Chapter 9   Marvin Gaye & I

   written 2-1-22

 

          I wish I could remember how I met him or what got me into his hotel room with the club below where he was performing.

          There isn’t much to tell & I debated whether to even include him as nothing much happened. But then again, how many women met Marvin Gaye – one of the top stars of his time – & had him masturbate because of her, in front of her, in his room? That’s all there was.

          Why I met him is I wanted to meet every back star that came into town. Yes, I started an affair with James Brown but he wasn’t treating me right, I was heartbroken & thought maybe there was another star like him I could succeed with. So by meeting them, I was trying them out {except nothing came of it as you’ll see.}

          So I’m here in this room with him, he asks to have sex, I say no, then he says he’ll masturbate looking at me, I don’t object.

          I was not nude nor did I show him any part of my body. He sat on the bed, I was in a chair across the room at a desk, just looking at him.

          Then comes a knock at the door & a voice I recognize- one of the attendants of James Brown {not a fake or hanger on, a real person working} calls my name & says,

          “Your boyfriend’s out there”

          Meaning James Brown – can’t recall if he said his name but both Marvin & I knew it was him & both of us jumped to it, like he had to get ready for his show which would be witnessed by the Godfather of Soul, I had to skedaddle before James got insulted – maybe he’d want to see me! And I recall being embarrassed that James associate knew I was there with Marvin – he probably told him & James might think wrongly of me.

 

          OK now what was Marvin like? I was only there with him like an hour but that’s enough to get a person’s vibes. He was not a happy camper it seemed to me, & lacked the ‘joy of living’. Was he depressed? Not sure, as I didn’t know his personality & what to compare his vibes to, like people are sometimes ‘up’ or ‘down’ & you have to know them to know the difference, but he was not vivacious, more ‘down’ than ‘upbeat’ in personality. One of the black guys told me,

          ‘Marvin is afraid of crowds,’

          meaning the audience, a large crowd.

          And I did see him perform when I went downstairs – a sprawling place, & his personality was laid back as he sang, with James brown front row center with his wife!

 

          Later, many of us would go to this ‘soul food’ place after shows – I somehow knew James would be there, so I went, & popped myself at a table across from him & stared at him incessantly to show I was mad he was with another female {even though it was his wife so this was stupid}. He outsmarted me. He told his attendant to speak to me, for me to go home & he would call me, so I did, & of course he never called, just sucker punched me to get rid of the nuisance.

          So back to Marvin because I was always curious about what happened between him & his Dad – why he got killed by him, & read this in Wikipedia. I think this might warrant some channeling:

 

Marvin Gaye April 2, 1939 – April 1, 1984) was an American singer and songwriter. He helped to shape the sound of Motown in the 1960s, first as an in-house session player and later as a solo artist with a string of hits, earning him the nicknames “Prince of Motown” and “Prince of Soul”.

Gaye’s Motown hits include “Ain’t That Peculiar“, “How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)“, and “I Heard It Through the Grapevine“

          ME: From Wikipedia on his father – Marvin Gay Sr.:

 

April 1, 1984: At approximately 12:38 p.m. (PST), minutes after returning to his own bedroom, Gay Sr. came back to his son’s bedroom with the .38 pistol and shot him. The bullet penetrated Marvin’s vital organs, including his heart. Gay Sr. then walked forward and shot him a second time in the shoulder at point-blank range.

 

According to Gay’s sister, Jeanne, he was someone who never “spared the rod, he was very, very strict” in reference to the saying “spare the rod, spoil the child”. Gay also would question his children on Biblical passages, administering beatings if they answered wrong. All four of Gay’s children had problems with bed wetting, which led to more beatings.

