College of God & Love, Core Tenets

New Portal with Nick! Help Souls!

9-27-23 Rich gets me a new apt he’ll pay for –

Means Nick gets me a new portal to help Souls & he will suffer for it

Fascinating development to do with Purgatory. And I understand something I did not before – that when I dream about the B’klyn apt it is my PORTAL TO PURGATORY! – {Why? Because my most memorable spiritual events happened there. Seeing God Face to Face twice, Mary giving me Evangelical Virtues, Mary asks me to take the vow of celibacy – Interior Divine Stigmata!}

It starts with this family I’m visiting at the B’klyn apt. They are poor. I’m mostly dealing with the lady.

I first see this lady with a little son near her mopping the entire floor of where the apt’s are on our floor. The staircase, she has shut a ‘door trap’ like just wood, so that it looks like just a floor, no opening, & she is MOPPING, cleaning the entire floor. It’s some kind of act of charity or love – She doesn’t have to do this but she is, & I’m impressed. I tell her the ‘room’ looks beautiful now that she’s cleaning it – & it’s clean for everyone, all the people living on this floor. The floor is a yellowish color, maybe linoleum.

John Alexander Dowie {above} was a Protestant but he believed in Purgatory – He took me there

*{THIS IS A LADY on earth who represents a Soul or Souls in Purgatory. She is a person who told me about her house burning down – all was lost – even the kitchen utensils – everything. The house requires all goods for 3 adults & 3 college aged persons.

I happened to have an entire large apt of goods from kitchen to living to bedroom plus many other things I did not need – things I used for photography backgrounds, things I had that I anticipated for parties at my house – lovely things my late husband bought me. – All the best. I gave this lady for her & her people, all of the above & expecting nothing more than simple ‘thanks’ which I anticipated & got – I kept reminding myself this was for God & myself to empty myself of stuff I didn’t need which was a burden.

And so it was. And mind you, many things had to be laundered, organized, carried to my car – loaded into hers {she didn’t help} – there were 5 ½ car loads. In my condition – hurting back & two hurting hips – it was not the easiest, but I did it. It was a month of work.

This opening scene shows that this lady DESERVED or EARNED what I gave her, due to her past CHARITY. But we will see later in the dream how things change.}*

That scene is over. Now I visit her in her apt & somehow it has to do with mine also. This part is confusing or jumbled. Which is hers, which is mine? It’s extensive & I have come, out of my good heart, to help her. I do all sorts of things for her that I don’t have to do. In the end she is not grateful & I am hurt, I pace up & down the floor, saying,

“All I wanted or expected was RESPECT.”

But she did not give it – Strange deal. It’s like she would not tell anyone WHO I WAS – just my name, address, & told everyone involved, the moving men who brought items here to her place {furniture I donate, etc} not to speak of me, to me, about me. Not to know anything about me. Just put the items in, finito. It makes me anonymous & invisible. No love for me, no gratitude from anyone.

{I had been thinking, wishing I guess, maybe she would tell her housemates who I was – they could look me up on the internet. Maybe they would take a shine to me. Maybe they would ring me up & invite me over when their new house was organized & ready for live in. She said they were expected to be well set up by Christmas. Maybe they would invite me for Christmas, since half the stuff in their new house would be from me?….But no such luck, nothing. No gratitude, no recompense. I did it for me & God & it seems here, lol, Purgatory Souls.}

Her apt, mine, & a third party’s, it’s all on the same floor & we are sort traversing back & forth. Her apt is very large, cluttered, I am helping. She’s stooping down here as in the original scene, organizing.

After a while I go out. Outside I pass by a man I think is a ‘lowlife.’ I don’t speak to him but ‘hello’ as I know him. He’s wearing a soft off white grayish t-shirt that is folded over his middle – the middle slightly protruding – later the lady I’m helping is wearing the exact same garment {means she has given in to him} as I will explain, she hooks up with him!

{LOWLIFE MAN: This is a DEMON lurking about, & by his stomach protruding slightly over the not white, light grey t shirt {not white is not pure, grayish would be mental thoughts} could be the TEMPTATION TO GREED rather than gratitude. As the stomach protruding is ‘full stomach,’ someone wants to eat or consume more than they need – greed.}

OK, she goes out then & when she comes back she says she saw this man, & they are now some sort of ‘partners’ & he’s going to make a movie of her! This astonishes me. What kind of movie? What for? She’s a nobody & I don’t think has any qualities for an actress or movie star. But she stands there are lit up, cheerful, wearing a dark outfit but decent. Her hair is black, she might be Spanish like the other people in my building. What is going on?

{THIS INDICATES she hooked up with the demon, gave into his temptation of GREED – she becomes mated or One with him is he has possessed her – & making a movie would be what? Probably ‘making a move’ or moving/acting in the way he wants.}

Now we needed to have a meal but after untold hours, no meal is forthcoming. She did not cook – I am hungry. So I decide to go out, have a meal.

Before I do so I got dressed in nice clothes, sheer stockings, high heels, a thick soft light colored jacket, a soft sheer top falling in folds. I open my jacket to show her,

“I’ve lost weight! Fifteen pounds”

I say, & she’s impressed.

When I walk down the street, people will be impressed at the beauty of my body.

She asks me if I’m going to some popular modern restaurant called ‘Raspberries,’ but I tell her I’m going to my ordinary usual place.

But alas, things don’t work out so well. I want to go to ‘Anne’s’ where I used to go once a week for a hamburger when I was trying to persuade her to let me preach there.

But as I walk down the street, every restaurant is covered by a super-large blue cotton cloth {‘sense image material’, I saw that cloth in a photo of me yesterday, it covers a car; I used it as a backdrop for photography. I still have it.} Other stores are open, all kinds with all sorts of paraphernalia I didn’t need, open to the street, but by the time I get to the end of the street {I’m not going any further} I have not seen Anne’s nor any other restaurant, & I return home. And no one noticed me except the ‘lowlife’ man.

What do I feel about this man? Like he’s a shady character, trying to run some con game or a scheme, just hangs around seeing whom he can take in. He was holding something in his hands like a calculator, phone, or gadget which he’s surmising. And the lady friend falls for him & somehow, they become partners like he becomes her mate or something. As I said before, it astonishes me that she accepts him.

So I never got to eat a meal & nothing good happened out there in the street for me, in spite of my beauty – Disappointment, frustration.

{THIS REITERATES once again how I received no recompense from this transaction. No MEAL {nourishment, emotional} from her, & when I am filled with the BEAUTY OF CHARITY it does me no good. I go out there {in a sense, to Purgatory, where I often in the past, traveled in my most beautiful, sexy clothes. And losing weight is I have improved spiritually, I am lighter toward being that Feather they indicate in the Egyptian Book of the Dead} & cannot even FIND a place that would appreciate me – nothing. I cannot get to ‘the other side’ where the Souls are – Purgatory – symbolically – as every restaurant is VEILED/covered/hidden from me. I get to the Souls by nourishing them through the Holy Mass, or prayers, or sufferings, where the restaurants symbolize that, but here, even though I am qualified spiritually, I can’t get to them.* Which is the same as getting some sort of reaction from this Lady recipient &/or her household.

SHE asks me if I’m going to the restaurant called RASPBERRY – which means in slang: contempt, mockery or displeasure. A person puts their tongue in between their lips & makes a sound blowing to indicate this. She is saying, in a sense, that’s all I will get for my charity lol.}*

Another scene is I walk into a nearby apt – it’s open. It’s as if a person has the bare necessities like sleeping on the floor – it’s all neat, clean, lovely, – rugs & pretty blankets, but sparse. Who does it belong to? I vaguely recall a man with his family but now he’s alone. I ask the lady friend about this. She says,

“Oh, I looked him up. He was deported from Italy.”

It’s then that I ask her about his family.

