College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Screaming into Hell

Screaming her way into Hell – Story of a friend of mine {See Part 2}

&

4-6-22 Trouble with Bob {channel Ben Franklyn at end}

Something is really, really wrong with Bob {my ex-lover & Spiritually United Husband} but so far I don’t know what.

Some dreams at first I can’s recall, to do with people. There are some good times, some conflicts, get togethers & such. I vaguely recall screaming into the face of a female one time who’d done me wrong – but not even sure this was this night or some other.

That ends & I’m standing in this room & in front of me there’s an entrance, it’s like the bottom of the stairs at the old farm house & from this spot I see a woman enter that looks like so: Middle aged, dressed like a nurse, not thin or fat but in between, white dress with blue trim & matching ‘nurse’ hat, her hair sticks out in large curls, is medium brown, medium length.

She’s carrying in her hands – this is vague – something like textured pink candles, long & squared off, 8” or so long, long wicks, she holds a bunch {5 or 6} of them by the wicks. The texture is within their wax, like white or very light grey – this is by no means easy to see so vague I’m not sure what it is, just saying what it looks most like.

I KNOW she’s the Mother of Bob – Either just know or she tells me she is & I say,

“I’m HONORED.”

*** (BOB’S MOTHER, DRESSED LIKE A NURSE: This is Bob’s GOD SELF or the God-Mother within him. There is no one in our life more important than this, God within us is higher than our Guardian Angels, it’s our TRUE SELF – the body is only an Instrument or Machine so to speak, which operates from & serves this Person if we are right with God.

The fact that she’s dressed like a nurse means it has to do with his health. It’s probably physical health, but it might be mental, emotional or spiritual health. What are the hints?

The squared off 8” pink textured with white CANDLES with long wicks – 5 or 6 of them means what?

Mother God, I seek help. I know you know but I’m trying to read your mind & that is also a challenge. Let me consider what candles mean.

CANDLE: A light – when the candle is lit. A light in the darkness. If it’s pitch dark & you light but one candle, the dark is gone. A candle or light shows the way, like a beam or LIGHTHOUSE. Shows you which way to go, where not to go. A lighthouse shows ships the shore is there.

Candle goes with PRAYER. In many Catholic Churches they have spots where you light candles for certain causes or people, you give a donation, hoping God shows mercy on your petition. So that represents hope in answered prayer.

A candle sometimes shows a lapse of time. Like a 24-hour candle, when it goes to the bottom, you know 24 hours are up.

Pink textured with white: Pink can mean ‘in the pink’ or feeling good, good times. It can also mean the vagina or to do with sex with a female.

Textured with white, like bits of white wax melted right inside the pink wax. White represents goodness, purity of heart & marriage.

Squared off, 8” candles – Square sometimes means perfection – ‘a perfect square.’ If the candle means time, the 8” is a longer rather than shorter time.

Long wicks she’s holding in her hands: These candles are NOT LIT but the long wicks she holds are also a symbol of longer rather than shorter. The fact they are NOT LIT, that she can hold them in her hand, seems to say it’s not yet time for something as the candle or lighthouse or beam are NOT showing us the way but are still dormant – 5 or 6 of them could be 5 or 6 years – 8” also denotes long stretches of time might pass before these candles are lit & something is brought to light.

His Mom or God Self also arriving at the bottom of the stairs of the old farmhouse, what is that? Staircase is staircase to Heaven or a Higher Place, she might be arriving to reveal something, the way the Angel Gabriel announced to Holy Mary She was with child.

Let me look at the total count of symbols, see if they add up to anything: Important message, permanent change for him, a way not yet lit or ready, has to do with marriage & sex, a lapse of a long time, maybe 5 or 6 years. Is all of this saying there’s still 5 or 6 years before our marriage?

Or has he gotten a fatal illness like AIDS & will die in 5 or 6 years? He caught it through sex – the pink candles? AIDS would change him permanently, he’d have to live with it every day, it doesn’t go away, he would be living with symptoms & doc apts constantly, yes, it would change him permanently.) ***

I also know her arrival here is a great FOREBODING of something to do with Bob, could be bad.

She enters the room saying she has something to tell me. I ask, frightened,

“IS HE DEAD?”

Because his Mother, in all these years has NEVER visited me to say anything about Bob, this is SERIOUS.

She says something like that he isn’t dead, but something has happened that will change him permanently, like he has to do something with his body every day to adjust to it, like some sort of occurrence & for the life of me & can’t understand, did he have an accident or get sick or some kind of malady hit him?

She DOES NOT explain so I am going to try to guess the possibilities & check his social media to see if anything comes up…….Nothing on his media so I’ll check daily.

I will channel Benjamin Franklyn as I saw a documentary on him yesterday & realized what a great man he was – been talking to him. Ben Franklyn, can you give me any idea what this means? What is being announced & what has happened to Bob?

BEN: Did you suffer more than me, less than me or the same amount? It seems you went through a lot, Hell & back – And did for this country more than you are given credit for, according to this documentary.

BEN: I suffered the same as you within my capacity. I was not as spiritual as you, but of a very good, fine nature. I cared about people, about our country. Our new country was to me the same as your mission is to you. I put all of myself into, every fiber of my being.

ME: Did your son’s betrayal of you & our country hurt you more than anything on earth?

BEN: Definitely, beyond measure. It was the greatest pain I had ever experienced.

ME: What do you think of my life?

BEN: Amazing, what you accomplished. And you did not even know you were accomplishing great things when you did them.

ME: How do you see my life story, all my books, & a movie or any media on my life occurring?

BEN: There will be great fanfare when your story is published all over the world & your life in media, movies, in all languages. You will be famous & make tons of money.

ME: I don’t have long to live. Will I see the Temple, Sisterhood, convent & New Religion begin? Any of it?

BEN: You will see the beginnings as soon as you publish all the books & thoughts on it. It will begin in your lifetime. You will start to get reactions. Before you die, you will meet the right people to get it started. It will happen, you will see, you will be happy.

ME: Can you make out what is the message of this dream? The God Mother of Bob coming to me with this bunch of candles, wearing a nurse uniform. I don’t get what it means, does he have a malady or is this saying I have 5, 6 more years to wait for our marriage or what?

BEN: Meditate & pray on this the rest of the night, I will help you to understand. Right now it’s too difficult. Work on other things, it’ll come to you.

ME: Thanks Ben Franklyn. Over & out for now.

…………………………………………………………..

Chapter 8 Screaming Her Way into Hell written 4-6-22

I have a lady friend of mine, 35 yrs old, who I have not spoken to for a couple years until about a week ago. I stopped talking to her because I had a vision of her descending into Hell. I asked God if this was definite & could she be saved? And God said she would not change. And so because I cannot cohabit with someone who covets Hell I stopped communicating with her.

Something made me call her again. Then she called me back days later, moaning & groaning as usual about her fate, the people she knows – all bad. Her parents bad, her friends bad, her now ex bf bad. When I scratched the surface I saw many of these persons were doing her favors.

She also brags about all the great things she’s doing – none of which ever pans out. They’re all pipe dreams & fantasies. Basically, all she has ever done is sell grass. And every person she knows, some of whom she recommended me for jobs, are drug users.

Why did I stay friends for years? I was derailed by her beauty & gift of gab. She looks like a model, talks like a used car salesman & was the rare woman who liked my company. I treated her to dinner many times.

I once believed her stories. She was managing people, theaters, artists, running this gallery here, managing a botanical garden there. Everything was temporary, all was here, then gone.

Then she lived with various people although her Dad gave her place to live in a building he owns. I visited her there – in theory she pays him but never does. I noticed his name is on her phone. And her Mom owns some kind of store, which she, Rosanna, says she manages or was going to or whatever.

She also manages she says, 30 bona fide artists – musicians, dancers & actors. She’s been saying this for years – most of them are gay & unemployed, lol.

You have to begin to suspect someone who has the ‘story of the month club’ but after years, nothing has come out of any of it. The office her friend is ‘building’ for her? For what, I ask, why? – for all those artists she represents, all the big shots & investors coming to see her, she must have an office.

She supposedly has jobs but looking for this guy or that to front her money, none of which is paid back. She says she lives with a ‘billionaire’ in NYC. I said his digs must be luxurious. She says no, he doesn’t live according to his means, & he lets her stay there because she MANAGES THE PLACE when he travels all over the world.

Her ex bf also tried to get away from her. I finally figured it out. She’s been with him for 10 years. He went here or there, moved to get away. But she went wherever he went even when he said it’s over. What was the game? Silly me finally saw it. She gave him free grass to keep him & he still sees her for it. She pretends she went on all those trips to where he moved on business – NOT to see him, lol.

But this is not what I was going to tell you – it’s a prelude. This is the story of someone going to Hell, choosing it, how & why it happens. She’s a case history, a prism of the Hell-bent mind set – explaining a place where you should not go.

So she calls me & the same ole’ begins. Moaning louder & louder how her friends have betrayed her, turned against her, injured her. I listen until it reaches a fever pitch. What can I do?

I tell her all I can do is pray. Let us call on God together.

I begin to pray, I call on God. I praise God & tell her the woes of Rosanna. I tell Rosanna now is the time to call on God’s Power; will you accept Her & bring Her into your Heart, where She can live & dwell & dispel all your problems?

ROSANNA:

“How can I surrender myself to a being I don’t even know? Who is God, what is God? Why should I give myself to Him when I don’t even know who He is?”

ME: None of us knows who God is. But we don’t have to understand God – She is beyond human understanding. Imagine us understanding the being that created the Infinite Universe? It’s beyond our capacity. But we don’t have to understand Her, only accept Her, open our mind & heart, let her into our Beings, allow her to take over. She created us, She loves us, She is our only hope. Rosanna, I cannot help you, I have no Power. But Almighty God can & will. But you have to open the door to Her.

ROSANNA: Screams & screams more about her woes, the friends who betray her, bad mouth her, turn against her.

“Why is this God making me suffer? If He is good, then why is He making me suffer? If He was good He would stop my suffering, but He isn’t. Why should I believe in Him when he allows suffering?”

ME: We all suffer – this is the valley of tears, all people suffer, many ways worse than you. It’s a trial; this is a place of learning, where our Love is tested. We live thousands of times until we learn. We must forgive all our enemies & not hate them, that way we pass the test.

ROSANNA: “I’m supposed to forgive these enemies that hate me? Why?”

ME: To release yourself from them. If you hate or take revenge you remain attached & your pain continues. When you forgive you let them go & your pain will also go. Jesus, on the Cross, did not hate His persecutors. He said,

“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

ROSANNA: Screams “But they know what they are doing! Why doesn’t God just stop them!”

ME: We can’t stop our suffering on earth except by forgiveness & accepting what is. And people are ignorant, they have their own problems, they are emotionally, mentally & spiritually sick. We live in an evil world, run by men. This world does not practice love, people are injured by it. And when they are, they take it out on other people. They hurt you because someone hurt them. You have to receive God to heal yourself. If you live in this world & rely on the love of people you will never be happy. Only God can make us happy. People are flawed.

If you can’t take what people dish out, then stay alone, isolated which is what I am doing right now. I live for God & my work, once again. I’m celibate. I’ve not seen my lover or anyone in 3 years. And as long as people leave me alone, I’m happy. I do my work, I write, think about my mission. People can’t hurt me if I don’t seek their love.

ROSANNA: “I can’t be alone like that I need people. I have to have people.”

ME: People of the world will always hurt you, sooner or later. Look, how many of your friends live for God & have True Love? All your friends are drug addicts. They need help. And so, they will hurt you. You either have to stay away from them or forgive them.

She screams some more on the evil people out there & why are they so evil, why does she suffer so much until she bursts out,

ROSANNA: “I want to kill myself or someone else, I can’t stand it any more! Why doesn’t God stop my pain? If there is a God & He is good, tell Him to stop my pain!”

She screams again & again she’s going to kill herself or someone else if this doesn’t stop.

ME: It sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom, but what can I do? How can I help you? The only way I know for success is to receive God, pray & ask God for help. God has all the Power, God created us & loves us. Unless you receive God into your heart there is no hope. You will continue suffering.

You’re closing the door to God, who is your only hope. God is the only being who can help you. God knows all, sees all, can do all things. Why don’t you invite this Infinite Being to come into your life, help you? You are in Hell if you live for the world & the flesh – there is no happiness in temporary things. You need Eternal Life. You need God. I know of no way out of misery & the road to happiness is to have Faith, Hope, Trust, Confidence & the Love of God.

ROSANNA: “I CANNOT GIVE MSELF TO A Being who makes me suffer like this – I don’t know who He is or What he is.”

And she rants & raves again how evil people are & repeats her woes many times.

ME: I cannot help you, only God can. But if you don’t receive Her, there is no hope. You have created your own Hell, you have placed yourself into it. Without letting God into your Being, which they call ‘born again’ you will stay in this place called Hell.

I then excuse myself & politely– we’ve been at this for an hour. I see the revelation given me two years ago before my eyes – Story of a Lost Soul. {End Chapter 8}

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Movie Success–End Fake Wife

Predictions – Movie Success – End of Fake Wife

3-30-22 Tom Selleck-Movie-Money

There’s this little group of rag-tag friends I have that could never get anywhere although they tried & tried – just locals. Some are small people in stature, some very young, male & female. There’s something about them that’s ‘whimsical’ – like you feel sorry for them, as they try & try to get somewhere but they don’t – they don’t ‘have a clue.’

* (RAG-TAG FRIENDS, COULDN’T GET ANYWHERE, SUDDENLY THEY’RE IN A MOVIE! These are the people in my life, who I talk about in the books ‘I Strip for God.’ Most of them were LOSERS & CLOWNS, great CHARACTERS for a movie! This says this is their chance for fame – to be spoken of by me & appear in a movie as characters!) *

One day I am driving with a friend up this mall – cars are allowed in this sort of side street-mall place. When in front of us we must STOP DEAD IN OUR TRACKS because there’s a SERIOUS FIGHT GOING ON RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, bad violence, someone assaulting sometime on a doorstep to the right. The lights are SOFT PASTELS, similar to my vehicle. We aren’t sure what to do as some body could have a gun & even shoot us. I get the feeling my car is beautiful & svelte, like a luxury convertible sports car – feminine – in a soft metallic color, salmon/pink with silver on the sides – the ornaments on the side are sort of like ‘fish’ shaped but not exactly, like ovals smaller in front, larger in back, like they are ‘swimming’.

