Chapter 1 Channel Ramana Maharshi

on why the push to ‘have fun’ – which wasn’t   written 11-25-22

 

          I have been puzzled for years, wondering why God ‘forced’ me to quit celibacy & go out & have ‘fun’ – which wasn’t, in the end, but turned out to be as one might suspect, ‘The Other Place.’ 

Just published yesterday!

 

 

          Many folks & saints have spoken to me with different answers, the best one by William Bond, who said maybe I was sent not for myself but for others.

          Recently I channeled Ramana Maharshi, one of my Gurus, the last one in fact, who brought me to nonduality in early 2007. That was a big change in my life. And strangely enough, when I did this stint at the bequest of God, I lost the consciousness of nonduality, as Ramana told me later in the game, I’d have to ‘give up’ Nick {spiritual husband} if I wanted to regain the state. When he said it I was still ‘obsessed’ with Nick {2019} & thought it impossible to do so, but eventually I managed, & what a relief.

Ramana gave me the answers which finally quieted my heart, & I shall reproduce the conversation now, asking him anew; he laid to rest my qualms as to why God would do such a thing to me when it was so painful. Here goes:

          ME: Ramana, I am asking again – Here I was in a state of relative peace, my sex drive quieted down, my mind clear as a bell & I have entered the sublime state of nonduality. And now God speaks to me, saying,

          “I want you to quit the celibacy, go out & have fun…….if you do not do this, you will be outside the will of God.”

          Now all is said & done, I did my bit, I cougered, drank, had fun & raised Cain. I was naughty – not nice, did all sorts of crazy, embarrassing & silly things – even put myself in danger from these young men. And I suffered like a dog on a chain when I fell in love & I went to Hell & back. This was fun? And God knew all this would happen, that it would be my

fate to suffer such behavior & I’d make a fool of myself. God knew everything I would experience & then why did God make me do it?

After all, I was, like I said, in a state of relative peace. It wasn’t Nirvana but in the vicinity & God takes me from peace to chaos & anxiety. And this fails my spiritual logic, as all the masters teach to stay in a place of celibacy & contemplation is the highest arena, to be a missionary is second to that – but this was neither one or the other, it was lowering myself to the shallows & wastes of human sense.

I have thought & thought & questioned & channeled, without getting a satisfactory answer. There have been many good ideas, but nothing absolute & I sense you will show me the facts.

          RAM: Yes I will. The best way to explain this to you is two examples, one of Jesus, then of yourself.

          First, is it not taught that Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth, lowered himself, to reach humanity to save them from their sins? And he suffered & eventually died or passed out on the Cross, & people believed in him, & a whole new huge religion was formed, & untold billions have believed & been saved by Faith & trust in Jesus.

          Now he could have stayed in Heaven & continued to enjoy its benefits, but He chose to return to earth to help us.

          You also claim to be an Avatar, & you said that you were in heaven, & elected coming back to earth for Female Empowerment. You could have stayed where you were & enjoyed the Bliss, but you returned to earth & suffered & you have helped women & will do more.

          And what about the saints who all do good works, missionaries, self-sacrificers? Many of them choose to go into the world, the streets, wherever people are – to save those in need be it physical or spiritual succor. The saints always suffer because people of the earth are not evolved, & those who are un-saintly hurt others, so the bad hurt the good, even when you try to help them.

          So there are your examples of why the saints or Avatars or good souls lower themselves from heaven, or a contemplative peaceful state on earth, to walk the streets, to seek under bridges, alleys & ghettoes, the poor & obscure who are crying out for salvation, & understand this was a call to you to not really ‘have fun’ but to go out there & do something for humanity in the GUISE or FAÇADE of ‘having fun.’

          ME: But God did not explain this to me. Why not? Why was God cagey, as She has been in the past – for instance, when She tricked me into marrying Richard Von Werder when I had resisted him for many years. And

here God explained nothing, just said to quit celibacy, have sex, go drink, have fun. And She left it at that. I was totally confused & uncertain, but I obeyed. It wasn’t easy. And of course people misunderstood & accused me of just wanting to whoop it up & be a hedonist & sex maniac, lol.