{CANNOT figure out what this symbolizes. A man has deserted his family. He was deported. It could be some karmic symbol: What you do comes back to you.}

I’m still sitting here talking to the lady friend, in spite of all that happened, & I muse,

“Richard is renting me a new apt, {in a good neighborhood! – Williamsburg, where THIS is located, was then not a slum, but close to it. Most people were on welfare} & he will pay for it! {This is a big deal, a great Grace.} & then I see in my mind’s eye, glancing at my apt across from us – it seems small but terribly cozy & it’s mine all mine – no one else can ever have it! I say,

“I will NEVER give up this apt!”

The feeling I get from looking at my place is one of great love & exclusivity. It is unique, special, & it is rent controlled.

{THIS IS MY PURGATORY PORTAL! I am in POVERTY so Souls can receive my RICHES! I declare I will NEVER give this up! {Poverty is suffering, emptiness of earthly or even spiritual [dark night of the Soul, Mother Teresa of Calcutta was in it most of her adult life] joys}

Now it’s time to take off with Richard {my late husband who was good – when he appears he is always, so far, Nick Van Dunk, my dead third husband. He’s been appearing to me even when alive, as various men in my past. The evil ones when he’s being evil, but when he is perfect, he shows up as Richard, who was the perfect husband, kind, benevolent, & doing me great good.}

Rich & I go to an open store on the street. They’re selling books. I want books on interior décor – I might even hire a decorator to fix my new place. After I choose the books I want, I hold them in my arms, & they weigh a ton. It’s hard to carry them. He’s supposed to help me I think, but Rich is gone, he went to get the car – a luxury car {this makes me proud}.

*{WHAT ARE THESE BOOKS ON DÉCOR WHICH ARE HEAVY? Mother God: These could be the biographies of those who are dead, that now need help. You carrying them is SUPPORTING them. They are heavy as they were heavy with sin & need cleansing. You are asking or anticipating your good husband will help you, & he’s going to do just that!

The LUXURY car is a symbol of spiritual magnificence, lol.}*

So he appears again, I presume we got in the car, & now we’re at the location he found for my new apt.

He walks ahead of me, he has the key. I notice it’s a substantial building, a good strong, brown lacquered door in front. The opening around the door is rather narrow, but it’s OK – this is a crowded city. He eagerly opened it & went in. I thought about how he searched, how hard it is to find a good apt in a good neighborhood, but he did it. I glance backward to check the neighborhood.

*{HE HAS THE KEY: Is a big symbol of Nick’s initiation toward this. Brown lacquer – brown is suffering, not as bad as black which is death, but next to it. He is willing to suffer for his dead & living friends but we have to work together.

The convenience & stores are being able to get RESOURCES of which there are many. The RED of the items is almost always the red of BLOOD – suffering, pain. He will endure it. Let’s have a laugh – how many opportunities do we get on this earth to suffer?

Mother God, what is me anticipating the most luxurious furniture?

MG: It’s the comforts you’ll give the Souls. Furniture is for comfort.

Crossroad is the Cross of the Lord.}*

It’s right in the middle of the huge city & has many-floored {10 floors or so} stores everywhere, I can see the items for sale as if through the walls – most colors are light red, many buildings like that. We are at a crossroad. Yes, it’s a business district, not residential. Not so much for looks but convenience, I can shop easily from this place.

I do not, in this dream, see the inside of the apt. But I imagine I will get the best, most expensive furniture & maybe even hire an interior decorator. I want it to be exquisite & I want to show it to the folks in the previous building – the lady & all the poor folk. This new place is a big deal; I am so excited & proud.

MEANING:

This is a significant event. It means my spiritual husband Nick has created A PORTAL in union with me – the way that Saints use us people on earth as portals – to reach Souls in Purgatory. What is so unusual is I’m not sure how this is but from revelations it seems he’s both in Heaven & on earth – doing his Purgatory with me {as I suffer he suffers}, yet having himself also in Heaven where my Soul is.

And being in my Soul-place, like a Saint, gives him the onus of using my Office or Portal to Purgatory to reach his clients. For whatever reason, he has been & will continue to use me to reach those on earth or dead – his friends – who need spiritual help {this would be all of them, lol, all drug addicts.}

What is absolutely unusual is he will PAY for the new apt or portal {supposedly ‘for me’} which means he will SUFFER to ‘pay’ for the privilege of using me to reach his clients/friends, so that would be his own Purgatory! So this indicates he’s both in Heaven & on earth with me! Because the Saints in heaven cannot PAY for anything as they can’t suffer – that must be why they must use US, on earth, the Church Militant, to reach Souls in Purgatory. His ‘paying’ proves he is on earth with me.

And oh yes, what does one thing have to do with another? The example of the ungrateful Poor Lady I helped vs Nick wanting to help me? Karma. God, instead of the fulfillment you would have helped had she been grateful, gave you another Gift instead – Nick helping you with Souls!

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Help Nick’s Poor Souls

9-25-23 Sleepless Night – Help Nick’s Clients

This indicates he summoned me here to the Purgatory or condition of his friends, to help them again.

How can you describe six hours of mostly tossing & turning? When I did doze off intermittently had this bad dream:

I’m at the old farmhouse when I hear a great deal of noise. Going through the front door of the living room – {has 2 doors, regular & glass} I open the regular & look through the glass. There is a WAR going on, later I surmise between two rival street gangs. One of them has a machine gun rat-tat-tatting up on the hill forward, others have guns. I see a young male, maybe a child, lying face down on our front lawn & I scream to my mother:

“There’s a war & a boy is lying dead on our lawn!’

She runs to the door & instead of just looking through, she opens it wide to look, then comes back in the house, leaving the door open!

I run to shut the door yelling at her why does she leave the door open when there’s a machine gun & guns out there? Happily, I see the boy is NOT dead, but was lying face down to avoid the bullets.

I’m having trouble shutting the door as it seems there’s a GAP or opening there even when I close it. I seem to see plaid TARTANS somehow at the edge of the door. When I close it, the gap remains & the tartans, with blue in them I think, are present at the opening, like a FRAME on the edge or edging.

I blame my mother for this. She looks to have frizzy grey hair, gaunt & skinny. She’s kind of just running off taking no responsibility, I’m the one concerned.

I see two sides here, & a group of young males, reminds me of the gangs in B’klyn, are calling out for now,

“WE WON!”

It seems like a protracted battle & sometimes one side wins, then the other. My old time friend ‘Buck’ from B’klyn seems to be the leader of one side, which has members inside our house, so I guess it’s our side.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Nick appears {as soon as this happens I’m HAPPY – my Beloved dead husband. How did he get here – walk? Or got a ride? I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure he had my address.

He’s near me in the living room which is dim & has plush modern {stark} brown couches & sofas I imagine without seeing them. He’s just like real life when he was 22, young, beautiful, thin, wearing a light blue cotton shirt – don’t see the sleeves, but it’s summery.

I complain to him what’s going on. He’s VERY CALM – not worried or upset.

I take him into the kitchen, which is well lit & then as I glance around realize I live in a MANSION & this is proven by my kitchen – large, rather luxurious – well stocked with items poor people don’t have.

While I sat in the living room I kept calling to a maid-type girl or ‘underling,’ {young, chubby, light clothes}

‘Bring a cold beer please,’

{I’m being authoritative}

but the girl doesn’t do it, so then I take Nick to the kitchen.

I look into the fridge & say,

“They’ve drank all the beer!”

{the gang}

But then I see I have an almost full bottle of Evan William’s Whiskey & show Nick that. He says,

“That’ll do – even better!”

So I get two glasses & find ice, put ice in. His will be stronger than mine, so his glass I’ve chosen is smaller. I hope he doesn’t think I’m stinting him. As I pour the ice, some of it melts & I want to get rid of some of this water before I pour the whiskey on ice, which I do but am fumbling. Finally we’re all set to enjoy this.

