College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets

Miracle Worker

“Next Level Soul Podcast”

 

Important!   Alex Ferrari – Hear this!

 

I’m listening to the podcasts of this man & here is the one I’m hearing now.  Go to the very END, at point 50:00 where she speaks of the WOMB CHAKRA & how Mother God is our ORIGIN, directly for women as they have a womb, indirectly for men as they have no womb & must ‘go’ to this Chakra through their Mother. 

This has been an ASTOUNDING interview.   

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the podcast is “Next Level Soul Podcast”

It’s the best thing on the internet, IMO

Here Alx Uttermann speaks about miracle man Swami Kaleshwar – It is ‘beyond belief’ what he has done.

 

And the ending which I mentioned she speaks of his revelation of this ‘hidden’ or ‘secret Chakra’ which apparently Patriarchs have hidden because it glorifies the female – the Womb Chakra.  It’s the foundation or origin behind all the other Chakras he says.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezOkpr-DbrQ

 

the Host is remarkable ALEX FERRARI

 

Next Level Soul founder Alex Ferrari is a #1 best-selling author, podcaster, speaker, entrepreneur, & filmmaker. Throughout his life, Alex always asked the big questions; Why are we here? Is this all there is? What is my soul’s mission in this life? He developed Next Level Soul to help people around the world get closer to their own higher power to look inward for the answers they are searching for.  The Next Level Soul Podcast discusses all aspects of life’s journey; Mindset, Relationships, Health & Wellness, Spirituality, Creativity, Business, Entrepreneurship, etc. 

 

Alx Uttermann

https://nextlevelsoul.com/alx-uttermann/

 

Alex Ferrari 52:05 If people are if people are watching this video, this interview with this conversation, the energy just coming off the images on your background, are are fairly strong, just a little bit, just by the energy of the of the saints that you have hanging on the wall behind you. It’s been a pretty interesting conversation, to say the least. There’s one thing that you talk about, and I’m not sure how long it’ll take you to kind of explain it. The holy womb chakra. Ah, yeah, can you because we basically we’ve just taken most of this conversation to talk about your journey. I would like to talk at least one healing thing, modality, if you will, of what you do in the world today. So can you talk a little bit about the holy womb and what is the holy womb chakra?

Alx Uttermann 52:57 I can, I can say so I spent five years studying this sort of PhD level of miraculous healing and spirituality with Swami caliche for which led us to experience Mother Divine as Maha Kali directly, like in person, like meeting her. In order to command and unlock the energy of the miracles, we need to know who is our real mother? Where did our soul really come from, in the same way that every human child has the right to know their human, their biological mother, we have as souls the right to know who is the Divine Mother and not intellectually, and not in a vision or a hallucination, but eyes open seeing a solid form of Mother, we need to know the womb for we recreate it every so hmm. That happened. And along the way, he gave us a system he gave he taught umpteen systems, of miraculous energy of learning different aspects of how our creation operates, like really at the nuts and bolts level of energy, if you if you like that term, and how to how to understand it as an outgrowth of the energy of the Mother Divine and of Shiva. And if they’re, let’s say, Romans that creates this whole creation.

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Okay, so we were all schooled in that and then he brought out this thing called the holy one chakra in 2006. To that it’s a 7000 year old technology from one of those ancient manuscripts written on dried palm leafs, and it’s all about this incredible doorway into our enlightenment and our capability of souls on this planet called the Holy womb, which everybody has male and female both. You don’t generally see it in the books on chakras and where they define things and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, they don’t need left this one out. It is located variously it’s kind of interesting. There is a chakra like sitting sort of behind all the chakras. which is more or less where a woman’s physicalized womb is. However, it’s also part of our soul. And men through the womb chakra, each individual person has like a spark, right of the big light, you could say that spark connects to the big light, the big source of the mother through this mystical doorway called the womb chakra. So women go directly through it, because they have it physicalized, which is also how we create life, right? We can conceive a child. We can even do it without a man like Mother Mary or the way Rome was created out of a fire ceremony. Through the womb, chakra. Men are a step removed, they go through their physical birth mother to connect to the womb, chakra from other divine. So number one, in our relationship with the cosmic mother, all of the miraculous abilities are there all of the understanding of the creation is there whatever she can do, we can do. But it gets muddied and distorted because this plays into Yogananda teachings very nicely.

The womb chakras, I think what we would call the causal body in his parlance, which is where all the cameras are stored lifetime to lifetime to lifetime to lifetime to lifetime. And from where they come due, in the course of a given life. Let’s say you see a small child with a terminal illness. They didn’t create a Karma this life, why are they having that system? Why is that happening? previous lifetimes where they created enormous heartbreak and suffering for other human beings, is like all come together and through the womb chakra has gotten spit out in this lifetime as a large karmic bill to be paid with interest. Here’s the kicker, if you know the technology, the holy womb chakra. very good chance that you can heal somebody in that predicament. You can reverse it. College Board would say Yeah, four out of five cancer patients he would say I can heal. And we saw that all the time. Terminal horrible last ditch, he would say that the fifth one no mother won’t permit karma is what it is they have to experience it. But when you know the womb chakra, when you have yourself a very strong stable womb chakra. Through doing it’s a meditation system. And it involves drawing a there’s a certain Yantra that corresponds to the individual womb chakra. There’s a whole technology and a whole system around it. It is so miraculous. And the the ripple effects are gigantic. But one when one practices that system, then there are certain healing abilities that already start to get a lot from that. Also, we’re cleaning up our own crazy karmic balance sheet in the process of doing those meditations as month thrusts and the yantra technology, college for I would also say, and this plays into Jesus and his mother. It’s very interesting, he would say the two strongest womb chakras our planet has ever seen our mother, Mary and Jesus.

And what we know from some manuscripts that Jesus left behind in South India, or is that Mother Mary herself had extraordinary divine channels. She was not an innocent 15 year old girl got hit in the head with an angel and then suddenly having a baby. She was like Kali, she had meditated millions of lifetimes to gain that lifetime. When she has Christ in her womb, as a little human being baby developing, she’s already teaching him all the layers of the creation. So it is true when he came out he was a little bit extraordinary. But still, he needed a physical eyes grow to open his channels for which he went to India. So I think we all know in the last years, but she was his first girl. She gave him information through her unbelievably strong womb chakra. And the plot thickens when he goes through the crucifixion. And it’s time to wake him up to bring his soul back into his body. She’s the one who does it. Through her physicalized very, very divine direct line to Mother Divine capability, womb Chakra which makes so much sense mechanistically and every other which way so

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Alex Ferrari 59:12 There’s a technique so there’s a technique on how to activate it, how to understand it, all this kind of stuff as well.

Alx Uttermann 59:18 Yeah, I teach it. Um, so I could say so he gave us many systems over the years, dozens of systems with mantras and Yantras and different ways to approach the healing energy and different sorts of specialties of these different healing systems. I teach them all but the wound chakra is a kind of central, amazing healing system. It is really powerful, both for self healing, obviously, for many kinds of traumas, heartbreaks, cynicism, etc. are and to be able to turn around and use that energy to heal other people very powerfully at this sort of fundamental level of what we call the womb chakra.

Alex Ferrari 1:00:00 No. Did he pass already?

Alx Uttermann 1:00:02 Oh, yeah, he took off in 2012. On the Ides of March. Oh, he was 39.

Alex Ferrari 1:00:07 He was a young man. He was. He was a young man when he left.

Alx Uttermann 1:00:10 Yes. Yeah, I was surprised he made it that long, to be honest. Why? Since I met him in 1999, he was like, Ah, I’m looking for the exit. You did not want to be in the body frickin hated being in the body. And he would say, I will be so much more powerful. When I take somebody when I’m out of the body. I, I have to come physically, I have to endure this. I have to hook you guys up to certain things. And then I’m out of here. And I really think he thought it would be faster.

Alex Ferrari 1:00:40 And why did he choose to choose to come down then?

Alx Uttermann 1:00:43 Oh, it’s his duty. He can’t escape it. He has to.

Alex Ferrari 1:00:47 He had to come down. Has to? Yes. Um, Alex has been a fascinating conversation.

Afterward from Rasa:  After putting together this article I looked up her website & she is CHARGING for healings – about a hundred bucks to a thousand for nine sessions.  They also have COURSES which go from about $200 to $500.  I don’t endorse any of this, I am not suggesting you purchase any of these services – up to you.   I owe her a debt of gratitude for introducing us to Swami Kaleshwar & promoting his miracles & God/work.  She does what she can & that is enough.  I continue to believe in Alex Ferrari & will keep watching & talking about his valuable, informative & amazing podcasts.

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College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Shrine to Shakti

New Group to Join & Post!

New Group – Please join & post!   Why we KNOW God is a woman!

 

 

https://rasavonwerder-william.blogspot.com/2023/04/new-face-book-group-join.html

 

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College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Rosa, Sam & Sam, the Prostitutes

 Rosa, Sam & Sam, the Prostitutes  2-7-23

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          Rosa, Anna’s mother, was a saint. One of the guys who hung out at her General Store suggested she put a sign in front, as all she had was ‘Open’ – lit up in red. He said to name it ‘Rosa’s Café,’ it sounded svelte – after all their gang sat there every day drinking coffee after coffee, but she said, writing something down,

          “Put this up there.”

          He looked at it & took off. He came back with a piece of wood four feet long, two feet wide. It was etched by a wood-burning rod in black – On top,

          “Love thy neighbor”

          and bottom,

          “As thyself.”

          And there is stayed forever more on top of the door. It was her motto.

Copyrighted Rasa Von Werder 2023, all rights reserved. This is part of the book ‘Church of Women’

          Many cases proved Anna’s virtue. One was Samuel. Samuel was a ‘maintenance man’ aka janitor, at the local school. He made decent money but why was his family so hard up? And why was his wife, Samantha, coming into the store & ‘round abut town with a black eye & bruises?

          The guys at the store hated Samuel, labeling him a whoremaster & wife beater, but when he came in, Rosa treated him with the same respect as anyone else.

“Good afternoon, Samuel, what can I do for you?”

He got what was needed. She smiled & said,

“Have a great day,”

and she said it with kindness, not like a machine.

 

 

One day he took his cup of coffee & headed toward the potbelly stove where the other guys sat – but their looks were so negative he veered around, went back to the counter & sat.

The guys later said to Rosa,

“Why do you tolerate him? Throw him out; tell him he isn’t wanted here.”

But Rosa said,

“That would be against God. Who am I to judge him? God alone is the judge.”

She was the same with the ones called ‘prostitutes,’ which the fair minded call ‘adult therapists.’

There were three females living nearby who frequented the tiny ‘red light area.’ It was a bar with an adult book store on one side & a diner on the other, all owned by city men & this area had both legit & not-so-legit practices.

These women hung there a lot, sitting in the bar picking up men, standing in front of the bar, walking up to men in the parking lot who stopped there or the adult store, or going into the diner on & off, especially to warm up in the winter.

When they found a customer the main place of practice was the parking lot behind the mall. No one went there except these people & those who worked in the three spots mentioned – the other stores – only the men who owned or worked in them parked or walked back there, the women felt unsafe. It was a large lot, most of the back of it gravel/dirt, large enough for two huge trucks if need be, & past that, wilderness.

These three ladies were friends & came to the Store from time to time together. You could instantly tell they were different. They were ‘poverty’ or ‘working class’ by their manner. Loud, crass & crude, they often chewed gum or smoked as they came in. They were ‘unrestrained.’ They were not beautiful or sexy in the movie star sense of the word, but they sometimes wore low cut tops or ‘pedal pushers’ {pants to the knees} with high heels. Heels were something none of the rural ladies wore except for special occasions like Church. But these females wore super high heels with platforms, a dead giveaway to their profession – perhaps they were advertising. In winter they wore warm thick coats, unzipped, which they would open & flash their bodies to potential customers.

These females would come into the store in the middle of the day. They slept until noon, at night they worked, so when they might amble in it was around two o’clock. The potbelly stove was crackling so they would take their sandwich & coffee & sit by it. They spoke sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, a unique way of conversation unique to them. Whisper, whisper, then loud laughter or exclamation. Quiet, quiet, then a raucous cry, on & on until their wares were done & they had to trudge.

Some of the regulars, both male & female, criticized Rosa for being nice to them. Rosa said,

“To me, they are like anyone else; God’s creatures. Why should anyone look down on them with hate? Doesn’t everyone do sex? Weren’t we born out of sex? If they do sex for money, it’s a business, they work to survive. They put food on the table, they have children.”

The critic would counter with,

 

“Yes, people have legitimate sex, inside of marriage but sex for money like this is a sin.”

And Rosa said,

“Don’t you have sex with your husband’s for money? Don’t they give you their paycheck, & part of your obligation is sex? If you stopped giving your husband sex, would he still support you?”

At that they were silenced.

“Whether a person sins or not is between them & God. What’s it to do with me? I treat everyone with respect.”

 

Back Story of the Red Light District – which later we’ll see Samuel Began Visiting

 

Matt & Bob Ricco had come into town from the city & took over the last three buildings, to the left, at the little mall. There were ten buildings in all – the extreme right housed the ‘redneck’ go-go bar where Anna later worked. The Ricco brothers had the adult book store, ‘sexy’ bar & diner. At first, they had no dancing in the bar. But they visited ‘Mr. Red Fox’ & saw the dancers & thought,

“If they can do it, we can do it better. It might be a good angle to jack up business & bring some hot girls in.”

This is the business setup, the details not yet explained. As I said, sex therapists hung around these three buildings. But the center of the action was the bar. They had an understanding/unofficial agreement with the brothers that went like this:

‘You hang around the bar, go up to a costumer & see if he wants to buy you a drink.’

 

The drinks could be FAKE or REAL. They cost $15 for the ladies & if the female wanted NO ALCOHOL she’d say to the bartender or waitress,

“Make mine weak.”

If she wanted alcohol in it – two shots, she’d say,

“Make mine strong.”

The bartenders put something with color into the large mug, whatever it was, soda, seltzer, so it would look legit. On the ‘drink menu’ it said 3 shots but it was only 2. The men never ordered these drinks, they were too weird. But if an outsider did, they’d get a real 3 shot whiskey with soda for $15.

If the male wanted to go further with the lady – get some ‘action’ they would go to a booth. Some of the new guys didn’t know the score & they’d sit with the female for a long time at the bar while she kept ordering these special drinks – she’d get $8 for each drink, the house $7. Most professionals did not see this as ‘good money’ & were eager to service the guy, so they would suggest they either go to a booth or, if they had progressed in their negotiations, behind the mall in his vehicle.

The booths were dimly lit. You could trip over your grey cat on the way to one. Each booth had a pack of handi-wipes – the kind you clean your baby’s diaper bottom with – on the table. If an outsider asked why they were there they would be told ‘to clean your hands after the food.’

