LOVE, SEX & MARRIAGE

By Rasa Von Werder, June 28th, 2020
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YOUNG GIRLS LEAVE HIM COLD 

RANDOM, EMPTY SEX NOT

SATISFYING

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6-28-20-BEVY OF YOUNG GIRLS LEAVES HIM SAD & FORLORN–EMPTY

MANY DREAMS OF JUNE 2020

 

Dreams interpreted for friends

 

          I see lover Donzy sitting in a private sort of closet/room, it’s long with a padded bench along the entire wall – it seems to be about 10’ long & maybe 4’ deep. He’s sitting there against the wall when a young female reaches over a wall to the right, {the wall is rather high, you’d have to be on something to look over} leans over & asks to see his dick.

 

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          *(ASKS TO SEE HIS DICK, YOUNG FEMALE: It’s all about his dick, how large it is. How many times does this have to happen before it gets old? How often does a sexy person get hit on before it gets annoying—being seen as just a sex object? He is young, handsome & huge dicked & can have so many young females—BUT THEY ARE NOT TURNING HIM ON. Most men think they want hundreds of women. But when hundreds of women hit on him then what?)*

 

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          He has it out. I look at it, looks like it is – large, but not hard. Then a second girl looks over the top of this wall next to the first & also asks to see it, & goes further. It was soft, but she touches it & holds it & it gets semi-hard, like half of it on the bottom is swollen but on top it isn’t.

 

          *(TOUCH MAKES IT HALF HARD: Even when he is touching, petting or doing sex with one of these girls, he isn’t fully excited.)*

 

          During this episode he looks BORED. Then another girl appears this time inside his room, & she’s prettier than the first two, like curly blonde hair & her breasts are small but very full & with nipples somewhat protruding. This interests him & for a few seconds–he sucks on her right breast, the one closest to him—then falls back like he loses interest—this lasted 3 seconds.

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          *(HER BREAST INTERESTS HIM FOR 3 SECS: The breast is a symbol of nurturing & love, motherhood. He needs this sort of love, but this is a young girl & she does not fulfill the image of what he wants & needs – a real mother.)*

 

          Other females appear, all the same thing. Then a male comes in through the door in back, stands there looking at them, takes out his little dick & masturbates. Donzy doesn’t like that.

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          *(OTHER MALE MASTURBATES LOOKING AT THIS: Other males, who don’t have what Donzy has, are not as popular, do not get so many women, & perhaps most of all, do not have a need for a mother as strong as he has – they get turned on by anything sexual & by young females.)*

 

          Then another one intrudes & similar story, Donzy feels overwhelmed how to stop them. He is bored by the females, annoyed by the males & feels invaded.

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  *(FEELS INVADED: This is not the scene he wants, random sex, being seen by so many girls as object—they want him, but he doesn’t want them.)*

 

          Furthermore, during this time his face changes. First it’s blank, it becomes more GAUNT or HAGGARD -     he goes from his age to like 20 years older, thin, dark shadowy creases on his face. He looks empty, depressed, like what is happening here is meaningless.

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          *(FACE GETS OLDER, GAUNT & HAGGARD: I’m going to turn this interpretation over to Mother God, as She will express it better than I can:

 

          She: This is the situation over a period of time from the day he started dealing with girls until now.

 

          Because of what he went through during his growing years, he needs a mother. His mother betrayed & abandoned him emotionally. There’s a big hole in his soul for true love & protection.

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          He’s always been attracted to older women, but his ‘front’ doesn’t show this – he’s never gone public with his preference except when dating you, it was revealed to some degree.

 

          He’s been with the young girls continuously now for years – this shows his decreasing interest in them – he’s now fed up with this empty sex – me as sex object – just physical. He’s seen acutely how unsatisfied he is by these transactions – they simply do not stimulate or satisfy his heart, he’s fed up.

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          The dream does not point this out, but this is part of his awakening to what he wants & needs & what he does not. What he does not are young, immature, inexperienced, weak females who are as needy & naive as he is.

 

          What he wants is the older woman who loves in true love, cares, nurtures, is able to satisfy his emotional, spiritual as well as physical needs. The empty females can only satisfy his body – which is here portrayed as not turning him on any more – he needs love & it your love he needs.

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          And so, he has come to a point where he is aware of how empty life is without you.)*

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6-25-20-HES MY GIGOLO SHE SAYS-HE CHOOSES HER

HES BACK TO ME-LOVES ME

I AM THE TRUE WIFE BECAUSE MY LOVE IS SACRIFICIAL

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Interpreted for a friend

 

          There’s a big thing about my Lover Ben. I’ve been away for a while & while I was gone he was inundated with two types of aggressive people – a group of gays who started with literature, then presented themselves & wouldn’t leave him alone, & second, one female who gives him a stack of brochures that means ‘I want you’ which I tear up & throw back at her.

 

          Once I’m back to his side I am fighting all these people. First the gays. It’s like day after day. Like demons, they come back again & again. I fight them off. Then on the last occasion there are five of them & they are so persistent I can’t do any more, I cry at the top of my voice {which seams weakened} for help – & help I believe comes, as they are banished. As I’m fighting lover is sitting in the seat to my right – they are to my left, front, trying to get to him.

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          *(FIGHTING GAYS: Ben did have a few determined gays after him, who I did fight & seemed to deter at least for a while. According to this, I was overwhelmed, called for God’s help & it came.)*

 

          After I’d gone & returned, sat next to him, all his friends to the right saw it & noticed. Not much reaction.