Then Nick says,

“Now give me a good comfortable seat t sit as he heads back into the living room. He’s STOOPED forward & coughs!

I glance in the kitchen at a black lacquered ‘farmhouse’ kitchen chair with spindled posts on the back & wonder would that have been a place he could sit comfortable? But apparently that’s not what he wanted.

Forgot to say earlier when I showed him the whiskey I also pointed at other liquors one in a round dull covered goldeny pot on another table, & something else, & I’m sort of bragging saying,

“We have that – & that – we have sherry.”

I wanted to show him we have A LOT of liquors, we have abundance / prosperity.

Then I follow him into the living room where we’ll enjoy our drinks. It’s much dimmer than the kitchen, & between it & the kitchen the entire wall is glass with open partitions, but the lighting is very different.

MEANING:

As soon as I understood the PURPOSE of my suffering the suffering went away. That’s why God doesn’t always tell us the purpose, because the pain gains merit. In this case, it’s again good ole’ Nick who has brought me his friends, the drug addicted – who died from overdoses. And they drank all the beer, means they received benefits from this office already, prior to his arrival. Beer, liquor, wine,

are all ELIXIRS of SPIRITUALITY, in other words, the NECTAR of God’s Love.

This would come out of the Holy Mass, prayers, sacrifices & sufferings – it’s the Grace of God.

This shows that Nick is abut to receive from my office, a HIGHER elixir than are his friends. No doubt as he has summoned the occasion. They had beer, he gets whiskey. I brag about the other liquors to say how abundant we are here with God’s Grace. The Golden Pot especially seems like something special. It has a lid on it which hints it’s reserved for Feast – Gold is Love.

Why I wonder how he got here? Seems unusual as he’s united to me in secular terms, the ‘twin flame’ condition. I surmise the question is about the Purgatorial aspect, as it takes Great Ability to gain the Office or Portal of a person like myself, to access this for the Souls {living or dead Souls}. I am asking how he gained this ability to ‘get here.’

The WAR is the war of drug addicts against their addiction. The demons are on the OTHER SIDE or the side of ‘do evil – kill yourself – hurt yourself with drugs.’ They fight this continually, fearing death. The devil has them ‘outgunned’ with a machine gun & artillery, but they are with me, inside my house & on my lawn – which means under my CARE, SUPPRT & PROTECTION. This could mean these people are NOT DEAD, so are they the Holy Souls or those living? The living would have the struggle. Either way, they are Souls needing help & Nick has brought them to me.

My mother – why does she look as she does, why does she leave the door open with the tartan symbol?

Without a doubt, she has facilitated this occasion, she has left open the door or window or opportunity for me to communicate with these Souls & SEE that I’m helping them. Otherwise my pain is meaningless.

The TARTAN is the Scottish Highlands, & wearing it proves kinship with one clan or another. My clan is the Friends of God, & we are UNITED so the tartan symbolizes.

Mother is looking skinny, haggard & frizzy grey haired {also naked} to prove my condition – which is frustration, worry, helpless as I toss & turn all night. In real life the God Self does not have such feelings, this is SYMBOLIC.

Our side, the gang leader claiming victory is because they have WON the Grace of God against the demons, who want to destroy them by having them turn against God & give in to the futility of drug addiction.

Nick appears unfurled because he knows I’m in charge & doing good for his clients. His light clothing, also light blue, is to show ‘summer’ where one can be open to the season, one does not have to bundle up against the force of the cold. He is in a warm, loving place, a place of God’s Grace, with me, which is like the pleasantness of summer or Heaven. Light blue is also a color most people Ascend with.

I call out to a girl to serve us beer – for Nick. But she does not bring it. This elixir or Grace has already been consumed by our side of the battle.

Taking Nick to the kitchen is giving him the reward for his efforts. It’s a Grace higher than the participants, he is the founder of the Feast – he gets the best.

I’m bragging about all the Grace available to me, hinting to the future.

What are the two glasses, the ice & ice melting, his glass stronger, therefore smaller, me fumbling?

It seems to me this is the Blood of Jesus & Mary appearing in the Holy Mass which will be transmitted to him. Ice melting could be my struggle to make sure it is said every day – melting ice is time gone by. I don’t want to procrastinate the Mass & every day I make sure I say it. His cup smaller & stronger? Could be saying more Grace is transmitted to him than myself from this. Why? He needs more.

Why is the light dimmer in the living room & the kitchen all lit up? The kitchen is where I say the Holy Mass, much Spiritual Light is generated. But Nick & I are enjoying the benefits of this Grace in the living room, our regular life; it gives us Peace & Rest.

Then he has his Gift & is bent forward & coughs, asking for a comfortable place to sit, heading for the opening to the living room. I glance at the black shiny lacquered chair in the kitchen & wonder if that was alright, but he is headed or the l.r.

The black kitchen chair could mean ‘more suffering’ to gain more Light. But he has HAD ENOUGH, showing he can do no more – kind of disabled or ‘sick’ revealed by his symptoms. It does not show my condition but I’m following him to enjoy the fruits of our labors!

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

Mysterious Wonderful Dreams

9-22-23 Mysterious Important Dreams – My husband Nick – Sri Kaleshwar – Arnold!

At first I dismissed it as some kind of SEX dream but it is NOT about sex!

I see Nick {my husband in life & still in death} walking ahead of me, his left arm in a sling with a gauze cloth. I go up to him & ask him if his arm is broken. He takes off the cloth & shows me no, but there is a sort of box here & inside it a little mouse!

I am kind of ‘following him around’ scene to scene trying to get him to pay attention to me – maybe make love – but he is distracted.

Then I see someone he IS interested in! She’s sitting there looking at something else – not him – her eyes seem abstracted either looking UP like to Heaven or looking IN like the Interior of one’s self.

Her skin is completely BLACK, shiny; she is thin.

As he sits to her left – he’s naked – he has a terrible hardon that’s so hard it HURTS & he makes noises & sounds to show his frustration & pain.

As I sit there I wonder WHO IS THIS WOMAN? I am curious & not sure if I’m jealous, more curious than anything.

MEANING: The meaning is a WHOPPER. The woman is ME!

I am here in my HighestCenter, or the God Self, & I’m black to Nick because he cannot understand or reach me, as God is ‘blackness’ to us. Shiny is the Light that would radiate from me if one could see it, & thin is being empty of this world, fat being the opposite.

He no longer has a BODY so the ordinary love-sex of this world is distant to him. But he LONGS to be ‘where I’m at’ – the Higher Realm, but he can’t so he’s terribly frustrated & in pain.

The beginning where I think he’s got a broken arm but he shows me a mouse is his DISABILITY to be where I am because he is TOO LITTLE or spiritually small – like a mouse – to join me in my Higher Consciousness.

So here, having a ‘hardon’ is a symbol in general terms of ‘having a hardon’ for what one wants & needs.

9-22-23 Another Nick Dream – Is it Purgatory?

I am on the streets of B’klyn where I used to live. There’s poverty & want all around me. Poor children are everywhere. I help one, can’t recall now exactly how but it’s a little girl, maybe 7 years old.

Nick is also around. I try to get him interested in me, but he doesn’t pay attention. He is with these various poor people. I follow him around.

At one point I’m next to him & I touch his arm. He’s wearing a very soft, rumpled fleece long-sleeved shirt, sort of vanilla color. I hold my hand on his elbow, feeling the softness.

He’s leaning into someone he’s talking too. He kept going here & there, from one group of poor people to another, he’s involved with them.

MEANING: It sounds like Nick has once again taken me to his Purgatory, the world of all those friends who died of drug overdoses. His mind is on them, he wants me to help them & I do help one female. He might be trying to gain Grace through this charity, which he has learned from me, is the highest thing one can do & the thing I am most concerned about – the Holy Souls.

