Angels Stop Strangling

By Rasa Von Werder, February 2nd, 2021




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Theatrical name for Stanley Everts: Othello

Theatrical name for Bill McCardle: Faust


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It all started with getting raped by Bill McCardle, Mr. Southern California 1965. This rape led to a pregnancy which I had terminated in Mexico – I went to Acapulco to get it done.

{I was sad I had to do this, it was a boy I named Edmund. I prayed intensely for him years later, as I did for the seven babies my Mom aborted, & Edmund appeared to me a fully grown man, looked like half McCardle, half me, medium height, muscular, brown/red hair, very handsome, we were sitting in a hotel lobby on a round red velvet couch, he embraced me & said ‘I love you.’}

My husband, Stanley Everts, had repudiated my claim to the rape & believed it was consensual. Why? He had a ‘dirty mind,’ a low minded one because he was low. When I returned from the photo shoot he made some comment that my outfit had been tampered with – that I had taken off some safety pins holding it up in back – But I had to do that to go to the bathroom. He never thought of that? Of course not. I had been raped by the guy I was posing with – it was a setup. The photographer saw McCardle had a constant hardon, left the premises, opening the way for Scum to rape me. I did not explain this to Stanley Everts because I knew he wouldn’t understand.

I was right. I got the address & phone of Bill McCardle from body building authorities, & had just called him & was crying & talking to him on the phone. I was nineteen years old, I knew nothing, had no friend or relative to discuss things with – surrounded mostly by enemies. What did I think I’d accomplish by calling him? Nothing of course, but before you’re old & wise you’re young & dumb.

{While on the phone, crying & screaming at McCardle, Stan walks in. He takes the phone. The guy tells him it was consensual – Stan – OF COURSE! – believes him, case closed.}

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The photo shoot had been terminated as soon as the photographer returned & I told him of the rape – then the denial began, & I had lost my chance to be on the cover of Strength & Health magazine. On the long drive back they said all kinds of nonsense to discredit/demoralize me & injure my credibility – the usual behavior when a crime has been committed – they were fighting for their life, so to speak, they had just taken mine.

The trauma over, a new one begins: I am pregnant. OMG it can’t be Stanley’s because his recent operation for cancer surgery cut off his ability to bear young {I wish it had been done sooner as he forced the child that I had on me, I was not ready for motherhood, too traumatized by abuse, did not love the man, he twisted my arm into marriage, then without my consent, had an orgasm inside me without withdrawal – it was our honeymoon. And that first day of marriage, I was nailed. Bad consequences followed. I can see how forcing pregnancies on women when they don’t want them is one of the strongest slave-chains men impose.}

His surgery: He now had a COLOSTOMY – a horrible hole coming out of his side, where shit had to exit into a bag, the bag has to be changed periodically. I am SURE this situation would cripple him from approaching or landing any other woman for sex & marriage – I think he deserved this dilemma because of his dirtbag heart – & so, my walking away would make him feel terror, hopeless & helpless – he lost not only his nurse but his sex partner with no hope of another.

Abortions in 1965 in the U.S. are illegal, I have to go to Mexico.

{How my Mom had several abortions in this country must have been kitchen table – from what I understand, they do something to start the bleeding, then you can be admitted to a regular hospital to have it finished – this is my conjecture. I never saw or heard her do anything – she was the sneakiest person I’ve ever known. How did she, without speaking good English, find these illegal abortionists? Yellow pages? Dad was not around to help the last 3, Marius hardly spoke English. I have no idea how she managed. I also never saw her in bed with a man or affectionate to one – except way later the year I left her house, a guy named Bill was in her bed, she’d already gone……..I only saw her get dressed for a date once, putting on makeup, at the farmhouse when she worked at Brockway Glass. She must have gotten pregnant 3 times from one fuck.}

I fear going to Tijuana for all the bad I heard about it – I was ALL ALONE. I figured if I went to a swank place like Acapulco I’d be safer, so I booked a flight there. It took all the money we had – we were poor, Stan had just had an operation for cancer – he hardly worked, even when he did, he was a substitute, not full time teacher. So it cost me about 1K for the trip plus money I factored for the surgery. He still believed it was consensual.