 

          But when the female comes, stands in front to my left looking at him, tall, curly light brown hair, an eager look on her face {she is nice} & I tear up the brochures, it’s an emotional act.

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          *(BROCHURES: Are like advertisements, proposals. She is offering him herself – I interfere. I don’t know who this refers to as he ‘dated’ several females & had sex with numerous ones.)*

 

 

          I am exhausted from the struggles.

 

          Recall one time going with him to the building where he lives, finding more intrusive mail in his mail box, something about the bottom of a large cardboard envelope falling off, I already dispatched the main part & see it lying on the floor – he says its nothing, just a scrap.

 

          *(NOTHING, JUST A SCRAP HE SAYS: He pooh poohed all the women he was flirting with while we were together)*

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          Then it becomes two of us, a female to his right, myself to his left, & it’s like we have won over everyone else, but it’s two of us. We are both holding him by the arm marching to his place. She then begins chanting,

 

          “He’s my gigolo, he’s my gigolo-He’s mine.”

 

          So many times I lean over the front of him & punch her in the midsection again & again. He stops my arm & says,

 

          “She’s mine.”

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          *(HE’S MY GIGOLO: She bought him with substances. He knew they are evil, using them leads to dire consequences, he knew I wanted health & safety for him, but he chose this.)*

 

          I then think I guess he’s made his choice, I might as well leave, let go his arm & begin walking away.

 

          *(HE WALKS WITH BOTH OF US HOLDING HIS ARMS FOR A WHILE but when he says ‘she’s mine,’ I let go & walk away.

 

          For a while both of us were with him but I finally stopped seeing him. When he says ‘she’s mine’ he presented her, but not me, as his relationship woman on social media.)*

 

          Prior to that when it was the three of us sort of hanging out – fighting off everyone else, some time had passed & he was no longer the beautiful man I once lauded.

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          His face is distorted & the skin on his face is thick made of nothing but white tablets {sort of under translucent skin, hard to explain} going every which way that mean ‘drugs,’ his nose is ugly, his teeth are totally crooked, leaning on top of each other; I think how hard it will be for dentistry to straighten them.

 

          *(HE TURNS UGLY: This is inner ugliness. His physical remained the same, but his thought patterns, feelings, decisions, activities were ugly.

 

          His persona is DISTORTED      which means not righteous, not the right way to live.

 

          TEETH CROOKED: Stupidity, anti wisdom, as teeth in this case are being wise/smart.

 

          ENTIRE FACE WHITE PILLS GOING EVERY WHICH WAY: White pills could be cocaine, & he is ugly with the desire & use of it – it’s become one with him, he is possessed by it, the woman he chose & cocaine are synonymous, he is an ugly persona now.)*

 

          I think to myself does he realize how ugly he’s gotten? He should look in the mirror – how could I desire him looking this way? I don’t. I muse about his former beauty. Will he look at his old images I took & then realize the difference or is he blind? He looks gruesome.

 

          *(UGLY, GREUSOME: He was never this addicted to drugs before, this is extreme & he is not aware how ugly his inner self has gotten.)*

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          TIME PASSES, NEXT DREAM

 

          He is alone with me in my small apt – it only has 3 small rooms, in front of me is a blue door, paint chipped in vertical stripes. I am poor.

 

          *(BLUE DOOR, I AM POOR: I am poor emotionally, the one I love is not with me.)*

 

          He appears, wearing maybe an army green tight shirt & he holds me in his arms saying,

 

          “I love you”

 

          and this several times. I am not as quick to say I love you back, but I do.

 

          *(THIS ROOM IN THE MIDDLE: The dream will show a room where my small daughter is {the flesh} & another room to the right – this being the middle is the inner self or HEART. We meet in our hearts, n his heart he loves me in true love, right now, realizing this love more than ever – but I’m holding back as I don’t trust him too much, he’s hurt me so much so many times. The

 

          ARMY GREEN SHIRT: Might say he’s been through a lot of battles these years.)*

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          I was going to start making love with him right then but my small daughter opens that blue door & sees us, so I can’t. I think ‘here he sees me in my poverty. Is he OK living with me here?’

 

          *(DAUGHTER OPENS DOOR: This inner room where I am is the soul, the God Self, the real me, while the daughter is the flesh, the place where the soul is housed & functions.

 

          There has been a great battle between myself & my flesh, my Higher Self telling my flesh to back off, leave him alone – I even threatened to kill her if she went out with him again, & I did kill her with the heart attacks.

 

          Here we are communing on the higher/deeper spiritual level, & my flesh witnesses it – that he loves me in true love now, prior to that he was playing games although the real love was deep inside.

 

          My emotional poverty – being all alone, having no one – will that put him off? That is to say, I am no longer trying to be popular, he has no competition. Do I fear he’ll take me for granted?)*

 

          Then we’re in the garage at the old farm house. We are working on things with wood. He wants to make sure I know he loves me, but he adds,

 

          “Just don’t look in the attic.”

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          *(DON’T LOOK IN THE ATTIC: The attic is where all old things are stored, mementoes, things no longer used, antiques, memories. He dreads that I will recall all the horrible things he did to me – the cruelties. He’s saying don’t go there, don’t recall, don’t let what I did stand between us. Cruel item for example: He has never given me his phone number, but he gives it to every female he meets in bars.

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6-24-20-MY DOG DOES WRONG

 

Interpreted for someone else.

 

          I realize now this dog is my lover Ben.