But in reality it was to wipe up after hand jobs for the female & male. What they charged was what they could

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 get. If they could persuade the guy to give them $50 they did but if he refused they would do one for as low as $20. After the job was done they usually skedaddled as those phony drinks brought little profit, they had to move for money, & mostly the guys were done & left the bar.

          She’d either move toward another likely customer there or go outside to look for candidates. The average female worker could make $300 a night from about 7-8pm to bar closing at 1:00 or 2pm. Weekdays they closed at 1:00, weekends 2pm. Women worked as many nights as they could so based on this, they averaged $1,500 a week – more than minimum wage. It mostly depended on how the female hustled, not how she looked. Men would go blind after a few drinks.

          Now food: They served food but only hamburgers with potato chips or corn chips. They were large, with lettuce, tomato, onion & pickle if you wished. If a person didn’t want the hamburger the other alternative was all cheese – they would put 6 slices of American cheese on the bun, with the lettuce, tomato, onion & pickle. Some men didn’t want anything but the grilled bun & cheese. Whichever you had, it was $10.

          Now if a family came up to the bar to order food & drinks they were told that the food was only for people who worked there – please see the diner next door. Although they could legally have children in the bar as they served food, they didn’t want a child to go there & see a male or female cleaning up after sex, or to spot condoms in the garbage.

 

          There had to be two rest rooms. One was within the kitchen, back room area, where the dancers changed & any female therapists or employees had lockers they could keep their things. This was used by females & the owners – the other 2 or 3 male employees used the men’s room in the main bar. When females finished with guys in the back area they could return to the bar by the back door & fix up.

The dancers were a separate lot from the therapists, although they could participate in the drink business if they wanted. All the dancers were hounded for ‘drinks’ & then sex. But the average dancer had her mind on dancing & tips. The men could sit around two sides of the stage – not the side that would be facing the main bar area so people could see. These were the guys who tipped the most, some were generous.

          The dancing system was two girls a night, half hour on, half hour off. During the half hour off is when they changed & could sit with a customer for a minute, as time was short they usually got $8 out of the one drink. But to go to the bar they had to put on their street clothes, then come back to change again. This took time & energy, mostly they stayed backstage, rested, refreshed their makeup & had to go back on.

          The outfits of these dancers were much sexier than the redneck bar. The bottoms were sometimes more like ‘thongs’ & the entire bikinis were of material sometimes so thin you could almost see through. They were often custom made, as women wouldn’t wear such deals on the beach. They wore high heels with platforms.

          And their dancing was more suggestive. Matt said to one girl,

          “You ain’t doin’ it right. Jiggle your tits, bump & grind, lick your finger – this ain’t the high School Prom.”

Whereas at the ‘Mr. Red Fox’ they wore normal beach bikinis, bathing suits & halters with cut off shorts, flat shoes or barefoot, their dancing was not suggestive. This suited the type of clientele, all locals, some with family.

There was also the smell of weed coming out of the office. The origin was unknown, only that some of the staff smoked it.

          No, the Ricco brothers did not get ‘free sex.’ That is, they did not demand it. They were decent looking, masculine, wore expensive clothes. So many girls went after them they thought they were the cat’s meow. It was mostly their money & latching onto them for survival, it wasn’t love. Half the time the girls were having sex with them or anyone for work they were thinking of getting home, cooking dinner for kids & family, resting & wiping clean their minds of what they had to do.

 

          Matt was 5’10”, 39 years old, shiny salt & pepper black hair & dark eyes. He looked rugged. He wore double breasted dark suits with white shirts. Bob was gentle-looking, sweet expression, straight brown hair & brown eyes, a thin mustache, 36, he liked grey double-breasted suits with white shirts.

          Although they looked like ‘gentlemen’ in their suits, when they started to talk you knew they were low-class. The vocabulary & idioms they used gave them away & the crudeness also. They’d use phrases – to the girls – if they were mad like,

          “Sit your ass down over here,”

          or

          “This ain’t your beauty parlor”

          or

          “You ain’t the star here, I am!”

          You can take the boy out of the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto out of the boy.        

          The guys were usually not there at the same time, they had businesses back in New York City. What other businesses they ran no one knew.

 

          The adult book store was a hoot. One local man got a job there. There were booths where men could look at porno & masturbate. Charles had to take the cash till to the office past the booths. As he walked he slid & the cash till went flying. He had stepped on some sperm.

          This is the world Samuel entered when he started to go astray.

 

When Samuel’s wife Samantha, would come in with a black eye, she would hold the bruised part of her face away from people but the more she tried to hide it, the more obvious it became.

She tried to make ends meet with three children; a one year old baby, eight year old girl & ten year old boy. She shopped for clothes only at the thrift store. She bought most of their needs at the dollar or discount store & she went to the regular grocery only when she had to. In summer she had the greens in their garden, in winter the

 

General Store would get fresh stuff from an 80 year old lady with a greenhouse.

Their house was a tiny two bedrooms on a postage stamp property, in front of huge fields that belonged to someone else. It was not decrepit or ruined, no holes in the roof, walls were fine, no broken windows. But they had little furniture, most of it came with the house when they

bought it & a couple pieces they got from the Salvation Army, that was it.

          But then, it got worse. About a year prior to the crisis

Samuel began to drink more. His drinking was moderate – he & Samantha watched TV Friday & Saturday nights drinking beer or a bit of whiskey.

          But now he absented himself on the nights he got paid, every two weeks. He’d go to the red light bar & drink. A back room sometimes had a poker game {a con man deal you couldn’t win}; he’d go in & lose a couple hundred bucks. He’d come back in the bar, drink some more. One of the girls there or outside would approach him; he’d give in & take her in his truck to the back lot. He’d come back to the bar & drink some more.

          He’d come home late & Samantha would be waiting for the pay check. But the money was drained, there’d usually be six hundred left out of the nine hundred & fifty cash he would get.

          Bills had to be paid. There was propane gas, electric every month, in winter, the fuel bills were terrible. They had gotten a small wood stove in the living room but the heat didn’t reach the bedrooms. And the wood had to be bought, she’d run out of wood.

          One horrendous incident Samantha was driven to was the theft of baby aspirin. In a discount store she got her items, all necessities, {no luxuries for them}, when she spotted the baby aspirin. But she already had got all she

could afford in the cart. The kids complained of headaches from what was going on. She looked around – no one was looking, she put it in her vest pocket & moved on.

          But a saleslady had seen her & told the manager. He came over when she was checking out & said,

          “Would you like to pay for what you put in your pocket?”

          She took it out & placed it on the counter, saying,

“I’m sorry—but I don’t have enough money for this.”

          This was seen by the customer behind her, it was embarrassing. And the manager added,

“We’d like you to do your shopping elsewhere from now on.”

Dash it – this was one of her favorite discount stores!

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          Luckily, she had two dependable allies – Rosa at the General Store, & Joseph Leon, one of the regulars there, who was deeply in love with her.

          Joseph Leon had his own tale to tell. Ever since he laid eyes on Samantha he loved her. Sam was 33, he was 64 & married. He dared not show his love, he tried to keep his eyes off her when she came into the store. But the more he tried to avert his gaze the more it was noticed, as you could see his conversation stopped when she came in, his mind was diverted.

          His chance to meet her came when Rosa gave him a bag of groceries to take her.

          It was day – Samuel was at work, a good time to chat. Rosa knew better than to send a man there in the evening – husband’s get jealous, or else indignant by some man bringing help.

          But when he brought food she was grateful as the kids never got enough, milk for the baby was urgent, & sweets for the others were snapped up.     

 

Joseph then got the idea that if Rosa could send a care package, so could he, & that would give him the excuse to visit her. He didn’t tell her it was from him, he pretended it was the store but later she guessed it.

          After a while he told Samantha he was in love with her. He didn’t try anything – they never touched, but she now knew she had someone she could ask for big help. He wasn’t rich, but he was solvent; she wasn’t.

          Over that year he paid several bills for her, food constantly, electric bills, gas bills & even her taxes. They weren’t high as their property poor, but they had to be paid or the house could be taken away. All this was kept under cover, no one knew about it as her house was off to the side where you couldn’t see who parked there – he told no one – she told no one. Although Samantha was grateful she harbored no feelings for Joseph, she saw him as a father figure.

          But Joseph had other ideas. His mind ran to fantasies of Samantha leaving Sam & being with him. He imagined all sorts of setups. Samuel would meet another female – maybe one of the girls at the bars – & runs off with her. Samuel has a car accident & dies. Samuel gets sick & dies. Samantha gets tired of Sam’s shenanigans & wants to leave him & asks Joseph to help.

          Joseph liked his last fantasy the best. He’d find an apt for Samantha in the next state, not terribly far, about fifty miles hence. He’d get a van & quickly move her out while Sam was working. He would support her, could visit once a week & make love. If his wife died before him, he could then marry Samantha & live happily ever after. Anything is possible if you believe.

          But things were boiling over for the couple.

          Again, Samuel wasn’t coming home on pay day. Samantha called the bar – they said he wasn’t there. She didn’t believe them. She decided to do something she’d never done before.

          She couldn’t leave her kinds alone; she took them with her & went to the bar. She had the two older kids hold the baby. She walked into the bar & indeed, he was not there.

          But she knew about the parking lot behind. On a good hunch, she drove back there & there he was – in his truck with a female. At first, she parked discreetly & turned her lights off, spying on him. The light back here weren’t bright but there was a strong moon. She saw just him for a while, the female disappeared. She then saw him talking to her & giving her something. Was it money?

          She didn’t know what came over her, but she turned her car toward his truck – he was parked directed to the woods on the right side of the lot. She got behind him, put her bright lights on, hit the intermittent horn & jumped out of the car screaming, waving her hands & jumping up & down,

          “You beast! You take the food out of our children’s mouth!

          You waste money on other women!

         

You can get all the sex you want from me!

          I hate you – I hate you – I hate you!”

 

          There was another man in the lot busy with a female. He pulled out of there fast.

          The woman Sam was with quickly jumped out of his jeep & ran into the back door of the bar.

          And Samuel got out of there as quick as he could, some people were exiting from the buildings to see what was the noise.

          She screamed until he was out of sight, everyone back there heard her, the same tirade over & over. And she was justified. He was wasting all kinds of money on gambling – on alcohol he could drink at home – & sex when he could get it from his wife. What was wrong with him?

 

          She went home, shaking with rage & fear of what he would do to her. Their fights on Friday nights, Saturday mornings had escalated over the months. He would push her against the wall or hit her & then would stop, go to the bedroom, throw his clothes on the floor & pass out.

          She would then pick up his pants, take out his wallet & find what money was left & hide it under a floor board in the kitchen, a place he wouldn’t look. He’d wake up not

remembering & wondering if he spent the money, a female had rolled him or if his wife cleaned him out.

          But this night was a crisis & she was going to have it out when Sam came home, & she did.

          He arrived around 2:30 Am, she was waiting. As soon as he came in the door she began screaming, the same thing as before. Saying he was the most miserable wretch of a man, she hated him, he wasted their money, she couldn’t feed the kids properly & was late on bills. He was worthless, she was going to leave him.

          At those last words he not only hit her, but knocked her to the floor & jumped on top & began to strangle her. The table fell over as he did this & the kids woke up.

          They ran in screaming, pounding him with their fists but he didn’t seem to feel it. The boy opened a kitchen drawer, got out a hammer & hit him to the back of the head – it knocked him out.

          Samantha got up gasping for air, the kids were relieved she wasn’t dead. But Sam was out.

          They dragged him into the bedroom & left him on the floor. She put her face to his nose to see if he was breathing & he was. So he wasn’t dead. But usually he stayed unconscious from liquor for many hours – the conk on the head would help him stay that way.

          She told the kids,

          “We’re getting out of here.”

          Samantha had one ace in the hole. A sister lived about a hundred miles away, they could make it there. She took the money left in Sam’s wallet – abut $600.

          She took several comforters & pillows from the rooms, & grabbed whatever important things were needed. The marriage certificate on the wall she tore up. Everything else she could leave as her sister had these things.

The car Sam had bought her was a black Cadillac Eldorado, 15 years old. It had rust on the bottom, one of the automatic doors didn’t work, but the engine was fine.

         She felt a great relief as she pulled out of the driveway– the kids fell asleep quickly in the back; they were nestled in comforters & pillows. Samantha was gone.

 

          When Samuel woke up around 10 am he remembered nothing. But there was a note on the table,

          “Don’t look for me.”

          Samuel knew she had relatives including a sister, but he never met them, didn’t know where they lived or their addresses – & Sam’s sister would not be listed under her own name in the book as she was married.

          But he did look for her nevertheless. He called everyone she knew. He went to every store she shopped & looked inside & in the parking lots. He did this every day. No trace. Finally he went to Rosa’s.

          He walked in looking like a ghost.

          He asked Rosa if he could speak to her privately.

          Rosa asked Anna, her daughter to take over & took him to the kitchen.

 

          The kitchen was, luckily, far from the prying ears of other folks & they placed themselves at the table against the wall, each at a corner of the table, Sam his back to a wall, Rosa’s back to the door.

          “She left me!”

          Sam exclaimed.

         

“I can’t live without her! I don’t know what comes over me, but when I start to drink, demons take over & I can’t control myself!”

          He started talking in a mumbly tirade,

          “If she doesn’t come back to me, I’m a dead man. What have I done? Forgive me, God! I’ve sinned so much, so much, not meaning to, not wanting to, but I have, & I deserve punishment!”

          At that he got up & fell to his knees in front of Rosa & put his head in her lap, sobbing.

          Rosa tried to comfort him, not understanding the problem fully. She said,

          “It’ll probably work out. She’ll call you & you will discuss it & she will return.”

          He said,

          “But I don’t know where she went. I know she has a sister but I don’t know her name or where she lives. If she doesn’t come back I’ll die.”

          Rosa said every consoling thing she could think of, that he must keep his faith, not give in to despair, that this is temporary, every cloud has a silver lining, things will change, walk through the valley of death & fear no evil. God is with us & will not allow us to fall into the pit, give God a chance, etc.

          He listened & calmed down. She gave him a napkin to wipe his tears.

          He said thank you & good bye,

“You’re a good woman, Rosa, a friend to everyone. I thank you sincerely”

And he left. As he walked out the people in the store saw his eyes were swollen from crying.

All his efforts to find Sam had failed.

 

Joseph Leon was worried & angry. He hated Samuel, he now had all his dreams dashed, the dreams that kept him alive. Was his hope of joy finished?

But wait – she spoke of a sister. Maybe Samuel knew where the sister lived or at least her name. Surely, she would go there. If only he had a number, a town or a name, he could find her. He had to go to Sam’s & ask him. He’d get it out of him on the pretext he’d find her & persuade her to come back. So off he went.

