By Rasa Von Werder, October 17th, 2019








What profit a woman if she gains the whole world but loses her soul, for what will she exchange for her soul?




When I was twelve years old I saw a play on television.  Two men were endlessly waiting for ‘Godot.’  It was not explained who or what this was except you imagine it’s someone or something special.

    They waited & waited, each one kept asking the other if he’d seen Godot, but no one had, they were frustrated.

    Finally this guy comes along carrying a bag full of rags.  They ask his name.  He says,

    “I am Godot.”

    They don’t believe him, they argue.




Godot is of course God, but we fail to recognize that we find Her IN OUR POVERTY, which means spiritual poverty, (not FINANCIAL RUIN)—which means no attachment to people, things, the world, fame & fortune, being somebody special, etc.  It is utmost humility, lack of ego, being like a person ‘dead’ to the world.



I am not being a wise-ass saying I am perfect & always there.  But I have been there, for periods of time, & that was when I had my PEAK EXPERIENCES OF GOD especially seeing God FACE TO FACE.  ‘You cannot see God as God is & live’ is apropos.  Understand ‘to live’ is to be alive with the antonyms of poverty.



St.  Francis of Assisi was seeking the ultimate vision of God.  He was loaned the use of a mountain named Alverna.  He climbed that mountain laboriously to find Truth, & there She was, a pitiful waif dressed in rags.

    The Sacred Exchange between Saint Francis and Lady Poverty



The Sacred Exchange between Saint Francis and Lady Poverty is a text of the early Franciscan movement. Scholars suggest a date in the late thirteenth century.  “Holy poverty … is the foundation and guardian of all virtues.”

    Jesus came to earth to exemplify poverty – He taught it to us.  Never did he seek fame or fortune, recognition yes, but for his WORK, for God Almighty, not for EGO or aggrandizement of the flesh.



  His story is etched in the minds of many, but do we apply it to ourselves or do the opposite?  Most people when asked what they’d like more than anything in the world will say ‘To win the lottery,’ or ‘To have a million dollars.’




But the person who HAS a million dollars should say

    “All I want is the Will of God.”

    You can’t go wrong with the Will of God – It’s a prayer THAT CANNOT FAIL.  There are numerous prayers you can make, but in the end, the Will of God is what matters, what takes us & everyone to Our Greatest God – ask for a thousand things, but those things granted, be they not the Will of God cannot make us happy.



Why people want wealth – they make excuses,

    “It’s for my family – for my children.”

    Well, don’t have a family, don’t burden the world with your children & you don’t have to be rich.

    Seek spiritual riches because they are forever, but money you ‘cannot take it with you.’





    A stigmatized monk in Italy—Bro Gino—(who later became a priest) saw Our Holy Mother standing by the side of the road weeping.  He asked her why & She said,

    “Because I have graces to give WHICH NO ONE ASKS FOR.  He did not explain any further.



  I began to pray, each day for these graces, not knowing what they were.  This was late maybe October 1981.

    A couple months later I was standing face a picture of Our Lord on the wall when I felt Her calling me to turn around, where Her image was opposite

    The room became rarified with Light – I heard Her say

    “Do you like the Graces my Son gave you?”

    I said,

    “Yes, what more could anyone ask for?”



(She was referring to the three Graces, symbolized by rings on my left hand, which represented Faith, Hope & Charity, that Our Lord gave me in January, 1978.)

    She said,

    “I have my Graces to give you also.”

    I said,

    “What are they, Mother?”

    She said,

    “They are poverty, chastity & obedience.”




I then asked her to clarify what she meant by poverty, She said,

    “That you not be attached to the things of the world & people – only to God.”



I saw a grey rope made of Light around my waist, extending into Heaven, in fact, three ropes as She described the graces.

    I asked what was meant by obedience, & She said,



“Obedience to all the words you know of my Son & myself.”

    (BTW although there aren’t many teachings from Holy Mary in the bible, the book ‘Mystical City of God’ by Ven. Mary of Agreda, is the life & teachings of Our Holy Mother – there is rich material there.)



I felt I understood ‘chastity’ but now looking back I wish I had asked, that chastity could be much more than refraining from sex.

    I then rattled on about wished-for projects including the ‘Mary Magdalene Monastery’ which was for women who wanted to leave the adult trade & abusive men.  She heard me through & said,




“I will come for you when you are finished with your work.”

