STRUGGLES, SEX & LIFE

By Rasa Von Werder, January 2nd, 2021
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STRUGGLES, SEX & LIFE

02

1-2-21 Hardship Dreams

 

I was trying to get out of a place I was in with a male friend. We were both stuck here, due to another male who did something. Maybe this male’s truck was in our way or something.

The friend & I were trying to get out, MOVE, we have in our materials I see a small used child’s mattress & other things. Try as we might, we can’t get out because of the Truck-Man.

*(SMALL CHILD’S USED MATTRESS: Could refer to my Lover’s immaturity, that this makes him allow the obstacle – he clings to his childish dreams, needs or limitations.)*

Finally POLICE COME, like three of them. But we have to wait for the asshole TruckMan to place a glass of brown liquid on top of his truck while he sits against a wall & mutters prayers sort of smiling. I call out to the cops, this is taking too long, make him stop & get out of the way! The three cops are scattered through this driveway but they can’t do too much. One seems to be wearing a LIGHT, not dark uniform, maybe wearing GLASSES.

*(POLICE: In my dreams, always ANGELS. Because they are protectors / guardians & enforcers of the Will of God. The LIGHT uniform refers to marriage, he knows how that will turn out, & GLASSES are VISION.

 

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BROWN LIQUID IN A CUP, HE SITS AGAINST THE WALL MUTTERING PRAYERS LOOKING AT THIS CUP, SMILING: The brown liquid is SHIT. This associate of his is full of it, sitting helplessly {against a wall is helpless} muttering PRAYERS which are not going to work…….This refers to ‘wishful’ or ‘magical’ thinking, which does not result in success, it does not call on the Power of God, it’s empty & useless & we’ve been waiting TOO LONG for this deluded activity to cease.)*

My friend, his identity? Reminds me of celebrity chef Gordon R – big, strong like that, but of course this is but a symbol.

*(GORDON R, BIG CELEBRITY: My Spiritual Husband Bob believes he can be a big celebrity, a rap star, & that this TruckMan can get him there. It’s a delusion. I call on God for help, but apparently, it isn’t time yet.)*

At one point ‘Gordon’ is standing at the outside of our pickup truck by the driver side, & this TruckMan takes his truck & puts it so close to GR that I fear he will crush him, somehow I intervene & push his old beige truck aside.

*(CRUSHING HIM AGAINST THE DOOR OF THE DRIVER SIDE OF OUR TRUCK: Here if Bob can get into the driver side of OUR truck we could drive off. But the TruckMan in the BROWN {RUSTY} truck has him almost crushed or squashed. This is the old IDEAS, RUSTY THOUGHTS & FEELINGS, past their utility, not working, not doing anything, just deteriorating, rusting, & this old thinking which TruckMan puts upon him has him in a place of LIMITATION, squeezing the LIFE out of him. But somehow I jump in & LIMIT THE DAMAGE. This would be my influence on his life is also working.)*

 

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Will we ever get out of this driveway & onto our new home?

There was also a cocoa skinned man with a super thin right arm that was ‘following’ or in awe of my Gordon. Gordon at one point sat to his left & put his right arm around him for consolation. I said ‘he is your fan.’

*(HIS FAN, COCOA, WITH THE THIN, UNFORMED RIGHT ARM: This might be a version of TruckMan who admires or is infatuated with Gordon {my Bob} & treats him like he’s special. This gives Bob consolation. But notice

the RIGHT ARM IS THIN, UNFORMED: Means he has no effectiveness, lacks ability to help. When someone is YOUR RIGHT ARM they are of the GREATEST HELP TO YOU, but this guy’s right arm is thin, unformed, useless, like his ability to turn Bob into a RAP STAR or any kind of star. The COCOA SKIN refers to LOWER SELF or PHYSICAL – this means his self & whatever he says & does comes from the human self, not God, not destiny, not supernatural vision, nothing of power but just the human self. The human self is weak, it can do nothing remarkable, but with the Grace of God – which he hasn’t got – one can do wonders.)*

*(OVERALL MEANING: When you dream of MOVING it’s usually not literal, but from one state/situation to another. Many of my dreams concern the frustration with Spiritual Husband, ex-lover Bob, so this is about a stumbling block against us.