The house was dark. He knocked on the door, no answer. Sam’s black pickup was there, so maybe he was asleep, most probably passed out from drink. He banged loudly. He went to every window, peered in, saw nothing. The back door brought no response. Then he saw a mallet – those things that have an iron head weighing a few pounds that you put spikes into a piece of wood to split it into firewood. He picked it up to bang on the door so even a deaf mute could hear it – Nothing. Suddenly, with that mallet in hand, all his unconscious rage shot up. If Sam was passed out cold nothing would wake him, why not just do what I feel like doing & destroy his house; instead of killing him, it’s the next best thing. So Joseph shot through the back windows, then the side windows, then the front. All the windows in the house were goners. No response.

He then went to Sam’s truck, pulled out his pocket knife & stabbed each tire, they all went flat. He then took that mallet & pounded the truck here & there & smashed the front window.

 

He heard a car coming in this direction; he quickly jumped into his & sped off.

It was the police – lucky for John they didn’t see him.

Sam’s employer had called – he’d not reported to work for days, did not answer his phone.

Seeing the truck & car, the cops immediately suspected fowl play. They had their guns drawn as they broke the front door down & looked around – no one was there. They saw a note on the table,

“I can’t live without her.”

They turned the note to the other side, where it said in different hand writing,

“Don’t look for me.”

They went outside, sifting through the weeds & shrubbery, but nothing.

Then they looked to the field beyond the house, way down, hundreds of yards, & saw vultures flying ahead – many of them. Could be a dead deer or a body, they better look.

They trudged down there & sure enough, there was Sam, lying on his back, arms open, a shotgun by his right hand. He had blown his brains out.

 

Samantha’s journey

 

    Samantha indeed, had reached her sister with no impediment. Her sister, June, had said many times

          “Don’t take his shit. The next time he might kill you. Come here & if he doesn’t straighten out, forget him.”

          Sam did love Sam, or thought she did. But the lives of her & her kids seemed more & more precarious. He was getting crazier, more violent.

          And the thing with the strangling was the final straw. He could kill her without even remembering. This she could not risk. Her sister had said,

“Who will take care of the kids if he kills you? They’ll put them in foster care, where they’ll be abused by the male.”

Samantha shuddered at this. It was life or death. That night of the crisis she flew with every fiber of her being to get out of that house. She called her sister to let her know she was coming – it was now about 3am so if she took but one break for coffee & donuts she could be there by 7am & so she was.

She saw Sam’s death in the local paper. It was on the News. People in their town were shocked, everyone babbled at the General store,

“We didn’t know Sam loved Sam – he was such a bastard.”

 

Samantha was now heir to their house. The real estate lady got an offer for $8k but 2k would go for new windows. It was good enough for Sam, the most money she ever had. The truck could have brought 1k, but in the condition Joseph left it, it was towed to the junk yard. And so Sam began her new life with what to her was a fortune.

It is also peculiar that Joseph, who loved her so much he spent about 3k on her that year, also deprived her of it by the damage he had done. {He went back to his humdrum life when she had disappeared, like the errant suiter of the beautiful married lady in ‘The Cherry Orchard” by Anton Chekhov.}

 

She settled in with her kids & June. June had three little ones also & a good husband – just a regular guy. There were four bedrooms, two downstairs, two upstairs. They let Sam have one bedroom for herself & the one-year old, while the other bedroom had the eight & ten year olds. Upstairs the husband & wife shared a room with their two year old in a crib, & their six & eight year olds had the other room.

Things worked out perfectly for the sisters financially, emotionally & practically. Samantha got social security death benefits – a check & monthly stipend. It was about $1,200. Now if a female lived alone with three kids this would be poverty. But here, with June, she didn’t have to pay rent, taxes, electric, propane gas & the like. This sum made her feel rich as she could use it for food, clothing & necessities, even tiny luxuries. She no longer felt insecure, or afraid, & that was priceless.

          June benefited equally well. She’d had two years of college; she worked as a receptionist in a large firm & liked it. But she met a man – they fell in love – & when she had kids – no more work.

          It wasn’t the money – they had enough as Ron’s job paid well – it was being stuck in a house with no connection with the outside world.

          At first, she had tried baby sitters but they all turned out unsatisfactory, she stopped looking for work.  

She had seen too much negative stuff on TV & from friends of children being harmed by baby sitters.  There was the twenty three year old female who took on a four year old female & six year old boy. She had a job at a fast-food place; she’d leave the kids with her boyfriend, who was sodomizing the son.

        The sis tried to help the bro but was kicked away. Eventually he had to have surgery on his intestines to fix the damage.

        Then there was the teenage male baby sitter – not abusive but neglectful – watching a five year old boy.  Filled the tub with water, let him bathe himself while he watched TV, the boy drowned.

        Females were not to be trusted either.  There was the nineteen year old Au Pair from Sweden who lit the fireplace, embers fell on the rug, fire started, she ran out of the house while the infant burned to death.  The parents tried to hold her accountable but the court let her go.  She was greeted by a parade in Sweden with her Dad, the FIRE CHIEF leading the crowd.

        She heard of many other cases, enough to make her stay home.

        A wise woman said that in the days of Matriarchy, women banded together in families.  Each knew the other intimately, if they had virtues or faults, if they could be relied upon or not.  But in a man-run world, women were separated, isolated, far apart, they didn’t know each other.  They weren’t families any more, they were strangers.  And so, reaching out to another woman for help did not mean the awareness of who she was or the loyalty that comes with blood.  You could put your hand out to one mentally ill, who appears sane.  You could find one unreliable like the girl who left the kids with her boyfriend.  All kinds of maladies & defects are in humankind & you don’t know if you’re hiring one of these for your children.

          When Samantha came, she took over the care of all the children, & she kept the house spotless & did most of the cooking. June knew she could trust her & she applied at her old job & got it.

          She went on a bit of a diet as she had gained twenty pounds. Bought a new wardrobe of beautiful dresses & business suits, high heels, fixed her hair & makeup, & put her best foot forward to the public. Doing this made her feel like a ‘lady’ again, to be admired & respected, not a frumpy, frazzled housewife always complaining what the kids had done or not done. In fact, Ron was tired of her endless patter of what the kids did.

         

Not only that, she had extra money & that didn’t hurt. She also had benefits – health insurance & a 401K savings plan.

          Samantha had good instincts. She knew what kids needed & she held both babies as much as she could, they needed rocking & close physical contact, & she also hugged a lot & spoke kindly to them & encouraged them in constructive activities. If they erred she corrected them gently not to frighten them.

          She also knew that couples needed privacy. Saturday weather permitting Ron played golf. It was good exercise for him & a sort of therapy. She & June took that day to kibitz, catch up, all the gossip women love.

          But Sunday Sam made herself scarce. She let June & Ron watch TV by themselves, she got a TV for her own room & set up games for the kids in their rooms or sometimes all together with her. She had a hot plate for coffee or quick snacks & a tiny fridge in the room. In summer she spent much of Sunday in the back yard with the kids. If June & Sam wanted to be there then she’d use the living room or her room – she understood the value of privacy. No matter how much she & June liked each other, she had to be alone with her husband – just her & him. Two is a couple, three is a crowd, & Sam wanted their arrangement to last, not to get broken for people stepping on each other’s toes.

 

         June & Ron were also free now to take tiny weekend vacations out of town & relax in luxury hotels.  Life got brighter.

Ron was planning to improve the back yard for the now six children, including swings, a slide, a merry-go-round, a sand pit & a baby pool.  He also said he’d get a barbeque out there. 

        Life was enhanced when the sisters united.

OCT 24 13 21430046_1504851922909932_6828201405851837617_n 18058041_451281255206890_2757877616100508476_n 18118982_10212995840240221_8958516974317794300_n 18157719_103223860248739_425550352022935515_n 18157011_221730218313084_1958994808124150799_n 18118985_1679333242369382_2623986038390670249_n thumbnail_002 thumbnail_022 thumbnail_006 24900077_148728195890963_7109854032168086568_n thumbnail_025 24993543_519121851792523_2484746589011537110_n (1) 150887_1753154950138_1276841585_1966668_2321144_n Chercheuses des Cigarettes Egypt RESIZED

Copyrighted Rasa Von Werder 2023, all rights reserved. This is part of the book ‘Church of Women’

College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Stevie’s Big Challenge

      Stevie’s Big Challenge  2-5-23

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Stevie was considered a prodigy within the

Convent {a venue is called a Convent within the Order when it’s a separate homestead with a variety of uses. It has a Temple & education facilities as well as all the amenities a home should have.} 

This article is copyrighted Rasa Von Werder, 2023.  It is to be part of the book ‘Church of Women’

        As explained before, he was a whiz at learning & to the grownups, declared ‘best dancer.’ But the kids – mostly girls – preferred Marjorie. She was their Hera who could dethrone Stevie to be #1.

Conflicts broke out. There were arguments, disputations, declarations of this or that. Why Marjorie was better, why Stevie was, on & on. Finally one day it came to a head.

Marjorie’s Mom was an English teacher & pubic speaker. She’d been published & once toured the country promoting her novel. {It was a young lady tale about her years at Vassar.}

All the kids were encouraged to speak publicly – part of the comprehensive education set up by the Foundress. They were asked from the age six to speak on stage or in front of the class – little things at first, like what they liked to eat, what kind animals they loved, what they did today & what they planned to do tomorrow. This graduated to what they thought about subjects they were studying, how they thought they could become good at their sport or dance, then higher subjects that touched upon the meaning of life & remarks about the doctrine & practices of the Order.

Marjorie’s Mom was especially eager for her to be highly respected & loved. She felt Marge was being

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somewhat cheated out of ‘first place’ in the Convent & on her next opportunity to recite, she should pipe up about that. The Mom coached Marge on the important principles to be voiced & rehearsed her over & over. Now the chance came.

        All had gathered for a dance class, the Elders were there as there were some demonstrations the teacher wanted them to see how the students had progressed. After that was the ‘sit down’ dancing everyone liked so many came early. Most of the fifty inhabitants of the Convent were there.

        Before class started the teacher asked if anyone wished to speak nor make an announcement. Marjorie raised her hand & was given the stage.

        She walked up confidently, even defiantly & began,

        “Our religion is one of female supremacy. Women are loved & respected as superior to men, with good reason.

       And so now, I cannot understand why I must be measured against a male, who in our religion is an inferior, & he is treated as if he is equal to me or even better & I resent being compared to him.

       I want this settled once & for all, that I am better than Stevie, & that is it. I don’t want to be in a contest with him every day.”

 

        The Members were shocked – this is an eleven-year old girl who had never spoken like this. They had not known she felt this way.

        The C.O. stepped forward & spoke,

        “Stevie, have you anything to say?”

       

 

Stevie was as shocked as anyone but as we said, a prodigy. He pulled himself together & said,

        “I agree with all the beliefs of our religion including that females are superior to males because of their two X chromosomes. We all accept that.

        But it doesn’t mean that all females are better than all males in all things.

        Even though Marjorie has two X chromosomes & I only have one, I’m not sure if Marjorie is a better dancer than me.

        We’re both good & to end this conflict, can we have a dance off & whoever wins, wins, & whoever loses takes it in a sportsmanlike fashion? I am ready for the challenge.”

         The C.O. came forward & said,

        “Clear the stage. I declare a contest to see who is #1 – Stevie or Marjorie. I will play the music, which will be unknown to them ahead of time. There will be between two to four minutes each composition & may the best woman or man win.”

        “And whoever wins, wins, & no more disputes. Everyone take your places,”                                  

       & she goes to the computer. The challenger, Marjorie, takes her place. She moans inside when she hears, from Prokofiev’s Romeo & Juliet, a dreary strain called ‘Dance of the Knights.’

        It’s like a drone, you have to be inventive, imaginative to make it interesting. It’s a piece that drags on without

 

highlights. Stevie does equal time & also strains to make it lively, with great effort. The best part is when she ended it after two minutes – no one knows who won.

        Once again, Marge takes her place. Ah, it’s a thumbs up, from John Strauss II, a type of dance called Czardas, Ritter Pazman, Opus 441. The first half is lyrical, slow, the second half strong & rousing. Teacher plays the entire piece which is over four minutes, so they are both out of breath when finished.

        Marge is exquisite, so graceful, like an angel wafting on clouds in part one, but part two, Stevie begins his leaps & he can jump much higher than her, so it’s apples & oranges.

        Teacher knows they must now recoup, as when people dance on stage, it looks easy to an audience, but they are emoting with every ounce of breath & ballet stars sometimes when leaving the stage, fall to the floor exhausted. She holds off from starting the music for a minute.

        Now the climax. Everyone gasps. It’s the marvelous ‘can can’ from Offenbach’s ‘Orpheus in the Underworld.’

        Both performers know this is short but faster than hell & must pull out all the stops.

        The audience even jumps to the tune, everyone is excited.

        Marjorie begins & she knows there isn’t much time, she starts showing off right away, jumping high in the air & landing in a split! Then she does some wide circle twirls, like big circles that end in fancy leg lifts, & she does her best leap again, & again, & again, always falling into a split, then wide circle leaps, even backward & lifts one leg back & bends it to her head for the exit! The audience cheers & cheers, this is spectacular.

        Can Stevie match or top this? He also puts his best foot forward, running into leaps like Baryshnikov, higher & higher, then stops for the amazing twirls called pirouettes, it seems the twirls will never end & the audience begins to fear for him like he might never stop & get dizzy-sick at the end, but he breaks out of it & does a couple of wild leaps where he does a split in mid air, end of story. Has he won?

 

        The C.O. comes forward now & says it will be decided by applause. She calls Marjorie forward & there’s wild screams & yells & frantic clapping.

        Then Stevie, the same thing & he gets a reaction just as loud, although, as was said before, the kids prefer Marge, the adults like Stevie.

        Both the Teacher & C.O. can’t figure whose applause was greater.

        They call forward the Chief, who’s sitting in the middle, away from the crowd. They ask for the applause again, she’s listening.

        She comes up on the stage & says,

        “The answer is obvious. From where I sat I could hear a balance from both sides. Neither one is preferred to the other, they are both appreciated equally. It’s a tie.”

        The audience approves, they are satisfied. Both sides did not want to lose, but this is OK, both are winners, neither one loses. Everyone is happy.

 

     To this lovely conclusion a leader of the ‘Good time Charlene’ ritual comes forward & sits on the edge of the stage. Everyone takes their seats in chairs or leaning on chairs or leaning on the stage. Most younger ones are on the stage, as they don’t mind moving their entire bodies, while some adults need to sit for comfort. And once more, the Charleston begins & all start moving, who said laughter is the best medicine?

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     mail (5) mail (4) mail (3) mail (2) mail (1) mail  

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College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Old Anna

 

2-4-23      Anna, Daughter of Rosa – Old Anna

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        When the kids from the Order met Anna she was seventy seven. She called herself ‘half blind,’ not knowing that a remedy was at hand – removal of the cataracts could correct her vision drastically. But she had no one to take her on several appointments needed prior to surgery – so she let it go, just getting by with what she had. She was severally nearsighted & had ‘floaters’ – bits of darkness in front of her retina, trash in the eye that usually gets flushed out, but it wasn’t. When she took off her glasses everything beyond a foot in front of her was blurry. 