    The Light faded, the vision ended.



    Having the grace of poverty does not mean you will be worried about paying your bills, it means ‘Putting first the Kingdom of God & everything shall be added unto you.’



God knows when it’s appropriate for you to live ‘week to week,’ or even be dead broke & homeless & God knows when you should be flush. 


    If God wants you to do a work for Her if it takes money (& usually does) then She will put it in your hands.  Few homeless people are doing the work of God, Jesus wasn’t homeless & few saints were – some might have been for a time, but even the poorest, humblest saints usually lived in convents, monasteries, or were somehow sheltered & fed.



  I recall reading how St. Clare of Assisi & her women were ‘provided for’ by the men of St. Francis order.  (She was St. Francis top disciple & entered into religious life inspired by him.  She also gave up a privileged lifestyle for God.)  Am not sure who provided the roof over their heads – (it was not great but they made do) – but I read they contributed food.  Mostly, it says that she & the Poor Clares ‘lived by the work of their hands.’

    Better yet, Saint Benedict (the father of monasticism) lived as a hermit where crows brought him bread!  Men pleaded he build a place for them to serve God & he created the first monastery.  This is important:



St.  Benedict said that living the life of a hermit alone was superior (spiritually) to living in a monastery or convent, the latter being the next best thing.  Remember how I urged you to be alone as much as possible?  There are good reasons for this.

    You cannot find THE GOD WITHIN amidst the clamor & distractions of other people & the world.  The God within us is in THE UNCONSCIOUS.  When you traverse the world’s planes the unconscious closes up like a clam shell because to remain OPEN is psychologically dangerous.  I have experienced this where my inner voice said to me, as I embarked on the road for dancing,




“I have to close up as you are suffering too much.”

    I actually heard a large, heavy iron door like creaking shut!

    It was sad, as I would not be unable to hear the still, small voice of God effectively – it took work to get to it, it didn’t speak to me spontaneously.


I have not been lucky enough to stay in that state for years on end – it always ended when I had to go to work or for some reason or other, associate a lot with people.


    How do you suffer in the world & from people?  Do I have to explain?  Every time I begin to get conversational with people there is stress, different degrees of it.  It could be just mild or wild.  If someone gets close to you & does challenging things – things that get to your emotions –  if someone says or does something to you that hurts or confounds you the focus goes to that – then the unconscious shuts down so your spiritual radar won’t get blown.  I don’t know how else to explain it.



 The spiritual thoughts, feelings, emotions are super sensitive & they cannot be ‘out there’ in a gross world, within gross situations.  Even being a clerk in a store is gross to the unconscious mind or the spirit.  Your mind enters into money, merchandise & customers.  You’re thinking of time & space, functioning without making mistakes, customers can vent their displeasure or wrath – it all takes away from God.  Then of course you worry as you need the job about getting fired, you are never completely relaxed or secure.  Even the most innocent job or outside project can be a distraction.



Now if the job is dangerous, such as being in war, especially the front lines, or walking the street in the adult trade, the stress goes off the chart.  Here not only can you not concentrate on God, you need a drug to keep from going crazy. 

(For adult trade workers it’s a catch 22 situation.  They need drugs to hold down the anxiety.  THEY GET RAPED ONCE A WEEK.  Then they get addicted & have to work for more drugs.  The judicial justice system does not help, it is a de facto pimp when it arrests adult workers & fines them.  The worker must pay the government with sex acts to keep going – they go ‘round a circle of work, get fined, work more to pay fines.  Their work is legitimate, but criminalizing them makes the society a pimp……….Adult trade workers have as much right to do what they do as does a psychologist,  psychiatrist,  doctor or nurse, a chiropractor or masseuse – they are assisting men with serious physical, emotional needs – they are not criminals in the eyes of God.)



A woman exhausted from a regular job plus the daily chores of life might not have the wherewithal to do God’s work.  Such work might be temporary, in God’s economy & God will find her a way later on, possibly with the resources she collected.

Women, such as myself, might gain money through business, invest it & later use it for spiritual projects.  One style of life isn’t for all time.



I was totally intimate with God, in a state of perfection, in 1980-81 & up to late 1982.

