The Utmost Putz {Charlatans}

By Rasa Von Werder, January 18th, 2021


Continue Chapter 3 – Section 2 From Charlatan to Charlatan

the Utmost Putz




The thing about Putz NutOn – I’m not sure if I explained properly why he might have seemed ‘weird’ or bizarre. I also want you to know that while I was with him, until the end, I was always cordial, affectionate {I had sex with him on demand–I stalled him for months but finally had to break down & give in. My big excuse was I saw him as a revered mentor rather than lover, haha – translation: You revolt me as a man} & was even defensive of him. I did not see him as I do now, for the time being, I felt I needed him {will explain the good he did me}on some level, in some way {to be explained later.}

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Today, I see the characters of my life 100% apart from how I felt when with them. As I outline their mistreatment of me, you might feel ‘fukk, if someone treated me that way I’d hate them’ – she must have felt & now feels hate. Not at all, & this is important. Had I felt pure hate I would have acted completely different than what I did.

For example: My Monster Mom, at bottom I always had respect for her & was trying to show her I WAS WORTHY OF LOVE, WHY PERSECUTE ME? It never worked, the more I tried, the more I fell into her snares & she betrayed me until I ran to the other end of America. When the docs said she had 6 months to live, I went to Church daily {I was in Providence RI at the time}, received Communion for her & prayed one hour after that. I also promised God ‘Don’t let her go to Hell, I WILL PAY FOR HER SINS.} Does that sound like hate? I forgave her & everyone who ever hurt me & still do. There were two things holding up my thoughts, one, as my Mother, it was impossible to hate her as that would be MORTAL SIN, & second, I held the erroneous thought that somehow, some way, it was MY FAULT she hated me, if only I could do better, I might win her over. This stayed in my mind as I did not, could not, understand her disposition toward me.

Today, I see Mom & all others with a SENSE OF HUMOR because it doesn’t HURT any more. As long as it hurts, you can’t tell it properly, all you can do is cry. But when the pain stops, it’s like looking AT SOMEONE ELSE – not me, & this is how it was. I see the humor, even the fun of it, what a story, what a gas. {I might have to add here that this attitude became imbedded at the time I entered Yogic ‘nonduality’ in 2007. I told my Guru ‘Swami G’ ‘I can’t get what my family did to me out of my mind, the pain haunts me’, she said,


“When you enter Nonduality the pain fades away – it’ll feel like it happened to someone else.”

And so when I describe Putz you probably think I had utter contempt for him & treated him like trash. No indeed, I was totally respectful, acted like he was my Dad {except for sex} & I had to look up at & obey him {he was only about 10 years older, I was 24-25, he never told me his age but kept saying he was older than he looked – trying to give himself authority} and the entire first year I treated him like I was ‘in love’ {I wasn’t}, showed signs of jealousy, looked to him for answers, followed the practices he recommended, etc. My attitude today is I know he was insane, whacked & weird, so I describe him as I do.

The second year – things changed. He stayed away more, came home later, sometimes out all night. On his side he knew he had control over me & now it was on to other pastures, play the games with new victims.

On my side, his absence gave me the time to practice the ‘mind over matter’ stuff he taught – I perfected. I spent hours a day in self hypnosis, to master myself, stay on the fruitarian diet {all raw, fruits, seeds, no leaves, all raw} which was the hardest thing I ever did. I lifted the weights {as usual} every day, & I kept myself at one point up all night sewing pretty dresses {he did not allow me pants!}, sleeping a minimum – lost gobs of weight, looked incredible, & most astounding of all, I reached the still, small Voice inside me – which became, of course, my NEW MASTER instead of him – I HAD REACHED GOD! This was 1971, I remember it as the greatest day in my life up until then.

Now what made him bizarre? His ideas, most notable, he knew HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. He repeated this many times to myself & others & I recall only vaguely, way down the road he gave some cockamamie answer, so stupid I can’t recall what it was. But the fact that he DWELLED on this subject showed he was having delusions of ultimate power.

