By Rasa Von Werder, January 22nd, 2021






When I think back to Rev. Judy & my time with her it seems so funny – some parts of Monster Mom seem funny too. But at the time, it wasn’t. I was struggling for survival, on all levels. I think we humans look for an ANCHOR & lighthouse, something stable & secure – whatever, whoever it is. For a while Putz & his ways gave me a spot – a remarkable diet, the self mastery he preached – things I strived for.

Now I had something better – a woman of God, albeit flawed, I wanted to be like her but without the flaws. I asked her how long it would take to learn ‘all she knew’ {the spiritual issues} & she said six years. I did not plan it that way, but it so happened I ‘stayed’ with her six years {not physically, I never spent more than a few days with her between jobs, except for that few weeks in the beginning.


I shall channel & ask her, Judy, why did you not want me to stay & help you build the Church, why did you prefer my being away & used me just for money – supposedly for the Church but you wasn’t – Wasn’t the Church more important than money?…..

REV. JUDY: My mind was on money. I felt, somehow, the Church would build itself. I wasn’t intelligent enough to figure it out, that it would not build itself, that brick & mortar had to be put into place piece by piece, job by job. You had the right idea with the newspaper, it would have been a base. See, you eventually did build a Church, on the internet, & your Mission was built, piece by piece, action by action, project by project, book by book. I was your beginning, I was important, you did things for me, but they turned out for yourself. Like you preached about me on the stage, which turned into Stripping for God. By doing things for me, you were rewarded, by doing things for God, like the sacrifice of celibacy, you were rewarded. I could not figure these things out for myself, but you did. Had you stayed with me after the six years, had I treated you with respect & also had I lived, you would have built a Church for me, but you built it anyway. Instead of ‘One World Light’ it became ‘Woman, Thou Art God.’ {end of channeling}

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As I said, she wanted me to work instead of staying with her for the Church. I was paranoid about getting jobs in the LA area because Putz might find me. I didn’t even want to use my name. So I found an agent who would get me work in God-knows-where, under a different name – where I wasn’t even the star – slim pickins.

He got me a gig in OXNARD, up north from LA, like two hours. I went through it, stopped somewhere to eat – it was CREEPY, weird people stared at me like I was an alien – although I did love being by the ocean. The little town, where I was, seemed industrial & filthy, like old ugly fishing boats.

This place was a slut-hole. I didn’t know it at first, but I found out. It was affiliated with the motel the club was in, run by a British man & his obese daughter who was the motel maid. I was given a room & $200 a week – rock bottom pay for a dancer, most women who took jobs for this amount turned tricks on the side. The money I had been making when they advertised me as a dancer {it was go go dancing, not stripping yet} paid me between $300 to $400 a week plus tips – that’s when they used my title of ‘Ms. Nude Universe from Playboy’ – which brought in clients. When I gave up my name & title I was just a ‘nobody’ – it doesn’t matter how good I looked – it’s the name that brings in the people. As I said, ‘house girls’ make little money but some of them turn tricks. Stardom is an important quality to have.

I lasted only one week in this dump – I got fired for not being a slut. Being a ‘whore’ means you hang with the men between shows, play pool with them, they buy you drinks – some of them know you’ll let them come to your room at night – it makes you valuable.

But I stayed in the dressing room between shows, absolutely refused to hang with the guys {I was always like that, I’m not a party girl – I’m a performer, I like being on stage, look at me & leave me alone. One of the regular stars in NYC, I recall her saying to a boss ‘Kellie is a THEATER ACT’. She was right the ballyhoo in clubs didn’t appeal to me.}

I was beautiful, my outfits were classy, I danced well. But at the end of the week the owner rudely told me to ‘get out & hurry up because my daughter has to clean your room’ – no reason was given. But of course I put 2 & 2 together – a female who hung with guys between shows & in her room at night {I saw it through my window} got my spot. So some of these places want whores, not beautiful women, not class, whoring has value.


