God Compensated my Losses

By Rasa Von Werder, June 7th, 2021


Chapter 8     What People Did to Me


What God Did for Me   6-5-21



                     Just thinking, I’ve groaned a lot about the injustices & abuse of people to me, but what I must present now is what God did to make up for it. For example:


          In Part 3 of my Life I told the sorrowful incident of my friend & neighbor bringing to our front door {in my absence, Middletown, NJ, 2 Knapp Circle} a birthday cake for me. My Mom rejected this gift, saying, ‘We bake our own cakes here.’ And not a one of them in the household even said a greeting to me, no card, no gift, no cake, no nothing. And I shall channel Mother God as to why Mom & her accomplice did this. Mother God, explain the motive:


          MOTHER GOD:   She, they, de facto, were rejecting any love being shown to you – respect, kindness, anything good being given you had to be rejected, as you have explained. They wanted to destroy you. {End channeling}


          OK, but here’s what GOD did. Years later, I’m around 40, I was dating a handsome lawyer who was also a gourmet cook, let’s call him Saint Esquire. On the day of my birthday he took a cab from Forest Hills, NY to Williamsburg, B’klyn, to bring me a birthday cake, made with his own hands, a beautiful carrot cake!

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          This man, while on the subject, also did this. I was returning from a job some place with heavy suitcases which had to be carried 6 flights of stairs {I never had a companion who helped me this way, travel was hard} He knew when I’d be there; again, he took a cab for just one thing, to carry my suitcases up!


          Throughout my childhood, from the age of ten, until I left home, I was purposefully impoverished. The burden of the household chores mostly fell to me – I did all but the cooking {Mom would not share her glory of being a chef with me, she forbid me to cook when I tried, screaming & hitting me}. I cleaned house, fed the animals, did the dishes, baby sat my half sister, did most of the ironing {in those days many items had to be ironed, etc.} Mom & two other members of the household worked – they had money – but no allowance was given me {I never even thought of an allowance} – I was slave labor.


Dad was contributing money, some of it could have been given me, & Mom suggested to the other household members once, why not give Rasa an allowance from our salaries? She knew they would shoot that down, which they did, ‘No! No! No! No allowance for Rasa! She pretended to me that she wanted this, she would give me $40 a week! That was a fortune to me & then, she took it away by letting the other members say no.


          Mom was earning minimum wage & it says that minimum wage in 1959 was $1 an hour – the restaurant we all worked in at one time paid us .50 an hour – for the servers there were tips, so maybe it came to 2.50 per hour.

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          They could have easily given me $40 a week between the 3 of them or less, $20 or just $10 would have meant something – even $5 would have been appreciated – I saved them most of the household chores.


          Later on, my services were not crucial, no slave needed. The half sister was 9 years old when we moved to Middletown, NJ, so could be left alone, the house was new & cleaning it easy – there were no animals to care for. Now was the chance for me to work! But every time I got a job if Mom discovered it, she’d call up & have me fired on the pretext, ‘She does not have my permission to work, I want her to concentrate on school.’ {That was a lie, she wanted to disempower me, punish or torture me.} And Mom gave me no cash for necessities – not even school supplies or dentist – which could have been garnished from what Dad gave {I never even thought of telling Dad about this, I was devoid of knowing my rights. I was not aware of any government agency that protected children; to me it was unheard of, the thought that I could complain to a legitimate agency that I was being deprived of basic rights in the home.}


          So I was unjustly impoverished in our house. When I finally left home my first husband cancelled his life insurance to leave myself & our daughter penniless – I had $5 to my name after the funeral. His Mom was with us at his death, {she sensed his end was coming, she arrived days before it} I could not conceive of asking her for money – in fact, she asked me if I could afford the funeral. I didn’t know what that meant, I thought that if I had $1,000 plus a fiver to my name, & the funeral cost $1k, then I could afford it – so I paid it instead of asking her to. She was not poor or broke, had then about 60k in the bank. I had trouble asking anyone for anything, as the family convinced me that I deserved nothing.