9-22-23 Sri Kaleshwar dreams

All I did was look at the picture of Sri Kaleshwar several times & had these experiences.

In one I had on an outfit that had a black super miniskirt but along with it under it a light green twill stretch tight skirt to my knees or lower {see it both ways} – so it’s not overly revealing. I was walking or dancing in this & it made Kaleshwar ANXIOUS or uncomfortable so I was showing him I was really covered with the second skirt. I see his eyes full of some sort of FEAR.

But the next scene I decide to placate him & I don a special coat. It’s really fantastically designed, red, of soft expensive Cashmere wool. It is buttoned down but the opening of the coat in front goes not straight up & down but a zig zag design – across the body. It’s also buttoned with large red buttons, about 2” across, but only 3 are closed, on top.

There’s a huge ‘boss Lady’ watching me from the corner as I DANCE in this coat. Kaleshwar is to the left also watching. I dance & dance, doing twirls, dance beautifully & finally come to the end when I quit. This satisfied Kaleshwar.

There’s a third dream I can’t recall right now.

MEANING:

Mother God, need your help. What could Kaleshwar be afraid of?

MG: As you suspected it’s your Power from the Grace you have obtained due to things you have done or not done. The super short black miniskirt comes right up over your crotch, no further, so it’s a hint that it might be about CELIBACY as it just covers the vagina. Then there’s a second skirt that covers it, light green twill, etc. What is that?

That might be saying,

“But at some point, I quit the celibacy out of obedience to God, went out into the world & did what God told me to do – ‘stop suffering’ – have fun – lol – but I suffered worse than had I stayed celibate!”

This series of events – celibacy then painful being out again, gained a HUGE amount of Grace from God!

The reason Kaleshwar is nervous or anxious is first, he was NOT celibate. You found out from his disciple he was actually MARRIED while denying it to the Press!

And so he has no such Grace as you received for either discipline, so it makes him ‘uncomfortable’ as he cannot claim the same sacrifice or Grace.

You are mollifying Kaleshwar by showing him the second skirt. {It’s GREEN to show LIFE while the black one over your crotch is BLACK to show ABSENCE/DEATH/NO LIFE} so sort of like saying,

“It’s OK you weren’t celibate, look, I went out for eleven years & did a lot of dating & sex.”

But he isn’t pacified like this – still feels, in a symbolic sense, ‘guilty,’ so you show him another Grace of yours.

ME: OK, that Grace is the red coat, where I dance before the huge woman who I suspect is Our Holy Mother. What is this Grace? I know red means suffering, but which suffering, as I’ve had my share of every kind. Is it a suffering we share in common – Kaleshwar & I?

MG: I will just make a guess it’s the Interior Divine Stigmata, which signifies TOTAL LOSS or complete devastating HEARTBREAK. Perhaps you share that, so he’s comfortable observing it, as you show off the Grace from it under the eyes of Our Holy Mother.

ME: Please describe the coat as to how it symbolizes this.

MG: It’s a coat, a large garment signifying it didn’t just affect one part of you, but your entire life. Designer indicates EXPENSIVE or something of the HIGHEST VALUE, costly in terms of what you gave for it. Besides being totally devastating, painful & traumatic, you lost the use of your spiritual faculties for EIGHTEEN YEARS. Expensive indeed.

The Cashmere is the PRICEY COAT LIKE WOOL. {Wool is from sheep which are identified with those who obey God. Goats don’t – symbolically. But here wool is wool, symbol of ‘friend of God.’} Cashmere goats live

high in the mountains of Mongolia. Only a part of their soft hairs are harvested in the molting season of Spring.

The 3 buttons fastened on top? Could be Faith, Hope & Love of God – the ‘Theological virtues.’ Could be Poverty, Chastity, Obedience, awarded to me by the Holy Virgin after special prayers.

Why the zig zag or ‘across’ opening to the coat? Could mean,

‘This Grace goes ‘across the board’ – it covers EVERYTHING or affects everything. It’s not a limited type Grace.

The dancing is performing or exercising what had to be done to attain this Grace. {end}

9-23-23 Happy Arnold Dream

There’s something going on that my two lady friends & I know about. It’s a big new body building contest – all the old timers are in it, including Arnold. It’s in a Mall nearby.

So my friends & I are hanging out & now I see the two ladies are DRESSED FOR BED/SLEEP! And one of them says, re the contest, which is now over,

“Arnold is still here….he’s at such & such place.”

At this I see the opportunity; I must go there & meet up. But these two aren’t dressed! I have to literally pull off their pajamas & sleep wear {I must become ALERT & AWARE to something, not unconscious or ASLEEP! – It’s a REVELATION!} & they also have on their regular clothes, leaving the reg clothes. It takes energy as I treat them as if they were little children & they are physically little to me like children – one is like 5-7 year old size, the other even smaller.

So now we 3 go to the area behind the stage. Before doing so I see somehow a flash from the contest. Arnold is young again, his muscles look terrific as he does a double bicep pose among the lineup of guys all close to him – & looks as good as he ever did – & I think he wins. The spotlight shone on him so I could see.

Now we are at the back where all the contestants have gathered & no one is saying where Arnold is. I will have to use strategy to figure out, or maybe I will position myself for him to see me.

I light up into the air, dancing. Then I see a strong light by the side of the building {we are behind the mall} & dance there, in the air, so I am lit up & wherever Arnold is, he’ll see me.

I notice another section where you have to walk up higher – the men are scattered all over, here & there. It’s like a tradition {in my dream} that after a contest they gather to kibitz. I know Arnold wants to be hidden because of too many fans, so it’s most likely he’ll go there I reckon.

So I go up there to the left & I see someone that could be him. There are two ‘heads,’ one above the other. The bottom head I don’t see a body clearly, the top I do – he’s sitting. Both faces are COVERED BY HATS. The hats are made of fake fur, flat on top, with rims a few inches wide, & these rims go over the eyes so one can hide their identity.

I go to the first head, take off its hat, then another & another, & underneath see it’s just a mannequin.

Then I move to the top head & he feels slightly nervous as he knows it’s him & I’ve caught him. I pull off his hat & there is another one semi-hiding his forehead, but it looks like him – his eyes are blue -I believe it is.

Then I start talking, calling him Joe. When I say ‘Joe’ he reacts – I wanted to hear him speak, then I’d know it was him. And he does speak, turning to the friends behind him, saying something like,

“She calls me Joe,”

meaning that is NOT his name. And then by what I can see limited but what I can hear, that is more telling, I know it’s Arnold.

I said to him,

“You look great.”

It has occurred to me only recently that the extent to which Arnold took revenge against me – trying to deprive me of all recognition as the First Female Body Builder – promoting strongly Lisa Lyon in my place – when you love or desire a person so much, you also HATE them equally much when rejected. His intense hate of me when I did not want him proves HIS LOVE or desire. I never thought of this before!

He wanted to teach me a lesson that he’s not to be rejected, he’s too important to turn down! One can see by going to so much trouble to prove his point how much he cared what I thought of him. IMO he did not love Lisa Lyon, he used her as a tool to prove a point,

“See, this is what I can do for a female.”

In other words, he says by action:

“I can get her a book, get her on the cover of a magazine, take lots of pictures with her – making her seem important as I’m the most famous man in the world. All this acknowledgement makes her a star – she could not have done it on her own.”

ME to MomGod: Well, did he prove his point? Did he succeed? Did she?

MG: He succeeded for a few years, but no lie can live forever. After her time for fame was up, she sunk into oblivion & never accomplished one thing. At her death is a list of things for which she is remembered, a small list of small accomplishments, the most notable is her friendship with Arnold.