I do not look down on ‘whores’ & use the word not as an insult but an accurate description. Everyone knows what the term means – acting a certain way to keep men around you, get money out of them. Whores are entertainers & therapists – they don’t get enough respect or recognition. I fought for prostitutes on national radio shows & TV – ‘Prostitutes are people’ I said & prostitution must be decriminalized. I did this without recompense, to empower women, & of course, got beat up for it. {This came out of a group of adult trade workers & others who were concerned about the rights of women. There was a judge in it, so was Kate Millet. But when it came time to REPRESENT, go on out there & take the blows before the media – no one but I would do it.}

Now at some point I recall Rev. Judy & I going to an agent to get me different jobs – again – without using my name, anonymous, so it means rock-bottom salary. This agent got me a job, with Judy being my ‘manager’ {her term} WORSE than Oxnard! Judy was a bad manager, this job was in Vegas, way off the strip, the cheap part of town, & it also paid $200 but WITH NO ROOM & the motel they recommended cost $50 a week – So I earned only $150 per week. This was poverty & the good Rev. also wanted money out of this!

I HATED this place. We had to pretend we were amateurs. It had a show with an MC. Every night he declared an amateur contest, for women to get up out of the audience to dance & the audience would clap for the winner. That was our job. We wore ordinary street clothes. I never won. One female, that was friends with the owners it seemed, always won. This hurt my ego – I didn’t imagine it was rigged – the owners either having a hidden applause machine or telling everyone that worked there to clap for her – I just thought they liked her the best.

Rev. Judy had come out to visit me & I complained to her I never won. She asked everyone sitting around her to clap for me & they did – I finally made it. But the MC said something strange – he said to the audience,

“Are you sure?”

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The usual winner got off the stage as if slapped. This is unusual & in retrospect I think it was rigged – why would the MC care who won? Why would she be so shocked when for the first & only time, she didn’t win?

It all sounds so stupid, but when you’re 25 years old & fighting to be ‘somebody’ in your business, it has meaning.

OK I got fired after a week – they did me a favor. I think they turned against me for one remark. The MC was standing near me talking to the owner & said

“You know, women are like CATS.”

I laughed & said

“And men are like DOGS.”

That was a no no, because we are supposed to be compliant, submissive to these hot shots, & so, I was history. Not to mention, this was the main reason I didn’t fit in – most of the ‘amateurs’ turned tricks. So basically, another whore house.

Believe me, it’s not the STARS who suffer the most, it’s the house girls & underlings who have to put out to owners, managers & prostitute to make ends meet. It was time for me to regain my name & claim my fame but I got screwed one more time before I landed on my feet.

The agent got me a job on the ‘Baker-Berger’ circuit, which was like six or so states from mid-America to New York – where it ended at the Roxy Theater on 42nd St. – their flagship so to speak. It was like Judy Garland’s ‘at the Palace.’

Rev. Judy told this agent I’d work for $300. a week, which was wrong. I found out later from a theater owner, who told me the stars {on this circuit} were paid $600 weekly, he was wondering why I didn’t get $1,000 weekly because I had a real title – Ms Nude Universe, & had been in Playboy.


Rev. Judy was responsible for this. She was thinking of the pay from 1945 when she was a ‘star’ & they always gave room & board – except they DIDN’T. I had to scrounge around looking for the cheapest room I could find.
{How well I remember. Strange city somewhere, forgot where. I go to a hotel & ask how much. The man says $50 – he looked disappointed when I thought it too much. I go down the street, find one for $30 a week. And I LOVED the quaint little room. Understand, one reason I had to save money is sending some to Rev. Judy.}

I became best friends with my co-star, a black female – I remember her with great affection. She was being paid only $200 weekly & also had to pay for her room – she sent part of that money religiously to Mom every week – for the care of her daughter. If I had trouble how did she survive? On sardines.

Back to Rev. Judy. This incident was especially humiliating. She & I were at a bus stop way out of town, doing the cheap route to get back to my job. I was wearing shorts & in the desert – I should have known – when evening falls it gets REAL COLD, like drops from 80 to 55, & there I was in shorts & a tank top, shaking. Now she tells me to STAND UP. I did not want to stand up for two reasons, I would be colder when the wind hit me, & people would stare at me, as usual.

She was so mad at me, that she not only stood up, but began jogging down the road. It wasn’t too hard as it was slightly down hill – I shall never forget her with her fringed cowboy dress in blue & green paisley designs, clinging to her, jogging down hill away from me, on her temper tantrum. I knew I’d be punished later.