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When I got to Acapulco it was heavenly. As soon as I got off the plane I smelled flowers in the air. It was nothing like the California desert, it was tropical. I checked into a hotel, got some kind of shots to try to conjure up my period, no dice. Then inquired about a doctor, which I found.

Meanwhile, I got involved. I had written a letter to Stan to try & patch things up – no answer. By the time an answer did come – I should have known mail would be slow – it was too late. He hated me, I can’t recall what the letter said, but I basically I told him he had wronged me. Maybe he apologized, I can’t recall, but now I got involved with local hotties! Yes, I was guilty as charged, having fun. What do you expect from a 19 year old girl who had suffered most of her life? Finally, a chance for ‘love’ {fake but it felt good} & ‘romance.’

I met one male I really liked – 19, he was a young Anthony Quinn, he just oozed sex appeal, we had wild & passionate sex, but enough on that for now, this will wait for the book on ‘my men’ forthcoming. There were other ‘affairs’ or sex flings, a few, mostly gorgeous. I wish I had photos. But again, I must move on with my purpose, on how the Guardian Angels protected me from Stan strangling me to death – twice.

Before I go on let me explain the truth which JUSTIFIES MY INFIDELITY or at least explains it, to those who think there is no excuse. There is. First off, I was never attracted to nor in love with Stanley Everts. He simply did not appeal to me in any way, physically, mentally or emotionally. We had nothing in common from within, he was not a great talent or mind – there was nothing to admire or learn from. Yes, he was a mid-grade teacher, but it doesn’t take genius to do that. I BTW marked most of his papers {of the students} I volunteered because I liked it – to me it was fun.

Now how he saw me. I surmise or believe it was just looks. I was beautiful {although I didn’t feel that way. By logic I knew I was, by feeling – no}. He saw me on the beach in Venice – muscle beach, I walked by & stood on the pier watching him play volleyball. I was wearing a pink second-hand bikini cheapskate Andre DeDienes bought for me – he bought me a wardrobe {I escaped NYC with one outfit, ‘friend’ Carol had stolen my suitcase with 90% of my clothes!} & the Goodwill store & a couple items at ‘Penny’s.’

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So as I stood there he noticed me. I had walked many beaches, for an hour, until I got to the Santa Monica Pier, he lived across from it – my future domicile. He was handsome, 6’2″ half ‘black Irish’ half Polish, nice face & body – lifted weights – but he did nothing for me. Oh yes, he was 34? The same age it seems that Dad & Mom got together. I was almost 17.

What was I doing there? I had been dropped off a day or so ago by Andre DeDienes, the ‘great’ photographer of Marilyn Monroe & Playboy, with $60 he owed me for modeling, on the street – just like that. He did not even bother helping me find a room, dwelling, nothing, just the street. {Because you guessed it, I wouldn’t fuck him.} I checked into the first rooming house I saw – a dump – for which I got grossly ripped off at $45 the week, & the manager had a HOLE drilled where he could see my room through the hole & jacked off while I slept – I could hear him talking to himself, & he was a gross beast, the kind that looked like he crawled out of a cesspool, had an IQ of about 60, lips that drooped below his lower teeth, unshaved, almost had saliva dripping down, weird eyes like he was looking at a ripe papaya he wanted to chew.

This was the place I exited walking down the beach looking for an answer, & Stanley Everts was a stumbling block that led to stepping stones – eventually – years later.

And to continue why my infidelity was blameless. He used me. I pleaded with him, after him forcing himself on me many times – to give me a loan where I could get an apt & a job as a waitress. If he gave me money for two months rent, I knew I could get the job I loved – being a waitress, & support myself. But he refused. He pretended he would help & took me one day to seek a place, but then dropped it.

