I know HEALED & helped her? What I got was a kick in the pants. When Mom was buried, her hate lived on in the hearts & minds of other members of the family. They brainwashed Nihil against me & she’s not spoken to me since 1979! And did anyone acknowledge my help those hours in Our Lady’s Chapel? Of course not.

Being spoiled did not make Nihil strong or honorable. Like my bro, she was used to being coddled, favored & supported. And what did it get her? Someone is helping her financially, & she, a college graduate with an income plus her husband’s income– still needs someone to send her money.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Nick’s Regrets

Nick Regrets the Past – He wants to pose for me now but he hasn’t got a body

9-22-22 Nick Flips Back to Purgatory after Heaven – He can see now what a mistake he

made, he could have been part of a brilliant future

I don’t know how this happens but it seems, in the last few dreams {I did not record them} Nick has flipped back to a Purgatorial state after reaching Heaven. This doesn’t seem to make sense, as we are told ‘Heaven is Forever.’ But upon thinking, I have been on the other side, in Heaven, twice in my lifetime, but then came back to earth.

Is it therefore, by the same token, possible to see or enter Heaven temporarily after death, the flip back to Purgatory to continue one’s cleansing? By this dream it seems so.

First we are all in a house that is about 3 stories high, with a big picture window onto the street. The air is reddish, inside the house & outside. Our building is B’klyn, but unlike there, it’s made of all wood. There is a STORM, thunder & lightning & it gets WORSE – the entire building moves like an earthquake hit but the only person who is affected is Nick, who FALLS toward me, onto me. We wait for the earthquake to continue but it stops. End of that scene.

* {NICK IS AFFECTED BY AN EARTHQUAKE, FALLS ONTO ME, RED AIR INSIDE & OUT, WOODEN BUILDING: The red air is SUFFERING {blood} everywhere – inside & out. The wooden building is SUFFERING – the Cross. The earthquake affects no one but Nick. This is saying the suffering is ABOUT NICK, not anyone else {there were maybe half a dozen people here, male & female, including me}. It is the SUFFERING that KILLED NICK – in other words, he took more drugs to try to stop his suffering, & when he took his final dose he FELL UPON ME, which means, he GOT CLOSER TO ME. Who is ME? It’s the GOD SELF. Like I said in Part 8 ‘He died to be with me.’ It was our conversation June 3^rd that spelled his ‘doom’ – in his mind, I broke up with him when I told him my conditions. I had to be his front wife & he had to quit drugs. The false wife & drugs went together—she being the enabler, so basically, it was the drugs he could not quit. Life now became UNBEARABLE.} *

Now I am with two other women. One of them is tall, lanky & very active. The other is shorter, more attractive. We’re starting some sort of lucrative business where we will take & sell images; it seems, mostly of men.

In real life none of this makes sense but just remember, it’s a dream, therefore, symbolic.

I recall being happy, active, looking forward to good things.

Then the specter of Nick appears, & it’s not a good omen. There’s something about him that is annoying & nerve-wracking

Now we are in a very large enclosure that might be hundreds of feet in all directions. In this place are many smaller ‘personal areas’ or stations of work.

My lady friends & I have our own station, which is bigger than most, it’s off to a side, has wide open spaces around it, bright light like the walls are all glass or just open to the sky.

*** {OUR BUSINESS, BRIGHT, OPEN WINDOWS OR SKY, LUCRATIVE – THE 3 WOMEN: I sense these 3 women are parts of me which I played in the ‘Theater of Life.’ The tall one might be the saintly ‘Stripper for God,’ the shorter one might be the body builder, because she reminds me of the weight lifting gal I just saw in “Time Crashers.’ Both of them are involved in picture taking of men, as both these aspects are my flesh when I became a ‘Cougar’ at the bequest of God.

These 3 getting together toward something lucrative could be my LIFE STORY which tells all the parts I played. The dreamer is the God Self.

The way our station / office / space is set up is ‘the sky is the limit’. The opportunities here are great.

My ‘body building’ self holds up 5k pictures, my God Self says she has 50k. This might refer to more than images of the males – it’s my whole life, I have so many images & each book contains numerous ones.} ***

I decide to go to Nick’s spot in this enclosure & it’s a bed. The mattress is about 4’ off the floor, its medium light grey, smooth, maybe firm. The headrest is the same, about 4’ tall & as wide as the bed, same material, color & about a 45 degree angle. The bed has junk on it – pieces & sort of rags from a thick knitted scarf from one’s neck made of dark blue & medium blue stripes. I have a stick & with it, I poke each piece or rag off his bed.

*** {HIS BED, THE PIECES OR RAGS: Need help Mother God.

MG: These are the things he doesn’t need, that were STRANGLING him, a noose around his neck of sorrow {blues}. You removed all the things that impeded him, according to this dream. Is this on earth or in Purgatory? On earth he didn’t listen to you, so it MUST BE Purgatory where your God Power, according to this, enables you to cleanse him.

And the catch-all under his torso that you pry open & look inside has several pairs of GLASSES, one of which looks like safety glasses. Later in the dream he’ll appear with ancient-looking glasses once again.

GLASSES are AIDS TO VISION. When impediments were removed from him, the things he didn’t need, his desires for them gone, he was able to SEE CLEARLY & now he is dealing with Truth. He was or blinded by his human flesh – the addiction mostly, & the fear of his peers.} ***

Then I go to the other side of the bed & see that as he was sitting there, there’s a catch-all section slightly below his torso, where if you flip it open you see all kinds of things fell in. I see several pairs of nice glasses, like eye protectors with no rims, modern, & lots of other things including pens. I need pens so I just requisition them – take them for myself. I then sit on the bed for a short time.