 

          I am on an excursion through the woods at the old farm house. It was a sort of ‘deep road’ through the woods in a circle, navigating it took about one hour. In much of it, both sides had ‘walls’ of dirt. Have no idea who created it long ago. If you went straight on one part of it halfway into the circle you went to the other side of the woods, where ran a highway {strangely exactly like where I live, everything on this old farm I bought parallels the old farm I spent half my youth on.}

 

          So here I go on a sled with my dog running with me – He’s a German shepherd but pure white beautiful elegant dog.

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          This journey is so pleasant. The sled slides on the road as if it was pure ice or hard snow – it seems to know the way like it’s alive, so even when we come to a sharp turn left & it might keep going straight & veer off into a body of water to the right – a lake in the dream I guess – it goes along the road as if it has intelligence, & I’m enjoying the ride immensely—great fun.

 

          *(ROAD, RIDE, PLEASANT: This represents a mental path I go on which leads to psychic visions or revelations. My mind is used to this sort of thought pattern & it’s easy & automatic for me.)*

 

          We get to the other side, Whitey & I, & come upon a Post Office with a counter & a lady that reminds me of the one I had ages ago who died—she was so nice to me.

 

          *(POST OFFICE: There’s a MESSAGE or revelation here.)*

 

          After chatting with her a moment we leave this counter, which is open to the outside & it is then I notice the two DEERS reclining on the counter, both young & beautiful & wearing identical soft, thin neckbands that look like Christmas – green with small speckled decorations of red & other colors.

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          *(TWO DEER WITH XMAS NECK BANDS: The revelation is this: Ben was given AS A GIFT a choice of TWO WOMEN—both of whom love him.)*

 

          For some reason the deer that is closer to the front jumps off the counter & runs & Whitey chases her. This is wrong, but I now he won’t hurt her, he’s just playing. But others don’t see it that way. I try to stop him & chase them both up the highway back toward where we came from when we come to a crossroad.

 

          *(SHE JUMPS, RUNS, HE CHASES HER: My dog is Ben. He is Whitey because this is about marriage/relationship—he is the groom in white. One of the deer-women runs & he CHASES HER – which is wrong. He has chosen THE WRONG FEMALE FOR A RELATIONSHIP—the other woman, not me.

 

          “I KNOW HE IS JUST PLAYING” – means I know his intentions are not serious, he’s playing like a player plays—he’s not playing ‘for keeps’ or with sincere intentions.

 

          CROSSROAD: But there is a serious cross or problem coming up because of his choice.)*

 

          There a man comes out holding something long which I fear is a gun. I warm him,

 

          “Don’t kill my dog or I will kill you.”

 

          He says,

 

          “I’m not going to kill him, just whack him hard.”

 

          I feel he wants to teach Whitey a lesson.

 

          The man seems to come out of a house & his wife is behind him. I don’t know what his connection with this situation is.

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          *(MAN WITH WEAPON IN HIS HANDS comes out of a house, wife behind him: I sense this is a man sent by God – whoever he may be – it would be a karmic penalty, the wrath of God put upon Whitey. The fact that this is a house with a husband & wife & the wife is behind him could be saying,

 

          “We represent a serious marriage or relationship, & this person is playing games.”

 

          ‘If you kill him I’ll kill you,’

 

          shows that even though Whitey has made a mistake, against me, I’m still protecting his life – it’s True Love. I did not wish revenge.

 

“NOT GOING TO KILL HIM, JUST WHACK HIM HARD”: This is saying that the problem, at this ‘crossroad’ or cross, will hit Ben really hard. The only clue I have as to what has or will hit Ben is the

 

ROD OF STEEL, WITH RIDGES: It reminds me of railroad ties, that fit together, taken apart, one might look this way, with ridges, except this piece is thicker, heavier like iron but grey & shiny like steel & shorter than a railroad tie—maybe 2.5’.

 

What would a railroad represent? Mother God, help.

 

She: Railroad is TRAVEL.

 

Me: OK, who’s traveling or who’s going somewhere?

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She: When there’s travel someone leaves, sometimes leaving another behind. This designates a ROUGH DEPARTURE OR SPLIT UP with the woman he was chasing. The

 

          THREE SIDES, RIDGES: of the rod represent a conflict where there is his side, her side & the truth. They have a problem where they aren’t happy. He sees his side, she hers, & God sees the TRUTH.

 

          Me: What is the truth?

 

          She: He chose the wrong woman, the one that would take him downward instead of up, it’s like selling your soul to the devil – he said he had in a poem. She held onto him by negative, harmful means – they were both wrong & the liaison was destined to end in misery, — that’s the hard whack at the crossroad.)*

 

          But I do see what is in his hands – it’s a sort of heavy dark grey steel rod, with ridges on 3 sides. As he holds it menacingly I am hoping he does not do damage to my dog like hit him in the head – & that’s where this dream ends.

 

          *(“DON’T KILL HIM” & I continue to worry about the injury this rod will produce. This is the classic example of the decision King Solomon had to make, where two women each claimed maternity over an infant. Solomon testing them saying he would cut the child in half for each one, & one woman cried

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          “Don’t do that – let her have it, don’t do harm to the child.”

 

          And Solomon said,

 

          “There is the mother.”

 

          The test for who will get this man is the one who will sacrifice him or give him up if it means saving his life. The other woman didn’t care if she harmed him, she would keep him while hurting him. But if this ROD or PUNISHMENT would lead to his DEATH I am saying

 

          “Let the other woman have him if the penalty is death. Don’t kill him as a punishment.”