In fact, he said WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED. Because he’s a school teacher, his reputation was at stake, he could not live unmarried with a female – it was now the end of summer, school would be starting soon. I told him I DID NOT LOVE HIM & he said, that would COME WITH TIME {it doesn’t.}

Put yourself in my shoes: Left home with Dienes, he leaves me on the street, I have no money, no place to live, no relatives, no loans, no nothing, & this man insists we have to marry. He was using me. He knew he had cancer & of course it might come back – I was insurance, a caregiver, a nurse. Secondly, I was beautiful, he could get off on me for sex. Thirdly, my appearance would impress his peers at school, would put feathers in his cap. But he gave me nothing but room & board, sex I didn’t like, he would impregnate me against my will, then he would try to keep me as his slave, uneducated, no driver’s license, no avenue out.

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I did try to continue my education at Santa Monica City College, & wanted a driving license, both of which he disapproved, – but I did it anyway. Then he got the cancer again, & also I found out I was pregnant, a double whammy that made me stay home for motherhood & care giving. He got his wishes – I did not get mine. I was now faced with drudgery.

After his operation he was paranoid he’d be impotent, because his sperm was defunct. To prove he could get his dick up – I slept late – every morning he would get under the covers by my feet, outside the bed & mess with my vagina to try to get off – it was unbearable. He was not bedridden yet – that would come later, but having no intestines & no sperm must have made him feel inferior. This is what I put up with & what I was facing.

Now I will channel him, he’s in Heaven due to my Purgatorial work – he spent 55 years there, longer than anyone else I ministered to. When I first perceived him on a throne of flames I thought he was in Hell. I shall ask:


ME: Stanley Everts, what did you see in me? Why did you pick me up & why did you force me to marry you?

OTHELLO: (I will use his theatrical name as even the thought of his real name sickens me} It was all looks. I didn’t care about your heart, soul or mind. I just wanted your body. So I pushed you into sex, whether or not you wanted it. It gave me pleasure.

Why the marriage? You were convenient. I saw you had a good heart, a good mind. You’d make a good wife I could depend on, especially if I got sick. You’d take care of me, you’d give me pleasure, yes, I used you. You were an innocent lamb to the slaughter, I was the butcher.

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ME: So you never had the least glimmer of love or caring for me? Ever?

OTHELLO: No, not in the least.

ME: Then on those two occasions when you started strangling me & the angels saved me, were you serious?

OTHELLO: Yes, I would have really killed you had the angels not made me stop.

ME: What about the consequences?

OTHELLO: Both times I was in a rage, when all reason & logic are lost. {end channeling}


OK I should now go on with the story. Have been channeling Ot {Othello for short} throughout the day & what comes out is how incredibly EVIL he was – in his own words. He’s telling me he was WORSE than Monster Mom. He says as evidence: {Channeling}

OT: Look how long I was in Purgatory – 55 years. Your Monster Mom was only there for 24 years – my cleansing was double. Remember when I first appeared I was on a throne of flames, demanding you help me – not in a nice way but like you had to. I shouted,


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You tried but it was difficult. I appeared to you over many years with hate toward you still inside me. You finally told God not to show me to you any more – my state was so unpleasant toward you that even when I improved, I hated you. You got fed up. Ten years went by & the day you asked God to show my state to you – open the door again – that act of charity released me & I ascended Heaven. Fifty five long years ended.

ME: I’m astounded that you were actually worse than my Mother. I thought I knew no one worse than her, but as you pointed out, your Purgatory was double.

Explain to me what exactly was your problem that you had so much hate & resentment? Why did you believe McCardle did not rape me but I allowed it? And of course I had sex with other guys after that, in Mexico, & was planning to leave you & go there, learning Spanish.

OT: I hated you & wanted revenge, I was consumed with it. My hate/revenge would not let me rest, would not give me peace. It took all those years to dissolve it.

ME: Did it not bother you that you cancelled your life insurance just before you died, rendering not only myself, but your child flat broke & impoverished? And the other insurance you had, a smaller one, was in your Mom’s name, not mine. She did send me part of that, but she kept like 1K of it. She was well off, she could have given me the entire I think it was 5K but she didn’t – this I received maybe a year after your death. Come to think of it you could have put the large insurance, the 20K, into your Mom’s name, maybe she would have given me at least part of that, it would have helped. She didn’t need it, but I was all alone with a small child & plenty bills.