In a few minutes these guys came by who recognized me & stopped. They asked if I needed a ride, & I said much obliged, got in, & said please stop for this lady down the street, my friend, & take us back to my motel.

Back at the motel was my punishment. How dare I disobey THE QUEEN. She said she KNEW someone would come by & offer us a ride – that’s why she wanted me to stand up. Now for my disobedience I had to kneel in front of her, ask forgiveness & pay a FINE OF $20. Feed her ego & greed.

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Forgot to tell this anecdote which happened when we stayed in Hollywood. It’s along the same lines – her ego.

She had told me there were two colors of royalty – red & purple. She said the purple was EVEN HIGHER in terms of status than the red.

Some tenants had bought a house in Vegas {we would meet them} & left behind stuff – whatever was left Judy could keep. She told me to go in there & get the bathroom rugs – there were two sets – the kind that fits over the toilet & around it, launder them & set them in our bathrooms. {She had moved to a larger apt since I appeared, it had two baths, she was telling me she made a sacrifice to let me stay there – she could be renting that room for money!} I went in the place, noticed one set was red, the other purple, got’m laundered, & put the purple one in her bath, since it was the higher status, & the red in mine.

She comes into the place & sees the rugs & begins to scream FOR A LONG TIME,

“You have put the higher status – the red – into your bath & the lower status, the purple, into mine! YOU THINK YOU’RE THE QUEEN!”

I protested she’d told me it was the other way around, & changed the rugs.

Now in Vegas she moved into my little room right away, {she slept in the bed, me on the floor} but told me,

“I don’t have to stay with you! I have friends {the folks that were in her building} who got a house here in Vegas & they told me I was welcome there any time! We’ll go pay them a visit, & I’ll stay with them.”

I thought to myself what if they were just saying that & didn’t mean it? You know how when people move they automatically tell you you’re welcome there any time, but it’s just being polite? But what did I know? Maybe they did mean it. So we went to their house.

It was a pretty little house. I bragged to them how I saw a slot machine right at the front of a coffee shop, something told me to put in a buck – I did – & three bucks came out! This event pleased me greatly & I smiled as I told it.

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But Judy took issue with it. She declared,

“It was my Light that made that happen, not your good luck!”

The way she said it, it hurt. The couple seemed to notice also.

At the end of the visit, the man of the couple said to Judy,

“I’m sorry Judy, but you can’t stay here, our cousins are coming from out of town tomorrow.”

Just as I thought, they were being polite when they offered. No one wanted her because she was OBNOXIOUS. And she would preach constantly to people who didn’t want to hear it, not about Jesus or theology, but about her, her abilities & ideas for a Church.

Before I left to go on the Circuit, she asked me for my last $20. What did I have left? She was so wrong. You would think she’d give me $20 & say,

“Hey Kellie, this is extra for some emergency, you never know what happens on the road. I will pray for your protection.”

But instead,


It was right after I had found out that all she cared about was her sons – the land I was paying for was for them. I packed up & went to a motel, as explained.

I was walking up the street from Ms Etienne’s ballet class, back to my motel, when a feeling of doom came over me.
Just then a car stopped, & a tiny girl from the dance school – no more than five years old – stopped with her Dad & asked me if I wanted a ride. Since that feeling of doom had just pervaded me, I didn’t know what it was from, if it might be this ride, so I said no. But that ride would have prevented – maybe – what was to come, it was sent by an angel.

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When I was near my hotel there was a pizza place near it. I went in & had a bite. As I was leaving, I climbed to my room on the second floor, & a black young male who had been looking at me at the restaurant was standing there. As I went by he said something to try to pick me up, I ignored him. When I got to my room he opened the door & pushed it & me in, a struggle ensued.

He had some sort of knife. as we fought I grabbed it & bent it, it was a letter opener I realized later – but he could have stabbed me with it. We knocked over some of the furniture in the room until at last people heard the fight & some of them were standing outside the door, which was still open. I was holding the guy, saying,

“Hey, he attacked me, call the police. Not one person moved, nothing, the guy just walked away.”

Had I not been athletic he could have hurt me – even with the paper cutter – he could have raped & even killed me, but God saved me.

That was not the end. I went to the motel owner, told him about it, that I was leaving & wanted a refund for the rest of the week. He refused me the refund but said he’d put me in his other motel, I’d be safe.