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          And so, I am the true Mother/Wife—the one who cares enough to sacrifice him in order to save him.)*

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EX LOVER CHANGES HIS TUNE

 

6-22-20-ELVIS TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF

 

2ND—MY DOGS NEED HELP

 

          Interpreted for friends

 

          This is extremely unusual. I am looking from afar & hearing that Elvis wants to kill himself. He has a gun, he’s going to do himself in by putting it in his mouth, pointed toward his brain, & pull the trigger.

 

          Everyone hears about this & it’s treated like a crime to be committed. As I said I am afar, like in the air looking down at the streets of the area where he is.

 

          *(I AM LOOKING FROM THE AIR: My God Self is perceiving what is going on.

 

          ELVIS: Is lover Henry. MomGod, explain why he would be Elvis.

          She: You once adored him as you did Elvis, put him on a pedestal, made him into a star {in your mind.}

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          ELVIS WANT TO KILL HIMSELF: The state of lover Henry’s mind—despair.}*

          I see police gather to prevent this crime – many, like a hundred, & they are spread out on the street & in & near his dwelling, some wearing helmets (is one yellow?), rather different uniforms.

 

          *(POLICE, DIFFERENT UNIFORMS, one has a yellow helmet: Police are usually ANGELS. This says a large number of them have appeared to help Henry not fall into the abyss. They are of different types against various negative thoughts & feelings – the one with yellow helmet might be against Henry’s COWARDICE, fear, losing hope.)*

 

          The police are there also to keep people away. They are gathering, as many have heard about this & is it curiosity?

 

          *(PEOPLE ‘HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS—CURIOSITY—police keep them away: Mother God, I am stumped. What does this say?

 

          She: Most if not all of his friends are negative, & all or most of them are against his relationship with you. The angels want to keep him away from all negative people so they don’t drive him lower or advise him badly in his despair, saying things like,

 

          “Oh, you’ll get over it….The woman you think you love is all wrong for you….don’t contact her….the one you have is right, she’s your age….don’t lose what you have….don’t take a chance contacting this woman you think you love – it isn’t love, it’s insanity, etc.”)*

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          But I see the street or alley behind his building is empty – completely empty – no cars, no people, no nothing. I wanted to get closer to Elvis – not sure why. This street or alley seems to have a black pavement – has a look or texture of tar – but when I go there I don’t feel any effect of tar, just a normal road, & I am the only person there & the police don’t bother me.

 

          *(EMPTY STREET LIKE TAR {but I don’t feel the tar}: This explains why Elvis wants to kill himself. It’s a theme we’ve seen again & again. They alley behind your apt where Lover would call for you. It’s now empty, nothingness, {you’re never there} & paved in

 

          TAR: Tar is HELL. Elvis/Henry is in the HELL OF DESPAIR from NOT SEEING YOU. HE FEELS SUICIDAL this dream says – so bad that 100 angels – no doubt sent by you – are attending to him.)*

 

I descend from my place ‘in the sky’ to go to this street & in the next moment I’m in the room with Elvis facing him.

 

Suddenly he’s not a far away star, more like an intimate friend, & I’m speaking to him not to kill himself. I say,

 

“Your fans would be terribly hurt, including myself, & this lady over here” –

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There was a female sitting in a chair behind him, with pretty curly hair, smiling, & she agreed with what I said. It’s like she’s sitting in an audience while El would be on stage, me close to him.

 

I saw an image of him earlier like this: He was an image like a poster, there are green vertical stripes on him, like a 50’s style jacket & his penis is portrayed like a small green funnel, about 4” long, hollow but filled with water, & on top the water makes a curve, like indentation—like this sign not standing but horizontal: (

 

The place El is in becomes a hospital of sorts, with the cops being the attendants or medical staff. The whole thing perplexes me. I am frustrated with the police, thinking they are supposed to be doing something else. They seem to be acting like he’s in a hospital & they must periodically give him meals, that’s about it.

 

          *(HOSPITAL: Place of healing. The angels are healing Henry of despair & wanting to die                          .

 

          MEALS: Would be NOURISHMENT or positive energy.)*

 

One of the meals is regular, but under & in front of the meal closer to me, are pieces of pork, half of it fat, half meat, many pieces & it’s agreed that this is too much for him—this was one of several meals.

 

*(TOO MUCH PORK, MEAT: There are things that Henry cannot DIGEST – Meat represents grownup food spiritually. Milk & sweets represent baby food that makes you grow when you are young, consolation. But MEAT could be hardship, the food for adults, which says here that THE PAIN HE IS NOW EXPERIENCING IS TOO MUCH FOR HENRY TO BEAR.)*

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He seems to be ‘moving ahead’ with the service given him by these police/medics, like going from this room to this then that, in a sense, coming closer to me, but I’m moving with him.

 

*(MOVING ROOM TO ROOM CLOSER TO ME BUT WITH ME: He is becoming more intimate & open toward me by the ministration of the angels.)*

 

The entire time we are chatting. I asked him why he wanted to kill himself & he gave me an answer I’m having trouble recalling. Can Mother God or any saint or angel help me bring it back?

 

It was something like life was not worth living any more, but I don’t recall why. {The dream explains why, my absence.}

 

He does say,

 

“I should have given you a large sum of money but I didn’t, now it’s too late” {he’s going to die.}

 

In the dream he’s the real Elvis, wealthy as can be, while I am just a poor girl. And indeed, this implies we were close & he gave me nothing.

 

          *(MONEY: Can represent anything of VALUE – resources. In Shakespeare’s play Othello:

 

“Good name in man and woman, dear my lord, Is the immediate jewel of their souls: Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing; ‘Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands: But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed.”