* {WHERE AM I GOING IN THIS PLACE WHERE NICK IS? HIS BED – WHAT IS IT? WHAT ARE THE THINGS ON IT & IN IT? There’s a saying ‘you made your bed, now lie in it.” It’s what he did to himself past & present.} *

After I did this my lanky lady partner comes bounding toward our office & Nick is with her, sort of hovering in the air, & he has decided he wants to POSE FOR PICTURES for our business. I didn’t want him, invite him & don’t know why he’s here, & why my associate let him.

So he appears & he is not appropriate at all for our pictures.

He’s wearing round black-rimmed glasses the kind that were popular in 1935, but they are even older like from medieval days if such a thing is possible, thick ornate black frames coming off the circles {Again, I saw an actor wearing glasses that were supposed to be from Medieval days in ‘Time Crashers}.

And he hovers in the air posing, with all his clothes on. I know that no one will buy these pictures, they only want men naked. I was going to tell him he has to take all his clothes off, but I don’t because I’m not even sure I want him posing any more. His hair is cut very short, he doesn’t look sexy or handsome. Does he still have what it takes?

*** {HE WANTS TO POSE FOR ME NOW, I’M NOT SURE ABOUT IT, HIS GLASSES, HIS APPEARANCE: OK this is me vs the lanky part of me, the Stripper for God. She brings him in, I’m not sure I want him. This is a conflict or dispute between my Spirit & flesh. My flesh wants him in my life story, my God Self isn’t sure if he belong here, lol. Will he help the project? According to this, if he is NAKED. Naked can represent several things. One, being open & vulnerable, ‘naked before the Lord.’ And second, his naked pictures might help my books, but only that.

His ANCIENT GLASSES are his looking WAY BACK to when we started. He regrets not giving in to me, posing for me again, letting me manage him as far as a model or whatever he wished for show business. Now he wants to be IN – but what do I want with him? Just tell the truth & show his naked pictures this says.} ***

I was speaking to my other lady partner & she had a lot of images sort of in her hands but in the air, very beautiful. I asked her how many images she had, & she said 5k. I told her I had 50k. This is talking about male models.

* {MEANING: This is not easy to interpret. I know the general meaning, it’s Nick’s REGRET at forfeiting our relationship. But specifics are murky. However, below, is a parallel dream, which means the meaning is hidden in two theaters, & the second is more straightforward. If I understand the second I’ll also get the first.} *

In another dream later I am sitting with Nick to my left at a table, in a large room that might be a restaurant, but there is nothing at our table.

He’s staring maybe whimsically ahead to his left, which is directly in front of me – he’s not said a word for a long time.

He’s wearing a charcoal grey twill jacket, the material is stiff & covers so much of him that I want to touch him but can hardly find a spot, only his wrist presents one.

I want to get him to speak but am afraid of annoying or disturbing him, I gently touch him a few times on his arm & wrist & say,

“Say something.”

He turns to me & he does speak, rather sadly. He asks me about myself, but darn if I can remember what he said.

*** {MEANING: Without a doubt, he is looking to the PAST with sad REGRET. There is nothing on our table meaning, we DO NOT have a RELATIONSHIP. He forfeited it for DRUGS & the PARTHNER / WIFE that enabled him. He is looking to the past with such great regret he can’t speak.

The charcoal grey twill jacket tells of DEPRESSION & LOSS. Charcoal is the part of the wood or coal, the carbon, that remains after the wood or coal is burned. It then burns even hotter, burning up means FAILURE & charcoal is TOTAL burning up, so its TOTAL failure. He now SEES HIS OWN FAILURE.

It’s he that failed, not me. I am not miserable or sorrowful but in this dream, I pity him.

The TABLE is where you usually receive FOOD / FRUITS / BENEFITS / JOYS of life. But there is nothing here – no relationship – & he looks at the past {to his left} with regret so great he can’t speak. I am not looking with regret at the PAST, I am looking AHEAD, not stuck back there with regret.

Why does he ask me something about MYSELF? The point is, he never did, except to try to figure out who I’d been with or what I’d done that might be sex or loving another guy. I ask Mother God, what does it mean that he asks something about me?

MG: In your affair all he cared about was HIMSELF. Totally SELF ABSORBED, SELFISH, no compassion, not caring about you. This shows a change for the better, that egomania has subsided. He now SEES as he LOOKS at the past without his emotional baggage – the drugs, the fears, the people he associated with. He sees Truth & for the first time, he ASKS ABOUT YOU.} ***

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

His Breast Attempt

I Strip for God Part 9 The Life in my Men

His Breast Attempt

Where do I begin? Let’s start with A – Dr. Robert Atkins.

OK I was looking for a remedy for my constipation. It’s a lifelong problem & I only realized later it got worse due to not having sex. I’d taken the vow of celibacy May 27, 1978, this was 1981 & my bowels stopped moving, I guess due to no peristaltic nervous system activity. But then I wasn’t sure.

I am in Manhattan & I go by this huge brick clinic & there’s a doctor there – I wasn’t sure who he was but he was famous. I envisioned him as ‘Stillman,’ the ‘water doc’ – who I’d seen on TV.

So I go in, a shaggy sheep dog greets me. I speak to the nurses & somehow they con me into getting the ‘hypoglycemia’ test – they strong arm everyone that walks in to get this, as it’s like $480. out of my pocket {no insurance} into theirs. And I fall for it.

They take your blood – then they make you FAST – no food for 24 hours & take your blood again. Something about your blood drops real low, then real high, some crap that PROVES you – & everyone else on earth – is HYPOCLYCEMIC. And WTF does that prove & what do they do abut it? I can’t even recall but I think you have to go on what he called his diet – the same as numbnuts body builders believed in during that time that I also fell for – all meat -{I just looked his up, it says limited carbs, but the body builders then preached none}.