The other things he spoke about nonstop, to everyone was DIET. He insisted we were originally apes {true} & that apes ate nothing but fruits {not true, both chimpanzees & bonobos eat meat; Bonobos more so. Although they’re peaceful at home, they especially like to munch other monkeys}- & so the diet of all diets is fruitarian, & if we practice it we can CURE ANY DISEASE & remain healthy always & live a long life. People would listen to him go on & on, but no one he brainwashed ever did it, that I know of, EXCEPT ME.

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{I followed this diet for over one year, segueing into it bit by it. I never ate meat after meeting Putz, long after him, but when I left him Rev. Judy Swaggart talked me out of it. How I wish I had stayed on it longer & could keep it today. It really is the fountain of youth. I saw a lady on You tube who’s practiced it most of her life – at 70 she looked 20. Myself, I was the thinnest I’d ever been; my beauty contest weight was 136-37, on this diet I was 127 & looked terrific. Starving naturally but looking good.}

OK back to the Putz. I said he was bizarre for what he believed & talked – most of it talking, not walking. But he did succeed in many ways on many levels, that I shall now explain, so he wasn’t STUPID & he had SKILL – the method to his madness.

He always managed to get either FREE living space {being an apt manager} or office space – an office he could use for monkey business & sleep in at night when he wanted to {often before I came along.}

When I met him he had an extended office at the Sunset-Vine Tower in Hollywood, owned by a bank. This was a beautiful place & he had three rooms, one of which he later had me use. How did he get this with NO MONEY?

He met the young vice-president of the bank – a blonde guy, I met him once. This male was related to the President of the bank, I think it was his Dad. When Putz met him & started his gab, some sort of problem was on boy’s mind, & Putz persuaded him he could cure it. He used hypnosis. I don’t recall the details or even if he told me them – but he had this boy hooked for life, & got these offices for FREE. I know he slept there at night as he used to call me at 12 am – {the phones were free also} – deluding himself the cleaning lady was after him & kept coming closer & closer to clean {again, free services went with the office!). He was constantly complaining how they turned off the air conditioning at night – there was no air {windows did not open} & I had an air-conditioning unit that you filled with water – did not have to be in a window – I gave him, which helped somewhat.

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One tiny thing comes to mind which I laugh at, it’s insignificant but funny. He got a POTATOE for a small desk there, which grew the most beautiful VINES – no expensive plant, just a potato, & it was LOVELY.

So when I met him he had this extended office, which later the Vice-President demoted to a two room space, lower down, not the 6th but the 3rd floor {apparently the higher you are the more prestigious} & there he set me up, in the back room with the windows covering the whole wall – his front room had no windows but I think he felt good that I was behind him & he had me ‘cornered’ where I could not go in or out without passing him.

It comes to mind how he begged out of me the use of my white Corvette {no I did not buy it myself, it was my late husband’s, 1958 manual steering which I loved} & lo & behold, what did he need it for? To whore around of course. I was sitting at my desk right there by the window when I saw my corvette stopped in the driveway behind the bank. There he sat with the hippie girl that had visited our office several times. He was regaling her with this or that – they sat there like 20 minutes. It upset me that he would use my car that way! She was an airhead, wore hippie style clothes & beads, & pranced near me saying we should start a harem for the Putz, we belonged to him. I shuddered. What could he be talking to her about? The fruitarian diet?

Later on, of course, he WRECKED the car {I had never had an accident with it}. He comes in ranting & raving how some guy side-swiped him – all his fault. {It didn’t occur to me at the time to even see if he had a driver’s license, he probably didn’t!} but he managed to find another guy to fill the fiberglass up for $75. I didn’t loan him the car after that.