          Now when I entered show business, I had a fighting chance. But I was raising a child alone, expenses were high, as anyone knows who has children, if you are the sole parent, no one in the family to baby sit, child care is expensive. So I was one woman alone, paying the bills, & child care. Those years I had no nest egg, the most I ever had before 1981, age 33, in the bank, was $1,500.


          I’m trying to explain why I was poor & how I was poor. First, My Mom caused my poverty, & second, my first husband contributed – actually caused it. You might ask, why did I have a child? – He forced both marriage & pregnancy on me. I could have supported myself single, but he wanted to USE ME {for sex, arm candy, nursing if he had a return of the cancer.} I asked him to help me get my own place – no go. He insisted we had to get married, & tricked me into a pregnancy. We always used the ‘pull out method’ but on our honeymoon he inseminated me without consent, & nine months to the day after that event, I bore a child. His plan was to keep me tied to the house – the child was his tool.

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          So rounds one & two of my young life were a financial bust. Round three was going into show business after his death. I became a star by the grace of God, but I was not solvent, it was insecure living week to week, not knowing, when I became a stripper, what jobs these agents would get me – one year my agent Don DeCarlo of Pittsburg, I realized later, was not even trying – he was ripping me off for 20% on my jobs – I put him down to 10% & after six months no jobs I understood there were no more jobs from him – he had to have 20% or I got nothing. Understand, managers get up to 50%, but they work full time for you. But an agent – mine anyway – did only one thing – call the club & negotiate. {I even provided the clubs through my own foot work.} The clubs on the road, you could not book yourself, you had to have representation. Depending on how good of a talker they were, is what you got.


          Another thing, is as I got more & more well known – {I did all the publicity myself – in 21 years I was helped by the management only twice – in Cleveland, Ohio & Toronto, Canada, the theaters gave me a bona fide press conference} – THEY made more money, my salary remained the same. I did not get paid for contacting the press, doing interviews, getting the club or theater filled up.


One guy in Canada made so much money off me that he put a down payment on a new hotel – I estimate he made $75k profit while I made $2,500. {Guessing by how many seats were occupied in the club, what they charged at the door & drinks. The coffee shop they had ran out of all food & could not keep up with it. The club was huge – maybe 1,000 seats – & filled up for two weeks. That’s why I worked mostly Canada in my last years – they had clubs much bigger than America & so could pay more.}


          Now that’s what people did to me. But what did God do? I’m explaining the economy of God, her management of my life, her compensating me while people deprived me, punished me or exploited me. God was on my side – & so She is on yours if you do her will. If you do not obey God & are her enemy, then of course, She will not bless you & compensate you for your sufferings. Judas the traitor was not rewarded by God, he met his own fate, probably in Hell.


          And so, for the unfortunate poverty, misery, insecurity & most of all, lack of love I suffered at the hands of people, this is what God did for me: And I shall ask Mother God to answer for me. First question, what did God do for me because I was deprived of love?

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          MOTHER GOD:   When a God-loving person is unjustly deprived of love, they get closer in intimacy with God. That entails a whole gamut of consolation, gifts & blessings. It’s the deeper happiness which is not of this world.


          Being intimate with God, One with her, is the greatest gift of all – it is heaven. One can undergo all kinds of earthly deprivations & tortures & still be happy if they are close to God – look at what the saints went through, & most of the time they were happy. Their sufferings were not bitter or dry, their pain, when endured for God, brought sweetness to their souls. So you, most of the time, had consolation with God, felt her Presence, felt love, you were not ‘the walking dead’ like the majority of folks are – they are spiritually dead. As you well know & say it again & again, the saints say the majority enter Hell – more men than women, more rich people than poor.


          ME:   And say in your words, dear Mother God, how I was compensated for the lack of resources & security.


          MOTHER GOD:   Oh, that’s a biggie, you were greatly rewarded & compensated. First, God gave you the ability to make a million dollars in earnings through business. That started in the year 1987, age 42 – God helped you create the mail order video business which, for the first time in your life, you were rich. The business took in one million dollars in ten years.