But you, being of stronger stuff, by the Grace of God, accomplished many more notable & important things. You were also eventually {Feb 2007} given the award ‘the Progenitor – the woman responsible for modern competitive female body building’ by the World Body Building Guild – WBBG. She was given no such distinction by any international body building organization & her association with Arnold lasted only about 3 years.

So he did not succeed in having her dethrone you & she certainly did not succeed as a star of your equal. Her obituary is pathetic. The only thing she predated you in was death.”

MEANING of the Dream:

You calling him ‘Joe’ is telling. It hearkens to Joe B, who was obsessively in love with you & might be still. This underscores your instinct re Arnold’s feelings about you – why would his revenge be so strong & so long lived?

However, this sounds like reconciliation, especially since the feeling was a happy one.

ME: Why is he young again, a new contest?

MG: Could be a memory, going backward, but yet, one can be ‘young at heart.’ Could be a renewal or ‘born again’ feeling from him – a change of heart. He feels the feelings he felt when he was young again.

ME: Why do I find the spotlight, dance in the air in it, since I don’t know where he is, hope he’ll seems we can meet?

MG: That sounds like you wanting to be famous or well known – he then might want to communicate with you.

ME: But he does not find me, I find him.

MG: In this case it might be here a symbol of success, you find success. Maybe in future you’ll get more famous if & when they do your life movie.

ME: His two heads, one a fake?

MG: His heads are where he is at, or his consciousness, especially re you, as this dream is about you & him. The first head is a fake or not what he really thinks or feels. You uncover the ruse – what seems to be is not. That is saying he does not like you or love you.

Then you uncover the TRUTH which is that he really has loved you all these years {surprise, you only thought of this recently, & this makes you happy!} and this by you calling him Joe. You need to hear his voice, & you do. What is eyes & voice?

“The eyes are the windows of the soul”,

and the voice is a ‘dead giveaway’ it’s him, as he’s famous for how he sounds. Why does he say,

“She calls me Joe.”

Because he didn’t mean to give himself away, but he does it without wanting to, that he has loved you intensely & all these years. It seems unbelievable.

And why do you tell him he looks good?

You approve of his new, born again, young again state & this is most likely SPIRITUAL – a change of heart, new positive mood, new honesty, no more lies.

Again, what we deduced is confirmed by the two heads. You uncover the lies or the fake head, then you uncover the real head – ‘Joe’. Someone hopelessly in love, lol.

The two little girls with you? There were two of him, maybe two of you. One of them helps you find Arnold to meet up. This could be your flesh or body, your natural self, natural instincts or intuition. The other one could be the unconscious – not sure. I find this hard to understand.

Why is it a contest & he wins? Some kind of success. If all you figure here is true, it would be joyful, successful & victorious.

Friends, it’s only a dream. I could be mistaken. {end}

College of the Gender War, Core Tenets

Alx Uttermann-Great Interview

Report of Rasa re Sri Kaleshwar – Alx Utterman & her video

letter to Alx Utterman:

Comment: I have been praying to him {Sri Kaleshwar} daily & he started appearing right away with another man – I did not know who the other man was at first, but then realized it was Sai Shirdi Baba, who always appears with him! They are partners. And they chose me as their partner also & one night, the three of us got a large number of Souls out of Purgatory – their clients, not mine. They also graced me with Sacred Holy Food which was new to me – Shirdi Sai Baba served it to me, while Sri Kaleshwar was pouring something on my head – which I did not understand until I saw the images of him pouring water on the head of Sai Baba! They are with me daily. A friend sent me VIBHUTI of Sai Baba which I kiss every morning {within an envelope.} I am wondering, is there any way I can get one grain of the burnt up Sacred Ash you got from Sri Kaleshwar from his miracle of Christmas 1999? I would like to have you, Alx Utterman, as a spiritual relationship. I will join your center. I am sincere, interested in God & her Glory, not the things of the world. God is All.

Below is Rasa Von Werder, NOT Alx, in 2015

Letter to Alx Utterman:

Can I get one grain of the ash from the miracle of Christmas 1999? Or touch a piece of paper to the ash & send it to me. I would like to be spiritual friends with Alx Utterman. My work for God: Building a Matriarchal Center for women & their children which includes a New Religion that is appropriate for Matriarchy {Includes Christian & Eastern principles – includes Wicca & worship of Mother Nature} – with our own Temple, {off limits to men} – Convent {no sexual repression, they are free to have children} – Community of women outside the convent, some married, some not – Full education in our Community including the Arts & Entertainment classes – etc. A full spectrum living with Culture, Lifestyle of the Highest Standards, etc………I will write it all down & hope to facilitate it before I die, but if not, will leave my legacy, work & resources including money & property, to the Center. {50 wonderful Paradise acres with house, 3 acre yard, wilderness, 5 acre island, riverfront, swamps, creeks, pine glades.} Let me hear from you & your GREAT GOALS FOR GOD & MATRIARCHY! PS Expecting a movie of my life, ‘I Strip for God’ will bring millions for our Order.

Note: It’s been a few days since sending the letter & she’s not yet answered

9-5-23

Dream: Sri Kaleshwar & Sirdi Sai Baba appear to me & saw both at more or less the same time:

“God wants sex.”

“God wants to have sex with you” – Not sure if that was “We want to have sex with you” – as they are Gods.”

I know they mean MYSTICAL or SPIRITUAL SEX & that is the essence of sex on earth, it is mystical union AT BEST.

At the same time they showed me a huge Shiva Lingam, about 2 feet long, & something else I don’t know – was it the Sacred Yoni? Yes, it’s a whole religion. Is it the worship of Shiva?

See this video: This is the best I have seen so far on the subject of Womb Chakra & Feminine Divine, other subjects like sexuality, Jesus sex life, etc.:

“THE MAGDALENE UNVEILED”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXAqU7KAFi4

The Speaker is Alx Uttermann – Disciple of Sri Kaleshwar & exponent of his teachings

the following are many COMMENTS on the video stated:

BlueStarRising said re the discussion of Jesus being married:

Whether the Magdalene and Yeshua married or not is wholly irrelevant to the Mystery of the Bridal Chamber. It is not earthly marriage, but the male and female aspects of God and of the inner

and the outer that must be reunited in us. St. John of the Cross wrote on this cosmic union, “Oh night that guided me, Oh, night more lovely than the dawn, Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved.” —Rosamonde Ikshvàku Miller

@alxuttermann1009

I would respectfully contest this statement — on the grounds that to each of us, human beings all, carrying the exact same Christ Consciousness within, need to know that one can lead a ‘normal life’ and simultaneously reach the highest level of consciousness one can carry in a human form. If we suggest that the human life and marriage of Jesus and Mother Magdalene is purely symbolic or esoteric, and not simply human, that again creates more of the illusion of separation between each of us and the Christ inside. Another wall of a belief system to have to break down as we ascend in spiritual awareness and capability. This life is difficult enough, as spiritual characters-in-the-making, without adding more walls of dogma and belief that limit our capacity, is my strong opinion and experience.