Another time it was 5PM, my witching hour when I had to leave the office for him. Just as I opened the door – he was settled in the back – in walks my BEST FRIEND, Yolanda Tugues, a raving Puerto Rican beauty with hair below her waist {we danced in the same private club in Santa Monica, my first gig, ‘The Ball’ & other places} I was stunned that I couldn’t even ask her what her business with him was. Later I did ask, & she said he was offering her A FREE APARTMENT.

Where the fukk could he get a free apt? I thought about it & recalled the black lady lawyer he introduced me to. This lady had bought a huge, cavernous apt building of sorts – it was like nothing I’d ever seen. I walked in with Putz, there were dozens of people here & there, sitting about, lounging, there seemed to be no doors on any place, no privacy, & the building looked more like a cave with rounded arches than a normal house. All these people were complaining but I could not figure out why, they seemed to be begging for something – what? since Putz never explained things to me straight, I figured it out later.

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The lady friend had bought this place for a good price because it was filled with SQUATTERS she could not get rent from – & she was baffled how to be rid of them. She met Putz who told her he would help. He then went to the building & ingratiated himself with the residents, mostly young people- so he worked it both ways.

It was here that Putz would give a FREE APT to Yolanda, why? No reason except to get into her pants. I hope he didn’t, I feel her Guardian Angels protected her.

Now other things he got free or conned. During the year he was working on me full time I ate more FREE FOOD in restaurants & went to more dinners at friend’s houses than I had ever done in my life before or after.

First, there was this sweet Armenian little old man & his restaurant – that was my favorite, I loved the food, the pita bread & all. He said he was eating there one day when the old man doubled over with his bad back so bad, he screamed. Putz went over to him, straightened him out & cured him. He got free meals after that. so Putz took me there countless times, the old guy always greeted him like a celebrity.

Then there was the ‘Café of Opera,’ where singers & fans ate lovely dinners -there was a piano – the singers, all men – would get up & loose their lungs on the audience from time to time. I loved it because I love opera, the meals were great – all FREE. I don’t recall how he got into the owner’s graces, except that he was a FAILED opera singer & Putz – he was great at building up people – convinced him he’d soon be tweeting at the Met.

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There is an odd anecdote. I had been seeing Rev. Swaggart at the time – she was giving me lessons in spirituality& faith healing {she hated hypnosis, felt it was wrong, only her ways were right}. The owner of the Café had a PROBLEM. His wife refused to have sex with him any more! This was, of course, I guessed it, because he was having affairs with the waitresses, one in particular. She knew it, but he told us he only did it after she refused him sex – he lied.

And so, since Putz & I were both hypnotists, he asked if he could help her get over her frigidity. Putz couldn’t hypnotize her – he was not trusted by all – so I got the assignment.

OK, I recall hypnotizing her, don’t recall what I did to get her right, just that I did. And soon after that, days, she said she felt completely different & was able to have sex with hubby.

Now Rev. Judy said I pulled a spiritual light OUT OF HER, millions of years old {one of her famous sayings, of course, all Lights are millions of years old, energy is infinite} & I BLEW THE LIGHT -whatever the fukk that means. This was one of her issues – she imagined she was the center of the spiritual Universe, whatever I did that was good spiritually came from her, I had nothing, only she had ‘the Light’ – I took Light from her & gave it to other people – naughty me, I should stop that.

There would be many changes when I moved in with her, good & bad, we shall broach later.

Now other things con man did. He had a string of friends & we did not visit at odd times, it was always dinner times. I remember this sweet & wonderful middle aged woman & her husband – how often they fed us. She always had home made bread. She would read my newspaper {a free paper I called Enlightenment, that’s what I did in the office}, which I asked her to critique, but sadly, I was too proud to accept her corrections. She said I was wrong in the use of the world ‘palacious,’ that it was ‘palatial’ & I denied I was wrong, just my hurt ego.

We also visited a beautiful fancy beach hotel. They had a FREE BUFFET. I’d pay for two drinks, & for a couple hours of pleasant sitting & entertainment {a band} we feasted on free salad-style food. All I remember is Garbanzo beans & delightful rolls.