I should have swallowed the money & gone elsewhere, but I was poor. I checked into his other motel. The boy, who was stalking me, saw me go there.

He didn’t know my room number, fortunately, but he knew my name – not sure how he found it out – & called me on the phone. He said he was going to rape & kill me & didn’t care in which order. If he had to kill me first, he would still rape me.

I called the police & they said they would trace the call, but it would take time. In those days, it was difficult to trace a call, this was late 1971 or early 1972.

So they said when he called again, call them, which he did, I did. They told me each time he calls, keep him on the phone as long as possible. He called, again & again & again. He said he had a partner circling the motel, walking around it, to discover my room. It was a two story deal. I figured he was lying, but when I looked out the bathroom window, there was a black guy walking by. Was it true then? It was uncomfortable, as I could not leave the motel.

This talking to him, him threatening me, went on for hours while the police kept trying to trace. Finally, I was exasperated & remembered the detective who visited me after the first altercation.

I called him & told him what was going on, & asked him to come get me, as a personal favor, & take me to the airport, & I added BRING YOUR GUN.

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He sure did come & brought his gun, I escaped. But on our way to the airport, he made a stop at his apartment. I planned to wait. But he said I should come in, I refused. He argued a long time, finally took me to the airport. So I escaped Los Angeles forever, & the only time I returned was to do the Tom Snyder Show.

Oh yes. After the first altercation I called Rev to tell her what happened, – I had not spoken with her since leaving like a week before. She didn’t say much, but sounded smug & satisfied. I knew it was her.


I can’t remember why I reconciled with the Rev, but I did, I think I forgave her or thought maybe she didn’t do it, I still need to get more Light from God.

We were talking once a month for that $100 donation, she was still going to my financed trips to Vegas {always on the edge of hitting the jackpot!} when she told me,

“The Light tells me there is going to be some kind of movie ABOUT US coming up.”

But soon after that, I can’t recall why – maybe those trips to Vegas got on my nerves, I quit Rev. Swaggart again. Just told her on the phone I was through, no more money.

Now I had quit dancing in order to work as a Community Organizer for the Italian American civil Rights League, Chapter 23. My salary was paid for by the state, it was enough to survive – was it $16,000. a year? I vaguely recall taking home about $250. a week. I was making $30K a year dancing, so it was a sacrifice, but a friend talked me into it {he was infatuated – he ran the local paper – it was he who made them hire me – they weren’t going to – he told them if they didn’t he would throw their press releases into the garbage can.}

In relation to this job, I helped organize the youth to apply for summer jobs from the state. I did the promotion – they lined up at our office & I got a pizza place to give free snacks. I called the Daily News & they came, showed me standing there with the kids, talked about how they were feted by the pizza shop, & I worked at the Italian American & also my own Church, One World Light.

I thought it was an idea to put my personal phone number in the book under the name ‘One World Light’ in case someone wanted to call the Church, & so, I got a phone call.

It was a guy who said he was a cameraman & worked for local TV, he wanted to do a documentary on the Church work – I immediately thought maybe this was the movie Rev Swaggart predicted, I should give it a shot.

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He was a 6’3″ black man, about 30, attractive but with shifty eyes. When he came over to make our plans, I always had kids around me, since I worked days & evenings. I had begun to minister two years ago by opening my apt as a Sunday Church. It was a hard thing to do – One day I got so sick I thought I might die, I could hardly walk, & promised God, if She would cure me, I’d open up my place as a Church. I got well the next day. I opened the Church.

A few people came, including teens – & eventually, this Church turned into a center for bible study & prayer, for boys & girls. They were the ‘poorest of the poor’ – most of the area on welfare, it was Williamsburg before it became fashionable, 95% Puerto Rican, all the whites moved out except me.

So there were always kids around when this man, whom I shall call Stevun Evul, visited for discussions. The kids hated him, they ridiculed his pointed shoes.

There was a red flag. One day after one of these chaperoned meetings, he came back & rang the bell incessantly {after that I disengaged the bell} yelling he had forgot his car keys in the apt. He came back because he hoped I was alone {men had done that before} – which I was except for my daughter, then seven. Finally, reluctantly I let him in, not sure if he was telling the truth. He entered, looked around – saw my daughter in the room, pretended to search for keys, & left.