* (I ARRIVE AT THIS INDOOR PLACE LIKE A MALL & SEE A GREAT COMMOTION: I arrive at the MOVIE SET where they’re filming my life story. My VEHICLE is my BODY. It’s luxurious, beautiful, feminine, & I give the appearance of ‘fish’ because I am SPIRITUAL. Fish represent Christianity. This is the ‘I” in “I Strip for God.” I am ‘beautiful,’ ‘luxurious,’ ‘feminine’ & spiritual.) *

But then I realize its A MOVIE. I get out of the car & I see a camera to the left & my RAG TAG PEOPLE GOT LUCKY . They were hired, as a group, to be in this top class movie! They’re all in costumes, completely covered, like robes that reminds me of ‘The Wizard of Oz’ where everyone is a character – different types. First, they were ordinary & dull in life, but now, dressed up like this, colorful.

Because these are my friends I get over to the middle of the ‘area’ like stage center, & bow & make funny noises & wave my hands in the air like to upstage everyone – just for fun. The rag tag group all protest & tell me no, no! – They think I’m going to wreck their movie!

*** (I MAKE FUNNY SIGNS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAGE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA – because these people are all my friends, & they cry no, no, thinking I’ll wreck their movie!

But the feeling is, as soon as I’m here, I’m privileged. Yes they were chosen, they are part of it, but I’m higher than their parts – just the feeling I had in the dream. This displays how SELFISH these people were in real life, most of them USED ME & here, symbolically, they are saying ‘Don’t steal my thunder’ – this is their only chance, as characters in My life, for FAME – LOL.) ***

Then out comes the Producer – Tom Selleck himself, handsome like in his prime, wearing a light blue shirt. He pops out right toward me, to stop my antics & realizes WHO I AM. He mellows instantly & says to me,

“Did you get the money I sent you?”

I say no, imagining a white envelope with lots of cash.

He knows me, he adores me – I am IMPORTANT to him & everyone around including the rag tag group – I’m ONE UP on all of them as they are just players but I am more than that – the Beloved of the MAIN MAN!

*** (TOM SELLECK IS GOD of the ‘I Strip for God.’ This explains so much. God has produced my life story; God is going to PAY me for my life story. I know this is God because when I received the Grace of the Divine Stigmata one night I had a vision that was so vivid. I saw tom Selleck standing by a fireplace mantle & he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. This was God at the other end of my sacrifice. I had given up all of myself – martyrdom – for God & He or It revealed Him/Herself to me this way – as PURE LOVE. I gave God all the love I had, God gave me back all the Love I can hold. This kind of love is totally different than doing things for reward or gain, its True Love, which seeks no rewards or conditions.

Below: Marilyn Monroe at the same age I was starting out – 19 yrs old – before Hollywood grooming, pics with perfect lights, perfect makeup, etc. To prove how beauty appears, it’s constructed by the skill of art.

And so, what I gave to God by preaching – the love the sacrifice, the pain – & all the hard publicity I did – this will all be rewarded by God through Her Karma. She is PAYING ME for ‘Stripping for God.’ – which hasn’t arrived yet, but this says it will.) ***

He then sits by the side of the wall, I’m in his lap & playing with his curly hair. He’s hairy. His head is a soft Afro, medium brown, his arms have long hair. I tell him ‘I’m into hair!’

I ask him what was the money for? And flirtatiously add,

“I hope it was for sex.”

He says something like rambunctious stuff or shenanigans or fooling around – some word meaning ANTICS. He says it as a joke to agree with me re the sex.

* (ANTICS or SHENANIGANS: God is saying, “I’m paying you for stripping for me,” lol, like everyone sees this in a joking or whimsical manner.) *

We watch the rag tags & they are PITIFUL but they are the luckiest blokes on earth to have gotten this movie! Some now have on Geshema crowns & I exclaim,

“Here come the Buddhists!”

Tom & I are so cozy & everyone knows I am his Beloved. Then there’s this LITTLE GUY who’s kneeling to the left at the feet of Tom, worshiping him. I say to him,

“Oh, bended knee?”

And he says yes. I mean Tom is BIG – a Producer & a Star.

*** (TOM PRODUCER & STAR: Whoever produces this movie it is the hand & Spirit of God that does it, & myself being IN HIS LAP shows the greatest INTIMACY. Playing wit ‘his hair’ & the hair on his arms represents his Spirit & the strength of his love. Hair on the head is thoughts, arms are the Strength of Love, so hair growing on them is a symbol of fecundity or fruitfulness, growth. It’s his Love, Power & generosity that I’m experiencing, & everyone sees it & knows it.

Who is the little man kneeling by Tom’s feet? It could be the person on earth who gets this project going, in obedience to God – inspired to do it.) ***

Earlier were just struggles & frustrations but this is great fulfillment.

Then it’s time to quit & all the rag tag group is leaving into the street & I ask them where they’re going but they don’t seem to know, just going, the end of the day.

The costumes were also like ‘Alice in Wonderland’ where characters were like cards, big cards in front & back with many colors, framed in bright colors like advertisements.

* (CHARACTERS ALSO LIKE ‘ALICE IN WONDERLAND’ – Yes these are weirdoes, strange people in my life but they are interesting – like the evil Queen that keeps ranting ‘Off with her head,’ – that would be Mommy Fearest. Alice in Wonderland was someone tripping on dope {Mia Farrow starred in a movie called ‘Alice’ giving that scenario}, & my life was sometimes like that, & these are the persons. They did their bit on stage & rode off into the sunset. They never ‘got anywhere’ like being rich or famous or accomplished just did their quaint part I my life & disappeared – the early part of my life. Of course as an adult I did meet & date some really famous, accomplished men like Otis Redding & James Brown, Tom Selleck & a few others.) *

3-28-22 Predictions Personal Lives

Will begin with later scenes then jump back.

Before falling asleep asked God to show me the future of my Lover, his fake wife Ruthie & myself. The main one I’m uncertain of is Ruthie & I think the person pictured here is her.

I see a female who is kind of now ‘isolated’ or has LEFT SOCIETY & I can’t understand why, but she has – Like she has become a LONER.

She’s attractive but by her own choice, different. She’s out driving somewhere. I vaguely see my old Caddy, the Deville, which is to me like a boat – I hated it for driving, I like small cars.

She’s going on a regular road or highway but stops to the right, gets out & for the SECOND TIME is getting a haircut from a tall young male. Her hair is light brown & straight, & she wants it cut a certain way, which is difficult, complicated, he has to cut it bit by bit & she’s razzing him about each bit – he’s getting annoyed & frustrated. She then ‘disappears’ & I look & she’s walked about 20’ away from him, she’s strange. She seems like a ‘tomboy’.

*** (ME: Mother God, I need help on this. I tend to feel emotional about it so that might block my analysis. What is this?

MG: This is Ruthie, DOMINATING lover Bob. She’s ‘bossy’ or ‘bitchy’ as you know right from the beginning & right now you will see it’s gotten under his skin – The ‘second time’ for the haircut? What is a haircut or ‘trim?’

Hair represents thoughts, feelings, the mental state. White hair would be consumed with worry, grey hair in between, stressed out. Black hair could be depressing thoughts.

Giving someone a ‘trim’ or ‘fixing’ their hair would be fixing their thoughts, which would mean fixing their STATE OF MIND. Here she is expecting much out of him to settle her mind or give her peace. It’s beyond what he can comply with.

And because of this, she distances herself away from him. But she’s still within reach & sight, on the same side of the road.) ***

He goes to a bunch of ‘his people’ like associates or friends, sort of higher up in the air or on a hill & says about her,

“She asks questions like a Scotsman”

& I don’t know what that means, except the questions are bad, maybe meant to trip you up or frustrate you, not good questions. This guy is a professional hair dresser & he or someone like him cut her hair earlier.

*** (QUESTIONS LIKE A SCOTSMAN: The hairdo this girl has reminds me of one of the ladies on ‘Beverly Hills Housewives.’ It’s straight, shortish hair that is cut with points – it’s cute, light brow. The idea of a woman from Beverly Hills sounds like one who has a lot, wants a lot. She wants a lot from the lover Bob & he is not giving it – he can’t. ‘The second time’ is probably once they had such a big fight they temporarily broke up, this is the second time.

As far as ‘Scotsman’ they wear KILTS. Maybe this refers to emasculating Bob, diminishing him. Another meaning could be ‘Scotch plaid’ which is crosses, checks like ‘Scotch Tape’ – this would be crucifying statements, as crosses are the Cross of Our Lord.) ***

Now I see her WALKING AWAY from him & the Deville & she’s wearing a concealing outfit, a smock or chemise which is a couple sizes too big for her. She might be a 12, but the smock is 16. It’s a puffy type material, charcoal grey, almost black, with tiny white flowers all over it, & over the top of that she has some kind of medium brown tunic or overcoat that is completely open so you can see all of the dress. She’s walking away from him toward town, to my left & later I see there’s a FAIR going on – half the city is closed down to traffic so they can conduct this fair which contains all sorts of things for celebration & good times – she’s walking toward it.

* (WALKING AWAY FROM HIM TOWARD THE CITY HAVING A FAIR, HER OUTFIT: This departure isn’t on the same side of the street – {which seems temporary.} This looks more serious as she crosses the street into the city which is having a fair & celebratory, fun style thingy. Crossing the street is extremely telling, it’s like ‘crossing the Rubicon’ which means Caesar passes point of no return into Italy**

which means IRREVERSIBLE. I saw one soul I was saying Masses for suddenly, quickly, running across the street in front of me– which meant entering into Heaven, leaving Purgatory, an irreversible transition.

Is this CROSSING OVER a sign of DEATH?

HER OUTFIT: Charcoal grey/almost black is SOMETHING BURNED UP or finished. Burning or burned up is finished – charcoal is something TWICE BURNED so it is a definite end.

The tiny white flowers all over it? Might be saying ‘yes, it’s over, but flowers grow out of the ashes, it’s a resurrection, a change for the better – new life? Or does it mean SHE IS DEAD, pushing up daisies? The dress being LOOSE is it like a SHROUD?

This is a definite ending, either their relationship or that with her death. )***

As I see her walk away from me {& him} her outfit is completely different. She has on form fitting stretch pants in a mustard color. Her legs I’m trying to ascertain if she’s overweight or not. Probably not, just her legs are bigger than average – not fat or thin, the legs have a decent shape to them. Can’t recall what top but her leggings I can see all the way to the waist.

*** (LEGS BIGGER THAN AVERAGE: This gave it away that it’s Ruthie, as her legs are by nature disproportionately bigger than the rest of her body, even when she was thin. But symbolically it could show strength, the legs look strong. It took strength perhaps to walk away from Bob forever, or else it shows mystical strength, that she is going to a good place in Eternity.

The mustard-color tights resembles gold & yellow. This might be showing either fear or love. Could be fearful of what’s ‘on the other side.’ ‘Tired of living, scared of dying.’) ***

Then I’m in that black car. I was parked overnight & am now exiting the driveway to the main St. & a big fat woman {wearing black} is walking toward where I come out & was in slight danger of my hitting her. She’s upset about this because apparently overnight this area got closed to traffic; she didn’t expect a car & could have gotten hit. I am perplexed as I was not aware of this traffic rule going on – I want to get out of this no-drive zone & I head to the right up the street looking for a way out – luckily no cop sees me as I’m breaking a rule.

*** (FAT WOMAN IN BLACK, IS STARTLED I AM HERE COMING OUT OF MY EXIT & COULD HAVE HIT HER: Is this Ruthie? If this is THE OTHER SIDE or PURGATORY then I’m not supposed t be here, as I’M STILL ALIVE.

The VEHICLE is my body. If I’m still alive it’s unauthorized for me to be here. I could be here for the VISION & UNDERSTANDING – the dream is answer to prayer showing me where Ruthie will be fairly soon {not I old age, we’ll all be there. So I just sort of ‘appear’ or ‘get caught’ on the other side & want to get out of here or the cops/angels will tell me I’m breaking the rules}) ***

It becomes NIGHT & also seems like rain, the streets are wet. I do get to a street that is filled with traffic – all the ones that had to detour ended up here I guess but where I want to enter the street shows one way arrows, so I go further into a parking lot which has an exit & am going to go right into the main St.

* (TRYING TO FIND THE ROAD BACK TO EARTH, lol. Not my time to be here.) *

Then I think about the ‘fair area.’ It’s fun but one has to park a few blocks away in the traffic zone, then you have to walk some blocks, then you have to walk through the ‘fun’ area. But my legs hurt – it’s not likely I can pull this off. Oh well. No ‘fair’ for me.

* (NO FAIR FOR ME: It’s not my time to ‘go to the fair’ or Eternity – this explains how one must walk but cannot take their vehicle – which is the BODY. So although Ruthie came here, I can’t. Obviously she’s alive now but this is a prediction.) *

……………………………………………..

NEXT DAY dreamed this – 3-31-22

Asked for confirmation & further clarity on is this about Ruthie’s death?

OK we’re in a vehicle. Ruthie is driving. I had seen here earlier & she was OK & a full head of brown hair, thick & to the shoulders in a nice hairdo.

Now I’m in her vehicle, she’s driving & Bob is on her right.

As I sit I’m aware I’m much higher than them, like a foot or more, in my seat, towering over them, bending slightly forward. The car is beige inside & out, a smooth vanilla, a beautiful luxury car & feels like floating.

We were going one way but now there’s this red post to the left by a nice building – she goes over to it & begins to turn around completely. At first I was afraid she wouldn’t drive properly but she drives well, & soon, she’s got us turned around & is going the OPPOSITE WAY, from where we originally came.

As I look at her head I at first thought she had shaved her head bald – but then I see only the bottom is shaved, the top is still there, like a male ‘undercut,’ but it’s completely grey – half of it is white. And Bob’s hair is EXACTLY like hers. They are talking – they don’t even see I’m there.

*** MEANING: I must turn to Mother God, I can’t figure this out.

MG: She is the driver means she’s calling the shots, she’s in charge of their relationship. The vehicle is the relationship, which worked so far, but now they’re both sick with anxiety – the hair shaved & half white is extreme worry or stress.

They thought they were going to get somewhere –– that place would be happiness / stability, as there is a lovely building here – it’s made of large beige bricks. The vehicle & building bricks are the same color – their relationship was going well, they thought they were going to be happy, but something has happened to STOP THEM. The red post says ‘stop’ – a post of PAIN.

POST means MESSAGE like a message on the internet. A post along the road could tell you which direction you should go – this way this town, the other way another town. So a POST here is indicating,

“No, you’re not going to have happiness, go back.”

The message is they can’t be happy together any more.