Then there was this oh-so wonderful motel right on the beach in Malibu – no con games there, I paid. {I had a pension, not much, I shall discuss later.}

It had a PORCH off the room, facing the beach & water. Naturally Putz got the bright idea of pulling out the mattress – Queen sized – through the sliding glass door to fukk me there. But the owner must have seen this before, he approached us & said no mattresses on the porch – they would soak up the humidity & be damaged. Putz tried to resist but had to give in. He was nasty when someone opposed him. I was embarrassed.

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Speaking of building people up – Putz knew a guy who ran for Mayor. I got to know him, went to his house, he visited the office many times & when I went with Rev. Judy he visited us there several times as well. Putz & Judy had once been friends.

This guy built himself up as a big businessman, haha. He lived off his Mother – they had a mansion, but it was hers. He also sang – terribly. Putz told him he would be the next Mayor as well as a future Caruso – I heard him repeat these lies a gazillion times in variations, so Mr. Unaware loved seeing him.

Finally when the election came, future Mayor got 200 votes. Rev. Swaggart – who I promoted for a minor office, got 16,000. {She had me carry a poster on her, give out flyers, on the street.} She had a religious ‘Dr.’ degree, so putting that with her name on the ballot I think rocked it.

The second year Putz & I were together, as I said, he was losing control. Once the Voice appeared, he got shook up, & his personality changed. He came more & more of a ‘spoiled brat.’ For instance, before he went out, he made me change my outfit again, & again & again, about 7 times. I was exhausted, but my personality is that if it isn’t a sin, & you’re my mentor, I do as they ask. I’m not a marshmallow, I have my own gifts & ways, & one of mine is obey until you get what you want & need out of this, then leave. I left my abusive family as soon as I had the path, I left Putz when I could, ditto Rev. Swaggart. All three were peeved at my departure – will explain later.

He pulled his bitch routine at a coffee shop. We get our food, he finds fault with it, in fact, he sends it back three times, each time scowling & ranting what’s wrong with it. Finally the cook comes out, a big guy carrying his BUTCHER KNIFE & asks what the problem is. No more problem, no more talk.

To show his versatility, again, & chutzpah, he put on his hypnosis show at the Knickerbocker Hotel. I did the promotion, as usual, several times for these shows he had me hand out flyers on the street – to the chagrin of a movie manager when I gave out hundreds to the line outside – he came out to grabbed them out of my hand. Rev. Judy came along & said it was a ‘good show’ – the Putz came by, saw the movie man grab my flyers, me acting sheepish, & grabbed & twisted his wrist. the boy cowered, his anger at me? I figured after they went in the theater, they dropped all those flyers to the floor & he had to clean them up.

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Anyway, for this show, I did some fancy footwork. I called up all the dance studios in the area & managed to get two Chinse people to do a FREE SHOW. One was a beautiful lady who did a swan dance. The other was a male who did an act as a female in beautiful robes – he was good too, & I awarded them trophies, which I had engraved with something like ‘best talent’. I danced also, in a white feather bikini while Putz played Boogie Woogie on the piano -the audience cheered & insisted I get the last trophy, there were three & no one else to get one, so. And where had the audience come from? They had not come to see our show, it was a huge birthday party there from friends of Putz, an extended family of about 50 – so that was our first audience.

Later he did other shows where he would put that pin through his hand & make an instant repair – I never watched, but he had done this act for men’s clubs several times, like Shriners or Fire men or something. He had newspaper articles on it.

There was another show for which I have an anecdote. I had been working at The Classic Cat, which was once the Jerry Lewis Club, which was the biggest nightclub in Hollywood, on Sunset Blvd.

Don’t recall how I got the idea to put on a beauty contest, myself doing all the work completely for free. The name of the contest, “Miss Queen of Starlets,” appropriate for Hollywood.

