12-3-23 Swarthy Man

 

I discard lust/attachment to a man recently met

 

          Not sure if I can remember all that happened but the thing that does stand in my mind is the swarthy man.

          We were in a place doing work, not sure what kind, but there’s a group of us. People appear, some we know & trust, others are not yet evaluated.

          The swarthy man mentioned is a close associate, someone known, trusted, cared about. He’s big, has thick hair on his head & a medium thick beard, maybe mustache. There’s a ‘lumberjack’ appearance to him & he is wearing suspenders on his pants.

          The group of us are in the room when he walks in & goes a half flight up the stairs in front of me to some sort of spot & while he’s up there a man, new to him, arrives, & sits to the left.

         Swarthy comes back down to meet the man, uncertain of him, but I say to him,

          “You’re going to like him. I know him & love him as much as I love you, he’s good, and he’s one of us. The new man seems to become the image of Swarthy, like there’s two of them, as they greet one another.

 

          Another scene. I am in my old bedroom at the farm & I want to be private as I have to take a dump real bad. But a black man {refers to soul, not race} with some kind of hair sticking up all over his head barges in & want to be here – maybe take a leak.

          I tell him he has to leave, this is my room, he’s reluctant but finally does so & I close the door with the drop-in clasp.

          I have to do #2 but don’t want anyone to see it so after taking it I wrap it in very thick napkins & hold it, hiding it under the left sleeve of my full-size turquoise robe – Before I leave to go downstairs & discard it somewhere – where? In the regular trash or go outside, I’m not sure.

          Before this happens something that in the dream, seems striking. They were talking abut my Dad, as he was far away. Suddenly he enters my room. At first I don’t even recognize him, not sure why. He’s wearing a nice outfit, classy tweed jacket with maybe a scarf {vague} & his glasses are no longer black but more stylish like maybe light brown frames. I exclaim,

“Dad! You’re here, & embrace him.

          We talk for a few minutes, than he puts his head on my bed & falls asleep. I can’t wake him up so decide he needs the rest & that’s when I leave.

          I tell the black man, who’ now sitting on my brother’s bed, reading a magazine,

“You can go in now & take your piss & whatever. My Dad is there but he’s sleeping so soundly he won’t even see you so what you do won’t matter.”

As I leave, heading for the trash, hoping no one sees my package, my sister thank God does not stop to talk to me, as I enter the kitchen where the trash is she streaks past me, in a hurry to get upstairs, so I’m safe. {end}

MEANING:

These are the 2 versions of my ‘new friend,’ Harold, a big-time musician who wrote me a few notes.

It’s re his old image, which was ordinary, like John Doe, with his hair a mop, his mustache & beard unkempt, his clothes compared to now grungy, ordinary, forgettable. His walk & manner here is crude, as he was a rock’n’roll’ star with a partner. Usually they wore black, plain ugly jackets, no colors, as this seemed appropriate for that crowd, but he also wore dark olive sweat shirts, shapeless, with dark pants, hair unkempt, when doing interviews, so that look remained unpolished across the board.

Now a new ‘Swarthy’ enters. The old Swarthy confronts him uncertain.

The new image is his hair has light brown highlights – not much – just enough to look natural. It’s combed properly & when he performs he must have it styled every time, with the hair going backward neatly, not dropping forward like a thick brown/grey mop as it was. He was swishing it away from his eyes before. This was not a superstar look – it would not make women swoon as they do today.

So the old confronts the new & I assure him, the new is good, as good as him, lol. Perhaps at first he was uncertain.

The next scene is a temptation. It’s going back to your primitive, immature self & what is the need to take a dump? To get some shyt out of you, which means something you don’t need, it’s waste like waste feelings & thoughts, a waste of time away from your regular work. This happened when you attended to Harold.

The guy who wants to INVADE your privacy is the devil. You lock him out. He waits ‘his chance’ to tempt you to do what? Divert you away from God, as God is a jealous God & turning your mind from her would be negative.

Your brother’s bed where he goes to sit & wait is appropriate, as your bro was a bed wetter, & he was hateful toward you. You had to change his urine-soaked bed at times, by order of Mom, & found a ‘dirty’ {how it was seen at the time} magazine under his pillow- naked women.

So Satan appears as this person, he is pissed at you, he hates you – he is reading a sexy magazine to illustrate he wants you to sink down into your sexual feelings – which as St. Thomas Aquinas said, will make you ‘spiritually blind.’ Satan is looking at this as an opportunity for your downfall from a high spiritual state.

You do lock Satan out but you need to get some of this ‘waste’ thoughts & feelings out of your system & you do it, but you feel ashamed & embarrassed for having these thoughts & feelings & want to GET RID OF THEM before anyone notices, lol.

So you want to hide & get rid of these feelings – based on lust {the women making comments & some men, are energized by lust but they don’t admit it. They speak of his music, charm, personality, he’s an angel, his talent etc. But it’s lust – Yo yo Ma doesn’t get this kind of attention} – & are now ready to discard them. And you don’t want them revealed to Satan, either, so you keep them ‘under your sleeve.’

The appearance of your Dad, well dressed, is the old song. You were in love with your Dad, every time you fall in love, you are repeating the feelings you had for him. At first you didn’t recognize,

“This is falling in love,”

But then you did & you did not want to pursue it. Now Dad falling asleep is your own feelings being subdued, like the shyt you are discarding.

At that point you’re safe from Satan, you tell him he can enter that room, as you are leaving the premises, & most importantly, your unwanted affection for Harold has gone to sleep.

He can do whatever he will in that room, you are not affected, you are no longer prone to fall from temptation.

And of course he’s PISSED at that.

Your sister who streaks past you as you go to trash your shyt is the practical part of you – this might be saying the practical part of you saw where this would be going & there was no point to it. It would do you more harm than good. So good bye infatuation, lust & temptation away from God’s work. And yes, today I made a comment on one of his videos that I could no longer study his life but had to move on with my own. {end}