          When you saved 200k by 1989 you prayed daily for six months for a house. God guided you, your fiancé drove you into the country {from B’klyn} to start looking upstate NY. After the second time looking, God appeared to you in a dream, as Mrs. Ronald Reagan, the wife of the President. {This type of apparition bespeaks Power & Prosperity, being the wife, not the President himself, hints at ‘domestic’ or ‘home.’}

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          She said to you, showing you a listing you had,

          “I have a house for one of your deserving poor. Go! {see it} – You will be rich!”


          You had no idea what the ‘you will be rich’ meant. You did get rich from business, then you got rich after you married & your husband died. But that’s not what God was talking about. Thirty years after you bought your property – & God was guiding you what to purchase – they announced GAS & OIL underground, ‘The Marcellus Shale’ – enough fossil fuel to energize a large area of the US. That was the riches to come – not realized yet but will be in your lifetime – God said so.


          And so, there is one example, God gave you property with gas & oil under it – nothing like that happened to any of the folks who abused you, used you or deprived you. Think of how much God loves you by this reward.


          ME:   And I might add that I think it’s important I did not hate or take revenge on my persecutors, I endured it stoically the way Jesus & his saints did/do. I think that summons the Grace of God, whereas, revenge, & hate against ones enemies would dispel God’s rewards.


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          MOTHER GOD:   Indeed, hate & revenge would prevent God from compensating you, as you close the door of the heart to Grace, Grace cannot then come in. One must have an open heart & good qualities to receive God’s blessings.



The Road to Success – How I Made One Million Dollars



I will briefly explain my business success. It was in video production, starting with just myself dancing, then later, hiring others to act with me in female domination & fetish work. But it started with just pictures of me, which men bought for $5 a piece. {Here’s that girl the family called ugly, selling pics of herself to make a living – did they make sense?}



Around 1985-86 I was dissatisfied with my stripping business. I had been sporadically ‘on the road’ since 1972, I was now pushing 40, I had gained 10 lbs {capital sin, they exaggerate all your faults, just gain a tiny bit of weight & one club owner told my agent I gained 50 lbs–ridiculous} & others just didn’t like me for whatever reason, being I was middle aged or had some esoteric music.


There was a horrible man in Canada who tried to make me enter the country without a visa {that was illegal} which means he didn’t like me as soon as he saw me at the airport – he would have probably called the authorities the next day to pick me up, being without visa, an evil man. Anyway, before the end of the week he fired me, & it really hurt. I think it was one of my acts he didn’t like – it was unusual Latin music from the 40’s – like ‘The Peanut Vendor’ & ‘Granada’ & ‘Siboney’ & I wore an all white lace outfit. But I believe he just didn’t like my look at the airport & each day he figured how to get rid of me, finally, just struck the axe. He was the young son of the owner, Jewish, that’s all I remember, can’t remember the club name or his. He was arrogant, uncaring, and devious. They gave me no publicity, no advertising at this miserable place, it was a quasi-brothel with lap dances & all that – the guy told me ‘you don’t fit in’. Strangely, the book I chose to bring that week as my reading material had to do with management of pain!

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It wasn’t all bad. I was still beautiful. I will prove it with other pictures from my last 2 years in Canada – it’s just no matter what, you meet some people who don’t like you as you don’t meet their preference – their idea or type they want. Consider, I didn’t like handsome Arnold – I liked darker guys at the time, so I rejected him – not his fault, he had what it takes but I wanted something else.


However, the problem was agents. There was no such thing as a list or easy way to find out where the clubs & theaters were, how to contact them. There was no internet, no yellow pages that covered America & Canada with all the venues. You had to beg, borrow or steal names from other dancers – if they would share them.


I met the husband of one star in 1984 – he came to see me at the Hubba Hubba Club in Honolulu, Hawaii. He sat with me & painstakingly picked his brain for every place his wife had worked – that helped. I had Don de’Carlo call them & got jobs. So it was hard to find places, your agent had to contact them – they would not book any of us directly – it’s the pimp system – men must have their share. {That’s how prostitutes are pimped by the Patriarchy. Make it illegal, pick them up, cops get paid, judges get paid, it’s the women’s money in fines. Use them, put them back in the street & start all over again next time. This is explained in a book I’m part of called ‘Sex Work.’}


So I got maybe 5-6 jobs a year in 1985-86 – they were high paying, but even at 3k per week, it only adds up to 15k a year, counting polaroids, ok, add 1k to that. If I had 6 jobs it would be 18 k a year plus 1k for polaroids. {Meaning the customers paid me $10 each to be in a Polaroid with them.} I lived MODESTLY in a 6 floor walk up that was rent controlled, so I could make it, but I wasn’t thriving, just surviving.