I did EVERYTHING. Putz was supposed to be involved, he went down to where the U.S. Navy was anchored to get the men to fill the place up {a stupid scheme, the place needed no extra audience, there were always lots of people, but I think he was scheming to get an ADMISSION FEE which he would keep.} Can’t think of any other reason he’d want to do it.

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I got the CONTESTANTS by calling several model agencies in the area. Got about 8 females from that. Then the ones who worked at the club – about 5 of them – also entered. I got the FLOWERS, in fact, got two florists to donate completely free, beautiful roses. Sadly, the second one with the roses I had to pick them up but had no time or transportation – lost that chance {Why didn’t I ask them to deliver? Was afraid they’d be mad I guess}. But one black lady owning a floristry came herself, built an arbor to present the queen, lined it with flowers & also had a huge bouquet of red roses. That was a WOW.

The trophies – I bought them, {the club paid me nothing, I asked for no reimbursement} had them engraved with one Queen & six Princesses.

Then the Press. I tried hard on that, one man from ‘Rogers & Cowan,’ an advertising agency, came, & offered me a free room in his firm to do whatever I wanted – he said my work was amazing. I never took him up on the offer.

I don’t even know who got the Queen a spot on a TV show, but they did. Now the MC- he ghosted me. So I was the temporary MC & I told some jokes. Finally Putz arrived, & one of his lady friends, a great person, was a professional speaker, she got up & ran the show. It was beautiful, I was so proud of it all. One girl who was a perennial beauty contest candidate, only got Princess. She was so mad she refused her trophy – she had won 98 contests before – so she said.

I discovered truth I should have anticipated – control your contest – tally the votes yourself – keep the info on the contestants under wraps. The girl they picked worked at the club, totally average, flat chest, not as good as the others – I had no idea how that happened. And second, John Lamb, who had produced a movie on me, ‘She Did It His Way’ & his buddies, stole the list of the candidates names & phone numbers.

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Now the anecdote that stands out. Finally I discuss the events of the day with Putz. What took him so long to arrive? Why no bevy of sailors?

He described his sojourn to the docks. He got to meet a Commander & he gave him the lengthy spiel. The Commander was to marshal these boys into our club, bottom line, they would have a good time.

The Commander listened patiently & these were his words,

“I am responsible for the lives of 25,000 men, & YOU ARE JUST A PIMP.”

As Putz explained this his face looked perplexed & he knew that he had been corrected, his tail between his legs. I was proud of the Commander but said not a word. This incident knocked Putz down a peg in my eyes – he was a failure, he was delusional. (By the way, I knew Putz had been in the military I guess in the U.S. but he said so little about it, it must have been dismal. I can imagine him without his turban & hair buzz cut. No speeches allowed, no conning anybody out of anything, just carry your bundle, do pushups & obey. Maybe he got a dishonorable, who knows. It had to be Army as he’d never enlist.}


When I got back with Rev. Judy she told me this tale. She was driving down the Highway when some force kept pushing her to the left, toward the cement barrier, again & again. She called out to God to save her & saw an image of Putz meditating, trying to make her have an accident. He was no Boy Scout. This is pure evil, because all she did to him was influence me, not worth her life. On the other hand, I will tell you about the Rev that will make you wonder – when we get to her part. Twice she tried to kill me when I left her, I was saved by God. She was no Girl Scout either. That’s why I call this chapter ‘From Charlatan to Charlatan.’ She was of God, but so was Jimmy Swaggart.


When I met Putz I was just ‘winding down’ an affair with Mickey Hargitay. He had proposed marriage but I said no. I felt it was not in my destiny. Yes, I liked him a lot, but when you get married, the whole course of your life is changed. I always sensed, at every turn & opportunity, some paths I would have to take, even though they were ‘bad’ in the human sense, some roads I would have to turn down although they seemed perfect. Such was the road with Mickey – everything about him seemed good, everything about Putz seemed weird, but ‘stumbling blocks lead to stepping stones.’