Copyrighted by Rasa Von Werder, 2023, all rights reserved.

  This is part of the book being written by Rasa ‘Church of Women’ 

        This is how Stevie & his sister met her, in front of her ‘shack’ which was not really a shack but looked like it from the outside – inside was beautiful & every amenity you could want – it had been repaired & equipped with many what seemed to her ‘luxuries’ {as she had lived with her Mom in relative poverty all her life.} We shall get to her married life later, where the husband of Anna fixed her property to a large degree – he worked in construction.

        Little Stevie was the ‘boy wonder’ of the Order, just ten years old. He now lived in the Mobile Home Park affiliated with the Order – a wonderful place. His Mom continued living at the Convent with his four sisters – all boys upon reaching the age of ten had to leave the Convent & live elsewhere – the Mobile Park was not far, he lived with a Member of the Order who loved him dearly – he was allowed a dog there,

he wanted a ‘Toto’ but they didn’t have one at the shelter – he got a Beagle weighing about 30 pounds, a sweet rascal he named ‘Mover Good Foot’.

The lady he lived with – Theresa – had an apple tree right next to the home & made wonderful pies which she topped with whipped cream for Stevie. The dear boy visited his Mom almost every day, Theresa took him there & brought him back, or he walked alone the 20 min trek.

Stevie was a wonder for two reasons – his talent & his intelligence. The resident Doctor of the Convent – Maude Leena – had a psychology degree & a genius – {never without a book in her hands, the study of psychology, sociology, human & animal behavior & medical remedies – had given him an IQ test which determined the score of 150. He was also the best dancer– that was debatable among the kids but the Elders said he was.

{All the kids & even Elders of the Order danced daily. There was a paid female ballet teacher one day a week, then a volunteer who had been on the stage – she set up various programs where they practiced first one type, say ballroom, for a few months, then what you might call ‘modern dance’ which was pseudo ballet, then a potpourri of contemporary dances starting with the Charleston & ending with rock’n’roll. This volunteer was a Member who lived off premises, she came every day but one to put the Members through their paces. They first had to do the exercises of the ballet Mistress. They were told that they must not only stretch but strengthen every muscle, & you

had to keep this up as long as you wanted to perform. So each & every day saw 20 minutes of this routine & it enabled some to do high leaps & even splits in the air eventually. Little Stevie stood out & he had one brilliant female challenger– eleven year old Marjorie.}

They also did ‘sit down dancing’ many days, especially when it rained or in winter {although they were encouraged not to fear the cold – it’s been said there’s no bad weather – only bad clothes. Bundled up, they braved zero degrees outside for short treks, little kids as well as Elders. Some members prided themselves on their ability to face the cold & worked or played outside in bitter weather for hours. But kids were monitored strictly with super warm clothing, making sure to put thick boots & gloves & cover their heads & necks.} – almost daily the entire Membership sat in chairs or leaned on them or the stage {they used the huge barn @ this point for their home & it had a stage} & music with a good beat was played – often that of the ‘roaring 20’s – & a leader with dance experience would sit in front suggesting moves – they could follow or make up their own – & that way everyone got good exercise even if they were older with arthritis or bad hearts & could not prance around. The kids from any age they could walk were put on the stage – {they had a stage in the huge remodeled barn where this took place} & the grownups sat in their chairs below the stage, with

the leader sitting on the edge facing them, the kids mostly on stage jumped, danced & pranced, some even did somersaults or splits. {This ritual they called ‘Good time Charlene.’ It was practiced after sunset in summer when you could no longer do gardening, weeding, landscaping or play the usual sports.}

Sometimes an individual on stage was ‘on fire’ with the music & lost him or herself & everyone would stand back, let her emote, clapping & cheering. Chair dancing lasted one hour average 6 days a week, not even counting the regular dance class – so many Members were practicing two hours a day or more! If they were busy with other projects it would be skipped – but not often. If two days went by without the chair dance people complained – it was therapeutic. The Elders said it alleviated their stiff joints & muscles & helped their bowels. {If someone loathed it, were preoccupied or tired, they could stay in their room, work in the kitchen, tend to their computer work *some had projects for the Order like Social Media sites as their Journals, or blogs for their Journals or highlights & meaning of the Order, etc.* or do something else. It wasn’t mandatory. Some who already danced one hour might skip it.}

Stevie did not have to go back to the Convent for regular School, as they had that at the MobilePark – but he wanted the extracurricular stuff. And he loved dancing & many other classes, so visiting was not just to hug Mom & tease his sisters.

        On one of these visits it was noticed that their beloved cat Tommy was missing {he was dark tigerish with a heart on the back of his neck} {every family in the Convent was allowed a pet cat but no dogs, as dogs would make too much noise & would also chase the cats & go crazy at the wild animals feeding outside in the ‘Beastaurant’} – & he would stay away for a couple days at a time. Pretty soon he was absent as much as present. This was a mystery no one could solve. Stevie wanted to solve this by following Tommy & asked Mom for permission.

He took his eight year old sister Margie with him & off they went, following Tommy into the woods a good distance away so he wouldn’t get skittish, although he paid them no mind. They walked so far, through so many ups & downs in the wilderness including crossing creeks; the half hour felt like two.

But finally they came to a clearing & saw a dirt road & a sort of shack on its far side, & Tommy meowing loudly outside its door, with an old lady coming out & greeting him warmly.

“Oh, my good Johnnie’ she exclaimed, stooping down as if she wasn’t sure.

“Is it you Johnny?”

She petted him & recognized him after getting close {she had other cat visitors!} & said,

“Come inside, I’ve got some chicken on the stove, it’ll be ready in a few minutes. We’ll eat hearty!”

And they went in.

“So that’s where Tommy goes!”

Exclaimed Stevie & his sister said,

“If she gives him chicken every day & pets him a lot, he must like it here.”

They were trying to figure out if they should knock on the door but were afraid. After a while they stepped closer. They could hear chickens & a rooster in the pen. Behind the shack beautiful Wisterias climbed up the pines to 100 feet. There was a large lilac grove to the side of the place, all emitting a lovely fragrance. They stepped on the porch, which did not have an awning & there were plenty windows in front. They could see plants on the window sills. To knock or not to knock? Finally they did & old Anna opened the door.

“Yes?”

She said.

We’re here to see where Tommy goes & we followed him, he’s our cat, we just wondered where he went.”

“Aha, this is your cat? And who might you be? And I apologize if I have kept him at times, but he’s been free to go, he likes to visit. I call him Johnnie. Please come in.”

The kids were a little nervous but Steve put his foot to the door & didn’t want his sis to think him a coward, she followed after him.

They were surprised to see how beautiful it was inside. All huge logs could be seen making up the walls, the ceilings had beams. Windows everywhere, all neat & clean, beautiful brown fur sofa & couch with foot rests, a standing wood furnace in the living room with glass door – must be cozy in winter Stevie

thought. Thick throw rugs, also brown, were here & there.

“Come into the kitchen, I have fresh corn bread with butter & strawberry jelly if you like – And tea or orange juice. Sit at the table.”

Tommy rubbed against their shins as they sat down at table.

They noticed more of the ambience. There was a wood-burning stove for cooking & baking, black iron with white porcelain trim, & a gas-burning stove right next to it. This was neither a shack nor a rugged ‘homestead’ – something in between, all the rustic parts plus today’s conveniences. And as they looked through an open entrance from the kitchen they could see a laundry room which housed a washer & dryer, a table for sorting & a line where some delicates hung.

They glanced at the window sill which sported jars with dandelions, a big aloe vera was on the sink frame reaching its branches to the light, & scallions & a red geranium. All the floors were wood, stained & polished black.

Finally they got to talking.

Stevie & Marge explained their Order in a few sound bytes:

“We live in a religious Order, we believe in a Mother God & we’re different than other people. We have a couple buildings we call ‘The Convent’ & we also have a Mobile Park where some of us live – where I live right now.

It’s a wonderful place. We study all kinds of subjects, we play sports every day & we have dancing lessons. We learn all sorts of things besides regular school; we have a lot of fun.”

“It sounds great,”

Says Anna.

“My name is Anna. I’ve lived here all my life. My Dad was a farmer, my Mom ran a General Store where I helped her & when she died, I ran the store until there was no business. All the people moved away when the new highway was put in. My old friends died or moved to Florida. The houses around me were either abandoned or bought by outsiders who use them for summer – all kinds of city people & foreigners. I don’t know any of them but see them drive by or in town. This road now, I sit on the porch at times & only one car an hour passes by, all strangers.

I have few friends now, mostly Herbert who stops by to check on me. He lives in a little room in his barn, he doesn’t have a phone. I’m kind of isolated so it’s nice to have you guys visit.”

They continued talking, Marge bragged about her sports – she was expert at croquet & was already a cook. She had learned to bake tiny loaves of bread since age six. {Anna was querulous re this but did not voice her doubt.}

Then Stevie jumped in. There was some music on the radio & he exclaimed,

“I’m the best dancer in our group!”

And jumping out of his seat he proceeded to dance in an empty space between the kitchen & living room, doing a small leap & then twirling round a dozen times like Baryshnikov.

Anna was amazed & beginning to believe what these kids said was no hot air.

“How could you do that at such a young age?”

He said,

“We dance every day, not only the kids from the time they can walk but the oldsters like you!”

Anna’s tea was unusual – she gathered red clover & Yellow Dock from the fields all summer, dried them in the bottom of her oven, & would add some peppermint leaves. The kids accepted brown sugar & condensed milk with it; it was delicious. Anna mentioned that she used a sprig of aloe leaf in her salads, as it was as powerful as garlic for health – no bitterness, just a bland taste & sticky, went well with mayonnaise. They ate the aromatic corn bread with butter Anna had received from a neighbor who churned it from her own cow. After their snack Anna took them outside to see her chickens – ten of them with a rooster, fancy breeds, some with colorful plumage. She said her friend Herbert had brought them to her as chicks & said they were special. They had a nice pen which Herbert fixed so you could move the fenced in part to new areas – attached by a tunnel to their house – it wasn’t big but after the hens scratched up the ground completely no grass would grow so by moving it, they got fresh new grass. It was rotated every week or two. Anna told them,

“When Herbert first brought them there were twenty five chicks. But half of them were roosters. And you can’t have more than one rooster to ten hens as they jump on their backs, & tear off all their feathers until there’s only raw skin left. You have to use the roosters for food, which means a chicken in the pot every Sunday, until there’s only one big guy left. And the hens we keep until they can’t lay eggs any more, than they go into the pot. And every summer we let one or two hens lay on their nest {in a special brooding spot where the other chickens won’t bother them} & brood new chicks. And of course that provides new roosters for food every year.

I used to have a cow {& her calf} for milk, butter & cheese, & a couple goats but when Mom died & I ran the store, I had to give them away. I didn’t have time to take them to pasture.”

They exchanged all pleasantries until Steve & Marge had to go. Tommy stayed behind as Anna took out a huge chicken from a 16 quart pot & was cutting a good piece for him into bites.

Stevie & Anna hurried back & when they arrived breathlessly told Mom & friends they had solved the mystery of Tommy. They told them about Anna & her plight & her eye problem, all listened attentively.

Then Dr. Maude said,

“We shall find out where Anna lives so we can get there by road. If you can describe what direction you took I think I can find it on the map. Anna might be a good person to know – if she needs help, we can give it. And she might help us – She might be a good member for our Community.”

And so they did. They found out how to reach Anna by road. The first line of business was the eye condition. Dr. Maude told Anna they would provide the rides to get all the tests done – & that cataract surgery could correct her vision to a point of seeing 20/20 either far away or close up – besides that she’d use glasses. Anna was overjoyed, & so it was, & the adventure with Anna began, & many more things happened which we will relate.

 

199169_432331113515982_862433134_n 2827659 2827mmm 2816 2816806 28377523_ 28576733_ 20-funny-cat-memes-that-will-give-you-a-good-laugh concept-open-magic-book-pages-water-land-small-child-fantasy-nature-learning-copy-space-166401875

 

College of Matriarchal Love, College of the Gender War, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Sisterhood Pt 3

The Sisterhood 12-3-22

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          From William Bond

Hi Rasa

I agree with what you are trying to achieve but there are a few things I want to say about it. Yes sisterhood is needed but the problem is that a strong sisterhood can be defeated by an army of violent men. So if we want women to rule our world we have to find ways to overcome masculine power. 

 

Patriarchy v Matriarchy is not the same as men v women. I have pointed out before that men can be very submissive. We not only find this in the femdom scene but also in the military and in slavery. It is easy for the military to brainwash men to fight in wars and sacrifice their lives doing this. And it is men’s submissive nature that allows a few patriarchal rulers to rule society. For instance the power of a dictator depends on an army of young men who will give him total obedience and arrest and murder anyone who resists the power of the dictator. 

 

So the paradox is that men seem to rule the world not because they are the dominant sex but because they are naturally submissive and will obey whatever patriarchal leaders tell them to do. So the true battle is between women and a small patriarchal ruling elite. Ordinary men are just the soldiers of the patriarchy and do as they are told. 

 

The point is that if we were to have a Matriarchal world women have to take away the power that the ruling elite have over men and become the rulers of men themselves. The ruling elite control men through propaganda and brainwashing. They indoctrinate men to believe they must be ‘macho’ and that they are the natural dominant sex.  And at the same time they also indoctrinate women to believe they are the natural submissive sex. 

 

So it is basically a war of mind-control where patriarchy brainwashes people into believing that men should rule the world.  But as in all patriarchal societies it is only and handful of men who rule most men do as they are told. 

 

This means that if women are to rule our world then women have to find ways of controlling men. I agree sisterhood is very important for this, because if women do not help and support each other they won’t accomplish anything. But women have to accept that men do have a submissive nature and will obey those they believe are in authority over them. Because whomever the majority of men obey, are the rulers of the world.  William

 

Rasa answers: OK, I understand. Whoever exerts authority, the men will obey. So will the women.

          I am doing what I believe has to be done. I am helping women believe in themselves & other women. I will assist them to hold their head up high, to walk like a Godess, to think like a Godess & act like a Godess. Remember how the Black Muslims trained their men to hold their heads up high with white men & women. I noticed they were cold hearted to me, like when I asked one for subway directions, he ignored me & took his sweet time. He was showing that he was not ‘Mr Nice Guy’, not eager to please, he was trying to ‘stand tall’ & not want to help – this made him feel stronger.

          I will do my best to indoctrinate women to feel God’s Power, to show God’s Power, not to be underlings of men, not to act dependent to men – do all the things the opposite of what patriarchy has taught them. Don’t laugh at their jokes, don’t act submissive or weak. Act strong. You are not dependent on them, they are dependent on you. This is just the beginning, I will write more on it.