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          In this scene, rich Elvis/Henry had the POWER to honor me publicly, to tell the world it was me whom he loved. But he gave me NOTHING, he left me in emotional poverty.

 

          Now that he has LOST ME he regrets not giving me RECOGNITION—a GOOD NAME before society—honoring me would be the most valuable thing he could have given me.)*

 

In the last scene somehow he’s been liberated from this hospital & walking with me – he seems smaller. We go to a small variety store; it sells food, other things. He then sees in the corner a counter for a BANK & seizes the opportunity to make up for the past. He’s going to write me a check for a large sum of money. I guess he did not have his checkbook so he needs to get a blank check from them with his account number. He HURRIES because he wants to do this, in his mind, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

 

*(GOES TO BANK TO WRITE ME A CHECK: This is his intention, in his mind, to give me the recognition he denied me – as the woman he loves. The

 

SMALL VARIETY STORE: Could be social media like face book that has all sorts of items on it.

 

WALKING WITH ME, OUT OF THE HOSPITAL: Says the angels have cured his despair & convinced him we are still together. He now intends to present me, give me the recognition he denied me, give me the relationship & show it publicly.

 

Nothing has happened, but this says it’s in his mind. He wants to do this before its too late, he fears he might lose me.

 

BANK IN THE CORNER: This area in the store reminds me of the spot on the left corner of FB where is the ‘in a relationship’ spot. This says he intends to put me there, acknowledge we’re together.)*

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MY DOGS NEED HELP

 

          I have been away a couple days & anxious about my dogs, are they OK, do they have food, are they free to run in the kennel or outside? {Sometimes in dreams my dogs, especially Gagee Boy {a Rottie}, are closed up in the cellar, & that would be bad for too long.}

 

          I see Gagee Boy there in a sort of ‘loft’ area in my place, looking at his plate full of dry dog food & for some strange reason, digging for sugar.

 

          *(GAGEE BOY: I found out in my recent dreams is me, my inner sense & digging for

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          SUGAR: is looking for love, affection. In the South when Mamma wants a kiss she says to her child, ‘Gimme some sugar.’ I’m in need of physical love.)*

 

          I look for Fruitcake {A German Shepherd} & find him outside, quite miserable. He had been FREE, running the streets in this pleasant suburban area – I see trees all around. But someone did not like his gadding about & put him on a HEAVY CHAIN, it’s long – maybe 15’, but heavy enough to hold a large bull. He’s lying on the sidewalk crying, with the chain all crumpled around him. I go to him & unclip the chain from his neck.

 

          *(FRUITCAKE: I found out in the last dreams also that this is my lover Henry. Gagee Boy vs Henry is Gagee boy, the Rotty, was strong, dominant & aggressive. That represents me in this relationship.

 

          Fruitcake, the Shepherd, was sweet, had been hurt badly by a previous owner {who left him on the street near my house on Easter Sunday, so the first name that came to my mind for him was Fruitcake}, was timid & insecure, handsome, with a heart of gold. This is lover Henry.

 

          Although the Rotty dominated Fruitcake & even pushed him around, once another dog was grabbing his food & he heard Fruitcake crying terribly. Gagee came around the house running & beat this other dog – a Coon Hound, so badly, the hound had to have 70 stitches.

 

          These two dogs now exemplify lover Henry & myself. What I like about this it’s saying Henry has a heart of gold, in spite of his failures – & that’s what counts.

 

          THE HEAVY CHAIN, FRUITCAKE IS CRYING: Lover Henry got himself into a mess, naively, thinking he was taking the right road. He got himself into a relationship which is here portrayed as A HEAVY CHAIN which makes him miserable.

 

          This portrays me unhooking the chain. But what this means in time & space reality I have no idea, as physically, nothing has happened. It must be in his mind.)*

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6-18-20-MAN COMFORTS ME I HIM (My lover John is in great misery due to our separation)

 

6-17-20-I STOP MAN JUMPING OUT WINDOW (Lover John feels desperate but regains hope about our togetherness)

 

6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF (When I doubt God I lose touch with her & sink into my miserable flesh)

 

6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS COME TO MY AID (I call to saints & angels in my need, many answer my call, including, surprisingly, lover John. He’s not an angel so this is him as a ‘saint’

 

          Interpreted for friends – It’s no one you know

 

          Man comforts me, I him: I’m in my room by the window – don’t know which residence. Looking out the window I feel kind of LOST, unwanted, and lonely. The feeling is no one wants me or cares about me, I am all alone.

 

          A strange thing happens. A man comes barreling up the alley behind my window on what I thought was a motorcycle. He’s amazing looking. He puts his hand on my window cill when he stops & I put my hand on his. An amazing sense of warmth passes through our hands. Not sure whose warmth goes first, but it goes both ways. We disengage & moments later we touch hands again.

 

          *(MAN: Lover John, the warmth we shared, the emotions, both sexual & spiritual. He comforted me, I him. We needed each other, we were & are in love. He speaks to me mystically when our bodies are apart.)

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          He is beautiful & sexy in a macho way. His hair is waist length, jet black, shiny & sleek, it hangs not in dred locks but in curly strands, amazingly long. There’s something real sexy about this hair.

 

          *(SEXY HAIR: I am stumped. Calling on Mother God for help.

          She: It’s the way he THINKS, his personality that comes from his thoughts & feelings, his mindset. You found this extremely sexy.)*

 

          His arms are exposed, they are totally covered with tattoos, very attractive—his arms seem muscular. He’s wearing large sunglasses, wrap around, they cover much of his face so I can’t see too much of that.