You might ask why didn’t I work at one steady place in NYC, regularly? Indeed, I did, I do recall because my new best friend, Saint Esquire, was picking me up at work. It was OK for a while, they paid me $30 a show & there were 4 shows a day. That meant $120 a day or $720 a week – a big come down from $3k on the road. $750 a week in 1987 today amounts to $1,735. 3k a week in 1987 is $7,230 so with 6 jobs a year I made $43,380 today’s money – which is not bad, not good for a star or for building a nest egg.


I get on the internet, that the min wage in 1987 was $3.35. But also this:   In 1989, the median American household made $51,681 in current dollars. {Not sure which year they speak of, maybe 2012.}

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OK, so household might mean two people working, even three. I’m trying to explain what my status actually was, accurately, that although I was ‘a star’ & in headlines in newspapers, covers of magazines & TV shows, I was struggling & surviving, no wealth, no nest egg, until the time I shall explain.


I worked at this place in Times Square – I think it was 7th Ave but can’t recall the name – about 5 weeks. {After 5 weeks they were going to demote me to $15 a show – although it was easy for me to work there, this cut hurt my pride & I quit.} They did not put my name out there, no advertising, nothing. Why? Because it was a porno palace, they made money from sex. {To draw undue attention might have been bad, as I don’t think sex on stage was legal, I guess they paid people off.} Not direct sex with the customers, but like this. You walk in, can watch porn videos in booths downstairs, masturbating of course. {I wonder who cleans up the sperm. I know a guy who slid on it carrying the cash box away& almost broke his neck.}


Upstairs, where my small theater was, way to the back past a turnstile you pay to go through, you have a couple options. You can watch a real sex show in a glass cage, a male & female, or else two females, which you pay for. Can’t recall how they hide the cage from the non-payers, I think you watch through some sort of peep-hole like binoculars.


To the left are the masturbation booths. You go in, across from you behind a glass is a female. You pull out your penis & start to masturbate, & she is supposed to turn you on & walk you through it. She can show her vagina & play with it I imagine. You give her the script. One female told me that a young black man told her to curse out his mother, call her every bad name you could think of, like dirty whore, & that made him horny & happy. I found that unusual & amazing.


This poor, poor girl showed me her scalp, where a man had attacked her with a knife & sliced off part of her flesh along with hair – she was concerned, was the loss of flesh & hair obvious? She was trying to make a living. No one said the adult trade was easy or safe. Why are prostitutes singled out for violence & murder? – Because they’re there, on the street, available & vulnerable. No wonder they start to take drugs. It’s a Catch-22 situation. The average prostitute is raped or violated forcefully 5 times per week. Imagine if that were to happen to you on the job? Wouldn’t you need a substance to keep going? Of course some of them already were addicts, but those who weren’t, need help to get through – unless they are combinations of Hercules & Wonder Woman.

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Now in the middle of these activities as I said, is my theater. Go through the turnstile & there’s a round series of seats, just like a real theater, with a stage around 15’ long & 6’ wide, where the acts occur. What are the acts? – Dancers? No I was the only dancer. You would not believe the acts I had to follow & remain the main attraction.


There would be two different couples who actually had real sex on stage. While I was there one couple the female was average looking, overweight, the guy fairly good looking. I don’t know how these guys could get a hard-on & do it 4 times a day, & this couple told me they did it again at home – Samson step aside. They were paid – I’m not lying – $6 a show. Another couple was French, both good looking – they washed the plastic bed on stage with alcohol before each round. I wanted to see them perform & got emboldened to sit in the audience one day, but someone interrupted me to go somewhere. To this day although I worked in such places, I never have seen a live sex act. This attractive couple told me they made $7 a show. There was a third couple also, very attractive.


The other act I remember was a Latin female, cute, very thin, who walked around for a couple minutes, then sat down & masturbated with a huge black dildo. That was it – every act on stage except me was sex.