1506638_421551001322149_1411068702_n 969770_277749732364517_856706315_n 969347_277749982364492_1619494441_n 992815_277750215697802_1409798812_n 1004927_628399200527007_1115218157_n 1013795_594663333900594_752333416_n BETTER SHOT 

From William, he continues his first letter – Hi Rasa:

I have been thinking more about your sisterhood project and this morning I got another idea about it. Recently I saw a documentary film by Cara Delevingne, called “Planet Sex”. She makes the point that men nearly always achieve orgasm when they have sex but officially 60% of women don’t (Cara Delevingne believes that the true number is a lot less than that). Apparently Cara Delevingne is bi-sexual

and she claims she ends up having more sex with women because sex with women is a lot better as she can always achieve an orgasm with another woman.

 

She then goes into recent German scientific research where they discovered that when people masturbate or have sex to orgasm the brain is flooded with good feeling chemicals called  Endocannabinoids which are very similar to Cannabis. Now, this is interesting as the one example of sisterhood working is the Bononbo ape who has be called the “make love not war” ape. 

 

Sex is very important to the Bonobo’s social structure where females bond through sex and use it to defuse  male aggression. Now, what is interesting about patriarchy is that it is anti-sexual. Even today masturbation is still discouraged, and for most of it’s history homosexuality was also discourage and even criminalized. This makes sense because if it is easier for women to achieve sexual satisfaction through lesbian sex, so women like bonobos can use sex to bond with each other and create a powerful sisterhood. 

 

Another point is that if sex floods the brain with good feeling chemicals then this might be why sex is a way to defuse male aggression. Men only become violent and aggressive when they are upset, but if they have sex then they are going to feel better about everything and not want to go and hurt someone else. This then is probably why patriarchy doesn’t like sex because if they have frequent sex with women or even other men, then they are less likely to became aggressive and violent.

 

The only problem with this, is that by discouraging men to have sex patriarchy has made men more aggressive and can use these aggressive men to fight wars to conquer other more peaceful countries. But perhaps modern warfare might be a solution to this, as war is increasingly fought with technology and the side that has the better technology is more likely to win which means countries may not need aggressive sex-starved men to fight wars any more.    William

 

Rasa responds to this previous letter:

          Sex is a huge issue because it means so much in our lives, it is probably 2nd or 3rd in importance for survival, we cannot live without love, & sex is part of physical closeness, which means love.

          In the tests made of Harlow’s monkeys, as explained by Dr. Prescott, when a baby monkey had a choice between food or holding a fake surrogate Mom – an object covered with fur – it chose the object. To cling to the Mother figure was even more important than physical food. How does this relate to sex? Sex & love are similar. ‘Sex’ begins by closeness to care giver. Without it, people become sexually dysfunctional or inept.

          We cannot live without love, we have to get it somewhere. Love is nourishment.

          Sex is that – it is nourishment. It feeds the body, the hormones, as you explain here. Feel good hormones make life livable, without them, people become suicidal.

          As far as the patriarchal attitude toward sex being negative there are 2 factors or more. One is they made sex repressive to control women – double standard proves it. Men have few morals re sex, they don’t give a shyt what the codes are. Women are punished for having sex. And second, whatever is prohibited you can sell – so sex & drugs are ‘illegal’, you make money on them. If sex was a free-for-all they could not make money selling it.

          And it’s important to remember. When sex for women becomes free, when women do whatever they wish re sex, men will lose ALL THERE POWER. There will be nothing to fight for. They will have to obey women.

          Our Sisterhood is just ONE SEED. But it needs to be a perfect seed, a good, healthy one. Jesus ministered a mere 3 years in Israel. His life there was a PERFECT SEED, & see how it grew.

          And nothing about it was easy, neither his life nor the aftermath. My life has been pretty hard & maybe the beginning of our Order will be, but that doesn’t mean it will be defeated. Let us create the perfect seed & it will be watered by our human efforts & God’s Grace. Rasa

         

 

From Rasa:

 

Very good train of thought William.  You have your meditation cap on.

 

I will respond soon.

 

I think Pete will be able to respond to these new ideas you’ve presented also.

 

I am up & about now & eager to move forward.

 

We will have an Anthem,

 

America the Beautiful (O Beautiful for Spacious Skies)

Song by Michael W. Smith

… O beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

… America! America! God shed His grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea

 

to ‘The Sisterhood, the Sisterhood, God shed Her Grace on thee - 

& beyond that I need my web man, who I’ll give $100 to, to help write the lyrics.  He’s an expert.  The lyrics are copyrighted but I don’t think you can copyright MELODIES 

 

Another song we used to sing in Girl Scouts, words changed to the tune of ‘Let me call you sweetheart’

 

“Let me call you SISTER I’m a MATRIARCH too

Let me hear you whisper all the MATER RULES

Keep the SPIRIT GLOWING

And your heart SO PURE

Let me call you SISTER I’m a MATRIARCH too”

RASATUBE254 RASATUBE253 RASATUBE252 RASATUBE251 RASATUBE250 RASATUBE249 RASATUBE248 RASATUBE255 

As Scouts we said,

Let me call you sister
I’m a Girl Scout too.
Let me hear you whisper
All the Scout Laws through.
Keep your Girl Scout Promise,
In your heart so true,
Let me call you sister,
I’m a Girl Scout too.

 

We must SING TOGETHER to life our hearts & minds to Mother God & respect for other women     Rasa

 

From Pete Jackson:

Very well-said as usual, William.  Dr. James W. Prescott made a similar observation if I remember correctly, but I think you articulated it even better IMHO.  The bonobos have the right idea overall.  Prescott notes that the pleasure circuits of the brain are almost entirely mutually exclusive with the violence and pain circuits in the brain, and the patriarchy knows that all too well.  Of course, patriarchy has attempted to hack that as well by deliberately mixing sex with violence to get both men and Women to associate one with the other.  That is where we get various perversions and depravities like rape, sexual assault, violent/coercive sadomasochism, choking, and “rough sex”, and the male-dominated porn that blatantly glorifies these things.  But the patriarchy does not want integrative pleasure, only neurodissociative pleasure at best while sacralizing pain and violence.  Eros is bad, while Thanatos is good, according to their twisted logic.  Pain is a virtue, and pleasure is a vice.  No wonder people who grow up steeped in that evil system are so overwhelmingly messed up!

 

http://www.violence.de/

 

This logic also carries over to psychoactive drugs as well.  Patriarchy has historically preferred ones that paradoxically promote aggression while also keeping their users stupefied, quiescent, and dependent enough for the powers that be to control them (alcohol, various hard drugs, amphetamines, Ritalin, SSRIs, etc.), all while trying to stamp out any substances that discourage aggression and/or promote thinking for oneself (cannabis, psychedelics, etc.).  And patriarchy has preferred concentrated or synthetic drugs rather than natural botanical drugs.

 

As the late great Buckminster Fuller said, “either war is obsolete, or man is”.  Most wars today are imperialistic wars of conquest, and with today’s technology (both a blessing and a curse at the same time) we need far less “cannon fodder” than in the past to get the same results.

 

The film “Planet Sex” by Cara Delevigne I have not seen, but I will check it out.  What first came to my mind was a book that I recently heard about but still have yet to read:  The Pleasure Gap by Katherine Rowland.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Pleasure-Gap-American-Unfinished-Revolution-ebook/dp/B07RKW3FZ7

 

Best wishes,  Pete

 

From Rasa:

OK Pete, I am keeping these letters for further discussion & here is one I just wrote to an amazing female – she has a popular site on You tube called ‘Girl in the Woods’.

If I can get her interested in our Sisterhood it would be a plus.  I will reach out to all likely candidates for participation.  Just like I used to for my work, in the past – & when you reach out to EVERYONE you are bound to get SOMEONE.  She all her life has been active in the rugged outdoor life, even participated in one tough survivalist TV show – Brooke Whipple.  My letter:

 

Hi there Beautiful Great Women, aka ‘Girl in the Woods’

 

                I have studied your biographical video & have lots of respect for you.  Thanks for keeping me informed.

 

                I have been kept busy writing my auto-biography & just published the NINTH volume, ten coming up.

 

                Am beginning to write all the precepts for a new SISTERHOOD that will be part of our NEW RELIGION FOR WOMEN.  It is a college, ashram, convent, domicile, lifestyle, POV,

Order with our own Temple to Mother God {where males are not admitted except on special days by invite.}

 

                It is Female Empowerment.  One idea where you ‘fit in’ is we will have Mother God Scouts.  We will learn all we can & practice OUTDOOR LIFE & even survival, like Girl Scouts, & maybe include some Wicca celebrations along with it but not exclusively.  This needs to be thought out, what things we do but camping, campfires, fishing, swimming, hiking, collecting herbs & mushrooms & learning all about outdoor foraging – all that you do is on the agenda.  One of the important precepts here is female COMARADERIE as I experienced in Girl Scouts – {one of the happiest times of my life.}

 

    Men are not excluded completely even though our focus is on women – We will have shindigs every 2 weeks, dances, where we meet candidates for friends & lovers  -  the females are totally liberated sex wise.  The men are, however, screened for security reasons.  They must have clean backgrounds & straight up characters.

 

    I have published a book for our New Religion – it’s a START, called ‘Woman Thou Art God’ & have a website by that name which has been active since 2004, used to get a million views a year.

 

    Here is the link to my books, there are around 30, published on Lulu & dozens of Internet venues:

        https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/rasavonwerder?gclid=CjwKCAjwyaWZBhBGEiwACslQo0AoJTM81ErfVPXrBaH1ptKYPi9gJs2NyhN5X06u5gGPS9MsD2KySBoCGbsQAvD_BwE

 

      The members of our religion are called MATRIARCHS.

 

      Signing off for now, wishing you God speed & Mother God luck with all your new endeavors.

                            Rasa Von Werder

 

From Rasa: My continued thoughts, some of which I got yesterday but had no time to write them down.

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Beware of VAMPIRES

 

You‘ve heard the term ‘psychic vampire?’ – There’s also Narcissist & ego maniac. It needs to be addressed, because as an Order which will now reach out into local & international humanity, we will be confronted by ALL TYPES & one of the types we must AVOID & CANNOT have within our midst, neither up close nor anywhere in our association at all is the VAMPIRE. So what is a vampire & how do we recognize one?

 

A vampire is one who is PERMANENTLY sunk down in the flesh. The flesh includes ego – & let us make a distinction here between people being TEMPORARILY sunk down & permanently so, where they cannot leave the flesh no matter what the conditions, their brain works in a sort of ‘loop’ where even when the outside status improves, or even if they presumably TRY to think some other way, they end up at the same ballpark or home plate – MYSELF, my body, my needs, my flesh. Mind you – these people CANNOT CHANGE like the devil CANNOT repent. They might be mentally ill or psychotic. What causes this I will not even try to understand because I can’t & I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist who is paid to look into such matters.

I can explain WHAT IT IS, not WHY it is & advise to stay away as far away as possible from these people, not to even think, consider or pray for them as doing so brings them closer to us; they invade our minds like a disease that travels through walls & skulls – I will give examples.

But first, let me explain a few pointers. One, we are or most of us, riveted in the flesh as infants or small kids – We cannot be contemplatives or mind wizards when we’re little. Some might have tendencies, like Jesus age 12 taught the rabbis in the Temple – but they aren’t yet fully developed.

It’s a sign of immaturity to be focused in the flesh – St. Paul said ‘When I was a child, I spake as a child’ & then he grew up & spoke as an adult. This frame of mind is simple, natural immaturity & we mustn’t be hard on the young.

But hopefully we grow out of this, we gain compassion, empathy, caring for others as we do ourselves. But some people don’t grow up, they remain infantile their whole life until the day they die – they cannot think of anything but themselves.

Now mind you, there is TEMPORARY focus in the flesh. When we are TRAUMATIZED or SICK or suffer BEREAVEMENT or any kind of ANXIETY or SORROW we can, for a time, sink down into our lower nature. But we get over it & spring back into our MIND, HIGHER NATURE, contemplation & clear thought.

For examples. I was in contemplation until God told me to go back in the world & have FUN. I DID SO & sunk down into my flesh as I was involved with people with my body & emotions, & it is impossible to stay contemplative while carousing with people & having sex. I notice my mental work suffered. I had been writing hundreds of articles on my blog prior to this & suddenly – boom – nearly NOTHING for years, until I quit going out. It was partially involvement, partially physical exhaustion as if you go to bars Friday & Saturday, involvement of talking, maybe having sex, drinking, you will not recover until the end of Sunday, you might have a few days of clarity, then the murk once again. St. Thomas famously said lust causes blindness of the mind. I am a strong mind, so I was not completely wiped out. For the average person who has no mental abilities they go from plateau to pit, I went from mountain to valley, not the total pit. But when I broke all my ties with ‘downtown’ & ‘lover’ this happened: My emotions stopped dwelling in the physical flesh, my own & that of others. I was released like a balloon to ascend back into Higher Self, the Self of God, the Higher Mind. I regained my peace, serenity, composure & was able to see again not the trees, but the whole forest. My VISION came back; it wasn’t impaired any more. It took more than a year to readjust.

Then there are distractions of days or weeks, even months. Recently I had a couple traumas. One, a female & an accomplice started writing me letters pretending to be my long-lost granddaughter. This upset me so much it was eleven days unable to think or write – that being solved, I returned to work.

And when I had trouble a week ago publishing my last book – not my fault but the system – for a few days I had anxiety that disabled my mind. But that was also temporary.

Like I said, if outside forces tweak us the wrong way, if our emotions are punched out or called upon strongly, we can get focused away from a higher place, only thinking about the trouble. But this will pass; we must excuse & forgive when someone is temporarily troubled & not condemn or reject them for this.

I am NOT talking about youth-immaturity or temporary states, I am talking about people whose character is vampirish & who cannot, will not change. It’s like thieves. People are BORN thieves, they never change. If you see someone is a thief, just know it’s inborn-inbred, & don’t expect them to change their mind & go straight.

OK so let me get to my recent experiences with VAMPIRES.

I know two such females nearby. To show how dangerous & pervasive they are – I have not been friends with either one of them for MANY YEARS. But recently both came to my attention.

One of them, as I checked her social media daily – because I had to – I felt SICK of mind & heart. The feeling stayed in me like a stomach ache. I wasn’t talking to her, just read her media, & the VIBRATION affected me. This is, like I said, like a DISEASE that goes through walls & skulls. I noticed her DELUSIONS & now saw them coming ‘home’ to roost, a living breating TWISTED mind set. To see her psychosis so tangible was a Hellish sight. I felt FEAR like a legion of demons was reaching me.

The other female I have not spoke with for 25 years but she came to my attention. She apparently saw I had written my life – she was always imitating me in the most extreme way – & decided to write hers.

And so I went to see what she had to say through the ‘Look inside’ feature & as I continued to read I felt SICK. ‘Delusions of grandeur’ is a mental illness. And as I read, I got her vibes, they haunted me the rest of the day & night. I had to quit & forget her to cut off the dis-ease reaching me. And I note just now, it also gave me a sense of FEAR, like I was being affected by that LEGION of demons. I didn’t fear the person, in both cases, I feared the demonic reaching me.