The car being a LUXURY car, driving smoothly like the Rolls Royces I’ve been in – indicates this relationship was a LUXURY – one she can’t afford any more. She isn’t working due to her injuries – I’ve said many times he was using her for the drug connection – not sure how the deal worked but it was so he could afford more or get more drugs, & she knew this & encouraged his dependence on drugs. No more drugs, no more relationship.

……………………………………………………

Earlier dreamed this:

I have a large dark-skinned full-bodied male in front of me, a few inches taller than me, quite handsome, & I’m saying something flirtatious to him. He’s standing so his left side is to me.

And across from him facing me is another similar-looking male like a brother but not as handsome, he has a thin mustache. To offset my flirting with the first guy I gently touch the chin of this second guy in a flirtatious manner. It was to show something – like I’m not obsessed with the first guy I’m just a flirtatious female something like that.

Not sure what this means.

They were both pleased by my attentions but I did not want to give away I was interested in the first ‘brother.’

………………………………………………………….

*** MEANING: This shows two brothers & I recently mentioned in an article that I took out my lover’s brother to dinner three times.

The dream presents one fact – that I don’t want lover Bob to think I’m still obsessed with him – I’m not. Yes, I do love him but I don’t want him to think I’ll chase him again or bend the knee to his demands. And so this other guy or brother, I use to make him think I just happen to be flirtatious & am like that with many guys.

The fact that he looks very healthy might be that I recently saw him in despair, in my dreams & sent a letter to make sure he wouldn’t crack up from grief of losing me And so, this shows he’s been restored to mental/emotional health.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Future Life & Success

More Ideas for Our Sisterhood – Drama – Beauty Contests

Dreams

Predicting Future of Life Story &

Personal Issues

Today in my head as I sat by the babbling brook right by my house I saw scenes of plays we can produce for our Community which will be educational & simple for small children to understand but also beneficial for adults. I saw a scene of a young female with a cape, sailing into a room from above, appearing as SUPER HEROINE like Wonder Woman, & she cries out,

“I AM THE HOLY SPIRIT!”

She continues, gesturing with her arms into the air or putting them on her hips,

“I am the SUBSTANCE & the POWER of God!”

Her cape is brilliant & we sew it so it flares out to the sides, gold & silver on the back, inside could be like flowing water, with a tongue of a flame on her chest & She describes how She appears to the human race – water, fire & wind.

As the people standing by are in awe & even scared, She describes her Powers, the Gifts of the Holy Spirit including Miracles & Healings. She is joyfully aggressive in her speech. When she first appears, the other actors fall down, to show being ‘Slain in the Spirit.”

She describes how She IMPREGNATED Holy Mary so that Jesus could be born without male DNA– that women can conceive without a man’s help because the EGG is a REPRODUCTIVE CELL but sperm is not. She explains Holy Mary is an Incarnation of God, & her bringing him into the world, without the help of man made him inviolate, an Incarnation of God as well.

The other actors will ask questions & the Holy Spirit Heroine will answer, illuminating our doctrine. The questioners will be in awe & sincere.

The devil could appear as Pharisees & Patriarchs & the Holy Spirit will tell them off with exorcism & they run like Hell, filled with great fear at the Presence of God.

Acting out scenes like this will be beneficial to our cause & Sisterhood on many levels.

There could be all kinds of dialogue between the actors & HOLY SPIRIT HEROINE which would illuminate our doctrine.

……………………………………………………………

Beauty, Learning, Talent Contests:

I can also see us holding BEAUTY CONTESTS so the sisters & ‘Third Order’ Members {like third order members in the CC where they are Franciscans or Dominicans, but they don’t live within the convent—they can be married or live with their family.}

In these beauty contests they can wear anything they want – from bikinis to ball gowns. There will be points on costume & personality. One of the important features will be the questions on OUR DOCTRINE. So they would be scored on beauty of face & figure as well as knowledge of our Religion. The one who gets the highest points in all areas wins the contest & becomes ‘Miss Matriarchy 2022’. However, there will be other trophies & the one with the best knowledge of our Doctrine could be called ‘Most Intelligent’ or ‘Miss Brilliant’ or ‘Miss Wisdom.’ And of course we could give a ‘Prettiest Face’ & ‘Best Body’ trophies. We could also have a trophy for the best ‘Miss Senior Matriarchy’ for contestants over 60.

Why is this contest a good idea? Several reasons. One is, they follow in my footsteps, – If I am the founder of our Order, anything I did is legit for them to do, they honor me this way. Nothing I did was wrong; it took me to be the Leader I was.

Second, we invite the press & get publicity for our Cause.

We also make VIDEOS of these activities as well as the plays I mentioned, & other educational forums, & put these on the internet to get millions exposed to our beliefs.

It would also galvanize the Sisters to put effort into several areas –grooming, being fit, & honing their knowledge, performance, speaking skills & talents. It would be exercise for converting others from Patriarchy to Matriarchy. The average John & Jane Doe don’t even know what Matriarchy is or why Patriarchy is wrong.

……………………………………………………

More Ideas for our Matriarchal Order / Convent

Re the beauty contest: I forgot to mention the talent competition. For talent they can sing, dance, recite a script, do martial arts moves, acrobatics, even a body building demonstration {can do 100 pushups in a row & do a dead lift with 100 lbs 15 times or whatever she can do. Last but not least – her best talent is cooking. She can bake a cake & it will be presented – the judges can try a piece.

More on Conversation, Dos & Don’ts

*Be SLOW to contradict people, especially an elder & don’t contradict the Hostess, moderator or one of the senior ranking Sisters.

I recently had a female call me who wanted to VENT. I let her go on as it’s a common thing; people want to unload their frustrations & anxieties. She’s heard my doctrine before – for years – & agrees with it & repeated it to me like a parrot – having forgotten that it was I who told it to her in the first place. Everything bad about Patriarchy she re-iterated.

But as I went on ‘preaching’ this or that against Patriarchy, she contradicted me with the ‘I know women that are bad, too’. OK, she did this once, as I continued, she did it twice, then three times. By the time I answered her claims, my mind & emotions were worn out. Being contradicted is annoying & sometimes infuriating. It can be a CHALLENGE & the person contradicted has to DEFEND THEMSELVES or explain themselves, which is sometimes work, & can be STRESSFUL.

Now if you’re a teacher in a classroom setting you are supposed to contradict students when they say something wrong. But if you are a junior member or just a regular John or Jane Doe sitting at our table contradicting people strongly & persistently is WRONG.

Of course, if someone says some against our Doctrine or Religion, correct them in a diplomatic way. Stay calm, just explain why they are wrong. And you can do this outside our walls as well you are representing us.

I have a lady ‘friend’ who never allows me to make a statement about subjects I am well versed in without contradicting me. She feels she knows more than I about EVERYTHING. She cannot stand the idea that I could know more. She has to be the leader, the boss, of every conversation. Her pride & ego are fueling this. It’s so annoying that I told her speaking to her is a mine field I no longer enjoy visiting.

Even in a regular setting where it’s two or more people conversing contradicting others is grating. Try to find common ground. Not saying you cannot give your opinion.

I was standing in the grocery line getting my food the other day & started talking about chickens & if I was perfect I wouldn’t eat them – I love them – I’d be a vegetarian. I described the cruel lives of ‘battery chickens.’

To my chagrin she popped up with,

“Chickens don’t have feelings – they don’t care.”

Startled, I immediately countered with,

“All beings care about their life.”

Yes, I contradicted her. Sometimes you have to. But be judicious when & where & with whom. Sometimes you should just be quiet.

On another note, we will not discuss men’s Patriarchy politics in our Order at table or anywhere, that is the Democrats vs Republicans or whatever parties in whatever countries are having elections. Both sides are doing propaganda, we don’t know what the truth is, & they are all puppets ruled by the Shadow govt. The alternative candidates who represent an honest agenda haven’t got a chance. People get brainwashed by propaganda then get all excited & emotional about it & end up yelling & screaming at each other. We should have no discussions or arguments about items such as these; speak of the big picture – that women should rule the family & the world, not men. And most of the women high up are part of the evil world – they are not Matriarchs, we call them ‘dicks in skirts’ so what’s the point? It would be nice to have women elected in high offices, but right now we don’t expect much from them, until women are at least 50% of the ruling governments, they cannot push a ‘female’ agenda. We should support women in elections hoping that eventually they will offer up maternal policies – which mean love & fairness – no unjust wars or laws, no exploitation.

Don’t Vent at the Table

There’s a time & place for venting & stating one’s frustrations, anxieties, things one is pissed about, & all other woes. Don’t do it here when people are having a pleasant meal, do it with your best friend or in a therapy session. To go on about negative things would bring everyone’s mood down.

In the beginning, we will ask everyone to bring a list of pleasant or interesting things they might discuss like movies, documentaries, TV shows one has seen – books one likes. Make a list of your favorite all-time movies, explain why. Or things you’ve seen that are educational, informative or entertaining. Don’t start any ARGUMENTS. Talk about animals but not AD TEDIUM – as your pets latest antics could be BORING to a lot of people. In a setting like ours it’s best to give SOUND BYTES on things, & if someone wants to hear more, they’ll ask – but if no one responds, drop it. It will be WORK-EFFORT to learn to converse without stepping on toes, arguing, venting, complaining, moaning & groaning, contradicting & insulting & boring people – but TRY.

Clothing or Uniforms of the Sisters

I like the idea of the tilma of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the back of a tunic the Sisters wear. They could have two tunics. One for summer is made of cotton & could be put over summer clothes, could be tied on the sides or just a loose garment. The second could be WARM for winter, some type of thick padding or fake fur lined material, on the back the picture of Our Lady. The color a dull beige.

The front could have a picture of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. It would be also OK to have any image of Mother God as our insignia, the images of Mary are the most widely portrayed. If someone can make a painting of ‘Mother God’ this is acceptable also. The pic of the heart in front, again, there are many of Mary’s imagined heart.

How these images would be put upon cloth is unknown to me. I have a tilma of Our Lady of Guadalupe, there’s a way to put images on cloth so this has to be looked into. If we can find a place that sells images of Our Lady of Guadalupe or other images of Our Lady on cloth, we can buy many of these & sew them onto our tunics.

It would not be required to wear these uniforms every day every time one steps out of the convent, the way regular nuns do. But when attending Temple it would be appropriate, & at certain times – to be determined by each convent. Sometimes you want to be official sometimes you want to ‘blend into’ society. It isn’t always convenient to ‘stand out’ in the crowd.

……………………………………………………………………………

Chapter 6 ‘Remarkable Woman’

Dream explains great success for my life story 3-26-22

There’s a woman here who is remarkable, & I seem to be representing her, myself being an actress.

At one point I am FLYING over the audience, wearing a beautiful medium light blue chiffon type dress to the knees & the bodice gathered, scooped, with a cummerbund at the waist of the same material. It’s more beautiful than the dress I had at the 8^th grade graduation which my Mom stole, it’s slightly darker, the material is finer, more crinkly, & it has no stiff crinoline underneath, it just flows, is very wide, & as I fly over the audience & close to them, & I’m saying loudly, happily,

“I have SUPERNATURAL POWER”

“I have GOD’S POWER”

And I repeat these ideas again & again as I fly back & forth over them.

Finally I land & the woman I represent is standing next to me. She has on a beautiful red dress made of some kind of material that has a texture which is not jewels or gems or bright sequins, but the closest I can think of is not bright but textured sequins, thousands of them, tiny, all over the entire dress, which goes below the feet & trails down on the floor – a real ball gown. The dress clings to her & is a true red.

The strange thing here is I’m an actress who did the performance, representing her but she is the person I guess you could say, the living breathing person who actually did these things – they were remarkable – & she is going to be paid tons of money. And I ask her,

“What are you going to do with all this money?”

And she says,

“I AM EXHAUSTED.”

That’s all there is to it.

…………………………………………………….

MEANING: This is about my God Self & human self, the dream explains that I was empowered by my God Self, but the flesh DID THE WORK & the human self gets exhausted. The God Self is part of the Infinite Energy Source, it does not get tired or in any way hurt or perturbed. It is the same as God in Heaven.

The human self is wearing red, which is the color of BLOOD & saying SACRIFICE, fresh pain. The material is made of thousands of tiny sequins or something like that – these would be the experiences of your human life, the painful ones, numbering into thousands & the gown trails below your feet, saying what a long life & a long list of painful experiences. You are tired from the effort & the pain.

For some reason God wants you to know you will be rewarded on earth, not only in Heaven – You did the work, you will get the money. God is rhetorically asking you this, as She knows you intend to use it to build the convent & Church. Maybe She’s encouraging you to keep going & finish the work because you need a boost.

Where She is flying over the audience is the audience for your life story. She is explaining how She is the Power & She gave you the grace, but you’re the one who suffered & you will be rewarded. You don’t say anything about the money, why? Because you maybe don’t have any particular human use for it you want to use it for the work of God, which is what you’ve been thinking about constantly.

Why is the God Self wearing a dress that looks like your 8^th grade graduation? {The dress Mom stole & gave it to another girl at her work} Probably to show you how God will pay you back for all that was taken – stolen from you in what people did, especially Mom. It’s like the God Self is wearing your dress, like you GAVE GOD A GIFT, the gift of what you lost & sacrificed & God is so pleased She’s wearing the gift! The jewels we ‘give God’ are our pains, sufferings & sacrifices & God turns them into precious stones & beautiful jewelry & crowns. In this case your dress of pain adorns the good God who is FLYING over the audience to show you,

“It’s your LIFE STORY, an audience is looking at your story & you will get a lot of money. Your pain will turn to PROFIT – it bears fruit!

The details: The dress looking kind of different than the real life one, explain the differences, what they mean.

MG: In the Heavenly realm, your sacrifices & pains are made more beautiful, on earth you’re wearing the gown of pain & what you feel is exhaustion, but in Heaven, your True Self has no pain but only joy & She is flying, nothing of the earth limits her or holds her down.

Earlier dreamed this:

I have a large dark-skinned full-bodied male in front of me, a few inches taller than me, quite handsome, & I’m saying something flirtatious to him. He’s standing so his left side is to me.

And across from him facing me is another similar-looking male like a brother but not as handsome, he has a thin mustache. To offset my flirting with the first guy I gently touch the chin of this second guy in a flirtatious manner. It was to show something – like I’m not obsessed with the first guy I’m just a flirtatious female something like that.

Not sure what this means.

They were both pleased by my attentions but I did not want to give away I was interested in the first ‘brother.’

………………………………………………………….

MEANING: This shows two brothers & I recently mentioned in an article that I took out my lover’s brother to dinner three times.

The dream presents one fact – that I don’t want lover Bob to think I’m still obsessed with him – I’m not. Yes, I do love him but I don’t want him to think I’ll chase him again or bend the knee to his demands. And so this other guy or brother, I use to make him think I just happen to be flirtatious & am like that with many guys.