Yes, I was training then & yes, I followed that foolish diet & yes, I was in perfect shape.

Now its time to see the big man. I’m sitting on the silver table waiting for him in the white smock. He comes in I’m supposed to be bare to the waist – no nurse in sight.

His jaw drops as he sees my body & his hand pops out to touch my breast,

“Are those real?”

At that moment he’s just a man, & I grab his wrist & stop him. He gasps & sits down at a table close by exclaiming,

“But I’m a doctor!’

And I say,

“I came in for constipation, not a breast exam.’

Above: Me in 1981 – Perfection

Hearing my complaints he recommends an x ray, which I have to get elsewhere, that I never go to. I knew vaguely there was nothing to see there & as I said, with no insurance, it would be a big bite – I was poor.

He asks me how I chose to visit him. I tell him I thought he was ‘the water doc’ & he seems disappointed.

I look around his office & see he has ART FOR SALE. That interests me & it also makes me curious.

Since now I now he’s a celebrity & I’m fascinated by the famous, I wonder, maybe I should ask to see his stuff.

While I’m in the waiting room he comes around {unusual} & we chat about his paintings & somehow or other, he asks me to dinner.

Below – Me from 1975 to 1981

You know what’s coming: The man-woman thing, how far will it get?

He gives me his address – it’s Sutton Place, the most expensive street in NYC.

{This place was worth millions. He told me his clinic cost him 52k a month – obviously rakin’ in the rough – all those hypoglycemia tests added up.}

I take a private elevator to the penthouse, its modern with modern furniture. I have him take a Polaroid of me in my magenta dress. {If I can find it it’ll be here} I’m wearing my honey-blonde long wavy wig & look comfy on his grey couch.

But I get a BIG LAUGH when I see the bedroom. Behind his bed is one of those ghastly original paintings of the orangutan with a beautiful naked woman – which I’d seen in Playboy. This is his taste in art? I know it’s expensive, but disgusting.

The rest of the pics here & there is mostly ‘modern art,’ boring & ugly. I ask him why is it like that? He says

“That’s what people buy.”

And I think he’s just in it for the money, he has no LOVE of art.

He takes me to an Indian place for dinner; the only thing I recall him saying was,

“I hope you DON’T HAVE A GUN” lol.

The “Scarsdale diet” doc had just been done is by a school mistress.

We finish dinner, I say I must rush off somewhere, need a cab. He seems disturbed like what went wrong? Hey, what did he expect, that he’d now take me back to his place & get a shag? I knew that was coming – that’s why I took off.

A short time later he calls & wants to come over for dinner. I live in Williamsburg when it was a SLUM – this was 1981 – so the idea is not exactly top notch, but I do consent.

He talks about bringing his sheep dog but when I tell him it’s 6 flights of stairs he says the dog won’t make it.

I Cook Dinner for Robert Atkins!

Can you believe that? And I have a phobia for cooking as Mom beat me with her fists when I tried. But I cook salmon. Can’t recall what went with it, since his diet is all protein. Can’t recall what we ate at the Indian place either, they are usually low on meat.

I ask him how the meal was & he says,

“You can’t go wrong with salmon.”

Next, he asks me about my dancing & then surprises me by saying,

“Show me.”

I put on my classiest outfit – a see-through white job that is loose net on top, all long hula strings from waist to ankles, & I play my most classical music, starting with

“Orchids in the Moonlight.”

I take off half the stuff, if I remember right, leaving the net bra & g-string embroidered with silver rhinestones, that’s all he gets.

We converse & he hints around marriage. I must say this here. With rich men it’s a tricky game. If you want to marry one, you don’t know whether to give it to them or not. If you don’t they might want you more, if you do, they might not want you. It’s a gamble. I suppose if the sex is real exciting to them – & this is all in the mind – then they’ll want you to marry you or be his mistress. But if it isn’t exciting you are a hot potato & bye. So the woman takes a risk either way.

In my case I already knew I DID NOT want to marry him. The reasons being this. First & foremost, I was CELIBATE. The Holy Lady told me not to tell anyone – so he did not know.

Second, he was JEWISH & I a Christian. I’m not like Marilyn Monroe or Liz Taylor, having a faith so casual I throw it aside for someone.

And third, I was not turned on, attracted to be with him even if I gave up my celibacy & faith & I was not ‘in love’ with him.

It wasn’t the AGE – he was 51 to my 36 in 1981 – He just didn’t sway me. I dated another ‘older’ man – Mickey Hargitay, who was a MAJOR TURN ON – Micky was 41 to my 22 in 1967. But then how can a diet doc compete with a Mr. Universe? {More on him later}

When he realized I wasn’t interested he started talking about a lady who was being evicted from her apt that needed a place to stay, he was going to let her move in. So let her – our affair was done.

College of God & Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Kim Novak Why the Privilege?

Kim Novak interviews comments 9-20-22

Rasa asks Mother God: How will my life story be different in its telling than Kim’s? Her

interviews annoy me. Why does she assume she deserves adulation?

Comment on a interview on You tube:

Spoiled brat – felt unappreciated? Give me a break. You were & are ADORED. But it’s never enough, is it? Why do you deserve so much love? All you did was be beautiful & talented & EVERYONE LOVES YOU. Look at the comments. 99% of them are GROVELING AT YOUR FEET. And you want more? Robert Osborne asks you were you happy when you were the no 1 star in the world, adulated, & you stammer & stutter on & on & finally say YOU WANTED T BE APPRECIATED. Why? For what? What lives or souls did you save? What did you actually do that benefitted humanity or propelled the state of women forward? or the state of men? I can’t understand why stars like this DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE?! It’s the misplaced worship of beauty, fame, fortune & status – misplaced. Love those who NEED IT THE MOST – those who SUFFER – those who are DEPRIVED, downtrodden, stepped on, the poorest of the poor, the exploited, the misunderstood, the abused – those who have little or nothing in the eyes of society. But to ADORE / LOVE those that have EVERYTHING – WHY?

