9-22-23        Mysterious Important Dreams  – My husband Nick – Sri Kaleshwar – Arnold!

 

 

At first I dismissed it as some kind of SEX dream but it is NOT about sex!

I see Nick {my husband in life & still in death} walking ahead of me, his left arm in a sling with a gauze cloth. I go up to him & ask him if his arm is broken. He takes off the cloth & shows me no, but there is a sort of box here & inside it a little mouse!

I am kind of ‘following him around’ scene to scene trying to get him to pay attention to me – maybe make love – but he is distracted.

Then I see someone he IS interested in! She’s sitting there looking at something else – not him – her eyes seem abstracted either looking UP like to Heaven or looking IN like the Interior of one’s self.

Her skin is completely BLACK, shiny; she is thin.

As he sits to her left – he’s naked – he has a terrible hardon that’s so hard it HURTS & he makes noises & sounds to show his frustration & pain.

As I sit there I wonder WHO IS THIS WOMAN? I am curious & not sure if I’m jealous, more curious than anything.

 

MEANING:   The meaning is a WHOPPER. The woman is ME!

I am here in my HighestCenter, or the God Self, & I’m black to Nick because he cannot understand or reach me, as God is ‘blackness’ to us. Shiny is the Light that would radiate from me if one could see it, & thin is being empty of this world, fat being the opposite.

He no longer has a BODY so the ordinary love-sex of this world is distant to him. But he LONGS to be ‘where I’m at’ – the Higher Realm, but he can’t so he’s terribly frustrated & in pain.

The beginning where I think he’s got a broken arm but he shows me a mouse is his DISABILITY to be where I am because he is TOO LITTLE or spiritually small – like a mouse – to join me in my Higher Consciousness.

So here, having a ‘hardon’ is a symbol in general terms of ‘having a hardon’ for what one wants & needs.

 

9-22-23        Another Nick Dream – Is it Purgatory?

 

I am on the streets of B’klyn where I used to live. There’s poverty & want all around me. Poor children are everywhere. I help one, can’t recall now exactly how but it’s a little girl, maybe 7 years old.

Nick is also around. I try to get him interested in me, but he doesn’t pay attention. He is with these various poor people. I follow him around.

At one point I’m next to him & I touch his arm. He’s wearing a very soft, rumpled fleece long-sleeved shirt, sort of vanilla color. I hold my hand on his elbow, feeling the softness.

He’s leaning into someone he’s talking too. He kept going here & there, from one group of poor people to another, he’s involved with them.

 

MEANING: It sounds like Nick has once again taken me to his Purgatory, the world of all those friends who died of drug overdoses. His mind is on them, he wants me to help them & I do help one female. He might be trying to gain Grace through this charity, which he has learned from me, is the highest thing one can do & the thing I am most concerned about – the Holy Souls.

 

9-22-23        Sri Kaleshwar dreams

 

All I did was look at the picture of Sri Kaleshwar several times & had these experiences.

In one I had on an outfit that had a black super miniskirt but along with it under it a light green twill stretch tight skirt to my knees or lower {see it both ways} – so it’s not overly revealing. I was walking or dancing in this & it made Kaleshwar ANXIOUS or uncomfortable so I was showing him I was really covered with the second skirt. I see his eyes full of some sort of FEAR.

          But the next scene I decide to placate him & I don a special coat. It’s really fantastically designed, red, of soft expensive Cashmere wool. It is buttoned down but the opening of the coat in front goes not straight up & down but a zig zag design – across the body. It’s also buttoned with large red buttons, about 2” across, but only 3 are closed, on top.

There’s a huge ‘boss Lady’ watching me from the corner as I DANCE in this coat. Kaleshwar is to the left also watching. I dance & dance, doing twirls, dance beautifully & finally come to the end when I quit. This satisfied Kaleshwar.

There’s a third dream I can’t recall right now.

 

MEANING:

Mother God, need your help. What could Kaleshwar be afraid of?

MG: As you suspected it’s your Power from the Grace you have obtained due to things you have done or not done. The super short black miniskirt comes right up over your crotch, no further, so it’s a hint that it might be about CELIBACY as it just covers the vagina. Then there’s a second skirt that covers it, light green twill, etc. What is that?

That might be saying,

“But at some point, I quit the celibacy out of obedience to God, went out into the world & did what God told me to do – ‘stop suffering’ – have fun – lol – but I suffered worse than had I stayed celibate!”

This series of events – celibacy then painful being out again, gained a HUGE amount of Grace from God!