The fact that he looks very healthy might be that I recently saw hmi in despair, in my dreams & sent a letter to make sure he wouldn’t crack up from grief of losing me And so, this shows he’s been restored to mental/emotional health.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Ramakrishna Channeled

Chapter 1 Part 7 Channeling Ramakrishna 3-11-22

From Wikipedia:

Ramakrishna Paramahamsa; 18 February 1836 – 16 August 1886), born Gadadhar Chattopadhyaya, was an Indian Hindu mystic and religious leader. Ramakrishna approached his religious life through the path of devotion to the Goddess Kali, and by observance of various elements from Tantra, Vaishnav Bhakti, and Advaita Vedanta, as well as proficiency {Rasa word edited from dalliances} in Christianity and Islam. After earnest practice of various religious traditions, he held that the world’s religions represented “so many paths to reach one and the same goal”. His followers came to regard him as an avatara, or divine incarnation, as did some of the prominent Hindu scholars of his day.

Quotation

“I have practised all religions – Hinduism, Islam, Christianity – and I have also followed the paths of the different Hindu sects. I have found that it is the same God toward whom all are directing their steps, though along different paths. You must try all beliefs and traverse all the different ways once. Wherever I look, I see men quarrelling in the name of religion – Hindus, Mohammedans, Brahmos, Vaishnavas, and the rest. But they never reflect that He who is called Krishna is also called Siva, and bears the name of the Primal Energy, Jesus, and Allah as well – the same Rama with a thousand names. A lake has several Ghats. At one, the Hindus take water in pitchers and call it ‘ Jal ‘ ; at another the Mussalmans take water in leather bags and call it ‘ pani ‘. At a third the Christians call it ‘ water ‘. Can we imagine that it is not ‘ Jal ‘ , but only ‘ pani ‘ or ‘ water ‘? How ridiculous! The substance is One under different names, and everyone is seeking the same substance; only climate, temperament, and name create differences. Let each man follow his own path. If he sincerely and ardently wishes to know God, peace be unto him! He will surely realize Him.”

Ramakrishna, who experienced spiritual ecstasies from a young age, started his spiritual journey as a priest at the Dakshineshwar Kali Temple. Soon his mystical temperament gained him a widespread acknowledgement amongst the general public as a Guru, attracting to him various religious teachers, social leaders, Bengali elites, and common people alike; he eventually taught his disciples, who later formed the monastic Ramakrishna Order. After his death, his chief disciple Swami Vivekananda popularized his ideas, and founded the Ramakrishna Math, which provides spiritual training for monastics and householder devotees, and the Ramakrishna Mission, to provide charity, social work and education. (end Wikipedia with one word edited by Rasa)

Sri Ramakrishna has been my guru since about 1995 – He’s not my only Hindu/Yoga guru. I started with Paramahamsa Yogananda {so popular in the West}, read the Bhagavad-Gita at age 29, got deep into Baba Muktananda & his guru, Nityananda, besides studying many Yoga books I can’t even recall. With Muktananda & Nityananda I went all the way into MYSTICAL MARRIAGE with each of them. Muktananda gave me HIS SANDALS but in the form of high-heeled red/white & blue ones to honor my country! And Nityananda gave me a SOLID SILVER DRESS {mystically} with which we got ‘married’ {united} & lifted 250 Souls out of Purgatory for celebration! I was close to Ramana Maharshi, who led me into Nonduality in Feb, 2007.

I’ve not done an official ‘guru sadhana’ with Ramakrishna but perhaps that will come later. A sadhana is when you study, concentrate, pray to the Enlightened being of your choice, they appear to you in Light, {Muktananda was coruscating violet light every evening as I prayed to him} visions, dreams, & when you succeed in your devotion they give you Gifts {spiritual} & even Mystical Marriage if/when you open all your heart to him/her.

Recently I boned up on Who Ramakrishna is, what he did & I see that he is a man for my times, while I now pursue a Sisterhood where all of us can be different faiths but follow a Mother God. Ramakrishna is the only religious leader I know of who not only tolerated & accepted the validity of various religions but actually imbibed & became proficient in many of them – an astounding feat to be all that he was & then to become a Muslim & a Christian. You have to study him to understand & believe this – I did. Long ago there were only books which I purchased many of – but now it’s easy with the internet & You Tube videos. I recently reviewed some of his biographical movies & documentaries & was once again amazed.

Being he was on my mind I began to channel him or read his mind, & the answers he gave were most consoling & healing for my troubled mind. His intelligence is off the chart – his insight & common sense.

A thing that was bugging me to no end was the time when God told me, in 2008 to quit my celibacy, “go out & have fun,” – “stop suffering” – “if you don’t do this you will be OUTSIDE THE WILL OF GOD.”

I resisted at first, but when She said I’d be outside the will of God if I disobeyed that was final. I fear God more than death; I knew I had to obey. Why, I didn’t know. But I obeyed, as usual with all the power & zeal within my body. I did the best I could to ‘have fun’ although I told God I no longer knew how – & She said, ‘You will learn.’ I did not understand then nor is it completely clear to me now, the meaning of all this.

I might add that embarking on this unexpected phase changed my ministry & guru-hood. One disciple – my holiest one – in Scotland, could not abide this new lifestyle, our relationship ended. His name was Kun Kin, his visions about me are on my website, ‘Woman, Thou Art God.’ I used to appear in bilocation to him again & again, he tried to touch me but I would disappear. Finally one night he crawled to me & finally touched the hem of my dress {I was sitting I imagine like Whistler’s Mother, in a long dress} before I vanished.

If & when at rare occasions I speak of this to people – they exclaim,

“God would not tell you to do this!”

Because of course sex is dirty, sinful, & everything bad in their minds – certainly God would not send anyone there although ‘He’ created sex – it’s a paradox - & CERTAINLY no religious, holy, sacred or sanctified person would be sent to go into the world & HAVE SEX & ENJOY IT!

On my part, these were my objections or questions. First, I struggle to become celibate because all the saints were. I think about it for years, try to stop having sex a few months, then for a year, then swing back. It isn’t easy. I find no one else interested in this quest. It’s a journey you will take ALONE.

So finally one day it’s time. The Holy Virgin appears to me & asks me not to have sex with men any more. Figuring this is forever, I hesitate – even though I wanted it. I’m discomforted. But after 5 days of thought my inner voice says if I don’t take this vow I’ll always know I’m a coward so I do.

The first two years are rough, I wish I could get out of it but I can’t. After that it eases up. After 10 years I’m FREE. Free of what? – The discomforting nagging sex drive. Then God appears to me in spirit & says do I want to quit the view, it’s done its work. I say no because I’m AT PEACE, do I want to have a sex drive nagging my bones again?

Ten more years goes by & the idea of sex withdraws completely from my zeitgeist. Here comes God again, do I want to quit? No, God, I’m happy where I am.

Fine, ten more years. God again, do I want to quit? No God I don’t want to quit. Why would I? Go back to the world of unrequited desires? Have my heart filled with lust & go about seeking sex? Why would I want such turmoil invading me when I am AT PEACE? My life is FINE without sex in fact, many great things happened that never would have had I kept up with it.

But then God elaborates & tells me what I said above. Then I have no way out, this is the Will of God & therefore my will. Where do I start?

Alright, let’s ask Ramakrishna, the world expert on spirituality. I have channeled & asked others but still was confused. Let’s see if his genius will put a light at the end of the tunnel. So to all I have said, what is your answer, Sri Ramakrishna? Why was it the WILL OF GOD that I stop suffering, go out to have fun & sex, bars & alcohol, getting drunk, reveling & carousing, acting crazy like all the others, feeling lust, anger when thwarted, pain when rejected, jealousy when females take my men away, feelings of revenge when insulted & hurt – why did God throw me into the lion’s den, for what reason & what good did it do me or others? What about sin? – All those human, animal feelings. Did I sin? What mission is this? I know ‘black & beautiful’ from the Song of Songs, God sends me out there into the fields & I get ‘black from the sun’ {I commit faults} but I’m still beautiful because I did it for God. What do you make of all this?

RK (Ramakrishna for short): You obeyed the Will of God, how could you be wrong? Now you want me to interpret or understand what God wanted of you.

First of all, you are a Goddess in the spiritual meaning of the word, the highest meaning. Not just that your body is beautiful but your Soul is. You are not of the flesh or the world, not for a long time – you left that spirit behind years ago. Therefore, the first question, is, were you committing sins when you felt those feelings mentioned. The answer is no. Yes, you felt ‘lust’ but that went with the territory of the mission. The other feelings toward your neighbor were temptations. You did not dwell upon them, entertain them or put any of them into action. You felt them quickly & temporarily, you let them go in your heart you forgave those who hurt you. Temptations are not sins unless you entertain them, nourish them & act upon them. So that’s settled.

Next, your peace of mind. Why would the Almighty want you to leave behind your contemplation, peacefulness, the cave, the cloister, the monastery, the hermitage, the isolation, & go back into a world full of dangers? And dangers they were. You not only had sex but you were assaulted physically, punched in the stomach & in the face 3 times – once knocked unconscious for a second. Many things happened that could have ended in serious injury, but they didn’t – because God protected you – God was with you.

Yes you started to drink, on & off, got drunk a few times. So did the disciples, so do most people, religious or not. Don’t take it so seriously.

Next, what good came out of all this? You became a Cougar. What did this mean? You EMPOWERED WOMEN. You took away the STIGMA FROM SEX. It was what you always spoke of – if somehow we could take the stigma off sex & make it Sacred again, it would take so much power off Patriarchy, because they keep women enslaved by making sex evil, taking away their sexual freedom. You did a chapter on this with St. Martin Luther King Jr., where he said when women break away from Patriarchy by having sex with anyone they want, whenever, however they want, it would be the end of Patriarchy – because men do everything to gain & control women. Once that’s lost, Patriarchy is lost. Nothing to fight for, no more wars. So women’s sexual freedom is a BIG THING TO FIGHT FOR.

Stop being afraid you did wrong, just rejoice you obeyed God no matter what this society thinks. People are SUPPOSED TO think it’s scandal for old women to be with young men, it’s par for the course, let the attention arise & the objections fly, give them the answer of God. It’s like you Stripping for God. You got attention, you gave your message. It was a good thing – that women in the adult trade are not lowlifes, they can be of God, you made your point, you edified people, you changed things.

Yes, Cougars are still scandal & they’re in the news reality type TV shows & everyone is baffled & curious what makes them tick. But most of them do NOT understand the issues of ‘old woman – young man’, why it’s important – but you do. As a woman educated in the ideas of Patriarchy vs. Matriarchy, & how they’ve held down women – including old women is an important issue. You explained those issues in two books. None of these other Cougars could do this, they had sex with men & did TV shows, but has any of them tackled the issues or given illuminating answers concerning how women have been disempowered & now they’re taking their freedom back? No they haven’t, you were needed to do that. And no, you’ve not yet been on TV interview shows for it, but you will. You can’t do it all at once, now you’re writing it down, later you will be in the media.

Part of what you’re doing through your life is as a religious, spiritual woman who is pro-sex, your making sex SACRED again. You’re taking the SOIL OUT OF SEX, cleaning it up, where Patriarchs threw it to the mud you bring out sex the way the pond lily is rooted in the mud but pops out on top beautiful & fragrant. You liberate people from seeing sex as a naughty, sinful, secret, forbidden activity into the Light of day where it belongs – let everyone rejoice we have sex & it’s for love, it can be Sacred, all of us came into the world through it.

ME: So far, so good Ramakrishna. But why me? Why not a lady in the adult trade besides me, say a Sex Therapist {prostitute} or Pornography lady? Wouldn’t they be appropriate? And they would not have to give up 30 years of celibacy to go out there to preach this, I did. Why do I have to give up my peace, enter the fray, do something that was half fun, half painful – & God told me to stop suffering. So how am I not suffering when I faced all the dangers of going to bars every weekend for 11 years & being the victim of prejudice for my age & all the other mine-field factors of dating?

RK: Where do I begin? First of all, God needed a TEACHER, an intellectual, one who contemplates. But that person could not be a bookish, at the desk, Armchair General, that person needed to be out there LIVING THE LIFE. Now how many women are there in the adult trade, who can be teachers, professors, gurus, building their own Church & proclaiming the Word of God?

I can’t think of any but you. And besides being a professor type, this woman preferably is also a WOMAN OF GOD so that’s a BIG BILL TO PAY, some qualities all I one woman that are hard to find.

And so, you got chosen.

ME: I also took thousands of photos of models. I feel now that these will illustrate my activities, that is to say, me being a Cougar, they being young hotties, even though they were not the actual guys I dated – some of them were but not most of them, & so, they serve to illustrate my activities as symbols. What do you think of the value of these photos, is it high?

RK: That was one of the best things you did, without knowing it. You didn’t plan ahead of time to illustrate your Cougar escapades with these photos, but they will suffice, & they will lend great credibility to your stories. How many of these Cougars have all these photos? – None – only you. So this is of great value.

ME: On another note. You & Ramana Maharshi are famous for your trance states. It makes me wonder, have I missed anything? My trance states have been few & far between. Have I fallen down on the job? You do of course have a far different spiritual culture than us Christians & you guys got famous for trances & greatly acclaimed. In our ball game only Maria Woodworth Etter was famous for trances, no one else I know of, & that was a while ago. Have I been remiss in not going into trances the way you guys did?

RK: Haha, how funny. If you were in trances the way we were, how could you have done your work? How could you have Stripped for God & given sermons, how could you have been the Progenitor of female body building, how could you have done all the interviews & TV? All the things you did you were equipped to do. Each Avatar, each Saint of God has different qualities & Gifts that God chooses for them to do their work. You had to be beautiful; you had to have a beautiful body & face. That’s a credential few ministers & gurus had to have, but it was important for you. That’s why your mother hated you – one reason – you were beautiful, she was not. Everything that you are has been used for ministry – your body, your mind & heart. We all had what we had to do what we had to do. Now let’s end for now, you must get this posted.

ME: Thank you Sri Ramakrishna, we may speak again. Your help has been terrific.

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

OLD WOMAN YOUNG MAN

William Bond answers questions re Old Woman – Young Man – Same

questions answered by Ajax the Great - Two of the smartest men in the

world tackle the hard questions of old woman – young man

Part 2, Dream of Rasa re her Lover leaving his fake wife as she can no longer

afford him

First, William Bond: 1 Why is it a taboo for the older woman-younger man, but the idea of older man-younger woman is not only tolerated but accepted as normal. Certainly ten years older man is considered equal to ten years younger female.