Comment on a interview on You tube:

The 2014 Academy Awards: Sheesh! Not your face, THE OUTFIT! It seems black & blue is an omen here. The outfit is UGLY. See you wearing black & super dark colors all the time – funeral color. No, wear white & beautiful stuff like you did when you were young. I’m studying all the shots & I think what you’re trying to hide is the middle, gaining weight. But you’re dong a BAD JOB. You need a fashion consultant or something. Wearing a white chemise would be better; you’d look like the old ‘good humor’ trucks.

A beautiful gorgeous GOWN is called upon here, everyone else is well dressed, why you like this? I recall Kate Smith was big & she wore dresses that looked good. Many opera stars are big but they look good in nice gowns. You aren’t fooling anyone! It becomes obvious you’re hiding something!

Comment on a interview on You tube:

She was more in beauty than as a painter, lol. Beauty was the main thing. You were so beautiful then, what happened to your HAIR now? For crap sake that straight goofy hairdo & purple hat don’t become you. You should have brought back that GREY SUIT from VERTIGO, it would have looked better than the geeky clothes you’re wearing – the clothes now are HIDING YOU & I don’t think you’re fat, but they look like they’re HIDING something. Poor thing, it hurts to instead of enhancing your reputation ruining it. And HOOOO did her makeup? An OWL? She’s LOST TOUCH WITH GOOD GROOMING.

Comment on a interview on You tube:

Be honest, Kim, it’s the best policy – re YOUR FACE. OK, it was a ‘skin doc’ that gave you bad injections into your cheeks. That’s his fault. You act as if that’s the only things that was done to your face. It’s obvious your entire face was done over, as you don’t have the slightest mark of old age – no jowls or wrinkles, which happens to EVERYONE. It’s OK to do that, but don’t act like you did not do it & all that is wrong is the cheeks. Sheesh, be HONEST. I know some things are no one’s business, but getting faces done is what all stars HAVE TO DO – no big deal to admit.

Comment on a interview on You tube:

tell the truth about the famous men you starred with & were they really creepy or gracious? How many of them did you have sex or affairs with, which ones tried that you refused? Which were really gentlemen & which were losers? How about Harry Cohen for starts? Don’t tell me that nothing happened beyond you making him some chocolate fudge & him now knowing how to react. Most of these big shots would be all over the young, virginal actresses who were naïve, vulnerable & innocent as far as street smarts. Tell us the truth – I DID. In my books “I Strip for God” Parts 1 through 8 I tell the truth about the celebrities I was involved with or met like Arnold, Tom Selleck, Mickey Hargitay, James Brown, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Joe Tex, O.C. Smith, Richard Pryor , Dr. Robert Atkins & many more. I tell it like it was being a Cougar with male models, dozens of them, who turned out to be mostly PROSTITUTES, in fact, gay for pay guys. Your Dad, you mentioned some place he was ‘mentally ill’ – what kind of illness? Did he abuse you? How? You loved & hated him. Hated for WHAT? You can tell the truth about these guys as they are all DEAD & can’t sue you. Dean Martin, Jimmy Stewart, Frederick March, all the stars – don’t tell me they didn’t try to shag you & did you let them or not? Were they truly nice or definitely nasty? You act like you just telling us the surface things is such a BIG DEAL – It IS NOT. We can already see what we see in your movies & images, we want to know what was BEHIND it. Obviously your beauty carried you. And acting SEDUCTIVE even with the UGLIEST of men, ugh. Like the car scene where that big-time actor peeps in your window & asks if your car is flooded, you look at him like you’re HUNGRY. My God, that is not NORMAL. Most women seeing a stranger peeping in their window when they can’t start their car would be AFRAID, terrorized in fact, look down rather than into his eyes seductively. Acting like you want to have sex with all your grandpas is an art you had down perfectly. I couldn’t do it, lol. I mean, give me a break. Speak the truth, not all this.

Comment on a interview on You tube:

There is a contradiction here. First, she said she was treated with great respect when she started. Then she said she was used to bad treatment because of her dysfunctional family – her father had mental illness, so being under Harry Cohen was something she was used to. So which is it? Were you treated well or poorly? And also, the way she describes the co stars – of course they were great to her, as she was a star, they had to be. Let’s ask the janitor how nice they were, or some unknown trying to get help, or a bum on the street. And they spoke of all her co stars but I notice in the scene ‘Middle of the Night’ she is with Frederick March. He was one of the greatest actors of all time, but why doesn’t Robert ask about him? Or why doesn’t she offer something? He was in ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ – to me, amazing portrayal. And also the one, can’t think of the name, where he kind of ‘gives’ his career to this unknown actress, he goes downhill, she becomes a star. Later it was played by James Mason & again later by Kris Kristofferson with Barbra Streisand. Oh yes, “A Star is Born” He was an alcoholic who in the end commits suicide & Frederick March was terrific in this, but they say not one word. Also the movie about people coming home from the war, with that poor boy with no hands, what was the name? Can’t think of it but Betty Davis said it was the greatest movie of all time. I was saddened that they ignored his presence. Oh yes ‘The Best Years of Our Lives’ – He also did many other great movies like ‘Anna Karenina’……PS I tried to watch this movie on You Tube but it wasn’t available, darn.

Channeling Mother God on how my life story books will be different from the interviews of Kim

Me: It’s obvious I don’t like Kim’s interviews & I don’t know what she’s complaining about. How will my life story books be different from her telling her life in the interviews I reviewed?