Rasa Von Werder’s {Rasa on You tube is Kellie Everts} answer:

@alxuttermann1009 Very well said & I am glad you have the courage to say things other women won’t. Indeed, it is IMPORTANT for us to dispel the Patriarchal teaching which has DEGRADED sex in order to DISEMPOWER WOMEN because women are the citadel of sex. Understand it is the MEN who are dependent on women FOR SEX, they PAID for it from time immemorial {the first profession, lol} not the other way around. In order to disempower, disable women from having this advantage over them, the Patriarchs assaulted the sex act, causing it to be TABOO, SINFUL, DIRTY, LOWLIFE, & because sex was so evil, it had to be CONTROLLED by the male Institution/Religion through Sacramental marriage. No other act of sex is considered legitimate or righteous in Patriarchy – Catholics even laughingly persuade us that masturbation is a MORTAL SIN {deserving of Hell!} And while we women are slut shamed & stoned to death for sex – the males in the past raped & whored with impunity. {What does that tell you? What I just said.}……..Now Mr. BlueStar wants to make a point – that sex can be sacred. Indeed, I do agree. The Sacredness is there when the people conducting it are of God…..Oh yes, one more thing. The first ‘brothels’ were Temples to the Goddess, when sex was recognized as Sacred. In particular, the Sacred Harlots, which included Constantine’s Mom as a young lady – Helen – the Priestesses made TANTRIC SEX available to men FOR A DONATION. It was known that females were SPIRITUALLY SUPERIOR TO MEN & males, by physical sex with the female, while prolonging their orgasm, would receive more & more spiritual energy from them – eventually – after many years – attaining Enlightenment. This POWER women had over males the Patriarchy wanted to eliminate & destroy it they did. Now women in the adult trade are treated as garbage disposals for sperm – all because of a small portion of demonic males who sought to rule the world & so they did. But this age of Kali is ending & Matriarchy is on the cusp.

@KellieEverts–conductsNightTra

When Alx tries to explain Ramakrishna she gets so embarrassed she finally gives up & changes the subject. She couldn’t bring herself to say he was a homosexual. It proves you can be an Avatar & homosexual at the same time, lol.

These two comments were not removed, but sent way down the line where few people would see them – I suspect a covert way of making them invisible –

@KellieEverts–conductsNightTra

Ramakrishna: How could he want sex with his wife Sarada when he was a homosexual, madly in love with Vivekananda? When V did not visit a while Rama was ripping his hair out with anxiety, & when V appeared, he touched him & put him into a deep trance {so he wouldn’t go away?} V was annoyed with all this & said if it continued he would not return. Then when Rama was dying his homo disciples made a human wall around him, forbidding any females to enter & say good bye. One female did get through by dressing as a male. She was an actress, & she was the only female that got to pay her last respects. Why would the disciples do this except for contempt & hate of females?

@KellieEverts–conductsNightTra {Rasa Von Werder}

Alx says: “SEX IS NOT A SIN” Re Our Lord, ‘being like all men except for sin’. Indeed, I have said this so many times – always alone. Finally someone concurs. I explain that the restrictions on sex were created by Patriarchs in order to CONTROL WOMEN – Proof is the DOUBLE STANDARD. The woman caught in adultery. Where was the man? Their law stated both need to be stoned to death, but he is not there. {Jesus saves the day.} My associate Ajax the Great & I agree, sexual freedom for women is the KILL SWITCH FOR PATRIARCHY. When women do whatever they want sexually & no longer fear men, men will have nothing to fight for. Consider a ram with his harem. The harem runs off & mates with the other guys in the woods. No more head banging, lol. We will end war by being sexually free.

Rasa says:

There are many great insights presented here by Alx Utterman. One must listen to this with an open, eager mind & digest it all. Take time to study her remarks, they are deep. I am impressed by her statements on sexuality & accept them as true. “Kaleshwar said Jesus was married to & had a child or children with Magdalene” {I’m fine with that} “Jesus had children with other women besides Magdalene – women threw themselves at him, saying ‘Bless my Flower,’ “Jesus was happy to oblige” adds Alx. {Lol, fine with me, the more Jesus’s the better! You mean Jesus was human? Why not? I am human, I’ve seen God Face to Face twice, I was celibate 30 years for God but God told me ‘Quit the celibacy, go out & have fun!’ That proves SEX IS NOT A SIN}………Sri Kaleshwar was married & had a child, his wife was sitting right there while they were speaking–Alx was there. That’s fine but I am perturbed as to WHY DID HE LIE TO THE PRESS & SAID HE WOULD NEVER MARRY? The interview is right on You tube. Playing that dayum ‘forever celibate, great saints never have sex or think about it’ bullcrap. Sri Kalesh, you did all the miracles to prove yourself. Now do the miracle of standing up to Patriarchy’s bull shyt & admit to sex!

Rasa:

Re Peter the Apostle: Alx, Ven. Fulton J. Sheen agreed with you. I have his audio from 45 years ago. He said the reason Our Lord called Peter ‘the Rock’ is this: We had a kid in school who was a runt & a wimp, the smallest, weakest in the class, & we called him ‘Hercules.’ And you mention Peter’s unstable ways & Jesus more or less says, “On this ROCK I will build my Church?’ I firmly {like a rock} believe that Jesus wanted Magdalene to be the head of his Church because of all the Apostles, Anne Catherine Emmerich says SHE WAS THE MOST SPIRITUALLY EVOLVED – a great Contemplative. But we live in an evil Patriarchy. They rule by ‘might makes right.’ So of course they ousted the women {Alx said so-would like to see the source} from leadership & took over, & wrote the women out of history. The canonical gospels sound like part of them was written by Peter himself – as he is the STAR. It’s that ole’ gender war. They won but now they are losing, & when the cork is no longer held down, women rise up {analogy made by William Bond.}

Rasa:

Mary Magdalene’s appearance 1:53:00: I believe the visions of Anne Catherine Emmerich–I have all her books – day by day accounts of Jesus & other events in the bible. A literary figure named Clemens Brentano sat by her bedside {she was bedridden with Divine Stigmata} & wrote down every word of her visions: She said – St Magdalene was the child of a ROMAN PRINCE & a Jewess. Magdalene was SO BEAUTIFUL that her mother put her, as a child or young lady, in a window of their home which faced the street, so passers by could admire her. She was the MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OF HER TIME, more beautiful than the Holy Virgin she says. In my imagination I see the level of Merle Oberon {Mother Hindu, dad Englishman}, Gene Tierney or Hedy Lamarr {Jewish – when she first appeared on the screen in Algiers, the audience GASPED at her beauty.} From sitting in this window being admired, she developed the sins of pride & vanity – she was never a prostitute {who are sacred sex therapists} as the Catholics later wanted us to believe, to degrade her status. Se owned the city of Magdala with her brother Lazarus & she subsequently gave Our Lord a lot of money for the ministry. They persuaded her to go see Jesus preach – she wasn’t interested – but finally she allowed them to carry her there on a palanquin………….Eventually she was madly in love with Jesus, repented her pride & vanity, & during the Passion of Our Lord, she fell apart, while Holy Mary remained serene. Obviously, her love was human as well as Divine, as we go crazy in our flesh when we are in love.

Rasa:

About the Mary Magdalene chanellers or facilitators, who make their career/living off her persona, & a producer was trying to make a documentary on such women. But each one he approached told him she’d be glad to do a documentary, but it would have to be ONLY ABOUT HER & HER VERSION! This goes to prove how women are their own worst enemy. They are trained by Patriarchy to reject sisterhood {because it is POWERFUL!} & work alone, which is a weak position. Men dominate by the brotherhood, albeit it’s a wicked one. The slave mentality is one works to secure status, respect & security through the ‘Massah,’ but does not join with ‘other slaves’ for an uprising. This is ego mentality, all for me, not for them, & it is doomed to failure. And that is why the Matriarchy, which begs for sisterhood, has been slow to rise up, but still, it is rising, albeit slowly. Of all the men & women who gravitated to me while I was on Face book – thousands – only two remain helping the cause, & they are men. When I left Face book, a convenient forum, I still reached out to my women disciples but they were no longer zealous, since I was ‘gone.’ But two men remained steadfast.