OT: I had forgotten all about the smaller insurance in my Mom’s name – just didn’t think about it. The bigger one I was dead set on hurting you, & if it hurt our child, I didn’t care.

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ME: I don’t understand that kind of hate. How can you hate a person that much just for having sex with someone else? And wanting revenge so badly it lasted nearly 55 years. You were even jealous in Purgatory when I found good fortune – My second husband left me a large sum of money, he secured me for life, & this made you mad. Why this degree of hate? Explain it to me. Was your hate toward me greater than my Mom’s hate toward me? How evil were you compared to her?

OT: I put up such a good front, no one guessed how evil I was inside or how I hated you & hurt you. Jealousy can eat up one’s soul. It was that fire you saw me sitting in, like the Lincoln Memorial throne, I had myself on a throne of pride & consumed by hate, that was the fire. I died with this hate inside me.

Was it worse than your Mother’s for you? Yes, it was even worse, if that can be believed. If hers was a 7 – mine toward you was a 10. Overall she was a 7 of evil, I was a 9 – I did not hate my own mother but I didn’t care much about anyone else.

I only got saved by the skin of my teeth. I was lucky not to have fallen into Hell. The cancer I suffered began my cleansing, probably without it I would have been lost. I paid for my sins, oh, how I paid. You saw it over the years. It isn’t worth it to harbor hate & revenge, you pay for it in this life & the next, oh, how you pay.

ME: Now that you know you persecuted me unjustly regarding McCardle, do you see how evil you were? How I suffered?

OT: Of course I do. We all had our turns hating you, but that was your preparation for life, the great mission you had to accomplish. You were tested in the fires – like iron, steel, has to be tested to make it hard. You were chiseled down to nothing, where God could use you, there was nothing left of you when we got through – we took away your self esteem as a person, a woman, you did not believe in yourself, but you belived in God & God working through you, not your own personal strength or pride You had no ‘personal pride’ – you will understand this later, when God explains it to you.

ME: When I first saw you after your death, you said I had helped so many people. I suppose God was using me to help Souls in Purgatory then, but I wasn’t aware of it. How did you know about that?

OT: It was shown to me as I was there in Purgatory, it’s like if you’re on earth you see things on earth, if you’re in Purgatory, you see it, so I knew by spiritual eyes.

ME: What kind of a person was I in your estimation on earth – other than the infidelity.

OT: You were a giving, kind person, sweet in nature, obedient to God, virtuous. But I was not, & to a person like me, you were someone to use. It’s like your brother told you, we who are not pure in heart see the little lambs as ripe for slaughter, & we are the butchers.

ME: You were insanely jealous when my good husband Richard died in 2002 – I saw it, how God explained to you that he was wealthy, loved me & secured me. {I think after that I asked God not to show your state to me any more, & God heard me.} So 2002 – you died in 1966 – you still had HATE toward me – 36 years of hate. That hate consumed you, wasn’t it awful to harbor inside?

How did you feel when I asked God not to show you to me any more?

OT: Even though I hated you you gave me spiritual sustenance. You looked at me & saw ugliness but I looked at you & saw Light & Radiance. When you said ‘no more’ this vision was blocked to me & I was abandoned. I still had my Mom for comfort {from Heaven} but you were gone. I did not deserve to see you but I did for 36 years, then you put your foot down. You’re a source of sustenance to many souls, you don’t realize it, you are a beacon of Light to them like a Lighthouse & many Souls gain comfort from you.

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ME: I imagine the ‘Heroic Act’ helps a lot. How did the Holy Mass affect you & other souls, which I offered in various ways, – in the last years 20, celebrating it?

OT: It all helps. Being you helps, your nature, your soul radiates a lot of Light. Then prayers & the Holy Mass offered or better yet, celebrated by you, is the GREATEST GODSEND. When you say it every day for a month, many souls ascend, it’s wonderful.