This is a lesson that when we meet these VAMPIRES they must not only be prevented from living with us, they cannot be Third Order or affiliated in any way where we have to THINK about them. It has to be a TOTAL SEPARATION, the same as with the demonic – because this IS demonic.

No, we cannot be  FRIENDS with EVERYONE. We must be selective, careful, judicious to who we associate with. The great exorcist Bob Larson teaches a course that I took. He explains that when we associate with people as lovers, friends or business partners we receive all that is in them, including their DEMONS! Take notice of that!

Just a couple snippets & we are done. My lady friend took in foster children to make extra cash. She got this girl who was a total sex maniac, haha, but that was not the main problem. She said the girl would ask her questions from morning to night until she was totally drained. People can, in the guise of being nice, or doing the right thing, can call on your energies so much they drain you of them, it’s vampirism disguised as being good. I had a cleaning lady like that. The minute she walked in she couldn’t just look around & see what had to be done, she kept asking me with every tiny chore, ‘What do you want me to do now?’ I couldn’t get anything done as she was talking to me constantly, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t pray.

That was my problem on the internet with ‘slaves’ or ‘disciples.’ They would do things for me & demand my attention constantly. I was better off with them NOT doing me any ‘favors!’ Then they’d play games like let me see other women they were talking to, trying to make me jealous. It was a total waste of time, attention & energy.

And that brings me to some of the questions William raised, about the needs of men, sexual & otherwise, & when they don’t get these met, they get violent, aggressive & dangerous. I will address those issues inside his letters.

It is VERY IMPORTANT as we build the sisterhood, to beware of VAMPIRES. And be vigilant when they appear in the guise of being good. Anyone that demands INORDINATE amounts of attention is wrong. We are not raising babies or running a lunatic asylum. The closer they are to us, the more mature & together they must be. If they need serious growing up but have potential, put them further away & let them grow. No more questions, lol.

 

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

YOUNG HUSBAND TRAGEDY

Chapter 3    MY SPIRITUAL HUSBAND NICK

– DEATH FANTASIES

written late Nov 2022

12814194_ ITHACA 4 10 17 POST 14724509_ 147311 MAY 6 22 

         Pics above:  His crew at a place he was a dishwasher – not saying they were bad guys – I didn’t know them – And the x’d pic, how he saw himself

This is the young husband who loved me & I him. We were mystically married – which I shall explain. He lived two lives. To the world he presented a façade or charade – Living with a woman who was one of many, but portrayed as the ‘one & only’ wife together with a bevy of ‘friends’ – all focused on drugs.

 

Posted on Face Book under dates stated – 2022

 

His SoundCloud music under “Nick Lambo13”

 

Words gleaned from his song, not exact, verses repeated, hard to understand all the words {His words will be in bright blue}:

 

“Death callin’ my name, they wantin’ my body

doin’ drugs, feelin’ numb

Mentally fucked up

Mind is broken

Devil right beside me

Early grave

My life – you can take it

Havin’ death fantasies

My life – you can take it

Devil keeps talkin’ beside me

My heart’s frozen

No one to lean on”

 

ME: This is NOT A HAPPY MAN. Look, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the DESPAIR in these words. Why despair? I was gone, he didn’t know what to do, or if he did, he was too weak. And that became obvious when he finally called me June 2, 2022. His crazy ‘friends’ keep all talking now, hundreds of them, about him on his FB. They think they were so important to him. It was surface relationships – I’ve been there. I had thousands of ‘face book’ friends. When I left FB only 3 of them are still my friends. Yes, he saw them in person but it was for things that kids do – playing – & partying with drugs & alcohol & dope. It was a substance-induced charade. They all miss the theater of drugs with Nick – he was their

star. Star gone, no more fun. That’s what they miss. They were not on God’s side, trying to save him, just wanting to have fun with him.

 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

July 25

 Check it out!!!!!

Death Fantasies out now!!!!!!

 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

July 21

Cause if I don’t say it all here I won’t say nothing

 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

July 11

I love that I literally made this for me myself it’s like making a painting that you have no plans on letting go that’s what this basically is just something for myself to go back on and I love it and that’s all that matters about this one!!!!!

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

 July 8  He says:

“If the devil can’t get close to you he’ll take what mattered most to you so he can watch you fight your demons everyday”

 

ME: He’s talking about the devil taking me from him – You ask what mattered to him the most? The True Love of a Mother that I gave him – I was the only one he looked to that way. His ‘friends’ wanted to believe how important they were. Yes, he drugged & partied with them, it was substance-induced joy or happiness, not real. The only REAL LOVE he had was from me. Unconditional love, not using him as a drug partner or entertainment object. Just wanted to save him but I was blocked.

size_5832 ZX Z FB 21n24n38size Nicksize size5909 Z CROP FB copy IMG_5688 FBcrop 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

June 25

Pick a side you gotta follow when that casket ride
-XoX
#DeathFantasies

 

June 5 & June 9 – May 28 – May 27 – May 24 he announces his SoundCloud rap song:

 

XoXNicky – Overcame it all

 

This rap is about how he OVERCAME NOT HAVING ME ANY MORE {I was absent from the scene & he wasn’t man enough to contact me until it was TOO LATE. But he suffered like a dog, his songs say so, my dreams vividly portray it. Instead of doing the right thing – calling me & speaking to me sanely, he mollified himself with MORE DRUGS – which finally killed him. The reason I know this is about me is because after I messaged him on FB through a friend, he said something like, ‘Now she contacts me, after I overcame it all, she should have made her moves sooner, now its too late’ – words approximate. He said this in a post as well as in his songs.}

 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

Dec 18, 2021   He says:

“A psychic said I’d die at 28 in three hours we will cheers to 29 ”

 

ME: The psychic was not far off, it was 6 months later, Aug 14, 2022, he died.

I told him dozens of times he was on the road to an early death due to drugs. Every person who channeled for me agreed with me – half a dozen people. This would have been averted had he quit drugs. But he was too comfortable with his enabler & all their ‘friends.’

The demons had possessed him. I knew about July 2022, had the strong feeling ‘It’s over. This time was mystically relevant because we met in July & every July – my birthday, by chance or fate, we’d always have a tryst. This ended after 2019. Why? Because it was time for him to stand up to the plate & hit the ball – but he was too slow. Our relationship is over, it’s done. Nothing can be fixed any more.’ It wasn’t just our relationship, his LIFE depended on it – if he did not come to me he was doomed by drugs, & he wasn’t moving toward me although we reconciled, & then it happened.

 

OK I am worn out from going through hundreds of his FB pages. Now it flipped back to the front & it’ll take 10 minutes to scroll back down, so I’m not going to do it, I have work to do.

Suffice to say that in the last times after he wasn’t seeing me any more, he spoke about the devil & Satan & death a lot. He said, if you’re not happy it’s because you don’t have a soul.’ He said ‘When you sold your soul to the devil he’s going to come for you.’ ‘It’s payback time’ – all these are from many doom & gloom statements.

He knew he was on the broad highway to hell & that highway was ‘Demon drugs.’ I was the one & only person who stood on that highway with the sign ‘STOP’ but he went around me. However, I did save his Soul possibly from Hell or a terrible Purgatory. It showed it in the dreams. His Purgatory was only 10 days because of me & he’s united to God through my Soul for all eternity. He’s happy now but the earth equation didn’t work. I am also reasonably happy as I got over the earthly angst, released him from my flesh, surrendered it to God, & was made free. And so, there wasn’t any notable grief for me at his ‘parting’ because I had already disentangled my ‘flesh’ in favor of ‘spirit – we never parted spiritually.

 

Here are the words to ‘Cocaine & Broken Bottles’ which is directly about him waiting for me outside my apt, longing for me, & being sorry we weren’t together – fearing he’d never have me again. This was posted April 7, 2019 when we hadn’t seen each other about 5 months. He would wait outside my apt by my 2nd floor window to see if I was there – but I rarely was, so according to this, he was standing in the rain & experienced in this song all the miseries of us being apart.:

Below, he performs, the only time he did so after age 17, rapping our song, his repentence, at a small gathering – because of this song we were mystically married – I accepted his proposal to TAKE HIS HEART

 

NOV 16 19 COC N BROKE BOT APR 20 NOV 30 19 SONG 4 ME 

“Wash away my pain

I’m standing in the rain

Waiting for you

Don’t know why

‘Cause some things never change

I have made mistakes

Here’s my heart to take

Not much left ‘cause all it’s ever done is break

Hate to watch you go

 

You left me on my own

Alone & broken homes

I swear it’s all I know

It’s hard to be me

Especially on TV

 

Will never see the same

You of all these chains

I’m feeling like a slave

Day by day by day

Soon as night fall hits

It’s alcohol & cocaine

It’s the life I chose

It can’t be how it goes

Cameras all in my face

Make it go away

 

Wash away my pain

I’m standing in the rain

I’m used to bein’ free

But free I’ll never be

I understand that now

Alone amongst the crowd

Take a look in my face

Tell me what do you see

Little miserable me

Is all I’ll ever be

Shackles all on my feet

Using the same seat

Wish I could be you

 

And you could be me

‘Cause DEATH IS CALLIN’ MY NAME

No longer winnin’ these games

Wish I was the same

You took all that I gave

Wash away my pain

I’m standin’ in the rain

 

          He also posted this on Face book on May 7, 2019 {I left the grammar as he wrote it}:

 

“It’s very rare a person sells their soul for riches if you can’t find happiness it because your soulless you sold your soul for something so cheap like a party lifestyle or community popularity and you got it now the devils here to collect and you don’t even realize it”

 

We were spiritually married {a sacrament} on Sunday, April 21, 2019 because of his repentance & my continued love for him, forgiveness &

acceptance. It’s like he said ‘I’m sorry” & I said, “I accept you – you said take your heart, OK, I receive it. You said you wish I was you & you were me, OK, here we are as ONE” – as shown in this song {Cocaine & broken Bottles} as well as other posts, such as the one I copy here. There were several posts speaking of the demons haunting him & selling one’s soul to the devil. He ‘sold his soul’ for the party lifestyle, which means drugs & all that it entails – including all the people of the drug mentality. He rejected the opposite – the Godly lifestyle, going into rehab & being with me. He wanted me as his secret lover, to get all that Godly love – in secret. But I knew, once & for all, I could no longer stand being second fiddle, his ‘partner’ being feted in public, going to events together, having dozens of images together. I went nowhere with him, he would not be seen in public with me, he did not permit any images of us together, & he never gave me his phone number, nor told me where he lived. {I did find out some of these items anyway, by my own spying.}

To say this was a somewhat ‘dysfunctional’ relationship would be an understatement. He thought he got what he wanted; an infantile solution to his dilemma, but it brought me great misery. I could not stand it any more at one point. But for the time being, we got spiritually married – which is forever. {What God has joined together, let no man put asunder!}

 

Now let us understand the sacrament of marriage

According to the writings of the early Church Fathers sacrament signifies a sacred thing which lies concealed. The Greeks often expressed the same idea in their use of the word mysterion (Latin: sacramentum) or literally “mystery.” This meaning we have come to learn from St. Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians (1:9) where it is said: “That he might make known to us the mystery (sacramentum) of his will”; and to Timothy: “…great is the mystery (sacramentum) of godliness” (1 Tim. 3:16); and in the Book of Wisdom: “They knew not the secrets (sacramenta) of God” (Wis. 2:22-24). In these and many passages throughout scripture the word sacrament is perceived and signifies nothing more than a holy thing that lies concealed or hidden.

The Church Fathers, therefore, deemed the word sacrament an appropriate term to express the sensible signs that communicate grace in a tangible way. According to Pope St. Gregory the Great such a sign ought to be called a sacrament, because the divine power secretly carries out our salvation under the veil of sensible things.

There are 7 sacraments instituted by Jesus Christ, they are:

  • Baptism

  • Confirmation

  • Eucharist

  • Penance (reconciliation or confession)

  • Anointing of the Sick

  • Holy Orders

  • Matrimony

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Please understand as I said, he was leading two lives. At some point, after our mystical marriage, I decided to put

my foot down & demand that he make me #1, or at least, I would wait for him to chase me instead of me chasing him. It’s always better to be chased than to chase, you have the advantage.

But this was a new game that he wasn’t ready for – at least with me. He was spoiled. He thought it had been that way & it would continue. But I had gotten stronger, I got over the addiction to him. It was not easy, as hard as rocks, but I did it with the help of God’s grace.

But he did not have the strength to do as he must. He waited & waited for me to contact him, waited & waited. One year, two, then it went into three years. We were both used to absences of months, but this was extreme. And he was going through emotional Hell, I saw it in my dreams. I feared he would take his own life.

At that point, I contacted him through a friend. I was not on Face book, but I had a message sent. Because of that message – he didn’t see it right away, he called me on June 2, 2022 – as God predicted he would, months before.

OK, so we talked over one hour. I would not let him back into my life as it was before, I made demands. He’d have to consider.

But after a month I sensed he could not come up to the plate, it was over – Finished, caput.

And how right I was. He apparently lost the will to live. I sensed it. And on August 14, 2022, he died of some kind of over dose. I don’t know the details. I do know his female partner was with him. It’s all I know. His two lives were over, the façade & the secret one. But his spiritual life had begun. He immediately got closer to myself & God

& we’ve been communicating ever since. Yes, it’s a tragedy of sorts, but one that has a happy spiritual ending, like Jesus & his Cross. Yes, He died, but He lives. So with Nick.

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Agatha Christie Channeled

 

Chapter 2 Channeling Agatha Christie

written 11-28-22

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          ‘Been watching all the main crime movies on You tube, starting with Sherlock Holmes with Basil Rathbone & Nigel Bruce {my fave}, then Jeremy Brett – saw all there is. Then moved to Poirot, saw every one of the 71 episodes including the traumatic {for me} last one & a few items on Miss Marple {don’t like it} & Insp. Dalgliesh.

          I have a chapter in my head about the psychology of these works, saving it for later. Right now it interests me to channel Mrs. Christie, after reading this account of her on Wikipedia:

Dame Agatha Mary Clarissa Christie, Lady MallowanDBE (née Miller; 15 September 1890 – 12 January 1976) was an English writer known for her 66 detective novels and 14 short story collections, particularly those revolving around fictional detectives Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple. She also wrote the world’s longest-running play, the murder mystery The Mousetrap, which has been performed in the West End since 1952. A writer during the “Golden Age of Detective Fiction“, Christie has been called the “Queen of Crime”. She also wrote six novels under the pseudonym Mary Westmacott. In 1971, she was made a Dame (DBE) by Queen Elizabeth II for her contributions to literature. Guinness World Records lists Christie as the best-selling fiction writer of all time, her novels having sold more than two billion copies.

