BEGIN CHANNELING MY MOM,  SHE SAYS “I WAS A MONSTER”

 

Mom: Describe yourself  – “I was a Monster”  I Begin Writing “I Strip for God

3″ Today

In the many years I have channeled hundreds of people, living & dead, I have never sought to channel my Mother. Was it because I thought of her as she was, abusing me, lying, & did not expect any type of truth or logic from her? Finally, not far back, I decided to give it a try, & the results started, amazed me. {I then channeled my entire family & also got amazing answers, gave them theatrical names!}…..What was astounding is that for the first time since I had known her, she revealed the truth, & in a way that was unusual, when I asked her to describe herself as she was to me, she said,

“I WAS A MONSTER”.

Good start. I shall now ask her questions & they will go like this ME & MOM. {& make sure this is the earthly Mom, you understand, not MomGod, not the GodSelf inside me, the monster earthly Mom. Here we go,

ME: Mom, why did you hate me so much?

MOM: It all stemmed from your disobedience to me re your Dad, I hated him, you refused to hate him – the other kids obeyed – & so I let you have it.

ME: How deep was this hate? What were your intentions?

MOM: I wanted to kill you, which I did in the psychological realm. I destroyed your self-esteem, natural pride {not sinful pride} or confidence in yourself. I wanted you to believe you were UNWORTHY OF LOVE & that no one on earth would love you, male or female. I disturbed your faith in people respecting or loving you & this curse of mine clung to you all your life – at the time I congratulated myself.

ME: And today, I assume you have to speak the truth as you are in Heaven? I somehow thught you would keep denying what you did, but here you are, being honest.

MOM: Those in Heaven, even in the lowest place, cannot lie, they cannot deceive – it’s impossible. Anything you ask me, I must furnish a straight answer, I am under the compulsion & command of the Almighty, whom I cannot disobey.

ME: Why did you have so many abortions? Why didn’t you use condoms or some other form of birth control?

MOM: Because I was in denial. It might have started in Lithuania, where condoms were not as easily available as they are here. But I never used them even in America, at any time of my life. When I had sex most of the time I was not prepared, it was spur of the moment – the sex I had with men other than your Dad. So of course, they took no precautions, they didn’t care.

ME: You say you were in denial – of what?

MOM: That I was having sex or preparing to have it, I pretended I was an innocent virgin or pure housewife. My whole life was a lie, one of hypocrisy, hate, selfishness & destruction toward others.

ME: Who did you destroy besides me?

MOM: The children I aborted, your Dad, anyone I hated who crossed me. Remember the cops I burned after thy helped me get off the animal cruelty charge?

ME: Yes, we’ll get to that later. I see your point. Anyone who crossed you got your revenge. Why did you marshal my brother & another female in our family, to help you abuse me? Could you not succeed all by yourself, given your immense malice? Isn’t it overkill to get them involved?

MOM: Overkill is a good word for me. I wanted to make sure you were ‘good & dead’ & if others helped me do away with you, some of the guilt left my shoulders, & it made it easier for me to do you in.

ME: There will be so many questions. Why you hated Dad so much, why you had so many abortions, why you were so revengeful, why you sought me out to hurt me after I left home, etc. I was haunted by these questions most of my life & it’s strange that now in my old age I know the answers, especially after questioning you & others – it seems God put this weight on my back for a reason.

So let’s begin with why did you hate Dad so much? After all, he cooperated with you, when you were unfaithful, & helped you get four abortions during your time together. Didn’t you appreciate that, his forgiveness & assistance?

MOM: Ha ha. When I was on earth I was what psychology calls a psychopath’. We live only for ourselves, we have no love, no empathy, no compassion. We go by the primitive urges & even worse, the demonic. We are worse than animals, animals are kinder than us.

About love – I never loved your Dad, nor anyone in True Love, it was infatuation. The closest I ever came to love was your brother, as you know. You will ask me more about him later, I know. My love with men was of the flesh, infatuation, then the end of infatuation sometimes brought indifference or hate, depending how they were.

About his forgiving me: I considered that he had to. Divorce was uncommon in our culture, it was scandal, also, as he was a prominent person. He could not expose me or divorce me, besides, he was attached to me as a woman, the services I provided, sex, housekeeping, food, etc. I prided myself I was 17 years younger than he – I was therefore superior in sex appeal – as we got older he became Grandpa, but I was still viable, I always felt superior to him. Even if I had been the same age, I would have felt better than he because in my mind I was deluded as superior to everyone – I had contempt for people, I thought the worst of them, I judged & condemned everyone but myself. Only I was justified in all that I did.

ME: You paint an ugly picture, & you paint it yourself under compulsion from God. But I never saw or understood your evil, I only felt my pain. At the time, what did you feel about my lack of rebellion or hate toward you – I still obeyed you in all but sin.

MOM: I did not sit down & analyze your feelings, my mind was only on hurting you as much as possible, & in this experiment, how damaged were you, I kept thinking.

I noticed of course how all men were attracted to you – moreso than they were to myself & the other young female in the house – & this added to my hate of you. That is why I had to make you believe you were ugly, not always in words said, but in actions, you were ugly, unworthy, deserved no respect, no privileges, no empowerment, no freedom or love. You were to work hard, get no appreciation, no thanks, no allowance, no nothing. You were to be punished for small transgressions – things I didn’t like you did, & I punished you, of course, unfairly, with deliberate cruelty.

ME: It is EXHAUSTING for me to think of the things you did. This interview will have to be more than one day. Let’s get into the Dad issue. After meditating on what happened after you left Dad with Marius – I recall how broke you were – so broke you had to borrow money for food. I recall Dad visiting & you arguing endlessly. Was Dad guilty, as most men are, of not supporting us enough?

MOM: That was a KEY issue. Yes, I had got pregnant by another man again, that child was allowed to live, yes, I moved with that man to the farm – your Dad got a loan from the Priest to obtain it. We lived a complete, hypocritical charade. That charade said that the other man was only there for our support, I did not have sex with him. I pretended the child was Dad’s {we all knew otherwise} that other man would now live with me & the kids, set up the farm into a homestead where eventually Dad would come live with us, be happy, set up a Boy Scout Camp in the woods, etc. That was the delusion I fed you a couple years until you wised up & fell to pieces.

As far as support indeed he did not send enough. He did not make much money, but he could have sent twice as much as he did. Marius & I tried to build a homestead – it was impossible, we failed, we tried for two years of backbreaking work. But even with him working two jobs, getting hardly any sleep, & me joining Brockway Glass at a minimum wage job, we sometimes did not have enough money for food. And naturally I hated your Dad for that & took it out on you.

In your interview with Dad he told you as a man he had the usual reasons: Part of it was selfishness, part of it punishment on me, for rejecting him. But these were his children & he punished them, including you. I let you have it all the more.

ME: OK I will quit for now as this is pyschologically testing. To be continued. Oh yes, what would be your Theatrical Name?

MOM: You can call me Medusa or the many-headed HYDRA. The heads of the Hydra representing (1) Liar (2) Cheater (3) Abortionist (4) Thief (5) Killer (6) Traitor

ME: Thanks Mom, will access you later for more good times. Say hello to Brother Dearest sitting next to you in that rather dim place in Heaven…………1-14-21