Answer

It is all about wealth and power, dominance and submission. It is no secret that men have been ruling the world for all of recorded history. Up until the 20th century women were dependant on men for money. Either by money from their fathers, marrying a man or becoming a prostitute. This is why many women would be marrying men older than themselves, as they would probably be earning more money than younger men.

There also were laws up to the 20th century that a husband owns any money a woman has, when he marries her. So a wealthy women dare not marry a man who is less wealthy than herself as he might take her fortune away from her. In the 20th century this changed when women were allowed to own their own wealth and we see gigolos appear.

We have later found later on that wealthy women like Princess Margaret and Cher have had younger lovers. So it is all about money, it is a lot easier for rich women to have younger men than poorer women. As many poorer women, even in the 21st century, are looking for rich husbands. But like I have said before. many relationships between older women and younger men are kept secret.

But it is not all about wealth. Patriarchy expects men to be the dominant sex and take the initiative there relationships with women. While women are expected to be submissive and passive. But not all men and women are like this. There are many men who are introvert and are too shy to speak to women and have a submissive nature. While there are many extravert women who have a dominant nature.

There are some older women who know this and take advantage of shy and submissive young men. So if they see a introvert young man they like, they move in, take the initiative in speaking to him and then take the dominant position in their relationship. Many of these men because they are too shy to talk to women would be virgins, so the older woman can teach them to have sex in the way she wants.

2 What is the Patriarchal society afraid of in the older woman? Why are they denigrated as far as sex objects ‘put out to pasture’ & told to mind the business of gardening, knitting, cooking & taking care of grandchildren, but to have fun & relate with younger men romantically is non acceptable? Why are they made to do ‘harmless’ or non-political non-leadership work like just mentioned, but being in positions of Leadership or influence is not encouraged? They are not seen as ‘wise elders’ but accused of spreading ‘old wife’s tales.’

Answer

The foundation of patriarchy is to undermine female power. This is why in the past women were not allowed to be educated and kept out of any job that gave them any power, wealth or status. Up until the 20th century it would be impossible to have a female scientist, doctor, lawyer or any academic. Now, this is slowly changing and we find there are female ‘experts’ and so we do now have ‘wise women’ but still not as many as ‘wise men’. But this is slowly changing.

3 Why do older women ‘give up’ & stay alone when they could be out in bars & clubs, drinking, dancing, laughing, talking with males, especially younger males – the way Rasa Von Werder has been doing? Why are they so afraid of being out there?

Answer

I would imagine it is lack of confidence. Breaking down barriers is difficult for women. The first female doctors, scientists, engineers and politicians all had to be tough women as they had to put up with abuse from men. This is even true of women going to bars and clubs on their own, as they fear how men will treat them. So any women who breaks down barriers and invades male spaces will always have to be strong, confident women. But women like this then makes it easier for other women to follow in their footsteps.

4 What happens when old women stop being afraid, go out there, put themselves out for sex, date young males openly, live with them? How will this influence society?

Answer

The more older women and younger men openly have relationships the more acceptable it becomes. An example of this is the gay community. Up until the 1960s is was illegal for men to have sex with each other. But even after homosexuality became legal it was still socially unacceptable. So it took many brave homosexual men and women to ‘come out’ and put up with social censor for homosexuality to become socially acceptable. So it now possible for two men or two women to marry each other.

The subject of older women and younger men are written about in books and shown on film but they always show it in a negative way, like in the film “The Graduate” staring Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft. Although one story by Somerset Maugham called, “Gigolo and Gigolette” in the 1940s had a happy ending for the wealthy woman and her gigolo. Although the song “Gigolo and Gigolette” put a negative spin on this type of relationship.

REMARKS from RASA VON WERDER: When I went out as a woman of 63 to the clubs & bars, dancing, drinking, seeking young men, I was assaulted by the negative view of society to this. The first year I was asked almost each time I went out HOW OLD ARE YOU? Like my age was an AFFRONT & an INSULT to the community – I was old, therefore an anomaly – old women are not supposed to seek bar-hoping, drinking, laughing & having fun, & certainly NOT supposed to be dancing with & having sex with college age men!

And so, by doing what I did, I set an example for other old women & I did not see hardly any during the 11 years I was there, but the fame or infamy of my activities will remain with the thousands who saw me, they will speak of it, & it will encourage other old women to do likewise. It empowers women. I survived, I took the gaff, so they can do it. (end Rasa Part)

SAME QUESTIONS answered by AJAX the GREAT

Questions Older woman – younger man

1 Why is it a taboo for the older woman-younger man, but the idea of older man-younger woman is not only tolerated but accepted to be normal. Certainly ten years older man is considered equal to ten years younger female.

Answer

William notes that it is all about wealth and power, dominance and submission, and he is correct overall. I would also like to add that there are many levels and layers to this as well, and it is highly nuanced and intersectional. There is a lot to unpack here.

For example, one of the biggest stumbling blocks to an older Woman / younger man relationship comes not only from men, but from many Women themselves who are still brainwashed by the patriarchy to one degree or another. Some of the greatest opposition in fact comes from the mothers of the young men. There are probably a number of reasons what, and Freud would probably have quite a field day with that. Yet notably in actual Matriarchal societies, we don’t seem to see this kind of opposition at all.

(We also see this same dynamic with slut-shaming as well, with Women being the biggest enforcers of this despite it having originated with men and the patriarchy. And it is to Women’s own detriment in both cases.)

Some Women, including even some self-proclaimed Radical Feminists, may also vehemently oppose such relationships as well, as the young men still benefit from male privilege from living under patriarchy, while seeking to enjoy the benefits of the nascent and vestigial Matriarchy at the same time. They may think it unfairly puts the cart before the horse. A lot of it is really envy/jealousy more than anything else though, and THEY are the ones really putting the cart before the horse since opposing such relationships actually hinders the transition to Matriarchy.

There is also a lot of “reaction formation” from Women who secretly want to date younger men but are afraid to, and thus take on the exact opposite belief since their true belief causes them great anxiety. The same could be said about the younger men themselves.

Women can really be their own worst enemy sometimes, alas. And that is basically because they were socialized from birth by the patriarchy to be such. Throw in the fact that we still live in a rather erotophobic culture to one degree or another, and that makes it even worse still.

Then there is also the famous “half your age plus seven” rule, which exists for a number of reasons. But historically it has been enforced by society far more stringently when the Women is older compared to the reverse. Men certainly mature significantly slower than Women do, so that could be part of it. But patriarchy clearly puts men in positions of power despite their relative immaturity, so such a take is highly hypocritical at best.

RASA SAYS: The feminists, I was once officially a member of NOW – are way behind on some issues as Ajax states here. They are from the professional class & this class fails to see how we have had to degrade ourselves as maids, servants poorly-paid serfs including the adult trade – & they want us to quit ‘degrading’ ourselves & be like them – work in offices & such. But we in the lower trades aren’t qualified or don’t want such jobs, sometimes adult work pays better. The other ‘untouchable’, demeaning jobs are taken by the poorest of the poor as they can’t land the big salaries. So radical feminist, take a Class 101 on REALITY. (end Rasa part)

2 What is the Patriarchal society afraid of in the older woman? Why are they denigrated as far as sex objects ‘put out to pasture’ & told to mind the business of gardening, knitting, cooking & taking care of grandchildren, but to have fun & relate with younger men romantically is non acceptable? Why are they made to do ‘harmless’ or non-political non-leadership work like just mentioned, but being in positions of Leadership or influence is not encouraged? They are not seen as ‘wise elders’ but accused of spreading ‘old wife’s tales.’

My Answer

As William said, the foundation of patriarchy is to undermine female power. By any means necessary, in fact, as the patriarchy is deathly afraid of female power, as that will ultimately be the patriarchy’s undoing. And older Women have the greatest potential for power, especially to influence the younger generation.

3 Why do older women ‘give up’ & stay alone when they could be out in bars & clubs, drinking, dancing, laughing, talking with males, especially younger males – the way Rasa Von Werder has been doing? Why are they so afraid of being out there?

My Answer

Basically what William said. Almost no one wants to be the proverbial “guinea pig”, as few are brave enough to go first when it is still perceived to be relatively socially unacceptable. They want to see what happens when a critical mass of others go first.

RASA SAYS: And so, I was chosen by God to take the ‘hard knocks,’ be the guinea pig & when I’ve done so, the Grace of God enabled me & protected me. It’s like David & Goliath. David was chosen, Anointed, only he could slay Goliath because God gave him the capacity to do so. He was Anointed by Prophet Samuel to be King. The Anointing is what does it. Most people don’t have it, so they must wait for the ‘special ones’ to open the way. (end Rasa part)

4 What happens when old women stop being afraid, go out there, put themselves out for sex, date young males openly, live with them? How will this influence society?

My Answer

What William said, in a nutshell, the more Women do this, the more socially acceptable it will become. It is a classic example of the Overton window shifting in that direction. And the more Women do this, the more influence they can exert over the next generation of men, in a self-perpetuating virtuous cycle towards Matriarchy, God willing.

DREAM of Rasa Von Werder 3-5-22-Good Husband has had it with his old

‘wife’

We are in a dwelling of two floors & there seem to be two couples. Does it remind me of my apt in Hollywood?

Downstairs there’s a woman in a bed who seems to be unable to get about – has to stay in bed. She’s a mean, miserable person. She has a dog tied to a chain nearby.

* (MEAN WOMAN IN BED WITH DOG CHAINED INSIDE: This is, without a doubt, Ruthie, the fake wife** of my Beloved. She had a bad accident that will time to recover from, she might never return to her former work, as it’s physically challenging (& pays well).

She knows the future looks grim for her & her relationship with my Beloved – so she’s miserable – she has or had him tied by a chain to her in the house. (It doesn’t explain, but I’ve known for a long time this has to do with DRUGS. The chain is drugs.

Soon she knows she’ll be broke – it would be a time for him to step up to the plate, except he isn’t going to. She now sees him with different eyes, the eyes of a woman in need, who cannot afford a gigolo. The man must now become a bread winner, a role he’s never fulfilled, so it’s good bye toy boy.)) ***

This doesn’t make sense as they’re in the house, maybe I ask her about it. I see her looking lean, a long, hard face, straight brown hair, brown eyes. There’s a strong color ‘rust’ or reddish brown emanating from her hair, eyebrows & eyes. There’s another man around who I don’t see much about. (He reminds me of a character I saw yesterday in a Ramakrishna movie bio, named Tota Puri, who taught RK ‘Nonduality.’ He had curly grey hair, long mustache & beard, almost naked – a mystical monk. This is VAGUE. He hovers around to the front of the apt while she’s toward the back. I don’t see them having contact.)

* (LEAN, RUSTY LOOK, MONK WHO TAUGHT NONDUALITY {lol}: Lean means lean times – those would be times of poverty. She’s broke & getting broker. RUSTY, RED/BROWN, HAIR & EYES…There are two interpretations for this, one rusty is something old that has not been taken care of, it has gotten weathered rather than polished. This is her work status & relation to my Beloved. The affair has gotten OLD & she can no longer take care of him** & keep it polished or in working order.

Second, the red within the brown shows suffering so obviously she’s suffering from this situation, miserable, & taking it out on him. Like why, why, why don’t you become a faithful, generous, compassionate man to me? Because – the dream does not explain – she basically employed him to be her partner & now she can’t pay him so he’s going to quit. Lol.

The VAGUE MONK is rather humorous as it is far fetched but totally true. This is an entity that teaches her NONDUALITY which is ONE not TWO, this is a hard lesson of ‘my girl, you will be alone.’) ***

Then there’s my good husband, Richard. He’s near me but also being bossed around by this mean woman. I think she’s his fake wife or been his wife but this is not of the heart, his love is for me.

She tells him to do things & every word she says to him is CRITICISM & meanness, finding fault with him at every turn.

Richard is with me doing this & that, & at one moment he’s eating curly lettuce, in some sort of close contact with me, just lettuce. She says something to him & he, exasperated says,

“That’s it – I’m done.”

He’s finished with her, it was the last straw. She was criticizing him for eating but it was only lettuce – I see it, fresh & green. He’s really happy & satisfied being close to me, he wants to be on the upper floor with me & leave her behind.

* (EATING LETTUCE: Fresh, green lettuce is SUCCESS or PROSPERITY**. Green leaves always mean that when they are dried out or burned up, as in a cigarette or ashes it means the end or failure. And so, Beloved is enjoying SUCCESS with ME, not with her. It’s in his MIND because we have no contact but the stage is set for him to leave her & be mine.

LETTUCE also means MONEY, sometimes cabbage means money. She no longer has any, I have lots. He knows that.

My husband Richard: This is when Beloved sets his mind toward me as POSITIVE – ‘I love her, want to be with her.’ This shows his mental state & disposition is good now.

The fact that this apt sits in Hollywood is when I was with a demonic man. It means this entire situation was demonic – her taking him away from me with drugs. But he wants to get away from her & be in a ‘higher place’ with me – she held him down & enabled him to stay addicted – I release him from this need & hopefully he’ll go into rehab & quit the drugs.) ***

Also dreamed about a SCHOOL I wanted to get to but it’s gotten so vague, have no details, just struggling to go there.

Oh yes, when I was in the ‘yard’ of the school a female is walking to my left & greets me. I ask her do I know her & she says no, but she knows me, & she was expecting me to be here. She’s wearing blue, seems mystical, like of the spiritual realm.

I was going through a lot in this school, struggling to get there.

* (SCHOOL, FEMALE EXPECTED ME: This sounds like Purgatory & apparently one female, who I never knew, expected me & here I am. It suggests my struggles have been of benefit to Souls in Purgatory**. This makes me extremely happy.

School means lessons we learn, revelations, insights we attain.) ***

Kellie Everts—Rasa Von Werder You tube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbs2mz4ljiTIExCvya6zHrg

Rasa Von Werder-William Blog:

http://rasavonwerder-william.blogspot.com/?zx=209beef238268616

Embodiment of God website, current articles:

http://embodimentofgod.com/

Rasa Von Werder publications on Lulu Press: (put ‘newest to oldest’)

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/rasavonwerder

Rasa Von Werder – Kellie Everts on Amazon Books

https://www.amazon.com/Books-Rasa-Von-Werder/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ARasa+Von+Werder

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Lover Will Succumb to Me

Three Dreams Explain: Lover is out there looking for a NEW WIFE. His

present Sugar Momma is now disabled & might not ever fill the bill again.

One night he tries a new filly & temporarily trashes you in his mind. But next

day this doesn’t work. He threw you to the curb by his actions but now he

sees the Light – You were the perfect woman. Back to you.