 

          *(ARMS TATTOOS, MUSCULAR ATTRACTIVE: Stumped again, Mother God.

 

          She: Tattoos are pictures, messages. Again, it’s the messages in his ‘arms of love,’ his desire for you – one of those guys who ‘talks with his hands.’ Arms as you know are the strength to love, hands are giving of it.)*

 

          This revelation surprises me. Then I see the man standing strangely looking with his back to the main street, he’s across the alley looking what to him is straight, to me is left. He’s doing NOTHING, just standing with maybe his hands in pockets, just a plain standing, nothing happening. His body is covered by sort of strange clothes with some sort of head covering. Colors are brown, the shirt is tucked into his pants.

 

          I call to him & he comes over to me. I want to see what he looks like. My contact with this man has been emotional & now it gets moreso when I see his state.

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          He has on a MASK & he moves the mask to show me his face & somehow, THERE IS NO FACE. This is hard to describe but I now realize something really serious happened to this man – an accident that left him in a gruesome state, his body is greatly injured & I say,

 

          “You have NO FACE!”

 

          *(ALLEY BEHIND MY WINDOW: I know this is John as he called for me there.

 

          NO FACE: But now he has ‘lost face’ which means his self esteem is TOTALLY GONE by my not being there, ignoring him, not looking for him at all. His state is GREUSOME.

 

THE MASK: His pretense, ‘Oh yes, I’m the great pretender, pretending that you’re still around. Lyrics to ‘The Great Pretender’:

 

Oh yes, I’m the great pretender
Pretending that I’m doing well
My need is such; I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell.

 

Oh yes, I’m the great pretender
A drift in a world of my own
I play the game; but to my real shame
You’ve let me to dream all alone.

 

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can’t conceal.

Oh yes I’m the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown

I seem to be what I’m not; you see
I’m wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you’re still around.

 

Too real is this… )*

 

          We are communicating for a while, then he takes off the mask again & shows me how he looked once upon a time. It’s an intermediate state – before he lost his face but after the trauma, not his best but when he still had a face.

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          His left eye is lost, it’s whited over, his skin is swarthy, his hair is thick black, wavy & rugged—there are creases on his face & his face is sort of wide & his cheeks round—he looks like he’s been through a lot. I say,

 

          “Oh, I see you were once handsome.”

 

          *(SWARTHY FACE: Someone who’s been through a lot, like a sailor who was almost shipwrecked, swarthiness could be SUNBURN which says ‘pain.’

 

          This might refer to a time in the past when I told him ‘no more sex until the relationship.’

 

          He took revenge on me by eventually having a relationship with another female that’s been dragging on for years {but in some way is now over}. He wanted it both ways when he lured me back to sex, but now I’ve cut him off he is the one with ‘no face.’)*

 

          He’s satisfied that I said that.

 

          *(ONCE HANDSOME: He was once in a better state, but he was HALF BLIND, or unaware of something.)*

 

          Another scene:   I’m at my apt in B’klyn & this same man is here but now not as damaged. Somehow he’s partially healed – he even smiles a lot. I know it’s him by that whited eye, but his face looks much better, his body seems normal.

 

          *(EYE STILL WHITED: He still doesn’t see or understand why I am not trying to contact him.)*

 

          My Dad is here also & I tell both of them my SISTER HAS MOVED IN. I tell them that because both my Dad & this guy are now living with me. The man now wears a WIG made of all red braids, looks just like a mop or a RAG DOLL wig. The wig somehow hides his head injuries, wounds or scars.

 

          *(MAN SMILING-NOW IN MY APT WITH DAD: This is John in an improved state, suffering, but hoping for union or marriage with me. It gives him comfort, but there is still something he doesn’t understand.)*

 

          Another scene: I am in a different location & am LECTURING on a certain point. People are all around listening to me. Then one of my associates to the right – a female I think, tells me,

 

          “There is a group of homeless young males wanting to come in.”

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          *(HOMELESS YOUNG MALES: I sense this is my lover John, who is the same guy on the motorcycle with ‘no face,’ but he is comforted by accessing me somehow. The other boys are basically just saying ‘guys like him’ also access me this way – it’s my speaking videos on You Tube.)*

 

          I say,

          “Let them in.”

 

          When they enter I tell them to take seats.

 

          They enter the room to the right, which has a green Christmas tree there, covered with real red poinsettias. They play with the poinsettias, scattering them about. They are delighted that I allowed them in, gave them shelter. They were homeless indeed.

 

          *(XMAS TREE WITH POINSETTIAS: This sounds like my lover John accessed my speaking videos, where I make ‘points’ – I preach, teach & explain. This alleviated his suffering, as he can access me this way. He can see me, hear me & get my stories & teachings. So he is getting a lot out of this, it’s like Christmas to him.

 

          HOMELESS: Is when a person is lost, has no center or place of protection & security. This seeing me in videos made him feel he was with me.)*

 

          The group of them looks underprivileged, small in size like runts. One boy’s face I see clearly, his nose is peculiar, reminds me of an animal I have seen, he looks comical. Sort of a pyramid shape, hard to explain.

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          *(PYRAMID NOSE: It’s John getting ‘to me’ through my videos. Why is he looking like this – a runt – & comical face with pyramid nose?