ME: I saw Tiny Teenie with you in Heaven, my poor tiny cat who died. I grieved over him for 6 months. How is he & why is he with you, of all people?

OT: He isn’t actually with me personally, you had the vision of me being ascended, & you saw Tiny Teenie as if he was with me, but you would not allow him to be with me, you loved him too much, & I was too hateful too long to deserve such a thing. The vision was just to show you he was in Heaven. He’s happy naturally, no more suffering. You will see him as all your animals when you enter here.

ME: I do not cherish the thought of seeing you in Heaven, to be honest. It isn’t hate or dislike, I just don’t want the dubious honor, haha. How will you & I relate once I get to Heaven?

OT: There are many people who abused you now in Heaven that you will not want to see – Your Mom, brother, myself, maybe your Aunt.

People such as this will not be permitted contact with you unless you invite them – they have not earned the right. They might see you from afar, like a star on stage or in a movie, they will see your resplendance – they will be proud they were part of your life & know they had greatly offended you & could not come near you unless you allowed it. You might wave to some of these people, like your Aunt, because in her later years – after not speaking to you for 31 years – she ‘forgave’ you for those non-existent sins. So from your lofty perch you would wave to her or blow her a kiss, that is all. The Light coming out of you would also be difficult for them to bear unless you temporarily mitigated it, it would be like them staring into the sun or coming near a blazing fire.

ME: My Dad is 3 feet tall in Heaven, My Mom & bro are 2″. How tall are you?

OT: I am only 1″ tall, half the size of your Mom & bro.

ME: How do you perceive my State, like Height or status, in Heaven? What about your Mom? What kind of Light is she in & how tall?

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OT: Wow, you’re a giantess to me, like Joan of Arc, that’s the best description of you. And you have Light streaming out of you even now, from various places where you have been Anointed; your Heart is like St. Gertrude the Great, your head is a beacon of Light like a Lighthouse, your hands have Light coming out of them.

My Mom is average, not low, not high, just in between, – I’m not even sure as I’m only an inch tall & I see her emanating Light, but those who are relatively small in Heaven like me cannot hobnob with those who are higher. I’m lower than average, she’s average. When you go to Heaven the Onus is on you if you want to communicate with those who are lower.

And so, as I said, you do not have to communicate with me, your Mom or bro or your Aunt – or anyone lower than you – if you don’t want to. If you do bend down to them, you’re doing them a favor, like you bent down to speak to your Dad & kind of said as a joke, how’s the weather down there?

OK now I will explain how you tried to kill me twice.
I had returned from Mexico & you saw me trying to learn Spanish, writing & reciting it, & you were pissed. I had already told you I was moving to Mexico when I was ready. You grabbed me, pulled me into the bedroom, knocked me on my back with your knees holding down my chest & began to choke me screaming that if you couldn’t have me, no one would.

Just as it was getting worse & worse I felt the presence of God, maybe a flutter of wings, white Light was there, & your hands went limp & you stopped.

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I saw it as a fluke, did not realize I was in mortal danger & it would happen again.

The second time, a week or two later, was the same scene repeated, the Presence of God appeared, saved by my Guardian Angels, but this time, when you stopped, I grabbed the baby & ran out the door. I went to the supervisor’s apt, he & his wife lived in the building, asked him to walk me back up {we were on the third floor, he was on the first} so I could pack & leave the place. I took a taxi out of there & checked into a modest hotel in Hollywood. {This happened at 16525 Sunset Blvd, Pacific Palisades, Ca.}

I never saw this man as a ‘murderer’ even after he tried to kill me, but he was. He emphasizes to me now that had it not been for God’s intervention, I would have been dead.

He gave off a front of being a normal ‘nice guy.’ He was handsome, personable, good social skills, decent education, liked sports, {went to games all the time, football, hockey, all that crap}, lifted weights. He did not look or act like ‘murderer’ so take my word – you can never, ever tell who is from the outside in.

He had my Dad fooled – Dad came to visit me, stayed with us. He said Stan was a ‘fine man.’ Hardy har har, good judge of character Dad. Would you have come to my funeral?   

To be continued…..2-2-21

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