 

Christie was born into a wealthy upper middle class family in Torquay, Devon, and was largely home-schooled. She was initially an unsuccessful writer with six consecutive rejections, but this changed in 1920 when The Mysterious Affair at Styles, featuring detective Hercule Poirot, was published. Her first husband was Archibald Christie; they married in 1914 and had one child before divorcing in 1928. Following the breakdown of her marriage in 1926 she made international headlines by going missing for eleven days. During both World Wars, she served in hospital dispensaries, acquiring a thorough knowledge of the poisons that featured in many of her novels, short stories, and plays. Following her marriage to archaeologist Max Mallowan in 1930, she spent several months each year on digs in the Middle East and used her first-hand knowledge of this profession in her fiction.

 

According to UNESCO‘s Index Translationum, she remains the most-translated individual author.[1] Her novel And Then There Were None is one of the top-selling books of all time, with approximately 100 million copies sold. Christie’s stage play The Mousetrap holds the world record for the longest initial run. It opened at the Ambassadors Theatre in the West End on 25 November 1952, and by September 2018 there had been more than 27,500 performances. The play was temporarily closed in March 2020 because of COVID-19 lockdowns in London before it reopened in May 2021.

In 1955, Christie was the first recipient of the Mystery Writers of America‘s Grand Master Award. Later that year, Witness for the Prosecution received an Edgar Award for best play. In 2013, she was voted the best crime writer and The Murder of Roger Ackroyd the best crime novel ever by 600 professional novelists of the Crime Writers’ Association. In September 2015, And Then There Were None was named the “World’s Favourite Christie” in a vote sponsored by the author’s estate.[2] Many of Christie’s books and short stories have been adapted for television, radio, video games, and graphic novels. More than 30 feature films are based on her work. {end Wikipedia portion}

          This is but a small fraction of what is written there about her – the rest I find interesting so please avail yourselves of it.

          My speaking to the mind of Agatha Christie, channeling her. It does not mean she is actually ‘talking’ to me – it means, as I have explained before, that I’m READING her mind. So here goes.

 

          ME: I surmise, Ms Christie, that you were born with the talents which you portray in your writings, which are, to figure out amazing plots using the psychology of characters in a setting, & the ability to sit down & year after year, keep writing it all down. You were gifted, it was inborn to be sure as no one could develop such savant abilities by human effort, no more than Mozart could have taught himself to be who he was. Am I correct so far?

 

          AC: {Agatha Christie} Of course you are.   

 

ME: OK then. I would like to ask you to start off, how {if I may} do my abilities compare to yours? What is

 

inborn in my nature that gave me the abilities to live what I lived & write what I wrote? In what way am I an equivalent to you? Not saying I’m your equal, as I am spiritual but do not claim equality with Jesus Christ, just asking what are the similarities or equivalencies.

 

          AG: This is an interesting question of psychology.

          I was born with the abilities as you described. You are a different sort of person like so:

          You are a saint {Rasa blushes} & a woman of God whose life revolves around God & how to understand the ways of God, to follow Her, – you taught yourself & now teach others how to find Union with this Divine Person.

          People will forever fail to understand you because they simply aren’t on that level. They see things in worldly ways & spirituality is absent to their minds, so they see you in worldly terms. But you are not worldly, you are spiritual.

          In every facet of your life, included in all the activities you undertook, you sought the meaning of these ventures in the precincts of God. What was sin, what was not, in following your instincts? What regular interpretations on sin did you accept, what did you reject? That took some head work.

Now let’s center on your life story.

Here are the highlights or events that stand out, the things you’ll be remembered for:

 

1        Your juxtaposition of religion/spirituality & sex

2        Your openness regarding your sex life with accounts & pictures of men

3        The abuse you endured & rose above

4        Your physical beauty

5        The ability to write it all down

6        Your activities – the variety of them – being unusual

7        All the men you encountered & talk about

 

The word that would best describe how people see you historically would be that you’re an anachronism.

You appear in this world with a mind set, beliefs & behavior that smacks of another time – whether past or future, but it does not coincide with the world you were born into.

 

ME: That’s a new one on me, no person I channeled ever said that & I do find it challenging to understand & get used to, but it does open a new way of thought.

I shall again ask you what do you see in my future?

AC: I see huge amounts of financial gain, so much money you won’t know what to do with it.

ME: Everyone says that, like it’s usually the first thing that comes out of the minds of those I channel. But no one is telling me exactly or specifically what does it come from. I imagine, & they usually concur, from the books, movies & TV that will emerge out of the Life.

AC: Of course. What else could it be? Yes, you will have money from the gas & or oil under your land, but this other project will be more. 

Below, Agatha Christie as a young lady – After, historical photos 

Agatha_Christie_as_a_young_woman Antoine Claudet stilleven 1855 Atget Resized Kitchenware Abbott 1910 Writing child Japan RESIZED Chercheuses des Cigarettes Egypt RESIZED Sulina Romania resized Canton3 resized gumprint 1901 Otto Scharf Clementine Maude 1864 Hawarden voor blog

Part 9   Contents

        Part 9 is a potpourri of events exciting, challenging, bizarre & macabre, peppered with nude & erotic images of Rasa’s male models & young husband, not to be outdone by Rasa’s nude & glamour pics. Starts with cooking dinner for Dr. Robert Atkins, young husband dies of an overdose & voices regrets, the hard but righteous path that I chose,, world’s greatest lover Miklos Hargitay, Wisdom of the Cross, Charles Keating visits me, Robert Culp & Bill Cosby, Cougering & the wicked ways of young men, the Fuck & Rob Bandits, My neighbors who killed their parents, Strange eggs in my nest – the Rotten Reverend & magician who refuses to vanish, Channel Queen Victoria on mindset of the rich, Ron Van Clief & Jim Brown, Mr. Universe/Mr America lovers & friends – Vern Weaver, Harold Poole, Franco Columbu, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dennis Tinerino, Boyer Coe, Chris Dickerson & Reg Lewis, Prophecies of the future of this Life Story, Pics of me with celebrities – Congresswoman Bella Abzug, Tom Selleck, New York Mayor Abraham Beame, New York Governor Mario Cuomo

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ME: Oh yes, in the first item of what I will be remembered for you mention religion/spirituality, but few people pay attention to this. I wrote most of my books on this subject during my early book creations, on the Beatific Vision, Souls in Purgatory, the Divine Stigmata, Yoga & Christianity & have written many articles on my spiritual experiences. How will this figure in the public’s perception of me in the future, especially, when I’m gone?

 

AG: It will be a bone of contention. It will be the never-ending dichotomy referred to, some saying you could not be that saintly creature here expressed, others saying you can. It’s like when you Stripped for God, the controversy never ended & will not end. Indeed, your teaching or position on this matter is wholly different than that of society & of course you are right, Patriarchy is wrong. Sex is not sinful, evil or dirty. It can be Sacred when Love is in it – that is what you profess. But it has been so mutilated by this society that few people think of sex in an innocent or even Holy manner, they haven’t risen to that level yet – that sort of idea is long in the future, hundreds of years.

Until society catches up to that idea, this part of your life will not be understood, but argued about. And this controversy will serve to make your story more interesting, as it isn’t like everyone else, it’s weird to some, your life makes new statements that haven’t been made before. A woman in the adult trade also being a bona fide minister of God, a saint, a martyr, an example of virtue – all this is without example prior to you. Usually saints were against

 hedonism, having fun, doing sex – certainly no saint we know of was a Cougar, lol. Saints gave up all these things for the love of God. You did give up some of this for many years – but during that time you produced x rated videos for making money. You did not have sex but the videos catered to the sex desires of men – their fetishes. And then after 31 years you were told by your inner God to go out, drink & have fun, quit your celibacy. This will cause great controversy when it is brought into the open. You’ve seen how people react when you talk to them in bars – Outrage. “God will never tell you to have sex!”

          And here is an important element where you & I are totally different in our lives & in our writings. In my writing, the focus of my life – I am there to ENTERTAIN. Even though you were a professional entertainer, your life is not about that. And your writings are not created to entertain but to TEACH.

          In explaining your life you are trying to explain what you learned, what is the path of righteousness, what is the path to Hell.

          I did not by any means try to teach people to find God, although my hero Poirot & other I created, indeed, were on the side of justice & Truth. You saw how in the last case of Poirot he became a murderer. This upset you terribly. You had a glowing saintly image of him, & for him to kill someone went against your nature, & you were hurt. But I told you then it was entertainment – that I wanted to give him a dramatic sendoff, & this was a good way for him to go – murdering a man who would in future cause others murdered. It was righteous, but then again, Jesus would not have done it personally.

{But it is recorded that all sorts of terrible things happened to his persecutors after the Cross, the Temple curtain was torn from the top to bottom, the dead walked the streets, the high Priest went crazy & Herod got a terrible illness of parasites crawling out of his anus.}

But I convinced you my writing was more for entertainment than teaching religion & spirituality the way you do.

 

          ME: Yes, that last episode soured me on all the 70 stories I had seen before. I saw Poirot with rose colored glasses before, now the glasses came off. I was disappointed. I took it too seriously you told me, it was entertainment. I could imagine a different response to this case. Like for instance, Poirot would teach that God’s karma would get this man, & we see in some way God causes a righteous accident to happen to him rather than Poirot actually putting a bullet through his forehead. It seemed inconceivable for Poirot to do this.

          AC: But there is the difference between us. None of my characters ever taught karma. You teach karma in some cases, like with your brother who was cruel to you, you show how bad luck dogged him in his life & in the end he died a failure, but strangely, in his school days he was voted ‘Most Likely to Succeed.’

 

          ME: Alright, you have taught me a lot about both of us, Ms Christie, & I am grateful. Is there anything else you can tell me about my future while we’re at it?

          AC: You will have all your dreams come true. All the things you wished for will happen before you die, you’ll be very happy.

                   ME: What dreams are you referring to? Right now my mind is on the Sisterhood & all that goes with it, like an Order, a Convent of sorts, a Society for women to give them Spiritual Inspiration, emotional & physical security, an education. Like the University of Mother God College campus where only women are allowed with safe space on the campus as well as the Temple to Mother God. This is a dream but I don’t know if I’ll have the ability to pull it off before I die, even the beginnings. Is there any hope for that? Or any other dreams you see fulfilled?

           AC: It’s too difficult to conceive it all right now. Maybe with the great amount of money you’ll have you could purchase a property that in future will be the beginning of the College with Temple. Women would be greatly attracted to a super-fancy mansion of this type, something to feast their imagination on, living there. And so when you die, it goes to the Sisterhood. A vestigial beginning but with a lot of ideas you present to their heads when they look at your life.

         This will gel into your mind later, let is go for now, it will appear to your mind as time goes by.

          ME: Thank you Agatha Christie, I will channel you again in the future.

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Why Sex & Have Fun?

 

 

Chapter 1 Channel Ramana Maharshi

on why the push to ‘have fun’ – which wasn’t   written 11-25-22

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          I have been puzzled for years, wondering why God ‘forced’ me to quit celibacy & go out & have ‘fun’ – which wasn’t, in the end, but turned out to be as one might suspect, ‘The Other Place.’ 

Just published yesterday!

 

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          Many folks & saints have spoken to me with different answers, the best one by William Bond, who said maybe I was sent not for myself but for others.

          Recently I channeled Ramana Maharshi, one of my Gurus, the last one in fact, who brought me to nonduality in early 2007. That was a big change in my life. And strangely enough, when I did this stint at the bequest of God, I lost the consciousness of nonduality, as Ramana told me later in the game, I’d have to ‘give up’ Nick {spiritual husband} if I wanted to regain the state. When he said it I was still ‘obsessed’ with Nick {2019} & thought it impossible to do so, but eventually I managed, & what a relief.

Ramana gave me the answers which finally quieted my heart, & I shall reproduce the conversation now, asking him anew; he laid to rest my qualms as to why God would do such a thing to me when it was so painful. Here goes:

          ME: Ramana, I am asking again – Here I was in a state of relative peace, my sex drive quieted down, my mind clear as a bell & I have entered the sublime state of nonduality. And now God speaks to me, saying,

          “I want you to quit the celibacy, go out & have fun…….if you do not do this, you will be outside the will of God.”

          Now all is said & done, I did my bit, I cougered, drank, had fun & raised Cain. I was naughty – not nice, did all sorts of crazy, embarrassing & silly things – even put myself in danger from these young men. And I suffered like a dog on a chain when I fell in love & I went to Hell & back. This was fun? And God knew all this would happen, that it would be my

fate to suffer such behavior & I’d make a fool of myself. God knew everything I would experience & then why did God make me do it?

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After all, I was, like I said, in a state of relative peace. It wasn’t Nirvana but in the vicinity & God takes me from peace to chaos & anxiety. And this fails my spiritual logic, as all the masters teach to stay in a place of celibacy & contemplation is the highest arena, to be a missionary is second to that – but this was neither one or the other, it was lowering myself to the shallows & wastes of human sense.

I have thought & thought & questioned & channeled, without getting a satisfactory answer. There have been many good ideas, but nothing absolute & I sense you will show me the facts.

          RAM: Yes I will. The best way to explain this to you is two examples, one of Jesus, then of yourself.

          First, is it not taught that Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth, lowered himself, to reach humanity to save them from their sins? And he suffered & eventually died or passed out on the Cross, & people believed in him, & a whole new huge religion was formed, & untold billions have believed & been saved by Faith & trust in Jesus.

          Now he could have stayed in Heaven & continued to enjoy its benefits, but He chose to return to earth to help us.

          You also claim to be an Avatar, & you said that you were in heaven, & elected coming back to earth for Female Empowerment. You could have stayed where you were & enjoyed the Bliss, but you returned to earth & suffered & you have helped women & will do more.

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          And what about the saints who all do good works, missionaries, self-sacrificers? Many of them choose to go into the world, the streets, wherever people are – to save those in need be it physical or spiritual succor. The saints always suffer because people of the earth are not evolved, & those who are un-saintly hurt others, so the bad hurt the good, even when you try to help them.

          So there are your examples of why the saints or Avatars or good souls lower themselves from heaven, or a contemplative peaceful state on earth, to walk the streets, to seek under bridges, alleys & ghettoes, the poor & obscure who are crying out for salvation, & understand this was a call to you to not really ‘have fun’ but to go out there & do something for humanity in the GUISE or FAÇADE of ‘having fun.’

          ME: But God did not explain this to me. Why not? Why was God cagey, as She has been in the past – for instance, when She tricked me into marrying Richard Von Werder when I had resisted him for many years. And

here God explained nothing, just said to quit celibacy, have sex, go drink, have fun. And She left it at that. I was totally confused & uncertain, but I obeyed. It wasn’t easy. And of course people misunderstood & accused me of just wanting to whoop it up & be a hedonist & sex maniac, lol.

          Here’s the rub, – I don’t have to tell you – you & all enlightened people know. When one gets involved with the earth, one’s consciousness sinks down to a lower level & one feels all the emotions which give one anxiety. It’s desires – they form. One has to look good, that becomes a focus. One has to act right to be successful in the dating game. One has to take chances. There is fear of being rejected & the fear is well founded – rejection abounds. Then there’s jealousy, ugly jealousy that one feels constantly in many situations. It brings back all the animal emotions & sinful thoughts & ideas like hate &anger. Even if one doesn’t give into these emotions strongly, one feels them & they’re ugly. It’s suffering, isn’t it?