MG {Mother God}: the difference is straight from the shoulder, no holds barred vs ‘Me, I’m a great star, any crumbs I give the world they should relish. I am so important, the star of ‘Vertigo’ that all that I say are Pearls of Wisdom from a Goddess of Hollywood.’

You aren’t about that. You dug deep into the nitty gritty, the dirt, the pain. Her ‘alligator’ tears welled up at times – your pain was so great you eventually got over it & there is no more. You rose above it, she didn’t.

She still needs therapy for her past. You don’t. If you still needed therapy you could not have written it. A person can’t think straight when in pain. So God gave you the Grace to forget the pain – & move on with explaining what happened & even with a SENSE OF HUMOR like the way you explain your Mom. It’s tongue in cheek, some of it, it’s entertaining the way you gave your relatives all kinds of Titles like Rigoletto, Don Quixote & Sancho Panza, Mommy Fearest, Mephistopheles, etc. There’s entertainment here, with Kim, it’s not particularly entertaining as she still takes it all so seriously, she doesn’t see God’s sense of humor in life, just relaxing & getting a laugh out of it all.

The way you explain the male models as prostitutes is a hoot. It’s the truth that nobody else would say. But you explain it & people will believe.

ME: Anything else that is different? I mean, Kim is not controversial. The people are at her feet because of her past glory, the beauty & talent. She did nothing controversial, she stood for nothing unusual. She keeps speaking of the bad knocks of Hollywood – it made her rich, it made her famous, it made her loved. Why is she complaining? Because Harry Cohn tried to change her name? Like BIG DEAL. Harry called her a Polack, she’s Check. But so what? That’s the way all those guys acted at the time, but they gave great benefits t their actors, they made great movies, so they were cruel at time – goes with the territory. She does admit she did appreciate what he did.

It just seems t me she’s not grateful for what she got out of life, she’s spoiled, I mean, think of those who have suffered, & here she is, on a pedestal!

I remember seeing Jane Powell on a show. The audience adored her, kept praising her. But when I went on TV I was attacked. They just take it all in like they deserve it. They deserve love, I deserve hate. Why?

MG: Lol. They don’t STAND FOR ANYTHING. Just as you said, beauty, talent & youth. There is nothing to get upset about or argue on, they represent no stand, no conflict, no controversy. You came to earth as a fighter, to fight the wrongs. You represent plenty of things, you are mega controversial. Everyone can find something to attack you for, including things you never did, don’t want to do & never will do, but they attack you for it.

Being in the adult trade is something to attack. Being an activist for women’s rights is something to attack. Standing up for Prostitutes makes you a target. All these things & more make you a victim of this society. Other people, who are nonentities, sit there quietly by their home curb & dwell on paying the bills. It’s their greatest challenge. They don’t go out into the world & fight dragons – they can’t. It’s not in them.

So you accept your fate, be happy. It’ll never change. Notoriety is your middle name. Even when your movie/s of your life get out there, it won’t be a piece of cake. There will be adulation & rage. All the same controversies will well up & people will say outrageous things. So live with it, it’s your lot, goes with the territory.

Just think of the prophets, Saints & Jesus. All of them got it. Recall when Jesus describes how the Prophets were treated. So there it is. There’s the spoiled brats, the royalty, the mega stars who are rich because of show business, then there’s the prophets who usually aren’t rich & they get persecuted.

For some strange reason Royals think they’re chosen by God for adulation & wealth, but in the eyes of God, how high up are they? That is the question.

ME: OK Mother God, I get it. Thanks a lot!

College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Evil Patriachs vs Good Matriarchs

Matriarchy vs Patriarchy Discussion 9-18-22

Evils of Patriarchy—Good of Matriarchy

From Pete Jackson:

Indeed, Rasa, the way you say it is a much more accurate take on what is going on these days. It is Satan’s system of patriarchy and necrotechnocracy that is the root cause of it all, and that evil system is now finally collapsing (first gradually, then suddenly, in Hemingway fashion as it were) to ultimately pave the way for Matriarchy and Mother God.

Women have the power to create Paradise on Earth, but of course they can also create hell on Earth as well. They can go either way depending on who is in charge, and more importantly how and which whom their own energy frequencies are aligned.

Men, on the other hand, can ONLY seem to create hell despite numerous attempts over millennia to create Paradise or Utopia of some sort. And it’s not for lack of trying. Capitalism, communism, Marxism, socialism, fascism, feudalism, technocracy, all major political parties history, and practically every religion that has a name, were all utterly failed attempts at such. Immanentizing the eschaton is clearly NOT men’s forte at all, it seems, as they seem to have the reverse Midas touch (everything they touch turns to crap). At best, they create an illusion of paradise which ultimately and inevitably devolves to hell.

What did Gandhi say about Western Civilization? “I think it would be a great idea”. LOL Pete Jackson

On another thread – re the now hysteria re trans women, that men believe they should be treated the same as are women, like letting them share saunas with them, etc.

From Rasa: William is right, it’s all about attacking, discrediting & disempowering women. They have gone nuts since it’s been proven that women are superior to men due to having two X chromosomes, & that men are going extinct. This is their lame way of fighting back. But lame is also evil & cruel. The demons do nasty little things to gum up our lives & horrific big things. Like attacking the pc’s & ability to make a purchase at Lulu for me, & giving deadly fake vaccine shots to others, the little & the big. And many HUGE things to do with laws, military, culture policies, etc. They are out to steal, kill, destroy & murder. They are demonic. Our weapons are our virtues. Put on the whole armor of God. There is no other way to fight Satan. The physical like they kill us, we kill them, is not the way. The way is IDEAS. On that we are well armored, us three. What you guys revealed here is a start on the issue. What you are saying gives me a beginning to which I can respond. Yes it infuriates me. Yes I’m beginning to catch on due to you two, I knew nothing of it until now. My greatest weapon is Obedience. I hear Her Voice. I do what She tells me to – that is all. She knows what to do, I don’t – not as a human in my flesh, I am just clay in Her hands. Of course I must study, then pray, then obey. I will get to this later. Rasa

From William Bond: Hi Everyone

My book, “Why Men Are The Submissive Sex” is now on Amazon.