Who or what is this TruckMan with the light brown old truck, always in the way, almost crushing GR {Bob} & muttering long prayers, where not even three COPS {ANGELS} can get him out of the way?

All I can think of is his ‘business’ associate who has him convinced he can make him a RAP STAR – a project which has not happened for many years & never will, as this clown hasn’t got a clue.

The cop in the LIGHT-not dark uniform hints at marriage, as his uniform is almost white. Wearing glasses? That could refer to VISION – He sees something we don’t see, he knows something, probably the future. He knows the man & I will be together, he isn’t worried. Lack of concern is shown in how he’s just leaning against our truck, like WAITING for something. That means we have to wait this out – this will pass.)*

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The GIGOLO

I can’t recall details, but my Beloved had somehow, some way, become a gigolo. But yet, I had the UPPER HAND. In fact, at the end of it, I had him & his main woman TRAPPED. How trapped? By information or situation, & I told another friend, pointing to my left palm,

“I have them IN THE PALM OF MY HAND.”

*(PALM OF MY HAND, I HAVE THEM IN IT: Palm of the hand, when pointing to it, has to do with MONEY. Like ‘let some silver cross my palm’. The PALM also refers to FORTUNE TELLING – the psychic looks at the PALM to tell your future. So this is about THE FUTURE OF BOB & MYSELF & HAS TO DO WITH MONEY. It shows they will be trapped or cornered, for lack of it, & he will need me to bail him out or keep him going. Maybe he will lose his job & his sugar Mamma, who already supports the family including him – will not be able to give him support. After all, he uses all his salary on his own needs – she could not cover his alcohol, marijuana, drugs, cigarettes & personal items, which come to at least $400. weekly – maybe more, which is his entire salary. At one time she gave him more, but hard times have come.)*

The feeling was, they could not get anywhere or go anywhere in the place they were in. LIFE had them trapped.

But before that my lover Bob, who this is about, had several women & I don’t know the details, but I told everyone HE IS A GIGOLO. Being a gigolo did not bode well for his future. I mean, there are illegal things going on, he’s going to get into hot water sooner or later.

*(HE’S A GIGOLO: Is not literal, means he lives off a woman or women, at least I think so.)*

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OSTRACISM

The third dream was about ostracism. It was so painful & tedious I don’t want to put all the details.

My aunt & uncle had taken me out & now they were planning to go to dinner, & they had invited two young men. They were hemming & hawing about me being there & kept saying I should take my car & go home – but I didn’t know why they wanted me to go home. Then finally I figured because they didn’t want to take me to dinner with them – they were ashamed of me, it hurt.

*(AUNT & UNCLE ASHAMED OF ME: Aunt & Uncle always refers to punishment & pain – here the pain of ostracism. The fact they don’t want to take me to dinner is that people of the world don’t want to be seen in public with me, as those of the adult trade are ‘personal non grata,’ outcasts, undesirables, they are ashamed of me. This might refer to some relatives of mine, in real life, who feel that way about me although they pretend otherwise.)*

So I don’t go home, I stick around, & go to see who they WERE taking out to dinner. It was two young military men. They went with them to their apt, where they guys had to get their money behind a queen-sized bed, behind red pillows – apparently they would pay for their own food.

They guys explained how they TOOK OUT THE HEARTS OF AMERICANS, hearts & some other gland, & this surprised me, as these weren’t even THE ENEMY. But to my aunt / uncle they were ALRIGHT in spite of this, so they all proceeded out.

*(MILITARY MEN TAKE OUT HEARTS ETC BUT THEY ARE INVITED OUT: This is about society’s prejudice again me – labeled ‘adult trade worker’ vs those who take out hearts – which would be those who destroy people, they are the enemies of God, the demoniacs, but these people are accepted members of society, while I am AN OUTCAST.)*

I’m with my uncle at the table designated for them. It’s on a higher level than the main crowd, we are just being seated – I’m here temporarily, uncle to my right in a round booth – it’s dim – there are hundreds of ordinary people seated in front of us. An old lady comes up to us, a server. I tell her,

“They have a reservation for four. I’m not one of them. My aunt is coming & two other guys.”

So everything is set for them. I told my aunt/uncle I would find another place to eat, & at the end of their dinner, they could pick me up outside & drive me home.