The reason Kaleshwar is nervous or anxious is first, he was NOT celibate. You found out from his disciple he was actually MARRIED while denying it to the Press!

And so he has no such Grace as you received for either discipline, so it makes him ‘uncomfortable’ as he cannot claim the same sacrifice or Grace.

You are mollifying Kaleshwar by showing him the second skirt. {It’s GREEN to show LIFE while the black one over your crotch is BLACK to show ABSENCE/DEATH/NO LIFE} so sort of like saying,

“It’s OK you weren’t celibate, look, I went out for eleven years & did a lot of dating & sex.”

But he isn’t pacified like this – still feels, in a symbolic sense, ‘guilty,’ so you show him another Grace of yours.

 

ME: OK, that Grace is the red coat, where I dance before the huge woman who I suspect is Our Holy Mother. What is this Grace? I know red means suffering, but which suffering, as I’ve had my share of every kind. Is it a suffering we share in common – Kaleshwar & I?

MG: I will just make a guess it’s the Interior Divine Stigmata, which signifies TOTAL LOSS or complete devastating HEARTBREAK. Perhaps you share that, so he’s comfortable observing it, as you show off the Grace from it under the eyes of Our Holy Mother.

ME: Please describe the coat as to how it symbolizes this.

MG: It’s a coat, a large garment signifying it didn’t just affect one part of you, but your entire life. Designer indicates EXPENSIVE or something of the HIGHEST VALUE, costly in terms of what you gave for it. Besides being totally devastating, painful & traumatic, you lost the use of your spiritual faculties for EIGHTEEN YEARS. Expensive indeed.

 

The Cashmere is the PRICEY COAT LIKE WOOL. {Wool is from sheep which are identified with those who obey God. Goats don’t – symbolically. But here wool is wool, symbol of ‘friend of God.’}       Cashmere goats live

 

 

high in the mountains of Mongolia. Only a part of their soft hairs are harvested in the molting season of Spring.

          The 3 buttons fastened on top? Could be Faith, Hope & Love of God – the ‘Theological virtues.’ Could be Poverty, Chastity, Obedience, awarded to me by the Holy Virgin after special prayers.

          Why the zig zag or ‘across’ opening to the coat? Could mean,

          ‘This Grace goes ‘across the board’ – it covers EVERYTHING or affects everything. It’s not a limited type Grace.

The dancing is performing or exercising what had to be done to attain this Grace. {end}

 

9-23-23 Happy Arnold Dream

 

          There’s something going on that my two lady friends & I know about. It’s a big new body building contest – all the old timers are in it, including Arnold. It’s in a Mall nearby.

          So my friends & I are hanging out & now I see the two ladies are DRESSED FOR BED/SLEEP! And one of them says, re the contest, which is now over,

          “Arnold is still here….he’s at such & such place.”

          At this I see the opportunity; I must go there & meet up. But these two aren’t dressed! I have to literally pull off their pajamas & sleep wear {I must become ALERT & AWARE to something, not unconscious or ASLEEP! – It’s a REVELATION!} & they also have on their regular clothes, leaving the reg clothes. It takes energy as I treat them as if they were little children & they are physically little to me like children – one is like 5-7 year old size, the other even smaller.

          So now we 3 go to the area behind the stage. Before doing so I see somehow a flash from the contest. Arnold is young again, his muscles look terrific as he does a double bicep pose among the lineup of guys all close to him – & looks as good as he ever did – & I think he wins. The spotlight shone on him so I could see.

          Now we are at the back where all the contestants have gathered & no one is saying where Arnold is. I will have to use strategy to figure out, or maybe I will position myself for him to see me.

          I light up into the air, dancing. Then I see a strong light by the side of the building {we are behind the mall} & dance there, in the air, so I am lit up & wherever Arnold is, he’ll see me.

          I notice another section where you have to walk up higher – the men are scattered all over, here & there. It’s like a tradition {in my dream} that after a contest they gather to kibitz. I know Arnold wants to be hidden because of too many fans, so it’s most likely he’ll go there I reckon.

          So I go up there to the left & I see someone that could be him. There are two ‘heads,’ one above the other. The bottom head I don’t see a body clearly, the top I do – he’s sitting. Both faces are COVERED BY HATS. The hats are made of fake fur, flat on top, with rims a few inches wide, & these rims go over the eyes so one can hide their identity.

          I go to the first head, take off its hat, then another & another, & underneath see it’s just a mannequin.