So now imagine, I come out, & I have to be somehow more exciting than the previous. How could one manage that? Supposedly beauty & talent win the day, consider I was being paid ten times what these others were. People did like me & applauded well, a video producer came – which come to think of it – was responsible for me starting my own business! He hired me for domination videos at a good price, $500 a day plus a copy to sell – no sex involved. I asked him can you really make a living at this? He lived in a good part of town in a beautiful apt – so I thought if he could do it, I could do it, & later I did. His specialty was wrestling videos. He said with my legs, I could do a great ‘scissors’ whatever that was. I was fascinated. Will get back to what I did later.

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So now here I am, in this sex emporium, among my NY neighbors, not sure where life is going next.


I was working on & off, months would drag by where I had no income & often worked on publicity. I would go to a newsstand called ‘Hotalings,’ which carried newspapers & magazines from all over the world. I would pick up like $50 {$120.50 today} or more of these periodicals, take them home, peruse them & send them my story as the ‘Stripper for God’ with plenty photos & slides. I got into the international media that way – Germany’s STERN {which was like our ‘Life’ Magazine or ‘Look’ – Italian, French, English, Spanish, Australian – everywhere. My publicity is featured on Kellie Everts I Strip for God website – many of the periodicals are featured as well as numerous TV shows.


In fact, because of this onslaught of publicity, they sent reporters from Spain to do a big story for a top magazine, & the Australians sent their ‘60 minutes’ staff to show me dancing & an interview – they even paid me $300. Whenever I danced in NYC international travelers would tell me they’d seen documentaries on me in Italy, Australia & elsewhere. I even got letters from Papa New Guinea & Poland. Some of the stuff I believe was copied from work done in America. There have been at least eleven documentaries done on me.


As a photographer of ‘America’s Most Beautiful Men’ – which I did from 2012 to 2017 – I met on the phone hundreds of aspiring male models & dozens in person. I tried to show them the ropes, but none of them except one listened to me. The one who listened made it to the top – he became a poster boy for Ralph Lauren. He already had what it takes, he did the right things, he worked hard & he made it. The rest of them flopped. They just didn’t have the brains to listen & learn, they thought they knew how to reinvent the wheel, that their case was different, they would make it on what they knew, but they knew nothing.


You have to be young & dumb before you can be old & wise. Was I ever that dumb? No indeed, because I started trying age 16, & did what had to be done. These yokels just sit on their ass & expect people to appear & ‘give them a break’ – but no one appears. When I came into their lives I explained that in order to make it in any field of show business – even products – there has to be advertising, publicity, promotion & media. And no one will GIVE this to you, you have to TAKE THE WHEEL & steer yourself, or else find a manager who falls in love with you & does the work while you perform. There is no other way – but they won’t listen. I heard a minister say,

          “There is work in the working of miracles.” To be a genuine star is sort of a miracle – & it takes constant hard work getting there. That’s what they aren’t doing. {Will get to the million dollars deal before I end this chapter.}

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In Between Dancing & Publicity I was Uncertain



          Didn’t know where I was going – how I could make it. Two things in my favor, I was Kellie Everts, an adult trade / notoriety star. Second, I met a guy who made wrestling / domination videos & he was making a living. {How one thing leads to another Had I not been working at this porn palace at the time, I would not have met this industry producer & got the idea from him – being ‘out there’ even under less than ideal conditions can lead to meaningful paths.} These two items were the catalysts for success – but not right away.


The dilemma went like so: I cannot get married & have a guy support me because I am celibate {In fact ultra rich Robert Atkins courted me in 1981 & wanted to marry me, but I turned him down, it was impossible, my celibacy plus he was Jewish – I could not repudiate my religion – Or my celibacy which was vowed to God.}

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And of course I cannot be a prostitute or call girl because I am celibate – even if I was not celibate, I couldn’t do it because it would hurt my dignity. I know the women who go into this have to. {Many of the women retiring from dancing went into prostitution or got married, they were the paths of least resistance, indeed, one I knew went back to school teaching & there were other ways.} But I would find another way. But what was the way? What could a celibate woman, in the adult trade, do to make a living?


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