Gay administered most of his harshest punishments on Marvin Jr. According to Marvin’s sister, Jeanne, from the age of seven well into his teenage years, Marvin’s life consisted of “brutal whippings” since Gay Sr. would strike him for any shortcoming, including putting his hair brush in the wrong place or coming home from school a minute late. Marvin would state later, “living with Father was like living with a king, an all-cruel, changeable, cruel and all-powerful king”. He further stated to David Ritz, “if it wasn’t for Mother, who was always there to console me and praise me for my singing, I think I would have been one of those child suicides you read about in the papers.” Alberta Gay later stated that her husband hated Marvin, {emphasis Rasa’s} as she told David Ritz in 1979:

My husband never wanted Marvin, and he never liked him. He used to say he didn’t think he was really his child. I told him that was nonsense. He knew Marvin was his. But for some reason, he didn’t love Marvin, and what’s worse, he didn’t want me to love Marvin either. Marvin wasn’t very old before he understood that. {Emphasis Rasa’s}

 

Rasa says: The singer gave his Dad the gun for Xmas!

 

On Christmas Day 1983 Marvin gave his father an unregistered .38 caliber Smith & Wesson pistol to protect him from intruders and murderers after the younger Gaye, heavily addicted to cocaine, felt someone was seriously plotting to kill him. 

 

From the Wikipedia article – The Killing of Marvin Gaye:

 

On Christmas Day, 1983, Marvin gave his father a Smith & Wesson .38 Special pistol so that he could protect himself from intruders. Friends and family members contended that the younger Marvin was often suicidal and paranoid, and by now was afraid of leaving his room and spoke of little besides suicide and death. He sometimes wore three overcoats and put his shoes on the wrong feet.Four days before his death, according to his sister Jeanne, Gaye had tried to kill himself by jumping out of a speeding sports car, suffering only minor bruises.Jeanne contended that “there was no doubt Marvin wanted to die” and that he “couldn’t take any more.” {emphasis Rasa’s}

 

 It is believed by Gaye’s siblings that his death was a “premeditated suicide“. Jeanne later said that upon forcing his father’s hand in the murder that he had “accomplished three things. He put himself out of his misery. He brought relief to Mother by finally getting her husband out of her life. And he punished Father, by making certain that the rest of his life would be miserable… my brother knew just what he was doing.”

 

Rasa says: It explains that they had a verbal & physical fight before the shooting – Marvin Jr. kicked his Dad many times, the Dad had said publicly that if any of his children ever laid hands on him, he’d kill them.  

 

About the brother:   Frankie ran to the house and carefully walked into the hallway to his brother’s room, not knowing if Marvin Sr. still had the gun, whether he was still in the room, or if his brother was dead. After walking into Gaye’s bedroom, an emotional Frankie held him as Gaye bled rapidly. Frankie alleges that Marvin, barely speaking above a whisper, told him, “I got what I wanted… I couldn’t do it myself, so I had him do it… it’s good, I ran my race, there’s no more left in me.”

 

I, Rasa, channel Marvin Gaye: {Channeling is mind reading. There is no effort on his part, only mine. I am gifted with this ability partly because I worked at it much of my life & I also it’s a Gift from the Holy Spirit. It’s like my Ministry to Purgatory. Yes, I worked at it hard for years, but God stepped in & gifted me with the ability to reach them & help. God often gives us gifts when we work hard to obtain them. I also struggled to become celibate for years then one day the Holy Virgin appeared to me & asked me to take the vow. God helps us when we work on something.}

 

          ME: Marvin, what was wrong? According to this you had mental / emotional problems that were so deep you wanted to kill yourself. Was it all due to your Father?

 

          MG {Marvin Gaye}: So I’m to be a chapter in your book? I’m glad I met you.

          Yes, it was mostly – 99% due to my father. Like it said, all four of his kids wet the beds, but I was the target of his most harsh punishments. He hated me & he made me hate myself – made me feel unworthy. You understand abuse.

         

          ME: Knowing your ad was so evil & crazy, why did you buy him the gun?

 

          MG: During the last part of my life, I wanted to die, but I couldn’t kill myself, & as they explain, it was my way of having myself killed.

 

          ME: Did you have nothing to live for? Did you not find your wife & children a reason to be? – Your career such a great success? Your Mom who loved you? What about God? How could you feel so low you wanted to die either by your own hand or someone else’s?

 

          MG: No, all that was around me – career – the women who loved me, children, that was all outside. But inside I was empty, like a vacuum. I felt no love, only emptiness. The drugs kept me going for a while. But the drugs eventually weren’t working, as you know, people with mental problems, their depression & thoughts of suicide return after a while, drugs only mask the true feelings. Inside my Dad had already murdered me from a young age – psychologically – like your Mother did you.