 

          She: He’s your son, your child, he realizes that now so he is ‘humbled’ & appears like a ‘runt.’ The pyramid nose – the nose is a SENSE, smelling, tasting, sensing is like ESP, his inner sense brings him to you – recognizes some reality he might not have seen before, the meaning of your relationship. Prior to this he was on a ‘high horse,’ a ‘pedestal’ with you. Now no chasing, he sees he’s your little child. You have asserted your dominance over him. The

 

          PYRAMID: is a sign of perfection, so he is seeing THE TRUTH.)*

 

          What was so unusual is at this moment of my loneliness & isolation he drove up here & comforted me with his warmth—there is great sexual meaning here but it’s nothing gross or crude, it’s spiritual as well – like an angel appearing from Heaven to comfort me.

 

          *(COMFORT, SEXUAL & SPIRITUAL MEANING: We had sex, but our exchange contained love & spiritual depth.)*

 

          I look at the traction his motorcycle left on the ground in this alley – deep furrows – it’s been raining, the ground is black, the furrows are deep, as if a motorcycle had been here several times.

 

          *(BLACK FURROWS: He was here several times looking for me.

 

          IT RAINED: tears or sorrow, that I wasn’t there.)*

 

          But then his motorcycle is empty & it isn’t what I thought it was at all – it’s a walker with wheels, the kind Rudy (a disabled friend) has – it’s a vehicle for a DISABLED person with a black vinyl seat. This isn’t sexy at all.

 

         *(OVERALL MEANING: This explains how devastated John has been by my absence, but something has given him a lift, not sure what. His hopes are up & he feels things will improve.

 

DISABLED VEHICLE: He was disabled or unable to achieve his goal – couldn’t get to where he wanted.)*

 

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6-17-20-I STOP MAN SUICIDE

 

          I’m in my apt in B’klyn when I see a man, dressed in a classical grey suit with white shirt, maybe a tie, looks professional – this man is at my bedroom window & halfway out to jump 6 floors down, commit suicide.

 

          He’s already halfway out when I grab him & pull him back, then I have him lying in my arms & look at his face. His right eye is looking down to the left corner, like down to the middle of his body, while his left eye is somewhere else.

 

         *(SUICIDAL MAN: This is John the lover, who is

 

          GREY SUIT: mentally {grey is usually brain matter/mind} out of his mind & is halfway to killing himself because

 

          EYES 2 WAYS: he can’t see straight, which means understand something. Could be because

 

          MY BEDROOM: I am no longer making myself available to him for intimacy/sex – this is driving him crazy, he can’t understand it & is desperate for my love. He once had a

 

          WINDOW: of opportunity at my bedroom/window. He can’t understand what’s happened. I’m having multiple dreams about his confusion & misery.

 

          PROFESSIONAL ATTIRE, WHITE SHIRT, MAYBE TIE: The white shirt hints at marriage, the tie, something formal. He considered us a married couple although he didn’t publicly announce me.

 

          MY SAVING HIM: He hasn’t lost hope, however, something I do or have done brings him back to hope.)*

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6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF

 

          (Great lesson in this. God does not enter us or find union with us AGAINST OUR WILL. The famous pic of Jesus knocking at the door shows no HANDLE on the outside, the person must open the door for him to enter.)

 

          I’m with my daughter in the old farmhouse, in my bedroom.

 

          She’s AVOIDING me. I look for her – she has gone beyond our bro’s room, which joins ours, & is in the hall talking with a man, whispering. She has the room door closed with a thick fleece sheet, might be pink & blue, & she has made a room of the space of the hall—not a good area but she wants to escape me.

 

          *(SHEET OVER DOOR: There is what they call a VEIL between God & ourselves, my flesh for a while went to her own side – lost the intimate contact with me.)*

 

          Then it gets even worse, she’s in Mario’s room & I hear her talking with what sounds like a black man with a deep voice—they are speaking low so I can’t hear them.

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          *(MARIO’S ROOM: This is the key to WHY she lost contact with me – her God self – the worry or fear of losing HENRY, her lover. Mario’s room always represents separation from the man who is loved.)*

 

          Then I see my daughter standing by a wall, perhaps looking out the window, in a robe. She young, like a pre-teen.

 

          I go to her & try to befriend her, get close, but she repels me. I am a great energy, I try to get close but her force field repels me, (I feel it strongly as I try to move close) I cannot get within two feet of her. I cry out,

 

          “I AM GOD!”

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          But she mutters that this (me) is Satan.

 

          *(GOD VS SATAN: In my human self, at this time the dream says my doubts & fears over the lover ousted the Great God within me – I left God as I entered into this negative thoughts, lost faith in HER temporarily.)*

 

          I am wearing a diaphanous mint-colored robe, it seems to be made of sort of clouds, & I’m holding it open as I try to come close to her but can’t.

 

 

…………………………………………………………

 

6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS COME TO MY AID

 

          I was greatly troubled during the night, nightmarish fears of the multiple obligations before me. I called out again & again to the saints & angels to help me.

 

          I then went into a deep sleep & people & my past animals began to appear to me, all in a friendly manner.

 

          A female across the street came to visit, & she brought with her many boys, all of whom circled some sort of lawn-island in front of my house – all the boys were wearing black, some had on hats Indiana Jones style with some kind of small reeds on them (like straws) – all were around 12-13, really boys, not young men. It seems they belonged to her somehow, like they were Boy Scouts & she was their leader, & they are here for my benefit – not sure what they’re doing but they are here to comfort me, & feel better.