I am thinking about writing a new book. I think the reason why many women reject Matriarchy is because they think it is impossible for women to rule our world. So writing a book about how it could be possible might interest women. Although it will have to be a spiritual book as I think it will only be possible though women communicating once again with MotherGod. William

WHY MEN ARE THE SUBMISSIVE SEX: A Study of Male Stereotypes and Female Authority Figures

Did try to look at the female wood cutter video but it said ‘video unavailable’. But some time ago I did see a similar film about female lumberjacks in Britain during WW2. Also, I can remember what my mother and some aunts said. My mother was a air-raid warden and did this throughout all the bombing of London. One of my aunts worked in a factory during the war and she surprised herself at being able to do skilled machine work while another became a bus driver during the war.

I get the impression women are frightened of men and for good reason, man are bigger, stronger and more violent than women. Also many men will undermine women’s confidence in themselves. I see this in my wife her first husband undermined her confidence in herself all the time. Her children tell me they can see a big difference in their mother since she got involved with me, as she is now more confident in herself.

I think feminism has helped women a lot but patriarchy has taken control of it and has placed strict limit on it. william

From Rasa: Yes William, our mission is not an easy one but we must push on & have faith & confidence in our work.

The thing is there was a war. Women lost the war. And now they are POW’s. They have been BRAINWASHED into believing that things should be the way they are. And we must un-brainwash them.

We’re doing a good job. Rasa

From Pete Jackson: Very well-said, both of you.

For the 7000 year long gender war (which they call “patriarchy” to make it sound nicer), men have indeed won just about every single battle thus far. Kinda like how the Americans won almost every single battle in Vietnam. But in both cases, it’s also irrelevant. In the long run, Women will win the war, God willing.

But you are correct in that the classic POW mentality is all too real indeed, and we must un-brainwash them from it.

Best wishes and have a good night, Pete

From William Bond: Hi Everyone

I think we have to be careful in assuming that patriarchy v Matriarchy is just about men v women. Many women are defenders of patriarchy while men men promote Matriarchy. Also men suffer under patriarchy as well as women.

All patriarchy gives us is “blood, sweat and tears”. Slavery and serfdom as well as a huge gap between rich and poor is normal for all patriarchal societies as well as senseless wars, genocide and torture. The majority of men do not benefit from patriarchy it is only the 1% of wealthy individuals that gain from it.

The power of patriarchy comes from men’s submissive nature in obeying those in authority. The power of any despotic ruler comes from an army of young men who will obey his orders without question. Men obedience to orders is so extreme that soldiers will come out of trenches to die in machine gun fire because they have been ordered to do so. I believe that men were once totally obedient to women but somehow a group of devious alpha men wrestles this power away from women and got men to obey them instead of women.

For this reason we need to sell Matriarchy to both women and men and explain how both sexes will benefit from it and question patriarchal brainwashing. William

to William,

You are totally right. It isn’t just men vs women, it’s the SPIRIT OF LOVE that a minority of men DEFEATED by the SPIRIT OF HATE. They hate other men as well as women, it is Satan against God. It is Lucifer, in Heaven, a man still in the state of Grace, turning against Mother God & saying

“I will not serve!”

And then St. Michael the Archangel, who could be a female as easily as a male, smited him, sent him down into Hell or OUTSIDE the STATE OF GRACE. And the myth says that ONE THIRD of the angels followed him – which to me means ONE THIRD OF MEN followed the demonic Patriarchal leader/s. That leaves two thirds of men outside the demonic, still in the Grace of God, the unfortunate ones that are manipulated by the tyrants.

When you & I were posting a lot of public media, William, occasionally a female would attack you just because you’re a man, thinking they were above you because they were female. And here you are the Prophet of Matriarchy who heralded its beginning on the internet. They should have shown you deference & respect instead of criticism. Of course I blasted them & then they turned against me – these women were of the demonic spirit. “It is the spirit that quickens, not the flesh.”

And once again, when the shallow ‘friendships” of Face book & such have faded away, who remains to serve Matriarchy with us? Not a woman, although I reached out to them & some were on the list – it was Pete! And he’s been loyal for years, he has the Spirit of Mother God.

So yes, thank you for bringing out that important distinction, William, because if we condemn all men we go against Buddha, Jesus & all the great male saints & victims of Patriarchy, the True Friends of Mother God & the world of love these men portrayed. It is dangerous to just say ‘men & women’ & what you said needs to be recalled often in our work. Rasa

From William: I agree Rasa, we also need to think about Matriarchy as the spirit of love. If we look at patriarchal history we find rulers who care little for the people they rule and at times they seem to hate them. The world would be a far better place if we had rulers who cared and loved the people they rule.

The only way we can have loving rulers is to be ruled by loving, maternal and nurturing women. So we can vote into power women like this and not vote for selfish people who only want power for themselves. William

Rasa: Yes if people like Buddha or Jesus ruled the world we’d be Golden. But such people can’t rise to the top when Patriarchs rule, as Patriarchs are CRIMINALS who will do anything to injure & kill those of God. Look at the Pharisees in Jesus’ time – they gave him the biggest heartaches, they were truly evil. These are Patriarchs & their way of ‘killing’ by the letter of the law.