But strange things happen. I turn out to be part of the entertainment of this restaurant, they have dancers, like strippers, & I turn out to be one of them – dancing naked with bright red lipstick, blonde hair & not much else.

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*(DANCING NAKED: This explains why I am ostracized, nudity.)*

After the show I sit next to a youngish man to my right & ask him what he thought of the dancers. He says he can’t recall. I tweek his memory, ‘What about the one WITH THE GREAT BODY, the last one to dance?’ He says,

“Oh, SHE WAS GREAT.”

I knew my aunt & uncle would not even recognize me if they saw me on stage – I look different.

I then went outside to wait for them to take me home but they passed by, did not see me, I was not in the place I said I would be.

I never did find that other restaurant to eat in. I asked for directions, they told me, but it wasn’t there. I ended up on horrible, Hellish roads. The roads were encased in rock, you’d go & go & thy got narrower, you’r redo your steps to try & escape, & another road was the same thing. One road I did come upon a business place & asked the lady where did it lead into? She said eventually it did lead out, but it had detours which ended up dead ends. So one could get caught on these roads & die, with rocks all around, it was a NIGHTMARE.

*(NIGHTMARE ROADS, ENCLOSED, CANNOT FIND THE RESTAURANT OR POSSIBLY THE WAY BACK: This is the suffering of outcasts in our society, the way they are treated, they can’t find a place of satisfaction of nourishment, all of society rejects them.)*

Please see my book which has close to 900 dream symbols, at Lulu Press, UK

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/rasa-von-werder/theater-of-the-mind-dreams-symbols-meanings/paperback/product-1k9zmkd.html?page=1&pageSize=4

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12-31-20 SEX SEX more SEX-Happy New Year

My Spiritual Husband is appearing the last few days to me, don’t know why, & a lot of it is about sex.

In this dream I’m visiting Lover Bob at his place. His house is like ours was on Delancey St., Newark, NJ. This goes WAY BACK – I was 7 years old! It’s a pleasant, well-lit place & I am visiting OBSERVING.

I see several women. Not all there, maybe one main one here but he’s going off to see other women. A side woman’s name appears, ‘Zeba.’

There are two children sitting at a round table with me, the background is light blue, I see my room behind this one, this is maybe the kitchen, a boy off to the right who seems about 6 & a girl to the left who is about 8. For some reason I want to bare my heart to them, as I have no one else to talk to about this, & I say,

What I want is to move here, live with Bob – we are in love……..

The girl says,

“But he’s in love with Zeba & Tina, Donna & Hannah”
{names uncertain} & I answer,

“That’s not love, that’s just lust & infatuation.”

{It immediately comes to mind how the women of the polygamy guys in Utah told me it works: With each new wife he wants sex with her every night for about three weeks, then he gets tired of her & goes back to his normal routine.}

*(ZEBA: Zeba is the woman he lives with, I got that by another hint I’ll not get into. She is one of his polygamous ‘wives’ but none of them is me, the True Wife – the one that God joined with him. Here his live-in is telling me he ‘loves’ all of them, it’s her human self telling me this {the child of God or daughter} – she’s in denial that his love for me is true. I tell her that none of these affairs is the real thing.)*

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PART TWO

of this dream is we are walking up a wide gravel road in the mountains, similar what I have near my present house, maybe higher up. We’ve been walking a long time, & dusk is falling. I’m hoping the group behind me doesn’t bring attention to it’s getting dark, we must go back. I believe that even if it’s dark, the road is light gravel, you can see it easily in the moonlight, it’s wide {about 15′} & there are no obstacles, let’s keep going. To the right of this road it drops off, a great vista.

*(GOING UP: Some hardship which here might promise a great reward. As far as a mountain, in my dream language it often means Golgotha, & on that terrible place was our REDEMPTION.

GRAVEL is stones, which might represent criticism or persecution, like STONING in the ancient bible days. Stoning means someone was judged, condemned & doomed to die.

{Only the women get it in the Old Testament & some of the Orthodox Arab places today – where are the men? Men allowed to have sex with little children, with no impunity but women are killed for disobedience to men.}

So this is some sort of Golgotha we are climbing, with my lady friend who has CANCER with me. We are SUFFERERS, but I want to COMPLETE this journey, keeping the faith after it’s done – the crucifixion – we will get back to normal life.