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As I thought about Mickey over the years, many things would NOT have happened that should have. For instance, my most important quest, over all, was my relationship with God. With Mickey that would have been curtailed. I would have been fairly happy in the HUMAN sense, but would I have endured the Gurus who would CHISEL ME DOWN TO SIZE, make me the statue in God’s image & likeness?

All of life is a Guru, the people we meet are gurus, certain ones are KEYS in our experience, they open up avenues within us that to us, are ‘the way, the truth & the life.’ They introduce us to our inner selves.

What would have been my life with Mickey? He was wealthy, he was of show business, me as his wife would have been an immediate connect in people’s minds to Jane Mansfield. I would have got jobs, maybe in movies, TV, I could have been a star as she was. But would I have found God, seen her FACE TO FACE? Probably not. Would I have been the Stripper for God? The only one in history? Not on your life. I might have listed weights continuously, but would I have been the Progenitor? Probably not, because I would not have started entering contests in 1972, I would have had bigger fish to fry in Hollywood.

Mickey had taken me to the Pink Palace. I was driving down Sunset right in front of it, when I looked up & saw a shooting star. Make a wish. Do you want to marry Mickey? No! I exclaimed.

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But I must add this. If he was a man, not a mouse, he would have tried harder t keep me. all Putz did was discourage me from calling him – I used to call him regularly. Finally, he called, feeling insecure. He asked strange questions. Like was I in this porn movie? I should be ashamed of myself. I said no, I had never done a porn movie. Bad excuse for calling me.

Then he said people told him ‘I went out with black guys’ – that was to embarrass & shame me. Indeed, I had been dating James Brown, but that punked out. So I denied it.

Had he been more manly he would have insisted on seeing me & talked me into marrying him. But I guess he was too timid, shame on him. So Putz won out, he several weeks later went to Vegas & married a girl named Ellen, who he told me was ‘just a baby sitter.’ so his love for me wasn’t strong enough. I shall do more on him later, channel him.

Again to reiterate, why do we associate with ‘bad’ people or those who are mean, or those who abuse or exploit?

With Monster Mom I had no choice until a time I shall explain later. With Putz there were certain things I wanted to learn that he intimated he knew – things concerning mind over matter, the mystical realm & I knew he knew hypnosis.

He was a bad egg, but the Sergeant in the army also is, he kicks the beans out of us to make us grow. Putz forced me to do things I would never have done had I not met him.

Had it not been for Putz, I would not have met & studied with Rev. Judy. my spiritual evolvement would have been curtailed. And so, in life, we often have to taste the bitter chalice, not the sweet one, the nasty, evil person/Guru, who teaches us humility, poverty, breaks us down where we have to reach out to God.

With Mickey Hargitay I suspect I would have been ‘just a star’, like Jayne, not who I became. I would have been devoted to God mostly in privacy, & so, how unusual would my life have been as an ideal, icon or subject? I would be remembered for looks alone – I would not have ministered or ‘saved souls’. Like for instance, I preached in front of the White House on Our Lady of Fatima, this ended the Cold War, the threat of nuclear annihilation – Communism fell. This would not have happened had I been another Jayne. You see I had to meet my destiny? Fatima was designated for me to preach – not someone else, since my childhood – to be explained later.

And so, this evil man Putz NutOn was a stumbling block that led to stepping stones, a speed bump on the road of life, a mistake that leads to a benefit – people laughed at him & warned me again Rev. Judy. So many negative people have been in my life I wonder how I survived, but as the poet said, ‘I have promises to keep, & miles to go before I sleep.’ And I have tales to tell & many about Hell.

I plan next time to begin speaking of Rev. Judy Swaggart – this is exhausting, she will be to. I will ask each character, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a demon, what were you? He says, ‘I was a 9.5.’

I asked Monster Mom, what were you on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a demon? She said 7, but that 7 was directed strongly to those she hated, Dad, myself, the cops she betrayed, etc.

to be continued………………………………..1-18-21


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