And so, we are left with the idea that women must, somehow, some way, some day, take over the family & the world. My solution is the long term one which I think God is implementing anyway, as I speak. Women have to regain, reanimate the ‘masculine’ within themselves, which they sacrificed long ago when they created offspring called ‘men’ – which became more & more masculine over the millennia & turned into the ‘Gorillas’ we know today. They have overstepped & gone over the top as far as aggression & lack of compassion. And as males are bit by bit phased out now over millennia, women must also regain what they sacrificed at one time. They thought by creating macho men their lives would be easier. This offspring could do the hard work, the dirty work, the killing & protecting. That worked for a while, maybe 100k years or so. But then they came to a point when some men became ‘Lucifer’ & said ‘I will not serve’ & in the myth, wanted to be worshipped as was Mother God. Isn’t that what we have now?

This is not a quick political solution, this will take thousands of years. However, if we abide by these IDEAS now we can see the writing on the wall. Indeed, partially through God getting me to instigate female body building as well as results of the whole feminist movement, women are doing just what I said. But there’s still a long way to go & we must be informed, animated, inspired & strengthened by the IDEAS here presented. Rasa

Re newsfeeds ‘The Daily Sceptic’, ‘Common Dreams’ & ‘AlterNet’

From Rasa: I checked all 3 of the news feeds you gave me Pete. I subscribed to Common Dreams only. {I think I did, gave them my e mail} I liked one article they did on the conspiracy against women, where centers are seducing women into thinking they will get them an abortion when first they are lying to them & are against abortion, & now, even looking to get women arrested seeking abortions. It seems there’s now a 10k bounty on this & might rise to 100k! Unbelievable!

I checked the material on the others & there’s too much MAINSTREAM CONTENT like Tweedle de dee & Tweedle de dum……….I don’t want my mind focused on the ‘this is what he said today, then he answered this, then she said, then he said.”……this is a WASTE OF TIME for me just as the mainstream media is a waste of time. One can get centered on the minutiae, looking at the trees, & lose sight of the forest, which would then put me in the same place as the average Jane Doe.

Although Brighteon is EXTREME & most of the things they explain might not come true or won’t affect me, they suit me well. I will also re-subscribe to Sons of Liberty, although they are fanatics on uncovering every police crime there is as well as they are an extreme ‘Christian’ {Christian as understood by men} & therefore partially anti-woman place, but yet, they suit me better than mainstream.

Although the extremes might be too extreme, they do not rivet me onto the tiny little minutiae arguments going on here in our society. I need the big picture or where the big applies to the little going on. Like the transgender thingy is one small thing, but it portrays the BIG hysteria men have against women, they want to be EQUAL to women – the gender that can REPRODUCE – the gender that is NOT going extinct – & so this focuses in with the big picture. Rasa

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Judgement for Nick

9-13-22 His Choice – too ashamed to admit what a fool he was

Nick now sees clearly what a fool he was to chose Ruth Anne over me. It was evil & he forfeited the benefits I brought him.

He is so embarrassed he can’t admit it. And everyone he knew knows he was a fool – that embarrasses him the most.

The beginning is terrible frustration, confusion.

I’m going on a trek. This gets vague. It’s going out like being feted, then not exactly that, but sort of vague connections with this person or that person. I leave from a comfortable apt where I’m supposed to check in with my host later, I have a key I think & a phone number. Later I CAN’T FIND this phone number when I get lost in the mall, great frustration. I needed my host to tell me the ADDRESS as I am a VISITOR & can’t recall how to get there.

What I do remember is this young man who seemed to be dressed in light blue, somehow with me but not with me, just totally unusual as he was with me at first, then seemed to be sitting at a different table. This restaurant where I do recall him was spread out, with dozens of people at little tables; the color light blue is everywhere. He has medium honey blonde hair, almost in a ‘Dutch’ style where it has bangs, straight across, & cut straight across just under the ears – This in a soft way, not extreme, slightly tousled. Then he disappears.

Then I wander through the mall trying to figure out how do I get out of here & back to my host, & I don’t have my cell phone, so I look for change – can’t find any although I know I had some before. Then I look for a phone booth. I find a phone booth, but don’t have the change or the number which I know I wrote down on a white slip of paper but where is it? I’m still somehow trying to make the call, maybe borrowing some change, it is cumbersome & I can sometimes recall numbers, so I’m trying.

*** {MEANING: This terribly FRUSTRATING part is when you went out INTO THE WORLD at the behest or order of God & attempted to do as She said. She said quit the celibacy, go out & HAVE FUN. What you were LOST FROM was Mother God, you lost your Intimacy, Nonduality or Enlightenment consciousness.

This is a CLEAR EXPLANATION of how one; when they put their mind on things OTHER THAN GOD, lose their Intimacy & what else I stated, of God.

{God knew this would happen of course but you didn’t understand it fully until now.}

So here I am in the world, involved, my mind on people, & the young male who appears that I am focused on is NICK. He is with me, he isn’t. Like musical chairs, he comes & goes, he is jumping from here to there, when finally he ABANDONS ME for that drug partner. That’s his DISAPPEARANCE. {After a while we continued doing sex but he was gone as my steady, which being steady was not steady in the strict sense of the word, but we were a couple. This is not portrayed in the dream like its irrelevant to the dream. All that is relevant is he left me for a drug partner.}

The whole scene in blue including him is probably not the blue of depression, but the BLUE OF BOYS, me being a Cougar, they the young men. They are everywhere, especially on my mind, many small tables; Nick is hanging with them a lot – shows all the young males & Nick one of them, many tables.