Husband Bob is here with me, looking backward. That means HIS SUFFERING is looking back over our failed relationship.

My FAITH is great that this will be a SUCCESSFUL ORDEAL & even IN THE DARKNESS {dark night of the soul, a time of pain} we will get back.)*

The group behind me is led by my friend Jane-Marie, {who in real life has lung cancer.} I am DETERMINED to keep going.

*(I hope that the faith of my lady friend is AS GREAT AS MINE.)*

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To the right of me is a barge, like a long maybe wooden, narrow conveyance, which is somehow moving along with us, & my lover Bob on that conveyance, but sitting on it looking backward. In the dreams of this night he’s constantly with me, so I don’t feel separated from him, it makes me feel good.

On this barge are folded, stacked, THOUSANDS of ‘army surplus’ scarves. I bought like 20 of them many years ago at a bargain, for like 5 bucks or less, mail order. They are medium brown, about 3′ long, a foot wide, they are masculine & they do the trick if you want a scarf.

*(SCARVES: Might be veils, which could represent Veronica’s veil, or veils which give solace & comfort to the suffering.
This might be a HINT that my sojourn has been FOR THE SOULS IN PURGATORY & thousands of them have been relieved, comforted, by my sufferings.
BROWN represents great suffering, almost, but not quite black, which is complete martyrdom in this context.)*

And later, my legs get cold, I tell my female friend ahead of me I am going to take a pair of these pants here, put them on. They are ones that looked beautiful on me, thick material, with big seams, stretch. And there’s a second pair more loose, I hold up & ask my friend if she wants to put them on – she didn’t think they would fit her, but I think they will. Is she chubby? {She reminds me of someone I once knew, young, a nice person. She is walking ahead of me.} Now the pants are the exact same color as the scarves, it all fits together one color, the pants are kind of soft/fuzzy.

*(LEGS GETTING COLD: Legs represent mystical travel, like the God Mercury moving fast through the air. Getting cold would mean LOSING INTIMACY WITH GOD, not being able to traverse or gain access to the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, the ability to communicate with the Higher World.
This loss of intimacy corresponds with dark nights of the soul – where a person gets spiritually lost, deadened or fallen asleep by the traumas of life, like when Jesus said before passing out, ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’
So I’m trying to retrieve my intimacy when I warm up my legs.
The lady ‘in front’ of me is another person suffering greatly, worse than me if she’s ahead, & I’m suggesting to her a way to regain her closeness to God.)*

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EARLIER

there’s a scene like this: I’m standing in a room – sort of like but not exactly, ‘Marios’s room’ which means separation. To my right is my ‘captain’s chair’ which is the beautiful chair I have in my bedroom at the apt today – the chair has a bunch of white towels in it, some stacked, some draped over the back. I discover a puddle of clean water on the chair, which I mop up with a towel & am not pleased it has got some of the towels wet. A woman of authority is standing near me – who she is I don’t know.

*(WOMAN IN AUTHORITY: Is probably my God Self who has authority over me & my husband.
The captains chair represents the room Lover & I had sex in for years. The chair is right by the window he would call up to me.
The CLEAR WATER being on the white towels is the TEARS or sorrow I have over us not being together – the white is union or marriage.)*

Across from me is lover Bob & he is MOPPING UP something. I ask the lady, who is telling him what to do, what happened, & she says WATER SEEPED IN, {all the water is clean & clear} so he’s taking care of it. This lady is the head of the household.

*(WATER is tears of sorrow.
HE IS STOOPING DOWN, MOPPING UP: He’s sorrowing, he’s been humbled, bending down, mopping up his tears. He’s being directed by my God Self, She is the boss of this breakup & the good it will bring.)*

As I’m standing there I look down at myself & I’m aware of two things, one, I am dressed plain, in a slinky t-shirt that is white with a touch of violet, it covers my front all the way to the crotch. My hair & everything is plain, no makeup. And second, that Bob IS WITH ME so we are not separated, & I think I was unhappy without him, but we are together. So why should I be sad?

His position is he’s stooping, on bended knee, mopping up.