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          And what is the purpose of all this?

          OK the saints leave their contemplation to go out into the streets – where angels fear to tread, or as I said when I stripped, ‘We go where Priests & nuns fear to tread.’

          But I was not a missionary. I did not go with a bible or tracts & stand on the street & give out literature at that time {though I had done that before} but I sat at the bars & drank alcohol & picked men up or had them pick me up & went & made love. That’s not the behavior of any saint I know, lol. Not the ones in the books.

          And so if this is what God wanted, why didn’t She send me out as a missionary? I had once done that before, around 2001, for 3 months up & down the streets with a megaphone preaching. But this was different.

          RAM: If God had sent you as a missionary like before, it would have been a different message. Here God actually wanted you to be a COUGAR – the message was like so,

          “Old woman, get out of your rocking chair. Put aside the knitting & the gardening tools & go out & find a young man & have fun with him. He needs you, you need him. Dispel the myth that old women are over the hill, unattractive for sex. They are viable, alive, they deserve to ‘have fun’ in the earthly sense.

          This ability for old women to have fun has been forbidden, denied them for thousands of years. They have been repressed, shut down & shut up. Loosen old women up, give them confidence, let them give up the myths about being finished, needing to go out to pasture. Let them cut loose.”

Don’t you see that was your missionary message? It wasn’t to repent of sin, this is a different message, it was to repent of repression. Repent of Patriarchy, repent of the double standard. Repent of fear of society.

          And so, as with your other projects, you empowered women. Can you see that now?

          ME: Yes, I see it more clearly. Strange, but I wrote & published two books on it – “Old Woman – Young Man, Why They Belong Together” Parts I & II, & yet, somehow I didn’t connect the dots.

          Now when you say it, I see it more clearly, that that is why I had to go out & drink & literally have sex again.

          I have always shown the world – often women – not only by words but example. I did not just preach to lift weights, I actually did it. Had I merely preached women should lift weights, what would have been the outcome? Who would have listened? It would have still behooved some female to go out there & demonstrate weight lifting, but I was the one that had to do it. I mean mainstream work – Esquire, Playboy, national TV shows. It had to be demonstrated. {Yes some women did it before me but it had not hit the national mainstream level.}

And this is the same token, one has to go out & do the thing one believes in, set an example. OK, I get it now.

          So tell me, did it work? I did it & it made a mark in my college town, but I have not got the national publicity I used to get. And so the time has not yet fully come, I gather, for the fruition of this mission. Will it come out in some mainstream way with my life story, is that what is coming?

          RAM: You have sown the seeds, they will grow. Don’t worry about it. It will indeed be a big part of your life story, as important as anything else you have done. And it will continue to grow & thrive long after you have gone, left the earth. These are seeds that will grow into groves of Oak Trees, big forests, major manifestations. You have left a great example & it isn’t just words, you have proof in your pictures. That’s why God had you not only to do what you did at the bars, but become a photographer so you have documented PROOF of your escapades, as people know, you had intimacy with many of your models, so as pictures say a thousand words, now people will see & believe what you did – lol.

          ME: It all makes sense, falls together. Thank you Ramana Maharshi!

          What about now & the future? Is it finished? Am I to do what now? Does it matter? I can be celibate or I can have sex, it’s all the same to me.

 

My sex drive does not compel me any more, I have reverted to how I felt when I was celibate, I am free.

          RAM: Like you say, you are free. Whatever you do is alright. You have beaten sex in that you overcame it. You plunged into the morass & then you got out. Wow, was it hard when you fell in love. But you succeeded. It was a great project, congratulations.

          ME: Thanks Ramana. You are a great Guru. {end Chapter 1}

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College of God & Love, College of Matriarchal Love, Core Tenets, Uncategorized

Purgatory & Death of Lover

 

Souls in Purgatory calling me –

2nd Two dreams re Lover & his death  11-18-22 

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I’ve not been paying attention to Holy Souls for weeks, having been discouraged because none of them appeared & none ascended. So I just stopped saying the Holy Mass. When I had these dreams I was baffled since I had forgotten about the Souls, but when I remembered them suddenly, I knew they were calling to me.

 

The first dream bothered me a lot. There was an old lady who brought children or the case of her children, to someone who had the ability to help – like a Welfare facility. Don’t know what happened, but she goes back home to an awful hovel. I had NO IDEA how poor she was – she has NOTHING.

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*** {OLD LADY SEEKING HELP FOR 2 INFANTS – VERY POOR: This is a person seeking help for 2 clients, often seen as ‘children.’ She cannot help them because she’s probably in Heaven – it’s not their prerogative to minister to Souls – it is ours. She probably came to me, but I wasn’t saying the Holy Mass, so she got nothing from me for them.

The poverty of these people is so pitiful – the dirtiness of the rugs the kids are wrapped in is the state of their Souls, which must be CLEANSED.

BLANKETS are like MANTLES. Holy souls or the Anointed have mantles of LIGHT. But those in a Purgatorial state have mantles of dirtiness – is surrounds them like being wrapped in a blanket, it obscures their vision of God & happiness.} ***

 

Her house doesn’t even have walls, it’s like an open area with a wall behind her & a stack of dirty rugs or blankets in front of her. She unravels one blanket – it’s red, then another & another, each one as dirty as can be. She has no clean blankets, she cannot afford to get them washed – not even the money for that – she has nothing.

 

*** {HAS NOTHING – CANNOT EVEN PAY TO WASH THE BLANKETS: The petitioner needs GRACE for these clients, it is Grace which does the cleansing. She cannot give it if she herself is either in Purgatory or Heaven.} ***

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After unraveling all the rugs I see an infant, then another infant. One of them has a wound. She needs someone to take them, to take care of them – adopt them. The place where she went for help it seems didn’t help & they had no idea how poor she was & the condition of her children.

 

I see a man from Australia – so I am told – sort of hovering by these blankets, & he takes one of the children. We were concerned he’d take the right one – don’t know what that means. But one child was saved.

 

*** {MAN FROM AUSTRALIA TAKES ONE OF THE CHILDREN: This is someone who has taken on ministering to one f the clients. Not sure what he does. Could be anything that gains Grace – the Holy Mass, prayers, sufferings, charity, or sacrifices.} ***

 

After that I see other situations of people with children in blankets, not as poor as this lady, the blankets are clean, but all needy people looking for help with their children.

 

In the second dream, I’m being led by a man who has rented an apt for part time, when we are working in this area – this is not clear what we’re doing. It has to be a decent place but not too expensive for some reason, I guess we aren’t rich.

 

I have in tow a little dog, some kind of a bulldog type, maybe a pug, by a leash.

 

The man leads me – I don’t know who he is, how he looks, just that he has something to do with me. We come to an alley & the door to the place I somewhat hidden, like in a narrow area between the huge wall it’s on & some kind of wall or partition in front of the door.

 

He unlocks the door & we go in to inspect.

 

*** {MAN LEADING ME, UNLOCKS DOOR, A RATHER HIDDEN PLACE: Without a doubt, this is someone in Heaven connecting me with the Soul. It is extremely difficult for a human, by themselves, to make a connection with a Soul in Purgatory – they are often led by a Celestial – it’s happened to me many times. Sometimes the ‘person’ is an Angel – could be the Guardian Angel of the person needing help.} ***

 

It’s the plainest apt imaginable, where a poor person would live. The furniture is modern & bare-bones type. We enter the living room first. There isn’t any color, it’s drab, but yet, I am satisfied. There is a couch on the left—off white, & another place to sit – not sure if it’s a day bed or sofa, also a plain color but darker, in front of me.

 

Both items have pillow cases left by the last tenant – I think it was an older man – fitted over the couch & the sofa on some part, plus one yellow pillow case. I exclaim to my friend that these 1st 2 pillow cases are exactly like the ones I have, an exquisite pattern of a floral design, pink, burgundy, fancy design with black trim on top. So this is a sign I’m supposed to be here.

 

*** {POOR APT: This seems to be a place inhabited by a Soul who has passed on. His pillow cases just like mine shows some connection to me, but I don’t know what. He might have been someone I know or someone who knows of me.

Come to think of it, my good friend Jack I think has died. It might be him. But I already had a dream about him which I didn’t write down, which seemed like he was in Heaven already. He was a stellar human being.

The LITLE DOG is an ALERT like a sentinel. Dogs bark to alert us of something. So I am being alerted.} ***

 

Next I go to examine other rooms to the left. Surprised to see a bathroom with only a toilet – the man tells me it doesn’t work. Next to it is another bathroom with toilet, sink & I guess tub, which is in proper order. But I exclaim,

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“Two baths next to each other!”

But the man says,

“I told you, the first one doesn’t work.”

I was thinking of going past here to see any other rooms – where is the kitchen? But the dream ends, I do not see the rest of the place or a kitchen, maybe it has no kitchen, which would be pretty bad.

 

*** {LIVING ROOM, PLAIN, & BATHROOM – NO BEDROOMS & NO KITCHEN THAT I CAN SEE: The main message here is no kitchen, no nourishment for this Soul. If I was saying the Holy Mass, you might see a kitchen, a table, food or drink for the Soul. A bedroom, which I didn’t even think of during the dream, would show REST as REST IN PEACE, but this Soul is not there yet.

I must immediately say a Holy Mass.} *

 

Dreams re Lover Nick

 

11-18-22              Men Trying to Reach Me, One will drown

 

I was walking fast down a big open space like a square, brightly open to the sky, when I knocked into a male in a cream-colored suit & all light clothing going the opposite way. I thought it was just a random accident, but after I excused myself & thought I was free, he is following me – something I don’t want.

 

          I try to get away from him but then a second man appears & it seems a serious imposition, & I am having trouble getting away, so I rise into the air, but the man in the suit seems to touch my feet slightly & I must rise higher & higher – which is a strain at times.

 

          *** {TALL MAN IN CREAM COLORED SUIT: We COLLIDE & then I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM HIM. This is Nick as my HUSBAND, who I cannot get away from after we meet. I want to but I can’t get over the obsession – it’s love but of the earth, & I’m having trouble getting back to my intimacy with God.

When I rise into the air I’m beginning to ascend into my Spiritual Space again, but not totally – he can touch my feet, so I am STILL IN BONDAGE TO HIM & MY FLESH AS I struggle to rise higher into the Light.} ***

 

          The other man is short while this man is tall, he’s in soft multi colors.

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*** {THE SECOND MAN, SHORT, COVERED IN CLOTHING SIMILAR TO THE APPEARANCE OCEAN WE WILL ENCOUNTER – This is the SHORT TIME AFTER I got over Nick, but HE DID NOT GET OVER ME, that is, HIS OBSESSION CONTINUED.

What he did not realize was that TRYING TO BE WITH ME, he could nor rise into the Spirit as I had risen, he was too much OF THE EARTH. The ocean I fly over is the world, the flesh, & he is covered with the world & flesh {his clothing}, he can’t ascend.

          And so, after we reconciled June 2nd, 2022, he was following me in his mad love but he could not ‘go up’ & staying in his earth mentality or consciousness, he died. He could only LEAVE HIS BODY OR FLESH to be with me, & THAT HE DID.} ***

 

          Then something happens that liberates me – the ocean is right ahead of us. If I rise into the air as I am, & fly over the ocean, in order to follow me they must go into the water. The suit man does not, but the shorter one does, & he follows me as I fly farther & farther over the ocean, & so he’s getting into deeper & deeper waters. He is SO OBSESSED with this he might not pay attention to the fact that HE WILL DIE as he goes into water above his head – & he is headed to that. At some point unless he can swim like a fish, he’s doomed.

 

          The surface of the ocean looks like a picture of a world globe, all in soft colors & lights with the moon shining over it. His outfit also has like colors.

 

2nd dream: The glass full of golden liquid & I am tempted to be jealous.

          I was with my lover before this first scene; I see we were deeply intimate, reconciled.

 

*** {INTIMATE, RECONCILED: This is when Nick called me & showed me he wanted to be together – a big event as it was only the 2nd time in eleven years he ever called me. And he wanted to see me, but I told him under what conditions, that he leave his fake wife & go into rehab, that he was not able to meet.} ***

 

          But now I’m going into a brightly-lit kitchen, which is in front of me & he in the doorway. The kitchen is shaped like a railroad car – about 8’ by 15’.

          The lover stands in the doorway, I must squeeze past him where I see a glass sort of hovering in the air like it is there for me to take, in front of me, & also in front of him.

 

*** {GLASS FILLED WITH GOLDEN LIQUID: This is the ELIXIR OF LOVE. One can give this love & receive it with whomever they wish. He did not do as I asked, but he stayed with Ruth Anne, so he is giving my ‘sister’ the love that should be mine.

          This was me waiting for him to do something after the phone call June 2nd, as was predicted months before. But he never did anything & killed himself of a drug over dose on Aug 14, 2022.

Why must I SQEEZE PAST HIM? Means he is BLOCKING YOUR WAY to access the LOVE POTION or reception of his love.

But another telling symbol is the KITCHEN shaped like a RAILROAD CAR. RAILROADING is forcing someone to do something, pushing them. A railroad is FORCEFUL & nothing can stand before it without being mowed down. This is your ULTIMATUM or terms by which you would see Nick – leave Ruth Anne & go into rehab. So in the dream, he instead offers Ruth Anne his SWAN SONG or his last ingestion of drugs, which kills him.} ***

 

          He’s singing & as he sings he offers this glass to my SISTER instead of me, & this disturbs me greatly because we were just together intimately & reconciled. And I knew then, since he ignored me, he did not even try to leave her.

 

          *** {HE’S SINGING – WHY? This is his SWAN SONG – not a good omen. Singing is not always happy, it is a portent of trauma or death. The only time it’s recorded Jesus sang is at his Last Supper. Also, you, Rasa, for months before your several heart attacks, began to sing, trying to form a band. But nothing took place. And thereafter, you were disabled from even dancing, so it was also your SWAN SONG. It’s also like a TOAST TO DEATH as if he’s saying to Ruth Ann

“I drink to you – a toast. My last drug intake, which will kill me. It’s because of you, so I take it in your honor, for my LOVE OF DRUGS.”} ***

 

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          As I stand over the sink I am upset, & tempted to explode in anger, but I resist. I explain to myself like so:

“This will backfire on her. I am hurting now but her turn is coming, she will suffer before the end of this day on account of him. Just remain silent & let fate unfold.”

 

*** {I SUFFERED, NOW IT WILL BE HER TURN, I MUST STIFLE MY ANGER, JUST LET FATE TAKE ITS COURSE: Her suffering she will feel now for a long time –his death, his absence. My suffering is past, hers began & will go on. She knows their druggie lifestyle that she enabled, has killed him. She will know that forever.

 

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