 

          *(NEIGHBOR LADY: Symbol of Mother God – could be Holy Virgin, seems like her. She brings to me

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          BOY SCOUTS: dead men who are my sons or clients, who I helped out of Purgatory, now come to my assistance. The

 

          STRAW or REEDS, {one in each hat}: represents ‘dead’ because you get straw only after the wheat dies, & their

          BLACK CLOTHING: says ‘funeral’ or they are the dead & their activity,

 

          DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING, JUST STANDING THERE: Is when people visit you just to show they are your friends, there is no ulterior motive, like they are not your employees, not looking for anything other than to support you.

 

          Then another female comes, then another. I’m confused as I don’t know who they are or why they’re visiting. I say,

 

          “Is this visit your neighbor day?”

 

          *(NEIGHBOR LADIES: These are the ‘angels & saints’ I called for just simply visiting me, no motive except to show their love.)*

 

          Then someone suggests we go inside. I am reluctant as everything is not perfect, like all in order. But as I look around the rooms are large, nicely furnished, I see an oriental rug in one room, mostly blue, the rooms are dark & kind of cool – inviting. The floors might be black lacquered wood.

 

          On a couch there are two men visiting me – don’t even know who they are. Then yet a third man appears sitting on the couch – all these people just appear – & he’s strikingly handsome with honey blonde hair – He puts his hand for me to shake, I do so in a warm manner. He has a strong look of love on his face. He’s wearing an attractive suit, a true green color & embossed on it are the same color checkers – like ‘tic tac toe’ checkers – I’ve never seen a material or suit like this. I am to the back of the couch; he’s sitting in it as he greets me.

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          *(MAN IN GREEN SUIT: This is either a saint from Heaven, who was martyred or someone on earth who has or is experiencing martyrdom. It might be my Beloved Husband who I have not been with for almost a year, he seeks to visit & comfort me. The

 

          TRUE GREEN SUIT: Might be saying ‘he’s one of the living.’ The WARMTH of our hands touching, reminds me of the dream of the biker who gave me his hand to comfort me, then he showed me he had NO FACE.

His hair & also look of love – when I saw him I felt an emotion I didn’t feel from the other men which again says ‘this is your Beloved.’

 

TWO MEN: This dream is filled with people I say I don’t know. Maybe I don’t, maybe I know some of them. These might be saints or angels.)*

 

          Then I want to introduce my dogs to them. I go to a further room & there on the floor lies GaGee Boy – except he doesn’t look like GaGee Boy – he is much smaller, like a chubby tiger cat, maybe 40 lbs, real cute, I pet him lovingly, his fur is so thick & pleasant to touch.

 

          *(WHO IS GAGEE BOY:         MomGod, stumped.

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          She: Gagee Boy is you in your dealing with John. You were the ‘big dog’ that scared him & some of his friends. You’re no longer scaring them as you’re not around, your ‘ferocity’, shown here as a ‘tiger’ has diminished, you are ‘dormant’ in the relationship or ‘lying down’ being petted like a tame cat.)*

 

          Then I look for Fruitcake, who I loved so much & who was so loving & suffered so much. Someone put him into a ‘dog house’ made of material like a stove or fridge, I bend down, the door to him is closed. (Door closed, he was confined.)

 

          This house is equipped with birdseed, packets of it like with millet, & there’s this European white cheese, a cheese with a skin—I dislike it, & I have said ‘no one wants millet, not even the birds, that’s why it’s cheap.’ I see many servings of this cheese on plates, but they are packaged to give him periodically – like this house is some sort of prison where all is provided but freedom & the outdoors – food, fresh air piped in. But to my alarm way back in this house are canisters with ice, I fear does this make his house way too cold? But then I see he has some sort of system in the back of this house which blows in fresh air {this is a hint where John lives the place has a back yard, another clue it’s John}. I don’t like his confinement, I have opened the door to this house & I encourage him to come out, & I see him halfway out. {—I’m beginning to get him out of it—must be my God Self as I’m doing nothing.}

 

          *(FRUITCAKE – SOMEONE PUT HIM IN THIS DOG HOUSE: This was hard to decipher but I think I got it. When you ‘put someone in the dog house’ it’s usually your husband who’s out of favor.

         

          Fruitcake again represents lover ‘John.’ He’s in a ‘dog house’ an appliance like a refrigerator where I look DEEP INSIDE & see canisters of ICE & have great fear it’s TOO COLD in there. This is our relationship ‘on ice’ or on hold—it is not active or warm.

 

          The food – is the emotional nutrition he’s getting. It’s terrible. This love/sex does not satisfy his HEART.

 

          The CHEESE is the sex as ‘cheesecake’ represents sexiness in a woman. This sex is the birdseed/millet nasty cheese food. After all, having sex with someone you don’t love is totally different than doing it with the one you love.

 

          His BODY is getting all that he needs – a house, food/sex, air, etc. but he is imprisoned, confined.

          In other words, you’re in a relationship where you have a roof over your head, the air you breath, food & sex, but you are not free to be HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.

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          Fruitcake is John & I am HALFWAY RELEASING HIM. I have no idea how I’m doing this unless he’s getting psychic messages.

 

MomGod, what do these two disclosures have to do with a dream where I’m calling for help?

 

She: This is explaining that your underlying pain is not the problems you face in life right now, but your separation from John. This is making you feel lonely, insecure & isolated – the same way he feels as the ‘man with no face’ & the ‘homeless boy.’

 

When people are separated from the person they love most in the world, they feel all alone, abandoned & even afraid.

 

Everyone in this dream is those who love you – either on earth or not. He’s one of the people on earth.)*  

 

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