The HOST who sent me out, my base, who also is my benefactor is of course God. I leave God to go out into the world. I thought I had the means of getting back – which is the address or phone number & the means of getting that phone call or communication with Her – BUT I DON’T. I can’t get back to my Host, God! Imagine how frustrating that is for me. Nick has left me, God has left me, I am truly LOST. This was my state during the time outside of God & even a while after, until I go cleared out, cleansed & clarified – it’s an important point that God, myself & Nick all agreed, that had I consented to continue seeing him for sex, I would have been in misery, as all that lost-ness would have come back. He’d been with his drug partner, & I’d be in the middle of the deep blue ocean without a paddle for my canoe.}***

Somehow this entire mall scene ends & another scene begins. The next part is not frustrating at all, it is PEACE.

* {PEACE: All this being outside ends. I stopped seeing Nick, got him out of my system, & then as predicted long ago, he dies.} *

Before this starts there’s one scene that I know is Nick & his drug partner. She is standing across from him maybe behind a counter. She’s beautiful, her hair is black in an unusual hairdo. There’s a pony tail on top of her head, the hair clasped facing her on the left to right, a large bundle of hair going across her entire head, like 25% of all the hair on her head like this. Her skin is clear & light, her features even, a good vision.

She’s talking to Nick & he to her but there is something WRONG. Why her façade is insufficient although beautiful. As he talks & talks, the physical disappears & there is nothing beyond it – She is just physical, no spirituality, no substance. All there is. Now that he is dead he sees this. I see it also – I never realized she was totally devoid of spirituality before.

*** {BEAUTIFUL FEMALE DEVOID OF SPIRITUALITY: His drug partner, who I call Ruth Anne, looks good on the OUTSIDE but there is nothing INSIDE. We all see this clearly now. All that was attractive or seductive about her was of this world & the flesh – & the demon drugs. Seeing past that, there is NOTHING. He sees this now.

Her hair. The meaning here is HORIZONTAL. Horizontal is not vertical. Vertical points to the sky, upward, Heaven. Horizontal is earth, temporary, the world, people, everything of time & space. This is ON TOP of her head is what is most important to her, No. 1, her mind & heart are of this world. Her allure is of this world, nothing spiritual, it ends, it is a chimera, fool’s gold, fake.} ***

Then there is a sort of contest.

It’s vague, but both myself & another woman want to marry Nick. I can’t explain the process or anything in between, but she gets him, I’m out. I know there were scenes, but I’ve forgotten.

The next scene is easier to recall. We are in B’klyn. Several scenes here, this is HOME. In many of my dreams, I find this place to be my center. {It was here that I had my most significant spiritual experiences – Seeing God Face to Face, Divine Stigmata, & other experiences – Holy Mary appearing to me, giving me 3 rings of Light encircling me, the evangelical virtues. She also appears & asks me to take the vow of celibacy, etc. – Jesus as Julius Caesar appears, Mystical Union with Humanity of Jesus – Gift of Contemplation from St. Mary of Agreda.}

* {This is the HOME where God is. It is what you had to leave to find Nick & try to save him. Home is Heaven. It is Peace, happiness, fulfillment, all that is good. Away from home is the wilderness where anything can happen, the danger zone, the place of testing & hardship, the place of turmoil, frustration, confusion, & uncertainty.} *

But now everything has changed. The dream doesn’t say it directly, but it is JUDGEMENT DAY.

Nick appears, like in the sky, in front of my building, like 6 stories up, the top of him, his head or bust, just hovering there & he is answering for his CHOICE.

The files are opened, & there’s a file on me vs the one on the lady he chose to ‘marry’ on earth.

In my files it shows that I am a millionaire. Hers I don’t recall but I think the scene of her being only ‘physical’ is relevant.

The entire neighborhood is looking at him to ADMIT what his choice was. He has to speak it.

So we go through the stories of both women, her & me. And then, before the entire neighborhood of everyone that knows or knew him, he has to say it,

“I chose” & he must say who.

But he can’t or won’t, he is too ashamed or embarrassed. He just sits there silent. I urge him to say it but he is dumb.

The idea is vision. He has seen it now, his friends, the whole hood sees it, I see it. I am sort of defiant as I urge him to speak as he is so ashamed.

*** {MEANING: JUDGEMENT, MUST ADMIT WHO HE CHOSE, he can’t say it: This is now the vision & understanding fully, of what he did with his life. He chose the wrong woman & with it, the wrong path.

She was bereft of anything meaningful in life. She was drugs, the world, the people, the hood, the shallow fun, the escapism of Cloud 9, all that is temporary, anti-God, anti Eternal. He chose all that is low for all that is High, all that is temporary for all that is eternal, he chose bad instead of good.

On the other side of her was me. I represent God. I came to him as an emissary from God, warning him, for one thing, if he did not quit drugs he would die young of an overdose.

He started with me being sort of close, then he wandered & ran around with his ‘friends’ & other females, when he CHOSE one that answered all his twisted dreams – It was being right with those that were wrong, gaining their approval & dubious respect, & having a steady supply of drugs because of his new drug partner.

On the other hand was salvation in the form of me.

I would support him on is road to recovery, get him off drugs, help him establish a life which would have meaning. He could have a career; he would learn the important things in life, do things with meaning instead of drudgery work & partying every weekend.

The dream doesn’t say everything, just that I am a millionaire; this symbolizes both the transient world & the spiritual. I came to save him on both fronts, this world & the next, but he turned the other way.

This is so hard to face he can’t say it.

He is now standing or hovering in a place that represents the height of God. He sees it clearly & is ashamed & embarrassed.

And somehow, it is before everyone – those people he once was afraid to be criticized by, they all know he was a fool – everyone knows & that’s what’s so hard for him to face – these people.} ***

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