*(I AM PLAIN, NO FANCY PRESENTATION: This might be saying I am not trying to seduce or lure Bob, I’m allowing him to feel the sense of loss, not appearing to him in any way. Paradoxically, it is when I am GONE that we are TOGETHER. In my absence he appreciates me at last, we are together as he feels the pain of losing me. My Mother God orchestrated this. He needed to be taken off his HIGH HORSE where he took me for granted, had no fear of losing me, treated me any way he wanted to.)*

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The TROPHY DILDOE

I’m looking at my small, semi-enclosed porch {doesn’t look like any porch I know} & am startled to see the huge penis of my Spiritual Husband Bob, on a plaque fastened to the wall – it’s fully erected, but pointing down. I see it for a moment, walk away, then return to see it again & it has shrunk somewhat. I realize it is a living representation of his real, living dick. It was fully hard, now it has receeded, so it’s like a ‘dick alert’ of some kind.

Bob suddenly appears & sees this plaque, & thinks I put it there. I swear to him I did not. But I have in my hands a ball of soft clay, which looks like the earth or flesh, it’s light medium brown. As I mold it in my hands, it’s an amazing feeling, & I give it to Bob, tell him to touch it & feel it touching his dick, how soft it is.

Bob has in his hands several items which he thinks are soft. There’s a block of something medium blue, like hard clay, & other things, one of them black – all things he thought were soft, he was going to ‘mold.’ I tell him those other items are nothing compared to this thing I hold in my hands, they are rock solid hard, & what I say is true. He is holding the other items but also massaging that ball of clay.

*(BALL OF CLAY, other items like that CLAY which he was going to massage, etc. This CLAY is my vagina vs the other vaginas, {made of clay or earth} & him ‘molding’ them is having sex.)*

I forgot to say there was also another penis plaque on the wall, this one had a darker feeling to it, like black hair or a sort of mustache on it, doesn’t make sense, but it was just DARKER & BIG BUT NOT AS BIG as the first one.

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*(PENIS PLAQUE ON THE WALL OF MY SMALL PORCH: This is about Lover Bob being aware that having sex with different women feels different.
He’s busy with several of them according to this & other dreams.
I’m connected to his emotions & I see when he’s excited or not.
He is seeing that the women he has sex with do not FEEL THE SAME as having sex with me. In a contrast of FEELING GOOD / SOFTNESS they are various degrees of HARD, not soft, pleasant TO THE EMOTIONS.

The symbols are vagina & penis, but the meaning is deeper. It’s about love, true love vs lust & infatuation. The person you love feels completely different than he ones you don’t, sex wise or anything wise.

The first penis, which looks like his, is what he feels for me – we are emotionally connected, so I can FEEL / SEE when he is erected. The second plaque is him on a lower level – just physical – no deeper connection, nothing spiritual. It is the LOWER SELF or self in ‘darkness’. This is the penis or self which has sex with other females.

This dream says he is beginning to realize, understand this, that women are no interchangeable, having sex with one is not the same as the other, the one you love is the one you have most feelings with. And the one he loves is me.)*

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Please see my book which has close to 900 dream symbols, at Lulu Press, UK

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/rasa-von-werder/theater-of-the-mind-dreams-symbols-meanings/paperback/product-1k9zmkd.html?page=1&pageSize=4

GuruRasa answers, What is the purpose of dreams?
Q 1 WHAT is a dream? A A communication system from the unconscious mind to the conscious
Q 2 What are SYMBOLS? A The MEANS by which the unconscious SPEAKS to the conscious
Q 3 What is the PURPOSE of dreams?

A Dreams accomplish these things and more: 1 They SAVE LIVES and SOULS………………………………
2 Warn us of danger; physical, emotional and spiritual to ourselves and others
3 Tell us the true feelings, intentions or interior state of others
4 Reveal our own interior state, sins, virtues and gifts, phobias and desires
5 Explain mysterious situations or incidents
6 Explain WHAT WOULD BE if we did a certain thing
7 Explain the reactions of others to us if we met them or communicated with them
8 Explain what TO DO or NOT TO DO
Details
Publication Date
3/30/2007
Contributors
By (author): Rasa Von Werder
Pages
529
Dimensions
US Trade (6 x 9 in / 152 x 229 mm)

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