That was a warning from God – we usually get warnings – but I did not heed it & why? The kids sensed he was evil, I sensed he wanted my body – but then all men did – nothing new there.

After several discussions he said I always had people around when we met. If I did not trust him he could not go on with the project. Now in my normal state of mind, I probably would have said sorry, then it’s over, but you see my guard was down & also Swaggart said she saw a movie being done on us, so I was clouded.

 I said, OK, next time you come, it’s just us. We’ll go to the movies, then we come back here & talk. Looking back I believe I was a total IDIOT but that’s the day after the game when we know how it should have been played.

Before I go on I must explain that I had got so exhausted from running my youth center, I searched for a place to play basketball after work. I had ‘volunteer burn out’ & at age 29 looked 50 – someone said, ‘if you don’t stop, you’ll die.’

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I discovered a place with several basketball courts & there I often went, spent most of the weekend there, from the time I got up to dark. I got to know one male who really liked me. His name was Tad, 28 years old & 6’4″. After our games I treated us to dinners. He visited my prayer meetings.

Now Stevun Evul comes for our first date alone, & we walk to the local theater, movie finished, we walk toward my place. Tad sees us, & he later explained,

“I heard a voice say to me

Now we get to my place & Evul wants to dance. I put on some music & oblige him. Suddenly he picks me up – it took me by surprise – & plops me down on the couch. Stunned I know what’s going to happen next & what do I do? I say what has gotten me out of scrapes before, that I have to go to the bathroom. My bath was right by the door – I plan my escape.

I go there & lock the hook latch – not a big protection, & pretend I’m busy in there. I look at my face & it is white. He was standing in that room, the kitchen, & I am in the bath – I cannot run until he leaves the kitchen. I finally hear him in the living room changing the record.

I DASH to the door, open it, & someone standing there ready to knock – it’s TAD!

Tad comes in & sits down at the kitchen table, & I with him. The would-be rapist comes in, looks at Tad & says,

“Don’t try anything”

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And then he slaps me with all his might across my face & leaves.

That night I had a dream. There were many young people – my prayer group, standing outside the door, in the hall, heads down, weeping. God said to me,

“If that man had succeeded in raping you he would have also killed you… the kids were mourning your death.”

For the second time, God had saved me from the curse of Rev. Swaggart. It is mind boggling that just for ego & money, she wanted to do this to me. I shall channel her again,

ME: Rev. Judy, was my life worth that little to you that you would want me dead, to revenge on me? It seems so extreme. I know I asked you before, but I am still baffled.

REV. JUDY: I’m sorry about it. I was a fool. It was wrong, I paid for my sins & God dis-empowered me afer that. I suffered in Purgatory & all my claims of glory were dashed. I told you I would go straight to Heaven like a blazing Light but you saw me in Purgatory, in a cluttered house of poverty, & I was there for two years, seven months. I am grateful that God saved you from my curses & very sorry I put them. Forgive this fool.

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ME: What were you angry about the most, the devotion I stopped or the money?

REV. JUDY: It was everything. How dare you stand up to me? I was the Goddess. You cannot leave me. It was the rejection I felt, first, you worshiped me, gave me more than anyone had ever given me, then you said good bye. I was so blind I didn’t see it was my own behavior that pushed you away. I was a weak person & an ego maniac. Ego maniacs don’t think much of themselves, they need to be puffed up. Your devotion did that, but then I was deflated. I felt so insignificant, the curses on you – if they worked – would prove I was stronger than you.

ME: As a parting shot, share with me what you told me happened to Putz NutOn after my departure.

REV. JUDY: He organized another one of those pin-in-the palm stunts for some group, at the Knickerbocker Hotel. But when he put in the pin, he started bleeding profusely. He screamed, tore off his turban, & jumped out the window. I assume this must have been on the first floor?

ME: Thanks for the laugh & enjoy your Eternity.


I met a female psychic who really liked me. Her name was Angela Astone, just like an angel. I spoke with her about the Rev & she said she would help spiritually, for my protection. She did. I wrote a letter of resignation to Rev & ended it finally, in 1977. She called but when I heard her voice I hung up & that was it. Her curses, if any, no longer worked.

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