Then I prayed for the Interior Divine Stigmata, received it, all my Holy Spirit Gifts (the ability to use them though Gifts are never taken away once given) & Intimacy with God were removed.  But in Her economy, She prepared for me a business in 1987, then a fiancé & husband who could live with my celibacy.  I could not pray intimately to God – it was the ‘dark night of the soul’ where the Presence of God, Her consolation, left me.  But I was able to tithe for Souls in Purgatory, a tidy sum of money every year, & accumulated bread for future spiritual work, & later, my husband enabled me with money to build the church.


This spiritually empty state remained with me from October 9, 1982 until the year 2000 – eighteen years without God – similar to when Jesus was ‘done in’ on the Cross & said,

“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”


And this, I might add, is SPIRITUAL POVERTY.  You might be rich in money, but oh how poor you are in the Dark Night of the Soul.   (Not to confuse you, you can be suffering during spiritual poverty – terribly – or you can be happy in spiritual poverty by being non-attached to people but only to God.)




God also provides to women She has called, in bygone days, through their husbands.  Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s husband was well off – Emmeline Pankhurst’s was a doctor. 

(In Pankhurst’s time there was a slum in England called ‘The West End.’  Jack London wrote of it extensively.  He, as a journalist, actually lived & worked there, even went to the ‘work houses’ to discover the situation.  Those from there who could get jobs were paid below minimum wage.  What could they do for anyone in that condition?  The West End described by London was a quasi-hell—the people a Patriarchal society as explained by Karl Marx, wants to propagate so they have a body of souls to exploit—wage slavery.)




Jesus’ ministry was supported by the families of the disciples, his Mother Mary, other Holy Women – especially Mary Magdalene.  Magdalene was NOT a prostitute!  That lie was perpetrated by a priesthood that wanted to degrade her.  She was actually the millionaire-status daughter of a Roman Prince & a Jewess, she owned the city of Magdala.  Anne Catherine Emmerich, a stigmatized mystic, said of all the disciples of Jesus, she was the most spiritually advanced.



Some people believe that Magdalene was Jesus’ common-law wife – I have no problem with that.  Sex is not a sin, Jesus was human, if she was His wife it in no way diminished His greatness nor hers.

    Upon the discovery of the Magdalene Gospel some new truths were revealed.  It seems that Jesus wanted her to head his Church, but of course, the men, with Peter as top banana, wouldn’t have it.  They pushed her out, she went to the Essenes, an austere sisterhood who lived as a hermitage in caves.



In her gospel it says that ‘Jesus kissed her on the lips’ which displays intimacy, that she was his favorite, & the men disciples were jealous.

    Anne Catherine Emmerich says that Magdalene gave Jesus good sums of money, with which he bailed out hundreds of innocent souls from jail.

    When traveling, the disciples lodged with their families, & many Holy Women gave help.




 Luke 8:3 Joanna the wife of Herod’s household manager Chuza …

 and Susanna, and many others who were contributing to their support out of their private means.

    Jesus ministry could hardly have survived with no money & God does not expect you to work for Her without providing for you!

    “Put first the Kingdom of God & everything shall be added unto you!”

    And also,

    “Take care of God’s business & She will take care of yours.”

    Woman, thou art God. 




  Jesus, & all his saints, were revolutionaries.  They did not fall into the trap of this evil Patriarchy.  They resisted its teachings & lies, & so must you.


    Jesus taught Love, & Matriarchy is Love.  We stand for the Culture of Life, Love, Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, Love thy neighbor as thyself – Whatever you do to the least of these you do to me, Patriarchy does the opposite, & that includes Patriarchy’s Mullahs, Priests & ministers – most of them.  They are not your friends & should not be your leaders, guides or teachers.  Keep away from them & keep your children away.



To be like Jesus & all the saints, turn your back on Patriarchy, step apart from it.  Find your autonomy, your own sainthood, do not degrade yourself into materialism & the lower things of life, do not believe their lies about women, or their version of scriptures & truth, live for your own God & Happiness.



  Don’t be afraid of Patriarchs, trust in Mother God to provide for you, don’t even be afraid of death, be afraid of the death of your soul, which men of Patriarchy seek.  Live & be a brave woman, not a coward who gives in to the demons.  Resist the demons, obey no man.  Stand apart stand free & tall – begin now.



To be continued    Rasa Von Werder    10-14-19





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