3-1-22-3 dreams re Lover-Aunties House first -

Note – the pictues in this article are NOT THE LOVER – they are professional models

Something mysterious going on at Aunt / Uncles house – this usually means travail or punishment.

We’ve been getting ready for something – a journey an event, not sure what. My Aunt seems concerned & is helping me.

There’s also a young man here who I’m uncertain about down the road. He’s attentive, seems to care as much as I do about the event, but in the end, he’s shaky – but it does work out alright.

We are arranging, organizing, working. Then it’s time to leave. For some reason my Aunt goes first, I’m to follow. Then the young man goes.

I recall scrambling, trying to get everything arranged before I exit. I run to the back bedroom to get my keys from my purse – that I will not leave without, all the keys to everything.

Then I run to the living room which is also a kitchen of sorts, it has a stove with a black iron top that reminds me of the old fashioned iron/wood stove in our Freehold kitchen, yet this seems to also be automatic like a modern stove (a black one). I must make sure the fire is off, that the house is not in danger of fire, so I check.

*** (BLACK STOVE I CHECK MAKE SURE IT’S OFF: Stove represents heart, the heart burning with love or passion. Since it’s black, which means funeral or end in this case, it might mean you want to make sure his relationship / love for Ruthie is over, the fire is out, it will not ‘burn down the house’ or destroy what you are embarking on – him & you.

The KEYS are things that open doors of opportunity – keys to happiness keys to success keys to freedom. You want your prosperity, you want your keys or abilities.) ***

The whole time I’m scared they’re going to LEAVE ME BEHIND, ESPECIALLY after the young man leaves I think,

“This is it. Maybe they abandoned me; maybe it was all a lie.”

I am wearing two different shoes; the right shoe is white canvas cloth covered to the bottom of the ankle, plain, no decorations or lacing, the left shoe is a sandal.

* (RIGHT SHOE WHITE CANVAS COVERS FOOT: The right is usually what’s coming; the left is what’s left behind. This says what’s coming is marriage or union with the lover I’m so uncertain about**. He was so skittish & weird in the past, it’s hard for me to trust in him or his love. The being COVERED is ‘I got you covered.’

The left shoe being a sandal is there was no proper relationship, you were not ‘covered’ but ‘exposed’ which would mean vulnerable.) ***

Just as I was most worried, I see the Aunt, who is the Mother of the boy (young male) is at the back bedroom window which is up to the ceiling – she has opened it from outside & is calling me to come – to hurry.

* (MY AUNT, MOTHER OF THE BOY: This is his God Self, the Chief within him, who has been the ‘Aunt’ which means hurtful to you, so much in the past. Of course it wasn’t that part of him that hurt you, but this is just a symbol to make a point. Now his God Self is calling you to hurry up, get organized. She has opened the window of opportunity**.

ME: What am I supposed to do, Mother God?

MG: Do nothing. Wait for him. This shows his disposition & eagerness, don’t worry about him, let him come to you.) ***

Then the young man re-appears & he is nervous about this trip & he says to me,

“You go first,”

like he’s afraid of something, afraid of facing people going with me.

I was not abandoned.

*** (YOU GO FIRST: Mother God, explain this.

MG: Like you said, he is afraid, always was, and still is. Your union is imminent but he’s nervous. It’s typical of males one might say, to get cold feet before commitment, as they fear being ‘hemmed in’ – ‘Don’t fence me in.’

* (AFRAID THEY WOULD LEAVE ME BEHIND: You feared this union might not happen but this is yet another dream that says it will.) *

……………………………………………………

Earlier, 2 dreams Feb 26, 2022

This dream was 3 days ago. I try to return to my place in B’klyn but not only is the building being demolished but the entire street, every building is being torn down & so is every building on the street in front & behind it.

Someone is replacing the buildings with new ones – everything I owned has been confiscated &probably destroyed. I see new buildings coming into being – they are luxurious but sinister made with doorways & windows of milky blue glass with designs that gives me a feeling ‘this is not good.’ It’s like giving up something real for something fake of the world.

* (Your lover had a tryst with someone of this world – you’re reading his mind**. It isn’t REAL in that there’s no love or spirituality in it. In his mind temporarily his love for you has been destroyed & replaced by this fake affair. The milky glass with designs is something planned or a design on this world, some sort of scheme, like if I stay with her I will have more money for drugs to – hell with Rasa I will do this…

His mind is unsteady & he flies from this idea to that, he’s immature, unstable, torn by animal plans & desires. In his heart he loves you, this is a temptation.) ***

The dream was so frustrating & painful I did not write it down but the next day this situation was corrected in this dream:

Feb. 27, 2022

I am back in B’klyn occupying my usual apt & look out the window. My landlord has brought back my furniture he formerly confiscated. A large wall shelf with many compartments is standing in the middle of the sidewalk in front of my building.

Wow, what am I going to do? I have refurnished my place properly; there might not be any room. I can’t just leave it there. I see a blanket folded up from long ago, it was yellow, with large fringe about 4” apart, each fringe; I gave it away as a gift to a poor retarded boy many years ago. One like that is on a shelf to the lower right but it’s green, not yellow. Other things are there, mine, but no longer needed. The shelf itself was yellow right now it is not distinct.

There’s a feeling of reconciliation & comfort, of things lost but restored.

* (Lover has changed his mind, he’s already back. The folded blanket is telling. It means MONEY. The long-ago ‘retarded’ boy is him. He isn’t ‘officially’ retarded, just his behavior was stupid – he acted like a retard**. But now he REMEMBERS your wealth.

The LARGE FRINGE is fringe benefits, large but far apart. You did him favors from time to time – not daily but ‘far apart.’ You treated him & his buddies to breakfast a few times – how many females do that? You produced a book on him – no one else ever has or ever will do that for him – that was, besides skill, a lot of MONEY. You drove expensive cars. Many females he balls don’t even have a car, if they do, it’s used. If it’s new, they got a loan they’re paying off. That means HARDSHIP – a monthly loan is due – they are under pressure for money. Most females are seeking males to AT LEAST contribute. He’s seeking to be a GIGOLO & he has the qualifications, not saying he’s wrong. Females who accept gigolos are not easy to find. He hit a home run with Ruthie, but that’s over with.

He didn’t know how much money you had, but you were obviously secure, & so now he’s LOOKING FOR SECURITY & trying out women who look like they might fit the bill, but then the next day after balling, facts appear & this or that babe doesn’t fit the bill. Maybe they’re working but will they help him or want him to share his money? That is not what he seeks; he’s always received, not given financially.

As so many dreams said before, you are the one he will seek financial security from – the dream doesn’t say why but you know he will have less now that Ruthie is disabled. While she was working he sought women for sex appeal / cuteness, but now that’s changed – money is #1. The reconciliation is IN HIS MIND.

And now this has become serious – Ruthie must be replaced. And so, he REMEMBERS YOU. You were PERFECT. You loved him, you were rich, (he loved you also & still does.) Why not you? He had the perfect woman but he forfeited you by bad treatment. He finally, after all these years sees the Light. Like God said to you the day you met ‘This is your husband but it will be a SLOW BOAT TO CHINA’.

The SHELF with the COMPARTMENTS is a symbol of what you ‘brought to the table’ or to him – what you had, what you gave him. Various compartments are various qualities & the green blanket catches your eye at this time because that is the DECIDING FACTOR. Blanket means COMFORT – a ‘comforter.’ Covered with a blanket of green is ‘I got you covered’ money wise. Love doesn’t pay the bills. Some have love, but it doesn’t work as neither has enough money for the bills.

It stands in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET because it was so PUBLICLY OBVIOUS when he had you but he didn’t see it – now HE DOES. Life has changed & now he sees the VALUE of your money – before he was living at home, working part time, later full time, but he wasn’t insecure or needy. Now he came to an age where he has to stand on his own two feet, that is, away from Mom & Pop. If he’s a Gigolo he’s selling himself, but he gives value for money received, so he’s working. That’s what he wants & needs, God gave him the sex appeal, body & qualities to sell it, so go for it. I made money from my beauty by marrying a rich man – he eventually supplied me, secured me. So who am I to judge? No I did not pursue him for his money, I made my own first. He waited 16 years for my hand in marriage, I earned what I got.) ***

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Future Matriarchal Sisterhood

Future Matriarchal Sisterhood

Coming attractions Part 2 – 2-22-22

I see now the extension here of ‘Woman Thou Art God II’ – the new religion – as we are moving toward starting a sisterhood.

It occurs to me that I’m not trying to build a convent per se but a God-centered Matriarchal sisterhood & onceI added the Mosuo model it became clear. Now many things are falling into place.

The non denomination status of the Community is still valid, but there are things that must be affirmed, & things that are ‘open to personal choice.’ And it is important for me, as the beginning of this, to state what must be believed & practiced by ALL & what is open to free choice.

It is MANDATORY that all of us acknowledge God as a Mother rather than Father – it is ‘Mother God.’ It is MANDATORY that each member be baptized like so, with water on the forehead {& designate a Godmother & Godfather from the saints of any religion or from living persons}:

“I believe in, worship & dedicate myself to God my Mother, & I renounce the devil & all his works & pretensions,

“In the name of the Mother God, the Creation & the Holy Spirit.”

The reason for this is because we are Matriarchal & hearken back to the days before Patriarchy was invented – the entire world worshipped God as Mother, women were venerated & there was peace. Men brought violence & bloodshed into the world & they invented their ‘Father God’ & this is in all the Patriarchal religions – Christian, Jewish & Muslim. So we leave that error behind.

You say God is neither? God is Spirit? Indeed, none of us can define or identity Who or What God is absolutely. But we call God by what name is logical & comfortable, & being a Mother who cares for ALL her children not just those of her own blood & fellowship, is the principle we espouse.

There might be some women who want to join us but cannot & will not follow these first two principles. Not everyone can join our sisterhood. There must be agreement, harmony & unity. It might not be for ALL. We’re sorry, but if you cannot follow our basic principles, you can still follow our religion in the parts you agree with but cannot live inside the community as official sisters. Like if we are praying together & say ‘Thank you Mother God’ & you say under your breath ‘Father’ or ‘Jehovah’ or ‘Allah’ – imagining a man, then you are out of step with the vibes of the other sisters – & so we are non-denominational to a certain point, but not 100%.

I can see a Buddhist sister who acknowledges God as Mother will work – the same with Hindus who worship the various Gods – Ganesh, Durga, Kali, Shiva, Shakti & so on – but if to her Brahman the Chief is a man, & she only sees God as a man, she has to give that up & see Brahman as a woman. Call her Brahmani.

If a Muslim lady can see God as Mother-Allah, OK. If a Jew can see the Chief God as Mother by whatever name, fine. If a Wiccan or Pagan sees God as Mother Nature-Mother Spirit go for it. If an American Indian can see God as the Great Mother Spirit, OK. This Mother idea is MANDATORY & to most of us it takes getting used to – I used to be a brainwashed Catholic & even when I started preaching Matriarchy, in 2004 I called God a He. That didn’t last long, I saw the Light.

Now on to other things. The Catholic Church has ‘the Apostles Creed’ which I no longer recite as I differ with it. I believe Jesus chose Mary Magdalene as his successor & the men wrested it away from her. What else is new? This was seen by me after studying the principles of the Mary Magdalene Gospel, the Saint Peter Gospel & the revelations of Anne Catherine Emmerich. Anne Catherine said that Magdalene was the most contemplative & exalted of all the disciples & that she was the natural heir to Jesus’ ministry, but of course being a woman in a Patriarchal world, she was not given the chance. Even Our Holy Virgin, the highest of all people, could have led the Church & be worshipped as Goddess on earth, but this was forbidden from the beginning by the Catholic Church of men. (Let’s remember to call it ‘the CC OF MEN’ from now on, to point out it is a religion of men, by men, for men who want to hold women as their slaves. We aren’t buying it any more. For us, their tyranny has ended.

OK, I am the Foundress of this. And so, those who join have to have respect for me. They must acknowledge that I am, was a woman of God, that I am righteous. They don’t have to look up to me like a saint without faults or sins, that is not necessary. But that I obeyed God basically & generally doing my best, they should believe that. They cannot say negative things about me, laugh at me, explain all the ways I’m wrong & in general put me down, & remain loyal to our sisterhood & community. What is MANDATORY is RESPECT. If they don’t have this, they’re not one of the sisters of our community or religion.

Each sister must have a clear understand regarding the adult trade as therapy, not sin. The sins of each person do not come with a profession or lack of it – all religious {Priests nuns, ministers} are not without sin, all prostitutes & gigolos are not sinners. Sin is an individual matter between God & the person, no one of us can judge as it is inside the heart that one is good or bad. The Holy Spirit sees that, we in our flesh don’t. So reserve all judgment, no profession makes on a sinner – unless it is crime & hurts others such as stealing, exploitation, deceiving, abusing injuring & murdering others psychologically, emotionally, spiritually or physically. Let’s face it, many in the offices of Leadership fall into that category, in fact, many criminally-minded people go there & perpetrate their sins on us all. Do not judge the poorest of the poor, the untouchables & the vulnerable.

What do the saints say about this? They say more rich people go to Hell than poor, more men go to Hell than women – & the majority of humans go to Hell. This is borne out by many saints who saw the souls fall into Hell like embers from a fire – millions of them. See for example the visions of St. Veronica Giuliani.

What else must our sisters believe? They should have a healthy respect for all my teachings re the genders, that women are superior to men & that they should rule the family & the world & that human males are going extinct. If the member doesn’t understand this, it is mandatory that she study my teachings wherever they are posted & familiarize herself with them. We must be of like mind on this.

Basic tenets we follow are the teachings of Buddhism & Christianity & any decent religion espouses the same – Love God, love thy neighbor, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, whatever you do to the least of these you do to me (God) – & so, the greatest love & respect for animals. There is no untouchable caste, there’s no hate or exploitation of the poor or the vulnerable, there’s no violence, no hate (except for sin & the devil) or revenge, just see the basic teachings of Jesus & Buddha & you have our spirit right there.

About God – She knows all, sees all, can do all things. She is everything good. What is sin? Anything against God & love – turning against Her, loving evil, hating the neighbor, revenge, exploitation, cold heartedness, lack of faith, refusing to believe in the good. Does God forgive? – Of course, if we ask, but we must desire forgiveness.

As far as hate or revenge, this is important. If any of our members betrays us, leaves us & bad mouths us to the world – we do not wish them harm. St. Benedict made this point. There was a guy who was a thorn in their side, he was a major enemy. One day they were doing construction & a wall fell on him & killed him. The monks rejoiced. St. Benedict said no; do not rejoice at the misfortune of your enemies. Other saints pointed out that Jesus & Mary took no revenge against his torturers & those who laid him on the Cross. Let God do the revenge. She knows how, it’ not our place.