BlueStar you mentioned seeing a woman lifting the Eucharist, how moving it was. A female who has female disciples she’s teaching to be Priests. You can see me raising the Holy Eucharist every day & I have an account of why on my site ‘Woman, Thou art God’ inside the ‘How to Build a Church in Your Home,’……I explain how I was working {1981} to bring women into the Catholic Priesthood, calling every convent in New York, but the women shot me down until I got discouraged. Then I asked Jesus, ‘Maybe I am wrong. Do you want women in the priesthood?’ The next day I went to the Cathedral for 8:00am Mass. I was the only one there. A new Priest walks in to celebrate, younger than the others. Time for Communion, I am kneeling, waiting, he doesn’t come. I look up – he beckons me to come forward, then BEHIND THE ALTAR. I walk over there slowly, he gives me the Body, then the Blood of Jesus from his own Chalice. I walked out slowly, in a trance. When I emerge into the light outside, I suddenly realize, this was Our Lord & He called me behind the altar!

Rasa:

Durga turning to Kali is a prediction of the extinction of human men. See the myth of her slaying & removing Maharashtri, which represents Patriarchy. I have written of this untold times. She had the solution before we even knew it; the myth was from ancient days.

Rasa:

Indeed. Can we be human & rise to the highest level? Here’s the formula: At times one sequesters themselves all alone, abstracts themselves from this world & reaches up to God. Buddha did this, Moses, Jesus, all the hermits, many Saints. Some remained celibate by choice, but they DID NOT HAVE TO. God told me that. I could have achieved Self Realization without being celibate, but I didn’t know it, so I practiced celibacy. Now there comes a time when the isolation, abstraction, HAS DONE ITS WORK. If we were to be that way ALL THE TIME we might as well have stayed in Heaven & not been born. But there comes a time when we are allowed, or it’s Kosher so to speak, to be human again, to do human things & have human desires – surprise, surprise. We have been brainwashed by some religions that to be a saint one must be a forever virgin or forever celibate but this is NOT TRUE! It’s simply something taught by certain men for a reason. One reason is to keep women virginally pure & sexually inactive. Another reason might be lack of insight or understanding into Mystical Theology. Ask me, lol, I know.

College of God & Love, Core Tenets

I Have Reached Nirvana

Startling dream with a big Message 9-3-23

I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming of Tom Selleck & thought it was a sex dream – I used to be in love with him & met him.

The dream affected me so strongly; I had insomnia for 2 hours thinking about it. And when I figured out partially what it meant I was startled.

It was by no means about sex, nor even about Tom Selleck!

The dream told me about Jesus/God under the guise of Tom, & Tom asks me about the Divine Stigmata, & it portrays my present state being Nirvana {Buddhist} or Nonduality {Hindu.} It announces I have reached that state again. {I was in it for a time in 1981-82 & 2007 for a while, but it always ended when I went back into the world.}

The dream:

I am in this hotel – It’s not expensive or luxurious, the most ordinary you can think of, with old furniture, quaint, high, old fashioned metal bedstead {painted yellow} beds with soft, old bedding & bed covers. The one I’m staying in has a mauve thin very soft cotton cover with tiny white flowers all over it. This is the kind of hotel I always sought when I traveled – as cheap as can be, but I am surprised that Tom Selleck would visit anyone here as he is so wealthy, isn’t it beneath him, even if he’s making love with a female? Would he not procure an expensive room to see her in?

Ok, I see Tom Selleck has chosen to be with a female in the next room. I am madly in love with him so I want to snoop, but I don’t want them to know I’m looking. I crouch down on the floor of my room. My door is closed, there’s a narrow hall between us & their door is closed, but I can see through my door & theirs!

He’s just finished seeing her & he’s leaving. I see later he’s going to occupy the next room for the night.

I assume he finished making love to her, but she has clothes on, so how could that be? She’s sitting in a chair like my ‘captains chair’ with arm rests. She has her legs spread open, but on her body is a white girdle – the kind they wore in the 50’s or early 60’s, which is like ARMOR, lol. Her top is satiny dark, shiny.

Her features are strikingly exotic. She has black hair, medium length, & it looks Asian. It’s smooth, glossy, thick, bangs swept to the side coming down in points to her right. Her eyes are decidedly Asian or a mix.

Now I know Tom slept in the next room so I want to intercede when he starts to leave, get his attention. I want to wait by the door – he has to go through her room to gain the hallway, then the stairs downward, to exit.

I don’t want his lover to see me, so I hide behind the wall, in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet. Someone is coming. Is it her or him? I sense the air making a larger disturbance & presence, like that of a man, so I rush out into the hall & catch him halfway down the stairs, calling,

“Tom!”

He welcomes me, loves me, & as soon as we meet, we are close & kissing & he puts his tongue in my mouth & what is amazing is how long & hard it is, like an entire penis, & I’m able to take it all in! I sense his tongue to be like a sort of ‘stone’, mostly grey, with texture on it, strangely.

Now we’re in an embrace, me below him looking up, arms around hm & what is different & unusual is he’s not in a hurry to leave, like men usually are after they have sex. He is content to linger with me & communicate. I say to,

“You don’t know what I went through to get to you.”

This refers to my trip to Hawaii the first time, the diary 200 pages long I wrote about him & delivered it to his studio, but never got to meet him! This was early 1982.

Then I was booked to dance in Hawaii 1984 & he called me to come to the studio, he had some Polaroids taken of us, & I got to see him one more time at the studio for a few minutes. Neither one of us mentioned a date, except he was disappointed that I was not there when they came to the club I worked – I was so exhausted from the trip, I was asleep. I sensed he was interested in me but I had been celibate then for 6 years & would remain so for 24 more years, so I did not flirt or hint at a private meeting.

That is why this lady he is visiting is wearing clothes, especially the white girdle, which is like armor – this female is ME – my flesh!

After I make my statement re what I went through, he ays plainly,

“What I would like to know about, you tell me what happened to your brother & his girl friend.”

At the mention of ‘his girlfriend’ I see to the right, as if she was there, the teeth edges of a saw, yellow.

I’m disappointed that he asks about my brother – that situation I didn’t want to talk about; I wanted to talk about Tom & me. But I say, without further explanation,

“Oh, they broke up”

And then my mind blanks out, I can’t even recall what I was going to say about my struggle to get to Tom.

MEANING:

Tom Selleck is a symbol of Jesus/God & this goes back to the time I prayed for the Divine Stigmata. In order to afflict the Grace on me, which is one of total loss/deprivation & spiritual poverty the Lord first had to take me down from the Heavenly place I was in, & cause me to fall in love – to desire a man, which would eventually lead to a total rejection, heartbreak & burnout of my heart charka & the charkas above it, including the Sahasrara, & I would be bereft of the thing I loved the most – the Presence & communication with Almighty God!

What more likely subject to fall in love with than the man everyone was then speaking of, – the tallest, handsomest & sexiest of all the men of Hollywood?

God uses physical people & things or situations we desire as BAIT for a purpose. This purpose was I was to LOSE, not gain, & was to be devastated, deprived, & left spiritually homeless!

But Tom only got me started on the earthly love path. When I returned to the mainland I was talking to a blonde, blue eyed Marine at the recruiting station, & because Tom was so nice, he would not inflict me with rejection. But this marine, because he was not nice, did so. I started my usual customary chase – as I always do when I’m love, & he ran like Hell, the way James Brown had done, the way others would do later in my life. Men are like wolves. When you run they chase. When you get aggressive they run.

Because I called every day, he got so scared, he moved from his barracks {which was preposterous – I didn’t even know where the crap the barracks were!} And he stopped returning or answering my calls while I became more & more desperate, going crazy. This always happened with me – God knew this would happen so She led me into this trap, out of my Heaven, into the suffering of human sense.

Tom here is Jesus/God, & instead of hearing me out how much I love him, he wanted to hear about my bro & his gf – that represents the marine & me!

Indeed, the Stigmata is not my favorite point of discussion & there is another message here, where, when He asks about this, my mind blanks out.