          Then I move to the top head & he feels slightly nervous as he knows it’s him & I’ve caught him. I pull off his hat & there is another one semi-hiding his forehead, but it looks like him – his eyes are blue -I believe it is.

          Then I start talking, calling him Joe. When I say ‘Joe’ he reacts – I wanted to hear him speak, then I’d know it was him. And he does speak, turning to the friends behind him, saying something like,

          “She calls me Joe,”

          meaning that is NOT his name. And then by what I can see limited but what I can hear, that is more telling, I know it’s Arnold.

          I said to him,

          “You look great.”

 

          It has occurred to me only recently that the extent to which Arnold took revenge against me – trying to deprive me of all recognition as the First Female Body Builder – promoting strongly Lisa Lyon in my place – when you love or desire a person so much, you also HATE them equally much when rejected. His intense hate of me when I did not want him proves HIS LOVE or desire. I never thought of this before!

          He wanted to teach me a lesson that he’s not to be rejected, he’s too important to turn down! One can see by going to so much trouble to prove his point how much he cared what I thought of him. IMO he did not love Lisa Lyon, he used her as a tool to prove a point,

          “See, this is what I can do for a female.”

          In other words, he says by action:

          “I can get her a book, get her on the cover of a magazine, take lots of pictures with her – making her seem important as I’m the most famous man in the world. All this acknowledgement makes her a star – she could not have done it on her own.”

 

        ME to MomGod: Well, did he prove his point? Did he succeed? Did she?

          MG: He succeeded for a few years, but no lie can live forever.   After her time for fame was up, she sunk into oblivion & never accomplished one thing. At her death is a list of things for which she is remembered, a small list of small accomplishments, the most notable is her friendship with Arnold.

          But you, being of stronger stuff, by the Grace of God, accomplished many more notable & important things. You were also eventually {Feb 2007} given the award ‘the Progenitor – the woman responsible for modern competitive female body building’ by the World Body Building Guild – WBBG. She was given no such distinction by any international body building organization & her association with Arnold lasted only about 3 years.

          So he did not succeed in having her dethrone you & she certainly did not succeed as a star of your equal. Her obituary is pathetic. The only thing she predated you in was death.”

 

MEANING of the Dream:

 

          You calling him ‘Joe’ is telling. It hearkens to Joe B, who was obsessively in love with you & might be still. This underscores your instinct re Arnold’s feelings about you – why would his revenge be so strong & so long lived?

          However, this sounds like reconciliation, especially since the feeling was a happy one.         

          ME: Why is he young again, a new contest?

          MG: Could be a memory, going backward, but yet, one can be ‘young at heart.’ Could be a renewal or ‘born again’ feeling from him – a change of heart. He feels the feelings he felt when he was young again.

          ME: Why do I find the spotlight, dance in the air in it, since I don’t know where he is, hope he’ll seems we can meet?

          MG: That sounds like you wanting to be famous or well known – he then might want to communicate with you.

          ME: But he does not find me, I find him.

          MG: In this case it might be here a symbol of success, you find success. Maybe in future you’ll get more famous if & when they do your life movie.

          ME: His two heads, one a fake?

          MG: His heads are where he is at, or his consciousness, especially re you, as this dream is about you & him. The first head is a fake or not what he really thinks or feels. You uncover the ruse – what seems to be is not. That is saying he does not like you or love you.

          Then you uncover the TRUTH which is that he really has loved you all these years {surprise, you only thought of this recently, & this makes you happy!} and this by you calling him Joe. You need to hear his voice, & you do. What is eyes & voice?

          “The eyes are the windows of the soul”,

          and the voice is a ‘dead giveaway’ it’s him, as he’s famous for how he sounds. Why does he say,

          “She calls me Joe.”

          Because he didn’t mean to give himself away, but he does it without wanting to, that he has loved you intensely & all these years. It seems unbelievable.

          And why do you tell him he looks good?

          You approve of his new, born again, young again state & this is most likely SPIRITUAL – a change of heart, new positive mood, new honesty, no more lies.

          Again, what we deduced is confirmed by the two heads. You uncover the lies or the fake head, then you uncover the real head – ‘Joe’. Someone hopelessly in love, lol.

          The two little girls with you? There were two of him, maybe two of you. One of them helps you find Arnold to meet up. This could be your flesh or body, your natural self, natural instincts or intuition. The other one could be the unconscious – not sure. I find this hard to understand.

          Why is it a contest & he wins? Some kind of success. If all you figure here is true, it would be joyful, successful & victorious.

          Friends, it’s only a dream. I could be mistaken. {end}