          Here’s the rub, – I don’t have to tell you – you & all enlightened people know. When one gets involved with the earth, one’s consciousness sinks down to a lower level & one feels all the emotions which give one anxiety. It’s desires – they form. One has to look good, that becomes a focus. One has to act right to be successful in the dating game. One has to take chances. There is fear of being rejected & the fear is well founded – rejection abounds. Then there’s jealousy, ugly jealousy that one feels constantly in many situations. It brings back all the animal emotions & sinful thoughts & ideas like hate &anger. Even if one doesn’t give into these emotions strongly, one feels them & they’re ugly. It’s suffering, isn’t it?

          And what is the purpose of all this?

          OK the saints leave their contemplation to go out into the streets – where angels fear to tread, or as I said when I stripped, ‘We go where Priests & nuns fear to tread.’

          But I was not a missionary. I did not go with a bible or tracts & stand on the street & give out literature at that time {though I had done that before} but I sat at the bars & drank alcohol & picked men up or had them pick me up & went & made love. That’s not the behavior of any saint I know, lol. Not the ones in the books.

          And so if this is what God wanted, why didn’t She send me out as a missionary? I had once done that before, around 2001, for 3 months up & down the streets with a megaphone preaching. But this was different.

          RAM: If God had sent you as a missionary like before, it would have been a different message. Here God actually wanted you to be a COUGAR – the message was like so,

          “Old woman, get out of your rocking chair. Put aside the knitting & the gardening tools & go out & find a young man & have fun with him. He needs you, you need him. Dispel the myth that old women are over the hill, unattractive for sex. They are viable, alive, they deserve to ‘have fun’ in the earthly sense.

          This ability for old women to have fun has been forbidden, denied them for thousands of years. They have been repressed, shut down & shut up. Loosen old women up, give them confidence, let them give up the myths about being finished, needing to go out to pasture. Let them cut loose.”

Don’t you see that was your missionary message? It wasn’t to repent of sin, this is a different message, it was to repent of repression. Repent of Patriarchy, repent of the double standard. Repent of fear of society.

          And so, as with your other projects, you empowered women. Can you see that now?

          ME: Yes, I see it more clearly. Strange, but I wrote & published two books on it – “Old Woman – Young Man, Why They Belong Together” Parts I & II, & yet, somehow I didn’t connect the dots.

          Now when you say it, I see it more clearly, that that is why I had to go out & drink & literally have sex again.

          I have always shown the world – often women – not only by words but example. I did not just preach to lift weights, I actually did it. Had I merely preached women should lift weights, what would have been the outcome? Who would have listened? It would have still behooved some female to go out there & demonstrate weight lifting, but I was the one that had to do it. I mean mainstream work – Esquire, Playboy, national TV shows. It had to be demonstrated. {Yes some women did it before me but it had not hit the national mainstream level.}

And this is the same token, one has to go out & do the thing one believes in, set an example. OK, I get it now.

          So tell me, did it work? I did it & it made a mark in my college town, but I have not got the national publicity I used to get. And so the time has not yet fully come, I gather, for the fruition of this mission. Will it come out in some mainstream way with my life story, is that what is coming?

          RAM: You have sown the seeds, they will grow. Don’t worry about it. It will indeed be a big part of your life story, as important as anything else you have done. And it will continue to grow & thrive long after you have gone, left the earth. These are seeds that will grow into groves of Oak Trees, big forests, major manifestations. You have left a great example & it isn’t just words, you have proof in your pictures. That’s why God had you not only to do what you did at the bars, but become a photographer so you have documented PROOF of your escapades, as people know, you had intimacy with many of your models, so as pictures say a thousand words, now people will see & believe what you did – lol.

          ME: It all makes sense, falls together. Thank you Ramana Maharshi!

          What about now & the future? Is it finished? Am I to do what now? Does it matter? I can be celibate or I can have sex, it’s all the same to me.

 

My sex drive does not compel me any more, I have reverted to how I felt when I was celibate, I am free.

          RAM: Like you say, you are free. Whatever you do is alright. You have beaten sex in that you overcame it. You plunged into the morass & then you got out. Wow, was it hard when you fell in love. But you succeeded. It was a great project, congratulations.

          ME: Thanks Ramana. You are a great Guru. {end Chapter 1}