Yesterday I made a prayer. I have four female relatives in my family all of whom have no respect, even have contempt & hate toward me. Whenever I think of them, I suffer. And for some reason they come to my mind – probably because it’s so unfair – I’ve never done anything to hurt them! I’ve only done good to them! So I prayed,

“God, I ask this favor. These women, whenever I think of them, I feel pain. Could you help me to forget them, never think of them? Because I’m in the state of Nirvana & I don’t want it interfered with. {I said this without being totally serious.}”

And now, when I think of the marine & his gf, who is me, my mind blanks out, as an answer to this prayer, because he hurt me so badly, badly enough that my charkas burned out. Of course, this was the Grace of God in answer to the prayer for the Divine Stigmata, which was granted!

And so, God is telling me,

“Rasa, these people persecuting you is a Grace, just like Stigmata was. Do not attempt to erase it, as you erase the memory of Graces, which have done you great spiritual good.”

And so I rescinded the prayer, but ask God,

“What good does these four women persecuting me {mentally, emotionally} bring me?”

And God says,

“It breaks away your attachment to family. Remember, all the great saints, even Jesus & Buddha, left their families to be with God. Buddha left his wife & children. Jesus taught an important lesson about detachment from one’s family for the sake of God.

Look at all the Saints, hermits, recluses & anchorites. Family distracts one from God. Consider yourself blessed that they don’t respect you or want to be with you, they have left you alone to be free for the sake of God.”

Me: Could you explain what the exact meaning is of Tom / Jesus / God giving me that significant kiss? And loving me, wanting to linger with me & his tongue the way it was?

Mother God:

In the past, you gave God your celibacy. Even the most handsome, sexy man in the world could not make you break your vow {nor the richest as the man who proposed marriage to you with his 200 million dollars!}.

You have arrived & achieved your greatest good, that of being One with God. You want nothing else. There are no desires, no ambitions, no yearnings, except to be with God & do her work. This ends suffering.

You proved your love for God in no uncertain terms. Now this is a new day. The pain is over; you are not to suffer any more. You have reached the state of Nirvana in Buddhism, in Hinduism, called Nonduality.

Me: I’ve been here before, Mother God. Do I stay here now or will I sink back down again?

MG: I predict this is permanent. Even if the movie of your life comes out & you’re besieged with attention, it won’t rock your boat. You are set in your state.

Me: Why is his tongue like a rock & as long as a penis & I can take it all in?

MG: To represent solidness & permanence. God has penetrated you or entered you permanently, solidly, for all time.

Me: Why is this a poor, cheap hotel {but charming to me} – the kind I like, while I am surprised he’d lower himself to be in a place like this?

MG: It’s about you in your state of spiritual poverty, while He is God, so mighty, so exalted, & He lowers himself to us, so low down compared to him/her.

Me: Why am I hiding from my own flesh, spying on her, seeing through doors & walls, hiding behind a wall from her in order to meet Tom?

MG: This is about the Spirit, not the flesh. You sacrificed the flesh to be with God & now you don’t want the lower self to interfere or have any opinions or feelings, lol.

About the transition of love going from Tom to the marine. As I said, Tom was kind to you. But the marine reacted in a hysterical manner, the way James brown & others did, to your aggressive behavior. And so, out of fear, he rejected you brutally. And this devastated you. So the path you were on had to lead to this, so your love was transferred.

College of the Gender War, Core Tenets

He writes Myths like they were Facts

Answer to video Sacred Sex on You tube

Glorian: Practical Spirituality to Awaken Consciousness and Liberate it from the Causes of Suffering

I suggested they check Dr. Bryan Sykes for biological facts re male & female – they removed my comments fast

The female body building champion in this article is Christa Lou Cormick, daughter of Ozay Rinpoche in Great Britain

Our history is far more incredible than modern science or religion suspect. Rather than being the descendants of apes or of two divinely created people (and the incest of their children), we are the outcome of a very long and slow spiral cycle — evolution and devolution — whose pattern includes the rise and fall of civilizations faintly remembered in myths and scriptures. Most importantly, in that history we learn the truth about the origin of our suffering, and how it is related to sex.”

Rasa’s answers to the video:

All fetuses are FIRST FEMALE. Look at the biology, not myths for that. When the fetus is the size of grapefruit seed, they stop being ‘reproductive’ as females & begin to turn into males, which are NOT REPRODUCTIVE. The sperm of a male is a ‘parasite’ according to scientists & can only present the male DNA to the female to reproduce.

the woman’s clitoris is NOT an ‘atrophied penis’! The penis is an enlarged clitoris. Remember, the female form was first. She might have been a hermaphrodite, but reproduction is in the female, not the male. You are presenting this in the male-supremacy model, a biased male view; obviously we have a Patriarch here. For the facts look to the world’s top geneticist, Dr. Bryan Sykes of Oxford, & his book “Adam’s Curse – a Future Without Men” – human men are going EXTINCT. So much for your version of male as the superior sex! Their y chromosome is crumbing & cannot repair itself. Woman has two X, male only one. When his y crumbles completely in about 100k years, there will be NO MORE HUMAN MALES. Women can reproduce without males in more than one way. See Dr. Sykes.

Where do you get this information? It is theories, ideas, not facts. You give no origin for your studies. I agree that way long ago the humans were all females/hermaphrodites perhaps. And eventually they created two genders. But I do not pretend these are facts, they are ideas & theories. How do you explain that we share 98% of our genes with apes? Bonobos & Chimpanzees. Yes I believe in myths but you are misinterpreting myths according to male bias. The science of today is PROOF of female superiority, her having two X chromosomes, male an XY, the Y a broken down X that cannot repair itself. And I do agree that in ancient days of Matriarchy, sex was sacred. It was conducted in Temples with the Sacred Harlots, men gave them money. The first ‘brothels’ according the Patriarchy. The Patriarchs degraded sex to become taboo, dirty, unclean subject to control BY MEN, in order to control women. But originally in Tantric sex the FEMALES gave Light & Enlightenment to men through sex, being that women were in all ways superior to men, spiritually included. As men conducted sex with the Sacred Women, withholding their orgasm as taught by women, they eventually gained Enlightenment.

The degradation of our society occurred through Patriarchy – the rule of men. When this rogue segment of males – a third according to the Myth of Lucifer – took over the world, it was the rule of Satan. Satan is the Prince of this world, he works through men. Women were responsible for males becoming rogue by mating with the most masculine males over the centuries, when eventually, a third of them became so masculine with all its drawbacks {lack of empathy, insensitive, no maternal instinct, born to protect & kill, don’t know how to love but to use & exploit} that they TURNED AGAINST WOMEN & GOD AS A MOTHER & said ‘I will not serve.’ They then attacked, murdered & intimidated women to do their bidding, which is the OPPOSITE of the design of God. We live in an upside down world where the ‘lunatics are running the asylum.’ Males who should be obeying women are obeying their ID {see Freud} which is the lowest nature, the primitive instinct. This instinct is how we describe demons: no redeeming value, cannot be saved. With this instinct they rule the world, they steal, kill & destroy, – check the Old Testament, a crazy tribe that says God told them to do this & that, while the 10 Commandments are only for their own people. They think they are ‘chosen’ – lol – for what, by whom? Then they say God told them to attack communities & steal all their resources, rape their girl children. This is NOT GOD. They invented God in their own image & likeness. Then they imagine God told them to do what they wanted to do, so they are exonerated & sinless – everyone else is sinful & perverted, but not they. Meanwhile they have dozens of wives & hundreds of children, like Gideon. Take the Old Testament with a block of salt.

The Christian myth of Lucifer & the Hindu myth of Maharashtri with Durga/Kali explains the emergence of Patriarchy, it’s identity, its evil, & finally, its removal through male extinction. See Dr. Bryan Sykes on the extinction of human men. He said they are a ‘genetic experiment that did not work, therefore nature is taking them out.’ He & Dr. Ashley Montagu both said the human male is a parasite on the body of the female.

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