          But unlike myself, you forgave your Mother & even prayed for her not to go to Hell whereas I took revenge, I gave into the hate. I hated myself, then like the Wikipedia says, I let my Dad be the hand that killed me & his life would be tainted from then on. I also liberated Mom from him, the woman who kept me from killing myself as a child.

 

          ME: I know from my wisdom of understanding God & spirituality, that what love of God is parallels love of Oneself. We & God are One, God is within us. In loving god we learn to love ourself. These items are INSEPERABLE. And so, you had the love in you extinguished & in its place was hate. As far as I know, you did not show your hate aggressively, it stayed internal. People who keep hate inside them become depressed. You were depressed.

 

         MG: You got that all right. I was depressed from childhood, when my Dad hated me. I did not forgive him. I was angry at him. But I never expressed my anger until the very end, when I chose to forcefully fight with him & even kick him again & again, knowing it would invoke his insanity. It was my death blow to myself.

 

          ME: OK so you were depressed because you held your anger in. I have a friend who is clinically depressed. I told her & her husband that’s its anger from childhood. She has to face that anger, release it and express it. But she isn’t doing that, so she has been her entire lifetime, on & off clinically depressed, seeing psychiatrists & taking all types of medication. She & her husband do not deal with it as I suggested, facing what was done to her by her Dad – it was abuse – which she has bottled up – & release her hate & anger against him. She will probably go to her grave in this condition. So that was your condition? How on earth did your talent & creativity flourish?

 

          MG: They flourished by an automatic system, like your heart beating, your glands working. But then, when life got harder like getting kind of older, & the juices through my body were not running as fast, I was losing the blush of youth & life was harder, then it overwhelmed me. I couldn’t take it any more, just like the article says.

 

          ME: Wow, do you have any advice for those in your condition? There are many.

 

          MG: Listen to Rasa, don’t do as I did. Face your hatred, your anger, let it out. Face yourself, what is in you. Meditate, pray. The world & its glories will not save you. Look at me; I succeeded only to kill myself. ‘What profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul, for what will he exchange for his soul?’ I had the whole world but losing my soul, I was spiritually dead. I needed to work on my soul, to gain eternal life, love & happiness. I did not do that. I did not listen to the Words of God because my Dad represented God – as a minister – & God hated me, so it seemed. I did not understand God, even though Mom loved me, his hate was so strong, so cruel that he overrode Mom’s love.

 

          I suppose since Mom saw what he was doing she should have left him & saved us kids from her. But instead, she got a job as a domestic to keep the family running. A mother should not allow a man to do this to her children, but she felt trapped. She did not have the strength to leave, she could have, but she didn’t. There’s a chance that could have saved me. So they were both guilty – he for being cruel, she for not leaving him, taking us away from him. Where there’s a will there’s a way – she could have done it.

 

          ME: Were you angry then also at your Mom?

 

          MG: Indeed, I could never admit that. But what I just said holds true. She did to me what your Dad did to you. Your Dad left you to your Mom knowing you were being abused, he didn’t save you or even interview you about it – no one of the elders helped you. But God helped you because you were strong & had a good upbringing as far as religion & you took religion to heart, following the path of Jesus Christ. So you were saved.

 

          ME: What a sad testimony on your life. I mean what do all those songs mean when you had self hate, how could they bring comfort to your fans now? – If they know what you felt & went through. You were such a great artist, such a wonderful musician, & you were dead inside. It breaks my heart to think of it.

 

          I will probably not know where you are unless it’s revealed to me. I notice that it is difficult for me to discern. Sometimes souls do appear to me to get help from Purgatory & I see them ascend. Very rarely – only twice – I have had visions of the living, God showing me they were destined for Hell – I could not help them. But I cannot tell where you are. I hope it’s in Heaven or if not yet there, Purgatory.

 

          MG: I will reveal it to you in a dream tonight.

 

          ME: Alright Marvin, over & out for now. {End channeling…End Chapter 9}