Recently a lady I had prayed with daily for one year cursed me. I had said a year was enough; let’s quit praying as I must now turn to other things. She was so angry she cursed me. Everything went wrong. I spilled a cup of thick honey coffee on my computer; a pot of greasy chicken I was cooking on the stove {for the cats} boiled over & knocked out two of my burners. I got sick with ocular migraines & indigestion that went on for hours – all because of her curse. I knew it was a time of testing & prayed,

“No hate, no revenge dear God, I forgive. I feel no ill will toward her.”

The curse fizzled out, the keyboard is still whacky but I work around it, the stove got made right, my migraines & stomach pain went away. God favored me. What if I had sent hate? I would have hurt myself.

In respect to animals I suggest we cut down our meat eating & concentrate on vegetarian dishes. I just saw a lady prepare a veggie meat loaf which substituted beans & nuts for meat. She said it was delicious. How do we know how great vegetarian dishes unless we try them? There’s a challenge for our Chefs & all of us. We are used to meat in America – every day. It isn’t called for. Too much factory farming, much torture for animals, violent deaths, too little respect for them. Check out all the other cultures on the internet, like Tibetans – those who live in extreme conditions – & Europeans. My family is from Eastern Europe & we ate meat occasionally. It was served on Sundays & Holidays, most other times we ate potatoes (lots), eggs (our own), cheese (home made), fruit & berry preserves & flour-based dishes (many).

Italians traditionally do not consume huge amounts of meat. Let’s give the animals a break ,we aren’t starving.

Being Alone – This is important

As far as spiritual development, there are many phases of it. We are a God-based sisterhood; therefore, we have to do what brings sisters closer to Her. One of these is the principle of BEING ALONE.

Indeed we are a community. But there’s another phase of spiritual development, & that is what’s called being an anchorite, hermit, recluse or solitary contemplative for the sake of God.

What happens when a person, seeking to find God, feels they need to be alone, away from people & the common society? Why would one want to be alone? What instinct impels them?

Here is the secret which I have known before but it was placed upon my mind just yesterday: When God calls you to be alone, it is for this – to open your heart to Her & Her alone. What is the heart? The heart is the feeling system. Why does one have to be alone to open the heart?

Because in the world we are at the mercy of its spirit. Most people are not saints; we live in fact in a deeply troubled, unloving society called Patriarchy. Its thoughts & values are not those of God as taught by Jesus, Buddah & all the saints of all religions – including Pagans & Wiccans.

The society of people in the world is filled with those unevolved, who are heading for Hell & sinners who will some day develop but they have not yet done so. The world that surrounds us contains much negativity, spiritual failure, hate, envy, anger, revenge, all the bad things & including the demonic.

And so, when we are in the world we are assaulted on every side – by our relatives, friends, co-workers, people at large. How does this affect us? We close our hearts or feelings system, in order to insulate us from pain.

When we are children we are usually protected by parents & family. Our hearts are open. At this time we are sensitive, & have intuitive powers that later close up. Why is this compromised? Because as we grow up we are more involved in people & the world, & all the negatives, so we have to shut down our sensitivity. Along with this closing up comes the inability to commute with God, we lose our intimacy with God, as we relate to God with feelings & inner senses as well as the mind.

When a person is called to solitary contemplation, be it in the mountains or at home like St. Catherine of Sienna, we abstract ourselves from the world & people & we permit our feeling system – the heart – to open up once again. It takes time, but after a while, we begin to experience intimacy with God & all the thoughts, feelings, intimations & visions which come from the higher level, the deeper self. The clutter of the world disappears, the lowness of people no longer assaults us, we are alone to experience happiness if & when demons are not attacking.

There are numerous examples of this aloneness like Buddha & Jesus. Buddha went into the jungle to practice asceticism until he found Enlightenment. Jesus went up the mountain prior to his ministry to Israel for 40 days & 40 nights.

Many Christians became hermits after Jesus. Even before Jesus Prophets lived alone, were often considered fools. They lived in mountains & deserts, often starving. This aloneness of God’s people most probably occurred even before we had the written word – pre-history.

It’s an instinct spiritually speaking to leave the world to find God. I did it myself in a 6^th floor walkup in my apt in B‘klyn. I told all my relatives & friends to leave me alone, no calls, no letters, no nothing. All I did was pray, read spiritual books, sing to God, fasted every Sunday, slept on the floor. It was the happiest time of my life & the most visions of God I’d ever had. Everything happened. Jesus had already given me 3 rings of light in Jan. 1978. Now Mary appeared to me & gave me the infused virtues of Poverty, Chastity & Obedience. Vision after vision occurred, I was running a sensible ministry to Purgatory most notably, helped Errol Flynnn, speaking to him daily until he ascended. Ditto my Dad, I bilocated to Purgatory.

Then the awful event of Stigmata, I shall never forget the pain. Interior stigmata is no less horrible than exterior wounds. This was Oct 9, 1982, when it began. I had been alone nearly a year, after this I could only stay alone for a while, then had to go back to work – I’d been living as a pauper but happy as a clam.

My aloneness to that degree ended but I have noticed, whenever I am alone again, some of the happiness & intimacy come back.

It took me, by the way 20 years to pay for the grace of Stigmata – I was in the ‘dark night of the soul’ for 20 years which meant I could not feel the presence of God, I lived by faith alone. I wrote & published a book on it but I need to revise the beginning as my understanding of theology was inferior to what it is today.

I think I have made my point about being alone. That’s what ‘retreats’ are for, where people presumably forget their societal cares, let go of things, & dwell on the inner reality of God.

And so, the vicar of each Sisterhood will have to take into consideration that some ladies might come to a time when they need to be alone with God, & her freedom to do this would have to be granted. How this would be accomplished would start out small & later on, become advanced. First one who expresses she has to be alone could stay in her room & be excused from common activities, take her meals alone, pray & study alone. She of course could be allowed to go in the garden, the woods, to be close to nature but the other sisters would be advised not to involve her.

Later, when our order becomes more advanced, we could set up huts, hermitages & the like, according to the terrain & weather of the area.

Now my property is extremely cold in winter even going below zero. But there’s enough room for many hermitages where the sisters would not be in each others way or crowded at all. I have studied survival & homestead techniques & as long as a person has a strong shelter, with a good stove & lots of wood, they can survive. I saw one young female built herself a hurt with a good fire & she was fine several bad winters in a row. Provisions would have to be made for food & all the materials needed to cook & basic amenities, but these are not resorts, they are huts for those who seek God.

One now-famous English Buddhist nun spent 12 years in a cave in the Himalayas. She had almost nothing, even grew her own vegetables in a tiny garden, a few books, not sure what else she did to survive but she survived & it was the happiest time of her life. She wanted to go back to that but decided for the sake of sisters to instead work on building convents for them – she has built three in India. She had nothing but went on tour to raise the money.

I will not have to raise the money, simply leave what I have for the sisters, I am told I will have a great deal of money from my life story. And so my wealth will be put to good use.

Another note is we will have lots of animals including large dogs for protection & cats for companionship. The hermits could consider each having a large dog for protection in case males decide to bother them. We will use the utmost caution with security– the greatest danger on earth is human men. We will be neither naive nor paranoid, just face reality. (End coming attractions.)

College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Coming Attractions

I Strip for God coming attractions in Part 7 & other volumes

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/rasavonwerder

Simpleton Joe Tex, Creepy Jackie Wilson, Zombie Richard Pryor, Little Richard, Johnny Mathis, Shirley Bassey, Ike & Tina Turner.

More on Tom Selleck & Hawaii, Max Baer of Beverly Hillbillies gets mad at me (CA).

A DWARF tries to rape me. Hedy Lamarr’s fence.

Mr. America Harold Poole, Mr. America Vern Weaver, Mr. Universe Chris Dickerson, Mr. Universe Franco Columbo, Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay, Mr. America Mike Katz, the Hulk Lou Ferrigno, Mr. Universe Boyer Coe, Mr. Everything Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Hillbilly Hoods – I Move to the Country. Man I buy my Rotty from kills his Mom with a baseball bat.

Trapper captures dozens of my beaver & muskrats, skins them, & leaves their bodies 100’ from my house,

Hunter who I stopped messing on my land kills a deer, beheads her, & leaves her right on my path where I go to the woods,

My first night at the new house, in the back yard putting food for animals, bullets whistle all around me as drunk hoods are laughing & shooting randomly from the dirt road behind my house.

When I arrive in the country am told a man 2 miles away shot a woman, hung her up like a deer & gutted her like a deer.

Neighbor kids invade my property pretending to ‘help’ & cause the death of my beloved goose & all her goslings.

Boys in town puncture the tires of all the new cars, another set of punks knocks over the gravestones in a cemetery.

Men are having hunting accidents left & right. One disables an innocent boy walking on a dirt road, another one takes his son with friends into the woods, somehow blows the boys head off, then shoots himself. Five hunters invade my land; I catch them with a deer bleeding out of the trunk of their vehicle, face 5 men with guns & ask them to leave my property.

Dating a hit man in NY – memories of long-ago NY, 16 yrs old met DJ ‘Symphony Sid’ & he takes me to see Jimmy Smith & Mongo Santamaria, tries to kiss Mongo a French kiss, wow, does he get mad, Sid is NUTSO alcoholic, drives like a maniac. When I return to NY somehow connect with him again & see him the last day he’s on the air (1972?).

More places I danced all over U.S. & Canada, Hawaii & Puerto Rico, crazy people I met, nice people, unusual, interesting people. (The wig sniffer, the gay manager who snagged a sex date because of me) the sailor who thought he was dating a different woman after I changed outfits, the born-again Christians who picketed me in Texas & Hawaii, Zula’s Saloon—Evansville, Indiana—the minister who wanted me to go to his Church & say he saved me, why? Because he got caught with a hooker & wanted to say he only went to these places to save women, I would be his front. Etc., many other anecdotes.

Childhood anecdotes, Waccabuc, wild roses from my Dad to Ara & Henry but she doesn’t appreciate it, – Ara & Henry get a Boxer from the pound, he likes to ‘kiss’ children, they keep making him ‘kiss’ my 4 yr old half sister, I cringe as I see he bares his teeth & wants to bite her, later he bites a 4 yr old boy in the face, but no one listened to me, – the red bird we save that was caught in between windows, we all gather in a circle around him, he drinks water & flies away, – I collect frogs in our swamp, bring them to school for ‘show & tell,’ – Instead of a sandwich, all I eat for lunch is one huge carrot, 5^th grade, every day, – same year, I create my own ‘magazine’, with pictures, poems & a short story in a large spiral notebook, etc. MANY other childhood & family anecdotes, I write them as I remember them.

The CRAZY MODELS I photographed

One female has an abortion every year – blames the guys. Has a fit every day while working, ranting & raving on whoever is there. Another model is a thief, gets an advance & takes off. The third is a raving alcoholic on binges, I take her bottle away, she gets hysterical, demands I pay her off & disappears for 3 weeks. I make out a missing persons report. Find out later she got raped, thrown into jail for telling off a cop, all kinds crazy stuff as she went from bar to bar, hitchhiking & drinking. When she gets home, she reports to the FBI that I’m doing illegal stuff – the FBI shuts down my B’klyn mailing address & investigates me for one full year, realizing at the end I was not doing anything illegal. But during that year I was SICK ALL THE TIME FROM STRESS.

The female models I met locally, who did not stay overnight or weekends, all conducted themselves in a normal fashion, were great to work with.

The male model experience was one I would not wish on an enemy. They were crazy, greedy, insulting & DANGEROUS. I had to take one back to the bus station, shaking in my pants I would not be able to get rid of him or he’d get violent. Another one I found out later carried a gun in his suitcase & he sneaked out early taking two expensive jackets. A third one I had to call the cops on, he was threatening me for more money. And last but not least one clown sued me on a lawsuit that cost me about18 grand to defend myself. I won of course, but good lawyers charge $300 an hour – & the guy was the worst flake, complainer, lazy, greedy filthy gigolo I had ever met. Others were funny, some insulted & hurt me. I am glad that chapter of my life shall never be repeated. What good came out of it? I worked like a dog for four years, learned photo shop & have a huge collection of great photography. Have used the work in a few books & will do so in many more. Not a one of these guys became my friends, not even the guy I used thirteen weekends. But they still had the guts to call me later on requesting money – for what? Because they needed it.

The COUGAR experience. Why on earth would God want me to quit celibacy & have ‘fun’? Why allow me to sink down into the flesh when I had conquered my sex drive with 30 years abstinence, I was at peace. Why did you, God, let me degrade myself, suffer with lust like a fat person wanting food sinking lower & lower into misery? Why take me from happiness into this? You said I would be outside Your will if I remained celibate & stayed ‘home.’ So I obeyed. No one believed me that God made me do this, perhaps some day they will. And again I ask why? Why – Why?

And God said this to me the other day:

“It’s hard for you to understand, but I chose you & I used you to do my work. You know yourself that one of the worst things Patriarchy has taught people, especially women, that sex is dirty & it’s a sin; it must be controlled by the Patriarchal rules. And so, I used you to break open barriers, to be an example of one who is morally good but active in sex. I know you’d been sexually involved before, but you became celibate, which to some would see that you turned your back on sex as it was bad – which would be agreement with society. But when you turned back to sex & went whole hog into it, as a Cougar no less, that justified sex. And I wanted to open the doors to sex for women, to show them not to be afraid of men, to be free, to make their own rules. The most important thing is that YOU DID NOT SIN, YOU OBEYED. Yes, society thinks you sinned, but I, God did not. I sanctioned it. Few women could have been strong enough to do what you did, as you have been laughed at, judged & condemned all your life, & now this.

Now & after you’re dead, you will be a BRIDGE to liberate & justify others who are in the sex trade or otherwise sexually active. They have been forced to be ‘non persons,’ ashamed & pariahs in society. But sending you out there, you will be known to many as a decent person, even a saint, & yet you did this – you had sex with a lot of men, even in old age. And so, many women will cling to you, have hope in your example & stop the shame & guilt that is so psychologically DEADLY. When a person feels that way they dislike, even hate themselves, & they can’t be happy. So I have used you, you obeyed to do my work, in helping & liberating others from sexual repression.”

OK God, I will write down what I experienced as a Cougar & that will justify & liberate other women so they won’t be so ashamed, embarrassed & guilt-ridden by their sexual experiences. A lot of it was degrading, because when a person is hungry for sex they do demeaning things to get it, they lose their pride. But so what? It’s not a sin, the main thing is, I did not sin & that’s all that matters to my Eternal Life. {End coming attractions}

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College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

I Am the Goddess

Chapter 11 Part 6 2-12-22 I Am the Goddess

People want to know who I am, what I think, what is that new religion I created? Let me answer in this way.

I am the Goddess. I do not conform to any limited sphere of thinking, nor any one religion. I am Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Wiccan, Pagan, etct. I take from every religion I study, believe in the Saints of all religions. I studied the Egyptians & took from them, the Santerias are OK by me, every religion that worships God & Nature I am one with – the only thing I reject is anything against God, the Good, Charity, Kindness & Love.

I recognize that people are Creatures of God & all have God within them, as does all life & animals. I believe all animals go to Heaven as they cannot sin. I believe as the saints teach me, the majority of humans go to Hell because they choose to. The path to Hell is simply ignoring God & being uncontrite & unrepentant of sin.

But all those who love God, are the friends of God, are my friends also & I pray for them every day & have charged my Guardian Angels, if God agrees, to pray for the Good & Souls in Purgatory until the end of time. I have designated certain prayers I’ve asked my Guardian Angels to repeat daily this way {for instance, prayers to prevent child abuse} & I believe God will ratify this. I don’t see why not. For angels, prayer requires no effort.

I have obeyed all that I know about God which I have learned from various religions. I have prayed items the average person ignores. For instance, I have made recompense for each child aborted in my family, including the seven my Mom aborted & the one I did {I was raped}. They have heard my prayers – {which I learned from a book.}

I have said the prayers recommended for death long ago – around 1981. I have purchased 1k worth of Holy Masses for my own departed Soul. I certainly will trust no one to do it for me. I have seen how un-responsible people are toward the departed. The dead will be lucky to get a few Masses, sometimes none, no Masses or prayers. I will handle my own Soul.

What I have learned from my long life {76 now} is not to be so naïve & gullible, not to trust people much, not to expect a lot of them, not to depend on them a lot, but to stand on my own two feet as much as I can. This is not easy but I have tried. At times I cannot do it on my own & then I seek God to bring me the help through people or otherwise, but I will not compromise my morals or character to get help from others.

I will not extend hate or prejudice or judgment upon anyone, certainly not those society has designated as ‘untouchables.’ These would be the ‘other’ races people despise or the poorest of the poor, or the unusual / different in lifestyle {homos, lesbians, transgender, etc.} or those in the adult trade, sex therapists, gigolos – which I am one one – certainly don’t despise myself.

My first priority is always to be the woman of God & if that costs plenty so be it. If that makes me a Pariah or weirdo or strangeling, I’m in good company – most of the Saints were thought of that way. No, I struggle not to lower myself to our society – they are the Pharisees Jesus condemned – the ‘Holier than thou’ people. Mind you, if most people are going to Hell & you go along with them, then you will be with them, it’s called ‘the broad Highway to Hell.’

[slb_group]

I once was brainwashed but now I’m not. The religion I was born into told me I had to believe a certain way, & that was it. But God told me otherwise.

No one knows & understands God, we see God through a glass darkly & we will never understand Her no matter how hard we try & how much we study. There is no Commandment that says

“Thou Must Understand God’,

it is IMPOSSIBLE. And so for anyone to tell you their religion is the one & only way, they are wrong – don’t listen. God tells us to love Her with ‘all our heart soul & mind,’ but She does not EXPECT us to understand Her no matter how hard we try.

Therefore, all those who follow their God invent or imagine ideas, rituals, holidays & so on, by which they recognize, obey & communicate with God. They pray, make images, totem poles, statues, they dress up, do routines, celebrate holidays, all in the name of God in various ways. Each person does what they consider OK, either they were born into a sect or chose one, & they do it to relate to God. No one is the only one right, no one is all wrong; they do it according to their preference & understanding.

God hears all, receives all, God knows all, & that’s all there is to it.

People have dressed differently in different epochs, none of it was wrong. They wore their hair this way or that, they practiced health rituals – none of this was bad. Religion is the same way.

This does not mean that I believe the doctrine of every religion – because they are at variance, sometimes contradictory. I take from each religion, belief wise, what I think is right & reject what’s wrong. I don’t swallow every word the Catholics teach me nor that of Protestants, but both have great qualities. So I take the good, resist the bad. One example it’s ‘faith & works’ we are saved by, not faith alone, that Martin Luther Sr. ruined by removing ‘& works.’ And the Protestants don’t venerate Holy Mary, but to me, She is the equal of Jesus – not to the CC but to me. It was She who appeared to the human race more times than Jesus to save humans during war & crisis.

And of course, we all hate, unless we’re demons, the great Women’s Holocaust – the Inquisition – perpetrated by the Catholic Church at the height of their power {Indeed, they also tortured & killed mega-many of those whose beliefs differed.} To me this exemplifies WHAT MEN ARE LIKE WHEN THEY HAVE GREAT POWER. I was surprised to learn recently that it was Napoleon Bonaparte who stopped the Inquisition. He confiscated all their documents on the genocide – 13 thousands trunks filled with data. I previously thought Napoleon was just another warlord, but after that, I was grateful to him.

I’m big on the Hindu-Yoga traditions; certainly adore the great Buddha, he is the forerunner or template of Jesus – both of them great Avatars. But of course I deplore the Caste system, as did Buddha & Jesus. Their doctrines I accept wholeheartedly.

The idea of the Goddess Durga who also turned into Kali to stop Patriarchy also appeals to me. The God’s & Goddesses are figments of our imagination – how we portray God. But God does have Infinite Powers & appears in Infinite ways, & through our finite thinking we model images of God to show Her various traits. Ganesh portrays Power & prosperity, Shiva the Masculine, Shakti the Feminine, these are imagined Faces of God which doesn’t make them wrong, it’s just what we conceive & if we need to see God in physical form, that’s fine, nothing wrong with that.

In America as elsewhere we have many sects, whose beliefs don’t coincide with mine, especially the Patriarchal, misogynistic ones. But I do respect the kind & sincere people who accept these religions – they try their best to follow what they believe, & that’s all God wants of us – to try our best. I don’t believe in some ideas of the Jehovah’s Witnesses or the Mormons but I respect those in it who love God. I don’t believe in the Patriarchal viewpoint of the Amish or Hutterites – the way they hold women down & deprive members of some human rights – but I don’t judge or condemn them & respect the sincere ones. There are many sects I don’t adhere to but that doesn’t mean I dislike the people in them – many are great souls who love God.

To find what I’m pushing today – what I believe the world needs – is to check out ‘Woman, Thou Art God,’’ the ‘new religion for women only.’ I think at this time, we must offset the thousands of years of Patriarchy, its brutal brain washing & lies against women. A future of women-only is moving toward us, this religion coincides with that. You can check my book on Amazon to preview it, in the ‘see inside’ facility; you’ll get the idea what it’s about. It’s ‘safe space’ for women – women dominate all of it from doctrine to rituals, but every activity & routine of the religion is not set in stone, it’s a work in progress, I give mostly the point of departure, women will write their own behavior, Commandments, scriptures, Sacraments, rituals & the like. Maybe there will be different sects of ‘Woman Thou Art God’ where some will lean this way, others that way, but the common ground will be Female Supremacy, females write the rules, the agenda, females meet in the temple where men cannot tread. Men of course can follow our religion without entering our temple – as women do in the Muslim faith. It’s a belief recognizing the God within & seeing we are One with Her, accessing Her & allowing Her to guide us to Salvation.

A word about the Wiccans – Witches to most people. I endorse the Dianic, female-led Wiccans as well as Pagans. They are not UNGODLY as the Patriarchal religions claim, they worship God through Nature.

The great anthropologist Marija Gimbutas said even in her lifetime, the Lithuanians – previously Pagans – would kiss the ground before planting their crops, thanking Mother Nature, & kiss it again when harvesting. That is loving God through nature.

I found out we had a Wiccan sect in my area & joined them. It was a wonderful adventure, like Girl Scouts. We met in the woods – a hundred of us, males & females. We all spoke, danced & shared food. Women designated as Goddesses wore capes & spoke I can’t recall what – but it was good. Everyone had a turn to speak during the ritual – we were all important, not like the bigger-than-thou Priests & Ministers of the Patriarchal sects.

The reason I eventually left was they wanted equal rights – egalitarianism – balance they said. How’s there balance when the lunatics are running the asylum? I wanted Female Supremacy & felt if I couldn’t get it here, where could I? In the ancient days Wiccan women were supreme & dominated the belief system. But if it’s diluted now to give men equal rights that doesn’t satisfy me. Yes I believe in equal rights ‘under the law’ like equal benefits, equal punishments for crimes, but females must run the family & the world & all that is in it including religion. If men want their own religion let them go their way & follow it, – just men & the dicks in skirts who follow them – But we don’t submit to them or their religion.

I might add re the spiritual realm, if one practices a certain religion to the max, there are roadmaps & markers along the way which foretell if one has reached a certain mark, like proficiency or sainthood or consciousness or Oneness or some sort of mystical closeness to God. If you want to reach certain markers in certain religions, you have to follow them zealously with all your heart & cannot flit from one to another at that time, you have to stick to what you’re doing until it’s done, & then you move on. The best example of this was Ramakrishna, a Hindu who practiced various religions like worship of baby Krishna, uniting with Jesus, & entering Nonduality, until he reached the Zenith of each marker, then he moved to the next level. I have done this also in the Catholic religion as well as Yoga. I have most of the Graces the Catholic Church teaches were conferred upon Saints & I accomplished this by imitating the Saint’s lives. {Don’t laugh, there are saints in the adult trade, sex is not a sin unless there’s exploitation or abuse. It’s one of the Patriarchal lies that masturbation, fornication & adultery are always sins – BIG LIES.}

Now as far as judging or evaluating people, we must be very careful not to judge them by their outer lifestyle or profession. A person is not their exterior or their job. They do what they have to do, what they can do, to make a living. They live as they can do best to survive. Do not judge people by their job, profession or lifestyle, what they are, who they are is inside, & this only the Holy Spirit can reveal to you. But if you have no relationship to the Holy Spirit, if you cannot hear the Voice within, cannot see visions or have dreams or intimations from God, then you are blind to the other dimension & you cannot hope to see what’s inside another. You simply have no idea who or what they are, if they are good or bad.

I have noticed that wherever I go & touch people lives are changed, there are healings & answers to prayer. This is because of the Anointing. I know God has sent me & chosen me to do Her work on earth, & I have done it, & it isn’t over although I’m old, my health is not like it used to be, I cannot dance like I used to {although I do a bit}, but I can sit & do many things, including write. It was time to do what I did when I was young, time to do what I do now. If I could still dance, run, & exercise the way I did before I might be hiking average 2 hours a day, exercising like a champ – & 75% of the energy & time I’m now using for writing would be used up. One door closes, another opens.

All that happened in my life, good & bad, was foreseen & permitted by the Grace of God, & God turned bad into good. That applies to everyone, if they have Faith. The best advice I can give to people, now or ever is practice virtue. Have Faith in God / Good, Hope & Charity for all. {except don’t bother with the demonic, if you know they’re enemies of God by the Holy Spirit revealing it to you, or by the negative effect they have on your life, try to stay away from them. Don’t wish them harm, just absent yourself from them.} Learn what the virtues are, read about saints. They persevered, they forgave, they endured, they withstood all hardships to get to where they were going.

They did not rely on the things of the world to bring them happiness, they communicated with God, they prayed / meditated, they sacrificed the lower things for the higher, they cared about others {but did not waste time with reprobates if they knew they chose Hell. And even if they are not reprobates, if they hate you or lack respect for you, if you can, stay as far away from them as much as possible – even your own relatives – especially your relatives as whoever can access your heart can hurt you the most.}

Learn virtues, practice them & that will be the Key & answer to all of life.

That’s what I have done & if I have succeeded it’s by the Grace of God & relating to Her through virtues.

PS I forgive all who have injured me from the day of my conception & accept the forgiveness of all those I have hurt. Amen.

College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Uncategorized

Souls Ascend into Heaven!

2-5-22 Several Honored Souls Ascend

There were many scenes, but I only recall the main ones.

I’m in a restaurant where I’m one of several waiters.

I get a dish from the kitchen. It’s two pieces of breast meat of chicken & they don’t give it to me on a plate, just right into my hands. Each piece of chicken is very light, soft & pliable, it hangs in my hands like soft rubber, & they are both kind of like clinging to one another.

*** {LIGHT SOFT CHICKEN: These are the Masses I said this day & why two because I said two Masses or else it could be that I consecrate ‘the Body & Blood of Jesus & Mary” who symbolically & spiritually are cling together as One.

It’s soft like that because I use parts of tortillas as the elements & they are soft & ‘rubbery’ in my hands.} ***

I walk into the dining room & am looking for a plate, which I find on a table – a white rectangular thick ceramic plate, like maybe a foot long & 6” wide with soft ridge / frame around it, like an exclusive restaurant might have.

* {WHITE CERAMIC PLATE: Is my table, as my kitchen table is made of white tiles.} *

I then ask the host who this goes to. He points to an empty table to the right, saying,

“To that lady there,’

& although no one is sitting there I go & place the chicken at this table. There are several other plates here with dishes, the table has a white tablecloth, I guess the lady’s in the rest room or something & how could I have known there is a lady there?

* {THAT LADY WHO IS NOT THERE: By the flowers everywhere this sounds like a funeral or funerals. That the lady ‘is not there’ could be saying she’s not on earth, but it might also say she’s already ascended in anticipation of this / these Holy Masses. {God sometimes does that, in anticipation of something about to happen, God gives a person the Grace they would receive.} *

As I make my way back toward the kitchen I maneuver through tables everywhere – small ones, each of which has bouquets of flowers. There are beautiful flowers everywhere, large pink blossoms, you can hardly make a path through them, the floor is even littered with rose petals.

* {FLOWERS EVERYWHERE EVEN PETALS ON THE FLOOR: This sounds like multiple funerals for several people – there being several waiters also indicates there’s several people getting Masses**. Maybe there was an accident where a few folks got killed.

The petals mean ‘procession’ as when there’s a procession to honor someone – this lady & / or others could have been distinguished persons, greatly loved. Maybe it was a great nun, other nuns or Priests, could have been Holy Saints.} ***

And I am not the only server – there are maybe 5 servers I see going from table to table.

MEANING: This might be saying that you & several others offering up Holy Masses have released several distinguished Souls into Heaven this day. You do not see the lady or the other clients, you only see the servers. That’s a hint they ascended, otherwise you’d see them.

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